第6章

Wemustleavethisplace，directly，saidMr。Pickwick，asherefoldedthenote。Itwouldnothavebeendecentforustoremainhere，underanycircumstances，afterwhathashappened。andnowweareboundtofollowinsearchofourfriend。Andsosaying，heledthewaytothehouse。

Hisintentionwasrapidlycommunicated。Theentreatiestoremainwerepressing，butMr。Pickwickwasinflexible。Business，hesaid，requiredhisimmediateattendance。

Theoldclergymanwaspresent。

Youarenotreallygoing？saidhe，takingMr。Pickwickaside。

Mr。Pickwickreiteratedhisformerdetermination。

Thenhere，saidtheoldgentleman，isalittlemanuscript，whichIhadhopedtohavethepleasureofreadingtoyoumyself。Ifounditonthedeathofafriendofmine——amedicalman，engagedinourCountyLunaticAsylum——amongavarietyofpapers，whichIhadtheoptionofdestroyingorpreserving，asIthoughtproper。Icanhardlybelievethatthemanuscriptisgenuine，thoughitcertainlyisnotinmyfriend’shand。However，whetheritbethegenuineproductionofamaniac，orfoundedupontheravingsofsomeunhappybeing(whichIthinkmoreprobable)，readit，andjudgeforyourself。

Mr。Pickwickreceivedthemanuscript，andpartedfromthebenevolentoldgentlemanwithmanyexpressionsofgood-willandesteem。

ItwasamoredifficulttasktotakeleaveoftheinmatesofManorFarm，fromwhomtheyhadreceivedsomuchhospitalityandkindness。Mr。Pickwickkissedtheyoungladies——weweregoingtosay，asiftheywerehisowndaughters，onlyashemightpossiblyhaveinfusedalittlemorewarmthintothesalutation，thecomparisonwouldnotbequiteappropriate——huggedtheoldladywithfilialcordiality：andpattedtherosycheeksofthefemaleservantsinamostpatriarchalmanner，asheslippedintothehandsofeach，somemoresubstantialexpressionofhisapproval。TheexchangeofcordialitieswiththeirfineoldhostandMr。Trundle，wereevenmoreheartyandprolonged。anditwasnotuntilMr。Snodgrasshadbeenseveraltimescalledfor，andatlastemergedfromadarkpassagefollowedsoonafterbyEmily(whosebrighteyeslookedunusuallydim)，thatthethreefriendswereenabledtotearthemselvesfromtheirfriendlyentertainers。

ManyabackwardlooktheygaveattheFarm，astheywalkedslowlyaway：

andmanyakissdidMr。Snodgrasswaftintheair，inacknowledgmentofsomethingverylikealady’shandkerchief，whichwaswavedfromoneoftheupperwindows，untilaturnofthelanehidtheoldhousefromtheirsight。

AtMuggletontheyprocuredaconveyancetoRochester。Bythetimetheyreachedthelast-namedplace，theviolenceoftheirgriefhadsufficientlyabatedtoadmitoftheirmakingaveryexcellentearlydinner。andhavingprocuredthenecessaryinformationrelativetotheroad，thethreefriendssetforwardagainintheafternoontowalktoCobham。

Adelightfulwalkitwas：foritwasapleasantafternooninJune，andtheirwaylaythroughadeepandshadywood，cooledbythelightwindwhichgentlyrustledthethickfoliage，andenlivenedbythesongsofthebirdsthatperchedupontheboughs。Theivyandthemosscreptinthickclustersovertheoldtrees，andthesoftgreenturfoverspreadthegroundlikeasilkenmat。Theyemergeduponanopenpark，withanancienthall，displayingthequaintandpicturesquearchitectureofElizabeth’stime。Longvistasofstatelyoaksandelmtreesappearedoneveryside：largeherdsofdeerwerecroppingthefreshgrass。andoccasionallyastartledharescouredalongtheground，withthespeedoftheshadowsthrownbythelightcloudswhichsweptacrossasunnylandscapelikeapassingbreathofsummer。

Ifthis，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingabouthim，ifthisweretheplacetowhichallwhoaretroubledwithourfriend’scomplaintcame，Ifancytheiroldattachmenttothisworldwouldverysoonreturn。

Ithinksotoo，saidMr。Winkle。

Andreally，addedMr。Pickwick，afterhalfanhour’swalkinghadbroughtthemtothevillage，really，foramisanthrope’schoice，thisisoneoftheprettiestandmostdesirableplacesofresidenceIevermetwith。

Inthisopinionalso，bothMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassexpressedtheirconcurrence。andhavingbeendirectedtotheLeathernBottle，acleanandcommodiousvillageale-house，thethreetravellersentered，andatonceinquiredforagentlemanofthenameofTupman。

Showthegentlemenintotheparlour，Tom，saidthelandlady。

Astoutcountryladopenedadoorattheendofthepassage，andthethreefriendsenteredalong，low-roofedroom，furnishedwithalargenumberofhigh-backedleather-cushionedchairsoffantasticshapes，andembellishedwithagreatvarietyofoldportraitsandroughly-colouredprintsofsomeantiquity。Attheupperendoftheroomtherewasatable，withawhiteclothuponit，wellcoveredwitharoastfowl，bacon，ale，andetceteras。

andatthetablesatMr。Tupman，lookingasunlikeamanwhohadtakenhisleaveoftheworld，aspossible。

Ontheentranceofhisfriends，thatgentlemanlaiddownhisknifeandfork，andwithamournfulairadvancedtomeetthem。

Ididnotexpecttoseeyouhere，hesaid，ashegraspedMr。Pickwick’shand。It’sverykind。

Ah！saidMr。Pickwick，sittingdown，andwipingfromhisforeheadtheperspirationwhichthewalkhadengendered。

Finishyourdinner，andwalkoutwithme。Iwishtospeaktoyoualone。

Mr。Tupmandidashewasdesired。andMr。Pickwickhavingrefreshedhimselfwithacopiousdraughtofale，waitedhisfriend’sleisure。Thedinnerwasquicklydespatched，andtheywalkedouttogether。

Forhalfanhour，theirformsmighthavebeenseenpacingthechurchyardtoandfro，whileMr。Pickwickwasengagedincombattinghiscompanion’sresolution。Anyrepetitionofhisargumentswouldbeuseless。forwhatlanguagecouldconveytothemthatenergyandforcewhichtheirgreatoriginator’smannercommunicated？WhetherMr。Tupmanwasalreadytiredofretirement，orwhetherhewaswhollyunabletoresisttheeloquentappealwhichwasmadetohim，mattersnot，hedidnotresistitatlast。

Itmatteredlittletohim，hesaid，wherehedraggedoutthemiserableremainderofhisdays：andsincehisfriendlaidsomuchstressuponhishumblecompanionship，hewaswillingtosharehisadventures。

Mr。Pickwicksmiled。theyshookhands。andwalkedbacktore-jointheircompanions。

ItwasatthismomentthatMr。Pickwickmadethatimmortaldiscovery，whichhasbeentheprideandboastofhisfriends，andtheenvyofeveryantiquarianinthisoranyothercountry。Theyhadpassedthedooroftheirinn，andwalkedalittlewaydownthevillage，beforetheyrecollectedtheprecisespotinwhichitstood。Astheyturnedback，Mr。Pickwick’seyefelluponasmallbrokenstone，partiallyburiedintheground，infrontofacottagedoor。Hepaused。

Thisisverystrange，saidMr。Pickwick。

Whatisstrange？inquiredMr。Tupman，staringeagerlyateveryobjectnearhim，buttherightone。Godblessme，what’sthematter？

Thislastwasanejaculationofirrepressibleastonishment，occasionedbyseeingMr。Pickwick，inhisenthusiasmfordiscovery，fallonhiskneesbeforethelittlestone，andcommencewipingthedustoffitwithhispocket-handkerchief。

Thereisaninscriptionhere，saidMr。Pickwick。

Isitpossible？saidMr。Tupman。

Icandiscern，continuedMr。Pickwick，rubbingawaywithallhismight，andgazingintentlythroughhisspectacles：Icandiscernacross，andaB，andthenaT。Thisisimportant，continuedMr。Pickwick，startingup。Thisissomeveryoldinscription，existingperhapslongbeforetheancientalms-housesinthisplace。Itmustnotbelost。

Hetappedatthecottagedoor。Alabouringmanopenedit。

Doyouknowhowthisstonecamehere，myfriend？inquiredthebenevolentMr。Pickwick。

No，Idoan’t，sir，repliedthemancivilly。ItwasherelongaforeIwarborn，oranyonus。

Mr。Pickwickglancedtriumphantlyathiscompanion。

You——you——arenotparticularlyattachedtoit，Idaresay，saidMr。

Pickwick，tremblingwithanxiety。Youwouldn’tmindsellingit，now？

Ah！butwho’dbuyit？inquiredtheman，withanexpressionoffacewhichheprobablymeanttobeverycunning。

I’llgiveyoutenshillingsforit，atonce，saidMr。Pickwick，ifyouwouldtakeitupforme。

Theastonishmentofthevillagemaybeeasilyimagined，when(thelittlestonehavingbeenraisedwithonewrenchofaspade)，Mr。Pickwick，bydintofgreatpersonalexertion，boreitwithhisownhandstotheinn，andafterhavingcarefullywashedit，depositeditonthetable。

TheexultationandjoyofthePickwickiansknewnobounds，whentheirpatienceandassiduity，theirwashingandscraping，werecrownedwithsuccess。

Thestonewasunevenandbroken，andtheletterswerestragglingandirregular，butthefollowingfragmentofaninscriptionwasclearlytobedeciphered：+BILSTUMPSHIS。M。ARK

Mr。Pickwick’seyessparkledwithdelight，ashesatandgloatedoverthetreasurehehaddiscovered。Hehadattainedoneofthegreatestobjectsofhisambition。Inacountyknowntoaboundinremainsoftheearlyages。

inavillageinwhichtherestillexistedsomememorialsoftheoldentime，he——he，theChairmanofthePickwickClub——haddiscoveredastrangeandcuriousinscriptionofunquestionableantiquity，whichhadwhollyescapedtheobservationofthemanylearnedmenwhohadprecededhim。Hecouldhardlytrusttheevidenceofhissenses。

This——this，saidhe，determinesme。Wereturntotown，to-morrow。

To-morrow！exclaimedhisadmiringfollowers。

To-morrow，saidMr。Pickwick。Thistreasuremustbeatoncedepositedwhereitcanbethoroughlyinvestigated，andproperlyunderstood。Ihaveanotherreasonforthisstep。Inafewdays，anelectionistotakeplacefortheboroughofEatanswill，atwhichMr。Perker，agentlemanwhomI

latelymet，istheagentofoneofthecandidates。Wewillbehold，andminutelyexamine，ascenesointerestingtoeveryEnglishman。

Wewill，wastheanimatedcryofthreevoices。

Mr。Pickwicklookedroundhim。Theattachmentandfervourofhisfollowers，lightedupaglowofenthusiasmwithinhim。Hewastheirleader，andhefeltit。

Letuscelebratethishappymeetingwithaconvivialglass，saidhe。

Thisproposition，liketheother，wasreceivedwithunanimousapplause。

Havinghimselfdepositedtheimportantstoneinasmalldealbox，purchasedfromthelandladyforthepurpose，heplacedhimselfinanarm-chairattheheadofthetable。andtheeveningwasdevotedtofestivityandconversation。

Itwaspasteleveno’clock——alatehourforthelittlevillageofCobham——whenMr。Pickwickretiredtothebed-roomwhichhadbeenpreparedforhisreception。

Hethrewopenthelattice-window，andsettinghislightuponthetable，fellintoatrainofmeditationonthehurriedeventsofthetwoprecedingdays。

Thehourandtheplacewerebothfavourabletocontemplation。Mr。Pickwickwasrousedbythechurch-clockstrikingtwelve。Thefirststrokeofthehoursoundedsolemnlyinhisear，butwhenthebellceasedthestillnessseemedinsupportable——healmostfeltasifhehadlostacompanion。Hewasnervousandexcited。andhastilyundressinghimselfandplacinghislightinthechimney，gotintobed。

Everyonehasexperiencedthatdisagreeablestateofmind，inwhichasensationofbodilywearinessinvaincontendsagainstaninabilitytosleep。ItwasMr。Pickwick’sconditionatthismoment：hetossedfirstononesideandthenontheother。andperseveringlyclosedhiseyesasiftocoaxhimselftoslumber。Itwasofnouse。Whetheritwastheunwontedexertionhehadundergone，ortheheat，orthebrandyandwater，orthestrangebed——whateveritwas，histhoughtskeptrevertingveryuncomfortablytothegrimpicturesdown-stairs，andtheoldstoriestowhichtheyhadgivenriseinthecourseoftheevening。Afterhalfanhour’stumblingabout，hecametotheunsatisfactoryconclusion，thatitwasofnousetryingtosleep。sohegotup，andpartiallydressedhimself。Anything，hethought，wasbetterthanlyingtherefancyingallkindsofhorrors。

Helookedoutofthewindow——itwasverydark。Hewalkedabouttheroom——itwasverylonely。

Hehadtakenafewturnsfromthedoortothewindow，andfromthewindowtothedoor，whentheclergyman’smanuscriptforthefirsttimeenteredhishead。Itwasagoodthought。Ifitfailedtointeresthim，itmightsendhimtosleep。Hetookitfromhiscoat-pocket，anddrawingasmalltabletowardshisbed-side，trimmedthelight，putonhisspectacles，andcomposedhimselftoread。Itwasastrangehand-writing，andthepaperwasmuchsoiledandblotted。Thetitlegavehimasuddenstart，too。andhecouldnotavoidcastingawistfulglanceroundtheroom。Reflectingontheabsurdityofgivingwaytosuchfeelings，however，hetrimmedthelightagain，andreadasfollows：AMADMAN’SMANUSCRIPT

Yes！——amadman’s！Howthatwordwouldhavestrucktomyheart，manyyearsago！Howitwouldhaverousedtheterrorthatusedtocomeuponmesometimes。sendingthebloodhissingandtinglingthroughmyveins，tillthecolddewoffearstoodinlargedropsuponmyskin，andmykneesknockedtogetherwithfright！Ilikeitnowthough。It’safinename。Shewmethemonarchwhoseangryfrownwaseverfearedliketheglareofamadman’seye——whosecordandaxewereeverhalfsosureasamadman’sgrip。Ho！

ho！It’sagrandthingtobemad！tobepeepedatlikeawildlionthroughtheironbars——tognashone’steethandhowl，throughthelongstillnight，tothemerryringofaheavychain——andtorollandtwineamongthestraw，transportedwithsuchbravemusic。Hurrahforthemadhouse！Oh，it’sarareplace！

IrememberdayswhenIwasafraidofbeingmad。whenIusedtostartfrommysleep，andfalluponmyknees，andpraytobesparedfromthecurseofmyrace。whenIrushedfromthesightofmerrimentorhappiness，tohidemyselfinsomelonelyplace，andspendthewearyhoursinwatchingtheprogressofthefeverthatwastoconsumemybrain。Iknewthatmadnesswasmixedupwithmyveryblood，andthemarrowofmybones。thatonegenerationhadpassedawaywithoutthepestilenceappearingamongthem，andthatI

wasthefirstinwhomitwouldrevive。Iknewitmustbeso：thatsoitalwayshadbeen，andsoiteverwouldbe：andwhenIcoweredinsomeobscurecornerofacrowdedroom，andsawmenwhisper，andpoint，andturntheireyestowardsme，Iknewtheyweretellingeachotherofthedoomedmadman。andIslunkawayagaintomopeinsolitude。

Ididthisforyears。long，longyearstheywere。Thenightsherearelongsometimes——verylong。buttheyarenothingtotherestlessnights，anddreadfuldreamsIhadatthattime。Itmakesmecoldtorememberthem。

Largeduskyformswithslyandjeeringfacescrouchedinthecornersoftheroom，andbentovermybedatnight，temptingmetomadness。Theytoldmeinlowwhispers，thattheflooroftheoldhouseinwhichmyfather’sfatherdied，wasstainedwithhisownblood，shedbyhisownhandinragingmadness。Idrovemyfingersintomyears，buttheyscreamedintomyheadtilltheroomrangwithit，thatinonegenerationbeforehimthemadnessslumbered，butthathisgrandfatherhadlivedforyearswithhishandsfetteredtotheground，topreventhistearinghimselftopieces。Iknewtheytoldthetruth——Iknewitwell。Ihadfounditoutyearsbefore，thoughtheyhadtriedtokeepitfromme。Ha！ha！Iwastoocunningforthem，madmanastheythoughtme。

Atlastitcameuponme，andIwonderedhowIcouldeverhavefearedit。Icouldgointotheworldnow，andlaughandshoutwiththebestamongthem。IknewIwasmad，buttheydidnotevensuspectit。HowIusedtohugmyselfwithdelight，whenIthoughtofthefinetrickIwasplayingthemaftertheiroldpointingandleering，whenIwasnotmad，butonlydreadingthatImightonedaybecomeso！AndhowIusedtolaughforjoy，whenIwasalone，andthoughthowwellIkeptmysecret，andhowquicklymykindfriendswouldhavefallenfromme，iftheyhadknownthetruth。

IcouldhavescreamedwithecstasywhenIdinedalonewithsomefineroaringfellow，tothinkhowpalehewouldhaveturned，andhowfasthewouldhaverun，ifhehadknownthatthedearfriendwhosatclosetohim，sharpeningabrightglitteringknife，wasamadmanwithallthepower，andhalfthewill，toplungeitinhisheart。Oh，itwasamerrylife！

Richesbecamemine，wealthpouredinuponme，andIriotedinpleasuresenhancedathousandfoldtomebytheconsciousnessofmywell-keptsecret。

Iinheritedanestate。Thelaw——theeagle-eyedlawitself——hadbeendeceived，andhadhandedoverdisputedthousandstoamadman’shands。Wherewasthewitofthesharp-sightedmenofsoundmind？Wherethedexterityofthelawyers，eagertodiscoveraflaw？Themadman’scunninghadover-reachedthemall。

Ihadmoney。HowIwascourted！Ispentitprofusely。HowIwaspraised！

Howthosethreeproudoverbearingbrothershumbledthemselvesbeforeme！

Theoldwhite-headedfather，too——suchdeference——suchrespect——suchdevotedfriendship——heworshippedme！Theoldmanhadadaughter，andtheyoungmenasister。andallthefivewerepoor。Iwasrich。andwhenImarriedthegirl，Isawasmileoftriumphplayuponthefacesofherneedyrelatives，astheythoughtoftheirwell-plannedscheme，andtheirfineprize。Itwasformetosmile。Tosmile！Tolaughoutright，andtearmyhair，androlluponthegroundwithshrieksofmerriment。Theylittlethoughttheyhadmarriedhertoamadman。

Stay。Iftheyhadknownit，wouldtheyhavesavedher？Asister’shappinessagainstherhusband’sgold。ThelightestfeatherIblowintotheair，againstthegaychainthatornamentsmybody！

InonethingIwasdeceivedwithallmycunning。IfIhadnotbeenmad——forthoughwemadmenaresharp-wittedenough，wegetbewilderedsometimes——I

shouldhaveknownthatthegirlwouldratherhavebeenplaced，stiffandcoldinadullleadencoffin，thanborneanenviedbridetomyrich，glitteringhouse。Ishouldhaveknownthatherheartwaswiththedark-eyedboywhosenameIonceheardherbreatheinhertroubledsleep。andthatshehadbeensacrificedtome，torelievethepovertyoftheoldwhite-headedman，andthehaughtybrothers。

Idon’trememberformsorfacesnow，butIknowthegirlwasbeautiful。

Iknowshewas。forinthebrightmoonlightnights，whenIstartfrommysleep，andallisquietaboutme，Isee，standingstillandmotionlessinonecornerofthiscell，aslightandwastedfigurewithlongblackhair，whichstreamingdownherback，stirswithnoearthlywind，andeyesthatfixtheirgazeonme，andneverwinkorclose。Hush！thebloodchillsatmyheartasIwriteitdown——thatformisher’s。thefaceisverypale，andtheeyesareglassybright。butIknowthemwell。Thatfigurenevermoves。itneverfrownsandmouthsasothersdo，thatfillthisplacesometimes。butitismuchmoredreadfultome，eventhanthespiritsthattemptedmemanyyearsago——itcomesfreshfromthegrave。andissoverydeath-like。

FornearlyayearIsawthatfacegrowpaler。fornearlyayearIsawthetearsstealdownthemournfulcheeks，andneverknewthecause。Ifounditoutatlastthough。Theycouldnotkeepitfrommelong。Shehadneverlikedme。Ihadneverthoughtshedid：shedespisedmywealth，andhatedthesplendourinwhichshelived——Ihadnotexpectedthat。Shelovedanother。

ThisIhadneverthoughtof。Strangefeelingscameoverme，andthoughts，forceduponmebysomesecretpower，whirledroundandroundmybrain。

Ididnothateher，thoughIhatedtheboyshestillweptfor。Ipitied——yes，Ipitied——thewretchedlifetowhichhercoldandselfishrelationshaddoomedher。Iknewthatshecouldnotlivelong，butthethoughtthatbeforeherdeathshemightgivebirthtosomeill-fatedbeing，destinedtohanddownmadnesstoitsoffspring，determinedme。Iresolvedtokillher。

FormanyweeksIthoughtofpoison，andthenofdrowning，andthenoffire。Afinesightthegrandhouseinflames，andthemadman’swifesmoulderingawaytocinders。Thinkofthejestofalargereward，too，andofsomesanemanswinginginthewindforadeedheneverdid，andallthroughamadman’scunning！Ithoughtoftenofthis，butIgaveitupatlast。Oh！thepleasureofstroppingtherazordayafterday，feelingthesharpedge，andthinkingofthegashonestrokeofitsthinbrightedgewouldmake！

Atlasttheoldspiritswhohadbeenwithmesooftenbeforewhisperedinmyearthatthetimewascome，andthrusttheopenrazorintomyhand。

Igraspeditfirmly，rosesoftlyfromthebed，andleanedovermysleepingwife。Herfacewasburiedinherhands。Iwithdrewthemsoftlyandtheyfelllistlesslyonherbosom。Shehadbeenweeping。forthetracesofthetearswerestillwetuponhercheek。Herfacewascalmandplacid。andevenasIlookeduponit，atranquilsmilelightedupherpalefeatures。

Ilaidmyhandsoftlyonhershoulder。Shestarted——itwasonlyapassingdream。Ileantforwardagain。Shescreamed，andwoke。

Onemotionofmyhand，andshewouldneveragainhaveutteredcryorsound。ButIwasstartled，anddrewback。Hereyeswerefixedonmine。

Iknownothowitwas，buttheycowedandfrightenedme。andIquailedbeneaththem。Sherosefromthebed，stillgazingfixedlyandsteadilyonme。Itrembled。therazorwasinmyhand，butIcouldnotmove。Shemadetowardsthedoor。Asshenearedit，sheturned，andwithdrewhereyesfrommyface。Thespellwasbroken。Iboundedforward，andclutchedherbythearm。Utteringshriekuponshriek，shesunkupontheground。

NowIcouldhavekilledherwithoutastruggle。butthehousewasalarmed。

Iheardthetreadoffootstepsonthestairs。Ireplacedtherazorinitsusualdrawer，unfastenedthedoor，andcalledloudlyforassistance。

Theycame，andraisedher，andplacedheronthebed。Shelaybereftofanimationforhours。andwhenlife，look，andspeechreturned，hersenseshaddesertedher，andsheravedwildlyandfuriously。

Doctorswerecalledin——greatmenwhorolleduptomydoorineasycarriages，withfinehorsesandgaudyservants。Theywereatherbed-sideforweeks。Theyhadagreatmeeting，andconsultedtogetherinlowandsolemnvoicesinanotherroom。One，thecleverestandmostcelebratedamongthem，tookmeaside，andbiddingmepreparefortheworst，toldme——me，themadman！——thatmywifewasmad。Hestoodclosebesidemeatanopenwindow，hiseyeslookinginmyface，andhishandlaiduponmyarm。Withoneeffort，Icouldhavehurledhimintothestreetbeneath。Itwouldhavebeenraresporttohavedoneit。butmysecretwasatstake，andIlethimgo。Afewdaysafter，theytoldmeImustplaceherundersomerestraint：

Imustprovideakeeperforher。I！Iwentintotheopenfieldswherenonecouldhearme，andlaughedtilltheairresoundedwithmyshouts！

Shediednextday。Thewhite-headedoldmanfollowedhertothegrave，andtheproudbrothersdroppedatearovertheinsensiblecorpseofherwhosesufferingstheyhadregardedinherlifetimewithmusclesofiron。

Allthiswasfoodformysecretmirth，andIlaughedbehindthewhitehandkerchiefwhichIhelduptomyface，aswerodehome，’tillthetearscameintomyeyes。

ButthoughIhadcarriedmyobjectandkilledher，Iwasrestlessanddisturbed，andIfeltthatbeforelongmysecretmustbeknown。Icouldnothidethewildmirthandjoywhichboiledwithinme，andmademewhenIwasalone，athome，jumpandbeatmyhandstogether，anddanceroundandround，androaraloud。WhenIwentout，andsawthebusycrowdshurryingaboutthestreets。ortothetheatre，andheardthesoundofmusic，andbeheldthepeopledancing，Ifeltsuchglee，thatIcouldhaverushedamongthem，andtornthemtopieceslimbfromlimb，andhowledintransport。

ButIgroundmyteeth，andstruckmyfeetuponthefloor，anddrovemysharpnailsintomyhands。Ikeptitdown。andnooneknewIwasamadmanyet。

Iremember——thoughit’soneofthelastthingsIcanremember：

fornowImixuprealitieswithmydreams，andhavingsomuchtodo，andbeingalwayshurriedhere，havenotimetoseparatethetwo，fromsomestrangeconfusioninwhichtheygetinvolved——IrememberhowIletitoutatlast。Ha！ha！IthinkIseetheirfrightenedlooksnow，andfeeltheeasewithwhichIflungthemfromme，anddashedmyclenchedfistintotheirwhitefaces，andthenflewlikethewind，andleftthemscreamingandshoutingfarbehind。ThestrengthofagiantcomesuponmewhenIthinkofit。There——seehowthisironbarbendsbeneathmyfuriouswrench。I

couldsnapitlikeatwig，onlytherearelonggalleriesherewithmanydoors——Idon’tthinkIcouldfindmywayalongthem。andevenifIcould，Iknowthereareirongatesbelowwhichtheykeeplockedandbarred。TheyknowwhataclevermadmanIhavebeen，andtheyareproudtohavemehere，toshow。

Letmesee——yes，Ihadbeenout。ItwaslateatnightwhenIreachedhome，andfoundtheproudestofthethreeproudbrotherswaitingtoseeme——urgentbusinesshesaid：Irecollectitwell。Ihatedthatmanwithallamadman’shate。Manyandmanyatimehadmyfingerslongedtotearhim。Theytoldmehewasthere。Iranswiftlyup-stairs。Hehadawordtosaytome。Idismissedtheservants。Itwaslate，andwewerealonetogether——forthefirsttime。

Ikeptmyeyescarefullyfromhimatfirst，forIknewwhathelittlethought——andIgloriedintheknowledge——thatthelightofmadnessgleamedfromthemlikefire。Wesatinsilenceforafewminutes。Hespokeatlast。

Myrecentdissipation，andstrangeremarks，madesosoonafterhissister’sdeath，wereaninsulttohermemory。Couplingtogethermanycircumstanceswhichhadatfirstescapedhisobservation，hethoughtIhadnottreatedherwell。HewishedtoknowwhetherhewasrightininferringthatImeanttocastareproachuponhermemory，andadisrespectuponherfamily。Itwasduetotheuniformhewore，todemandthisexplanation。

Thismanhadacommissioninthearmy——acommission，purchasedwithmymoney，andhissister’smisery！Thiswasthemanwhohadbeentheforemostintheplottoensnareme，andgraspmywealth。Thiswasthemanwhohadbeenthemaininstrumentinforcinghissistertowedme。wellknowingthatherheartwasgiventothatpulingboy。Duetohisuniform！

Theliveryofhisdegradation！Iturnedmyeyesuponhim——Icouldnothelpit——butIspokenotaword。

Isawthesuddenchangethatcameuponhimbeneathmygaze。Hewasaboldman，butthecolourfadedfromhisface，andhedrewbackhischair。

Idraggedminenearertohim。andasIlaughed——Iwasverymerrythen——I

sawhimshudder。Ifeltthemadnessrisingwithinme。Hewasafraidofme。

`Youwereveryfondofyoursisterwhenshewasalive’——Isaid——`Very。’

Helookeduneasilyroundhim，andIsawhishandgraspthebackofhischair：buthesaidnothing。

`Youvillain，’saidI，`Ifoundyouout。Idiscoveredyourhellishplotsagainstme。Iknowherheartwasfixedonsomeoneelsebeforeyoucompelledhertomarryme。Iknowit——Iknowit。’

Hejumpedsuddenlyfromhischair，brandisheditaloft，andbidmestandback——forItookcaretobegettingclosertohimallthetimeI

spoke。

Iscreamedratherthantalked，forIfelttumultuouspassionseddyingthroughmyveins，andtheoldspiritswhisperingandtauntingmetotearhisheartout。

`Damnyou，’saidI，startingup，andrushinguponhim。`Ikilledher。

Iamamadman。Downwithyou。Blood，blood！Iwillhaveit！’

Iturnedasidewithoneblowthechairhehurledatmeinhisterror，andclosedwithhim。andwithaheavycrashwerolleduponthefloortogether。

Itwasafinestrugglethat。forhewasatallstrongman，fightingforhislife。andI，apowerfulmadman，thirstingtodestroyhim。Iknewnostrengthcouldequalmine，andIwasright。Rightagain，thoughamadman！

Hisstrugglesgrewfainter。Ikneltuponhischest，andclaspedhisbrawnythroatfirmlywithbothhands。Hisfacegrewpurple。hiseyeswerestartingfromhishead，andwithprotrudedtongue，heseemedtomockme。Isqueezedthetighter。

Thedoorwassuddenlyburstopenwithaloudnoise，andacrowdofpeoplerushedforward，cryingaloudtoeachothertosecurethemadman。

Mysecretwasout。andmyonlystrugglenowwasforlibertyandfreedom。

Igainedmyfeetbeforeahandwasonme，threwmyselfamongmyassailants，andclearedmywaywithmystrongarm，asifIboreahatchetinmyhand，andhewedthemdownbeforeme。Igainedthedoor，droppedoverthebanisters，andinaninstantwasinthestreet。

StraightandswiftIran，andnoonedaredtostopme。Iheardthenoiseoffeetbehind，andredoubledmyspeed。Itgrewfainterandfainterinthedistance，andatlengthdiedawayaltogether：butonIbounded，throughmarshandrivulet，overfenceandwall，withawildshoutwhichwastakenupbythestrangebeingsthatflockedaroundmeoneveryside，andswelledthesound，tillitpiercedtheair。Iwasborneuponthearmsofdemonswhosweptalonguponthewind，andboredownbankandhedgebeforethem，andspunmeroundandroundwitharustleandaspeedthatmademyheadswim，untilatlasttheythrewmefromthemwithaviolentshock，andIfellheavilytotheearth。WhenIwokeIfoundmyselfhere——hereinthisgraycellwherethesunlightseldomcomes，andthemoonstealsin，inrayswhichonlyservetoshowthedarkshadowsaboutme，andthatsilentfigureinitsoldcorner。WhenIlieawake，Icansometimeshearstrangeshrieksandcriesfromdistantpartsofthislargeplace。Whattheyare，Iknownot。buttheyneithercomefromthatpaleform，nordoesitregardthem。Forfromthefirstshadesofdusk’tilltheearliestlightofmorning，itstillstandsmotionlessinthesameplace，listeningtothemusicofmyironchain，andwatchingmygambolsonmystrawbed。

Attheendofthemanuscriptwaswritten，inanotherhand，thisnote：

[Theunhappymanwhoseravingsarerecordedabove，wasamelancholyinstanceofthebanefulresultsofenergiesmisdirectedinearlylife，andexcessesprolongeduntiltheirconsequencescouldneverberepaired。

Thethoughtlessriot，dissipation，anddebaucheryofhisyoungerdays，producedfeveranddelirium。Thefirsteffectsofthelatterwasthestrangedelusion，foundeduponawell-knownmedicaltheory，stronglycontendedforbysome，andasstronglycontestedbyothers，thatanhereditarymadnessexistedinhisfamily。Thisproducedasettledgloom，whichintimedevelopedamorbidinsanity，andfinallyterminatedinravingmadness。Thereiseveryreasontobelievethattheeventshedetailed，thoughdistortedinthedescriptionbyhisdiseasedimaginationreallyhappened。Itisonlymatterofwondertothosewhowereacquaintedwiththevicesofhisearlycareer，thathispassions，whennolongercontrolledbyreason，didnotleadhimtothecommissionofstillmorefrightfuldeeds。]

Mr。Pickwick’scandlewasjustexpiringinthesocket，asheconcludedtheperusaloftheoldclergyman’smanuscript。andwhenthelightwentsuddenlyout，withoutanypreviousflickerbywayofwarning，itcommunicatedaveryconsiderablestarttohisexcitedframe。Hastilythrowingoffsucharticlesofclothingashehadputonwhenherosefromhisuneasybed，andcastingafearfulglancearound，heoncemorescrambledhastilybetweenthesheets，andsoonfellfastasleep。

Thesunwasshiningbrilliantlyintohischamberwhenheawoke，andthemorningwasfaradvanced。Thegloomwhichhadoppressedhimonthepreviousnight，haddisappearedwiththedarkshadowswhichshroudedthelandscape，andhisthoughtsandfeelingswereaslightandgayasthemorningitself。Afteraheartybreakfast，thefourgentlemensalliedforthtowalktoGravesend，followedbyamanbearingthestoneinitsdealbox。Theyreachedthattownaboutoneo’clock(theirluggagetheyhaddirectedtobeforwardedtotheCity，fromRochester)，andbeingfortunateenoughtosecureplacesontheoutsideofacoach，arrivedinLondoninsoundhealthandspirits，onthatsameafternoon。

ThenextthreeorfourdayswereoccupiedwiththepreparationswhichwerenecessaryfortheirjourneytotheboroughofEatanswill。Asanyreferencetothatmostimportantundertakingdemandsaseparatechapter，wemaydevotethefewlineswhichremainatthecloseofthis，tonarrate，withgreatbrevity，thehistoryoftheantiquariandiscovery。

ItappearsfromtheTransactionsoftheClub，then，thatMr。PickwicklectureduponthediscoveryataGeneralClubMeeting，convenedonthenightsucceedingtheirreturn，andenteredintoavarietyofingeniousanderuditespeculationsonthemeaningoftheinscription。Italsoappearsthataskilfulartistexecutedafaithfuldelineationofthecuriosity，whichwasengravenonstone，andpresentedtotheRoyalAntiquarianSociety，andotherlearnedbodies——thatheart-burningsandjealousieswithoutnumber，werecreatedbyrivalcontroversieswhichwerepenneduponthesubject——andthatMr。Pickwickhimselfwroteapamphlet，containingninety-sixpagesofverysmallprint，andtwenty-sevendifferentreadingsoftheinscription。

Thatthreeoldgentlemencutofftheireldestsonswithashillinga-pieceforpresumingtodoubttheantiquityofthefragment——andthatoneenthusiasticindividualcuthimselfoffprematurely，indespairatbeingunabletofathomitsmeaning。ThatMr。Pickwickwaselectedanhonorarymemberofseventeennativeandforeignsocieties，formakingthediscovery。thatnoneoftheseventeencouldmakeanythingofit。butthatalltheseventeenagreeditwasveryextraordinary。

Mr。Blotton，indeed——andthenamewillbedoomedtotheundyingcontemptofthosewhocultivatethemysteriousandthesublime——Mr。Blotton，wesay，withthedoubtandcavillingpeculiartovulgarminds，presumedtostateaviewofthecase，asdegradingasridiculous。Mr。Blotton，withameandesiretotarnishthelustreoftheimmortalnameofPickwick，actuallyundertookajourneytoCobhaminperson，andonhisreturn，sarcasticallyobservedinanorationattheclub，thathehadseenthemanfromwhomthestonewaspurchased。thatthemanpresumedthestonetobeancient，butsolemnlydeniedtheantiquityoftheinscription——inasmuchasherepresentedittohavebeenrudelycarvedbyhimselfinanidlemood，andtodisplaylettersintendedtobearneithermorenorlessthanthesimpleconstructionof——BILLSTUMPS，HISMARK。andthatMr。Stumps，beinglittleinthehabitoforiginalcomposition，andmoreaccustomedtobeguidedbythesoundofwordsthanbythestrictrulesoforthography，hadomittedtheconcludingLofhisChristianname。

ThePickwickClub(asmighthavebeenexpectedfromsoenlightenedanInstitution)receivedthisstatementwiththecontemptitdeserved，expelledthepresumptuousandill-conditionedBlotton，andvotedMr。Pickwickapairofgoldspectacles，intokenoftheirconfidenceandapprobation。

inreturnforwhich，Mr。Pickwickcausedaportraitofhimselftobepainted，andhungupintheclubroom。

Mr。Blottonthoughejectedwasnotconquered。Healsowroteapamphlet，addressedtotheseventeenlearnedsocieties，nativeandforeign，containingarepetitionofthestatementhehadalreadymade，andrathermorethanhalfintimatinghisopinionthattheseventeenlearnedsocietiesweresomanyhumbugs。Hereuponthevirtuousindignationoftheseventeenlearnedsocieties，nativeandforeign，beingroused，severalfreshpamphletsappeared。

theforeignlearnedsocietiescorrespondedwiththenativelearnedsocieties。

thenativelearnedsocietiestranslatedthepamphletsoftheforeignlearnedsocietiesintoEnglish。theforeignlearnedsocietiestranslatedthepamphletsofthenativelearnedsocietiesintoallsortsoflanguages。andthuscommencedthatcelebratedscientificdiscussionsowellknowntoallmen，asthePickwickcontroversy。

ButthisbaseattempttoinjureMr。Pickwick，recoiledupontheheadofitscalumniousauthor。TheseventeenlearnedsocietiesunanimouslyvotedthepresumptuousBlottonanignorantmeddler，andforthwithsettoworkuponmoretreatisesthanever。Andtothisdaythestoneremains，anillegiblemonumentofMr。Pickwick’sgreatness，andalastingtrophytothelittlenessofhisenemies。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter12[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXIIDESCRIPTIVEOFAVERYIMPORTANTPROCEEDINGONTHE

PARTOFMR。PICKWICK。NOLESSANEPOCHINHISLIFE，THANINTHISHISTORY

MR。PICKWICK’SapartmentsinGoswellStreet，althoughonalimitedscale，werenotonlyofaveryneatandcomfortabledescription，butpeculiarlyadaptedfortheresidenceofamanofhisgeniusandobservation。Hissitting-roomwasthefirstfloorfront，hisbedroomthesecondfloorfront。andthus，whetherheweresittingathisdeskinhisparlour，orstandingbeforethedressing-glassinhisdormitory，hehadanequalopportunityofcontemplatinghumannatureinallthenumerousphasesitexhibits，inthatnotmorepopulousthanpopularthoroughfare。Hislandlady，Mrs。Bardell——therelictandsoleexecutrixofadeceasedcustom-houseofficer——wasacomelywomanofbustlingmannersandagreeableappearance，withanaturalgeniusforcooking，improvedbystudyandlongpractice，intoanexquisitetalent。Therewerenochildren，noservants，nofowls。Theonlyotherinmatesofthehousewerealargemanandasmallboy。thefirstalodger，thesecondaproductionofMrs。

Bardell’s。Thelargemanwasalwayshomepreciselyatteno’clockatnight，atwhichhourheregularlycondensedhimselfintothelimitsofadwarfishFrenchbedsteadinthebackparlour。andtheinfantinesportsandgymnasticexercisesofMasterBardellwereexclusivelyconfinedtotheneighbouringpavementsandgutters。Cleanlinessandquietreignedthroughoutthehouse。

andinitMr。Pickwick’swillwaslaw。

Toanyoneacquaintedwiththesepointsofthedomesticeconomyoftheestablishment，andconversantwiththeadmirableregulationofMr。Pickwick’smind，hisappearanceandbehaviouronthemorningprevioustothatwhichhadbeenfixeduponforthejourneytoEatanswill，wouldhavebeenmostmysteriousandunaccountable。Hepacedtheroomtoandfrowithhurriedsteps，poppedhisheadoutofthewindowatintervalsofaboutthreeminuteseach，constantlyreferredtohiswatch，andexhibitedmanyothermanifestationsofimpatienceveryunusualwithhim。Itwasevidentthatsomethingofgreatimportancewasincontemplation，butwhatthatsomethingwas，notevenMrs。Bardellherselfhadbeenenabledtodiscover。

Mrs。Bardell，saidMr。Pickwick，atlast，asthatamiablefemaleapproachedtheterminationofaprolongeddustingoftheapartment。

Sir，saidMrs。Bardell。

Yourlittleboyisaverylongtimegone。

Whyit’sagoodlongwaytotheBorough，sir，remonstratedMrs。Bardell。

Ah，saidMr。Pickwick，verytrue。soitis。

Mr。Pickwickrelapsedintosilence，andMrs。Bardellresumedherdusting。

Mrs。Bardell，saidMr。Pickwick，attheexpirationofafewminutes。

Sir，saidMrs。Bardellagain。

Doyouthinkitamuchgreaterexpensetokeeptwopeople，thantokeepone？

La，Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。Bardell，colouringuptotheveryborderofhercap，asshefanciedsheobservedaspeciesofmatrimonialtwinkleintheeyesofherlodger。La，Mr。Pickwick，whataquestion！

Well，butdoyou？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Thatdepends——saidMrs。Bardell，approachingthedusterveryneartoMr。Pickwick’selbow，whichwasplantedonthetable——thatdependsagooddealupontheperson，youknow，Mr。Pickwick。andwhetherit’sasavingandcarefulperson，sir。

That’sverytrue，saidMr。Pickwick，butthepersonIhaveinmyeye(herehelookedveryhardatMrs。Bardell)Ithinkpossessesthesequalities。andhas，moreover，aconsiderableknowledgeoftheworld，andagreatdealofsharpness，Mrs。Bardell。whichmaybeofmaterialusetome。

La，Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。Bardell。thecrimsonrisingtohercap-borderagain。

Ido，saidMr。Pickwick，growingenergetic，aswashiswontinspeakingofasubjectwhichinterestedhim，Ido，indeed。andtotellyouthetruth，Mrs。Bardell，Ihavemadeupmymind。

Dearme，sir，exclaimedMrs。Bardell。

You’llthinkitverystrangenow，saidtheamiableMr。Pickwick，withagood-humouredglanceathiscompanion，thatIneverconsultedyouaboutthismatter，andneverevenmentionedit，tillIsentyourlittleboyoutthismorning——eh？

Mrs。Bardellcouldonlyreplybyalook。ShehadlongworshippedMr。

Pickwickatadistance，buthereshewas，allatonce，raisedtoapinnacletowhichherwildestandmostextravaganthopeshadneverdaredtoaspire。

Mr。Pickwickwasgoingtopropose——adeliberateplan，too——sentherlittleboytotheBorough，togethimoutoftheway——howthoughtful——howconsiderate！

Well，saidMr。Pickwick，whatdoyouthink？

Oh，Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。Bardell，tremblingwithagitation，you’reverykind，sir。

It’llsaveyouagooddealoftrouble，won’tit？saidMr。Pickwick。

Oh，Ineverthoughtanythingofthetrouble，sir，repliedMrs。Bardell。

and，ofcourse，Ishouldtakemoretroubletopleaseyouthen，thanever。

butitissokindofyou，Mr。Pickwick，tohavesomuchconsiderationformyloneliness。

Ah，tobesure，saidMr。Pickwick。Ineverthoughtofthat。WhenIamintown，you’llalwayshavesomebodytositwithyou。Tobesure，soyouwill。

I’msureIoughttobeaveryhappywoman，saidMrs。Bardell。

Andyourlittleboy——saidMr。Pickwick。

Blesshisheart！interposedMrs。Bardell，withamaternalsob。

He，too，willhaveacompanion，resumedMr。Pickwick，alivelyone，who’llteachhim，I’llbebound，moretricksinaweekthanhewouldeverlearninayear。AndMr。Pickwicksmiledplacidly。

Ohyoudear——saidMrs。Bardell。

Mr。Pickwickstarted。

Ohyoukind，good，playfuldear，saidMrs。Bardell。andwithoutmoreado，sherosefromherchair，andflungherarmsroundMr。Pickwick’sneck，withacataractoftearsandachorusofsobs。

Blessmysoul，criedtheastonishedMr。Pickwick——Mrs。Bardellmygoodwoman——dearme，whatasituation——prayconsider——Mrs。Bardell，don’t——ifanybodyshouldcome——

Oh，letthemcome，exclaimedMrs。Bardell，frantically。I’llneverleaveyou，——dear，kind，good，soul。andwiththesewords，Mrs。Bardellclungthetighter。

Mercyuponme，saidMr。Pickwick，strugglingviolently，Ihearsomebodycomingupthestairs。Don’t，don’t，there’sagoodcreature，don’t。Butentreatyandremonstrancewerealikeunavailing：forMrs。BardellhadfaintedinMr。Pickwick’sarms。andbeforehecouldgaintimetodepositheronachair，MasterBardellenteredtheroom，usheringinMr。Tupman，Mr。Winkle，andMr。Snodgrass。

Mr。Pickwickwasstruckmotionlessandspeechless。Hestoodwithhislovelyburdeninhisarms，gazingvacantlyonthecountenancesofhisfriends，withouttheslightestattemptatrecognitionorexplanation。They，intheirturn，staredathim。andMasterBardell，inhisturn，staredateverybody。

TheastonishmentofthePickwickianswassoabsorbing，andtheperplexityofMr。Pickwickwassoextreme，thattheymighthaveremainedinexactlythesamerelativesituationsuntilthesuspendedanimationoftheladywasrestored，haditnotbeenforamostbeautifulandtouchingexpressionoffilialaffectiononthepartofheryouthfulson。Cladinatightsuitofcorduroy，spangledwithbrassbuttonsofaveryconsiderablesize，heatfirststoodatthedoorastoundedanduncertain。butbydegrees，theimpressionthathismothermusthavesufferedsomepersonaldamage，pervadedhispartiallydevelopedmind，andconsideringMr。Pickwickastheaggressor，hesetupanappallingandsemi-earthlykindofhowling，andbuttingforwardwithhishead，commencedassailingthatimmortalgentlemanaboutthebackandlegs，withsuchblowsandpinchesasthestrengthofhisarm，andtheviolenceofhisexcitement，allowed。

Takethislittlevillainaway，saidtheagonisedMr。Pickwick，he’smad。

Whatisthematter？saidthethreetongue-tiedPickwickians。

Idon’tknow，repliedMr。Pickwick，pettishly。Takeawaytheboy

(hereMr。Winklecarriedtheinterestingboy，screamingandstruggling，tothefurtherendoftheapartment)。Now，helpme，leadthiswomandown-stairs。

Oh，Iambetternow，saidMrs。Bardell，faintly。

Letmeleadyoudown-stairs，saidtheever-gallantMr。Tupman。

Thankyou，sir——thankyou。exclaimedMrs。Bardell，hysterically。Anddown-stairsshewasleadaccordingly，accompaniedbyheraffectionateson。

Icannotconceive——saidMr。Pickwick，whenhisfriendreturned——I

cannotconceivewhathasbeenthematterwiththatwoman。Ihadmerelyannouncedtohermyintentionofkeepingaman-servant，whenshefellintotheextraordinaryparoxysminwhichyoufoundher。Veryextraordinarything。

Very，saidhisthreefriends。

Placedmeinsuchanextremelyawkwardsituation，continuedMr。Pickwick。

Very，wasthereplyofhisfollowers，astheycoughedslightly，andlookeddubiouslyateachother。

ThisbehaviourwasnotlostuponMr。Pickwick。Heremarkedtheirincredulity。

Theyevidentlysuspectedhim。

Thereisamaninthepassagenow，saidMr。Tupman。

It’sthemanIspoketoyouabout，saidMr。Pickwick。IsentforhimuptotheBoroughthismorning。Havethegoodnesstocallhimup，Snodgrass。

Mr。Snodgrassdidashewasdesired。andMr。SamuelWellerforthwithpresentedhimself。

Oh——yourememberme，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick。Ishouldthinkso，repliedSam，withapatronisingwink。Queerstartthat’ere，buthewasonetoomanyforyou，warn’the？Uptosnuffandapinchortwoover——eh？

Nevermindthatmatternow，saidMr。Pickwickhastily。Iwanttospeaktoyouaboutsomethingelse。Sitdown。

Thank’ee，sir，saidSam。Anddownhesatwithoutfurtherbidding，havingpreviouslydepositedhisoldwhitehatonthelandingoutsidethedoor。Tan’tawerrygood’untolookat，saidSam，butit’sanastonishin’

’untowear。andaforethebrimwent，itwasawerryhandsometile。Hows’everit’slighterwithoutit，that’sonething，andeveryholeletsinsomeair，that’sanother——wentilationgossamerIcallsit。Onthedeliveryofthissentiment，Mr。WellersmiledagreeablyupontheassembledPickwickians。

NowwithregardtothematteronwhichI，withtheconcurrenceofthesegentlemen，sentforyou，saidMr。Pickwick。

That’sthepint，sir，interposedSam。outvithit，asthefathersaidtothechild，wenheswallowedafarden。

Wewanttoknowinthefirstplace，saidMr。Pickwick，whetheryouhaveanyreasontobediscontentedwithyourpresentsituation。

AforeIanswersthat’erequestion，gen’l’m’n，repliedMr。Weller，Ishouldliketoknow，inthefirstplace，whetheryou’reagoin’

topurwidemewithabetter？

AsunbeamofplacidbenevolenceplayedonMr。Pickwick’sfeaturesashesaid，Ihavehalfmadeupmymindtoengageyoumyself。

Haveyou，though？saidSam。

Mr。Pickwicknoddedintheaffirmative。

Wages？inquiredSamTwelvepoundsayear，repliedMr。Pickwick。

Clothes？

Twosuits。

Work？

Toattenduponme。andtravelaboutwithmeandthesegentlemenhere。

Takethebilldown，saidSam，emphatically。I’mlettoasinglegentleman，andthetermsisagreedupon。

Youacceptthesituation？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Cert’nly，repliedSam。Iftheclothesfitsmehalfaswellastheplace，they’lldo。

Youcangetacharacterofcourse？saidMr。Pickwick。

Askthelandladyo’theWhiteHartaboutthat，sir，repliedSam。

Canyoucomethisevening？

I’llgetintotheclothesthisminute，ifthey’rehere，saidSamwithgreatalacrity。

Callateightthisevening，saidMr。Pickwick。andiftheinquiriesaresatisfactory，theyshallbeprovided。

Withthesingleexceptionofoneamiableindiscretion，inwhichanassistanthousemaidhadequallyparticipated，thehistoryofMr。Weller’sconductwassoveryblameless，thatMr。Pickwickfeltfullyjustifiedinclosingtheengagementthatveryevening。Withthepromptnessandenergywhichcharacterisednotonlythepublicproceedings，butalltheprivateactionsofthisextraordinaryman，heatonceledhisnewattendanttooneofthoseconvenientemporiumswheregentlemen’snewandsecond-handclothesareprovided，andthetroublesomeandinconvenientformalityofmeasurementdispensedwith。andbeforenighthadclosedin，Mr。WellerwasfurnishedwithagreycoatwiththeP。C。button，ablackhatwithacockadetoit，apinkstripedwaistcoat，lightbreechesandgaiters，andavarietyofothernecessaries，toonumeroustorecapitulate。

Well，saidthatsuddenly-transformedindividual，ashetookhisseatontheoutsideoftheEatanswillcoachnextmorning。IwonderwhetherI’mmeanttobeafootman，oragroom，oragamekeeper，oraseedsman。

Ilookslikeasortofcompoofeveryoneon’em。Nevermind。there’schangeofair，plentytosee，andlittletodo。andallthissuitsmycomplaintuncommon。solonglifetothePickvicks，saysI！

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter13[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXIIISOMEACCOUNTOFEATANSWILL。OFTHESTATEOFPARTIES

THEREIN。ANDOFTHEELECTIONOFAMEMBERTOSERVEINPARLIAMENTFORTHAT

ANCIENT，LOYAL，ANDPATRIOTICBOROUGH

WEwillfranklyacknowledge，thatuptotheperiodofourbeingfirstimmersedinthevoluminouspapersofthePickwickClub，wehadneverheardofEatanswill。wewillwithequalcandouradmit，thatwehaveinvainsearchedforproofoftheactualexistenceofsuchaplaceatthepresentday。KnowingthedeepreliancetobeplacedoneverynoteandstatementofMr。Pickwick’s，andnotpresumingtosetupourrecollectionagainsttherecordeddeclarationsofthatgreatman，wehaveconsultedeveryauthority，bearinguponthesubject，towhichwecouldpossiblyrefer。

WehavetracedeverynameinschedulesAandB，withoutmeetingwiththatofEatanswill。wehaveminutelyexaminedeverycornerofthePocketCountyMapsissuedforthebenefitofsocietybyourdistinguishedpublishers，andthesameresulthasattendedourinvestigation。Wearethereforeledtobelieve，thatMr。Pickwick，withthatanxiousdesiretoabstainfromgivingoffencetoany，andwiththosedelicatefeelingsforwhichallwhoknewhimwellknowhewassoeminentlyremarkable，purposelysubstitutedafictitiousdesignation，fortherealnameoftheplaceinwhichhisobservationsweremade。Weareconfirmedinthisbeliefbyalittlecircumstance，apparentlyslightandtrivialinitself，butwhenconsideredinthispointofview，notundeservingofnotice。InMr。Pickwick’snote-book，wecanjusttraceanentryofthefact，thattheplaceofhimselfandfollowerswerebookedbytheNorwichcoach。butthisentrywasafterwardslinedthrough，asifforthepurposeofconcealingeventhedirectioninwhichtheboroughissituated。Wewillnot，therefore，hazardaguessuponthesubject，butwillatonceproceedwiththishistory。contentwiththematerialswhichitscharactershaveprovidedforus。

Itappears，then，thattheEatanswillpeople，likethepeopleofmanyothersmalltowns，consideredthemselvesoftheutmostandmostmightyimportance，andthateverymaninEatanswill，consciousoftheweightthatattachedtohisexample，felthimselfboundtounite，heartandsoul，withoneofthetwogreatpartiesthatdividedthetown——theBluesandtheBuffs。

NowtheBlueslostnoopportunityofopposingtheBuffs，andtheBuffslostnoopportunityofopposingtheBlues。andtheconsequencewas，thatwhenevertheBuffsandBluesmettogetheratpublicmeeting，Town-Hall，fair，ormarket，disputesandhighwordsarosebetweenthem。WiththesedissensionsitisalmostsuperfluoustosaythateverythinginEatanswillwasmadeapartyquestion。IftheBuffsproposedtonewskylightthemarket-place，theBluesgotuppublicmeetings，anddenouncedtheproceeding。iftheBluesproposedtheerectionofanadditionalpumpintheHighStreet，theBuffsroseasonemanandstoodaghastattheenormity。TherewereBlueshopsandBuffshops，BlueInnsandBuffInns——therewasaBlueaisleandaBuffaisleintheverychurchitself。

Ofcourseitwasessentiallyandindispensablynecessarythateachofthesepowerfulpartiesshouldhaveitschosenorganandrepresentative：

and，accordingly，thereweretwonewspapersinthetown——theEatanswillGazetteandtheEatanswillIndependent。theformeradvocatingBlueprinciples，andthelatterconductedongroundsdecidedlyBuff。Finenewspaperstheywere。Suchleadingarticles，andsuchspiritedattacks！——Ourworthlesscontemporary，theGazette——Thatdisgracefulanddastardlyjournal，theIndependent——Thatfalseandscurrilousprint，theIndependent——Thatvileandslanderouscalumniator，theGazette。these，andotherspirit-stirringdenunciationswerestrewnplentifullyoverthecolumnsofeach，ineverynumber，andexcitedfeelingsofthemostintensedelightandindignationinthebosomsofthetownspeople。

Mr。Pickwick，withhisusualforesightandsagacity，hadchosenapeculiarlydesirablemomentforhisvisittotheborough。Neverwassuchacontestknown。TheHonourableSamuelSlumkey，ofSlumkeyHall，wastheBluecandidate。

andHoratioFizkin，Esq。，ofFizkinLodge，nearEatanswill，hadbeenprevaileduponbyhisfriendstostandforwardontheBuffinterest。TheGazettewarnedtheelectorsofEatanswillthattheeyesnotonlyofEngland，butofthewholecivilisedworld，wereuponthem。andtheIndependentimperativelydemandedtoknow，whethertheconstituencyofEatanswillwerethegrandfellowstheyhadalwaystakenthemfor，orbaseandserviletools，undeservingalikethenameofEnglishmenandtheblessingsoffreedom。Neverhadsuchacommotionagitatedthetownbefore。

Itwaslateintheevening，whenMr。Pickwickandhiscompanions，assistedbySam，dismountedfromtheroofoftheEatanswillcoach。LargebluesilkflagswereflyingfromthewindowsoftheTownArmsInn，andbillswerepostedineverysash，intimating，ingiganticletters，thatthehonourableSamuelSlumkey’sCommitteesattheredaily。Acrowdofidlerswereassembledintheroad，lookingatahoarsemaninthebalcony，whowasapparentlytalkinghimselfveryredinthefaceinMr。Slumkey’sbehalf。buttheforceandpointofwhoseargumentsweresomewhatimpairedbytheperpetualbeatingoffourlargedrumswhichMr。Fizkin’scommitteehadstationedatthestreetcorner。Therewasabusylittlemanbesidehim，though，whotookoffhishatatintervalsandmotionedtothepeopletocheer，whichtheyregularlydid，mostenthusiastically。andasthered-facedgentlemanwentontalkingtillhewasredderinthefacethanever，itseemedtoanswerhispurposequiteaswellasifanybodyhadheardhim。

ThePickwickianshadnosoonerdismounted，thantheyweresurroundedbyabranchmobofthehonestandindependent，whoforthwithsetupthreedeafeningcheers，whichbeingrespondedtobythemainbody(forit’snotatallnecessaryforacrowdtoknowwhattheyarecheeringabout)swelledintoatremendousroaroftriumph，whichstoppedeventhered-facedmaninthebalcony。

Hurrah！shoutedthemobinconclusion。

Onecheermore，screamedthelittlefuglemaninthebalcony，andoutshoutedthemobagain，asiflungswerecastiron，withsteelworks。

Slumkeyforever！roaredthehonestandindependent。

Slumkeyforever！echoedMr。Pickwick，takingoffhishat。

NoFizkin！roaredthecrowd。

Certainlynot！shoutedMr。Pickwick。

Hurrah！Andthentherewasanotherroaring，likethatofawholemenageriewhentheelephanthasrungthebellforthecoldmeat。

WhoisSlumkey？whisperedMr。Tupman。

Idon’tknow，repliedMr。Pickwickinthesametone。

HushDon’taskanyquestions。It’salwaysbestontheseoccasionstodowhatthemobdo。

Butsupposetherearetwomobs？suggestedMr。Snodgrass。

Shoutwiththelargest，repliedMr。Pickwick。V

Volumescouldnothavesaidmore。

Theyenteredthehouse，thecrowdopeningrightandlefttoletthempass，andcheeringvociferously。Thefirstobjectofconsiderationwastosecurequartersforthenight。

Canwehavebedshere？inquiredMr。Pickwick，summoningthewaiter。

Don’tknow，sir，repliedtheman。afraidwe’refull，sir——I’llinquire，sir。Awayhewentforthatpurpose，andpresentlyreturned，toaskwhetherthegentlemenwereBlue。

AsneitherMr。Pickwicknorhiscompanionstookanyvitalinterestinthecauseofeithercandidate，thequestionwasratheradifficultonetoanswer。InthisdilemmaMr。Pickwickbethoughthimselfofhisnewfriend，Mr。Perker。

DoyouknowagentlemanofthenameofPerker？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Certainly，sir。honourableMr。SamuelSlumkey’sagent。

HeisBlue，Ithink？

Ohyes，sir。

ThenweareBlue，saidMr。Pickwick。butobservingthatthemanlookedratherdoubtfulatthisaccommodatingannouncement，hegavehimhiscard，anddesiredhimtopresentittoMr。Perkerforthwith，ifheshouldhappentobeinthehouse。Thewaiterretired。andre-appearingalmostimmediatelywitharequestthatMr。Pickwickwouldfollowhim，ledthewaytoalargeroomonthefirstfloor，where，seatedatalongtablecoveredwithbooksandpapers，wasMr。Perker。

Ah——ah，mydearsir，saidthelittleman，advancingtomeethim。veryhappytoseeyou，mydearsir，very。Praysitdown。Soyouhavecarriedyourintentionintoeffect。Youhavecomedownheretoseeanelection——eh？

Mr。Pickwickrepliedintheaffirmative。

Spiritedcontest，mydearsir，saidthelittleman。

Iamdelightedtohearit，saidMr。Pickwick，rubbinghishands。I

liketoseesturdypatriotism，onwhateversideitiscalledforth——andsoit’saspiritedcontest？

Ohyes，saidthelittleman，verymuchsoindeed。Wehaveopenedallthepublic-housesintheplace，andleftouradversarynothingbutthebeer-shops——masterlystrokeofpolicythat，mydearsir，eh？——thelittlemansmiledcomplacently，andtookalargepinchofsnuff。

Andwhataretheprobabilitiesastotheresultofthecontest？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

Whydoubtful，mydearsir。ratherdoubtfulasyet，repliedthelittleman。Fizkin’speoplehavegotthree-and-thirtyvotersinthelock-upcoach-houseattheWhiteHart。

Inthecoach-house！saidMr。Pickwick，considerablyastonishedbythissecondstrokeofpolicy。

Theykeep’emlockeduptheretilltheywant’em，resumedthelittleman。Theeffectofthatis，yousee，topreventourgettingatthem。andevenifwecould，itwouldbeofnouse，fortheykeepthemverydrunkonpurpose。SmartfellowFizkin’sagent——verysmartfellowindeed。

Mr。Pickwickstared，butsaidnothing。

Weareprettyconfident，though，saidMr。Perker，sinkinghisvoicealmosttoawhisper。Wehadalittletea-partyhere，lastnight——five-and-fortywomen，mydearsir——andgaveeveryoneof’emagreenparasolwhenshewentaway。

Aparasol！saidMr。Pickwick。

Fact，mydearsir，fact。Five-and-fortygreenparasols，atsevenandsixpencea-piece。Allwomenlikefinery，——extraordinarytheeffectsofthoseparasols。Securedalltheirhusbands，andhalftheirbrothers——beatsstockings，andflannel，andallthatsortofthinghollow。Myidea，mydearsir，entirely，Hail，rain，orsunshine，youcan’twalkhalfadozenyardsupthestreet，withoutencounteringhalfadozengreenparasols。

Herethelittlemanindulgedinaconvulsionofmirth，whichwasonlycheckedbytheentranceofathirdparty。

Thiswasatallthinman，withasandy-colouredheadinclinedtobaldness，andafaceinwhichsolemnimportancewasblendedwithalookofunfathomableprofundity。Hewasdressedinalongbrownsurtout，withablackclothwaistcoat，anddrabtrousers。Adoubleeye-glassdangledathiswaistcoat：

andonhisheadheworeaverylow-crownedhatwithabroadbrim。Thenew-comerwasintroducedtoMr。PickwickasMr。Pott，theeditoroftheEatanswillGazette。Afterafewpreliminaryremarks，Mr。PottturnedroundtoMr。

Pickwick，andsaidwithsolemnity——

Thiscontestexcitesgreatinterestinthemetropolis，sir？

Ibelieveitdoes，saidMr。Pickwick。

TowhichIhavereasontoknow，saidPott，lookingtowardsMr。Perkerforcorroboration，——towhichIhavereasontoknowthatmyarticleoflastSaturdayinsomedegreecontributed。

Nottheleastdoubtofit，saidthelittleman。

Thepressisamightyengine，sir，saidPott。

Mr。Pickwickyieldedhisfullestassenttotheproposition。

ButItrust，sir，saidPott，thatIhaveneverabusedtheenormouspowerIwield。Itrust，sir，thatIhaveneverpointedthenobleinstrumentwhichisplacedinmyhands，againstthesacredbosomofprivatelife，orthetenderbreastofindividualreputation——Itrust，sir，thatIhavedevotedmyenergiesto——toendeavours——humbletheymaybe，humbleIknowtheyare——toinstilthoseprinciplesof——which——are——

HeretheeditoroftheEatanswillGazette，appearingtoramble，Mr。

Pickwickcametohisrelief，andsaid