第14章

Mr。Weller’seasymannersandconversationalpowershadsuchirresistibleinfluencewithhisnewfriends，thatbeforethedinnerwashalfover，theywereonfootingofperfectintimacy，andinpossessionofafullaccountofthedelinquencyofJobTrotter。

Inevercoulda-bearthatJob，saidMary。

Nomoreyouneveroughtto，mydear，repliedMr。Weller。

Whynot？inquiredMary。

Cosuglinessandsvindlin’neveroughttobeformiliarvitheleganceandwirtew，repliedMr。Weller。Oughtthey，Mr。Muzzle？

Notbynomeans，repliedthatgentleman。

HereMarylaughed，andsaidthecookhadmadeher。andthecooklaughed，andsaidshehadn’t。

Ihan’tgotaglass，saidMary。

Drinkwithme，mydear，saidMr。Weller。Putyourlipstothisheretumbler，andthenIcankissyoubydeputy。

Forshame，Mr。Weller！saidMary。

What’sashame，mydear？

Talkin’inthatway。

Nonsense。itain’tnoharm。It’snatur。ain’tit，cook？

Don’taskmeimperence，repliedthecookinahighstateofdelight：

andhereuponthecookandMarylaughedagain，tillwhatbetweenthebeer，andthecoldmeat，andthelaughtercombined，thelatteryoungladywasbroughttothevergeofchoking——analarmingcrisisfromwhichshewasonlyrecoveredbysundrypatsontheback，andothernecessaryattentions，mostdelicatelyadminsteredbyMr。SamuelWeller。

Inthemidstofallthisjollityandconviviality，aloudringwasheardatthegarden-gate：towhichtheyounggentlemanwhotookhismealsinthewash-house，immediatelyresponded。Mr。Wellerwasintheheightofhisattentionstotheprettyhousemaid。Mr。Muzzlewasbusydoingthehonoursofthetable。andthecookhadjustpausedtolaugh，intheveryactofraisingahugemorseltoherlips。whenthekitchen-dooropened，andinwalkedMr。JobTrotter。

WehavesaidinwalkedMr。JobTrotter，butthestatementisnotdistinguishedbyourusualscrupulousadherencetofact。ThedooropenedandMr。Trotterappeared。Hewouldhavewalkedin，andwasintheveryactofdoingso，indeed，whencatchingsightofMr。Weller，heinvoluntarilyshrankbackapaceortwo，andstoodgazingontheunexpectedscenebeforehim，perfectlymotionlesswithamazementandterror。

Hereheis！saidSam，risingwithgreatglee。Whywewerethatwerymomentaspeakingo’you。Howareyou？Wherehaveyoubeen？Comein。

LayinghishandonthemulberrycollaroftheunresistingJob，Mr。Wellerdraggedhimintothekitchen。and，lockingthedoor，handedthekeytoMr。Muzzle，whoverycoollybuttoneditupinaside-pocket。

Well，here’sagame！criedSam。Onlythinko’mymasterhavin’thepleasureo’meetingyour’n，up-stairs，andmehavin’thejoyo’meetin’

youdownhere。Howareyougettin’on，andhowisthechandlerybis’nesslikelytodo？Well，Iamsogladtoseeyou。Howhappyyoulook。

It’squiteatreattoseeyou。ain’tit，Mr。Muzzle？

Quite，saidMr。Muzzle。

Socheerfulheis！saidSam。

Insuchgoodspirits！saidMuzzle。

Andsogladtoseeus——thatmakesitsomuchmorecomfortable，

saidSam。Sitdown。sitdown。

Mr。Trottersufferedhimselftobeforcedintoachairbythefireside。

Hecasthissmalleyes，firstonMr。Weller，andthenonMr。Muzzle，butsaidnothing。

Well，now，saidSam，aforethesehereladies，Ishouldjestliketoaskyou，asasortofcuriosity，wetheryoudon’tcon-sideryourselfasniceandwell-behavedayounggen’l’m’naseverusedapinkcheckpocket-handkerchief，andthenumberfourcollection？

Andaswasevera-goingtobemarriedtoacook，saidthatlady，indignantly。

Thewillin！

Andleaveoffhisevilways，andsetupinthechandleryline，arterwards，

saidthehousemaid。

Now，I’lltellyouwhatitis，youngman，saidMr。Muzzle，solemnly，enragedatthelasttwoallusions，thisherelady(pointingtothecook)

keepscompanywithme。andwhenyoupresume，sir，totalkofkeepingchandlers’

shopswithher，youinjuremeinoneofthemostdelicatestpointsinwhichonemancaninjureanother。Doyouunderstandme，sir？

HereMr。Muzzle，whohadagreatnotionofhiseloquence，inwhichheimitatedhismaster，pausedforareply。

ButMr。Trottermadenoreply。SoMr。Muzzleproceededinasolemnmanner：

It’sveryprobable，sir，thatyouwon’tbewantedupstairsforseveralminutes，sir，becausemymasterisatthismomentparticularlyengagedinsettlingthehashofyourmaster，sir。andthereforeyou’llhaveleisure，sir，foralittleprivatetalkwithme，sir。Doyouunderstandme，sir？

Mr。Muzzleagainpausedforareply。andagainMr。Trotterdisappointedhim。

Well，then，saidMr。Muzzle，I’mverysorrytohavetoexplainmyselfbeforeladies，buttheurgencyofthecasewillbemyexcuse。Thebackkitchen’sempty，sir。Ifyouwillstepinthere，sir，Mr。Wellerwillseefair，andwecanhavemutualsatisfaction’tillthebellrings。Followme，sir！

AsMr。Muzzleutteredthesewords，hetookasteportwotowardsthedoor。andbywayofsavingtime，begantopulloffhiscoatashewalkedalong。

Now，thecooknosoonerheardtheconcludingwordsofthisdesperatechallenge，andsawMr。Muzzleabouttoputitintoexecution，thansheutteredaloudandpiercingshriek，andrushingonMr。JobTrotter，whorosefromhischairontheinstant，toreandbuffetedhislargeflatface，withanenergypeculiartoexcitedfemales，andtwiningherhandsinhislongblackhair，toretherefromaboutenoughtomakefiveorsixdozenoftheverylargest-sizedmourning-rings。HavingaccomplishedthisfeatwithalltheardourwhichherdevotedloveforMr。Muzzleinspired，shestaggeredback。andbeingaladyofveryexcitableanddelicatefeelings，sheinstantlyfellunderthedresser，andfaintedaway。

Atthismoment，thebellrang。

That’sforyou，JobTrotter，saidSam。andbeforeMr。Trottercouldofferremonstranceorreply——evenbeforehehadtimetostanchthewoundsinflictedbytheinsensiblelady——SamseizedonearmandMr。Muzzletheother。andonepullingbefore，andtheotherpushingbehind，theyconveyedhimup-stairs，andintotheparlour。

Itwasanimpressivetableau。AlfredJingle，Esquire，aliasCaptainFitz-Marshall，wasstandingnearthedoorwithhishatinhishand，andasmileonhisface，whollyunmovedbyhisveryunpleasantsituation。Confrontinghim，stoodMr。Pickwick，whohadevidentlybeeninculcatingsomehighmorallesson。forhislefthandwasbeneathhiscoattail，andhisrightextendedinair，aswashiswontwhendeliveringhimselfofanimpressiveaddress。

Atalittledistance，stoodMr。Tupmanwithindignantcountenance，carefullyheldbackbyhistwoyoungerfriends。atthefurtherendoftheroomwereMr。Nupkins，Mrs。Nupkins，andMissNupkins，gloomilygrand，andsavagelyvexed。

Whatpreventsme，saidMr。Nupkins，withmagisterialdignity，asJobwasbroughtin：whatpreventsmefromdetainingthesemenasroguesandimpostors？Itisafoolishmercy。Whatpreventsme？

Pride，oldfellow，pride，repliedJingle，quiteathisease。Wouldn’tdo——nogo——caughtacaptain，eh？——ha！ha！verygood——husbandfordaughter——biterbit——makeitpublic——notforworlds——lookstupid——very！

Wretch，saidMrs。Nupkins，wescornyourbaseinsinuations。

Ialwayshatedhim，addedHenrietta。

Oh，ofcourse，saidJingle。Tallyoungman——oldlover——SidneyPorkenham——rich——finefellow——notsorichascaptain，though？——turnhimaway——offwithhim——anythingforcaptain——nothinglikecaptainanywhere——allthegirls——ravingmad——eh，Job？

HereMr。Jinglelaughedveryheartily。andJob，rubbinghishandswithdelight，utteredthefirstsoundhehadgivenventto，sinceheenteredthehouse——alownoiselesschuckle，whichseemedtointimatethatheenjoyedhislaughtoomuch，toletanyofitescapeinsound。

Mr。Nupkins，saidtheelderlady，thisisnotafitconversationfortheservantstooverhear。Letthesewretchesberemoved。

Certainly，mydear，saidMr。Nupkins。Muzzle！

Yourworship。

Openthefrontdoor。

Yes，yourworship。

Leavethehouse！saidMr。Nupkins，wavinghishandemphatically。

Jinglesmiled，andmovedtowardsthedoor。

Stay！saidMr。Pickwick。

Jinglestopped。

Imight，saidMr。Pickwick，havetakenamuchgreaterrevengeforthetreatmentIhaveexperiencedatyourhands，andthatofyourhypocriticalfriendthere。

JobTrotterbowedwithgreatpoliteness，andlaidhishanduponhisheart。

Isay，saidMr。Pickwick，growinggraduallyangry，thatImighthavetakenagreaterrevenge，butIcontentmyselfwithexposingyou，whichIconsideradutyIowetosociety。Thisisaleniency，sir，whichIhopeyouwillremember。

WhenMr。Pickwickarrivedatthispoint，JobTrotter，withfacetiousgravityappliedhishandtohisear，asifdesirousnottoloseasyllableheuttered。

AndIhaveonlytoadd，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，nowthoroughlyangry，thatIconsideryouarascal，anda——aruffian——and——andworsethananymanIeversaw，orheardof，exceptthatpiousandsanctifiedvagabondinthemulberrylivery。

Ha！ha！saidJingle，goodfellow，Pickwick——fineheart——stoutoldboy——butmustnotbepassionate——badthing，very——bye，bye——seeyouagainsomeday——keepupyourspirits——now，Job——trot！

Withthesewords，Mr。Jinglestuckonhishatintheoldfashion，andstrodeoutoftheroom。JobTrotterpaused，lookedround，smiled，andthenwithabowofmocksolemnitytoMr。Pickwick，andawinktoMr。Weller，theaudaciousslynessofwhichbafflesalldescription，followedthefootstepsofhishopefulmaster。

Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，asMr。Wellerwasfollowing。

Sir。

Stayhere。

Mr。Wellerseemeduncertain。

Stayhere，repeatedMr。Pickwick。

Mayn’tIpolishthatereJoboff，inthefrontgarden？saidMr。Weller。

Certainlynot，repliedMr。Pickwick。

Mayn’tIkickhimouto’thegate，sir？saidMr。Weller。

Notonanyaccount，repliedhismaster。

Forthefirsttimesincehisengagement，Mr。Wellerlooked，foramoment，discontentedandunhappy。Buthiscountenanceimmediatelyclearedup。forthewilyMr。Muzzle，byconcealinghimselfbehindthestreetdoor，andrushingviolentlyout，attherightinstant，contrivedwithgreatdexteritytooverturnbothMr。Jingleandhisattendant，downtheflightofsteps，intotheAmericanaloetubsthatstoodbeneath。

Havingdischargedmyduty，sir，saidMr。PickwicktoMr。Nupkins，Iwill，withmyfriends，bidyoufarewell。Whilewethankyouforsuchhospitalityaswehavereceived，permitmetoassureyou，inourjointnames，thatweshouldnothaveacceptedit，orhaveconsentedtoextricateourselvesinthisway，fromourpreviousdilemma，hadwenotbeenimpelledbyastrongsenseofduty。WereturntoLondonto-morrow。Yoursecretissafewithus。

Havingthusenteredhisprotestagainsttheirtreatmentofthemorning，Mr。Pickwickbowedlowtotheladies，andnotwithstandingthesolicitationsofthefamily，lefttheroomwithhisfriends。

Getyourhat，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。

It’sbelowstairs，sir，saidSam，andherandownafterit。

Now，therewasnobodyinthekitchen，buttheprettyhousemaid。andasSam’shatwasmislaid，hehadtolookforit。andtheprettyhousemaidlightedhim。Theyhadtolookallovertheplaceforthehat。Theprettyhousemaid，inheranxietytofindit，wentdownonherknees，andturnedoverallthethingsthatwereheapedtogetherinalittlecornerbythedoor。Itwasanawkwardcorner。Youcouldn’tgetatitwithoutshuttingthedoorfirst。

Hereitis，saidtheprettyhousemaid。Thisisit，ain’tit？

Letmelook，saidSam。

Theprettyhousemaidhadstoodthecandleonthefloor。asitgaveaverydimlight，Samwasobligedtogodownonhiskneesbeforehecouldseewhetheritreallywashisownhatornot。Itwasaremarkablysmallcorner，andso——itwasnobody’sfaultbuttheman’swhobuiltthehouse——Samandtheprettyhousemaidwerenecessarilyveryclosetogether。

Yes，thisisit，saidSam。Goodbye！

Goodbye！saidtheprettyhousemaid。

Goodbye！saidSam。andashesaidit，hedroppedthehatthathadcostsomuchtroubleinlookingfor。

Howawkwardyouare，saidtheprettyhousemaid。You’llloseitagain，ifyoudon’ttakecare。

So，justtopreventhislosingitagain，sheputitonforhim。

Whetheritwasthattheprettyhousemaid’sfacelookedprettierstill，whenitwasraisedtowardsSam’s，orwhetheritwastheaccidentalconsequenceoftheirbeingsoneartoeachother，ismatterofuncertaintytothisday。butSamkissedher。

Youdon’tmeantosayyoudidthatonpurpose，saidtheprettyhousemaid，blushing。

No，Ididn’tthen，saidSam。butIwillnow。

Sohekissedheragain。

Sam！saidMr。Pickwick，callingoverthebanisters。

Coming，sir，repliedSam，rushingup-stairs。

Howlongyouhavebeen！saidMr。Pickwick。

Therewassomethingbehindthedoor，sir，whichperwentedourgettingitopen，foreversolong，sir，repliedSam。

AndthiswasthefirstpassageofMr。Weller’sfirstlove。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter26[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXVIWHICHCONTAINSABRIEFACCOUNTOFTHEPROGRESSOF

THEACTIONOFBARDELLAGAINSTPICKWICK

HAVINGaccomplishedthemainendandobjectofhisjourney，bytheexposureofJingle，Mr。PickwickresolvedonimmediatelyreturningtoLondon，withtheviewofbecomingacquaintedwiththeproceedingswhichhadbeentakenagainsthim，inthemeantime，byMessrs。DodsonandFogg。Actinguponthisresolutionwithalltheenergyanddecisionofhischaracter，hemountedtothebackseatofthefirstcoachwhichleftIpswichonthemorningafterthememorableoccurrencesdetailedatlengthinthetwoprecedingchapters。andaccompaniedbyhisthreefriends，andMr。SamuelWeller，arrivedinthemetropolis，inperfecthealthandsafety，thesameevening。

Here，thefriends，forashorttime，separated。Messrs。Tupman，Winkle，andSnodgrassrepairedtotheirseveralhomestomakesuchpreparationsasmightberequisitefortheirforthcomingvisittoDingleyDell。andMr。PickwickandSamtookuptheirpresentabodeinverygood，old-fashioned，andcomfortablequarters：towit，theGeorgeandVultureTavernandHotel，GeorgeYard，LombardStreet。

Mr。Pickwickhaddined，finishedhissecondpintofparticularport，pulledhissilkhandkerchiefoverhishead，puthisfeetonthefender，andthrownhimselfbackinaneasychair，whentheentranceofMr。Wellerwithhiscarpetbag，arousedhimfromhistranquilmeditations。

Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。

Sir，saidMr。Weller。

Ihavejustbeenthinking，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，thathavingleftagoodmanythingsatMrs。Bardell’s，inGoswellStreet，Ioughttoarrangefortakingthemaway，beforeIleavetownagain。

Werygood，sir，repliedMr。Weller。

IcouldsendthemtoMr。Tupman’s，forthepresent，Sam，continuedMr。Pickwick，butbeforewetakethemaway，itisnecessarythattheyshouldbelookedup，andputtogether。IwishyouwouldstepuptoGoswellStreet，Sam，andarrangeaboutit。

Atonce，sir？inquiredMr。Weller。

Atonce，repliedMr。Pickwick。Andstay，Sam，addedMr。Pickwick，pullingouthispurse，Thereissomerenttopay。ThequarterisnotduetillChristmas，butyoumaypayit，andhavedonewithit。Amonth’snoticeterminatesmytenancy。Hereitis，writtenout。Giveit，andtellMrs。

Bardellshemayputabillup，assoonasshelikes。

Werygood，sir，repliedMr。Weller。anythin’more，sir？

Nothingmore，Sam。

Mr。Wellersteppedslowlytothedoor，asifheexpectedsomethingmore。

slowlyopenedit，slowlysteppedout，andhadslowlycloseditwithinacoupleofinches，whenMr。Pickwickcalledout，Sam。

Sir，saidMr。Weller，steppingquicklyback，andclosingthedoorbehindhim。

Ihavenoobjection，Sam，toyourendeavouringtoascertainhowMrs。

Bardellherselfseemsdisposedtowardsme，andwhetheritisreallyprobablethatthisvileandgroundlessactionistobecarriedtoextremity。IsayIdonotobjecttoyourdoingthis，ifyouwishit，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。

Samgaveashortnodofintelligence，andlefttheroom。Mr。Pickwickdrewthesilkhandkerchiefoncemoreoverhishead，andcomposedhimselfforanap。Mr。Wellerpromptlywalkedforth，toexecutehiscommission。

Itwasnearlynineo’clockwhenhereachedGoswellStreet。Acoupleofcandleswereburninginthelittlefrontparlour，andacoupleofcapswerereflectedonthewindow-blind。Mrs。Bardellhadgotcompany。

Mr。Wellerknockedatthedoor，andafteraprettylonginterval——occupiedbythepartywithout，inwhistlingatune，andbythepartywithin，inpersuadingarefractoryflatcandletoallowitselftobelighted——apairofsmallbootspatteredoverthefloor-cloth，andMasterBardellpresentedhimself。

Well，youngtownskip，saidSam，how’smother？

She’sprettywell，repliedMasterBardell，soamI。

Well，that’samercy，saidSam。tellherIwanttospeaktoher，willyou，myhinfantfernomenon？

MasterBardell，thusadjured，placedtherefractoryflatcandleonthebottomstair，andvanishedintothefrontparlourwithhismessage。

Thetwocaps，reflectedonthewindow-blind，weretherespectivehead-dressesofacoupleofMrs。Bardell’smostparticularacquaintance，whohadjuststeppedin，tohaveaquietcupoftea，andalittlewarmsupperofacoupleofsetsofpettitoesandsometoastedcheese。Thecheesewassimmeringandbrowningaway，mostdelightfully，inalittleDutchovenbeforethefire。thepettitoesweregettingondeliciouslyinalittletinsaucepanonthehob。andMrs。Bardellandhertwofriendsweregettingonverywell，alsoinalittlequietconversationaboutandconcerningalltheirparticularfriendsandacquaintance。whenMasterBardellcamebackfromansweringthedoor，anddeliveredthemessageintrustedtohimbyMr。SamuelWeller。

Mr。Pickwick’sservant！saidMrs。Bardell，turningpale。

Blessmysoul！saidMrs。Cluppins。

Well，Iralywouldnotha’believedit，unlessIhadha’happenedtoha’beenhere！saidMrs。Sanders。

Mrs。Cluppinswasalittlebrisk，busy-lookingwoman。Mrs。Sanderswasabig，fat，heavy-facedpersonage。andthetwowerethecompany。

Mrs。Bardellfeltitpropertobeagitated。andasnoneofthethreeexactlyknewwhether，underexistingcircumstances，anycommunication，otherwisethanthroughDodsonandFogg，oughttobeheldwithMr。Pickwick’sservant，theywereallrathertakenbysurprise。Inthisstateofindecision，obviouslythefirstthingtobedone，wastothumptheboyforfindingMr。Welleratthedoor。Sohismotherthumpedhim，andhecriedmelodiously。

Holdyournoise——do——younaughtycreetur！saidMrs。Bardell。

Yes。don’tworrityourpoormother，saidMrs。Sanders。

She’squiteenoughtoworrither，asitis，withoutyou，Tommy，saidMrs。Cluppins，withsympathisingresignation。

Ah！worseluck，poorlamb！saidMrs。Sanders。

Atallwhichmoralreflections，MasterBardellhowledthelouder。

Now，whatshallIdo？saidMrs。BardelltoMrs。Cluppins。

Ithinkyououghttoseehim，repliedMrs。Cluppins。Butonnoaccountwithoutawitness。

Ithinktwowitnesseswouldbemorelawful，saidMrs。Sanders，who，liketheotherfriend，wasburstingwithcuriosity。

Perhapshe’dbettercomeinhere，saidMrs。Bardell。

Tobesure，repliedMrs。Cluppins，eagerlycatchingattheidea。Walkin，youngman。andshutthestreetdoorfirst，please。

Mr。Wellerimmediatelytookthehint。andpresentinghimselfintheparlour，explainedhisbusinesstoMrs。Bardellthus：

Werysorryto’casionanypersonalinconwenience，ma’am，asthehouse-breakersaidtotheoldladywhenheputheronthefire。butasmeandmygovernor’sonlyjestcometotown，andisjestgoingawayagin，itcan’tbehelped，yousee。

Ofcourse，theyoungmancan’thelpthefaultsofhismaster，saidMrs。Cluppins，muchstruckbyMr。Weller’sappearanceandconversation。

Certainlynot，chimedinMrs。Sanders，who，fromcertainwistfulglancesatthelittletinsaucepan，seemedtobeengagedinamentalcalculationoftheprobableextentofthepettitoes，intheeventofSam’sbeingaskedtostoptosupper。

SoallI’vecomeabout，isjestthishere，saidSam，disregardingtheinterruption。First，togivemygovernor’snotice——thereitis。Secondly，topaytherent——hereitis。Thirdly，tosayasallhisthingsistobeputtogether，andgivetoanybodyaswesendsfor’em。Fourthly，thatyoumaylettheplaceassoonasyoulike——andthat’sall。

Whateverhashappened，saidMrs。Bardell，Ialwayshavesaid，andalwayswillsay，thatineveryrespectbutone，Mr。Pickwickhasalwaysbehavedhimselflikeaperfectgentleman。Hismoneyalwayswasasgoodasthebank：always。

AsMrs。Bardellsaidthis，sheappliedherhandkerchieftohereyes，andwentoutoftheroomtogetthereceipt。

Samwellknewthathehadonlytoremainquiet，andthewomenweresuretotalk。sohelookedalternatelyatthetinsaucepan，thetoastedcheese，thewall，andtheceiling，inprofoundsilence。

Poordear！saidMrs。Cluppins。

Ah，poorthing！repliedMrs。Sanders。

Samsaidnothing。Hesawtheywerecomingtothesubject。

Iralycannotcontainmyself，saidMrs。Cluppins，whenIthinkofsuchperjury。Idon’twishtosayanythingtomakeyouuncomfortable，youngman，butyourmaster’sanoldbrute，andIwishIhadhimheretotellhimso。

Iwishyouhad，saidSam。

Toseehowdreadfulshetakeson，goingmopingabout，andtakingnopleasureinnothing，exceptwhenherfriendscomesin，outofcharity，tositwithher，andmakehercomfortable，resumedMrs。Cluppins，glancingatthetinsaucepanandtheDutchoven，it’sshocking！

Barbareous，saidMrs。Sanders。

Andyourmaster，youngman！Agentlemanwithmoney，ascouldneverfeeltheexpenseofawife，nomorethannothing，continuedMrs。Cluppins，withgreatvolubility。whythereain’tthefaintestshadeofanexcuseforhisbehaviour！Whydon’themarryher？

Ah，saidSam，tobesure。that’sthequestion。

Question，indeed，retortedMrs。Cluppins。she’dquestionhim，ifshe’dmyspirit。Hows’ever，thereislawforuswomen，mis’rablecreetursasthey’dmakeus，iftheycould。andthatyourmasterwillfindout，youngman，tohiscost，aforehe’ssixmonthsolder。

Atthisconsolatoryreflection，Mrs。Cluppinsbridledup，andsmiledatMrs。Sanders，whosmiledbackagain。

Theaction’sgoingon，andnomistake，thoughtSam，asMrs。Bardellre-enteredwiththereceipt。

Here’sthereceipt，Mr。Weller，saidMrs。Bardell，andhere’sthechange，andIhopeyou’lltakealittledropofsomethingtokeepthecoldout，ifit’sonlyforoldacquaintance’sake，Mr。Weller。

Samsawtheadvantageheshouldgain，andatonceacquiesced。whereuponMrs。Bardellproduced，fromasmallcloset，ablackbottleandawineglass。

andsogreatwasherabstractioninherdeepmentalaffliction，that，afterfillingMr。Weller’sglass，shebroughtoutthreemorewineglasses，andfilledthemtoo。

Lauk，Mrs。Bardell，saidMrs。Cluppins，seewhatyou’vebeenanddone！

Well，thatisagoodone！ejaculatedMrs。Sanders。

Ah，mypoorhead！saidMrs。Bardell，withafaintsmile。

Samunderstoodallthis，ofcourse，sohesaidatonce，thathenevercoulddrinkbeforesupper，unlessaladydrankwithhim。Agreatdealoflaughingensued，andMrs。Sandersvolunteeredtohumourhim，soshetookaslightsipoutofherglass。Then，Samsaiditmustgoallround，sotheyalltookaslightsip。Then，littleMrs。Cluppinsproposedasatoast，SuccesstoBardellaginPickwick。andthentheladiesemptiedtheirglassesinhonourofthesentiment，andgotverytalkativedirectly。

Isupposeyou’veheardwhat’sgoingforward，Mr。Weller？saidMrs。

Bardell。

I’veheerdsomethin’onit，repliedSam。

It’saterriblethingtobedraggedbeforethepublic，inthatway，Mr。Weller，saidMrs。Bardell。butIseenow，thatit’stheonlythingIoughttodo，andmylawyers，Mr。DodsonandFogg，tellme，thatwiththeevidenceasweshallcall，wemustsucceed。Idon’tknowwhatIshoulddo，Mr。Weller，ifIdidn’t。

ThemereideaofMrs。Bardell’sfailinginheraction，affectedMrs。

Sanderssodeeply，thatshewasunderthenecessityofre-fillingandre-emptyingherglassimmediately。feeling，asshesaidafterwards，thatifshehadn’thadthepresenceofmindtodoso，shemusthavedropped。

Venisitexpectedtocomeon？inquiredSam。

EitherinFebruaryorMarch，repliedMrs。Bardell。

Whatanumberofwitnessesthere’llbe，won’tthere？saidMrs。Cluppins。

Ah，won’tthere！repliedMrs。Sanders。

Andwon’tMr。DodsonandFoggbewildiftheplaintiffshouldn’tgetit？addedMrs。Cluppins，whentheydoitallonspeculation！

Ah！won’tthey！saidMrs。Sanders。

Buttheplaintiffmustgetit，resumedMrs。Cluppins。

Ihopeso，saidMrs。Bardell。

Oh，therecan’tbeanydoubtaboutit，rejoinedMrs。Sanders。

Vell，saidSam，risingandsettingdownhisglass，AllIcansayis，thatIwishyoumaygetit。

Thank’ee，Mr。Weller，saidMrs。Bardellfervently。

AndofthemDodsonandFoggs，asdoesthesesorto’thingsonspec，

continuedMr。Weller，aswellasfortheotherkindandgen’rouspeopleo’thesamepurfession，assetspeoplebytheears，freegratisfornothin’，andsetstheirclerkstoworktofindoutlittledisputesamongtheirneighboursandacquaintancesasvantssettlin’bymeanso’law-suits——allIcansayo’themis，thatIvishtheyhadtherevardI’dgive’em。

Ah，Iwishtheyhadtherewardthateverykindandgenerousheartwouldbeinclinedtobestowuponthem！saidthegratifiedMrs。Bardell。

Amentothat，repliedSam，andafatandhappylivin’they’dgetoutofit！Wishyougoodnight，ladies。

TothegreatreliefofMrs。Sanders，Samwasallowedtodepartwithoutanyreference，onthepartofthehostess，tothepettitoesandtoastedcheese：towhichtheladies，withsuchjuvenileassistanceasMasterBardellcouldafford，soonafterwardsrenderedtheamplestjustice——indeedtheywhollyvanishedbeforetheirstrenuousexertions。

Mr。WellerwenthiswaybacktotheGeorgeandVulture，andfaithfullyrecountedtohismaster，suchindicationsofthesharppracticeofDodsonandFogg，ashehadcontrivedtopickupinhisvisittoMrs。Bardell’s。

AninterviewwithMr。Perker，nextday，morethanconfirmedMr。Weller’sstatement。andMr。PickwickwasfaintoprepareforhisChristmasvisittoDingleyDell，withthepleasantanticipationthatsometwoorthreemonthsafterwards，anactionbroughtagainsthimfordamagessustainedbyreasonofabreachofpromiseofmarriage，wouldbepubliclytriedintheCourtofCommonPleas：theplaintiffhavingalltheadvantagesderivable，notonlyfromtheforceofcircumstances，butfromthesharppracticeofDodsonandFoggtoboot。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter27[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXVIISAMUELWELLERMAKESAPILGRIMAGETODORKING，AND

BEHOLDSHISMOTHER-IN-LAW

THEREstillremaininganintervaloftwodaysbeforethetimeagreeduponforthedepartureofthePickwickianstoDingleyDell，Mr。WellersathimselfdowninabackroomattheGeorgeandVulture，aftereatinganearlydinner，tomuseonthebestwayofdisposingofhistime。

Itwasaremarkablyfineday。andhehadnotturnedthematteroverinhismindtenminutes，whenhewassuddenlystrickenfilialandaffectionate。

anditoccurredtohimsostronglythatheoughttogodownandseehisfather，andpayhisdutytohismother-in-law，thathewaslostinastonishmentathisownremissnessinneverthinkingofthismoralobligationbefore。

Anxioustoatoneforhispastneglectwithoutanotherhour’sdelay，hestraightwaywalkedup-stairstoMr。Pickwick，andrequestedleaveofabsenceforthislaudablepurpose。

Certainly，Sam，certainly，saidMr。Pickwick，hiseyesglisteningwithdelightatthismanifestationoffilialfeelingonthepartofhisattendant。certainly，Sam。

Mr。Wellermadeagratefulbow。

Iamverygladtoseethatyouhavesohighasenseofyourdutiesasason，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。

Ialwayshad，sir，repliedMr。Weller。

That’saverygratifyingreflection，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，approvingly。

Wery，sir，repliedMr。Weller。ifeverIwantedanythin’o’myfather，Ialwaysaskedforitinawery’spectfulandobligin’manner。Ifhedidn’tgiveitme，Itookit，forfearIshouldbeledtodoanythin’wrong，throughnothavin’it。Isavedhimaworldo’troubleinthisvay，sir。

That’snotpreciselywhatImeant，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，shakinghishead，withaslightsmile。

Allgoodfeelin’，sir——thewerybestintentions，asthegen’l’m’nsaidvenherunawayfromhiswife’cossheseemedunhappywithhim，repliedMr。Weller。

Youmaygo，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。

Thank’ee，sir，repliedMr。Weller。andhavingmadehisbestbow，andputonhisbestclothes，SamplantedhimselfonthetopoftheArundelcoach，andjourneyedontoDorking。

TheMarquisofGranbyinMrs。Weller’stimewasquiteamodelofaroad-sidepublic-houseofthebetterclass——justlargeenoughtobeconvenient，andsmallenoughtobesnug。Ontheoppositesideoftheroadwasalargesign-boardonahighpost，representingtheheadandshouldersofagentlemanwithanapoplecticcountenance，inaredcoatwithdeepbluefacings，andatouchofthesameblueoverhisthree-corneredhat，forasky。Overthatagainwereapairofflags。beneaththelastbuttonofhiscoatwereacoupleofcannon。andthewholeformedanexpressiveandundoubtedlikenessoftheMarquisofGranbyofgloriousmemory。

Thebarwindowdisplayedachoicecollectionofgeraniumplants，andawell-dustedrowofspiritphials。Theopenshuttersboreavarietyofgoldeninscriptions，eulogisticofgoodbedsandneatwines。andthechoicegroupofcountrymenandhostlersloungingaboutthestable-doorandhorsetrough，affordedpresumptiveproofoftheexcellentqualityofthealeandspiritswhichweresoldwithin。SamWellerpaused，whenhedismountedfromthecoach，tonotealltheselittleindicationsofathrivingbusiness，withtheeyeofanexperiencedtraveller。andhavingdoneso，steppedinatonce，highlysatisfiedwitheverythinghehadobserved。

Now，then！saidashrillfemalevoicetheinstantSamthrusthisheadinatthedoor，whatdoyouwant，youngman？

Samlookedroundinthedirectionwhencethevoiceproceeded。Itcamefromaratherstoutladyofcomfortableappearance，whowasseatedbesidethefireplaceinthebar，blowingthefiretomakethekettleboilfortea。Shewasnotalone。forontheothersideofthefireplace，sittingboltuprightinahigh-backedchair，wasamaninthreadbareblackclothes，withabackalmostaslongandstiffasthatofthechairitself，whocaughtSam’smostparticularandespecialattentionatonce。

Hewasaprim-faced，red-nosedman，withalong，thincountenance，andasemi-rattlesnakesortofeye——rathersharp，butdecidedlybad。Heworeveryshorttrousers，andblack-cottonstockings，which，liketherestofhisapparel，wereparticularlyrusty。Hislookswerestarched，buthiswhiteneckerchiefwasnot，anditslonglimpendsstraggledoverhisclosely-buttonedwaistcoatinaveryuncouthandunpicturesquefashion。Apairofold，wornbeavergloves，abroad-brimmedhat，andafadedgreenumbrella，withplentyofwhalebonestickingthroughthebottom，asiftocounter-balancethewantofahandleatthetop，layonachairbesidehim，and，beingdisposedinaverytidyandcarefulmanner，seemedtoimplythatthered-nosedman，whoeverhewas，hadnointentionofgoingawayinahurry。

Todothered-nosedmanjustice，hewouldhavebeenveryfarfromwiseifhehadentertainedanysuchintention。for，tojudgefromallappearances，hemusthavebeenpossessedofamostdesirablecircleofacquaintance，ifhecouldhavereasonablyexpectedtobemorecomfortableanywhereelse。

Thefirewasblazingbrightlyundertheinfluenceofthebellows，andthekettlewassinginggailyundertheinfluenceofboth。Asmalltrayoftea-thingswasarrangedonthetable，aplateofhotbutteredtoastwasgentlysimmeringbeforethefire，andthered-nosedmanhimselfwasbusilyengagedinconvertingalargesliceofbreadintothesameagreeableedible，throughtheinstrumentalityofalongbrasstoasting-fork。Besidehimstoodaglassofreekinghotpine-applerumandwater，withasliceoflemoninit。andeverytimethered-nosedmanstoppedtobringtheroundoftoasttohiseye，withtheviewofascertaininghowitgoton，heimbibedadroportwoofthehotpine-applerumandwater，andsmiledupontheratherstoutlady，assheblewthefire。

Samwassolostinthecontemplationofthiscomfortablescene，thathesufferedthefirstinquiryoftheratherstoutladytopassunheeded。

Itwasnotuntilithadbeentwicerepeated，eachtimeinashrillertone，thathebecameconsciousoftheimproprietyofhisbehaviour。

Governorin？inquiredSam，inreplytothequestion。

No，heisn’t，repliedMrs。Weller。fortheratherstoutladywasnootherthanthequondamrelictandsoleexecutrixofthedead-and-goneMr。

Clarke。No，heisn’t，andIdon’texpecthim，either。

Isupposehe’sdrivin’upto-day？saidSam。

Hemaybe，orhemaynot，repliedMrs。Weller，butteringtheroundoftoastwhichthered-nosedmanhadjustfinished。Idon’tknow，and，what’smore，Idon’tcare。Askablessin’，Mr。Stiggins。

Thered-nosedmandidashewasdesired，andinstantlycommencedonthetoastwithfiercevoracity。

Theappearanceofthered-nosedmanhadinducedSam，atfirstsight，tomorethanhalfsuspectthathewasthedeputyshepherdofwhomhisestimableparenthadspoken。Themomenthesawhimeat，alldoubtonthesubjectwasremoved，andheperceivedatoncethatifhepurposedtotakeuphistemporaryquarterswherehewas，hemustmakehisfootinggoodwithoutdelay。Hethereforecommencedproceedingsbyputtinghisarmoverthehalf-doorofthebar，coollvunboltingit，andleisurelywalkingin。

Mother-in-law，saidSam，howareyou？

Why，IdobelieveheisaWeller！saidMrs。W。，raisinghereyestoSam’sface，withnoverygratifiedexpressionofcountenance。

Iraytherthinkheis，saidtheimperturbableSam。andIhopethisherereverendgen’l’m’n’llexcusemesayingthatIwishIwastheWellerasownsyou，mother-in-law。

Thiswasadouble-barrelledcompliment。ItimpliedthatMrs。Wellerwasamostagreeablefemale，andalsothatMr。Stigginshadaclericalappearance。Itmadeavisibleimpressionatonce。andSamfolloweduphisadvantagebykissinghismother-in-law。

Getalongwithyou！saidMrs。Weller，pushinghimaway。

Forshame，youngman！saidthegentlemanwiththerednose。

Nooffence，sir，nooffence，repliedSam。you’reweryright，though。

itain’ttherightsorto’thing，wenmothers-in-lawisyoungandgoodlooking，isit，sir？

It’sallvanity，saidMr。Stiggins。

Ah，soitis，saidMrs。Weller，settinghercaptorights。

Samthoughtitwas，too，butheheldhispeace。

ThedeputyshepherdseemedbynomeansbestpleasedwithSam’sarrival。

andwhenthefirsteffervescenceofthecomplimenthadsubsided，evenMrs。

Wellerlookedasifshecouldhavesparedhimwithoutthesmallestinconvenience。

However，therehewas。andashecouldn’tbedecentlyturnedout，theyallthreesatdowntotea。

Andhow’sfather？saidSam。

Atthisinquiry，Mrs。Wellerraisedherhands，andturneduphereyes，asifthesubjectweretoopainfultobealludedto。

Mr。Stigginsgroaned。

What’sthematterwiththat’eregen’l’m’n？inquiredSam。

He’sshockedatthewayyourfathergoesonin，repliedMrs。Weller。

Oh，heis，ishe？saidSam。

Andwithtoogoodreason，addedMrs。Weller，gravely。

Mr。Stigginstookupafreshpieceoftoast，andgroanedheavily。

Heisadreadfulreprobate，saidMrs。Weller。

Amanofwrath！exclaimedMr。Stiggins。Hetookalargesemi-circularbiteoutofthetoast，andgroanedagain。

SamfeltverystronglydisposedtogivethereverendMr。Stigginssomethingtogroanfor，butherepressedhisinclination，andmerelyasked，What’stheold’unupto，now？

Upto，indeed！saidMrs。Weller。Oh，hehasahardheart。Nightafternightdoesthisexcellentman——don’tfrown，Mr。Stiggins：Iwillsayyouareanexcellentman——comeandsithere，forhourstogether，andithasnottheleasteffectuponhim。

Well，thatisodd，saidSam。it’udhaveaweryconsiderableeffectuponme，ifIwosinhisplace。Iknowthat。

Thefactis，myyoungfriend，saidMr。Stiggins，solemnly，hehasanobderratebosom。Oh，myyoungfriend，whoelsecouldhaveresistedthepleadingofsixteenofourfairestsisters，andwithstoodtheirexhortationstosubscribetoournoblesocietyforprovidingtheinfantnegroesintheWestIndieswithflannelwaistcoatsandmoralpocket-hand-kerchiefs？

What’samoralpocketankercher？saidSam。Ineverseeoneo’themarticleso’furniter。

Thosewhichcombineamusementwithinstruction，myyoungfriend，repliedMr。Stiggins：blendingselecttaleswithwood-cuts。

Oh，Iknow，saidSam。themashangsupinthelinen-drapers’shops，withbeggars’petitionsandallthat’ereupon’em？

Mr。Stigginsbeganathirdroundoftoast，andnoddedassent。

Andhewouldn’tbepersuadedbytheladies，wouldn’the？saidSam。

Satandsmokedhispipe，andsaidtheinfantnegroeswere——whatdidhesaytheinfantnegroeswere？saidMrs。Weller。

Littlehumbugs，repliedMr。Stiggins，deeplyaffected。

Saidtheinfantnegroeswerelittlehumbugs，repeatedMrs。Weller。

Andtheybothgroanedattheatrociousconductoftheoldgentleman。

Agreatmanymoreiniquitiesofasimilarnaturemighthavebeendisclosed，onlythetoastbeingalleaten，theteahavinggotveryweak，andSamholdingoutnoindicationsofmeaningtogo，Mr。Stigginssuddenlyrecollectedthathehadamostpressingappointmentwiththeshepherd，andtookhimselfoffaccordingly。

Thetea-thingshadbeenscarcelyputaway，andthehearthsweptup，whentheLondoncoachdepositedMr。Wellersenioratthedoor。hislegsdepositedhiminthebar。andhiseyesshowedhimhisson。

What，Sammy！exclaimedthefather。

What，oldNobs！ejaculatedtheson。Andtheyshookhandsheartily。

Werygladtoseeyou，Sammy，saidtheelderMr。Weller，thoughhowyou’vemanagedtogetoveryourmother-in-law，isamysterytome。Ionlyvishyou’dwritemeoutthereceipt，that’sall。

Hush！saidSam，she’sathome，oldfeller。

Sheain’tvithinherein’，repliedMr。Weller。shealwaysgoesandblowsup，down-stairs，foracoupleofhoursartertea。sowe’lljustgiveourselvesadamp，Sammy。

Sayingthis，Mr。Wellermixedtwoglassesofspiritsandwater，andproducedacoupleofpipes。Thefatherandsonsittingdownoppositeeachother：Samononesideofthefire，inthehigh-backedchair，andMr。Wellerseniorontheother，inaneasyditto：theyproceededtoenjoythemselveswithallduegravity。

Anybodybeenhere，Sammy？askedMr。Wellersenior，drily，afteralongsilence。

Samnoddedanexpressiveassent。

Red-nosedchap？inquiredMr。Weller。

Samnoddedagain。

Amiablemanthat’ere，Sammy，saidMr。Weller，smokingviolently。

Seemsso，observedSam。

Goodhandataccounts，saidMr。Weller。

Ishe？saidSam。

BorrowseighteenpenceonMonday，andcomesonTuesdayforashillin’

tomakeituphalfacrown。callsagainonVensdayforanotherhalfcrowntomakeitfiveshillin’s。andgoeson，doubling，tillhegetsituptoafivepoundnoteinnotime，likethemsumsinthe’rithmeticbook’boutthenailsinthehorse’sshoes，Sammy。

Samintimatedbyanodthatherecollectedtheproblemalludedtobyhisparent。

Soyouvouldn’tsubscribetotheflannelveskits？saidSam，afteranotherintervalofsmoking。

Cert’nlynot，repliedMr。Weller。what’sthegoodo’flannelveskitstotheyoungniggersabroad？ButI’lltellyouwhatitis，Sammy，saidMr。Weller，loweringhisvoice，andbendingacrossthefireplace。I’dcomedownweryhandsometowardsstraitveskitsforsomepeopleathome。

AsMr。Wellersaidthis，heslowlyrecoveredhisformerposition，andwinkedathisfirst-born，inaprofoundmanner。

Itcert’nlyseemsaqueerstarttosendoutpocketankercherstopeopleasdon’tknowtheuseon’em，observedSam。

They’realvaysadoin’somegammonofthatsort，Sammy，repliedhisfather。T’otherSundayIwoswalkin’uptheroad，wenwhoshouldIsee，astandin’atachapel-door，withabluesoup-plateinherhand，butyourmother-in-law！Iwerilybelievetherewaschangeforacoupleo’suv’rinsinit，then，Sammy，allinha’pence。andasthepeoplecomeout，theyrattledthepenniesinit，tillyou’dha’thoughtthatnomortalplateaseverwasbaked，couldha’stoodthewearandtear。Whatd’yethinkitwasallfor？

Foranothertea-drinkin’，perhaps，saidSam。

Notabitonit，repliedthefather。fortheshepherd’swater-rate，Sammy。

Theshepherd’swater-rate！saidSam。

Ay，repliedMr。Weller，therewasthreequartersowin’，andtheshepherdhadn’tpaidafarden，nothe——perhapsitmightbeonaccountthatthewaterwarn’to’muchusetohim，forit’swerylittleo’thattaphedrinks，Sammy，wery。heknowsatrickworthagoodhalfdozenofthat，hedoes。

Hows’ever，itwarn’tpaid，andsotheycutsthewateroff。Downgoestheshepherdtochapel，givesoutashe’sapersecutedsaint，andsayshehopestheheartoftheturncockascutthewateroff，’llbesoftened，andturnedintherightvay：butheraytherthinkshe’sbookedforsomethin’uncomfortable。

Uponthis，thewomencallsameetin’，singsahymn，wotesyourmother-in-lawintothechair，wolunteersacollectionnextSunday，andhandsitallovertotheshepherd。Andifheain’tgotenoughouton’em，Sammy，tomakehimfreeofthewatercompanyforlife，saidMr。Weller，inconclusion，I’moneDutchman，andyou’reanother，andthat’sallaboutit。

Mr。Wellersmokedforsomeminutesinsilence，andthenresumed：

Theworsto’thesehereshepherdsis，myboy，thattheyreg’larlyturnstheheadsofalltheyoungladies，abouthere。Lordblesstheirlittlehearts，theythinksit’sallright，anddon’tknownobetter。butthey’rethewictimso’gammon，Samivel，they’rethewictimso’gammon。

Is’posetheyare，saidSam。

Nothin’else，saidMr。Weller，shakinghisheadgravely。andwotaggrawatesme，Samivel，istosee’emawastin’alltheirtimeandlabourinmakingclothesforcopper-colouredpeopleasdon’twant’em，andtakingnonoticeofflesh-colouredChristiansasdo。IfI’dmyvay，Samivel，I’djuststicksomeo’theseherelazyshepherdsbehindaheavywheelbarrow，andrun’emupanddownafourteen-inch-wideplankallday。That’udshakethenonsenseoutof’em，ifanythin’vould。

Mr。Wellerhavingdeliveredthisgentlerecipewithstrongemphasis，ekedoutbyavarietyofnodsandcontortionsoftheeye，emptiedhisglassatadraught，andknockedtheashesoutofhispipe，withnativedignity。

Hewasengagedinthisoperation，whenashrillvoicewasheardinthepassage。

Here’syourdearrelation，Sammy，saidMr。Weller。andMrs。W。hurriedintotheroom。

Oh，you’vecomeback，haveyou！saidMrs。Weller。

Yes，mydear，repliedMr。Weller，fillingafreshpipe。

HasMr。Stigginsbeenback？saidMrs。Weller。

No，mydear，hehasn’t，repliedMr。Weller，lightingthepipebytheingeniousprocessofholdingtothebowlthereof，betweenthetongs，ared-hotcoalfromtheadjacentfire。andwhat’smore，mydear，Ishallmanagetosurwiveitifhedon’tcomebackatall。

Ugh，youwretch！saidMrs。Weller。

Thank’ee，mylove，saidMr。Weller。

Come，come，father，saidSam，noneo’theselittlelovinsaforestrangers。

Here’sthereverendgen’l’m’nacomin’innow。

Atthisannouncement，Mrs。Wellerhastilywipedoffthetearswhichshehadjustbeguntoforceon。andMr。W。drewhischairsullenlyintothechimneycorner。

Mr。Stigginswaseasilyprevailedon，totakeanotherglassofthehotpine-applerumandwater，andasecond，andathird，andthentorefreshhimselfwithaslightsupper，previoustobeginningagain。HesatonthesamesideasMr。Wellersenior。andeverytimehecouldcontrivetodoso，unseenbyhiswife，thatgentlemanindicatedtohissonthehiddenemotionsofhisbosom，byshakinghisfistoverthedeputyshepherd’shead：

aprocesswhichaffordedhissonthemostunmingleddelightandsatisfaction，themoreespeciallyasMr。Stigginswenton，quietlydrinkingthehotpine-applerumandwater，whollyunconsciousofwhatwasgoingon。

ThemajorpartoftheconversationwasconfinedtoMrs。WellerandthereverendMr。Stiggins。andthetopicsprincipallydescantedon，werethevirtuesoftheshepherd，theworthinessofhisflock，andthehighcrimesandmisdemeanoursofeverybodybeside。dissertationswhichtheelderMr。

Welleroccasionallyinterruptedbyhalf-suppressedreferencestoagentlemanofthenameofWalker，andotherrunningcommentariesofthesamekind。

AtlengthMr。Stiggins，withseveralmostindubitablesymptomsofhavingquiteasmuchpine-applerumandwaterabouthim，ashecouldcomfortablyaccommodate，tookhishat，andhisleave：andSamwas，immediatelyafterwards，showntobedbyhisfather。Therespectableoldgentlemanwrunghishandfervently，andseemeddisposedtoaddresssomeobservationtohisson。

butonMrs。Welleradvancingtowardshim，heappearedtorelinquishthatintention，andabruptlybadehimgoodnight。

Samwasupbetimesnextday，andhavingpartakenofahastybreakfast，preparedtoreturntoLondon。Hehadscarcelysetfootwithoutthehouse，whenhisfatherstoodbeforehim。

Goin’，Sammy？inquiredMr。Weller。

Offatonce，repliedSam。

Ivishyoucouldmufflethat’ereStiggins，andtakehimvithyou，

saidMr。Weller。

Iamashamedonyou！saidSam，reproachfully。whatdoyoulethimshowhisrednoseintheMarkiso’Granbyatall，for？

Mr。Wellertheelderfixedonhissonanearnestlook，andreplied，’CauseI’mamarriedman，Samivel，’causeI’mamarriedman。Wenyou’reamarriedman，Samivel，you’llunderstandagoodmanythingsasyoudon’tunderstandnow。butvetherit’sworthwhilegoin’throughsomuch，tolearnsolittle，asthecharity-boysaidvenhegottotheendofthealphabet，isamattero’taste。Iraytherthinkitisn’t。

Well，saidSam，goodbye。

Tar，tar，Sammy，repliedhisfather。

I’veonlygottosaythishere，saidSam，stoppingshort，thatifIwastheproperiatoro’theMarkiso’Granby，andthat’ereStigginscameandmadetoastinmybar，I’d——

What？interposedMr。Weller，withgreatanxiety。What？——

Pisonhisrumandwater，saidSam。

No！saidMr。Weller，shakinghissoneagerlybythehand，wouldyouraly，Sammy。wouldyou，though？

Iwould，saidSam。Iwouldn’tbetooharduponhimatfirst。I’ddrophiminthewater-butt，andputthelidon。andifIfoundhewasinsensibletokindness，I’dtrytheotherpersvasion。

TheelderMr。Wellerbestowedalookofdeep，unspeakableadmirationonhisson：and，havingoncemoregraspedhishand，walkedslowlyaway，revolvinginhismindthenumerousreflectionstowhichhisadvicehadgivenrise。

Samlookedafterhim，untilheturnedacorneroftheroad：andthensetforwardonhiswalktoLondon。Hemeditated，atfirst，ontheprobableconsequencesofhisownadvice，andthelikelihoodandunlikelihoodofhisfather’sadoptingit。Hedismissedthesubjectfromhismind，however，withtheconsolatoryreflectionthattimealonewouldshow。andthisisthereflectionwewouldimpressuponthereader。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter28[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXVIIIAGOOD-HUMOUREDCHRISTMASCHAPTER，CONTAININGAN

ACCOUNTOFAWEDDING，ANDSOMEOTHERSPORTSBESIDE：WHICHALTHOUGHINTHEIR

WAY，EVENASGOODCUSTOMSASMARRIAGEITSELF，ARENOTQUITESORELIGIOUSLY

KEPTUPINTHESEDEGENERATETIMES

Asbriskasbees，ifnotaltogetheraslightasfairies，didthefourPickwickiansassembleonthemorningofthetwenty-seconddayofDecember，intheyearofgraceinwhichthese，theirfaithfully-recordedadventures，wereundertakenandaccomplished。Christmaswascloseathand，inallhisbluffandheartyhonesty。itwastheseasonofhospitality，merriment，andopen-heartedness。theoldyearwaspreparing，likeanancientphilosopher，tocallhisfriendsaroundhim，andamidstthesoundoffeastingandrevelrytopassgentlyandcalmlyaway。Gayandmerrywasthetime，andgayandmerrywereatleastfourofthenumerousheartsthatweregladdenedbyitscoming。

AndnumerousindeedaretheheartstowhichChristmasbringsabriefseasonofhappinessandenjoyment。Howmanyfamilies，whosemembershavebeendispersedandscatteredfarandwide，intherestlessstrugglesoflife，arethenreunited，andmeetonceagaininthathappystateofcompanionshipandmutualgood-will，whichisasourceofsuchpureandunalloyeddelight，andonesoincompatiblewiththecaresandsorrowsoftheworld，thatthereligiousbeliefofthemostcivilisednations，andtherudetraditionsoftheroughestsavages，alikenumberitamongthefirstjoysofafutureconditionofexistence，providedfortheblestandhappy！Howmanyoldrecollections，andhowmanydormantsympathies，doesChristmastimeawaken！

Wewritethesewordsnow，manymilesdistantfromthespotatwhich，yearafteryear，wemetonthatday，amerryandjoyouscircle。Manyoftheheartsthatthrobbedsogailythen，haveceasedtobeat。manyofthelooksthatshonesobrightlythen，haveceasedtoglow。thehandswegraspedhavegrowncold。theeyeswesoughthavehidtheirlustreinthegrave。

andyettheoldhouse，theroom，themerryvoicesandsmilingfaces，thejest，thelaugh，themostminuteandtrivialcircumstancesconnectedwiththosehappymeetings，crowduponourmindateachrecurrenceoftheseason，asifthelastassemblagehadbeenbutyesterday！Happy，happyChristmas，thatcanwinusbacktothedelusionsofourchildishdays。thatcanrecalltotheoldmanthepleasuresofhisyouth。thatcantransportthesailorandthetraveller，thousandsofmilesaway，backtohisownfiresideandhisquiethome！

ButwearesotakenupandoccupiedwiththegoodqualitiesofthissaintChristmas，thatwearekeepingMr。PickwickandhisfriendswaitinginthecoldontheoutsideoftheMuggletoncoach，whichtheyhavejustattained，wellwrappedupingreat-coats，shawls，andcomforters。Theportmanteausandcarpet-bagshavebeenstowedaway，andMr。Wellerandtheguardareendeavouringtoinsinuateintothefore-bootahugecod-fishseveralsizestoolargeforit——whichissnuglypackedup，inalongbrownbasket，withalayerofstrawoverthetop，andwhichhasbeenlefttothelast，inorderthathemayreposeinsafetyonthehalf-dozenbarrelsofrealnativeoysters，allthepropertyofMr。Pickwick，whichhavebeenarrangedinregularorderatthebottomofthereceptacle。TheinterestdisplayedinMr。Pickwick’scountenanceismostintense，asMr。Wellerandtheguardtrytosqueezethecod-fishintotheboot，firstheadfirst，andthentailfirst，andthentopupward，andthenbottomupward，andthenside-ways，andthenlong-ways，allofwhichartificestheimplacablecod-fishsturdilyresists，untiltheguardaccidentallyhitshimintheverymiddleofthebasket，whereuponhesuddenlydisappearsintotheboot，andwithhim，theheadandshouldersoftheguardhimself，who，notcalculatinguponsosuddenacessationofthepassiveresistanceofthecod-fish，experiencesaveryunexpectedshock，totheunsmotherabledelightofalltheportersandbystanders。

Uponthis，Mr。Pickwicksmileswithgreatgood-humour，anddrawingashillingfromhiswaistcoatpocket，begstheguard，ashepickshimselfoutoftheboot，todrinkhishealthinaglassofhotbrandyandwater。atwhichtheguardsmilestoo，andMessrs。Snodgrass，Winkle，andTupman，allsmileincompany。TheguardandMr。Wellerdisappearforfiveminutes：mostprobablytogetthehotbrandyandwater，fortheysmellverystronglyofit，whentheyreturn，thecoachmanmountstothebox，Mr。Wellerjumpsupbehind，thePickwickianspulltheircoatsroundtheirlegsandtheirshawlsovertheirnoses，thehelperspullthehorse-clothsoff，thecoachmanshoutsoutacheeryAllright，andawaytheygo。

Theyhaverumbledthroughthestreets，andjoltedoverthestones，andatlengthreachthewideandopencountry。Thewheelsskimoverthehardandfrostyground：andthehorses，burstingintoacanteratasmartcrackofthewhip，stepalongtheroadasiftheloadbehindthem：coach，passengers，cod-fish，oysterbarrels，andall：werebutafeatherattheirheels。Theyhavedescendedagentleslope，andenteruponalevel，ascompactanddryasasolidblockofmarble，twomileslong。Anothercrackofthewhip，andontheyspeed，atasmartgallop：thehorsestossingtheirheadsandrattlingtheharness，asifinexhilarationattherapidityofthemotion：

whilethecoachman，holdingwhipandreinsitonehand，takesoffhishatwiththeother，andrestingitonhisknees，pullsouthishandkerchief，andwipeshisfore-head：partlybecausehehasahabitofdoingit，andpartlybecauseit’saswelltoshowthepassengershowcoolheis，andwhataneasythingitistodrivefour-in-hand，whenyouhavehadasmuchpracticeashehas。Havingdonethisveryleisurely(otherwisetheeffectwouldbemateriallyimpaired)，hereplaceshishandkerchief，pullsonhishat，adjustshisgloves，squareshiselbows，cracksthewhipagain，andontheyspeed，moremerrilythanbefore。