下载辰思小说免费APP
IsatdownbesidehimandwespentthemorninggoingoverthedetailsoftheRibblevalesuit,Mr.WatlingdelegatingtomecertainmattersconnectedwithitofakindwithwhichIhadnothithertobeenentrusted;
andhespokeagain,beforeIleft,ofhisintentionoftakingmeintothefirmassoonastheaffaircouldbearranged.Walkinghomeward,withmymindintentuponthingstocome,ImetmymotheratthecornerofLymeStreetcomingfromchurch.Herfacelightedupatsightofme.
"Haveyoubeenworkingto-day,Hugh?"sheasked.
IexplainedthatIhadspentthemorningwithMr.Watling.
"I\'lltellyouasecret,mother.I\'mgoingtobetakenintothefirm."
"Oh,mydear,I\'msoglad!"sheexclaimed."Ioftenthink,ifonlyyourfatherwerealive,howhappyhewouldbe,andhowproudofyou.Iwishhecouldknow.Perhapshedoesknow."
TheodoreWatlinghadoncesaidtomethatthemanwhocanbestkeephisowncounselisthebestcounselforothermentokeep.IdidnotgoaboutboastingofthepartIhadplayedinoriginatingthenowfamousBillNo.709,thepassageofwhichhadbroughtaboutthecapitulationoftheRibblevaleSteelCompanytoourclients.ButRalphHambletonknewofit,ofcourse.
"Thatwasaprettygoodthingyoupulledoff,Hughie,"hesaid."I
didn\'tthinkyouhaditinyou."
Itwasrankpatronage,ofcourse,yetIwassecretlypleased.AstheyearswentonIwasthrownmoreandmorewithhim,thoughinboyhoodtherehadbeenbetweenusnobondofsympathy.AboutthistimehewasbeginningtoincreaseveryconsiderablytheHambletonfortune,andalittlelaterIbecamecounselfortheCrescentGasandElectricCompany,inwhichhehadshrewdlygainedacontrollinginterest.Eventowardthecolossalgameofmodernfinancehisattitudewascharacteristicallythatofthedilettante,oftheamateur;heplayedit,asitwere,contemptuously,evenashehadplayedpokeratHarvard,withacynicalaudacitythathadapeculiarlydisturbingeffectuponhiscompanions.Hebluffed,heraisedthelimitinspiteofprotests,andwhenhelostonealwayshadthefeelingthathewouldultimatelygethismoneybacktwiceover.AttheconferencesintheBoyneClub,whichheoftenattended,hismannertowardMr.DickinsonandMr.SchererandeventowardMillerGorsewasfrequentlyoneofthinlyveiledamusementattheirseriousness.I
oftenwonderedthattheydidnotresentit.Buthewasaprivilegedperson.
Hiscousin,HamDurrett,whoseinheritancewasevengreaterthanRalph\'shadbeen,hadalsobecomeaprivilegedpersonwhosecomingsandgoingsandmorereputabledoingswereoftenrecordedinthenewspapers.HamhadattainedtowhatGeneHollisteraptlybutinadvertentlycalled"notoriety":asRalphwittilyremarked,Hamgavetopoloandwomenthatwhichmighthavegoneintohighfinance.HespentmuchofhistimeintheEast;hisconductthereandathomewouldoncehavecreatedablackscandalinourcommunity,butweweregraduallyleavingourCalvinismbehindusandgrowingmoretolerant:wewerereadytoForgivemuchtowealthespeciallyifitwasinherited.HostesseslamentedthefactthatHamwas"wild,"buttheyaskedhimtodinnersanddancestomeettheirdaughters.
Ifsomemoralistbettereducatedandmorefar-seeingthanPerryBlackwood(forPerryhadbecomeamoralist)hadtoldthesehostessesthatHambletonDurrettwasavictimofournewcivilization,theywouldhaveraisedtheireyebrows.Theydeploredwhiletheycoveted.IfHamhadbeentoldhewasavictimofanysort,hewouldhavelaughed.
Heenjoyedlife;hewasgenialandjovial,bothlavishandparsimonious,——
thislattercharacteristicbeingthecurioussurvivalofthetraitoftheancestorstowhichheowedhismillions.Hewasgrowingevenheavier,anddecidedlyredintheface.
PerryusedtotakeRalphtotaskfornotsavingHamfromhisiniquities,andRalphwouldreplythatHamwasgoingtothedevilanyway,andnoteventhedevilhimselfcouldstophim.
"Youcanstophim,andyouknowit,"Perryretortedindignantly.
"Whatdoyouwantmetodowithhim?"askedRalph."ConverthimtothesaintlylifeIlead?"
Thiswasaposer.
"That\'safact,"sandPerry,"you\'renobetterthanheis."
"Idon\'tknowwhatyoumeanby\'better,\'"retortedRalph,grinning."I\'mwiser,that\'sall."(WehadbeentalkingabouttheethicsofbusinesswhenPerryhadswitchedofftoHam.)"Ibelieve,atleast,inrestraintoftrade.Hamdoesn\'tbelieveinrestraintofanykind."
When,therefore,thenewssuddenlybegantobecirculatedintheBoyneClubthatHamwasshowingatendencytostraightenup,surpriseandincredulityweregenuine.Hewasdrinkingless,——muchless;anditwassaidthathehadseveredcertaintiesthatneednotagainbedefinitelymentioned.Thetheoryofreligiousregenerationnotbeingtenable,itwasnaturallysupposedthathehadfalleninlove;theidentityoftheunknownladybecomingafruitfulsubjectofspeculationamongthefeminineportionofsociety.TheannouncementofthemarriageofHambletonDurrettwouldbenewsofthefirstmagnitude,tobeabsorbedeagerlybythemanywhohadnotthehonourofhisacquaintance,——
comparableonlytothatofadevastatingfloodoramurdermysteryorachangeinthetariff.
Beingabsorbedinaffairsthatseemedmoreimportant,thesubjectdidnotinterestmegreatly.ButonecoldSundayafternoon,asImademyway,inanswertoherinvitation,toseeNancyWillett,IfoundmyselfwonderingidlywhethershemightnotbebywayofmakingashrewdguessastotheobjectofHambleton\'saffections.Itwaswellknownthathehadentertainedahopelessinfatuationforher;andsomewereinclinedtoattributehislaterlapsestoherlackofresponse.Hestillcalledonher,andherlectures,whichshedeliveredlikeagreatauntwithareconditeknowledgeoftheworld,hetookmeekly.Butevenshehadseemedpowerlesstoalterhishabits
PowellStreet,thathappyhunting-groundofmyyouth,hadchangeditscharacter,becomecontractedandunfamiliar,sooty.TheMcAlerysandotherolderfamilieswhohadnotdecayedwiththeneighbourhoodwererapidlydesertingit,movingouttothenewresidencedistrictknownas"theHeights."IcametotheWillettHouse.That,too,hadanairofshabbiness,——ofwell-tendedshabbiness,tobesure;thestonestepshadbeenscrupulouslyscrubbed,butoneofthemwascrackedclearacross,andthesilveronthepolishedname-platewaswearingoff;eventheactofpullingtheknobofadoor-bellwasbecomingobsolete,sousedhadwegrowntopushingporcelainbuttonsinbright,newvestibules.AsI
waitedformysummonstobeanswereditstruckmeasremarkablethatneitherNancynorherfatherhadbeencontaminatedbytheshabbinessthatsurroundedthem.
Shehadmanagedrathermarvellouslytoredeemoneroomfromtheold-
fashionedseverityoftherestofthehouse,thelibrarybehindthebig"parlour."ItwasNancy\'sroom,eloquentofherdaintinessandtaste,ofheressentialmodernityandluxuriousness;andthatevening,asIwasusheredintoit,thisqualityofluxuriousness,ofbeingabletoshutoutthedisagreeableaspectsoflifethatsurroundedandthreatenedher,particularlyimpressedme.Shehadnotlackedopportunitiestoescape.
IwondereduneasilyasIwaitedwhyshehadnotembracedthem.Istrayedabouttheroom.Acoalfireburnedinthegrate,thered-shadedlampsgaveasubduedbutcheerfullight;someimpulseledmetocrossovertothewindowsanddrawasidetheheavyhangings.Duskwasgatheringoverthatgarden,bleakandfrozennow,wherewehadrompedtogetheraschildren.Howqueertheplaceseemed!Howshrivelled!Onceithadhadthewiderangeofapark.There,stillweatheringtheelements,wastheold-fashionedlatticedsummer-house,butthefruit-treesthatIrecalledascloudsofpinkandwhiteweregoneAtouchofpoignancywasinthesememories.Idroppedthecurtain,andturnedtoconfrontNancy,whohadenterednoiselessly.
"Well,Hugh,wereyoudreaming?"shesaid.
"Notexactly,"Ireplied,embarrassed."Iwaslookingatthegarden."
"Thesoothasruinedit.Mylifeseemstobeonecontinualstruggleagainstthesoot,——theblacks,astheEnglishcallthem.It\'samoreexpressiveterm.Theyarelikeanarmy,youknow,overwhelmingintheirrelentlessinvasion.Well,dositdown.Itisniceofyoutocome.
You\'llhavesometea,won\'tyou?"
Themaidhadbroughtinthetray.Afternoonteawasstillratheranewcustomwithus,moreofaceremonythanameal;andasNancyhandedmemycupandthethinnestofslicesofbreadandbutterIfoundtheintimacyofthesituationalittledisquieting.Hermannerwasindeedintimate,andyetithadtheoddanddisturbingeffectofmakingherseemmoreremote.AsshechattedIansweredherperfunctorily,whileallthetimeIwasaskingmyselfwhyIhadceasedtodesireher,whethertheoldlongingforhermightnotreturn——wasnotevennowreturning?ImightindeedgofarafieldtofindawifesosuitedtomeasNancy.Shehadbeauty,distinction,andposition.Shewasawomanofwhomanymanmightbeproud
"Ihaven\'tcongratulatedyouyet,Hugh,"shesaidsuddenly,"nowthatyouareapartnerofMr.Watling\'s.Ihearonallsidesthatyouareonthehighroadtoagreatsuccess."
"OfcourseI\'mgladtobeinthefirm,"Iadmitted.
ItwasanewtackforNancy,ratheradisquietingone,thisdiscussionofmyaffairs,whichshehadsolongavoidedorignored."Youaregettingwhatyouhavealwayswanted,aren\'tyou?"
Iwonderedinsometrepidationwhetherbythatword"always"shewasmakingadeliberatereferencetothepast.
"Always?"Irepeated,ratherfatuously.
"Nearlyalways,eversinceyouhavebeenaman."
Iwasincapableoftakingadvantageoftheopening,ifitwereone.Shewasbaffling.
"Amanlikestosucceedinhisprofession,ofcourse,"Isaid.
"Andyoumadeupyourmindtosucceedmoredeliberatelythanmostmen.I
needn\'taskyouifyouaresatisfied,Hugh.Successseemstoagreewithyou,——althoughIimagineyouwillneverbesatisfied."
"Whydoyousaythat?"Idemanded.
"Ihaven\'tknownyouallyourlifefornothing.IthinkIknowyoumuchbetterthanyouknowyourself."
"Youhaven\'tactedasifyoudid,"Iexclaimed.
Shesmiled.
"HaveyoubeeninterestedinwhatIthoughtaboutyou?"sheasked.
"Thatisn\'tquitefair,Nancy,"Iprotested."Youhaven\'tgivenmemuchevidencethatyoudidthinkaboutme."
"HaveIreceivedmuchencouragementtodoso?"sheinquired.
"Butyouhaven\'tseemedtoinvite——you\'vekeptmeatarm\'slength."
"Oh,don\'tfence!"shecried,rathersharply.
Ihadbecomeagitated,buthernextwordsgavemeashockthatwasmomentarilyparalyzing.
"Iaskedyoutocomehereto-day,Hugh,becauseIwishedyoutoknowthatIhavemadeupmymindtomarryHambletonDurrett."
"HambletonDurrett!"Iechoedstupidly."HambletonDurrett!"
"Whynot?"
"Haveyou——haveyouacceptedhim?"
"No.ButImeantodoso."
"You——youlovehim?"
"Idon\'tseewhatrightyouhavetoask."
"Butyoujustsaidthatyouinvitedmeheretotalkfrankly."
"No,Idon\'tlovehim."
"Thenwhy,inheaven\'sname,areyougoingtomarryhim?"
Shelaybackinherchair,regardingme,herlipsslightlyparted.Allatoncethefullflavourofher,thesuperfinequalitywasrevealedafteryearsofblindness——NorcanIdescribethesuddenrebellion,therevulsionthatIexperienced.HambletonDurrett!Itwasanoutrage,asacrilege!Igotup,andputmyhandonthemantel.Nancyremainedmotionless,inert,herheadlyingbackagainstthechair.Coulditbethatshewereenjoyingmydiscomfiture?ThereisnoneedtoconfessthatIknewnexttonothingofwomen;hadIbeenlessexcited,ImighthavemadethediscoverythatIstillregardedthemsentimentally.Certainromanticaxiomsconcerningthem,garneredfromVictorianliterature,passedcurrentinmymindforwisdom;andoneofthesedeclaredthattheywerepronetoremaintruetoanearlylove.DidNancystillcareforme?
Thequery,comingasitdidontopofmyemotion,broughtwithitastrangeandoverwhelmingperplexity.DidIreallycareforher?ThemanyyearsduringwhichIhadpractisedthehabitofcautionbegantoexertaninhibitingpressure.Herewasasituation,anopportunitysuddenlythrustuponmewhichmightneverreturn,andwhichIwasutterlyunpreparedtomeet.WouldIbehappywithNancy,afterall?Herexpressionwasstillenigmatic.
"Whyshouldn\'tImarryhim?"shedemanded.
"Becausehe\'snotgoodenoughforyou."
"Good!"sheexclaimed,andlaughed."Helovesme.Hewantsmewithoutreservationorcalculation."Therewasastinginthis."Andisheanyworse,"sheaskedslowly,"thanmanyotherswhomightbementioned?"
"No,"Iagreed.IdidnotintendtobeledintothethanklessanddisagreeablepositionofcondemningHambletonDurrett."Butwhyhaveyouwaitedalltheseyearsifyoudidnotmeantomarryamanofability,amanwhohasmadesomethingofhimself?"
"Amanlikeyou,Hugh?"shesaidgently.
Iflushed.
"Thatisn\'tquitefair,Nancy."
"Whatareyouworkingfor?"shesuddenlyinquired,straighteningup.
"Whatanymanworksfor,Isuppose."
"Ah,thereyouhavehitit,——whatanymanworksforinourworld.
Power,——personalpower.Youwanttobesomebody,——isn\'tthatit?Notthenoblestambition,you\'llhavetoadmit,——notthekindofthingweusedtodreamabout,whenwediddream.Well,whenwefindwecan\'trealizeourdreams,wetakethenextbestthing.AndIfailtoseewhyyoushouldblamemefortakingitwhenyouyourselfhavetakenit.
HambletonDurrettcangiveittome.He\'llacceptmeonmyownterms,hewon\'tinterferewithme,Ishan\'tbedisillusionized,——andIshallhaveapositionwhichIcouldnothopetohaveifIremainedunmarried,averymarkedpositionasHambletonDurrett\'swife.Iamthirty,youknow."
Herfranknessappalledme.
"Thetroublewithyou,Hugh,isthatyoustilldeceiveyourself.Youthrowaglamouroverthings.Youwanttokeepyourcakeandeatittoo.
"Idon\'tseewhyyousaythat.Andmarriageespecially——"
Shetookmeup.
"Marriage!Whatothercareerisopentoawoman?Unlesssheismarried,andmarriedwell,accordingtothemoneystandardyoumenhavesetup,sheisnobody.Wecan\'tallbeFlorenceNightingales,andIamunabletoimaginemyselfaJuliaWardHoweoraHarrietBeecherStowe.Whatisleft?Nothingbutmarriage.I\'mhardandcynical,youwillsay,butI
havethought,andI\'mnotafraid,asIhavetoldyou,tolookthingsintheface.Thereareveryfewwomen,Ithink,whowouldnottaketherealthingiftheyhadthechancebeforeitweretoolate,whowouldn\'tbewillingtodotheirowncookinginordertogetit."
Shefellsilentsuddenly.Ibegantopacetheroom.
"ForGod\'ssake,don\'tdothis,Nancy!"Ibegged.
Butshecontinuedtostareintothefire,asthoughshehadnotheardme.
"Ifyouhadmadeupyourmindtodoit,whydidyoutellme?"Iasked.
"Sentiment,Isuppose.IampayingatributetowhatIoncewas,towhatyouoncewere,"shesaid.A——asortofgood-byetosentiment."
"Nancy!"Isaidhoarsely.
Sheshookherhead.
"No,Hugh.Surelyyoucan\'tmisjudgemeso!"sheansweredreproachfully.
"DoyouthinkIshouldhavesentforyouifIhadmeant——that!"
"No,no,Ididn\'tthinkso.Butwhynot?You——youcaredonce,andyoutellmeplainlyyoudon\'tlovehim.Itwasallaterriblemistake.Weweremeantforeachother."
"Ididloveyouthen,"shesaid."Youneverknewhowmuch.AndthereisnothingIwouldn\'tgivetobringitallbackagain.ButIcan\'t.It\'sgone.You\'regone,andI\'mgone.Imeanwhatwewere.Oh,whydidyouchange?"
"Itwasyouwhochanged,"Ideclared,bewildered.
"Couldn\'tyousee——can\'tyouseenowwhatyoudid?Butperhapsyoucouldn\'thelpit.Perhapsitwasjustyou,afterall."
"WhatIdid?"
"Whycouldn\'tyouhaveheldfasttoyourfaith?Ifyouhad,youwouldhaveknownwhatitwasIadoredinyou.Oh,Idon\'tmindtellingyounow,itwasjustthatfaith,Hugh,thatfaithyouhadinlife,thatfaithyouhadinme.Youweren\'tcynicalandcalculating,likeRalphHambleton,youhadimagination.I——Idreamed,too.Anddoyourememberthetimewhenyoumadetheboat,andwewenttoLogan\'sPond,andyousankinher?"
"Andyoustayed,"Iwenton,"whenalltheothersranaway?Yourandownthehilllikeawhirlwind."
Shelaughed.
"Andthenyoucamehereoneday,toaparty,andsaidyouweregoingtoHarvard,andquarrelledwithme."
"Whydidyoudoubtmet"Iaskedagitatedly."Whydidn\'tyouletmeseethatyoustillcared?"
"Becausethatwasn\'tyou,Hugh,thatwasn\'tyourrealself.DoyousupposeitmatteredtomewhetheryouwenttoHarvardwiththeothers?
Oh,Iwasfoolishtoo,Iknow.Ishouldn\'thavesaidwhatIdid.Butwhatistheuseofregrets?"sheexclaimed."We\'vebothrunafterthepracticalgods,andtheothershavehiddentheirfacesfromus.Itmaybethatwearenottoblame,eitherofus,thatthepracticalgodsaretoostrong.We\'velearnedtoloveandworshipthem,andnowwecan\'tdowithoutthem."
"Wecantry,Nancy,"Ipleaded.
"No,"sheansweredinalowvoice,"that\'sthedifferencebetweenyouandme.Iknowmyselfbetterthanyouknowyourself,andIknowyoubetter."
Shesmiledagain."Unlesswecouldhaveitallbackagain,Ishouldn\'twantanyofit.Youdonotloveme——"
Istartedoncemoretoprotest.
"No,no,don\'tsayit!"shecried.
"Youmaythinkyoudo,justthismoment,butit\'sonlybecause——you\'vebeenmoved.Andwhatyoubelieveyouwantisn\'tme,it\'swhatIwas.
ButI\'mnotthatanymore,——I\'msimplyrecallingthat,don\'tyousee?
Andeventhenyouwouldn\'twishme,now,asIwas.Thatsoundsinvolved,butyoumustunderstand.Youwantawomanwhowillbewrappedupinyourcareer,Hugh,andyetwhowillnotshareit,——whowilldevoteherselfbodyandsoultowhatyouhavebecome.Awomanwhomyoucanshape.Andyouwon\'treallyloveher,butonlyjustsomuchofherasmaybecometheincarnationofyou.Well,I\'mnotthatkindofwoman.Imighthavebeen,hadyoubeendifferent.I\'mnotatallsure.CertainlyI\'mnotthatkindnow,eventhoughIknowinmyheartthatthesortofcareeryouhavemadeforyourself,andthatIintendtomakeformyselfisalldross.ButnowIcan\'tdowithoutit."
"AndyetyouaregoingtomarryHambletonDurrett!"Isaid.
Sheunderstoodme,althoughIregrettedmywordsatonce.
"Yes,Iamgoingtomarryhim."Therewasashadeofbitterness,ofdefianceinhervoice."Surelyyouarenotofferingmethe——theotherthing,now.Oh,Hugh!"
"Iamwillingtoabandonitall,Nancy."
"No,"shesaid,"you\'renot,andI\'mnot.Whatyoucan\'tseeandwon\'tseeisthatithasbecomepartofyou.Oh,youaresuccessful,youwillbemoreandmoresuccessful.AndyouthinkIshouldbesomebody,asyourwife,Hugh,moreperhaps,eventually,thanIshallbeasHambleton\'s.
ButIshouldbenobody,too.Icouldn\'tstanditnow,mydear.Youmustrealizethatassoonasyouhavetimetothinkitover.Weshallbefriends."
Thesuddengentlenessinhervoicepiercedmethroughandthrough.Sheheldoutherhand.Somethinginhergraspspokeofaresolutionwhichcouldnotbeshaken.
"Andbesides,"sheaddedsadly,"Idon\'tloveyouanymore,Hugh.I\'mmourningforsomethingthat\'sgone.Iwantedtohavejustthisonetalkwithyou.Butweshan\'tmentionitagain,——we\'llclosethebook."
AtthatIfledoutofthehouse,andatfirstthethoughtofherasanotherman\'swife,asHambletonDurrett\'swife,wasseeminglynottobeborne.Itwasincredible!"We\'llclosethebook."Ifoundmyselfrepeatingthephrase;anditseemedthenasthoughsomethingwithinmeI
hadbelieveddead——somethingthatformerlyhadbeenallofme——hadrevivedagaintothrobwithpain.
Itisnotsurprisingthattheacutenessofmysufferingwasofshortduration,thoughIremembercertainsharptwingeswhentheannouncementoftheengagementburstonthecity.TherewasmuchcontroversyoverthequestionastowhetherornotHamDurrett\'sreformwouldbepermanent;
butmostpeoplewerewillingtogivehimthebenefitofthedoubt;itwastimehesettleddownandtookthepositioninthecommunitythatwastobeexpectedofoneofhisname;andasforNancy,itwasgenerallyagreedthatshehaddonewellforherself.Shewasnotmadeforpoverty——andwhosowellasshewasfittedforthesocialleadershipofourcommunity?
