第31章

“No！”saidmyuncle，removinghiscigar；“asfarasIcanfindoutit’sreallygrain，——spoiltgrain。I’vebeengoingintothat。”

“Well，thereyouare！”saidEwart。“Sayit’sspoiltgrain。Itcarriedoutmycasejustaswell。Yourmoderncommerceisnomorebuyingandsellingthansculpture。It’smercy——it’ssalvation。It’srescuework！Ittakesallsortsoffallencommoditiesbythehandandraisesthem。Canaisn’tinit。Youturnwater——intoTono-Bungay。”

“Tono-Bungay’sallright。”saidmyuncle，suddenlygrave。“Wearen’ttalkingofTono-Bungay。”

“Yournephew，sir，ishard；hewantseverythingtogotoasortofpredestinatedend；he’saCalvinistofCommerce。Offerhimadustbinfullofstuff；hecallsitrefuse——passesbyontheotherside。NowYOU，siryou’dmakecindersrespectthemselves。”

Myuncleregardedhimdubiouslyforamoment。Buttherewasatouchofappreciationinhiseye。

“Mightmake’emintoasortofsanitarybrick。”hereflectedoverhiscigarend。

“Orafriablebiscuit。WhyNOT？Youmightadvertise：’WhyareBirdssoBright？Becausetheydigesttheirfoodperfectly！Whydotheydigesttheirfoodsoperfectly？Becausetheyhaveagizzard！Whyhasn’tmanagizzard？BecausehecanbuyPonderevo’sAsphaltTriturating，FriableBiscuit——WhichisBetter。’“

Hedeliveredthelastwordsinashout，withhishairyhandflourishedintheair。

“Damncleverfellow。”saidmyuncle，afterhehadone。“IknowamanwhenIseeone。He’ddo。Butdrunk，Ishouldsay。Butthatonlymakessomechapbrighter。IfheWANTStodothatposter，hecan。Zzzz。Thatideerofhisaboutthehorseradish。There’ssomethinginthat，George。I’mgoingtothinkoverthat“

Imaysayatoncethatmyposterprojectcametonothingintheend，thoughEwartdevotedaninterestingweektothematter。Helethisunfortunatedispositiontoironyrunawaywithhim。Heproducedapictureoftwobeaverswithasubtlelikeness，hesaid，tomyselfandmyuncle——thelikenesstomyunclecertainlywasn’thalfbad——andtheywerebottlingrowsandrowsofTono-Bungay，withthelegend“Moderncommerce。”Itcertainlywouldn’thavesoldacase，thoughheurgeditonmeonecheerfuleveningonthegroundthatitwould“arousecuriosity。”Inadditionheproducedaquiteshockingstudyofmyuncle，excessivelyandneedlesslynude，but，sofarasIwasabletojudge，anadmirablelikeness，engagedinfeatsofstrengthofaGargantuantypebeforeanaudienceofdeboshedandshatteredladies。Thelegend，“Health，Beauty，Strength。”below，gaveaneededpointtohisparody。Thishehungupinthestudioovertheoilshop，withaflapofbrownpaper；bywayofacurtainoverittoaccentuateitslibellousoffence。

AsIlookbackonthosedaysinwhichwebuiltupthegreatTono-Bungaypropertyoutofhumanhopeandcreditforbottlesandrentandprinting，Iseemylifeasitwerearrangedintwoparallelcolumnsofunequalwidth，awider，morediffused，eventfulandvariousonewhichcontinuallybroadensout，thebusinesssideofmylife，andanarrow，darkeranddarklingoneshoteverandagainwithagleamofhappiness，myhome-lifewithMarion。For，ofcourse，ImarriedMarion。

Ididn’t，asamatteroffact，marryheruntilayearafterTono-Bungaywasthoroughlyafloat，andthenonlyafterconflictsanddiscussionsofaquitestrenuoussort。BythattimeIwastwenty-four。Itseemsthenextthingtochildhoodnow。Wewerebothincertaindirectionsunusuallyignorantandsimple；weweretemperamentallyantagonistic，andwehadn’t——Idon’tthinkwewerecapableof——anideaincommon。Shewasyoungandextraordinarilyconventional——sheseemednevertohaveanideaofherownbutalwaystheideaofherclass——andIwasyoungandsceptical，enterprisingandpassionate；thetwolinksthatheldustogetherweretheintenseappealherphysicalbeautyhadforme，andherappreciationofherimportanceinmythoughts。

Therecanbenodoubtofmypassionforher。InherIhaddiscoveredwomandesired。ThenightsIhavelainawakeonaccountofher，writhing，bitingmywristsinafeveroflonging！

IhavetoldhowIgotmyselfasilkhatandblackcoattople