第8章

AsTomsaidthishiseyeinvoluntarilywanderedfromthewidow’sface，tothecomfortsaroundhim。

Thewidowlookedmorepuzzledthanever，andmadeanefforttorise。

Tomgentlypressedherhand，asiftodetainher，andshekeptherseat，Widows，gentlemen，arenotusuallytimorous，asmyuncleusedtosay。

`IamsureIamverymuchobligedtoyou，sir，foryourgoodopinion，’

saidthebuxomlandlady，halflaughing。`andifeverImarryagain——’

`If，’saidTomSmart，lookingveryshrewdlyoutoftheright-handcornerofhislefteye。`If——’

`Well，’saidthewidow，laughingoutrightthistime。`WhenI

do，IhopeIshallhaveasgoodahusbandasyoudescribe。’

`Jinkinstowit，’saidTom。

`Lor’，sir！’exclaimedthewidow。

`Oh，don’ttellme，’saidTom，`Iknowhim。’

`Iamsurenobodywhoknowshim，knowsanythingbadofhim，’saidthewidow，bridlingupatthemysteriousairwithwhichTomhadspoken。

`Hem！’saidTomSmart。

Thewidowbegantothinkitwashightimetocry，soshetookoutherhandkerchief，andinquiredwhetherTomwishedtoinsulther：whetherhethoughtitlikeagentlemantotakeawaythecharacterofanothergentlemanbehindhisback：why，ifhehadgotanythingtosay，hedidn’tsayittotheman，likeaman，insteadofterrifyingapoorweakwomaninthatway。

andsoforth。

`I’llsayittohimfastenough，’saidTom，`onlyIwantyoutohearitfirst，’

`Whatisit？’inquiredthewidow，lookingintentlyinTom’scountenance。

`I’llastonishyou，’saidTom，puttinghishandinhispocket。

`Ifitis，thathewantsmoney，’saidthewidow，`Iknowthatalready，andyouneedn’ttroubleyourself。’

`Pooh，nonsense，that’snothing，’saidTomSmart。`Iwantmoney。

’Tan’tthat。’

`Oh，dear，whatcanitbe？’exclaimedthepoorwidow。

`Don’tbefrightened，’saidTomSmart。Heslowlydrewforththeletter，andunfoldedit。`Youwon’tscream？’saidTom，doubtfully。

`No，no，’repliedthewidow。`letmeseeit。’

`Youwon’tgofaintingaway，oranyofthatnonsense？’saidTom。

`No，no，’returnedthewidow，hastily。

`Anddon’trunout，andblowhimup，’saidTom，`becauseI’lldoallthatforyou。youhadbetternotexertyourself。’

`Well，well，’saidthewidow，`letmeseeit。’

`Iwill，’repliedTomSmart。and，withthesewords，heplacedtheletterinthewidow’shand。

Gentlemen，Ihaveheardmyunclesay，thatTomSmartsaidthewidow’slamentationswhensheheardthedisclosurewouldhavepiercedaheartofstone。Tomwascertainlyverytender-hearted，buttheypiercedhis，totheverycore。Thewidowrockedherselftoandfro，andwrungherhands。

`Oh，thedeceptionandvillainyofman！’saidthewidow。

`Frightful，mydearma’am。butcomposeyourself，’saidTomSmart。

`Oh，Ican’tcomposemyself，’shriekedthewidow。`IshallneverfindanyoneelseIcanlovesomuch！’

`Ohyes，youwill，mydearsoul，’saidTomSmart，lettingfallashowerofthelargestsizedtears，inpityforthewidow’smisfortunes。TomSmart，intheenergyofhiscompassion，hadputhisarmroundthewidow’swaist。

andthewidow，inapassionofgrief，hadclaspedTom’shand。ShelookedupinTom’sface，andsmiledthroughhertears。Tomlookeddowninhers，andsmiledthroughhis。

Icouldneverfindout，gentlemen，whetherTomdidordidnotkissthewidowatthatparticularmoment。Heusedtotellmyunclehedidn’t，butIhavemydoubtsaboutit。Betweenourselves，gentlemen，Iratherthinkhedid。

Atallevents，Tomkickedtheverytallmanoutatthefrontdoorhalfanhourafter，andmarriedthewidowamonthafter。Andheusedtodriveaboutthecountry，withtheclay-colouredgigwithredwheels，andthevixenishmarewiththefastpace，tillhegaveupbusinessmanyyearsafterwards，andwenttoFrancewithhiswife。andthentheoldhousewaspulleddown。

Willyouallowmetoaskyou，saidtheinquisitiveoldgentleman，whatbecameofthechair？

Why，repliedtheone-eyedbagman，itwasobservedtocreakverymuchonthedayofthewedding。butTomSmartcouldn’tsayforcertainwhetheritwaswithpleasureorbodilyinfirmity。Heratherthoughtitwasthelatter，though，foritneverspokeafterwards。

Everybodybelievedthestory，didn’tthey？saidthedirty-facedman，re-fillinghispipe。

ExceptTom’senemies，repliedthebagman。Someof’emsaidTominventeditaltogether。andotherssaidhewasdrunk，andfanciedit，andgotholdofthewrongtrousersbymistakebeforehewenttobed。Butnobodyevermindedwhattheysaid。

Tomsaiditwasalltrue？

Everyword。

Andyouruncle？

Everyletter。

Theymusthavebeenverynicemen，bothof’em，saidthedirty-facedman。

Yes，theywere，repliedthebagman。verynicemenindeed！

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter15[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXVINWHICHISGIVENAFAITHFULPORTRAITUREOFTWODISTINGUISHED

PERSONS：ANDANACCURATEDESCRIPTIONOFAPUBLICBREAKFASTINTHEIRHOUSE

ANDGROUNDS。WHICHPUBLICBREAKFASTLEADSTOTHERECOGNITIONOFANOLD

ACQUAINTANCE，ANDTHECOMMENCEMENTOFANOTHERCHAPTER

MR。PICKWICK’SconsciencehadbeensomewhatreproachinghimforhisrecentneglectofhisfriendsatthePeacock。andhewasjustonthepointofwalkingforthinquestofthem，onthethirdmorningaftertheelectionhadterminated，whenhisfaithfulvaletputintohishandacard，onwhichwasengravedthefollowinginscription：——Mrs。LeoHunter。TheDen。Eatanswill。

Person’sawaitin’，saidSam，epigrammatically。

Doesthepersonwantme，Sam？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Hewantsyouparticklar。andnooneelse’lldo，astheDevil’sprivatesecretarysaidvenhefetchedavayDoctorFaustus，repliedMr。Weller。

He。Isitagentleman？saidMr。Pickwick。

Awerygoodimitationo’one，ifitan’t，repliedMr。Weller。

Butthisisalady’scard，saidMr。Pickwick。

Givenmebyagen’l’m’n，hows’ever，repliedSam，andhe’sawaitin’

inthedrawing-room——saidhe’dratherwaitallday，thannotseeyou。

Mr。Pickwick，onhearingthisdetermination，descendedtothedrawing-room，wheresatagraveman，whostarteduponhisentrance，andsaid，withanairofprofoundrespect：

Mr。Pickwick，Ipresume？

Thesame。

Allowme，sir，thehonourofgraspingyourhand。Permitme，sir，toshakeit，saidthegraveman。

Certainly，saidMr。Pickwick。

Thestrangershooktheextendedhand，andthencontinued。

Wehaveheardofyourfame，sir。ThenoiseofyourantiquariandiscussionhasreachedtheearsofMrs。LeoHunter——mywife，sir。IamMr。

LeoHunter——thestrangerpaused，asifheexpectedthatMr。Pickwickwouldbeovercomebythedisclosure。butseeingthatheremainedperfectlycalm，proceeded。

Mywife，sir——Mrs。LeoHunter——isproudtonumberamongheracquaintanceallthosewhohaverenderedthemselvescelebratedbytheirworksandtalents。

Permitme，sir，toplaceinaconspicuouspartofthelistthenameofMr。Pickwick，andhisbrothermembersoftheclubthatderivesitsnamefromhim。

Ishallbeextremelyhappytomaketheacquaintanceofsuchalady，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick。

Youshallmakeit，sir，saidthegraveman。To-morrowmorning，sir，wegiveapublicbreakfast——afetechampetre——toagreatnumberofthosewhohaverenderedthemselvescelebratedbytheirworksandtalents。

PermitMrs。LeoHunter，sir，tohavethegratificationofseeingyouattheDen。

Withgreatpleasure，repliedMr。Pickwick。

Mrs。LeoHunterhasmanyofthesebreakfasts，sir，resumedthenewacquaintance——`feastsofreason，sir，andflowsofsoul，’assomebodywhowroteasonnettoMrs。LeoHunteronherbreakfasts，feelinglyandoriginallyobserved。

Washecelebratedforhisworksandtalents？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Hewas，sir，repliedthegraveman，allMrs。LeoHunter’sacquaintanceare。itisherambition，sir，tohavenootheracquaintance。

Itisaverynobleambition，saidMr。Pickwick。

WhenIinformMrs。LeoHunter，thatthatremarkfellfromyourlips，sir，shewillindeedbeproud，saidthegraveman。Youhaveagentlemaninyourtrain，whohasproducedsomebeautifullittlepoems，Ithink，sir。

MyfriendMr。Snodgrasshasagreattasteforpoetry，repliedMr。

Pickwick。

SohasMrs。LeoHunter，sir。Shedotesonpoetry，sir。Sheadoresit。

Imaysaythatherwholesoulandmindarewoundup，andentwinedwithit。Shehasproducedsomedelightfulpieces，herself，sir。Youmayhavemetwithher`OdetoanExpiringFrog，’sir。

Idon’tthinkIhave，saidMr。Pickwick。

Youastonishme，sir，saidMr。LeoHunter。Itcreatedanimmensesensation。Itwassignedwithan`L’andeightstars，andappearedoriginallyinaLady’sMagazine。Itcommenced`CanIviewtheepanting，lyingOnthystomach，withoutsighing。CanIunmovedseetheedyingOnalog，Expiringfrog！’

Beautiful！saidMr。Pickwick。

Fine，saidMr。LeoHunter，sosimple。

Very，saidMr。Pickwick。

Thenextverseisstillmoretouching。ShallIrepeatit？

Ifyouplease，saidMr。Pickwick。

Itrunsthus，saidthegraveman，stillmoregravely。`Say，havefiendsinshapeofboys，Withwildhalloo，andbrutalnoise，Huntedtheefrommarshyjoys，Withadog，Expiringfrog！’

Finelyexpressed，saidMr。Pickwick。

Allpoint，sir，saidMr。LeoHunter，butyoushallhearMrs。LeoHunterrepeatit。Shecandojusticetoit，sir。Shewillrepeatit，incharacter，sir，to-morrowmorning。

Incharacter！

AsMinerva。ButIforgot——it’safancy-dressbreakfast。

Dearme，saidMr。Pickwick，glancingathisownfigure——Ican’tpossibly——

Can’t，sir。can’t！exclaimedMr。LeoHunter。SolomonLucas，theJewintheHighStreet，hasthousandsoffancydresses。Consider，sir，howmanyappropriatecharactersareopenforyourselection。Plato，Zeno，Epicurus，Pythagoras——allfoundersofclubs。

Iknowthat，saidMr。Pickwick，butasIcannotputmyselfincompetitionwiththosegreatmen，Icannotpresumetoweartheirdresses。

Thegravemanconsidereddeeply，forafewseconds，andthensaid，Onreflection，sir，Idon’tknowwhetheritwouldnotaffordMrs。LeoHuntergreaterpleasure，ifherguestssawagentlemanofyourcelebrityinhisowncostume，ratherthaninanassumedone。Imayventuretopromiseanexceptioninyourcase，sir——yes，IamquitecertainthatonbehalfofMrs。LeoHunter，Imayventuretodoso。

Inthatcase，saidMr。Pickwick，Ishallhavegreatpleasureincoming。

ButIwasteyourtime，sir，saidthegraveman，asifsuddenlyrecollectinghimself。Iknowitsvalue，sir。Iwillnotdetainyou。ImaytellMrs。

LeoHunter，then，thatshemayconfidentlyexpectyouandyourdistinguishedfriends？Goodmorning，sir，Iamproudtohavebeheldsoeminentapersonage——notastep，sir。notaword。AndwithoutgivingMr。Pickwicktimetoofferremonstranceordenial，Mr。LeoHunterstalkedgravelyaway。

Mr。Pickwicktookuphishat，andrepairedtothePeacock，butMr。Winklehadconveyedtheintelligenceofthefancyballthere，beforehim。

Mrs。Pott’sgoing，werethefirstwordswithwhichhesalutedhisleader。

Isshe？saidMr。Pickwick。

AsApollo，repliedMr。Winkle。OnlyPottobjectstothetunic。

Heisright。Heisquiteright，saidMr。Pickwickemphatically。

Yes——soshe’sgoingtowearawhitesatingownwithgoldspangles。

They’llhardlyknowwhatshe’smeantfor。willthey？inquiredMr。

Snodgrass。

Ofcoursetheywill，repliedMr。Winkleindignantly。They’llseeherlyre，won’tthey？

True。Iforgotthat，saidMr。Snodgrass。

IshallgoasaBandit，interruptedMr。Tupman。

What！saidMr。Pickwick，withasuddenstart。

Asabandit，repeatedMr。Tupman，mildly。

Youdon’tmeantosay，saidMr。Pickwick，gazingwithsolemnsternnessathisfriend，Youdon’tmeantosay，Mr。Tupman，thatitisyourintentiontoputyourselfintoagreenvelvetjacket，withatwo-inchtail？

Suchismyintention，sir，repliedMr。Tupmanwarmly。Andwhynot，sir？

Because，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，considerablyexcited。Becauseyouaretooold，sir。

Tooold！exclaimedMr。Tupman。

Andifanyfurthergroundofobjectionbewanting，continuedMr。Pickwick，youaretoofat，sir。

Sir，saidMr。Tupman，hisfacesuffusedwithacrimsonglow。Thisisaninsult。

Sir，repliedMr。Pickwickinthesametone，Itisnothalftheinsulttoyou，thatyourappearanceinmypresenceinagreenvelvetjacket，withatwo-inchtail，wouldbetome。

Sir，saidMr。Tupman，you’reafellow。

Sir，saidMr。Pickwick，you’reanother！

Mr。Tupmanadvancedasteportwo，andglaredatMr。Pickwick。Mr。Pickwickreturnedtheglare，concentratedintoafocusbymeansofhisspectacles，andbreathedabolddefiance。Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklelookedon，petrifiedatbeholdingsuchascenebetweentwosuchmen。

Sir，saidMr。Tupman，afterashortpause，speakinginalow，deepvoice，youhavecalledmeold。

Ihave，saidMr。Pickwick。

Andfat。

Ireiteratethecharge。

Andafellow。

Soyouare！

Therewasafearfulpause。

Myattachmenttoyourperson，sir，saidMr。Tupman，speakinginavoicetremulouswithemotion，andtuckinguphiswristbandsmeanwhile，isgreat——verygreat——butuponthatperson，Imusttakesummaryvengeance。

Comeon，sir！repliedMr。Pickwick。Stimulatedbytheexcitingnatureofthedialogue，theheroicmanactuallythrewhimselfintoaparalyticattitude，confidentlysupposedbythetwoby-standerstohavebeenintendedasapostureofdefence。

What！exclaimedMr。Snodgrass，suddenlyrecoveringthepowerofspeech，ofwhichintenseastonishmenthadpreviouslyberefthim，andrushingbetweenthetwo，attheimminenthazardofreceivinganapplicationonthetemplefromeach。What！Mr。Pickwick，withtheeyesoftheworlduponyou！Mr。

Tupman！Who，incommonwithusall，derivesalustrefromhisundyingname！

Forshame，gentlemen。forshame。

TheunwontedlineswhichmomentarypassionhadruledinMr。Pickwick’sclearandopenbrow，graduallymeltedaway，ashisyoungfriendspoke，likethemarksofablack-leadpencilbeneaththesofteninginfluenceofIndiarubber。Hiscountenancehadresumeditsusualbenignexpression，ereheconcluded。

Ihavebeenhasty，saidMr。Pickwick，veryhasty。Tupman。yourhand。

ThedarkshadowpassedfromMr。Tupman’sface，ashewarmlygraspedthehandofhisfriend。

Ihavebeenhasty，too，saidhe。

No，no，interruptedMr。Pickwick，thefaultwasmine。Youwillwearthegreenvelvetjacket？

No，no，repliedMr。Tupman。

Toobligeme，youwill，resumedMr。Pickwick。

Well，well，Iwill，saidMr。Tupman。

ItwasaccordinglysettledthatMr。Tupman，Mr。Winkle，andMr。Snodgrass，shouldallwearfancydresses。ThusMr。Pickwickwasledbytheverywarmthofhisowngoodfeelingstogivehisconsenttoaproceedingfromwhichhisbetterjudgmentwouldhaverecoiled——amorestrikingillustrationofhisamiablecharactercouldhardlyhavebeenconceived，eveniftheeventsrecordedinthesepageshadbeenwhollyimaginary。

Mr。LeoHunterhadnotexaggeratedtheresourcesofMr。SolomonLucas。

Hiswardrobewasextensive——veryextensive——notstrictlyclassicalperhaps，norquitenew，nordiditcontainanyonegarmentmadepreciselyafterthefashionofanyageortime，buteverythingwasmoreorlessspangled。

andwhatcanbeprettierthanspangles！Itmaybeobjectedthattheyarenotadaptedtothedaylight，buteverybodyknowsthattheywouldglitteriftherewerelamps。andnothingcanbeclearerthanthatifpeoplegivefancyballsintheday-time，andthedressesdonotshowquiteaswellastheywouldbynight，thefaultliessolelywiththepeoplewhogivethefancyballs，andisinnowisechargeableonthespangles。SuchwastheconvincingreasoningofMr。SolomonLucas。andinfluencedbysuchargumentsdidMr。Tupman，Mr。Winkle，andMr。Snodgrass，engagetoarraythemselvesincostumeswhichhistasteandexperienceinducedhimtorecommendasadmirablysuitedtotheoccasion。

AcarriagewashiredfromtheTownArms，fortheaccommodationofthePickwickians，andachariotwasorderedfromthesamerepository，forthepurposeofconveyingMr。andMrs。PotttoMrs。LeoHunter’sgrounds，whichMr。Pott，asadelicateacknowledgmentofhavingreceivedaninvitation，hadalreadyconfidentlypredictedintheEatanswillGazettewouldpresentasceneofvariedanddeliciousenchantment——abewilderingcoruscationofbeautyandtalent——alavishandprodigaldisplayofhospitality——aboveall，adegreeofsplendoursoftenedbythemostexquisitetaste。andadornmentrefinedwithperfectharmonyandthechastestgoodkeeping——comparedwithwhich，thefabledgorgeousnessofEasternFairy-landitself，wouldappeartobeclothedinasmanydarkandmurkycolours，asmustbethemindofthespleneticandunmanlybeingwhocouldpresumetotaintwiththevenomofhisenvy，thepreparationsmadebythevirtuousandhighlydistinguishedlady，atwhoseshrinethishumbletributeofadmirationwasoffered。ThislastwasapieceofbitingsarcasmagainsttheIndependent，whoinconsequenceofnothavingbeeninvitedatall，hadbeenthroughfournumbersaffectingtosneeratthewholeaffair，inhisverylargesttype，withalltheadjectivesincapitalletters。

Themorningcame：itwasapleasantsighttobeholdMr。TupmaninfullBrigand’scostume，withaverytightjacket，sittinglikeapincushionoverhisbackandshoulders：theupperportionofhislegsencasedinthevelvetshorts，andthelowerpartthereofswathedinthecomplicatedbandagestowhichallBrigandsarepeculiarlyattached。Itwaspleasingtoseehisopenandingenuouscountenance，wellmustachioedandcorked，lookingoutfromanopenshirtcollar。andtocontemplatethesugar-loafhat，decoratedwithribbonsofallcolours，whichhewascompelledtocarryonhisknee，inasmuchasnoknownconveyancewithatoptoitwouldadmitofanyman’scarryingitbetweenhisheadandtheroof。EquallyhumorousandagreeablewastheappearanceofMr。Snodgrassinbluesatintrunksandcloak，whitesilktightsandshoes，andGreeianhelmet：whicheverybodyknows(andiftheydonot，Mr。SolomonLucasdid)tohavebeentheregular，authentic，every-daycostumeofaTroubadour，fromtheearliestagesdowntothetimeoftheirfinaldisappearancefromthefaceoftheearth。Allthiswaspleasant，butthiswasnothingcomparedwiththeshoutingofthepopulacewhenthecarriagedrewup，behindMr。Pott’schariot，whichchariotitselfdrewupatMr。Pott’sdoor，whichdooritselfopened，anddisplayedthegreatPottaccoutredasaRussianofficerofjustice，withatremendousknoutinhishand——tastefullytypicalofthesternandmightypoweroftheEatanswillGazette，andthefearfullashingsitbestowedonpublicoffenders。

Bravo！shoutedMr。TupmanandMr。Snodgrassfromthepassage，whentheybeheldthewalkingallegory。

Bravo！Mr。Pickwickwasheardtoexclaim，fromthepassage。

Hoo——roarPott！shoutedthepopulace。Amidthesesalutations，Mr。

Pott，smilingwiththatkindofblanddignitywhichsufficientlytestifiedthathefelthispower，andknewhowtoexertit，gotintothechariot。

Thenthereemergedfromthehouse，Mrs。Pott，whowouldhavelookedverylikeApolloifshehadn’thadagownon：conductedbyMr。Winkle，whoinhislight-redcoat，couldnotpossiblyhavebeenmistakenforanythingbutasportsman，ifhehadnotborneanequalresemblancetoageneralpostman。LastofallcameMr。Pickwick，whomtheboysapplaudedasloudasanybody，probablyundertheimpressionthathistightsandgaitersweresomeremnantsofthedarkages。andthenthetwovehiclesproceededtowardsMrs。LeoHunter’s：Mr。Weller(whowastoassistinwaiting)beingstationedontheboxofthatinwhichhismasterwasseated。

Everyoneofthemen，women，boys，girls，andbabies，whowereassembledtoseethevisitorsintheirfancydresses，screamedwithdelightandecstasy，whenMr。Pickwick，withtheBrigandononearm，andtheTroubadourontheother，walkedsolemnlyuptheentrance。Neverweresuchshoutsheard，asthosewhichgreetedMr。Tupman’seffortstofixthesugar-loafhatonhishead，bywayofenteringthegardeninstyle。

Thepreparationswereonthemostdelightfulscale。fullyrealisingthepropheticPott’santicipationsaboutthegorgeousnessofEasternFairy-land，andatonceaffordingasufficientcontradictiontothemalignantstatementsofthereptileIndependent。Thegroundsweremorethananacreandaquarterinextent，andtheywerefilledwithpeople！Neverwassuchablazeofbeauty，andfashion，andliterature。Therewastheyoungladywhodid

thepoetryintheEatanswillGazette，inthegarbofasultana，leaninguponthearmoftheyounggentlemanwhodidthereviewdepartment，andwhowasappropriatelyhabitedinafieldmarshal’suniform——thebootsexcepted。

Therewerehostsofthesegeniuses，andanyreasonablepersonwouldhavethoughtithonourenoughtomeetthem。Butmorethanthese，therewerehalfadozenlionsfromLondon——authors，realauthors，whohadwrittenwholebooks，andprintedthemafterwards——andhereyoumightsee’em，walkingabout，likeordinarymen，smiling，andtalking——aye，andtalkingprettyconsiderablenonsensetoo，nodoubtwiththebenignintentionofrenderingthemselvesintelligibletothecommonpeopleaboutthem。Moreover，therewasabandofmusicinpasteboardcaps。foursomething-eansingersinthecostumeoftheircountry，andadozenhiredwaitersinthecostumeoftheircountry——andverydirtycostumetoo。Andaboveall，therewasMrs。LeoHunterinthecharacterofMinerva，receivingthecompany，andoverflowingwithprideandgratificationatthenotionofhavingcalledsuchdistinguishedindividualstogether。

Mr。Pickwick，ma’am，saidaservant，asthatgentlemanapproachedthepresidinggoddess，withhishatinhishand，andtheBrigandandTroubadouroneitherarm。

What！Where！exclaimedMrs。LeoHunter，startingup，inanaffectedraptureofsurprise。

Here，saidMr。Pickwick。

IsitpossiblethatIhavereallythegratificationofbeholdingMr。

Pickwickhimself！ejaculatedMrs。LeoHunter。

Noother，ma’am，repliedMr。Pickwick，bowingverylow。Permitmetointroducemyfriends——Mr。Tupman——Mr。Winkle——Mr。Snodgrass——totheauthoressof`TheExpiringFrog。’

Veryfewpeoplebutthosewhohavetriedit，knowwhatadifficultprocessitis，tobowingreenvelvetsmalls，andatightjacket，andhigh-crownedhat：orinbluesatintrunksandwhitesilks：orknee-cordsandtop-bootsthatwerenevermadeforthewearer，andhavebeenfixeduponhimwithouttheremotestreferencetothecomparativedimensionsofhimselfandthesuit。NeverweresuchdistortionsasMr。Tupman’sframeunderwentinhiseffortstoappeareasyandgraceful——neverwassuchingeniousposturing，ashisfancy-dressedfriendsexhibited。

Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。LeoHunter，Imustmakeyoupromisenottostirfrommysidethewholeday。Therearehundredsofpeoplehere，thatImustpositivelyintroduceyouto。

Youareverykind，ma’am，saidMr。Pickwick。

Inthefirstplace，herearemylittlegirls。Ihadalmostforgottenthem，saidMinerva，carelesslypointingtowardsacoupleoffull-grownyoungladies，ofwhomonemightbeabouttwenty，andtheotherayearortwoolder，andwhoweredressedinveryjuvenilecostumes——whethertomakethemlookyoung，ortheirmammayounger，Mr。Pickwickdoesnotdistinctlyinformus。

Theyareverybeautiful，saidMr。Pickwick，asthejuvenilesturnedaway，afterbeingpresented。

Theyareveryliketheirmamma，sir，saidMr。Pott，majestically。

Ohyounaughtyman，exclaimedMrs。LeoHunter，playfullytappingtheEditor’sarmwithherfan。(Minervawithafan！)

Whynow，mydearMrs。Hunter，saidMr。Pott，whowastrumpeterinordinaryattheDen，youknowthatwhenyourpicturewasintheExhibitionoftheRoyalAcademy，lastyear，everybodyinquiredwhetheritwasintendedforyou，oryouryoungestdaughter。foryouweresomuchalikethattherewasnotellingthedifferencebetweenyou。

Well，andiftheydid，whyneedyourepeatit，beforestrangers？saidMrs。LeoHunter，bestowinganothertapontheslumberinglionoftheEatanswillGazette。

Count，Count，screamedMrs。LeoHuntertoawell-whiskeredindividualinaforeignuniform，whowaspassingby。

Ah！youwantme？saidtheCount，turningback。

Iwanttointroducetwoverycleverpeopletoeachother，saidMrs。

LeoHunter。Mr。Pickwick，IhavegreatpleasureinintroducingyoutoCountSmorltork。SheaddedinahurriedwhispertoMr。Pickwick——thefamousforeigner——gatheringmaterialsforhisgreatworkonEngland——hem！——CountSmorltork，Mr。Pickwick。

Mr。PickwicksalutedtheCountwithallthereverenceduetosogreataman，andtheCountdrewforthasetoftablets。

Whatyousay，Mrs。Hunt？inquiredtheCount，smilinggraciouslyonthegratifiedMrs。LeoHunter，PigVigorBigVig——whatyoucall——Lawyer——eh？

Isee——thatisit。BigVig——andtheCountwasproceedingtoenterMr。

Pickwickinhistablets，asagentlemanofthelongrobe，whoderivedhisnamefromtheprofessiontowhichhebelonged，whenMrs。LeoHunterinterposed。

No，no，Count，saidthelady，Pick-wick。

Ah，ah，Isee，repliedtheCount。Peek——Christianname。Weeks——surname。

good，vergood。PeekWeeks。Howyoudo，Weeks？

Quitewell，Ithankyou，repliedMr。Pickwick，withallhisusualaffability。HaveyoubeenlonginEngland？

Long——verlongtime——fortnight——more。

Doyoustayherelong？

Oneweek。

Youwillhaveenoughtodo，saidMr。Pickwick，smiling，togatherallthematerialsyouwant，inthattime。

Eh，theyaregathered，saidtheCount。

Indeed！saidMr。Pickwick。

Theyarehere，addedtheCount，tappinghisforeheadsignificantly。

Largebookathome——fullofnotes——music，picture，science，poetry，poltic。

allthings。

Thewordpolitics，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，comprises，initself，adifficultstudyofnoinconsiderablemagnitude。

Ah！saidtheCount，drawingoutthetabletsagain，vergood——finewordstobeginachapter。Chapterforty-seven。Poltics。Thewordpolticsurprisesbyhimself——AnddownwentMr。Pickwick’sremark，inCountSmorltork’stablets，withsuchvariationsandadditionsastheCount’sexuberantfancysuggested，orhisimperfectknowledgeofthelanguage，occasioned。

Count，saidMrs。LeoHunter。

Mrs。Hunt，repliedtheCount。

ThisisMr。Snodgrass，afriendofMr。Pickwick’s，andapoet。

Stop，exclaimedtheCount，bringingoutthetabletsoncemore。Head，potry——chapter，literaryfriends——nameSnowgrass。vergood。IntroducedtoSnowgrass——greatpoet，friendofPeekWeeks——byMrs。Hunt，whichwroteothersweetpoem——whatisthatname？——Fog——PerspiringFog——vergood——vergoodindeed。AndtheCountputuphistablets，andwithsundrybowsandacknowledgmentswalkedaway，thoroughlysatisfiedthathehadmadethemostimportantandvaluableadditionstohisstockofinformation。

Wonderfulman，CountSmorltork，saidMrs。LeoHunter。

Soundphilosopher，saidMr。Pott。

Clear-headed，strong-mindedperson，addedMr。Snodgrass。

Achorusofby-standerstookuptheshoutofCountSmorltork’spraise，shooktheirheadssagely，andunanimouslycriedVery！

AstheenthusiasminCountSmorltork’sfavourranveryhigh，hispraisesmighthavebeensunguntiltheendofthefestivities，ifthefoursomething-eansingershadnotrangedthemselvesinfrontofasmallapple-tree，tolookpicturesque，andcommencedsingingtheirnationalsongs，whichappearedbynomeansdifficultofexecution，inasmuchasthegrandsecretseemedtobe，thatthreeofthesomething-eansingersshouldgrunt，whilethefourthhowled。Thisinterestingperformancehavingconcludedamidsttheloudplauditsofthewholecompany，aboyforthwithproceededtoentanglehimselfwiththerailsofachair，andtojumpoverit，andcrawlunderit，andfalldownwithit，anddoeverythingbutsituponit，andthentomakeacravatofhislegs，andtiethemroundhisneck，andthentoillustratetheeasewithwhichahumanbeingcanbemadetolooklikeamagnifiedtoad——allwhichfeatsyieldeddelightandsatisfactiontotheassembledspectators。Afterwhich，thevoiceofmrs。Pottwasheardtochirpfaintlyforth，somethingwhichcourtesyinterpretedintoasong，whichwasallveryclassical，andstrictlyincharacter，becauseApollowashimselfacomposer，andcomposerscanveryseldomsingtheirownmusicoranybodyelse’s，either。ThiswassucceededbyMrs。LeoHunter’srecitationofherfar-famedOdetoanExpiringFrog，whichwasencoredonce，andwouldhavebeenencoredtwice，ifthemajorpartoftheguests，whothoughtitwashightimetogetsomethingtoeat，hadnotsaidthatitwasperfectlyshamefultotakeadvantageofMrs。Hunter’sgoodnature。SoalthoughMrs。

LeoHunterprofessedherperfectwillingnesstorecitetheodeagain，herkindandconsideratefriendswouldn’thearofitonanyaccount。andtherefreshmentroombeingthrownopen，allthepeoplewhohadeverbeentherebefore，scrambledinwithallpossibledespatch：Mrs。LeoHunter’susualcourseofproceeding，being，toissuecardsforahundred，andbreakfastforfifty，orinotherwordstofeedonlytheveryparticularlions，andletthesmalleranimalstakecareofthemselves。

WhereisMr。Pott？saidMrs。LeoHunter，assheplacedtheaforesaidlionsaroundher。

HereIam，saidtheeditor，fromtheremotestendoftheroom。farbeyondallhopeoffood，unlesssomethingwasdoneforhimbythehostess。

Won’tyoucomeuphere？

Ohpraydon’tmindhim，saidMrs。Pott，inthemostobligingvoice——yougiveyourselfagreatdealofunnecessarytrouble，Mrs。Hunter。You’lldoverywellthere，won’tyou——dear。

Certainly——love，repliedtheunhappyPott，withagrimsmile。Alasfortheknout！Thenervousarmthatwieldedit，withsuchgiganticforce，onpubliccharacters，wasparalysedbeneaththeglanceoftheimperiousMrs。Pott。

Mrs。LeoHunterlookedroundherintriumph。CountSmorltorkwasbusilyengagedintakingnotesofthecontentsofthedishes。Mr。Tupmanwasdoingthehonoursofthelobstersaladtoseverallionesses，withadegreeofgracewhichnoBrigandeverexhibitedbefore。Mr。SnodgrasshavingcutouttheyounggentlemanwhocutupthebooksfortheEatanswillGazette，wasengagedinanimpassionedargumentwiththeyoungladywhodidthepoetry：andMr。Pickwickwasmakinghimselfuniversallyagreeable。Nothingseemedwantingtorendertheselectcirclecomplete，whenMr。LeoHunter——whosedepartmentontheseoccasions，wastostandaboutindoorways，andtalktothelessimportantpeople——suddenlycalledout——

Mydear。here’sMr。CharlesFitz-Marshall。

Ohdear，saidMrs。LeoHunter，howanxiouslyIhavebeenexpectinghim。Praymakeroom，toletMr。Fitz-Marshallpass。TellMr。Fitz-Marshall，mydear，tocomeuptomedirectly，tobescoldedforcomingsolate。

Coming，mydearma’am，criedavoice，asquickasIcan——crowdsofpeople——fullroom——hardwork——very。

Mr。Pickwick’sknifeandforkfellfromhishand。HestaredacrossthetableatMr。Tupman，whohaddroppedhisknifeandfork，andwaslookingasifhewereabouttosinkintothegroundwithoutfurthernotice。

Ah！criedthevoice，asitsownerpushedhiswayamongthelastfive-and-twentyTurks，officers，cavaliers，andCharlestheSeconds，thatremainedbetweenhimandthetable，regularmangle——Baker’spatent——notacreaseinmycoat，afterallthissqueezing——mighthave`gotupmylinen’asIcamealong——ha！ha！notabadidea，that——queerthingtohaveitmangledwhenit’suponone，though——tryingprocess——very。

Withthesebrokenwords，ayoungmandressedasanavalofficermadehiswayuptothetable，andpresentedtotheastonishedPickwickians，theidenticalformandfeaturesofMr。AlfredJingle。

TheoffenderhadbarelytimetotakeMrs。LeoHunter’sprofferedhand，whenhiseyesencounteredtheindignantorbsofMr。Pickwick。

Hallo！saidJingle。Quiteforgot——nodirectionstopostillion——give’ematonce——backinaminute。

Theservant，orMr。Hunterwilldoitinamoment，Mr。Fitz-Marshall，

saidMrs。LeoHunter。

No，no——I’lldoit——shan’tbelong——backinnotime，repliedJingle。

Withthesewordshedisappearedamongthecrowd。

Willyouallowmetoaskyou，ma’am，saidtheexcitedMr。Pickwick，risingfromhisseat，whothatyoungmanis，andwhereheresides！

Heisagentlemanoffortune，Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。LeoHunter，towhomIverymuchwanttointroduceyou。TheCountwillbedelightedwithhim。

Yes，yes，saidMr。Pickwick，hastily。Hisresidence——

IsatpresentattheAngelatBury。

AtBury？

AtBurySt。Edmunds，notmanymilesfromhere。Butdearme，Mr。Pickwick，youarenotgoingtoleaveus：surely，Mr。Pickwick，youcannotthinkofgoingsosoon。

ButlongbeforeMrs。LeoHunterhadfinishedspeaking，Mr。Pickwickhadplungedthroughthethrong，andreachedthegarden，whitherhewasshortlyafterwardsjoinedbyMr。Tupman，whohadfollowedhisfriendclosely。

It’sofnouse，saidMr。Tupman。Hehasgone。

Iknowit，saidMr。Pickwick，andIwillfollowhim。

Followhim！Where？inquiredMr。Tupman。

TotheAngelatBury，repliedMr。Pickwick，speakingveryquickly。

Howdoweknowwhomheisdeceivingthere？Hedeceivedaworthymanonce，andweweretheinnocentcause。Heshallnotdoitagain，ifIcanhelpit。I’llexposehim！Where’smyservant？

Hereyouare，sir，saidMr。Weller，emergingfromasequesteredspot，wherehehadbeenengagedindiscussingabottleofMadeira，whichhehadabstractedfromthebreakfast-tableanhourortwobefore。Here’syourservant，sir。Proudo’thetitle，astheLivingSkellingtonsaid，ventheyshow’dhim。

Followmeinstantly，saidMr。Pickwick。Tupman，ifIstayatBury，youcanjoinmethere，whenIwrite。Tillthen，good-bye！

Remonstranceswereuseless。Mr。Pickwickwasroused，andhismindwasmadeup。Mr。Tupmanreturnedtohiscompanions。andinanotherhourhaddrownedallpresentrecollectionofMr。AlfredJingle，orMr。CharlesFitz-Marshall，inanexhilaratingquadrilleandabottleofchampagne。Bythattime，Mr。

PickwickandSamWeller，perchedontheoutsideofastagecoach，wereeverysucceedingminuteplacingalessandlessdistancebetweenthemselvesandthegoodoldtownofBurySt。Edmunds。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter16[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXVITOOFULLOFADVENTURETOBEBRIEFLYDESCRIBED

THEREisnomonthinthewholeyear，inwhichnaturewearsamorebeautifulappearancethaninthemonthofAugust。Springhasmanybeauties，andMayisafreshandbloomingmonth，butthecharmsofthistimeofyearareenhancedbytheircontrastwiththewinterseason。

Augusthasnosuchadvantage。Itcomeswhenweremembernothingbutclearskies，greenfieldsandsweet-smellingflowers——whentherecollectionofsnow，andice，andbleakwinds，hasfadedfromourmindsascompletelyastheyhavedisappearedfromtheearth，——andyetwhatapleasanttimeitis！Orchardsandcorn-fieldsringwiththehumoflabour。treesbendbeneaththethickclustersofrichfruitwhichbowtheirbranchestotheground。andthecorn，piledingracefulsheaves，orwavingineverylightbreaththatsweepsaboveit，asifitwooedthesickle，tingesthelandscapewithagoldenhue。Amellowsoftnessappearstohangoverthewholeearth。

theinfluenceoftheseasonseemstoextenditselftotheverywaggon，whoseslowmotionacrossthewell-reapedfield，isperceptibleonlytotheeye，butstrikeswithnoharshsoundupontheear。Asthecoachrollsswiftlypastthefieldsandorchardswhichskirttheroad，groupsofwomenandchildren，pilingthefruitinsieves，orgatheringthescatteredearsofcorn，pauseforaninstantfromtheirlabour，andshadingthesun-burntfacewithastillbrownerhand，gazeuponthepassengerswithcuriouseyes，whilesomestouturchin，toosmalltowork，buttoomischievoustobeleftathome，scramblesoverthesideofthebasketinwhichhehasbeendepositedforsecurity，andkicksandscreamswithdelight。Thereaperstopsinhiswork，andstandswithfoldedarms，lookingatthevehicleasitwhirlspast。andtheroughcart-horsesbestowasleepyglanceuponthesmartcoachteam，whichsays，asplainlyasahorse’sglancecan，It’sallveryfinetolookat，butslowgoing，overaheavyfield，isbetterthanwarmworklikethat，uponadustyroad，afterall。Youcastalookbehindyou，asyouturnacorneroftheroad。Thewomenandchildrenhaveresumedtheirlabour：thereaperoncemorestoopstohiswork：thecart-horseshavemovedon：andallareagaininmotion。

Theinfluenceofascenelikethis，wasnotlostuponthewell-regulatedmindofMr。Pickwick。Intentupontheresolutionhehadformed，ofexposingtherealcharacterofthenefariousJingle，inanyquarterinwhichhemightbepursuinghisfraudulentdesigns，hesatatfirsttaciturnandcontemplative，broodingoverthemeansbywhichhispurposecouldbebestattained。Bydegreeshisattentiongrewmoreandmoreattractedbytheobjectsaroundhim。andatlasthederivedasmuchenjoymentfromtheride，asifithadbeenundertakenforthepleasantestreasonintheworld。

Delightfulprospect，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。

Beatsthechimleypots，sir，repliedMr。Weller，touchinghishat。

Isupposeyouhavehardlyseenanythingbutchimney-potsandbricksandmortarallyourlife，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，smiling。

Iworn’talwaysaboots，sir，saidMr。Weller，withashakeofthehead。Iwosavagginer’sboy，once。

Whenwasthat？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

WhenIwosfirstpitchedneckandcropintotheworld，toplayatleap-frogwithitstroubles，repliedSam。Iwosacarrier’sboyatstartin’：thenavagginer’s，thenahelper，thenaboots。NowI’magen’l’m’n’sservant。

Ishallbeagen’l’m’nmyselfoneofthesedays，perhaps，withapipeinmymouth，andasummer-houseinthebackgarden。Whoknows？Ishouldn’tbesurprised，forone。

Youarequiteaphilosopher，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。

Itrunsinthefamily，Ib’lieve，sir，repliedMr。Weller。

Myfather’swerymuchinthatline，now。Ifmymother-in-lawblowshimup，hewhistles。Shefliesinapassion，andbreakshispipe。hestepsout，andgetsanother。Thenshescreamsveryloud，andfallsinto’sterics：

andhesmokeswerycomfortably’tillshecomestoagin。That’sphilosophy，sir，an’tit？

Averygoodsubstituteforit，atallevents，repliedMr。Pickwick，laughing。Itmusthavebeenofgreatservicetoyou，inthecourseofyourramblinglife，Sam。

Service，sir，exclaimedSam。Youmaysaythat。ArterIrunawayfromthecarrier，andaforeItookupwiththevagginer，Ihadunfurnishedlodgin’sforafortnight。

Unfurnishedlodgings？saidMr。Pickwick。

Yes——thedryarchesofWaterlooBridge。Finesleeping-place——withintenminutes’walkofallthepublicoffices——onlyifthereisanyobjectiontoit，itisthatthesitivation’sraythertooairy。Iseesomequeersightsthere。

Ah，Isupposeyoudid，saidMr。Pickwick，withanairofconsiderableinterest。

Sights，sir，resumedMr。Weller，as’udpenetrateyourbenevolentheart，andcomeoutontheotherside。Youdon’tseethereg’larwagrantsthere。trust’em，theyknowsbetterthanthat。Youngbeggars，maleandfemale，ashasn’tmadeariseintheirprofession，takesuptheirquarterstheresometimes。butit’sgenerallytheworn-out，starving，houselesscreetursasrollsthemselvesinthedarkcornerso’themlonesomeplaces——poorcreetursasan’tuptothetwopennyrope。

And，pray，Sam，whatisthetwopennyrope？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Thetwopennyrope，sir，repliedMr。Weller，isjustacheaplodgin’

house，wherethebedsistwopenceanight。

Whatdotheycallabedaropefor？saidMr。Pickwick。

Blessyourinnocence，sir，thata’ntit，repliedSam。Wentheladyandgen’l’m’naskeepstheHot-elfirstbegunbusinesstheyusedtomakethebedsonthefloor。butthiswouldn’tdoatnoprice，’cosinsteado’

takingamoderatetwo-penn’ortho’sleep，thelodgersusedtolietherehalftheday。Sonowtheyhastworopes，’boutsixfootapart，andthreefromthefloor，whichgoesrightdowntheroom。andthebedsaremadeofslipsofcoarsesacking，stretchedacross’em。

Well，saidMr。Pickwick。

Well，saidMr。Weller，theadwantageo’theplan’shobvious。Atsixo’clockeverymornin’theyletsgotheropesatoneend，anddownfallsallthelodgers。’Consequenceis，thatbeingthoroughlywaked，theygetupweryquietly，andwalkaway！Begyourpardon，sir，saidSam，suddenlybreakingoffinhisloquaciousdiscourse。IsthisBurySt。Edmunds？

Itis，repliedMr。Pickwick。

Thecoachrattledthroughthewell-pavedstreetsofahandsomelittletown，ofthrivingandcleanlyappearance，andstoppedbeforealargeinnsituatedinawideopenstreet，nearlyfacingtheoldabbey。

Andthis，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingup，istheAngel！Wealighthere，Sam。Butsomecautionisnecessary。Orderaprivateroom，anddonotmentionmyname。Youunderstand。

Rightasatrivet，sir，repliedMr。Weller，withawinkofintelligence。

andhavingdraggedMr。Pickwick’sportmanteaufromthehindboot，intowhichithadbeenhastilythrownwhentheyjoinedthecoachatEatanswill，Mr。Wellerdisappearedonhiserrand。Aprivateroomwasspeedilyengaged。

andintoitMr。Pickwickwasusheredwithoutdelay。

Now，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，thefirstthingtobedoneisto——

Orderdinner，sir，interposedMr。Weller。It’swerylate，sir。

Ah，soitis，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingathiswatch。Youareright，Sam。

AndifImightadwise，sir，addedMr。Weller，I’djusthaveagoodnight’srestarterwards，andnotbegininquiringarterthisheredeep’un’tillthemornin’。There’snothin’sorefreshin’assleep，sir，astheservant-girlsaidaforeshedranktheegg-cupfulo’laudanum。

Ithinkyouareright，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。ButImustfirstascertainthatheisinthehouse，andnotlikelytogoaway。

Leavethattome，sir，saidSam。Letmeorderyouasnuglittledinner，andmakeanyinquiriesbelowwhileit’sagettingready。Icouldwormev’rysecretouto’theboots’sheart，infiveminutes，sir。

Doso，saidMr。Pickwick：andMr。Welleratonceretired。

Inhalfanhour，Mr。Pickwickwasseatedataverysatisfactorydinner。

andinthree-quartersMr。WellerreturnedwiththeintelligencethatMr。

CharlesFitz-Marshallhadorderedhisprivateroomtoberetainedforhim，untilfurthernotice。Hewasgoingtospendtheeveningatsomeprivatehouseintheneighbourhood，hadorderedthebootstositupuntilhisreturn，andhadtakenhisservantwithhim。

Now，sir，arguedMr。Weller，whenhehadconcludedhisreport，ifIcangetatalkwiththishereservantinthemornin’，he’lltellmeallhismaster’sconcerns。

Howdoyouknowthat？interposedMr。Pickwick。

Blessyourheart，sir，servantsalwaysdo，repliedMr。Weller。

Oh，ah，Iforgotthat，saidMr。Pickwick。Well。

Thenyoucanarrangewhat’sbesttobedone，sir，andwecanactaccording。

Asitappearedthatthiswasthebestarrangementthatcouldbemade，itwasfinallyagreedupon。Mr。Weller，byhismaster’spermission，retiredtospendtheeveninginhisownway。andwasshortlyafterwardselected，bytheunanimousvoiceoftheassembledcompany，intothetap-roomchair，inwhichhonourablepostheacquittedhimselfsomuchtothesatisfactionofthegentlemen-frequenters，thattheirroarsoflaughterandapprobationpenetratedtoMr。Pickwick’sbed-room，andshortenedthetermofhisnaturalrestbyatleastthreehours。

Earlyontheensuingmorning，Mr。Wellerwasdispellingallthefeverishremainsofthepreviousevening’sconviviality，throughtheinstrumentalityofahalfpennyshower-bath(havinginducedayounggentlemanattachedtothestable-department，bytheofferofthatcoin，topumpoverhisheadandface，untilhewasperfectlyrestored)，whenhewasattractedbytheappearanceofayoungfellowinmulberry-colouredlivery，whowassittingonabenchintheyard，readingwhatappearedtobeahymn-book，withanairofdeepabstraction，butwhooccasionallystoleaglanceattheindividualunderthepump，asifhetooksomeinterestinhisproceedings，nevertheless。

You’rearum’untolookat，youare！thoughtMr。Weller，thefirsttimehiseyesencounteredtheglanceofthestrangerinthemulberrysuit：

whohadalarge，sallow，uglyface，verysunkeneyes，andagigantichead，fromwhichdependedaquantityoflankblackhair。You’rearum’un！

thoughtMr。Weller。andthinkingthis，hewentonwashinghimself，andthoughtnomoreabouthim。

Stillthemankeptglancingfromhishymn-booktoSam，andfromSamtohishymn-book，asifhewantedtoopenaconversation。Soatlast，Sam，bywayofgivinghimanopportunity，saidwithafamiliarnod——

Howareyou，governor？

Iamhappytosay，Iamprettywell，sir，saidtheman，speakingwithgreatdeliberation，andclosingthebook。Ihopeyouarethesame，sir？

WhyifIfeltlesslikeawalkingbrandy-bottle，Ishouldn’tbequitesostaggerythismornin’，repliedSam。Areyoustoppin’inthishouse，old’un？

Themulberrymanrepliedintheaffirmative。

Howwasit，youworn’toneofus，lastnight？inquiredSam，scrubbinghisfacewiththetowel。Youseemoneofthejollysort——looksasconwivialasalivetroutinalinebasket，addedMr。Weller，inanundertone。

Iwasoutlastnight，withmymaster，repliedthestranger。

What’shisname？inquiredMr。Weller，colouringupveryredwithsuddenexcitement，andthefrictionofthetowelcombined。

Fitz-Marshall，saidthemulberryman。

Giveusyourhand，saidMr。Weller，advancing。Ishouldliketoknowyou。Ilikeyourappearance，oldfellow。

Well，thatisverystrange，saidthemulberryman，withgreatsimplicityofmanner。Ilikeyour’ssomuch，thatIwantedtospeaktoyou，fromtheveryfirstmomentIsawyouunderthepump。

Didyouthough？

Uponmyword。Now，isn’tthatcurious？

Werysing’ler，saidSam，inwardlycongratulatinghimselfuponthesoftnessofthestranger。What’syourname，mypatriarch？

Job。

Andawerygoodnameitis——onlyoneIknow，thatain’tgotanicknametoit。What’stheothername？

Trotter，saidthestranger。Whatisyours？

Samboreinmindhismaster’scaution，andreplied——

Myname’sWalker。mymaster’sname’sWilkins。Willyoutakeadropo’somethin’thismornin’，Mr。Trotter？

Mr。Trotteracquiescedinthisagreeableproposal：andhavingdepositedhisbookinhiscoat-pocket，accompaniedMr。Wellertothetap，wheretheyweresoonoccupiedindiscussinganexhilaratingcompound，formedbymixingtogether，inapewtervessel，certainquantitiesofBritishHollands，andthefragrantessenceoftheclove。

Andwhatsortofaplacehaveyougot？inquiredSam，ashefilledhiscompanion’sglass，forthesecondtime。

Bad，saidJob，smackinghislips，verybad。

Youdon’tmeanthat？saidSam。

Ido，indeed。Worsethanthat，mymaster’sgoingtobemarried。

No。

Yes。andworsethanthat，too，he’sgoingtorunawaywithanimmenserichheiress，fromboarding-school。

Whatadragon！saidSam，refillinghiscompanion’sglass。It’ssomeboarding-schoolinthistown，Isuppose，a’ntit？

Now，althoughthisquestionwasputinthemostcarelesstoneimaginable，Mr。JobTrotterplainlyshowedbygestures，thatheperceivedhisnewfriend’sanxietytodrawforthananswertoit。Heemptiedhisglass，lookedmysteriouslyathiscompanion，winkedbothofhissmalleyes，oneaftertheother，andfinallymadeamotionwithhisarm，asifhewereworkinganimaginarypump-handle：therebyintimatingthathe(Mr。Trotter)consideredhimselfasundergoingtheprocessofbeingpumped，byMr。SamuelWeller。

No，no，saidMr。Trotter，inconclusion，that’snottobetoldtoeverybody。Thatisasecret——agreatsecret，Mr。Walker。

Asthemulberrymansaidthis，heturnedhisglassupsidedown，asameansofremindinghiscompanionthathehadnothingleftwherewithtoslakehisthirst。Samobservedthehint。andfeelingthedelicatemannerinwhichitwasconveyed，orderedthepewtervesseltoberefilled，whereatthesmalleyesofthemulberrymanglistened。

Andsoit’sasecret？saidSam。

Ishouldrathersuspectitwas，saidthemulberryman，sippinghisliquor，withacomplacentface。

Isupposeyourmas’r’sweryrich？saidSam。

Mr。Trottersmiled，andholdinghisglassinhislefthand，gavefourdistinctslapsonthepocketofhismulberryindescribableswithhisright，asiftointimatethathismastermighthavedonethesamewithoutalarminganybodymuchbythechinkingofcoin。

Ah，saidSam，that’sthegame，isit？

Themulberrymannoddedsignificantly。

Well，anddon’tyouthink，oldfeller，remonstratedMr。Weller，thatifyouletyourmastertakeinthishereyounglady，you’reapreciousrascal？

Iknowthat，saidJobTrotter，turninguponhiscompanionacountenanceofdeepcontrition，andgroaningslightly。Iknowthat，andthat’swhatitisthatpreysuponmymind。ButwhatamItodo？

Do！saidSam。di-wulgetothemissis，andgiveupyourmaster。

Who’dbelieveme？repliedJobTrotter。Theyounglady’sconsideredtheverypictureofinnocenceanddiscretion。She’ddenyit，andsowouldmymaster。Who’dbelieveme？Ishouldlosemyplace，andgetindicatedforaconspiracy，orsomesuchthing。that’sallIshouldtakebymymotion。

There’ssomethin’inthat，saidSam，ruminating。there’ssomethin’

inthat。

IfIknewanyrespectablegentlemanwhowouldtakethematterup，

continuedMr。Trotter，Imighthavesomehopeofpreventingtheelopement。

butthere’sthesamedifficulty，Mr。Walker，justthesame。Iknownogentlemaninthisstrangeplace，andtentooneifIdid，whetherhewouldbelievemystory。

Comethisway，saidSam，suddenlyjumpingup，andgraspingthemulberrymanbythearm。Mymas’r’sthemanyouwant，Isee。AndafteraslightresistanceonthepartofJobTrotter，Samledhisnewly-foundfriendtotheapartmentofMr。Pickwick，towhomhepresentedhim，togetherwithabriefsummaryofthedialoguewehavejustrepeated。

Iamverysorrytobetraymymaster，sir，saidJobTrotter，applyingtohiseyesapinkcheckedpockethandkerchiefaboutsixinchessquare。

Thefeelingdoesyouagreatdealofhonour，repliedMr。Pickwick。

butitisyourduty，nevertheless。

Iknowitismyduty，sir，repliedJob，withgreatemotion。Weshouldalltrytodischargeourduty，sir，andIhumblyendeavourtodischargemine，sir。butitisahardtrialtobetrayamaster，sir，whoseclothesyouwear，andwhosebreadyoueat，eventhoughheisascoundrel，sir。

Youareaverygoodfellow，saidMr。Pickwick，muchaffected，anhonestfellow。

Come，come，interposedSam，whohadwitnessedMr。Trotter’stearswithconsiderableimpatience，blowthisherewater-cartbis’ness。Itwon’tdonogood，thiswon’t。

Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，reproachfully，Iamsorrytofindthatyouhavesolittlerespectforthisyoungman’sfeelings。

Hisfeelin’sisallwerywell，sir，repliedMr。Weller。andasthey’resoweryfine，andit’sapityheshouldlose’em，Ithinkhe’dbetterkeep’eminhisownbuzzum，thanlet’emewaporateinhotwater，’speciallyastheydonogood。Tearsneveryetwoundupaclock，orworkedasteamingen’。Thenexttimeyougoouttoasmokingparty，youngfellow，fillyourpipewiththat’erereflection。andforthepresentjustputthatbitofpinkginghamintoyourpocket。’T’an’tsohandsomethatyouneedkeepwavingitabout，asifyouwasatight-ropedancer。

Mymanisintheright，saidMr。Pickwick，accostingJob，althoughhismodeofexpressinghisopinionissomewhathomely，andoccasionallyincomprehensible。

Heis，sir，veryright，saidMr。Trotter，andIwillgivewaynolonger。

Verywell，saidMr。Pickwick。Now，whereisthisboarding-school？

Itisalarge，old，red-brickhouse，justoutsidethetown，sir，repliedJobTrotter。

Andwhen，saidMr。Pickwick，whenisthisvillainousdesigntobecarriedintoexecution——whenisthiselopementtotakeplace？

To-night，sir，repliedJob。

To-night！exclaimedMr。Pickwick。

Thisverynight，sir，repliedJobTrotter。Thatiswhatalarmsmesomuch。

Instantmeasuresmustbetaken，saidMr。Pickwick。Iwillseetheladywhokeepstheestablishmentimmediately。

Ibegyourpardon，sir，saidJob，butthatcourseofproceedingwillneverdo。

Whynot？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Mymaster，sir，isaveryartfulman。

Iknowheis，saidMr。Pickwick。