第13章

alwaysthoughtoftheRailroadasspelledwithacapital.

"MillerGorseisn\'tfortyyet,"Larrytoldmeonanotheroccasion.

"That\'sdoingprettywellforamanwhocomesnearrunningthisstate."

Forthesakeofacquiringknowledge,IenduredMr.Weed\'spatronage.I

inquiredhowMr.Gorseranthestate.

"Oh,you\'llfindoutsoonenough,"heassuredme,"ButMr.Barbour\'spresidentoftheRailroad."

"Sure.Onceinawhiletheytakesomethinguptohim,butasaruleheleavesthingstoGorse."

WhereuponIresolvedtohaveagoodlookatMr.Gorseatthefirstopportunity.OnedayMr.Watlingsentoutforsomepapers.

"He\'sintherenow;"saidLarry."Youtake\'em."

"Inthere"meantMr.Watling\'ssanctum.Andintherehewas.Ihadonlyaglanceatthegreatman,for,withakindlybutpreoccupied"Thankyou,Hugh,"Mr.Watlingtookthepapersanddismissedme.Heaviness,blacknessandimpassivity,——theseweretheimpressionsofMr.GorsewhichIcarriedawayfromthatfirstmeeting.Theverysolidityofhisfleshseemedtosuggestthesolidityofhisposition.Such,saythepsychologists,istheeffectofprestige.

Irememberwellanold-fashionedpicturepuzzleinoneofmyboyhoodbooks.Thescenedepictedwastoallappearancesasylvan,peacefulone,withtwohappyloversseatedonalogbesideabrook;butpresently,asonegazedatthepicture,theheadofananimalstoodforthamongthebranches,andthenthebody;moreanimalsbegantoappear,bitbybit;atiger,abear,alion,ajackal,afox,untilatlast,wheneverIlookedatthepage,Ididnotseethesylvansceneatall,butonlythepredatorybeastsoftheforest.So,onebyone,thefiguresoftherealrulersofthecitysuperimposedthemselvesformeuponthesimpleanddemocraticdesignofMayor,Council,BoardofAldermen,PoliceForce,etc.,thatfilledtheeyeofanaiveandtrustingelectoratewhichfondlyimaginedthatithadsomethingtosayingovernment.MillerGorsewasoneoftheserulersbehindthescreen,andAdolfScherer,oftheBoyneIronWorks,another;therewasLeonardDickinsonoftheCornNationalBank;FrederickGrierson,becomingwealthyincityrealestate;JudahB.

Tallant,who,thoughoutlawedsocially,wasdeferredtoastheowneroftheMorningEra;andevenRalphHambleton,rapidlysupersedingtheelderlyandconservativeMr.Lord,whohadhithertomanagedthegreatHambletonestate.Ralphseemedtohavebecome,inasomewhatgnosticmanner,afull-fledgedfinancier.Nothavingstudiedlaw,hehadbeenhomeforfouryearswhenIbecamealegalfledgling,andduringtheearlydaysofmyapprenticeshipIwasbeholdentohimformany"eyeopeners"

concerningtheconductofgreataffairs.IrememberhimsaunteringintomyroomonemorningwhenLarryWeedhadgoneoutonanerrand.

"Hello,Hughie,"hesaid,withhisairofhavingnothingtodo.

"Grindingitout?Where\'sWatling?"

"Isn\'theinhisoffice?"

"No."

"Well,whatcanwedoforyou?"Iasked.

Ralphgrinned.

"PerhapsI\'lltellyouwhenyou\'realittleolder.You\'retooyoung."

AndhesankdownintoLarryWeed\'schair,hislonglegsprotrudingontheothersideofthetable."It\'samatteroftaxes.SometimeagoIfoundoutthatDickinsonandTallantandothersIcouldmentionwerepayingagooddeallessontheircitypropertythanweare.Wedon\'tproposetodoitanymore——that\'sall."

"HowcanMr.Watlinghelpyou?"Iinquired.

"Well,Idon\'tmindgivingyouafewtipsaboutyourprofession,Hughie.

I\'mgoingtogetWatlingtofixitupwiththeCityHallgang.OldLorddoesn\'tlikeit,I\'lladmit,andwhenItoldhimwehadbeencontributingtothecitylongenough,thatIproposedswingingintolinewithotherpropertyholders,hebegantoblubberaboutdisgraceandwhatmygrandfatherwouldsayifhewerealive.Well,heisn\'talive.Agooddealofwaterhasflowedunderthebridgessincehisday.It\'samerematterofbusiness,ofgettingyourrespectablefirmtoretainaCityHallattorneytofixitupwiththeassessor."

"Howaboutthepenitentiary?"Iventured,nottooseriously.

"Ishan\'tgotothepenitentiary,neitherwillWatling.WhatIdoistopayalawyer\'sfee.Thereisn\'tanythingcriminalinthat,isthere?"

ForsometimeafterRalphhaddepartedIsatreflectinguponthisnewknowledge,andtherecameintomymindthebitternessofCousinRobertBreckagainstthisCityHallgang,andhisremarksaboutlawyers.I

recalledthetoneinwhichhehadreferredtoMr.Watling.ButRalph\'sphilosophyeasilytriumphed.Whynotbepractical,andbecomemasterofasituationwhichonehadnotmade,andcouldnotalter,insteadofbeingoverwhelmedbyit?Needlesstosay,IdidnotmentiontheconversationtoMr.Watling,nordidhedwindleinmyestimation.Thesenecessarytransactionsdidnotinterfereinanywaywithhispersonalrelationships,andhisdayswerefilledwithkindnesses.AndwasnotMr.

Ripon,thejuniorpartner,oneoftheevangelicallightsofthecommunity,conductingadvancedBibleclasseseveryweekintheChurchoftheRedemption?Theunfoldingofmysterieskeptmealert.AndI

understoodthat,ifIwastosucceed,certainesotericknowledgemustbeacquired,asitwere,unofficially.Ikeptmyeyesandearsopen,andappliedmyself,withallindustry,totheroutinetaskswithwhicheveryyoungmaninalargelegalfirmisfamiliar.Irecalldistinctlymypridewhen,theBoardofAldermenhavingpassedanordinanceloweringthewaterrates,IwasintrustedwiththeresponsibilityofgoingbeforethecourtinbehalfofMr.Ogilvy\'swatercompany,obtainingatemporaryrestrictingorderpreventingtheordinancefromgoingatonceintoeffect.Herewasanaffairinpoint.WereitnotforlawyersofthecalibreofWatling,FowndesandRipon,hard-earnedprivatepropertywouldsoonbeconfiscatedbytherapacioushorde.OnceinawhileIwasmadeawarethatMr.Watlinghadhiseyeonme.

"Well,Hugh,"hewouldsay,"howareyougettingalong?That\'sright,sticktoit,andafterawhilewe\'llhandthedrudgeryovertosomebodyelse."

Hepossessedthesupremequalityofaleaderofmeninthathetookpainstoinformhimselfconcerningtheworkoftheleastofhissubordinates;

andhehadthegiftofputtingfireintoayoungmanbyawordoratouchofthehandontheshoulder.Itwasnotdifficultforme,therefore,tocomprehendLarryWeed\'shero-worship,theloyaltyofothermembersofthefirmorofthoseoccupantsoftheofficewhomIhavenotmentioned.Myfirstimpressionofhim,whichIhadgotatJerryKyme\'s,deepenedastimewenton,andIreadilysharedthebeliefofthosearoundmethathislegaltalentseasilysurpassedthoseofanyofhiscontemporaries.Icanrecall,atthistime,severalnotedcasesinthecitywhenIsatincourtlisteningtohisargumentswiththrillsofpride.Hemadeusallfeel——

nomatterhowhumblemayhavebeenourcontributionstothepreparation——

thatwehadashareinhistriumphs.Werememberedhismannerwithjudgesandjuries,andstrovetoemulateit.Hespokeasiftherecouldbenoquestionastohisbeingrightastothelawandthefacts,andyet,insomesubtlewaythatbatedanalysis,managednottoantagonizethecourt.Victorywasintheairinthatoffice.Idonotmeantosaytherewerenotdefeats;butfrequentlythesedefeats,byresourcefulness,byanever-say-diespirit,byaconsummateknowledge,notonlyofthelaw,butofotherthingsatwhichIhavehinted,wereturnedintoultimatevictories.Wefoughtcasesfromonecourttoanother,untilouropponentswerewornoutorthedecisionwasreversed.Wewon,andthatspiritofwinninggotintotheblood.Whatwasmostimpressedonmeinthoseearlyyears,Ithink,wasthediscoverythattherewasalwaysapath——ifonewerecleverenoughtofindit——fromoneterracetothenexthigher.Stayingpowerwasthemostprizedofallthevirtues.Onecouldalways,byadroitness,compelalegalopponenttofightthematteroutalloveragainonnewground,oratleastongroundpartiallynew.IftheCourtofAppealsshouldfailone,therewastheSupremeCourt;therewastheopportunity,also,toshiftfromthestatetothefederalcourts;

andlikewisethemuch-prizeddeviceknownasachangeofvenue,whenajudgewassupposedtobe"prejudiced."

IX.

AsmyapprenticeshipadvancedIgrewmoreandmoretotheinhabitantsofourcityintotwokinds,thewhowereserved,andtheinefficient,whowereseparateefficient,neglected;butthementalprocessofwhichtheclassificationwastheresultwasnotsodeliberateasmaybesupposed.

Sometimes,whenanimportantclientwouldgetintotrouble,theaffairtookmeintothepolicecourt,whereIsawtheriff-raffofthecitypennedup,waitingtohavejusticedoledouttothem:wearywomenwhohadspentthenightincells,indifferentnowastothefronttheypresentedtotheworld,thefineryruedthattheyhadtendedsocarefullytocatchtheeyesofmenonthedarkenedstreets;brazenyounggirls,whoblazedforthdefiancetoallorder;derelictmen,soddenandhopeless,withscrubbybeards;shiftylookingburglarsandpickpockets.AlltheseI

beheld,atfirstwithtwingesofpity,latertomassthemwiththeuglyandinevitablewithwhomsocietyhadtodealsomehow.Lawyers,afterall,mustbepracticalmen.Icametoknowthejusticesofthesepolicecourts,aswellasotherjudges.Andunderlyingmyacquaintancewithallofthemwastheknowledge——thoughnotonthethresholdofmyconsciousness——thattheydependedfortheirliving,everymanofthem,thosewhowereappointedandthosewhowereelected,uponapoliticalorganizationwhichderiveditssustenancefromtheelementwhencecameourclients.Thusbydegreesthesenseofbelongingtoaspecialpriesthoodhadgrownonme.

IrecallanexperiencewiththatsameMr.Nathan.Weill,thewholesalegrocerofwhosecommercewiththeCityHallmyCousinRobertBreckhadsobitterlycomplained.LateoneafternoonMr.Weill\'scarriageranoverachildonitswayup-townthroughoneofthepoorerdistricts.Theparents,naturally,werefrantic,andthecoachmanwasarrested.Thiswaslateintheafternoon,andIwasaloneintheofficewhenthetelephonerang.Hurryingtothepolicestation,IfoundMr.Weillinastateofexcitementandabjectfear,foranuglycrowdhadgatheredoutside.

"CouldnotMr.WatlingorMr.Fowndescome?"demandedthegrocer.

Withaninnercontemptforthelayman\'sstateofmindonsuchoccasionsI

assuredhimofmycompetencytohandlethecase.Hewasimpressed,I

think,bythesergeant\'sdeference,whoknewwhatitmeanttohavesuchanofficeasoursinterferewiththeaffair.Icalleduptheprosecutingattorney,whosenttoMonahan\'ssaloon,closeby,andprocuredareleaseforthecoachmanonhisownrecognizance,oneofmanysignedinblankandlefttherebythejusticeforprivilegedcases.Thecoachmanwashustledoutbyabackdoor,andthecrowddispersed.

Thenextmorning,whileascoreormoreofdelinquentssatintheanxiousseats,JusticeGarryrecognizedmeandgavemeprecedence.AndMr.

Weill,withasighofrelief,paidhisfine.

"Mr.Paret,isit?"heasked,aswestoodtogetherforamomentonthesidewalkoutsidethecourt."Youhavemanagedthiswell.Iwillremember."

Hewassued,ofcourse.WhenhecametotheofficeheinsistedondiscussingthecasewithMr.Watling,whosentforme.

"Thatisabrightyoungman,"Mr.Weilldeclared,shakingmyhand."Hewillgeton."

"Someday,"saidMr.Watling,"hemaysaveyoualotofmoney,Weill."

"WhenmyfriendMr.WatlingisUnitedStatesSenator,——eh?"

Mr.Watlinglaughed."Beforethat,Ihope.Iadviseyoutocompromisethissuit,Weill,"headded."Howwouldathousanddollarsstrikeyou?

I\'vehadParetlookupthecase,andhetellsmethelittlegirlhashadtohaveanoperation."

"Athousanddollars!"criedthegrocer."Whatrighthavethesepeopletolettheirchildrenplayonthestreets?It\'sanoutrage."

"Whereelsehavethechildrentoplay?"Mr.Watlingtouchedhisarm.

"Weill,"hesaidgently,"supposeithadbeenyourlittlegirl?"Thegrocerpulledouthishandkerchiefandmoppedhisbaldforehead.Butheralliedalittle.

"Youfightthesedamagecasesforthestreetrailroadsallthroughthecourts."

"Yes,"Mr.Watlingagreed,"butthereaprincipleisinvolved.Iftherailroadsoncegotintothewayofpayingdamagesforeverycarelessemployee,theywouldsoonbebankruptthroughblackmail.Buthereyouhaveachildwhosefatherisapoorjanitorandcan\'taffordsickness.

Andyourcoachman,Iimagine,willbemoreparticularinthefuture."

IntheendMr.Weillmadeoutachequeanddepartedinagoodhumour,convincedthathewaswelloutofthematter.HerewasoneofmanyinstancesIcouldciteofMr.Watling\'stendernessofheart.Ifelt,moreover,asifhehaddonemeapersonalfavour,sinceitwasIwhohadrecommendedthecompromise.ForIhadbeentothehospitalandhadseenthechildonthecot,——adarklittlething,lyingstillinherpain,withthebewilderedlookofawoundedanimal

NotlongafterthisincidentofMr.Weill\'sdamagesuitIobtainedamoreorlessdefinitepromotionbythedepartureofLarryWeed.Hehadsuddenlydevelopedaweaknessofthelungs.Mr.WatlinggothimaplaceinDenver,andpaidhisexpenseswest.

ThefirstsixorsevenyearsIspentintheofficeofWading,FowndesandRiponwereofimportancetomyfuturecareer,butthereislittletorelateofthem.Iwasabsorbednotonlyinlearninglaw,butinacquiringthatesotericknowledgeatwhichIhavehinted——nottobehadfrommyseniorsandwhichIwasconvincedwasindispensabletoasuccessfulandlucrativepractice.Myformercomparisonoftheorganizationofourcitytoapicturepuzzlewhereinthedominatingfiguresbecomevisibleonlyafterlongstudyisratherinadequate.A

betteranalogywouldbethehumananatomy:welawyers,ofcourse,werethebrains;thefinancialandindustrialintereststhebody,helplesswithoutus;theCityHallpoliticians,thestomachthatmustcontinuallybefed.Allthree,law,politicsandbusiness,wereinterdependent,unitedbyanervoussystemtoocomplextobedevelopedhere.Intheseyears,thoughIworkedhardandoftenlate,Istillfoundtimeforconvivialities,forsocialgaieties,yetlittlebylittlewithoutrealizingthefact,Iwaslosingzestforthecompanionshipofmyformerintimates.Mymindwasbecomingpolarizedbythecontemplationofoneobject,success,andtoithumantieswereunconsciouslybeingsacrificed.

TomPetersbegantofeelthis,evenatatimewhenIbelievedmyselfstilltobegenuinelyfondofhim.Consideringourrespectivetemperamentsinyouth,itiscuriousthatheshouldhavebeenthefirsttofallinloveandmarry.OnedayheastonishedmebyannouncinghisengagementtoSusanBlackwood.

"Thatendstheliquor,Hughie,"hetoldme,beamingly."IpromisedherI\'deliminateit."

Hedideliminateit,saveformildrelapsesonfestiveoccasions.Amoreseeminglyincongruousmarriagecouldscarcelybeimagined,andyetitwasasuccessfromthestart.Fromaslim,silent,self-willedgirlSusanhadgrownupintoatall,ratherrawbonedandenergeticyoungwoman.Shewaswhatwecalledinthosedays"intellectual,"andhadgoneinforkindergartens,andafterhermarriagesheturnedouttobeexcessivelydomestic;practisinghertheories,withentiresuccess,uponafamilythatshowedatendencytoincreaseatanalarmingrate.Tom,needlesstosay,didnotbecomeintellectual.Hesettleddown——prematurely,I

thought——intowhatisknownasafamilyman,curiouslycontentwiththeincomehederivedfromthecommissionbusinessandwithlifeingeneral;

andhedevelopedasomewhatcriticalviewofthetendenciesofthecivilizationbywhichhewassurrounded.Susanhelditalso,butshesaidlessaboutit.InthecomfortablebutunpretentioushousetheyrentedonCedarStreetwehadmanydiscussions,afterthebabieshadbeenputtobedandthedooroftheliving-roomclosed,inorderthatourvoicesmightnotreachthenursery.PerryBlackwood,nowTom\'sbrother-

in-law,wasoftenthere.He,too,hadlapsedintowhatIthoughtwasanoddconservatism.OldJosiah,hisfather,beingdead,heoccupiedhimselfmainlywithlookingaftercertainfamilyinterests,amongwhichwastheBoyneStreetcarline.Among"businessmen"hewasalreadygettingthereputationofbeingalittledifficulttodealwith.Iwasoftenthesubjectoftheirbanter,andpresentlyIbegantosuspectthattheyregardedmycareerandbeliefswithsomeconcern.Thisgavemenouneasiness,thoughatlimesIlostmytemper.Irealizedtheiraffectionforme;butprivatelyIregardedthemaslackinginambition,inforce,inthefightingqualitiesnecessaryforachievementinthismodernage.

Perhaps,unconsciously,Ipitiedthemalittle.

"HowisJudahB.to-day,Hughie?"Tomwouldinquire."Ihearyou\'veputhimupfortheBoyneClub,nowthatMr.Watlinghasgothimoutofthatlibelsuit."

"CarterIvesisdead,"Perrywouldadd,sarcastically,"letbygonesbebygones."

ItwaswellknownthatMr.Tallant,intheearlydaysofhisnewspaper,hadblackmailedMr.Ivesoutofsomehundredthousanddollars.Andthatthis,morethananyotheract,stoodintheway,withcertainrecalcitrantgentlemen,ofhishighestambition,membershipintheBoyne.

"Thetroublewithyoufellowsisthatyourefusetodealwithconditionsasyoufindthem,"Iretorted."Wedidn\'tmakethem,andwecan\'tchangethem.Tallant\'safactorinthebusinesslifeofthiscity,andhehastobecountedwith."

Tomwouldshakehisheadexasperatingly.

"Whydon\'tyougetafterRalph?"Idemanded."Hedoesn\'tantagonizeTallant,either."

"Ralph\'shopeless,"saidTom."Hewasbornapirate,youweren\'t,Hughie.Wethinkthere\'sachanceforhissalvation,don\'twe,Perry?"

Irefusedtoaccepttheremarkasflattering.

AnotherobjectoftheirassaultswasFrederickGrierson,whobythistimehademergedfromobscurityasasmalldealerinrealestateintoamanipulatorofblocksandcorners.

"Isupposeyouthinkit\'salawyer\'sbusinesstodemandanethicalbillofhealthofeveryclient,"Isaid."Iwon\'tstandupforallofTallant\'scareer,ofcourse,butMr.Wadinghasaclearrighttotakehiscases.AsforGrierson,itseemstomethat\'samatterofgivingadogabadname.Justbecausehispeopleweren\'tknownhere,andbecausehehasworkedupfromsmallbeginnings.Togetdowntohard-pan,youfellowsdon\'tbelieveindemocracy,——ingivingeverymanachancetoshowwhat\'sinhim."

"Democracyisgood!"exclaimedPerry."Ifthekindofthingwe\'recomingtoisdemocracy,Godsavethestate!"

OntheotherhandIfoundmyselfdrawingclosertoRalphHambleton,sometimespresentatthesedebates,astheonlyoneofmyboyhoodfriendswhoseemedtobeableto"dealwithconditionsashefoundthem."

Indeed,hegaveonetheimpressionthat,ifhehadhadthemakingofthem,hewouldnothavechangedthem.

"Whatthedeucedoyouexpect?"Ionceheardhiminquirewithgood-

naturedcontempt."Businessisn\'tcharity,it\'swar.

"Therearecertainthings,"maintainedPerry,stoutly,"thatgentlemenwon\'tdo."

"Gentlemen!"exclaimedRalph,stretchinghisslimsixfeettwo:WeweresittingintheBoyneClub."It\'sungentlemanlytokill,orburnatownorsinkaship,butwekeeparmiesandnaviesforthepurpose.Foramanwithagoodmind,Perry,youshowasurprisinginabilitytothinkthings,outtoalogicalconclusion.Whatthedeuceiscompetition,whenyoucomedowntoit?Christianity?Notbyalongshot!Ifournationsareslaughteringmenandstarvingpopulationsinothercountries,——arecarriedon,infact,forthesakeofbusiness,ifourchurchesarefilledwithbusinessmenandourskypilotsprayforthegovernment,youcan\'texpectheathenindividualslikemetodobusinessonaChristianbasis,——

ifthereissuchathing.Youcanmakerulesforcroquet,butnotforagamethatisbasedonthenaturallawofthesurvivalofthefittest.

Thedarnedfoolsinthelegislaturestryitoccasionally,butweallknowit\'sasoptothe`commonpeople.\'AskHughiehereifthereeverwasalawputonthestatutebooksthathisfriendWatlingcouldn\'tget\'round\'?Why,you\'vegotcompetitionevenamongthechurches.Yours,whereIbelieveyouteachintheSundayschool,wouldgobankruptifitproclaimedrealChristianity.Andyou\'llgobankruptifyoupractiseit,Perry,myboy.Someearly,wide-awake,competitive,red-bloodedbirdwillrelieveyouoftheBoyneStreetcarline."

Itwasoneofthissamenewand"fittest"specieswhohadalreadyrelievedpoorMr.McAleryWillettofhisfortune.Mr.Willettwasatrustingsoulwhohadneverknownhowtotakecareofhimselforhismoney,peoplesaid,andnowthathehadlostittheyblamedhim.SomehadbeensavedenoughforhimandNancytoliveonintheoldhouse,withcarefuleconomy.ItwasNancywhomanagedtheeconomy,whoaccomplishedremarkablethingswithasumtheywouldhavedeemedpovertyinformerdays.HermotherhaddiedwhileIwasatCambridge.ReversesdidnotsubdueMr.Willett\'sspirits,andthefascinationmodern"business"hadforhimseemedtogrowinproportiontothemisfortunesithadcausedhim.HemovedintoatinyofficeintheDurrettBuilding,whereheappearedeverymorningabouthalf-pasttentooccupyhimselfwithheavenknowswhatshortcutstowealth,withprospectusesofcompaniesinMexicoorCentralAmericaorsomeotherdistantplace:once,Iremember,itwasatea,companyinwhichhetriedtointeresthisfriends,toraiseintheSouthaproducthemaintainedwouldsurpassOrangePekoe.IntheafternoonbetweenthreeandfourhewouldturnupattheBoyneClub,aswellgroomed,asspruceasever,generallywithaflowerinhisbuttonhole.Heneverforgotthathewasagentleman,andhehadagentleman\'snotionsofthefitnessofthings,anditwasagainsthisprinciplestouse,agentleman\'sclubforthefurtheranceofhisvariousenterprises.

"Dropintomyofficesomeday,Dickinson,"hewouldsay."IthinkI\'vegotsomethingtherethatmightinterestyou!"

Heremindedme,whenImethim,thathehadalwayspredictedIwouldgetalonginlife

TheportraitofNancyatthisperiodisnotsoeasilydrawn.Thedeclineofthefamilyfortunesseemedtohavehadaslittleeffectuponherasuponherfather,althoughtheircharactersdifferedsharply.Somethingofthatspontaneity,ofthatloveoflifeandjoyinitshehadpossessedinyouthshemusthaveinheritedfromMcAleryWillett,butthesequalitieshaddisappearedinherlongbeforethecomingoffinancialreverses.Shewasnearingthirty,andinspiteofherbeautyandtherarerdistinctionthatcanbestbedescribedasbreeding,shehadnevermarried.Menadmiredher,butfromadistance;shekeptthematarm\'slength,theysaid:strangerswhovisitedthecityinvariablypickedheroutofanassemblyandaskedwhoshewas;onemanfromNewYorkwhocametovisitRalphandwhohadbeenmadlyinlovewithher,shehadamazedmanypeoplebyrefusing,spurningallhemighthavegivenher.Thisincidentseemedarefutationofthechargethatshewascalculating.Asmighthavebeenforetold,shehadthesocialgiftinaremarkabledegree,andinspiteofthelimitationsofherpursetheknackofdressingbetterthanotherwomen,thoughatthattimetheorganizationofoursociallifestillremainedcomparativelysimple,thecustomofluxuriousandexpensiveentertainmentnothavingyetsetin.

ThemoreIreflectuponthosedays,themoresurprisingdoesitseemthatIwasnotinlovewithher.ItmaybethatIwas,unconsciously,forshetroubledmythoughtsoccasionally,andsherepresentedallthequalitiesIadmiredinhersex.Thesituationthathadexistedatthetimeofourfirstandonlyquarrelhadbeenreversed,IwasonthehighroadtotheworldlysuccessIhadthenresolvedupon,Nancywaspoor,andforthatreason,perhaps,prouderthanever.Ifshewasinaccessibletoothers,shehadtheairofbeingpeculiarlyinaccessibletome——themoresobecausesomeofthesuperficialrelicsofourintimacyremained,orratherhadbeenrestored.Herverymannerofcamaraderieseemedparadoxicallytoincreasethedistancebetweenus.Itpiquedme.Hadshegivenmetheleastencouragement,IamsureIshouldhaveresponded;

andIrememberthatIusedoccasionallytospeculateastowhethershestillcaredforme,andtookthismethodofhidingherrealfeelings.