第32章

HerworstoffenceformewasanoccasionalexcursionintotheSmithiestyleofdressing，debasedWestKensington。Forshehadnosenseatallofherownbeauty。Shehadnocomprehensionwhateverofbeautyofthebody，andshecouldslashherbeautifullinestoragswithhat-brimsandtrimmings。ThankHeaven！anaturalrefinement，anaturaltimidity，andherextremelyslenderpursekeptherfromtherealSmithieefflorescence！

Poor，simple，beautiful，kindlylimitedMarion！NowthatIamforty-five，Icanlookbackatherwithallmyoldadmirationandnoneofmyoldbitternesswithanewaffectionandnotascrapofpassion，andtakeherpartagainsttheequallystupid，drivingly-energetic，sensuous，intellectualsprawlIusedtobe。

Iwasayoungbeastforhertohavemarried——ahoundbeast。Withheritwasmybusinesstounderstandandcontrol——andIexactedfellowship，passion。

Webecameengaged，asIhavetold；webrokeitoffandjoinedagain。Wewentthroughasuccessionofsuchphases。Wehadnosortofideawhatwaswrongwithus。Presentlywewereformallyengaged。Ihadawonderfulinterviewwithherfather，inwhichhewasstupendouslygraveandH——less，wantedtoknowaboutmyoriginsandwastolerant(exasperatinglytolerant)becausemymotherwasaservant，andafterwardshermothertooktokissingme，andIboughtaring。Butthespeechlessaunt，Igathered，didn’tapprove——havingdoubtsofmyreligiosity。Wheneverwewereestrangedwecouldkeepapartfordays；andtobeginwith，everysuchseparationwasarelief。AndthenIwouldwanther；arestlesslongingwouldcomeuponme。Iwouldthinkoftheflowofherarms，ofthesoft，graciousbendofherbody。IwouldlieawakeordreamofatransfiguredMarionoflightandfire。ItwasindeedDameNaturedrivingmeontowomankindinherstupid，inexorableway；butIthoughtitwastheneedofMarionthattroubledme。SoIalwayswentbacktoMarionatlastandmadeitupandmoreorlessconcededorignoredwhateverthinghadpartedus，andmoreandmoreIurgedhertomarryme。

Inthelongrunthatbecameafixedidea。Itentangledmywillandmypride；ItoldmyselfIwasnotgoingtobebeaten。I

hardenedtothebusiness。Ithink，asamatteroffact，myrealpassionforMarionhadwanedenormouslylongbeforeweweremarried，thatshehadliveditdownbysheerirresponsiveness。

WhenIfeltsureofmythreehundredayearshestipulatedfordelay，twelvemonths’delay，“toseehowthingswouldturnout。”

ThereweretimeswhensheseemedsimplyanantagonistholdingoutirritatinglyagainstsomethingIhadtosettle。Moreover，I

begantobegreatlydistractedbytheinterestandexcitementofTono-Bungay’ssuccess，bythechangeandmovementinthings，thegoingtoandfro。Iwouldforgetherfordaystogether，andthendesireherwithanirritatingintensityatlast，oneSaturda