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There，there——goodmorning——goodmorning——nowpray，mydearsirs，——Mr。
Lowten，thedoor！criedthelittleman，pushingDodsonandFogg，nothingloath，outoftheoffice。thisway，mydearsirs，——nowpraydon’tprolongthis——dearme——Mr。Lowten——thedoor，sir——whydon’tyouattend？
Ifthere’slawinEngland，sir，saidDodson，lookingtowardsMr。Pickwick，asheputonhishat，youshallsmartforthis。
Youareacoupleofmean——
Remember，sir，youpaydearlyforthis，saidFogg——
Rascally，pettifoggingrobbers！continuedMr。Pickwick，takingnottheleastnoticeofthethreatsthatwereaddressedtohim。
Robbers！criedMr。Pickwick，runningtothestair-head，asthetwoattorneysdescended。
Robbers！shoutedMr。Pickwick，breakingfromLowtenandPerker，andthrustinghisheadoutofthestaircasewindow。
WhenMr。Pickwickdrewinhisheadagain，hiscountenancewassmilingandplacid。and，walkingquietlybackintotheoffice，hedeclaredthathehadnowremovedagreatweightfromhismind，andthathefeltperfectlycomfortableandhappy。
Perkersaidnothingatalluntilhehademptiedhissnuffbox，andsentLowtenouttofillit，whenhewasseizedwithafitoflaughing，whichlastedfiveminutes。attheexpirationofwhichtimehesaidthathesupposedheoughttobeveryangry，buthecouldn’tthinkofthebusinessseriouslyyet——whenhecould，hewouldbe。
Well，now，saidMr。Pickwick，letmehaveasettlementwithyou。
Ofthesamekindasthelast？inquiredPerker，withanotherlaugh。
Notexactly，rejoinedMr。Pickwick，drawingouthispocket-book，andshakingthelittlemanheartilybythehand，Ionlymeanapecuniarysettlement。
YouhavedonememanyactsofkindnessthatIcanneverrepay，andhavenowishtorepay，forIprefercontinuingtheobligation。
Withthispreface，thetwofriendsdivedintosomeverycomplicatedaccountsandvouchers，which，havingbeendulydisplayedandgonethroughbyPerker，wereatoncedischargedbyMr。Pickwickwithmanyprofessionsofesteemandfriendship。
Theyhadnosoonerarrivedatthispoint，thanamostviolentandstartlingknockingwasheardatthedoor。itwasnotanordinarydoubleknock，butaconstantanduninterruptedsuccessionoftheloudestsingleraps，asiftheknockerwereendowedwiththeperpetualmotion，orthepersonoutsidehadforgottentoleaveoff。
Dearme，what’sthat！exclaimedPerker，starting。
Ithinkitisaknockatthedoor，saidMr。Pickwick，asiftherecouldbethesmallestdoubtofthefact！
Theknockermadeamoreenergeticreplythanwordscouldhaveyielded，foritcontinuedtohammerwithsurprisingforceandnoise，withoutamoment’scessation。
Dearme！saidPerker，ringinghisbell，weshallalarmtheInn。Mr。
Lowten，don’tyouhearaknock？
I’llanswerthedoorinonemoment，sir，repliedtheclerk。
Theknockerappearedtoheartheresponse，andtoassertthatitwasquiteimpossiblehecouldwaitsolong。Itmadeastupendousuproar。
It’squitedreadful，saidMr。Pickwick，stoppinghisears。
Makehaste，Mr。Lowten，Perkercalledout，weshallhavethepanelsbeatenin。
Mr。Lowten，whowaswashinghishandsinadarkcloset，hurriedtothedoor，andturningthehandle，beheldtheappearancewhichisdescribedinthenextchapter。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter54[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERLIVCONTAININGSOMEPARTICULARSRELATIVETOTHEDOUBLE
KNOCK，ANDOTHERMATTERS：AMONGWHICHCERTAININTERESTINGDISCLOSURESRELATIVE
TOMR。SNODGRASSANDAYOUNGLADYAREBYNOMEANSIRRELEVANTTOTHISHISTORY
THEobjectthatpresenteditselftotheeyesoftheastonishedclerk，wasaboy——awonderfullyfatboy——habitedasaservinglad，standinguprightonthemat，withhiseyesclosedasifinsleep。Hehadneverseensuchafatboy，inoroutofatravellingcaravan。
andthis，coupledwiththecalmnessandreposeofhisappearance，soverydifferentfromwhatwasreasonablytohavebeenexpectedoftheinflicterofsuchknocks，smotehimwithwonder。
What’sthematter？inquiredtheclerk。
Theextraordinaryboyrepliednotaword。buthenoddedonce，andseemed，totheclerk’simagination，tosnorefeebly。
Wheredoyoucomefrom？inquiredtheclerk。
Theboymadenosign。Hebreathedheavily，butinallotherrespectswasmotionless。
Theclerkrepeatedthequestionthrice，andreceivingnoanswer，preparedtoshutthedoor，whentheboysuddenlyopenedhiseyes，winkedseveraltimes，sneezedonce，andraisedhishandasiftorepeattheknocking。
Findingthedooropen，hestaredabouthimwithastonishment，andatlengthfixedhiseyesonMr。Lowten’sface。
Whatthedevildoyouknockinthatwayfor？inquiredtheclerk，angrily。
Whichway？saidtheboy，inaslowandsleepyvoice。
Why，likefortyhackney-coachmen，repliedtheclerk。
Becausemastersaid，Iwasn’ttoleaveoffknockingtilltheyopenedthedoor，forfearIshouldgotosleep，saidtheboy。
Well，saidtheclerk，whatmessagehaveyoubrought？
He’sdown-stairs，rejoinedtheboy。
Who？
Master。Hewantstoknowwhetheryou’reathome。
Mr。Lowtenbethoughthimself，atthisjuncture，oflookingoutofthewindow。Seeinganopencarriagewithaheartyoldgentlemaninit，lookingupveryanxiously，heventuredtobeckonhim。onwhich，theoldgentlemanjumpedoutdirectly。
That’syourmasterinthecarriage，Isuppose？saidLowten。
Theboynodded。
AllfurtherinquiriesweresupersededbytheappearanceofoldWardle，who，runningup-stairs，andjustrecognisingLowten，passedatonceintoMr。Perker’sroom。
Pickwick！saidtheoldgentleman。Yourhand，myboy！WhyhaveIneverhearduntilthedaybeforeyesterdayofyoursufferingyourselftobecoopedupinjail？Andwhydidyoulethimdoit，Perker？
Icouldn’thelpit，mydearsir，repliedPerker，withasmileandapinchofsnuff：youknowhowobstinateheis。
OfcourseIdo，ofcourseIdo，repliedtheoldgentleman。Iamheartilygladtoseehim，notwithstanding。Iwillnotlosesightofhimagain，inahurry。
Withthesewords，WardleshookMr。Pickwick’shandoncemore，and，havingdonethesamebyPerker，threwhimselfintoanarm-chair。hisjollyredfaceshiningagainwithsmilesandhealth。
Well！saidWardle。Hereareprettygoingson——apinchofyoursnuff，Perker，myboy——neverweresuchtimes，eh？
Whatdoyoumean？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Mean！repliedWardle。Why，Ithinkthegirlsareallrunningmad。
that’snonews，you’llsay？Perhapsit’snot。butit’strue，forallthat。
YouhavenotcomeuptoLondon，ofallplacesintheworld，totellusthat，mydearsir，haveyou？inquiredPerker。
No，notaltogether，repliedWardle。thoughitwasthemaincauseofmycoming。How’sArabella？
Verywell，repliedMr。Pickwick，andwillbedelightedtoseeyou，Iamsure。
Black-eyedlittlejilt！repliedWardle，Ihadagreatideaofmarryinghermyself，oneoftheseodddays。ButIamgladofittoo，veryglad。
Howdidtheintelligencereachyou？askedMr。Pickwick。
Oh，itcametomygirls，ofcourse，repliedWardle。Arabellawrote，thedaybeforeyesterday，tosayshehadmadeastolenmatchwithoutherhusband’sfather’sconsent，andsoyouhadgonedowntogetitwhenhisrefusingitcouldn’tpreventthematch，andalltherestofit。Ithoughtitaverygoodtimetosaysomethingserioustomygirls。soIsaidwhatadreadfulthingitwasthatchildrenshouldmarrywithouttheirparent’sconsent，andsoforth。but，blessyourhearts，Icouldn’tmaketheleastimpressionuponthem。Theythoughtitsuchamuchmoredreadfulthingthatthereshouldhavebeenaweddingwithoutbridesmaids，thatImightaswellhavepreachedtoJoehimself。
Heretheoldgentlemanstoppedtolaugh。andhavingdonesotohisheart’scontent，presentlyresumed。
Butthisisnotthebestofit，itseems。Thisisonlyhalfthelove-makingandplottingthathavebeengoingforward。Wehavebeenwalkingonminesforthelastsixmonths，andthey’resprungatlast。
Whatdoyoumean！exclaimedMr。Pickwick，turningpale。noothersecretmarriage，Ihope？
No，no，repliedoldWardle。notsobadasthat。no。
Whatthen？inquiredMr。Pickwick。amIinterestedinit？
ShallIanswerthatquestion，Perker？saidWardle。
Ifyoudon’tcommityourselfbydoingso，mydearsir。
Wellthen，youare，saidWardle。
How？askedMr。Pickwickanxiously。Inwhatway？
Really，repliedWardle，you’resuchafierysortofyoungfellowthatIamalmostafraidtotellyou。but，however，ifPerkerwillsitbetweenustopreventmischief，I’llventure。
Havingclosedtheroomdoor，andfortifiedhimselfwithanotherapplicationtoPerker’ssnuff-box，theoldgentlemanproceededwithhisgreatdisclosureinthesewords。
Thefactis，thatmydaughterBella——Bella，whomarriedyoungTrundle，youknow。
Yes，yes，weknow，saidMr。Pickwickimpatiently。
Don’talarmmeattheverybeginning。MydaughterBella，EmilyhavinggonetobedwithaheadacheaftershehadreadArabella’slettertome，satherselfdownbymysidetheotherevening，andbegantotalkoverthismarriageaffair。`Well，pa，’shesays，`whatdoyouthinkofit？’`Why，mydear，’Isaid，`Isupposeit’sallverywell。Ihopeit’sforthebest。’
IansweredinthiswaybecauseIwassittingbeforethefireatthetime，drinkingmygrogratherthoughtfully，andIknewmythrowinginanundecidedwordnowandthen，wouldinducehertocontinuetalking。Bothmygirlsarepicturesoftheirdearmother，andasIgrowoldIliketositwithonlythembyme。fortheirvoicesandlookscarrymebacktothehappiestperiodofmylife，andmakeme，forthemoment，asyoungasIusedtobethen，thoughnotquitesolight-hearted。`It’squiteamarriageofaffection，pa，’saidBella，afterashortsilence。`Yes，mydear，saidI，`butsuchmarriagesdonotalwaysturnoutthehappiest。’
Iquestionthat，mind！interposedMr。Pickwick，warmly。
Verygood，respondedWardle，questionanythingyoulikewhenit’syourturntospeak，butdon’tinterruptme。
Ibegyourpardon，saidMr。Pickwick。
Granted，repliedWardle。`Iamsorrytohearyouexpressyouropinionagainstmarriagesofaffection，pa，’saidBella，colouringalittle。`I
waswrong。Ioughtnottohavesaidso，mydear，either，’saidI，pattinghercheekaskindlyasarougholdfellowlikemecouldpatit，`foryourmother’swasone，andsowasyours。’`It’snotthat，Imeant，pa，’saidBella。`Thefactis，pa，IwantedtospeaktoyouaboutEmily。’
Mr。Pickwickstarted。
What’sthematternow？inquiredWardle，stoppinginhisnarrative。
Nothing，repliedMr。Pickwick。Praygoon。
Inevercouldspinoutastory，saidWardleabruptly。Itmustcomeout，soonerorlater，andit’llsaveusallagreatdealoftimeifitcomesatonce。Thelongandtheshortofitis，then，thatBellaatlastmusteredupcouragetotellmethatEmilywasveryunhappy。thatsheandyouryoungfriendSnodgrasshadbeeninconstantcorrespondenceandcommunicationeversincelastChristmas。thatshehadverydutifullymadeuphermindtorunawaywithhim，inlaudableimitationofheroldfriendandschoolfellow。
butthathavingsomecompunctionsofconscienceonthesubject，inasmuchasIhadalwaysbeenratherkindlydisposedtobothofthem，theyhadthoughtitbetterinthefirstinstancetopaymethecomplimentofaskingwhetherIwouldhaveanyobjectiontotheirbeingmarriedintheusualmatter-of-factmanner。Therenow，Mr。Pickwick，ifyoucanmakeitconvenienttoreduceyoureyestotheirusualsizeagain，andtoletmehearwhatyouthinkweoughttodo，Ishallfeelratherobligedtoyou！
Thetestymannerinwhichtheheartyoldgentlemanutteredthislastsentencewasnotwhollyunwarranted。forMr。Pickwick’sfacehadsettleddownintoanexpressionofblankamazementandperplexity，quitecurioustobehold。
Snodgrass！SincelastChristmas！werethefirstbrokenwordsthatissuedfromthelipsoftheconfoundedgentleman。
SincelastChristmas，repliedWardle。that’splainenough，andverybadspectacleswemusthaveworn，nottohavediscovereditbefore。
Idon’tunderstandit，saidMr。Pickwick，ruminating。Ireallycannotunderstandit。
It’seasyenoughtounderstand，repliedthecholericoldgentleman。
Ifyouhadbeenayoungerman，youwouldhavebeeninthesecretlongago。andbesides，addedWardleafteramoment’shesitation，thetruthis，that，knowingnothingofthismatter，IhaveratherpressedEmilyforfourorfivemonthspast，toreceivefavourably(ifshecould。Iwouldneverattempttoforceagirl’sinclinations)theaddressesofayounggentlemandowninourneighbourhood。Ihavenodoubtthat，girl-like，toenhanceherownvalueandincreasetheardourofMr。Snodgrass，shehasrepresentedthismatterinveryglowingcolours，andthattheyhavebotharrivedattheconclusionthattheyareaterriblypersecutedpairofunfortunates，andhavenoresourcebutclandestinematrimonyorcharcoal。Nowthequestionis，what’stobedone？
Whathaveyoudone？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
I！
Imeanwhatdidyoudowhenyourmarrieddaughtertoldyouthis？
Oh，Imadeafoolofmyself，ofcourse，rejoinedWardle。
Justso，interposedPerker，whohadaccompaniedthisdialoguewithsundrytwitchingsofhiswatch-chain，vindictiverubbingsofhisnose，andothersymptomsofimpatience。That’sverynatural。buthow？
Iwentintoagreatpassionandfrightenedmymotherintoafit，saidWardle。
Thatwasjudicious，remarkedPerker。andwhatelse？
Ifrettedandfumedallnextday，andraisedagreatdisturbance，
rejoinedtheoldgentleman。AtlastIgottiredofrenderingmyselfunpleasantandmakingeverybodymiserable。soIhiredacarriageatMuggleton，and，puttingmyownhorsesinit，cameuptotown，underpretenceofbringingEmilytoseeArabella。
MissWardleiswithyou，then？saidMr。Pickwick。
Tobesuresheis，repliedWardle。SheisatOsborne’shotelintheAdelphiatthismoment，unlessyourenterprisingfriendhasrunawaywithhersinceIcameoutthismorning。
Youarereconciled，then？saidPerker。
Notabitofit，answeredWardle。shehasbeencryingandmopingeversince，exceptlastnight，betweenteaandsupper，whenshemadeagreatparadeofwritingaletterthatIpretendedtotakenonoticeof。
Youwantmyadviceinthismatter，Isuppose？saidPerker，lookingfromthemusingfaceofMr。PickwicktotheeagercountenanceofWardle，andtakingseveralconsecutivepinchesofhisfavouritestimulant。
Isupposeso，saidWardle，lookingatMr。Pickwick。
Certainly，repliedthatgentleman。
Wellthen，saidPerker，risingandpushinghischairback，myadviceisthatyoubothwalkawaytogether，orrideaway，orgetawaybysomemeansorother，forI’mtiredofyou，andjusttalkthismatteroverbetweenyou。IfyouhavenotsettleditbythenexttimeIseeyou，I’lltellyouwhattodo。
Thisissatisfactory，saidWardle，hardlyknowingwhethertosmileorbeoffended。
Pooh，pooh，mydearsir，returnedPerker。Iknowyoubothagreatdealbetterthanyouknowyourselves。Youhavesettleditalready，toallintentsandpurposes。
Thusexpressinghimself，thelittlegentlemanpokedhissnuff-box，firstintothechestofMr。Pickwick，andthenintothewaistcoatofMr。Wardle，uponwhichtheyallthreelaughed，butespeciallythetwolast-namedgentlemen，whoatonceshookhandsagain，withoutanyobviousorparticularreason。
Youdinewithmeto-day，saidWardletoPerker，asheshowedthemout。
Can’tpromise，mydearsir，can’tpromise，repliedPerker。I’lllookin，intheevening，atallevents。
Ishallexpectyouatfive，saidWardle。Now，Joe！AndJoehavingbeenatlengthawakened，thetwofriendsdepartedinMr。Wardle’scarriage，whichincommonhumanityhadadickeybehindforthefatboy，who，iftherehadbeenafoot-boardinstead，wouldhaverolledoffandkilledhimselfinhisveryfirstnap。
DrivingtotheGeorgeandVulture，theyfoundthatArabellaandhermaidhadsen
