第21章

Hedidnotcoughonceinthecourseofanhour，smiled，kissedKitty’shand，thankingherwithtears，andsaidhewascomfortable，freefrompain，andthathefeltstrongandhadanappetite。Heevenraisedhimselfwhenhissoupwasbrought，andaskedforacutletaswell。Hopelesslyillashewas，obviousasitwasatthefirstglancethathecouldnotrecover，LevinandKittywereforthathourbothinthesamestateofexcitement，happy，thoughfearfulofbeingmistaken。

`Ishebetter？’-`Yes，much。’-`It’swonderful。’-`There’snothingwonderfulinit。’-`Anyway，he’sbetter，’-theysaidinawhisper，smilingtooneanother。

Thisself-deceptionwasnotoflongduration。Thesickmanfellintoaquietsleep，buthewaswakeduphalfanhourlaterbyhiscough。

Andallatonceeveryhopevanishedinthoseabouthimandinhimself。

TherealityofhissufferingcrushedallhopesinLevinandKitty，andinthesickmanhimself，leavingnodoubt，nomemoryevenofpasthopes。

Withoutreferringtowhathehadbelievedinhalfanhourbefore，asthoughashamedeventorecallit，heaskedforiodinetoinhaleinabottlecoveredwithperforatedpaper。Levingavehimthebottle，andthesamelookofpassionatehopewithwhichhehadtakenthesacramentwasnowfastenedonhisbrother，demandingfromhimtheconfirmationofthedoctor’swordsthatinhalingiodineworkedwonders。

`Isn’tKatiahere？’hegasped，lookingroundwhileLevinreluctantlyassentedtothedoctor’swords。`No-thenIcansayit……ItwasforhersakeIwentthroughthatfarce。She’ssosweet；butyouandIcan’tdeceiveourselves。ThisiswhatIbelievein，’hesaid，and，squeezingthebottleinhisbonyhand，hebeganbreathingoverit。

Ateighto’clockintheeveningLevinandhiswifeweredrinkingteaintheirroom，whenMaryaNikolaevnaranintothembreathlessly。Shewaspale，andherlipswerequivering-`Heisdying！’shewhispered。

`I’mafraidhewilldierightaway。’

Bothofthemrantohim。Hewassittingraisedup，withoneelbowonthebed，hislongbackbent，andhisheadhanginglow。

`Howdoyoufeel？’Levinaskedinawhisper，afterasilence。

`IfeelI’msettingoff，’Nikolaisaidwithdifficulty，butwithextremedistinctness，deliberatelysqueezingthewordsoutofhimself。

Hedidnotraisehishead，butsimplyturnedhiseyesupward，withouttheirreachinghisbrother’sface。`Katia，goaway！’headded。

Levinjumpedup，andwithaperemptorywhispermadehergoout。

`I’msettingoff，’hesaidagain。

`Whydoyouthinkso？’saidLevin，soastosaysomething。

`BecauseI’msettingoff，’herepeated，asthoughhehadalikingforthephrase。`It’stheend。’

MaryaNikolaevnawentuptohim。

`Youhadbetterliedown；you’dbeeasier，’shesaid。

`Ishallliedownsoonenough，’hepronouncedslowly，`whenI’mdead，’hesaidsarcastically，wrathfully。`Well，youcanputmedownifyoulike。’

Levinlaidhisbrotheronhisback，satdownbesidehim，andgazedathisface，holdinghisbreath。Thedyingmanlaywithclosedeyes，butthemusclestwitchedfromtimetotimeonhisforehead，aswithonethinkingdeeplyandintensely。Levininvoluntarilythoughtwithhimofwhatitwasthatwashappeningtohimnow，butinspiteofallhismentaleffortstokeephimcompany，hesawbytheexpressionofthatcalm，sternface，andbytheplayingmuscleabovehisbrow，thatforthedyingmantherewasgrowingclearerandclearerallthatwasstillasdarkaseverforLevin。

`Yes，yes，so，’thedyingmanarticulatedslowlyatintervals。

`Waitalittle。’Hewassilentagain。`Right！’hepronouncedallatoncereassuringly，asthoughallweresolvedforhim。`OLord！’hemurmured，andsigheddeeply。

MaryaNikolaevnafelthisfeet。`They’regettingcold，’shewhispered。

Foralongwhile，averylongwhile，itseemedtoLevin，thesickmanlaymotionless。Buthewasstillalive，andfromtimetotimehesighed。

Levinbynowwasexhaustedfrommentalstrain。Hefeltthatwithnomentaleffortcouldheunderstandwhatitwasthatwasright。Hefeltthathecouldnotfollowthedyingman’sthinking。Hecouldnoteventhinkoftheproblemofdeathitself，but，withnowillofhisown，thoughtskeptcomingtohimofwhathehadtodonext-closingthedeadman’seyes，dressinghim，orderingthecoffin。And，strangetosay，hefeltutterlycold，andwasnotconsciousofsorrownorofloss，lessstillofpityforhisbrother。

Ifhehadanyfeelingforhisbrotheratthatmoment，itwasratherenvyfortheknowledgethedyingmanhadnow，whichhecouldnothave。

Alongtimemorehesatoverhimso，continuallyexpectingtheend。Buttheenddidnotcome。ThedooropenedandKittyappeared。Levingotuptostopher。Butatthemomenthewasgettingup，hecaughtthesoundofthedyingmanstirring。

`Don’tgoaway，’saidNikolaiandheldouthishand。Levingavehimhis，andangrilywavedtohiswifetogoaway。

Withthedyingman’shandinhishand，hesatforhalfanhour，anhour，anotherhour。Hedidnotthinkofdeathatallnow。HewonderedwhatKittywasdoing；wholivedinthenextroom；whetherthedoctorlivedinahouseofhisown。Helongedforfoodandforsleep。Hecautiouslydrewawayhishandandfeltthefeet。Thefeetwerecold，butthesickmanwasstillbreathing。Levintriedoncemoretomoveawayontiptoe，butthesickmanstirredagainandsaid:`Don’tgo。’

Thedawncame；thesickman’sconditionwasunchanged。Levinstealthilywithdrewhishand，and，withoutlookingatthedyingman，wentofftohisownroomandwenttosleep。Whenhewokeup，insteadofnewsofhisbrother’sdeathwhichheexpected，helearnedthatthesickmanhadreturnedtohisearliercondition。Hehadbegunsittingupagain，coughing，hadbeguneatingagain，talkingagain，andagainhadceasedtotalkofdeath，againhadbeguntoexpresshopeofhisrecovery，andhadbecomemoreirritableandgloomierthanever。Noone，neitherhisbrothernorKitty，couldsoothehim。Hewasangrywitheveryone，andsaidnastythingstoeveryone，reproachedeveryoneforhissufferings，andinsistedthattheyshouldgethimacelebrateddoctorfromMoscow。Toallinquiriesmadeofhimastohowhefelt，hemadethesameanswerwithanexpressionofvindictivereproachfulness:

`I’msufferinghorribly，intolerably！’Thesickmanwassufferingmoreandmore，especiallyfrombedsores，whichitwasimpossiblenowtoremedy，andgrewmoreandmoreangrywitheveryoneabouthim，blamingthemforeverything，andespeciallyfornothavingbroughthimadoctorfromMoscow。

Kittytriedineverypossiblewaytorelievehim，tosoothehim；butitwasallinvain，andLevinsawthatsheherselfwasexhaustedbothphysicallyandmorally，thoughshewouldnotadmitit。Thesenseofdeath，whichhadbeenevokedinallbyhistakingleaveoflifeonthenightwhenhehadsentforhisbrother，wasbrokenup。Everyoneknewthathemustinevitablydiesoon，thathewashalf-deadalready。Everyonewishedfornothingbutthatheshoulddieassoonaspossible，andeveryone，concealingthis，gavehimmedicines，triedtofindremediesanddoctors，anddeceivedhim，andthemselves，andoneanother。Allthiswasfalsehood，disgusting，irreverentdeceit。Andowingtothebentofhischaracter，andbecausehelovedthedyingmanmorethananyoneelsedid，Levinwasmostpainfullyconsciousofthisdeceit。

Levin，whohadlongbeenpossessedbytheideaofreconcilinghisbrothers，atleastinfaceofdeath，hadwrittentohisbrother，SergeiIvanovich，andhavingreceivedananswerfromhim，hereadthislettertothesickman。SergeiIvanovichwrotethathecouldnotcomehimself，andintouchingtermshebeggedhisbrother’sforgiveness。

Thesickmansaidnothing。

`WhatamItowritetohim？’saidLevin。`Ihopeyouarenotangrywithhim？’

`No，notintheleast！’Nikolaianswered，vexedatthequestion。

`Tellhimtosendmeadoctor。’

Threemoredaysofagonyfollowed；thesickmanwasstillinthesamecondition。Thesenseoflongingforhisdeathwasfeltbyeveryonenowwhosawhim:bythewaiters，andthehotelkeeper，andallthepeoplestayinginthehotel，andthedoctor，andMaryaNikolaevna，andLevin，andKitty。Thesickmanalonedidnotexpressthisfeeling，butonthecontrarywasfuriousattheirnotgettinghimdoctors，andwentontakingmedicineandtalkingoflife。Onlyatraremoments，whentheopiumgavehimaninstant’srelieffromhisnever-ceasingpain，hewouldsometimes，half-asleep，utterwhatwasevermoreintenseinhisheartthaninalltheothers:`Oh，ifitwereonlytheend！’or，`Whenwillitbeover？’

Hissufferings，steadilygrowingmoreintense，didtheirworkandpreparedhimfordeath。Therewasnopositioninwhichhewasnotinpain，therewasnotaminuteinwhichhewasunconsciousofit，notalimb，notapartofhisbodythatdidnotacheandcausehimagony。Eventhememories，theimpressions，thethoughtsofthisbodyawakenedinhimnowthesameaversionasthebodyitself。Thesightofotherpeople，theirremarks，hisownreminiscences-everythingwasforhimasourceofagony。

Thoseabouthimfeltthis，andinstinctivelydidnotallowthemselvestomovefreely，totalk，toexpresstheirwishesbeforehim。Allhislifewasmergedintheonefeelingofsufferinganddesiretoberidofit。

Therewasevidentlycomingoverhimthatrevulsionwhichwouldmakehimlookupondeathasthegoalofhisdesires，ashappiness。Hithertoeachindividualdesire，arousedbysufferingorprivation，suchashunger，fatigue，thirst，hadbeensatisfiedbysomebodilyfunctiongivingpleasure。

Butnownophysicalcravingorsufferingreceivedrelief，andtheefforttorelievethemonlycausedfreshsuffering。Andsoalldesiresweremergedinone-thedesiretoberidofallhissufferingsandtheirsource，thebody。Buthehadnowordstoexpressthisdesireofdeliverance，andsohedidnotspeakofit，andfromhabitaskedforthesatisfactionofdesireswhichcouldnotnowbesatisfied。`Turnmeoverontheotherside，’hewouldsay，andimmediatelyafterhewouldasktobeturnedbackagainasbefore。`Givemesomebroth。Takeawaythebroth。Talkofsomething:whyareyousilent？’Anddirectlytheybegantotalkhewouldclosehiseyes，andwouldshowweariness，indifference，andloathing。

Onthetenthdayfromtheirarrivalinthetown，Kittywasunwell。

Shesufferedfromheadacheandsickness，andshecouldnotgetupallthemorning。

Thedoctoropinedthattheindispositionarosefromfatigueandexcitement，andprescribedrest。

Afterdinner，however，Kittygotupandwentaswithherworktothesickman。Helookedathersternlywhenshecamein，andsmiledcontemptuouslywhenshesaidshehadbeenunwell。Thatdayhewascontinuallyblowinghisnose，andgroaningpiteously。

`Howdoyoufeel？’sheaskedhim。

`Worse，’hearticulatedwithdifficulty。`Inpain！’

`Inpain，where？’

`Everywhere。’

`Itwillbeovertoday，youwillsee，’saidMaryaNikolaevna。

Thoughitwassaidinawhisper，thesickman，whosehearingLevinhadnoticedwasverykeen，musthaveheard。Levinsaid`Hush！’toher，andlookedroundatthesickman。Nikolaihadheard；butthesewordsproducednoeffectonhim。Hiseyeshadstillthesameintense，reproachfullook。

`Whydoyouthinkso？’Levinaskedher，whenshehadfollowedhimintothecorridor。

`Hehasbegunpickingathimself，’saidMaryaNikolaevna。

`Howdoyoumean？’

`Likethis，’shesaid，tuggingatthefoldsofherwoolenskirt。

Levinnoticed，indeed，thatallthatdaythepatientpulledathimself，asitwere，tryingtosnatchsomethingaway。

MaryaNikolaevna’spredictioncametrue。Towardnightthesickmanwasnotabletolifthishands，andcouldonlygazebeforehimwiththesameintenselyconcentratedexpressioninhiseyes。EvenwhenhisbrotherorKittybentoverhim，sothathecouldseethem，helookedjustthesame。

Kittysentforthepriesttoreadtheprayerforthedying。

Whilethepriestwasreadingit，thedyingmandidnotshowanysignoflife；hiseyeswereclosed。Levin，KittyandMaryaNikolaevnastoodatthebedside。Thepriesthadnotquitefinishedreadingtheprayerwhenthedyingmanstretched，sighed，andopenedhiseyes。Thepriest，onfinishingtheprayer，putthecrosstothecoldforehead，thenslowlyreturnedittothestand，and，afterstandinginsilencefortwominutesmore，hetouchedthehuge，bloodlesshandthatwasturningcold。

`Heisgone，’saidthepriest，andwouldhavemovedaway；butsuddenlytherewasafaintstirinthemustachesofthedeadman，thatseemedgluedtogether，andquitedistinctlyinthehushtheyheardfromthebottomofthechestthesharplydefinedsounds:

`Notquite……Soon。’

Andaminutelaterthefacebrightened，asmilecameoutunderthemustaches，andthewomenwhohadgatheredroundbegancarefullylayingoutthecorpse。

Thesightofhisbrother，andthenearnessofdeath，revivedinLevinthatsenseofhorrorinthefaceoftheinsolvableenigma，togetherwiththenearnessandinevitabilityofdeath，thathadcomeuponhimthatautumneveningwhenhisbrotherhadcometohim。Thisfeelingwasnowevenstrongerthanbefore；evenlessthanbeforedidhefeelcapableofapprehendingthemeaningofdeath，anditsinevitabilityroseupbeforehimmoreterriblethanever。Butnow，thankstohiswife’spresence，thatfeelingdidnotreducehimtodespair。Inspiteofdeath，hefelttheneedoflifeandlove。Hefeltthatlovesavedhimfromdespair，andthathislove，underthemenaceofdespair，hadbecomestillstrongerandpurer。

Theonemysteryofdeath，stillunsolved，hadscarcelypassedbeforehiseyes，whenanothermysteryhadarisen，asinsoluble，urginghimtoloveandtolife。

ThedoctorconfirmedhisformersuppositionsinregardtoKitty。

Herindispositionconsistedofpregnancy。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]

TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart5，Chapter21[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter21FromthemomentwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichunderstoodfromhisinterviewswithBetsyandwithStepanArkadyevichthatallthatwasexpectedofhimwastoleavehiswifeinpeace，withoutburdeningherwithhispresence，andthathiswifeherselfdesiredthis，hefeltsodistraughtthathecouldcometonodecisionbyhimself；hedidnotknowhimselfwhathewantednow，and，puttinghimselfinthehandsofthosewhoweresopleasedtointerestthemselvesinhisaffairs，hemeteverythingwithunqualifiedassent。ItwasonlywhenAnnahadlefthishouse，andtheEnglishgovernesssenttoaskhimwhethersheshoulddinewithhimorseparately，thatforthefirsttimeheclearlycomprehendedhisposition，andwasappalledbyit。

Mostdifficultofallinthispositionwasthefactthathecouldnotinanywayconnectandreconcilehispastwiththepresent。Itwasnotthepastwhenhehadlivedhappilywithhiswifethattroubledhim。

Thetransitionfromthatpasttoaknowledgeofhiswife’sunfaithfulnesshehadalreadylivedthroughmiserably；thatstatehadbeenpainful，buthecouldunderstandit。Ifhiswifehadthen，ondeclaringtohimherunfaithfulness，lefthim，hewouldhavebeenwounded，unhappy，buthewouldnothavebeeninthehopelessposition-incomprehensibletohimself-inwhichhefelthimselfnow。Hecouldnotnowreconcilehisimmediatepast，histenderness，hisloveforhissickwife，andfortheotherman’schildwithwhatwasnowthecase-withthefactthat，seeminglyinreturnforallthis，henowfoundhimselfalone，puttoshame，alaughingstock，neededbynoone，anddespisedbyeveryone。

Forthefirsttwodaysafterhiswife’sdepartureAlexeiAlexandrovichreceivedpetitionersandhisheadclerk，drovetothecommittee，andwentdowntodinnerinthediningroomasusual。Withoutgivinghimselfareasonforwhathewasdoing，hestrainedeverynerveofhisbeingforthosetwodays，simplytopreserveanappearanceofcomposure，andevenofindifference。

AnsweringinquiriesaboutthedispositionofAnnaArkadyevna’sroomsandbelongings，hehadexercisedimmenseself-controltoappearlikeamaninwhoseeyeswhathadoccurredwasnotunforeseennoroutoftheordinarycourseofevents，andheattainedhisaim:noonecouldhavedetectedinhimanysignsofdespair。Butontheseconddayafterherdeparture，whenKorneigavehimabillfromafashionabledraper’sshop，whichAnnahadforgottentopay，andannouncedthattheshopmanwaswaiting，AlexeiAlexandrovichtoldhimtoshowthemanup。

`Excuseme，YourExcellency，forventuringtotroubleyou。ButifyoudirectustoapplytoHerExcellency，wouldyougraciouslyobligeuswithheraddress？’

AlexeiAlexandrovichpondered，asitseemedtotheshopman，andallatonce，turninground，hesatdowntothetable。Buryinghisheadinhishands，hesatforalongwhileinthatposition，madeseveralattemptstospeak，andstoppedshort。

Kornei，perceivinghismaster’semotion，askedtheshopmantocallanothertime。Leftalone，AlexeiAlexandrovichrealizedthathehadnotthestrengthtokeepuptheroleoffirmnessandcomposureanylonger。

Hegaveordersforthecarriagethatwasawaitinghimtobetakenback，andfornoonetobeadmitted，andhedidnotgodowntodinner。

Hefeltthathecouldnotenduretheweightofuniversalcontemptandexasperation，whichhehaddistinctlyseeninthefacesoftheshopmanandofKorneiandofeveryone，withoutexception，whomhehadmetduringthesetwodays。Hefeltthathecouldnotturnasidefromhimselfthehatredofmen，becausethathatreddidnotcomefromhisbeingbad(inthatcasehecouldhavetriedtobebetter)，butfromhisbeingshamefullyandrepulsivelyunhappy。Heknewthatforthis，fortheveryfactthathisheartwastornwithgrief，theywouldbemercilesstohim。Hefeltthatmenwouldcrushhimasdogsstrangleamangleddog，yelpingwithpain。Heknewthathissolemeansofsecurityagainstpeoplewastohidehiswoundsfromthem，andinstinctivelyhetriedtodothisfortwodays，butnowhefeltincapableofkeepinguptheunequalstruggle。

Hisdespairwasevenintensifiedbytheconsciousnessthathewasutterlyaloneinhissorrow。InallPeterburgtherewasnotahumanbeingtowhomhecouldexpresswhathewasfeeling，whowouldfeelforhim，notasahighofficial，notasamemberofsociety，butsimplyasasufferingman；indeed，hehadnotsuchaoneinthewholeworld。

AlexeiAlexandrovichgrewupanorphan。Thereweretwobrothers。

Theydidnotremembertheirfather，andtheirmotherdiedwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichwastenyearsold。Thepropertywasasmallone。Theiruncle，Karenin，agovernmentofficialofhighstanding，atonetimeafavoriteofthelateCzar，hadbroughtthemup。

Oncompletinghishighschoolanduniversitycourseswithmedals，AlexeiAlexandrovichhad，withhisuncle’said，immediatelystartedinaprominentpositionintheservice，andfromthattimeforwardhehaddevotedhimselfexclusivelytopoliticalambition。Inthehighschoolandtheuniversity，andafterwardintheservice，AlexeiAlexandrovichhadneverformedaclosefriendshipwithanyone。Hisbrotherhadbeenthepersonnearesttohisheart，buthehadapostintheMinistryofForeignAffairs，andwasalwaysabroad，wherehehaddiedshortlyafterAlexeiAlexandrovich’smarriage。

Whilehewasgovernorofaprovince，Anna’saunt，awealthyprovinciallady，hadbroughthim-middle-agedashewas，thoughyoungforagovernor-togetherwithherniece，andhadsucceededinputtinghiminsuchapositionthathehadeithertodeclarehimse