第44章

“Butpardonme!“shesaid。“Itiswrongofme。Iwearyyouwithmyeternalcomplaints。“

“No，never，never!“

“Ifyouknew，“shewenton，raisingtotheceilingherbeautifuleyes，inwhichatearwastrembling，“allthatIhaddreamed!“

“AndI!Oh，Itoohavesuffered!OftenIwentout；Iwentaway。I

draggedmyselfalongthequays，seekingdistractionamidthedinofthecrowdwithoutbeingabletobanishtheheavinessthatweigheduponme。Inanengraver’sshopontheboulevardthereisanItalianprintofoneoftheMuses。Sheisdrapedinatunic，andsheislookingatthemoon，withforget-me-notsinherflowinghair。Somethingdrovemetherecontinually；Istayedtherehourstogether。“Theninatremblingvoice，“Sheresembledyoualittle。“

MadameBovaryturnedawayherheadthathemightnotseetheirrepressiblesmileshefeltrisingtoherlips。

“Often，“hewenton，“IwroteyoulettersthatItoreup。“

Shedidnotanswer。Hecontinued——

“Isometimesfanciedthatsomechancewouldbringyou。IthoughtIrecognisedyouatstreet-corners，andIranafterallthecarriagesthroughwhosewindowsIsawashawlfluttering，aveillikeyours。“

Sheseemedresolvedtolethimgoonspeakingwithoutinterruption。Crossingherarmsandbendingdownherface，shelookedattherosettesonherslippers，andatintervalsmadelittlemovementsinsidethesatinofthemwithhertoes。

Atlastshesighed。

“Butthemostwretchedthing，isitnot——istodragout，asIdo，auselessexistence。Ifourpainswereonlyofsomeusetosomeone，weshouldfindconsolationinthethoughtofthesacrifice。“

Hestartedoffinpraiseofvirtue，duty，andsilentimmolation，havinghimselfanincrediblelongingforself-sacrificethathecouldnotsatisfy。

“Ishouldmuchlike，“shesaid，“tobeanurseatahospital。“

“Alas!menhavenoneoftheseholymissions，andIseenowhereanycalling——unlessperhapsthatofadoctor。“

Withaslightshrugofhershoulders，Emmainterruptedhimtospeakofherillness，whichhadalmostkilledher。Whatapity!

Sheshouldnotbesufferingnow!Leonatonceenviedthecalmofthetomb，andoneeveninghehadevenmadehiswill，askingtobeburiedinthatbeautifulrugwithvelvetstripeshehadreceivedfromher。Forthiswashowtheywouldhavewishedtobe，eachsettingupanidealtowhichtheywerenowadaptingtheirpastlife。Besides，speechisarolling-millthatalwaysthinsoutthesentiment。

Butatthisinventionoftherugsheasked，“Butwhy？“

“Why？“Hehesitated。“BecauseIlovedyouso!“Andcongratulatinghimselfathavingsurmountedthedifficult