第20章

Chapter4。XXXV。

HowPantagruelwentonshoreintheWildIsland，theancientabodeoftheChitterlings。

Theboat\'screwoftheshipLanterntowedthephyseterashoreontheneighbouringshore，whichhappenedtobetheWildIsland，tomakeananatomicaldissectionofitsbodyandsavethefatofitskidneys，which，theysaid，wasveryusefulandnecessaryforthecureofacertaindistemper，whichtheycalledwantofmoney。AsforPantagruel，hetooknomannerofnoticeofthemonster；forhehadseenmanysuch，nay，bigger，intheGallicocean。YethecondescendedtolandintheWildIsland，todryandrefreshsomeofhismen(whomthephyseterhadwettedandbedaubed)，atasmalldesertseaporttowardsthesouth，seatednearafinepleasantgrove，outofwhichflowedadeliciousbrookoffresh，clear，andpurlingwater。Heretheypitchedtheirtentsandsetuptheirkitchens；nordidtheysparefuel。

Everyonehavingshiftedastheythoughtfit，FriarJohnrangthebell，andtheclothwasimmediatelylaid，andsupperbroughtin。Pantagrueleatingcheerfullywithhismen，muchaboutthesecondcourseperceivedcertainlittleslyChitterlingsclamberingupahightreenearthepantry，asstillassomanymice。WhichmadehimaskXenomaneswhatkindofcreaturesthesewere，takingthemforsquirrels，weasels，martins，orermines。TheyareChitterlings，repliedXenomanes。ThisistheWildIslandofwhichIspoketoyouthismorning；therehathbeenanirreconcilablewarthislongtimebetweenthemandShrovetide，theirmaliciousandancientenemy。Ibelievethatthenoiseofthegunswhichwefiredatthephyseterhathalarmedthem，andmadethemfeartheirenemywascomewithhisforcestosurprisethem，orlaytheislandwaste，ashehathoftenattemptedtodo；thoughhestillcameoffbutbluely，byreasonofthecareandvigilanceoftheChitterlings，who(asDidosaidtoAeneas\'scompanionsthatwouldhavelandedatCarthagewithoutherleaveorknowledge)wereforcedtowatchandstandupontheirguard，consideringthemaliceoftheirenemyandtheneighbourhoodofhisterritories。

Pray，dearfriend，saidPantagruel，ifyoufindthatbysomehonestmeanswemaybringthiswartoanend，andreconcilethemtogether，givenoticeofit；Iwillusemyendeavoursinitwithallmyheart，andsparenothingonmysidetomoderateandaccommodatethepointsindisputebetweenbothparties。

That\'simpossibleatthistime，answeredXenomanes。Aboutfouryearsago，passingincognitobythiscountry，Iendeavouredtomakeapeace，oratleastalongtruceamongthem；andIhadcertainlybroughtthemtobegoodfriendsandneighboursifbothoneandtheotherpartieswouldhaveyieldedtoonesinglearticle。Shrovetidewouldnotincludeinthetreatyofpeacethewildpuddingsnorthehighlandsausages，theirancientgossipsandconfederates。TheChitterlingsdemandedthatthefortofCacquesmightbeundertheirgovernment，asistheCastleofSullouoir，andthataparcelofIdon\'tknowwhatstinkingvillains，murderers，robbers，thathelditthen，shouldbeexpelled。Buttheycouldnotagreeinthis，andthetermsthatwereofferedseemedtoohardtoeitherparty。Sothetreatybrokeoff，andnothingwasdone。Nevertheless，theybecamelesssevere，andgentlerenemiesthantheywerebefore；butsincethedenunciationofthenationalCouncilofChesil，wherebytheywereroughlyhandled，hampered，andcited；

wherebyalsoShrovetidewasdeclaredfilthy，beshitten，andberayed，incasehemadeanyleagueoragreementwiththem；theyaregrownwonderfullyinveterate，incensed，andobstinateagainstoneanother，andthereisnowaytoremedyit。Youmightsoonerreconcilecatsandrats，orhoundsandharestogether。

Chapter4。XXXVI。

HowthewildChitterlingslaidanambuscadoforPantagruel。

WhileXenomaneswassayingthis，FriarJohnspiedtwentyorthirtyyoungslender-shapedChitterlingspostingasfastastheycouldtowardstheirtown，citadel，castle，andfortofChimney，andsaidtoPantagruel，Ismellarat；therewillbeherethedevilupontwosticks，orIammuchout。

TheseworshipfulChitterlingsmaychancetomistakeyouforShrovetide，thoughyouarenotabitlikehim。Letusonceinourlivesleaveourjunketingforawhile，andputourselvesinaposturetogive\'emabellyfuloffighting，iftheywouldbeatthatsport。TherecanbenofalseLatininthis，saidXenomanes；ChitterlingsarestillChitterlings，alwaysdouble-heartedandtreacherous。

Pantagruelthenarosefromtabletovisitandscourthethicket，andreturnedpresently；havingdiscovered，ontheleft，anambuscadeofsquabChitterlings；andontheright，abouthalfaleaguefromthence，alargebodyofhugegiant-likearmedChitterlingsrangedinbattaliaalongalittlehill，andmarchingfuriouslytowardsusatthesoundofbagpipes，sheep\'spaunches，andbladders，themerryfifesanddrums，trumpets，andclarions，hopingtocatchusasMosscaughthismare。Bytheconjectureofseventy-eightstandardswhichwetold，weguessedtheirnumbertobetwoandfortythousand，atamodestcomputation。

Theirorder，proudgait，andresolutelooksmadeusjudgethattheywerenoneofyourraw，paltrylinks，butoldwarlikeChitterlingsandSausages。

Fromtheforemostrankstothecolourstheywereallarmedcap-a-piewithsmallarms，aswereckonedthematadistance，yetverysharpandcase-

hardened。Theirrightandleftwingswerelinedwithagreatnumberofforestpuddings，heavypattipans，andhorsesausages，allofthemtallandproperislanders，banditti，andwild。

Pantagruelwasverymuchdaunted，andnotwithoutcause；thoughEpistemontoldhimthatitmightbetheuseandcustomoftheChitterlingonianstowelcomeandreceivethusinarmstheirforeignfriends，asthenoblekingsofFrancearereceivedandsalutedattheirfirstcomingintothechiefcitiesofthekingdomaftertheiradvancementtothecrown。Perhaps，saidhe，itmaybetheusualguardofthequeenoftheplace，who，havingnoticegivenherbythejuniorChitterlingsoftheforlornhopewhomyousawonthetree，ofthearrivalofyourfineandpompousfleet，hathjudgedthatitwaswithoutdoubtsomerichandpotentprince，andiscometovisityouinperson。

Pantagruel，littletrustingtothis，calledacouncil，tohavetheiradviceatlargeinthisdoubtfulcase。Hebrieflyshowedthemhowthiswayofreceptionwitharmshadoften，undercolourofcomplimentandfriendship，beenfatal。Thus，saidhe，theEmperorAntoniusCaracallaatonetimedestroyedthecitizensofAlexandria，andatanothertimecutofftheattendantsofArtabanus，KingofPersia，undercolourofmarryinghisdaughter，which，bytheway，didnotpassunpunished，forawhileafterthiscosthimhislife。

ThusJacob\'schildrendestroyedtheSichemites，torevengetherapeoftheirsisterDinah。BysuchanotherhypocriticaltrickGallienus，theRomanemperor，puttodeaththemilitarymeninConstantinople。Thus，undercolouroffriendship，AntoniusenticedArtavasdes，KingofArmenia；

then，havingcausedhimtobeboundinheavychainsandshackled，atlastputhimtodeath。

Wefindathousandsuchinstancesinhistory；andKingCharlesVI。isjustlycommendedforhisprudencetothisday，inthat，comingbackvictoriousovertheGhentersandotherFlemingstohisgoodcityofParis，andwhenhecametoBourget，aleaguefromthence，hearingthatthecitizenswiththeirmallets——whencetheygotthenameofMaillotins——weremarchedoutoftowninbattalia，twentythousandstrong，hewouldnotgointothetowntilltheyhadlaiddowntheirarmsandretiredtotheirrespectivehomes；thoughtheyprotestedtohimthattheyhadtakenarmswithnootherdesignthantoreceivehimwiththegreaterdemonstrationofhonourandrespect。

Chapter4。XXXVII。

HowPantagruelsentforColonelMaul-chitterlingandColonelCut-pudding；

withadiscoursewellworthyourhearingaboutthenamesofplacesandpersons。

Theresolutionofthecouncilwasthat，letthingsbehowtheywould，itbehovedthePantagrueliststostandupontheirguard。ThereforeCarpalinandGymnastwereorderedbyPantagrueltogoforthesoldiersthatwereonboardtheCupgalley，underthecommandofColonelMaul-chitterling，andthoseonboardtheVine-tubfrigate，underthecommandofColonelCut-

puddingtheyounger。IwilleaseGymnastofthattrouble，saidPanurge，whowantedtobeupontherun；youmayhaveoccasionforhimhere。Bythisworthyfrockofmine，quothFriarJohn，thouhastamindtoslipthyneckoutofthecollarandabsentthyselffromthefight，thouwhite-liveredsonofadunghill！Uponmyvirginitythouwiltnevercomeback。Well，therecanbenogreatlossinthee；forthouwouldstdonothingherebuthowl，bray，weep，anddisheartenthegoodsoldiers。Iwillcertainlycomeback，saidPanurge，FriarJohn，myghostlyfather，andspeedilytoo；dobuttakecarethattheseplaguyChitterlingsdonotboardourships。Allthewhileyouwillbea-fightingIwillprayheartilyforyourvictory，aftertheexampleofthevaliantcaptainandguideofthepeopleofIsrael，Moses。

Havingsaidthis，hewheeledoff。

ThensaidEpistemontoPantagruel:Thedenominationofthesetwocolonelsofyours，Maul-chitterlingandCut-pudding，promisethusassurance，success，andvictory，ifthoseChitterlingsshouldchancetosetuponus。

Youtakeitrightly，saidPantagruel，anditpleasethmetoseeyouforeseeandprognosticateourvictorybythenamesofourcolonels。

Thiswayofforetellingbynamesisnotnew；itwasinoldtimescelebratedandreligiouslyobservedbythePythagoreans。Severalgreatprincesandemperorshaveformerlymadegooduseofit。OctavianusAugustus，secondemperoroftheRomans，meetingonadayacountryfellownamedEutychus——

thatis，fortunate——drivinganassnamedNicon——thatis，inGreek，Victorian——movedbythesignificationoftheass\'sandass-driver\'snames，remainedassuredofallprosperityandvictory。

TheEmperorVespasianbeingonceallaloneatprayersinthetempleofSerapis，atthesightandunexpectedcomingofacertainservantofhisnamedBasilides——thatis，royal——whomhehadleftsickagreatwaybehind，tookhopesandassuranceofobtainingtheempireoftheRomans。Regilianwaschosenemperorbythesoldiersfornootherreasonbutthesignificationofhisname。SeetheCratylusofthedivinePlato。(Bymythirst，Iwillreadit，saidRhizotome；Ihearyousooftenquoteit。)SeehowthePythagoreans，byreasonofthenamesandnumbers，concludethatPatrocluswastofallbythehandofHector；HectorbyAchilles；AchillesbyParis；ParisbyPhiloctetes。IamquitelostinmyunderstandingwhenI

reflectupontheadmirableinventionofPythagoras，whobythenumber，eitherevenorodd，ofthesyllablesofeveryname，wouldtellyouofwhatsideamanwaslame，hulch-backed，blind，gouty，troubledwiththepalsy，pleurisy，oranyotherdistemperincidenttohumankind；allottingevennumberstotheleft(Motteuxreads——\'evennumberstotheRight，andoddonestotheLeft。\')，andoddonestotherightsideofthebody。

Indeed，saidEpistemon，IsawthiswayofsyllabizingtriedatXaintesatageneralprocession，inthepresenceofthatgood，virtuous，learnedandjustpresident，BrianVallee，LordofDouhait。Whentherewentbyamanorwomanthatwaseitherlame，blindofoneeye，orhumpbacked，hehadanaccountbroughthimofhisorhername；andifthesyllablesofthenamewereofanoddnumber，immediately，withoutseeingthepersons，hedeclaredthemtobedeformed，blind，lame，orcrookedoftherightside；andoftheleft，iftheywereeveninnumber；andsuchindeedweeverfoundthem。

Bythissyllabicalinvention，saidPantagruel，thelearnedhaveaffirmedthatAchilleskneelingwaswoundedbythearrowofParisintherightheel，forhisnameisofoddsyllables(hereweoughttoobservethattheancientsusedtokneeltherightfoot)；andthatVenuswasalsowoundedbeforeTroyinthelefthand，forhernameinGreekis(Greek)，offoursyllables；Vulcanlamedofhisleftfootforthesamereason；Philip，KingofMacedon，andHannibal，blindoftherighteye；nottospeakofsciaticas，brokenbellies，andhemicranias，whichmaybedistinguishedbythisPythagoreanreason。

Butreturningtonames:dobutconsiderhowAlexandertheGreat，sonofKingPhilip，ofwhomwespokejustnow，compassedhisundertakingmerelybytheinterpretationofaname。HehadbesiegedthestrongcityofTyre，andforseveralweeksbattereditwithallhispower；butallinvain。HisenginesandattemptswerestillbaffledbytheTyrians，whichmadehimfinallyresolvetoraisethesiege，tohisgreatgrief；foreseeingthegreatstainwhichsuchashamefulretreatwouldbetohisreputation。Inthisanxietyandagitationofmindhefellasleepanddreamedthatasatyrwascomeintohistent，capering，skipping，andtrippingitupanddown，withhisgoatishhoofs，andthathestrovetolayholdonhim。Butthesatyrstillslippedfromhim，tillatlast，havingpennedhimupintoacorner，hetookhim。Withthisheawoke，andtellinghisdreamtothephilosophersandsagesofhiscourt，theylethimknowthatitwasapromiseofvictoryfromthegods，andthatheshouldsoonbemasterofTyre；thewordsatyrosdividedintwobeingsaTyros，andsignifyingTyreisthine；andintruth，atthenextonset，hetookthetownbystorm，andbyacompletevictoryreducedthatstubbornpeopletosubjection。

Ontheotherhand，seehow，bythesignificationofoneword，Pompeyfellintodespair。BeingovercomebyCaesaratthebattleofPharsalia，hehadnootherwaylefttoescapebutbyflight；whichattemptingbysea，hearrivedneartheislandofCyprus，andperceivedontheshorenearthecityofPaphosabeautifulandstatelypalace；nowaskingthepilotwhatwasthenameofit，hetoldhimthatitwascalled(Greek)，thatis，evilking；

whichstrucksuchadreadandterrorinhimthathefellintodespair，asbeingassuredoflosingshortlyhislife；insomuchthathiscomplaints，sighs，andgroanswereheardbythemarinersandotherpassengers。Andindeed，awhileafter，acertainstrangepeasant，calledAchillas，cutoffhishead。

ToalltheseexamplesmightbeaddedwhathappenedtoL。PaulusEmiliuswhenthesenateelectedhimimperator，thatis，chiefofthearmywhichtheysentagainstPerses，KingofMacedon。Thateveningreturninghometoprepareforhisexpedition，andkissingalittledaughterofhiscalledTrasia，sheseemedsomewhatsadtohim。Whatisthematter，saidhe，mychicken？WhyismyTrasiathussadandmelancholy？Daddy，repliedthechild，Persaisdead。Thiswasthenameofalittlebitchwhichshelovedmightily。Hearingthis，PaulustookassuranceofavictoryoverPerses。

IftimewouldpermitustodiscourseofthesacredHebrewwrit，wemightfindahundrednotedpassagesevidentlyshowinghowreligiouslytheyobservedpropernamesandtheirsignifications。

Hehadhardlyendedthisdiscourse，whenthetwocolonelsarrivedwiththeirsoldiers，allwellarmedandresolute。Pantagruelmadethemashortspeech，entreatingthemtobehavethemselvesbravelyincasetheywereattacked；forhecouldnotyetbelievethattheChitterlingsweresotreacherous；buthebadethembynomeanstogivethefirstoffence，givingthemCarnivalforthewatchword。

Chapter4。XXXVIII。

HowChitterlingsarenottobeslightedbymen。

Youshakeyouremptynoddlesnow，jollytopers，anddonotbelievewhatI

tellyouhere，anymorethanifitweresometaleofatub。Well，well，I

cannothelpit。Believeitifyouwill；ifyouwon\'t，letitalone。Formypart，IverywellknowwhatIsay。ItwasintheWildIsland，inourvoyagetotheHolyBottle。Itellyouthetimeandplace；whatwouldyouhavemore？IwouldhaveyoucalltomindthestrengthoftheancientgiantsthatundertooktolaythehighmountainPeliononthetopofOssa，andsetamongthosetheshadyOlympus，todashoutthegods\'brains，unnestlethem，andscourtheirheavenlylodgings。Theirswasnosmallstrength，youmaywellthink，andyettheywerenothingbutChitterlingsfromthewaistdownwards，oratleastserpents，nottotellalieforthematter。

TheserpentthattemptedEve，too，wasoftheChitterlingkind，andyetitisrecordedofhimthathewasmoresubtlethananybeastofthefield。

EvensoareChitterlings。Nay，tothisveryhourtheyholdinsomeuniversitiesthatthissametempterwastheChitterlingcalledIthyphallus，intowhichwastransformedbawdyPriapus，arch-seduceroffemalesinparadise，thatis，agarden，inGreek。

PraynowtellmewhocantellbutthattheSwiss，nowsoboldandwarlike，wereformerlyChitterlings？Formypart，Iwouldnottakemyoathtothecontrary。TheHimantopodes，anationveryfamousinEthiopia，accordingtoPliny\'sdescription，areChitterlings，andnothingelse。Ifallthiswillnotsatisfyyourworships，orremoveyourincredulity，Iwouldhaveyouforthwith(Imeandrinkingfirst，thatnothingbedonerashly)visitLusignan，Parthenay，Vouant，Mervant，andPonzaugesinPoitou。Thereyouwillfindacloudofwitnesses，notofyouraffidavit-menoftherightstamp，butcredibletimeoutofmind，thatwilltaketheircorporaloath，onRigome\'sknuckle-bone，thatMelusinatheirfounderorfoundress，whichyouplease，waswomanfromtheheadtotheprick-purse，andthencedownwardswasaserpentineChitterling，orifyou\'llhaveitotherwise，aChitterlingdizedserpent。Sheneverthelesshadagenteelandnoblegait，imitatedtothisverydaybyyourhop-merchantsofBrittany，intheirpaspieandcountrydances。

WhatdoyouthinkwasthecauseofErichthonius\'sbeingthefirstinventorofcoaches，litters，andchariots？NothingbutbecauseVulcanhadbegothimwithChitterlingdizedlegs，whichtohidehechosetorideinalitter，ratherthanonhorseback；forChitterlingswerenotyetinesteematthattime。

TheScythiannymph，Ora，waslikewisehalfwomanandhalfChitterling，andyetseemedsobeautifultoJupiterthatnothingcouldservehimbuthemustgiveheratouchofhisgodship\'skindness；andaccordinglyhehadabraveboybyher，calledColaxes；andthereforeIwouldhaveyouleaveoffshakingyouremptynoddlesatthis，asifitwereastory，andfirmlybelievethatnothingistruerthanthegospel。

Chapter4。XXXIX。

HowFriarJohnjoinedwiththecookstofighttheChitterlings。

FriarJohnseeingthesefuriousChitterlingsthusboldlymarchup，saidtoPantagruel，Herewillbeararebattleofhobby-horses，aprettykindofpuppet-showfight，foraughtIsee。Oh！whatamightyhonourandwonderfulglorywillattendourvictory！Iwouldhaveyouonlybeabarespectatorofthisfight，andforanythingelseleavemeandmymentodealwiththem。

Whatmen？saidPantagruel。Matterofbreviary，repliedFriarJohn。HowcamePotiphar，whowashead-cookofPharaoh\'skitchens，hethatboughtJoseph，andwhomthesaidJosephmighthavemadeacuckoldifhehadnotbeenaJoseph；howcamehe，Isay，tobemadegeneralofallthehorseinthekingdomofEgypt？WhywasNabuzardan，KingNebuchadnezzar\'shead-cook，chosentotheexclusionofallothercaptainstobesiegeanddestroyJerusalem？Ihearyou，repliedPantagruel。BySt。Christopher\'swhiskers，saidFriarJohn，IdarelayawagerthatitwasbecausetheyhadformerlyengagedChitterlings，ormenaslittlevalued；whomtorout，conquer，anddestroy，cooksarewithoutcomparisonmorefitthancuirassiersandgendarmesarmedatallpoints，orallthehorseandfootintheworld。

Youputmeinmind，saidPantagruel，ofwhatiswrittenamongstthefacetiousandmerrysayingsofCicero。DuringthemorethancivilwarsbetweenCaesarandPompey，thoughhewasmuchcourtedbythefirst，henaturallyleanedmoretothesideofthelatter。NowonedayhearingthatthePompeiansinacertainrencontrehadlostagreatmanymen，hetookafancytovisittheircamp。Thereheperceivedlittlestrength，lesscourage，butmuchdisorder。Fromthattime，foreseeingthatthingswouldgoillwiththem，asitsincehappened，hebegantobanternowoneandthenanother，andbeveryfreeofhiscuttingjests；sosomeofPompey\'scaptains，playingthegoodfellowstoshowtheirassurance，toldhim，Doyouseehowmanyeagleswehaveyet？(TheywerethenthedeviceoftheRomansinwar。)Theymightbeofusetoyou，repliedCicero，ifyouhadtodowithmagpies。

Thus，seeingwearetofightChitterlings，pursuedPantagruel，youinferthencethatitisaculinarywar，andhaveamindtojoinwiththecooks。

Well，doasyouplease，I\'llstayhereinthemeantime，andwaitfortheeventoftherumpus。

FriarJohnwentthatverymomentamongthesutlers，intothecooks\'tents，andtoldtheminapleasingmanner:Imustseeyoucrownedwithhonourandtriumphthisday，mylads；toyourarmsarereservedsuchachievementsasneveryetwereperformedwithinthememoryofman。Ods-belly，dotheymakenothingofthevaliantcooks？LetusgofightyonderfornicatingChitterlings！I\'llbeyourcaptain。Butfirstlet\'sdrink，boys。Comeon！letusbeofgoodcheer。Noblecaptain，returnedthekitchentribe，thiswasspokenlikeyourself；bravelyoffered。Huzza！weareallatyourexcellency\'scommand，andweliveanddiebyyou。Live，live，saidFriarJohn，aGod\'sname；butdiebynomeans。ThatistheChitterlings\'lot；

theyshallhavetheirbellyfulofit。Comeonthen，letusputourselvesinorder；Nabuzardan\'stheword。

Chapter4。XL。

HowFriarJohnfittedupthesow；andofthevaliantcooksthatwentintoit。

Then，byFriarJohn\'sorder，theengineersandtheirworkmenfittedupthegreatsowthatwasintheshipLeathernBottle。Itwasawonderfulmachine，socontrivedthat，bymeansoflargeenginesthatwereroundaboutitinrows，itthrow\'dforkedironbarsandfour-squaredsteelbolts；andinitsholdtwohundredmenatleastcouldeasilyfight，andbesheltered。

ItwasmadeafterthemodelofthesowofRiole，bythemeansofwhichBergeracwasretakenfromtheEnglishinthereignofCharlestheSixth。

Herearethenamesofthenobleandvaliantcookswhowentintothesow，astheGreeksdidintotheTrojanhorse:

Sour-sauce。Crisp-pig。Carbonado。

Sweet-meat。Greasy-slouch。Sop-in-pan。

Greedy-gut。Fat-gut。Pick-fowl。

Liquorice-chops。Bray-mortar。Mustard-pot。

Soused-pork。Lick-sauce。Hog\'s-haslet。

Slap-sauce。Hog\'s-foot。Chopped-phiz。

Cock-broth。Hodge-podge。Gallimaufry。

Slipslop。

Allthesenoblecooksintheircoat-of-armsdidbear，inafieldgules，alarding-pinvert，chargedwithachevronargent。

Lard，hog\'s-lard。Pinch-lard。Snatch-lard。

Nibble-lard。Top-lard。Gnaw-lard。

Filch-lard。Pick-lard。Scrape-lard。

Fat-lard。Save-lard。Chew-lard。

Gaillard(bysyncope)bornnearRambouillet。Thesaidculinarydoctor\'snamewasGaillardlard，inthesamemannerasyouusetosayidolatrousforidololatrous。

Stiff-lard。Cut-lard。Waste-lard。

Watch-lard。Mince-lard。Ogle-lard。

Sweet-lard。Dainty-lard。Weigh-lard。

Eat-lard。Fresh-lard。Gulch-lard。

Snap-lard。Rusty-lard。Eye-lard。

Catch-lard。

NamesunknownamongtheMarranesandJews。

Ballocky。Thirsty。Porridge-pot。

Pick-sallat。Kitchen-stuff。Lick-dish。

Broil-rasher。Verjuice。Salt-gullet。

Coney-skin。Save-dripping。Snail-dresser。

Dainty-chops。Watercress。Soup-monger。

Pie-wright。Scrape-turnip。Brewis-belly。

Pudding-pan。Trivet。Chine-picker。

Toss-pot。MonsieurRagout。Suck-gravy。

Mustard-sauce。Crack-pipkin。Macaroon。

Claret-sauce。Scrape-pot。Skewer-maker。

Swill-broth。

Smell-smock。Hewasafterwardstakenfromthekitchenandremovedtochamber-practice，fortheserviceofthenobleCardinalHunt-venison。

Rot-roast。Hog\'sgullet。Fox-tail。

Dish-clout。Sirloin。Fly-flap。

Save-suet。Spit-mutton。OldGrizzle。

Fire-fumbler。Fritter-frier。Ruff-belly。

Pillicock。Flesh-smith。Saffron-sauce。

Long-tool。Cram-gut。Strutting-tom。

Prick-pride。Tuzzy-mussy。Slashed-snout。

Prick-madam。Jacket-liner。Smutty-face。

Pricket。Guzzle-drink。

Mondam，thatfirstinventedmadam\'ssauce，andforthatdiscoverywasthuscalledintheScotch-Frenchdialect。

Loblolly。Sloven。Trencher-man。

Slabber-chops。Swallow-pitcher。GoodmanGoosecap。

Scum-pot。Wafer-monger。Munch-turnip。

Gully-guts。Snap-gobbet。Pudding-bag。

Rinse-pot。Scurvy-phiz。Pig-sticker。

Drink-spiller。

Robert。HeinventedRobert\'ssauce，sogoodandnecessaryforroastedconeys，ducks，freshpork，poachedeggs，saltfish，andathousandothersuchdishes。

Cold-eel。Frying-pan。Big-snout。

Thornback。Manofdough。Lick-finger。

Gurnard。Sauce-doctor。Tit-bit。

Grumbling-gut。Waste-butter。Sauce-box。

Alms-scrip。Shitbreech。All-fours。

Taste-all。Thick-brawn。Whimwham。

Scrap-merchant。TomT——d。Baste-roast。

Belly-timberman。Mouldy-crust。Gaping-hoyden。

Hashee。Hasty。Calf\'s-pluck。

Frig-palate。Red-herring。Leather-breeches。

Powdering-tub。Cheesecake。

Allthesenoblecookswentintothesow，merry，cheery，hale，brisk，olddogsatmischief，andreadytofightstoutly。FriarJohneverandanonwavinghishugescimitar，broughtuptherear，anddouble-lockedthedoorsontheinside。

Chapter4。XLI。

HowPantagruelbroketheChitterlingsattheknees。

TheChitterlingsadvancedsonearthatPantagruelperceivedthattheystretchedtheirarmsandalreadybegantochargetheirlances，whichcausedhimtosendGymnasttoknowwhattheymeant，andwhytheythus，withouttheleastprovocation，cametofallupontheiroldtrustyfriends，whohadneithersaidnordonetheleastillthingtothem。Gymnastbeingadvancedneartheirfront，bowedverylow，andsaidtothemasloudaseverhecould:Wearefriends，wearefriends；all，allofusyourfriends，yours，andatyourcommand；weareforCarnival，youroldconfederate。Somehavesincetoldmethathemistook，andsaidcavernalinsteadofcarnival。

Whateveritwas，thewordwasnosooneroutofhismouthbutahugelittlesquabSausage，startingoutofthefrontoftheirmainbody，wouldhavegripedhimbythecollar。BythehelmetofMars，saidGymnast，Iwillswallowthee；butthoushaltonlycomeininchipsandslices；for，bigasthouart，thoucouldstnevercomeinwhole。Thisspoke，helugsouthistrustysword，Kiss-mine-arse(sohecalledit)withbothhisfists，andcuttheSausageintwain。Blessme，howfatthefoulthiefwas！itputsmeinmindofthehugebullofBerne，thatwasslainatMarignanwhenthedrunkenSwissweresomauledthere。Believeme，ithadlittlelessthanfourinches\'lardonitspaunch。

TheSausage\'sjobbeingdone，acrowdofothersflewuponGymnast，andhadmostscurvilydraggedhimdownwhenPantagruelwithhismencameuptohisrelief。Thenbeganthemartialfray，higgledy-piggledy。Maul-chitterlingdidmaulchitterlings；Cut-puddingdidcutpuddings；PantagrueldidbreaktheChitterlingsattheknees；FriarJohnplayedatleastinsightwithinhissow，viewingandobservingallthings；whenthePattipansthatlayinambuscademostfuriouslysalliedoutuponPantagruel。

FriarJohn，wholaysnugallthiswhile，bythattimeperceivingtheroutandhurlyburly，setopenthedoorsofhissowandsalliedoutwithhismerryGreeks，someofthemarmedwithironspits，otherswithandirons，racks，fire-shovels，frying-pans，kettles，grid-irons，ovenforks，tongs，drippingpans，brooms，ironpots，mortars，pestles，allinbattlearray，likesomanyhousebreakers，hallooingandroaringoutalltogethermostfrightfully，Nabuzardan，Nabuzardan，Nabuzardan。Thusshoutingandhootingtheyfoughtlikedragons，andchargedthroughthePattipansandSausages。

TheChitterlingsperceivingthisfreshreinforcement，andthattheotherswouldbetoohardfor\'em，betookthemselvestotheirheels，scamperingoffwithfullspeed，asifthedevilhadcomeforthem。FriarJohn，withanironcrow，knockedthemdownasfastashops；hismen，too，werenotsparingontheirside。Oh，whatawoefulsightitwas！thefieldwasalloverstrewedwithheapsofdeadorwoundedChitterlings；andhistoryrelatesthathadnotheavenhadahandinit，theChitterlingtribehadbeentotallyroutedoutoftheworldbytheculinarychampions。Buttherehappenedawonderfulthing，youmaybelieveaslittleorasmuchofitasyouplease。

Fromthenorthflewtowardsusahuge，fat，thick，grizzlyswine，withlongandlargewings，likethoseofawindmill；itsplumesredcrimson，likethoseofaphenicoptere(whichinLanguedoctheycallflaman)；itseyeswerered，andflaminglikeacarbuncle；itsearsgreen，likeaPrasinemerald；itsteethlikeatopaz；itstaillongandblack，likejet；itsfeetwhite，diaphanousandtransparentlikeadiamond，somewhatbroad，andofthesplaykind，likethoseofgeese，andasQueenDick\'susedtobeatToulouseinthedaysofyore。Aboutitsneckitworeagoldcollar，roundwhichweresomeIoniancharacters，whereofIcouldpickoutbuttwowords，(Greek)，hog-teachingMinerva。

Theskywasclearbefore；butatthatmonster\'sappearanceitchangedsomightilyfortheworsethatwewereallamazedatit。AssoonastheChitterlingsperceivedtheflyinghog，downtheyallthrewtheirweaponsandfellontheirknees，liftinguptheirhandsjoinedtogether，withoutspeakingoneword，inapostureofadoration。FriarJohnandhispartykeptonmincing，felling，braining，mangling，andspittingtheChitterlingslikemad；butPantagruelsoundedaretreat，andallhostilityceased。

Themonsterhavingseveraltimeshoveredbackwardsandforwardsbetweenthetwoarmies，withatail-shotvoidedabovetwenty-sevenbuttsofmustardontheground；thenflewawaythroughtheair，cryingallthewhile，Carnival，Carnival，Carnival。

Chapter4。XLII。

HowPantagruelheldatreatywithNiphleseth，QueenoftheChitterlings。

Themonsterbeingoutofsight，andthetwoarmiesremainingsilent，PantagrueldemandedaparleywiththeladyNiphleseth，QueenoftheChitterlings，whowasinherchariotbythestandards；anditwaseasilygranted。Thequeenalighted，courteouslyreceivedPantagruel，andwasgladtoseehim。Pantagruelcomplainedtoherofthisbreachofpeace；butshecivillymadeherexcuse，tellinghimthatafalseinformationhadcausedallthismischief；herspieshavingbroughtherwordthatShrovetide，theirmortalfoe，waslanded，andspenthistimeinexaminingtheurineofphyseters。

Shethereforeentreatedhimtopardonthemtheiroffence，tellinghimthatsir-reverencewassoonerfoundinChitterlingsthangall；andoffering，forherselfandallhersuccessors，toholdofhimandhisthewholeislandandcountry；toobeyhiminallhiscommands，befriendstohisfriends，andfoestohisfoes；andalsotosendeveryyear，asanacknowledgmentoftheirhomage，atributeofseventy-eightthousandroyalChitterlings，toservehimathisfirstcourseattablesixmonthsintheyear；whichwaspunctuallyperformed。ForthenextdayshesenttheaforesaidquantityofroyalChitterlingstothegoodGargantua，undertheconductofyoungNiphleseth，infantaoftheisland。

ThegoodGargantuamadeapresentofthemtothegreatKingofParis。Butbychangeofair，andforwantofmustard(thenaturalbalsamandrestorerofChitterlings)，mostofthemdied。Bythegreatking\'sparticulargranttheywereburiedinheapsinapartofParistothisdaycalledLaRuepaveed\'Andouilles，thestreetpavedwithChitterlings。AttherequestoftheladiesathiscourtyoungNiphlesethwaspreserved，honourablyused，andsincethatmarriedtoheart\'scontent；andwasthemotherofmanychildren，forwhichheavenbepraised。

Pantagruelcivillythankedthequeen，forgavealloffences，refusedtheoffershehadmadeofhercountry，andgaveheraprettylittleknife。

Afterthatheaskedseveralnicequestionsconcerningtheapparitionofthatflyinghog。SheansweredthatitwastheideaofCarnival，theirtutelarygodintimeofwar，firstfounderandoriginalofalltheChitterlingrace；forwhichreasonheresembledahog，forChitterlingsdrewtheirextractionfromhogs。

Pantagruelaskingtowhatpurposeandcurativeindicationhehadvoidedsomuchmustardontheearth，thequeenrepliedthatmustardwastheirsanc-

grealandcelestialbalsam，ofwhich，layingbutalittleinthewoundsofthefallenChitterlings，inaveryshorttimethewoundedwerehealedandthedeadrestoredtolife。Pantagruelheldnofurtherdiscoursewiththequeen，butretireda-shipboard。Thelikedidallthebooncompanions，withtheirimplementsofdestructionandtheirhugesow。

Chapter4。XLIII。

HowPantagruelwentintotheislandofRuach。

TwodaysafterwearrivedattheislandofRuach；andIsweartoyou，bythecelestialhenandchickens，thatIfoundthewayoflivingofthepeoplesostrangeandwonderfulthatIcan\'t，fortheheart\'sbloodofme，halftellityou。Theyliveonnothingbutwind，eatnothingbutwind，anddrinknothingbutwind。Theyhavenootherhousesbutweathercocks。Theysownootherseedsbutthethreesortsofwindflowers，rue，andherbsthatmaymakeonebreakwindtothepurpose；thesescourthemoffcarefully。

Thecommonsortofpeopletofeedthemselvesmakeuseoffeather，paper，orlinenfans，accordingtotheirabilities。Asfortherich，theylivebythemeansofwindmills。

Whentheywouldhavesomenobletreat，thetablesarespreadunderoneortwowindmills。Theretheyfeastasmerryasbeggars，andduringthemealtheirwholetalkiscommonlyofthegoodness，excellency，salubrity，andrarityofwinds；asyou，jollytopers，inyourcupsphilosophizeandargueuponwines。Theonepraisesthesouth-east，theotherthesouth-west；thisthewestandbysouth，andthistheeastandbynorth；anotherthewest，andanothertheeast；andsooftherest。Asforloversandamoroussparks，nogaleforthemlikeasmock-gale。Forthesicktheyusebellowsasweuseclystersamongus。

Oh！saidtomealittlediminutiveswollenbubble，thatIhadnowbutabladderfulofthatsameLanguedocwindwhichtheycallCierce。Thefamousphysician，Scurron，passingonedaybythiscountry，wastellingusthatitissostrongthatitwillmakenothingofoverturningaloadedwaggon。Oh！

whatgoodwoulditnotdomyOedipodicleg。Thebiggestarenotthebest；

but，saidPanurge，ratherwouldIhadherealargebuttofthatsamegoodLanguedocwinethatgrowsatMirevaux，Canteperdrix，andFrontignan。

Isawagoodlikelysortofamanthere，muchresemblingVentrose，tearingandfuminginagrievousfretwithatallburlygroomandapimpinglittlepageofhis，layingthemon，likethedevil，withabuskin。Notknowingthecauseofhisanger，atfirstIthoughtthatallthiswasbythedoctor\'sadvice，asbeingathingveryhealthytothemastertobeinapassionandtohismantobebangedforit。ButatlastIheardhimtaxinghismanwithstealingfromhim，likearogueashewas，thebetterhalfofalargeleathernbagofanexcellentsoutherlywind，whichhehadcarefullylaidup，likeahiddenreserve，againstthecoldweather。

Theyneitherexonerate，dung，piss，norspitinthatisland；but，tomakeamends，theybelch，fizzle，funk，andgivetail-shotsinabundance。Theyaretroubledwithallmannerofdistempers；and，indeed，alldistempersareengenderedandproceedfromventosities，asHippocratesdemonstrates，lib。

DeFlatibus。Butthemostepidemicalamongthemisthewind-cholic。Theremedieswhichtheyusearelargeclysters，wherebytheyvoidstoreofwindiness。Theyalldieofdropsiesandtympanies，themenfartingandthewomenfizzling；sothattheirsoultakesherleaveattheback-door。

Sometimeafter，walkingintheisland，wemetthreehairbrainedairyfellows，whoseemedmightilypuffedup，andwenttotaketheirpastimeandviewtheplovers，wholiveonthesamedietasthemselves，andaboundintheisland。Iobservedthat，asyourtruetoperswhentheytravelcarryflasks，leathernbottles，andsmallrunletsalongwiththem，soeachofthemhadathisgirdleaprettylittlepairofbellows。Iftheyhappenedtowantwind，bythehelpofthoseprettybellowstheyimmediatelydrewsome，freshandcool，byattractionandreciprocalexpulsion；for，asyouwellknow，windessentiallydefinedisnothingbutfluctuatingandagitatedair。

Awhileafter，wewerecommanded，intheking\'sname，nottoreceiveforthreehoursanymanorwomanofthecountryonboardourships；somehavingstolenfromhimarousingfart，oftheveryindividualwindwhicholdgoodmanAeolusthesnorergaveUlyssestoconducthisshipwheneveritshouldhappentobebecalmed。Whichfartthekingkeptreligiously，likeanothersanc-greal，andperformedaworldofwonderfulcureswithitinmanydangerousdiseases，lettinglooseanddistributingtothepatientonlyasmuchofitasmightframeavirginalfart；whichis，ifyoumustknow，whatoursanctimonials，aliasnuns，intheirdialectcallringingbackwards。

Chapter4。XLIV。

Howsmallrainlaysahighwind。

Pantagruelcommendedtheirgovernmentandwayofliving，andsaidtotheirhypenemianmayor:IfyouapproveEpicurus\'sopinion，placingthesummumbonuminpleasure(Imeanpleasurethat\'seasyandfreefromtoil)，I

esteemyouhappy；foryourfoodbeingwind，costsyoulittleornothing，sinceyouneedbutblow。True，sir，returnedthemayor；but，alas！nothingisperfectherebelow；fortoooftenwhenweareattable，feedingonsomegoodblessedwindofGodasoncelestialmanna，merryassomanyfriars，downdropsonasuddensomesmallrain，whichlaysourwind，andsorobsusofit。Thusmanyameal\'slostforwantofmeat。

Justso，quothPanurge，JeninToss-potofQuinquenais，evacuatingsomewineofhisownburningonhiswife\'sposteriors，laidtheill-fumedwindthatblowedoutoftheircentreasoutofsomemagisterialAeolipile。HereisakindofawhimonthatsubjectwhichImadeformerly:

OneeveningwhenToss-pothadbeenathisbutts，AndJoanhisfatspousecrammedwithturnipsherguts，Togethertheypigged，nordiddrinksobesothimButhedidwhatwasdonewhenhisdaddybegothim。

Nowwhentorecruithe\'dfainhavebeensnoring，Joan\'sback-doorwasfilthilypuffingandroaring；

Soforspitehebepissedher，andquicklydidfindThataverysmallrainlaysaveryhighwind。

Wearealsoplaguedyearlywithaverygreatcalamity，criedthemayor；foragiantcalledWide-nostrils，wholivesintheislandofTohu，comeshithereveryspringtopurge，bytheadviceofhisphysicians，andswallowsus，likesomanypills，agreatnumberofwindmills，andofbellowsalso，atwhichhismouthwatersexceedingly。

Nowthisisasadmortificationtoushere，whoarefaintofastoverthreeorfourwholeLentseveryyearforthis，besidescertainpettyLents，emberweeks，andotherorisonandstarvingtides。Andhaveyounoremedyforthis？askedPantagruel。BytheadviceofourMezarims，repliedthemayor，aboutthetimethatheusestogiveusavisit，wegarrisonourwindmillswithgoodstoreofcocksandhens。Thefirsttimethatthegreedythiefswallowedthem，theyhadliketohavedonehisbusinessatonce；fortheycrowedandcackledinhismaw，andflutteredupanddownathwartandalonginhisstomach，whichthrewthegluttonintoalipothymycardiacpassionanddreadfulanddangerousconvulsions，asifsomeserpent，creepinginathismouth，hadbeenfriskinginhisstomach。

Hereisacomparativeasaltogetherincongruousandimpertinent，criedFriarJohn，interruptingthem；forIhaveformerlyheardthatifaserpentchancetogetintoaman\'sstomachitwillnotdohimtheleasthurt，butwillimmediatelygetoutifyoudobuthangthepatientbytheheelsandlayapanfulofwarmmilknearhismouth。Youweretoldthis，saidPantagruel，andsowerethosewhogaveyouthisaccount；butnoneeversaworreadofsuchacure。Onthecontrary，Hippocrates，inhisfifthbookofEpidem，writesthatsuchacasehappeninginhistimethepatientpresentlydiedofaspasmandconvulsion。

Besidesthecocksandhens，saidthemayor，continuinghisstory，allthefoxesinthecountrywhippedintoWide-nostril\'smouth，postingafterthepoultry；whichmadesuchastirwithReynardattheirheels，thathegrievouslyfellintofitseachminuteofanhour。

Atlast，bytheadviceofaBadenenchanter，atthetimeoftheparoxysmheusedtoflayafoxbywayofantidoteandcounter-poison。Sincethathetookbetteradvice，andeaseshimselfwithtakingaclystermadewithadecoctionofwheatandbarleycorns，andofliversofgoslings；tothefirstofwhichthepoultryrun，andthefoxestothelatter。Besides，heswallowssomeofyourbadgersorfox-dogsbythewayofpillsandboluses。

Thisisourmisfortune。

Ceasetofear，goodpeople，criedPantagruel；thishugeWide-nostrils，thissameswallowerofwindmills，isnomore，Iwillassureyou；hedied，beingstifledandchokedwithalumpoffreshbutteratthemouthofahotoven，bytheadviceofhisphysicians。

Chapter4。XLV。

HowPantagruelwentashoreintheislandofPope-Figland。

ThenextmorningwearrivedattheislandofPope-figs；formerlyarichandfreepeople，calledtheGaillardets，butnow，alas！miserablypoor，andundertheyokeofthePapimen。Theoccasionofitwasthis:

Onacertainyearlyhighholiday，andburgomaster，syndics，andtoppingrabbiesoftheGaillardetschancedtogointotheneighbouringislandPapimanytoseethefestivalandpassawaythetime。Nowoneofthemhavingespiedthepope\'spicture(withthesightofwhich，accordingtoalaudablecustom，thepeoplewereblessedonhigh-offeringholidays)，mademouthsatit，andcried，Afigforit！asasignofmanifestcontemptandderision。Toberevengedofthisaffront，thePapimen，somedaysafter，withoutgivingtheotherstheleastwarning，tookarms，andsurprised，destroyed，andruinedthewholeislandoftheGaillardets；puttingthementothesword，andsparingnonebutthewomenandchildren，andthosetooonlyonconditiontodowhattheinhabitantsofMilanwerecondemnedtobytheEmperorFrederickBarbarossa。

Thesehadrebelledagainsthiminhisabsence，andignominiouslyturnedtheempressoutofthecity，mountinghera-horsebackonamulecalledThacor，withherbreechforemosttowardstheoldjadedmule\'shead，andherfaceturnedtowardsthecrupper。NowFrederickbeingreturned，masteredthem，andcausedsocarefulasearchtobemadethathefoundoutandgotthefamousmuleThacor。Thenthehangmanbyhisorderclappedafigintothemule\'sjimcrack，inthepresenceoftheenslavedcitsthatwerebroughtintothemiddleofthegreatmarket-place，andproclaimedintheemperor\'sname，withtrumpets，thatwhosoeverofthemwouldsavehisownlifeshouldpubliclypullthefigoutwithhisteeth，andafterthatputitinagainintheveryindividualcrannywhencehehaddraw\'ditwithoutusinghishands，andthatwhoeverrefusedtodothisshouldpresentlyswingforitanddieinhisshoes。Somesturdyfools，standingupontheirpunctilio，chosehonourablytobehangedratherthansubmittososhamefulandabominableadisgrace；andothers，lessniceinpointofceremony，tookheartofgrace，andevenresolvedtohaveatthefig，andafigfor\'t，ratherthanmakeaworsefigurewithahempencollar，anddieintheairatsoshortwarning。

Accordingly，whentheyhadneatlypickedoutthefigwiththeirteethfromoldThacor\'ssnatch-blatch，theyplainlyshowedittheheadsman，saying，Eccolofico，Beholdthefig！

BythesameignominytherestofthesepoordistressedGaillardetssavedtheirbacon，becomingtributariesandslaves，andthenameofPope-figswasgiventhem，becausetheysaid，Afigforthepope\'simage。Sincethis，thepoorwretchesneverprospered，buteveryyearthedevilwasattheirdoors，andtheywereplaguedwithhail，storms，famine，andallmannerofwoes，asaneverlastingpunishmentforthesinoftheirancestorsandrelations。

Perceivingthemiseryandcalamityofthatgeneration，wedidnotcaretogofurtherupintothecountry，contentingourselveswithgoingintoalittlechapelnearthehaventotakesomeholywater。Itwasdilapidatedandruined，wantingalsoacover——likeSaintPeteratRome。Whenwewerein，aswedippedourfingersinthesanctifiedcistern，wespiedinthemiddleofthatholypickleafellowmuffledupwithstoles，allunderwater，likeadivingduck，exceptthetipofhissnouttodrawhisbreath。

Abouthimstoodthreepriests，trueshavelings，cleanshornandpolled，whoweremutteringstrangewordstothedevilsoutofaconjuringbook。

Pantagruelwasnotalittleamazedatthis，andinquiringwhatkindofsportthesewereat，wastoldthatforthreeyearslastpasttheplaguehadsodreadfullyragedintheislandthatthebetterhalfofithadbeenutterlydepopulated，andthelandslayfallowandunoccupied。Now，themortalitybeingover，thissamefellowwhohadcreptintotheholytub，havingalargepieceofground，chancedtobesowingitwithwhitewinterwheatattheveryminuteofanhourthatakindofasillysuckingdevil，whocouldnotyetwriteorread，orhailandthunder，unlessitwereonparsleyorcoleworts，andgotleaveofhismasterLucifertogointothisislandofPope-figs，wherethedevilswereveryfamiliarwiththemenandwomen，andoftenwenttotaketheirpastime。

Thissamedevilbeinggotthither，directedhisdiscoursetothehusbandman，andaskedhimwhathewasdoing。Thepoormantoldhimthathewassowingthegroundwithcorntohelphimtosubsistthenextyear。Ay，butthegroundisnoneofthine，Mr。Plough-jobber，criedthedevil，butmine；forsincethetimethatyoumockedthepopeallthislandhasbeenproscribed，adjudged，andabandonedtous。However，tosowcornisnotmyprovince；thereforeIwillgivetheeleavetosowthefield，thatistosay，providedwesharetheprofit。Iwill，repliedthefarmer。Imean，saidthedevil，thatofwhatthelandshallbear，twolotsshallbemade，oneofwhatshallgrowaboveground，theotherofwhatshallbecoveredwithearth。Therightofchoosingbelongstome；forIamadevilofnobleandancientrace；thouartabaseclown。Ithereforechoosewhatshalllieunderground，takethouwhatshallbeabove。Whendostthoureckontoreap，hah？AboutthemiddleofJuly，quoththefarmer。Well，saidthedevil，I\'llnotfailtheethen；inthemeantime，slaveasthououghtest。

Work，clown，work。IamgoingtotempttothepleasingsinofwhoringthenunsofDryfart，theshamsaintsofthecowl，andthegluttonishcrew。I

ammorethansureofthese。Theyneedbutmeet，andthejobisdone；truefireandtinder，touchandtake；downfallsnun，andupgetsfriar。

Chapter4。XLVI。

HowajuniordevilwasfooledbyahusbandmanofPope-Figland。

InthemiddleofJulythedevilcametotheplaceaforesaidwithallhiscrewathisheels，awholechoiroftheyoungerfryofhell；andhavingmetthefarmer，saidtohim，Well，clodpate，howhastthoudonesinceIwent？

ThouandImustsharetheconcern。Ay，masterdevil，quoththeclown；itisbutreasonweshould。Thenheandhismenbegantocutandreapthecorn；and，ontheotherside，thedevil\'simpsfelltowork，grubbingupandpullingoutthestubblebytheroot。

Thecountrymanhadhiscornthrashed，winnowedit，putinintosacks，andwentwithittomarket。Thesamedidthedevil\'sservants，andsatthemdowntherebythemantoselltheirstraw。Thecountrymansoldoffhiscornatagoodrate，andwiththemoneyfilledanoldkindofademi-buskinwhichwasfastenedtohisgirdle。Butthedevilasouthedevilstook；farfromtakinghandsel，theywerefloutedandjeeredbythecountrylouts。

Marketbeingover，quoththedeviltothefarmer，Well，clown，thouhastchousedmeonce，itisthyfault；chousemetwice，\'twillbemine。Nay，goodsirdevil，repliedthefarmer；howcanIbesaidtohavechousedyou，sinceitwasyourworshipthatchosefirst？Thetruthis，thatbythistrickyouthoughttocheatme，hopingthatnothingwouldspringoutoftheearthformyshare，andthatyoushouldfindwholeundergroundthecornwhichIhadsowed，andwithittemptthepoorandneedy，theclosehypocrite，orthecovetousgriper；thusmakingthemfallintoyoursnares。

Buttroth，youmuste\'engotoschoolyet；youarenoconjurer，foraughtI

see；forthecornthatwassow\'disdeadandrotten，itscorruptionhavingcausedthegenerationofthatwhichyousawmesell。Soyouchosetheworst，andthereforearecursedinthegospel。Well，talknomoreofit，quoththedevil；whatcanstthousowourfieldwithfornextyear？Ifamanwouldmakethebestofit，answeredtheploughman，\'twerefithesowitwithradish。Now，criedthedevil，thoutalkestlikeanhonestfellow，bumpkin。Well，sowmegoodstoreofradish，I\'llseeandkeepthemsafefromstorms，andwillnothailabitonthem。Butharkyeme，thistimeI

bespeakformysharewhatshallbeaboveground；what\'sundershallbethine。Drudgeon，looby，drudgeon。Iamgoingtotemptheretics；theirsoulsaredaintyvictualswhenbroiledinrashersandwellpowdered。MyLordLuciferhasthegripingintheguts；they\'llmakeadaintywarmdishforhishonour\'smaw。

Whentheseasonofradisheswascome，ourdevilfailednottomeetinthefield，withatrainofrascallyunderlings，allwaitingdevils，andfindingtherethefarmerandhismen，hebegantocutandgathertheleavesoftheradishes。Afterhimthefarmerwithhisspadeduguptheradishes，andclappedthemupintopouches。Thisdone，thedevil，thefarmer，andtheirgangs，hiedthemtomarket，andtherethefarmerpresentlymadegoodmoneyofhisradishes；butthepoordeviltooknothing；nay，whatwasworse，hewasmadeacommonlaughing-stockbythegapinghoidens。Iseethouhastplayedmeascurvytrick，thouvillainousfellow，criedtheangrydevil；atlastIamfullyresolvedeventomakeanendofthebusinessbetwixttheeandmyselfabouttheground，andtheseshallbetheterms:wewillclapperclaweachother，andwhoeverofustwoshallfirstcryHold，shallquithisshareofthefield，whichshallwhollybelongtotheconqueror。I

fixthetimeforthistrialofskillonthisdayseven-night；assurethyselfthatI\'llclawtheeofflikeadevil。Iwasgoingtotemptyourfornicators，bailiffs，perplexersofcauses，scriveners，forgersofdeeds，two-handedcounsellors，prevaricatingsolicitors，andothersuchvermin；

buttheyweresocivilastosendmewordbyaninterpreterthattheyareallminealready。Besides，ourmasterLuciferissocloyedwiththeirsoulsthatheoftensendsthembacktothesmuttyscullionsandslovenlydevilsofhiskitchen，andtheyscarcegodownwiththem，unlessnowandthen，whentheyarehigh-seasoned。

Somesaythereisnobreakfastlikeastudent\'s，nodinnerlikealawyer\'s，noafternoon\'snunchionlikeavine-dresser\'s，nosupperlikeatradesman\'s，nosecondsupperlikeaserving-wench\'s，andnoneofthesemealsequaltoafrockifiedhobgoblin\'s。Allthisistrueenough。

Accordingly，atmyLordLucifer\'sfirstcourse，hobgoblins，aliasimpsincowls，areastandingdish。Hewillinglyusedtobreakfastonstudents；

but，alas！IdonotknowbywhatilllucktheyhaveoflateyearsjoinedtheHolyBibletotheirstudies；sothedevilaonewecangetdownamongus；andIverilybelievethatunlessthehypocritesofthetribeofLevihelpusinit，takingfromtheenlightenedbook-mongerstheirSt。Paul，eitherbythreats，revilings，force，violence，fire，andfaggot，weshallnotbeabletohookinanymoreofthemtonibbleatbelow。Hedinescommonlyoncounsellors，mischief-mongers，multipliersoflawsuits，suchaswrestandpervertrightandlawandgrindandfleecethepoor；heneverfearstowantanyofthese。Butwhocanenduretobeweddedtoadish？

Hesaidt\'otherday，atafullchapter，thathehadagreatmindtoeatthesoulofoneofthefraternityofthecowlthathadforgottospeakforhimselfinhissermon，andhepromiseddoublepayandalargepensiontoanyonethatshouldbringhimsuchatitbitpipinghot。Weallwenta-

huntingaftersuchararity，butcamehomewithouttheprey；fortheyalladmonishthegoodwomentoremembertheirconvent。Asforafternoonnunchions，hehasleftthemoffsincehewassowoefullygripedwiththecolic；hisfosterers，sutlers，charcoal-men，andboilingcookshavingbeensadlymauledandpepperedoffinthenortherncountries。

Hishighdevilshipsupsverywellontradesmen，usurers，apothecaries，cheats，coiners，andadulterersofwares。Nowandthen，whenheisonthemerrypin，hissecondsupperisofserving-wencheswho，aftertheyhavebystealthsoakedtheirfaceswiththeirmaster\'sgoodliquor，fillupthevesselwithitatsecondhand，orwithotherstinkingwater。

Well，drudgeon，boor，drudgeon；IamgoingtotemptthestudentsofTrebisondetoleavefatherandmother，foregoforevertheestablishedandcommonruleofliving，disclaimandfreethemselvesfromobeyingtheirlawfulsovereign\'sedicts，liveinabsoluteliberty，proudlydespiseeveryone，laughatallmankind，andtakingthefinejoviallittlecapofpoeticlicence，becomesomanyprettyhobgoblins。

Chapter4。XLVII。

HowthedevilwasdeceivedbyanoldwomanofPope-Figland。

Thecountrylobtrudgedhomeverymuchconcernedandthoughtful，youmayswear；insomuchthathisgoodwoman，seeinghimthuslookmoping，weenedthatsomethinghadbeenstolenfromhimatmarket；butwhenshehadheardthecauseofhisafflictionandseenhisbudgetwelllinedwithcoin，shebadehimbeofgoodcheer，assuringhimthathewouldbenevertheworseforthescratchingboutinquestion；wishinghimonlytoleavehertomanagethatbusiness，andnottroublehisheadaboutit；forshehadalreadycontrivedhowtobringhimoffcleverly。Lettheworstcometotheworst，saidthehusbandman，itwillbebutascratch；forI\'llyieldatthefirststroke，andquitthefield。Quitafart，repliedthewife；heshallhavenoneofthefield。Relyuponme，andbequiet；letmealonetodealwithhim。Yousayheisapimpinglittledevil，thatisenough；Iwillsoonmakehimgiveupthefield，Iwillwarrantyou。Indeed，hadhebeenagreatdevil，ithadbeensomewhat。

Thedaythatwelandedintheislandhappenedtobethatwhichthedevilhadfixedforthecombat。Nowthecountrymanhaving，likeagoodCatholic，veryfairlyconfessedhimself，andreceivedbetimesinthemorning，bytheadviceofthevicarhadhidhimself，allbutthesnout，intheholy-waterpot，inthepostureinwhichwefoundhim；andjustastheyweretellingusthisstory，newscamethattheoldwomanhadfooledthedevilandgainedthefield。Youmaynotbesorry，perhaps，tohearhowthishappened。

Thedevil，youmustknow，cametothepoorman\'sdoor，andrappingthere，cried，Soho！ho，thehouse！ho，clodpate！whereartthou？Comeoutwithavengeance；comeoutwithawannion；comeoutandbedamned；nowforclawing。Thenbrisklyandresolutelyenteringthehouse，andnotfindingthecountrymanthere，hespiedhiswifelyingontheground，piteouslyweepingandhowling。Whatisthematter？askedthedevil。Whereishe？

whatdoeshe？Oh！thatIknewwhereheis，repliedthreescoreandfive；

thewickedrogue，thebutcherlydog，themurderer！Hehasspoiledme；Iamundone；Idieofwhathehasdoneme。How，criedthedevil，whatisit？

I\'llticklehimoffforyouby-and-by。Alas！criedtheolddissembler，hetoldme，thebutcher，thetyrant，thetearerofdevilstoldmethathehadmadeamatchtoscratchwithyouthisday，andtotryhisclawshedidbutjusttouchmewithhislittlefingerherebetwixtthelegs，andhasspoiledmeforever。Oh！Iamadeadwoman；Ishallneverbemyselfagain；dobutsee！Nay，andbesides，hetalkedofgoingtothesmith\'stohavehispouncessharpenedandpointed。Alas！youareundone，Mr。Devil；goodsir，scamperquickly，Iamsurehewon\'tstay；saveyourself，Ibeseechyou。

Whileshesaidthissheuncoveredherselfuptothechin，afterthemannerinwhichthePersianwomenmettheirchildrenwhofledfromthefight，andplainlyshowedherwhatdoyecallthem。Thefrighteneddevil，seeingtheenormoussolutionofthecontinuityinallitsdimensions，blessedhimself，andcriedout，Mahon，Demiourgon，Megaera，Alecto，Persephone！\'slife，catchmeherewhenhecomes！Iamgone！\'sdeath，whatagash！Iresignhimthefield。

Havingheardthecatastropheofthestory，weretireda-shipboard，notbeingwillingtostaythereanylonger。Pantagruelgavetothepoor\'sboxofthefabricofthechurcheighteenthousandgoodroyals，incommiserationofthepovertyofthepeopleandthecalamityoftheplace。

Chapter4。XLVIII。

HowPantagruelwentashoreattheislandofPapimany。

HavingleftthedesolateislandofthePope-figs，wesailedforthespaceofadayveryfairlyandmerrily，andmadetheblessedislandofPapimany。

Assoonaswehaddroptanchorintheroad，beforewehadwellmooredourshipwithground-tackle，fourpersonsindifferentgarbsrowedtowardsusinaskiff。Oneofthemwasdressedlikeamonkinhisfrock，draggle-

tailed，andbooted；theotherlikeafalconer，withalure，andalong-

wingedhawkonhisfist；thethirdlikeasolicitor，withalargebag，fullofinformations，subpoenas，breviates，bills，writs，cases，andotherimplementsofpettifogging；thefourthlookedlikeoneofyourvine-barbersaboutOcleans，withajauntypairofcanvastrousers，adosser，andapruningknifeathisgirdle。

Assoonastheboathadclappedthemonboard，theyallwithonevoiceasked，Haveyouseenhim，goodpassengers，haveyouseenhim？Who？askedPantagruel。Youknowwho，answeredthey。Whoisit？askedFriarJohn。

\'Sbloodand\'ounds，I\'llthrashhimthickandthreefold。Thishesaidthinkingthattheyinquiredaftersomerobber，murderer，orchurch-breaker。

Oh，wonderful！criedthefour；donotyouforeignpeopleknowtheone？

Sirs，repliedEpistemon，wedonotunderstandthoseterms；butifyouwillbepleasedtoletusknowwhoyoumean，wewilltellyouthetruthofthematterwithoutanymoreado。Wemean，saidthey，hethatis。Didyoueverseehim？Hethatis，returnedPantagruel，accordingtoourtheologicaldoctrine，isGod，whosaidtoMoses，IamthatIam。Weneversawhim，norcanhebebeheldbymortaleyes。WemeannothinglessthanthatsupremeGodwhorulesinheaven，repliedthey；wemeanthegodonearth。Didyoueverseehim？Uponmyhonour，repliedCarpalin，theymeanthepope。Ay，ay，answeredPanurge；yea，verily，gentlemen，Ihaveseenthreeofthem，whosesighthasnotmuchbetteredme。How！criedthey，oursacreddecretalsinformusthatthereneverismorethanoneliving。Imeansuccessively，oneaftertheother，returnedPanurge；otherwiseIneversawmorethanoneatatime。

Othriceandfourtimeshappypeople！criedthey；youarewelcome，andmorethandoublewelcome！Theythenkneeleddownbeforeusandwouldhavekissedourfeet，butwewouldnotsufferit，tellingthemthatshouldthepopecomethitherinhisownperson，\'tisalltheycoulddotohim。No，certainly，answeredthey，forwehavealreadyresolveduponthematter。Wewouldkisshisbarearsewithoutbogglingatit，andekehistwopounders；

forhehasapairofthem，theholyfather，thathehas；wefinditsobyourfinedecretals，otherwisehecouldnotbepope。Sothat，accordingtooursubtledecretalinephilosophy，thisisanecessaryconsequence:heispope；thereforehehasgenitories，andshouldgenitoriesnomorebefoundintheworld，theworldcouldnomorehaveapope。

Whiletheyweretalkingthus，Pantagruelinquiredofoneofthecoxswain\'screwwhothosepersonswere。Heansweredthattheywerethefourestatesoftheisland，andaddedthatweshouldbemadeaswelcomeasprinces，sincewehadseenthepope。PanurgehavingbeenacquaintedwiththisbyPantagruel，saidtohiminhisear，Iswearandvow，sir，\'tisevenso；hethathaspatiencemaycompassanything。Seeingthepopehaddoneusnogood；now，inthedevil\'sname，\'twilldousagreatdeal。Wethenwentashore，andthewholecountry，men，women，andchildren，cametomeetusasinasolemnprocession。Ourfourestatescriedouttothemwithaloudvoice，Theyhaveseenhim！theyhaveseenhim！theyhaveseenhim！Thatproclamationbeingmade，allthemobkneeledbeforeus，liftinguptheirhandstowardsheaven，andcrying，Ohappymen！Omosthappy！andthisacclamationlastedaboveaquarterofanhour。

ThencametheBusby(！)oftheplace，withallhispedagogues，ushers，andschoolboys，whomhemagisteriallyflogged，astheyusedtowhipchildreninourcountryformerlywhensomecriminalwashanged，thattheymightrememberit。ThisdispleasedPantagruel，whosaidtothem，Gentlemen，ifyoudonotleaveoffwhippingthesepoorchildren，Iamgone。Thepeoplewereamazed，hearinghisstentorianvoice；andIsawalittlehumpwithlongfingerssaytothehypodidascal，What，inthenameofwonder！doallthosethatseethepopegrowastallasyonhugefellowthatthreatensus？

Ah！howIshallthinktimelongtillIhaveseenhimtoo，thatImaygrowandlookasbig。Inshort，theacclamationsweresogreatthatHomenas(sotheycalledtheirbishop)hastenedthitheronanunbridledmulewithgreentrappings，attendedbyhisapposts(astheysaid)andhissupposts，orofficersbearingcrosses，banners，standards，canopies，torches，holy-waterpots，&c。Hetoowantedtokissourfeet(asthegoodChristianValfinierdidtoPopeClement)，sayingthatoneoftheirhypothetes，that\'soneofthescavengers，scourers，andcommentatorsoftheirholydecretals，hadwrittenthat，inthesamemannerastheMessiah，solongandsomuchexpectedbytheJews，atlastappearedamongthem；so，onsomehappydayofGod，thepopewouldcomeintothatisland；andthat，whiletheywaitedforthatblessedtime，ifanywhohadseenhimatRomeorelsewherechancedtocomeamongthem，theyshouldbesuretomakemuchofthem，feastthemplentifully，andtreatthemwithagreatdealofreverence。However，wecivillydesiredtobeexcused。

Chapter4。XLIX。

HowHomenas，BishopofPapimany，showedustheUranopetdecretals。

Homenasthensaidtous:\'Tisenjoinedusbyourholydecretalstovisitchurchesfirstandtavernsafter。Therefore，nottodeclinethatfineinstitution，letusgotochurch；wewillafterwardsgoandfeastourselves。ManofGod，quothFriarJohn，doyougobefore，we\'llfollowyou。Youspokeinthematterproperly，andlikeagoodChristian；\'tislongsincewesawanysuch。Formypart，thisrejoicesmymindverymuch，andIverilybelievethatIshallhavethebetterstomachafterit。Well，\'tisahappythingtomeetwithgoodmen！Beingcomenearthegateofthechurch，wespiedahugethickbook，gilt，andcoveredalloverwithpreciousstones，asrubies，emeralds，(diamonds，)andpearls，more，oratleastasvaluableasthosewhichAugustusconsecratedtoJupiterCapitolinus。Thisbookhangedintheair，beingfastenedwithtwothickchainsofgoldtothezoophoreoftheporch。Welookedonitandadmiredit。AsforPantagruel，hehandleditanddandleditandturneditashepleased，forhecouldreachitwithoutstraining；andheprotestedthatwheneverhetouchedit，hewasseizedwithapleasantticklingathisfingers\'end，newlifeandactivityinhisarms，andaviolenttemptationinhismindtobeatoneortwosergeants，orsuchofficers，providedtheywerenotoftheshavelingkind。Homenasthensaidtous，ThelawwasformerlygiventotheJewsbyMoses，writtenbyGodhimself。AtDelphos，beforetheportalofApollo\'stemple，thissentence，(Greek)，wasfoundwrittenwithadivinehand。Andsometimeafterit，EIwasalsoseen，andasdivinelywrittenandtransmittedfromheaven。Cybele\'simagewasbroughtoutofheaven，intoafieldcalledPessinunt，inPhrygia；sowasthatofDianatoTauris，ifyouwillbelieveEuripides；theoriflamme，orholystandard，wastransmittedoutofheaventothenobleandmostChristiankingsofFrance，tofightagainsttheunbelievers。InthereignofNumaPompilius，secondKingoftheRomans，thefamouscopperbucklercalledAncilewasseentodescendfromheaven。AtAcropolis，nearAthens，Minerva\'sstatueformerlyfellfromtheempyrealheaven。Inlikemannerthesacreddecretalswhichyouseewerewrittenwiththehandofanangelofthecherubimkind。Yououtlandishpeoplewillhardlybelievethis，I

fear。Littleenough，ofconscience，saidPanurge。Andthen，continuedHomenas，theyweremiraculouslytransmittedtousherefromtheveryheavenofheavens；inthesamemannerastheriverNileiscalledDiipetesbyHomer，thefatherofallphilosophy——theholydecretalsalwaysexcepted。

Now，becauseyouhaveseenthepope，theirevangelistandeverlastingprotector，wewillgiveyouleavetoseeandkissthemontheinside，ifyouthinkmeet。Butthenyoumustfastthreedaysbefore，andcanonicallyconfess；nicelyandstrictlymusteringupandinventorizingyoursins，greatandsmall，sothickthatonesinglecircumstanceofthemmaynotescapeyou；asourholydecretals，whichyousee，direct。Thiswilltakeupsometime。ManofGod，answeredPanurge，wehaveseenanddescrieddecrees，andekedecretalsenougho\'conscience；someonpaper，otheronparchment，fineandgaylikeanypaintedpaperlantern，someonvellum，someinmanuscript，andothersinprint；soyouneednottakehalfthesepainstoshowusthese。We\'lltakethegoodwillforthedeed，andthankyouasmuchasifwehad。Ay，marry，saidHomenas，butyouneversawthesethatareangelicallywritten。Thoseinyourcountryareonlytranscriptsfromours；aswefinditwrittenbyoneofourolddecretalinescholiasts。

Forme，donotspareme；Idonotvaluethelabour，soImayserveyou。DobuttellmewhetheryouwillbeconfessedandfastonlythreeshortlittledaysofGod？Asforshriving，answeredPanurge，therecanbenogreatharmin\'t；butthissamefasting，masterofmine，willhardlydownwithusatthistime，forwehavesoverymuchoverfastedourselvesatseathatthespidershavespuntheircobwebsoverourgrinders。DobutlookonthisgoodFriarJohndesEntomeures(Homenasthencourteouslydemi-clippedhimabouttheneck)，somemossisgrowinginhisthroatforwantofbestirringandexercisinghischaps。Hespeaksthetruth，vouchedFriarJohn；IhavesomuchfastedthatI\'malmostgrownhump-shouldered。Come，then，let\'sgointothechurch，saidHomenas；andprayforgiveusifforthepresentwedonotsingyouafinehighmass。Thehourofmiddayispast，andafteritoursacreddecretalsforbidustosingmass，Imeanyourhighandlawfulmass。ButI\'llsayalowanddryoneforyou。IhadratherhaveonemoistenedwithsomegoodAnjouwine，criedPanurge；fallto，falltoyourlowmass，anddespatch。Ods-bodikins，quothFriarJohn，itfretsmetothegutsthatImusthaveanemptystomachatthistimeofday；for，hadI

eatenagoodbreakfastandfedlikeamonk，ifheshouldchancetosingustheRequiemaeternamdonaeis，Domine，Ihadthenbroughtthitherbreadandwineforthetraitspasses(thosethataregonebefore)。Well，patience；

pullaway，andsavetide；shortandsweet，Iprayyou，andthisforacause。

Chapter4。L。

HowHomenasshowedusthearchetype，orrepresentationofapope。

Massbeingmumbledover，Homenastookahugebundleofkeysoutofatrunkneartheheadaltar，andputthirty-twoofthemintosomanykeyholes；putbacksomanysprings；thenwithfourteenmoremasteredsomanypadlocks，andatlastopenedanironwindowstronglybarredabovethesaidaltar。

Thisbeingdone，intokenofgreatmysteryhecoveredhimselfwithwetsackcloth，anddrawingacurtainofcrimsonsatin，showedusanimagedaubedover，coarselyenough，tomythinking；thenhetoucheditwithaprettylongstick，andmadeusallkissthepartofthestickthathadtouchedtheimage。Afterthishesaiduntous，Whatthinkyouofthisimage？Itisthelikenessofapope，answeredPantagruel；Iknowitbythetriplecrown，hisfurredamice，hisrochet，andhisslipper。Youareintheright，saidHomenas；itistheideaofthatsamegoodgodonearthwhosecomingwedevoutlyawait，andwhomwehopeonedaytoseeinthiscountry。Ohappy，wished-for，andmuch-expectedday！andhappy，mosthappyyou，whosepropitiousstarshavesofavouredyouastoletyouseethelivingandrealfaceofthisgoodgodonearth！bythesinglesightofwhosepictureweobtainfullremissionofallthesinswhichwerememberthatwehavecommitted，asalsoathirdpartandeighteenquarantainesofthesinswhichwehaveforgot；andindeedweonlyseeitonhighannualholidays。

ThiscausedPantagrueltosaythatitwasaworklikethosewhichDaedalususedtomake，since，thoughitweredeformedandilldrawn，neverthelesssomedivineenergy，inpointofpardons，layhidandconcealedinit。

Thus，saidFriarJohn，atSeuille，therascallybeggarsbeingoneeveningonasolemnholidayatsupperinthespital，onebraggedofhavinggotsixblancs，ortwopencehalfpenny；anothereightliards，ortwopence；athird，sevencaroluses，orsixpence；butanoldmumpermadehisvauntsofhavinggotthreetestons，orfiveshillings。Ah，but，criedhiscomrades，thouhastalegofGod；asif，continuedFriarJohn，somedivinevirtuecouldliehidinastinkingulceratedrottenshank。Pray，saidPantagruel，whenyouarefortellingussomesuchnauseoustale，besokindasnottoforgettoprovideabasin，FriarJohn；I\'llassureyou，Ihadmuchadotoforbearbringingupmybreakfast。Fie！IwonderamanofyourcoatisnotashamedtousethusthesacrednameofGodinspeakingofthingssofilthyandabominable！fie，Isay。Ifamongyourmonkingtribessuchanabuseofwordsisallowed，Ibeseechyouleaveitthere，anddonotletitcomeoutofthecloisters。Physicians，saidEpistemon，thusattributeakindofdivinitytosomediseases。Neroalsoextolledmushrooms，and，inaGreekproverb，termedthemdivinefood，becausewiththemhehadpoisonedClaudiushispredecessor。Butmethinks，gentlemen，thissamepictureisnotover-likeourlatepopes。ForIhaveseenthem，notwiththeirpallium，amice，orrocheton，butwithhelmetsontheirheads，morelikethetopofaPersianturban；andwhiletheChristiancommonwealthwasinpeace，theyaloneweremostfuriouslyandcruellymakingwar。Thismusthavebeenthen，returnedHomenas，againsttherebellious，hereticalProtestants；reprobateswhoaredisobedienttotheholinessofthisgoodgodonearth。\'Tisnotonlylawfulforhimtodoso，butitisenjoinedhimbythesacreddecretals；andifanydaretransgressonesingleiotaagainsttheircommands，whethertheybeemperors，kings，dukes，princes，orcommonwealths，heisimmediatelytopursuethemwithfireandsword，stripthemofalltheirgoods，taketheirkingdomsfromthem，proscribethem，anathematizethem，anddestroynotonlytheirbodies，thoseoftheirchildren，relations，andothers，butdamnalsotheirsoulstotheverybottomofthemosthotandburningcauldroninhell。Here，inthedevil\'sname，saidPanurge，thepeoplearenoheretics；suchaswasourRaminagrobis，andastheyareinGermanyandEngland。YouareChristiansofthebestedition，allpickedandculled，foraughtIsee。Ay，marryarewe，returnedHomenas，andforthatreasonweshallallbesaved。Nowletusgoandblessourselveswithholywater，andthentodinner。

Chapter4。LI。

Table-talkinpraiseofthedecretals。

Now，topers，prayobservethatwhileHomenaswassayinghisdrymass，threecollectors，orlicensedbeggarsofthechurch，eachofthemwithalargebasin，wentroundamongthepeople，withaloudvoice:Prayremembertheblessedmenwhohaveseenhisface。AswecameoutofthetempletheybroughttheirbasinsbrimfulofPapimanychinktoHomenas，whotoldusthatitwasplentifullytofeastwith；andthat，ofthiscontributionandvoluntarytax，onepartshouldbelaidoutingooddrinking，anotheringoodeating，andtheremainderinboth，accordingtoanadmirableexpositionhiddeninacorneroftheirholydecretals；whichwasperformedtoaT，andthatatanotedtavernnotmuchunlikethatofWill\'satAmiens。Believeme，wetickleditofftherewithcopiouscrammingandnumerousswilling。

Imadetwonotableobservationsatthatdinner:theone，thattherewasnotonedishservedup，whetherofcabrittas，capons，hogs(ofwhichlatterthereisgreatplentyinPapimany)，pigeons，coneys，leverets，turkeys，orothers，withoutabundanceofmagistralstuff；theother，thateverycourse，andthefruitalso，wereservedupbyunmarriedfemalesoftheplace，tightlasses，I\'llassureyou，waggish，fair，good-conditioned，andcomely，spruce，andfitforbusiness。Theywereallcladinfinelongwhitealbs，withtwogirts；theirhairinterwovenwithnarrowtapeandpurpleribbon，stuckwithroses，gillyflowers，marjoram，daffadowndillies，thyme，andothersweetflowers。

Ateverycadencetheyinvitedustodrinkandbangitabout，droppingusneatandgenteelcourtesies；norwasthesightofthemunwelcometoallthecompany；andasforFriarJohn，heleeredonthemsideways，likeacurthatstealsacapon。Whenthefirstcoursewastakenoff，thefemalesmelodiouslysungusanepodeinthepraiseofthesacrosanctdecretals；andthenthesecondcoursebeingservedup，Homenas，joyfulandcheery，saidtooneoftheshe-butlers，Lighthere，Clerica。Immediatelyoneofthegirlsbroughthimatall-boybrimfulofextravagantwine。Hetookfastholdofit，andfetchingadeepsigh，saidtoPantagruel，Mylord，andyou，mygoodfriends，here\'st\'ye，withallmyheart；youareallverywelcome。Whenhehadtippedthatoff，andgiventhetall-boytotheprettycreature，helifteduphisvoiceandsaid，Omostholydecretals，howgoodisgoodwinefoundthroughyourmeans！Thisisthebestjestwehavehadyet，observedPanurge。Butitwouldstillbeabetter，saidPantagruel，iftheycouldturnbadwineintogood。

OseraphicSextum！continuedHomenas，hownecessaryareyounottothesalvationofpoormortals！OcherubicClementinae！howperfectlytheperfectinstitutionofatrueChristianiscontainedanddescribedinyou！

OangelicalExtravagantes！howmanypoorsoulsthatwanderupanddowninmortalbodiesthroughthisvaleofmiserywouldperishwereitnotforyou！

When，ah！whenshallthisspecialgiftofgracebebestowedonmankind，astolayasideallotherstudiesandconcerns，touseyou，toperuseyou，tounderstandyou，toknowyoubyheart，topractiseyou，toincorporateyou，toturnyouintoblood，andincentreyouintothedeepestventriclesoftheirbrains，theinmostmarrowoftheirbones，andmostintricatelabyrinthoftheirarteries？Then，ah！then，andnosoonerthanthen，norotherwisethanthus，shalltheworldbehappy！Whiletheoldmanwasthusrunningon，EpistemonroseandsoftlysaidtoPanurge:Forwantofaclose-stool，Imustevenleaveyouforamomentortwo；thisstuffhasunbungedtheorificeofmymustard-barrel；butI\'llnottarrylong。

Then，ah！then，continuedHomenas，nohail，frost，ice，snow，overflowing，orvismajor；thenplentyofallearthlygoodsherebelow。Thenuninterruptedandeternalpeacethroughtheuniverse，anendofallwars，plunderings，drudgeries，robbing，assassinates，unlessitbetodestroythesecursedrebelstheheretics。Oh！then，rejoicing，cheerfulness，jollity，solace，sports，anddeliciouspleasures，overthefaceoftheearth。Oh！whatgreatlearning，inestimableerudition，andgod-likepreceptsareknit，linked，rivetted，andmortisedinthedivinechaptersoftheseeternaldecretals！

Oh！howwonderfully，ifyoureadbutonedemi-canon，shortparagraph，orsingleobservationofthesesacrosanctdecretals，howwonderfully，Isay，doyounotperceivetokindleinyourheartsafurnaceofdivinelove，charitytowardsyourneighbour(providedhebenoheretic)，boldcontemptofallcasualandsublunarythings，firmcontentinallyouraffections，andecstaticelevationofsouleventothethirdheaven。