第5章

Chapter1。XXXVIII。

HowGargantuadideatupsixpilgrimsinasalad。

ThestoryrequireththatwerelatethatwhichhappeneduntosixpilgrimswhocamefromSebastianneartoNantes，andwhoforshelterthatnight，beingafraidoftheenemy，hadhidthemselvesinthegardenuponthechichlingpeas，amongthecabbagesandlettuces。Gargantuafindinghimselfsomewhatdry，askedwhethertheycouldgetanylettucetomakehimasalad；

andhearingthattherewerethegreatestandfairestinthecountry，fortheywereasgreatasplum-treesoraswalnut-trees，hewouldgothitherhimself，andbroughtthenceinhishandwhathethoughtgood，andwithalcarriedawaythesixpilgrims，whowereinsogreatfearthattheydidnotdaretospeaknorcough。

Washingthem，therefore，firstatthefountain，thepilgrimssaidonetoanothersoftly，Whatshallwedo？Wearealmostdrownedhereamongsttheselettuce，shallwespeak？Butifwespeak，hewillkillusforspies。And，astheywerethusdeliberatingwhattodo，Gargantuaputthemwiththelettuceintoaplatterofthehouse，aslargeasthehugetunoftheWhiteFriarsoftheCistercianorder；whichdone，withoil，vinegar，andsalt，heatethemup，torefreshhimselfalittlebeforesupper，andhadalreadyswallowedupfiveofthepilgrims，thesixthbeingintheplatter，totallyhidunderalettuce，excepthisbourdonorstaffthatappeared，andnothingelse。WhichGrangousierseeing，saidtoGargantua，Ithinkthatisthehornofashell-snail，donoteatit。Whynot？saidGargantua，theyaregoodallthismonth:whichhenosoonersaid，but，drawingupthestaff，andtherewithtakingupthepilgrim，heatehimverywell，thendrankaterribledraughtofexcellentwhitewine。Thepilgrims，thusdevoured，madeshifttosavethemselvesaswellastheycould，bywithdrawingtheirbodiesoutofthereachofthegrindersofhisteeth，butcouldnotescapefromthinkingtheyhadbeenputinthelowestdungeonofaprison。AndwhenGargantuawhiffedthegreatdraught，theythoughttohavebeendrownedinhismouth，andthefloodofwinehadalmostcarriedthemawayintothegulfofhisstomach。Nevertheless，skippingwiththeirbourdons，asSt。

Michael\'spalmersusetodo，theyshelteredthemselvesfromthedangerofthatinundationunderthebanksofhisteeth。Butoneofthembychance，gropingorsoundingthecountrywithhisstaff，totrywhethertheywereinsafetyorno，struckhardagainstthecleftofahollowtooth，andhitthemandibularysinewornerveofthejaw，whichputGargantuatoverygreatpain，sothathebegantocryfortheragethathefelt。Toeasehimselfthereforeofhissmartingache，hecalledforhistoothpicker，andrubbingtowardsayoungwalnut-tree，wheretheylayskulking，unnestledyoumygentlemenpilgrims。

Forhecaughtonebythelegs，anotherbythescrip，anotherbythepocket，anotherbythescarf，anotherbythebandofthebreeches，andthepoorfellowthathadhurthimwiththebourdon，himhehookedtohimbythecodpiece，whichsnatchneverthelessdidhimagreatdealofgood，foritpierceduntohimapockybotchhehadinthegroin，whichgrievouslytormentedhimeversincetheywerepastAncenis。Thepilgrims，thusdislodged，ranawayathwarttheplainaprettyfastpace，andthepainceased，evenjustatthetimewhenbyEudemonhewascalledtosupper，forallwasready。Iwillgothen，saidhe，andpissawaymymisfortune；whichhediddoinsuchacopiousmeasure，thattheurinetakingawaythefeetfromthepilgrims，theywerecarriedalongwiththestreamuntothebankofatuftoftrees。Uponwhich，assoonastheyhadtakenfooting，andthatfortheirself-preservationtheyhadrunalittleoutoftheroad，theyonasuddenfellallsix，exceptFourniller，intoatrapthathadbeenmadetotakewolvesbyatrain，outofwhich，nevertheless，theyescapedbytheindustryofthesaidFourniller，whobrokeallthesnaresandropes。Beinggonefromthence，theylayalltherestofthatnightinalodgenearuntoCoudray，wheretheywerecomfortedintheirmiseriesbythegraciouswordsofoneoftheircompany，calledSweer-to-go，whoshowedthemthatthisadventurehadbeenforetoldbytheprophetDavid，Psalm。Quumexsurgerenthominesinnos，fortevivosdeglutissentnos；whenwewereeateninthesalad，withsalt，oil，andvinegar。Quumirascereturfuroreoruminnos，forsitanaquaabsorbuissetnos；whenhedrankthegreatdraught。Torrentempertransivitanimanostra；whenthestreamofhiswatercarriedustothethicket。Forsitanpertransissetanimanostraaquamintolerabilem；thatis，thewaterofhisurine，thefloodwhereof，cuttingourway，tookourfeetfromus。BenedictusDominusquinondeditnosincaptionemdentibuseorum。

Animanostrasicutpasserereptaestdelaqueovenantium；whenwefellinthetrap。Laqueuscontritusest，byFourniller，etnosliberatisumus。

Adjutoriumnostrum，&c。

Chapter1。XXXIX。

HowtheMonkwasfeastedbyGargantua，andofthejovialdiscoursetheyhadatsupper。

WhenGargantuawassetdownattable，afterallofthemhadsomewhatstayedtheirstomachsbyasnatchortwoofthefirstbitseatenheartily，GrangousierbegantorelatethesourceandcauseofthewarraisedbetweenhimandPicrochole；andcametotellhowFriarJohnoftheFunnelshadtriumphedatthedefenceofthecloseoftheabbey，andextolledhimforhisvalouraboveCamillus，Scipio，Pompey，Caesar，andThemistocles。ThenGargantuadesiredthathemightbepresentlysentfor，totheendthatwithhimtheymightconsultofwhatwastobedone。Whereupon，byajointconsent，hisstewardwentforhim，andbroughthimalongmerrily，withhisstaffofthecross，uponGrangousier\'smule。Whenhewascome，athousandhuggings，athousandembracements，athousandgooddaysweregiven。Ha，FriarJohn，myfriendFriarJohn，mybravecousinFriarJohnfromthedevil！Letmeclipthee，myheart，abouttheneck；tomeanarmful。I

mustgripthee，myballock，tillthybackcrackwithit。Come，mycod，letmecolltheetillIkillthee。AndFriarJohn，thegladdestmanintheworld，neverwasmanmadewelcomer，neverwasanymorecourteouslyandgraciouslyreceivedthanFriarJohn。Come，come，saidGargantua，astoolhereclosebymeatthisend。Iamcontent，saidthemonk，seeingyouwillhaveitso。Somewater，page；fill，myboy，fill；itistorefreshmyliver。Givemesome，child，togarglemythroatwithal。Depositacappa，saidGymnast，letuspulloffthisfrock。Ho，byG——，gentlemen，saidthemonk，thereisachapterinStatutisOrdiniswhichopposethmylayingofitdown。Pish！saidGymnast，afigforyourchapter！Thisfrockbreaksbothyourshoulders，putitoff。Myfriend，saidthemonk，letmealonewithit；for，byG——，I\'lldrinkthebetterthatitison。Itmakesallmybodyjocund。IfIshouldlayitaside，thewaggishpageswouldcuttothemselvesgartersoutofit，asIwasonceservedatCoulaines。And，whichisworse，Ishalllosemyappetite。ButifinthishabitIsitdownattable，Iwilldrink，byG——，bothtotheeandtothyhorse，andsocourage，frolic，Godsavethecompany！Ihavealreadysupped，yetwillI

eatneverawhitthelessforthat；forIhaveapavedstomach，ashollowasabuttofmalvoisieorSt。Benedictus\'boot(butt)，andalwaysopenlikealawyer\'spouch。Ofallfishesbutthetenchtakethewingofapartridgeorthethighofanun。Dothnothedielikeagoodfellowthatdieswithastiffcatso？Ourpriorlovesexceedinglythewhiteofacapon。Inthat，saidGymnast，hedothnotresemblethefoxes；forofthecapons，hens，andpulletswhichtheycarryawaytheynevereatthewhite。Why？saidthemonk。Because，saidGymnast，theyhavenocookstodressthem；and，iftheybenotcompetentlymadeready，theyremainredandnotwhite；therednessofmeatsbeingatokenthattheyhavenotgotenoughofthefire，whetherbyboiling，roasting，orotherwise，excepttheshrimps，lobsters，crabs，andcrayfishes，whicharecardinalizedwithboiling。ByGod\'sfeast-gazers，saidthemonk，theporterofourabbeythenhathnothisheadwellboiled，forhiseyesareasredasamazermadeofanalder-tree。Thethighofthisleveretisgoodforthosethathavethegout。Tothepurposeofthetruel，——whatisthereasonthatthethighsofagentlewomanarealwaysfreshandcool？Thisproblem，saidGargantua，isneitherinAristotle，inAlexanderAphrodiseus，norinPlutarch。Therearethreecauses，saidthemonk，bywhichthatplaceisnaturallyrefreshed。Primo，becausethewaterrunsallalongbyit。Secundo，becauseitisashadyplace，obscureanddark，uponwhichthesunnevershines。Andthirdly，becauseitiscontinuallyflabbelled，blownupon，andairedbythenorthwindsoftheholearstick，thefanofthesmock，andflipflapofthecodpiece。Andlusty，mylads。Somebousingliquor，page！So！crack，crack，crack。OhowgoodisGod，thatgivesusofthisexcellentjuice！I

callhimtowitness，ifIhadbeeninthetimeofJesusChrist，IwouldhavekepthimfrombeingtakenbytheJewsinthegardenofOlivet。Andthedevilfailme，ifIshouldhavefailedtocutoffthehamsofthesegentlemenapostleswhoranawaysobaselyaftertheyhadwellsupped，andlefttheirgoodmasterinthelurch。Ihatethatmanworsethanpoisonthatofferstorunawaywhenheshouldfightandlaystoutlyabouthim。OhthatIwerebutKingofFranceforfourscoreorahundredyears！ByG——，I

shouldwhiplikecurtail-dogstheserunawaysofPavia。Aplaguetakethem；

whydidtheynotchooserathertodietherethantoleavetheirgoodprinceinthatpinchandnecessity？Isitnotbetterandmorehonourabletoperishinfightingvaliantlythantoliveindisgracebyacowardlyrunningaway？Weareliketoeatnogreatstoreofgoslingsthisyear；therefore，friend，reachmesomeofthatroastedpigthere。

Diavolo，istherenomoremust？Nomoresweetwine？GerminavitradixJesse。Jereniemavie，jemeursdesoif；Irenouncemylife，Irageforthirst。Thiswineisnoneoftheworst。WhatwinedrinkyouatParis？I

givemyselftothedevil，ifIdidnotoncekeepopenhouseatParisforallcomerssixmonthstogether。DoyouknowFriarClaudeofthehighkilderkins？Ohthegoodfellowthatheis！ButIdonotknowwhatflyhathstunghimoflate，heisbecomesohardastudent。Formypart，I

studynotatall。Inourabbeyweneverstudyforfearofthemumps，whichdiseaseinhorsesiscalledthemourninginthechine。Ourlateabbotwaswonttosaythatitisamonstrousthingtoseealearnedmonk。ByG——，master，myfriend，Magismagnosclericosnonsuntmagismagnossapientes。

Youneversawsomanyharesastherearethisyear。Icouldnotanywherecomebyagoshawknortasseloffalcon。MyLordBellonierepromisedmealanner，buthewrotetomenotlongagothathewasbecomepursy。Thepartridgeswillsomultiplyhenceforth，thattheywillgoneartoeatupourears。Itakenodelightinthestalking-horse，forIcatchsuchcoldthatIamliketofoundermyselfatthatsport。IfIdonotrun，toil，travel，andtrotabout，Iamnotwellatease。Trueitisthatinleapingoverthehedgesandbushesmyfrockleavesalwayssomeofitswoolbehindit。Ihaverecoveredadaintygreyhound；Igivehimtothedevil，ifhesufferaharetoescapehim。AgroomwasleadinghimtomyLordHuntlittle，andIrobbedhimofhim。DidIill？No，FriarJohn，saidGymnast，no，byallthedevilsthatare，no！So，saidthemonk，doI

attestthesesamedevilssolongastheylast，orrather，virtue(of)G——，whatcouldthatgoutylimpardhavedonewithsofineadog？BythebodyofG——，heisbetterpleasedwhenonepresentshimwithagoodyokeofoxen。

Hownow，saidPonocrates，youswear，FriarJohn。Itisonly，saidthemonk，buttograceandadornmyspeech。TheyarecoloursofaCiceronianrhetoric。

Chapter1。XL。

Whymonksaretheoutcastsoftheworld；andwhereforesomehavebiggernosesthanothers。

BythefaithofaChristian，saidEudemon，IdowonderfullydoteandenterinagreatecstasywhenIconsiderthehonestyandgoodfellowshipofthismonk，forhemakesushereallmerry。Howisit，then，thattheyexcludethemonksfromallgoodcompanies，callingthemfeast-troublers，marrersofmirth，anddisturbersofallcivilconversation，asthebeesdriveawaythedronesfromtheirhives？Ignavumfucospecus，saidMaro，apraesepibusarcent。Hereunto，answeredGargantua，thereisnothingsotrueasthatthefrockandcowldrawuntoitselftheopprobries，injuries，andmaledictionsoftheworld，justasthewindcalledCeciasattractstheclouds。Theperemptoryreasonis，becausetheyeattheordureandexcrementsoftheworld，thatistosay，thesinsofthepeople，and，likedung-chewersandexcrementitiouseaters，theyarecastintothepriviesandsecessiveplaces，thatis，theconventsandabbeys，separatedfrompoliticalconversation，asthejakesandretreatsofahouseare。Butifyouconceivehowanapeinafamilyisalwaysmockedandprovokinglyincensed，youshalleasilyapprehendhowmonksareshunnedofallmen，bothyoungandold。Theapekeepsnotthehouseasadogdoth，hedrawsnotintheploughastheox，heyieldsneithermilknorwoolasthesheep，hecarriethnoburdenasahorsedoth。Thatwhichhedoth，isonlytoconskite，spoil，anddefileall，whichisthecausewhereforehehathofallmenmocks，frumperies，andbastinadoes。

Afterthesamemanneramonk——Imeanthoselither，idle，lazymonks——dothnotlabourandwork，asdothepeasantandartificier；dothnotwardanddefendthecountry，asdoththemanofwar；curethnotthesickanddiseased，asthephysiciandoth；dothneitherpreachnorteach，asdotheevangelicaldoctorsandschoolmasters；dothnotimportcommoditiesandthingsnecessaryforthecommonwealth，asthemerchantdoth。Thereforeisitthatbyandofallmentheyarehootedat，hated，andabhorred。Yea，but，saidGrangousier，theypraytoGodforus。Nothingless，answeredGargantua。Trueitis，thatwithatingletanglejanglingofbellstheytroubleanddisquietalltheirneighboursaboutthem。Right，saidthemonk；amass，amatin，avesperwellrung，arehalfsaid。Theymumbleoutgreatstoreoflegendsandpsalms，bythemnotatallunderstood；theysaymanypaternostersinterlardedwithAve-Maries，withoutthinkinguponorapprehendingthemeaningofwhatitistheysay，whichtrulyIcallmockingofGod，andnotprayers。ButsohelpthemGod，astheyprayforus，andnotforbeingafraidtolosetheirvictuals，theirmanchots，andgoodfatpottage。AlltrueChristians，ofallestatesandconditions，inallplacesandatalltimes，senduptheirprayerstoGod，andtheMediatorprayethandintercedethforthem，andGodisgracioustothem。NowsuchaoneisourgoodFriarJohn；thereforeeverymandesirethtohavehiminhiscompany。Heisnobigotorhypocrite；heisnottornanddividedbetwixtrealityandappearance；nowretchofaruggedandpeevishdisposition，buthonest，jovial，resolute，andagoodfellow。Hetravels，helabours，hedefendstheoppressed，comfortstheafflicted，helpstheneedy，andkeepsthecloseoftheabbey。Nay，saidthemonk，Idoagreatdealmorethanthat；forwhilstweareindespatchingourmatinsandanniversariesinthechoir，Imakewithalsomecrossbow-strings，polishglassbottlesandbolts，Itwistlinesandweavepursenetswhereintocatchconeys。Iamneveridle。Butnow，hithercome，somedrink，somedrinkhere！Bringthefruit。

ThesechestnutsareofthewoodofEstrox，andwithgoodnewwineareabletomakeyouafinecrackerandcomposerofbum-sonnets。Youarenotasyet，itseems，wellmoistenedinthishousewiththesweetwineandmust。

ByG——，Idrinktoallmenfreely，andatallfords，likeaproctororpromoter\'shorse。FriarJohn，saidGymnast，takeawaythesnotthathangsatyournose。Ha，ha，saidthemonk，amnotIindangerofdrowning，seeingIaminwatereventothenose？No，no，Quare？Quia，thoughsomewatercomeoutfromthence，therenevergoesinany；foritiswellantidotedwithpot-proofarmourandsyrupofthevine-leaf。

Oh，myfriend，hethathathwinter-bootsmadeofsuchleathermayboldlyfishforoysters，fortheywillnevertakewater。Whatisthecause，saidGargantua，thatFriarJohnhathsuchafairnose？Because，saidGrangousier，thatGodwouldhaveitso，whoframethusinsuchformandforsuchendasismostagreeablewithhisdivinewill，evenasapotterfashionethhisvessels。Because，saidPonocrates，hecamewiththefirsttothefairofnoses，andthereforemadechoiceofthefairestandthegreatest。Pish，saidthemonk，thatisnotthereasonofit，but，accordingtothetruemonasticalphilosophy，itisbecausemynursehadsoftteats，byvirtuewhereof，whilstshegavemesuck，mynosedidsinkinasinsomuchbutter。Thehardbreastsofnursesmakechildrenshort-

nosed。Buthey，gay，Adformamnasicognoscituradtelevavi。Inevereatanyconfections，page，whilstIamatthebibbery。Item，bringmerathersometoasts。

Chapter1。XLI。

HowtheMonkmadeGargantuasleep，andofhishoursandbreviaries。

Supperbeingended，theyconsultedofthebusinessinhand，andconcludedthataboutmidnighttheyshouldfallunawaresupontheenemy，toknowwhatmannerofwatchandwardtheykept，andthatinthemeanwhiletheyshouldtakealittlerestthebettertorefreshthemselves。ButGargantuacouldnotsleepbyanymeans，onwhichsidesoeverheturnedhimself。Whereuponthemonksaidtohim，IneversleepsoundlybutwhenIamatsermonorprayers。Letusthereforebegin，youandI，thesevenpenitentialpsalms，totrywhetheryoushallnotquicklyfallasleep。TheconceitpleasedGargantuaverywell，and，beginningthefirstofthesepsalms，assoonastheycametothewordsBeatiquorumtheyfellasleep，boththeoneandtheother。Butthemonk，forhisbeingformerlyaccustomedtothehourofclaustralmatins，failednottoawakealittlebeforemidnight，and，beinguphimself，awakedalltherest，insingingaloud，andwithafullclearvoice，thesong:

Awake，OReinian，ho，awake！

Awake，OReinian，ho！

Getup，younomoresleepmusttake；

Getup，forwemustgo。

Whentheywereallrousedandup，hesaid，Mymasters，itisausualsaying，thatwebeginmatinswithcoughingandsupperwithdrinking。Letusnow，indoingcleancontrarily，beginourmatinswithdrinking，andatnightbeforesupperweshallcoughashardaswecan。What，saidGargantua，todrinksosoonaftersleep？Thisisnottoliveaccordingtothedietandprescriptruleofthephysicians，foryououghtfirsttoscourandcleanseyourstomachofallitssuperfluitiesandexcrements。Oh，wellphysicked，saidthemonk；ahundreddevilsleapintomybody，iftherebenotmoreolddrunkardsthanoldphysicians！Ihavemadethispactionandcovenantwithmyappetite，thatitalwaysliethdownandgoestobedwithmyself，fortothatIeverydaygiveverygoodorder；thenthenextmorningitalsorisethwithmeandgetsupwhenIamawake。Mindyouyourcharges，gentlemen，ortendyourcuresasmuchasyouwill。Iwillgetmetomydrawer；intermsoffalconry，mytiring。Whatdrawerortiringdoyoumean？saidGargantua。Mybreviary，saidthemonk，forjustasthefalconers，beforetheyfeedtheirhawks，domakethemdrawatahen\'slegtopurgetheirbrainsofphlegmandsharpenthemtoagoodappetite，so，bytakingthismerrylittlebreviaryinthemorning，Iscourallmylungsandampresentlyreadytodrink。

Afterwhatmanner，saidGargantua，doyousaythesefairhoursandprayersofyours？AfterthemannerofWhipfield(Fessecamp，andcorruptlyFecan。)，saidthemonk，bythreepsalmsandthreelessons，ornothingatall，hethatwill。Inevertiemyselftohours，prayers，andsacraments；fortheyaremadeforthemanandnotthemanforthem。ThereforeisitthatImakemyprayersinfashionofstirrup-leathers；IshortenorlengthenthemwhenIthinkgood。Brevisoratiopenetratcaelosetlongapotatioevacuatscyphos。Whereisthatwritten？Bymyfaith，saidPonocrates，Icannottell，mypillicock，butthouartmoreworththangold。Therein，saidthemonk，Iamlikeyou；but，venite，apotemus。Thenmadetheyreadystoreofcarbonadoes，orrashersonthecoals，andgoodfatsoups，orbrewiswithsippets；andthemonkdrankwhathepleased。Somekepthimcompany，andtherestdidforbear，fortheirstomachswerenotasyetopened。

Afterwardseverymanbegantoarmandbefithimselfforthefield。Andtheyarmedthemonkagainsthiswill；forhedesirednootherarmourforbackandbreastbuthisfrock，noranyotherweaponinhishandbutthestaffofthecross。Yetattheirpleasurewashecompletelyarmedcap-a-pie，andmountedupononeofthebesthorsesinthekingdom，withagoodslashingshablebyhisside，togetherwithGargantua，Ponocrates，Gymnast，Eudemon，andfive-and-twentymoreofthemostresoluteandadventurousofGrangousier\'shouse，allarmedatproofwiththeirlancesintheirhands，mountedlikeSt。George，andeveryoneofthemhavinganarquebusierbehindhim。

Chapter1。XLII。

HowtheMonkencouragedhisfellow-champions，andhowhehangeduponatree。

Thuswentoutthosevaliantchampionsontheiradventure，infullresolutiontoknowwhatenterprisetheyshouldundertake，andwhattotakeheedofandlookwelltointhedayofthegreatandhorriblebattle。Andthemonkencouragedthem，saying，Mychildren，donotfearnordoubt，I

willconductyousafely。GodandSanctBenedictbewithus！IfIhadstrengthanswerabletomycourage，by\'sdeath，Iwouldplumethemforyoulikeducks。Ifearnothingbutthegreatordnance；yetIknowofacharmbywayofprayer，whichthesubsextonofourabbeytaughtme，thatwillpreserveamanfromtheviolenceofgunsandallmanneroffire-weaponsandengines；butitwilldomenogood，becauseIdonotbelieveit。

Nevertheless，Ihopemystaffofthecrossshallthisdayplaydevilishpranksamongstthem。ByG——，whoeverofourpartyshalloffertoplaytheduck，andshrinkwhenblowsarea-dealing，Igivemyselftothedevil，ifI

donotmakeamonkofhiminmystead，andhamperhimwithinmyfrock，whichisasovereigncureagainstcowardice。DidyouneverhearofmyLordMeurleshisgreyhound，whichwasnotworthastrawinthefields？Heputafrockabouthisneck:bythebodyofG——，therewasneitherharenorfoxthatcouldescapehim，and，whichismore，helinedallthebitchesinthecountry，thoughbeforethathewasfeeble-reinedandexfrigidisetmaleficiatis。

Themonkutteringthesewordsincholer，ashepassedunderawalnut-tree，inhiswaytowardsthecausey，hebroachedthevizorofhishelmetonthestumpofagreatbranchofthesaidtree。Nevertheless，hesethisspurssofiercelytothehorse，whowasfullofmettleandquickonthespur，thatheboundedforwards，andthemonkgoingabouttoungrapplehisvizor，letgohisholdofthebridle，andsohangedbyhishanduponthebough，whilsthishorsestoleawayfromunderhim。Bythismeanswasthemonklefthangingonthewalnut-tree，andcryingforhelp，murder，murder，swearingalsothathewasbetrayed。Eudemonperceivedhimfirst，andcallingGargantuasaid，Sir，comeandseeAbsalomhanging。Gargantua，beingcome，consideredthecountenanceofthemonk，andinwhatposturehehanged；whereforehesaidtoEudemon，YouweremistakenincomparinghimtoAbsalom；forAbsalomhungbyhishair，butthisshavelingmonkhangethbytheears。Helpme，saidthemonk，inthedevil\'sname；isthisatimeforyoutoprate？Youseemtometobelikethedecretalistpreachers，whosaythatwhosoevershallseehisneighbourinthedangerofdeath，ought，uponpainoftrisulkexcommunication，ratherchoosetoadmonishhimtomakehisconfessiontoapriest，andputhisconscienceinthestateofpeace，thanotherwisetohelpandrelievehim。

AndthereforewhenIshallseethemfallenintoariver，andreadytobedrowned，Ishallmakethemafairlongsermondecontemptumundi，etfugaseculi；andwhentheyarestarkdead，shallthengototheiraidandsuccourinfishingafterthem。Bequiet，saidGymnast，andstirnot，myminion。Iamnowcomingtounhangtheeandtosettheeatfreedom，forthouartaprettylittlegentlemonachus。Monachusinclaustrononvaletovaduo；sedquandoestextra，benevalettriginta。Ihaveseenabovefivehundredhanged，butIneversawanyhaveabettercountenanceinhisdanglingandpendilatoryswagging。Truly，ifIhadsogoodaone，Iwouldwillinglyhangthusallmylifetime。What，saidthemonk，haveyoualmostdonepreaching？Helpme，inthenameofGod，seeingyouwillnotinthenameoftheotherspirit，or，bythehabitwhichIwear，youshallrepentit，temporeetlocopraelibatis。

ThenGymnastalightedfromhishorse，and，climbingupthewalnut-tree，liftedupthemonkwithonehandbythegussetsofhisarmourunderthearmpits，andwiththeotherundidhisvizorfromthestumpofthebrokenbranch；whichdone，helethimfalltothegroundandhimselfafter。Assoonasthemonkwasdown，heputoffallhisarmour，andthrewawayonepieceafteranotheraboutthefield，and，takingtohimagainhisstaffofthecross，remounteduptohishorse，whichEudemonhadcaughtinhisrunningaway。Thenwenttheyonmerrily，ridingalongonthehighway。

Chapter1。XLIII。

Howthescoutsandfore-partyofPicrocholeweremetwithbyGargantua，andhowtheMonkslewCaptainDrawforth(Tirevant。)，andthenwastakenprisonerbyhisenemies。

Picrochole，attherelationofthosewhohadescapedoutofthebroilanddefeatwhereinTripetwasuntriped，grewveryangrythatthedevilsshouldhavesorunuponhismen，andheldallthatnightacounselofwar，atwhichRashcalfandTouchfaucet(Hastiveau，Touquedillon。)，concludedhispowertobesuchthathewasabletodefeatallthedevilsofhelliftheyshouldcometojostlewithhisforces。ThisPicrocholedidnotfullybelieve，thoughhedoubtednotmuchofit。ThereforesentheunderthecommandandconductoftheCountDrawforth，fordiscoveringofthecountry，thenumberofsixteenhundredhorsemen，allwellmounteduponlighthorsesforskirmishandthoroughlybesprinkledwithholywater；andeveryonefortheirfield-markorcognizancehadthesignofastarinhisscarf，toserveatalladventuresincasetheyshouldhappentoencounterwithdevils，thatbythevirtue，aswellofthatGregorianwaterasofthestarswhichtheywore，theymightmakethemdisappearandevanish。

InthisequipagetheymadeanexcursionuponthecountrytilltheycameneartotheVauguyon，whichisthevalleyofGuyon，andtothespital，butcouldneverfindanybodytospeakunto；whereupontheyreturnedalittleback，andtookoccasiontopassabovetheaforesaidhospitaltotrywhatintelligencetheycouldcomebyinthoseparts。Inwhichresolutionridingon，andbychanceinapastorallodgeorshepherd\'scottageneartoCoudrayhittinguponthefivepilgrims，theycarriedthemway-boundandmanacled，asiftheyhadbeenspies，foralltheexclamations，adjurations，andrequeststhattheycouldmake。BeingcomedownfromthencetowardsSeville，theywereheardbyGargantua，whosaidthenuntothosethatwerewithhim，Comradesandfellow-soldiers，wehaveheremetwithanencounter，andtheyaretentimesinnumbermorethanwe。Shallwechargethemorno？

Whatadevil，saidthemonk，shallwedoelse？Doyouesteemmenbytheirnumberratherthanbytheirvalourandprowess？Withthishecriedout，Charge，devils，charge！Whichwhentheenemiesheard，theythoughtcertainlythattheyhadbeenverydevils，andthereforeeventhenbeganallofthemtorunawayashardastheycoulddrive，Drawforthonlyexcepted，whoimmediatelysettledhislanceonitsrest，andtherewithhitthemonkwithallhisforceontheverymiddleofhisbreast，but，comingagainsthishorrificfrock，thepointoftheironbeingwiththebloweitherbrokeofforblunted，itwasinmatterofexecutionasifyouhadstruckagainstananvilwithalittlewax-candle。

Thendidthemonkwithhisstaffofthecrossgivehimsuchasturdythumpandwhirretbetwixthisneckandshoulders，upontheacromionbone，thathemadehimlosebothsenseandmotionandfalldownstonedeadathishorse\'sfeet；and，seeingthesignofthestarwhichheworescarfwise，hesaiduntoGargantua，Thesemenarebutpriests，whichisbutthebeginningofamonk；bySt。John，Iamaperfectmonk，Iwillkillthemtoyoulikeflies。

Thenranheafterthemataswiftandfullgalloptillheovertooktherear，andfelledthemdownliketree-leaves，strikingathwartandalongstandeveryway。GymnastpresentlyaskedGargantuaiftheyshouldpursuethem。TowhomGargantuaanswered，Bynomeans；for，accordingtorightmilitarydiscipline，youmustneverdriveyourenemyuntodespair，forthatsuchastraitdothmultiplyhisforceandincreasehiscourage，whichwasbeforebrokenandcastdown；neitheristhereanybetterhelporoutrageofreliefformenthatareamazed，outofheart，toiled，andspent，thantohopefornofavouratall。Howmanyvictorieshavebeentakenoutofthehandsofthevictorsbythevanquished，whentheywouldnotrestsatisfiedwithreason，butattempttoputalltothesword，andtotallytodestroytheirenemies，withoutleavingsomuchasonetocarryhomenewsofthedefeatofhisfellows。Open，therefore，untoyourenemiesallthegatesandways，andmaketothemabridgeofsilverratherthanfail，thatyoumayberidofthem。Yea，but，saidGymnast，theyhavethemonk。Havetheythemonk？saidGargantua。Uponminehonour，then，itwillprovetotheircost。Buttopreventalldangers，letusnotyetretreat，buthaltherequietlyasinanambush；forIthinkIdoalreadyunderstandthepolicyandjudgmentofourenemies。Theyaretrulymoredirectedbychanceandmerefortunethanbygoodadviceandcounsel。Inthemeanwhile，whilstthesemadeastopunderthewalnut-trees，themonkpursuedonthechase，chargingallheovertook，andgivingquartertonone，untilhemetwithatrooperwhocarriedbehindhimoneofthepoorpilgrims，andtherewouldhaverifledhim。Thepilgrim，inhopeofreliefatthesightofthemonk，criedout，Ha，mylordprior，mygoodfriend，mylordprior，saveme，Ibeseechyou，saveme！Whichwordsbeingheardbythosethatrodeinthevan，theyinstantlyfacedabout，andseeingtherewasnobodybutthemonkthatmadethisgreathavocandslaughteramongthem，theyloadedhimwithblowsasthickastheyusetodoanasswithwood。Butofallthishefeltnothing，especiallywhentheystruckuponhisfrock，hisskinwassohard。Thentheycommittedhimtotwoofthemarshal\'smentokeep，and，lookingabout，sawnobodycomingagainstthem，whereupontheythoughtthatGargantuaandhispartywerefled。Thenwasitthattheyrodeashardastheycouldtowardsthewalnut-treestomeetwiththem，andleftthemonkthereallalone，withhistwoforesaidmentoguardhim。Gargantuaheardthenoiseandneighingofthehorses，andsaidtohismen，Comrades，Ihearthetrackandbeatingoftheenemy\'shorse-feet，andwithalperceivethatsomeofthemcomeinatroopandfullbodyagainstus。Letusrallyandclosehere，thensetforwardinorder，andbythismeansweshallbeabletoreceivetheirchargetotheirlossandourhonour。

Chapter1。XLIV。

HowtheMonkridhimselfofhiskeepers，andhowPicrochole\'sforlornhopewasdefeated。

Themonk，seeingthembreakoffthuswithoutorder，conjecturedthattheyweretosetuponGargantuaandthosethatwerewithhim，andwaswonderfullygrievedthathecouldnotsuccourthem。Thenconsideredhethecountenanceofthetwokeepersinwhosecustodyhewas，whowouldhavewillinglyrunafterthetroopstogetsomebootyandplunder，andwerealwayslookingtowardsthevalleyuntowhichtheyweregoing。Farther，hesyllogized，saying，Thesemenarebutbadlyskilledinmattersofwar，fortheyhavenotrequiredmyparole，neitherhavetheytakenmyswordfromme。

Suddenlyhereafterhedrewhisbrackmardorhorseman\'ssword，wherewithhegavethekeeperwhichheldhimontherightsidesuchasoundslashthathecutcleanthroughthejugularyveinsandthesphagitidortransparentarteriesoftheneck，withthefore-partofthethroatcalledthegargareon，evenuntothetwoadenes，whicharethroatkernels；and，redoublingtheblow，heopenedthespinalmarrowbetwixtthesecondandthirdvertebrae。Therefelldownthatkeeperstarkdeadtotheground。

Thenthemonk，reininghishorsetotheleft，ranupontheother，who，seeinghisfellowdead，andthemonktohavetheadvantageofhim，criedwithaloudvoice，Ha，mylordprior，quarter；Iyield，mylordprior，quarter；quarter，mygoodfriend，mylordprior。Andthemonkcriedlikewise，Mylordposterior，myfriend，mylordposterior，youshallhaveituponyourposteriorums。Ha，saidthekeeper，mylordprior，myminion，mygentlelordprior，IprayGodmakeyouanabbot。Bythehabit，saidthemonk，whichIwear，Iwillheremakeyouacardinal。What！doyouusetopayransomstoreligiousmen？Youshallthereforehaveby-and-byaredhatofmygiving。Andthefellowcried，Ha，mylordprior，mylordprior，mylordabbotthatshallbe，mylordcardinal，mylordall！Ha，ha，hes，no，mylordprior，mygoodlittlelordtheprior，Iyield，renderanddelivermyselfuptoyou。AndIdeliverthee，saidthemonk，toallthedevilsinhell。Thenatonestrokehecutoffhishead，cuttinghisscalpuponthetemple-bones，andliftingupintheupperpartoftheskullthetwotriangularybonescalledsincipital，orthetwobonesbregmatis，togetherwiththesagittalcommissureordartlikeseamwhichdistinguisheththerightsideoftheheadfromtheleft，asalsoagreatpartofthecoronalorforeheadbone，bywhichterribleblowlikewisehecutthetwomeningesorfilmswhichenwrapthebrain，andmadeadeepwoundinthebrain\'stwoposteriorventricles，andthecraniumorskullabodehanginguponhisshouldersbytheskinofthepericraniumbehind，informofadoctor\'sbonnet，blackwithoutandredwithin。Thusfellhedownalsotothegroundstarkdead。

Andpresentlythemonkgavehishorsethespur，andkeptthewaythattheenemyheld，whohadmetwithGargantuaandhiscompanionsinthebroadhighway，andweresodiminishedoftheirnumberfortheenormousslaughterthatGargantuahadmadewithhisgreattreeamongstthem，asalsoGymnast，Ponocrates，Eudemon，andtherest，thattheybegantoretreatdisorderlyandingreathaste，asmenaltogetheraffrightedandtroubledinbothsenseandunderstanding，andasiftheyhadseentheveryproperspeciesandformofdeathbeforetheireyes；orrather，aswhenyouseeanasswithabrizzeorgadbeeunderhistail，orflythatstingshim，runhitherandthitherwithoutkeepinganypathorway，throwingdownhisloadtotheground，breakinghisbridleandreins，andtakingnobreathnorrest，andnomancantellwhatailshim，fortheyseenotanythingtouchhim。Sofledthesepeopledestituteofwit，withoutknowinganycauseofflying，onlypursuedbyapanicterrorwhichintheirmindstheyhadconceived。Themonk，perceivingthattheirwholeintentwastobetakethemselvestotheirheels，alightedfromhishorseandgotuponabiglargerockwhichwasintheway，andwithhisgreatbrackmardswordlaidsuchloaduponthoserunaways，andwithmainstrengthfetchingacompasswithhisarmwithoutfeigningorsparing，slewandoverthrewsomanythathisswordbrokeintwopieces。

Thenthoughthewithinhimselfthathehadslainandkilledsufficiently，andthattherestshouldescapetocarrynews。Thereforehetookupabattle-axeofthosethatlaytheredead，andgotupontherockagain，passinghistimetoseetheenemythusflyingandtotumblehimselfamongstthedeadbodies，onlythathesufferednonetocarrypike，sword，lance，norgunwithhim，andthosewhocarriedthepilgrimsboundhemadetoalight，andgavetheirhorsesuntothesaidpilgrims，keepingthemtherewithhimunderthehedge，andalsoTouchfaucet，whowasthenhisprisoner。

Chapter1。XLV。

HowtheMonkcarriedalongwithhimthePilgrims，andofthegoodwordsthatGrangousiergavethem。

Thisskirmishbeingended，Gargantuaretreatedwithhismen，exceptingthemonk，andaboutthedawningofthedaytheycameuntoGrangousier，whoinhisbedwasprayinguntoGodfortheirsafetyandvictory。Andseeingthemallsafeandsound，heembracedthemlovingly，andaskedwhatwasbecomeofthemonk。Gargantuaansweredhimthatwithoutdoubttheenemieshadthemonk。Thenhavetheymischiefandillluck，saidGrangousier；whichwasverytrue。Thereforeisitacommonproverbtothisday，togiveamanthemonk，or，asinFrench，luibaillerlemoine，whentheywouldexpressthedoinguntooneamischief。Thencommandedheagoodbreakfasttobeprovidedfortheirrefreshment。Whenallwasready，theycalledGargantua，buthewassoaggrievedthatthemonkwasnottobeheardofthathewouldneithereatnordrink。Inthemeanwhilethemonkcomes，andfromthegateoftheoutercourtcriesoutaloud，Freshwine，freshwine，Gymnastmyfriend！GymnastwentoutandsawthatitwasFriarJohn，whobroughtalongwithhimfivepilgrimsandTouchfaucetprisoners；whereuponGargantualikewisewentforthtomeethim，andallofthemmadehimthebestwelcomethatpossiblytheycould，andbroughthimbeforeGrangousier，whoaskedhimofallhisadventures。Themonktoldhimall，bothhowhewastaken，howheridhimselfofhiskeepers，oftheslaughterhehadmadebytheway，andhowhehadrescuedthepilgrimsandbroughtalongwithhimCaptainTouchfaucet。Thendidtheyaltogetherfalltobanquetingmostmerrily。InthemeantimeGrangousieraskedthepilgrimswhatcountrymentheywere，whencetheycame，andwhithertheywent。Sweer-to-gointhenameoftherestanswered，Mysovereignlord，IamofSaintGenouinBerry，thismanisofPalvau，thisotherisofOnzay，thisofArgy，thisofSt。Nazarand，andthismanofVillebrenin。WecomefromSaintSebastiannearNantes，andarenowreturning，aswebestmay，byeasyjourneys。Yea，but，saidGrangousier，whatwentyoutodoatSaintSebastian？Wewent，saidSweer-

to-go，toofferupuntothatsanctourvowsagainsttheplague。Ah，poormen！saidGrangousier，doyouthinkthattheplaguecomesfromSaintSebastian？Yes，truly，answeredSweer-to-go，ourpreacherstellussoindeed。Butisitso，saidGrangousier，dothefalseprophetsteachyousuchabuses？DotheythusblasphemethesanctsandholymenofGod，astomakethemlikeuntothedevils，whodonothingbuthurtuntomankind，——asHomerwriteth，thattheplaguewassentintothecampoftheGreeksbyApollo，andasthepoetsfeignagreatrabbleofVejovesandmischievousgods。SodidacertaincafardordissemblingreligionarypreachatSinay，thatSaintAnthonysentthefireintomen\'slegs，thatSaintEutropiusmademenhydropic，SaintClidas，fools，andthatSaintGenoumadethemgoutish。

ButIpunishedhimsoexemplarily，thoughhecalledmehereticforit，thatsincethattimenosuchhypocriticalroguedurstsethisfootwithinmyterritories。AndtrulyIwonderthatyourkingshouldsufferthemintheirsermonstopublishsuchscandalousdoctrineinhisdominions；fortheydeservetobechastisedwithgreaterseveritythanthosewho，bymagicalart，oranyotherdevice，havebroughtthepestilenceintoacountry。Thepestkillethbutthebodies，butsuchabominableimpostersempoisonourverysouls。Ashespakethesewords，incamethemonkveryresolute，andaskedthem，Whenceareyou，youpoorwretches？OfSaintGenou，saidthey。

Andhow，saidthemonk，doestheAbbotGulligut，thegooddrinker，——andthemonks，whatcheermakethey？ByG——body，they\'llhaveaflingatyourwives，andbreastthemtosomepurpose，whilstyouareuponyourroamingrantandgaddingpilgrimage。Hin，hen，saidSweer-to-go，Iamnotafraidofmine，forhethatshallseeherbydaywillneverbreakhisnecktocometoherinthenight-time。Yea，marry，saidthemonk，nowyouhavehitit。

LetherbeasuglyaseverwasProserpina，shewillonce，bytheLordG——，beoverturned，andgetherskin-coatshaken，iftheredwellanymonksneartoher；foragoodcarpenterwillmakeuseofanykindoftimber。Letmebepepperedwiththepox，ifyoufindnotallyourwiveswithchildatyourreturn；fortheveryshadowofthesteepleofanabbeyisfruitful。Itis，saidGargantua，likethewaterofNilusinEgypt，ifyoubelieveStraboandPliny，Lib。7，cap。3。Whatvirtuewilltherebethen，saidthemonk，intheirbulletsofconcupiscence，theirhabitsandtheirbodies？

Then，saidGrangousier，goyourways，poormen，inthenameofGodtheCreator，towhomIpraytoguideyouperpetually，andhenceforwardbenotsoreadytoundertaketheseidleandunprofitablejourneys。Looktoyourfamilies，laboureverymaninhisvocation，instructyourchildren，andliveasthegoodapostleSt。Pauldirectethyou；indoingwhereof，God，hisangelsandsancts，willguardandprotectyou，andnoevilorplagueatanytimeshallbefallyou。ThenGargantualedthemintothehalltotaketheirrefection；butthepilgrimsdidnothingbutsigh，andsaidtoGargantua，O

howhappyisthatlandwhichhathsuchamanfortheirlord！Wehavebeenmoreedifiedandinstructedbythetalkwhichhehadwithus，thanbyallthesermonsthateverwerepreachedinourtown。Thisis，saidGargantua，thatwhichPlatosaith，Lib。5deRepubl。，thatthosecommonwealthsarehappy，whoserulersphilosophate，andwhosephilosophersrule。Thencausedhetheirwalletstobefilledwithvictualsandtheirbottleswithwine，andgaveuntoeachofthemahorsetoeasethemupontheway，togetherwithsomepencetoliveby。

Chapter1。XLVI。

HowGrangousierdidverykindlyentertainTouchfaucethisprisoner。

TouchfaucetwaspresenteduntoGrangousier，andbyhimexaminedupontheenterpriseandattemptofPicrochole，whatitwashecouldpretendto，oraimat，bytherustlingstirandtumultuarycoilofthishissuddeninvasion。Whereuntoheanswered，thathisendandpurposewastoconquerallthecountry，ifhecould，fortheinjurydonetohiscake-bakers。Itistoogreatanundertaking，saidGrangousier；and，astheproverbis，Hethatgripstoomuch，holdsfastbutlittle。Thetimeisnotnowasformerly，toconquerthekingdomsofourneighbourprinces，andtobuildupourowngreatnessuponthelossofournearestChristianBrother。ThisimitationoftheancientHerculeses，Alexanders，Hannibals，Scipios，Caesars，andothersuchheroes，isquitecontrarytotheprofessionofthegospelofChrist，bywhichwearecommandedtopreserve，keep，rule，andgoverneverymanhisowncountryandlands，andnotinahostilemannertoinvadeothers；andthatwhichheretoforetheBarbarsandSaracenscalledprowessandvalour，wedonowcallrobbing，thievery，andwickedness。Itwouldhavebeenmorecommendableinhimtohavecontainedhimselfwithintheboundsofhisownterritories，royallygoverningthem，thantoinsultanddomineerinmine，pillagingandplunderingeverywherelikeamostunmercifulenemy；for，byrulinghisownwithdiscretion，hemighthaveincreasedhisgreatness，butbyrobbingmehecannotescapedestruction。

GoyourwaysinthenameofGod，prosecutegoodenterprises，showyourkingwhatisamiss，andnevercounselhimwithregarduntoyourownparticularprofit，forthepubliclosswillswallowuptheprivatebenefit。Asforyourransom，Idofreelyremitittoyou，andwillthatyourarmsandhorseberestoredtoyou；soshouldgoodneighboursdo，andancientfriends，seeingthisourdifferenceisnotproperlywar。AsPlato，Lib。5deRepub。，wouldnothaveitcalledwar，butsedition，whentheGreekstookuparmsagainstoneanother，andthattherefore，whensuchcombustionsshouldariseamongstthem，hisadvicewastobehavethemselvesinthemanagingofthemwithalldiscretionandmodesty。Althoughyoucallitwar，itisbutsuperficial；itenterethnotintotheclosetandinmostcabinetofourhearts。Forneitherofushathbeenwrongedinhishonour，noristhereanyquestionbetwixtusinthemain，butonlyhowtoredress，bythebye，somepettyfaultscommittedbyourmen，——Imean，bothyoursandours，which，althoughyouknew，yououghttoletpass；forthesequarrelsomepersonsdeserverathertobecontemnedthanmentioned，especiallyseeingI

offeredthemsatisfactionaccordingtothewrong。Godshallbethejustjudgeofourvariances，whomIbeseechbydeathrathertotakemeoutofthislife，andtopermitmygoodstoperishandbedestroyedbeforemineeyes，thanthatbymeormineheshouldinanysortbewronged。Thesewordsuttered，hecalledthemonk，andbeforethemallthusspokeuntohim，FriarJohn，mygoodfriend，itisyouthattookprisonertheCaptainTouchfaucetherepresent？Sir，saidthemonk，seeinghimselfishere，andthatheisoftheyearsofdiscretion，Ihadratheryoushouldknowitbyhisconfessionthanbyanywordsofmine。ThensaidTouchfaucet，Mysovereignlorditisheindeedthattookme，andIdothereforemostfreelyyieldmyselfhisprisoner。Haveyouputhimtoanyransom？saidGrangousiertothemonk。No，saidthemonk，ofthatItakenocare。Howmuchwouldyouhaveforhavingtakenhim？Nothing，nothing，saidthemonk；

Iamnotswayedbythat，nordoIregardit。ThenGrangousiercommandedthat，inpresenceofTouchfaucet，shouldbedeliveredtothemonkfortakinghimthesumofthreescoreandtwothousandsaluts(inEnglishmoney，fifteenthousandandfivehundredpounds)，whichwasdone，whilsttheymadeacollationorlittlebanquettothesaidTouchfaucet，ofwhomGrangousieraskedifhewouldstaywithhim，orifhelovedrathertoreturntohisking。Touchfaucetansweredthathewascontenttotakewhatevercoursehewouldadvisehimto。Then，saidGrangousier，returnuntoyourking，andGodbewithyou。

ThenhegavehimanexcellentswordofaVienneblade，withagoldenscabbardwroughtwithvine-branch-likeflourishes，offairgoldsmith\'swork，andacollarorneck-chainofgold，weighingsevenhundredandtwothousandmarks(ateightounceseach)，garnishedwithpreciousstonesofthefinestsort，esteemedatahundredandsixtythousandducats，andtenthousandcrownsmore，asanhonourabledonative，bywayofpresent。

AfterthistalkTouchfaucetgottohishorse，andGargantuaforhissafetyallowedhimtheguardofthirtymen-at-armsandsixscorearcherstoattendhim，undertheconductofGymnast，tobringhimevenuntothegateoftherockClermond，iftherewereneed。Assoonashewasgone，themonkrestoreduntoGrangousierthethreescoreandtwothousandsalutswhichhehadreceived，saying，Sir，itisnotasyetthetimeforyoutogivesuchgifts；staytillthiswarbeatanend，fornonecantellwhataccidentsmayoccur，andwarbegunwithoutgoodprovisionofmoneybeforehandforgoingthroughwithit，isbutasabreathingofstrength，andblastthatwillquicklypassaway。Coinisthesinewsofwar。Wellthen，saidGrangousier，attheendIwillcontentyoubysomehonestrecompense，asalsoallthosewhoshalldomegoodservice。

Chapter1。XLVII。

HowGrangousiersentforhislegions，andhowTouchfaucetslewRashcalf，andwasafterwardsexecutedbythecommandofPicrochole。

AboutthissametimethoseofBesse，oftheOldMarket，ofSt。James\'

Bourg，oftheDraggage，ofParille，oftheRivers，oftherocksSt。Pol，oftheVaubreton，ofPautille，oftheBrehemont，ofClainbridge，ofCravant，ofGrammont，ofthetownattheBadgerholes，ofHuymes，ofSegre，ofHusse，ofSt。Lovant，ofPanzoust，oftheColdraux，ofVerron，ofCoulaines，ofChose，ofVarenes，ofBourgueil，oftheBouchardIsland，oftheCroullay，ofNarsay，ofCande，ofMontsoreau，andotherborderingplaces，sentambassadorsuntoGrangousier，totellhimthattheywereadvisedofthegreatwrongswhichPicrocholehaddonehim，and，inregardoftheirancientconfederacy，offeredhimwhatassistancetheycouldafford，bothinmen，money，victuals，andammunition，andothernecessariesforwar。Themoneywhichbythejointagreementofthemallwassentuntohim，amountedtosixscoreandfourteenmillions，twocrownsandahalfofpuregold。Theforceswherewiththeydidassisthimdidconsistinfifteenthousandcuirassiers，two-and-thirtythousandlighthorsemen，fourscoreandninethousanddragoons，andahundred-and-fortythousandvolunteeradventurers。

Thesehadwiththemeleventhousandandtwohundredcannons，doublecannons，longpiecesofartillerycalledbasilisks，andsmallersizedonesknownbythenameofspirols，besidesthemortar-piecesandgrenadoes。Ofpioneerstheyhadseven-and-fortythousand，allvictualledandpaidforsixmonthsandfourdaysofadvance。WhichofferGargantuadidnotaltogetherrefuse，norwhollyacceptof；but，givingthemheartythanks，saidthathewouldcomposeandorderthewarbysuchadevice，thatthereshouldnotbefoundgreatneedtoputsomanyhonestmentotroubleinthemanagingofit；andthereforewascontentatthattimetogiveorderonlyforbringingalongthelegionswhichhemaintainedinhisordinarygarrisontownsoftheDeviniere，ofChavigny，ofGravot，andoftheQuinquenais，amountingtothenumberoftwothousandcuirassiers，threescoreandsixthousandfoot-

soldiers，six-and-twentythousanddragoons，attendedbytwohundredpiecesofgreatordnance，two-and-twentythousandpioneers，andsixthousandlighthorsemen，alldrawnupintroops，sowellbefittedandaccommodatedwiththeircommissaries，sutlers，farriers，harness-makers，andothersuchlikenecessarymembersinamilitarycamp，sofullyinstructedintheartofwarfare，soperfectlyknowingandfollowingtheircolours，soreadytohearandobeytheircaptains，sonimbletorun，sostrongattheircharging，soprudentintheiradventures，andeverydaysowelldisciplined，thattheyseemedrathertobeaconcertoforgan-pipes，ormutualconcordofthewheelsofaclock，thananinfantryandcavalry，orarmyofsoldiers。

TouchfaucetimmediatelyafterhisreturnpresentedhimselfbeforePicrochole，andrelateduntohimatlargeallthathehaddoneandseen，andatlastendeavouredtopersuadehimwithstrongandforcibleargumentstocapitulateandmakeanagreementwithGrangousier，whomhefoundtobethehonestestmanintheworld；sayingfurther，thatitwasneitherrightnorreasonthustotroublehisneighbours，ofwhomtheyhadneverreceivedanythingbutgood。Andinregardofthemainpoint，thattheyshouldneverbeabletogothroughstitchwiththatwar，buttotheirgreatdamageandmischief；fortheforcesofPicrocholewerenotsoconsiderablebutthatGrangousiercouldeasilyoverthrowthem。

HehadnotwelldonespeakingwhenRashcalfsaidoutaloud，Unhappyisthatprincewhichisbysuchmenserved，whoaresoeasilycorrupted，asIknowTouchfaucetis。ForIseehiscouragesochangedthathehadwillinglyjoinedwithourenemiestofightagainstusandbetrayus，iftheywouldhavereceivedhim；butasvirtueisofall，bothfriendsandfoes，praisedandesteemed，soiswickednesssoonknownandsuspected，andalthoughithappentheenemiestomakeusethereoffortheirprofit，yethavetheyalwaysthewickedandthetraitorsinabomination。

Touchfaucetbeingatthesewordsveryimpatient，drewouthissword，andtherewithranRashcalfthroughthebody，alittleunderthenippleofhisleftside，whereofhediedpresently，andpullingbackhisswordoutofhisbodysaidboldly，Solethimperishthatshallafaithfulservantblame。

Picrocholeincontinentlygrewfurious，andseeingTouchfaucet\'snewswordandhisscabbardsorichlydiaperedwithflourishesofmostexcellentworkmanship，said，DidtheygivetheethisweaponsofeloniouslytherewithtokillbeforemyfacemysogoodfriendRashcalf？Thenimmediatelycommandedhehisguardtohewhiminpieces，whichwasinstantlydone，andthatsocruellythatthechamberwasalldyedwithblood。AfterwardsheappointedthecorpseofRashcalftobehonourablyburied，andthatofTouchfaucettobecastoverthewallsintotheditch。

Thenewsoftheseexcessiveviolenceswerequicklyspreadthroughallthearmy；whereuponmanybegantomurmuragainstPicrochole，insofarthatPinchpennysaidtohim，Mysovereignlord，Iknownotwhattheissueofthisenterprisewillbe。Iseeyourmenmuchdejected，andnotwellresolvedintheirminds，byconsideringthatwearehereveryillprovidedofvictual，andthatournumberisalreadymuchdiminishedbythreeorfoursallies。Furthermore，greatsuppliesandrecruitscomedailyintoyourenemies；butwesomoulderawaythat，ifwebeoncebesieged，Idonotseehowwecanescapeatotaldestruction。Tush，pish，saidPicrochole，youareliketheMeluneels，youcrybeforetheycometoyou。Letthemcome，letthemcome，iftheydare。

Chapter1。XLVIII。

HowGargantuasetuponPicrocholewithintherockClermond，andutterlydefeatedthearmyofthesaidPicrochole。

Gargantuahadthechargeofthewholearmy，andhisfatherGrangousierstayedinhiscastle，who，encouragingthemwithgoodwords，promisedgreatrewardsuntothosethatshoulddoanynotableservice。Havingthussetforward，assoonastheyhadgainedthepassatthefordofVede，withboatsandbridgesspeedilymadetheypassedoverinatrice。Thenconsideringthesituationofthetown，whichwasonahighandadvantageousplace，Gargantuathoughtfittocallhiscouncil，andpassthatnightindeliberationuponwhatwastobedone。ButGymnastsaiduntohim，Mysovereignlord，suchisthenatureandcomplexionoftheFrench，thattheyareworthnothingbutatthefirstpush。Thenaretheymorefiercethandevils。Butiftheylingeralittleandbeweariedwithdelays，they\'llprovemorefaintandremissthanwomen。Myopinionis，therefore，thatnowpresently，afteryourmenhavetakenbreathandsomesmallrefection，yougiveorderforaresoluteassault，andthatwestormtheminstantly。Hisadvicewasfoundverygood，andforeffectuatingthereofhebroughtforthhisarmyintotheplainfield，andplacedthereservesontheskirtorrisingofalittlehill。Themonktookalongwithhimsixcompaniesoffootandtwohundredhorsemenwellarmed，andwithgreatdiligencecrossedthemarsh，andvaliantlygotuponthetopofthegreenhillockevenuntothehighwaywhichleadstoLoudun。Whilsttheassaultwasthusbegun，Picrochole\'smencouldnottellwellwhatwasbest，toissueoutandreceivetheassailants，orkeepwithinthetownandnottostir。Himselfinthemeantime，withoutdeliberation，salliedforthinaragewiththecavalryofhisguard，whowereforthwithreceivedandroyallyentertainedwithgreatcannon-shotthatfelluponthemlikehailfromthehighgroundsonwhichtheartillerywasplanted。WhereupontheGargantuistsbetookthemselvesuntothevalleys，togivetheordnanceleavetoplayandrangewiththelargerscope。

Thoseofthetowndefendedthemselvesaswellastheycould，buttheirshotpassedoveruswithoutdoingusanyhurtatall。SomeofPicrochole\'smenthathadescapedourartillerysetmostfiercelyuponoursoldiers，butprevailedlittle；fortheywereallletinbetwixtthefiles，andthereknockeddowntotheground，whichtheirfellow-soldiersseeing，theywouldhaveretreated，butthemonkhavingseizeduponthepassbythewhichtheyweretoreturn，theyranawayandfledinallthedisorderandconfusionthatcouldbeimagined。

Somewouldhavepursuedafterthemandfollowedthechase，butthemonkwithheldthem，apprehendingthatintheirpursuitthepursuersmightlosetheirranks，andsogiveoccasiontothebesiegedtosallyoutofthetownuponthem。Thenstayingtheresomespaceandnonecomingagainsthim，hesenttheDukePhrontisttoadviseGargantuatoadvancetowardsthehilluponthelefthand，tohinderPicrochole\'sretreatatthatgate；whichGargantuadidwithallexpedition，andsentthitherfourbrigadesundertheconductofSebast，whichhadnosoonerreachedthetopofthehill，buttheymetPicrocholeintheteeth，andthosethatwerewithhimscattered。

Thenchargedtheyuponthemstoutly，yetweretheymuchendamagedbythosethatwereuponthewalls，whogalledthemwithallmannerofshot，bothfromthegreatordnance，smallguns，andbows。WhichGargantuaperceiving，hewentwithastrongpartytotheirrelief，andwithhisartillerybegantothundersoterriblyuponthatcantonofthewall，andsolong，thatallthestrengthwithinthetown，tomaintainandfillupthebreach，wasdrawnthither。Themonkseeingthatquarterwhichhekeptbesiegedvoidofmenandcompetentguards，andinamanneraltogethernakedandabandoned，didmostmagnanimouslyonasuddenleaduphismentowardsthefort，andneverleftittillhehadgotupuponit，knowingthatsuchascometothereserveinaconflictbringwiththemalwaysmorefearandterrorthanthosethatdealaboutthemwiththeyhandsinthefight。

Nevertheless，hegavenoalarmtillallhissoldiershadgotwithinthewall，exceptthetwohundredhorsemen，whomheleftwithouttosecurehisentry。Thendidhegiveamosthorribleshout，sodidallthesewhowerewithhim，andimmediatelythereafter，withoutresistance，puttingtotheedgeoftheswordtheguardthatwasatthatgate，theyopenedittothehorsemen，withwhommostfuriouslytheyaltogetherrantowardstheeastgate，whereallthehurlyburlywas，andcomingcloseuponthemintherearoverthrewalltheirforces。

Thebesieged，seeingthattheGargantuistshadwonthetownuponthem，andthattheywereliketobesecureinnocornerofit，submittedthemselvesuntothemercyofthemonk，andaskedforquarter，whichthemonkverynoblygrantedtothem，yetmadethemlaydowntheirarms；then，shuttingthemupwithinchurches，gaveordertoseizeuponallthestavesofthecrosses，andplacedmenatthedoorstokeepthemfromcomingforth。Thenopeningthateastgate，heissuedouttosuccourandassistGargantua。ButPicrochole，thinkingithadbeensomereliefcomingtohimfromthetown，adventuredmoreforwardlythanbefore，andwasuponthegivingofamostdesperatehome-charge，whenGargantuacriedout，Ha，FriarJohn，myfriendFriarJohn，youarecomeinagoodhour。WhichunexpectedaccidentsoaffrightedPicrocholeandhismen，that，givingallforlost，theybetookthemselvestotheirheels，andfledonallhands。GargantuachasedthemtilltheycameneartoVaugaudry，killingandslayingalltheway，andthensoundedtheretreat。

Chapter1。XLIX。

HowPicrocholeinhisflightfellintogreatmisfortunes，andwhatGargantuadidafterthebattle。

PicrocholethusindespairfledtowardstheBouchardIsland，andinthewaytoRivierehishorsestumbledandfelldown，whereatheonasuddenwassoincensed，thathewithhisswordwithoutmoreadokilledhiminhischoler；

then，notfindinganythatwouldremounthim，hewasabouttohavetakenanassatthemillthatwasthereby；butthemiller\'smendidsobastehisbonesandsosoundlybethwackhimthattheymadehimbothblackandbluewithstrokes；thenstrippinghimofallhisclothes，gavehimascurvyoldcanvasjacketwherewithtocoverhisnakedness。Thuswentalongthispoorcholericwretch，who，passingthewateratPort-Huaulx，andrelatinghismisadventurousdisasters，wasforetoldbyanoldLourpidonhagthathiskingdomshouldberestoredtohimatthecomingoftheCocklicranes，whichshecalledCoquecigrues。Whatisbecomeofhimsincewecannotcertainlytell，yetwasItoldthatheisnowaporteratLyons，astestyandpettishinhumouraseverhewasbefore，andwouldbealwayswithgreatlamentationinquiringatallstrangersofthecomingoftheCocklicranes，expectingassuredly，accordingtotheoldwoman\'sprophecy，thatattheircomingheshallbere-establishedinhiskingdom。ThefirstthingGargantuadidafterhisreturnintothetownwastocallthemuster-rollofhismen，whichwhenhehaddone，hefoundthattherewereveryfeweitherkilledorwounded，onlysomefewfootofCaptainTolmere\'scompany，andPonocrates，whowasshotwithamusket-ballthroughthedoublet。Thenhecausedthemallatandintheirseveralpostsanddivisionstotakealittlerefreshment，whichwasveryplenteouslyprovidedfortheminthebestdrinkandvictualsthatcouldbehadformoney，andgaveordertothetreasurersandcommissariesofthearmytopayforanddefraythatrepast，andthatthereshouldbenooutrageatallnorabusecommittedinthetown，seeingitwashisown。Andfurthermorecommanded，thatimmediatelyafterthesoldiershaddonewitheatinganddrinkingforthattimesufficientlyandtotheirownhearts\'desire，agatheringshouldbebeatenforbringingthemaltogether，tobedrawnuponthepiazzabeforethecastle，theretoreceivesixmonths\'paycompletely。Allwhichwasdone。Afterthis，byhisdirection，werebroughtbeforehiminthesaidplaceallthosethatremainedofPicrochole\'sparty，untowhom，inthepresenceoftheprinces，nobles，andofficersofhiscourtandarmy，hespokeasfolloweth。

Chapter1。L。

Gargantua\'sspeechtothevanquished。

Ourforefathersandancestorsofalltimeshavebeenofthisnatureanddisposition，that，uponthewinningofabattle，theyhavechosenrather，forasignandmemorialoftheirtriumphsandvictories，toerecttrophiesandmonumentsintheheartsofthevanquishedbyclemencythanbyarchitectureinthelandswhichtheyhadconquered。Fortheydidholdingreaterestimationthelivelyremembranceofmenpurchasedbyliberalitythanthedumbinscriptionofarches，pillars，andpyramids，subjecttotheinjuryofstormsandtempests，andtotheenvyofeveryone。YoumayverywellrememberofthecourtesywhichbythemwasusedtowardstheBretonsinthebattleofSt。AubinofCormierandatthedemolishingofPartenay。Youhaveheard，andhearingadmire，theirgentlecomportmenttowardsthoseatthebarriers(thebarbarians)ofSpaniola，whohadplundered，wasted，andransackedthemaritimebordersofOloneandThalmondois。Allthishemisphereoftheworldwasfilledwiththepraisesandcongratulationswhichyourselvesandyourfathersmade，whenAlpharbal，KingofCanarre，notsatisfiedwithhisownfortunes，didmostfuriouslyinvadethelandofOnyx，andwithcruelpiraciesmolestalltheArmoricIslandsandconfineregionsofBritany。Yetwasheinasetnavalfightjustlytakenandvanquishedbymyfather，whomGodpreserveandprotect。Butwhat？Whereasotherkingsandemperors，yea，thosewhoentitlethemselvesCatholics，wouldhavedealtroughlywithhim，kepthimacloseprisoner，andputhimtoanextremehighransom，heentreatedhimverycourteously，lodgedhimkindlywithhimselfinhisownpalace，andoutofhisincrediblemildnessandgentledispositionsenthimbackwithasafeconduct，ladenwithgifts，ladenwithfavours，ladenwithallofficesoffriendship。Whatfelloutuponit？Beingreturnedintohiscountry，hecalledaparliament，wherealltheprincesandstatesofhiskingdombeingassembled，heshowedthemthehumanitywhichhehadfoundinus，andthereforewishedthemtotakesuchcoursebywayofcompensationthereinasthatthewholeworldmightbeedifiedbytheexample，aswelloftheirhonestgraciousnesstousasofourgracioushonestytowardsthem。Theresulthereofwas，thatitwasvotedanddecreedbyanunanimousconsent，thattheyshouldofferupentirelytheirlands，dominions，andkingdoms，tobedisposedofbyusaccordingtoourpleasure。

Alpharbalinhisownpersonpresentlyreturnedwithninethousandandthirty-eightgreatshipsofburden，bringingwithhimthetreasures，notonlyofhishouseandroyallineage，butalmostofallthecountrybesides。

Forheembarkinghimself，tosetsailwithawest-north-eastwind，everyoneinheapsdidcastintotheshipgold，silver，rings，jewels，spices，drugs，andaromaticalperfumes，parrots，pelicans，monkeys，civet-cats，black-

spottedweasels，porcupines，&c。Hewasaccountednogoodmother\'ssonthatdidnotcastinalltherareandpreciousthingshehad。

Beingsafelyarrived，hecametomysaidfather，andwouldhavekissedhisfeet。Thatactionwasfoundtoosubmissivelylow，andthereforewasnotpermitted，butinexchangehewasmostcordiallyembraced。Heofferedhispresents；theywerenotreceived，becausetheyweretooexcessive:heyieldedhimselfvoluntarilyaservantandvassal，andwascontenthiswholeposterityshouldbeliabletothesamebondage；thiswasnotacceptedof，becauseitseemednotequitable:hesurrendered，byvirtueofthedecreeofhisgreatparliamentarycouncil，hiswholecountriesandkingdomstohim，offeringthedeedandconveyance，signed，sealed，andratifiedbyallthosethatwereconcernedinit；thiswasaltogetherrefused，andtheparchmentscastintothefire。Inend，thisfreegoodwillandsimplemeaningoftheCanarianswroughtsuchtendernessinmyfather\'sheartthathecouldnotabstainfromsheddingtears，andweptmostprofusely；then，bychoicewordsverycongruouslyadapted，stroveinwhathecouldtodiminishtheestimationofthegoodofficeswhichhehaddonethem，saying，thatanycourtesyhehadconferreduponthemwasnotwortharush，andwhatfavoursoeverhehadshowedthemhewasboundtodoit。ButsomuchthemoredidAlpharbalaugmentthereputethereof。Whatwastheissue？Whereasforhisransom，inthegreatestextremityofrigourandmosttyrannicaldealing，couldnothavebeenexactedabovetwentytimesahundredthousandcrowns，andhiseldestsonsdetainedashostagestillthatsumhadbeenpaid，theymadethemselvesperpetualtributaries，andobligedtogiveuseveryyeartwomillionsofgoldatfour-and-twentycaratsfine。Thefirstyearwereceivedthewholesumoftwomillions；thesecondyearoftheirownaccordtheypaidfreelytousthree-and-twentyhundredthousandcrowns；thethirdyear，six-and-twentyhundredthousand；thefourthyear，threemillions，anddosoincreaseitalwaysoutoftheirowngoodwillthatweshallbeconstrainedtoforbidthemtobringusanymore。Thisisthenatureofgratitudeandtruethankfulness。Fortime，whichgnawsanddiminishethallthingselse，augmentsandincreasethbenefits；becauseanobleactionofliberality，donetoamanofreason，dothgrowcontinuallybyhisgenerousthinkingofitandrememberingit。

Beingunwillingthereforeanywaytodegeneratefromthehereditarymildnessandclemencyofmyparents，Idonowforgiveyou，deliveryoufromallfinesandimprisonments，fullyreleaseyou，setyouatliberty，andeverywaymakeyouasfrankandfreeaseveryouwerebefore。Moreover，atyourgoingoutofthegate，youshallhaveeveryoneofyouthreemonths\'

paytobringyouhomeintoyourhousesandfamilies，andshallhaveasafeconvoyofsixhundredcuirassiersandeightthousandfootundertheconductofAlexander，esquireofmybody，thattheclubmenofthecountrymaynotdoyouanyinjury。Godbewithyou！IamsorryfrommyheartthatPicrocholeisnothere；forIwouldhavegivenhimtounderstandthatthiswarwasundertakenagainstmywillandwithoutanyhopetoincreaseeithermygoodsorrenown。Butseeingheislost，andthatnomancantellwherenorhowhewentaway，itismywillthathiskingdomremainentiretohisson；who，becauseheistooyoung，henotbeingyetfullfiveyearsold，shallbebroughtupandinstructedbytheancientprincesandlearnedmenofthekingdom。Andbecausearealmthusdesolatemayeasilycometoruin，ifthecovetousnessandavariceofthosewhobytheirplacesareobligedtoadministerjusticeinitbenotcurbedandrestrained，Iordainandwillhaveitso，thatPonocratesbeoverseerandsuperintendentaboveallhisgovernors，withwhateverpowerandauthorityisrequisitethereto，andthathebecontinuallywiththechilduntilhefindhimableandcapabletoruleandgovernbyhimself。

NowImusttellyou，thatyouaretounderstandhowatoofeebleanddissolutefacilityinpardoningevildoersgiveththemoccasiontocommitwickednessafterwardsmorereadily，uponthisperniciousconfidenceofreceivingfavour。IconsiderthatMoses，themeekestmanthatwasinhistimeupontheearth，didseverelypunishthemutinousandseditiouspeopleofIsrael。IconsiderlikewisethatJuliusCaesar，whowassograciousanemperorthatCicerosaidofhimthathisfortunehadnothingmoreexcellentthanthathecould，andhisvirtuenothingbetterthanthathewouldalwayssaveandpardoneveryman——he，notwithstandingallthis，didincertainplacesmostrigorouslypunishtheauthorsofrebellion。Aftertheexampleofthesegoodmen，itismywillandpleasurethatyoudeliveroveruntomebeforeyoudeparthence，first，thatfinefellowMarquet，whowastheprimecause，origin，andgroundworkofthiswarbyhisvainpresumptionandoverweening；secondly，hisfellowcake-bakers，whowereneglectiveincheckingandreprehendinghisidlehairbrainedhumourintheinstanttime；

andlastly，allthecouncillors，captains，officers，anddomesticsofPicrochole，whohadbeenincendiariesorfomentersofthewarbyprovoking，praising，orcounsellinghimtocomeoutofhislimitsthustotroubleus。

Chapter1。LI。

HowthevictoriousGargantuistswererecompensedafterthebattle。

WhenGargantuahadfinishedhisspeech，theseditiousmenwhomherequiredweredeliveredupuntohim，exceptSwashbuckler，Dirt-tail，andSmalltrash，whoranawaysixhoursbeforethebattle——oneofthemasfarastoLainiel-

neckatonecourse，anothertothevalleyofVire，andthethirdevenuntoLogroine，withoutlookingbackortakingbreathbytheway——andtwoofthecake-bakerswhowereslaininthefight。Gargantuadidthemnootherhurtbutthatheappointedthemtopullatthepressesofhisprinting-housewhichhehadnewlysetup。ThenthosewhodiedtherehecausedtobehonourablyburiedinBlack-soilevalleyandBurn-hagfield，andgaveorderthatthewoundedshouldbedressedandhadcareofinhisgreathospitalornosocome。Afterthis，consideringthegreatprejudicedonetothetownanditsinhabitants，hereimbursedtheirchargesandrepairedallthelossesthatbytheirconfessionuponoathcouldappeartheyhadsustained；and，fortheirbetterdefenceandsecurityintimescomingagainstallsuddenuproarsandinvasions，commandedastrongcitadeltobebuilttherewithacompetentgarrisontomaintainit。Athisdeparturehedidverygraciouslythankallthesoldiersofthebrigadesthathadbeenatthisoverthrow，andsentthembacktotheirwinter-quartersintheirseveralstationsandgarrisons；thedecumanelegiononlyexcepted，whominthefieldonthatdayhesawdosomegreatexploit，andtheircaptainsalso，whomhebroughtalongwithhimselfuntoGrangousier。

Atthesightandcomingofthem，thegoodmanwassojoyful，thatitisnotpossiblefullytodescribeit。Hemadethemafeastthemostmagnificent，plentiful，anddeliciousthateverwasseensincethetimeofthekingAhasuerus。Atthetakingupofthetablehedistributedamongstthemhiswholecupboardofplate，whichweighedeighthundredthousandandfourteenbezants(EachbezantisworthfivepoundsEnglishmoney。)ofgold，ingreatantiquevessels，hugepots，largebasins，bigtasses，cups，goblets，candlesticks，comfit-boxes，andothersuchplate，allofpuremassygold，besidesthepreciousstones，enamelling，andworkmanship，whichbyallmen\'sestimationwasmoreworththanthematterofthegold。Thenuntoeveryoneofthemoutofhiscofferscausedhetobegiventhesumoftwelvehundredthousandcrownsreadymoney。And，further，hegavetoeachofthemforeverandinperpetuity，unlessheshouldhappentodeceasewithoutheirs，suchcastlesandneighbouringlandsofhisasweremostcommodiousforthem。ToPonocrateshegavetherockClermond；toGymnast，theCoudray；toEudemon，Montpensier；Rivau，toTolmere，toIthibolle，Montsoreau；toAcamas，Cande；Varenes，toChironacte；Gravot，toSebast；

Quinquenais，toAlexander；Legre，toSophrone，andsoofhisotherplaces。

Chapter1。LII。

HowGargantuacausedtobebuiltfortheMonktheAbbeyofTheleme。

Therewasleftonlythemonktoprovidefor，whomGargantuawouldhavemadeAbbotofSeville，butherefusedit。HewouldhavegivenhimtheAbbeyofBourgueil，orofSanctFlorent，whichwasbetter，orboth，ifitpleasedhim；butthemonkgavehimaveryperemptoryanswer，thathewouldnevertakeuponhimthechargenorgovernmentofmonks。ForhowshallIbeable，saidhe，toruleoverothers，thathavenotfullpowerandcommandofmyself？IfyouthinkIhavedoneyou，ormayhereafterdoanyacceptableservice，givemeleavetofoundanabbeyaftermyownmindandfancy。ThemotionpleasedGargantuaverywell，whothereuponofferedhimallthecountryofThelemebytheriverofLoiretillwithintwoleaguesofthegreatforestofPort-Huaulx。ThemonkthenrequestedGargantuatoinstitutehisreligiousordercontrarytoallothers。First，then，saidGargantua，youmustnotbuildawallaboutyourconvent，forallotherabbeysarestronglywalledandmuredabout。See，saidthemonk，andnotwithoutcause(seeingwallandmursignifybutoneandthesamething)；

wherethereismurbeforeandmurbehind，thereisstoreofmurmur，envy，andmutualconspiracy。Moreover，seeingtherearecertainconventsintheworldwhereofthecustomis，ifanywomancomein，Imeanchasteandhonestwomen，theyimmediatelysweepthegroundwhichtheyhavetrodupon；

thereforewasitordained，thatifanymanorwomanenteredintoreligiousordersshouldbychancecomewithinthisnewabbey，alltheroomsshouldbethoroughlywashedandcleansedthroughwhichtheyhadpassed。Andbecauseinallothermonasteriesandnunneriesalliscompassed，limited，andregulatedbyhours，itwasdecreedthatinthisnewstructurethereshouldbeneitherclocknordial，butthataccordingtotheopportunitiesandincidentoccasionsalltheirhoursshouldbedisposedof；for，saidGargantua，thegreatestlossoftimethatIknowistocountthehours。

Whatgoodcomesofit？Norcantherebeanygreaterdotageintheworldthanforonetoguideanddirecthiscoursesbythesoundofabell，andnotbyhisownjudgmentanddiscretion。

Item，Becauseatthattimetheyputnowomenintonunneriesbutsuchaswereeitherpurblind，blinkards，lame，crooked，ill-favoured，misshapen，fools，senseless，spoiled，orcorrupt；norencloisteredanymenbutthosethatwereeithersickly，subjecttodefluxions，ill-bredlouts，simplesots，orpeevishtrouble-houses。Buttothepurpose，saidthemonk。A

womanthatisneitherfairnorgood，towhatuseservesshe？Tomakeanunof，saidGargantua。Yea，saidthemonk，andtomakeshirtsandsmocks。

Thereforewasitordainedthatintothisreligiousordershouldbeadmittednowomenthatwerenotfair，well-featured，andofasweetdisposition；normenthatwerenotcomely，personable，andwellconditioned。

Item，Becauseintheconventsofwomenmencomenotbutunderhand，privily，andbystealth，itwasthereforeenactedthatinthishousethereshallbenowomenincasetherebenotmen，normenincasetherebenotwomen。

Item，Becausebothmenandwomenthatarereceivedintoreligiousordersaftertheexpiringoftheirnoviciateorprobationyearwereconstrainedandforcedperpetuallytostaythereallthedaysoftheirlife，itwasthereforeorderedthatallwhatever，menorwomen，admittedwithinthisabbey，shouldhaveleavetodepartwithpeaceandcontentmentwhensoeveritshouldseemgoodtothemsotodo。

Item，forthatthereligiousmenandwomendidordinarilymakethreevows，towit，thoseofchastity，poverty，andobedience，itwasthereforeconstitutedandappointedthatinthisconventtheymightbehonourablymarried，thattheymightberich，andliveatliberty。Inregardofthelegitimatetimeofthepersonstobeinitiated，andyearsunderandabovewhichtheywerenotcapableofreception，thewomenweretobeadmittedfromtentillfifteen，andthemenfromtwelvetilleighteen。