第19章

Shelookedattheclock。Charleswaslate。Then，sheaffectedanxiety。Twoorthreetimessheevenrepeated，“Heissogood!“

TheclerkwasfondofMonsieurBovary。Butthistendernessonhisbehalfastonishedhimunpleasantly；neverthelesshetookuponhispraises，whichhesaideveryonewassinging，especiallythechemist。

“Ah!heisagoodfellow，“continuedEmma。

“Certainly，“repliedtheclerk。

AndhebegantalkingofMadameHomais，whoseveryuntidyappearancegenerallymadethemlaugh。

“Whatdoesitmatter？“interruptedEmma。“Agoodhousewifedoesnottroubleaboutherappearance。“

Thensherelapsedintosilence。

Itwasthesameonthefollowingdays；hertalks，hermanners，everythingchanged。Shetookinterestinthehousework，wenttochurchregularly，andlookedafterherservantwithmoreseverity。

ShetookBerthefromnurse。Whenvisitorscalled，Felicitebroughtherin，andMadameBovaryundressedhertoshowoffherlimbs。Shedeclaredsheadoredchildren；thiswasherconsolation，herjoy，herpassion，andsheaccompaniedhercaresseswithlyricaloutburstwhichwouldhaveremindedanyonebuttheYonvillepeopleofSachettein“NotreDamedeParis。“

WhenCharlescamehomehefoundhisslippersputtowarmnearthefire。Hiswaistcoatnowneverwantedlining，norhisshirtbuttons，anditwasquiteapleasuretoseeinthecupboardthenight-capsarrangedinpilesofthesameheight。Shenolongergrumbledasformerlyattakingaturninthegarden；whatheproposedwasalwaysdone，althoughshedidnotunderstandthewishestowhichshesubmittedwithoutamurmur；andwhenLeonsawhimbyhisfiresideafterdinner，histwohandsonhisstomach，histwofeetonthefender，histwocheeksredwithfeeding，hiseyesmoistwithhappiness，thechildcrawlingalongthecarpet，andthiswomanwiththeslenderwaistwhocamebehindhisarm-chairtokisshisforehead：“Whatmadness!“hesaidtohimself。“Andhowtoreachher!“

Andthussheseemedsovirtuousandinaccessibletohimthathelostallhope，eventhefaintest。Butbythisrenunciationheplacedheronanextraordinarypinnacle。Tohimshestoodoutsidethosefleshlyattributesfromwhichhehadnothingtoobtain，andinhisheartsheroseever，andbecamefartherremovedfromhimafterthemagnificentmannerofanapotheosisthatistakingwing。Itwasoneofthosepurefeelingsthatdonotinterferewithlife，thatarecultivatedbecausetheyarerare，andwhoselosswouldafflictmorethantheirpassionrejoices。

Emmagrewthinner，hercheekspaler，herfacelonger。Withherblackhair，herlargeeyes，heraquilinenose，herbirdlikewalk，andalwayssilentnow，didshenotseemtobepassingthroughlifescarcelytouchingit，andtobearonherbrowthevagueimpressofsomedivinedestiny？Shewassosadandsocalm，atoncesogentleandsoreserved，thatnearheronefeltoneselfseizedbyanicycharm，asweshudderinchurchesattheperfumeoftheflowersminglingwiththecoldofthemarble。Theothersevendidnotescapefromthisseduction。Thechemistsaid——

“Sheisawomanofgreatparts，whowouldn’tbemisplacedinasub-prefecture。“

Thehousewivesadmiredhereconomy，thepatientsherpoliteness，thepoorhercharity。

Butshewaseatenupwithdesires，withrage，withhate。Thatdresswiththenarrowfoldshidadistractedfear，ofwhosetormentthosechastelipssaidnothing。ShewasinlovewithLeon，andsoughtsolitudethatshemightwiththemoreeasedelightinhisimage。Thesightofhisformtroubledthevoluptuousnessofthismediation。Emmathrilledatthesoundofhisstep；theninhispresencetheemotionsubsided，andafterwardsthereremainedtoheronlyanimmenseastonishmentthatendedinsorrow。

Leondidnotknowthatwhenheleftherindespairsheroseafterhehadgonetoseehiminthestreet。Sheconcernedherselfabouthiscomingsandgoings；shewatchedhisface；sheinventedquiteahistorytofindanexcuseforgoingtohisroom。Thechemist’swifeseemedhappytohertosleepunderthesameroof，andherthoughtsconstantlycentereduponthishouse，likethe“Liond’Or“pigeons，whocametheretodiptheirredfeetandwhitewingsinitsgutters。ButthemoreEmmarecognisedherlove，themoreshecrusheditdown，thatitmightnotbeevident，thatshemightmakeitless。ShewouldhavelikedLeontoguessit，andsheimaginedchances，catastrophesthatshouldfacilitatethis。

Whatrestrainedherwas，nodoubt，idlenessandfear，andasenseofshamealso。Shethoughtshehadrepulsedhimtoomuch，thatthetimewaspast，thatallwaslost。Then，pride，andjoyofbeingabletosaytoherself，“Iamvirtuous，“andtolookatherselfintheglasstakingresignedposes，consoledheralittleforthesacrificeshebelievedshewasmaking。

Thenthelustsoftheflesh，thelongingformoney，andthemelancholyofpassionallblendedthemselvesintoonesuffering，andinsteadofturningherthoughtsfromit，sheclavetoitthemore，urgingherselftopain，andseekingeverywhereoccasionforit。Shewasirritatedbyanill-serveddishorbyahalf-opendoor；bewailedthevelvetsshehadnot，thehappinessshehadmissed，hertooexalteddreams，hernarrowhome。

WhatexasperatedherwasthatCharlesdidnotseemtonoticeheranguish。Hisconvictionthathewasmakingherhappyseemedtoheranimbecileinsult，andhissurenessonthispointingratitude。Forwhosesake，thenwasshevirtuous？Wasitnotforhim，theobstacletoallfelicity，thecauseofallmisery，and，asitwere，thesharpclaspofthatcomplexstrapthatbuckedherinonallsides。

Onhimalone，then，sheconcentratedallthevarioushatredsthatresultedfromherboredom，andeveryefforttodiminishonlyaugmentedit；forthisuselesstroublewasaddedtotheotherreasonsfordespair，andcontributedstillmoretotheseparationbetweenthem。Herowngentlenesstoherselfmadeherrebelagainsthim。Domesticmediocritydrovehertolewdfancies，marriagetendernesstoadulterousdesires。ShewouldhavelikeCharlestobeather，thatshemighthaveabetterrighttohatehim，torevengeherselfuponhim。Shewassurprisedsometimesattheatrociousconjecturesthatcameintoherthoughts，andshehadtogoonsmiling，tohearrepeatedtoheratallhoursthatshewashappy，topretendtobehappy，toletitbebelieved。

Yetshehadloathingofthishypocrisy。ShewasseizedwiththetemptationtofleesomewherewithLeontotryanewlife；butatonceavaguechasmfullofdarknessopenedwithinhersoul。

“Besides，henolongerlovesme，“shethought。“Whatistobecomeofme？Whathelpistobehopedfor，whatconsolation，whatsolace？“

Shewasleftbroken，breathless，inert，sobbinginalowvoice，withflowingtears。

“Whydon’tyoutellmaster？“theservantaskedherwhenshecameinduringthesecrises。

“Itisthenerves，“saidEmma。“Donotspeaktohimofit；itwouldworryhim。“

“Ah!yes，“Felicitewenton，“youarejustlikeLaGuerine，PereGuerin’sdaughter，thefishermanatPollet，thatIusedtoknowatDieppebeforeIcametoyou。Shewassosad，sosad，toseeherstandinguprightonthethresholdofherhouse，sheseemedtoyoulikeawinding-sheetspreadoutbeforethedoor。Herillness，itappears，wasakindoffogthatshehadinherhead，andthedoctorscouldnotdoanything，northepriesteither。Whenshewastakentoobadshewentoffquitealonetothesea-shore，sothatthecustomsofficer，goinghisrounds，oftenfoundherlyingflatonherface，cryingontheshingle。Then，afterhermarriage，itwentoff，theysay。“

“Butwithme，“repliedEmma，“itwasaftermarriagethatitbegan。“

ChapterSixOneeveningwhenthewindowwasopen，andshe，sittingbyit，hadbeenwatchingLestiboudois，thebeadle，trimmingthebox，shesuddenlyheardtheAngelusringing。

ItwasthebeginningofApril，whentheprimrosesareinbloom，andawarmwindblowsovertheflower-bedsnewlyturned，andthegardens，likewomen，seemtobegettingreadyforthesummerfetes。Throughthebarsofthearbourandawaybeyond，theriverseeninthefields，meanderingthroughthegrassinwanderingcurves。Theeveningvapoursrosebetweentheleaflesspoplars，touchingtheiroutlineswithaviolettint，palerandmoretransparentthanasubtlegauzecaughtathwarttheirbranches。Inthedistancecattlemovedabout；neithertheirstepsnortheirlowingcouldbeheard；andthebell，stillringingthroughtheair，keptupitspeacefullamentation。

Withthisrepeatedtinklingthethoughtsoftheyoungwomanlostthemselvesinoldmemoriesofheryouthandschool-days。Sherememberedthegreatcandlesticksthatroseabovethevasesfullofflowersonthealtar，andthetabernaclewithitssmallcolumns。Shewouldhavelikedtobeoncemorelostinthelonglineofwhiteveils，markedoffhereandtherebythestuffblackhoodsofthegoodsistersbendingovertheirprie-Dieu。AtmassonSundays，whenshelookedup，shesawthegentlefaceoftheVirginamidthebluesmokeoftherisingincense。Thenshewasmoved；shefeltherselfweakandquitedeserted，likethedownofabirdwhirledbythetempest，anditwasunconsciouslythatshewenttowardsthechurch，includedtonomatterwhatdevotions，sothathersoulwasabsorbedandallexistencelostinit。

OnthePlaceshemetLestivoudoisonhiswayback，for，inordernottoshortenhisday’slabour，hepreferredinterruptinghiswork，thenbeginningitagain，sothatherangtheAngelustosuithisownconvenience。Besides，theringingoveralittleearlierwarnedtheladsofcatechismhour。

Alreadyafewwhohadarrivedwereplayingmarblesonthestonesofthecemetery。Others，astridethewall，swungtheirlegs，kickingwiththeirclogsthelargenettlesgrowingbetweenthelittleenclosureandthenewestgraves。Thiswastheonlygreenspot。Alltherestwasbutstones，alwayscoveredwithafinepowder，despitethevestry-broom。

Thechildreninlistshoesranaboutthereasifitwereanenclosuremadeforthem。Theshoutsoftheirvoicescouldbeheardthroughthehummingofthebell。Thisgrewlessandlesswiththeswingingofthegreatropethat，hangingfromthetopofthebelfry，draggeditsendontheground。Swallowsflittedtoandfroutteringlittlecries，cuttheairwiththeedgeoftheirwings，andswiftlyreturnedtotheiryellownestsunderthetilesofthecoping。Attheendofthechurchalampwasburning，thewickofanight-lightinaglasshungup。Itslightfromadistancelookedlikeawhitestaintremblingintheoil。Alongrayofthesunfellacrossthenaveandseemedtodarkenthelowersidesandthecorners。

“Whereisthecure？“askedMadameBovaryofoneofthelads，whowasamusinghimselfbyshakingaswivelinaholetoolargeforit。