第25章

Whilethisdialoguewasgoingon，thedriverwasmostignominiouslyleadingthehorse，bythebridle，uptothehousewiththereddoor，whichMasterBardellhadalreadyopened。Herewasameanandlowwayofarrivingatafriend’shouse！Nodashingup，withallthefireandfuryoftheanimal。

nojumpingdownofthedriver。noloudknockingatthedoor。noopeningoftheapronwithacrashattheverylastmoment，forfearoftheladiessittinginadraughtandthenthemanhandingtheshawlsout，afterwards，asifhewereaprivatecoachman！Thewholeedgeofthethinghadbeentakenoff。itwasflatterthanwalking。

Well，Tommy，saidMrs。Cluppins，How’syourpoordearmother？

Oh，she’sverywell，repliedMasterBardell。She’sinthefrontparlour，allready。I’mreadytoo，Iam。HereMasterBardellputhishandsinhispockets，andjumpedoffandonthebottomstepofthedoor。

Isanybodyelseagoin’，Tommy？saidMrs。Cluppins，arrangingherpelerine。

Mrs。Sandersisgoing，sheis，repliedTommy。I’mgoingtoo，Iam。

Drattheboy，saidlittleMrs。Cluppins。Hethinksofnobodybuthimself。Here，Tommy，dear。

Well，saidMasterBardell。

Whoelseisagoin’，lovey？saidMrs。Cluppinsinaninsinuatingmanner。

Oh！Mrs。Rogersisagoin’，repliedMasterBardell，openinghiseyesverywideashedeliveredtheintelligence。

What！Theladyashastakenthelodgings！ejaculatedMrs。Cluppins。

MasterBardellputhishandsdeeperdownintohispockets，andnoddedexactlythirty-fivetimes，toimplythatitwastheladylodger，andnoother。

Blessus！saidMrs。Cluppins。It’squiteaparty！

Ah，ifyouknewwhatwasinthecupboard，you’dsayso，repliedMasterBardell。

Whatisthere，Tommy？saidMrs。Cluppins，coaxingly。You’lltellme，Tommy，Iknow。

No，Iwon’t，repliedMasterBardell，shakinghishead，andapplyinghimselftothebottomstepagain。

Dratthechild！mutteredMrs。Cluppins。Whataprowokin’littlewretchitis！Come，Tommy，tellyourdearCluppy。

MothersaidIwasn’tto，rejoinedMasterBardell。I’magoin’tohavesome，Iam。Cheeredbythisprospect，theprecociousboyappliedhimselftohisinfantiletreadmill，withincreasedvigour。

Theaboveexaminationofachildoftenderyears，tookplacewhileMr。

andMrs。Raddleandthecab-driverwerehavinganaltercationconcerningthefare：which，terminatingatthispointinfavourofthecabman，Mrs。

Raddlecameuptottering。

Lauk，MaryAnn！what’sthematter？saidMrs。Cluppins。

It’sputmealloverinsuchatremble，Betsy，repliedMrs。Raddle。

Raddleain’tlikeaman。heleavesevery-thinktome。

ThiswasscarcelyfairupontheunfortunateMr。Raddle，whohadbeenthrustasidebyhisgoodladyinthecommencementofthedispute，andperemptorilycommandedtoholdhistongue。Hehadnoopportunityofdefendinghimself，however，forMrs。Raddlegaveunequivocalsignsoffainting。which，beingperceivedfromtheparlourwindow，Mrs。Bardell，Mrs。Sanders，thelodger，andthelodger’sservant，dartedprecipitatelyout，andconveyedherintothehouse：alltalkingatthesametime，andgivingutterancetovariousexpressionsofpityandcondolence，asifshewereoneofthemostsufferingmortalsonearth。Beingconveyedintothefrontparlour，shewastheredepositedonasofa。andtheladyfromthefirstfloorrunninguptothefirstfloor，returnedwithabottleofsalvolatile，which，holdingMrs。Raddletightroundtheneck，sheappliedinallwomanlykindnessandpitytohernose，untilthatladywithmanyplungesandstruggleswasfaintodeclareherselfdecidedlybetter。

Ah，poorthing！saidMrs。Rogers，Iknowwhatherfeelin’sis，toowell。

Ah，poorthing！sodoI，saidMrs。Sanders：andthenalltheladiesmoanedinunison，andsaidtheyknewwhatitwas，andtheypitiedherfromtheirhearts，theydid。Eventhelodger’slittleservant，whowasthirteenyearsold，andthreefeethigh，murmuredhersympathy。

Butwhat’sbeenthematter？saidMrs。Bardell。

Ah，whathasdecomposedyou，ma’am？inquiredMrs。Rogers。

Ihavebeenagooddealflurried，repliedMrs。Raddle，inareproachfulmanner。ThereupontheladiescastindignantlooksatMr。Raddle。

Why，thefactis，saidthatunhappygentleman，steppingforward，whenwealightedatthisdoor，adisputearosewiththedriverofthecabrioily——

Aloudscreamfromhiswife，atthementionofthisword，renderedallfurtherexplanationinaudible。

You’dbetterleaveustobringherround，Raddle，saidMrs。Cluppins。

She’llnevergetbetteraslongasyou’rehere。

Alltheladiesconcurredinthisopinion。soMr。Raddlewaspushedoutoftheroom，andrequestedtogivehimselfanairinginthebackyard。

Whichhedidforaboutaquarterofanhour，whenMrs。Bardellannouncedtohimwithasolemnfacethathemightcomeinnow，butthathemustbeverycarefulhowhebehavedtowardshiswife。Sheknewhedidn’tmeantobeunkind。butMaryAnnwasveryfarfromstrong，and，ifhedidn’ttakecare，hemightloseherwhenheleastexpectedit，whichwouldbeaverydreadfulreflectionforhimafterwards。andsoon。Allthis，Mr。Raddleheardwithgreatsubmission，andpresentlyreturnedtotheparlourinamostlamb-likemanner。

Why，Mrs。Rogers，ma’am，saidMrs。Bardell，you’veneverbeenintroduced，Ideclare！Mr。Raddle，ma’am。Mrs。Cluppins，ma’am。Mrs。Raddle，ma’am——

WhichisMrs。Cluppin’ssister，suggestedMrs。Sanders。

Oh，indeed！saidMrs。Rogers，graciously。forshewasthelodger，andherservantwasinwaiting，soshewasmoregraciousthanintimate，inrightofherposition。Oh，indeed！

Mrs。Raddlesmiledsweetly，Mr。Raddlebowed，andMrs。Cluppinssaidshewassureshewasveryhappytohaveaopportunityofbeingknowntoaladywhichshehadheerdsomuchinfavourof，asMrs。Rogers。Acomplimentwhichthelast-namedladyacknowledgedwithgracefulcondescension。

Well，Mr。Raddle，saidMrs。Bardell。I’msureyououghttofeelverymuchhonouredatyouandTommybeingtheonlygentlementoescortsomanyladiesallthewaytotheSpaniards，atHampstead。Don’tyouthinkheought，Mrs。Rogers，ma’am？

Oh，certainly，ma’am，repliedMrs。Rogers。afterwhomalltheotherladiesrespondedOh，certainly。

OfcourseIfeelit，ma’am，saidMr。Raddle，rubbinghishands，andevincingaslighttendencytobrightenupalittle。Indeed，totellyouthetruth，Isaid，aswewasacomingalonginthecabrioily——

Attherecapitulationofthewordwhichawakenedsomanypainfulrecollections，Mrs。Raddleappliedherhandkerchieftohereyesagain，andutteredahalf-suppressedscream。soMrs。BardellfrowneduponMr。Raddle，tointimatethathehadbetternotsayanythingmore，anddesiredMrs。Rogers’sservant，withanair，toputthewineon。

Thiswasthesignalfordisplayingthehiddentreasuresofthecloset，whichcomprisedsundryplatesoforangesandbiscuits，andabottleofoldcrustedport——thatatoneandnone——withanotherofthecelebratedEastIndiasherryatfourteenpence，whichwereallproducedinhonourofthelodger，andaffordedunlimitedsatisfactiontoeverybody。AftergreatconsternationhadbeenexcitedinthemindofMrs。Cluppins，byanattemptonthepartofTommytorecounthowhehadbeencross-examinedregardingthecupboardtheninaction(whichwasfortunatelynippedinthebudbyhisimbibinghalfaglassoftheoldcrustedthewrongway，andtherebyendangeringhislifeforsomeseconds)，thepartywalkedforth，inquestofaHampsteadstage。Thiswassoonfound，andinacoupleofhourstheyallarrivedsafelyintheSpaniardsTea-gardens，wherethelucklessMr。

Raddle’sveryfirstactnearlyoccasionedhisgoodladyarelapse。itbeingneithermorenorlessthantoorderteaforseven，whereas(astheladiesoneandallremarked)，whatcouldhavebeeneasierthanforTommytohavedrankoutofanybody’scup——oreverybody’s，ifthatwasall——whenthewaiterwasn’tlooking：whichwouldhavesavedoneheadoftea，andtheteajustasgood！

However，therewasnohelpforit，andthetea-traycame，withsevencupsandsaucers，andbreadandbutteronthesamescale。Mrs。Bardellwasunanimouslyvotedintothechair，andMrs。Rogersbeingstationedonherrighthand，andMrs。Raddleonherleft，themealproceededwithgreatmerrimentandsuccess。

Howsweetthecountryis，to-be-sure！sighedMrs。Rogers。IalmostwishIlivedinitalways。

Oh，youwouldn’tlikethat，ma’am，repliedMrs。Bardell，ratherhastily。

foritwasnotatalladvisable，withreferencetothelodgings，toencouragesuchnotions。youwouldn’tlikeit，ma’am。

Oh！Ishouldthinkyouwasadealtoolivelyandsought-after，tobecontentwiththecountry，ma’am，saidlittleMrs。Cluppins。

PerhapsIam，ma’am。PerhapsIam，sighedthefirst-floorlodger。

Forlonepeopleashavegotnobodytocareforthem，ortakecareofthem，orashavebeenhurtintheirmind，orthatkindofthing，observedMr。Raddle，pluckingupalittlecheerfulness，andlookinground，thecountryisallverywell。Thecountryforawoundedspirit，theysay。

Now，ofallthingsintheworldthattheunfortunatemancouldhavesaid，anywouldhavebeenpreferabletothis。OfcourseMrs。Bardellburstintotears，andrequestedtobeledfromthetableinstantly。uponwhichtheaffectionatechildbegantocrytoo，mostdismally。

Wouldanybodybelieve，ma’am，exclaimedMrs。Raddle，turningfiercelytothefirst-floorlodger，thatawomancouldbemarriedtosuchaunmanlycreetur，whichcantamperwithawoman’sfeelingsashedoes，everyhourintheday，ma’am？

Mydear，remonstratedMr。Raddle，Ididn’tmeananything，mydear。

Youdidn’tmean！repeatedMrs。Raddle，withgreatscornandcontempt。

Goaway。Ican’tbearthesightonyou，youbrute。

Youmustnotflurryyourself，MaryAnn，interposedMrs。Cluppins。

Youreallymustconsideryourself，mydear，whichyouneverdo。Nowgoaway，Raddle，there’sagoodsoul，oryou’llonlyaggravateher。

Youhadbettertakeyourteabyyourself，sir，indeed，saidMrs。Rogers，againapplyingthesmelling-bottle。

Mrs。Sanders，whoaccordingtocustomwasverybusywiththebreadandbutter，expressedthesameopinion，andMr。Raddlequietlyretired。

Afterthis，therewasagreathoistingupofMasterBardell，whowasratheralargesizeforhugging，intohismother’sarms：inwhichoperationhegothisbootsinthetea-board，andoccasionedsomeconfusionamongthecupsandsaucers。Butthatdescriptionoffaintingfits，whichiscontagiousamongladies，seldomlastslong。sowhenhehadbeenwellkissed，andalittlecriedover，Mrs。Bardellrecovered，sethimdownagain，wonderedhowshecouldhavebeensofoolish，andpouredoutsomemoretea。

Itwasatthismoment，thatthesoundofapproachingwheelswasheard，andthattheladies，lookingup，sawahackney-coachstopatthegarden-gate。

Morecompany！saidMrs。Sanders。

It’sagentleman，saidMrs。Raddle。

Well，ifitain’tMr。Jackson，theyoungmanfromDodsonandFogg’s！

criedMrs。Bardell。Why，gracious！SurelyMr。Pickwickcan’thavepaidthedamages。

Orhofferedmarriage！saidMrs。Cluppins。

Dearme，howslowthegentlemanis，exclaimedMrs。Rogers：Whydoesn’themakehaste？

Astheladyspokethesewords，Mr。Jacksonturnedfromthecoachwherehehadbeenaddressingsomeobservationstoashabbymaninblackleggings，whohadjustemergedfromthevehiclewithathickashstickinhishand，andmadehiswaytotheplacewheretheladieswereseated。windinghishairroundthebrimofhishatashecamealong。

Isanythingthematter？Hasanythingtakenplace，Mr。Jackson？saidMrs。Bardell，eagerly。

Nothingwhatever，ma’am，repliedMr。Jackson。Howdedo，ladies？

Ihavetoaskpardon，ladies，forintruding——butthelaw，ladies——thelaw。

WiththisapologyMr。Jacksonsmiled，madeacomprehensivebow，andgavehishairanotherwind。Mrs。RogerswhisperedMrs。Raddlethathewasreallyaelegantyoungman。

IcalledinGoswellStreet，resumedJackson，andhearingthatyouwerehere，fromtheslavey，tookacoachandcameon。Ourpeoplewantyoudowninthecitydirectly，Mrs。Bardell。

Lor’！ejaculatedthatlady，startingatthesuddennatureofthecommunication。

Yes，saidJackson，bitinghislip。It’sveryimportantandpressingbusiness，whichcan’tbepostponedonanyaccount。Indeed，Dodsonexpresslysaidsotome，andsodidFogg。I’vekeptthecoachonpurposeforyoutogobackin。

Howverystrange！exclaimedMrs。Bardell。

Theladiesagreedthatitwasverystrange，butwereunanimouslyofopinionthatitmustbeveryimportant，orDodsonandFoggwouldneverhavesent。andfurther，thatthebusinessbeingurgent，sheoughttorepairtoDodsonandFogg’swithoutanydelay。

Therewasacertaindegreeofprideandimportanceaboutbeingwantedbyone’slawyersinsuchamonstroushurry，thatwasbynomeansdispleasingtoMrs。Bardell，especiallyasitmightbereasonablysupposedtoenhanceherconsequenceintheeyesofthefirst-floorlodger。Shesimperedalittle，affectedextremevexationandhesitation，andatlastarrivedattheconclusionthatshesupposedshemustgo。

Butwon’tyourefreshyourselfafteryourwalk，Mr。Jackson？saidMrs。Bardell，persuasively。

Why，reallythereain’tmuchtimetolose，repliedJackson。andI’vegotafriendhere，hecontinued，lookingtowardsthemanwiththeashstick。

Oh，askyourfriendtocomehere，sir，saidMrs。Bardell。Prayaskyourfriendhere，sir。

Why，thank’ee，I’drathernot，saidMr。Jackson，withsomeembarrassmentofmanner。He’snotmuchusedtoladies’society，anditmakeshimbashful。

Ifyou’llorderthewaitertodeliverhimanythingshort，hewon’tdrinkitoffatonce，won’the！——onlytryhim！Mr。Jackson’sfingerswanderedplayfullyroundhisnose，atthisportionofhisdiscourse，towarnhishearersthathewasspeakingironically。

Thewaiterwasatoncedespatchedtothebashfulgentleman，andthebashfulgentlemantooksomething。Mr。Jacksonalsotooksomething，andtheladiestooksomething，forhospitality’ssake。Mr。Jacksonthensaidhewasafraiditwastimetogo。uponwhich，Mrs。Sanders，Mrs。Cluppins，andTommy(whoitwasarrangedshouldaccompanyMrs。Bardell：leavingtheotherstoMr。Raddle’sprotection)，gotintothecoach。

Isaac，saidJackson，asMrs。Bardellpreparedtogetin：lookingupatthemanwiththeashstick，whowasseatedonthebox，smokingacigar。

Well？

ThisisMrs。Bardell。

Oh，Iknow’dthat，longago，saidtheman。

Mrs。Bardellgotin，Mr。Jacksongotinafterher，andawaytheydrove。

Mrs。BardellcouldnothelpruminatingonwhatMr。Jackson’sfriendhadsaid。Shrewdcreatures，thoselawyers。Lordblessus，howtheyfindpeopleout！

Sadthingaboutthesecostsofourpeople’s，ain’tit？saidJackson，whenMrs。CluppinsandMrs。Sandershadfallenasleep。yourbillofcosts，Imean。

I’mverysorrytheycan’tgetthem，repliedMrs。Bardell。Butifyoulaw-gentlemendothesethingsonspeculation，whyyoumustgetalossnowandthen，youknow。

Yougavethemacognovitfortheamountofyourcosts，afterthetrial，I’mtold？saidJackson。

Yes。Justasamatterofform，repliedMrs。Bardell。

Certainly，repliedJackson，drily。Quiteamatterofform。Quite。

Ontheydrove，andMrs。Bardellfellasleep。Shewasawakened，aftersometime，bythestoppingofthecoach。

Blessus！saidthelady。AreweatFreeman’sCourt？

We’renotgoingquitesofar，repliedJackson。Havethegoodnesstostepout。

Mrs。Bardell，notyetthoroughlyawake，complied。Itwasacuriousplace：

alargewall，withagateinthemiddle，andagas-lightburninginside。

Now，ladies，criedthemanwiththeashstick，lookingintothecoach，andshakingMrs。Sanderstowakeher，Come！Rousingherfriend，Mrs。

Sandersalighted。Mrs。Bardell，leaningonJackson’sarm，andleadingTommybythehand，hadalreadyenteredtheporch。Theyfollowed。

Theroomtheyturnedinto，wasevenmoreodd-lookingthantheporch。

Suchanumberofmenstandingabout！Andtheystaredso！

Whatplaceisthis？inquiredMrs。Bardell，pausing。

Onlyoneofourpublicoffices，repliedJackson，hurryingherthroughadoor，andlookingroundtoseethattheotherwomenwerefollowing。Looksharp，Isaac！

Safeandsound，repliedthemanwiththeashstick。Thedoorswungheavilyafterthem，andtheydescendedasmallflightofsteps。

Hereweare，atlast。Allrightandtight，Mrs。Bardell！saidJackson，lookingexultinglyround。

Whatdoyoumean？saidMrs。Bardell，withapalpitatingheart。

Justthis，repliedJackson，drawingheralittleononeside。don’tbefrightened，Mrs。Bardell。ThereneverwasamoredelicatemanthanDodson，ma’am，oramorehumanemanthanFogg。Itwastheirduty，inthewayofbusiness，totakeyouinexecutionforthemcosts。buttheywereanxioustospareyourfeelingsasmuchastheycould。Whatacomfortitmustbe，toyou，tothinkhowit’sbeendone！ThisistheFleet，ma’am。Wishyougoodnight，Mrs。Bardell。Goodnight，Tommy！

AsJacksonhurriedawayincompanywiththemanwiththeashstick，anothermanwithakeyinhishand，whohadbeenlookingon，ledthebewilderedfemaletoasecondshortflightofstepsleadingtoadoorway。Mrs。Bardellscreamedviolently。Tommyroared。Mrs。Cluppinsshrunkwithinherself。

andMrs。Sandersmadeoffwithoutmoreado。For，there，stoodtheinjuredMr。Pickwick，takinghisnightlyallowanceofair。andbesidehimleantSamuelWeller，who，seeingMrs。Bardell，tookhishatoffwithmockreverence，whilehismasterturnedindignantlyonhisheel。

Don’tbotherthewoman，saidtheturnkeytoWeller：she’sjustcomein。

Apris’ner！saidSam，quicklyreplacinghishat。Who’stheplaintives？

Whatfor？Speakup，oldfeller。

DodsonandFogg，repliedtheman。executiononcognovitforcosts。

HereJob，Job！shoutedSam，dashingintothepassage。RuntoMr。

Perker’s，Job。Iwanthimdirectly。Iseesomegoodinthis。Here’sagame。Hooray！were’sthegov’nor？

Buttherewasnoreplytotheseinquiries，forJobhadstartedfuriouslyoff，theinstanthereceivedhiscommission，andMrs。Bardellhadfaintedinrealdownrightearnest。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter47[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXLVIIISCHIEFLYDEVOTEDTOMATTERSOFBUSINESS，ANDTHE

TEMPORALADVANTAGEOFDODSONANDFOGG。MR。WINKLERE-APPEARSUNDEREXTRAORDINARY

CIRCUMSTANCES。MR。PICKWICK’SBENEVOLENCEPROVESSTRONGERTHANHISOBSTINACY

JOBTROTTER，abatingnothingofhisspeed，ranupHolborn。sometimesinthemiddleoftheroad，sometimesonthepavement，sometimesinthegutter，asthechancesofgettingalongvariedwiththepressofmen，women，children，andcoachesineachdivisionofthethoroughfare。regardlessofallobstacles，hestoppednotforaninstantuntilhereachedthegateofGray’sInn。Notwithstandingalltheexpeditionhehadused，however，thegatehadbeenclosedagoodhalfhourwhenhereachedit，andbythetimehehaddiscoveredMr。Perker’slaundress，wholivedwithamarrieddaughter，whohadbestowedherhanduponanon-residentwaiter，whooccupiedtheone-pairofsomenumberinsomestreetcloselyadjoiningtosomebrewerysomewherebehindGray’sInnLane，itwaswithinfifteenminutesofclosingtheprisonforthenight。Mr。Lowtenh