第4章

Comealong，shoutedtheoldgentleman，addressingMr。Winkle。akeenhandlikeyououghttohavebeenuplongago，eventosuchpoorworkasthis。

Mr。Winklerespondedwithaforcedsmile，andtookupthesparegunwithanexpressionofcountenancewhichameta-physicalrook，impressedwithaforebodingofhisapproachingdeathbyviolence，maybesupposedtoassume。Itmighthavebeenkeenness，butitlookedremarkablylikemisery。

Theoldgentlemannodded。andtworaggedboyswhohadbeenmarshalledtothespotunderthedirectionoftheinfantLambert，forthwithcommencedclimbinguptwoofthetrees。

Whatarethoseladsfor？inquiredMr。Pickwickabruptly。Hewasratheralarmed。forhewasnotquitecertainbutthatthedistressoftheagriculturalinterest，aboutwhichhehadoftenheardagreatdeal，mighthavecompelledthesmallboysattachedtothesoiltoearnaprecariousandhazardoussubsistencebymakingmarksofthemselvesforin-experiencedsportsmen。

Onlytostartthegame，repliedMr。Wardle，laughing。

Towhat？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Why，inplainEnglishtofrightentherooks。

Oh！isthatall？

Youaresatisfied？

Quite。

Verywell。ShallIbegin？

Ifyouplease，saidMr。Winkle，gladofanyrespite。

Standaside，then。Nowforit。

Theboyshouted，andshookabranchwithanestonit。

Half-a-dozenyoungrooksinviolentconversation，flewouttoaskwhatthematterwas。Theoldgentlemanfiredbywayofreply。Downfellonebird，andoffflewtheothers。

Takehimup，Joe，saidtheoldgentleman。

Therewasasmileupontheyouth’sfaceasheadvanced。

Indistinctvisionsofrook-piefloatedthroughhisimagination。Helaughedasheretiredwiththebird——itwasaplumpone。

Now，Mr。Winkle，saidthehost，reloadinghisowngun。Fireaway。

Mr。Winkleadvanced，andlevelledhisgun。Mr。Pickwickandhisfriendscoweredinvoluntarilytoescapedamagefromtheheavyfallofrooks，whichtheyfeltquitecertainwouldbeoccasionedbythedevastatingbarreloftheirfriend。Therewasasolemnpause——ashout——aflappingofwings——afaintclick。

Hallo！saidtheoldgentleman。

Won’titgo？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Missedfire，saidMr。Winkle，whowasverypale：probablyfromdisappointment。

Odd，saidtheoldgentleman，takingthegun。Neverknewoneofthemmissfirebefore。Why，Idon’tseeanythingofthecap。

Blessmysoul，saidMr。Winkle。IdeclareIforgotthecap！

Theslightomissionwasrectified。Mr。Pickwickcrouchedagain。Mr。

Winklesteppedforwardwithanairofdeterminationandresolution。andMr。Tupmanlookedoutfrombehindatree。Theboyshouted。fourbirdsflewout。Mr。Winklefired。Therewasascreamasofanindividual——notarook——incorporealanguish。Mr。Tupmanhadsavedthelivesofinnumerableunoffendingbirdsbyreceivingaportionofthechargeinhisleftarm。

Todescribetheconfusionthatensuedwouldbeimpossible。TotellhowMr。PickwickinthefirsttransportsofhisemotioncalledMr。WinkleWretch！

howMr。Tupmanlayprostrateontheground。andhowMr。Winkleknelthorror-strickenbesidehim。howMr。TupmancalleddistractedlyuponsomefeminineChristianname，andthenopenedfirstoneeye，andthentheother，andthenfellbackandshutthemboth——allthiswouldbeasdifficulttodescribeindetail，asitwouldbetodepictthegradualrecoveringoftheunfortunateindividual，thebindingupofhisarmwithpocket-handkerchiefs，andtheconveyinghimbackbyslowdegreessupportedbythearmsofhisanxiousfriends。

Theydrewnearthehouse。Theladieswereatthegarden-gate，waitingfortheirarrivalandtheirbreakfast。Thespinsterauntappeared。shesmiled，andbeckonedthemtowalkquicker。’Twasevidentsheknewnotofthedisaster。Poorthing！therearetimeswhenignoranceisblissindeed。

Theyapproachednearer。

Why，whatisthematterwiththelittleoldgentleman？saidIsabellaWardle。Thespinsterauntheedednottheremark。shethoughtitappliedtoMr。Pickwick。InhereyesTracyTupmanwasayouth。sheviewedhisyearsthroughadiminishingglass。

Don’tbefrightened，calledouttheoldhost，fearfulofalarminghisdaughters。ThelittlepartyhadcrowdedsocompletelyroundMr。Tupman，thattheycouldnotyetclearlydiscernthenatureoftheaccident。

Don’tbefrightened，saidthehost。

What’sthematter？screamedtheladies。

Mr。Tupmanhasmetwithalittleaccident。that’sall。

Thespinsterauntutteredapiercingscream，burstintoanhystericlaugh，andfellbackwardsinthearmsofhernieces。

Throwsomecoldwateroverher，saidtheoldgentleman。

No，no，murmuredthespinsteraunt。Iambetternow。Bella，Emily——asurgeon！Ishewounded？Ishedead？——Ishe——ha，ha，ha！Herethespinsterauntburstintofitnumbertwo，ofhystericlaughterinterspersedwithscreams。

Calmyourself，saidMr。Tupman，affectedalmosttotearsbythisexpressionofsympathywithhissufferings。Dear，dearmadam，calmyourself。

Itishisvoice！exclaimedthespinsteraunt。andstrongsymptomsoffitnumberthreedevelopedthemselvesforthwith。

Donotagitateyourself，Ientreatyou，dearestmadam，saidMr。Tupmansoothingly。Iamverylittlehurt，Iassureyou。

Thenyouarenotdead！ejaculatedthehystericallady。Oh，sayyouarenotdead！

Don’tbeafool，Rachael，interposedMr。Wardle，rathermoreroughlythanwasquiteconsistentwiththepoeticnatureofthescene。Whatthedevil’stheuseofhissayingheisn’tdead？

No，no，Iamnot，saidMr。Tupman。Irequirenoassistancebutyours。

Letmeleanonyourarm。Headded，inawhisper，Oh，MissRachael！Theagitatedfemaleadvanced，andofferedherarm。Theyturnedintothebreakfastparlour。Mr。TracyTupmangentlypressedherhandtohislips，andsankuponthesofa。

Areyoufaint？inquiredtheanxiousRachael。

No，saidMr。Tupman。Itisnothing。Ishallbebetterpresently。

Heclosedhiseyes。

Hesleeps，murmuredthespinsteraunt。(Hisorgansofvisionhadbeenclosednearlytwentyseconds。)Dear——dear——Mr。Tupman！

Mr。Tupmanjumpedup——Oh，saythosewordsagain！heexclaimed。

Theladystarted。Surelyyoudidnothearthem！shesaid，bashfully。

Ohyes，Idid！repliedMr。Tupman。repeatthem。Ifyouwouldhavemerecover，repeatthem。

Hush！saidthelady。Mybrother。

Mr。TracyTupmanresumedhisformerposition。andMr。Wardle，accompaniedbyasurgeon，enteredtheroom。

Thearmwasexamined，thewounddressed，andpronouncedtobeaveryslightone。andthemindsofthecompanyhavingbeenthussatisfied，theyproceededtosatisfytheirappetiteswithcountenancestowhichanexpressionofcheerfulnesswasagainrestored。Mr。Pickwickalonewassilentandreserved。

Doubtanddistrustwereexhibitedinhiscountenance。HisconfidenceinMr。Winklehadbeenshaken——greatlyshaken——bytheproceedingsofthemorning。

Areyouacricketer？inquiredMr。Wardleofthemarksman。

Atanyothertime，Mr。Winklewouldhaverepliedintheaffirmative。

Hefeltthedelicacyofhissituation，andmodestlyreplied，No。

Areyou，sir？inquiredMr。Snodgrass。

Iwasonceuponatime，repliedthehost。butIhavegivenitupnow。Isubscribetotheclubhere，butIdon’tplay。

Thegrandmatchisplayedto-day，Ibelieve，saidMr。Pickwick。

Itis，repliedthehost。Ofcourseyouwouldliketoseeit。

I，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick，amdelightedtoviewanysportswhichmaybesafelyindulgedin，andinwhichtheimpotenteffectsofunskilfulpeopledonotendangerhumanlife。Mr。Pickwickpaused，andlookedsteadilyonMr。Winkle，whoquailedbeneathhisleader’ssearchingglance。Thegreatmanwithdrewhiseyesafterafewminutes，andadded：Shallwebejustifiedinleavingourwoundedfriendtothecareoftheladies？

Youcannotleavemeinbetterhands，saidMr。Tupman。

Quiteimpossible，saidMr。Snodgrass。

ItwasthereforesettledthatMr。Tupmanshouldbeleftathomeinchargeofthefemales。andthattheremainderoftheguests，undertheguidanceofMr。Wardle，shouldproceedtothespotwherewastobeheldthattrialofskill，whichhadrousedallMuggletonfromitstorpor，andinoculatedDingleyDellwithafeverofexcitement。

Astheirwalk，whichwasnotabovetwomileslong，laythroughshadylanes，andsequesteredfootpaths，andastheirconversationturneduponthedelightfulscenery，bywhichtheywereoneverysidesurrounded，Mr。

Pickwickwasalmostinclinedtoregrettheexpeditiontheyhadused，whenhefoundhimselfinthemainstreetofthetownofMuggleton。

EverybodywhosegeniushasatopographicalbentknowsperfectlywellthatMuggletonisacorporatetown，withamayor，burgesses，andfreemen。

andanybodywhohasconsultedtheaddressesofthemayortothefreemen，orthefreementothemayor，orbothtothecorporation，orallthreetoParliament，willlearnfromthencewhattheyoughttohaveknownbefore，thatMuggletonisanancientandloyalborough，minglingazealousadvocacyofChristianprincipleswithadevotedattachmenttocommercialrights。

indemonstrationwhereof，themayor，corporation，andotherinhabitants，havepresentedatdiverstimes，nofewerthanonethousandfourhundredandtwentypetitionsagainstthecontinuanceofnegroslaveryabroad，andanequalnumberagainstanyinterferencewiththefactorysystemathome。

sixty-eightinfavourofthesaleoflivingsintheChurch，andeight-sixforabolishingSundaytradinginthestreet。

Mr。Pickwickstoodintheprincipalstreetofthisillustrioustown，andgazedwithanairofcuriosity，notunmixedwithinterest，ontheobjectsaroundhim。Therewasanopensquareforthemarket-place。andinthecentreofit，alargeinnwithasign-postinfront，displayinganobjectverycommoninart，butrarelymetwithinnature——towit，abluelion，withthreebowlegsintheair，balancinghimselfontheextremepointofthecentreclawofhisfourthfoot。Therewere，withinsight，anauctioneer’sandfire-agencyoffice，acorn-factor’s，alinen-draper’s，asaddler’s，adistiller’s，agrocer’s，andashoe-shop——thelast-mentionedwarehousebeingalsoappropriatedtothediffusionofhats，bonnets，wearingapparel，cottonumbrellas，andusefulknowledge。Therewasaredbrickhousewithasmallpavedcourt-yardinfront，whichanybodymighthaveknownbelongedtotheattorney。andtherewas，moreover，anotherredbrickhousewithVenetianblinds，andalargebrassdoor-plate，withaverylegibleannouncementthatitbelongedtothesurgeon。Afewboysweremakingtheirwaytothecricket-field。andtwoorthreeshop-keeperswhowerestandingattheirdoors，lookedasiftheywouldliketobemakingtheirwaytothesamespot，asindeedtoallappearancetheymighthavedone，withoutlosinganygreatamountofcustomthereby。Mr。Pickwickhavingpausedtomaketheseobservations，tobenoteddownatamoreconvenientperiod，hastenedtorejoinhisfriends，whohadturnedoutofthemainstreet，andwerealreadywithinsightofthefieldofbattle。

Thewicketswerepitched，andsowereacoupleofmarqueesfortherestandrefreshmentofthecontendingparties。Thegamehadnotyetcommenced。

TwoorthreeDingleyDellers，andAll-Muggletonians，wereamusingthemselveswithamajesticairbythrowingtheballcarelesslyfromhandtohand。

andseveralothergentlemendressedlikethem，instrawhats，flanneljackets，andwhitetrousers——acostumeinwhichtheylookedverymuchlikeamateurstone-masons——weresprinkledaboutthetents，towardsoneofwhichMr。

Wardleconductedtheparty。

SeveraldozenofHow-are-you’s？hailedtheoldgentleman’sarrival。

andageneralraisingofthestrawhats，andbendingforwardoftheflanneljackets，followedhisintroductionofhisguestsasgentlemenfromLondon，whowereextremelyanxioustowitnesstheproceedingsoftheday，withwhich，hehadnodoubt，theywouldbegreatlydelighted。

Youhadbetterstepintothemarquee，Ithink，sir，saidoneverystoutgentleman，whosebodyandlegslookedlikehalfagiganticrollofflannel，elevatedonacoupleofinflatedpillow-cases。

You’llfinditmuchpleasanter，sir，urgedanotherstoutgentleman，whostronglyresembledtheotherhalfoftherollofflannelaforesaid。

You’reverygood，saidMr。Pickwick。

Thisway，saidthefirstspeaker。theynotchinhere——it’sthebestplaceinthewholefield。andthecricketer，pantingonbefore，precededthemtothetent。

Capitalgame——smartsport——fineexercise——very，werethewordswhichfelluponMr。Pickwick’searasheenteredthetent。andthefirstobjectthatmethiseyeswashisgreen-coatedfriendoftheRochestercoach，holdingforth，tothenosmalldelightandedificationofaselectcircleofthechosenofAll-Muggleton。Hisdresswasslightlyimproved，andheworeboots。

buttherewasnomistakinghim。

Thestrangerrecognisedhisfriendsimmediately：and，dartingforwardandseizingMr。Pickwickbythehand，draggedhimtoaseatwithhisusualimpetuosity，talkingallthewhileasifthewholeofthearrangementswereunderhisespecialpatronageanddirection。

Thisway——thisway——capitalfun——lotsofbeer——hogs-heads。roundsofbeef——bullocks。mustard——cartloads。gloriousday——downwithyou——makeyourselfathome——gladtoseeyou——very。

Mr。Pickwicksatdownashewasbid，andMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassalsocompliedwiththedirectionsoftheirmysteriousfriend。Mr。Wardlelookedon，insilentwonder。

Mr。Wardle——afriendofmine，saidMr。Pickwick。

Friendofyours！——Mydearsir，howareyou？——Friendofmyfriend’s——givemeyourhand，sir——andthestrangergraspedMr。Wardle’shandwithallthefervourofacloseintimacyofmanyyears，andthensteppedbackapaceortwoasiftotakeafullsurveyofhisfaceandfigure，andthenshookhandswithhimagain，ifpossible，morewarmlythanbefore。

Well。andhowcameyouhere？saidMr。Pickwick，withasmileinwhichbenevolencestruggledwithsurprise。

Come，repliedthestranger——stoppingatCrown——CrownatMuggleton——metaparty——flanneljackets——whitetrousers——anchovysandwiches——devilledkidneys——splendidfellows——glorious。

Mr。Pickwickwassufficientlyversedinthestranger’ssystemofstenographytoinferfromthisrapidanddisjointedcommunicationthathehad，somehoworother，contractedanacquaintancewiththeAll-Muggletons，whichhehadconverted，byaprocesspeculiartohimself，intothatextentofgoodfellowshiponwhichageneralinvitationmaybeeasilyfounded。Hiscuriositywasthereforesatisfied，andputtingonhisspectacleshepreparedhimselftowatchtheplaywhichwasjustcommencing。

All-Muggletonhadthefirstinnings。andtheinterestbecameintensewhenMr。DumpkinsandMr。Podder，twoofthemostrenownedmembersofthatmostdistinguishedclub，walked，batinhand，totheirrespectivewickets。

Mr。Luffey，thehighestornamentofDingleyDell，waspitchedtobowlagainsttheredoubtableDumkins，andMr。StruggleswasselectedtodothesamekindofficeforthehithertounconqueredPodder。Severalplayerswerestationed，tolookout，indifferentpartsofthefield，andeachfixedhimselfintotheproperattitudebyplacingonehandoneachknee，andstoopingverymuchasifheweremakingabackforsomebeginneratleap-frog。

Alltheregularplayersdothissortofthing——indeedit’sgenerallysupposedthatitisquiteimpossibletolookoutproperlyinanyotherposition。

Theumpireswerestationedbehindthewickets。thescorerswerepreparedtonotchtheruns。abreathlesssilenceensued。Mr。LuffeyretiredafewpacesbehindthewicketofthepassivePodder，andappliedtheballtohisrighteyeforseveralseconds。DumkinsconfidentlyawaiteditscomingwithhiseyesfixedonthemotionsofLuffey。

Play！suddenlycriedthebowler。Theballflewfromhishandstraightandswifttowardsthecentrestumpofthewicket。ThewaryDumkinswasonthealert。itfelluponthetipofthebat，andboundedfarawayovertheheadsofthescouts，whohadjuststoopedlowenoughtoletitflyoverthem。

Run——run——another——Now，then，throwherup——upwithher——stopthere——another——no——yes——no——throwherup，throwherup！——Suchweretheshoutswhichfollowedthestroke。

and，attheconclusionofwhichAll-Muggletonhadscoredtwo。NorwasPodderbehindhandinearninglaurelswherewithtogarnishhimselfandMuggleton。

Heblockedthedoubtfulballs，missedthebadones，tookthegoodones，andsentthemflyingtoallpartsofthefield。Thescoutswerehotandtired。thebowlerswerechangedandbowledtilltheirarmsached。butDumkinsandPodderremainedunconquered。Didanelderlygentlemanessaytostoptheprogressoftheball，itrolledbetweenhislegsorslippedbetweenhisfingers。Didaslimgentlemantrytocatchit，itstruckhimonthenose，andboundedpleasantlyoffwithredoubledviolence，whiletheslimgentleman’seyefilledwithwater，andhisformwrithedwithanguish。Wasitthrownstraightuptothewicket，Dumkinshadreacheditbeforetheball。Inshort，whenDumkinswascaughtout，andPodderstumpedout，All-Muggletonhadnotchedsomefifty-four，whilethescoreoftheDingleyDellerswasasblankastheirfaces。Theadvantagewastoogreattoberecovered。InvaindidtheeagerLuffey，andtheenthusiasticStruggles，doallthatskillandexperiencecouldsuggest，toregainthegroundDingleyDellhadlostinthecontest——itwasofnoavail。andinanearlyperiodofthewinninggameDingleyDellgavein，andallowedthesuperiorprowessofAll-Muggleton。

Thestranger，meanwhile，hadbeeneating，drinking，andtalking，withoutcessation。Ateverygoodstrokeheexpressedhissatisfactionandapprovaloftheplayerinamostcondescendingandpatronisingmanner，whichcouldnotfailtohavebeenhighlygratifyingtothepartyconcerned。whileateverybadattemptatacatch，andeveryfailuretostoptheball，helaunchedhispersonaldispleasureattheheadofthedevotedindividualinsuchdenunciations——asAh，ah！——stupid——Now，butter-fingers——Muff——Humbug——andsoforth——ejaculationswhichseemedtoestablishhimintheopinionofallaround，asamostexcellentandundeniablejudgeofthewholeartandmysteryofthenoblegameofcricket。

Capitalgame——wellplayed——somestrokesadmirable，saidthestranger，asbothsidescrowdedintothetent，attheconclusionofthegame。

Youhaveplayedit，sir？inquiredMr。Wardle，whohadbeenmuchamusedbyhisloquacity。

Playedit！ThinkIhave——thousandsoftimes——nothere——WestIndies——excitingthing——hotwork——very。

Itmustberatherawarmpursuitinsuchaclimate，observedMr。Pickwick。

Warm！——redhot——scorching——glowing。Playedamatchonce——singlewicket——friendtheColonel——SirThomasBlazo——whoshouldgetthegreatestnumberofruns——Wonthetoss——firstinnings——seveno’clockA。M——sixnativestolookout——wentin。keptin——heatintense——nativesallfainted——takenaway——freshhalf-dozenordered——faintedalso——Blazobowling——supportedbytwonatives——couldn’tbowlmeout——faintedtoo——clearedawaytheColonel——wouldn’tgivein——faithfulattendant——QuankoSamba——lastmanleft——sunsohot，batinblisters，ballscorchedbrown——fivehundredandseventyruns——ratherexhausted——Quankomustereduplastremainingstrength——bowledmeout——hadabath，andwentouttodinner。

Andwhatbecameofwhat’s-his-name，sir？inquiredanoldgentleman。

Blazo？

No——theothergentleman。

QuankoSamba？

Yes，sir。

PoorQuanko——neverrecoveredit——bowledon，onmyaccount——bowledoff，onhisown——died，sir。Herethestrangerburiedhiscountenanceinabrownjug，butwhethertohidehisemotionorimbibeitscontents，wecannotdistinctlyaffirm。Weonlyknowthathepausedsuddenly，drewalonganddeepbreath，andlookedanxiouslyon，astwooftheprincipalmembersoftheDingleyDellclubapproachedMr。Pickwick，andsaid——

WeareabouttopartakeofaplaindinnerattheBlueLion，sir。wehopeyouandyourfriendswilljoinus。

Ofcourse，saidMr。Wardle，amongourfriendsweincludeMr。

andhelookedtowardsthestranger。

Jingle，saidthatversatilegentleman，takingthehintatonce。Jingle——AlfredJingle，Esq。，ofNoHall，Nowhere。

Ishallbeveryhappy，Iamsure，saidMr。Pickwick。

SoshallI，saidMr。AlfredJingle，drawingonearmthroughMr。Pickwick’s，andanotherthroughMr。Wardle’s，ashewhisperedconfidentiallyintheearoftheformergentleman：——

Devilishgooddinner——cold，butcapital——peepedintotheroomthismorning——fowlsandpies，andallthatsortofthing——pleasantfellowsthese——wellbehaved，too——very。

Therebeingnofurtherpreliminariestoarrange，thecompanystraggledintothetowninlittleknotsoftwosandthrees。andwithinaquarterofanhourwereallseatedinthegreatroomoftheBlueLionInn，Muggleton——Mr。

Dumkinsactingaschairman，andMr。Luffeyofficiatingasvice。

Therewasavastdealoftalkingandrattlingofknivesandforks，andplates：agreatrunningaboutofthreeponderousheadedwaiters，andarapiddisappearanceofthesubstantialviandsonthetable。toeachandeveryofwhichitemofconfusion，thefacetiousMr。Jinglelenttheaidofhalf-a-dozenordinarymenatleast。Wheneverybodyhadeatenasmuchaspossible，theclothwasremoved，bottles，glasses，anddessertwereplacedonthetable。andthewaiterswithdrewtoclearaway，orinotherwords，toappropriatetotheirownprivateuseandemolumentwhateverremnantsoftheeatablesanddrinkablestheycouldcontrivetolaytheirhandson。

Amidstthegeneralhumofmirthandconversationthatensued，therewasalittlemanwithapuffySay-nothing-to-me，-or-I’ll-contradict-yousortofcountenance，whoremainedveryquiet。occasionallylookingroundhimwhentheconversationslackened，asifhecontemplatedputtinginsomethingveryweighty。andnowandthenburstingintoashortcoughofinexpressiblegrandeur。Atlength，duringamomentofcomparativesilence，thelittlemancalledoutinaveryloud，solemnvoice，——

Mr。Luffey！

Everybodywashushedintoaprofoundstillnessastheindividualaddressed，replied——

Sir！

Iwishtoaddressafewwordstoyou，sir，ifyouwillentreatthegentlementofilltheirglasses。

Mr。Jingleutteredapatronisinghear，hear，whichwasrespondedtobytheremainderofthecompany：andtheglasseshavingbeenfilledtheVice-Presidentassumedanairofwisdominastateofprofoundattention，andsaid——

Mr。Staple。

Sir，saidthelittleman，rising，IwishtoaddresswhatIhavetosaytoyouandnottoourworthychairman，becauseourworthychairmanisinsomemeasure——Imaysayinagreatdegree——thesubjectofwhatI

havetosay，orImaysay——to——

State，suggestedMr。Jingle——

Yes，tostate，saidthelittleman。Ithankmyhonourablefriend，ifhewillallowmetocallhimso——(four`hears，’andonecertainlyfromMr。Jingle)——forthesuggestion。Sir，IamaDeller——aDingleyDeller(cheers)。

IcannotlayclaimtothehonourofforminganiteminthepopulationofMuggleton。nor，sir，Iwillfranklyadmit，doIcovetthathonour：andIwilltellyouwhy，sir——(hear)。toMuggletonIwillreadilyconcedeallthosehonoursanddistinctionstowhichitcanfairlylayclaim——theyaretoonumerousandtoowellknowntorequireaidorrecapitulationfromme。

But，sir，whilewerememberthatMuggletonhasgivenbirthtoaDumkinsandaPodder，letusneverforgetthatDingleyDellcanboastaLuffeyandaStruggles。(Vociferouscheering。)Letmenotbeconsideredaswishingtodetractfromthemeritsoftheformergentlemen。Sir，Ienvythemtheluxuryoftheirownfeelingsonthisoccasion。(Cheers。)Everygentlemanwhohearsme，isprobablyacquaintedwiththereplymadebyanindividual，who——touseanordinaryfigureofspeech——`hungout’inatub，totheemperorAlexander：——`IfIwerenotDiogenes，’saidhe，`IwouldbeAlexander。’

Icanwellimaginethesegentlementosay，`IfIwerenotDumkinsIwouldbeLuffey。ifIwerenotPodderIwouldbeStruggles。’(Enthusiasm。)But，gentlemenofMuggleton，isitincricketalonethatyourfellow-townsmenstandpre-eminent？HaveyouneverheardofDumkinsanddetermination？HaveyouneverbeentaughttoassociatePodderwithproperty？(Greatapplause。)

Haveyounever，whenstrugglingforyourrights，yourliberties，andyourprivileges，beenreduced，ifonlyforaninstant，tomisgivinganddespair？

Andwhenyouhavebeenthusdepressed，hasnotthenameofDumkinslaidafreshwithinyourbreastthefirewhichhadjustgoneout。andhasnotawordfromthatman，lighteditagainasbrightlyasifithadneverexpired？

(Greatcheering。)Gentlemen，Ibegtosurroundwitharichhaloofenthusiasticcheeringtheunitednamesof`DumkinsandPodder。’

Herethelittlemanceased，andherethecompanycommencedaraisingofvoices，andthumpingoftables，whichlastedwithlittleintermissionduringtheremainderoftheevening。Othertoastsweredrunk。Mr。LuffeyandMr。Struggles，Mr。PickwickandMr。Jingle，were，eachinhisturn，thesubjectofunqualifiedeulogium。andeachinduecoursereturnedthanksforthehonour。

Enthusiasticasweareinthenoblecausetowhichwehavedevotedourselves，weshouldhavefeltasensationofpridewhichwecannotexpress，andaconsciousnessofhavingdonesomethingtomeritimmortalityofwhichwearenowdeprived，couldwehavelaidthefaintestoutlineoftheseaddressesbeforeourardentreaders。Mr。Snodgrass，asusual，tookagreatmassofnotes，whichwouldnodoubthaveaffordedmostusefulandvaluableinformation，hadnottheburningeloquenceofthewordsorthefeverishinfluenceofthewinemadethatgentleman’shandsoextremelyunsteady，astorenderhiswritingnearlyunintelligible，andhisstylewhollyso。Bydintofpatientinvestigation，wehavebeenenabledtotracesomecharactersbearingafaintresemblancetothenamesofthespeakers。andwecanalsodiscernanentryofasong(supposedtohavebeensungbyMr。Jingle)，inwhichthewordsbowlsparklingrubybrightandwinearefrequentlyrepeatedatshortintervals。Wefancytoo，thatwecandiscernattheveryendofthenotes，someindistinctreferencetobroiledbones。andthenthewordscoldwithoutoccur。butasanyhypothesiswecouldfounduponthemmustnecessarilyrestuponmereconjecture，wearenotdisposedtoindulgeinanyofthespeculationstowhichtheymaygiverise。

WewillthereforereturntoMr。Tupman：merelyaddingthatwithinsomefewminutesbeforetwelveo’clockthatnight，theconvocationofworthiesofDingleyDellandMuggletonwereheardtosing，withgreatfeelingandemphasis，thebeautifulandpatheticnationalairofWewon’tgohome’tillmorning，Wewon’tgohome’tillmorning，Wewon’tgohome’tillmorning，’Tilldaylightdothappear。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter8[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERVIIISTRONGLYILLUSTRATIVEOFTHEPOSITION，THATTHECOURSE

OFTRUELOVEISNOTARAILWAY

THEquietseclusionofDingleyDell，thepresenceofsomanyofthegentlersex，andthesolicitudeandanxietytheyevincedinhisbehalfwereallfavourabletothegrowthanddevelopmentofthosesofterfeelingswhichnaturehadimplanteddeepinthebosomofMr。TracyTupman，andwhichnowappeareddestinedtocentreinonelovelyobject。

Theyoungladieswerepretty，theirmannerswinning，theirdispositionsunexceptionable。buttherewasadignityintheair，atouch-me-not-ishnessinthewalk，amajestyintheeyeofthespinsteraunt，towhich，attheirtimeoflife，theycouldlaynoclaim，whichdistinguishedherfromanyfemaleonwhomMr。Tupmanhadevergazed。Thattherewassomethingkindredintheirnature，somethingcongenialintheirsouls，somethingmysteriouslysympatheticintheirbosoms，wasevident。HernamewasthefirstthatrosetoMr。Tupman’slipsashelaywoundedonthegrass。andherhystericlaughterwasthefirstsoundthatfelluponhisearwhenhewassupportedtothehouse。Buthadheragitationarisenfromanamiableandfemininesensibilitywhichwouldhavebeenequallyirrepressibleinanycase。orhaditbeencalledforthbyamoreardentandpassionatefeeling，whichhe，ofallmenliving，couldaloneawaken？Thesewerethedoubtswhichrackedhisbrainashelayextendedonthesofa：thesewerethedoubtswhichhedeterminedshouldbeatonceandforeverresolved。

Itwasevening。IsabellaandEmilyhadstrolledoutwithMr。Trundle。

thedeafoldladyhadfallenasleepinherchair。thesnoringofthefatboy，penetratedinalowandmonotonoussoundfromthedistantkitchen。

thebuxomservantswereloungingattheside-door，enjoyingthepleasantnessofthehour，andthedelightsofaflirtation，onfirstprinciples，withcertainunwieldyanimalsattachedtothefarm。andtheresattheinterestingpair，uncaredforbyall，caringfornone，anddreamingonlyofthemselves。

theretheysat，inshort，likeapairofcarefully-foldedkid-gloves——boundupineachother。

Ihaveforgottenmyflowers，saidthespinsteraunt。

Waterthemnow，saidMr。Tupmaninaccentsofpersuasion。

Youwilltakecoldintheeveningair，urgedthespinsteraunt，affectionately。

No，no，saidMr。Tupmanrising。itwilldomegood。Letmeaccompanyyou。

Theladypausedtoadjusttheslinginwhichtheleftarmoftheyouthwasplaced，andtakinghisrightarmledhimtothegarden。

Therewasaboweratthefurtherend，withhoneysuckle，jessamine，andcreepingplants——oneofthosesweetretreatswhichhumanemenerectfortheaccommodationofspiders。

Thespinsteraunttookupalargewatering-potwhichlayinonecorner，andwasabouttoleavethearbour。Mr。Tupmandetainedher，anddrewhertoaseatbesidehim。

MissWardle！saidhe。

Thespinsteraunttrembled，tillsomepebbleswhichhadaccidentallyfoundtheirwayintothelargewatering-potshooklikeaninfant’srattle。

Mr。Wardle，saidMr。Tupman，youareanangel。

Mr。Tupman！exclaimedRachael，blushingasredasthewatering-potitself。

Nay，saidtheeloquentPickwickian——Iknowitbuttoowell。

Allwomenareangelstheysay，murmuredthelady，playfully。

Thenwhatcanyoube。ortowhat，withoutpresumption，canI

compareyou？repliedMr。Tupman。Wherewasthewomaneverseenwhoresembledyou？WhereelsecouldIhopetofindsorareacombinationofexcellenceandbeauty？WhereelsecouldIseekto——Oh！HereMr。Tupmanpaused，andpressedthehandwhichclaspedthehandleofthehappywatering-pot。

Theladyturnedasideherhead。Menaresuchdeceivers，shesoftlywhispered。

Theyare，theyare，ejaculatedMr。Tupman。butnotallmen。Therelivesatleastonebeingwhocanneverchange——onebeingwhowouldbecontenttodevotehiswholeexistencetoyourhappiness——wholivesbutinyoureyes——whobreathesbutinyoursmiles——whobearstheheavyburdenoflifeitselfonlyforyou。

Couldsuchanindividualbefound，saidthelady——

Buthecanbefound，saidtheardentMr。Tupman，interposing。

Heisfound。Heishere，MissWardle。Anderetheladywasawareofhisintention，Mr。Tupmanhadsunkuponhiskneesatherfeet。

Mr。Tupman，rise，saidRachael。

Never！wasthevalorousreply。Oh，Rachael！——Heseizedherpassivehand，andthewatering-potfelltothegroundashepressedittohislips——Oh，Rachael！sayyouloveme。

Mr。Tupman，saidthespinsteraunt，withavertedhead——Icanhardlyspeakthewords。but——but——youarenotwhollyindifferenttome。

Mr。Tupmannosoonerheardthisavowal，thanheproceededtodowhathisenthusiasticemotionsprompted，andwhat，foraughtweknow(forwearebutlittleacquaintedwithsuchmatters)，peoplesocircumstancedalwaysdo。Hejumpedup，and，throwinghisarmroundtheneckofthespinsteraunt，imprinteduponherlipsnumerouskisses，whichafteradueshowofstrugglingandresistance，shereceivedsopassively，thatthereisnotellinghowmanymoreMr。Tupmanmighthavebestowed，iftheladyhadnotgivenaveryunaffectedstartandexclaimedinanaffrightedtone——

Mr。Tupman，weareobserved！——wearediscovered！

Mr。Tupmanlookedround。Therewasthefatboy，perfectlymotionless，withhislargecirculareyesstaringintothearbour，butwithouttheslightestexpressiononhisfacethatthemostexpertphysiognomistcouldhavereferredtoastonishment，curiosity，oranyotherknownpassionthatagitatesthehumanbreast。Mr。Tupmangazedonthefatboy，andthefatboystaredathim。andthelongerMr。Tupmanobservedtheuttervacancyofthefatboy’scountenance，themoreconvincedhebecamethatheeitherdidnotknow，ordidnotunderstand，anythingthathadbeengoingforward。Underthisimpression，hesaidwithgreatfirmness——

Whatdoyouwanthere，sir？

Supper’sready，sir，wasthepromptreply。

Haveyoujustcomehere，sir？inquiredMr。Tupman，withapiercinglook。

Just，repliedthefatboy。

Mr。Tupmanlookedathimveryhardagain。buttherewasnotawinkinhiseye，oracurveinhisface。

Mr。Tupmantookthearmofthespinsteraunt，andwalkedtowardsthehouse。thefatboyfollowedbehind。

Heknowsnothingofwhathashappened，hewhispered。

Nothing，saidthespinsteraunt。

Therewasasoundbehindthem，asofanimperfectlysuppressedchuckle。

Mr。Tupmanturnedsharplyround。No。itcouldnothavebeenthefatboy。

therewasnotagleamofmirth，oranythingbutfeedinginhiswholevisage。

Hemusthavebeenfastasleep，whisperedMr。Tupman。

Ihavenottheleastdoubtofit，repliedthespinsteraunt。

Theybothlaughedheartily。

Mr。Tupmanwaswrong。Thefatboy，foronce，hadnotbeenfastasleep。

Hewasawake——wideawake——towhathadbeengoingforward。

Thesupperpassedoffwithoutanyattemptatageneralconversation。

Theoldladyhadgonetobed。IsabellaWardledevotedherselfexclusivelytoMr。Trundle。thespinster’sattentionswerereservedforMr。Tupman。

andEmily’sthoughtsappearedtobeengrossedbysomedistantobject——possiblytheywerewiththeabsentSnodgrass。

Eleven——twelve——oneo’clockhadstruck，andthegentlemenhadnotarrived。

Consternationsatoneveryface。Couldtheyhavebeenwaylaidandrobbed？

Shouldtheysendmenandlanternsineverydirectionbywhichtheycouldbesupposedlikelytohavetravelledhome？orshouldthey——Hark！theretheywere。Whatcouldhavemadethemsolate？Astrangevoice，too！Towhomcoulditbelong？Theyrushedintothekitchenwhitherthetruantshadrepaired，andatonceobtainedrathermorethanaglimmeringoftherealstateofthecase。

Mr。Pickwick，withhishandsinhispocketsandhishatcockedcompletelyoverhislefteye，wasleaningagainstthedresser，shakinghisheadfromsidetoside，andproducingaconstantsuccessionoftheblandestandmostbenevolentsmileswithoutbeingmovedthereuntobyanydiscerniblecauseorpretencewhatsoever。oldMr。Wardle，withahighly-inflamedcountenance，wasgraspingthehandofastrangegentlemanmutteringprotestationsofeternalfriendship。Mr。Winkle，supportinghimselfbytheeight-dayclock，wasfeeblyinvokingdestructionupontheheadofanymemberofthefamilywhoshouldsuggesttheproprietyofhisretiringforthenight。andMr。

Snodgrasshadsunkintoachair，withanexpressionofthemostabjectandhopelessmiserythatthehumanmindcanimagine，portrayedineverylineamentofhisexpressiveface。

Isanythingthematter？inquiredthethreeladies。

Nothingthematter，repliedMr。Pickwick。We——we’re——allright——I

say，Wardle，we’reallright，an’twe？

Ishouldthinkso，repliedthejollyhost——Mydears，here’smyfriend，Mr。Jingle——Mr。Pickwick’sfriend，Mr。Jingle，come’pon——littlevisit。

IsanythingthematterwithMr。Snodgrass，sir？inquiredEmily，withgreatanxiety。

Nothingthematter，ma’am，repliedthestranger。Cricketdinner——gloriousparty——capitalsongs——oldport——claret——good——verygood——wine，ma’am——wine。

Itwasn’tthewine，murmuredMr。Snodgrass，inabrokenvoice。Itwasthesalmon。(Somehoworother，itneveristhewine，inthesecases。)

Hadn’ttheybettergotobed，ma’am？inquiredEmma。Twooftheboyswillcarrythegentlemenup-stairs。

Iwon’tgotobed，saidMr。Winkle，firmly。

Nolivingboyshallcarryme，saidMr。Pickwick，stoutly——andhewentonsmilingasbefore。

Hurrah！gaspedMr。Winkle，faintly。

Hurrah！echoedMr。Pickwick，takingoffhishatanddashingitonthefloor，andinsanelycastinghisspectaclesintothemiddleofthekitchen——Atthishumorousfeathelaughedoutright。

Let’s——have——’nother——bottle，criedMr。Winkle，commencinginaveryloudkey，andendinginaveryfaintone。Hisheaddroppeduponhisbreast。

and，mutteringhisinvincibledeterminationnottogotohisbed，andasanguinaryregretthathehadnotdoneforoldTupmaninthemorning，hefellfastasleep。inwhichconditionhewasbornetohisapartmentbytwoyounggiantsunderthepersonalsuperintendenceofthefatboy，towhoseprotectingcareMr。Snodgrassshortlyafterwardsconfidedhisownperson。Mr。PickwickacceptedtheprofferedarmofMr。Tupmanandquietlydisappeared，smilingmorethanever。andMr。Wardle，aftertakingasaffectionatealeaveofthewholefamilyasifhewereorderedforimmediateexecution，consignedtoMr。Trundlethehonourofconveyinghimupstairs，andretired，withaveryfutileattempttolookimpressivelysolemnanddignified。

Whatashockingscene！saidthespinsteraunt。

Dis——gusting！ejaculatedboththeyoungladies。

Dreadful——dreadful！saidJingle，lookingverygrave：hewasaboutabottleandahalfaheadofanyofhiscompanions。Horridspectacle——very！

Whataniceman！whisperedthespinsteraunttoMr。Tupman。

Good-looking，too！whisperedEmilyWardle。

Oh，decidedly，observedthespinsteraunt。

Mr。TupmanthoughtofthewidowatRochester：andhismindwastroubled。

Thesucceedinghalf-hour’sconversationwasnotofanaturetocalmhisperturbedspirit。Thenewvisitorwasverytalkative，andthenumberofhisanecdoteswasonlytotheexceededbytheextentofhispoliteness。

Mr。TupmanfeltthatasJingle’spopularityincreased，he(Tupman)retiredfurtherintotheshade。Hislaughterwasforced——hismerrimentfeigned。

andwhenatlasthelaidhisachingtemplesbetweenthesheets，hethought，withhorriddelight，onthesatisfactionitwouldaffordhimtohaveJingle’sheadatthatmomentbetweenthefeatherbedandthemattress。

Theindefatigablestrangerrosebetimesnextmorning，and，althoughhiscompanionsremainedinbedoverpoweredwiththedissipationofthepreviousnight，exertedhimselfmostsuccessfullytopromotethehilarityofthebreakfast-table。Sosuccessfulwerehisefforts，thateventhedeafoldladyinsistedonhavingoneortwoofhisbestjokesretailedthroughthetrumpet。andevenshecondescendedtoobservetothespinsteraunt，thathe(meaningJingle)wasanimpudentyoungfellow：asentimentinwhichallherrelationsthenandtherepresentthoroughlycoincided。

Itwastheoldlady’shabitonthefinesummermorningstorepairtothearbourinwhichMr。Tupmanhadalreadysignalisedhimself，informandmannerfollowing：first，thefatboyfetchedfromapegbehindtheoldlady’sbed-roomdoor，acloseblacksatinbonnet，awarmcottonshawl，andathickstickwithacapacioushandle。andtheoldladyhavingputonthebonnetandshawlatherleisure，wouldleanonehandonthestickandtheotheronthefatboy’sshoulder，andwalkleisurelytothearbour，wherethefatboywouldleavehertoenjoythefreshairforthespaceofhalfanhour。attheexpirationofwhichtimehewouldreturnandreconducthertothehouse。

Theoldladywasverypreciseandveryparticular。andasthisceremonyhadbeenobservedforthreesuccessivesummerswithouttheslightestdeviationfromtheaccustomedform，shewasnotalittlesurprisedonthisparticularmorning，toseethefatboy，insteadofleavingthearbour，walkafewpacesoutofit，lookcarefullyroundhimineverydirection，andreturntowardsherwithgreatstealthandanairofthemostprofoundmystery。

Theoldladywastimorous——mostoldladiesare——andherfirstimpressionwasthatthebloatedladwasabouttodohersomegrievousbodilyharmwiththeviewofpossessinghimselfofherloosecoin。Shewouldhavecriedforassistance，butageandinfirmityhadlongagodeprivedherofthepowerofscreaming。she，therefore，watchedhismotionswithfeelingsofintenseterror，whichwereinnodegreediminishedbyhiscomingcloseuptoher，andshoutinginherearinanagitated，andasitseemedtoher，athreateningtone——

Missus！

NowitsohappenedthatMr。Jinglewaswalkinginthegardenclosetothearbouratthismoment。HetooheardtheshoutofMissus，andstoppedtohearmore。Therewerethreereasonsforhisdoingso。Inthefirstplace，hewasidleandcurious。secondly，hewasbynomeansscrupulous。thirdly，andlastly，hewasconcealedfromviewbysomefloweringshrubs。Sotherehestood，andtherehelistened。

Missus！shoutedthefatboy。

Well，Joe，saidthetremblingoldlady。I’msureIhavebeenagoodmistresstoyou，Joe。Youhaveinvariablybeentreatedverykindly。Youhaveneverhadtoomuchtodo。andyouhavealwayshadenoughtoeat。

Thislastwasanappealtothefatboy’smostsensitivefeelings。Heseemedtouched，ashereplied，emphatically——

IknowsIhas。

Thenwhatcanyouwanttodonow？saidtheoldlady，gainingcourage。

Iwantstomakeyourfleshcreep，repliedtheboy。

Thissoundedlikeaverybloodthirstymodeofshowingone’sgratitude。

andastheoldladydidnotpreciselyunderstandtheprocessbywhichsucharesultwastobeattained，allherformerhorrorsreturned。

WhatdoyouthinkIseeinthisveryarbourlastnight？inquiredtheboy。

Blessus！What？exclaimedtheoldlady，alarmedatthesolemnmannerofthecorpulentyouth。

Thestrangegentleman——himashadhisarmhurt——akissin’andhuggin’——

Who，Joe？Noneoftheservants，Ihope。

Worserthanthat，roaredthefatboy，intheoldlady’sear。

Notoneofmygrand-da’aters？

Worserthanthat。

Worsethanthat，Joe！saidtheoldlady，whohadthoughtthistheextremelimitofhumanatrocity。Whowasit，Joe？Iinsistuponknowing。

Thefatboylookedcautiouslyround，andhavingconcludedhissurvey，shoutedintheoldlady’sear：

MissRachael。

What！saidtheoldlady，inashrilltone。Speaklouder。

MissRachael，roaredthefatboy。

Myda’ater！

Thetrainofnodswhichthefatboygavebywayofassentcommunicatedablanc-mange-likemotiontohisfatcheeks。

Andshesufferedhim！exclaimedtheoldlady。

Agrinstoleoverthefatboy’sfeaturesashesaid：

Iseeherakissin’ofhimagin。

IfMr。Jingle，fromhisplaceofconcealment，couldhavebeheldtheexpressionwhichtheoldlady’sfaceassumedatthiscommunication，theprobabilityisthatasuddenburstoflaughterwouldhavebetrayedhisclosevicinitytothesummer-house。Helistenedattentively。Fragmentsofangrysentencessuchas，Withoutmypermission！——Athertimeoflife——Miserableold’oomanlikeme——MighthavewaitedtillIwasdead，andsoforth，reachedhisears。andthenheheardtheheelsofthefatboy’sbootscrunchingthegravel，asheretiredandlefttheoldladyalone。

Itwasaremarkablecoincidenceperhaps，butitwasneverthelessafact，thatMr。JinglewithinfiveminutesafterhisarrivalatManorFarmontheprecedingnight，hadinwardlyresolvedtolaysiegetotheheartofthespinsteraunt，withoutdelay。Hehadobservationenoughtosee，thathisoff-handmannerwasbynomeansdisagreeabletothefairobjectofhisattack。andhehadmorethanastrongsuspicionthatshepossessedthatmostdesirableofallrequisites，asmallindependence。Theimperativenecessityofoustinghisrivalbysomemeansorother，flashedquicklyuponhim，andheimmediatelyresolvedtoadoptcertainproceedingstendingtothatendandobject，withoutamoment’sdelay。Fieldingtellsusthatmanisfire，andwomantow，andthePrinceofDarknesssetsalightto’em。Mr。Jingleknewthatyoungmen，tospinsteraunts，areaslightedgastogunpowder，andhedeterminedtoessaytheeffectofanexplosionwithoutlossoftime。

Fullofreflectionsuponthisimportantdecision，hecreptfromhisplaceofconcealment，and，undercoveroftheshrubsbeforementioned，approachedthehouse。Fortuneseemeddeterminedtofavourhisdesign。Mr。

Tupmanandtherestofthegentlemenleftthegardenbythesidegatejustasheobtainedaviewofit。andtheyoungladies，heknew，hadwalkedoutalone，soonafterbreakfast。Thecoastwasclear。

Thebreakfast-parlourdoorwaspartiallyopen。Hepeepedin。Thespinsterauntwasknitting。Hecoughed。shelookedupandsmiled。HesitationformednopartofMr。AlfredJingle’scharacter。Helaidhisfingeronhislipsmysteriously，walkedin，andclosedthedoor。

MissWardle，saidMr。Jingle，withaffectedearnestness，forgiveintrusion——shortacquaintance——notimeforceremony——alldiscovered。

Sir！saidthespinsteraunt，ratherastonishedbytheunexpectedapparitionandsomewhatdoubtfulofMr。Jingle’ssanity。

Hush！saidMr。Jingle，inastagewhisper——largeboy——dumplingface——roundeyes——rascal！Hereheshookhisheadexpressively，andthespinsteraunttrembledwithagitation。

IpresumeyoualludetoJoseph，sir？saidthelady，makinganefforttoappearcomposed。

Yes，ma’am——damnthatJoe！——treacherousdog，Joe——toldtheoldlady——oldladyfurious——wild——raving——arbour——Tupman——kissingandhugging——allthatsortofthing——eh，ma’am——eh？

Mr。Jingle，saidthespinsteraunt，ifyoucomehere，sir，toinsultme——

Notatall——bynomeans，repliedtheunabashedMr。Jingle——overheardthetale——cametowarnyouofyourdanger——tendermyservices——preventthehubbub。Nevermind——thinkitaninsult——leavetheroom——andheturned，asiftocarrythethreatintoexecution。

WhatshallIdo！saidthepoorspinster，burstingintotears。

Mybrotherwillbefurious。

Ofcoursehewill，saidMr。Jingle，pausing——outrageous。

Oh，Mr。Jingle，whatcanIsay！exclaimedthespinsteraunt，inanotherfloodofdespair。

Sayhedreamit，repliedMr。Jingle，coolly。

Arayofcomfortdartedacrossthemindofthespinsterauntatthissuggestion。Mr。Jingleperceivedit，andfolloweduphisadvantage。

Pooh，pooh！——nothingmoreeasy——blackguardboy——lovelywoman——fatboyhorsewhipped——youbelieved——endofthematter——allcomfortable。

Whethertheprobabilityofescapingfromtheconsequencesofthisill-timeddiscoverywasdelightfultothespinster’sfeelings，orwhetherthehearingherselfdescribedasalovelywomansoftenedtheasperityofhergrief，weknownot。Sheblushedslightly，andcastagratefullookonMr。Jingle。

Thatinsinuatinggentlemansigheddeeply，fixedhiseyesonthespinsteraunt’sfaceforacoupleofminutes，startedmelodramatically，andsuddenlywithdrewthem。

Youseemunhappy，Mr。Jingle，saidthelady，inaplaintivevoice。

MayIshowmygratitudeforyourkindinterference，byinquiringintothecause，withaview，ifpossible，toitsremoval？

Ha！exclaimedMr。Jingle，withanotherstart——removal！removemyunhappiness，andyourlovebestoweduponamanwhoisinsensibletotheblessing——whoevennowcontemplatesadesignupontheaffectionsofthenieceofthecreaturewho——butno。heismyfriend。Iwillnotexposehisvices。MissWardle——farewell！Attheconclusionofthisaddress，themostconsecutivehewaseverknowntoutter，Mr。Jingleappliedtohiseyestheremnantofahandkerchiefbeforenoticed，andturnedtowardsthedoor。

Stay，Mr。Jingle！saidthespinsterauntemphatically。YouhavemadeanallusiontoMr。Tupman——explainit。

Never！exclaimedJingle，withaprofessional(i。e。theatrical)

air。Never！and，bywayofshowingthathehadnodesiretobequestionedfurther，hedrewachairclosetothatofthespinsterauntandsatdown。

Mr。Jingle，saidtheaunt，Ientreat——Iimploreyou，ifthereisanydreadfulmysteryconnectedwithMr。Tupman，revealit。

CanI，saidMr。Jingle，fixinghiseyesontheaunt’sface——canI

see——lovelycreature——sacrificedattheshrine——heartlessavarice！Heappearedtobestrugglingwithvariousconflictingemotionsforafewseconds，andthensaidinalowdeepvoice——

Tupmanonlywantsyourmoney。

Thewretch！exclaimedthespinster，withenergeticindignation。(Mr。

Jingle’sdoubtswereresolved。Shehadmoney。)

Morethanthat，saidJingle——lovesanother。

Another！ejaculatedthespinster。Who？

Shortgirl——blackeyes——nieceEmily。

Therewasapause。

Now，iftherewereoneindividualinthewholeworld，ofwhomthespinsterauntentertainedamortalanddeeply-rootedjealousy，itwasthisidenticalniece。Thecolourrushedoverherfaceandneck，andshetossedherheadinsilencewithanairofineffablecontempt。Atlast，bitingherthinlips，andbridlingup，shesaid——

Itcan’tbe。Iwon’tbelieveit。

Watch’em，saidJingle。

Iwill，saidtheaunt。

Watchhislooks。

Iwill。

Hiswhispers。

Iwill。

He’llsitnextherattable。

Lethim。

He’llflatterher。

Lethim。

He’llpayhereverypossibleattention。

Lethim。

Andhe’llcutyou。

Cutme！screamedthespinsteraunt。Hecutme——willhe！andshetrembledwithrageanddisappointment。

Youwillconvinceyourself？saidJingle。

Iwill。

You’llshowyourspirit？

Iwill。

You’llnothavehimafterwards？

Never。

You’lltakesomebodyelse？

Yes。

Youshall。

Mr。Jinglefellonhisknees，remainedthereuponforfiveminutesthereafter：

androsetheacceptedloverofthespinsteraunt：conditionallyuponMr。

Tupman’sperjurybeingmadeclearandmanifest。

TheburdenofprooflaywithMr。AlfredJingle。andheproducedhisevidencethatverydayatdinner。Thespinsterauntcouldhardlybelievehereyes。Mr。TracyTupmanwasestablishedatEmily’sside，ogling，whispering，andsmiling，inoppositiontoMr。Snodgrass。Notaword，notalook，notaglance，didhebestowuponhisheart’sprideoftheeveningbefore。

Damnthatboy！thoughtoldMr。Wardletohimself——Hehadheardthestoryfromhismother。Damnthatboy！Hemusthavebeenasleep。

It’sallimagination。

Traitor！thoughtthespinsteraunt。DearMr。Jinglewasnotdeceivingme。Ugh！howIhatethewretch！

ThefollowingconversationmayservetoexplaintoourreadersthisapparentlyunaccountablealterationofdeportmentonthepartofMr。TracyTupman。

Thetimewasevening。thescenethegarden。Thereweretwofigureswalkinginasidepath。onewasrathershortandstout。theotherrathertallandslim。TheywereMr。TupmanandMr。Jingle。Thestoutfigurecommencedthedialogue。

HowdidIdoit？heinquired。

Splendid——capital——couldn’tactbettermyself——youmustrepeatthepartto-morrow——everyevening，tillfurthernotice。

DoesRachaelstillwishit？

Ofcourse——shedon’tlikeit——butmustbedone——avertsuspicion——afraidofherbrother——saysthere’snohelpforit——onlyafewdaysmore——whenoldfolksblinded——crownyourhappiness。

Anymessage？

Love——bestlove——kindestregards——unalterableaffection。CanIsayanythingforyou？

Mydearfellow，repliedtheunsuspiciousMr。Tupman，ferventlygraspinghisfriend’shand——carrymybestlove——sayhowhardIfindittodissemble——sayanythingthat’skind。butaddhowsensibleIamofthenecessityofthesuggestionshemadetome，throughyou，thismorning。SayIapplaudherwisdomandadmireherdiscretion。

Iwill。Anythingmore？

Nothing。onlyaddhowardentlyIlongforthetimewhenImaycallhermine，andalldissimulationmaybeunnecessary。

Certainly，certainly。Anythingmore？

Oh，myfriend！saidpoorMr。Tupman，againgraspingthehandofhiscompanion，receivemywarmestthanksforyourdisinterestedkindness。

andforgivemeifIhaveever，eveninthought，doneyoutheinjusticeofsupposingthatyoucouldstandinmyway。Mydearfriend，canIeverrepayyou？

Don’ttalkofit，repliedMr。Jingle。Hestoppedshort，asifsuddenlyrecollectingsomething，andsaid——By-the-bye——can’tsparetenpounds，canyou？——veryparticularpurpose——payyouinthreedays。

IdaresayIcan，repliedMr。Tupman，inthefulnessofhisheart。

Threedays，yousay？

Onlythreedays——alloverthen——nomoredifficulties。

Mr。Tupmancountedthemoneyintohiscompanion’shand，andhedroppeditpiecebypieceintohispocket，astheywalkedtowardsthehouse。

Becareful，saidMr。Jingle——notalook。

Notawink，saidMr。Tupman。

Notasyllable。

Notawhisper。

Allyourattentionstotheniece——ratherrude，thanotherwise，totheaunt——onlywayofdeceivingtheoldones。

I’lltakecare，saidMr。Tupmanaloud。

AndI’lltakecare，saidMr。Jingleinternally。andtheyenteredthehouse。