第7章

Chapter2。VI。

HowPantagruelmetwithaLimousin，whotooaffectedlydidcounterfeittheFrenchlanguage。

Uponacertainday，Iknownotwhen，Pantagruelwalkingaftersupperwithsomeofhisfellow-studentswithoutthatgateofthecitythroughwhichweenterontheroadtoParis，encounteredwithayoungspruce-likescholarthatwascominguponthesameveryway，and，aftertheyhadsalutedoneanother，askedhimthus，Myfriend，fromwhencecomestthounow？Thescholaransweredhim，Fromthealme，inclyte，andcelebrateacademy，whichisvocitatedLutetia。Whatisthemeaningofthis？saidPantagrueltooneofhismen。Itis，answeredhe，fromParis。ThoucomestfromParisthen，saidPantagruel；andhowdoyouspendyourtimethere，youmymastersthestudentsofParis？Thescholaranswered，WetransfretatetheSequanatthediluculandcrepuscul；wedeambulatebythecompitesandquadrivesoftheurb；wedespumatetheLatialverbocination；and，likeverisimilaryamorabons，wecaptatthebenevolenceoftheomnijugal，omniformandomnigenalfemininesex。Uponcertaindieculesweinvisatthelupanares，andinavenerianecstasyinculcateourveretresintothepenitissimerecessesofthepudendsoftheseamicabilissimmeretricules。ThendowecauponisateinthemeritorytabernsofthePineapple，theCastle，theMagdalene，andtheMule，goodlyvervecinespatulesperforaminatedwithpetrocile。Andifbyfortunethereberarityorpenuryofpecuneinourmarsupies，andthattheybeexhaustedofferrugineanmetal，fortheshotwedimitourcodicesandoppigneratourvestments，whilstweprestolatethecomingofthetabellariesfromthePenatesandpatrioticLares。TowhichPantagruelanswered，Whatdevilishlanguageisthis？BytheLord，Ithinkthouartsomekindofheretick。Mylord，no，saidthescholar；forlibentissimally，assoonasitillucescethanyminutulesliceoftheday，I

demigrateintooneofthesesowellarchitectedminsters，andthere，irroratingmyselfwithfairlustralwater，Imumbleofflittleparcelsofsomemissicprecationofoursacrificuls，and，submurmuratingmyhoraryprecules，Ielevateandabstergemyanimefromitsnocturnalinquinations。

IreveretheOlympicols。IlatriallyvenerethesupernalAstripotent。I

diligeandredamemyproxims。Iobservethedecalogicalprecepts，and，accordingtothefacultatuleofmyvires，Idonotdiscedefromthemonelateunguicule。Nevertheless，itisveriform，thatbecauseMammonadothnotsupergurgitateanythinginmyloculs，thatIamsomewhatrareandlenttosupererogatetheelemosynestothoseegentsthathostiallyqueritatetheirstipe。

Prut，tut，saidPantagruel，whatdoththisfoolmeantosay？Ithinkheisupontheforgingofsomediabolicaltongue，andthatenchanter-likehewouldcharmus。Towhomoneofhismensaid，Withoutdoubt，sir，thisfellowwouldcounterfeitthelanguageoftheParisians，buthedothonlyflaytheLatin，imaginingbysodoingthathedothhighlyPindarizeitinmosteloquentterms，andstronglyconceitethhimselftobethereforeagreatoratorintheFrench，becausehedisdaineththecommonmannerofspeaking。TowhichPantagruelsaid，Isittrue？Thescholaranswered，Myworshipfullord，mygenieisnotaptnatetothatwhichthisflagitiousnebulonsaith，toexcoriatethecut(ic)uleofourvernacularGallic，butvice-versallyIgnaveopere，andbyvelesandramesenitetolocupletateitwiththeLatinicomeredundance。ByG——，saidPantagruel，Iwillteachyoutospeak。Butfirstcomehither，andtellmewhencethouart。Tothisthescholaranswered，TheprimevaloriginofmyavesandataveswasindigenaryoftheLemovicregions，whererequiesceththecorporofthehagiotatSt。

Martial。Iunderstandtheeverywell，saidPantagruel。Whenallcomestoall，thouartaLimousin，andthouwiltherebythyaffectedspeechcounterfeittheParisians。Wellnow，comehither，Imustshowtheeanewtrick，andhandsomelygivetheethecombfeat。Withthishetookhimbythethroat，sayingtohim，ThouflayesttheLatin；bySt。John，Iwillmaketheeflaythefox，forIwillnowflaytheealive。ThenbeganthepoorLimousintocry，Haw，gwidmaaster！haw，Laord，myhalp，andSt。Marshaw！

haw，I\'mworried。Haw，mythropple，thebeanofmycraggisbruck！Haw，forgauad\'ssecklawtmylean，mawster；waw，waw，waw。Now，saidPantagruel，thouspeakestnaturally，andsolethimgo，forthepoorLimousinhadtotallybewrayedandthoroughlyconshithisbreeches，whichwerenotdeepandlargeenough，butroundstraightcannionedgregs，havingintheseatapiecelikeakeeling\'stail，andthereforeinFrenchcalled，dechaussesaqueuedemerlus。Then，saidPantagruel，St。Alipantin，whatcivet？Fie！tothedevilwiththisturnip-eater，ashestinks！andsolethimgo。ButthishugofPantagruel\'swassuchaterrortohimallthedaysofhislife，andtooksuchdeepimpressioninhisfancy，thatveryoften，distractedwithsuddenaffrightments，hewouldstartleandsaythatPantagruelheldhimbytheneck。Besidesthat，itprocuredhimacontinualdroughtanddesiretodrink，sothataftersomefewyearshediedofthedeathRoland，inplainEnglishcalledthirst，aworkofdivinevengeance，showingusthatwhichsaiththephilosopherandAulusGellius，thatitbecomethustospeakaccordingtothecommonlanguage；andthatweshould，assaidOctavianAugustus，strivetoshunallstrangeandunknowntermswithasmuchheedfulnessandcircumspectionaspilotsofshipsusetoavoidtherocksandbanksinthesea。

Chapter2。VII。

HowPantagruelcametoParis，andofthechoicebooksoftheLibraryofSt。

Victor。

AfterthatPantagruelhadstudiedverywellatOrleans，heresolvedtoseethegreatUniversityatParis；but，beforehisdeparture，hewasinformedthattherewasahugebigbellatSt。AnianinthesaidtownofOrleans，undertheground，whichhadbeenthereabovetwohundredandfourteenyears，foritwassogreatthattheycouldnotbyanydevicegetitsomuchasabovetheground，althoughtheyusedallthemeansthatarefoundinVitruviusdeArchitectura，AlbertusdeReAedificatoria，Euclid，Theon，Archimedes，andHerodeIngeniis；forallthatwastonopurpose。

Wherefore，condescendingheartilytothehumblerequestofthecitizensandinhabitantsofthesaidtown，hedeterminedtoremoveittothetowerthatwaserectedforit。Withthathecametotheplacewhereitwas，andlifteditoutofthegroundwithhislittlefingeraseasilyasyouwouldhavedoneahawk\'sbellorbellwether\'stingle-tangle；but，beforehewouldcarryittotheforesaidtowerorsteepleappointedforit，hewouldneedsmakesomemusicwithitaboutthetown，andringitalongstallthestreetsashecarrieditinhishand，wherewithallthepeoplewereveryglad。Buttherehappenedonegreatinconveniency，forwithcarryingitso，andringingitaboutthestreets，allthegoodOrleanswineturnedinstantly，waxedflatandwasspoiled，whichnobodytheredidperceivetillthenightfollowing；foreverymanfoundhimselfsoalteredanda-drywithdrinkingtheseflatwines，thattheydidnothingbutspit，andthataswhiteasMaltacotton，saying，WehaveofthePantagruel，andourverythroatsaresalted。Thisdone，hecametoPariswithhisretinue。Andathisentryeveryonecameouttoseehim——asyouknowwellenoughthatthepeopleofParisissottishbynature，byBflatandBsharp——andbeheldhimwithgreatastonishment，mixedwithnolessfearthathewouldcarryawaythepalaceintosomeothercountry，aremotis，andfarfromthem，ashisfatherformerlyhaddonethegreatpealofbellsatOurLady\'sChurchtotieabouthismare\'sneck。Nowafterhehadstayedthereaprettyspace，andstudiedverywellinallthesevenliberalarts，hesaiditwasagoodtowntolivein，butnottodie；forthatthegrave-diggingroguesofSt。Innocentusedinfrostynightstowarmtheirbumswithdeadmen\'sbones。InhisabodetherehefoundthelibraryofSt。Victoraverystatelyandmagnificone，especiallyinsomebookswhichwerethere，ofwhichfolloweththeRepertoryandCatalogue，Etprimo，TheforGodsakeofSalvation。

TheCodpieceoftheLaw。

TheSlipshoeoftheDecretals。

ThePomegranateofVice。

TheClew-bottomofTheology。

TheDusterorFoxtail-flapofPreachers，composedbyTurlupin。

TheChurningBallockoftheValiant。

TheHenbaneoftheBishops。

Marmotretusdebaboonisetapis，cumCommentoDorbellis。

DecretumUniversitatisParisiensissupergorgiasitatemuliercularumadplacitum。

TheApparitionofSancteGeltrudetoaNunofPoissy，beingintravailatthebringingforthofachild。

Arshonestefartandiinsocietate，perMarcumCorvinum(Ortuinum)。

TheMustard-potofPenance。

TheGamashes，aliastheBootsofPatience。

Formicariumartium。

Debrodiorumusu，ethonestatequartandi，perSylvestremPrioratemJacobinum。

TheCosenedorGulledinCourt。

TheFrailoftheScriveners。

TheMarriage-packet。

TheCruizyorCrucibleofContemplation。

TheFlimflamsoftheLaw。

ThePrickleofWine。

TheSpurofCheese。

Ruboffatorium(Decrotatorium)scholarium。

Tartaretusdemodocacandi。

TheBravadesofRome。

BricotdeDifferentiisBrowsarum。

TheTailpiece-Cushion，orClose-breechofDiscipline。

TheCobbledShoeofHumility。

TheTrivetofgoodThoughts。

TheKettleofMagnanimity。

TheCavillingEntanglementsofConfessors。

TheSnatchfareoftheCurates。

ReverendipatrisfratrisLubini，provincialisBavardiae，degulpendislardslicionibuslibritres。

PasquilliDoctorisMarmorei，decapreoliscumartichoketacomedendis，temporePapaliabEcclesiainterdicto。

TheInventionoftheHolyCross，personatedbysixwilyPriests。

TheSpectaclesofPilgrimsboundforRome。

Majorisdemodofaciendipuddinos。

TheBagpipeofthePrelates。

Bedadeoptimitatetriparum。

TheComplaintoftheBarristersupontheReformationofComfits。

TheFurredCatoftheSolicitorsandAttorneys。

OfPeasandBacon，cumCommento。

TheSmallValesorDrinkingMoneyoftheIndulgences。

PraeclarissimijurisutriusqueDoctorisMaistrePilloti，&c。，Scrap-farthingidebotchandisglossaeAccursianaeTriflisrepetitioenucidi-luculidissima。

StratagemataFrancharchiaerideBaniolet。

CarlbumpkinusdeReMilitaricumFigurisTevoti。

Deusuetutilitateflayandiequosetequas，authoreMagistronostrodeQuebecu。

TheSaucinessofCountry-Stewards。

M。N。Rostocostojambedanessedemustardapostprandiumservienda，libriquatuordecim，apostillatiperM。Vaurillonis。

TheCovillageorWench-tributeofPromoters。

(JabolenusdeCosmographiaPurgatorii。)

Quaestiosubtilissima，utrumChimaerainvacuobonbinanspossitcomederesecundasintentiones；etfuitdebatutaperdecemhebdomadasinConsilioConstantiensi。

TheBridle-champeroftheAdvocates。

SmutchudlamentaScoti。

TheRaspingandHard-scrapingoftheCardinals。

Decalcaribusremovendis，Decadesundecim，perM。AlbericumdeRosata。

Ejusdemdecastramentandiscriminibuslibritres。

TheEntranceofAnthonydeLeveintotheTerritoriesofBrazil。

(Marforii，bacalariicubantisRomae)depeelandisautunskinnandisblurrandisqueCardinaliummulis。

ThesaidAuthor\'sApologyagainstthosewhoallegethatthePope\'smuledotheatbutatsettimes。

Prognosticatioquaeincipit，SilviiTriquebille，balataperM。N。，thedeep-dreaminggullSion。

BoudariniEpiscopideemulgentiarumprofectibusAeneadesnovem，cumprivilegioPapaliadtrienniumetposteanon。

TheShitabrannaoftheMaids。

TheBaldArseorPeeledBreechoftheWidows。

TheCowlorCapouchoftheMonks。

TheMumblingDevotionoftheCelestineFriars。

ThePassage-tollofBeggarliness。

TheTeeth-chatterorGum-didderofLubberlyLusks。

TheParing-shoveloftheTheologues。

TheDrench-hornoftheMastersofArts。

TheScullionsofOlcam，theuninitiatedClerk。

MagistriN。Lickdishetis，degarbellisiftationibushorarumcanonicarum，libriquadriginta。

Arsiversitatoriumconfratriarum，incertoauthore。

TheGulsgoatonyorRasherofCormorantsandRavenousFeeders。

TheRammishnessoftheSpaniardssupergivuregondigadedbyFriarInigo。

TheMutteringofPitifulWretches。

DastardismusrerumItalicarum，authoreMagistroBurnegad。

R。LulliusdeBatisfolagiisPrincipum。

Calibistratoriumcaffardiae，authoreM。JacoboHocstratenhereticometra。

CodticklerdeMagistronostrandorumMagistronostratorumquebeuvetis，librioctogalantissimi。

TheCrackaradesofBalistsorstone-throwingEngines，ContrepateClerks，Scriveners，Brief-writers，Rapporters，andPapalBull-despatcherslatelycompiledbyRegis。

AperpetualAlmanackforthosethathavethegoutandthepox。

ManerasweepandifornacellosperMag。Eccium。

TheShableorScimetarofMerchants。

ThePleasuresoftheMonachalLife。

TheHotchpotofHypocrites。

TheHistoryoftheHobgoblins。

TheRagamuffinismofthepensionarymaimedSoldiers。

TheGullingFibsandCounterfeitshowsofCommissaries。

TheLitterofTreasurers。

TheJuglingatoriumofSophisters。

AntipericatametanaparbeugedamphicribrationesToordicantium。

ThePeriwinkleofBallad-makers。

ThePush-forwardoftheAlchemists。

TheNiddy-noddyoftheSatchel-loadedSeekers，byFriarBindfastatis。

TheShacklesofReligion。

TheRacketofSwag-waggers。

TheLeaning-stockofoldAge。

TheMuzzleofNobility。

TheApe\'sPaternoster。

TheCricketsandHawk\'s-bellsofDevotion。

ThePotoftheEmber-weeks。

TheMortarofthePoliticLife。

TheFlapoftheHermits。

TheRiding-hoodorMontergofthePenitentiaries。

TheTrictracoftheKnockingFriars。

Blockheadodus，devitaethonestatebragadochiorum。

LyrippiiSorboniciMoralisationes，perM。Lupoldum。

TheCarrier-horse-bellsofTravellers。

TheBibbingsofthetipplingBishops。

DolloporedionesDoctorumColoniensiumadversusReuclin。

TheCymbalsofLadies。

TheDunger\'sMartingale。

WhirlingfriskorumChasemarkerorumperFratremCrackwoodloguetis。

TheCloutedPatchesofaStoutHeart。

TheMummeryoftheRacket-keepingRobin-goodfellows。

Gerson，deauferibilitatePapaeabEcclesia。

TheCatalogueoftheNominatedandGraduatedPersons。

Jo。Dytebrodii，terribilitateexcommunicationislibellusacephalos。

Ingeniositasinvocandidiabolosetdiabolas，perM。Guingolphum。

TheHotchpotchorGallimaufryoftheperpetuallybeggingFriars。

TheMorris-danceoftheHeretics。

TheWhiningsofCajetan。

MuddisnoutDoctorisCherubici，deorigineRoughfootedarum，etWryneckedorumritibus，libriseptem。

Sixty-ninefatBreviaries。

TheNightmareofthefiveOrdersofBeggars。

TheSkinneryofthenewStart-upsextractedoutofthefallow-butt，incornifistibulatedandploddeduponintheangelicsum。

TheRaverandidleTalkerincasesofConscience。

TheFatBellyofthePresidents。

TheBafflingFlouteroftheAbbots。

SutorisadversuseumquivocaverateumSlabsauceatorem，etquodSlabsauceatoresnonsuntdamnatiabEcclesia。

Cacatoriummedicorum。

TheChimney-sweeperofAstrology。

CampiclysteriorumperparagraphC。

TheBumsquibcrackerofApothecaries。

TheKissbreechofChirurgery。

JustinianusdeWhiteleperotistollendis。

Antidotariumanimae。

MerlinusCoccaius，depatriadiabolorum。

ThePracticeofIniquity，byCleuraunesSadden。

TheMirrorofBaseness，byRadnecuWaldenses。

TheEngrainedRogue，byDwarsencasEldenu。

TheMercilessCormorant，byHoxinidnotheJew。

Ofwhichlibrarysomebooksarealreadyprinted，andtherestarenowatthepressinthisnoblecityofTubingen。

Chapter2。VIII。

HowPantagruel，beingatParis，receivedlettersfromhisfatherGargantua，andthecopyofthem。

Pantagruelstudiedveryhard，asyoumaywellconceive，andprofitedaccordingly；forhehadanexcellentunderstandingandnotablewit，togetherwithacapacityinmemoryequaltothemeasureoftwelveoilbudgetsorbuttsofolives。And，ashewasthereabidingoneday，hereceivedaletterfromhisfatherinmannerasfolloweth。

MostdearSon，——Amongstthegifts，graces，andprerogatives，withwhichthesovereignplasmatorGodAlmightyhathendowedandadornedhumannatureatthebeginning，thatseemstomemostsingularandexcellentbywhichwemayinamortalstateattaintoakindofimmortality，andinthecourseofthistransitorylifeperpetuateournameandseed，whichisdonebyaprogenyissuedfromusinthelawfulbondsofmatrimony。Wherebythatinsomemeasureisrestoreduntouswhichwastakenfromusbythesinofourfirstparents，towhomitwassaidthat，becausetheyhadnotobeyedthecommandmentofGodtheirCreator，theyshoulddie，andbydeathshouldbebroughttonoughtthatsostatelyframeandplasmaturewhereinthemanatfirsthadbeencreated。

Butbythismeansofseminalpropagationthere("Whichcontinueth"intheoldcopy。)continuethinthechildrenwhatwaslostintheparents，andinthegrandchildrenthatwhichperishedintheirfathers，andsosuccessivelyuntilthedayofthelastjudgment，whenJesusChristshallhaverendereduptoGodtheFatherhiskingdominapeaceablecondition，outofalldangerandcontaminationofsin；forthenshallceaseallgenerationsandcorruptions，andtheelementsleaveofftheircontinualtransmutations，seeingthesomuchdesiredpeaceshallbeattaineduntoandenjoyed，andthatallthingsshallbebroughttotheirendandperiod。And，therefore，notwithoutjustandreasonablecausedoIgivethankstoGodmySaviourandPreserver，forthathehathenabledmetoseemybaldoldagereflourishinthyyouth；forwhen，athisgoodpleasure，whorulesandgovernsallthings，mysoulshallleavethismortalhabitation，Ishallnotaccountmyselfwhollytodie，buttopassfromoneplaceuntoanother，consideringthat，inandbythat，Icontinueinmyvisibleimagelivingintheworld，visitingandconversingwithpeopleofhonour，andothermygoodfriends，asIwaswonttodo。Whichconversationofmine，althoughitwasnotwithoutsin，becauseweareallofustrespassers，andthereforeoughtcontinuallytobeseechhisdivinemajestytoblotourtransgressionsoutofhismemory，yetwasit，bythehelpandgraceofGod，withoutallmannerofreproachbeforemen。

Wherefore，ifthosequalitiesofthemindbutshineintheewherewithIamendowed，asintheeremaineththeperfectimageofmybody，thouwiltbeesteemedbyallmentobetheperfectguardianandtreasureoftheimmortalityofourname。But，ifotherwise，Ishalltrulytakebutsmallpleasuretoseeit，consideringthatthelesserpartofme，whichisthebody，wouldabideinthee，andthebest，towit，thatwhichisthesoul，andbywhichournamecontinuesblessedamongstmen，wouldbedegenerateandabastardized。ThisIdonotspeakoutofanydistrustthatIhaveofthyvirtue，whichIhaveheretoforealreadytried，buttoencouragetheeyetmoreearnestlytoproceedfromgoodtobetter。AndthatwhichInowwriteuntotheeisnotsomuchthatthoushouldstliveinthisvirtuouscourse，asthatthoushouldstrejoiceinsolivingandhavinglived，andcheerupthyselfwiththelikeresolutionintimetocome；totheprosecutionandaccomplishmentofwhichenterpriseandgenerousundertakingthoumaysteasilyrememberhowthatIhavesparednothing，buthavesohelpedthee，asifIhadhadnoothertreasureinthisworldbuttoseetheeonceinmylifecompletelywell-bredandaccomplished，aswellinvirtue，honesty，andvalour，asinallliberalknowledgeandcivility，andsotoleavetheeaftermydeathasamirrorrepresentingthepersonofmethyfather，andifnotsoexcellent，andsuchindeedasIdowishthee，yetsuchinmydesire。

Butalthoughmydeceasedfatherofhappymemory，Grangousier，hadbenthisbestendeavourstomakemeprofitinallperfectionandpoliticalknowledge，andthatmylabourandstudywasfullycorrespondentto，yea，wentbeyondhisdesire，nevertheless，asthoumayestwellunderstand，thetimethenwasnotsoproperandfitforlearningasitisatpresent，neitherhadIplentyofsuchgoodmastersasthouhasthad。Forthattimewasdarksome，obscuredwithcloudsofignorance，andsavouringalittleoftheinfelicityandcalamityoftheGoths，whohad，wherevertheysetfooting，destroyedallgoodliterature，whichinmyagehathbythedivinegoodnessbeenrestoreduntoitsformerlightanddignity，andthatwithsuchamendmentandincreaseoftheknowledge，thatnowhardlyshouldIbeadmitteduntothefirstformofthelittlegrammar-schoolboys——Isay，I，whoinmyyouthfuldayswas，andthatjustly，reputedthemostlearnedofthatage。WhichIdonotspeakinvainboasting，althoughImightlawfullydoitinwritinguntothee——inverificationwhereofthouhasttheauthorityofMarcusTulliusinhisbookofoldage，andthesentenceofPlutarchinthebookentitledHowamanmaypraisehimselfwithoutenvy——buttogivetheeanemulousencouragementtostriveyetfurther。

Nowisitthatthemindsofmenarequalifiedwithallmannerofdiscipline，andtheoldsciencesrevivedwhichformanyageswereextinct。

Nowitisthatthelearnedlanguagesaretotheirpristinepurityrestored，viz。，Greek，withoutwhichamanmaybeashamedtoaccounthimselfascholar，Hebrew，Arabic，Chaldaean，andLatin。Printinglikewiseisnowinuse，soelegantandsocorrectthatbettercannotbeimagined，althoughitwasfoundoutbutinmytimebydivineinspiration，asbyadiabolicalsuggestionontheothersidewastheinventionofordnance。Alltheworldisfullofknowingmen，ofmostlearnedschoolmasters，andvastlibraries；

anditappearstomeasatruth，thatneitherinPlato\'stime，norCicero\'s，norPapinian\'s，therewaseversuchconveniencyforstudyingasweseeatthisdaythereis。Normustanyadventurehenceforwardtocomeinpublic，orpresenthimselfincompany，thathathnotbeenprettywellpolishedintheshopofMinerva。Iseerobbers，hangmen，freebooters，tapsters，ostlers，andsuchlike，oftheveryrubbishofthepeople，morelearnednowthanthedoctorsandpreacherswereinmytime。

WhatshallIsay？Theverywomenandchildrenhaveaspiredtothispraiseandcelestialmannerofgoodlearning。Yetsoitisthat，intheageIamnowof，IhavebeenconstrainedtolearntheGreektongue——whichI

contemnednotlikeCato，buthadnottheleisureinmyyoungeryearstoattendthestudyofit——andtakemuchdelightinthereadingofPlutarch\'sMorals，thepleasantDialoguesofPlato，theMonumentsofPausanias，andtheAntiquitiesofAthenaeus，inwaitingonthehourwhereinGodmyCreatorshallcallmeandcommandmetodepartfromthisearthandtransitorypilgrimage。Wherefore，myson，Iadmonishtheetoemploythyyouthtoprofitaswellasthoucanst，bothinthystudiesandinvirtue。ThouartatParis，wherethelaudableexamplesofmanybravemenmaystirupthymindtogallantactions，andhastlikewiseforthytutorandpedagoguethelearnedEpistemon，whobyhislivelyandvocaldocumentsmayinstructtheeintheartsandsciences。

Iintend，andwillhaveitso，thatthoulearnthelanguagesperfectly；

firstofalltheGreek，asQuintilianwillhaveit；secondly，theLatin；

andthentheHebrew，fortheHolyScripturesake；andthentheChaldeeandArabiclikewise，andthatthouframethystyleinGreekinimitationofPlato，andfortheLatinafterCicero。Lettherebenohistorywhichthoushaltnothavereadyinthymemory；untotheprosecutingofwhichdesign，booksofcosmographywillbeveryconducibleandhelptheemuch。Oftheliberalartsofgeometry，arithmetic，andmusic，Igavetheesometastewhenthouwertyetlittle，andnotabovefiveorsixyearsold。Proceedfurtherinthem，andlearntheremainderifthoucanst。Asforastronomy，studyalltherulesthereof。Letpass，nevertheless，thediviningandjudicialastrology，andtheartofLullius，asbeingnothingelsebutplainabusesandvanities。Asforthecivillaw，ofthatIwouldhavetheetoknowthetextsbyheart，andthentoconferthemwithphilosophy。

Now，inmatteroftheknowledgeoftheworksofnature，Iwouldhavetheetostudythatexactly，andthatsotherebenosea，river，norfountain，ofwhichthoudostnotknowthefishes；allthefowlsoftheair；alltheseveralkindsofshrubsandtrees，whetherinforestsororchards；allthesortsofherbsandflowersthatgrowupontheground；allthevariousmetalsthatarehidwithinthebowelsoftheearth；togetherwithallthediversityofpreciousstonesthataretobeseenintheorientandsouthpartsoftheworld。Letnothingofallthesebehiddenfromthee。ThenfailnotmostcarefullytoperusethebooksoftheGreek，Arabian，andLatinphysicians，notdespisingtheTalmudistsandCabalists；andbyfrequentanatomiesgettheetheperfectknowledgeoftheotherworld，calledthemicrocosm，whichisman。AndatsomehoursofthedayapplythymindtothestudyoftheHolyScriptures；firstinGreek，theNewTestament，withtheEpistlesoftheApostles；andthentheOldTestamentinHebrew。Inbrief，letmeseetheeanabyssandbottomlesspitofknowledge；forfromhenceforward，asthougrowestgreatandbecomestaman，thoumustpartfromthistranquillityandrestofstudy，thoumustlearnchivalry，warfare，andtheexercisesofthefield，thebettertherebytodefendmyhouseandourfriends，andtosuccourandprotectthematalltheirneedsagainsttheinvasionandassaultsofevildoers。

Furthermore，Iwillthatveryshortlythoutryhowmuchthouhastprofited，whichthoucanstnotbetterdothanbymaintainingpubliclythesesandconclusionsinallartsagainstallpersonswhatsoever，andbyhauntingthecompanyoflearnedmen，bothatParisandotherwhere。Butbecause，asthewisemanSolomonsaith，Wisdomenterethnotintoamaliciousmind，andthatknowledgewithoutconscienceisbuttheruinofthesoul，itbehoveththeetoserve，tolove，tofearGod，andonhimtocastallthythoughtsandallthyhope，andbyfaithformedincharitytocleaveuntohim，sothatthoumaystneverbeseparatedfromhimbythysins。Suspecttheabusesoftheworld。Setnotthyheartuponvanity，forthislifeistransitory，buttheWordoftheLordendurethforever。Beserviceabletoallthyneighbours，andlovethemasthyself。Reverencethypreceptors:shuntheconversationofthosewhomthoudesirestnottoresemble，andreceivenotinvainthegraceswhichGodhathbestoweduponthee。And，whenthoushaltseethatthouhastattainedtoalltheknowledgethatistobeacquiredinthatpart，returnuntome，thatImayseetheeandgivetheemyblessingbeforeIdie。Myson，thepeaceandgraceofourLordbewiththee。Amen。

ThyfatherGargantua。

FromUtopiathe17thdayofthemonthofMarch。

Theselettersbeingreceivedandread，Pantagruelpluckeduphisheart，tookafreshcouragetohim，andwasinflamedwithadesiretoprofitinhisstudiesmorethanever，sothatifyouhadseenhim，howhetookpains，andhowheadvancedinlearning，youwouldhavesaidthatthevivacityofhisspiritamidstthebookswaslikeagreatfireamongstdrywood，soactiveitwas，vigorousandindefatigable。

Chapter2。IX。

HowPantagruelfoundPanurge，whomhelovedallhislifetime。

Oneday，asPantagruelwastakingawalkwithoutthecity，towardsSt。

Anthony\'sabbey，discoursingandphilosophatingwithhisownservantsandsomeotherscholars，(he)metwithayoungmanofverycomelystatureandsurpassinghandsomeinallthelineamentsofhisbody，butinseveralpartsthereofmostpitifullywounded；insuchbadequipageinmatterofhisapparel，whichwasbuttattersandrags，andeverywaysofaroutoforderthatheseemedtohavebeena-fightingwithmastiff-dogs，fromwhosefuryhehadmadeanescape；ortosaybetter，helooked，intheconditionwhereinhethenwas，likeanapple-gathererofthecountryofPerche。

AsfaroffasPantagruelsawhim，hesaidtothosethatstoodby，Doyouseethatmanthere，whoisa-cominghitherupontheroadfromCharentonbridge？Bymyfaith，heisonlypoorinfortune；forImayassureyouthatbyhisphysiognomyitappeareththatnaturehathextractedhimfromsomerichandnoblerace，andthattoomuchcuriosityhaththrownhimuponadventureswhichpossiblyhavereducedhimtothisindigence，want，andpenury。Nowashewasjustamongstthem，Pantagruelsaiduntohim，Letmeentreatyou，friend，thatyoumaybepleasedtostopherealittleandanswermetothatwhichIshallaskyou，andIamconfidentyouwillnotthinkyourtimeillbestowed；forIhaveanextremedesire，accordingtomyability，togiveyousomesupplyinthisdistresswhereinIseeyouare；

becauseIdoverymuchcommiserateyourcase，whichtrulymovesmetogreatpity。Therefore，myfriend，tellmewhoyouare；whenceyoucome；whitheryougo；whatbydesire；andwhatyournameis。ThecompanionansweredhimintheGerman(Thefirsteditionreads"Dutch。")tongue，thus:

\'Junker，Gottgebeuchgluckundheil。Furwahr，lieberJunker，ichlaszeuchwissen，dasdaihrmichvonfragt，isteinarmunderbarmlichDing，undwervieldarvonzusagen，welcheseuchverdrussigzuhoren，undmirzuerzelenwer，wiewoldiePoetenundOratornvorzeitenhabengesagtinihrenSpruchenundSentenzen，daszdiegedechtnissdesElendsundArmuthvorlangsterlittenisteinegrosseLust。\'Myfriend，saidPantagruel，I

havenoskillinthatgibberishofyours；therefore，ifyouwouldhaveustounderstandyou，speaktousinsomeotherlanguage。Thendidthedrollanswerhimthus:

\'Albarildimgotfanodechminbrinalabodordiofalbrothringuamalbaras。

Ninportzadikinalmucatinmilkoprinalelminenthothdalhebenensouim；

kuthimaldumalkatimnimbrothdechothporthminmichaisimendoth，pruchdalmaisoulumholmothdanfrihimlupaldasinvoldemoth。Ninhurdiavosthmnarbotimdalgouschpalfrapinduchimscothpruchgalethdalchinon，minfoulchrichalconinbrutathendothdalprin。\'Doyouunderstandnoneofthis？saidPantagrueltothecompany。Ibelieve，saidEpistemon，thatthisisthelanguageoftheAntipodes，andsuchahardonethatthedevilhimselfknowsnotwhattomakeofit。ThensaidPantagruel，Gossip，Iknownotifthewallsdocomprehendthemeaningofyourwords，butnoneofusheredothsomuchasunderstandonesyllableofthem。Thensaidmybladeagain:

\'Signormio，voivedeteperessempio，chelacornamusanonsuonamai，s\'ellanonhailventrepieno。Cosiioparimentenonvisapreicontarelemiefortune，seprimailtribulatoventrenonhalasolitarefettione。Alqualeeadvisochelemanietlidentihabbianopersoilloroordinenaturaleetdeltuttoannichilati。\'TowhichEpistemonanswered，Asmuchoftheoneasoftheother，andnothingofeither。ThensaidPanurge:

\'Lord，ifyoubesovirtuousofintelligenceasyoubenaturallyrelievedtothebody，youshouldhavepityofme。Fornaturehathmadeusequal，butfortunehathsomeexaltedandothersdeprived；neverthelessisvirtueoftendeprivedandthevirtuousmendespised；forbeforethelastendnoneisgood。\'(Thefollowingisthepassageasitstandsinthefirstedition。

UrquhartseemstohaverenderedRabelais\'indifferentEnglishintoworseScotch，andthis，withprobablytheuseofcontractionsinhisMS。，or\'theoddness\'ofhandwritingwhichheownstoinhisLogopandecteision(p。419，Mait。Club。Edit。)，hasledtoachaoticjumble，whichitisnearlyimpossibletoreducetoorder——Insteadofanyattempttodoso，itisheregivenverbatim:\'Lardgestholbbesuavirtuisbeintelligence:assyibodyscalbisbenaturalrelothcholbsuldosmepetyhave；fornaturhassvisseequalymaidebotfortunesumexaitihesseandoyisdeprevit:nonyelessivissmouvirtiussdeprevit，andvirtuissmendecrevissforanenyeladenissnonquid。\'Hereisamorselforcriticalingenuitytofixitsteethin——M。)Yetless，saidPantagruel。ThensaidmyjollyPanurge:

\'Jonaandieguaussagoussyetanbehardaerremediobehardeverselaysserlanda。Anbatesotoyyesnausueynessassustgourrayproposianordineden。Nonyssenabaytafacheriaegabegenherassybadiasadassunouraassia。Aranhondavangualdecydassunaydassuna。Estououssycegvinansouryhienerdarsturaeguyharm。Genicoaplasarvadu。\'Areyouthere，saidEudemon，Genicoa？TothissaidCarpalim，St。Trinian\'srammerunstitchyourbum，forIhadalmostunderstoodit。ThenansweredPanurge:

\'PrustfrestfrinstsorgdmandstrochdidrhdspagbrlelangGravotChavignyPomardiererusthpkaldracgDevinierepresNays。Couillekalmuchmonachdruppdelmeupplistrincqdrlnddodelbupdrentlochmincstzrinqjalddevinsderscordelisburjocststzampenards。\'DoyouspeakChristian，saidEpistemon，orthebuffoonlanguage，otherwisecalledPatelinois？Nay，itisthepuzlatorytongue，saidanother，whichsomecallLanternois。ThensaidPanurge:

\'Heere，ikenspreekeandersgeentaeledankerstentaele:mydunktnoghtans，alensegikunieteenwordt，mynennootverklaertgenoeghwatikbegeere:geeftmyuytbermhertigheityetswaarvanikgevoetmaghzyn。\'

TowhichansweredPantagruel，Asmuchofthat。ThensaidPanurge:

\'Sennor，detantohablaryosoycansado，porqueyosuplicoavuestrareverentiaquemirealospreceptosevangelicos，paraqueellosmovanvuestrareverentiaaloqueesdeconscientia；ysiellosnonbastaren，paramouervuestrareverentiaapiedad，yosuplicoquemirealapiedadnatural，laqualyocreoquelemoveracomoesderazon:yconessonondigomas。\'Truly，myfriend，(saidPantagruel，)Idoubtnotbutyoucanspeakdiverslanguages；buttellusthatwhichyouwouldhaveustodoforyouinsometonguewhichyouconceivewemayunderstand。Thensaidthecompanion:

\'MinHerre，endogiegmedingentungetalede，ligesombaern，ocuskelligecreatuure:Mineklaedebonocmitlegomsmagerheduduiseralligeuelklarlighuadtingmigbestbehofgioris，somersandeligmadocdricke:Huorforforbarmedigofuermig，ocbefalatgiuemignoguet，afhuilcketiegkandslyremingiaeendismage，ligeruiissommandCerberoensuppeforsetter:

Saaskaltdulefuelaengeoclycksalig。\'Ithinkreally，saidEusthenes，thattheGothsspokethusofold，andthat，ifitpleasedGod，wewouldallofusspeaksowithourtails。ThenagainsaidPanurge:

\'Adon，scalomlecha:imischarharobhalhebdecabimeherahthithenlikikarlehem:chanchatublaahalAdonaichonenral。\'TowhichansweredEpistemon，AtthistimehaveIunderstoodhimverywell；foritistheHebrewtonguemostrhetoricallypronounced。Thenagainsaidthegallant:

\'Despotatinynpanagathe，diatisymioukartodotis？horasgarlimoanaliscomenonemeathlion，keentometaxymeoukeleisoudamos，zetisdeparemouhaouchre。Kehomosphilologipanteshomologousitotelogoustekeremataperittahyparchin，hopotepragmaaftopasidelonesti。Enthagaranankeimononlogiisin，hinapragmata(honperiamphisbetoumen)，meprosphorosepiphenete。\'What？SaidCarpalim，Pantagruel\'sfootman，ItisGreek，Ihaveunderstoodhim。Andhow？hastthoudweltanywhileinGreece？Thensaidthedrollagain:

\'Agonoudontoussysvousdesdagnezalgorou:noudenfarouzamistvousmaristonulbrou，fousquesvoubroltantbredaguezmoupretondengoulhoust，daguezdagueznoncropysfostpardonnoflistnougrou。Agoupastontolnalprissyshourtoulosechatonous，proudhouquysbrolpanygoudenbascrounoudouscaguonsgoulfrengouloustaroppassou。\'(InthisandtheprecedingspeechesofPanurge，theParisVariorumEditionof1823hasbeenfollowedincorrectingUrquhart\'stext，whichisfullofinaccuracies——M。)

MethinksIunderstandhim，saidPantagruel；foreitheritisthelanguageofmycountryofUtopia，orsoundsverylikeit。And，ashewasabouttohavebegunsomepurpose，thecompanionsaid:

\'Jamtotiesvospersacra，perquedeosdeasqueomnesobtestatussum，utsiquaevospietaspermovet，egestatemmeamsolaremini，nechilumproficioclamansetejulans。Sinite，quaeso，sinite，viriimpii，quomefatavocantabire；necultravanisvestrisinterpellationibusobtundatis，memoresveterisilliusadagii，quoventerfamelicusauriculiscareredicitur。\'

Well，myfriend，saidPantagruel，butcannotyouspeakFrench？ThatIcando，sir，verywell，saidthecompanion，Godbethanked。Itismynaturallanguageandmothertongue，forIwasbornandbredinmyyoungeryearsinthegardenofFrance，towit，Touraine。Then，saidPantagruel，telluswhatisyourname，andfromwhenceyouarecome；for，bymyfaith，Ihavealreadystampedinmymindsuchadeepimpressionoflovetowardsyou，that，ifyouwillcondescenduntomywill，youshallnotdepartoutofmycompany，andyouandIshallmakeupanothercoupleoffriendssuchasAeneasandAchateswere。Sir，saidthecompanion，mytrueandproperChristiannameisPanurge，andnowIcomeoutofTurkey，towhichcountryI

wascarriedawayprisoneratthattimewhentheywenttoMetelinwithamischief。AndwillinglywouldIrelateuntoyoumyfortunes，whicharemorewonderfulthanthoseofUlysseswere；but，seeingthatitpleasethyoutoretainmewithyou，Imostheartilyacceptoftheoffer，protestingnevertoleaveyoushouldyougotoallthedevilsinhell。Weshallhavethereforemoreleisureatanothertime，andafitteropportunitywhereintoreportthem；foratthispresentIaminaveryurgentnecessitytofeed；

myteetharesharp，mybellyempty，mythroatdry，andmystomachfierceandburning，allisready。Ifyouwillbutsetmetowork，itwillbeasgoodasabalsamumforsoreeyestoseemegulchandravenit。ForGod\'ssake，giveorderforit。ThenPantagruelcommandedthattheyshouldcarryhimhomeandprovidehimgoodstoreofvictuals；whichbeingdone，heateverywellthatevening，and，capon-like，wentearlytobed；thensleptuntildinner-timethenextday，sothathemadebutthreestepsandoneleapfromthebedtotheboard。

Chapter2。X。

HowPantagrueljudgedsoequitablyofacontroversy，whichwaswonderfullyobscureanddifficult，that，byreasonofhisjustdecreetherein，hewasreputedtohaveamostadmirablejudgment。

Pantagruel，verywellrememberinghisfather\'sletterandadmonitions，wouldonedaymaketrialofhisknowledge。Thereupon，inallthecarrefours，thatis，throughoutallthefourquarters，streets，andcornersofthecity，hesetupconclusionstothenumberofninethousandsevenhundredsixtyandfour，inallmanneroflearning，touchinginthemthehardestdoubtsthatareinanyscience。Andfirstofall，intheFodderStreethehelddisputeagainstalltheregentsorfellowsofcolleges，artistsormastersofarts，andorators，anddidsogallantlythatheoverthrewthemandsetthemallupontheirtails。HewentafterwardstotheSorbonne，wherehemaintainedargumentagainstallthetheologiansordivines，forthespaceofsixweeks，fromfouro\'clockinthemorninguntilsixintheevening，exceptanintervaloftwohourstorefreshthemselvesandtaketheirrepast。Andatthiswerepresentthegreatestpartofthelordsofthecourt，themastersofrequests，presidents，counsellors，thoseoftheaccompts，secretaries，advocates，andothers；asalsothesheriffsofthesaidtown，withthephysiciansandprofessorsofthecanonlaw。

Amongstwhich，itistoberemarked，thatthegreatestpartwerestubbornjades，andintheiropinionsobstinate；buthetooksuchcoursewiththemthat，foralltheirergoesandfallacies，heputtheirbackstothewall，gravelledtheminthedeepestquestions，andmadeitvisiblyappeartotheworldthat，comparedtohim，theywerebutmonkeysandaknotofmuffledcalves。Whereuponeverybodybegantokeepabustlingnoiseandtalkofhissomarvellousknowledge，throughalldegreesofpersonsofbothsexes，eventotheverylaundresses，brokers，roast-meatsellers，penknifemakers，andothers，who，whenhepassedalonginthestreet，wouldsay，Thisishe！inwhichhetookdelight，asDemosthenes，theprinceofGreekorators，did，whenanoldcrouchingwife，pointingathimwithherfingers，said，Thatistheman。

Nowatthissameverytimetherewasaprocessorsuitinlawdependingincourtbetweentwogreatlords，ofwhichonewascalledmyLordKissbreech，plaintiffofoneside，andtheothermyLordSuckfist，defendantoftheother；whosecontroversywassohighanddifficultinlawthatthecourtofparliamentcouldmakenothingofit。Andtherefore，bythecommandmentoftheking，therewereassembledfourofthegreatestandmostlearnedofalltheparliamentsofFrance，togetherwiththegreatcouncil，andalltheprincipalregentsoftheuniversities，notonlyofFrance，butofEnglandalsoandItaly，suchasJason，PhilippusDecius，PetrusdePetronibus，andarabbleofotheroldRabbinists。Whobeingthusmettogether，aftertheyhadthereuponconsultedforthespaceofsix-and-fortyweeks，findingthattheycouldnotfastentheirteethinit，norwithsuchclearnessunderstandthecaseasthattheymightinanymannerofwaybeabletorightit，ortakeupthedifferencebetwixtthetwoaforesaidparties，itdidsogrievouslyvexthemthattheymostvillainouslyconshitthemselvesforshame。Inthisgreatextremityoneamongstthem，namedDuDouhet，thelearnedestofall，andmoreexpertandprudentthananyoftherest，whilstonedaytheywerethusattheirwits\'end，all-to-be-duncedandphilogrobolizedintheirbrains，saiduntothem，Wehavebeenhere，mymasters，agoodlongspace，withoutdoinganythingelsethantrifleawaybothourtimeandmoney，andcanneverthelessfindneitherbrimnorbottominthismatter，forthemorewestudyaboutitthelessweunderstandtherein，whichisagreatshameanddisgracetous，andaheavyburdentoourconsciences；yea，suchthatinmyopinionweshallnotridourselvesofitwithoutdishonour，unlesswetakesomeothercourse；forwedonothingbutdoteinourconsultations。

See，therefore，whatIhavethoughtupon。YouhaveheardmuchtalkingofthatworthypersonagenamedMasterPantagruel，whohathbeenfoundtobelearnedabovethecapacityofthispresentage，bytheproofshegaveinthosegreatdisputationswhichheheldpubliclyagainstallmen。Myopinionis，thatwesendforhimtoconferwithhimaboutthisbusiness；

forneveranymanwillencompassthebringingofittoanendifhedoitnot。

Hereuntoallthecounsellorsanddoctorswillinglyagreed，andaccordingtothattheirresulthavinginstantlysentforhim，theyentreatedhimtobepleasedtocanvasstheprocessandsiftitthoroughly，that，afteradeepsearchandnarrowexaminationofallthepointsthereof，hemightforthwithmakethereportuntothemsuchasheshallthinkgoodintrueandlegallanguage。Tothiseffecttheydeliveredintohishandsthebagswhereinwerethewritsandpancartsconcerningthatsuit，whichforbulkandweightwerealmostenoughtoladefourgreatcouillardorstonedasses。ButPantagruelsaiduntothem，Arethetwolordsbetweenwhomthisdebateandprocessisyetliving？Itwasansweredhim，Yes。Towhatadevil，then，saidhe，servesomanypaltryheapsandbundlesofpapersandcopieswhichyougiveme？Isitnotbettertoheartheircontroversyfromtheirownmouthswhilsttheyarefacetofacebeforeus，thantoreadthesevilefopperies，whicharenothingbuttrumperies，deceits，diabolicalcozenagesofCepola，perniciousslightsandsubversionsofequity？ForIamsurethatyou，andallthosethroughwhosehandsthisprocesshaspassed，havebyyourdevicesaddedwhatyoucouldtoitproetcontrainsuchsortthat，althoughtheirdifferenceperhapswasclearandeasyenoughtodetermineatfirst，youhaveobscureditandmadeitmoreintricatebythefrivolous，sottish，unreasonable，andfoolishreasonsandopinionsofAccursius，Baldus，Bartolus，deCastro，deImola，Hippolytus，Panormo，Bertachin，Alexander，Curtius，andthoseotheroldmastiffs，whoneverunderstoodtheleastlawofthePandects，theybeingbutmereblockheadsandgreattithecalves，ignorantofallthatwhichwasneedfulfortheunderstandingofthelaws；for，asitismostcertain，theyhadnottheknowledgeeitheroftheGreekorLatintongue，butonlyoftheGothicandbarbarian。Thelaws，nevertheless，werefirsttakenfromtheGreeks，accordingtothetestimonyofUlpian，L。poster。deoriginejuris，whichwelikewisemayperceivebythatallthelawsarefullofGreekwordsandsentences。AndthenwefindthattheyarereducedintoaLatinstylethemostelegantandornatethatwholelanguageisabletoafford，withoutexceptingthatofanythateverwrotetherein，nay，notofSallust，Varro，Cicero，Seneca，TitusLivius，norQuintilian。HowthencouldtheseolddotardsbeabletounderstandarightthetextofthelawswhoneverintheirtimehadlookeduponagoodLatinbook，asdothevidentlyenoughappearbytherudenessoftheirstyle，whichisfitterforachimney-sweeper，orforacookorascullion，thanforajurisconsultanddoctorinthelaws？

Furthermore，seeingthelawsareexcerptedoutofthemiddleofmoralandnaturalphilosophy，howshouldthesefoolshaveunderstoodit，thathave，byG——，studiedlessinphilosophythanmymule？Inrespectofhumanlearningandtheknowledgeofantiquitiesandhistorytheyweretrulyladenwiththosefacultiesasatoadiswithfeathers。Andyetofallthisthelawsaresofullthatwithoutittheycannotbeunderstood，asIintendmorefullytoshowuntoyouinapeculiartreatisewhichonthatpurposeI

amabouttopublish。Therefore，ifyouwillthatItakeanymeddlinginthisprocess，firstcauseallthesepaperstobeburnt；secondly，makethetwogentlemencomepersonallybeforeme，andafterwards，whenIshallhaveheardthem，Iwilltellyoumyopinionfreelywithoutanyfeignednessordissimulationwhatsoever。

Someamongstthemdidcontradictthismotion，asyouknowthatinallcompaniestherearemorefoolsthanwisemen，andthatthegreaterpartalwayssurmountsthebetter，assaithTitusLiviusinspeakingoftheCarthaginians。ButtheforesaidDuDouhetheldthecontraryopinion，maintainingthatPantagruelhadsaidwell，andwhatwasright，inaffirmingthattheserecords，billsofinquest，replies，rejoinders，exceptions，depositions，andothersuchdiableriesoftruth-entanglingwrits，werebutengineswherewithtooverthrowjusticeandunnecessarilytoprolongsuchsuitsasdiddependbeforethem；andthat，therefore，thedevilwouldcarrythemallawaytohelliftheydidnottakeanothercourseandproceedednotintimescomingaccordingtotheprescriptsofevangelicalandphilosophicalequity。Infine，allthepaperswereburnt，andthetwogentlemensummonedandpersonallyconvented。AtwhoseappearancebeforethecourtPantagruelsaiduntothem，Areyoutheythathavethisgreatdifferencebetwixtyou？Yes，mylord，saidthey。Whichofyou，saidPantagruel，istheplaintiff？ItisI，saidmyLordKissbreech。Goto，then，myfriend，saidhe，andrelateyourmatteruntomefrompointtopoint，accordingtotherealtruth，orelse，bycock\'sbody，ifIfindyoutoliesomuchasinoneword，Iwillmakeyoushorterbythehead，andtakeitfromoffyourshoulderstoshowothersbyyourexamplethatinjusticeandjudgmentmenoughttospeaknothingbutthetruth。Thereforetakeheedyoudonotaddnorimpairanythinginthenarrationofyourcase。

Begin。

Chapter2。XI。

HowtheLordsofKissbreechandSuckfistdidpleadbeforePantagruelwithoutanattorney。

ThenbeganKissbreechinmannerasfolloweth。Mylord，itistruethatagoodwomanofmyhousecarriedeggstothemarkettosell。Becovered，Kissbreech，saidPantagruel。Thankstoyou，mylord，saidtheLordKissbreech；buttothepurpose。Therepassedbetwixtthetwotropicsthesumofthreepencetowardsthezenithandahalfpenny，forasmuchastheRiphaeanmountainshadbeenthatyearoppressedwithagreatsterilityofcounterfeitgudgeonsandshowswithoutsubstance，bymeansofthebabblingtattleandfondfibsseditiouslyraisedbetweenthegibblegabblersandAccursiangibberish-mongersfortherebellionoftheSwitzers，whohadassembledthemselvestothefullnumberofthebumbeesandmyrmidonstogoa-handsel-gettingonthefirstdayofthenewyear，atthatverytimewhentheygivebrewistotheoxenanddeliverthekeyofthecoalstothecountry-girlsforservinginoftheoatstothedogs。Allthenightlongtheydidnothingelse，keepingtheirhandsstilluponthepot，butdespatch，bothonfootandhorseback，leaden-sealedwritsorletters，towit，papalcommissionscommonlycalledbulls，tostoptheboats；forthetailorsandseamsterswouldhavemadeofthestolenshredsandclippingsagoodlysagbuttocoverthefaceoftheocean，whichthenwasgreatwithchildofapotfulofcabbage，accordingtotheopinionofthehay-bundle-

makers。Butthephysicianssaidthatbytheurinetheycoulddiscernnomanifestsignofthebustard\'space，norhowtoeatdouble-tonguedmattockswithmustard，unlessthelordsandgentlemenofthecourtshouldbepleasedtogivebyB。molexpresscommandtothepoxnottorunaboutanylongeringleaningupofcoppersmithsandtinkers；forthejobbernollshadalreadyaprettygoodbeginningintheirdanceoftheBritishjigcalledtheestrindore，toaperfectdiapason，withonefootinthefire，andtheirheadinthemiddle，asgoodmanRagotwaswonttosay。

Ha，mymasters，Godmoderatesallthings，anddisposethofthemathispleasure，sothatagainstunluckyfortuneacarterbrokehisfriskingwhip，whichwasallthewind-instrumenthehad。Thiswasdoneathisreturnfromthelittlepaltrytown，eventhenwhenMasterAntitusofCressplotswaslicentiated，andhadpassedhisdegreesinalldulleryandblockishness，accordingtothissentenceofthecanonists，BeatiDunces，quoniamipsistumblaverunt。ButthatwhichmakesLenttobesohigh，bySt。FiacreofBry，isfornothingelsebutthatthePentecostnevercomesbuttomycost；

yet，onaforethere，ho！alittlerainstillsagreatwind，andwemustthinkso，seeingthatthesergeanthathpropoundedthemattersofarabovemyreach，thattheclerksandsecondariescouldnotwiththebenefitthereoflicktheirfingers，featheredwithganders，soorbicularlyastheywerewontinotherthingstodo。Andwedomanifestlyseethateveryoneacknowledgethhimselftobeintheerrorwherewithanotherhathbeencharged，reservingonlythosecaseswherebyweareobligedtotakeanocularinspectioninaperspectiveglassofthesethingstowardstheplaceinthechimneywherehangeththesignofthewineoffortygirths，whichhavebeenalwaysaccountedverynecessaryforthenumberoftwentypannelsandpack-saddlesofthebankruptprotectionariesoffiveyears\'respite。

Howsoever，atleast，hethatwouldnotletflythefowlbeforethecheesecakesoughtinlawtohavediscoveredhisreasonwhynot，forthememoryisoftenlostwithawaywardshoeing。Well，GodkeepTheobaldMitainfromalldanger！ThensaidPantagruel，Holdthere！Ho，myfriend，softandfair，speakatleisureandsoberlywithoutputtingyourselfincholer。Iunderstandandcase，——goon。Nowthen，mylord，saidKissbreech，theforesaidgoodwomansayinghergaudezandaudinos，couldnotcoverherselfwithatreacherousbackblow，ascendingbythewoundsandpassionsoftheprivilegesoftheuniversities，unlessbythevirtueofawarming-panshehadangelicallyfomentedeverypartofherbodyincoveringthemwithahedgeofgarden-beds；thengivinginaswiftunavoidablethirst(thrust)veryneartotheplacewheretheyselltheoldragswhereofthepaintersofFlandersmakegreatusewhentheyareaboutneatlytoclaponshoesongrasshoppers，locusts，cigals，andsuchlikefly-fowls，sostrangetousthatIamwonderfullyastonishedwhytheworlddothnotlay，seeingitissogoodtohatch。

HeretheLordofSuckfistwouldhaveinterruptedhimandspokensomewhat，whereuponPantagruelsaiduntohim，St！bySt。Anthony\'sbelly，dothitbecometheetospeakwithoutcommand？IsweatherewiththeextremityoflabourandexceedingtoilItaketounderstandtheproceedingofyourmutualdifference，andyetthoucomesttotroubleanddisquietme。Peace，inthedevil\'sname，peace。Thoushaltbepermittedtospeakthybellyfulwhenthismanhathdone，andnosooner。Goon，saidhetoKissbreech；

speakcalmly，anddonotoverheatyourselfwithtoomuchhaste。

Iperceiving，then，saidKissbreech，thatthePragmaticalSanctiondidmakenomentionofit，andthattheholyPopetoeveryonegavelibertytofartathisownease，ifthattheblanketshadnostreakswhereintheliarsweretobecrossedwitharuffian-likecrew，and，therainbowbeingnewlysharpenedatMilantobringforthlarks，gavehisfullconsentthatthegoodwomanshouldtreaddowntheheelofthehip-gutpangs，byvirtueofasolemnprotestationputinbythelittletesticulatedorcodstedfishes，which，totellthetruth，wereatthattimeverynecessaryforunderstandingthesyntaxandconstructionofoldboots。ThereforeJohnCalf，hercousingervaisonceremovedwithalogfromthewoodstack，veryseriouslyadvisedhernottoputherselfintothehazardofquagswagginginthelee，tobescouredwithabuckoflinenclothestillfirstshehadkindledthepaper。Thiscounselshelaidholdon，becausehedesiredhertotakenothingandthrowout，forNondepontevadit，quicumsapientiacadit。Mattersthusstanding，seeingthemastersofthechamberofaccomptsormembersofthatcommitteedidnotfullyagreeamongstthemselvesincastingupthenumberoftheAlmanywhistles，whereofwereframedthosespectaclesforprinceswhichhavebeenlatelyprintedatAntwerp，Imustneedsthinkthatitmakesabadreturnofthewrit，andthattheadversepartyisnottobebelieved，insacerverbodotis。Forthat，havingagreatdesiretoobeythepleasureoftheking，Iarmedmyselffromtoetotopwithbellyfurniture，ofthesolesofgoodvenison-

pasties，togoseehowmygrape-gatherersandvintagershadpinkedandcutfullofsmallholestheirhigh-copedcaps，tolecheritthebetter，andplayatinandin。Andindeedthetimewasverydangerousincomingfromthefair，insofarthatmanytrainedbowmenwerecastatthemusterandquiterejected，althoughthechimney-topswerehighenough，accordingtotheproportionofthewindgallsinthelegsofhorses，orofthemalanders，whichintheesteemofexpertfarriersisnobetterdisease，orelsethestoryofRonypatifamorLamibaudichon，interpretedbysometobethetaleofatuborofaroastedhorse，savoursofapocrypha，andisnotanauthentichistory。Andbythismeanstherewasthatyeargreatabundance，throughoutallthecountryofArtois，oftawnybuzzingbeetles，tothenosmallprofitofthegentlemen-great-stick-faggot-carriers，whentheydideatwithoutdisdainingthecocklicranes，tilltheirbellywasliketocrackwithitagain。Asformyownpart，suchismyChristiancharitytowardsmyneighbours，thatIcouldwishfrommyhearteveryonehadasgoodavoice；

itwouldmakeusplaythebetteratthetennisandtheballoon。Andtruly，mylord，toexpresstherealtruthwithoutdissimulation，IcannotbutsaythatthosepettysubtledeviceswhicharefoundoutintheetymologizingofpattenswoulddescendmoreeasilyintotheriverofSeine，toserveforeveratthemillers\'bridgeuponthesaidwater，asitwasheretoforedecreedbythekingoftheCanarians，accordingtothesentenceorjudgmentgiventhereupon，whichistobeseenintheregistryandrecordswithintheclerk\'sofficeofthishouse。

And，therefore，mylord，Idomosthumblyrequire，thatbyyourlordshiptheremaybesaidanddeclareduponthecasewhatisreasonable，withcosts，damages，andinterests。ThensaidPantagruel，Myfriend，isthisallyouhavetosay？Kissbreechanswered，Yes，mylord，forIhavetoldallthetuautem，andhavenotvariedatalluponminehonourinsomuchasonesingleword。Youthen，saidPantagruel，myLordofSuckfist，saywhatyouwill，andbebrief，withoutomitting，nevertheless，anythingthatmayservetothepurpose。

Chapter2。XII。

HowtheLordofSuckfistpleadedbeforePantagruel。

ThenbegantheLordSuckfistinmannerasfolloweth。Mylord，andyoumymasters，iftheiniquityofmenwereaseasilyseenincategoricaljudgmentaswecandiscernfliesinamilkpot，theworld\'sfouroxenhadnotbeensoeatenupwithrats，norhadsomanyearsupontheearthbeennibbledawaysoscurvily。Foralthoughallthatmyadversaryhathspokenbeofaverysoftanddownytruth，insomuchasconcernstheletterandhistoryofthefactum，yetneverthelessthecraftyslights，cunningsubtleties，slycozenages，andlittletroublingentanglementsarehidundertherosepot，thecommoncloakandcoverofallfraudulentdeceits。

ShouldIendurethat，whenIameatingmypottageequalwiththebest，andthatwithouteitherthinkingorspeakinganymannerofill，theyrudelycometovex，trouble，andperplexmybrainswiththatantiqueproverbwhichsaith，Whoinhispottage-eatingdrinkswillnot，Whenheisdeadandburied，seeonejot。

And，goodlady，howmanygreatcaptainshaveweseeninthedayofbattle，wheninopenfieldthesacramentwasdistributedinluncheonsofthesanctifiedbreadoftheconfraternity，themorehonestlytonodtheirheads，playonthelute，andcrackwiththeirtails，tomakeprettylittleplatformleapsinkeepinglevelbytheground？ButnowtheworldisunshackledfromthecornersofthepacksofLeicester。Onefliesoutlewdlyandbecomesdebauched；another，likewise，five，four，andtwo，andthatatsuchrandomthat，ifthecourttakenotsomecoursetherein，itwillmakeasbadaseasoninmatterofgleaningthisyearaseveritmade，oritwillmakegoblets。Ifanypoorcreaturegotothestovestoilluminatehismuzzlewithacowsherdortobuywinter-boots，andthatthesergeantspassingby，orthoseofthewatch，happentoreceivethedecoctionofaclysterorthefecalmatterofaclose-stoolupontheirrustling-wrangling-clutter-keepingmasterships，shouldanybecauseofthatmakeboldtocliptheshillingsandtestersandfrythewoodendishes？

Sometimes，whenwethinkonething，Goddoesanother；andwhenthesuniswhollysetallbeastsareintheshade。Letmeneverbebelievedagain，ifIdonotgallantlyproveitbyseveralpeoplewhohaveseenthelightoftheday。

Intheyearthirtyandsix，buyingaDutchcurtail，whichwasamiddle-

sizedhorse，bothhighandshort，ofawoolgoodenoughanddyedingrain，asthegoldsmithsassuredme，althoughthenotaryputan&c。init，ItoldreallythatIwasnotaclerkofsomuchlearningastosnatchatthemoonwithmyteeth；but，asforthebutter-firkinwhereVulcaniandeedsandevidencesweresealed，therumourwas，andthereportthereofwentcurrent，thatsalt-beefwillmakeonefindthewaytothewinewithoutacandle，thoughitwerehidinthebottomofacollier\'ssack，andthatwithhisdrawersonheweremountedonabarbedhorsefurnishedwithafronstal，andsucharms，thighs，andleg-piecesasarerequisiteforthewellfryingandbroilingofaswaggeringsauciness。Hereisasheep\'shead，anditiswelltheymakeaproverbofthis，thatitisgoodtoseeblackcowsinburntwoodwhenoneattainstotheenjoymentofhislove。Ihadaconsultationuponthispointwithmymasterstheclerks，whoforresolutionconcludedinfrisesomorumthatthereisnothingliketomowinginthesummer，andsweepingcleanawayinwater，wellgarnishedwithpaper，ink，pens，andpenknives，ofLyonsupontheriverofRhone，dolopymdolopof，tarabintarabas，tut，prut，pish；for，incontinentlyafterthatarmourbeginstosmellofgarlic，therustwillgoneartoeattheliver，notofhimthatwearsit，andthendotheynothingelsebutwithstandothers\'courses，andwryneckedlysetuptheirbristles\'gainstoneanother，inlightlypassingovertheirafternoon\'ssleep，andthisisthatwhichmakethsaltsodear。

Mylords，believenotwhenthesaidgoodwomanhadwithbirdlimecaughttheshovelerfowl，thebetterbeforeasergeant\'switnesstodelivertheyoungerson\'sportiontohim，thatthesheep\'spluckorhog\'shasletdiddodgeandshrinkbackintheusurers\'purses，orthattherecouldbeanythingbettertopreserveonefromthecannibalsthantotakearopeofonions，knitwiththreehundredturnips，andalittleofacalf\'schaldernofthebestallaythatthealchemistshaveprovided，(and)thattheydaubanddooverwithclay，asalsocalcinateandburntodustthesepantoufles，muffinmuffout，mouflinmouflard，withthefinesauceofthejuiceoftherabblerout，whilsttheyhidethemselvesinsomepettymouldwarphole，savingalwaysthelittleslicesofbacon。Now，ifthedicewillnotfavouryouwithanyotherthrowbutambes-aceandthechanceofthreeatthegreatend，markwelltheace，thentakemeyourdame，settleherinacornerofthebed，andwhiskmeherupdrilletrille，there，there，tourelouralala；

whichwhenyouhavedone，takeaheartydraughtofthebest，despicandogrenovillibus，indespiteofthefrogs，whosefaircoarsebebuskinedstockingsshallbesetapartforthelittlegreengeeseormewedgoslings，which，fattenedinacoop，takedelighttosportthemselvesatthewagtailgame，waitingforthebeatingofthemetalandheatingofthewaxbytheslaveringdrivellersofconsolation。

Verytrueitis，thatthefouroxenwhichareindebate，andwhereofmentionwasmade，weresomewhatshortinmemory。Nevertheless，tounderstandthegamearight，theyfearedneitherthecormorantnormallardofSavoy，whichputthegoodpeopleofmycountryingreathopethattheirchildrensometimeshouldbecomeveryskilfulinalgorism。Thereforeisit，thatbyalawrubricandspecialsentencethereof，thatwecannotfailtotakethewolfifwemakeourhedgeshigherthanthewindmill，whereofsomewhatwasspokenbytheplaintiff。Butthegreatdevildidenvyit，andbythatmeansputtheHighDutchesfarbehind，whoplayedthedevilsinswillingdownandtipplingatthegoodliquor，trink，meinherr，trink，trink，bytwoofmytable-meninthecorner-pointIhavegainedthelurch。

Foritisnotprobable，noristhereanyappearanceoftruthinthissaying，thatatParisuponalittlebridgethehenisproportionable，andweretheyascoppedandhigh-crestedasmarshwhoops，ifveritablytheydidnotsacrificetheprinter\'spumpet-ballsatMoreb，withanewedgesetuponthembytextlettersorthoseofaswift-writinghand，itisallonetome，sothattheheadbandofthebookbreednotmothsorwormsinit。Andputthecasethat，atthecouplingtogetherofthebuckhounds，thelittlepuppiesshallhavewaxedproudbeforethenotarycouldhavegivenanaccountoftheservingofhiswritbythecabalisticart，itwillnecessarilyfollow，undercorrectionofthebetterjudgmentofthecourt，thatsixacresofmeadowgroundofthegreatestbreadthwillmakethreebuttsoffineink，withoutpayingreadymoney；consideringthat，atthefuneralofKingCharles，wemighthavehadthefathominopenmarketforoneortwo，thatis，deuceace。ThisImayaffirmwithasafeconscience，uponmyoathofwool。

AndIseeordinarilyinallgoodbagpipes，that，whentheygotothecounterfeitingofthechirpingofsmallbirds，byswingingabroomthreetimesaboutachimney，andputtinghisnameuponrecord，theydonothingbutbendacrossbowbackwards，andwindahorn，ifperhapsitbetoohot，andthat，bymakingitfasttoaropehewastodraw，immediatelyafterthesightoftheletters，thecowswererestoredtohim。Suchanothersentenceafterthehomeliestmannerwaspronouncedintheseventeenthyear，becauseofthebadgovernmentofLouzefougarouse，whereuntoitmaypleasethecourttohaveregard。Idesiretoberightlyunderstood；fortruly，Isaynotbutthatinallequity，andwithanuprightconscience，thosemayverywellbedispossessedwhodrinkholywaterasonewoulddoaweaver\'sshuttle，whereofsuppositoriesaremadetothosethatwillnotresign，butonthetermsofellandtellandgivingofonethingforanother。Tunc，mylords，quidjurisprominoribus？ForthecommoncustomoftheSaliclawissuch，thatthefirstincendiaryorfirebrandofseditionthatflaysthecowandwipeshisnoseinafullconcertofmusicwithoutblowinginthecobbler\'sstitches，shouldinthetimeofthenightmaresublimatethepenuryofhismemberbymossgatheredwhenpeopleareliketofounderthemselvesatthemessatmidnight，togivetheestrapadetothesewhitewinesofAnjouthatdothefearoftheleginliftingitbyhorsemencalledthegambetta，andthatnecktoneckafterthefashionofBrittany，concludingasbeforewithcosts，damages，andinterests。

AfterthattheLordofSuckfisthadended，PantagruelsaidtotheLordofKissbreech，Myfriend，haveyouamindtomakeanyreplytowhatissaid？

No，mylord，answeredKissbreech；forIhavespokeallIintended，andnothingbutthetruth。Therefore，putanendforGod\'ssaketoourdifference，forwearehereatgreatcharge。