第22章

AftersomepainswediscoveredtheofficeoftheFabianSociety，lurkinginacellarinClement’sInn；andwewentandinterviewedaratherdiscouragingsecretarywhostoodastraddleinfrontofafireandquestionedusseverelyandseemedtodoubttheintegrityofourintentionsprofoundly。HeadvisedustoattendthenextopenmeetinginClifford’sInnandgaveusthenecessarydata。

Webothcontrivedtogettotheaffair，andheardadiscursivegrittypaperonTrustsandoneofthemostinconclusivediscussionsyoucanimagine。Three-quartersofthespeakersseemedundersomejocularobsessionwhichtooktheformofpretendingtobeconceited。Itwasasortoffamilyjoke，andasstrangerstothefamilywedidnotlikeit。AswecameoutthroughthenarrowpassagefromClifford’sInntotheStrand，Ewartsuddenlypitcheduponawizened，spectacledlittlemaninavastfelthatandalargeorangetie。

“HowmanymembersarethereinthisFabianSocietyofyours？”heasked。

Thelittlemanbecameatoncedefensiveinhismanner。

“Aboutsevenhundred。”hesaid；“perhapseight。”

“Like——liketheoneshere？”

Thelittlemangaveanervousself-satisfiedlaugh。“Isupposethey’reuptosample。”hesaid。

ThelittlemandroppedoutofexistenceandweemergedupontheStrand。Ewarttwistedhisarmintoaqueerlyeloquentgesturethatgatheredupallthetallfacadesofthebanks，thebusinessplaces，theprojectingclockandtowersoftheLawCourts，theadvertisements，theluminoussigns，intoonesocialimmensity，intoacapitalisticsystemgiganticandinvincible。

“Thesesocialistshavenosenseofproportion。”hesaid。“Whatcanyouexpectofthem？”

Ewart，astheembodimentoftalk，wascertainlyaleadingfactorinmyconspicuousfailuretogoonstudying。SocialtheoryinitsfirstcrudeformofDemocraticSocialismgrippedmyintelligencemoreandmorepowerfully。IarguedinthelaboratorywiththemanwhosharedmybenchuntilwequarreledanddidnotspeakandalsoIfellinlove。

ThefermentofsexhadbeencreepingintomybeinglikeaslowlyadvancingtidethroughallmyWimblehurstdays，thestimulusofLondonwasliketherisingofawindoutoftheseathatbringsthewavesinfastandhigh。Ewarthadhisshareinthat。Moreandmoreacutelyandunmistakablydidmyperceptionofbeauty，formandsound，mydesireforadventure，mydesireforintercourse，convergeonthiscentralandcommandingbusinessoftheindividuallife。Ihadtogetmeamate。

IbegantofallinlovefaintlywithgirlsIpassedinthestreet，withwomenwhosatbeforemeintrains，withgirlfellow-students，withladiesinpassingcarriages，withloiterersatthecorners，withneat-handedwaitressesinshopsandtea-rooms，withpicturesevenofgirlsandwomen。OnmyrarevisitstothetheatreIalwaysbecameexalted，andfoundtheactressesandeventhespectatorsaboutmemysterious，attractive，creaturesofdeepinterestanddesire。Ihadastrongerandstrongersensethatamongtheseglancing，passingmultitudestherewassomewhereonewhowasforme。Andinspiteofeveryantagonisticforceintheworld，therewassomethinginmyverymarrowthatinsisted：“Stop！Lookatthisone！Thinkofher！Won’tshedo？Thissignifies——thisbeforeallthingssignifies！Stop！Whyareyouhurryingby？Thismaybethepredestinedperso