第12章

Supposethelord，father，ormasterofafamily，sittingataverysumptuousdinner，furnishedwithallmannerofgoodcheer，andhavingathisentrytothetablehisappetitesharpsetuponhisvictuals，whereoftherewasgreatplenty，shouldbeseenriseinastart，andonasuddenflingoutofhischair，abandoninghismeat，frighted，appalled，andinahorridterror，whoshouldnotknowthecausehereofwouldwonder，andbeastonishedexceedingly。Butwhat？heheardhismaleservantscry，Fire，fire，fire，fire！hisserving-maidsandwomenyell，Stopthief，stopthief！

andallhischildrenshoutasloudasevertheycould，Murder，Omurder，murder！Thenwasitnothightimeforhimtoleavehisbanqueting，forapplicationofaremedyinhaste，andtogivespeedyorderforsuccouringofhisdistressedhousehold？TrulyIrememberthattheCabalistsandMassorets，interpretersofthesacredScriptures，intreatinghowwithverityonemightjudgeofevangelicalapparitions(becauseoftentimestheangelofSatanisdisguisedandtransfiguredintoanangeloflight)，saidthatthedifferenceofthesetwomainlydidconsistinthis:thefavourableandcomfortingangelusethinhisappearinguntomanatfirsttoterrifyandhugelyaffrighthim，butintheendhebringethconsolation，leaveththepersonwhohathseenhimjoyful，well-pleased，fullycontent，andsatisfied；ontheotherside，theangelofperdition，thatwicked，devilish，andmalignantspirit，athisappearanceuntoanypersoninthebeginningcheerethuptheheartofhisbeholder，butatlastforsakeshim，andleaveshimtroubled，angry，andperplexed。

Chapter3。XV。

Panurge\'sexcuseandexpositionofthemonasticmysteryconcerningpowderedbeef。

TheLordsavethosewhosee，anddonothear！quothPanurge。Iseeyouwellenough，butknownotwhatitisthatyouhavesaid。Thehunger-

starvedbellywantethears。Forlackofvictuals，beforeGod，Iroar，bray，yell，andfumeasinafuriousmadness。Ihaveperformedtoohardataskto-day，anextraordinaryworkindeed。Heshallbecraftier，anddofargreaterwondersthaneverdidMr。Mush，whoshallbeableanymorethisyeartobringmeonthestageofpreparationforadreamingverdict。Fie！

nottosupatall，thatisthedevil。Poxtakethatfashion！Come，FriarJohn，letusgobreakourfast；for，ifIhitonsucharoundrefectioninthemorningaswillservethoroughlytofillthemill-hopperandhogs-hideofmystomach，andfurnishitwithmeatanddrinksufficient，thenatapinch，asinthecaseofsomeextremenecessitywhichpresseth，Icouldmakeashiftthatdaytoforbeardining。Butnottosup！Aplaguerotthatbasecustom，whichisanerroroffensivetoNature！Thatladymadethedayforexercise，totravel，work，waitonandlabourineachhisnegotiationandemployment；andthatwemaywiththemorefervencyandardourprosecuteourbusiness，shesetsbeforeusaclearburningcandle，towit，thesun\'sresplendency；andatnight，whenshebeginstotakethelightfromus，shetherebytacitlyimpliesnolessthanifshewouldhavespokenthusuntous:Myladsandlasses，allofyouaregoodandhonestfolks，youhavewroughtwellto-day，toiledandturmoiledenough，——thenightapproacheth，——thereforecastoffthesemoilingcaresofyours，desistfromallyourswinkingpainfullabours，andsetyourmindshowtorefreshyourbodiesintherenewingoftheirvigourwithgoodbread，choicewine，andstoreofwholesomemeats；thenmayyoutakesomesportandrecreation，andafterthatliedownandrestyourselves，thatyoumaystrongly，nimbly，lustily，andwiththemorealacrityto-morrowattendonyouraffairsasformerly。

Falconers，inlikemanner，whentheyhavefedtheirhawks，willnotsufferthemtoflyonafullgorge，butletthemonaperchabidealittle，thattheymayrouse，bait，tower，andsoarthebetter。Thatgoodpopewhowasthefirstinstitutoroffastingunderstoodthiswellenough；forheordainedthatourfastshouldreachbuttothehourofnoon；alltheremainderofthatdaywasatourdisposure，freelytoeatandfeedatanytimethereof。Inancienttimestherewerebutfewthatdined，asyouwouldsay，somechurchmen，monksandcanons；fortheyhavelittleotheroccupation。Eachdayisafestivaluntothem，whodiligentlyheedtheclaustralproverb，Demissaadmensam。Theydonotusetolingeranddefertheirsittingdownandplacingofthemselvesattable，onlysolongastheyhaveamindinwaitingforthecomingoftheabbot；sotheyfelltowithoutceremony，terms，orconditions；andeverybodysupped，unlessitweresomevain，conceited，dreamingdotard。Hencewasasuppercalledcoena，whichshoweththatitiscommontoallsortsofpeople。Thouknowestitwell，FriarJohn。Come，letusgo，mydearfriend，inthenameofallthedevilsoftheinfernalregions，letusgo。Thegnawingsofmystomachinthisrageofhungeraresotearing，thattheymakeitbarklikeamastiff。Letusthrowsomebreadandbeefintohisthroattopacifyhim，asoncethesibyldidtoCerberus。Thoulikestbestmonasticalbrewis，theprime，theflowerofthepot。Iamforthesolid，principalverbthatcomesafter——

thegoodbrownloaf，alwaysaccompaniedwitharoundsliceofthenine-

lecture-powderedlabourer。Iknowthymeaning，answeredFriarJohn；thismetaphorisextractedoutoftheclaustralkettle。Thelaboureristheoxthathathwroughtanddonethelabour；afterthefashionofninelectures，thatistosay，mostexquisitelywellandthoroughlyboiled。Theseholyreligiousfathers，byacertaincabalisticinstitutionoftheancients，notwritten，butcarefullybytraditionconveyedfromhandtohand，risingbetimestogotomorningprayers，werewonttoflourishthattheirmatutinaldevotionwithsomecertainnotablepreamblesbeforetheirentryintothechurch，viz。，theydungedinthedungeries，pissedinthepisseries，spitinthespitteries，melodiouslycoughedinthecougheries，anddotedintheirdotaries，thattothedivineservicetheymightnotbringanythingthatwasuncleanorfoul。Thesethingsthusdone，theyveryzealouslymadetheirrepairtotheHolyChapel，forsowasintheircantinglanguagetermedtheconventkitchen，wheretheywithnosmallearnestnesshadcarethatthebeef-potshouldbeputonthecrookforthebreakfastofthereligiousbrothersofourLordandSaviour；andthefiretheywouldkindleunderthepotthemselves。Now，thematinsconsistingofninelessons，(it)itwassoincumbentonthem，thatmusthaverisentheratherforthemoreexpeditedespatchingofthemall。Thesoonerthattheyrose，thesharperwastheirappetiteandthebarkingsoftheirstomachs，andthegnawingsincreasedinthelikeproportion，andconsequentlymadethesegodlymenthricemorea-hungeredandathirstthanwhentheirmatinswerehemmedoveronlywiththreelessons。Themorebetimestheyrose，bythesaidcabal，thesoonerwasthebeef-potputon；thelongerthatthebeefwasonthefire，thebetteritwasboiled；themoreitboiled，itwasthetenderer；thetendererthatitwas，thelessittroubledtheteeth，delightedmorethepalate，lesschargedthestomach，andnourishedourgoodreligiousmenthemoresubstantially；whichistheonlyendandprimeintentionofthefirstfounders，asappearsbythis，thattheyeatnottolive，butlivetoeat，andinthisworldhavenothingbuttheirlife。Letusgo，Panurge。

NowhaveIunderstoodthee，quothPanurge，myplushcodfriar，mycaballineandclaustralballock。Ifreelyquitthecosts，interest，andcharges，seeingyouhavesoegregiouslycommenteduponthemostespecialchapteroftheculinaryandmonasticcabal。Comealong，myCarpalin，andyou，FriarJohn，myleather-dresser。Goodmorrowtoyouall，mygoodlords；Ihavedreamedtoomuchtohavesolittle。Letusgo。PanurgehadnosoonerdonespeakingthanEpistemonwithaloudvoicesaidthesewords:Itisaveryordinaryandcommonthingamongstmentoconceive，foresee，know，andpresagethemisfortune，badluck，ordisasterofanother；buttohavetheunderstanding，providence，knowledge，andpredictionofaman\'sownmishapisveryscarceandraretobefoundanywhere。ThisisexceedingjudiciouslyandprudentlydecipheredbyAesopinhisApologues，whothereaffirmeththateverymanintheworldcarriethabouthisneckawallet，inthefore-bagwhereofwerecontainedthefaultsandmischancesofothersalwaysexposedtohisviewandknowledge；andintheotherscripthereof，whichhangsbehind，arekeptthebearer\'spropertransgressionsandinauspiciousadventures，atnotimeseenbyhim，northoughtupon，unlesshebeapersonthathathafavourableaspectfromtheheavens。

Chapter3。XVI。

HowPantagrueladvisethPanurgetoconsultwiththeSibylofPanzoust。

AlittlewhilethereafterPantagruelsentforPanurgeandsaiduntohim，TheaffectionwhichIbearyoubeingnowinveterateandsettledinmymindbyalongcontinuanceoftime，promptethmetotheseriousconsiderationofyourwelfareandprofit；inorderwhereto，remarkwhatIhavethoughtthereon。IthathbeentoldmethatatPanzoust，nearCrouly，dwellethaveryfamoussibyl，whoisendowedwiththeskillofforetellingallthingstocome。TakeEpistemoninyourcompany，repairtowardsher，andhearwhatshewillsayuntoyou。Sheispossibly，quothEpistemon，someCanidia，Sagana，orPythonissa，eitherwhereofwithusisvulgarlycalledawitch，——

Ibeingthemoreeasilyinducedtogivecredittothetruthofthischaracterofher，thattheplaceofherabodeisvilelystainedwiththeabominablereputeofaboundingmorewithsorcerersandwitchesthaneverdidtheplainsofThessaly。Ishouldnot，tomythinking，gothitherwillingly，forthatitseemstomeathingunwarrantable，andaltogetherforbiddeninthelawofMoses。WearenotJews，quothPantagruel，norisitamatterjudiciouslyconfessedbyher，norauthenticallyprovedbyothersthatsheisawitch。Letusforthepresentsuspendourjudgment，anddefertillafteryourreturnfromthencethesiftingandgarblingofthoseniceties。DoweknowbutthatshemaybeaneleventhsibylorasecondCassandra？Butalthoughshewereneither，andshedidnotmeritthenameortitleofanyoftheserenownedprophetesses，whathazard，inthenameofGod，doyourunbyofferingtotalkandconferwithheroftheinstantperplexityandperturbationofyourthoughts？Seeingespecially，andwhichismostofall，sheis，intheestimationofthosethatareacquaintedwithher，heldtoknowmore，andtobeofadeeperreachofunderstanding，thaniseithercustomarytothecountrywhereinshelivethortothesexwhereofsheis。Whathindrance，hurt，orharmdoththelaudabledesireofknowledgebringtoanyman，wereitfromasot，apot，afool，astool，awintermitten，atruckleforapulley，thelidofagoldsmith\'scrucible，anoil-bottle，oroldslipper？Youmayremembertohaveread，orheardatleast，thatAlexandertheGreat，immediatelyafterhishavingobtainedagloriousvictoryovertheKingDariusinArbela，refused，inthepresenceofthesplendidandillustriouscourtiersthatwereabouthim，togiveaudiencetoapoorcertaindespicable-likefellow，whothroughthesolicitationsandmediationofsomeofhisroyalattendantswasadmittedhumblytobegthatgraceandfavourofhim。Butsoredidherepent，althoughinvain，athousandandtenthousandtimesthereafter，thesurlystatewhichhethentookuponhimtothedenialofsojustasuit，thegrantwhereofwouldhavebeenworthuntohimthevalueofabraceofpotentcities。HewasindeedvictoriousinPersia，butwithalsofardistantfromMacedonia，hishereditarykingdom，thatthejoyoftheonedidnotexpeltheextremegriefwhichthroughoccasionoftheotherhehadinwardlyconceived；for，notbeingablewithallhispowertofindorinventaconvenientmeanandexpedienthowtogetorcomebythecertaintyofanynewsfromthence，bothbyreasonofthehugeremotenessoftheplacesfromonetoanother，asalsobecauseoftheimpeditiveinterpositionofmanygreatrivers，theinterjacentobstacleofdiverswilddeserts，andobstructiveinterjectionofsundryalmostinaccessiblemountains，——whilsthewasinthissadquandaryandsolicitouspensiveness，which，youmaysuppose，couldnotbeofasmallvexationtohim，consideringthatitwasamatterofnogreatdifficultytorunoverhiswholenativesoil，possesshiscountry，seizeonhiskingdom，installanewkinginthethrone，andplantthereonforeigncolonies，longbeforehecouldcometohaveanyadvertisementofit:forobviatingthejeopardyofsodreadfulinconveniency，andputtingafitremedythereto，acertainSidonianmerchantofalowstaturebuthighfancy，verypoorinshow，andtotheoutwardappearanceoflittleornoaccount，havingpresentedhimselfbeforehim，wentabouttoaffirmanddeclarethathehadexcogitatedandhituponareadymeanandwaybythewhichthoseofhisterritoriesathomeshouldcometothecertainnoticeofhisIndianvictories，andhimselfbeperfectlyinformedofthestateandconditionofEgyptandMacedoniawithinlessthanfivedays。WhereuponthesaidAlexander，plungedintoasullenanimadvertencyofmind，throughhisrashopinionoftheimprobabilityofperformingasostrangeandimpossible-likeundertaking，dismissedthemerchantwithoutgivingeartowhathehadtosay，andvilifiedhim。Whatcouldithavecosthimtohearkenuntowhatthehonestmanhadinventedandcontrivedforhisgood？Whatdetriment，annoyance，damage，orlosscouldhehaveundergonetolistentothediscoveryofthatsecretwhichthegoodfellowwouldhavemostwillinglyrevealeduntohim？Nature，Iampersuaded，didnotwithoutacauseframeourearsopen，puttingtheretonogateatall，norshuttingthemupwithanymannerofenclosures，asshehathdoneuntothetongue，theeyes，andothersuchout-jettingpartsofthebody。Thecause，asIimagine，istotheendthateverydayandeverynight，andthatcontinually，wemaybereadytohear，andbyaperpetualhearingapttolearn。For，ofallthesenses，itisthefittestforthereceptionoftheknowledgeofarts，sciences，anddisciplines；anditmaybethatmanwasanangel，thatistosay，amessengersentfromGod，asRaphaelwastoTobit。Toosuddenlydidhecontemn，despise，andmisregardhim；buttoolongthereafter，byanuntimelyandtoolaterepentance，didhedopenanceforit。Yousayverywell，answeredEpistemon，yetshallyouneverforallthatinducemetobelievethatitcantendanywaytotheadvantageorcommodityofamantotakeadviceandcounselofawoman，namely，ofsuchawoman，andthewomanofsuchacountry。TrulyIhavefound，quothPanurge，agreatdealofgoodinthecounselofwomen，chieflyinthatoftheoldwivesamongstthem；foreverytimeIconsultwiththemI

readilygetastoolortwoextraordinary，tothegreatsolaceofmybumgutpassage。Theyareassleuthhoundsintheinfallibilityoftheirscent，andintheirsayingsnolesssententiousthantherubricsofthelaw。

Thereforeinmyconceititisnotanimproperkindofspeechtocallthemsageorwisewomen。Inconfirmationofwhichopinionofmine，thecustomarystyleofmylanguagealloweththemthedenominationofpresagewomen。Theepithetofsageisdueuntothembecausetheyaresurpassingdexterousintheknowledgeofmostthings。AndIgivethemthetitleofpresage，forthattheydivinelyforeseeandcertainlyforetellfuturecontingenciesandeventsofthingstocome。SometimesIcallthemnotmaunettes，butmonettes，fromtheirwholesomemonitions。Whetheritbeso，askPythagoras，Socrates，Empedocles，andourmasterOrtuinus。I

furthermorepraiseandcommendabovetheskiestheancientmemorableinstitutionofthepristineGermans，whoordainedtheresponsesanddocumentsofoldwomentobehighlyextolled，mostcordiallyreverenced，andprizedatarateinnothinginferiortotheweight，test，andstandardofthesanctuary。Andastheywererespectfullyprudentinreceivingofthesesoundadvices，sobyhonouringandfollowingthemdidtheyprovenolessfortunateinthehappysuccessofalltheirendeavours。WitnesstheoldwifeAurinia，andthegoodmotherVelled，inthedaysofVespasian。

Youneednotanywaydoubtbutthatfeminineoldageisalwaysfructifyinginqualitiessublime——Iwouldhavesaidsibylline。Letusgo，bythehelp，letusgo，bythevirtueofGod，letusgo。Farewell，FriarJohn，I

recommendthecareofmycodpiecetoyou。Well，quothEpistemon，Iwillfollowyou，withthisprotestationnevertheless，thatifIhappentogetasureinformation，orotherwisefindthatshedothuseanykindofcharmorenchantmentinherresponses，itmaynotbeimputedtomeforablametoleaveyouatthegateofherhouse，withoutaccompanyingyouanyfurtherin。

Chapter3。XVII。

HowPanurgespoketotheSibylofPanzoust。

Theirvoyagewasthreedaysjourneying。Onthethirdwhereofwasshownuntothemthehouseofthevaticinatressstandingontheknaportopofahill，underalargeandspaciouswalnut-tree。Withoutgreatdifficultytheyenteredintothatstraw-thatchedcottage，scurvilybuilt，naughtilymovabled，andallbesmoked。Itmattersnot，quothEpistemon；Heraclitus，thegrandScotistandtenebrousdarksomephilosopher，wasnothingastonishedathisintroitintosuchacoarseandpaltryhabitation；forhedidusuallyshowforthuntohissectatorsanddisciplesthatthegodsmadeascheerfullytheirresidenceinthesemeanhomelymansionsasinsumptuousmagnificpalaces，replenishedwithallmannerofdelight，pomp，andpleasure。Iwithaldoreallybelievethatthedwelling-placeofthesofamousandrenownedHecatewasjustsuchanotherpettycellasthisis，whenshemadeafeastthereintothevaliantTheseus；andthatofnootherbetterstructurewasthecotorcabinofHyreus，orOenopion，whereinJupiter，Neptune，andMercurywerenotashamed，allthreetogether，toharbourandsojournawholenight，andtheretotakeafullandheartyrepast；forthepaymentoftheshottheythankfullypissedOrion。Theyfindingtheancientwomanatacornerofherownchimney，Epistemonsaid，Sheisindeedatruesibyl，andthelivelyportraitofonerepresentedbythe(Greek)ofHomer。Theoldhagwasinapitifulbadplightandconditioninmatteroftheoutwardstateandcomplexionofherbody，theraggedandtatteredequipageofherpersoninthepointofaccoutrement，andbeggarlypoorprovisionoffareforherdietandentertainment；forshewasillapparelled，worsenourished，toothless，blear-eyed，crook-

shouldered，snotty，hernosestilldropping，andherselfstilldrooping，faint，andpithless；whilstinthiswoefullywretchedcaseshewasmakingreadyforherdinnerporridgeofwrinkledgreencoleworts，withabitskinofyellowbacon，mixedwithatwice-before-cookedsortofwaterish，unsavourybroth，extractedoutofbareandhollowbones。Epistemonsaid，Bythecrossofagroat，wearetoblame，norshallwegetfromheranyresponseatall，forwehavenotbroughtalongwithusthebranchofgold。

Ihave，quothPanurge，providedprettywellforthat，forhereIhaveitwithinmybag，inthesubstanceofagoldring，accompaniedwithsomefairpiecesofsmallmoney。Nosoonerwerethesewordsspoken，whenPanurgecominguptowardsher，aftertheceremonialperformanceofaprofoundandhumblesalutation，presentedherwithsixneat\'stonguesdriedinthesmoke，agreatbutter-potfulloffreshcheese，aborachiofurnishedwithgoodbeverage，andaram\'scodstoredwithsinglepence，newlycoined。Atlasthe，withalowcourtesy，putonhermedicalfingeraprettyhandsomegoldenring，whereintowasrightartificiallyenchasedaprecioustoadstoneofBeausse。Thisdone，infewwordsandverysuccinctly，didhesetopenandexposeuntoherthemotivereasonofhiscoming，mostcivillyandcourteouslyentreatingherthatshemightbepleasedtovouchsafetogivehimanampleandplenaryintelligenceconcerningthefuturegoodluckofhisintendedmarriage。

Theoldtrotforawhileremainedsilent，pensive，andgrinninglikeadog；

then，aftershehadsetherwitheredbreechuponthebottomofabushel，shetookintoherhandsthreeoldspindles，whichwhenshehadturnedandwhirledbetwixtherfingersverydiverselyandafterseveralfashions，shepriedmorenarrowlyinto，bythetrialoftheirpoints，thesharpestwhereofsheretainedinherhand，andthrewtheothertwounderastonetrough。Afterthisshetookapairofyarnwindles，whichsheninetimesunintermittedlyveeredandfriskedabout；thenattheninthrevolutionorturn，withouttouchingthemanymore，maturelyperpendingthemanneroftheirmotion，sheverydemurelywaitedontheirreposeandcessationfromanyfurtherstirring。Insequelwhereofshepulledoffoneofherwoodenpattens，putherapronoverherhead，asapriestusestodohisamicewhenheisgoingtosingmass，andwithakindofantique，gaudy，party-colouredstringknititunderherneck。Beingthuscoveredandmuffled，shewhiffedoffalustygooddraughtoutoftheborachio，tookthreeseveralpenceforthoftheramcodfob，putthemintosomanywalnut-shells，whichshesetdownuponthebottomofafeather-pot，andthen，aftershehadgiventhemthreewhisksofabroombesomathwartthechimney，castingintothefirehalfabavinoflongheather，togetherwithabranchofdrylaurel，sheobservedwithaveryhushandcoysilenceinwhatformtheydidburn，andsawthat，althoughtheywereinaflame，theymadenokindofnoiseorcracklingdin。Hereuponshegaveamosthideousandhorriblydreadfulshout，mutteringbetwixtherteethsomefewbarbarouswordsofastrangetermination。

ThissoterrifiedPanurgethatheforthwithsaidtoEpistemon，ThedevilmincemeintoagallimaufryifIdonottrembleforfear！IdonotthinkbutthatIamnowenchanted；forsheutterethnothervoiceinthetermsofanyChristianlanguage。Olook，Iprayyou，howsheseemethuntometobebythreefullspanshigherthanshewaswhenshebegantohoodherselfwithherapron。Whatmeaneththisrestlesswaggingofherslouchychaps？Whatcanbethesignificationoftheunevenshruggingofherhulchyshoulders？

Towhatenddothshequaverwithherlips，likeamonkeyinthedismemberingofalobster？Myearsthroughhorrorglow；ah！howtheytingle！IthinkIheartheshriekingofProserpina；thedevilsarebreakingloosetobeallhere。Othefoul，ugly，anddeformedbeasts！Letusrunaway！BythehookofGod，Iamliketodieforfear！Idonotlovethedevils；theyvexme，andareunpleasantfellows。Nowletusfly，andbetakeustoourheels。Farewell，gammer；thanksandgramercyforyourgoods！Iwillnotmarry；no，believeme，Iwillnot。Ifairlyquitmyinteresttherein，andtotallyabandonandrenounceitfromthistimeforward，evenasmuchasatpresent。Withthis，asheendeavouredtomakeanescapeoutoftheroom，theoldcronedidanticipatehisflightandmakehimstop。Thewayhowshepreventedhimwasthis:whilstinherhandsheheldthespindle，sheflungouttoaback-yardclosebyherlodge，where，aftershehadpeeledoffthebarksofanoldsycamorethreeseveraltimes，sheverysummarily，uponeightleaveswhichdroppedfromthence，wrotewiththespindle-pointsomecurtandbriefly-couchedverses，whichshethrewintotheair，thensaiduntothem，Searchafterthemifyouwill；findthemifyoucan；thefataldestiniesofyourmarriagearewritteninthem。

Nosoonerhadshedonethusspeakingthanshedidwithdrawherselfuntoherlurking-hole，whereontheupperseatoftheporchshetuckeduphergown，hercoats，andsmock，ashighasherarmpits，andgavethemafullinspectionofthenockandroe；whichbeingperceivedbyPanurge，hesaidtoEpistemon，God\'sbodikins，Iseethesibyl\'shole！Shesuddenlythenboltedthegatebehindher，andwasneversinceseenanymore。Theyjointlyraninhasteafterthefallenanddispersedleaves，andgatheredthematlast，thoughnotwithoutgreatlabourandtoil，forthewindhadscatteredthemamongstthethorn-bushesofthevalley。Whentheyhadrangedthemeachafterotherintheirdueplaces，theyfoundouttheirsentence，asitismetrifiedinthisoctastich:

Thyfameupheld(Properly，ascorrectedbyOzell:

Thyfamewillbeshell\'dByher，Itrow。)，Evenso，so:

AndshewithchildOfthee:No。

ThygoodendSucksheshall，Andflaythee，friend，Butnotall。

Chapter3。XVIII。

HowPantagruelandPanurgediddiverselyexpoundtheversesoftheSibylofPanzoust。

Theleavesbeingthuscollectedandorderlydisposed，EpistemonandPanurgereturnedtoPantagruel\'scourt，partlywellpleasedandotherpartdiscontented；gladfortheirbeingcomeback，andvexedforthetroubletheyhadsustainedbytheway，whichtheyfoundtobecraggy，rugged，stony，rough，andill-adjusted。TheymadeanampleandfullrelationoftheirvoyageuntoPantagruel，aslikewiseoftheestateandconditionofthesibyl。Then，havingpresentedtohimtheleavesofthesycamore，theyshowhimtheshortandtwattleversesthatwerewritteninthem。

Pantagruel，havingreadandconsideredthewholesumandsubstanceofthematter，fetchedfromhisheartadeepandheavysigh；thensaidtoPanurge，Youarenow，forsooth，inagoodtaking，andhavebroughtyourhogstoafinemarket。Theprophecyofthesibyldothexplainandlayoutbeforeusthesameverypredictionswhichhavebeendenoted，foretold，andpresagedtousbythedecreeoftheVirgilianlotsandtheverdictofyourownproperdreams，towit，thatyoushallbeverymuchdisgraced，shamed，anddiscreditedbyyourwife；forthatshewillmakeyouacuckoldinprostitutingherselftoothers，beingbigwithchildbyanotherthanyou，——

willstealfromyouagreatdealofyourgoods，andwillbeatyou，scratchandbruiseyou，eventopluckingtheskininapartfromoffyou，——willleavetheprintofherblowsinsomememberofyourbody。Youunderstandasmuch，answeredPanurge，intheveritableinterpretationandexpoundingofrecentpropheciesasasowinthematterofspicery。Benotoffended，sir，Ibeseechyou，thatIspeakthusboldly；forIfindmyselfalittleincholer，andthatnotwithoutcause，seeingitisthecontrarythatistrue。

Takeheed，andgiveattentiveearuntomywords。Theoldwifesaidthat，asthebeanisnotseentillfirstitbeunhusked，andthatitsswadorhullbeshelledandpeeledfromoffit，soisitthatmyvirtueandtranscendentworthwillnevercomebythemouthoffametobeblazedabroadproportionabletotheheight，extent，andmeasureoftheexcellencythereof，untilpreallablyIgetawifeandmakethefullhalfofamarriedcouple。HowmanytimeshaveIheardyousaythatthefunctionofamagistrate，orofficeofdignity，discovereththemerits，parts，andendowmentsofthepersonsoadvancedandpromoted，andwhatisinhim。

Thatistosay，wearethenbestabletojudgearightofthedeservingsofamanwhenheiscalledtothemanagementofaffairs；forwhenbeforehelivedinaprivatecondition，wecouldhavenomorecertainknowledgeofhimthanofabeanwithinhishusk。Andthusstandsthefirstarticleexplained；otherwise，couldyouimaginethatthegoodfame，repute，andestimationofanhonestmanshoulddependuponthetailofawhore？

Nowtothemeaningofthesecondarticle！Mywifewillbewithchild，——

hereliestheprimefelicityofmarriage，——butnotofme。Copsody，thatI

dobelieveindeed！Itwillbeofaprettylittleinfant。OhowheartilyI

shallloveit！Idoalreadydoteuponit；foritwillbemydaintyfeedle-

darling，mygenteeldilly-minion。Fromthenceforthnovexation，care，orgriefshalltakesuchdeepimpressioninmyheart，howhugelygreatorvehementsoeveritotherwiseappear，butthatitshallevanishforthwithatthesightofthatmyfuturebabe，andatthehearingofthechatandpratingofitschildishgibberish。Andblessedbetheoldwife。Bymytruly，IhaveamindtosettlesomegoodrevenueorpensionuponheroutofthereadiestincreaseofthelandsofmySalmigondinois；notaninconstantanduncertainrent-seek，likethatofwitless，giddy-headedbachelors，butsureandfixed，ofthenatureofthewell-paidincomesofregentingdoctors。Ifthisinterpretationdothnotpleaseyou，thinkyoumywifewillbearmeinherflanks，conceivewithme，andbeofmedelivered，aswomenuseinchildbedtobringforththeiryoungones；soasthatitmaybesaid，PanurgeisasecondBacchus，hehathbeentwiceborn；heisre-born，aswasHippolytus，——aswasProteus，onetimeofThetis，andsecondly，ofthemotherofthephilosopherApollonius，——aswerethetwoPalici，nearthefloodSimaethosinSicily。Hiswifewasbigofchildwithhim。InhimisrenewedandbegunagainthepalintocyoftheMegariansandthepalingenesyofDemocritus。Fieuponsucherrors！Tohearstuffofthatnaturerendsmineears。

Thewordsofthethirdarticleare:Shewillsuckmeatmybestend。Whynot？Thatpleasethmerightwell。Youknowthething；Ineednottellyouthatitismyintercruralpuddingwithoneend。Iswearandpromisethat，inwhatIcan，Iwillpreserveitsappy，fullofjuice，andaswellvictualledforheruseasmaybe。Sheshallnotsuckme，Ibelieve，invain，norbedestituteofherallowance；thereshallherjustumbothinpeckandlippybefurnishedtothefulleternally。Youexpoundthispassageallegorically，andinterpretittotheftandlarceny。Ilovetheexposition，andtheallegorypleasethme；butnotaccordingtothesensewheretoyoustretchit。Itmaybethatthesincerityoftheaffectionwhichyoubearmemovethyoutoharbourinyourbreastthoserefractorythoughtsconcerningme，withasuspicionofmyadversitytocome。Wehavethissayingfromthelearned，Thatamarvellouslyfearfulthingislove，andthattrueloveisneverwithoutfear。But，sir，accordingtomyjudgment，youdounderstandbothofandbyyourselfthatherestealthsignifiethnothingelse，nomorethaninathousandotherplacesofGreekandLatin，oldandmodernwritings，butthesweetfruitsofamorousdalliance，whichVenuslikethbestwhenreapedinsecret，andculledbyferventloversfilchingly。Whyso，Ipritheetell？Because，whenthefeatoftheloose-coatskirmishhappenethtobedoneunderhandandprivily，betweentwowell-disposed，athwartthestepsofapairofstairslurkingly，andincovertbehindasuitofhangings，orclosehidandtrusseduponanunboundfaggot，itismorepleasingtotheCypriangoddess，andtomealso——

Ispeakthiswithoutprejudicetoanybetterormoresoundopinion——thantoperformthatculbustingartaftertheCynicmanner，intheviewoftheclearsunshine，orinarichtent，underapreciousstatelycanopy，withinagloriousandsublimepavilion，oryetonasoftcouchbetwixtrichcurtainsofclothofgold，withoutaffrightment，atlongintermediaterespites，enjoyingofpleasuresanddelightsabellyfull，atallgreatease，withahugefly-flapfanofcrimsonsatinandabunchoffeathersofsomeEast-Indianostrichservingtogivechaseuntothefliesallroundabout；whilst，intheinterim，thefemalepicksherteethwithastiffstrawpickedeventhenfromoutofthebottomofthebedshelieson。Ifyoubenotcontentwiththismyexposition，areyouofthemindthatmywifewillsuckandsupmeupaspeopleusetogulpandswallowoystersoutoftheshell？orastheCilicianwomen，accordingtothetestimonyofDioscorides，werewonttodothegrainofalkermes？Assuredlythatisanerror。Whoseizethonit，dothneithergulchupnorswilldown，buttakesawaywhathathbeenpackedup，catcheth，snatcheth，andpliestheplayofhey-pass，repass。

Thefourtharticledothimplythatmywifewillflayme，butnotall。O

thefineword！Youinterpretthistobeatingstrokesandblows。Speakwisely。Willyoueatapudding？Sir，Ibeseechyoutoraiseupyourspiritsabovethelow-sizedpitchofearthlythoughtsuntothatheightofsublimecontemplationwhichreachethtotheapprehensionofthemysteriesandwondersofDameNature。Andherebepleasedtocondemnyourself，byarenouncingofthoseerrorswhichyouhavecommittedverygrosslyandsomewhatperverselyinexpoundingthepropheticsayingsoftheholysibyl。

Yetputthecase(albeitIyieldnottoit)that，bytheinstigationofthedevil，mywifeshouldgoabouttowrongme，makemeacuckolddownwardstotheverybreech，disgracemeotherwise，stealmygoodsfromme，yea，andlayviolentlyherhandsuponme；——sheneverthelessshouldfailofherattemptsandnotattaintotheproposedendofherunreasonableundertakings。Thereasonwhichinducethmeheretoisgroundedtotallyonthislastpoint，whichisextractedfromtheprofoundestprivaciesofamonasticpantheology，asgoodFriarArthurWagtailtoldmeonceuponaMondaymorning，aswewere(ifIhavenotforgot)eatingabusheloftrotter-pies；andIrememberwellitrainedhard。Godgivehimthegoodmorrow！Thewomenatthebeginningoftheworld，oralittleafter，conspiredtoflaythemenquick，becausetheyfoundthespiritofmankindinclinedtodomineerit，andbearruleoverthemuponthefaceofthewholeearth；and，inpursuitofthistheirresolution，promised，confirmed，swore，andcovenantedamongstthemall，bythepurefaiththeyowetothenocturnalSanctRogero。ButOthevainenterprisesofwomen！Othegreatfragilityofthatsexfeminine！Theydidbegintoflaytheman，orpeelhim(assaysCatullus)，atthatmemberwhichofallthebodytheylovedbest，towit，thenervousandcavernouscane，andthatabovefivethousandyearsago；yethavetheynotofthatsmallpartaloneflayedanymoretillthishourbutthehead。InmeredespitewhereoftheJewssnipoffthatparceloftheskinincircumcision，choosingfarrathertobecalledclipyards，rascals，thantobeflayedbywomen，asareothernations。Mywife，accordingtothisfemalecovenant，willflayittome，ifitbenotsoalready。Iheartilygrantmyconsentthereto，butwillnotgiveherleavetoflayitall。Nay，trulywillInot，mynobleking。

Yeabut，quothEpistemon，yousaynothingofhermostdreadfulcriesandexclamationswhensheandwebothsawthelaurel-boughburnwithoutyieldinganynoiseorcrackling。Youknowitisaverydismalomen，aninauspicioussign，unluckyindice，andtokenformidable，bad，disastrous，andmostunhappy，asiscertifiedbyPropertius，Tibullus，thequickphilosopherPorphyrius，EustathiusontheIliadsofHomer，andbymanyothers。Verily，verily，quothPanurge，bravearetheallegationswhichyoubringme，andtestimoniesoftwo-footedcalves。Thesemenwerefools，astheywerepoets；anddotards，astheywerephilosophers；fulloffolly，astheywereofphilosophy。

Chapter3。XIX。

HowPantagruelpraiseththecounselofdumbmen。

Pantagruel，whenthisdiscoursewasended，heldforaprettywhilehispeace，seemingtobeexceedingsadandpensive，thensaidtoPanurge，Themalignantspiritmisleads，beguileth，andseducethyou。Ihavereadthatintimespastthesurestandmostveritableoracleswerenotthosewhicheitherweredeliveredinwritingorutteredbywordofmouthinspeaking。

Formanytimes，intheirinterpretation，rightwitty，learned，andingeniousmenhavebeendeceivedthroughamphibologies，equivoques，andobscurityofwords，nolessthanbythebrevityoftheirsentences。ForwhichcauseApollo，thegodofvaticination，wassurnamed(Greek)。Thosewhichwererepresentedthenbysignsandoutwardgestureswereaccountedthetruestandthemostinfallible。SuchwastheopinionofHeraclitus。

AndJupiterdidhimselfinthismannergiveforthinAmmonfrequentlypredictions。Norwashesingleinthispractice；forApollodidthelikeamongsttheAssyrians。Hisprophesyingthusuntothosepeoplemovedthemtopainthimwithalargelongbeard，andclothesbeseeminganoldsettledpersonofamostposed，staid，andgravebehaviour；notnaked，young，andbeardless，ashewasportrayedmostusuallyamongsttheGrecians。Letusmaketrialofthiskindoffatidicency；andgoyoutakeadviceofsomedumbpersonwithoutanyspeaking。Iamcontent，quothPanurge。But，saysPantagruel，itwererequisitethatthedumbyouconsultwithbesuchashavebeendeaffromthehouroftheirnativity，andconsequentlydumb；fornonecanbesolively，natural，andkindlydumbashewhoneverheard。

Howisit，quothPanurge，thatyouconceivethismatter？Ifyouapprehenditso，thatneveranyspokewhohadnotbeforeheardthespeechofothers，Iwillfromthatantecedentbringyoutoinferverylogicallyamostabsurdandparadoxicalconclusion。Butletitpass；Iwillnotinsistonit。YoudonotthenbelievewhatHerodotuswroteoftwochildren，who，atthespecialcommandandappointmentofPsammeticus，KingofEgypt，havingbeenkeptinapettycountrycottage，wheretheywerenourishedandentertainedinaperpetualsilence，didatlast，afteracertainlongspaceoftime，pronouncethiswordBec，whichinthePhrygianlanguagesignifiethbread。

Nothingless，quothPantagruel，doIbelievethanthatitisamereabusingofourunderstandingstogivecredittothewordsofthosewhosaythatthereisanysuchthingasanaturallanguage。Allspeecheshavehadtheirprimaryoriginfromthearbitraryinstitutions，accords，andagreementsofnationsintheirrespectivecondescendmentstowhatshouldbenotedandbetokenedbythem。Anarticulatevoice，accordingtothedialecticians，hathnaturallynosignificationatall；forthatthesenseandmeaningthereofdidtotallydependuponthegoodwillandpleasureofthefirstdeviserandimposerofit。Idonottellyouthiswithoutacause；forBartholus，Lib。5。deVerb。Oblig。，veryseriouslyreporteththateveninhistimetherewasinEugubiaonenamedSirNellodeGabrielis，who，althoughhebyasadmischancebecamealtogetherdeaf，understoodneverthelesseveryonethattalkedintheItaliandialecthowsoeverheexpressedhimself；andthatonlybylookingonhisexternalgestures，andcastinganattentiveeyeuponthediversmotionsofhislipsandchaps。I

haveread，Irememberalso，inaveryliterateandeloquentauthor，thatTyridates，KingofArmenia，inthedaysofNero，madeavoyagetoRome，wherehewasreceivedwithgreathonourandsolemnity，andwithallmannerofpompandmagnificence。Yea，totheendtheremightbeasempiternalamityandcorrespondencepreservedbetwixthimandtheRomansenate，therewasnoremarkablethinginthewholecitywhichwasnotshownuntohim。Athisdeparturetheemperorbestoweduponhimmanyampledonativesofaninestimablevalue；andbesides，themoreentirelytotestifyhisaffectiontowardshim，heartilyentreatedhimtobepleasedtomakechoiceofanywhatsoeverthinginRomewasmostagreeabletohisfancy，withapromisejuramentallyconfirmedthatheshouldnotberefusedofhisdemand。

Thereupon，afterasuitablereturnofthanksforasograciousoffer，herequiredacertainJack-puddingwhomhehadseentoacthispartmostegregiouslyuponthestage，andwhosemeaning，albeitheknewnotwhatitwashehadspoken，heunderstoodperfectlyenoughbythesignsandgesticulationswhichhehadmade。Andforthissuitofhis，inthatheaskednothingelse，hegavethisreason，thatintheseveralwideandspaciousdominionswhichwerereducedundertheswayandauthorityofhissovereigngovernment，thereweresundrycountriesandnationsmuchdifferingfromoneanotherinlanguage，withwhom，whetherhewastospeakuntothemorgiveanyanswertotheirrequests，hewasalwaysnecessitatedtomakeuseofdiverssortsoftruchmanandinterpreters。Nowwiththismanalone，sufficientforsupplyingalltheirplaces，willthatgreatinconveniencyhereafterbetotallyremoved；seeingheissuchafinegesticulator，andinthepracticeofchirologyanartistsocomplete，expert，anddexterous，thatwithhisveryfingershedothspeak。

Howsoever，youaretopitchuponsuchadumboneasisdeafbynatureandfromhisbirth；totheendthathisgesturesandsignsmaybethemorevivelyandtrulyprophetic，andnotcounterfeitbytheintermixtureofsomeadulteratelustreandaffectation。Yetwhetherthisdumbpersonshallbeofthemaleorfemalesexisinyouroption，liethatyourdiscretion，andaltogetherdependethonyourownelection。

Iwouldmorewillingly，quothPanurge，consultwithandbeadvisedbyadumbwoman，wereitnotthatIamafraidoftwothings。Thefirstis，thatthegreaterpartofwomen，whateverbethattheysee，doalwaysrepresentuntotheirfancies，think，andimagine，thatithathsomerelationtothesugaredenteringofthegoodlyithyphallos，andgraffinginthecleftoftheoverturnedtreethequicksetimpofthepinofcopulation。Whateversigns，shows，orgesturesweshallmake，orwhateverourbehaviour，carriage，ordemeanourshallhappentobeintheirviewandpresence，theywillinterpretthewholeinreferencetotheactofandrogynationandtheculbutizingexercise，bywhichmeansweshallbeabusivelydisappointedofourdesigns，inregardthatshewilltakealloursignsfornothingelsebuttokensandrepresentationsofourdesiretoenticeheruntothelistsofaCypriancombatorcatsenconnyskirmish。DoyourememberwhathappenedatRometwohundredandthreescoreyearsafterthefoundationthereof？A

youngRomangentlemanencounteringbychance，atthefootofMountCelion，withabeautifulLatinladynamedVerona，whofromherverycradleupwardshadalwaysbeenbothdeafanddumb，verycivillyaskedher，notwithoutachironomaticItalianizingofhisdemand，withvariousjectigationofhisfingersandothergesticulationsasyetcustomaryamongstthespeakersofthatcountry，whatsenatorsinherdescentfromthetopofthehillshehadmetwithgoingupthither。Foryouaretoconceivethathe，knowingnomoreofherdeafnessthandumbness，wasignorantofboth。Sheinthemeantime，whoneitherheardnorunderstoodsomuchasonewordofwhathehadsaid，straightimagined，byallthatshecouldapprehendinthelovelygestureofhismanualsigns，thatwhathethenrequiredofherwaswhatherselfhadagreatmindto，eventhatwhichayoungmandothnaturallydesireofawoman。Thenwasitthatbysigns，whichinalloccurrencesofvenerealloveareincomparablymoreattractive，valid，andefficaciousthanwords，shebeckonedtohimtocomealongwithhertoherhouse；whichwhenhehaddone，shedrewhimasidetoaprivyroom，andthenmadeamostlivelyalluringsignuntohimtoshowthatthegamedidpleaseher。

Whereupon，withoutanymoreadvertisement，orsomuchastheutteringofonewordoneitherside，theyfelltoandbringuardizeditlustily。

Theothercauseofmybeingaversefromconsultingwithdumbwomenis，thattooursignstheywouldmakenoansweratall，butsuddenlyfallbackwardsinadivaricationposture，tointimatetherebyuntoustherealityoftheirconsenttothesupposedmotionofourtacitdemands。Oriftheyshouldchancetomakeanycountersignsresponsorytoourpropositions，theywouldprovesofoolish，impertinent，andridiculous，thatbythemourselvesshouldeasilyjudgetheirthoughtstohavenoexcursionbeyondthedufflingacademy。YouknowverywellhowatBrignoles，whenthereligiousnun，SisterFatbum，wasmadebigwithchildbytheyoungStiffly-stand-to\'t，herpregnancycametobeknown，andshecitedbytheabbess，and，inafullconventionoftheconvent，accusedofincest。Herexcusewasthatshedidnotconsentthereto，butthatitwasdonebytheviolenceandimpetuousforceoftheFriarStiffly-stand-to\'t。Heretotheabbessveryausterelyreplying，Thounaughtywickedgirl，whydidstthounotcry，Arape，arape！

thenshouldallofushaveruntothysuccour。Heranswerwasthattherapewascommittedinthedortour，whereshedurstnotcrybecauseitwasaplaceofsempiternalsilence。But，quoththeabbess，thouroguishwench，whydidstnotthouthenmakesomesigntothosethatwereinthenextchamberbesidethee？Tothissheansweredthatwithherbuttocksshemadeasignuntothemasvigorouslyasshecould，yetneveroneofthemdidsomuchasoffertocometoherhelpandassistance。But，quoththeabbess，thouscurvybaggage，whydidstthounottellitmeimmediatelyaftertheperpetrationofthefact，thatsowemightorderly，regularly，andcanonicallyhaveaccusedhim？Iwouldhavedoneso，hadthecasebeenmine，fortheclearermanifestationofmineinnocency。Itruly，madam，wouldhavedonethelikewithallmyheartandsoul，quothSisterFatbum，butthatfearingIshouldremaininsin，andinthehazardofeternaldamnation，ifpreventedbyasuddendeath，Ididconfessmyselftothefatherfriarbeforehewentoutoftheroom，who，formypenance，enjoinedmenottotellit，orrevealthematteruntoany。Itwereamostenormousandhorridoffence，detestablebeforeGodandtheangels，torevealaconfession。Suchanabominablewickednesswouldhavepossiblybroughtdownfirefromheaven，wherewithtohaveburntthewholenunnery，andsentusallheadlongtothebottomlesspit，tobearcompanywithKorah，Dathan，andAbiram。

Youwillnot，quothPantagruel，withallyourjesting，makemelaugh。I

knowthatallthemonks，friars，andnunshadratherviolateandinfringethehighestofthecommandmentsofGodthanbreaktheleastoftheirprovincialstatutes。TakeyouthereforeGoatsnose，amanveryfitforyourpresentpurpose；forheis，andhathbeen，bothdumbanddeaffromtheveryremotestinfancyofhischildhood。

Chapter3。XX。

HowGoatsnosebysignsmakethanswertoPanurge。

Goatsnosebeingsentfor，camethedaythereaftertoPantagruel\'scourt；athisarrivaltowhichPanurgegavehimafatcalf，thehalfofahog，twopuncheonsofwine，oneloadofcorn，andthirtyfrancsofsmallmoney；

then，havingbroughthimbeforePantagruel，inpresenceofthegentlemenofthebed-chamberhemadethissignuntohim。Heyawnedalongtime，andinyawningmadewithouthismouthwiththethumbofhisrighthandthefigureoftheGreekletterTaubyfrequentreiterations。Afterwardshelifteduphiseyestoheavenwards，thenturnedtheminhisheadlikeashe-goatinthepainfulfitofanabsolutebirth，indoingwhereofhedidcoughandsighexceedingheavily。Thisdone，afterthathehadmadedemonstrationofthewantofhiscodpiece，hefromunderhisshirttookhisplacket-racketinafullgrip，makingittherewithalclackverymelodiouslybetwixthisthighs；then，nosoonerhadhewithhisbodystoopedalittleforwards，andbowedhisleftknee，butthatimmediatelythereuponholdingbothhisarmsonhisbreast，inaloosefaint-likeposture，theoneovertheother，hepausedawhile。Goatsnoselookedwistlyuponhim，andhavingheedfullyenoughviewedhimallover，heliftedupintotheairhislefthand，thewholefingerswhereofheretainedfistwiseclosetogether，exceptthethumbandtheforefinger，whosenailshesoftlyjoinedandcoupledtooneanother。Iunderstand，quothPantagruel，whathemeanethbythatsign。Itdenotesmarriage，andwithalthenumberthirty，accordingtotheprofessionofthePythagoreans。Youwillbemarried。Thankstoyou，quothPanurge，inturninghimselftowardsGoatsnose，mylittlesewer，prettymaster\'smate，daintybailie，curioussergeant-marshal，andjollycatchpole-leader。

Thendidhelifthigherupthanbeforehissaidlefthand，stretchingoutallthefivefingersthereof，andseveringthemaswidefromoneanotherashepossiblycouldgetdone。Here，saysPantagruel，dothhemoreamplyandfullyinsinuateuntous，bythetokenwhichheshowethforthofthequinarynumber，thatyoushallbemarried。Yea，thatyoushallnotonlybeaffianced，betrothed，wedded，andmarried，butthatyoushallfurthermorecohabitandlivejollilyandmerrilywithyourwife；forPythagorascalledfivethenuptialnumber，which，togetherwithmarriage，signifieththeconsummationofmatrimony，becauseitiscomposedofaternary，thefirstoftheodd，andbinary，thefirstoftheevennumbers，asofamaleandfemaleknitandunitedtogether。InverydeeditwasthefashionofoldinthecityofRomeatmarriagefestivalstolightfivewaxtapers；norwasitpermittedtokindleanymoreatthemagnificnuptialsofthemostpotentandwealthy，noryetanyfeweratthepenuriousweddingsofthepoorestandmostabjectoftheworld。Moreover，intimespast，theheathenorpaynimsimploredtheassistanceoffivedeities，orofonehelpful，atleast，infiveseveralgoodofficestothosethatweretobemarried。OfthissortwerethenuptialJove，Juno，presidentofthefeast，thefairVenus，Pitho，thegoddessofeloquenceandpersuasion，andDiana，whoseaidandsuccourwasrequiredtothelabourofchild-bearing。ThenshoutedPanurge，OthegentleGoatsnose，IwillgivehimafarmnearCinais，andawindmillhardbyMirebalais！Hereuponthedumbfellowsneezethwithanimpetuousvehemencyandhugeconcussionofthespiritsofthewholebody，withdrawinghimselfinsodoingwithajerkingturntowardsthelefthand。Bythebodyofafoxnewslain，quothPantagruel，whatisthat？Thismakethnothingforyouradvantage；forhebetokeneththerebythatyourmarriagewillbeinauspiciousandunfortunate。Thissneezing，accordingtothedoctrineofTerpsion，istheSocraticdemon。Ifdonetowardstherightside，itimportsandportendeththatboldlyandwithallassuranceonemaygowhitherhewillanddowhathelisteth，accordingtowhatdeliberationheshallbepleasedtohavethereupontaken；hisentriesinthebeginning，progressinhisproceedings，andsuccessintheeventsandissueswillbealllucky，good，andhappy。Thequitecontrarytheretoistherebyimpliedandpresagedifitbedonetowardstheleft。You，quothPanurge，dotakealwaysthematterattheworst，andcontinually，likeanotherDavus，castethinnewdisturbancesandobstructions；noreveryetdidIknowthisoldpaltryTerpsionworthyofcitationbutinpointsonlyofcosenageandimposture。Nevertheless，quothPantagruel，CicerohathwrittenIknownotwhattothesamepurposeinhisSecondBookofDivination。

Panurgethen，turninghimselftowardsGoatsnose，madethissignuntohim。

Heinvertedhiseyelidsupwards，wrenchedhisjawsfromtherighttotheleftside，anddrewforthhistonguehalfoutofhismouth。Thisdone，hepositedhislefthandwhollyopen，themid-fingerwhollyexcepted，whichwasperpendicularlyplaceduponthepalmthereof，andsetitjustintheroomwherehiscodpiecehadbeen。Thendidhekeephisrighthandaltogethershutupinafist，saveonlythethumb，whichhestraightturnedbackwardsdirectlyundertherightarmpit，andsettleditafterwardsonthatmosteminentpartofthebuttockswhichtheArabscalltheAl-Katim。

Suddenlythereafterhemadethisinterchange:heheldhisrighthandafterthemanneroftheleft，andpositeditontheplacewhereinhiscodpiecesometimewas，andretaininghislefthandintheformandfashionoftheright，heplacedituponhisAl-Katim。Thisalteringofhandsdidhereiteratenineseveraltimes；atthelastwhereofhereseatedhiseyelidsintotheirownfirstnaturalposition。Thendoingthelikealsowithhisjawsandtongue，hedidcastasquintinglookuponGoatsnose，didderingandshiveringhischaps，asapesusetodonowadays，andrabbits，whilst，almoststarvedwithhunger，theyareeatingoatsinthesheaf。

ThenwasitthatGoatsnose，liftingupintotheairhisrighthandwhollyopenanddisplayed，putthethumbthereof，evencloseuntoitsfirstarticulation，betweenthetwothirdjointsofthemiddleandringfingers，pressingaboutthesaidthumbthereofveryhardwiththemboth，and，whilsttheremanentjointswerecontractedandshrunkintowardsthewrist，hestretchedforthwithasmuchstraightnessashecouldtheforeandlittlefingers。ThathandthusframedanddisposedofhelaidandpositeduponPanurge\'snavel，movingwithalcontinuallytheaforesaidthumb，andbearingup，supporting，orunder-proppingthathandupontheabove-specifiedforeandlittlefingers，asupontwolegs。Thereafterdidhemakeinthisposturehishandbylittleandlittle，andbydegreesandpauses，successivelytomountfromathwartthebellytothestomach，fromwhencehemadeittoascendtothebreast，evenupwardstoPanurge\'sneck，stillgainingground，till，havingreachedhischin，hehadputwithintheconcaveofhismouthhisafore-mentionedthumb；thenfiercelybrandishingthewholehand，whichhemadetorubandgrateagainsthisnose，heheaveditfurtherup，andmadethefashionasifwiththethumbthereofhewouldhaveputouthiseyes。WiththisPanurgegrewalittleangry，andwentabouttowithdrawandridhimselffromthisruggedlyuntowarddumbdevil。

ButGoatsnoseinthemeantime，prosecutingtheintendedpurposeofhisprognosticatoryresponse，touchedveryrudely，withtheabove-mentionedshakingthumb，nowhiseyes，thenhisforehead，andafterthatthebordersandcornersofhiscap。AtlastPanurgecriedout，saying，BeforeGod，masterfool，ifyoudonotletmealone，orthatyouwillpresumetovexmeanymore，youshallreceivefromthebesthandIhaveamaskwherewithtocoveryourrascallyscroundrelface，youpaltryshittenvarlet。ThensaidFriarJohn，Heisdeaf，anddothnotunderstandwhatthousayestuntohim。

Bulliballock，makesigntohimofahailoffisticuffsuponthemuzzle。

Whatthedevil，quothPanurge，meansthisbusyrestlessfellow？Whatisitthatthispolypragmoneticardeliontoallthefiendsofhelldothaimat？

Hehathalmostthrustoutmineeyes，asifhehadbeentopoachtheminaskilletwithbutterandeggs。ByGod，dajurandi，Iwillfeastyouwithflirtsandrapsonthesnout，interlardedwithadoublerowofbobsandfinger-fillipings！Thendidheleavehimingivinghimbywayofsalvoavolleyoffartsforhisfarewell。Goatsnose，perceivingPanurgethustoslipawayfromhim，gotbeforehim，and，bymerestrengthenforcinghimtostand，madethissignuntohim。Heletfallhisrightarmtowardhiskneeonthesamesideaslowashecould，and，raisingallthefingersofthathandintoaclosefist，passedhisdexterthumbbetwixttheforemostandmidfingerstheretobelonging。Thenscrubbingandswingeingalittlewithhislefthandalongstandupontheuppermostintheveryboughoftheelbowofthesaiddexterarm，thewholecubitthereof，byleisure，fairandsoftly，atthesethumpatorywarnings，didraiseandelevateitselfeventotheelbow，andaboveit；onasuddendidhethenletitfalldownaslowasbefore，andafterthat，atcertainintervalsandsuchspacesoftime，raisingandabasingit，hemadeashowthereoftoPanurge。ThissoincensedPanurgethatheforthwithliftedhishandtohavestrickenhimthedumbroisterandgivenhimasoundwhirretontheear，butthattherespectandreverencewhichhecarriedtothepresenceofPantagruelrestrainedhischolerandkepthisfurywithinboundsandlimits。ThensaidPantagruel，Ifthebaresignsnowvexandtroubleyou，howmuchmoregrievouslywillyoubeperplexedanddisquietedwiththerealthingswhichbythemarerepresentedandsignified！Alltruthsagreeandareconsonantwithoneanother。Thisdumbfellowprophesiethandforetelleththatyouwillbemarried，cuckolded，beaten，androbbed。Asforthemarriage，quothPanurge，Iyieldthereto，andacknowledgetheverityofthatpointofhisprediction；asfortherest，Iutterlyabjureanddenyit:andbelieve，sir，Ibeseechyou，ifitmaypleaseyousotodo，thatinthematterofwivesandhorsesneveranymanwaspredestinatedtoabetterfortunethanI。

Chapter3。XXI。

HowPanurgeconsultethwithanoldFrenchpoet，namedRaminagrobis。

Ineverthought，saidPantagruel，tohaveencounteredwithanymansoheadstronginhisapprehensions，orinhisopinionssowilful，asIhavefoundyoutobeandseeyouare。Nevertheless，thebettertoclearandextricateyourdoubts，letustryallcourses，andleavenostoneunturnednorwindunsailedby。TakegoodheedtowhatIamtosayuntoyou。Theswans，whicharefowlsconsecratedtoApollo，neverchantbutinthehouroftheirapproachingdeath，especiallyintheMeanderflood，whichisariverthatrunnethalongsomeoftheterritoriesofPhrygia。ThisIsay，becauseAelianusandAlexanderMyndiuswritethattheyhadseenseveralswansinotherplacesdie，butneverheardanyofthemsingorchantbeforetheirdeath。However，itpassethforcurrentthattheimminentdeathofaswanispresagedbyhisforegoingsong，andthatnoswandiethuntilpreallablyhehavesung。

Afterthesamemanner，poets，whoareundertheprotectionofApollo，whentheyaredrawingneartheirlatterenddoordinarilybecomeprophets，andbytheinspirationofthatgodsingsweetlyinvaticinatingthingswhicharetocome。Ithathbeenlikewisetoldmefrequently，thatolddecrepitmenuponthebrinksofCharon\'sbanksdoushertheirdeceasewithadisclosureallatease，tothosethataredesirousofsuchinformations，ofthedeterminateandassuredtruthoffutureaccidentsandcontingencies。I

rememberalsothatAristophanes，inacertaincomedyofhis，calleththeoldfolksSibyls，(Greek)。Foraswhen，beinguponapierbytheshore，weseeafaroffmariners，seafaringmen，andothertravellersalongstthecurledwavesofazureThetiswithintheirships，wethenconsidertheminsilenceonly，andseldomproceedanyfurtherthantowishthemahappyandprosperousarrival；butwhentheydoapproachneartohaven，andcometowettheirkeelswithintheirharbour，thenbothwithwordsandgestureswesalutethem，andheartilycongratulatetheiraccesssafetotheportwhereinweareourselves。Justsotheangels，heroes，andgooddemons，accordingtothedoctrineofthePlatonics，whentheyseemortalsdrawingnearuntotheharbourofthegrave，asthemostsureandcalmestportofany，fullofrepose，ease，rest，tranquillity，freefromthetroublesandsolicitudesofthistumultuousandtempestuousworld；thenisitthattheywithalacrityhailandsalutethem，cherishandcomfortthem，and，speakingtothemlovingly，begineventhentoblessthemwithilluminations，andtocommunicateuntothemtheabstrusestmysteriesofdivination。IwillnotofferheretoconfoundyourmemorybyquotingantiqueexamplesofIsaac，ofJacob，ofPatroclustowardsHector，ofHectortowardsAchilles，ofPolymnestortowardsAgamemnon，ofHecuba，oftheRhodianrenownedbyPosidonius，ofCalanustheIndiantowardsAlexandertheGreat，ofOrodestowardsMezentius，andofmanyothers。ItshallsufficeforthepresentthatIcommemorateuntoyouthelearnedandvaliantknightandcavalierWilliamofBellay，lateLordofLangey，whodiedontheHillofTarara，the10thofJanuary，intheclimactericyearofhisage，andofoursupputation1543，accordingtotheRomanaccount。Thelastthreeorfourhoursofhislifehedidemployintheseriousutteranceofaverypithydiscourse，whilstwithaclearjudgmentandspiritvoidofalltroublehedidforetellseveralimportantthings，whereofagreatdealiscometopass，andtherestwewaitfor。Howbeit，hispropheciesdidatthattimeseemuntoussomewhatstrange，absurd，andunlikely，becausetheredidnotthenappearanysignofefficacyenoughtoengageourfaithtothebeliefofwhathedidprognosticate。Wehavehere，neartothetownofVillomere，amanthatisbotholdandapoet，towit，Raminagrobis，whotohissecondwifeespousedmyLadyBroadsow，onwhomhebegotthefairBasoche。Ithathbeentoldmeheisa-dying，andsonearuntohislatterendthatheisalmostupontheverylastmoment，point，andarticlethereof。Repairthitherasfastasyoucan，andbereadytogiveanattentiveeartowhatheshallchantuntoyou。Itmaybethatyoushallobtainfromhimwhatyoudesire，andthatApollowillbepleasedbyhismeanstoclearyourscruples。Iamcontent，quothPanurge。Letusgothither，Epistemon，andthatbothinstantlyandinallhaste，lestotherwisehisdeathpreventourcoming。

Wiltthoucomealongwithus，FriarJohn？Yes，thatIwill，quothFriarJohn，rightheartilytodotheeacourtesy，mybilly-ballocks；forIlovetheewiththebestofmymiltandliver。

Thereupon，incontinently，withoutanyfurtherlingering，tothewaytheyallthreewent，andquicklythereafter——fortheymadegoodspeed——arrivingatthepoeticalhabitation，theyfoundthejollyoldman，albeitintheagonyofhisdeparturefromthisworld，lookingcheerfully，withanopencountenance，splendidaspect，andbehaviourfullofalacrity。AfterthatPanurgehadverycivillysalutedhim，heinafreegiftdidpresenthimwithagoldring，whichheeventhenputuponthemedicalfingerofhislefthand，inthecolletorbezelwhereofwasenchasedanOrientalsapphire，veryfairandlarge。Then，inimitationofSocrates，didhemakeanoblationuntohimofafairwhitecock，whichwasnosoonersetuponthetesterofhisbed，thanthat，withahighraisedheadandcrest，lustilyshakinghisfeather-coat，hecrowedstentoriphonicallyloud。Thisdone，Panurgeverycourteouslyrequiredofhimthathewouldvouchsafetofavourhimwiththegrantandreportofhissenseandjudgmenttouchingthefuturedestinyofhisintendedmarriage。Foranswerhereto，whenthehonestoldmanhadforthwithcommandedpen，paper，andinktobebroughtuntohim，andthathewasatthesamecallconvenientlyservedwithallthethree，hewrotethesefollowingverses:

Take，ornottakeher，Off，oron:

Handy-dandyisyourlot。

Whenhernameyouwrite，youblot。

\'Tisundone，whenallisdone，Endede\'eritwasbegun:

Hardlygallop，ifyoutrot，Setnotforwardwhenyourun，Norbesingle，thoughalone，Take，ornottakeher。

Beforeyoueat，begintofast；

Forwhatshallbewasneverpast。

Say，unsay，gainsay，saveyourbreath:

Thenwishatonceherlifeanddeath。

Take，ornottakeher。

Theselineshegaveoutofhisownhandsuntothem，sayinguntothem，Go，mylads，inpeace！thegreatGodofthehighestheavensbeyourguardianandpreserver！anddonotofferanymoretotroubleordisquietmewiththisoranyotherbusinesswhatsoever。Ihavethissameveryday，whichisthelastbothofMayandofme，withagrealdealoflabour，toil，anddifficulty，chasedoutofmyhousearabbleoffilthy，unclean，andplaguilypestilentiousrake-hells，blackbeasts，dusk，dun，white，ash-

coloured，speckled，andafoulverminofotherhues，whoseobtrusiveimportunitywouldnotpermitmetodieatmyownease；forbyfraudulentanddeceitfulpricklings，ravenous，harpy-likegraspings，waspishstingings，andsuch-likeunwelcomeapproaches，forgedintheshopofIknownotwhatkindofinsatiabilities，theywentabouttowithdrawandcallmeoutofthosesweetthoughtswhereinIwasalreadybeginningtoreposemyselfandacquiesceinthecontemplationandvision，yea，almostintheverytouchandtasteofthehappinessandfelicitywhichthegoodGodhathpreparedforhisfaithfulsaintsandelectintheotherlifeandstateofimmortality。Turnoutoftheircoursesandeschewthem，stepforthoftheirwaysanddonotresemblethem；meanwhile，letmebenomoretroubledbyyou，butleavemenowinsilence，Ibeseechyou。

Chapter3。XXII。

HowPanurgepatrocinatesanddefendeththeOrderoftheBeggingFriars。

Panurge，athisissuingforthofRaminagrobis\'schamber，said，asifhehadbeenhorriblyaffrighted，BythevirtueofGod，Ibelievethatheisanheretic；thedeviltakeme，ifIdonot！hedothsovillainouslyrailattheMendicantFriarsandJacobins，whoarethetwohemispheresoftheChristianworld；bywhosegyronomoniccircumbilvaginations，asbytwocelivagousfilopendulums，alltheautonomaticmetagrobolismoftheRomishChurch，whentotteringandemblustricatedwiththegibble-gabblegibberishofthisodiouserrorandheresy，ishomocentricallypoised。Butwhatharm，inthedevil\'sname，havethesepoordevilstheCapuchinsandMinimsdoneuntohim？Arenotthesebeggarlydevilssufficientlywretchedalready？

Whocanimaginethatthesepoorsnakes，theveryextractsofichthyophagy，arenotthoroughlyenoughbesmokedandbesmearedwithmisery，distress，andcalamity？Dostthouthink，FriarJohn，bythyfaith，thatheisinthestateofsalvation？Hegoeth，beforeGod，assurelydamnedtothirtythousandbasketsfulofdevilsasapruning-billtotheloppingofavine-

branch。TorevilewithopprobriousspeechesthegoodandcourageouspropsandpillarsoftheChurch，——isthattobecalledapoeticalfury？Icannotrestsatisfiedwithhim；hesinnethgrossly，andblasphemethagainstthetruereligion。Iamverymuchoffendedathisscandalizingwordsandcontumeliousobloquy。Idonotcareastraw，quothFriarJohn，forwhathehathsaid；foralthougheverybodyshouldtwitandjerkthem，itwerebutajustretaliation，seeingallpersonsareservedbythemwiththelikesauce:thereforedoIpretendnointeresttherein。Letussee，nevertheless，whathehathwritten。Panurgeveryattentivelyreadthepaperwhichtheoldmanhadpenned；thensaidtohistwofellow-travellers，Thepoordrinkerdoteth。Howsoever，Iexcusehim，forthatIbelieveheisnowdrawingneartotheendandfinalclosureofhislife。Letusgomakehisepitaph。Bytheanswerwhichhehathgivenus，Iamnot，Iprotest，onejotwiserthanIwas。Hearkenhere，Epistemon，mylittlebully，dostnotthouholdhimtobeveryresoluteinhisresponsoryverdicts？Heisawitty，quick，andsubtlesophister。Iwilllayanevenwagerthatheisamiscreantapostate。Bythebellyofastalledox，howcarefulheisnottobemistakeninhiswords。Heansweredbutbydisjunctives，thereforecanitnotbetruewhichhesaith；fortheverityofsuch-likepropositionsisinherentonlyinoneofitstwomembers。Othecozeningprattlerthatheis！IwonderifSantiagoofBressurebeoneofthesecoggingshirks。Suchwasofold，quothEpistemon，thecustomofthegrandvaticinatorandprophetTiresias，whousedalways，bywayofapreface，tosayopenlyandplainlyatthebeginningofhisdivinationsandpredictionsthatwhathewastotellwouldeithercometopassornot。Andsuchistrulythestyleofallprudentlypresagingprognosticators。Hewasnevertheless，quothPanurge，sounfortunatelymisadventurousinthelotofhisowndestiny，thatJunothrustoutbothhiseyes。

Yes，answeredEpistemon，andthatmerelyoutofaspiteandspleenforhavingpronouncedhisawardmoreveritablethanshe，uponthequestionwhichwasmerrilyproposedbyJupiter。But，quothPanurge，whatarchdevilisitthathathpossessedthisMasterRaminagrobis，thatsounreasonably，andwithoutanyoccasion，heshouldhavesosnappishlyandbitterlyinveighedagainstthesepoorhonestfathers，Jacobins，Minors，andMinims？

Itvexethmegrievously，Iassureyou；noramIabletoconcealmyindignation。Hehathtransgressedmostenormously；hissoulgoethinfalliblytothirtythousandpanniersfulofdevils。Iunderstandyounot，quothEpistemon，anditdislikethmeverymuchthatyoushouldsoabsurdlyandperverselyinterpretthatoftheFriarMendicantswhichbytheharmlesspoetwasspokenofblackbeasts，dun，andothersortsofothercolouredanimals。HeisnotinmyopinionguiltyofsuchasophisticalandfantasticallegoryasbythatphraseofhistohavemeanttheBeggingBrothers。Heindownrighttermsspeakethabsolutelyandproperlyoffleas，punies，handworms，flies，gnats，andothersuch-likescurvyvermin，whereofsomeareblack，somedun，someash-coloured，sometawny，andsomebrownanddusky，allnoisome，molesting，tyrannous，cumbersome，andunpleasantcreatures，notonlytosickanddiseasedfolks，buttothosealsowhoareofasound，vigorous，andhealthfultemperamentandconstitution。Itisnotunlikelythathemayhavetheascarids，andthelumbrics，andwormswithintheentrailsofhisbody。Possiblydothhesuffer，asitisfrequentandusualamongsttheEgyptians，togetherwithallthosewhoinhabittheErythraeanconfines，anddwellalongtheshoresandcoastsoftheRedSea，somesourprickingsandsmartstingingsinhisarmsandlegsofthoselittlespeckleddragonswhichtheArabianscallmeden。Youaretoblameforofferingtoexpoundhiswordsotherwise，andwrongtheingenuouspoet，andoutrageouslyabuseandmiscallthesaidfraters，byanimputationofbasenessundeservedlylaidtotheircharge。

Westillshould，insuchlikediscoursesoffatiloquentsoothsayers，interpretallthingstothebest。Willyouteachme，quothPanurge，howtodiscernfliesamongmilk，orshowyourfatherthewayhowtobegetchildren？Heis，bythevirtueofGod，anarrantheretic，aresolute，formalheretic；Isay，arooted，combustibleheretic，oneasfittoburnasthelittlewoodenclockatRochelle。Hissoulgoethtothirtythousandcartsfulofdevils。Wouldyouknowwhither？Cocks-body，myfriend，straightunderProserpina\'sclose-stool，totheverymiddleoftheself-

sameinfernalpanwithinwhichshe，byanexcrementitiousevacuation，voideththefaecalstuffofherstinkingclysters，andthatjustupontheleftsideofthegreatcauldronofthreefathomheight，hardbytheclawsandtalonsofLucifer，intheverydarkestofthepassagewhichleadethtowardstheblackchamberofDemogorgon。Othevillain！

Chapter3。XXIII。

HowPanurgemakeththemotionofareturntoRaminagrobis。

Letusreturn，quothPanurge，notceasing，totheuttermostofourabilities，toplyhimwithwholesomeadmonitionsforthefurtheranceofhissalvation。Letusgoback，forGod\'ssake；letusgo，inthenameofGod。

Itwillbeaverymeritoriouswork，andofgreatcharityinustodealsointhematter，andprovidesowellforhimthat，albeithecometolosebothbodyandlife，hemayatleastescapetheriskanddangeroftheeternaldamnationofhissoul。Wewillbyourholypersuasionsbringhimtoasenseandfeelingofhisescapes，inducehimtoacknowledgehisfaults，movehimtoacordialrepentanceofhiserrors，andstirupinhimsuchasincerecontritionofheartforhisoffences，aswillprompthimwithallearnestnesstocrymercy，andtobegpardonatthehandsofthegoodfathers，aswelloftheabsentasofsuchasarepresent。Whereuponwewilltakeinstrumentformallyandauthenticallyextended，totheendhebenot，afterhisdecease，declaredanheretic，andcondemned，aswerethehobgoblinsoftheprovost\'swifeofOrleans，totheundergoingofsuchpunishments，pains，andtorturesasareduetoandinflictedonthosethatinhabitthehorridcellsoftheinfernalregions；andwithalincline，instigate，andpersuadehimtobequeathandleaveinlegacy(bywayofanamendsandsatisfactionfortheoutrageandinjurydonetothosegoodreligiousfathersthroughoutalltheconvents，cloisters，andmonasteriesofthisprovince)，manybribes，agreatdealofmass-singing，storeofobits，andthatsempiternally，ontheanniversarydayofhisdecease，everyoneofthemallbefurnishedwithaquintupleallowance，andthatthegreatborachioreplenishedwiththebestliquortrudgeapacealongthetables，aswelloftheyoungducklingmonkitoes，laybrothers，andlowermostdegreeoftheabbeylubbards，asofthelearnedpriestsandreverendclerks，——theverymeanestofthenovicesandmitiantsuntotheorderbeingequallyadmittedtothebenefitofthosefuneraryandobsequialfestivalswiththeagedrectorsandprofessedfathers。ThisisthesurestordinarymeanswherebyfromGodhemayobtainforgiveness。Ho，ho，Iamquitemistaken；I

digressfromthepurpose，andflyoutofmydiscourse，asifmyspiritswerea-wool-gathering。Thedeviltakeme，ifIgothither！VirtueGod！

Thechamberisalreadyfullofdevils。Owhataswinging，thwackingnoiseisnowamongstthem！Otheterriblecoilthattheykeep！Hearken，doyounotheartherustling，thumpingbustleoftheirstrokesandblows，astheyscufflewithoneanother，liketruedevilsindeed，whoshallgulpuptheRaminagrobissoul，andbethefirstbringerofit，whilstitishot，toMonsieurLucifer？Beware，andgetyouhence！formypart，Iwillnotgothither。ThedevilroastmeifIgo！Whoknowsbutthatthesehungrymaddevilsmayinthehasteoftheirrageandfuryoftheirimpatiencetakeaquiforaquo，andinsteadofRaminagrobissnatchuppoorPanurgefrankandfree？Thoughformerly，whenIwasdeepindebt，theyalwaysfailed。Getyouhence！Iwillnotgothither。BeforeGod，theverybareapprehensionthereofisliketokillme。Tobeinaplacewheretherearegreedy，famished，andhunger-starveddevils；amongstfactiousdevils——amidsttradingandtraffickingdevils——OtheLordpreserveme！Getyouhence！I

darepawnmycreditonit，thatnoJacobin，Cordelier，Carmelite，Capuchin，Theatin，orMinimwillbestowanypersonalpresenceathisinterment。Thewiserthey，becausehehathordainednothingfortheminhislatterwillandtestament。Thedeviltakeme，ifIgothither。Ifhebedamned，tohisownlossandhindrancebeit。Whatthedeucemovedhimtobesosnappishanddepravedlybentagainstthegoodfathersofthetruereligion？

Whydidhecastthemoff，rejectthem，anddrivethemquiteoutofhischamber，eveninthatverynickoftimewhenhestoodingreatestneedoftheaid，suffrage，andassistanceoftheirdevoutprayersandholyadmonitions？Whydidnothebytestamentleavethem，atleast，somejollylumpsandcantlesofsubstantialmeat，aparcelofcheek-puffingvictuals，andalittlebelly-timberandprovisionforthegutsofthesepoorfolks，whohavenothingbuttheirlifeinthisworld？Lethimgothitherwhowill，thedeviltakemeifIgo；for，ifIshould，thedevilwouldnotfailtosnatchmeup。Cancro。Ho，thepox！Getyouhence，FriarJohn！Artthoucontentthatthirtythousandwainloadofdevilsshouldgetawaywiththeeatthissameveryinstant？Ifthoube，atmyrequestdothesethreethings。First，givemethypurse；forbesidesthatthymoneyismarkedwithcrosses，andthecrossisanenemytocharms，thesamemaybefalltotheewhichnotlongagohappenedtoJohnDodin，collectoroftheexciseofCoudray，atthefordofVede，whenthesoldiersbroketheplanks。Thismoneyedfellow，meetingattheverybrinkofthebankofthefordwithFriarAdamCrankcod，aFranciscanobservantinofMirebeau，promisedhimanewfrock，providedthatinthetransportingofhimoverthewaterhewouldbearhimuponhisneckandshoulders，afterthemannerofcarryingdeadgoats；forhewasalusty，strong-limbed，sturdyrogue。Theconditionbeingagreedupon，FriarCrankcodtrussethhimselfuptohisveryballocks，andlayethuponhisback，likeafairlittleSaintChristopher，theloadofthesaidsupplicantDodin，andsocarriedhimgailyandwithagoodwill，asAeneasborehisfatherAnchisesthroughtheconflagrationofTroy，singinginthemeanwhileaprettyAveMarisStella。Whentheywereintheverydeepestplaceofalltheford，alittleabovethemaster-wheelofthewater-mill，heaskedifhehadanycoinabouthim。Yes，quothDodin，awholebagful；andthatheneedednottomistrusthisabilityintheperformanceofthepromisewhichhehadmadeuntohimconcerninganewfrock。How！quothFriarCrankcod，thouknowestwellenoughthatbytheexpressrules，canons，andinjunctionsofourorderweareforbiddentocarryonusanykindofmoney。Thouarttrulyunhappy，forhavingmademeinthispointtocommitaheinoustrespass。Whydidstthounotleavethypursewiththemiller？Withoutfailthoushaltpresentlyreceivethyrewardforit；andifeverhereafterImaybutlayholdupontheewithinthelimitsofourchancelatMirebeau，thoushalthavetheMiserereeventotheVitulos。Withthis，suddenlydischarginghimselfofhisburden，hethrowsmedownyourDodinheadlong。TakeexamplebythisDodin，mydearfriendFriarJohn，totheendthatthedevilsmaythebettercarrytheeawayatthineownease。Givemethypurse。Carrynomannerofcrossuponthee。Thereinliethanevidentandmanifestlyapparentdanger。Forifyouhaveanysilvercoinedwithacrossuponit，theywillcasttheedownheadlonguponsomerocks，astheeaglesusetodowiththetortoisesforthebreakingoftheirshells，asthebaldpateofthepoetAeschyluscansufficientlybearwitness。Suchafallwouldhurttheeverysore，mysweetbully，andIwouldbesorryforit。Orotherwisetheywilllettheefallandtumbledownintothehighswollenwavesofsomecapacioussea，Iknownotwhere；but，Iwarrantthee，farenoughhence，asIcarusfell，whichfromthynamewouldafterwardsgetthedenominationoftheFunnelianSea。

Secondly，beoutofdebt。Forthedevilscarryagreatlikingtothosethatareoutofdebt。Ihavesorefelttheexperiencethereofinmineownparticular；fornowthelecherousvarletsarealwayswooingme，courtingme，andmakingmuchofme，whichtheyneverdidwhenIwasalltopieces。

Thesoulofoneindebtisinsipid，dry，andhereticalaltogether。

Thirdly，withthecowlandDominodeGrobis，returntoRaminagrobis；andincase，beingthusqualified，thirtythousandboatsfulofdevilsforthwithcomenottocarrytheequiteaway，Ishallbecontenttobeatthechargeofpayingforthepintandfaggot。Now，ifforthemoresecuritythouwouldstsomeassociatetobeartheecompany，letnotmebethecomradethousearchestfor；thinknottogetafellow-travellerofme，——nay，donot。I

advisetheeforthebest。Getyouhence；Iwillnotgothither。ThedeviltakemeifIgo。Notwithstandingallthefrightthatyouarein，quothFriarJohn，IwouldnotcaresomuchasmightpossiblybeexpectedI

should，ifIoncehadbutmyswordinmyhand。Thouhastverilyhitthenailonthehead，quothPanurge，andspeakestlikealearneddoctor，subtleandwell-skilledintheartofdevilry。AtthetimewhenIwasastudentintheUniversityofToulouse(Tolette)，thatsamereverendfatherinthedevil，Picatrix，rectorofthediabologicalfaculty，waswonttotellusthatthedevilsdidnaturallyfearthebrightglancingofswordsasmuchasthesplendourandlightofthesun。Inconfirmationoftheveritywhereofherelatedthisstory，thatHercules，athisdescentintohelltoallthedevilsofthoseregions，didnotbyhalfsomuchterrifythemwithhisclubandlion\'sskinasafterwardsAeneasdidwithhisclearshiningarmouruponhim，andhisswordinhishandwell-furbishedandunrusted，bytheaid，counsel，andassistanceoftheSybillaCumana。ThatwasperhapsthereasonwhytheseniorJohnJacomodiTrivulcio，whilsthewasa-dyingatChartres，calledforhiscutlass，anddiedwithadrawnswordinhishand，lyingabouthimalongstandathwartaroundthebedandeverywherewithinhisreach，likeastout，doughty，valorousandknight-likecavalier；bywhichresolutemanneroffencehescaredawayandputtoflightallthedevilsthatwerethenlyinginwaitforhissoulatthepassageofhisdeath。

WhentheMassoretsandCabalistsareaskedwhyitisthatnoneofallthedevilsdoatanytimeenterintotheterrestrialparadise？theiranswerhathbeen，is，andwillbestill，thatthereisacherubinstandingatthegatethereofwithaflame-likeglisteringswordinhishand。Although，tospeakinthetruediabologicalsenseorphraseofToledo，Imustneedsconfessandacknowledgethatveritablythedevilscannotbekilledordiebythestrokeofasword，Idoneverthelessavowandmaintain，accordingtothedoctrineofthesaiddiabology，thattheymaysufferasolutionofcontinuity(asifwiththyshablethoushouldstcutathwarttheflameofaburningfire，orthegrossopacousexhalationsofathickandobscuresmoke)，andcryoutlikeverydevilsattheirsenseandfeelingofthisdissolution，whichinrealdeedImustaverandaffirmisdevilishlypainful，smarting，anddolorous。

Whenthouseesttheimpetuousshockoftwoarmies，andvehementviolenceofthepushintheirhorridencounterwithoneanother，dostthouthink，Ballockasso，thatsohorribleanoiseasisheardthereproceedethfromthevoiceandshoutsofmen，thedashingandjoltingofharness，theclatteringandclashingofarmies，thehackingandslashingofbattle-axes，thejustlingandcrashingofpikes，thebustlingandbreakingoflances，theclamourandshrieksofthewounded，thesoundanddinofdrums，theclangourandshrillnessoftrumpets，theneighingandrushinginofhorses，withthefearfulclapsandthunderingofallsortsofguns，fromthedoublecannontothepocketpistolinclusively？IcannotgoodlydenybutthatinthesevariousthingswhichIhaverehearsedtheremaybesomewhatoccasionativeofthehugeyellandtintamarreofthetwoengagedbodies。

Butthemostfearfulandtumultuouscoilandstir，theterriblestandmostboisterousgarboilandhurry，thechiefestrustlingblacksantusofall，andmostprincipalhurlyburlyspringethfromthegrievouslyplangoroushowlingandlowingofdevils，whopell-mell，inahand-over-headconfusion，waitingforthepoorsoulsofthemaimedandhurtsoldiery，receiveunawaressomestrokeswithswords，andsobythosemeanssufferasolutionofanddivisioninthecontinuityoftheiraerialandinvisiblesubstances；

asifsomelackey，snatchingatthelard-slicesstuckinapieceofroastmeatonthespit，shouldgetfromMr。Greasyfistagoodrapontheknuckleswithacudgel。Theycryoutandshoutlikedevils，evenasMarsdidwhenhewashurtbyDiomedesatthesiegeofTroy，who，asHomertestifiethofhim，didthenraisehisvoicemorehorrificallyloudandsonoriferouslyhighthantenthousandmentogetherwouldhavebeenabletodo。Whatmakethallthisforourpresentpurpose？Ihavebeenspeakinghereofwell-furbishedarmourandbrightshiningswords。Butsoisitnot，FriarJohn，withthyweapon；forbyalongdiscontinuanceofwork，cessationfromlabour，desistingfrommakingitofficiate，andputtingitintothatpracticewhereinithadbeenformerlyaccustomed，and，inaword，forwantofoccupation，itis，uponmyfaith，becomemorerustythanthekey-holeofanoldpowdering-tub。Thereforeitisexpedientthatyoudooneofthesetwothings:eitherfurbishyourweaponbravely，andasitoughttobe，orotherwisehaveacarethat，intherustycaseitisin，youdonotpresumetoreturntothehouseofRaminagrobis。Formypart，IvowIwillnotgothither。ThedeviltakemeifIgo。