第19章

Ifyouwantdwarfs——Imeanjustafewdwarfsforacuriosity——gotoGenoa。Ifyouwishtobuythembythegross，forretail，gotoMilan。

ThereareplentyofdwarfsalloverItaly，butitdidseemtomethatinMilanthecropwasluxuriant。Ifyouwouldseeafairaveragestyleofassortedcripples，gotoNaples，ortravelthroughtheRomanStates。Butifyouwouldseetheveryheartandhomeofcripplesandhumanmonsters，both，gostraighttoConstantinople。AbeggarinNapleswhocanshowafootwhichhasallrunintoonehorribletoe，withoneshapelessnailonit，hasafortune——butsuchanexhibitionasthatwouldnotprovokeanynoticeinConstantinople。Themanwouldstarve。WhowouldpayanyattentiontoattractionslikehisamongtheraremonstersthatthrongthebridgesoftheGoldenHornanddisplaytheirdeformitiesintheguttersofStamboul？

O，wretchedimpostor！Howcouldhestandagainstthethree—leggedwoman，andthemanwithhiseyeinhischeek？Howwouldheblushinpresenceofthemanwithfingersonhiselbow？Wherewouldhehidehimselfwhenthedwarfwithsevenfingersoneachhand，noupperlip，andhisunder—jawgone，camedowninhismajesty？Bismillah！ThecripplesofEuropeareadelusionandafraud。Thetrulygiftedflourishonlyintheby—waysofPeraandStamboul。

Thatthree—leggedwomanlayonthebridge，withherstocklntradesodisposedastocommandthemoststrikingeffect——onenaturalleg，andtwolong，slender，twistedoneswithfeetonthemlikesomebodyelse\'sfore—arm。Thentherewasamanfurtheralongwhohadnoeyes，andwhosefacewasthecolorofafly—blownbeefsteak，andwrinkledandtwistedlikealava—flow——andverilysotumbledanddistortedwerehisfea—turesthatnomancouldtellthewartthatservedhimforanosefromhischeek—bones。

InStamboulwasamanwithaprodigioushead，anuncommonlylongbody，legseightincheslongandfeetlikesnow—shoes。Hetraveledonthosefeetandhishands，andwasassway—backedasiftheColossusofRhodeshadbeenridinghim。Ah，abeggarhastohaveexceedinglygoodpointstomakealivinginConstantinople。Ablue—facedman，whohadnothingtoofferexceptthathehadbeenblownupinamine，wouldberegardedasarankimpostor，andameredamagedsoldieroncrutcheswouldnevermakeacent。

Itwouldpayhimtogetapieceofhisheadtakenoff，andcultivateawenlikeacarpetsack。

TheMosqueofSt。SophiaisthechieflionofConstantinople。Youmustgetafirmanandhurrytherethefirstthing。Wedidthat。Wedidnotgetafirman，butwetookalongfourorfivefrancsapiece，whichismuchthesamething。

IdonotthinkmuchoftheMosqueofSt。Sophia。IsupposeIlackappreciation。

Wewillletitgoatthat。Itistherustiestoldbarninheathendom。I

believealltheinterestthatattachestoitcomesfromthefactthatitwasbuiltforaChristianchurchandthenturnedintoamosque，withoutmuchalteration，bytheMohammedanconquerorsoftheland。Theymademetakeoffmybootsandwalkintotheplaceinmystocking—feet。Icaughtcold，andgotmyselfsostuckupwithacomplicationofgums，slimeandgeneralcorruption，thatIworeoutmorethantwothousandpairofboot—jacksgettingmybootsoffthatnight，andeventhensomeChristianhidepeeledoffwiththem。Iabatenotasingleboot—jack。

St。Sophiaisacolossalchurch，thirteenorfourteenhundredyearsold，andunsightlyenoughtobevery，verymucholder。ItsimmensedomeissaidtobemorewonderfulthanSt。Peter\'s，butitsdirtismuchmorewonderfulthanitsdome，thoughtheynevermentionit。Thechurchhasahundredandseventypillarsinit，eachasinglepiece，andallofcostlymarblesofvariouskinds，buttheycamefromancienttemplesatBaalbec，Heliopolis，AthensandEphesus，andarebattered，uglyandrepulsive。Theywereathousandyearsoldwhenthischurchwasnew，andthenthecontrastmusthavebeenghastly——ifJustinian\'sarchitectsdidnottrimthemany。

TheinsideofthedomeisfiguredalloverwithamonstrousinscriptioninTurkishcharacters，wroughtingoldmosaic，thatlooksasglaringasacircusbill;thepavementsandthemarblebalustradesareallbatteredanddirty;theperspectiveismarredeverywherebyawebofropesthatdependfromthedizzyheightofthedome，andsuspendcountlessdingy，coarseoillamps，andostrich—eggs，sixorsevenfeetabovethefloor。

Squattingandsittingingroups，hereandthereandfarandnear，wereraggedTurksreadingbooks，hearingsermons，orreceivinglessonslikechildren。andinfiftyplacesweremoreofthesamesortbowingandstraighteningup，bowingagainandgettingdowntokisstheearth，mutteringprayersthewhile，andkeepinguptheirgymnasticstilltheyoughttohavebeentired，iftheywerenot。

Everywherewasdirt，anddust，anddinginess，andgloom;everywhereweresignsofahoaryantiquity，butwithnothingtouchingorbeautifulaboutit;everywherewerethosegroupsoffantasticpagans;overheadthegaudymosaicsandtheweboflamp—ropes——nowherewasthereanythingtowinone\'sloveorchallengehisadmiration。

ThepeoplewhogointoecstaciesoverSt。Sophiamustsurelygetthemoutoftheguide—book（whereeverychurchisspokenofasbeing"consideredbygoodjudgestobethemostmarvelousstructure，inmanyrespects，thattheworldhaseverseen。"）OrelsetheyarethoseoldconnoisseursfromthewildsofNewJerseywholaboriouslylearnthedifferencebetweenafrescoandafire—plugandfromthatdayforwardfeelprivilegedtovoidtheircriticalbathosonpainting，sculptureandarchitectureforevermore。

WevisitedtheDancingDervishes。Thereweretwenty—oneofthem。Theyworealong，light—coloredlooserobethathungtotheirheels。Eachinhisturnwentuptothepriest（theywereallwithinalargecircularrailing）

andbowedprofoundlyandthenwentspinningawaydeliriouslyandtookhisappointedplaceinthecircle，andcontinuedtospin。Whenallhadspunthemselvestotheirplaces，theywereaboutfiveorsixfeetapart——andsosituated，theentirecircleofspinningpagansspunitselfthreeseparatetimesaroundtheroom。Ittooktwenty—fiveminutestodoit。Theyspunontheleftfoot，andkeptthemselvesgoingbypassingtherightrapidlybeforeitanddiggingitagainstthewaxedfloor。Someofthemmadeincredible"time。"Mostofthemspunaroundfortytimesinaminute，andoneartistaveragedaboutsixty—onetimesaminute，andkeptitupduringthewholetwenty—five。Hisrobefilledwithairandstoodoutallaroundhimlikeaballoon。

Theymadenonoiseofanykind，andmostofthemtiltedtheirheadsbackandclosedtheireyes，entrancedwithasortofdevotionalecstacy。

Therewasarudekindofmusic，partofthetime，butthemusicianswerenotvisible。Nonebutspinnerswereallowedwithinthecircle。Amanhadtoeitherspinorstayoutside。Itwasaboutasbarbarousanexhibitionaswehavewitnessedyet。Thensickpersonscameandlaydown，andbesidethemwomenlaidtheirsickchildren（oneababeatthebreast，）andthepatriarchoftheDervisheswalkedupontheirbodies。Hewassupposedtocuretheirdiseasesbytramplingupontheirbreastsorbacksorstandingonthebackoftheirnecks。Thisiswellenoughforapeoplewhothinkalltheiraffairsaremadeormarredbyviewlessspiritsoftheair——

bygiants，gnomes，andgenii——andwhostillbelieve，tothisday，allthewildtalesintheArabianNights。Evensoanintelligentmissionarytellsme。

WevisitedtheThousandandOneColumns。Idonotknowwhatitwasoriginallyintendedfor，buttheysaiditwasbuiltforareservoir。ItissituatedinthecentreofConstantinople。Yougodownaflightofstonestepsinthemiddleofabarrenplace，andthereyouare。Youarefortyfeetunderground，andinthemidstofaperfectwildernessoftall，slender，granitecolumns，ofByzantinearchitecture。Standwhereyouwould，orchangeyourpositionasoftenasyoupleased，youwerealwaysacentrefromwhichradiatedadozenlongarchwaysandcolonnadesthatlostthemselvesindistanceandthesombretwilightoftheplace。Thisolddried—upreservoirisoccupiedbyafewghostlysilk—spinnersnow，andoneofthemshowedmeacrosscuthighupinoneofthepillars。IsupposehemeantmetounderstandthattheinstitutionwastherebeforetheTurkishoccupation，andIthoughthemadearemarktothateffect;buthemusthavehadanimpedimentinhisspeech，forIdidnotunderstandhim。

WetookoffourshoesandwentintothemarblemausoleumoftheSultanMahmoud，theneatestpieceofarchitecture，inside，thatIhaveseenlately。

Mahmoud\'stombwascoveredwithablackvelvetpall，whichwaselaboratelyembroideredwithsilver;itstoodwithinafancysilverrailing;atthesidesandcornersweresilvercandlesticksthatwouldweighmorethanahundredpounds，andtheysupportedcandlesaslargeasaman\'sleg;onthetopofthesarcophaguswasafez，withahandsomediamondornamentuponit，whichanattendantsaidcostahundredthousandpounds，andliedlikeaTurkwhenhesaidit。Mahmoud\'swholefamilywerecomfortablyplantedaroundhim。

WewenttothegreatBazaarinStamboul，ofcourse，andIshallnotdescribeitfurtherthantosayitisamonstroushiveoflittleshops——thousands，Ishouldsay——allunderoneroof，andcutupintoinnumerablelittleblocksbynarrowstreetswhicharearchedoverhead。Onestreetisdevotedtoaparticularkindofmerchandise，anothertoanother，andsoon。Whenyouwishtobuyapairofshoesyouhavetheswingofthewholestreet——youdonothavetowalkyourselfdownhuntingstoresindifferentlocalities。Itisthesamewithsilks，antiquities，shawls，etc。Theplaceiscrowdedwithpeopleallthetime，andasthegay—coloredEasternfabricsarelavishlydisplayedbeforeeveryshop，thegreatBazaarofStamboulisoneofthesightsthatareworthseeing。Itisfulloflife，andstir，andbusiness，dirt，beggars，asses，yellingpeddlers，porters，dervishes，high—bornTurkishfemaleshoppers，Greeks，andweird—lookingandweirdlydressedMohammedansfromthemountainsandthefarprovinces——andtheonlysolitarythingonedoesnotsmellwhenheisintheGreatBazaar，issomethingwhichsmellsgood。

Chapter34

Mosquesareplenty，churchesareplenty，graveyardsareplenty，butmoralsandwhiskeyarescarce。TheKorandoesnotpermitMohammedanstodrink。Theirnaturalinstinctsdonotpermitthemtobemoral。TheysaytheSultanhaseighthundredwives。Thisalmostamountstobigamy。ItmakesourcheeksburnwithshametoseesuchathingpermittedhereinTurkey。

WedonotminditsomuchinSaltLake，however。

CircassianandGeorgiangirlsarestillsoldinConstantinoplebytheirparents，butnotpublicly。Thegreatslavemartswehaveallreadsomuchabout——wheretenderyounggirlswerestrippedforinspection，andcriticisedanddiscussedjustasiftheywerehorsesatanagriculturalfair——nolongerexist。Theexhibitionandthesalesareprivatenow。Stocksareup，justatpresent，partlybecauseofabriskdemandcreatedbytherecentreturnoftheSultan\'ssuitefromthecourtsofEurope;partlyonaccountofanunusualabundanceofbread—stuffs，whichleavesholdersuntorturedbyhungerandenablesthemtoholdbackforhighprices;andpartlybecausebuyersaretooweaktobearthemarket，whilesellersareamplypreparedtobullit。Underthesecircumstances，iftheAmericanmetropolitannewspaperswerepublishedhereinConstantinople，theirnextcommercialreportwouldreadaboutasfollows，Isuppose:SLAVEGIRLMARKETREPORT。"BestbrandsCircassians，cropof1850，£200;1852，£250;1854，£300。BestbrandsGeorgian，noneinmarket;

secondquality，1851，£180。NineteenfairtomiddlingWallachiangirlsofferedat£130@150，butnotakers;sixteenprimeA1soldinsmalllotstocloseout——termsprivate。"SalesofonelotCircassians，primetogood，1852to1854，at£240@2421/2，buyer30;oneforty—niner——damaged——at£23，sellerten，nodeposit。SeveralGeorgians，fancybrands，1852，changedhandstofillorders。TheGeorgiansnowonhandaremostlylastyear\'scrop，whichwasunusuallypoor。Thenewcropisalittlebackward，butwillbecominginshortly。Asregardsitsquantityandquality，theaccountsaremostencouraging。Inthisconnectionwecansafelysay，also，thatthenewcropofCircassiansislookingextremelywell。HisMajestytheSultanhasalreadysentinlargeordersforhisnewharem，whichwillbefinishedwithinafortnight，andthishasnaturallystrengthenedthemarketandgivenCircassianstockastrongupwardtendency。Takingadvantageoftheinflatedmarket，manyofourshrewdestoperatorsaresellingshort。

Therearehintsofa"corner"onWallachians。"ThereisnothingnewinNubians。Slowsale。"Eunuchs——Noneoffering;however，largecargoesareexpectedfromEgypttoday。"Ithinktheabovewouldbeaboutthestyleofthecommercialreport。Pricesareprettyhighnow，andholdersfirm;but，twoorthreeyearsago，parentsinastarvingconditionbroughttheiryoungdaughtersdownhereandsoldthemforeventwentyandthirtydollars，whentheycoulddonobetter，simplytosavethemselvesandthegirlsfromdyingofwant。Itissadtothinkofsodistressingathingasthis，andIforoneamsincerelygladthepricesareupagain。

Commercialmorals，especially，arebad。Thereisnogainsayingthat。

Greek，TurkishandArmenianmoralsconsistonlyinattendingchurchregularlyontheappointedSabbaths，andinbreakingthetencommandmentsallthebalanceoftheweek。Itcomesnaturaltothemtolieandcheatinthefirstplace，andthentheygoonandimproveonnatureuntiltheyarriveatperfection。

Inrecommendinghissontoamerchantasavaluablesalesman，afatherdoesnotsayheisanice，moral，uprightboy，andgoestoSundaySchoolandishonest，buthesays，"Thisboyisworthhisweightinbroadpiecesofahundred——forbehold，hewillcheatwhomsoeverhathdealingswithhim，andfromtheEuxinetothewatersofMarmorathereabidethnotsogiftedaliar！"Howisthatforarecommendation？TheMissionariestellmethattheyhearencomiumslikethatpasseduponpeopleeveryday。Theysayofapersontheyadmire，"Ah，heisacharmingswindler，andamostexquisiteliar！"

Everybodyliesandcheats——everybodywhoisinbusiness，atanyrate。

Evenforeignerssoonhavetocomedowntothecustomofthecountry，andtheydonotbuyandselllonginConstantinopletilltheylieandcheatlikeaGreek。IsaylikeaGreek，becausetheGreeksarecalledtheworsttransgressorsinthisline。SeveralAmericanslongresidentinConstantinoplecontendthatmostTurksareprettytrustworthy，butfewclaimthattheGreekshaveanyvirtuesthatamancandiscover——atleastwithoutafireassay。

IamhalfwillingtobelievethatthecelebrateddogsofConstantinoplehavebeenmisrepresented——slandered。Ihavealwaysbeenledtosupposethattheyweresothickinthestreetsthattheyblockedtheway;thattheymovedaboutinorganizedcompanies，platoonsandregiments，andtookwhattheywantedbydeterminedandferociousassault;andthatatnighttheydrownedallothersoundswiththeirterriblehowlings。ThedogsI

seeherecannotbethoseIhavereadof。

Ifindthemeverywhere，butnotinstrongforce。ThemostIhavefoundtogetherhasbeenabouttenorbeedowntothecustomofthecountry，andtheydonotbuyandselllonginConstantinopletilltheylieandcheatlikeaGreek。IsaylikeaGreek，becausetheGreeksarecalledtheworsttransgressorsinthisline。SeveralAmericanslongresidentinConstantinoplecontendthatmostTurksareprettytrustworthy，butfewclaimthattheGreekshaveanyvirtuesthatamancandiscover——atleastwithoutafireassay。

IamhalfwillingtobelievethatthecelebrateddogsofConstantinoplehavebeormisrepresented——slandered。Ihavealwaysbeenledtosupposethattheyweresothickinthestreetsthattheyblockedtheway;thattheymovedaboutinorganizedcompanies，platoonsandregiments，andtookwhattheywantedbydeterminedandferociousassault;andthatatnighttheydrownedallothersoundswiththeirterriblehowlings。ThedogsI

seeherecannotbethoseIhavereadof。

Ifindthemeverywhere，butnotinstrongforce。ThemostIhavefoundtogetherhasbeenabouttenortwenty。Andnightordayafairproportionofthemweresoundasleep。Thosethatwerenotasleepalwayslookedasiftheywantedtobe。Ineversawsuchutterlywretched，starving，sad—visaged，broken—heartedlookingcursinmylife。Itseemedagrimsatiretoaccusesuchbrutesastheseoftakingthingsbyforceofarms。Theyhardlyseemedtohavestrengthenoughorambitionenoughtowalkacrossthestreet——I

donotknowthatIhaveseenonewalkthatfaryet。Theyaremangyandbruisedandmutilated，andoftenyouseeonewiththehairsingedoffhiminsuchwideandwelldefinedtractsthathelookslikeamapofthenewTerritories。Theyarethesorriestbeaststhatbreathe——themostabject——themostpitiful。Intheirfacesisasettledexpressionofmelancholy，anairofhopelessdespondency。ThehairlesspatchesonascaldeddogarepreferredbythefleasofConstantinopletoawiderrangeonahealthierdog;andtheexposedplacessuitthefleasexactly。Isawadogofthiskindstarttonibbleataflea——aflyattractedhisattention，andhemadeasnatchathim;thefleacalledforhimoncemore，andthatforeverunsettledhim;helookedsadlyathisflea—pasture，thensadlylookedathisbaldspot。Thenheheavedasighanddroppedhisheadresignedlyuponhispaws。

Hewasnotequaltothesituation。

Thedogssleepinthestreets，alloverthecity。Fromoneendofthestreettotheother，Isupposetheywillaverageabouteightortentoablock。Sometimes，ofcourse，therearefifteenortwentytoablock。

Theydonotbelongtoanybody，andtheyseemtohavenoclosepersonalfriendshipsamongeachother。Buttheydistrictthecitythemselves，andthedogsofeachdistrict，whetheritbehalfablockinextent，ortenblocks，havetoremainwithinitsbounds。Woetoadogifhecrossestheline！Hisneighborswouldsnatchthebalanceofhishairoffinasecond。

Soitissaid。Buttheydon\'tlookit。

Theysleepinthestreetsthesedays。Theyaremycompass——myguide。

WhenIseethedogssleepplacidlyon，whilemen，sheep，geese，andallmovingthingsturnoutandgoaroundthem，IknowIamnotinthegreatstreetwherethehotelis，andmustgofurther。IntheGrandRuethedogshaveasortofairofbeingonthelookout——anairbornofbeingobligedtogetoutofthewayofmanycarriageseveryday——andthatexpressiononerecognizesinamoment。Itdoesnotexistuponthefaceofanydogwithouttheconfinesofthatstreet。Allotherssleepplacidlyandkeepnowatch。Theywouldnotmove，thoughtheSultanhimselfpassedby。

Inonenarrowstreet（butnoneofthemarewide）Isawthreedogslyingcoiledup，aboutafootortwoapart。Endtoendtheylay，andsotheyjustbridgedthestreetneatly，fromguttertogutter。Adroveofahundredsheepcamealong。Theysteppedrightoverthedogs，therearcrowdingthefront，impatienttogeton。Thedogslookedlazilyup，flinchedalittlewhentheimpatientfeetofthesheeptouchedtheirrawbacks——sighed，andlaypeacefullydownagain。Notalkcouldbeplainerthanthat。Sosomeofthesheepjumpedoverthemandothersscrambledbetween，occasionallychippingalegwiththeirsharphoofs，andwhenthewholeflockhadmadethetrip，thedogssneezedalittle，inthecloudofdust，butneverbudgedtheirbodiesaninch。IthoughtIwaslazy，butIamasteam—enginecomparedtoaConstantinopledog。Butwasnotthatasingularsceneforacityofamillioninhabitants？

Thesedogsarethescavengersofthecity。Thatistheirofficialposition，andahardoneitis。However，itistheirprotection。Butfortheirusefulnessinpartiallycleansingtheseterriblestreets，theywouldnotbetoleratedlong。Theyeatanythingandeverythingthatcomesintheirway，frommelonrindsandspoiledgrapesupthroughallthegradesandspeciesofdirtandrefusetotheirowndeadfriendsandrelatives——andyettheyarealwayslean，alwayshungry，alwaysdespondent。Thepeopleareloathtokillthem——donotkillthem，infact。TheTurkshaveaninnateantipathytotakingthelifeofanydumbanimal，itissaid。Buttheydoworse。Theyhangandkickandstoneandscaldthesewretchedcreaturestotheveryvergeofdeath，andthenleavethemtoliveandsuffer。

OnceaSultanproposedtokilloffallthedogshere，anddidbeginthework——butthepopulaceraisedsuchahowlofhorroraboutitthatthemassacrewasstayed。Afterawhile，heproposedtoremovethemalltoanislandintheSeaofMarmora。Noobjectionwasoffered，andaship—loadorsowastakenaway。Butwhenitcametobeknownthatsomehoworotherthedogsnevergottotheisland，butalwaysfelloverboardinthenightandperished，anotherhowlwasraisedandthetransportationschemewasdropped。

Sothedogsremaininpeaceablepossessionofthestreets。Idonotsaythattheydonothowlatnight，northattheydonotattackpeoplewhohavenotaredfezontheirheads。Ionlysaythatitwouldbemeanformetoaccusethemoftheseunseemlythingswhohavenotseenthemdothemwithmyowneyesorheardthemwithmyownears。

IwasalittlesurprisedtoseeTurksandGreeksplayingnewsboyrighthereinthemysteriouslandwherethegiantsandgeniioftheArabianNightsoncedwelt——wherewingedhorsesandhydra—headeddragonsguardedenchantedcastles——wherePrincesandPrincessesflewthroughtheaironcarpetsthatobeyedamystictalisman——wherecitieswhosehousesweremadeofpreciousstonessprangupinanightunderthehandofthemagician，andwherebusymartsweresuddenlystrickenwithaspellandeachcitizenlayorsat，orstoodwithweaponraisedorfootadvanced，justashewas，speechlessandmotionless，tilltimehadtoldahundredyears！

Itwascurioustoseenewsboyssellingpapersinsodreamyalandasthat。And，tosaytruly，itiscomparativelyanewthinghere。ThesellingofnewspapershaditsbirthinConstantinopleaboutayearago，andwasachildofthePrussianandAustrianwar。

ThereisonepaperpublishedhereintheEnglishlanguage——TheLevantHerald——andtherearegenerallyanumberofGreekandafewFrenchpapersrisingandfalling，strugglingupandfallingagain。NewspapersarenotpopularwiththeSultan\'sGovernment。Theydonotunderstandjournalism。

Theproverbsays，"Theunknownisalwaysgreat。"Tothecourt，thenewspaperisamysteriousandrascallyinstitution。Theyknowwhatapestilenceis，becausetheyhaveoneoccasionallythatthinsthepeopleoutattherateoftwothousandaday，andtheyregardanewspaperasamildformofpestilence。

Whenitgoesastray，theysuppressit——pounceuponitwithoutwarning，andthrottleit。Whenitdon\'tgoastrayforalongtime，theygetsuspiciousandthrottleitanyhow，becausetheythinkitishatchingdeviltry。ImaginetheGrandVizierinsolemncouncilwiththemagnatesoftherealm，spellinghiswaythroughthehatednewspaper，andfinallydeliveringhisprofounddecision:"Thisthingmeansmischief——itistoodarkly，toosuspiciouslyinoffensive——suppressit！Warnthepublisherthatwecannothavethissortofthing:puttheeditorinprison！"

ThenewspaperbusinesshasitsinconveniencesinConstantinople。TwoGreekpapersandoneFrenchoneweresuppressedherewithinafewdaysofeachother。NovictoriesoftheCretansareallowedtobeprinted。FromtimetotimetheGrandViziersendsanoticetothevariouseditorsthattheCretaninsurrectionisentirelysuppressed，andalthoughthateditorknowsbetter，hestillhastoprintthenotice。TheLevantHeraldistoofondofspeakingpraisefullyofAmericanstobepopularwiththeSultan，whodoesnotrelishoursympathywiththeCretans，andthereforethatpaperhastobeparticularlycircumspectinordertokeepoutoftrouble。

Oncetheeditor，forgettingtheofficialnoticeinhispaperthattheCretanswerecrushedout，printedaletterofaverydifferenttenor，fromtheAmericanConsulinCrete，andwasfinedtwohundredandfiftydollarsforit。Shortlyheprintedanotherfromthesamesourceandwasimprisonedthreemonthsforhispains。IthinkIcouldgettheassistanteditorshipoftheLevantHerald，butIamgoingtotrytoworryalongwithoutit。

Tosuppressapaperhereinvolvestheruinofthepublisher，almost。

ButinNaplesIthinktheyspeculateonmisfortunesofthatkind。Papersaresuppressedthereeveryday，andspringupthenextdayunderanewname。Duringthetendaysorafortnightwestaidthereonepaperwasmurderedandresurrectedtwice。Thenewsboysaresmartthere，justastheyareelsewhere。

Theytakeadvantageofpopularweaknesses。Whentheyfindtheyarenotlikelytosellout，theyapproachacitizenmysteriously，andsayinalowvoice——"Lastcopy，sir:doubleprice;paperjustbeensuppressed！"

Themanbuysit，ofcourse，andfindsnothinginit。Theydosay——Idonotvouchforit——buttheydosaythatmensometimesprintavasteditionofapaper，withaferociouslyseditiousarticleinit，distributeitquicklyamongthenewsboys，andclearouttilltheGovernment\'sindignationcools。

Itpayswell。Confiscationdon\'tamounttoanything。Thetypeandpressesarenotworthtakingcareof。

ThereisonlyoneEnglishnewspaperinNaples。Ithasseventysubscribers。

Thepublisherisgettingrichverydeliberately——verydeliberatelyindeed。

InevershallwantanotherTurkishlunch。Thecookingapparatuswasinthelittlelunchroom，nearthebazaar，anditwasallopentothestreet。

Thecookwasslovenly，andsowasthetable，andithadnoclothonit。

Thefellowtookamassofsausagemeatandcoateditroundawireandlaiditonacharcoalfiretocook。Whenitwasdone，helaiditasideandadogwalkedsadlyinandnippedit。Hesmeltitfirst，andprobablyrecognizedtheremainsofafriend。Thecooktookitawayfromhimandlaiditbeforeus。Jacksaid，"Ipass"——heplayseuchresometimes——andweallpassedinturn。Thenthecookbakedabroad，flat，wheatencake，greaseditwellwiththesausage，andstartedtowardsuswithit。Itdroppedinthedirt，andhepickeditupandpolisheditonhisbreeches，andlaiditbeforeus。Jacksaid，"Ipass。"Weallpassed。Heputsomeeggsinafryingpan，andstoodpensivelypryingslabsofmeatfrombetweenhisteethwithafork。Thenheusedtheforktoturntheeggswith——andbroughtthemalong。

Jacksaid"Passagain。"Allfollowedsuit。Wedidnotknowwhattodo，andsoweorderedanewrationofsausage。Thecookgotouthiswire，apportionedaproperamountofsausage—meat，spatitonhishandsandfelltowork！

Thistime，withoneaccord，weallpassedout。Wepaidandleft。ThatisallIlearnedaboutTurkishlunches。ATurkishlunchisgood，nodoubt，butithasitslittledrawbacks。

WhenIthinkhowIhavebeenswindledbybooksofOrientaltravel，I

wantatouristforbreakfast。ForyearsandyearsIhavedreamedofthewondersoftheTurkishbath;foryearsandyearsIhavepromisedmyselfthatIwouldyetenjoyone。Manyandmanyatime，infancy，Ihavelaininthemarblebath，andbreathedtheslumbrousfragranceofEasternspicesthatfilledtheair;thenpassedthroughaweirdandcomplicatedsystemofpullingandhauling，anddrenchingandscrubbing，byagangofnakedsavageswholoomedvastandvaguelythroughthesteamingmists，likedemons;

thenrestedforawhileonadivanfitforaking;thenpassedthroughanothercomplexordeal，andonemorefearfulthanthefirst;and，finally，swathedinsoftfabrics，beenconveyedtoaprincelysaloonandlaidonabedofeiderdown，whereeunuchs，gorgeousofcostume，fannedmewhileIdrowsedanddreamed，orcontentedlygazedattherichhangingsoftheapartment，thesoftcarpets，thesumptuousfurniture，thepictures，anddrankdeli—ciouscoffee，smokedthesoothingnarghili，anddropped，atthelast，intotranquilrepose，lulledbysensuousodorsfromunseencensers，bythegentleinfluenceofthenarghili\'sPersiantobacco，andbythemusicoffountainsthatcounterfeitedthepatteringofsummerrain。

Thatwasthepicture，justasIgotitfromincendiarybooksoftravel。

Itwasapoor，miserableimposture。TherealityisnomorelikeitthantheFivePointsareliketheGardenofEden。Theyreceivedmeinagreatcourt，pavedwithmarbleslabs;arounditwerebroadgalleries，oneaboveanother，carpetedwithseedymatting，railedwithunpaintedbalustrades，andfurnishedwithhugericketychairs，cushionedwithrustyoldmattresses，indentedwithimpressionsleftbytheformsofninesuccessivegenerationsofmenwhohadreposeduponthem。Theplacewasvast，naked，dreary;itscourtabarn，itsgalleriesstallsforhumanhorses。Thecadaverous，halfnudevarletsthatservedintheestablishmenthadnothingofpoetryintheirappearance，nothingofromance，nothingofOrientalsplendor。Theyshednoentrancingodors——justthecontrary。Theirhungryeyesandtheirlankformscontinuallysuggestedoneglaring，unsentimentalfact——theywantedwhattheyterminCalifornia"asquaremeal。"

Iwentintooneoftheracksandundressed。Anuncleanstarvelingwrappedagaudytable—clothabouthisloins，andhungawhiteragovermyshoulders。

IfIhadhadatubthen，itwouldhavecomenaturaltometotakeinwashing。

Iwasthenconducteddownstairsintothewet，slipperycourt，andthefirstthingsthatattractedmyattentionweremyheels。Myfallexcitednocomment。Theyexpectedit，nodoubt。Itbelongedinthelistofsoftening，sensuousinfluencespeculiartothishomeofEasternluxury。Itwassofteningenough，certainly，butitsapplicationwasnothappy。Theynowgavemeapairofwoodenclogs——benchesinminiature，withleatherstrapsoverthemtoconfinemyfeet（whichtheywouldhavedone，onlyIdonotwearNo。13s。）ThesethingsdangleduncomfortablybythestrapswhenIliftedupmyfeet，andcamedowninawkwardandunexpectedplaceswhenIputthemontheflooragain，andsometimesturnedsidewaysandwrenchedmyanklesoutofjoint。However，itwasallOrientalluxury，andIdidwhatIcouldtoenjoyit。

Theyputmeinanotherpartofthebarnandlaidmeonastuffysortofpallet，whichwasnotmadeofclothofgold，orPersianshawls，butwasmerelytheunpretendingsortofthingIhaveseeninthenegroquartersofArkansas。Therewasnothingwhateverinthisdimmarbleprisonbutfivemoreofthesebiers。Itwasaverysolemnplace。IexpectedthatthespicedodorsofArabyweregoingtostealovermysensesnow，buttheydidnot。