第44章

ThenecessityoftakingsomeactiontoavertwhatInowrealizedasaninfamypresseduponme,yetinconflictwiththepressureofthisnecessitytherepersistedthatoldrebellion,thatbitternesswhichhadbeengrowingalltheseyearsagainstthemanwho,aboveallothers,seemedtometorepresenttheforcessettingatnoughtmyachievements,bringingmetothispass

IthoughtofappealingtoLeonardDickinson,whosurely,ifheknewofit,wouldnotpermitthisthingtobedone;andhewastheonlymanwiththepossibleexceptionofMillerGorsewhomightbeabletorestrainJuddJason.ButIdelayeduntilaftertheluncheonhour,whenIcalledupthebankonthetelephone,todiscoverthatitwasclosed.IhadforgottenthatthedaywasSaturday.IwaspreparedtosaythatIwouldwithdrawfromthecampaign,warnKrebsmyselfifthiskindoftacticswerenotsuppressed.ButIcouldnotgetthebanker.ThenIbegantohavedoubtsofDickinson\'spowerinthematter.JuddJasonhadneverbeentractable,byanymeans;hehadalwaysmaintainedaconsiderableindependenceofthefinancialpowers,andto-daynotonlyfinancialcontrol,butthedominanceofJasonhimselfwasatstake.Hewouldfightforittothelastditch,andmakeuseofanymeans.No,itwasofnousetoappealtohim.Whatthen?Well,therewasareaction,oranattemptatone.

Krebshadnotbeenbornyesterday,hehadavoidedthewilesofthepoliticiansheretofore,hewouldn\'tbefoolenoughtobetakeninnow.I

toldmyselfthatifIwerenotinastateborderingonanervousbreakdown,Ishouldlaughatsuchmorbidfears,Isteadiedmyselfsufficientlytodictatetheextractfrommyspeechthatwastobepublished.Iwastomakeaddressesattwohalls,alternatingwithParks,themayoraltycandidate.Atfouro\'clockIwentbacktomyroomintheClubtotrytogetsomerest

Seddon\'sHall,theplaceofmyfirstmeeting,wasjammedthatSaturdaynight.Iwentthroughmyspeechautomatically,asinadream,thehabitoflongyearsassertingitself.Andyet——soIwastoldafterwards——mydeliverywasnotmechanical,andIactuallyachievedmoreemphasis,gaveagreaterimpressionofconvictionthanatanytimesincethenightIhadlostmycontrolandviolentlydenouncedthereformers.BysomeastonishingsubconsciousprocessIhadregainedmymanner,buttheapplausecametomeasfromadistance.Notonlywasmymindnotthere;

itdidnotseemtobeanywhere.Iwasdazed,nordidIfeel——saveonce——

afleetingsurgeofcontemptforthemobbelowmewiththeirsillyfacesupturnedtomine.Theremayhavebeenintelligentexpressionsamongthem,buttheyfailedtocatchmyeye.

IrememberbeingstoppedbyGriersonasIwasgoingoutofthesideentrance.Hetookmyhandandsqueezedit,andtherewasonhisfaceanodd,surprisedlook.

"Thatwasthebestyet,Hugh,"hesaid.

Iwentonpasthim.Lookingbackonthateveningnow,itwouldalmostseemasthoughthevolitionofanotherpossessedme,notmyown:

seemingly,IhadeveryintentionofgoingontotheNationalTheatre,inwhichParkshadjustspoken,andasIdescendedthenarrowstairwayandemergedonthesidestreetIcaughtsightofmychauffeurawaitingmebythecurb.

"I\'mnotgoingtothatothermeeting,"Ifoundmyselfsaying."I\'mprettytired."

"ShallIdriveyoubacktotheClub,sir?"heinquired.

"No——I\'llwalkback.Waitamoment."Ienteredtheear,turnedonthelightandscribbledahastynotetoAndrews,thechairmanofthemeetingattheNational,tellinghimthatIwastootiredtospeakagainthatnight,andtoaskoneoftheyoungermentheretotakemyplace.ThenI

gotoutofthecarandgavethenotetothechauffeur.

"You\'reallright,sir?"heasked,withanoteofanxietyinhisvoice.

Hehadbeenwithmealongtime.

Ireassuredhim.Hestartedthecar,andIwatcheditabsentlyasitgatheredspeedandturnedthecorner.Ibegantowalk,slowlyatfirst,thenmoreandmorerapidlyuntilIhadgainedabreathlesspace;intenminutesIwasinWestStreet,standinginfrontoftheTemplar\'sHallwherethemeetingoftheCitizensUnionwestinprogress.NowthatIhadarrivedthere,doubtanduncertaintyassailedme.Ihadcomeasitwereinspiteofmyself,thrustonwardbyanimpulseIdidnotunderstand,whichdidnotseemtobemine.WhatwasIgoingtodo?Theproceedingsuddenlyappearedtomeasridiculous,tingedwiththeweirdnessofsomnambulism.Irevolted,walkedaway,gotasfarasthecornerandstoodbesidealamppost,pretendingtobewaitingforacar.Thestreetlightswerereflectedinperpendicular,wavy-yellowribbonsonthewetasphalt,andIstoodstaringwithfoolishintentnessatthisphenomenon,wonderinghowapainterwouldgettheeffectinoils.AgainIwaswalkingbacktowardsthehall,combatingtheacknowledgmenttomyselfthatIhadaplan,aplanthatIdidnotforamomentbelieveIwouldcarryout.Iwasshivering.

Iclimbedthesteps.Thewidevestibulewasemptyexceptfortwomenwhostoppedalow-tonedconversationtolookatme.Iwonderedwhethertheyrecognizedme;thatImightberecognizedwasanalarmingpossibilitywhichhadnotoccurredtome.

"Whoisspeaking?"Iasked.

"Mr.Krebs,"answeredthetallermanofthetwo.

Thehumofapplausecamefrombehindtheswingingdoors.Ipushedthem