下载辰思小说免费APP
AccompaniedbyyoungDr.Strafford,IwenttoCalifornia.Myphysicalillnesshadbeenbrief.Dr.Brookehadtakenmattersinhisownhandsandorderedanabsoluterest,afterdwellingatsomelengthontheviciouspacesetbymodernbusinessandthelackofconsiderationandknowledgeshownbymenofaffairsfortheirbodies.Therewasalimittothewrackandstrainwhichthehumanorganismcouldstand.Hemustofcoursehavesuspectedthepresenceofdisturbinganddisintegratingfactors,butheconfinedhimselftotellingmethatonlyanexceptionalconstitutionhadsavedmefromaseriousillness;hemustinawayhavecomprehendedwhyIdidnotwishtogoabroad,andhavemyfamilyjoinmeontheRiviera,asTomPetersproposed.Californiahadbeenmychoice,andDr.BrookerecommendedtheclimateofSantaBarbara.
HighupontheMontecitohillsIfoundavillabesidethegatewayofoneofthedeepcanonsthatfurrowthemountainside,anddayafterdayIlayinachaironthesunnyterrace,withacontinuallyrecurringamazementatthebrilliancyofmysurroundings.IntheearlymorningIlookeddownonafeatherymisthidingtheworld,amistpresentlytobeshotwithsilverandsapphire-blue,dissolvedbyslowenchantmentuntiltherelayrevealedtheplainandtheshimmeringoceanwithitsdistantislandstremblinginthehaze.Atsunsetmyeyessoughtthemountains,mountainsunreal,likeglorifiedsceneryofgrandopera,withvioletshadowsinthewoodedcanonclefts,andcragsofpinktourmalineandrubyagainsttheskies.Alldaylonginthetemperedheatflowersblazedaroundme,insectshummed,lizardsdartedinandoutoftheterracewall,birdsflashedamongthecheckeredshadowsoftheliveoaks.ThatgroveofgnarledoakssummonedupbeforemevisionsofsomeclassicvillapoisedaboveGrecianseas,shiningamidstdarkfoliage,therefugeofforgottenkings.Belowme,ontheslope,thespacedorangetreeswereheavywithgoldenfruit.
Afterawhile,asIgrewstronger,Iwasdrivendownandallowedtowalkonthewidebeachthatstretchedinfrontofthegayhousesfacingthesea.CormorantsdivedunderthelongrollersthatcamecrashinginfromthePacific;gullswheeledandscreamedinthesoftwind;alertlittlebirdsdartedhereandtherewithincredibleswiftness,leavingtinyfootprintsacrosstheribsandfurrowsofthewetsand.Fartothesouthwardadarkbarrierofmountainsroseoutofthesea.SometimesI
satwithmybackagainsttheduneswatchingthedragoftheoutgoingwaterrollingthepebblesafterit,makingagleamingfloorforthelighttodance.
AtfirstIcouldnotbeartorecalltheeventsthathadprecededandfollowedmyvisittoKrebsthatSundaymorning.Myillnesshadbegunthatnight;ontheMondayTomPetershadcometotheClubandinsisteduponmybeingtakentohishouseWhenIhadrecoveredsufficientlytherehadbeenratherapatheticrenewalofourfriendship.Perrycametoseeme.Theirattitudewasoneofapprehensionnotunmixedwithwonder;andthoughthey,knewoftheexistenceofamentalcrisis,suspected,inallprobability,someofthecausesofit,theyrefrainedcarefullyfromallcomments,contentingthemselveswithtellingmewhenI
waswellenoughthatKrebshaddiedquitesuddenlythatSundayafternoon;
thathisdeath——occurringatsuchacrucialmoment——hadbeensufficienttoturnthetideoftheelectionandmakeEdgarGreenhalgemayor.
ThousandswhohadfailedtounderstandHermannKrebs,butwhomhehadneverthelessstirredandtroubled,suddenlyawoketothefactthathehadhadelementsofgreatness
MyfeelingsinthosefirstdaysatSantaBarbaramaybelikened,indeed,tothoseofamanwhohaspassedthroughaterribleaccidentthathasdeprivedhimofsightorhearing,andwhichhewishestoforget.WhatI
wasmostconsciousofthenwasanachingsenseofloss——anachethatbydegreesbecameathrobbingpainaslifeflowedbackintome,re-inflamingoncemoremybeingwithprotestandpassion,arousingmetorevoltagainstthefatethathadovertakenme.IevenbeganatmomentstofeelafiercedesiretogobackandtakeupagainthefightfromwhichIhadbeensostrangelyremoved——removedbytheagencyofthingsstillobscure.
ImightgetNancyyet,beatdownherresistance,overcomeher,ifonlyI
couldbenearherandseeher.ButeveninthemidstofthesesurgesofpassionIwasconsciousofthebirthofanewforceIdidnotunderstand,andwhichIresented,thathadarisentogivebattletomypassionsanddesires.Thisstrugglewasnotmentallyreflectedasadebatebetweenrightandwrong,astowhetherIshouldorshouldnotbejustifiedintakingNancyifIcouldgether:itseemedasthoughsomenewandsmallyetdoggedintruderhadforcedanentranceintome,aninsignificantpigmywhodidnothesitatetobarthepathwayoftherevivinggiantofmydesires.Thesecontestssappedmystrength.ItseemedasthoughinmyisolationIlovedNancy,Imissedhermorethanever,andtheflavourshegavetolife.
ThenHermannKrebsbegantopresshimselfonme.Iusethewordasexpressiveofthoseearlyresentfulfeelings,——Iratherpicturedhimthenasthepersonificationofanhostileelementintheuniversethathadbroughtaboutmymiseriesandaccomplishedmydownfall;Iattributedthedisagreeablethwartingofmyimpulsestohisagency;Ididnotwishtothinkofhim,forhestoodsomehowforavaguefutureIfearedtocontemplate.Yettheillusionofhispresence,oncebegun,continuedtogrowuponme,andIfindmyselfutterlyunabletodescribethatstruggleinwhichheseemedtobefightingasagainstmyselfformyconfidence;
thatprocesswherebyhegraduallygrewasrealtomeasthoughhestilllived——untilIcouldalmosthearhisvoiceandseehissmile.AtmomentsIresistedwildly,asthoughmysur
