第9章

Wearenottiredoftheendlessprocessionsofcheerful，chatteringgossipersthatthrongthesecourtsandstreetsalldaylong，either;norofthecoarse—robedmonks;norofthe"Asti"wines，whichthatolddoctor（whomwecalltheOracle），withcustomaryfelicityinthematterofgettingeverythingwrong，misterms"nasty。"Butwemustgo，nevertheless。

Ourlastsightwasthecemetery（aburialplaceintendedtoaccommodate60，000bodies），andweshallcontinuetorememberitafterweshallhaveforgottenthepalaces。Itisavastmarblecolonnadedcorridorextendingaroundagreatunoccupiedsquareofground;itsbroadfloorismarble，andoneveryslabisaninscription——foreveryslabcoversacorpse。Oneitherside，asonewalksdownthemiddleofthepassage，aremonuments，tombs，andsculpturedfiguresthatareexquisitelywroughtandarefullofgraceandbeauty。Theyarenewandsnowy;everyoutlineisperfect，everyfeatureguiltlessofmutilation，flaw，orblemish;andtherefore，tousthesefar—reachingranksofbewitchingformsareahundredfoldmorelovelythanthedamagedanddingystatuarytheyhavesavedfromthewreckofancientartandsetupinthegalleriesofParisfortheworshipoftheworld。

Wellprovidedwithcigarsandothernecessariesoflife，wearenowreadytotakethecarsforMilan。

Chapter18

Alldaylongwespedthroughamountainouscountrywhosepeakswerebrightwithsunshine，whosehillsidesweredottedwithprettyvillassittinginthemidstofgardensandshrubbery，andwhosedeepravineswerecoolandshadyandlookedeversoinvitingfromwhereweandthebirdswerewingingourflightthroughthesultryupperair。

Wehadplentyofchillytunnelswhereintocheckourperspiration，though。

Wetimedoneofthem。Weweretwentyminutespassingthroughit，goingattherateofthirtytothirty—fivemilesanhour。

BeyondAlessandriawepassedthebattlefieldofMarengo。

TowardduskwedrewnearMilanandcaughtglimpsesofthecityandthebluemountainpeaksbeyond。Butwewerenotcaringforthesethings——theydidnotinterestusintheleast。Wewereinafeverofimpatience;weweredyingtoseetherenownedcathedral！Wewatched——inthisdirectionandthat——allaround——everywhere。Weneedednoonetopointitout——wedidnotwishanyonetopointitout——wewouldrecognizeiteveninthedesertofthegreatSahara。

Atlast，aforestofgracefulneedles，shimmeringintheambersunlight，roseslowlyabovethepygmyhousetops，asonesometimessees，inthefarhorizon，agildedandpinnacledmassofcloudliftitselfabovethewasteofwaves，atsea——thecathedral！Weknewitinamoment。

Halfofthatnightandallofthenextdaythisarchitecturalautocratwasoursoleobjectofinterest。

Whatawonderitis！Sogrand，sosolemn，sovast！Andyetsodelicate，soairy，sograceful！Averyworldofsolidweight，andyetitseemsinthesoftmoonlightonlyafairydelusionoffrostworkthatmightvanishwithabreath！Howsharplyitspinnacledanglesanditswildernessofspireswerecutagainstthesky，andhowrichlytheirshadowsfelluponitssnowyroof！Itwasavision！——amiracle！——ananthemsunginstone，apoemwroughtinmarble！

Howsoeveryoulookatthegreatcathedral，itisnoble，itisbeautiful！

WhereveryoustandinMilanorwithinsevenmilesofMilan，itisvisibleandwhenitisvisible，nootherobjectcanchainyourwholeattention。

Leaveyoureyesunfetteredbyyourwillbutasingleinstantandtheywillsurelyturntoseekit。Itisthefirstthingyoulookforwhenyouriseinthemorning，andthelastyourlingeringgazerestsuponatnight。Surelyitmustbetheprinceliestcreationthateverbrainofmanconceived。

Atnineo\'clockinthemorningwewentandstoodbeforethismarblecolossus。Thecentraloneofitsfivegreatdoorsisborderedwithabas—reliefofbirdsandfruitsandbeastsandinsects，whichhavebeensoingeniouslycarvedoutofthemarblethattheyseemlikelivingcreatures——andthefiguresaresonumerousandthedesignsocomplexthatonemightstudyitaweekwithoutexhaustingitsinterest。Onthegreatsteeple——surmountingthemyriadofspires——insideofthespires——overthedoors，thewindows——innooksandcomerseverywherethatanicheoraperchcanbefoundabouttheenormousbuilding，fromsummittobase，thereisamarblestatue，andeverystatueisastudyinitself！Raphael，Angelo，Canova——giantslikethesegavebirthtothedesigns，andtheirownpupilscarvedthem。Everyfaceiseloquentwithexpression，andeveryattitudeisfullofgrace。

Awayabove，ontheloftyroof，rankonrankofcarvedandfrettedspiresspringhighintheair，andthroughtheirrichtraceryoneseestheskybeyond。IntheirmidstthecentralsteepletowersproudlyuplikethemainmastofsomegreatIndiamanamongafleetofcoasters。

Wewishedtogoaloft。Thesacristanshowedusamarblestairway（ofcourseitwasmarble，andofthepurestandwhitest——thereisnootherstone，nobrick，nowood，amongitsbuildingmaterials）andtoldustogouponehundredandeighty—twostepsandstoptillhecame。Itwasnotnecessarytosaystop——weshouldhavedonethatanyhow。Weweretiredbythetimewegotthere。Thiswastheroof。Here，springingfromitsbroadmarbleflagstones，werethelongfilesofspires，lookingverytallcloseathand，butdiminishinginthedistancelikethepipesofanorgan。Wecouldseenowthatthestatueonthetopofeachwasthesizeofalargeman，thoughtheyalllookedlikedollsfromthestreet。Wecouldseealsothatfromtheinsideofeachandeveryoneofthesehollowspires，fromsixteentothirty—onebeautifulmarblestatueslookedoutupontheworldbelow。

Fromtheeavestothecomboftheroofstretchedinendlesssuccessiongreatcurvedmarblebeams，likethefore—and—aftbracesofasteamboat，andalongeachbeamfromendtoendstooduparowofrichlycarvedflowersandfruits——eachseparateanddistinctinkind，andover15，000speciesrepresented。Atalittledistancetheserowsseemtoclosetogetherlikethetiesofarailroadtrack，andthentheminglingtogetherofthebudsandblossomsofthismarblegardenformsapicturethatisverycharmingtotheeye。

Wedescendedandentered。Withinthechurch，longrowsofflutedcolumns，likehugemonuments，dividedthebuildingintobroadaisles，andonthefiguredpavementfellmanyasoftblushfromthepaintedwindowsabove。

Iknewthechurchwasverylarge，butIcouldnotfullyappreciateitsgreatsizeuntilInoticedthatthemenstandingfardownbythealtarlookedlikeboys，andseemedtoglide，ratherthanwalk。WeloiteredaboutgazingaloftatthemonsterwindowsallaglowwithbrilliantlycoloredscenesinthelivesoftheSaviourandhisfollowers。Someofthesepicturesaremosaics，andsoartisticallyaretheirthousandparticlesoftintedglassorstoneputtogetherthattheworkhasallthesmoothnessandfinishofapainting。Wecountedsixtypanesofglassinonewindow，andeachpanewasadornedwithoneofthesemasterachievementsofgeniusandpatience。

Theguideshowedusacoffee—coloredpieceofsculpturewhichhesaidwasconsideredtohavecomefromthehandofPhidias，sinceitwasnotpossiblethatanyotherartist，ofanyepoch，couldhavecopiednaturewithsuchfaultlessaccuracy。Thefigurewasthatofamanwithoutaskin;

witheveryvein，artery，muscle，everyfiberandtendonandtissueofthehumanframerepresentedinminutedetail。Itlookednatural，becausesomehowitlookedasifitwereinpain。Askinnedmanwouldbelikelytolookthatwayunlesshisattentionwereoccupiedwithsomeothermatter。Itwasahideousthing，andyettherewasafascinationaboutitsomewhere。

IamverysorryIsawit，becauseIshallalwaysseeitnow。Ishalldreamofitsometimes。Ishalldreamthatitisrestingitscordedarmsonthebed\'sheadandlookingdownonmewithitsdeadeyes;Ishalldreamthatitisstretchedbetweenthesheetswithmeandtouchingmewithitsexposedmusclesanditsstringycoldlegs。

Itishardtoforgetrepulsivethings。IrememberyethowIranofffromschoolonce，whenIwasaboy，andthen，prettylateatnight，concludedtoclimbintothewindowofmyfather\'sofficeandsleeponalounge，becauseIhadadelicacyaboutgoinghomeandgettingthrashed。AsIlayontheloungeandmyeyesgrewaccustomedtothedarkness，IfanciedIcouldseealong，dusky，shapelessthingstretcheduponthefloor。Acoldshiverwentthroughme。Iturnedmyfacetothewall。Thatdidnotanswer。Iwasafraidthatthatthingwouldcreepoverandseizemeinthedark。Iturnedbackandstaredatitforminutesandminutes——theyseemedhours。Itappearedtomethatthelaggingmoonlightnever，neverwouldgettoit。Iturnedtothewallandcountedtwenty，topassthefeverishtimeaway。Ilooked——thepalesquarewasnearer。Iturnedagainandcountedfifty——itwasalmosttouchingit。WithdesperatewillIturnedagainandcountedonehundred，andfacedabout，allinatremble。Awhitehumanhandlayinthemoonlight！

Suchanawfulsinkingattheheart——suchasuddengaspforbreath！Ifelt——I

cannottellwhatIfelt。WhenIrecoveredstrengthenough，Ifacedthewallagain。Butnoboycouldhaveremainedsowiththatmysterioushandbehindhim。Icountedagainandlooked——themostofanakedarmwasexposed。IputmyhandsovermyeyesandcountedtillIcouldstanditnolonger，andthen——thepallidfaceofamanwasthere，withthecornersofthemouthdrawndown，andtheeyesfixedandglassyindeath！Iraisedtoasittingpostureandgloweredonthatcorpsetillthelightcreptdownthebarebreastlinebyline——inchbyinch——pastthenipple——andthenitdisclosedaghastlystab！

Iwentawayfromthere。IdonotsaythatIwentawayinanysortofahurry，butIsimplywent——thatissufficient。Iwentoutatthewindow，andIcarriedthesashalongwithme。Ididnotneedthesash，butitwashandiertotakeitthanitwastoleaveit，andsoItookit。Iwasnotscared，butIwasconsiderablyagitated。

WhenIreachedhome，theywhippedme，butIenjoyedit。Itseemedperfectlydelightful。Thatmanhadbeenstabbedneartheofficethatafternoon，andtheycarriedhimintheretodoctorhim，butheonlylivedanhour。Ihavesleptinthesameroomwithhimoftensincethen——inmydreams。

Nowwewilldescendintothecrypt，underthegrandaltarofMilanCathedral，andreceiveanimpressivesermonfromlipsthathavebeensilentandhandsthathavebeengesturelessforthreehundredyears。

Theprieststoppedinasmalldungeonandhelduphiscandle。Thiswasthelastrestingplaceofagoodman，awarmhearted，unselfishman;amanwhosewholelifewasgiventosuccoringthepoor，encouragingthefainthearted，visitingthesick;inrelievingdistresswheneverandwhereverhefoundit。Hisheart，hishand，andhispursewerealwaysopen。Withhisstoryinone\'smindwecanalmostseehisbenignantcountenancemovingcalmlyamongthehaggardfacesofMilaninthedayswhentheplaguesweptthecity，bravewhereallotherswerecowards，fullofcompassionwherepityhadbeencrushedoutofallotherbreastsbytheinstinctofself—preservationgonemadwithterror，cheeringall，prayingwithall，helpingall，withhandandbrainandpurse，atatimewhenparentsforsooktheirchildren，thefrienddesertedthefriend，andthebrotherturnedawayfromthesisterwhileherpleadingswerestillwailinginhisears。

ThiswasgoodSt。CharlesBorromeo，BishopofMilan。Thepeopleidolizedhim;princeslavisheduncountedtreasuresuponhim。Westoodinhistomb。

Nearbywasthesarcophagus，lightedbythedrippingcandles。Thewallswerefacedwithbas—reliefsrepresentingscenesinhislifedoneinmassivesilver。Thepriestputonashortwhitelacegarmentoverhisblackrobe，crossedhimself，bowedreverently，andbegantoturnawindlassslowly。

Thesarcophagusseparatedintwoparts，lengthwise，andthelowerpartsankdownanddisclosedacoffinofrockcrystalasclearastheatmosphere。

Withinlaythebody，robedincostlyhabilimentscoveredwithgoldembroideryandstarredwithscintillatinggems。Thedecayingheadwasblackwithage，thedryskinwasdrawntighttothebones，theeyesweregone，therewasaholeinthetempleandanotherinthecheek，andtheskinnylipswerepartedasinaghastlysmile！Overthisdreadfulface，itsdustanddecayanditsmockinggrin，hungacrownsownthickwithflashingbrilliants;

anduponthebreastlaycrossesandcrosiersofsolidgoldthatweresplendidwithemeraldsanddiamonds。

Howpoorandcheapandtrivialthesegewgawsseemedinpresenceofthesolemnity，thegrandeur，theawfulmajestyofDeath！ThinkofMilton，Shakespeare，Washington，standingbeforeareverentworldtrickedoutintheglassbeads，thebrassearrings，andtintrumperyofthesavagesoftheplains！DeadBorromeopreachedhispregnantsermon，anditsburdenwas:Youthatworshipthevanitiesofearth——youthatlongforworldlyhonor，worldlywealth，worldlyfame——beholdtheirworth！

Tousitseemedthatsogoodaman，sokindaheart，sosimpleanature，deservedrestandpeaceinagravesacredfromtheintrusionofpryingeyes，andbelievedthathehimselfwouldhavepreferredtohaveitso，butperadventureourwisdomwasatfaultinthisregard。

Aswecameoutuponthefloorofthechurchagain，anotherpriestvolunteeredtoshowusthetreasuresofthechurch。What，more？Thefurnitureofthenarrowchamberofdeathwehadjustvisitedweighedsixmillionsoffrancsinouncesandcaratsalone，withoutapennythrownintotheaccountforthecostlyworkmanshipbestoweduponthem！Butwefollowedintoalargeroomfilledwithtallwoodenpresseslikewardrobes。Hethrewthemopen，andbehold，thecargoesof"crudebullion"oftheassayofficesofNevadafadedoutofmymemory。TherewereVirginsandbishopsthere，abovetheirnaturalsize，madeofsolidsilver，eachworth，byweight，fromeighthundredthousandtotwomillionsoffrancs，andbearinggemmedbooksintheirhandswortheightythousand;therewerebas—reliefsthatweighedsixhundredpounds，carvedinsolidsilver;crosiersandcrosses，andcandlestickssixandeightfeethigh，allofvirgingoldandbrilliantwithpreciousstones;andbesidethesewereallmannerofcupsandvasesandsuchthings，richinproportion。ItwasanAladdin\'spalace。Thetreasureshere，bysimpleweight，withoutcountingworkmanship，werevaluedatfiftymillionsoffrancs！IfIcouldgetthecustodyofthemforawhile，Ifearmethemarketpriceofsilverbishopswouldadvanceshortly，onaccountoftheirexceedingscarcityintheCathedralofMilan。

ThepriestsshowedustwoofSt。Paul\'sfingersandoneofSt。Peter\'s;

aboneofJudasIscariot（itwasblack）andalsobonesofalltheotherdisciples;ahandkerchiefinwhichtheSaviourhadlefttheimpressionofhisface。AmongthemostpreciousoftherelicswereastonefromtheHolySepulchre，partofthecrownofthorns（theyhaveawholeoneatNotreDame），afragmentofthepurplerobewornbytheSaviour，anailfromtheCross，andapictureoftheVirginandChildpaintedbytheveritablehandofSt。Luke。ThisisthesecondofSt。Luke\'sVirginswehaveseen。OnceayearalltheseholyrelicsarecarriedinprocessionthroughthestreetsofMilan。

Iliketorevelinthedryestdetailsofthegreatcathedral。Thebuildingisfivehundredfeetlongbyonehundredandeightywide，andtheprincipalsteepleisintheneighborhoodoffourhundredfeethigh。Ithas7，148

marblestatues，andwillhaveupwardsofthreethousandmorewhenitisfinished。Inadditionithasonethousandfivehundredbas—reliefs。Ithasonehundredandthirty—sixspires——twenty—onemorearetobeadded。

Eachspireissurmountedbyastatuesixandahalffeethigh。Everythingaboutthechurchismarble，andallfromthesamequarry;itwasbequeathedtotheArchbishopricforthispurposecenturiesago。Sonothingbutthemereworkmanshipcosts;still，thatisexpensive——thebillfootsupsixhundredandeighty—fourmillionsoffrancsthusfar（considerablyoverahundredmillionsofdollars），anditisestimatedthatitwilltakeahundredandtwentyyearsyettofinishthecathedral。Itlookscomplete，butisfarfrombeingso。Wesawanewstatueputinitsnicheyesterday，alongsideofonewhichhadbeenstandingthesefourhundredyears，theysaid。Therearefourstaircasesleadinguptothemainsteeple，eachofwhichcostahundredthousanddollars，withthefourhundredandeightstatueswhichadornthem。MarcoCompioniwasthearchitectwhodesignedthewonderfulstructuremorethanfivehundredyearsago，andittookhimforty—sixyearstoworkouttheplanandgetitreadytohandovertothebuilders。Heisdeadnow。Thebuildingwasbegunalittlelessthanfivehundredyearsago，andthethirdgenerationhencewillnotseeitcompleted。

Thebuildinglooksbestbymoonlight，becausetheolderportionsofit，beingstainedwithage，contrastunpleasantlywiththenewerandwhiterportions。Itseemssomewhattoobroadforitsheight，butmaybefamiliaritywithitmightdissipatethisimpression。

TheysaythattheCathedralofMilanissecondonlytoSt。Peter\'satRome。Icannotunderstandhowitcanbesecondtoanythingmadebyhumanhands。

Webiditgood—byenow——possiblyforalltime。Howsurely，insomefutureday，whenthememoryofitshallhavelostitsvividness，shallwehalfbelievewehaveseenitinawonderfuldream，butneverwithwakingeyes！

Chapter19

"Doyouwiszohautcanbe？"

ThiswaswhattheguideaskedwhenwewerelookingupatthebronzehorsesontheArchofPeace。Itmeant，doyouwishtogoupthere？Igiveitasaspecimenofguide—English。Thesearethepeoplethatmakelifeaburthentothetourist。Theirtonguesareneverstill。Theytalkforeverandforever，andthatisthekindofbillingsgatetheyuse。Inspirationitselfcouldhardlycomprehendthem。Iftheywouldonlyshowyouamasterpieceofart，oravenerabletomb，oraprisonhouse，orabattlefield，hallowedbytouchingmemoriesorhistoricalreminiscences，orgrandtraditions，andthenstepasideandholdstillfortenminutesandletyouthink，itwouldnotbesobad。Buttheyinterrupteverydream，everypleasanttrainofthought，withtheirtiresomecackling。SometimeswhenIhavebeenstandingbeforesomecherishedoldidolofminethatIrememberedyearsandyearsagoinpicturesinthegeographyatschool，IhavethoughtIwouldgiveawholeworldifthehumanparrotatmysidewouldsuddenlyperishwherehestoodandleavemetogazeandponderandworship。

No，wedidnot"wiszohautcanbe。"WewishedtogotoLaScala，thelargesttheaterintheworld，Ithinktheycallit。Wedidso。Itwasalargeplace。Sevenseparateanddistinctmassesofhumanity——sixgreatcirclesandamonsterparquette。

WewishedtogototheAmbrosianLibrary，andwedidthatalso。WesawamanuscriptofVergil，withannotationsinthehandwritingofPetrarch，thegentlemanwholovedanotherman\'sLauraandlavisheduponherallthroughlifealovewhichwasaclearwasteoftherawmaterial。Itwassoundsentiment，butbadjudgment。Itbroughtbothpartiesfameandcreatedafountainofcommiserationfortheminsentimentalbreaststhatisrunningyet。ButwhosaysawordinbehalfofpoorMr。Laura？（Idonotknowhisothername。）

Whoglorifieshim？Whobedewshimwithtears？Whowritespoetryabouthim？

Nobody。Howdoyousupposehelikedthestateofthingsthathasgiventheworldsomuchpleasure？Howdidheenjoyhavinganothernfollowinghiswifeeverywhereandmakinghernameafamiliarwordineverygarlic—exterminatingmouthinItalywithhissonnetstoherpreemptedeyebrows？Theygotfameandsympathy——hegotneither。Thisisapeculiarlyfelicitousinstanceofwhatiscalledpoeticaljustice。Itisallveryfine，butitdoesnotchimewithmynotionsofright。Itistooone—sided——tooungenerous。

LettheworldgoonfrettingaboutLauraandPetrarchifitwill;butasforme，mytearsandmylamentationsshallbelavishedupontheunsungdefendant。

WesawalsoanautographletterofLucreziaBorgia，aladyforwhomIhavealwaysentertainedthehighestrespect，onaccountofherrarehistrioniccapabilities，heropulenceinsolidgoldgobletsmadeofgildedwood，herhighdistinctionasanoperaticscreamer，andthefacilitywithwhichshecouldorderasextuplefuneralandgetthecorpsesreadyforit。WesawonesinglecoarseyellowhairfromLucrezia\'shead，likewise。Itawokeemotions，butwestilllive。InthissamelibrarywesawsomedrawingsbyMichelangelo（theseItalianscallhimMickelangelo）andLeonardodaVinci。（TheyspellitVinciandpronounceitVinchy;foreignersalwaysspellbetterthantheypronounce。）Wereserveouropinionofthesesketches。

Inanotherbuildingtheyshowedusafrescorepresentingsomelionsandotherbeastsdrawingchariots;andtheyseemedtoprojectsofarfromthewallthatwetookthemtobesculptures。Theartisthadshrewdlyheightenedthedelusionbypaintingdustonthecreatures\'backs，asifithadfallentherenaturallyandproperly。Smartfellow——ifitbesmarttodeceivestrangers。

ElsewherewesawahugeRomanamphitheater，withitsstoneseatsstillingoodpreservation。Modernized，itisnowthesceneofmorepeacefulrecreationsthantheexhibitionofapartyofwildbeastswithChristiansfordinner。PartofthetimetheMilaneseuseitforaracetrack，andatotherseasonstheyflooditwithwaterandhavespiritedyachtingregattasthere。Theguidetoldusthesethings，andhewouldhardlytrysohazardousanexperimentasthetellingofafalsehood，whenitisallhecandotospeakthetruthinEnglishwithoutgettingthelockjaw。

Inanotherplacewewereshownasortofsummerarborwithafencebeforeit。Wesaidthatwasnothing。Welookedagainandsaw，throughthearbor，anendlessstretchofgardenandshrubberyandgrassylawn。Wewereperfectlywillingtogointhereandrest，butitcouldnotbedone。Itwasonlyanotherdelusionspaintingbysomeingeniousartistwithlittlecharityinhisheartfortiredfolk。Thedeceptionwasperfect。Noonecouldhaveimaginedtheparkwasnotreal。Weeventhoughtwesmelledtheflowersatfirst。

Wegotacarriageattwilightanddroveintheshadedavenueswiththeothernobility，andafterdinnerwetookwineandicesinafinegardenwiththegreatpublic。Themusicwasexcellent，theflowersandshrubberywerepleasanttotheeye，thescenewasvivacious，everybodywasgenteelandwellbehaved，andtheladieswereslightlymoustached，andhandsomelydressed，butveryhomely。

Weadjournedtoacaféandplayedbilliardsanhour，andImadesixorsevenpointsbythedoctorpocketinghisball，andhemadeasmanybymypocketingmyball。Wecamenearmakingacaromsometimes，butnottheoneweweretryingtomake。ThetablewasoftheusualEuropeanstyle——cushionsdeadandtwiceashighastheballs;thecuesinbadrepair。Thenativesplayonlyasortofpoolonthem。WehaveneverseenanybodyplayingtheFrenchthree—ballgameyet，andIdoubtifthereisanysuchgameknowninFranceorthattherelivesanymanmadenoughtotrytoplayitononeoftheseEuropeantables。WebadtostopplayingfinallybecauseDangottosleepingfifteenminutesbetweenthecountsandpayingnoattentiontohismarking。

Afterwardwewalkedupanddownoneofthemostpopularstreetsforsometime，enjoyingotherpeople\'scomfortandwishingwecouldexportsomeofittoourrestless，driving，vitality—consumingmartsathome。

JustinthisonematterliesthemaincharmoflifeinEurope——comfort。

InAmericawehurry——whichiswell;butwhentheday\'sworkisdone，wegoonthinkingoflossesandgains，weplanforthemorrow，weevencarryourbusinesscarestobedwithus，andtossandworryoverthemwhenweoughttoberestoringourrackedbodiesandbrainswithsleep。Weburnupourenergieswiththeseexcitements，andeitherdieearlyordropintoaleanandmeanoldageatatimeoflifewhichtheycallaman\'sprimeinEurope。Whenanacreofgroundhasproducedlongandwell，weletitliefallowandrestforaseason;wetakenomanclearacrossthecontinentinthesamecoachhestartedin——thecoachisstabledsomewhereontheplainsanditsheatedmachineryallowedtocootforafewdays;whenarazorhasseenlongserviceandrefusestoholdanedge，thebarberlaysitawayforafewweeks，andtheedgecomesbackofitsownaccord。Webestowthoughtfulcareuponinanimateobjects，butnoneuponourselves。

Whatarobustpeople，whatanationofthinkerswemightbe，ifwewouldonlylayourselvesontheshelfoccasionallyandrenewouredges！

IdoenvytheseEuropeansthecomforttheytake。Whentheworkofthedayisdone，theyforgetit。Someofthemgo，withwifeandchildren，toabeerhallandsitquietlyandgenteellydrinkingamugortwoofaleandlisteningtomusic;otherswalkthestreets，othersdriveintheavenues;

othersassembleinthegreatornamentalsquaresintheearlyeveningtoenjoythesightandthefragranceofflowersandtohearthemilitarybandsplay——noEuropeancitybeingwithoutitsfinemilitarymusicateventide;

andyetothersofthepopulacesitintheopenairinfrontoftherefreshmenthousesandeaticesanddrinkmildbeveragesthatcouldnotharmachild。

Theygotobedmoderatelyearlyandsleepwell。Theyarealwaysquiet，alwaysorderly，alwayscheerful，comfortable，andappreciativeoflifeanditsmanifoldblessings。Oneneverseesadrunkenmanamongthem。Thechangethathascomeoverourlittlepartyissurprising。Daybydaywelosesomeofourrestlessnessandabsorbsomeofthespiritofquietudeandeasethatisinthetranquilatmosphereaboutusandinthedemeanorofthepeople。Wegrowwiseapace。Webegintocomprehendwhatlifeisfor。

WehavehadabathinMilan，inapublicbathhouse。Theyweregoingtoputallthreeofusinonebathtub，butweobjected。EachofushadanItalianfarmonhisback。Wecouldhavefeltaffluentifwehadbeenofficiallysurveyedandfencedin。Wechosetohavethreebathtubs，andlargeones——tubssuitedtothedignityofaristocratswhohadrealestateandbroughtitwiththem。Afterwewerestrippedandhadtakenthefirstchillydash，wediscoveredthathauntingatrocitythathasembitteredourlivesinsomanycitiesandvillagesofItalyandFrance——therewasnosoap。Icalled。Awomananswered，andIbarelyhadtimetothrowmyselfagainstthedoor——shewouldhavebeenin，inanothersecond。Isaid:

"Beware，woman！Goawayfromhere——goawaynoworitwillbetheworseforyou。Iamanunprotectedmale，butIwillpreservemyhonorattheperilofmylife！"

Thesewordsmusthavefrightenedher，forshescurriedawayveryfast。

Dan\'svoiceroseontheair:

"Oh，bringsomesoap，whydon\'tyou！"

ThereplywasItalian。Danresumed:

"Soap，youknow——soap。ThatiswhatIwant——soap。S—o—a—p，soap;s—o—p—e，soap;s—o—u—p，soap。Hurryup！Idon\'tknowhowyouIrishspellit，butIwantit。Spellittosuityourself，butfetchit。I\'mfreezing。"

Iheardthedoctorsayimpressively:

"Dan，howoftenhavewetoldyouthattheseforeignerscannotunderstandEnglish？Whywillyounotdependuponus？Whywillyounottelluswhatyouwant，andletusaskforitinthelanguageofthecountry？Itwouldsaveusagreatdealofthehumiliationyourreprehensibleignorancecausesus。Iwilladdressthispersoninhismothertongue:\'Here，cospetto！CorpodiBacco！Sacramento！Solferino！Soap，yousonofagun！\'Dan，ifyouwouldletustalkforyou，youwouldneverexposeyourignorantvulgarity。"

EventhisfluentdischargeofItaliandidnotbringthesoapatonce，buttherewasagoodreasonforit。Therewasnotsuchanarticleabouttheestablishment。Itismybeliefthatthereneverhadbeen。Theyhadtosendfaruptownandtoseveraldifferentplacesbeforetheyfinallygotit，sotheysaid。Wehadtowaittwentyorthirtyminutes。Thesamethinghadoccurredtheeveningbeforeatthehotel。IthinkIhavedivinedthereasonforthisstateofthingsatlast。TheEnglishknowhowtotravelcomfortably，andtheycarrysoapwiththem;otherforeignersdonotusethearticle。

Ateveryhotelwestopatwealwayshavetosendoutforsoap，atthelastmoment，whenwearegroomingourselvesfordinner，andtheyputitinthebillalongwiththecandlesandothernonsense。

InMarseillestheymakehalfthefancytoiletsoapweconsumeinAmerica，buttheMarseillaisesonlyhaveavaguetheoreticalideaofitsuse，whichtheyhaveobtainedfrombooksoftravel，justastheyhaveacquiredanuncertainnotionofcleanshirtsandthepeculiaritiesofthegorillaandothercuriousmatters。ThisremindsmeofpoorBlucher\'snotetothelandlordinParis:PARIS，le7Juillet。MonsieurleLandlord——Sir:Pourquoidon\'tyoumettezsomesavoninyourbedchambers？Est—cequevouspensezIwillstealit？LanuitpasséeyouchargedmepourdeuxchandelleswhenIonlyhadone;hiervousavezchargedmeavecgracewhenIhadnoneatall;toutlesjoursyouarecomingsomefreshgameorotheronme，maisvousnepouvezpasplaythissavondodgeonmetwice。SavonisanecessarydelavietoanybodybutaFrenchman，etjeI\'auraihorsdecethôtelormaketrouble。Youhearme。Allons。BLUCHER。Iremonstratedagainstthesendingofthisnote，becauseitwassomixedupthatthelandlordwouldneverbeabletomakeheadortailofit;butBluchersaidheguessedtheoldmancouldreadtheFrenchofitandaveragetherest。

Blucher\'sFrenchisbadenough，butitisnotmuchworsethantheEnglishonefindsinadvertisementsalloverItalyeveryday。Forinstance，observetheprintedcardofthehotelweshallprobablystopatontheshoresofLakeComo:NOTISHThishotelwhichthebestitisinItalyandmostsuperb，ishandsomelocateonthebestsituationofthelake，withthemostsplendidviewneartheVillasMelzy，totheKingofBelgian，andSerbelloni。Thishotelhaverecentlyenlarge，doofferallcommoditiesonmoderateprice，atthestrangersgentlemenwhowhishspendtheseasonsontheLakeComo。Howisthatforaspecimen？InthehotelisahandsomelittlechapelwhereanEnglishclergymanisemployedtopreachtosuchoftheguestsofthehouseashailfromEnglandandAmerica，andthisfactisalsosetforthinbarbarousEnglishinthesameadvertisement。Wouldn\'tyouhavesupposedthattheadventurouslinguistwhoframedthecardwouldhaveknownenoughtosubmitittothatclergymanbeforehesentittotheprinter？