第9章

Andhehassowoundhimselfroundtheoldlady’sheart，sir，resumedJob，thatshewouldbelievenothingtohisprejudice，ifyouwentdownonyourbareknees，andsworeit。especiallyasyouhavenoproofbutthewordofaservant，who，foranythingsheknows(andmymasterwouldbesuretosayso)，wasdischargedforsomefault，anddoesthisinrevenge。

Whathadbetterbedone，then？saidMr。Pickwick。

Nothingbuttakinghimintheveryfactofeloping，willconvincetheoldlady，sir，repliedJob。

Allthemoldcatswillruntheirheadsaginmile-stones，observedMr。Wellerinaparenthesis。

Butthistakinghimintheveryactofelopement，wouldbeaverydifficultthingtoaccomplish，Ifear，saidMr。Pickwick。

Idon’tknow，sir，saidMr。Trotter，afterafewmoments’reflection。

Ithinkitmightbeveryeasilydone。

How？wasMr。Pickwick’sinquiry。

Why，repliedMr。Trotter，mymasterandI，beingintheconfidenceofthetwoservants，willbesecretedinthekitchenatteno’clock。Whenthefamilyhaveretiredtorest，weshallcomeoutofthekitchen，andtheyoungladyoutofherbed-room。Apost-chaisewillbewaiting，andawaywego。

Well？saidMr。Pickwick。

Well，sir，Ihavebeenthinkingthatifyouwereinwaitinginthegardenbehind，alone——

Alone，saidMr。Pickwick。Whyalone？

Ithoughtitverynatural，repliedJob，thattheoldladywouldn’tlikesuchanunpleasantdiscoverytobemadebeforemorepersonsthancanpossiblybehelped。Theyoungladytoo，sir——considerherfeelings。

Youareveryright，saidMr。Pickwick。Theconsiderationevincesyourdelicacyoffeeling。Goon。youareveryright。

Well，sir，Ihavebeenthinkingthatifyouwerewaitinginthebackgardenalone，andIwastoletyouin，atthedoorwhichopensintoit，fromtheendofthepassage，atexactlyhalf-pasteleveno’clock，youwouldbejustintheverymomentoftimetoassistmeinfrustratingthedesignsofthisbadman，bywhomIhavebeenunfortunatelyensnared。HereMr。

Trottersigheddeeply。

Don’tdistressyourselfonthataccount，saidMr。Pickwick，ifhehadonegrainofthedelicacyoffeelingwhichdistinguishesyou，humbleasyourstationis，Ishouldhavesomehopesofhim。

JobTrotterbowedlow。andinspiteofMr。Weller’spreviousremonstrance，thetearsagainrosetohiseyes。

Ineverseesuchafeller，saidSam。BlessedifIdon’tthinkhe’sgotamaininhisheadasisalwaysturnedon。

Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，withgreatseverity。Holdyourtongue。

Werywell，sir，repliedMr。Weller。

Idon’tlikethisplan，saidMr。Pickwick，afterdeepmeditation。

WhycannotIcommunicatewiththeyounglady’sfriends？

Becausetheyliveonehundredmilesfromhere，sir，respondedJobTrotter。

That’saclincher，saidMr。Weller，aside。

Thenthisgarden，resumedMr。Pickwick。HowamItogetintoit？

Thewallisverylow，sir，andyourservantwillgiveyoualegup。

Myservantwillgivemealegup，repeatedMr。Pickwick，mechanically。

Youwillbesuretobenearthisdoorthatyouspeakof？

Youcannotmistakeit，sir。it’stheonlyonethatopensintothegarden。

Tapatitwhenyouheartheclockstrike，andIwillopenitinstantly。

Idon’tliketheplan，saidMr。Pickwick。butasIseenoother，andasthehappinessofthisyounglady’swholelifeisatstake，Iadoptit。Ishallbesuretobethere。

Thus，forthesecondtime，didMr。Pickwick’sinnategood-feelinginvolvehiminanenterprisefromwhichhewouldmostwillinglyhavestoodaloof。

Whatisthenameofthehouse？inquiredMr。Pickwick。

WestgateHouse，sir。Youturnalittletotherightwhenyougettotheendofthetown。itstandsbyitself，somelittledistanceoffthehighroad，withthenameonabrassplateonthegate。

Iknowit，saidMr。Pickwick。Iobserveditoncebefore，whenIwasinthistown。Youmaydependuponme。

Mr。Trottermadeanotherbow，andturnedtodepart，whenMr。Pickwickthrustaguineaintohishand。

You’reafinefellow，saidMr。Pickwick，andIadmireyourgoodnessofheart。Nothanks。Remember——eleveno’clock。

Thereisnofearofmyforgettingit，sir，repliedJobTrotter。Withthesewordshelefttheroom，followedbySam。

Isay，saidthelatter，notabadnotionthat’erecrying。I’dcrylikearain-waterspoutinashoweronsuchgoodterms。Howdoyoudoit？

Itcomesfromtheheart，Mr。Walker，repliedJob，solemnly。Goodmorning，sir。

You’reasoftcustomer，youare——we’vegotitallouto’you，anyhow，thoughtMr。Weller，asJobwalkedaway。

WecannotstatetheprecisenatureofthethoughtswhichpassedthroughMr。Trotter’smind，becausewedon’tknowwhattheywere。

Thedayworeon，eveningcame，andalittlebeforeteno’clockSamWellerreportedthatMr。JingleandJobhadgoneouttogether，thattheirluggagewaspackedup，andthattheyhadorderedachaise。Theplotwasevidentlyinexecution，asMr。Trotterhadforetold。

Half-pastteno’clockarrived，anditwastimeforMr。Pickwicktoissueforthonhisdelicateerrand。ResistingSam’stenderofhisgreatcoat，inorderthathemighthavenoencumbranceinscalingthewall，hesetforth，followedbyhisattendant。

Therewasabrightmoon，butitwasbehindtheclouds。Itwasafinedrynight，butitwasmotuncommonlydark。Paths，hedges，fields，houses，andtrees，wereenvelopedinonedeepshade。Theatmospherewashotandsultry，thesummerlightningquiveredfaintlyonthevergeofthehorizon，andwastheonlysightthatvariedthedullgloominwhicheverythingwaswrapped——soundtherewasnone，exceptthedistantbarkingofsomerestlesshouse-dog。

Theyfoundthehouse，readthebrassplate，walkedroundthewall，andstoppedatthatportionofitwhichdividedthemfromthebottomofthegarden。

Youwillreturntotheinn，Sam，whenyouhaveassistedmeover，saidMr。Pickwick。

Verywell，sir。

Andyouwillsitup，’tillIreturn。

Cert’nly，sir。

Takeholdofmyleg。and，whenIsay`Over，’raisemegently。

Allright，sir。

Havingsettledthesepreliminaries，Mr。Pickwickgraspedthetopofthewall，andgavethewordOver，whichwasveryliterallyobeyed。Whetherhisbodypartookinsomedegreeoftheelasticityofhismind，orwhetherMr。Weller’snotionsofagentlepushwereofasomewhatrougherdescriptionthanMr。Pickwick’s，theimmediateeffectofhisassistancewastojerkthatimmortalgentlemancompletelyoverthewallontothebedbeneath，where，aftercrushingthreegooseberry-bushesandarose-tree，hefinallyalightedatfulllength。

Youha’n’thurtyourself，Ihope，sir？saidSam，inaloudwhisper，assoonasherecoveredfromthesurpriseconsequentuponthemysteriousdisappearanceofhismaster。

Ihavenothurtmyself，Sam，certainly，repliedMr。Pickwick，fromtheothersideofthewall，butIratherthinkthatyouhavehurtme。

Ihopenot，sir，saidSam。

Nevermind，saidMr。Pickwick，rising，it’snothingbutafewscratches。

Goaway，orweshallbeoverheard。

Good-bye，sir。

Good-bye。

WithstealthystepsSamWellerdeparted，leavingMr。Pickwickaloneinthegarden。

Lightsoccasionallyappearedinthedifferentwindowsofthehouse，orglancedfromthestaircases，asiftheinmateswereretiringtorest。

Notcaringtogotoonearthedoor，untiltheappointedtime，Mr。Pickwickcrouchedintoanangleofthewall，andawaiteditsarrival。

Itwasasituationwhichmightwellhavedepressedthespiritsofmanyaman。Mr。Pickwick，however，feltneitherdepressionnormisgiving。Heknewthathispurposewasinthemainagoodone，andheplacedimplicitrelianceonthehigh-mindedJob。Itwasdull，certainly。nottosay，dreary。

butacontemplativemancanalwaysemployhimselfinmeditation。Mr。Pickwickhadmediatedhimselfintoadoze，whenhewasrousedbythechimesoftheneighbouringchurchringingoutthehour——half-pasteleven。

Thatisthetime，thoughtMr。Pickwick，gettingcautiouslyonhisfeet。Helookedupatthehouse。Thelightshaddisappeared，andtheshutterswereclosed——allinbed，nodoubt。Hewalkedontip-toetothedoor，andgaveagentletap。Twoorthreeminutespassingwithoutanyreply，hegaveanothertapratherlouder，andthenanotherratherlouderthanthat。

Atlengththesoundoffeetwasaudibleuponthestairs，andthenthelightofacandleshonethroughthekey-holeofthedoor。Therewasagooddealofunchainingandunbolting，andthedoorwasslowlyopened。

Nowthedooropenedoutwards：andasthedooropenedwiderandwider，Mr。Pickwickrecededbehindit，moreandmore。Whatwashisastonishmentwhenhejustpeepedout，bywayofcaution，toseethatthepersonwhohadopeneditwas——notJobTrotter，butaservant-girlwithacandleinherhand！Mr。Pickwickdrewinhisheadagain，withtheswiftnessdisplayedbythatadmirablemelodramaticperformer，Punch，whenheliesinwaitfortheflat-headedcomedianwiththetinboxofmusic。

Itmusthavebeenthecat，Sarah，saidthegirl，addressingherselftosomeoneinthehouse。Puss，puss，puss，——tit，tit，tit。

Butnoanimalbeingdecoyedbytheseblandishments，thegirlslowlyclosedthedoor，andre-fastenedit。leavingMr。Pickwickdrawnupstraightagainstthewall。

Thisisverycurious，thoughtMr。Pickwick。Theyaresittingupbeyondtheirusualhour，Isuppose。Extremelyunfortunate，thattheyshouldhavechosenthisnight，ofallothers，forsuchapurpose——exceedingly。Andwiththesethoughts，Mr。Pickwickcautiouslyretiredtotheangleofthewallinwhichhehadbeenbeforeensconced。waitinguntilsuchtimeashemightdeemitsafetorepeatthesignal。

Hehadnotbeenherefiveminutes，whenavividflashoflightningwasfollowedbyaloudpealofthunderthatcrashedandrolledawayinthedistancewithaterrificnoise——thencameanotherflashoflightning，brighterthantheother，andasecondpealofthunderlouderthanthefirst。andthendowncametherain，withaforceandfurythatswepteverythingbeforeit。

Mr。Pickwickwasperfectlyawarethatatreeisaverydangerousneighbourinathunder-storm。Hehadatreeonhisright，atreeonhisleftathirdbeforehim，andafourthbehind。Ifheremainedwherehewas，hemightfallthevictimofanaccident。ifheshowedhimselfinthecentreofthegarden，hemightbeconsignedtoaconstable——onceortwicehetriedtoscalethewall，buthavingnootherlegsthistime，thanthosewithwhichNaturehadfurnishedhim，theonlyeffectofhisstruggleswastoinflictavarietyofveryunpleasantgratingsonhiskneesandshins，andtothrowhimintoastateofthemostprofuseperspiration。

Whatadreadfulsituation，saidMr。Pickwick，pausingtowipehisbrowafterthisexercise。Helookedupatthehouse——allwasdark。Theymustbegonetobednow。Hewouldtrythesignalagain。

Hewalkedontip-toeacrossthemoistgravel，andtappedatthedoor。

Heheldhisbreath，andlistenedatthekeyhole。Noreply：veryodd。Anotherknock。Helistenedagain。Therewasalowwhisperinginside，andthenavoicecried——

Who’sthere？

That’snotJob，thoughtMr。Pickwick，hastilydrawinghimselfstraightupagainstthewallagain。It’sawoman。

Hehadscarcelyhadtimetoformthisconclusion，whenawindowabovestairswasthrownup，andthreeorfourfemalevoicesrepeatedthequery——Who’sthere？

Mr。Pickwickdarednotmovehandorfoot。Itwasclearthatthewholeestablishmentwasroused。Hemadeuphismindtoremainwherehewas，untilthealarmhadsubsided：andthenbyasupernaturalefforttogetoverthewall，orperishintheattempt。

LikeallMr。Pickwick’sdeterminations，thiswasthebestthatcouldbemadeunderthecircumstances。but，unfortunately，itwasfoundedupontheassumptionthattheywouldnotventuretoopenthedooragain。Whatwashisdiscomfiture，whenheheardthechainandboltswithdrawn，andsawthedoorslowlyopening，widerandwider！Heretreatedintothecorner，stepbystep。butdowhathewould，theinterpositionofhisownperson，preventeditsbeingopenedtoitsutmostwidth。

Who’sthere？screamedanumerouschorusoftreblevoicesfromthestaircaseinside，consistingofthespinsterladyoftheestablishment，threeteachers，fivefemaleservants，andthirtyboarders，allhalf-dressed，andinaforestofcurl-papers。

OfcourseMr。Pickwickdidn’tsaywhowasthere。andthentheburdenofthechoruschangedinto——Lor’！Iamsofrightened。

Cook，saidtheladyabbess，whotookcaretobeonthetopstair，theverylastofthegroup——Cook，whydon’tyougoalittlewayintothegarden？

Please，ma’am，Idon’tlike，respondedthecook。

Lor’，whatastupidthingthatcookis！saidthethirtyboarders。

Cook，saidtheladyabbess，withgreatdignity。don’tanswerme，ifyouplease。Iinsistuponyourlookingintothegardenimmediately。

Herethecookbegantocry，andthehousemaidsaiditwasashame！

forwhichpartisanshipshereceivedamonth’swarningonthespot。

Doyouhear，cook？saidtheladyabbess，stampingherfootimpatiently。

Don’tyouhearyourmissus，cook？saidthethreeteachers。

Whatanimpudentthing，thatcookis！saidthethirtyboarders。

Theunfortunatecook，thusstronglyurged，advancedasteportwo，andholdinghercandlejustwhereitpreventedherfromseeinganythingatall，declaredtherewasnothingthere，anditmusthavebeenthewind。

Thedoorwasjustgoingtobeclosedinconsequence，whenaninquisitiveboarder，whohadbeenpeepingbetweenthehinges，setupafearfulscreaming，whichcalledbackthecookandthehousemaid，andallthemoreadventurous，innotime。

WhatisthematterwithMissSmithers？saidtheladyabbess，astheaforesaidMissSmithersproceededtogointohystericsoffouryoungladypower。

Lor’，MissSmithersdear，saidtheothernine-and-twentyboarders。

Oh，theman——theman——behindthedoor！screamedMissSmithers。

Theladyabbessnosoonerheardthisappallingcry，thansheretreatedtoherownbed-room，double-lockedthedoor，andfaintedawaycomfortably。

Theboarders，andtheteachers，andtheservants，fellbackuponthestairs，anduponeachother。andneverwassuchascreaming，andfainting，andstruggling，beheld。InthemidstofthetumultMr。Pickwickemergedfromhisconcealment，andpresentedhimselfamongstthem。

Ladies——dearladies，saidMr。Pickwick。

Oh，hesayswe’redear，criedtheoldestandugliestteacher。Oh，thewretch！

Ladies，roaredMr。Pickwick，rendereddesperatebythedangerofhissituation。Hearme。Iamnorobber。Iwanttheladyofthehouse。

Oh，whataferociousmonster！screamedanotherteacher。HewantsMissTomkins。

Heretherewasageneralscream。

Ringthealarmbell，somebody！criedadozenvoices。

Don’t——don’t，shoutedMr。Pickwick。Lookatme。DoIlooklikearobber！Mydearladies——youmaybindmehandandleg，orlockmeupinacloset，ifyoulike。OnlyhearwhatIhavegottosay——onlyhearme。

Howdidyoucomeinourgarden？falteredthehousemaid。

Calltheladyofthehouse，andI’lltellhereverything——everything：

saidMr。Pickwick，exertinghislungstotheutmostpitch。Callher——onlybequiet，andcallher，andyoushallheareverything。

ItmighthavebeenMr。Pickwick’sappearance，oritmighthavebeenhismanner，oritmighthavebeenthetemptation——irresistibletoafemalemind——ofhearingsomethingatpresentenvelopedinmystery，thatreducedthemorereasonableportionoftheestablishment(somefourindividuals)

toastateofcomparativequiet。Bythemitwasproposed，asatestofMr。Pickwick’ssincerity，thatheshouldimmediatelysubmittopersonalrestraint。andthatgentlemanhavingconsentedtoholdaconferencewithMissTomkins，fromtheinteriorofaclosetinwhichthedayboardershungtheirbonnetsandsandwich-bags，heatoncesteppedintoitofhisownaccord，andwassecurelylockedin。Thisrevivedtheothers。andMissTomkinshavingbeenbroughtto，andbroughtdown，theconferencebegan。

Whatdidyoudoinmygarden，Man？saidMissTomkins，inafaintvoice。

Icametowarnyou，thatoneofyouryoungladieswasgoingtoelopeto-night，repliedMr。Pickwick，fromtheinteriorofthecloset。

Elope！exclaimedMissTomkins，thethreeteachers，thethirtyboarders，andthefiveservants。Whowith？

Yourfriend！Mr。CharlesFitz-Marshall。

Myfriend！Idon’tknowanysuchperson。

Well。Mr。Jingle，then。

Ineverheardthenameinmylife。

Then，Ihavebeendeceived，anddeluded，saidMr。Pickwick。Ihavebeenthevictimofaconspiracy——afoulandbaseconspiracy。SendtotheAngel，mydearma’am，ifyoudon’tbelieveme。SendtotheAngelforMr。

Pickwick’sman-servant，Iimploreyou，ma’am。

Hemustberespectable——hekeepsaman-servant，saidMissTomkinstothewritingandcipheringgoverness。

It’smyopinion，MissTomkins，saidthewritingandcipheringgoverness，thathisman-servantkeepshim。Ithinkhe’samadman，MissTomkins，andtheother’shiskeeper。

Ithinkyouareveryright，MissGwynn，respondedMissTomkins。LettwooftheservantsrepairtotheAngel，andlettheothersremainhere，toprotectus。

SotwooftheservantsweredespatchedtotheAngelinsearchofMr。

SamuelWeller：andtheremainingthreestoppedbehindtoprotectMissTomkins，andthethreeteachers，andthethirtyboarders。AndMr。Pickwicksatdowninthecloset，beneathagroveofsandwich-bags，andawaitedthereturnofthemessengers，withallthephilosophyandfortitudehecouldsummontohisaid。

Anhourandahalfelapsedbeforetheycameback，andwhentheydidcome，Mr。Pickwickrecognised，inadditiontothevoiceofMr。SamuelWeller，twoothervoices，thetonesofwhichstruckfamiliarlyonhisear。butwhosetheywere，hecouldnotforthelifeofhimcalltomind。

Averybriefconversationensued。Thedoorwasunlocked。Mr。Pickwicksteppedoutofthecloset，andfoundhimselfinthepresenceofthewholeestablishmentofWestgateHouse。Mr。SamuelWeller，and——oldWardle，andhisdestinedson-in-law，Mr。Trundle！

Mydearfriend，saidMr。Pickwick，runningforwardandgraspingMr。

Wardle’shand，mydearfriend，pray，forHeaven’ssake，explaintothisladytheunfortunateanddreadfulsituationinwhichIamplaced。Youmusthavehearditfrommyservant。say，atallevents，mydearfellow，thatIamneitherarobbernoramadman。

Ihavesaidso，mydearfriend。Ihavesaidsoalready，repliedMr。

Wardle，shakingtherighthandofhisfriend，whileMr。Trundleshooktheleft。

Andwhoeversays，orhassaid，heis，interposedMr。Weller，steppingforward，saysthatwhichisnotthetruth，butsofarfromit，onthecontrary，quitetherewerse。Andifthere’sanynumbero’menontheseherepremisesashassaidso，Ishallbeweryhappytogive’emallaweryconvincingproofo’theirbeingmistaken，inthishereweryroom，iftheseweryrespectableladies’llhavethegoodnesstoretire，andorder’emup，oneatatime。Havingdeliveredthisdefiancewithgreatvolubility，Mr。Wellerstruckhisopenpalmemphaticallywithhisclenchedfist，andwinkedpleasantlyonMissTomkins：theintensityofwhosehorrorathissupposingitwithintheboundsofpossibilitythattherecouldbeanymenonthepremisesofWestgateHouseEstablishmentforYoungLadies，itisimpossibletodescribe。

Mr。Pickwick’sexplanationhavingalreadybeenpartiallymade，wassoonconcluded。Butneitherinthecourseofhiswalkhomewithhisfriends，norafterwardswhenseatedbeforeablazingfireatthesupperhesomuchneeded，couldasingleobservationbedrawnfromhim。Heseemedbewilderedandamazed。Once，andonlyonce，heturnedroundtoMr。Wardle，andsaid——

Howdidyoucomehere？

TrundleandIcamedownhere，forsomegoodshootingonthefirst，

repliedWardle。Wearrivedto-night，andwereastonishedtohearfromyourservantthatyouwereheretoo。ButIamgladyouare，saidtheoldfellow，slappinghimontheback。Iamgladyouare。Weshallhaveajovialpartyonthefirst，andwe’llgiveWinkleanotherchance——eh，oldboy？

Mr。Pickwickmadenoreply。hedidnotevenaskafterhisfriendsatDingleyDell，andshortlyafterwardsretiredforthenight，desiringSamtofetchhiscandlewhenherung。

Thebelldidringinduecourse，andMr。Wellerpresentedhimself。

Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingoutfromunderthebed-clothes。

Sir，saidMr。Weller。

Mr。Pickwickpaused，andMr。Wellersnuffedthecandle。

Sam，saidMr。Pickwickagain，asifwithadesperateeffort。

Sir，saidMr。Weller，oncemore。

WhereisthatTrotter？

Job，sir？

Yes。

Gone，sir。

Withhismaster，Isuppose？

Friendormaster，orwhateverheis，he’sgonewithhim，repliedMr。

Weller。There’sapairon’em，sir。

Jinglesuspectedmydesign，andsetthatfellowonyou，withthisstory，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick，halfchoking。

Justthat，sir，repliedMr。Weller。

Itwasallfalse，ofcourse？

All，sir，repliedMr。Weller。Reg’lardo，sir。artfuldodge。

Idon’tthinkhe’llescapeusquitesoeasilythenexttime，Sam？

saidMr。Pickwick。

Idon’tthinkhewill，sir。

WheneverImeetthatJingleagain，whereveritis，saidMr。Pickwick，raisinghimselfinbed，andindentinghispillowwithatremendousblow，I’llinflictpersonalchastisementonhim，inadditiontotheexposurehesorichlymerits。Iwill，ormynameisnotPickwick。

AndweneverIcatchesholdo’thattheremelan-chollychapwiththeblackhair，saidSam，ifIdon’tbringsomerealwaterintohiseyes，foronceinaway，mynamea’ntWeller。Goodnight，sir！

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter17[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXVIISHOWINGTHATANATTACKOFRHEUMATISMINSOMECASES，ACTSASAQUICKENERTOINVENTIVEGENIUS

THEconstitutionofMr。Pickwick，thoughabletosustainaveryconsiderableamountofexertionandfatigue，wasnotproofagainstsuchacombinationofattacksashehadundergoneonthememorablenight，recordedinthelastchapter。Theprocessofbeingwashedinthenightair，andrough-driedinacloset，isasdangerousasitispeculiar。

Mr。Pickwickwaslaidupwithanattackofrheumatism。

Butalthoughthebodilypowersofthegreatmanwerethusimpaired，hismentalenergiesretainedtheirpristinevigour。Hisspiritswereelastic。

hisgoodhumourwasrestored。Eventhevexationconsequentuponhisrecentadventurehadvanishedfromhismind。andhecouldjoinintheheartylaughterwhichanyillusiontoitexcitedinMr。Wardle，withoutangerandwithoutembarrassment。Nay，more。DuringthetwodaysMr。Pickwickwasconfinedtohisbed，Samwashisconstantattendant。Onthefirst，heendeavouredtoamusehismasterbyanecdoteandconversation。onthesecond，Mr。Pickwickdemandedhiswriting-desk，andpenandink，andwasdeeplyengagedduringthewholeday。Onthethird，beingabletositupinhisbedchamber，hedespatchedhisvaletwithamessagetoMr。WardleandMr。Trundle，intimatingthatiftheywouldtaketheirwinethere，thatevening，theywouldgreatlyobligehim。Theinvitationwasmostwillinglyaccepted。andwhentheywereseatedovertheirwine，Mr。Pickwickwithsundryblushes，producedthefollowinglittletale，ashavingbeeneditedbyhimself，duringhisrecentindisposition，fromhisnotesofMr。Weller’sunsophisticatedrecital。

THEPARISHCLERKATALEOFTRUELOVE

Onceuponatimeinaverysmallcountrytown，ataconsiderabledistancefromLondon，therelivedalittlemannamedNathanielPipkin，whowastheparishclerkofthelittletown，andlivedinalittlehouseinthelittleHighStreet，withintenminutes’walkofthelittlechurch。andwhowastobefoundeverydayfromninetillfour，teachingalittlelearningtothelittleboys。NathanielPipkinwasaharmless，inoffensive，good-naturedbeing，withaturned-upnose，andratherturned-inlegs：acastinhiseye，andahaltinhisgait。andhedividedhistimebetweenthechurchandhisschool，verilybelievingthatthereexistednot，onthefaceoftheearth，socleveramanasthecurate，soimposinganapartmentasthevestry-room，orsowell-orderedaseminaryashisown。Once，andonlyonce，inhislife，NathanielPipkinhadseenabishop——arealbishop，withhisarmsinlawnsleeves，andhisheadinawig。Hehadseenhimwalk，andheardhimtalk，ataconfirmation，onwhichmomentousoccasionNathanielPipkinwassoovercomewithreverenceandawe，whentheaforesaidbishoplaidhishandonhishead，thathefaintedrightcleanaway，andwasborneoutofchurchinthearmsofthebeadle。

Thiswasagreatevent，atremendousera，inNathanielPipkin’slife，anditwastheonlyonethathadeveroccurredtorufflethesmoothcurrentofhisquietexistence，whenhappeningonefineafternoon，inafitofmentalabstraction，toraisehiseyesfromtheslateonwhichhewasdevisingsometremendousproblemincompoundadditionforanoffendingurchintosolve，theysuddenlyrestedonthebloomingcountenanceofMariaLobbs，theonlydaughterofoldLobbs，thegreatsaddlerovertheway。Now，theeyesofMr。PipkinhadrestedontheprettyfaceofMariaLobbsmanyatimeandoftbefore，atchurchandelsewhere。buttheeyesofMariaLobbshadneverlookedsobright，thecheeksofMariaLobbshadneverlookedsoruddy，asuponthisparticularoccasion。Nowonderthen，thatNathanielPipkinwasunabletotakehiseyesfromthecountenanceofMissLobbs。

nowonderthatMissLobbs，findingherselfstaredatbyayoungman，withdrewherheadfromthewindowoutofwhichshehadbeenpeeping，andshutthecasementandpulleddowntheblind。nowonderthatNathanielPipkin，immediatelythereafter，fellupontheyoungurchinwhohadpreviouslyoffended，andcuffedandknockedhimabout，tohisheart’scontent。Allthiswasverynatural，andthere’snothingatalltowonderataboutit。

Itismatterofwonder，though，thatanyoneofMr。Nathaniel’sPipkinretiringdisposition，nervoustemperament，andmostparticularlydiminutiveincome，shouldfromthisdayforth，havedaredtoaspiretothehandandheartoftheonlydaughterofthefieryoldLobbs——ofoldLobbsthegreatsaddler，whocouldhaveboughtupthewholevillageatonestrokeofhispen，andneverfelttheoutlay——oldLobbs，whowaswellknowntohaveheapsofmoney，investedinthebankatthenearestmarkettown——oldLobbs，whowasreportedtohavecountlessandinexhaustibletreasures，hoardedupinthelittleironsafewiththebigkey-hole，overthechimney-pieceinthebackparlours-oldLobbs，whoitwaswellknown，onfestiveoccasionsgarnishedhisboardwitharealsilvertea-pot，cream-ewer，andsugar-basin，whichhewaswont，intheprideofhisheart，toboastshouldbehisdaughter’spropertywhenshefoundamantohermind。Irepeatit，tobematterofprofoundastonishmentandintensewonder，thatNathanielPipkinshouldhavehadthetemeritytocasthiseyesinthisdirection。Butloveisblind：

andNathanielhadacastinhiseye：andperhapsthesetwocircumstances，takentogether，preventedhisseeingthematterinitsproperlight。

Now，ifoldLobbshadentertainedthemostremoteordistantideaofthestateoftheaffectionsofNathanielPipkin，hewouldhavejustrazedtheschool-roomtotheground，orexterminateditsmasterfromthesurfaceoftheearth，orcommittedsomeotheroutrageandatrocityofanequallyferociousandviolentdescription。forhewasaterribleoldfellow，wasLobbs，whenhispridewasinjured，orhisbloodwasup。Swear！Suchtrainsofoathswouldcomerollingandpealingovertheway，sometimes，whenhewasdenouncingtheidlenessofthebonyapprenticewiththethinlegs，thatNathanielPipkinwouldshakeinhisshoeswithhorror，andthehairofthepupils’headswouldstandonendwithfright。

Well！Dayafterday，whenschoolwasover，andthepupilsgone，didNathanielPipkinsithimselfdownatthefrontwindow，andwhilehefeignedtobereadingabook，throwsidelongglancesoverthewayinsearchofthebrighteyesofMariaLobbs。andhehadn’tsattheremanydays，beforethebrighteyesappearedatanupperwindow，apparentlydeeplyengagedinreadingtoo。Thiswasdelightful，andgladdeningtotheheartofNathanielPipkin。Itwassomethingtositthereforhourstogether，andlookuponthatprettyfacewhentheeyeswerecastdown。butwhenMariaLobbsbegantoraisehereyesfromherbook，anddarttheirraysinthedirectionofNathanielPipkin，hisdelightandadmirationwereperfectlyboundless。

Atlast，onedaywhenheknewoldLobbswasout，NathanielPipkinhadthetemeritytokisshishandtoMariaLobbs。andMariaLobbs，insteadofshuttingthewindow，andpullingdowntheblind，kissedherstohim，andsmiled。Uponwhich，NathanielPipkindetermined，that，comewhatmight，hewoulddevelopthestateofhisfeelings，withoutfurtherdelay。

Aprettierfoot，agayerheart，amoredimpledface，orasmarterform，neverboundedsolightlyovertheearththeygraced，asdidthoseofMariaLobbs，theoldsaddler’sdaughter。Therewasaroguishtwinkleinhersparklingeyes，thatwouldhavemadeitswaytofarlesssusceptiblebosomsthanthatofNathanielPipkin。andtherewassuchajoyoussoundinhermerrylaugh，thatthesternestmisanthropemusthavesmiledtohearit。EvenoldLobbshimself，intheveryheightofhisferocity，couldn’tresistthecoaxingofhisprettydaughter。andwhenshe，andhercousinKate——anarch，impudent-looking，bewitchinglittleperson——madeadeadsetupontheoldmantogether，as，tosaythetruth，theyveryoftendid，hecouldhaverefusedthemnothing，evenhadtheyaskedforaportionofthecountlessandinexhaustibletreasures，whichwerehiddenfromthelight，intheironsafe。

NathanielPipkin’sheartbeathighwithinhim，whenhesawthisenticinglittlecouplesomehundredyardsbeforehimonesummer’sevening，intheveryfieldinwhichhehadmanyatimestrolledabouttillnight-time，andponderedonthebeautyofMariaLobbs。Butthoughhehadoftenthoughtthen，howbrisklyhewouldwalkuptoMariaLobbsandtellherofhispassionifhecouldonlymeether，hefeltnowthatshewasunexpectedlybeforehim，allthebloodinhisbodymountingtohisface，manifestlytothegreatdetrimentofhislegs，which，deprivedoftheirusualportion，trembledbeneathhim。Whentheystoppedtogatherahedge-flower，orlistentoabird，NathanielPikpinstoppedtoo，andpretendedtobeabsorbedinmeditation，asindeedhereallywas。forhewasthinkingwhatonearthheshouldeverdo，whentheyturnedback，astheyinevitablymustintime，andmeethimfacetoface。Butthoughhewasafraidtomakeuptothem，hecouldn’tbeartolosesightofthem。sowhentheywalkedfaster，hewalkedfaster，whentheylingeredhelingered，andwhentheystoppedhestopped。andsotheymighthavegoneon，untilthedarknesspreventedthem，ifKatehadnotlookedslylyback，andencouraginglybeckonedNathanieltoadvance。

TherewassomethinginKate’smannerthatwasnottoberesisted，andsoNathanielPipkincompliedwiththeinvitation。andafteragreatdealofblushingonhispart，andimmoderatelaughteronthatofthewickedlittlecousin，NathanielPipkinwentdownonhiskneesonthedewygrass，anddeclaredhisresolutiontoremainthereforever，unlesshewerepermittedtorisetheacceptedloverofMariaLobbs。Uponthis，themerrylaughterofMariaLobbsrangthroughthecalmeveningair——withoutseemingtodisturbit，though。ithadsuchapleasantsound——andthewickedlittlecousinlaughedmoreimmoderatelythanbefore，andNathanielPipkinblusheddeeperthanever。Atlength，MariaLobbsbeingmorestrenuouslyurgedbythelove-wornlittleman，turnedawayherhead，andwhisperedhercousintosay，oratalleventsKatedidsay，thatshefeltmuchhonouredbyMr。Pipkin’saddresses。thatherhandandheartwereatherfather’sdisposal。butthatnobodycouldbeinsensibletoMr。Pipkin’smerits。Asallthiswassaidwithmuchgravity，andasNathanielPipkinwalkedhomewithMariaLobbs，andstruggledforakissatparting，hewenttobedahappyman，anddreamedallnightlong，ofsofteningoldLobbs，openingthestrongbox，andmarryingMaria。

Thenextday，NathanielPipkinsawoldLobbsgooutuponhisoldgreypony，andafteragreatmanysignsatthewindowfromthewickedlittlecousin，theobjectandmeaningofwhichhecouldbynomeansunderstand，thebonyapprenticewiththethinlegscameovertosaythathismasterwasn’tcominghomeallnight，andthattheladiesexpectedMr。Pipkintotea，atsixo’clockprecisely。Howthelessonsweregotthroughthatday，neitherNathanielPipkinnorhispupilsknewanymorethanyoudo。buttheyweregotthroughsomehow，and，aftertheboyshadgone，NathanielPipkintooktillfullsixo’clocktodresshimselftohissatisfaction。

Notthatittooklongtoselectthegarmentsheshouldwear，inasmuchashehadnochoiceaboutthematter。buttheputtingofthemontothebestadvantage，andthetouchingofthemuppreviously，wasataskofnoinconsiderabledifficultyorimportance。

Therewasaverysnuglittleparty，consistingofMariaLobbsandhercousinKate，andthreeorfourromping，good-humoured，rosy-cheekedgirls。

NathanielPipkinhadoculardemonstrationofthefact，thattherumoursofoldLobbs’streasureswerenotexaggerated。Thereweretherealsolidsilvertea-pot，cream-ewer，andsugar-basin，onthetable，andrealsilverspoonstostirtheteawith，andrealchinacupstodrinkitoutof，andplatesofthesame，toholdthecakesandtoastin。Theonlyeye-soreinthewholeplace，wasanothercousinofMariaLobbs’s，andabrotherofKate，whomMariaLobbscalled`Henry，’andwhoseemedtokeepMariaLobbsalltohimself，upinonecornerofthetable。It’sdelightfulthingtoseeaffectioninfamilies，butitmaybecarriedrathertoofar，andNathanielPipkincouldnothelpthinkingthatMariaLobbsmustbeveryparticularlyfondofherrelations，ifshepaidasmuchattentiontoallofthemastothisindividualcousin。Aftertea，too，whenthewickedlittlecousinproposedagameofblindman’sbuff，itsomehoworotherhappenedthatNathanielPipkinwasnearlyalwaysblind，andwheneverhelaidhishanduponthemalecousin，hewassuretofindthatMariaLobbswasnotfaroff。Andthoughthewickedlittlecousinandtheothergirlspinchedhim，andpulledhishair，andpushedchairsinhisway，andallsortsofthings，MariaLobbsneverseemedtocomenearhimatall。andonce——once——NathanielPipkincouldhaveswornheheardthesoundofakiss，followedbyafaintremonstrancefromMariaLobbs，andahalf-suppressedlaughfromherfemalefriends。Allthiswasodd——veryodd——andthereisnosayingwhatNathanielPipkinmightormightnothavedone，inconsequence，ifhisthoughtshadnotbeensuddenlydirectedintoanewchannel。

Thecircumstanceswhichdirectedhisthoughtsintoanewchannelwasaloudknockingatthestreet-door，andthepersonwhomadethisloudknockingatthestreet-door，wasnootherthanoldLobbshimself，whohadunexpectedlyreturned，andwashammeringawaylikeacoffin-maker：forhewantedhissupper。Thealarmingintelligencewasnosoonercommunicatedbythebonyapprenticewiththethinlegs，thanthegirlstrippedup-stairstoMariaLobbs’sbed-room，andthemalecousinandNathanielPipkinwerethrustintoacoupleofclosetsinthesitting-room，forwantofanybetterplacesofconcealment。andwhenMariaLobbsandthewickedlittlecousinhadstowedthemaway，andputtheroomtorights，theyopenedthestreetdoortooldLobbs，whohadneverleftoffknockingsincehefirstbegan。

NowitdidunfortunatelyhappenthatoldLobbsbeingveryhungrywasmonstrouscross。NathanielPipkincouldhearhimgrowlingawaylikeanoldmastiffwithasorethroat。andwhenevertheunfortunateapprenticewiththethinlegscameintotheroom，sosurelydidoldLobbscommenceswearingathiminamostSaracenicandferociousmanner，thoughapparentlywithnootherendorobjectthanthatofeasinghisbosombythedischargeofafewsuperfluousoaths。Atlengthsomesupper，whichhadbeenwarmingup，wasplacedonthetable，andthenoldLobbsfellto，inregularstyle。

andhavingmadeclearworkofitinnotime，kissedhisdaughter，anddemandedhispipe。

NaturehadplacedNathanielPipkin’skneesinveryclosejuxtaposition，butwhenheheardoldLobbsdemandhispipe，theyknockedtogether，asiftheyweregoingtoreduceeachothertopowder。for，dependingfromacoupleofhooks，intheveryclosetinwhichhestood，wasalargebrown-stemmed，silver-bowledpipe，whichpipehehimselfhadseeninthemouthofoldLobbs，regularlyeveryafternoonandevening，forthelastfiveyears。

Thetwogirlswentdown-stairsforthepipe，andup-stairsforthepipe，andeverywherebutwheretheyknewthepipewas，andoldLobbsstormedawaymeanwhile，inthemostwonderfulmanner。Atlasthethoughtofthecloset，andwalkeduptoit。ItwasofnousealittlemanlikeNathanielPipkinpullingthedoorinwardswhenagreatstrongfellowlikeoldLobbswaspullingitoutwards。OldLobbsgaveitonetugandopenitflew，disclosingNathanielPipkinstandingboltuprightinside，andshakingwithapprehensionfromheadtofoot。Blessus！whatanappallinglookoldLobbsgavehim，ashedraggedhimoutbythecollar，andheldhimatarm’slength。

`Why，whatthedevildoyouwanthere？’saidoldLobbs，inafearfulvoice。

NathanielPipkincouldmakenoreply，sooldLobbsshookhimbackwardsandforwards，fortwoorthreeminutes，bywayofarranginghisideasforhim。

`Whatdoyouwanthere？’roaredLobbs，`Isupposeyouhavecomeaftermydaughter，now？’

OldLobbsmerelysaidthisasasneer：forhedidnotbelievethatmortalpresumptioncouldhavecarriedNathanielPipkinsofar。Whatwashisindignation，whenthatpoormanreplied：

`Yes，Idid，Mr。Lobbs。Ididcomeafteryourdaughter。Iloveher，Mr。Lobbs。’

`Why，yousnivelling，wry-faced，punyvillain，’gaspedoldLobbs，paralysedbytheatrociousconfession。`whatdoyoumeanbythat？Saythistomyface！Damme，I’llthrottleyou！’

ItisbynomeansimprobablethatoldLobbswouldhavecarriedthisthreatintoexecution，intheexcessofhisrage，ifhisarmhadnotbeenstayedbyaveryunexpectedapparition，towit，themalecousin，who，steppingoutofhiscloset，andwalkinguptooldLobbs，said：

`Icannotallowthisharmlessperson，sir，whohasbeenaskedhereinsomegirlishfrolic，totakeuponhimselfinaverynoblemanner，thefault(iffaultitis)whichIamguiltyof，andamreadytoavow。Iloveyourdaughter，sir。andIamhereforthepurposeofmeetingher。’

OldLobbsopenedhiseyesverywideatthis，butnotwiderthanNathanielPipkin。

`Youdid？’saidLobbs：atlastfindingbreathtospeak。

`Idid。’

`AndIforbadeyouthishouse，longago。’

`Youdid，orIshouldnothavebeenhere，clandestinely，to-night。’

IamsorrytorecorditofoldLobbs，butIthinkhewouldhavestruckthecousin，ifhisprettydaughter，withherbrighteyesswimmingintears，hadnotclungtohisarm。

`Don’tstophim，Maria，’saidtheyoungman：`ifhehasthewilltostrikeme，lethim。Iwouldnothurtahairofhisgreyhead，fortherichesoftheworld。’

Theoldmancastdownhiseyesatthisreproof，andtheymetthoseofhisdaughter。Ihavehintedonceortwicebefore，thattheywereverybrighteyes，and，thoughtheyweretearfulnow，theirinfluencewasbynomeanslessened。OldLobbsturnedhisheadaway，asiftoavoidbeingpersuadedbythem，when，asfortunewouldhaveit，heencounteredthefaceofthewickedlittlecousin，who，halfafraidforherbrother，andhalflaughingatNathanielPipkin，presentedasbewitchinganexpressionofcountenance，withatouchofshynessinittoo，asanyman，oldoryoung，needlookupon。Shedrewherarmcoaxinglythroughtheoldman’s，andwhisperedsomethinginhisear。anddowhathewould，oldLobbscouldn’thelpbreakingoutintoasmile，whileatearstoledownhischeekatthesametime。

Fiveminutesafterthis，thegirlswerebroughtdownfromthebed-roomwithagreatdealofgigglingandmodesty。andwhiletheyoungpeopleweremakingthemselvesperfectlyhappy，oldLobbsgotdownhispipe，andsmokedit：anditwasaremarkablecircumstanceaboutthatparticularpipeoftobacco，thatitwasthemostsoothinganddelightfuloneheeversmoked。

NathanielPipkinthoughtitbesttokeephisowncounsel，andbysodoinggraduallyroseintohighfavourwitholdLobbs，whotaughthimtosmokeintime。andtheyusedtositoutinthegardenonthefineevenings，formanyyearsafterwards，smokinganddrinkingingreatstate。Hesoonrecoveredtheeffectsofhisattachment，forwefindhisnameintheparishregister，asawitnesstothemarriageofMariaLobbstohercousin。anditalsoappears，byreferencetootherdocuments，thatonthenightoftheweddinghewasincarceratedinthevillagecage，forhaving，inastateofextremeintoxication，committedsundryexcessesinthestreets，inallofwhichhewasaidedandabettedbythebonyapprenticewiththethinlegs。mile，whileatearstoledownhischeekatthesametime。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter18[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXVIIIBRIEFLYILLUSTRATIVEOFTWOPOINTS——FIRST，THEPOWER

OFHYSTERICS，AND，SECONDLY，THEFORCEOFCIRCUMSTANCES

FORtwodaysafterthebreakfastatMrs。Hunter’sthePickwickiansremainedatEatanswill，anxiouslyawaitingthearrivalofsomeintelligencefromtheirreveredleader。Mr。TupmanandMr。Snodgrasswereonceagainlefttotheirownmeansofamusement。forMr。Winkle，incompliancewithamostpressinginvitation，continuedtoresideatMr。

Pott’shouse，andtodevotehistimetothecompanionshipofhisamiablelady。NorwastheoccasionalsocietyofMr。Potthimself，wantingtocompletetheirfelicity。DeeplyimmersedintheintensityofhisspeculationsforthepublicwealandthedestructionoftheIndependent，itwasnotthehabitofthatgreatmantodescendfromhismentalpinnacletothehumblelevelofordinaryminds。Onthisoccasion，however，andasifexpresslyincomplimenttoanyfollowerofMr。Pickwick’s，heunbent，relaxed，steppeddownfromhispedestal，andwalkedupontheground：benignlyadaptinghisremarkstothecomprehensionoftheherd，andseeminginoutwardform，ifnotinspirit，tobeoneofthem。

SuchhavingbeenthedemeanourofthiscelebratedpubliccharactertowardsMr。Winkle，itwillbereadilyimaginedthatconsiderablesurprisewasdepictedonthecountenanceofthelattergentleman，when，ashewassittingaloneinthebreakfast-room，thedoorwashastilythrownopen，andashastilyclosed，ontheentranceofMr。Pott，who，stalkingmajesticallytowardshim，andthrustingasidehisprofferedhand，groundhisteeth，asiftoputasharperedgeonwhathewasabouttoutter，andexclaimed，inasaw-likevoice，——

Serpent！

Sir！exclaimedMr。Winkle，startingfromhischair。

Serpent，sir，repeatedMr。Pott，raisinghisvoice，andthensuddenlydepressingit。Isaid，Serpent，sir——makethemostofit。

Whenyouhavepartedwithaman，attwoo’clockinthemorning，ontermsoftheutmostgoodfellowship，andhemeetsyouagain，athalf-pastnine，andgreetsyouasaserpent，itisnotunreasonabletoconcludethatsomethingofanunpleasantnaturehasoccurredmeanwhile。SoMr。Winklethought。

HereturnedMr。Pott’sgazeofstone，andincompliancewiththatgentleman’srequest，proceededtomakethemosthecouldoftheserpent。Themost，however，wasnothingatall。soafteraprofoundsilenceofsomeminutes’

duration，hesaid，——

Serpent，sir！Serpent，Mr。Pott！Whatcanyoumean，sir？——thisispleasantry。

Pleasantry，sir！exclaimedPott，withamotionofthehand，indicativeofastrongdesiretohurltheBritanniametaltea-potattheheadofhisvisitor。Pleasantry，sir！——butno，Iwillbecalm。Iwillbecalm，sir。

inproofofhiscalmness，Mr。Pottflunghimselfintoachair，andfoamedatthemouth。

Mydearsir，interposedMr。Winkle。

Dearsir！repliedPott。Howdareyouaddressme，asdearsir，sir？Howdareyoulookmeinthefaceanddoit，sir？

Well，sir，ifyoucometothat，respondedMr。Winkle，howdareyoulookmeintheface，andcallmeaserpent，sir？

Becauseyouareone，repliedMr。Pott。

Proveit，sir，saidMr。Winkle，warmly。Proveit。

Amalignantscowlpassedovertheprofoundfaceoftheeditor，ashedrewfromhispocket，theIndependentofthatmorning。andlayinghisfingeronaparticularparagraph，threwthejournalacrossthetabletoMr。Winkle。

Thatgentlemantookitup，andreadasfollows：——

Ourobscureandfilthycontemporary，insomedisgustingobservationsontherecentelectionforthisborough，haspresumedtoviolatethehallowedsanctityofprivatelife，andtorefer，inamannernottobemisunderstood，tothepersonalaffairsofourlatecandidates-aye，andnotwithstandinghisbasedefeat，wewilladd，ourfuturemember，Mr。Fizkin。Whatdoesourdastardlycontemporarymean？Whatwouldtheruffiansay，ifwe，settingatnaught，likehim，thedecenciesofsocialintercourse，weretoraisethecurtainwhichhappilyconcealsHISprivatelifefromgeneralridicule，nottosayfromgeneralexecration？What，ifwewereeventopointout，andcommenton，factsandcircumstances，whicharepubliclynotorious，andbeheldbyeveryone，butourmole-eyedcontemporary——whatifweweretoprintthefollowingeffusion，whichwereceivedwhilewewerewritingthecommencementofthisarticle，fromatalentedfellow-townsmanandcorrespondent！`LINESTOABRASS

POT`Oh，Pott！ifyou’dknownHowfalseshe’dhavegrown，Whenyouheardthemarriagebellstinkle。You’dhavedonethen，Ivow，Whatyoucannothelpnow，AndhandedherovertoW’

`What，saidMr。Pott，solemnly：whatrhymesto`tinkle，’villain？

Whatrhymestotinkle？saidMrs。Pott，whoseentranceatthemomentforestalledthereply。Whatrhymestotinkle？Why，Winkle，Ishouldconceive：

sayingthis，Mrs。PottsmiledsweetlyonthedisturbedPickwickian，andextendedherhandtowardshim。Theagitatedyoungmanwouldhaveacceptedit，inhisconfusion，hadnotPottindignantlyinterposed。

Back，ma’am——back！saidtheeditor。Takehishandbeforemyveryface！

Mr。P。！saidhisastonishedlady。

Wretchedwoman，lookhere，exclaimedthehusband。Lookhere，ma’am——`LinestoabrassPot。’`Brasspot’——that’sme，ma’am。`Falseshe’dhavegrown’——that’syou，ma’am——you。Withthisebullitionofrage，whichwasnotunaccompaniedwithsomethinglikeatremble，attheexpressionofhiswife’sface，Mr。PottdashedthecurrentnumberoftheEatanswillIndependentatherfeet。

Uponmyword，sir，saidtheastonishedMrs。Pott，stoopingtopickupthepaper。Uponmyword，sir！

Mr。Pottwincedbeneaththecontemptuousgazeofhiswife。Hehadmadeadesperatestruggletoscrewuphiscourage，butitwasfastcomingunscrewedagain。

Thereappearsnothingverytremendousinthislittlesentence，Uponmyword，sir，whenitcomestoberead。butthetoneofvoiceinwhichitwasdelivered，andthelookthataccompaniedit，bothseemingtobearreferencetosomerevengetobethereaftervisitedupontheheadofPott，producedtheirfulleffectuponhim。Themostunskilfulobservercouldhavedetectedinhistroubledcountenance，areadinesstoresignhisWellingtonbootstoanyefficientsubstitutewhowouldhaveconsentedtostandinthematthatmoment。

Mrs。Pottreadtheparagraph，utteredaloudshriek，andthrewherselfatfulllengthonthehearth-rug，screaming，andtappingitwiththeheelsofhershoes，inamannerwhichcouldleavenodoubtoftheproprietyofherfeelingsontheoccasion。

Mydear，saidthepetrifiedPott，——Ididn’tsayIbelievedit——I——

buttheunfortunateman’svoicewasdrownedinthescreamingofhispartner。

Mrs。Pott，letmeentreatyou，mydearma’am，tocomposeyourself，

saidMr。Winkle。buttheshrieksandtappingswerelouder，andmorefrequentthanever。

Mydear，saidMr。Pott，I’mverysorry。Ifyouwon’tconsideryourownhealth，considerme，mydear。Weshallhaveacrowdroundthehouse。

ButthemorestrenuouslyMr。Pottentreated，themorevehementlythescreamspouredforth。

Veryfortunately，however，attachedtoMrs。Pott’spersonwasabody-guardofone，ayoungladywhoseostensibleemploymentwastopresideoverhertoilet，butwhorenderedherselfusefulinavarietyofways，andinnonemoresothanintheparticulardepartmentofconstantlyaidingandabettinghermistressineverywishandinclinationopposedtothedesiresoftheunhappyPott。Thescreamsreachedthisyounglady’searsinduecourse，andbroughtherintotheroomwithaspeedwhichthreatenedtoderange，materially，theveryexquisitearrangementofhercapandringlets。

Oh，mydear，dearmistress！exclaimedthebody-guard，kneelingfranticallybythesideoftheprostrateMrs。Pott。Oh，mydearmistress，whatisthematter？

Yourmaster——yourbrutalmaster，murmuredthepatient。

Pottwasevidentlygivingway。

It’sashame，saidthebody-guard，reproachfully。Iknowhe’llbethedeathofyou，ma’am。Poordearthing！

Hegavewaymore。Theoppositepartyfolloweduptheattack。

Ohdon’tleaveme——don’tleaveme，Goodwin，murmuredMrs。Pott，clutchingatthewristofthesaidGoodwinwithanhystericjerk。You’retheonlypersonthat’skindtome，Goodwin。

Atthisaffectingappeal，Goodwingotupalittledomestictragedyofherown，andshedtearscopiously。

Never，ma’am——never，saidGoodwin。Oh，sir，youshouldbecareful——youshouldindeed。youdon’tknowwhatharmyoumaydomissis。you’llbesorryforitoneday，Iknow——I’vealwayssaidso。

TheunluckyPottlookedtimidlyon，butsaidnothing。

Goodwin，saidMrs。Pott，inasoftvoice。

Ma’am，saidGoodwin。

IfyouonlyknewhowIhavelovedthatman——

Don’tdistressyourselfbyrecollectingit，ma’am，saidthebody-guard。

Pottlookedveryfrightened。Itwastimetofinishhim。

Andnow，sobbedMrs。Pott，now，afterall，tobetreatedinthisway。tobereproachedandinsultedinthepresenceofathirdparty，andthatpartyalmostastranger。ButIwillnotsubmittoit！Goodwin，continuedMrs。Pott，raisingherselfinthearmsofherattendant，mybrother，theLieutenant，shallinterfere。I’llbeseparated，Goodwin！

Itwouldcertainlyservehimright，ma’am，saidGoodwin。

WhateverthoughtsthethreatofaseparationmighthaveawakenedinMr。Pott’smind，heforboretogiveutterancetothem，andcontentedhimselfbysaying，withgreathumility：

Mydear，willyouhearme？

Afreshtrainofsobswastheonlyreply，asMrs。Pottgrewmorehysterical，requestedtobeinformedwhyshewaseverborn，andrequiredsundryotherpiecesofinformationofasimilardescription。

Mydear，remonstratedMr。Pott，donotgivewaytothesesensitivefeelings。Ineverbelievedthattheparagraphhadanyfoundation，mydear——impossible。

Iwasonlyangry，mydear——Imaysayoutrageous——withtheIndependentpeoplefordaringtoinsertit。that’sall：Mr。Pottcastanimploringlookattheinnocentcauseofthemischief，asiftoentreathimtosaynothingabouttheserpent。

Andwhatsteps，sir，doyoumeantotaketoobtainredress？inquiredMr。Winkle，gainingcourageashesawPottlosingit。

Oh，Goodwin，observedMrs。Pott，doeshemeantohorsewhiptheeditoroftheIndependent——doeshe，Goodwin？

Hush，hush，ma’am。praykeepyourselfquiet，repliedthebody-guard。

Idaresayhewill，ifyouwishit，ma’am。

Certainly，saidPott，ashiswifeevinceddecidedsymptomsofgoingoffagain。OfcourseIshall。

When，Goodwin——when？saidMrs。Pott，stillundecidedaboutthegoingoff。

Immediately，ofcourse，saidMr。Pott。beforethedayisout。

Oh，Goodwin，resumedMrs。Pott，it’stheonlywayofmeetingtheslander，andsettingmerightwiththeworld。

Certainly，ma’am，repliedGoodwin。Nomanasisaman，ma’am，couldrefusetodoit。

So，asthehystericswerestillhoveringabout，Mr。Pottsaidoncemorethathewoulddoit。butMrs。Pottwassoovercomeatthebareideaofhavingeverbeensuspected，thatshewashalf-a-dozentimesontheveryvergeofarelapse，andmostunquestionablywouldhavegoneoff，haditnotbeenfortheindefatigableeffortsoftheassiduousGoodwin，andrepeatedentreatiesforpardonfromtheconqueredPott。andfinally，whenthatunhappyindividualhadbeenfrightenedandsnubbeddowntohisproperlevel，Mrs。

Pottrecovered，andtheywenttobreakfast。

Youwillnotallowthisbasenewspaperslandertoshortenyourstayhere，Mr。Winkle？saidMrs。Pott，smilingthroughthetracesofhertears。

Ihopenot，saidMr。Pott，actuated，ashespoke，byawishthathisvisitorwouldchokehimselfwiththemorselofdrytoastwhichhewasraisingtohislipsatthemoment：andsoterminatehisstayeffectually。

Ihopenot。

Youareverygood，saidMr。Winkle。butaletterhasbeenreceivedfromMr。Pickwick-soIlearnbyanotefromMr。Tupman，whichwasbroughtuptomybed-roomdoor，thismorning——inwhichherequestsustojoinhimatBuryto-day。andwearetoleavebythecoachatnoon。

Butyouwillcomeback？saidMrs。Pott。

Oh，certainly，repliedMr。Winkle。

Youarequitesure？saidMrs。Pott，stealingatenderlookathervisitor。

Quite，respondedMr。Winkle。

Thebreakfastpassedoffinsilence，foreachmemberofthepartywasbroodingoverhis，orher，ownpersonalgrievances。Mrs。Pottwasregrettingthelossofabeau。Mr。PotthisrashpledgetohorsewhiptheIndependent。

Mr。Winklehishavinginnocentlyplacedhimselfinsoawkwardasituation。

Noonapproached，andaftermanyadieuxandpromisestoreturn，hetorehimselfaway。

Ifheevercomesback，I’llpoisonhim，thoughtMr。Pott，asheturnedintothelittlebackofficewherehepreparedhisthunderbolts。

IfIeverdocomeback，andmixmyselfupwiththesepeopleagain，

thoughtMr。Winkle，ashewendedhiswaytothePeacock，Ishalldeservetobehorsewhippedmyself——that’sall。

Hisfriendswereready，thecoachwasnearlyso，andinhalf-an-hourtheywereproceedingontheirjourney，alongtheroadoverwhichMr。PickwickandSamhadsorecentlytravelled，andofwhich，aswehavealreadysaidsomething，wedonotfeelcalledupontoextractMr。Snodgrass’spoeticalandbeautifuldescription。

Mr。WellerwasstandingatthedooroftheAngel，readytoreceivethem，andbythatgentlemantheywereusheredtotheapartmentofMr。Pickwick，where，tothenosmallsurpriseofMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrass，andthenosmallembarrassmentofMr。Tupman，theyfoundoldWardleandTrundle。

Howareyou？saidtheoldman，graspingMr。Tupman’shand。Don’thangback，orlooksentimentalaboutit。itcan’tbehelped，oldfellow。

Forhersake，Iwishyou’dhadher。foryourown，I’mverygladyouhavenot。Ayoungfellowlikeyouwilldobetteroneofthesedays——eh？Withthisconsolation，WardleslappedMr。Tupmanontheback，andlaughedheartily。

Well，andhowareyou，myfinefellows？saidtheoldgentleman，shakinghandswithMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassatthesametime。IhavejustbeentellingPickwickthatwemusthaveyoualldownatChristmas。We’regoingtohaveawedding——arealweddingthistime。

Awedding！exclaimedMr。Snodgrass，turningverypale。

Yes，awedding。Butdon’tbefrightened，saidthegood-humouredoldman。it’sonlyTrundlethere，andBella。

Oh，isthatall！saidMr。Snodgrass，relievedfromapainfuldoubtwhichhadfallenheavilyonhisbreast。Giveyoujoy，sir。HowisJoe？

Verywell，repliedtheoldgentleman。Sleepyasever。

Andyourmother，andtheclergyman，andallof’em？

Quitewell。

Where，saidMr。Tupman，withaneffort——whereis——she，sir？

andheturnedawayhishead，andcoveredhiseyeswithhishand。

She！saidtheoldgentleman，withaknowingshakeofthehead。

Doyoumeanmysinglerelative——eh？

Mr。Tupman，byanod，intimatedthathisquestionappliedtothedisappointedRachael。

Oh，she’sgoneaway，saidtheoldgentleman。She’slivingatarelation’s，farenoughoff。Shecouldn’tbeartoseethegirls，soIlethergo。Butcome！Here’sthedinner。Youmustbehungryafteryourride。Iam，withoutanyrideatall。soletusfallto。

Amplejusticewasdonetothemeal。andwhentheywereseatedroundthetable，afterithadbeendisposedof，Mr。Pickwick，totheintensehorrorandindignationofhisfollowers，relatedtheadventurehehadundergone，andthesuccesswhichhadattendedthebaseartificesofthediabolicalJingle。

And，theattackofrheumatismwhichIcaughtinthatgarden，saidMr。Pickwick，inconclusion，rendersmelameatthismoment。

I，too，havehadsomethingofanadventure，saidMr。Winkle，withasmile。andattherequestofMr。PickwickhedetailedthemaliciouslibeloftheEatanswillIndependent，andtheconsequentexcitementoftheirfriend，theeditor。

Mr。Pickwick’sbrowdarkenedduringtherecital。Hisfriendsobservedit，and，whenMr。Winklehadconcluded，maintainedaprofoundsilence。

Mr。Pickwickstruckthetableemphaticallywithhisclenchedfist，andspokeasfollows。

Isitnotawonderfulcircumstance，saidMr。Pickwick，thatweseemdestinedtoenternoman’shousewithoutinvolvinghiminsomedegreeoftrouble？Doesitnot，Iask，bespeaktheindiscretion，or，worsethanthat，theblacknessofheart——thatIshouldsayso！——ofmyfollowers，that，beneathwhateverrooftheylocate，theydisturbthepeaceofmindandhappinessofsomeconfidingfemale？Isitnot，Isay——

Mr。Pickwickwouldinallprobabilityhavegoneonforsometime，hadnottheentranceofSam，withaletter，causedhimtobreakoffinhiseloquentdiscourse。Hepassedhishandkerchiefacrosshisforehead，tookoffhisspectacles，wipedthem，andputthemonagain。andhisvoicehadrecovereditswontedsoftnessoftonewhenhesaid：

Whathaveyouthere，Sam？

CalledatthePost-officejustnow，andfoundthishereletter，ashaslaidtherefortwodays，repliedMr。Weller。It’ssealedwithavafer，anddirectedinroundhand。

Idon’tknowthishand，saidMr。Pickwick，openingtheletter。Mercyonus！what’sthis？Itmustbeajest。it——it——can’tbetrue。

What’sthematter？wasthegeneralinquiry。

Nobodydead，isthere？saidWardle，alarmedatthehorrorinMr。Pickwick’scountenance。