第16章

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter30[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXXHOWTHEPICKWICKIANSMADEANDCULTIVATEDTHEACQUAINTANCE

OFACOUPLEOFNICEYOUNGMENBELONGINGTOONEOFTHELIBERALPROFESSIONS。

HOWTHEYDISPORTEDTHEMSELVESONTHEICE。ANDHOWTHEIRFIRSTVISITCAME

TOACONCLUSION

WELL，Sam，saidMr。Pickwickasthatfavouredservitorenteredhisbed-chamberwithhiswarmwater，onthemorningofChristmasDay，Stillfrosty？

Waterinthewash-handbasin’samasko’ice，sir，respondedSam。

Severeweather，Sam，observedMr。Pickwick。

Finetimeforthemasiswellwroppedup，asthePolarBearsaidtohimself，venhewaspractisinghisskating，repliedMr。Weller。

Ishallbedowninaquarterofanhour，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，untyinghisnightcap。

Werygood，sir，repliedSam。There’sacoupleo’Sawbonesdown-stairs。

Acoupleofwhat！exclaimedMr。Pickwick，sittingupinbed。

Acoupleo’Sawbones，saidSam。

What’saSawbones？inquiredMr。Pickwick，notquitecertainwhetheritwasaliveanimal，orsomethingtoeat。

What！Don’tyouknowwhataSawbonesis，sir？inquiredMr。Weller。

Ithoughteverybodyknow’dasaSawboneswasaSurgeon。

Oh，aSurgeon，eh？saidMr。Pickwick，withasmile。

Justthat，sir，repliedSam。Thesehereonesasisbelow，though，ain’treg’larthorough-bredSawbones。they’reonlyintrainin’。

Inotherwordsthey’reMedicalStudents，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick。

SamWellernoddedassent。

Iamgladofit，saidMr。Pickwick，castinghisnightcapenergeticallyonthecounterpane，Theyarefinefellows。veryfinefellows。withjudgmentsmaturedbyobservationandreflection。tastesrefinedbyreadingandstudy。

Iamverygladofit。

They’reasmokin’cigarsbythekitchenfire，saidSam。

Ah！observedMr。Pickwick，rubbinghishands，over-flowingwithkindlyfeelingsandanimalspirits。JustwhatIliketosee。

Andoneon’em，saidSam，notnoticinghismaster’sinterruption，oneon’em’sgothislegsonthetable，andisadrinkin’brandyneat，vilethet’otherone——himinthebarnacles——hasgotabarrelo’oystersatweenhisknees，wichhe’saopenin’likesteam，andasfastasheeats’em，hetakesaaimviththeshellsatyoungdropsy，who’sasittin’downfastasleep，inthechimbleycorner。

Eccentricitiesofgenius，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。Youmayretire。

Samdidretireaccordingly。Mr。Pickwick，attheexpirationofthequarterofanhour，wentdowntobreakfast。

Hereheisatlast！saidoldMr。Wardle。Pickwick，thisisMissAllen’sbrother，Mr。BenjaminAllen。Benwecallhim，andsomayyouifyoulike。

Thisgentlemanishisveryparticularfriend，Mr——

Mr。BobSawyer，interposedMr。BenjaminAllen。whereuponMr。BobSawyerandMr。BenjaminAllenlaughedinconcert。

Mr。PickwickbowedtoBobSawyer，andBobSawyerbowedtoMr。Pickwick。

Bobandhisveryparticularfriendthenappliedthemselvesmostassiduouslytotheeatablesbeforethem。andMr。Pickwickhadanopportunityofglancingatthemboth。

Mr。BenjaminAllenwasacoarse，stout，thick-setyoungman，withblackhaircutrathershort，andawhitefacecutratherlong。Hewasembellishedwithspectacles，andworeawhiteneckerchief。Belowhissingle-breastedblacksurtout，whichwasbuttoneduptohischin，appearedtheusualnumberofpepper-and-saltcolouredlegs，terminatinginapairofimperfectlypolishedboots。Althoughhiscoatwasshortinthesleeves，itdisclosednovestigeofalinenwrist-band。andalthoughtherewasquiteenoughofhisfacetoadmitoftheencroachmentofashirtcollar，itwasnotgracedbythesmallestapproachtothatappendage。Hepresented，altogether，ratheramildewyappearance，andemittedafragrantodouroffull-flavouredCubas。

Mr。BobSawyer，whowashabitedinacoarsebluecoat，which，withoutbeingeitheragreat-coatorasurtout，partookofthenatureandqualitiesofboth，hadabouthimthatsortofslovenlysmartness，andswaggeringgait，whichispeculiartoyounggentlemenwhosmokeinthestreetsbyday，shoutandscreaminthesamebynight，callwaitersbytheirChristiannames，anddovariousotheractsanddeedsofanequallyfacetiousdescription。

Heworeapairofplaidtrousers，andalargeroughdouble-breastedwaistcoat。

outofdoors，hecarriedathickstickwithabigtop。Heeschewedgloves，andlooked，uponthewhole，somethinglikeadissipatedRobinsonCrusoe。

SuchwerethetwoworthiestowhomMr。Pickwickwasintroduced，ashetookhisseatatthebreakfasttableonChristmasmorning。

Splendidmorning，gentlemen，saidMr。Pickwick。

Mr。BobSawyerslightlynoddedhisassenttotheproposition，andaskedMr。BenjaminAllenforthemustard。

Haveyoucomefarthismorning，gentlemen？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

BlueLionatMuggleton，brieflyrespondedMr。Allen。

Youshouldhavejoineduslastnight，saidMr。Pickwick。

Soweshould，repliedBobSawyer，butthebrandywastoogoodtoleaveinahurry：wasn’tit，Ben？

Certainly，saidMr。BenjaminAllen。andthecigarswerenotbad，ortheporkchopseither：werethey，Bob？

Decidedlynot，saidBob。Theparticularfriendsresumedtheirattackuponthebreakfast，morefreelythanbefore，asiftherecollectionoflastnight’ssupperhadimpartedanewrelishtothemeal。

Pegaway，Bob，saidMr。Allentohiscompanion，encouragingly。

SoIdo，repliedBobSawyer。Andso，todohimjustice，hedid。

Nothinglikedissecting，togiveoneanappetite，saidMr。BobSawyer，lookingroundthetable。

Mr。Pickwickslightlyshuddered。

Bythebye，Bob，saidMr。Allen，haveyoufinishedthatlegyet？

Nearly，repliedSawyer，helpinghimselftohalfafowlashespoke。

It’saverymuscularoneforachild’s。

Isit？inquiredMr。Allen，carelessly。

Very，saidBobSawyer，withhismouthfull。

I’veputmynamedownforanarm，atourplace，saidMr。Allen。We’reclubbingforasubject，andthelistisnearlyfull，onlywecan’tgetholdofanyfellowthatwantsahead。Iwishyou’dtakeit。

No，repliedBobSawyer。can’taffordexpensiveluxuries。

Nonsense！saidAllen。

Can’tindeed，rejoinedBobSawyer。Iwouldn’tmindabrain，butI

couldn’tstandawholehead。

Hush，hush，gentlemen，pray，saidMr。Pickwick，Iheartheladies。

AsMr。Pickwickspoke，theladies，gallantlyescortedbyMessrs。Snodgrass，Winkle，andTupman，returnedfromanearlywalk。

Why，Ben！saidArabella，inatonewhichexpressedmoresurprisethanpleasureatthesightofherbrother。

Cometotakeyouhometo-morrow，repliedBenjamin。

Mr。Winkleturnedpale。

Don’tyouseeBobSawyer，Arabella？inquiredMr。BenjaminAllen，somewhatreproachfully。Arabellagracefullyheldoutherhand，inacknowledgmentofBobSawyer’spresence。AthrillofhatredstrucktoMr。Winkle’sheart，asBobSawyerinflictedontheprofferedhandaperceptiblesqueeze。

Ben，dear！saidArabella，blushing。have——have——youbeenintroducedtoMr。Winkle？

Ihavenotbeen，butIshallbeveryhappytobe，Arabella，repliedherbrothergravely。HereMr。AllenbowedgrimlytoMr。Winkle，whileMr。

WinkleandMr。BobSawyerglancedmutualdistrustoutofthecornersoftheireyes。

Thearrivalofthetwonewvisitors，andtheconsequentcheckuponMr。

Winkleandtheyoungladywiththefurroundherboots，wouldinallprobabilityhaveprovedaveryunpleasantinterruptiontothehilarityoftheparty，hadnotthecheerfulnessofMr。Pickwick，andthegoodhumourofthehost，beenexertedtotheveryutmostforthecommonweal。Mr。WinklegraduallyinsinuatedhimselfintothegoodgracesofMr。BenjaminAllen，andevenjoinedinafriendlyconversationwithMr。BobSawyer。who，enlivenedwiththebrandy，andthebreakfast，andthetalking，graduallyripenedintoastateofextremefacetiousness，andrelatedwithmuchgleeanagreeableanecdote，abouttheremovalofatumouronsomegentleman’shead：whichheillustratedbymeansofanoyster-knifeandahalf-quarternloaf，tothegreatedificationoftheassembledcompany。Then，thewholetrainwenttochurch，whereMr。BenjaminAllenfellfastasleep：whileMr。BobSawyerabstractedhisthoughtsfromworldlymatters，bytheingeniousprocessofcarvinghisnameontheseatofthepew，incorpulentlettersoffourincheslong。

Now，saidWardle，afterasubstantiallunch，withtheagreeableitemsofstrongbeerandcherry-brandy，hadbeendoneamplejusticeto。whatsayyoutoanhourontheice？Weshallhaveplentyoftime。

Capital！saidMr。BenjaminAllen。

Prime！ejaculatedMr。BobSawyer。

Youskate，ofcourse，Winkle？saidWardle。

Ye-yes。oh，yes，repliedMr。Winkle。I——I——amratheroutofpractice。

Oh，doskate，Mr。Winkle，saidArabella。Iliketoseeitsomuch。

Oh，itissograceful，saidanotheryounglady。

Athirdyoungladysaiditwaselegant，andafourthexpressedheropinionthatitwasswan-like。

Ishouldbeveryhappy，I’msure，saidMr。Winkle，reddening。butIhavenoskates。

Thisobjectionwasatonceoverruled。Trundlehadacoupleofpair，andthefatboyannouncedthattherewerehalf-a-dozenmoredown-stairs：

whereatMr。Winkleexpressedexquisitedelight，andlookedexquisitelyuncomfortable。

OldWardleledthewaytoaprettylargesheetofice。andthefatboyandMr。Weller，havingshovelledandsweptawaythesnowwhichhadfallenonitduringthenight，Mr。BobSawyeradjustedhisskateswithadexteritywhichtoMr。Winklewasperfectlymarvellous，anddescribedcircleswithhisleftleg，andcutfiguresofeight，andinscribedupontheice，withoutoncestoppingforbreath，agreatmanyotherpleasantandastonishingdevices，totheexcessivesatisfactionofMr。Pickwick，Mr。Tupman，andtheladies：

whichreachedapitchofpositiveenthusiasm，whenoldWardleandBenjaminAllen，assistedbytheaforesaidBobSawyer，performedsomemysticevolutions，whichtheycalledareel。

Allthistime，Mr。Winkle，withhisfaceandhandsbluewiththecold，hadbeenforcingagimletintothesolesofhisfeet，andputtinghisskateson，withthepointsbehind，andgettingthestrapsintoaverycomplicatedandentangledstate，withtheassistanceofMr。Snodgrass，whoknewratherlessaboutskatesthanaHindoo。Atlength，however，withtheassistanceofMr。Weller，theunfortunateskateswerefirmlyscrewedandbuckledon，andMr。Winklewasraisedtohisfeet。

Now，then，sir，saidSam，inanencouragingtone。offvithyou，andshow’emhowtodoit。

Stop，Sam，stop！saidMr。Winkle，tremblingviolently，andclutchingholdofSam’sarmswiththegraspofadrowningman。Howslipperyitis，Sam！

Notanuncommonthinguponice，sir，repliedMr。Weller。Holdup，sir！

ThislastobservationofMr。Weller’sborereferencetoademonstrationMr。Winklemadeattheinstant，ofafranticdesiretothrowhisfeetintheair，anddashthebackofhisheadontheice。

These——these——areveryawkwardskates。ain’tthey，Sam？inquiredMr。

Winkle，staggering。

I’mafeerdthere’saorkardgen’l’m’nin’em，sir，repliedSam。

Now，Winkle，criedMr。Pickwick，quiteunconsciousthattherewasanythingthematter。Come。theladiesareallanxiety。

Yes，yes，repliedMr。Winkle，withaghastlysmile。I’mcoming。

Justagoin’tobegin，saidSam，endeavouringtodisengagehimself。

Now，sir，startoff！

Stopaninstant，Sam，gaspedMr。Winkle，clingingmostaffectionatelytoMr。Weller。IfindI’vegotacoupleofcoatsathomethatIdon’twant，Sam。Youmayhavethem，Sam。

Thank’ee，sir，repliedMr。Weller。

Nevermindtouchingyourhat，Sam，saidMr。Winkle，hastily。Youneedn’ttakeyourhandawaytodothat。ImeanttohavegivenyoufiveshillingsthismorningforaChristmas-box，Sam。I’llgiveityouthisafternoon，Sam。

You’rewerygood，sir，repliedMr。Weller。

Justholdmeatfirst，Sam。willyou？saidMr。Winkle。There——that’sright。Ishallsoongetinthewayofit，Sam。Nottoofast，Sam。nottoofast。

Mr。Winklestoopingforward，withhisbodyhalfdoubledup，wasbeingassistedovertheicebyMr。Weller，inaverysingularandun-swan-likemanner，whenMr。Pickwickmostinnocentlyshoutedfromtheoppositebank：

Sam！

Sir？

Here。Iwantyou。

Letgo，sir，saidSam。Don’tyouhearthegovernoracallin’？Letgo，sir。

Withaviolenteffort，Mr。WellerdisengagedhimselffromthegraspoftheagonisedPickwickian，and，insodoing，administeredaconsiderableimpetustotheunhappyMr。Winkle。Withanaccuracywhichnodegreeofdexterityorpracticecouldhaveinsured，thatunfortunategentlemanboreswiftlydownintothecentreofthereel，attheverymomentwhenMr。BobSawyerwasperformingaflourishofunparalleledbeauty。Mr。Winklestruckwildlyagainsthim，andwithaloudcrashtheybothfellheavilydown。

Mr。Pickwickrantothespot。BobSawyerhadrisentohisfeet，butMr。

Winklewasfartoowisetodoanythingofthekind，inskates。Hewasseatedontheice，makingspasmodiceffortstosmile。butanguishwasdepictedoneverylineamentofhiscountenance。

Areyouhurt？inquiredMr。BenjaminAllen，withgreatanxiety。

Notmuch，saidMr。Winkle，rubbinghisbackveryhard。

Iwishyou’dletmebleedyou，saidMr。Benjamin，withgreateagerness。

No，thankyou，repliedMr。Winklehurriedly。

Ireallythinkyouhadbetter，saidAllen。

Thankyou，repliedMr。Winkle。I’drathernot。

Whatdoyouthink，Mr。Pickwick？inquiredBobSawyer。

Mr。Pickwickwasexcitedandindignant。HebeckonedtoMr。Weller，andsaidinasternvoice，Takehisskatesoff。

No。butreallyIhadscarcelybegun，remonstratedMr。Winkle。

Takehisskatesoff，repeatedMr。Pickwickfirmly。

Thecommandwasnottoberesisted。Mr。WinkleallowedSamtoobeyitinsilence。

Lifthimup，saidMr。Pickwick。Samassistedhimtorise。

Mr。Pickwickretiredafewpacesapartfromthebystanders。and，beckoninghisfriendtoapproach，fixedasearchinglookuponhim，andutteredinalow，butdistinctandemphatictone，theseremarkablewords：

You’reahumbug，sir。

Awhat？saidMr。Winkle，starting。

Ahumbug，sir。Iwillspeakplainer，ifyouwishit。Animpostor，sir。

Withthosewords，Mr。Pickwickturnedslowlyonhisheel，andrejoinedhisfriends。

WhileMr。Pickwickwasdeliveringhimselfofthesentimentjustrecorded，Mr。Wellerandthefatboy，havingbytheirjointendeavourscutoutaslide，wereexercisingthemselvesthereupon，inaverymasterlyandbrilliantmanner。SamWeller，inparticular，wasdisplayingthatbeautifulfeatoffancy-slidingwhichiscurrentlydenominatedknockingatthecobbler’sdoor，andwhichisachievedbyskimmingovertheiceononefoot，andoccasionallygivingapostman’sknockuponitwiththeother。Itwasagoodlongslide，andtherewassomethinginthemotionwhichMr。Pickwick，whowasverycoldwithstandingstill，couldnothelpenvying。

Itlooksanicewarmexercisethat，doesn’tit？heinquiredofWardle，whenthatgentlemanwasthoroughlyoutofbreath，byreasonoftheindefatigablemannerinwhichhehadconvertedhislegsintoapairofcompasses，anddrawncomplicatedproblemsontheice。

Ah，itdoesindeed，repliedWardle。Doyouslide？

Iusedtodoso，onthegutters，whenIwasaboy，repliedMr。Pickwick。

Tryitnow，saidWardle。

Ohdoplease，Mr。Pickwick！criedalltheladies。

Ishouldbeveryhappytoaffordyouanyamusement，repliedMr。Pickwick，butIhaven’tdonesuchathingthesethirtyyears。

Pooh！pooh！Nonsense！saidWardle，draggingoffhisskateswiththeimpetuositywhichcharacterisedallhisproceedings。Here。I’llkeepyoucompany。comealong！Andawaywentthegood-temperedoldfellowdowntheslide，witharapiditywhichcameverycloseuponMr。Weller，andbeatthefatboyalltonothing。

Mr。Pickwickpaused，considered，pulledoffhisglovesandputtheminhishat：tooktwoorthreeshortruns，baulkedhimselfasoften，andatlasttookanotherrun，andwentslowlyandgravelydowntheslide，withhisfeetaboutayardandaquarterapart，amidstthegratifiedshoutsofallthespectators。

Keepthepotabilin’，sir！saidSam。anddownwentWardleagain，andthenMr。Pickwick，andthenSam，andthenMr。Winkle，andthenMr。

BobSawyer，andthenthefatboy，andthenMr。Snodgrass，followingcloselyuponeachother’sheels，andrunningaftereachotherwithasmucheagernessasifalltheirfutureprospectsinlifedependedontheirexpedition。

Itwasthemostintenselyinterestingthing，toobservethemannerinwhichMr。Pickwickperformedhisshareintheceremony。towatchthetortureofanxietywithwhichheviewedthepersonbehind，gaininguponhimattheimminenthazardoftrippinghimup。toseehimgraduallyexpendthepainfulforcehehadputonatfirst，andturnslowlyroundontheslide，withhisfacetowardsthepointfromwhichhehadstarted。tocontemplatetheplayfulsmilewhichmantledonhisfacewhenhehadaccomplishedthedistance，andtheeagernesswithwhichheturnedroundwhenhehaddoneso，andranafterhispredecessor：hisblackgaiterstrippingpleasantlythroughthesnow，andhiseyesbeamingcheerfulnessandgladnessthroughhisspectacles。Andwhenhewasknockeddown(whichhappenedupontheaverageeverythirdround)，itwasthemostinvigoratingsightthatcanpossiblybeimagined，tobeholdhimgatheruphishat，gloves，andhandkerchief，withaglowingcountenance，andresumehisstationintherank，withanardourandenthusiasmthatnothingcouldabate。

Thesportwasatitsheight，theslidingwasatthequickest，thelaughterwasattheloudest，whenasharpsmartcrackwasheard。Therewasaquickrushtowardsthebank，awildscreamfromtheladies，andashoutfromMr。Tupman。Alargemassoficedisappeared。thewaterbubbledupoverit。Mr。Pickwick’shat，gloves，andhandkerchiefwerefloatingonthesurface。

andthiswasallofMr。Pickwickthatanybodycouldsee。

Dismayandanguishweredepictedoneverycountenance，themalesturnedpale，andthefemalesfainted，Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklegraspedeachotherbythehand，andgazedatthespotwheretheirleaderhadgonedown，withfrenziedeagerness：whileMr。Tupman，bywayofrenderingthepromptestassistance，andatthesametimeconveyingtoanypersonswhomightbewithinhearing，theclearestpossiblenotionofthecatastrophe，ranoffacrossthecountryathisutmostspeed，screamingFire！withallhismight。

Itwasatthismoment，whenoldWardleandSamWellerwereapproachingtheholewithcautioussteps，andMr。BenjaminAllenwasholdingahurriedconsultationwithMr。BobSawyer，ontheadvisabilityofbleedingthecompanygenerally，asanimprovinglittlebitofprofessionalpractice——itwasatthisverymoment，thataface，head，andshoulders，emergedfrombeneaththewater，anddisclosedthefeaturesandspectaclesofMr。Pickwick。

Keepyourselfupforaninstant——foronlyoneinstant！bawledMr。

Snodgrass。

Yes，do。letmeimploreyou——formysake！roaredMr。Winkle，deeplyaffected。Theadjurationwasratherunnecessary。theprobabilitybeing，thatifMr。Pickwickhaddeclinedtokeephimselfupforanybodyelse’ssake，itwouldhaveoccurredtohimthathemightaswelldoso，forhisown。

Doyoufeelthebottomthere，oldfellow？saidWardle。

Yes，certainly，repliedMr。Pickwick，wringingthewaterfromhisheadandface，andgaspingforbreath。Ifelluponmyback。Icouldn’tgetonmyfeetatfirst。

TheclayuponsomuchofMr。Pickwick’scoataswasyetvisible，boretestimonytotheaccuracyofthisstatement。andasthefearsofthespectatorswerestillfurtherrelievedbythefatboy’ssuddenlyrecollectingthatthewaterwasnowheremorethanfivefeetdeep，prodigiesofvalourwereperformedtogethimout。Afteravastquantityofsplashing，andcracking，andstruggling，Mr。Pickwickwasatlengthfairlyextricatedfromhisunpleasantposition，andoncemorestoodondryland。

Oh，he’llcatchhisdeathofcold，saidEmily。

Dearoldthing！saidArabella。Letmewrapthisshawlroundyou，Mr。Pickwick。

Ah，that’sthebestthingyoucando，saidWardle。andwhenyou’vegotiton，runhomeasfastasyourlegscancarryyou，andjumpintobeddirectly。

Adozenshawlswereofferedontheinstant。Threeorfourofthethickesthavingbeenselected，Mr。Pickwickwaswrappedup，andstartedoff，undertheguidanceofMr。Weller：presentingthesingularphenomenonofanelderlygentleman，drippingwet，andwithoutahat，withhisarmsbounddowntohissides，skimmingovertheground，withoutanyclearlydefinedpurpose，attherateofsixgoodEnglishmilesanhour。

ButMr。Pickwickcarednotforappearancesinsuchanextremecase，andurgedonbySamWeller，hekeptattheverytopofhisspeeduntilhereachedthedoorofManorFarm，whereMr。Tupmanhadarrivedsomefiveminutesbefore，andhadfrightenedtheoldladyintopalpitationsoftheheartbyimpressingherwiththeunalterableconvictionthatthekitchenchimneywasonfire——acalamitywhichalwayspresenteditselfinglowingcolourstotheoldlady’smind，whenanybodyaboutherevincedthesmallestagitation。

Mr。Pickwickpausednotaninstantuntilhewassnuginbed。SamWellerlightedablazingfireintheroom，andtookuphisdinner。abowlofpunchwascarriedupafterwards，andagrandcarouseheldinhonourofhissafety。

OldWardlewouldnothearofhisrising，sotheymadethebedthechair，andMr。Pickwickpresided。Asecondandathirdbowlwereorderedin。andwhenMr。Pickwickawokenextmorning，therewasnotasymptomofrheumatismabouthim：whichproves，asMr。BobSawyerveryjustlyobserved，thatthereisnothinglikehotpunchinsuchcases：andthatifeverhotpunchdidfailtoactasapreventive，itwasmerelybecausethepatientfellintothevulgarerrorofnottakingenoughofit。

Thejovialpartybrokeupnextmorning。Breakingsuparecapitalthingsinourschooldays，butinafterlifetheyarepainfulenough。Death，self-interest，andfortune’schanges，areeverydaybreakingupmanyahappygroup，andscatteringthemfarandwide。andtheboysandgirlsnevercomebackagain。

Wedonotmeantosaythatitwasexactlythecaseinthisparticularinstance。

allwewishtoinformthereaderis，thatthedifferentmembersofthepartydispersedtotheirseveralhomes。thatMr。PickwickandhisfriendsoncemoretooktheirseatsonthetopoftheMuggletoncoach。andthatArabellaAllenrepairedtoherplaceofdestination，whereveritmighthavebeen——wedaresayMr。Winkleknew，butweconfesswedon’t——underthecareandguardianshipofherbrotherBenjamin，andhismostintimateandparticularfriend，Mr。BobSawyer。

Beforetheyseparated，however，thatgentlemanandMr。BenjaminAllendrewMr。Pickwickasidewithanairofsomemystery：andMr。BobSawyerthrustinghisforefingerbetweentwoofMr。Pickwick’sribs，andtherebydisplayinghisnativedrollery，andhisknowledgeoftheanatomyofthehumanframe，atoneandthesametime，inquired：

Isay，oldboy，wheredoyouhangout？

Mr。PickwickrepliedthathewasatpresentsuspendedattheGeorgeandVulture。

Iwishyou’dcomeandseeme，saidBobSawyer。

Nothingwouldgivemegreaterpleasure，repliedMr。Pickwick。

There’smylodgings，saidMr。BobSawyer，producingacard。LantStreet，Borough。it’snearGuy’s，andhandyforme，youknow。Littledistanceafteryou’vepassedSaintGeorge’sChurch——turnsoutoftheHighStreetontherighthandsidetheway。

Ishallfindit，saidMr。Pickwick。

ComeonThursdayfortnight，andbringtheotherchapswithyou，saidMr。BobSawyer，I’mgoingtohaveafewmedicalfellowsthatnight。

Mr。Pickwickexpressedthepleasureitwouldaffordhimtomeetthemedicalfellows。andafterMr。BobSawyerhadinformedhimthathemeanttobeverycosy，andthathisfriendBenwastobeoneoftheparty，theyshookhandsandseparated。

WefeelthatinthisplacewelayourselfopentotheinquirywhetherMr。Winklewaswhispering，duringthisbriefconversation，toArabellaAllen。andifso，whathesaid。andfurthermore，whetherMr。SnodgrasswasconversingapartwithEmilyWardle。andifso，whathesaid。

Tothis，wereply，thatwhatevertheymighthavesaidtotheladies，theysaidnothingatalltoMr。PickwickorMr。Tupmanforeight-and-twentymiles，andthattheysighedveryoften，refusedaleandbrandy，andlookedgloomy。Ifourobservantladyreaderscandeduceanysatisfactoryinferencesfromthesefacts，webegthembyallmeanstodoso。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter31[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXXIWHICHISALLABOUTTHELAW，ANDSUNDRYGREATAUTHORITIES

LEARNEDTHEREIN

SCATTEREDabout，invariousholesandcornersoftheTemple，arecertaindarkanddirtychambers，inandoutofwhich，allthemorninginVacation，andhalftheeveningtooinTermtime，theremaybeseenconstantlyhurryingwithbundlesofpapersundertheirarms，andprotrudingfromtheirpockets，analmostuninterruptedsuccessionofLawyers’

Clerks。ThereareseveralgradesofLawyers’Clerks。ThereistheArticledClerk，whohaspaidapremium，andisanattorneyinperspective，whorunsatailor’sbill，receivesinvitationstoparties，knowsafamilyinGowerStreet，andanotherinTavistockSquare：whogoesoutoftowneveryLongVacationtoseehisfather，whokeepslivehorsesinnumerable。andwhois，inshort，theveryaristocratofclerks。Thereisthesalariedclerk——outofdoor，orindoor，asthecasemaybe——whodevotesthemajorpartofhisthirtyshillingsaweektohispersonalpleasureandadornment，repairshalf-pricetotheAdelphiTheatreatleastthreetimesaweek，dissipatesmajesticallyatthecidercellarsafterwards，andisadirtycaricatureofthefashionwhichexpiredsixmonthsago。Thereisthemiddle-agedcopyingclerk，withalargefamily，whoisalwaysshabby，andoftendrunk。Andtherearetheofficeladsintheirfirstsurtouts，whofeelabefittingcontemptforboysatday-schools：clubastheygohomeatnight，forsaveloysandporter：andthinkthere’snothinglikelife。Therearevarietiesofthegenus，toonumeroustorecapitulate，buthowevernumeroustheymaybe，theyarealltobeseen，atcertainregulatedbusinesshours，hurryingtoandfromtheplaceswehavejustmentioned。

Thesesequesterednooksarethepublicofficesofthelegalprofession，wherewritsareissued，judgmentssigned，declarationsfiled，andnumerousotheringeniousmachinesputinmotionforthetortureandtormentofHisMajesty’sliegesubjects，andthecomfortandemolumentofthepractitionersofthelaw。Theyare，forthemostpart，low-roofed，mouldyrooms，whereinnumerablerollsofparchment，whichhavebeenperspiringinsecretforthelastcentury，sendforthanagreeableodour，whichismingledbydaywiththescentofthedryrot，andbynightwiththevariousexhalationswhicharisefromdampcloaks，festeringumbrellas，andthecoarsesttallowcandles。

Abouthalf-pastseveno’clockintheevening，sometendaysorafortnightafterMr。PickwickandhisfriendsreturnedtoLondon，therehurriedintooneoftheseoffices，anindividualinabrowncoatandbrassbuttons，whoselonghairwasscrupulouslytwistedroundtherimofhisnaplesshat，andwhosesoileddrabtrousersweresotightlystrappedoverhisBlucherboots，thathiskneesthreatenedeverymomenttostartfromtheirconcealment。

Heproducedfromhiscoatpocketsalongandnarrowstripofparchment，onwhichthepresidingfunctionaryimpressedanillegibleblackstamp。

Hethendrewforthfourscrapsofpaper，ofsimilardimensions，eachcontainingaprintedcopyofthestripofparchmentwithblanksforaname。andhavingfilleduptheblanks，putallthefivedocumentsinhispocket，andhurriedaway。

Themaninthebrowncoat，withthecabalisticdocumentsinhispocket，wasnootherthanouroldacquaintanceMr。Jackson，ofthehouseofDodsonandFogg，Freeman’sCourt，Cornhill。Insteadofreturningtotheofficefromwhencehecame，however，hebenthisstepsdirecttoSunCourt，andwalkingstraightintotheGeorgeandVulture，demandedtoknowwhetheroneMr。Pickwickwaswithin。

CallMr。Pickwick’sservant，Tom，saidthebarmaidoftheGeorgeandVulture。

Don’ttroubleyourself，saidMr。Jackson，I’vecomeonbusiness。

Ifyou’llshowmeMr。Pickwick’sroomI’llstepupmyself。

Whatname，sir？saidthewaiter。

Jackson，repliedtheclerk。

Thewaitersteppedup-stairstoannounceMr。Jackson。butMr。Jacksonsavedhimthetroublebyfollowingcloseathisheels，andwalkingintotheapartmentbeforehecouldarticulateasyllable。

Mr。Pickwickhad，thatday，invitedhisthreefriendstodinner。theywereallseatedroundthefire，drinkingtheirwine，whenMr。Jacksonpresentedhimself，asabovedescribed。

Howdedo，sir？saidMr。Jackson，noddingtoMr。Pickwick。

Thatgentlemanbowed，andlookedsomewhatsurprised，forthephysiognomyofMr。Jacksondweltnotinhisrecollection。

IhavecalledfromDodsonandFogg’s，saidMr。Jackson，inanexplanatorytone。

Mr。Pickwickrousedatthename。Ireferyoutomyattorney，sir：Mr。

Perker，ofGray’sInn，saidhe。Waiter，showthisgentlemanout。

Begyourpardon，Mr。Pickwick，saidJackson，deliberatelydepositinghishatonthefloor，anddrawingfromhispocketthestripofparchment。

Butpersonalservice，byclerkoragent，inthesecases，youknow，Mr。

Pickwick——nothinglikecaution，sir，inalllegalforms？

HereMr。Jacksoncasthiseyeontheparchment。and，restinghishandsonthetable，andlookingroundwithawinningandpersuasivesmile，said：

Now，come。don’tlet’shavenowordsaboutsuchalittlematterasthis。

Whichofyougentlemen’sname’sSnodgrass？

AtthisinquiryMr。Snodgrassgavesuchaveryundisguisedandpalpablestart，thatnofurtherreplywasneeded。

Ah！Ithoughtso，saidMr。Jackson，moreaffablythanbefore。I’vegotalittlesomethingtotroubleyouwith，sir。

Me！exclaimedMr。Snodgrass。

It’sonlyasubpoenainBardellandPickwickonbehalfoftheplaintiff，repliedJackson，singlingoutoneoftheslipsofpaper，andproducingashillingfromhiswaistcoatpocket。It’llcomeon，inthesettensafterTerm。fourteenthofFebooary，weexpect。we’vemarkeditaspecialjurycause，andit’sonlytendownthepaper。That’syours，Mr。

Snodgrass。AsJacksonsaidthishepresentedtheparchmentbeforetheeyesofMr。Snodgrass，andslippedthepaperandtheshillingintohishand。

Mr。Tupmanhadwitnessedthisprocessinsilentastonishment，whenJackson，turningsharplyuponhim，said：

IthinkIain’tmistakenwhenIsayyourname’sTupman，amI？

Mr。TupmanlookedatMr。Pickwick。but，perceivingnoencouragementinthatgentleman’swidely-openedeyestodenyhisname，said：

Yes，mynameisTupman，sir。

Andthatothergentleman’sMr。Winkle，Ithink？saidJackson。

Mr。Winklefalteredoutareplyintheaffirmative。andbothgentlemenwereforthwithinvestedwithaslipofpaper，andashillingeach，bythedexterousMr。Jackson。

Now，saidJackson，I’mafraidyou’llthinkmerathertroublesome，butIwantsomebodyelse，ifitain’tinconvenient。IhaveSamuelWeller’snamehere，Mr。Pickwick。

Sendmyservanthere，waiter，saidMr。Pickwick。Thewaiterretired，considerablyastonished，andMr。PickwickmotionedJacksontoaseat。

Therewasapainfulpause，whichwasatlengthbrokenbytheinnocentdefendant。

Isuppose，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，hisindignationrisingwhilehespoke。Isuppose，sir，thatitistheintentionofyouremployerstoseektocriminatemeuponthetestimonyofmyownfriends？

Mr。Jacksonstruckhisforefingerseveraltimesagainsttheleftsideofhisnose，tointimatethathewasnottheretodisclosethesecretsoftheprison-house，andplayfullyrejoined：

Notknowin’，can’tsay。

Forwhatotherreason，sir，pursuedMr。Pickwick，arethesesubpoenasserveduponthem，ifnotforthis？

Verygoodplant，Mr。Pickwick，repliedJackson，slowlyshakinghishead。Butitwon’tdo。Noharmintrying，butthere’slittletobegotoutofme。

HereMr。Jacksonsmiledoncemoreuponthecompany，and，applyinghisleftthumbtothetipofhisnose，workedavisionarycoffee-millwithhisrighthand：therebyperformingaverygracefulpieceofpantomime(thenmuchinvogue，butnow，unhappily，almostobsolete)whichwasfamiliarlydenominatedtakingagrinder。

No，no，Mr。Pickwick，saidJackson，inconclusion。Perker’speoplemustguesswhatwe’veservedthesesubpoenasfor。Iftheycan’t，theymustwaittilltheactioncomeson，andthenthey’llfindout。

Mr。Pickwickbestowedalookofexcessivedisgustonhisunwelcomevisitor，andwouldprobablyhavehurledsometremendousanathemaattheheadsofMessrs。DodsonandFogg，hadnotSam’sentranceattheinstantinterruptedhim。

SamuelWeller？saidMr。Jackson，inquiringly。

Vuno’thetruestthingsasyou’vesaidformanyalongyear，repliedSam，inamostcomposedmanner。

Here’sasubpoenaforyou，Mr。Weller，saidJackson。

What’sthatinEnglish？inquiredSam。

Here’stheoriginal，saidJackson，decliningtherequiredexplanation。

Which？saidSam。

This，repliedJackson，shakingtheparchment。

Oh，that’sthe’rig’nal，isit？saidSam。Well，I’mwerygladI’veseenthe’rig’nal，cosit’sagratifyin’sorto’thing，andeasesvun’smindsomuch。

Andhere’stheshilling，saidJackson。It’sfromDodsonandFogg’s。

Andit’suncommonhandsomeo’DodsonandFogg，asknowssolittleofme，tocomedownvithapresent，saidSam。Ifeelitasaweryhighcompliment，sir。it’saweryhon’rablethingtothem，astheyknowshowtorewardmeritwerevertheymeetsit。Besideswich，it’saffectin’toone’sfeelin’s。

AsMr。Wellersaidthis，heinflictedalittlefrictiononhisrighteye-lid，withthesleeveofhiscoat，afterthemostapprovedmannerofactorswhentheyareindomesticpathetics。

Mr。JacksonseemedratherpuzzledbySam’sproceedings。but，ashehadservedthesubpoenas，andhadnothingmoretosay，hemadeafeintofputtingontheoneglovewhichheusuallycarriedinhishand，forthesakeofappearances。andreturnedtotheofficetoreportprogress。

Mr。Pickwicksleptlittlethatnight。hismemoryhadreceivedaverydisagreeablerefresheronthesubjectofMrs。Bardell’saction。Hebreakfastedbetimesnextmorning，anddesiringSamtoaccompanyhim，setforthtowardsGray’sInnSquare。

Sam！saidMr。Pickwick，lookinground，whentheygottotheendofCheapside。

Sir？saidSam，steppinguptohismaster。

Whichway？

UpNewgateStreet。

Mr。Pickwickdidnotturnroundimmediately，butlookedvacantlyinSam’sfaceforafewseconds，andheavedadeepsigh。

What’sthematter，sir？inquiredSam。

Thisaction，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，isexpectedtocomeon，onthefourteenthofnextmonth。

Remarkablecoincidencethat’ere，sir，repliedSam。

Whyremarkable，Sam？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Walentine’sday，sir，respondedSam。reg’largooddayforabreacho’promisetrial。

Mr。Weller’ssmileawakenedtogleamofmirthinhismaster’scountenance。

Mr。Pickwickturnedabruptlyround，andledthewayinsilence。

Theyhadwalkedsomedistance：Mr。Pickwicktrottingonbefore，plungedinprofoundmeditation，andSamfollowingbehind，withacountenanceexpressiveofthemostenviableandeasydefianceofeverythingandeverybody：whenthelatter，whowasalwaysespeciallyanxioustoimparttohismasteranyexclusiveinformationhepossessed，quickenedhispaceuntilhewascloseatMr。Pickwick’sheels。and，pointingupatahousetheywerepassing，said：

Werynicepork-shopthat’ere，sir。

Yes，itseemsso，saidMr。Pickwick。

CelebratedSassagefactory，saidSam。

Isit？saidMr。Pickwick。

Isit！reiteratedSam，withsomeindignation。Ishouldraytherthinkitwas。Why，sir，blessyourinnocenteyebrows，that’swherethemysteriousdisappearanceofa’spectabletradesmantookplacefouryearago。

Youdon’tmeantosayhewasburked，Sam？saidMr。Pickwick，lookinghastilyround。

No，Idon’tindeed，sir，repliedMr。Weller，IwishIdid。farworsethanthat。Hewasthemastero’that’ereshop，sir，andtheinwentoro’

thepatent-never-leavin’-offsassagesteamingine，asudswallerupapavin’

stoneifyouputittoonear，andgrinditintosassagesaseasyasifitwasatenderyoungbabby。Weryproudo’thatmachinehewas，asitwasnat’ralheshouldbe，andhe’dstanddowninthecelleralookin’atitwenitwasinfullplay，tillhegotquitemelancholywithjoy。Aweryhappymanhe’dha’been，sir，intheprocessiono’thatereingineandtwomorelovelyhinfantsbesides，ifithadn’tbeenforhiswife，whowasamostowdaciouswixin。Shewasalwaysafollerin’himabout，anddinnin’

inhisears，’tillatlasthecouldn’tstanditnolonger。`I’lltellyouwhatitis，mydear，’hesaysoneday。`ifyoupersewereinthisheresortofamusement，’hesays，`I’mblessedifIdon’tgoawayto’Merriker。andthat’sallaboutit。’`You’reaidlewillin，’saysshe，`andIwishthe’Merrikinsjoyoftheirbargain。’Arterwhichshekeepsonabusin’ofhimforhalfanhour，andthenrunsintothelittleparlourbehindtheshop，setstoascreamin’，sayshe’llbethedeathonher，andfallsinafit，whichlastsforthreegoodhours——oneo’themfitswichisallscreamin’

andkickin’。Well，nextmornin’thehusbandwasmissin’。Hehadn’ttakennothin’fromthetill，——hadn’tevenputonhisgreat-coat——soitwasquiteclearhewarn’tgoneto’Merriker。Didn’tcomebacknextday。didn’tcomebacknextweek。Missishadbillsprinted，sayin’that，ifhe’dcomeback，heshouldbeforgiveneverythin’(whichwasveryliberal，seein’thathehadn’tdonenothin’atall)。thecanalswasdragged，andfortwomonthsartervards，weneverabodyturnedup，itwascarried，asareg’larthing，straightofftothesassageshop。Hows’ever，noneon’emanswered。sotheygaveoutthathe’drunavay，andshekeponthebis’ness。OneSaturdaynight，alittlethinoldgen’l’m’ncomesintotheshopinagreatpassionandsays，`Areyouthemissiso’thishereshop？’`Yes，Iam，’saysshe。

`Well，ma’am，’sayshe，`thenI’vejustlookedintosaythatmeandmyfamilyain’tagoin’tobechokedfornothin’。andmorethanthat，ma’am，’

hesays，`you’llallowmetoobserve，thatasyoudon’tusetheprimestpartsofthemeatinthemanafactero’sassages，Ithinkyou’dfindbeefcomenearlyascheapasbuttons。’`Asbuttons，sir！’saysshe。`Buttons，ma’am，’saysthelittleoldgentleman，unfoldingabitofpaper，andshewin’

twentyorthirtyhalveso’buttons。`Niceseasonin’forsassages，istrousers’

buttons，ma’am。’`They’remyhusband’sbuttons！’saysthewidder，beginnin’

tofaint。`What！’screamsthelittleoldgen’l’m’n，turnin’werepale。

`Iseeitall，’saysthewidder。`inafitoftemporaryinsanityherashlyconvertedhis-selfintosassages！’Andsohehad，sir，saidMr。Weller，lookingsteadilyintoMr。Pickwick’shorror-strickencountenance，orelsehe’dbeendraw’dintotheingine。buthoweverthatmightha’been，thelittleoldgen’l’m’n，whohadbeenremarkablypartialtosassagesallhislife，rushedouto’theshopinawildstate，andwasneverheerdonartervards！

TherelationofthisaffectingincidentofprivatelifebroughtmasterandmantoMr。Perker’schambers。Lowten，holdingthedoorhalfopen，wasinconversationwitharustily-clad，miserable-lookingman，inbootswithouttoesandgloveswithoutfingers。Thereweretracesofprivationandsuffering——almostofdespair——inhislankandcare-worncountenance。hefelthispoverty，forheshrunktothedarksideofthestaircaseasMr。Pickwickapproached。

It’sveryunfortunate，saidthestranger，withasigh。

Very，saidLowten，scribblinghisnameonthedoor-postwithhispen，andrubbingitoutagainwiththefeather。Willyouleaveamessageforhim？

Whendoyouthinkhe’llbeback？inquiredthestranger。

Quiteuncertain，repliedLowten，winkingatMr。Pickwick，asthestrangercasthiseyestowardstheground。

Youdon’tthinkitwouldbeofanyusemywaitingforhim？saidthestranger，lookingwistfullyintotheoffice。

Ohno，I’msureitwouldn’t，repliedtheclerk，movingalittlemoreintothecentreofthedoor-way。He’scertainnottobebackthisweek，andit’sachancewhetherhewillbenext。forwhenPerkeroncegetsoutoftown，he’sneverinahurrytocomebackagain。

Outoftown！saidMr。Pickwick。dearme，howunfortunate！

Don’tgoaway，Mr。Pickwick，saidLowten，I’vegotaletterforyou。

Thestrangerseemingtohesitate，oncemorelookedtowardstheground，andtheclerkwinkedslylyatMr。Pickwick，asiftointimatethatsomeexquisitepieceofhumourwasgoingforward，thoughwhatitwasMr。Pickwickcouldnotforthelifeofhimdivine。

Stepin，Mr。Pickwick，saidLowten。Well，willyouleaveamessage，Mr。Watty，orwillyoucallagain？

Askhimtobesokindastoleaveoutwordwhathasbeendoneinmybusiness，saidtheman。forGod’ssakedon’tneglectit，Mr。Lowten。

No，no。Iwon’tforgetit，repliedtheclerk。Walkin，Mr。Pickwick。

Goodmorning，Mr。Watty。it’safinedayforwalking，isn’tit？Seeingthatthestrangerstilllingered，hebeckonedSamWellertofollowhismasterin，andshutthedoorinhisface。

Thereneverwassuchapesteringbankruptasthatsincetheworldbegan，Idobelieve！saidLowten，throwingdownhispenwiththeairofaninjuredman。Hisaffairshaven’tbeeninChanceryquitefouryearsyet，andI’md——difhedon’tcomeworryingheretwiceaweek。Stepthisway，Mr。Pickwick。

Perkerisin，andhe’llseeyou，Iknow。Devilishcold，headded，pettishly，standingatthatdoor，wastingone’stimewithsuchseedyvagabonds！

Havingveryvehementlystirredaparticularlylargefirewithaparticularlysmallpoker，theclerkledthewaytohisprincipal’sprivateroom，andannouncedMr。Pickwick。

Ah，mydearsir，saidlittleMr。Perker，bustlingupfromhischair。

Well，mydearsir，andwhat’sthenewsaboutyourmatter，eh？AnythingmoreaboutourfriendsinFreeman’sCourt？They’venotbeensleeping，Iknowthat。Ah，they’reverysmartfellows。verysmart，indeed。

Asthelittlemanconcluded，hetookanemphaticpinchofsnuff，asatributetothesmartnessofMessrs。DodsonandFogg。

Theyaregreatscoundrels，saidMr。Pickwick。

Aye，aye，saidthelittleman。that’samatterofopinion，youknow，andwewon’tdisputeaboutterms。becauseofcourseyoucan’tbeexpectedtoviewthesesubjectswithaprofessionaleye。Well，we’vedoneeverythingthat’snecessary。IhaveretainedSerjeantSnubbin。

Isheagoodman？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Goodman！repliedPerker。blessyourheartandsoul，mydearsir，SerjeantSnubbinisattheverytopofhisprofession。Getstreblethebusinessofanymanincourt——engagedineverycase。Youneedn’tmentionitabroad。butwesay——weoftheprofession——thatSerjeantSnubbinleadsthecourtbythenose。

Thelittlemantookanotherpinchofsnuffashemadethiscommunication，andnoddedmysteriouslytoMr。Pickwick。

Theyhavesubpoena’dmythreefriends，saidMr。Pickwick。

Ah！ofcoursetheywould，repliedPerker。Importantwitnesses。sawyouinadelicatesituation。

Butshefaintedofherownaccord，saidMr。Pickwick。Shethrewherselfintomyarms。

Verylikely，mydearsir，repliedPerker。verylikelyandverynatural。

Nothingmoreso，mydearsir，nothing。Butwho’stoproveit？

Theyhavesubpoena’dmyservanttoo，saidMr。Pickwick，quittingtheotherpoint。forthereMr。Perker’squestionhadsomewhatstaggeredhim。

Sam？saidPerker。

Mr。Pickwickrepliedintheaffirmative。

Ofcourse，mydearsir。ofcourse。Iknewtheywould。Icouldhavetoldyouthat，amonthago。Youknow，mydearsir，ifyouwilltakethemanagementofyouraffairsintoyourownhandsafterintrustingthemtoyoursolicitor，youmustalsotaketheconsequences。HereMr。

Perkerdrewhimselfupwithconsciousdignity，andbrushedsomestraygrainsofsnufffromhisshirtfrill。

Andwhatdotheywanthimtoprove？askedMr。Pickwick，aftertwoorthreeminutes’silence。

Thatyousenthimuptotheplaintiff’stomakesomeofferofacompromise，Isuppose，repliedPerker。Itdon’tmattermuch，though。Idon’tthinkmanycounselcouldgetagreatdealoutofhim。

Idon’tthinktheycould，saidMr。Pickwick。smiling，despitehisvexation，attheideaofSam’sappearanceasawitness。Whatcoursedowepursue？

Wehaveonlyonetoadopt，mydearsir，repliedPerker。cross-examinethewitnesses。trusttoSnubbin’seloquence。throwdustintheeyesofthejudge。throwourselvesonthejury。

Andsupposetheverdictisagainstme？saidMr。Pickwick。

Mr。Perkersmiled，tookaverylongpinchofsnuff，stirredthefire，shruggedhisshoulders，andremainedexpressivelysilent。

YoumeanthatinthatcaseImustpaythedamages？saidMr。Pickwick，whohadwatchedthistelegraphicanswerwithconsiderablesternness。

Perkergavethefireanotherveryunnecessarypoke，andsaidIamafraidso。

ThenIbegtoannouncetoyou，myunalterabledeterminationtopaynodamageswhatever，saidMr。Pickwick，mostemphatically。None，Perker。

Notapound，notapenny，ofmymoney，shallfinditswayintothepocketsofDodsonandFogg。Thatismydeliberateandirrevocabledetermination。

Mr。Pickwickgaveaheavyblowonthetablebeforehim，inconfirmationoftheirrevocabilityofhisintention。

Verywell，mydearsir，verywell，saidPerker。Youknowbest，ofcourse。

Ofcourse，repliedMr。Pickwickhastily。WheredoesSerjeantSnubbinlive？

InLincoln’sInnOldSquare，repliedPerker。

Ishouldliketoseehim，saidMr。Pickwick。

SeeSerjeantSnubbin，mydearsir！rejoinedPerker，inutteramazement。

Pooh，pooh，mydearsir，impossible。SeeSerjeantSnubbin！Blessyou，mydearsir，suchathingwasneverheardof，withoutaconsultationfeebeingpreviouslypaid，andaconsultationfixed。Itcouldn’tbedone，mydearsir。itcouldn’tbedone。

Mr。Pickwick，however，hadmadeuphismindnotonlythatitcouldbedone，butthatitshouldbedone。andtheconsequencewas，thatwithintenminutesafterhehadreceivedtheassurancethatthethingwasimpossible，hewasconductedbyhissolicitorintotheouterofficeofthegreatSerjeantSnubbinhimself。

Itwasanuncarpetedroomoftolerabledimensions，withalargewriting-tabledrawnupnearthefire：thebaizetopofwhichhadlongsincelostallclaimtoitsoriginalhueofgreen，andhadgraduallygrowngreywithdustandage，exceptwherealltracesofitsnaturalcolourwereobliteratedbyink-stains。Uponthetablewerenumerouslittlebundlesofpaperstiedwithredtape。andbehindit，satanelderlyclerk，whosesleekappearance，andheavygoldwatch-chain，presentedimposingindicationsoftheextensiveandlucrativepracticeofMr。SerjeantSnubbin。

IstheSerjeantinhisroom，Mr。Mallard？inquiredPerker，offeringhisboxwithallimaginablecourtesy。

Yes，heis，wasthereply，buthe’sverybusy。Lookhere。notanopiniongivenyet，onanyoneofthesecases。andanexpeditionfeepaidwithallof’em。Theclerksmiledashesaidthis，andinhaledthepinchofsnuffwithazestwhichseemedtobecompoundedofafondnessforsnuffandarelishforfees。

Somethinglikepracticethat，saidPerker。

Yes，saidthebarrister’sclerk，producinghisownbox，andofferingitwiththegreatestcordiality。andthebestofitis，thatasnobodyaliveexceptmyselfcanreadtheSerjeant’swriting，theyareobligedtowaitfortheopinions，whenhehasgiventhem，tillIhavecopied’em，ha——ha——ha！

Whichmakesgoodforweknowwho，besidestheSerjeant，anddrawsalittlemoreoutoftheclients，eh？saidPerker。Ha，ha，ha！AtthistheSerjeant’sclerklaughedagain。notanoisyboisterouslaugh，butasilent，internalchuckle，whichMr。Pickwickdislikedtohear。Whenamanbleedsinwardly，itisadangerousthingforhimself。butwhenhelaughsinwardly，itbodesnogoodtootherpeople。

Youhaven’tmademeoutthatlittlelistofthefeesthatI’minyourdebt，haveyou？saidPerker。

No，Ihavenot，repliedtheclerk。

Iwishyouwould，saidPerker。Letmehavethem，andI’llsendyouacheque。ButIsupposeyou’retoobusypocketingthereadymoney，tothinkofthedebtors，eh？ha，ha，ha！Thissallyseemedtotickletheclerkamazingly，andheoncemoreenjoyedalittlequietlaughtohimself。

But，Mr。Mallard，mydearfriend，saidPerker，suddenlyrecoveringhisgravity，anddrawingthegreatman’sgreatmanintoacorner，bythelappelofhiscoat。youmustpersuadetheSerjeanttoseeme，andmyclienthere。

Come，come，saidtheclerk，that’snotbadeither。SeetheSerjeant！

come，that’stooabsurd。Notwithstandingtheabsurdityoftheproposal，however，theclerkallowedhimselftobegentlydrawnbeyondthehearingofMr。Pickwick。andafterashortconversationconductedinwhispers，walkedsoftlydownalittledarkpassage，anddisappearedintothelegalluminary’ssanctum：whenceheshortlyreturnedontiptoe，andinformedMr。PerkerandMr。PickwickthattheSerjeanthadbeenprevailedupon，inviolationofallestablishedrulesandcustoms，toadmitthematonce。

Mr。SerjeantSnubbinwasalantern-faced，sallow-complexionedman，ofaboutfive-and-forty，or——asthenovelssay——hemightbefifty。Hehadthatdull-lookingboiledeyewhichisoftentobeseenintheheadsofpeoplewhohaveappliedthemselvesduringmanyyearstoawearyandlaboriouscourseofstudy。andwhichwouldhavebeensufficient，withouttheadditionaleye-glasswhichdangledfromabroadblackribandroundhisneck，towarnastrangerthathewasverynear-sighted。Hishairwasthinandweak，whichwaspartlyattributabletohishavingneverdevotedmuchtimetoitsarrangement，andpartlytohishavingwornforfive-and-twentyyearstheforensicwigwhichhungonablockbesidehim。Themarksofhair-powderonhiscoat-collar，andtheill-washedandworsetiedwhiteneckerchiefroundhisthroat，showedthathehadnotfoundleisuresinceheleftthecourttomakeanyalterationinhisdress：whiletheslovenlystyleoftheremainderofhiscostumewarrantedtheinferencethathispersonalappearancewouldnothavebeenverymuchimprovedifhehad。Booksofpractice，heapsofpapers，andopenedletters，werescatteredoverthetable，withoutanyattemptatorderorarrangement。thefurnitureoftheroomwasoldandrickety。thedoorsofthebook-casewererottingontheirhinges。thedustflewoutfromthecarpetinlittlecloudsateverystep。theblindswereyellowwithageanddirt。thestateofeverythingintheroomshowed，withaclearnessnottobemistaken，thatMr。SerjeantSnubbinwasfartoomuchoccupiedwithhisprofessionalpursuitstotakeanygreatheedorregardofhispersonalcomforts。

TheSerjeantwaswritingwhenhisclientsentered。hebowedabstractedlywhenMr。Pickwickwasintroducedbyhissolicitor。andthen，motioningthemtoaseat，puthispencarefullyintheinkstand，nursedhisleftleg，andwaitedtobespokento。

Mr。PickwickisthedefendantinBardellandPickwick，SerjeantSnubbin，

saidPerker。

Iamretainedinthat，amI？saidtheSerjeant。

Youare，sir，repliedPerker。

TheSerjeantnoddedhishead，andwaitedforsomethingelse。

Mr。Pickwickwasanxioustocalluponyou，SerjeantSnubbin，saidPerker，tostatetoyou，beforeyouentereduponthecase，thathedeniestherebeinganygroundorpretencewhateverfortheactionagainsthim。

andthatunlesshecameintocourtwithcleanhands，andwithoutthemostconscientiousconvictionthathewasrightinresistingtheplaintiff’sdemand，hewouldnotbethereatall。IbelieveIstateyourviewscorrectly。

doInot，mydearsir？saidthelittleman，turningtoMr。Pickwick。

Quiteso，repliedthatgentleman。

Mr。SerjeantSnubbinunfoldedhisglasses，raisedthemtohiseyes。

and，afterlookingatMr。Pickwickforafewsecondswithgreatcuriosity，turnedtoMr。Perker，andsaid，smilingslightlyashespoke：

HasMr。Pickwickastrongcase？

Theattorneyshruggedhisshoulders。

Doyoupurposecallingwitnesses？

No。

ThesmileontheSerjeant’scountenancebecamemoredefined。herockedhislegwithincreasedviolence。and，throwinghimselfbackinhiseasy-chair，cougheddubiously。

ThesetokensoftheSerjeant’spresentimentsonthesubject，slightastheywere，werenotlostonMr。Pickwick。Hesettledthespectacles，throughwhichhehadattentivelyregardedsuchdemonstrationsofthebarrister’sfeelingsashehadpermittedhimselftoexhibit，morefirmlyonhisnose。

andsaidwithgreatenergy，andinutterdisregardofallMr。Perker’sadmonitorywinkingsandfrownings：

Mywishingtowaituponyou，forsuchapurposeasthis，sir，appears，Ihavenodoubt，toagentlemanwhoseessomuchofthesemattersasyoumustnecessarilydo，averyextraordinarycircumstance。

TheSerjeanttriedtolookgravelyatthefire，butthesmilecamebackagain。

Gentlemenofyourprofession，sir，continuedMr。Pickwick，seetheworstsideofhumannature。Allitsdisputes，allitsill-willandbadblood，riseupbeforeyou。Youknowfromyourexperienceofjuries(Imeannodisparagementtoyou，orthem)howmuchdependsuponeffect：

andyouareapttoattributetoothers，adesiretouse，forpurposesofdeceptionandself-interest，theveryinstrumentswhichyou，inpurehonestyandhonourofpurpose，andwithalaudabledesiretodoyourutmostforyourclient，knowthetemperandworthofsowell，fromconstantlyemployingthemyourselves。Ireallybelievethattothiscircumstancemaybeattributedthevulgarbutverygeneralnotionofyourbeing，asabody，suspicious，distrustful，andover-cautious。ConsciousasIam，sir，ofthedisadvantageofmakingsuchadeclarationtoyou，undersuchcircumstances，Ihavecomehere，becauseIwishyoudistinctlytounderstand，asmyfriendMr。Perkerhassaid，thatIaminnocentofthefalsehoodlaidtomycharge。andalthoughIamverywellawareoftheinestimablevalueofyourassistance，sir，Imustbegtoadd，thatunlessyousincerelybelievethis，Iwouldratherbedeprivedoftheaidofyourtalentsthanhavetheadvantageofthem。