第8章

Chapter2。XIII。

HowPantagruelgavejudgmentuponthedifferenceofthetwolords。

ThenPantagruel，risingup，assembledallthepresidents，counsellors，anddoctorsthatwerethere，andsaiduntothem，Comenow，mymasters，youhaveheardvivaevocisoraculo，thecontroversythatisinquestion；whatdoyouthinkofit？Theyansweredhim，Wehaveindeedheardit，buthavenotunderstoodthedevilsomuchasonecircumstanceofthecase；andthereforewebeseechyou，unavoce，andincourtesyrequestyouthatyouwouldgivesentenceasyouthinkgood，and，exnuncproutextunc，wearesatisfiedwithit，anddoratifyitwithourfullconsents。Well，mymasters，saidPantagruel，seeingyouaresopleased，Iwilldoit；butIdonottrulyfindthecasesodifficultasyoumakeit。YourparagraphCaton，thelawFrater，thelawGallus，thelawQuinquepedum，thelawVinum，thelawSiDominus，thelawMater，thelawMulierbona，tothelawSiquis，thelawPomponius，thelawFundi，thelawEmptor，thelawPraetor，thelawVenditor，andagreatmanyothers，arefarmoreintricateinmyopinion。

Afterhehadspokethis，hewalkedaturnortwoaboutthehall，ploddingveryprofoundly，asonemaythink；forhedidgroanlikeanasswhilsttheygirthhimtoohard，withtheveryintensivenessofconsideringhowhewasboundinconsciencetodorighttobothparties，withoutvaryingoracceptingofpersons。Thenhereturned，satdown，andbegantopronouncesentenceasfolloweth。

Havingseen，heard，calculated，andwellconsideredofthedifferencebetweentheLordsofKissbreechandSuckfist，thecourtsaithuntothem，thatinregardofthesuddenquaking，shivering，andhoarinessoftheflickermouse，bravelydecliningfromtheestivalsolstice，toattemptbyprivatemeansthesurprisaloftoyishtriflesinthosewhoarealittleunwellforhavingtakenadraughttoomuch，throughthelewddemeanourandvexationofthebeetlesthatinhabitthediarodal(diarhomal)climateofanhypocriticalapeonhorseback，bendingacrossbowbackwards，theplaintifftrulyhadjustcausetocalfet，orwithoakumtostopthechinksofthegalleonwhichthegoodwomanblewupwithwind，havingonefootshodandtheotherbare，reimbursingandrestoringtohim，lowandstiffinhisconscience，asmanybladder-nutsandwildpistachesasthereisofhairineighteencows，withasmuchfortheembroiderer，andsomuchforthat。Heislikewisedeclaredinnocentofthecaseprivilegedfromtheknapdardies，intothedangerwhereofitwasthoughthehadincurred；becausehecouldnotjocundlyandwithfulnessoffreedomuntrussanddung，bythedecisionofapairofglovesperfumedwiththescentofbum-gunshotatthewalnut-

treetaper，asisusualinhiscountryofMirebalais。Slacking，therefore，thetopsail，andlettinggothebowlinewiththebrazenbullets，wherewiththemarinersdidbywayofprotestationbakeinpastemeatgreatstoreofpulseinterquiltedwiththedormouse，whosehawk\'s-bellsweremadewithapuntinaria，afterthemannerofHungaryorFlanderslace，andwhichhisbrother-in-lawcarriedinapannier，lyingneartothreechevronsorborderedgules，whilsthewascleanoutofheart，droopingandcrestfallenbythetoonarrowsifting，canvassing，andcuriousexaminingofthematterintheangularlydogholeofnastyscoundrels，fromwhenceweshootatthevermiformalpopinjaywiththeflapmadeofafoxtail。

Butinthathechargeththedefendantthathewasabotcher，cheese-eater，andtrimmerofman\'sfleshembalmed，whichinthearsiversyswagfalltumblewasnotfoundtrue，asbythedefendantwasverywelldiscussed。

Thecourt，therefore，dothcondemnandamercehiminthreeporringersofcurds，wellcementedandclosedtogether，shininglikepearls，andcodpiecedafterthefashionofthecountry，tobepaiduntothesaiddefendantaboutthemiddleofAugustinMay。But，ontheotherpart，thedefendantshallbeboundtofurnishhimwithhayandstubbleforstoppingthecaltropsofhisthroat，troubledandimpulregafized，withgabardinesgarbledshufflingly，andfriendsasbefore，withoutcostsandforcause。

Whichsentencebeingpronounced，thetwopartiesdepartedbothcontentedwiththedecree，whichwasathingalmostincredible。Foritnevercametopasssincethegreatrain，norshallthelikeoccurinthirteenjubileeshereafter，thattwopartiescontradictorilycontendinginjudgmentbeequallysatisfiedandwellpleasedwiththedefinitivesentence。Asforthecounsellorsandotherdoctorsinthelawthatweretherepresent，theywereallsoravishedwithadmirationatthemorethanhumanwisdomofPantagruel，whichtheydidmostclearlyperceivetobeinhimbyhissoaccuratedecisionofthissodifficultandthornycause，thattheirspiritswiththeextremityoftherapturebeingelevatedabovethepitchofactuatingtheorgansofthebody，theyfellintoatranceandsuddenecstasy，whereintheystayedforthespaceofthreelonghours，andhadbeensoasyetinthatconditionhadnotsomegoodpeoplefetchedstoreofvinegarandrose-watertobringthemagainuntotheirformersenseandunderstanding，forthewhichGodbepraisedeverywhere。Andsobeit。

Chapter2。XIV。

HowPanurgerelatedthemannerhowheescapedoutofthehandsoftheTurks。

ThegreatwitandjudgmentofPantagruelwasimmediatelyafterthismadeknownuntoalltheworldbysettingforthhispraisesinprint，andputtinguponrecordthislatewonderfulproofhehathgiventhereofamongsttherollsofthecrownandregistersofthepalace，insuchsortthateverybodybegantosaythatSolomon，whobyaprobableguessonly，withoutanyfurthercertainty，causedthechildtobedeliveredtoitsownmother，showedneverinhistimesuchamasterpieceofwisdomasthegoodPantagruelhathdone。Happyarewe，therefore，thathavehiminourcountry。Andindeedtheywouldhavemadehimthereuponmasteroftherequestsandpresidentinthecourt；butherefusedall，verygraciouslythankingthemfortheiroffer。For，saidhe，thereistoomuchslaveryintheseoffices，andveryhardlycantheybesavedthatdoexercisethem，consideringthegreatcorruptionthatisamongstmen。Whichmakesmebelieve，iftheemptyseatsofangelsbenotfilledwithotherkindofpeoplethanthose，weshallnothavethefinaljudgmenttheseseventhousand，sixtyandsevenjubileesyettocome，andsoCusanuswillbedeceivedinhisconjecture。RememberthatIhavetoldyouofit，andgivenyoufairadvertisementintimeandplaceconvenient。

Butifyouhaveanyhogsheadsofgoodwine，Iwillinglywillacceptofapresentofthat。Whichtheyveryheartilydiddo，insendinghimofthebestthatwasinthecity，andhedrankreasonablywell，butpoorPanurgebibbedandbousedofitmostvillainously，forhewasasdryasared-

herring，asleanasarake，and，likeapoor，lank，slendercat，walkedgingerlyasifhehadtroduponeggs。Sothatbysomeonebeingadmonished，inthemidstofhisdraughtofalargedeepbowlfullofexcellentclaretwiththesewords——Fairandsoftly，gossip，yousuckupasifyouweremad——

Igivetheetothedevil，saidhe；thouhastnotfoundherethylittletipplingsippersofParis，thatdrinknomorethanthelittlebirdcalledaspinkorchaffinch，andnevertakeintheirbeakfulofliquortilltheybebobbedonthetailsafterthemannerofthesparrows。Ocompanion！ifI

couldmountupaswellasIcangetdown，IhadbeenlongerethisabovethesphereofthemoonwithEmpedocles。ButIcannottellwhatadevilthismeans。Thiswineissogoodanddelicious，thatthemoreIdrinkthereofthemoreIamathirst。IbelievethattheshadowofmymasterPantagruelengendereththealteredandthirstymen，asthemoondoththecatarrhsanddefluxions。Atwhichwordthecompanybegantolaugh，whichPantagruelperceiving，said，Panurge，whatisthatwhichmovesyoutolaughso？Sir，saidhe，IwastellingthemthatthesedevilishTurksareveryunhappyinthattheyneverdrinkonedropofwine，andthatthoughtherewerenootherharminallMahomet\'sAlcoran，yetforthisonebasepointofabstinencefromwinewhichthereiniscommanded，Iwouldnotsubmitmyselfuntotheirlaw。Butnowtellme，saidPantagruel，howyouescapedoutoftheirhands。ByG——，sir，saidPanurge，Iwillnotlietoyouinoneword。

TherascallyTurkshadbroachedmeuponaspitalllardedlikearabbit，forIwassodryandmeagrethatotherwiseofmyfleshtheywouldhavemadebutverybadmeat，andinthismannerbegantoroastmealive。Astheywerethusroastingme，Irecommendedmyselfuntothedivinegrace，havinginmymindthegoodSt。Lawrence，andalwayshopedinGodthathewoulddelivermeoutofthistorment。Whichcametopass，andthatverystrangely。ForasIdidcommitmyselfwithallmyheartuntoGod，crying，LordGod，helpme！LordGod，saveme！LordGod，takemeoutofthispainandhellishtorture，whereinthesetraitorousdogsdetainmeformysincerityinthemaintenanceofthylaw！Theroasterorturnspitfellasleepbythedivinewill，orelsebythevirtueofsomegoodMercury，whocunninglybroughtArgusintoasleepforallhishundredeyes。WhenIsawthathedidnolongerturnmeinroasting，Ilookeduponhim，andperceivedthathewasfastasleep。ThentookIupinmyteethafirebrandbytheendwhereitwasnotburnt，andcastitintothelapofmyroaster，andanotherdidIthrowaswellasIcouldunderafield-couchthatwasplacedneartothechimney，whereinwasthestraw-bedofmymasterturnspit。Presentlythefiretookholdinthestraw，andfromthestrawtothebed，andfromthebedtotheloft，whichwasplankedandceiledwithfir，afterthefashionofthefootofalamp。Butthebestwas，thatthefirewhichIhadcastintothelapofmypaltryroasterburntallhisgroin，andwasbeginningtocease(seize)uponhiscullions，whenhebecamesensibleofthedanger，forhissmellingwasnotsobadbutthathefeltitsoonerthanhecouldhaveseendaylight。Thensuddenlygettingup，andinagreatamazementrunningtothewindow，hecriedouttothestreetsashighashecould，Dalbaroth，dalbaroth，dalbaroth，whichisasmuchtosayasFire，fire，fire。Incontinentlyturningabout，hecamestraighttowardsmetothrowmequiteintothefire，andtothateffecthadalreadycuttheropeswherewithmyhandsweretied，andwasundoingthecordsfromoffmyfeet，whenthemasterofthehousehearinghimcryFire，andsmellingthesmokefromtheverystreetwherehewaswalkingwithsomeotherBashawsandMustaphas，ranwithallthespeedhehadtosavewhathecould，andtocarryawayhisjewels。Yetsuchwashisrage，beforehecouldwellresolvehowtogoaboutit，thathecaughtthebroachwhereonIwasspittedandtherewithkilledmyroasterstarkdead，ofwhichwoundhediedthereforwantofgovernmentorotherwise；forheranhiminwiththespitalittleabovethenavel，towardstherightflank，tillhepiercedthethirdlappetofhisliver，andtheblowslantingupwardsfromthemidriffordiaphragm，throughwhichithadmadepenetration，thespitpassedathwartthepericardiumorcapsuleofhisheart，andcameoutaboveathisshoulders，betwixtthespondylsorturningjointsofthechineofthebackandthelefthomoplat，whichwecalltheshoulder-blade。

Trueitis，forIwillnotlie，that，indrawingthespitoutofmybodyI

felltothegroundnearuntotheandirons，andsobythefalltooksomehurt，whichindeedhadbeengreater，butthatthelardons，orlittleslicesofbaconwherewithIwasstuck，keptofftheblow。MyBashawthenseeingthecasetobedesperate，hishouseburntwithoutremission，andallhisgoodslost，gavehimselfoveruntoallthedevilsinhell，callinguponsomeofthembytheirnames，Grilgoth，Astaroth，Rappalus，andGribouillis，nineseveraltimes。WhichwhenIsaw，Ihadabovesixpence\'worthoffear，dreadingthatthedevilswouldcomeeventhentocarryawaythisfool，and，seeingmesonearhim，wouldperhapssnatchmeupto。Iamalready，thoughtI，halfroasted，andmylardonswillbethecauseofmymischief；

forthesedevilsareveryliquorousoflardons，accordingtotheauthoritywhichyouhaveofthephilosopherJamblicus，andMurmault，intheApologyofBossutis，adulteratedpromagistrosnostros。ButformybettersecurityImadethesignofthecross，crying，Hageos，athanatos，hotheos，andnonecame。AtwhichmyrogueBashawbeingverymuchaggrievedwould，intranspiercinghisheartwithmyspit，havekilledhimself，andtothatpurposehadsetitagainsthisbreast，butitcouldnotenter，becauseitwasnotsharpenough。WhereuponIperceivingthathewasnotliketoworkuponhisbodytheeffectwhichheintended，althoughhedidnotsparealltheforcehehadtothrustitforward，cameuptohimandsaid，MasterBugrino，thoudostherebuttrifleawaythytime，orrashlyloseit，forthouwiltneverkillthyselfthusasthoudoest。Well，thoumaysthurtorbruisesomewhatwithinthee，soastomaketheelanguishallthylifetimemostpitifullyamongstthehandsofthechirurgeons；butifthouwiltbecounselledbyme，Iwillkilltheeclearoutright，sothatthoushaltnotsomuchasfeelit，andtrustme，forIhavekilledagreatmanyothers，whohavefoundthemselvesverywellafterit。Ha，myfriend，saidhe，I

pritheedoso，andforthypainsIwillgivetheemycodpiece(budget)；

take，hereitis，therearesixhundredseraphsinit，andsomefinediamondsandmostexcellentrubies。Andwherearethey？saidEpistemon。

BySt。John，saidPanurge，theyareagoodwayhence，iftheyalwayskeepgoing。Butwhereisthelastyear\'ssnow？ThiswasthegreatestcarethatVillontheParisianpoettook。Makeanend，saidPantagruel，thatwemayknowhowthoudidstdressthyBashaw。Bythefaithofanhonestman，saidPanurge，Idonotlieinoneword。Iswaddledhiminascurvyswathel-

bindingwhichIfoundlyingtherehalfburnt，andwithmycordstiedhimroister-likebothhandandfoot，insuchsortthathewasnotabletowince；thenpassedmyspitthroughhisthroat，andhangedhimthereon，fasteningtheendthereofattwogreathooksorcrampirons，uponwhichtheydidhangtheirhalberds；andthen，kindlingafairfireunderhim，didflameyouupmyMilourt，astheyusetododryherringsinachimney。Withthis，takinghisbudgetandalittlejavelinthatwasupontheforesaidhooks，Iranawayafairgallop-rake，andGodheknowshowIdidsmellmyshoulderofmutton。

WhenIwascomedownintothestreet，Ifoundeverybodycometoputoutthefirewithstoreofwater，andseeingmesohalf-roasted，theydidnaturallypitymycase，andthrewalltheirwateruponme，which，byamostjoyfulrefreshingofme，didmeverymuchgood。Thendidtheypresentmewithsomevictuals，butIcouldnoteatmuch，becausetheygavemenothingtodrinkbutwateraftertheirfashion。Otherhurttheydidmenone，onlyonelittlevillainousTurkeyknobbreastedroguecamethiefteouslytosnatchawaysomeofmylardons，butIgavehimsuchasturdythumpandsoundraponthefingerswithalltheweightofmyjavelin，thathecamenomorethesecondtime。ShortlyafterthistherecametowardsmeaprettyyoungCorinthianwench，whobroughtmeaboxfulofconserves，ofroundMirabolanplums，calledemblicks，andlookeduponmypoorrobinwithaneyeofgreatcompassion，asitwasflea-bittenandpinkedwiththesparklesofthefirefromwhenceitcame，foritreachednofartherinlength，believeme，thanmyknees。Butnotethatthisroastingcuredmeentirelyofasciatica，whereuntoIhadbeensubjectabovesevenyearsbefore，uponthatsidewhichmyroasterbyfallingasleepsufferedtobeburnt。

Now，whilsttheywerethusbusyaboutme，thefiretriumphed，neveraskhow？Forittookholdonabovetwothousandhouses，whichoneofthemespyingcriedout，saying，ByMahoom\'sbelly，allthecityisonfire，andwedoneverthelessstandgazinghere，withoutofferingtomakeanyrelief。

Uponthiseveryonerantosavehisown；formypart，Itookmywaytowardsthegate。WhenIwasgotupontheknapofalittlehillocknotfaroff，I

turnedmeaboutasdidLot\'swife，and，lookingback，sawallthecityburninginafairfire，whereatIwassogladthatIhadalmostbeshitmyselfforjoy。ButGodpunishedmewellforit。How？saidPantagruel。

Thus，saidPanurge；forwhenwithpleasureIbeheldthisjollyfire，jestingwithmyself，andsaying——Ha！poorflies，ha！poormice，youwillhaveabadwinterofitthisyear；thefireisinyourreeks，itisinyourbed-straw——outcomemorethansix，yea，morethanthirteenhundredandelevendogs，greatandsmall，altogetheroutofthetown，flyingawayfromthefire。Atthefirstapproachtheyranalluponme，beingcarriedonbythescentofmylecheroushalf-roastedflesh，andhadeventhendevouredmeinatrice，ifmygoodangelhadnotwellinspiredmewiththeinstructionofaremedyverysovereignagainstthetoothache。Andwherefore，saidPantagruel，wertthouafraidofthetoothacheorpainoftheteeth？Wertthounotcuredofthyrheums？ByPalmSunday，saidPanurge，isthereanygreaterpainoftheteeththanwhenthedogshaveyoubythelegs？Butonasudden，asmygoodangeldirectedme，Ithoughtuponmylardons，andthrewthemintothemidstofthefieldamongstthem。Thendidthedogsrun，andfightwithoneanotheratfairteethwhichshouldhavethelardons。Bythismeanstheyleftme，andIleftthemalsobustlingwithandhairingoneanother。ThusdidIescapefrolicandlively，gramercyroastmeatandcookery。

Chapter2。XV。

HowPanurgeshowedaverynewwaytobuildthewallsofParis。

Pantagrueloneday，torefreshhimselfofhisstudy，wenta-walkingtowardsSt。Marcel\'ssuburbs，toseetheextravagancyoftheGobelinebuilding，andtotasteoftheirspicedbread。Panurgewaswithhim，havingalwaysaflagonunderhisgownandagoodsliceofagammonofbacon；forwithoutthisheneverwent，sayingthatitwasasayeomanoftheguardtohim，topreservehisbodyfromharm。Otherswordcarriedhenone；and，whenPantagruelwouldhavegivenhimone，heansweredthatheneedednone，forthatitwouldbutheathismilt。Yeabut，saidEpistemon，ifthoushouldstbesetupon，howwouldstthoudefendthyself？Withgreatbuskinadesorbrodkinblows，answeredhe，providedthrustswereforbidden。Attheirreturn，PanurgeconsideredthewallsofthecityofParis，andinderisionsaidtoPantagruel，Seewhatfairwallshereare！Ohowstrongtheyare，andwellfittedtokeepgeeseinameworcooptofattenthem！Bymybeard，theyarecompetentlyscurvyforsuchacityasthisis；foracowwithonefartwouldgoneartooverthrowabovesixfathomsofthem。Omyfriend，saidPantagruel，dostthouknowwhatAgesilaussaidwhenhewasaskedwhythegreatcityofLacedaemonwasnotenclosedwithwalls？Lohere，saidhe，thewallsofthecity！inshowingthemtheinhabitantsandcitizensthereof，sostrong，sowellarmed，andsoexpertinmilitarydiscipline；signifyingtherebythatthereisnowallbutofbones，andthattownsandcitiescannothaveasurerwallnorbetterfortificationthantheprowessandvirtueofthecitizensandinhabitants。Soisthiscitysostrong，bythegreatnumberofwarlikepeoplethatareinit，thattheycarenotformakinganyotherwalls。Besides，whosoeverwouldgoabouttowallit，asStrasbourg，Orleans，orFerrara，wouldfinditalmostimpossible，thecostandchargeswouldbesoexcessive。Yeabut，saidPanurge，itisgood，nevertheless，tohaveanoutsideofstonewhenweareinvadedbyourenemies，wereitbuttoask，Whoisbelowthere？Asfortheenormousexpensewhichyousaywouldbeneedfulforundertakingthegreatworkofwallingthiscityabout，ifthegentlemenofthetownwillbepleasedtogivemeagoodroughcupofwine，Iwillshowthemapretty，strange，andnewway，howtheymaybuildthemgoodcheap。How？saidPantagruel。Donotspeakofitthen，answeredPanurge，andIwilltellityou。Iseethatthesinequonons，kallibistris，orcontrapunctumsofthewomenofthiscountryarebettercheapthanstones。Ofthemshouldthewallsbebuilt，rangingthemingoodsymmetrybytherulesofarchitecture，andplacingthelargestinthefirstranks，thenslopingdownwardsridge-

wise，likethebackofanass。Themiddle-sizedonesmustberankednext，andlastofalltheleastandsmallest。Thisdone，theremustbeafinelittleinterlacingofthem，likepointsofdiamonds，asistobeseeninthegreattowerofBourges，withalikenumberofthenudinnudos，nilnisistandos，andstiffbracmards，thatdwellinamongsttheclaustralcodpieces。Whatdevilwereabletooverthrowsuchwalls？Thereisnometallikeittoresistblows，insofarthat，ifculverin-shotshouldcometograzeuponit，youwouldincontinentlyseedistilfromthencetheblessedfruitofthegreatpoxassmallasrain。Beware，inthenameofthedevils，andholdoff。Furthermore，nothunderboltorlightningwouldfalluponit。Forwhy？Theyarealleitherblestorconsecrated。Iseebutoneinconveniencyinit。Ho，ho，ha，ha，ha！saidPantagruel，andwhatisthat？Itis，thattheflieswouldbesoliquorishofthemthatyouwouldwonder，andwouldquicklygathertheretogether，andthereleavetheirordureandexcretions，andsoalltheworkwouldbespoiled。Butseehowthatmightberemedied:theymustbewipedandmaderidoftheflieswithfairfoxtails，orgreatgoodviedazes，whichareass-pizzles，ofProvence。AndtothispurposeIwilltellyou，aswegotosupper，abraveexamplesetdownbyFraterLubinus，Librodecompotationibusmendicantium。

Inthetimethatthebeastsdidspeak，whichisnotyetthreedayssince，apoorlion，walkingthroughtheforestofBieure，andsayinghisownlittleprivatedevotions，passedunderatreewheretherewasaroguishcolliergottenuptocutdownwood，who，seeingthelion，casthishatchetathimandwoundedhimenormouslyinoneofhislegs；whereuponthelionhalting，hesolongtoiledandturmoiledhimselfinroamingupanddowntheforesttofindhelp，thatatlasthemetwithacarpenter，whowillinglylookeduponhiswound，cleanseditaswellashecould，andfilleditwithmoss，tellinghimthathemustwipehiswoundwellthatthefliesmightnotdotheirexcrementsinit，whilstheshouldgosearchforsomeyarrowormillefoil，commonlycalledthecarpenter\'sherb。Thelion，beingthushealed，walkedalongintheforestatwhattimeasempiternouscroneandoldhagwaspickingupandgatheringsomesticksinthesaidforest，who，seeingthelioncomingtowardsher，forfearfelldownbackwards，insuchsortthatthewindblewuphergown，coats，andsmock，evenasfarasabovehershoulders；whichthelionperceiving，forpityrantoseewhethershehadtakenanyhurtbythefall，andthereuponconsideringherhowdoyoucallit，said，Opoorwoman，whohaththuswoundedthee？Whichwordswhenhehadspoken，heespiedafox，whomhecalledtocometohimsaying，GossipReynard，hau，hither，hither，andforcause！Whenthefoxwascome，hesaiduntohim，Mygossipandfriend，theyhavehurtthisgoodwomanherebetweenthelegsmostvillainously，andthereisamanifestsolutionofcontinuity。Seehowgreatawounditis，evenfromthetailuptothenavel，inmeasurefour，nayfullfivehandfulsandahalf。Thisistheblowofahatchet，Idoubtme；itisanoldwound，andtherefore，thatthefliesmaynotgetintoit，wipeitlustilywellandhard，Iprithee，bothwithinandwithout；thouhastagoodtail，andlong。Wipe，myfriend，wipe，Ibeseechthee，andinthemeanwhileIwillgogetsomemosstoputintoit；forthusoughtwetosuccourandhelponeanother。Wipeithard，thus，myfriend；wipeitwell，forthiswoundmustbeoftenwiped，otherwisethepartycannotbeatease。Goto，wipewell，mylittlegossip，wipe；Godhathfurnishedtheewithatail；thouhastalongone，andofabignessproportionable；wipehard，andbenotweary。Agoodwiper，who，inwipingcontinually，wipethwithhiswipard，bywaspsshallneverbewounded。Wipe，myprettyminion；wipe，mylittlebully；Iwillnotstaylong。Thenwenthetogetstoreofmoss；andwhenhewasalittlewayoff，hecriedoutinspeakingtothefoxthus，Wipewellstill，gossip，wipe，andletitnevergrievetheetowipewell，mylittlegossip；IwillputtheeintoservicetobewipertoDonPedrodeCastile；wipe，onlywipe，andnomore。Thepoorfoxwipedashardashecould，hereandthere，withinandwithout；butthefalseoldtrotdidsofizzleandfistthatshestunklikeahundreddevils，whichputthepoorfoxtoagreatdealofillease，forheknewnottowhatsidetoturnhimselftoescapetheunsavouryperfumeofthisoldwoman\'sposternblasts。Andwhilsttothateffecthewasshiftinghitherandthither，withoutknowinghowtoshuntheannoyanceofthoseunwholesomegusts，hesawthatbehindtherewasyetanotherhole，notsogreatasthatwhichhedidwipe，outofwhichcamethisfilthyandinfectiousair。Thelionatlastreturned，bringingwithhimofmossmorethaneighteenpackswouldhold，andbegantoputintothewoundwithastaffwhichhehadprovidedforthatpurpose，andhadalreadyputinfullsixteenpacksandahalf，atwhichhewasamazed。Whatadevil！saidhe，thiswoundisverydeep；itwouldholdabovetwocartloadsofmoss。Thefox，perceivingthis，saiduntothelion，Ogossiplion，myfriend，Ipraytheedonotputinallthymossthere；keepsomewhat，forthereisyethereanotherlittlehole，thatstinkslikefivehundreddevils；Iamalmostchokedwiththesmellthereof，itissopestiferousandempoisoning。

Thusmustthesewallsbekeptfromtheflies，andwagesallowedtosomeforwipingofthem。ThensaidPantagruel，Howdostthouknowthattheprivypartsofwomenareatsuchacheaprate？Forinthiscitytherearemanyvirtuous，honest，andchastewomenbesidesthemaids。Etubiprenus？saidPanurge。Iwillgiveyoumyopinionofit，andthatuponcertainandassuredknowledge。IdonotbragthatIhavebumbastedfourhundredandseventeensinceIcameintothiscity，thoughitbebutninedaysago；butthisverymorningImetwithagoodfellow，who，inawalletsuchasAesop\'swas，carriedtwolittlegirlsoftwoorthreeyearsoldatthemost，onebeforeandtheotherbehind。Hedemandedalmsofme，butImadehimanswerthatIhadmorecodsthanpence。AfterwardsIaskedhim，Goodman，thesetwogirls，aretheymaids？Brother，saidhe，Ihavecarriedthemthusthesetwoyears，andinregardofherthatisbefore，whomIseecontinually，inmyopinionsheisavirgin，neverthelessIwillnotputmyfingerinthefireforit；asforherthatisbehind，doubtlessIcansaynothing。

Indeed，saidPantagruel，thouartagentlecompanion；Iwillhavetheetobeapparelledinmylivery。Andthereforecausedhimtobeclothedmostgallantlyaccordingtothefashionthatthenwas，onlythatPanurgewouldhavethecodpieceofhisbreechesthreefootlong，andinshapesquare，notround；whichwasdone，andwaswellworththeseeing。Oftentimeswashewonttosay，thattheworldhadnotyetknowntheemolumentandutilitythatisinwearinggreatcodpieces；buttimewouldonedayteachitthem，asallthingshavebeeninventedintime。Godkeepfromhurt，saidhe，thegoodfellowwhoselongcodpieceorbraguethathsavedhislife！Godkeepfromhurthimwhoselongbraguethathbeenworthtohiminonedayonehundredthreescorethousandandninecrowns！Godkeepfromhurthimwhobyhislongbraguethathsavedawholecityfromdyingbyfamine！And，byG-，IwillmakeabookofthecommodityoflongbraguetswhenIshallhavemoreleisure。Andindeedhecomposedafairgreatbookwithfigures，butitisnotprintedasyetthatIknowof。

Chapter2。XVI。

OfthequalitiesandconditionsofPanurge。

Panurgewasofamiddlestature，nottoohighnortoolow，andhadsomewhatanaquilinenose，madelikethehandleofarazor。Hewasatthattimefiveandthirtyyearsoldorthereabouts，finetogildlikealeadendagger——forhewasanotablecheaterandconey-catcher——hewasaverygallantandpropermanofhisperson，onlythathewasalittlelecherous，andnaturallysubjecttoakindofdiseasewhichatthattimetheycalledlackofmoney——itisanincomparablegrief，yet，notwithstanding，hehadthreescoreandthreetrickstocomebyitathisneed，ofwhichthemosthonourableandmostordinarywasinmannerofthieving，secretpurloiningandfilching，forhewasawickedlewdrogue，acozener，drinker，roister，rover，andaverydissoluteanddebauchedfellow，iftherewereanyinParis；otherwise，andinallmatterselse，thebestandmostvirtuousmanintheworld；andhewasstillcontrivingsomeplot，anddevisingmischiefagainstthesergeantsandthewatch。

Atonetimeheassembledthreeorfourespecialgoodhackstersandroaringboys，madethemintheeveningdrinklikeTemplars，afterwardsledthemtilltheycameunderSt。Genevieve，oraboutthecollegeofNavarre，and，atthehourthatthewatchwascomingupthatway——whichheknewbyputtinghissworduponthepavement，andhisearbyit，and，whenheheardhisswordshake，itwasaninfalliblesignthatthewatchwasnearatthatinstant——thenheandhiscompanionstookatumbrelordung-cart，andgaveitthebrangle，hurlingitwithalltheirforcedownthehill，andsooverthrewallthepoorwatchmenlikepigs，andthenranawayupontheotherside；forinlessthantwodaysheknewallthestreets，lanes，andturningsinParisaswellashisDeusdet。

Atanothertimehemadeinsomefairplace，wherethesaidwatchwastopass，atrainofgunpowder，and，attheveryinstantthattheywentalong，setfiretoit，andthenmadehimselfsporttoseewhatgoodgracetheyhadinrunningaway，thinkingthatSt。Anthony\'sfirehadcaughtthembythelegs。Asforthepoormastersofarts，hedidpersecutethemaboveallothers。Whenheencounteredwithanyofthemuponthestreet，hewouldnotneverfailtoputsometrickorotheruponthem，sometimesputtingthebitofafriedturdintheirgraduatehoods，atothertimespinningonlittlefoxtailsorhares\'-earsbehindthem，orsomesuchotherroguishprank。OnedaythattheywereappointedalltomeetintheFodderStreet(Sorbonne)，hemadeaBorbonesatart，orfilthyandslovenlycompound，madeofstoreofgarlic，ofassafoetida，ofcastoreum，ofdogs\'turdsverywarm，whichhesteeped，tempered，andliquefiedinthecorruptmatterofpockyboilsandpestiferousbotches；and，veryearlyinthemorningtherewithanointedallthepavement，insuchsortthatthedevilcouldnothaveenduredit，whichmadeallthesegoodpeopletheretolayuptheirgorges，andvomitwhatwasupontheirstomachsbeforealltheworld，asiftheyhadflayedthefox；

andtenortwelveofthemdiedoftheplague，fourteenbecamelepers，eighteengrewlousy，andaboutsevenandtwentyhadthepox，buthedidnotcareabuttonforit。Hecommonlycarriedawhipunderhisgown，wherewithhewhippedwithoutremissionthepageswhomhefoundcarryingwinetotheirmasters，tomakethemmendtheirpace。Inhiscoathehadabovesixandtwentylittlefobsandpocketsalwaysfull；onewithsomelead-water，andalittleknifeassharpasaglover\'sneedle，wherewithheusedtocutpurses；anotherwithsomekindofbitterstuff，whichhethrewintotheeyesofthosehemet；anotherwithclotburrs，pennedwithlittlegeese\'orcapon\'sfeathers，whichhecastuponthegownsandcapsofhonestpeople，andoftenmadethemfairhorns，whichtheyworeaboutallthecity，sometimesalltheirlife。Veryoften，also，uponthewomen\'sFrenchhoodswouldhestickinthehindpartsomewhatmadeintheshapeofaman\'smember。Inanother，hehadagreatmanylittlehornsfulloffleasandlice，whichheborrowedfromthebeggarsofSt。Innocent，andcastthemwithsmallcanesorquillstowritewithintothenecksofthedaintiestgentlewomenthathecouldfind，yea，eveninthechurch，forheneverseatedhimselfaboveinthechoir，butalwayssatinthebodyofthechurchamongstthewomen，bothatmass，atvespers，andatsermon。Inanother，heusedtohavegoodstoreofhooksandbuckles，wherewithhewouldcouplemenandwomentogetherthatsatincompanyclosetooneanother，butespeciallythosethatworegownsofcrimsontaffeties，that，whentheywereabouttogoaway，theymightrendalltheirgowns。Inanother，hehadasquibfurnishedwithtinder，matches，stonestostrikefire，andallothertacklingnecessaryforit。Inanother，twoorthreeburningglasses，wherewithhemadebothmenandwomensometimesmad，andinthechurchputthemquiteoutofcountenance；forhesaidthattherewasbutanantistrophe，orlittlemoredifferencethanofaliteralinversion，betweenawomanfollealamesseandmollealafesse，thatis，foolishatthemassandofapliantbuttock。

Inanother，hehadagooddealofneedlesandthread，wherewithhedidathousandlittledevilishpranks。Onetime，attheentryofthepalaceuntothegreathall，whereacertaingreyfriarorcordelierwastosaymasstothecounsellors，hedidhelptoapparelhimandputonhisvestments，butintheaccoutringofhimhesewedonhisalb，surplice，orstole，tohisgownandshirt，andthenwithdrewhimselfwhenthesaidlordsofthecourtorcounsellorscametohearthesaidmass；butwhenitcametotheIte，missaest，thatthepoorfraterwouldhavelaidbyhisstoleorsurplice，asthefashionthenwas，hepluckedoffwithalbothhisfrockandshirt，whichwerewellsewedtogether，andtherebystrippinghimselfuptotheveryshouldersshowedhisbelvederetoalltheworld，togetherwithhisDonCypriano，whichwasnosmallone，asyoumayimagine。Andthefriarstillkepthaling，butsomuchthemoredidhediscoverhimselfandlayopenhisbackparts，tilloneofthelordsofthecourtsaid，Hownow！

what\'sthematter？Willthisfairfathermakeushereanofferingofhistailtokissit？Nay，St。Anthony\'sfirekissitforus！Fromthenceforthitwasordainedthatthepoorfathersshouldneverdisrobethemselvesanymorebeforetheworld，butintheirvestry-room，orsextry，astheycallit；especiallyinthepresenceofwomen，lestitshouldtemptthemtothesinoflonginganddisordinatedesire。Thepeoplethenaskedwhyitwasthefriarshadsolongandlargegenitories？ThesaidPanurgeresolvedtheproblemveryneatly，saying，Thatwhichmakesassestohavesuchgreatearsisthattheirdamsdidputnobigginsontheirheads，asAlliacomentionethinhisSuppositions。Bythelikereason，thatwhichmakesthegenitoriesorgeneration-toolsofthosesofairfraterssolongis，forthattheywearnobottomedbreeches，andthereforetheirjollymember，havingnoimpediment，hangethdanglingatlibertyasfarasitcanreach，withawiggle-waggledowntotheirknees，aswomencarrytheirpaternosterbeads。

andthecausewhereforetheyhaveitsocorrespondentlygreatis，thatinthisconstantwig-waggingthehumoursofthebodydescendintothesaidmember。For，accordingtotheLegists，agitationandcontinualmotioniscauseofattraction。

Item，hehadanotherpocketfullofitchingpowder，calledstone-alum，whereofhewouldcastsomeintothebacksofthosewomenwhomhejudgedtobemostbeautifulandstately，whichdidsoticklishlygallthem，thatsomewouldstripthemselvesintheopenviewoftheworld，andothersdancelikeacockuponhotembers，oradrumstickonatabor。Others，again，ranaboutthestreets，andhewouldrunafterthem。Tosuchaswereinthestrippingveinhewouldverycivillycometoofferhisattendance，andcoverthemwithhiscloak，likeacourteousandverygraciousman。

Item，inanotherhehadalittleleatherbottlefullofoldoil，wherewith，whenhesawanymanorwomaninarichnewhandsomesuit，hewouldgrease，smutch，andspoilallthebestpartsofitundercolourandpretenceoftouchingthem，saying，Thisisgoodcloth；thisisgoodsatin；goodtaffeties！Madam，Godgiveyouallthatyournobleheartdesireth！Youhaveanewsuit，prettysir；——andyouanewgown，sweetmistress；——Godgiveyoujoyofit，andmaintainyouinallprosperity！Andwiththiswouldlayhishandupontheirshoulder，atwhichtouchsuchavillainousspotwasleftbehind，soenormouslyengraventoperpetuityintheverysoul，body，andreputation，thatthedevilhimselfcouldneverhavetakenitaway。

Then，uponhisdeparting，hewouldsay，Madam，takeheedyoudonotfall，forthereisafilthygreatholebeforeyou，whereintoifyouputyourfoot，youwillquitespoilyourself。

Anotherhehadallfullofeuphorbium，veryfinelypulverized。Inthatpowderdidhelayafairhandkerchiefcuriouslywrought，whichhehadstolenfromaprettyseamstressofthepalace，intakingawayalousefromoffherbosomwhichhehadputtherehimself，and，whenhecameintothecompanyofsomegoodladies，hewouldtriflethemintoadiscourseofsomefineworkmanshipofbone-lace，thenimmediatelyputhishandintotheirbosom，askingthem，Andthiswork，isitofFlanders，orofHainault？andthendrewouthishandkerchief，andsaid，Hold，hold，lookwhatworkhereis，itisofFoutignanorofFontarabia，andshakingithardattheirnose，madethemsneezeforfourhourswithoutceasing。Inthemeanwhilehewouldfartlikeahorse，andthewomenwouldlaughandsay，Hownow，doyoufart，Panurge？No，no，madam，saidhe，Idobuttunemytailtotheplainsongofthemusicwhichyoumakewithyournose。Inanotherhehadapicklock，apelican，acrampiron，acrook，andsomeotherirontools，wherewiththerewasnodoornorcofferwhichhewouldnotpickopen。Hehadanotherfulloflittlecups，wherewithheplayedveryartificially，forhehadhisfingersmadetohishand，likethoseofMinervaorArachne，andhadheretoforecriedtreacle。Andwhenhechangedateston，cardecu，oranyotherpieceofmoney，thechangerhadbeenmoresubtlethanafoxifPanurgehadnotateverytimemadefiveorsixsols(thatis，somesixorsevenpence，)vanishawayinvisibly，openly，andmanifestly，withoutmakinganyhurtorlesion，whereofthechangershouldhavefeltnothingbutthewind。

Chapter2。XVII。

HowPanurgegainedthepardons，andmarriedtheoldwomen，andofthesuitinlawwhichhehadatParis。

OnedayIfoundPanurgeverymuchoutofcountenance，melancholic，andsilent；whichmademesuspectthathehadnomoney；whereuponIsaiduntohim，Panurge，youaresick，asIdoverywellperceivebyyourphysiognomy，andIknowthedisease。Youhaveafluxinyourpurse；buttakenocare。

Ihaveyetsevenpencehalfpennythatneversawfathernormother，whichshallnotbewanting，nomorethanthepox，inyournecessity。Whereuntoheansweredme，Well，well；formoneyonedayIshallhavebuttoomuch，forIhaveaphilosopher\'sstonewhichattractsmoneyoutofmen\'spursesastheadamantdothiron。Butwillyougowithmetogainthepardons？

saidhe。Bymyfaith，saidI，Iamnogreatpardon-takerinthisworld——ifIshallbeanysuchintheother，Icannottell；yetletusgo，inGod\'sname；itisbutonefarthingmoreorless；But，saidhe，lendmethenafarthinguponinterest。No，no，saidI；Iwillgiveityoufreely，andfrommyheart。Gratesvobisdominos，saidhe。

Sowewentalong，beginningatSt。Gervase，andIgotthepardonsatthefirstboxonly，forinthosemattersverylittlecontentethme。ThendidI

saymysmallsuffragesandtheprayersofSt。Brigid；buthegainedthemallattheboxes，andalwaysgavemoneytoeveryoneofthepardoners。FromthencewewenttoOurLady\'sChurch，toSt。John\'s，toSt。Anthony\'s，andsototheotherchurches，wheretherewasabanquet(bank)ofpardons。Formypart，Igainednomoreofthem，butheatalltheboxeskissedtherelics，andgaveateveryone。Tobebrief，whenwewerereturned，hebroughtmetodrinkatthecastle-tavern，andthereshowedmetenortwelveofhislittlebagsfullofmoney，atwhichIblessedmyself，andmadethesignofthecross，saying，Wherehaveyourecoveredsomuchmoneyinsolittletime？Untowhichheansweredmethathehadtakenitoutofthebasinsofthepardons。Foringivingthemthefirstfarthing，saidhe，I

putitinwithsuchsleightofhandandsodexterouslythatitappearedtobeathreepence；thuswithonehandItookthreepence，ninepence，orsixpenceattheleast，andwiththeotherasmuch，andsothroughallthechurcheswherewehavebeen。Yeabut，saidI，youdamnyourselflikeasnake，andarewithalathiefandsacrilegiousperson。True，saidhe，inyouropinion，butIamnotofthatmind；forthepardonersdogivemeit，whentheysayuntomeinpresentingtherelicstokiss，Centuplumaccipies，thatis，thatforonepennyIshouldtakeahundred；foraccipiesisspokenaccordingtothemanneroftheHebrews，whousethefuturetenseinsteadoftheimperative，asyouhaveinthelaw，DiligesDominum，thatis，Dilige。

Evenso，whenthepardon-bearersaystome，Centuplumaccipies，hismeaningis，Centuplumaccipe；andsodothRabbiKimyandRabbiAbenEzraexpoundit，andalltheMassorets，etibiBartholus。Moreover，PopeSixtusgavemefifteenhundredfrancsofyearlypension，whichinEnglishmoneyisahundredandfiftypounds，uponhisecclesiasticalrevenuesandtreasure，forhavingcuredhimofacankerousbotch，whichdidsotormenthimthathethoughttohavebeenacripplebyitallhislife。ThusIdopaymyselfatmyownhand，forotherwiseIgetnothinguponthesaidecclesiasticaltreasure。Ho，myfriend！saidhe，ifthoudidstknowwhatadvantageI

made，andhowwellIfeatheredmynest，bythePope\'sbullofthecrusade，thouwouldstwonderexceedingly。Itwasworthtomeabovesixthousandflorins，inEnglishcoinsixhundredpounds。Andwhatadevilisbecomeofthem？saidI；forofthatmoneythouhastnotonehalfpenny。Theyreturnedfromwhencetheycame，saidhe；theydidnomorebutchangetheirmaster。

ButIemployedatleastthreethousandofthem，thatis，threehundredpoundsEnglish，inmarrying——notyoungvirgins，fortheyfindbuttoomanyhusbands——butgreatoldsempiternoustrotswhichhadnotsomuchasonetoothintheirheads；andthatoutoftheconsiderationIhadthatthesegoodoldwomenhadverywellspentthetimeoftheiryouthinplayingattheclose-buttockgametoallcomers，servingtheforemostfirst，tillnomanwouldhaveanymoredealingwiththem。And，byG——，Iwillhavetheirskin-coatshakenonceyetbeforetheydie。Bythismeans，tooneIgaveahundredflorins，toanothersixscore，toanotherthreehundred，accordingtothattheywereinfamous，detestable，andabominable。For，byhowmuchthemorehorribleandexecrabletheywere，somuchthemoremustIneedshavegiventhem，otherwisethedevilwouldnothavejummedthem。PresentlyIwenttosomegreatandfatwood-porter，orsuchlike，anddidmyselfmakethematch。But，beforeIdidshowhimtheoldhags，Imadeafairmustertohimofthecrowns，saying，Goodfellow，seewhatIwillgivetheeifthouwiltbutcondescendtoduffle，dinfredaille，orlecheritonegoodtime。Thenbeganthepoorroguestogapelikeoldmules，andIcausedtobeprovidedforthemabanquet，withdrinkofthebest，andstoreofspiceries，toputtheoldwomeninrutandheatoflust。Tobeshort，theyoccupiedall，likegoodsouls；only，tothosethatwerehorriblyuglyandill-favoured，Icausedtheirheadtobeputwithinabag，tohidetheirface。

Besidesallthis，Ihavelostagreatdealinsuitsoflaw。Andwhatlawsuitscouldstthouhave？saidI；thouhastneitherhousenorlands。Myfriend，saidhe，thegentlewomenofthiscityhadfoundout，bytheinstigationofthedevilofhell，amannerofhigh-mountedbandsandneckerchiefsforwomen，whichdidsocloselycovertheirbosomsthatmencouldnomoreputtheirhandsunder。Fortheyhadputtheslitbehind，andthoseneckclothswerewhollyshutbefore，whereatthepoorsadcontemplativeloversweremuchdiscontented。UponafairTuesdayI

presentedapetitiontothecourt，makingmyselfapartyagainstthesaidgentlewomen，andshowingthegreatinterestthatIpretendedtherein，protestingthatbythesamereasonIwouldcausethecodpieceofmybreechestobesewedbehind，ifthecourtwouldnottakeorderforit。Insum，thegentlewomenputintheirdefences，showingthegroundstheywentupon，andconstitutedtheirattorneyfortheprosecutingofthecause。ButIpursuedthemsovigorously，thatbyasentenceofthecourtitwasdecreedthosehighneckclothsshouldbenolongerworniftheywerenotalittlecleftandopenbefore；butitcostmeagoodsumofmoney。Ihadanotherveryfilthyandbeastlyprocessagainstthedung-farmercalledMasterFifiandhisdeputies，thattheyshouldnomorereadprivilythepipe，puncheon，norquartofsentences，butinfairfullday，andthatintheFodderschools，infaceoftheArrian(Artitian)sophisters，whereI

wasordainedtopaythecharges，byreasonofsomeclausemistakenintherelationofthesergeant。AnothertimeIframedacomplainttothecourtagainstthemulesofthepresidents，counsellors，andothers，tendingtothispurpose，that，wheninthelowercourtofthepalacetheyleftthemtochampontheirbridles，somebibsweremadeforthem(bythecounsellors\'

wives)，thatwiththeirdrivellingtheymightnotspoilthepavement；totheendthatthepagesofthepalacewhatplayuponitwiththeirdice，oratthegameofcoxbody，attheirownease，withoutspoilingtheirbreechesattheknees。AndforthisIhadafairdecree，butitcostmedear。NowreckonupwhatexpenseIwasatinlittlebanquetswhichfromdaytodayI

madetothepagesofthepalace。Andtowhatend？saidI。Myfriend，saidhe，thouhastnopastimeatallinthisworld。Ihavemorethantheking，andifthouwiltjointhyselfwithme，wewilldothedeviltogether。No，no，saidI；bySt。Adauras，thatwillInot，forthouwiltbehangedonetimeoranother。Andthou，saidhe，wiltbeinterredsometimeorother。

Nowwhichismosthonourable，theairortheearth？Ho，grossepecore！

Whilstthepagesareattheirbanqueting，Ikeeptheirmules，andtosomeoneIcutthestirrup-leatherofthemountingsidetillithangbutbyathinstraporthread，thatwhenthegreatpuffgutsofthecounsellororsomeotherhathtakenhisswingtogetup，hemayfallflatonhissidelikeapork，andsofurnishthespectatorswithmorethanahundredfrancs\'

worthoflaughter。ButIlaughyetfurthertothinkhowathishome-comingthemaster-pageistobewhippedlikegreenrye，whichmakesmenottorepentwhatIhavebestowedinfeastingthem。Inbrief，hehad，asIsaidbefore，threescoreandthreewaystoacquiremoney，buthehadtwohundredandfourteentospendit，besideshisdrinking。

Chapter2。XVIII。

HowagreatscholarofEnglandwouldhavearguedagainstPantagruel，andwasovercomebyPanurge。

InthatsametimeacertainlearnedmannamedThaumast，hearingthefameandrenownofPantagruel\'sincomparableknowledge，cameoutofhisowncountryofEnglandwithanintentonlytoseehim，totrytherebyandprovewhetherhisknowledgeineffectwassogreatasitwasreportedtobe。InthisresolutionbeingarrivedatParis，hewentforthwithuntothehouseofthesaidPantagruel，whowaslodgedinthepalaceofSt。Denis，andwasthenwalkinginthegardenthereofwithPanurge，philosophizingafterthefashionofthePeripatetics。Athisfirstentrancehestartled，andwasalmostoutofhiswitsforfear，seeinghimsogreatandsotall。Thendidhesalutehimcourteouslyasthemanneris，andsaiduntohim，Verytrueitis，saithPlatotheprinceofphilosophers，thatiftheimageandknowledgeofwisdomwerecorporealandvisibletotheeyesofmortals，itwouldstirupalltheworldtoadmireher。Whichwemaytheratherbelievethattheverybarereportthereof，scatteredintheair，ifithappentobereceivedintotheearsofmen，who，forbeingstudiousandloversofvirtuousthingsarecalledphilosophers，dothnotsufferthemtosleepnorrestinquiet，butsoprickeththemupandsetsthemonfiretorununtotheplacewherethepersonis，inwhomthesaidknowledgeissaidtohavebuilthertempleandutteredheroracles。AsitwasmanifestlyshownuntousintheQueenofSheba，whocamefromtheutmostbordersoftheEastandPersianSea，toseetheorderofSolomon\'shouseandtohearhiswisdom；inAnacharsis，whocameoutofScythia，evenuntoAthens，toseeSolon；inPythagoras，whotravelledfartovisitthememphiticalvaticinators；inPlato，whowentagreatwayofftoseethemagiciansofEgypt，andArchitusofTarentum；inApolloniusTyaneus，whowentasfarasuntoMountCaucasus，passedalongtheScythians，theMassagetes，theIndians，andsailedoverthegreatriverPhison，eventotheBrachmanstoseeHiarchus；aslikewiseuntoBabylon，Chaldea，Media，Assyria，Parthia，Syria，Phoenicia，Arabia，Palestina，andAlexandria，evenuntoAethiopia，toseetheGymnosophists。ThelikeexamplehaveweofTitusLivius，whomtoseeandheardiversstudiouspersonscametoRomefromtheconfinesofFranceandSpain。Idarenotreckonmyselfinthenumberofthosesoexcellentpersons，butwellwouldbecalledstudious，andalover，notonlyoflearning，butoflearnedmenalso。Andindeed，havingheardthereportofyoursoinestimableknowledge，Ihaveleftmycountry，myfriends，mykindred，andmyhouse，andamcomethusfar，valuingatnothingthelengthoftheway，thetediousnessofthesea，norstrangenessoftheland，andthatonlytoseeyouandtoconferwithyouaboutsomepassagesinphilosophy，ofgeomancy，andofthecabalisticart，whereofIamdoubtfulandcannotsatisfymymind；whichifyoucanresolve，Iyieldmyselfuntoyouforaslavehenceforward，togetherwithallmyposterity，forothergifthaveInonethatIcanesteemarecompensesufficientforsogreatafavour。Iwillreducethemintowriting，andto-morrowpublishthemtoallthelearnedmeninthecity，thatwemaydisputepubliclybeforethem。

ButseeinwhatmannerImeanthatweshalldispute。Iwillnotargueproetcontra，asdothesottishsophistersofthistownandotherplaces。

LikewiseIwillnotdisputeafterthemanneroftheAcademicsbydeclamation；noryetbynumbers，asPythagoraswaswonttodo，andasPicusdelaMiranduladidoflateatRome。ButIwilldisputebysignsonlywithoutspeaking，forthemattersaresoabstruse，hard，andarduous，thatwordsproceedingfromthemouthofmanwillneverbesufficientforunfoldingofthemtomyliking。Mayit，therefore，pleaseyourmagnificencetobethere；itshallbeatthegreathallofNavarreatseveno\'clockinthemorning。Whenhehadspokenthesewords，Pantagruelveryhonourablysaiduntohim:Sir，ofthegracesthatGodhathbestoweduponme，Iwouldnotdenytocommunicateuntoanymantomypower。Forwhatevercomesfromhimisgood，andhispleasureisthatitshouldbeincreasedwhenwecomeamongstmenworthyandfittoreceivethiscelestialmannaofhonestliterature。Inwhichnumber，becausethatinthistime，asIdoalreadyveryplainlyperceive，thouholdestthefirstrank，Igivetheenoticethatatallhoursthoushaltfindmereadytocondescendtoeveryoneofthyrequestsaccordingtomypoorability；althoughIoughtrathertolearnoftheethanthouofme。But，asthouhastprotested，wewillconferofthesedoubtstogether，andwillseekouttheresolution，evenuntothebottomofthatundrainablewellwhereHeraclitussaysthetruthlieshidden。AndIdohighlycommendthemannerofarguingwhichthouhastproposed，towit，bysignswithoutspeaking；forbythismeansthouandI

shallunderstandoneanotherwellenough，andyetshallbefreefromthisclappingofhandswhichtheseblockishsophistersmakewhenanyofthearguershathgottenthebetteroftheargument。Nowto-morrowIwillnotfailtomeettheeattheplaceandhourthatthouhastappointed，butletmeentreattheethattherebenotanystrifeoruproarbetweenus，andthatweseeknotthehonourandapplauseofmen，butthetruthonly。TowhichThaumastanswered:TheLordGodmaintainyouinhisfavourandgrace，and，insteadofmythankfulnesstoyou，pourdownhisblessingsuponyou，forthatyourhighnessandmagnificentgreatnesshathnotdisdainedtodescendtothegrantoftherequestofmypoorbaseness。Sofarewelltillto-

morrow！Farewell，saidPantagruel。

Gentlemen，youthatreadthispresentdiscourse，thinknotthatevermenweremoreelevatedandtransportedintheirthoughtsthanallthisnightwerebothThaumastandPantagruel；forthesaidThaumastsaidtothekeeperofthehouseofCluny，wherehewaslodged，thatinallhislifehehadneverknownhimselfsodryashewasthatnight。Ithink，saidhe，thatPantagruelheldmebythethroat。Giveorder，Iprayyou，thatwemayhavesomedrink，andseethatsomefreshwaterbebroughttous，togarglemypalate。Ontheotherside，Pantagruelstretchedhiswitsashighashecould，enteringintoverydeepandseriousmeditations，anddidnothingallthatnightbutdoteuponandturnoverthebookofBeda，Denumerisetsignis；Plotin\'sbook，Deinenarrabilibus；thebookofProclus，Demagia；

thebookofArtemidorus(Greek)；ofAnaxagoras，(Greek)；Dinarius，(Greek)；

thebooksofPhiliston；Hipponax，(Greek)，andarabbleofothers，solong，thatPanurgesaiduntohim:

Mylord，leaveallthesethoughtsandgotobed；forIperceiveyourspiritstobesotroubledbyatoointensivebendingofthem，thatyoumayeasilyfallintosomequotidianfeverwiththissoexcessivethinkingandplodding。But，havingfirstdrunkfiveandtwentyorthirtygooddraughts，retireyourselfandsleepyourfill，forinthemorningIwillargueagainstandanswermymastertheEnglishman，andifIdrivehimnotadmetamnonloqui，thencallmeknave。Yeabut，saidhe，myfriendPanurge，heismarvellouslylearned；howwiltthoubeabletoanswerhim？Verywell，answeredPanurge；Iprayyoutalknomoreofit，butletmealone。

Isanymansolearnedasthedevilsare？No，indeed，saidPantagruel，withoutGod\'sespecialgrace。Yetforallthat，saidPanurge，Ihavearguedagainstthem，gravelledandblankedthemindisputation，andlaidthemsosquatupontheirtailsthatIhavemadethemlooklikemonkeys。

Thereforebeassuredthatto-morrowIwillmakethisvain-gloriousEnglishmantoskitevinegarbeforealltheworld。SoPanurgespentthenightwithtipplingamongstthepages，andplayedawayallthepointsofhisbreechesatprimussecundusandatpeckpoint，inFrenchcalledLaVergette。Yet，whenthecondescendedontimewascome，hefailednottoconducthismasterPantagrueltotheappointedplace，untowhich，believeme，therewasneithergreatnorsmallinParisbutcame，thinkingwiththemselvesthatthisdevilishPantagruel，whohadoverthrownandvanquishedindisputeallthesedotingfresh-watersophisters，wouldnowgetfullpaymentandbetickledtosomepurpose。ForthisEnglishmanisaterriblebustlerandhorriblecoil-keeper。Wewillseewhowillbeconqueror，forhenevermetwithhismatchbefore。

Thusallbeingassembled，Thaumaststayedforthem，andthen，whenPantagruelandPanurgecameintothehall，alltheschoolboys，professorsofarts，seniorsophisters，andbachelorsbegantoclaptheirhands，astheirscurvycustomis。ButPantagruelcriedoutwithaloudvoice，asifithadbeenthesoundofadoublecannon，saying，Peace，withadeviltoyou，peace！ByG——，yourogues，ifyoutroublemehere，Iwillcutofftheheadsofeveryoneofyou。Atwhichwordstheyremainedalldauntedandastonishedlikesomanyducks，anddurstnotdosomuchascough，althoughtheyhadswallowedfifteenpoundsoffeathers。Withaltheygrewsodrywiththisonlyvoice，thattheylaidouttheirtonguesafullhalffootbeyondtheirmouths，asifPantagruelhadsaltedalltheirthroats。ThenbeganPanurgetospeak，sayingtotheEnglishman，Sir，areyoucomehithertodisputecontentiouslyinthosepropositionsyouhavesetdown，or，otherwise，buttolearnandknowthetruth？TowhichansweredThaumast，Sir，nootherthingbroughtmehitherbutthegreatdesireIhadtolearnandtoknowthatofwhichIhavedoubtedallmylifelong，andhaveneitherfoundbooknormanabletocontentmeintheresolutionofthosedoubtswhichIhaveproposed。And，asfordisputingcontentiously，Iwillnotdoit，foritistoobaseathing，andthereforeleaveittothosesottishsophisterswhointheirdisputesdonotsearchforthetruth，butforcontradictiononlyanddebate。ThensaidPanurge，IfI，whoambutameanandinconsiderablediscipleofmymastermylordPantagruel，contentandsatisfyyouinallandeverything，itwereathingbelowmysaidmasterwherewithtotroublehim。Thereforeisitfitterthathebechairman，andsitasajudgeandmoderatorofourdiscourseandpurpose，andgiveyousatisfactioninmanythingswhereinperhapsIshallbewantingtoyourexpectation。Truly，saidThaumast，itisverywellsaid；beginthen。NowyoumustnotethatPanurgehadsetattheendofhislongcodpieceaprettytuftofredsilk，asalsoofwhite，green，andblue，andwithinithadputafairorange。

Chapter2。XIX。

HowPanurgeputtoanonplustheEnglishmanthatarguedbysigns。

Everybodythentakingheed，andhearkeningwithgreatsilence，theEnglishmanliftuponhighintotheairhistwohandsseverally，clunchinginallthetopsofhisfingerstogether，afterthemannerwhich，alaChinonnese，theycallthehen\'sarse，andstrucktheonehandontheotherbythenailsfourseveraltimes。Thenhe，openingthem，strucktheonewiththeflatoftheothertillityieldedaclashingnoise，andthatonlyonce。Again，injoiningthemasbefore，hestrucktwice，andafterwardsfourtimesinopeningthem。Thendidhelaythemjoined，andextendedtheonetowardstheother，asifhehadbeendevoutlytosenduphisprayersuntoGod。Panurgesuddenlyliftedupintheairhisrighthand，andputthethumbthereofintothenostrilofthesameside，holdinghisfourfingersstraightout，andclosedorderlyinaparallellinetothepointofhisnose，shuttingthelefteyewholly，andmakingtheotherwinkwithaprofounddepressionoftheeyebrowsandeyelids。Thenliftedheuphislefthand，withhardwringingandstretchingforthhisfourfingersandelevatinghisthumb，whichheheldinalinedirectlycorrespondenttothesituationofhisrighthand，withthedistanceofacubitandahalfbetweenthem。Thisdone，inthesameformheabasedtowardsthegroundabouttheoneandtheotherhand。Lastly，heheldtheminthemidst，asaimingrightattheEnglishman\'snose。AndifMercury，——saidtheEnglishman。TherePanurgeinterruptedhim，andsaid，Youhavespoken，Mask。

ThenmadetheEnglishmanthissign。Hislefthandallopenheliftedupintotheair，theninstantlyshutintohisfistthefourfingersthereof，andhisthumbextendedatlengthheplaceduponthegristleofhisnose。

Presentlyafter，helifteduphisrighthandallopen，andallopenabasedandbentitdownwards，puttingthethumbthereofintheveryplacewherethelittlefingerofthelefthanddidcloseinthefist，andthefourright-handfingershesoftlymovedintheair。Thencontrarilyhedidwiththerighthandwhathehaddonewiththeleft，andwiththeleftwhathehaddonewiththeright。

Panurge，beingnotawhitamazedatthis，drewoutintotheairhistrismegistcodpiecewiththelefthand，andwithhisrightdrewforthatruncheonofawhiteox-rib，andtwopiecesofwoodofalikeform，oneofblackebonyandtheotherofincarnationbrasil，andputthembetwixtthefingersofthathandingoodsymmetry；then，knockingthemtogether，madesuchanoiseasthelepersofBrittanyusetodowiththeirclapperingclickets，yetbetterresoundingandfarmoreharmonious，andwithhistonguecontractedinhismouthdidverymerrilywarbleit，alwayslookingfixedlyupontheEnglishman。Thedivines，physicians，andchirurgeonsthatweretherethoughtthatbythissignhewouldhaveinferredthattheEnglishmanwasaleper。Thecounsellors，lawyers，anddecretalistsconceivedthatbydoingthishewouldhaveconcludedsomekindofmortalfelicitytoconsistinleprosy，astheLordmaintainedheretofore。

TheEnglishmanforallthiswasnothingdaunted，butholdinguphistwohandsintheair，kepttheminsuchformthatheclosedthethreemaster-

fingersinhisfist，andpassinghisthumbsthroughhisindicalorforemostandmiddlefingers，hisauricularyorlittlefingersremainedextendedandstretchedout，andsopresentedhethemtoPanurge。Thenjoinedhethemsothattherightthumbtouchedtheleft，andtheleftlittlefingertouchedtheright。HereatPanurge，withoutspeakingoneword，liftuphishandsandmadethissign。

Heputthenailoftheforefingerofhislefthandtothenailofthethumbofthesame，makinginthemiddleofthedistanceasitwereabuckle，andofhisrighthandshutupallthefingersintohisfist，excepttheforefinger，whichheoftenthrustinandoutthroughthesaidtwoothersofthelefthand。Thenstretchedheouttheforefingerandmiddlefingerormedicalofhisrighthand，holdingthemasunderasmuchashecould，andthrustingthemtowardsThaumast。Thendidheputthethumbofhislefthanduponthecornerofhislefteye，stretchingoutallhishandlikethewingofabirdorthefinofafish，andmovingitverydaintilythiswayandthatway，hedidasmuchwithhisrighthanduponthecornerofhisrighteye。Thaumastbeganthentowaxsomewhatpale，andtotremble，andmadehimthissign。

Withthemiddlefingerofhisrighthandhestruckagainstthemuscleofthepalmorpulpwhichisunderthethumb。Thenputhetheforefingeroftherighthandinthelikebuckleoftheleft，butheputitunder，andnotover，asPanurgedid。ThenPanurgeknockedonehandagainstanother，andblowedinhispalm，andputagaintheforefingerofhisrighthandintotheovertureormouthoftheleft，pullingitofteninandout。Thenheldheouthischin，mostintentivelylookinguponThaumast。Thepeoplethere，whichunderstoodnothingintheothersigns，knewverywellthatthereinhedemanded，withoutspeakingawordtoThaumast，Whatdoyoumeanbythat？

Ineffect，Thaumastthenbegantosweatgreatdrops，andseemedtoallthespectatorsamanstrangelyravishedinhighcontemplation。Thenhebethoughthimself，andputallthenailsofhislefthandagainstthoseofhisright，openinghisfingersasiftheyhadbeensemicircles，andwiththissignliftuphishandsashighashecould。WhereuponPanurgepresentlyputthethumbofhisrighthandunderhisjaws，andthelittlefingerthereofinthemouthofthelefthand，andinthisposturemadehisteethtosoundverymelodiously，theupperagainstthelower。WiththisThaumast，withgreattoilandvexationofspirit，roseup，butinrisingletagreatbaker\'sfart，forthebrancameafter，andpissingwithalverystrongvinegar，stunklikeallthedevilsinhell。Thecompanybegantostoptheirnoses；forhehadconskitedhimselfwithmereanguishandperplexity。Thenliftedheuphisrighthand，clunchingitinsuchsortthathebroughttheendsofallhisfingerstomeettogether，andhislefthandhelaidflatuponhisbreast。WhereatPanurgedrewouthislongcodpiecewithhistuff，andstretcheditforthacubitandahalf，holdingitintheairwithhisrighthand，andwithhislefttookouthisorange，and，castingitupintotheairseventimes，attheeighthhehiditinthefistofhisrighthand，holdingitsteadilyuponhigh，andthenbegantoshakehisfaircodpiece，showingittoThaumast。

Afterthat，Thaumastbegantopuffuphistwocheekslikeaplayeronabagpipe，andblewasifhehadbeentopuffupapig\'sbladder。WhereuponPanurgeputonefingerofhislefthandinhisnockandrow，bysomecalledSt。Patrick\'shole，andwithhismouthsuckedintheair，insuchamanneraswhenoneeatsoystersintheshell，orwhenwesupupourbroth。Thisdone，heopenedhismouthsomewhat，andstruckhisrighthandflatuponit，makingtherewithagreatandadeepsound，asifitcamefromthesuperficiesofthemidriffthroughthetrachiarteryorpipeofthelungs，andthishedidforsixteentimes；butThaumastdidalwayskeepblowinglikeagoose。ThenPanurgeputtheforefingerofhisrighthandintohismouth，pressingitveryhardtothemusclesthereof；thenhedrewitout，andwithalmadeagreatnoise，aswhenlittleboysshootpelletsoutofthepot-cannonsmadeofthehollowsticksofthebranchofanalder-tree，andhediditninetimes。

ThenThaumastcriedout，Ha，mymasters，agreatsecret！Withthisheputinhishanduptotheelbow，thendrewoutadaggerthathehad，holdingitbythepointdownwards。WhereatPanurgetookhislongcodpiece，andshookitashardashecouldagainsthisthighs；thenputhistwohandsentwinedinmannerofacombuponhishead，layingouthistongueasfarashewasable，andturninghiseyesinhisheadlikeagoatthatisreadytodie。

Ha，Iunderstand，saidThaumast，butwhat？makingsuchasignthatheputthehaftofhisdaggeragainsthisbreast，anduponthepointthereoftheflatofhishand，turninginalittletheendsofhisfingers。WhereatPanurgehelddownhisheadontheleftside，andputhismiddlefingerintohisrightear，holdinguphisthumbboltupright。Thenhecrossedhistwoarmsuponhisbreastandcoughedfivetimes，andatthefifthtimehestruckhisrightfootagainsttheground。Thenheliftuphisleftarm，andclosingallhisfingersintohisfist，heldhisthumbagainsthisforehead，strikingwithhisrighthandsixtimesagainsthisbreast。ButThaumast，asnotcontenttherewith，putthethumbofhislefthanduponthetopofhisnose，shuttingtherestofhissaidhand，whereuponPanurgesethistwomaster-fingersuponeachsideofhismouth，drawingitasmuchashewasable，andwideningitsothatheshowedallhisteeth，andwithhistwothumbspluckeddownhistwoeyelidsverylow，makingtherewithaveryill-favouredcountenance，asitseemedtothecompany。

Chapter2。XX。

HowThaumastrelateththevirtuesandknowledgeofPanurge。

ThenPanurgeroseup，and，puttingoffhiscap，didverykindlythankthesaidPanurge，andwithaloudvoicesaiduntoallthepeoplethatwerethere:Mylords，gentlemen，andothers，atthistimemayItosomegoodpurposespeakthatevangelicalword，EtecceplusquamSalomonhic！Youhavehereinyourpresenceanincomparabletreasure，thatis，mylordPantagruel，whosegreatrenownhathbroughtmehither，outoftheveryheartofEngland，toconferwithhimabouttheinsolubleproblems，bothinmagic，alchemy，thecabal，geomancy，astrology，andphilosophy，whichIhadinmymind。ButatpresentIamangryevenwithfameitself，whichIthinkwasenvioustohim，forthatitdidnotdeclarethethousandthpartoftheworththatindeedisinhim。Youhaveseenhowhisdiscipleonlyhathsatisfiedme，andhathtoldmemorethanIaskedofhim。Besides，hehathopeneduntome，andresolvedotherinestimabledoubts，whereinIcanassureyouhehathtomediscoveredtheverytruewell，fountain，andabyssoftheencyclopaediaoflearning；yea，insuchasortthatIdidnotthinkI

shouldeverhavefoundamanthatcouldhavemadehisskillappearinsomuchasthefirstelementsofthatconcerningwhichwedisputedbysigns，withoutspeakingeitherwordorhalfword。But，infine，Iwillreduceintowritingthatwhichwehavesaidandconcluded，thattheworldmaynottakethemtobefooleries，andwillthereaftercausethemtobeprinted，thateveryonemaylearnasIhavedone。Judge，then，whatthemasterhadbeenabletosay，seeingthedisciplehathdonesovaliantly；for，Nonestdiscipulussupermagistrum。Howsoever，Godbepraised！andIdoveryhumblythankyouforthehonourthatyouhavedoneusatthisact。Godrewardyouforiteternally！ThelikethanksgavePantagrueltoallthecompany，and，goingfromthence，hecarriedThaumasttodinnerwithhim，andbelievethattheydrankasmuchastheirskinscouldhold，or，asthephraseis，withunbuttonedbellies(forinthatagetheymadefasttheirbellieswithbuttons，aswedonowthecollarsofourdoubletsorjerkins)，eventilltheyneitherknewwheretheywerenorwhencetheycame。BlessedLady，howtheydidcarouseit，andpluck，aswesay，atthekid\'sleather！

Andflagonstotrot，andtheytotoot，Draw；give，page，somewinehere；

reachhither；fillwithadevil，so！Therewasnotonebutdiddrinkfiveandtwentyorthirtypipes。Canyoutellhow？Evensicutterrasineaqua；

fortheweatherwashot，and，besidesthat，theywereverydry。InmatteroftheexpositionofthepropositionssetdownbyThaumast，andthesignificationofthesignswhichtheyusedintheirdisputation，Iwouldhavesetthemdownforyouaccordingtotheirownrelation，butIhavebeentoldthatThaumastmadeagreatbookofit，imprintedatLondon，whereinhehathsetdownall，withoutomittinganything，andthereforeatthistimeI

dopassbyit。

Chapter2。XXI。

HowPanurgewasinlovewithaladyofParis。

PanurgebegantobeingreatreputationinthecityofParisbymeansofthisdisputationwhereinheprevailedagainsttheEnglishman，andfromthenceforthmadehiscodpiecetobeveryusefultohim。TowhicheffecthehaditpinkedwithprettylittleembroideriesaftertheRomanescafashion。

Andtheworlddidpraisehimpublicly，insofarthattherewasasongmadeofhim，whichlittlechildrendidusetosingwhentheyweretofetchmustard。Hewaswithalmadewelcomeinallcompaniesofladiesandgentlewomen，sothatatlasthebecamepresumptuous，andwentabouttobringtohislureoneofthegreatestladiesinthecity。And，indeed，leavingarabbleoflongprologuesandprotestations，whichordinarilythesedolentcontemplativelent-loversmakewhonevermeddlewiththeflesh，onedayhesaiduntoher，Madam，itwouldbeaverygreatbenefittothecommonwealth，delightfultoyou，honourabletoyourprogeny，andnecessaryforme，thatIcoveryouforthepropagatingofmyrace，andbelieveit，forexperiencewillteachityou。Theladyatthiswordthrusthimbackaboveahundredleagues，saying，Youmischievousfool，isitforyoutotalkthusuntome？Whomdoyouthinkyouhaveinhand？Begone，nevertocomeinmysightagain；for，ifonethingwerenot，Iwouldhaveyourlegsandarmscutoff。Well，saidhe，thatwereallonetome，towantbothlegsandarms，providedyouandIhadbutonemerrybouttogetheratthebrangle-buttockgame；forherewithinis——inshowingherhislongcodpiece——MasterJohnThursday，whowillplayyousuchananticthatyoushallfeelthesweetnessthereofeventotheverymarrowofyourbones。Heisagallant，anddothsowellknowhowtofindoutallthecorners，creeks，andingrainedinmatesinyourcarnaltrap，thatafterhimthereneedsnobroom，he\'llsweepsowellbefore，andleavenothingtohisfollowerstoworkupon。Whereuntotheladyanswered，Go，villain，go。Ifyouspeaktomeonesuchwordmore，Iwillcryoutandmakeyoutobeknockeddownwithblows。Ha，saidhe，youarenotsobadasyousay——no，orelseIamdeceivedinyourphysiognomy。Forsoonershalltheearthmountupuntotheheavens，andthehighestheavensdescenduntothehells，andallthecourseofnaturebequiteperverted，thanthatinsogreatbeautyandneatnessasinyouisthereshouldbeonedropofgallormalice。Theysay，indeed，thathardlyshallamaneverseeafairwomanthatisnotalsostubborn。Yetthatisspokeonlyofthosevulgarbeauties；butyoursissoexcellent，sosingular，andsoheavenly，thatI

believenaturehathgivenityouasaparagonandmasterpieceofherart，tomakeusknowwhatshecandowhenshewillemployallherskillandallherpower。Thereisnothinginyoubuthoney，butsugar，butasweetandcelestialmanna。ToyouitwastowhomParisoughttohaveadjudgedthegoldenapple，nottoVenus，no，nortoJuno，nortoMinerva，forneverwastheresomuchmagnificenceinJuno，somuchwisdominMinerva，norsomuchcomelinessinVenusasthereisinyou。Oheavenlygodsandgoddesses！

Howhappyshallthatmanbetowhomyouwillgrantthefavourtoembraceher，tokissher，andtorubhisbaconwithhers！ByG——，thatshallbeI，Iknowitwell；forshelovesmealreadyherbellyful，Iamsureofit，andsowasIpredestinatedtoitbythefairies。Andtherefore，thatwelosenotime，puton，thrustoutyourgammons！——andwouldhaveembracedher，butshemadeasifshewouldputoutherheadatthewindowtocallherneighboursforhelp。ThenPanurgeonasuddenranout，andinhisrunningawaysaid，Madam，stayheretillIcomeagain；Iwillgocallthemmyself；

donotyoutakesomuchpains。Thuswentheaway，notmuchcaringfortherepulsehehadgot，normadeheanywhittheworsecheerforit。Thenextdayhecametothechurchatthetimeshewenttomass。Atthedoorhegavehersomeoftheholywater，bowinghimselfverylowbeforeher。

Afterwardshekneeleddownbyherveryfamiliarlyandsaiduntoher，Madam，knowthatIamsoamorousofyouthatIcanneitherpissnordungforlove。

Idonotknow，lady，whatyoumean，butifIshouldtakeanyhurtbyit，howmuchyouwouldbetoblame！Go，saidshe，go！Idonotcare；letmealonetosaymyprayers。Aybut，saidhe，equivocateuponthis:abeaumontleviconte，or，tofairmounttheprick-cunts。Icannot，saidshe。

Itis，saidhe，abeauconlevitmonte，ortoafairc……thepr……mounts。Anduponthis，praytoGodtogiveyouthatwhichyournobleheartdesireth，andIprayyougivemethesepaternosters。Takethem，saidshe，andtroublemenolonger。Thisdone，shewouldhavetakenoffherpaternosters，whichweremadeofakindofyellowstonecalledcestrin，andadornedwithgreatspotsofgold，butPanurgenimblydrewoutoneofhisknives，wherewithhecutthemoffveryhandsomely，andwhilsthewasgoingawaytocarrythemtothebrokers，hesaidtoher，Willyouhavemyknife？

No，no，saidshe。But，saidhe，tothepurpose。Iamatyourcommandment，bodyandgoods，tripesandbowels。

Inthemeantimetheladywasnotverywellcontentwiththewantofherpaternosters，fortheywereoneofherimplementstokeephercountenancebyinthechurch；thenthoughtwithherself，Thisboldfloutingroisterissomegiddy，fantastical，light-headedfoolofastrangecountry。Ishallneverrecovermypaternostersagain。Whatwillmyhusbandsay？Hewillnodoubtbeangrywithme。ButIwilltellhimthatathiefhathcutthemofffrommyhandsinthechurch，whichhewilleasilybelieve，seeingtheendoftheribbonleftatmygirdle。AfterdinnerPanurgewenttoseeher，carryinginhissleeveagreatpursefullofpalace-crowns，calledcounters，andbegantosayuntoher，Whichofustwolovethotherbest，youme，orIyou？Whereuntosheanswered，Asforme，Idonothateyou；for，asGodcommands，Ilovealltheworld。Buttothepurpose，saidhe；arenotyouinlovewithme？Ihave，saidshe，toldyousomanytimesalreadythatyoushouldtalksonomoretome，andifyouspeakofitagainIwillteachyouthatIamnotonetobetalkeduntodishonestly。Getyouhencepacking，anddelivermemypaternosters，thatmyhusbandmaynotaskmeforthem。

Hownow，madam，saidhe，yourpaternosters？Nay，bymineoath，Iwillnotdoso，butIwillgiveyouothers。Hadyouratherhavethemofgoldwellenamelledingreatroundknobs，orafterthemanneroflove-knots，or，otherwise，allmassive，likegreatingots，orifyouhadratherhavethemofebony，ofjacinth，orofgrainedgold，withthemarksoffineturquoises，oroffairtopazes，markedwithfinesapphires，orofbaleurubies，withgreatmarksofdiamondsofeightandtwentysquares？No，no，allthisistoolittle。Iknowafairbraceletoffineemeralds，markedwithspottedambergris，andatthebuckleaPersianpearlasbigasanorange。Itwillnotcostabovefiveandtwentythousandducats。Iwillmakeyouapresentofit，forIhavereadycoinenough，——andwithalhemadeanoisewithhiscounters，asiftheyhadbeenFrenchcrowns。

Willyouhaveapieceofvelvet，eitherofthevioletcolourorofcrimsondyedingrain，orapieceofbroachedorcrimsonsatin？Willyouhavechains，gold，tablets，rings？Youneednomorebutsay，Yes；sofarasfiftythousandducatsmayreach，itisbutasnothingtome。Bythevirtueofwhichwordshemadethewatercomeinhermouth；butshesaiduntohim，No，Ithankyou，Iwillhavenothingofyou。ByG——，saidhe，butIwillhavesomewhatofyou；yetshallitbethatwhichshallcostyounothing，neithershallyouhaveajotthelesswhenyouhavegivenit。Hold！——

showinghislongcodpiece——thisisMasterJohnGoodfellow，thatasksforlodging！——andwiththatwouldhaveembracedher；butshebegantocryout，yetnotveryloud。ThenPanurgeputoffhiscounterfeitgarb，changedhisfalsevisage，andsaiduntoher，Youwillnotthenotherwiseletmedoalittle？Aturdforyou！Youdonotdeservesomuchgood，norsomuchhonour；but，byG——，Iwillmakethedogsrideyou；——andwiththisheranawayasfastashecould，forfearofblows，whereofhewasnaturallyfearful。