下载辰思小说免费APP
"Why,Ibelieveyou\'reincurablyromantic,Hugh,"shesaidlaughingly,whenthemenhadlefttheroom."Hereyouare,whattheycallaparagonofsuccess,afuturesenator,AmbassadortoEngland.Ihearofthoseremarkablethingsyouhavedone——eveninNewYorktheotherdayamanwasaskingmeifIknewMr.Paret,andspokeofyouasoneofthecomingmen.
Isupposeyouwillbemovingthere,soon.Apracticalsuccess!ItalwayssurprisesmewhenIthinkofit,Ifinditdifficulttorememberwhatadreameryouwereandhereyouturnouttobestilladreamer!
Haveyoudiscovered,too,theemptinessofitall?"sheinquiredprovokingly."Imustsayyoudon\'tlookit"——shegavemeacritical,quizzicalglance——"youlookquiteprosperousandcontented,asthoughyouenjoyedyourpower."
Ilaugheduneasily.
"Andthen,"shecontinued,"andthenonedaywhenyourluncheonhasdisagreedwithyou——youwalkintoagalleryandseeaportraitof——ofanoldfriendforwhominyouth,whenyouwereadreamer,youprofessedasentimentalattachment,andyouexclaimthattheartistisadiscerningmanwhohasdiscoveredthesecretthatshehasguardedsoclosely.She\'ssorrythatsheevertriedtoconsoleherselfwithbaublesit\'swhatyou\'vesuspectedallalong.Butyou\'lljustrunaroundtoseeforyourself——tobesureofit."Andshehandedmemytea."Comenow,confess.Whereareyourwits——Ihearyoudon\'tlackthemincourt."
"Well,"Isaid,"ifthatamusesyou——"
"Itdoesamuseme,"saidNancy,twiningherfingersacrossherkneeandregardingmesmilingly,withpartedlips,"itamusesmealot——it\'ssocharacteristic."
"Butit\'snottrue,it\'sunjust,"Iprotestedvigorously,smiling,too,becausetheattackwassocharacteristicofher.
"Whatthen?"shedemanded.
"Well,inthefirstplace,myluncheondidn\'tdisagreewithme.Itneverdoes."
Shelaughed."Butthesentiment——comenow——thesentiment?Doyouperceiveanyhintofemptiness——despair?"
Ourchairswereveryclose,andsheleanedforwardalittle.
"Emptinessornoemptiness,"Isaidalittletremulously,"IknowthatI
haven\'tbeensocontented,sohappyforalongtime."
Shesatverystill,butturnedhergazeonthefire.
"Youreallywouldn\'twanttofindthat,Hugh,"shesaidinanothervoice,atwhichIexclaimed."No,I\'mnotbeingsentimental.But,tobeserious,Ireallyshouldn\'tcaretothinkthatofyou.I\'dliketothinkofyouasafriend——agoodfriend——althoughwedon\'tseeverymuchofoneanother."
"Butthat\'swhyIcame,Nancy,"Iexplained."Itwasn\'tjustanimpulse——
thatis,I\'vebeenthinkingofyouagreatdeal,allalong.Imissyou,Imissthewayyoulookatthings——yourpointofview.Ican\'tseeanyreasonwhyweshouldn\'tseesomethingofeachother——now——"
Shecontinuedtostareintothefire.
"No,"shesaidatlength,"Isupposethereisn\'tanyreason."Hermoodseemedsuddenlytochangeasshebentoverandextinguishedtheflameunderthekettle."Afterall,"sheaddedgaily,"weliveinatolerantage,we\'vereachedtheyearsofdiscretion,andwe\'rebothtooconventionaltodoanythingsilly——evenifwewantedto——whichwedon\'t.
We\'reneitherofuslikelytoquarrelwiththeworldasitis,Ithink,andwemightaswellmakefunofittogether.We\'llbeginwithourfriends.WhatdoyouthinkofMr.Scherer\'spalace?"
"Ihearyou\'rebuildingitforhim."
"ItoldhimtogetEyre,"saidNancy,laughingly,"Iwasafraidhe\'drepeattheGallatinParkmonstrosityonalargerscale,andEyre\'stheonlymaninthiscountrywhounderstandstheFrench.It\'sbeenratheramusing,"shewenton,"I\'vehadtofightHilda,andshe\'snomeanantagonist.Howshehatesme!Shewantedamonstrosity,ofcourse,amodernizedGermanrock-grottosortofanaffair,Icanimagine.She\'sbeensofunnywhenI\'vemetheratdinner.\'Iunderstandyoutakeagreatinterestinthehouse,Mrs.Durrett.\'Can\'tyouhearher?"
"Well,youdidgetaheadofher,"Isaid.
"Ihadto.Icouldn\'tletourfirstcitizenbuildamodernRhinecastle,couldI?Ihavesomepublicspiritleft.Andbesides,IexpecttobuildonGrantAvenuemyself."
"Andleavehere?"
"Oh,it\'stoogrubby,it\'sintheslums,"saidNancy."ButIreallyoweyouadebtofgratitude,Hugh,fortheScherers."
"I\'mtoldAdolf\'slosthisheadoveryou."
"It\'snotonlyoverme,butovereverything.He\'ssoridiculouslyproudofbeingontheboardoftheChildren\'sHospitalYououghttohearhimtalkingtooldMrs.Ogilvy,whoofcoursecan\'tgetusedtohimatall,——shealwayshastheairofinquiringwhathe\'sdoinginthatgalley.
ShestillthinksofhimasMr.Durrett\'sforeman."
Thetimeflew.Herpresencewaslikeabracing,tinglingatmosphereinwhichIfeltrevivedandexhilarated,self-restored.ForNancydidnotquestion——shetookmeasIwas.Welookedoutontheworld,asitwere,fromthesamewindow,andIcouldnothelpthinkingthatours,afterall,wasalargeview.Thetopicsdidn\'tmatter——ourconversationwasfragrantwithintimacy;andweweresoclosetoeachotheritseemedincrediblethatweevershouldbepartedagain.Atlastthelittleclockonthemantelchimedanhour,shestartedandlookedup.
"Why,it\'sseven,Hugh!"sheexclaimed,rising."I\'dnoideaitwassolate,andI\'mdiningwiththeDickinsons.I\'veonlyjusttimetodress."
"It\'sbeenlikeareunion,hasn\'tit?——areunionaftermanyyears,"I
said.Iheldherhandunconsciously——sheseemedtobedrawingmetoher,Ithoughtsheswayed,andasuddendizzinessseizedme.Thenshedrewawayabruptly,withalittlecry.Icouldn\'tbesureaboutthecry,whetherIhearditornot,anotewasstruckintheverydepthsofme.
"Comeinagain,"shesaid,"wheneveryou\'renottoobusy."AndaminutelaterIfoundmyselfonthestreet.
ThiswasthebeginningofanewintimacywithNancy,resemblingtheoldintimacyyetdifferingfromit.TheemotionalnoteofourpartingontheoccasionIhavejustrelatedwasnotagainstruck,andwhenIwenteagerlytoseeheragainafewdayslaterIwasconsciousoflimitations,——nottooconscious:thefreedomsheofferedandwhichI
gladlyacceptedwasalargefreedom,noramIquitesurethatevenI
wouldhavewisheditlarger,thoughtherewerenaturallymomentswhenI
thoughtso:whenIaskedmyselfwhatIdidwish,Ifoundnoanswer.
ThoughIsometimeschafed,itwouldhavebeenabsurdofmetoobjecttoacertaintimidityorcautionIbegantoperceiveinherthathadbeenabsentintheoldNancy;buttheoldNancyhadceasedtoexist,andhereinsteadwasahighlydeveloped,highlyspecializedcreatureinwhomI
delighted;andaftertakingthoughtIwouldnothaverobbedheroffineacquiredattribute.Asshehadtrulyobserved,wewerebothconventional;conventionalitywaspartofthepricewehadwillinglypaidformembershipinthatrarerworldwehadbothachieved.Itwasaworld,tobesure,inwhichwewererapidlylearningtotakethelawintoourownhandswithoutseemingtodefyit,inorderthatthefearofitmightremaininthoselessfortunatelyplacedandendowed:wehadbegunwiththeappropriationofthematerialpropertyofourfellow-citizens,whichwetooklegally;fromthispointitwas,ofcourse,merelyalogicalsteptotake——legally,tooothergentlemen\'shumanproperty——theirwives,inshort:themoreprogressiveEasthadsetusourexample,butasyetwehadbeencharytofollowit.
Aboutthistimerebelliousvoiceswerebeginningtomakethemselvesheardintheliterarywildernessproclaimingliberty——libertyofthesexes.
TherewereRussiannovelsandFrenchnovels,andpioneerEnglishnovelspreachinglibertywithNietzscheanstridency,ortakingitforgranted.
IpickedtheseuponNancy\'stable.
"Readingthem?"shesaid,inanswertomyquery."OfcourseI\'mreadingthem.Iwanttoknowwhatthesecleverpeoplearethinking,evenifI
don\'talway
