第26章

Mr。Allen，saidMr。Pickwick，whatisthematter，sir？

Nevermind，sir！repliedMr。Allen，withhaughtydefiance。

Whatisit？inquiredMr。Pickwick，lookingatBobSawyer。Isheunwell？

BeforeBobcouldreply，Mr。BenAllenseizedMr。Pickwickbythehand，andmurmured，insorrowfulaccents，Mysister，mydearsir。mysister。

Oh，isthatall！saidMr。Pickwick。Weshalleasilyarrangethatmatter，Ihope。Yoursisterissafeandwell，andIamhere，mydearsir，to——

Sorrytodoanythin’asmaycauseaninterruptiontosuchwerypleasantproceedin’s，asthekingsaidwenhedissolvedtheparliament，interposedMr。Weller，whohadbeenpeepingthroughtheglassdoor。butthere’sanotherexperimenthere，sir。Here’sawenerableoldladyalyin’onthecarpetwaitin’fordissection，orgalwinism，orsomeotherrewivin’andscientificinwention。

Iforgot，exclaimedMr。BenAllen。Itismyaunt。

Dearme！saidMr。Pickwick。Poorlady！Gently，Sam，gently。

Strangesitivationforoneo’thefamily，observedSamWeller，hoistingtheauntintoachair。Now，depittySawbones，bringoutthewollatilly！

Thelatterobservationwasaddressedtotheboyingrey，who，havinghandedovertheflytothecareofthestreet-keeper，hadcomebacktoseewhatallthenoisewasabout。Betweentheboyingrey，andMr。BobSawyer，andMr。BenjaminAllen(whohavingfrightenedhisauntintoafaintingfit，wasaffectionatelysolicitousforherrecovery)theoldladywas，atlength，restoredtoconsciousness。thenMr。BenAllen，turningwithapuzzledcountenancetoMr。Pickwick，askedhimwhathewasabouttosay，whenhehadbeensoalarminglyinterrupted。

Weareallfriendshere，Ipresume？saidMr。Pickwick，clearinghisvoice，andlookingtowardsthemanoffewwordswiththesurlycountenance，whodrovetheflywiththechubbyhorse。

ThisremindedMr。BobSawyerthattheboyingreywaslookingon，witheyeswideopen，andgreedyears。Theincipientchemisthavingbeenliftedupbyhiscoatcollar，anddroppedoutsidethedoor，BobSawyerassuredMr。Pickwickthathemightspeakwithoutreserve。

Yoursister，mydearsir，saidMr。Pickwick，turningtoBenjaminAllen，isinLondon。wellandhappy。

Herhappinessisnoobjecttome，sir，saidMr。BenjaminAllen，withaflourishofthehand。

Herhusbandisanobjecttome，sir，saidBobSawyer。

Heshallbeanobjecttome，sir，attwelvepaces，andaveryprettyobjectI’llmakeofhim，sir——amean-spiritedscoundrel！This，asitstood，wasaveryprettydenunciation，andmagnanimouswithal。butMr。BobSawyerratherweakeneditseffect，bywindingupwithsomegeneralobservationsconcerningthepunchingofheadsandknockingoutofeyes，whichwerecommonplacebycomparison。

Stay，sir，saidMr。Pickwick。beforeyouapplythoseepithetstothegentlemaninquestion，consider，dispassionately，theextentofhisfault，andaboveallrememberthatheisafriendofmine。

What！saidMr。BobSawyer。

Hisname！criedBenAllen。Hisname！

Mr。NathanielWinkle，saidMr。Pickwick。

Mr。BenjaminAllendeliberatelycrushedhisspectaclesbeneaththeheelofhisboot，andhavingpickedupthepieces，andputthemintothreeseparatepockets，foldedhisarms，bithislips，andlookedinathreateningmannerattheblandfeaturesofMr。Pickwick。

Thenit’syou，isit，sir，whohaveencouragedandbroughtaboutthismatch？inquiredMr。BenjaminAllenatlength。

Andit’sthisgentleman’sservant，Isuppose，interruptedtheoldlady，whohasbeenskulkingaboutmyhouse，andendeavouringtoentrapmyservantstoconspireagainsttheirmistress。Martin！

Well？saidthesurlyman，comingforward。

Isthattheyoungmanyousawinthelane，whomyoutoldmeabout，thismorning？

Mr。Martin，who，asithasalreadyappeared，wasamanoffewwords，lookedatSamWeller，noddedhishead，andgrowledforth，That’stheman！

Mr。Weller，whowasneverproud，gaveasmileoffriendlyrecognitionashiseyesencounteredthoseofthesurlygroom，andadmitted，incourteousterms，thathehadknowedhimafore。

Andthisisthefaithfulcreature，exclaimedMr。BenAllen，whomIhadnearlysuffocated！Mr。Pickwick，howdareyouallowyourfellowtobeemployedintheabductionofmysister？Idemandthatyouexplainthismatter，sir。

Explainit，sir！criedBobSawyer，fiercely。

It’saconspiracy，saidBenAllen。

Aregularplant，addedMr。BobSawyer。

Adisgracefulimposition，observedtheoldlady。

Nothingbutado，remarkedMartin。

Prayhearme，urgedMr。Pickwick，asMr。BenAllenfellintoachairthatpatientswerebledin，andgavewaytohispocket-handkerchief。I

haverenderednoassistanceinthismatter，beyondthatofbeingpresentatoneinterviewbetweentheyoungpeople，whichIcouldnotprevent，andfromwhichIconceivedmypresencewouldremoveanyslightcolouringofimproprietythatitmightotherwisehavehad。thisisthewholeshareI

havetakeninthetransaction，andIhadnosuspicionthatanimmediatemarriagewasevencontemplated。Though，mind，addedMr。Pickwick，hastilycheckinghimself，mind，IdonotsayIshouldhavepreventedit，ifIhadknownthatitwasintended。

Youhearthat，allofyou。youhearthat？saidMr。BenjaminAllen。

Ihopetheydo，mildlyobservedMr。Pickwick，lookinground，and，

addedthatgentleman：hiscolourmountingashespoke：Ihopetheyhearthis，sir，also。Thatfromwhathasbeenstatedtome，sir，Iassertthatyouwerebynomeansjustifiedinattemptingtoforceyoursister’sinclinationsasyoudid，andthatyoushouldratherhaveendeavouredbyyourkindnessandforbearancetohavesuppliedtheplaceofothernearerrelationswhomshehasneverknown，fromachild。Asregardsmyyoungfriend，Imustbegtoadd，thatineverypointofworldlyadvantage，heis，atleast，onanequalfootingwithyourself，ifnotonamuchbetterone，andthatunlessIhearthisquestiondiscussedwithbecomingtemperandmoderation，Ideclinehearinganymoresaiduponthesubject。

Iwishtomakeaweryfewremarksinadditiontowothasbeenputforardbythehonorablegen’l’m’nashasjistgiveover，saidMr。Weller，steppingforth，wichisthishere：aindiwidualincompanyhascalledmeafeller。

Thathasnothingwhatevertodowiththematter，Sam，interposedMr。

Pickwick。Prayholdyourtongue。

Iain’tagoin’tosaynothin’onthat’erepint，sir，repliedSam，butmerelythishere。P’rapsthatgen’l’m’nmaythinkastherewosapriory’tachment。butthereworn’tnothin’o’thesort，fortheyoungladysaid，inthewerybeginnin’o’thekeepin’company，thatshecouldn’tabidehim。

Nobody’scuthimout，andit’udha’beenjistthewerysameforhimiftheyoungladyhadneverseenMr。Vinkle。That’swotIwishedtosay，sir，andIhopeI’venowmadethat’eregen’l’m’n’smindeasy。

AshortpausefollowedtheseconsolatoryremarksofMr。Weller。ThenMr。BenAllenrisingfromhischair，protestedthathewouldneverseeArabella’sfaceagain：whileMr。BobSawyer，despiteSam’sflatteringassurance，voweddreadfulvengeanceonthehappybridegroom。

But，justwhenmatterswereattheirheight，andthreateningtoremainso，Mr。Pickwickfoundapowerfulassistantintheoldlady，who，evidentlymuchstruckbythemodeinwhichhehadadvocatedherniece’scause，venturedtoapproachMr。BenjaminAllenwithafewcomfortingreflections，ofwhichthechiefwere，thatafterall，perhaps，itwaswellitwasnoworse。theleastsaidthesoonestmended，anduponherwordshedidnotknowthatitwassoverybadafterall。whatwasovercouldn’tbebegun，andwhatcouldn’tbecuredmustbeendured：withvariousotherassurancesofthelikenovelandstrengtheningdescription。Toallofthese，Mr。BenjaminAllenrepliedthathemeantnodisrespecttohisaunt，oranybodythere，butifitwereallthesametothem，andtheywouldallowhimtohavehisownway，hewouldratherhavethepleasureofhatinghissistertilldeath，andafterit。

Atlength，whenthisdeterminationhadbeenannouncedhalfahundredtimes，theoldladysuddenlybridlingupandlookingverymajestic，wishedtoknowwhatshehaddonethatnorespectwastobepaidtoheryearsorstation，andthatsheshouldbeobligedtobegandpray，inthatway，ofherownnephew，whomsherememberedaboutfive-and-twentyyearsbeforehewasborn，andwhomshehadknown，personally，whenhehadn’tatoothinhishead？Tosaynothingofherpresenceonthefirstoccasionofhishavinghishaircut，andassistanceatnumerousothertimesandceremoniesduringhisbabyhood，ofsufficientimportancetofoundaclaimuponhisaffection，obedience，andsympathies，forever。

WhilethegoodladywasbestowingthisobjurgationonMr。BenAllen，BobSawyerandMr。Pickwickhadretiredincloseconversationtotheinnerroom，whereMr。Sawyerwasobservedtoapplyhimselfseveraltimestothemouthofablackbottle，undertheinfluenceofwhich，hisfeaturesgraduallyassumedacheerfulandevenjovialexpression。Andatlastheemergedfromtheroom，bottleinhand，and，remarkingthathewasverysorrytosayhehadbeenmakingafoolofhimself，beggedtoproposethehealthandhappinessofMr。andMrs。Winkle，whosefelicity，sofarfromenvying，hewouldbethefirsttocongratulatethemupon。Hearingthis，Mr。BenAllensuddenlyarosefromhischair，and，seizingtheblackbottle，drankthetoastsoheartily，that，theliquorbeingstrong，hebecamenearlyasblackinthefaceasthebottle。Finally，theblackbottlewentroundtillitwasempty，andtherewassomuchshakingofhandsandinterchangingofcompliments，thateventhemetal-visagedMr。Martincondescendedtosmile。

Andnow，saidBobSawyer，rubbinghishands，we’llhaveajollynight。

Iamsorry，saidMr。Pickwick，thatImustreturntomyinn。Ihavenotbeenaccustomedtofatiguelately，andmyjourneyhastiredmeexceedingly。

You’lltakesometea，Mr。Pickwick？saidtheoldlady，withirresistiblesweetness。

Thankyou，Iwouldrathernot，repliedthatgentleman。Thetruthis，thattheoldlady’sevidentlyincreasingadmiration，wasMr。Pickwick’sprincipalinducementforgoingaway。HethoughtofMrs。Bardell。andeveryglanceoftheoldlady’seyesthrewhimintoacoldperspiration。

AsMr。Pickwickcouldbynomeansbeprevailedupontostay，itwasarrangedatonce，onhisownproposition，thatMr。BenjaminAllenshouldaccompanyhimonhisjourneytotheelderMr。Winkle’s，andthatthecoachshouldbeatthedoor，atnineo’clocknextmorning。Hethentookhisleave，and，followedbySamuelWeller，repairedtotheBush。Itisworthyofremark，thatMr。Martin’sfacewashorriblyconvulsedasheshookhandswithSamatparting，andthathegaveventtoasmileandanoathsimultaneously：

fromwhichtokensithasbeeninferredbythosewhowerebestacquaintedwiththatgentleman’speculiarities，thatheexpressedhimselfmuchpleasedwithMr。Weller’ssociety，andrequestedthehonourofhisfurtheracquaintance。

ShallIorderaprivateroom，sir？inquiredSam，whentheyreachedtheBush。

Why，no，Sam，repliedMr。Pickwick。asIdinedinthecoffeeroom，andshallgotobedsoon，itishardlyworthwhile。Seewhothereisinthetravellers’room，Sam。

Mr。Wellerdepartedonhiserrand，andpresentlyreturnedtosay，thattherewasonlyagentlemanwithoneeye。andthatheandthelandlordweredrinkingabowlofbishoptogether。

Iwilljointhem，saidMr。Pickwick。

He’saqueercustomer，thevun-eyedvun，sir，observedMr。Weller，asheledtheway。He’sagammonin’that’erelandlord，heis，sir，tillhedon’trightlyknowwetherhe’sastandingonthesolesofhisbootsorthecrownofhishat。

Theindividualtowhomthisobservationreferred，wassittingattheupperendoftheroomwhenMr。Pickwickentered，andwassmokingalargeDutchpipe，withhiseyeintentlyfixedontheroundfaceofthelandlord：

ajolly-lookingoldpersonage，towhomhehadrecentlybeenrelatingsometaleofwonder，aswastestifiedbysundrydisjointedexclamationsof，Well，Iwouldn’thavebelievedit！ThestrangestthingIeverheard！Couldn’thavesupposeditpossible！andotherexpressionsofastonishmentwhichburstspontaneouslyfromhislips，ashereturnedthefixedgazeoftheone-eyedman。

Servant，sir，saidtheone-eyedmantoMr。Pickwick。Finenight，sir。

Verymuchsoindeed，repliedMr。Pickwick，asthewaiterplacedasmalldecanterofbrandy，andsomehotwaterbeforehim。

WhileMr。Pickwickwasmixinghisbrandyandwater，theone-eyedmanlookedroundathimearnestly，fromtimetotime，andatlengthsaid：

IthinkI’veseenyoubefore。

Idon’trecollectyou，rejoinedMr。Pickwick。

Idaresaynot，saidtheone-eyedman。Youdidn’tknowme，butIknewtwofriendsofyoursthatwerestoppingatthePeacockatEatanswill，atthetimeoftheElection。

Oh，indeed！exclaimedMr。Pickwick。

Yes，rejoinedtheone-eyedman。ImentionedalittlecircumstancetothemaboutafriendofmineofthenameofTomSmart。Perhapsyou’veheardthemspeakofit。

Often，rejoinedMr。Pickwick，smiling。Hewasyouruncle，Ithink？

No，no。onlyafriendofmyuncle’s，repliedtheone-eyedman。

Hewasawonderfulman，thatuncleofyours，though，remarkedthelandlord，shakinghishead。

Well，Ithinkhewas，IthinkImaysayhewas，answeredtheone-eyedman。Icouldtellyouastoryaboutthatsameuncle，gentlemen，thatwouldrathersurpriseyou。

Couldyou？saidMr。Pickwick。Letushearit，byallmeans。

Theone-eyedBagmanladledoutaglassofnegusfromthebowl，anddrankit。smokedalongwhiffoutoftheDutchpipe。andthen，callingtoSamWeller，whowaslingeringnearthedoor，thatheneedn’tgoawayunlesshewantedto，becausethestorywasnosecret，fixedhiseyeuponthelandlord’sandproceeded，inthewordsofthenextchapter。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter49[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXLIXCONTAININGTHESTORYOFTHEBEGMAN’SUNCLE

MYuncle，gentlemen，saidthebagman，wasoneofthemerriest，pleasantest，cleverestfellowsthateverlived。Iwishyouhadknownhim，gentlemen。Onsecondthoughts，gentlemen，Idon’twishyouhadknownhim，forifyouhad，youwouldhavebeenall，bythistime，intheordinarycourseofnature，ifnotdead，atalleventssonearit，astohavetakentostoppingathomeandgivingupcompany：whichwouldhavedeprivedmeoftheinestimablepleasureofaddressingyouatthismoment。Gentlemen，Iwishyourfathersandmothershadknownmyuncle。

Theywouldhavebeenamazinglyfondofhim，especiallyyourrespectablemothers。Iknowtheywould。Ifanytwoofhisnumerousvirtuespredominatedoverthemanythatadornedhischaracter，Ishouldsaytheywerehismixedpunchandhisaftersuppersong。Excusemydwellingonthesemelancholyrecollectionsofdepartedworth。youwon’tseeamanlikemyuncleeverydayintheweek。

Ihavealwaysconsidereditagreatpointinmyuncle’scharacter，gentlemen，thathewastheintimatefriendandcompanionofTomSmart，ofthegreathouseofBilsonandSlum，CateatonStreet，City。MyunclecollectedforTigginandWelps，butforalongtimehewentprettynearthesamejourneyasTom。andtheveryfirstnighttheymet，myuncletookafancyforTom，andTomtookafancyformyuncle。Theymadeabetofanewhatbeforetheyhadknowneachotherhalfanhour，whoshouldbrewthebestquartofpunchanddrinkitthequickest。Myunclewasjudgedtohavewonthemaking，butTomSmartbeathiminthedrinkingbyabouthalfasalt-spoon-full。Theytookanotherquarta-piecetodrinkeachother’shealthin，andwerestaunchfriendseverafterwards。There’sadestinyinthesethings，gentlemen。wecan’thelpit。

Inpersonalappearance，myunclewasatrifleshorterthanthemiddlesize。hewasathoughtstoutertoo，thantheordinaryrunofpeople，andperhapshisfacemightbeashaderedder。Hehadthejolliestfaceyoueversaw，gentlemen：somethinglikePunch，withahandsomernoseandchin。

hiseyeswerealwaystwinklingandsparklingwithgoodhumour。andasmile——notoneofyourunmeaningwoodengrins，butareal，merry，hearty，good-temperedsmile——wasperpetuallyonhiscountenance。Hewaspitchedoutofhisgigonce，andknocked，headfirst，againstamile-stone。Therehelay，stunned，andsocutaboutthefacewithsomegravelwhichhadbeenheapedupalongsideit，that，tousemyuncle’sownstrongexpression，ifhismothercouldhaverevisitedtheearth，shewouldn’thaveknownhim。Indeed，whenIcometothinkofthematter，gentlemen，Ifeelprettysureshewouldn’t，forshediedwhenmyunclewastwoyearsandsevenmonthsold，andIthinkit’sverylikelythat，evenwithoutthegravel，histop-bootswouldhavepuzzledthegoodladynotalittle：tosaynothingofhisjollyredface。

However，therehelay，andIhaveheardmyunclesay，manyatime，thatthemansaidwhopickedhimupthathewassmilingasmerrilyasifhehadtumbledoutforatreat，andthataftertheyhadbledhim，thefirstfaintglimmeringsofreturninganimation，were，hisjumpingupinbed，burstingoutintoaloudlaugh，kissingtheyoungwomanwhoheldthebasin，anddemandingamuttonchopandapickledwalnut。Hewasveryfondofpickledwalnuts，gentlemen。Hesaidhealwaysfoundthat，takenwithoutvinegar，theyrelishedthebeer。

Myuncle’sgreatjourneywasinthefalloftheleaf，atwhichtimehecollecteddebts，andtookorders，inthenorth：goingfromLondontoEdinburgh，fromEdinburghtoGlasgow，fromGlasgowbacktoEdinburgh，andthencetoLondonbythesmack。YouaretounderstandthathissecondvisittoEdinburghwasforhisownpleasure。Heusedtogobackforaweek，justtolookuphisoldfriends。andwhatwithbreakfastingwiththisone，lunchingwiththat，diningwithathird，andsuppingwithanother，aprettytightweekheusedtomakeofit。Idon’tknowwhetheranyofyou，gentlemen，everpartookofarealsubstantialhospitableScotchbreakfast，andthenwentouttoaslightlunchofabushelofoysters，adozenorsoofbottledale，andanogginortwoofwhiskeytocloseupwith。Ifyoueverdid，youwillagreewithmethatitrequiresaprettystrongheadtogoouttodinnerandsupperafterwards。

But，blessyourheartsandeye-brows，allthissortofthingwasnothingtomyuncle！Hewassowellseasoned，thatitwasmerechild’splay。I

haveheardhimsaythathecouldseetheDundeepeopleout，anyday，andwalkhomeafterwardswithoutstaggering。andyettheDundeepeoplehaveasstrongheadsandasstrongpunch，gentlemen，asyouarelikelytomeetwith，betweenthepoles。IhaveheardofaGlasgowmanandaDundeemandrinkingagainsteachotherforfifteenhoursatasitting。Theywerebothsuffocated，asnearlyascouldbeascertained，atthesamemoment，butwiththistriflingexception，gentlemen，theywerenotabittheworseforit。

Onenight，withinfour-and-twentyhoursofthetimewhenhehadsettledtotakeshippingforLondon，myunclesuppedatthehouseofaveryoldfriendofhis，aBaillieMacsomethingandfoursyllablesafterit，wholivedintheoldtownofEdinburgh。Therewerethebaillie’swife，andthebaillie’sthreedaughters，andthebaillie’sgrown-upson，andthreeorfourstout，bushyeye-browed，cannyoldScotchfellows，thatthebailliehadgottogethertodohonourtomyuncle，andhelptomakemerry。Itwasaglorioussupper。TherewerekipperedSalmon，andFinnanhaddocks，andalamb’shead，andahaggis——acelebratedScotchdish，gentlemen，whichmyuncleusedtosayalwayslookedtohim，whenitcametotable，verymuchlikeacupid’sstomach——andagreatmanyotherthingsbesides，thatIforgotthenamesof，butverygoodthingsnotwithstanding。Thelassieswereprettyandagreeable。thebaillie’swifewasoneofthebestcreaturesthateverlived。andmyunclewasinthoroughlygoodcue。Theconsequenceofwhichwas，thattheyoungladiestitteredandgiggled，andtheoldladylaughedoutloud，andthebaillieandtheotheroldfellowsroaredtilltheywereredintheface，thewholemortaltime。Idon’tquiterecollecthowmanytumblersofwhiskeytoddyeachmandrankaftersupper。butthisIknow，thataboutoneo’clockinthemorning，thebaillie’sgrown-upsonbecameinsensiblewhileattemptingthefirstverseof`Williebrewedapecko’maut’。andhehavingbeen，forhalfanhourbefore，theonlyothermanvisibleabovethemahogany，itoccurredtomyunclethatitwasalmosttimetothinkaboutgoing：especiallyasdrinkinghadsetinatseveno’clock，inorderthathemightgethomeatadecenthour。But，thinkingitmightnotbequitepolitetogojustthen，myunclevotedhimselfintothechair，mixedanotherglass，rosetoproposehisownhealth，addressedhimselfinaneatandcomplimentaryspeech，anddrankthetoastwithgreatenthusiasm。

Stillnobodywoke。somyuncletookalittledropmore——neatthistime，topreventthetoddyfromdisagreeingwithhim——and，layingviolenthandsonhishat，salliedforthintothestreet。

Itwasawildgustynightwhenmyuncleclosedthebaillie’sdoor，andsettlinghishatfirmlyonhishead，topreventthewindfromtakingit，thrusthishandsintohispockets，andlookingupward，tookashortsurveyofthestateoftheweather。Thecloudsweredriftingoverthemoonattheirgiddiestspeed：atonetimewhollyobscuringher：atanother，sufferinghertoburstforthinfullsplendourandshedherlightonalltheobjectsaround：anon，drivingoverheragain，withincrea