第17章

ThePrincesswentuptoherhusband，kissedhim，andwouldhavegoneaway，butheheldherback，embracedher，andtenderly，asayounglover，kissedherseveraltimes，smiling。Theoldpeoplewereobviouslymuddledforamoment，anddidnotquiteknowwhetheritwastheywhowereinloveagainortheirdaughter。WhenthePrinceandthePrincesshadgone，Levinwentuptohisbetrothedandtookherhand。Hewasself-possessednowandcouldspeak，andhehadagreatdealhewantedtotellher。Buthedidnotsayatallwhathehadtosay。

`HowIknewitwouldbeso！Ineverhopedforit；andyetinmyheartIwasalwayssure，’hesaid。`Ibelievethatitwasordained。’

`AndI？’shesaid。`Evenwhen……’Shestoppedandwentonagain，lookingathimresolutelywithhertruthfuleyes，`EvenwhenIthrustmyhappinessfromme。Ialwayslovedyouonly，butIwascarriedaway。Ioughttotellyou……Canyouforgiveit？’

`Perhapsitwasforthebest。Youwillhavetoforgivemesomuch。

Ioughttotellyou……’

Thiswasoneofthethingshehadmeanttospeakabout。Hehadresolvedfromthefirsttotellhertwothings-thathewasnotchasteasshewas，andthathewasnotabeliever。Itwasagonizing，butheconsideredheoughttotellherboththesefacts。

`No，notnow，later！’hesaid。

`Verywell，later，butyoumustcertainlytellme。I’mnotafraidofanything。Iwanttoknoweverything。Nowitissettled。’

Headded:

`Settledthatyou’lltakemewhateverImaybe-youwon’tgivemeup？Yes？’

`Yes，yes。’

TheirconversationwasinterruptedbyMademoiselleLinon，whowithanaffectedbuttendersmilecametocongratulateherfavoritepupil。

Beforeshehadgone，theservantscameinwiththeircongratulations。Thenrelationsarrived，andtherebeganthatstateofblissfulabsurdityfromwhichLevindidnotemergetillthedayafterhiswedding。Levinwasinacontinualstateofawkwardnessanddiscomfort，buttheintensityofhishappinesswentonincreasingallthewhile。Hefeltcontinuallythatagreatdealwasbeingexpectedofhim-what，hedidnotknow；andhedideverythinghewastold，anditallgavehimhappiness。Hehadthoughthisengagementwouldhavenothingaboutitlikeothers，thattheordinaryconditionsofengagedcoupleswouldspoilhisspecialhappiness；butitendedinhisdoingexactlyasotherpeopledid，andhishappinessbeingonlyincreasedtherebyandbecomingmoreandmorespecial，moreandmoreunlikeanythingthathadeverhappened。

`Nowweshallhavesweetmeatstoeat，’saidMademoiselleLinon-andLevindroveofftobuysweetmeats。

`Well，I’mveryglad，’saidSviiazhsky。`IadviseyoutogetthebouquetsfromFomin’s。’

`Oh，aretheywanted？’AndhedrovetoFomin’s。

Hisbrotherrecommendedlendingmoneytohim，ashewouldhavesomanyexpenses，presentstogive……

`Oh，arepresentswanted？’AndhegallopedtoFoulde’s。

Andattheconfectioner’s，andatFomin’s，andatFoulde’shesawthathewasexpected；thattheywerepleasedtoseehim，andpridedthemselvesonhishappiness，justaseveryonedidwhomhehadtodowithduringthosedays。Whatwasextraordinarywasthateveryonenotonlylikedhim，butevenpeoplepreviouslyunsympathetic，cold，andcallous，wereenthusiasticoverhim，gavewaytohimineverything，treatedhisfeelingswithtendernessanddelicacy，andsharedhisconvictionthathewasthehappiestmanintheworldbecausehisbetrothedwasbeyondperfection。

Kittytoofeltthesamething。WhenCountessNordstoneventuredtohintthatshehadhopedforsomethingbetter，KittywassoangryandprovedsoconclusivelythatnothingintheworldcouldbebetterthanLevin，thatCountessNordstonehadtoadmitit，andinKitty’spresencenevermetLevinwithoutasmileofecstaticadmiration。

Theconfessionhehadpromisedwastheonepainfulincidentofthistime。HeconsultedtheoldPrince，andwithhissanctiongaveKittyhisdiary，inwhichtherewaswrittentheconfessionthattorturedhim。

Hehadwrittenthisdiaryatthetimewithaviewtohisfuturewife。Twothingscausedhimanguish:hislackofpurityandhislackoffaith。Hisconfessionofunbeliefpassedunnoticed。Shewasreligious，hadneverdoubtedthetruthsofreligion，buthisexternalunbeliefdidnotaffectherintheleast。Throughlovesheknewallhissoul，andinhissoulshesawwhatshewanted，andthatsuchastateofsoulshouldbecalledunbelievingwastoheramatterofnoaccount。Theotherconfessionsetherweepingbitterly。

Levin，notwithoutaninnerstruggle，handedherhisdiary。Heknewthatbetweenhimandhertherecouldnotbe，andshouldnotbe，anysecrets，andsohehaddecidedthatsoitmustbe。Buthehadnotrealizedwhataneffectitwouldhaveonher，hehadnotputhimselfinherplace。

Itwasonlywhenthesameeveninghecametotheirhousebeforethetheater，wentintoherroom，andsawhertearstained，pitiful，sweetface，miserablewiththesufferinghehadcausedandnothingcouldundo，thathefelttheabyssthatseparatedhisshamefulpastfromherdovelikepurity，andwasappalledatwhathehaddone。

`Takethem，takethesedreadfulbooks！’shesaid，pushingawaythenotebookslyingbeforeheronthetable。`Whydidyougivethemme？

No，itwasbetteranyway，’sheadded，touchedbyhisdespairingface。`Butit’sawful，awful！’

Hisheadsank，andhewassilent。Hecouldsaynothing。

`Youcan’tforgiveme，’hewhispered。

`Yes，Iforgiveyou；butit’shorrible！’

Buthishappinesswassoimmensethatthisconfessiondidnotshatterit，itonlyaddedanothershadetoit。Sheforgavehim；butfromthattime，morethanever，heconsideredhimselfunworthyofher，morallyboweddownlowerthaneverbeforeher，andprizedmorehighlythaneverhisundeservedhappiness。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter17[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter17Unconsciouslygoingoverinhismemorytheconversationsthathadtakenplaceduringandafterdinner，AlexeiAlexandrovichreturnedtohissolitaryroom。DaryaAlexandrovna’swordsaboutforgivenesshadarousedinhimnothingbutannoyance。TheapplicabilityornonapplicabilityoftheChristianprecepttohisowncasewastoodifficultaquestiontobediscussedlightly，andthisquestionhadlongagobeenansweredbyAlexeiAlexandrovichinthenegative。Ofallthathadbeensaid，whatstuckmostinhismemorywasthephraseofstupid，good-naturedTurovtsin:`Actedlikeaman，hedid！

Calledhimoutandshothim！’Everyonehadapparentlysharedthisfeeling，thoughfrompolitenesstheyhadnotexpressedit。

`Butthematterissettled；it’suselessthinkingaboutit，’AlexeiAlexandrovichtoldhimself。Andthinkingofnothingbutthejourneybeforehim，andtherevisionworkhehadtodo，hewentintohisroomandaskedtheporterwhoescortedhimwherehismanwas；theportersaidthatthemanhadjustgoneout。AlexeiAlexandrovichorderedteatobesenthim，satdowntothetable，and，takingtheschedule，beganconsideringtherouteofhisjourney。

`Twotelegrams，’saidhisvalet，comingintotheroom。`Ibegyourpardon，YourExcellency；I’djuststeppedoutthisveryminute。’

AlexeiAlexandrovichtookthetelegramsandopenedthem。ThefirsttelegramwastheannouncementofStremov’sappointmenttotheverypostKareninhadcoveted。AlexeiAlexandrovichflungthetelegramdown，and，flushing，gotupandbegantopaceupanddowntheroom。`Quosvultperderedementat，’hesaid，meaningbyquosthepersonsresponsibleforthisappointment。Hewasnotsomuchannoyedatnotreceivingthepost，asathavingbeensoconspicuouslypassedover；butitwasincomprehensible，amazingtohimthattheydidnotseethatthewordyphrasemongerStremovwasthelastmanfitforit。Howcouldtheyfailtoseetheywereruiningthemselves，loweringtheirprestigebythisappointment？

`Somethingelseinthesameline，’hesaidtohimselfbitterly，openingthesecondtelegram。Thetelegramwasfromhiswife。Hername，writteninbluepencil，`Anna，’wasthefirstthingthatcaughthiseye。

`Iamdying；Ibeg，Iimploreyoutocome。Ishalldieeasierwithyourforgiveness，’heread。Hesmiledcontemptuously，andflungdownthetelegram。

Thatthiswasatrickandafraud，ofthat-hethoughtforthefirstminute-therecouldbenodoubt。

`Thereisnodeceitshewouldstickat。Shewasnearherconfinement。

Perhapsitistheconfinement。Butwhatcanbetheiraim？Tolegitimizethechild，tocompromiseme，andpreventadivorce，’hethought。`Butsomethingwassaidinit:Iamdying……’Hereadthetelegramagain，andsuddenlytheplainmeaningofwhatwassaidinitstruckhim。`Andifitistrue？’

hesaidtohimself。`Ifitistruethatinthemomentofagonyandnearnesstodeathsheisgenuinelypenitent，andI，takingitforatrick，refusetogo？Thatwouldnotonlybecruel，andeveryonewouldblameme，butitwouldbestupidonmypart。’

`Piotr，callacoach；IamgoingtoPeterburg，’hesaidtohisservant。

AlexeiAlexandrovichdecidedthathewouldgotoPeterburgandseehiswife。Ifherillnesswasatrick，hewouldsaynothingandgoawayagain。Ifshewerereallyindanger，andwishedtoseehimbeforeherdeath，hewouldforgiveherifhefoundheralive，andpayherthelastdutiesifhecametoolate。

Allthewayhethoughtnomoreofwhatheoughttodo。

Withasenseofwearinessanduncleannessfromthenightspentinthetrain，intheearlyfogofPeterburg，AlexeiAlexandrovichdrovethroughthedesertedNevskyProspect，andstaredstraightbeforehim，withoutthinkingofwhatwasawaitinghim。Hecouldnotthinkaboutit，becauseinpicturingwhatwouldhappen，hecouldnotdriveawaythereflectionthatherdeathwouldatonceremoveallthedifficultyofhisposition。

Bakers，closedshops，nightcabmen，streetsweeperssweepingthepavementsflashedpasthiseyes，andhewatcheditall，tryingtosmotherthethoughtofwhatwasawaitinghim，andwhathedarednothopefor，andyetwashopingfor。Hedroveuptothesteps。Ahackneysleigh，andacoachwithitscoachmanasleep，stoodattheentrance。Ashewentintotheentry，AlexeiAlexandrovichseemedtogetouthisresolutionfromtheremotestcornerofhisbrain，andmastereditthoroughly。Itsmeaningran:`Ifit’satrick，thencalmcontemptanddeparture。Iftruth，dowhatisseemly。’

TheporteropenedthedoorbeforeAlexeiAlexandrovichrang。Theporter，Kapitonich，lookedqueerinanoldcoat，withoutatie，andinslippers。

`Howisyourmistress？’

`Shewasconfinedyesterday，successfully。’

AlexeiAlexandrovichstoppedshortandturnedwhite。Hefeltdistinctlynowhowintenselyhehadlongedforherdeath。

`Andhowisshe？’

Korneiinhismorningapronrandownstairs。

`Veryill，’heanswered。`Therewasaconsultationyesterday，andthedoctor’sherenow。’

`Takemythings，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，and，feelingsomereliefatthenewsthattherewasstillhopeofherdeath，hewentintothehall。

Onthehatstandtherewasamilitaryovercoat。AlexeiAlexandrovichnoticeditandasked:

`Whoishere？’

`Thedoctor，themidwife，andCountVronsky。’

AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheinnerrooms。

Inthedrawingroomtherewasnoone；atthesoundofhisstepsthemidwifecameoutofAnna’sboudoir，inacapwithlilacribbons。

ShewentuptoAlexeiAlexandrovich，andwiththefamiliaritygivenbytheapproachofdeathtookhimbythearmanddrewhimtowardthebedroom。

`ThankGodyou’vecome！Shekeepsontalkingaboutyou，andnothingbutyou，’shesaid。

`Makehastewiththeice！’thedoctor’speremptoryvoicecamefromthebedroom。

AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheboudoir。Athertable，sittingsidewaysinalowchair，wasVronsky，hisfacehiddeninhishands，weeping。

Hejumpedupatthedoctor’svoice，tookhishandsfromhisface，andsawAlexeiAlexandrovich。Seeingthehusband，hewassooverwhelmedthathesatdownagain，drawinghisheadintohisshoulders，asifhewantedtodisappear；buthemadeaneffortoverhimself，gotupandsaid:

`Sheisdying。Thedoctorssaythereisnohope。Iamentirelyinyourpower，onlyletmebehere……thoughIamatyourdisposal。I……’

AlexeiAlexandrovich，seeingVronsky’stears，feltarushofthatnervousemotionalwaysproducedinhimbythesightofotherpeople’ssufferings，and，turningawayhisface，hemovedhurriedlytothedoor，withouthearingtherestofthewords。FromthebedroomcamethesoundofAnna’svoicesayingsomething。Hervoicewaslively，animated，withexceedinglydistinctintonations。AlexeiAlexandrovichwentintothebedroom，andwalkeduptothebed。Shewaslyingwithherfaceturnedtowardhim。Hercheekswereflushedcrimson，hereyesglittered，herlittlewhitehandsthrustoutfromthecuffsofherdressinggownwereplayingwiththequilt，twistingitabout。Itseemedasthoughshewerenotonlywellandblooming，butinthehappiestframeofmind。Shewastalkingrapidly，musically，andwithexceptionallycorrectarticulationandexpressiveintonation。

`BecauseAlexei-IamspeakingofAlexeiAlexandrovich(whatastrangeandawfulthingthatbothareAlexeis，isn’tit？)-Alexeiwouldnotrefuseme。Ishouldforget，hewouldforgive……Butwhydoesn’thecome？He’ssogood，hedoesn’tknowhimselfhowgoodheis。Ah，myGod，whatpangs！Givemesomewater，quick！Oh，thatwillbebadforher-mylittlegirl！Oh，verywellthen，givehertoanurse。Yes，Iagree，it’sbetterinfact。He’llbecoming；itwillhurthimtoseeher。Givehertothenurse。’

`AnnaArkadyevna，hehascome。Hereheis！’saidthemidwife，tryingtoattractherattentiontoAlexeiAlexandrovich。

`Oh，whatnonsense！’Annawenton，notseeingherhusband。`No，givehertome；givememylittleone！Hehasnotcomeyet。Yousayhewon’tforgiveme，becauseyoudon’tknowhim。Nooneknowshim。I’mtheonlyone，anditwashardformeeven。Ioughttoknowhiseyes-Seriozhahasjustsucheyes-andIcan’tbeartoseethembecauseofit。HasSeriozhahadhisdinner？Iknoweveryonewillforgettodoit。Hewouldnotforget。

Seriozhamustbemovedintothecornerroom，andMariettemustbeaskedtosleepwithhim。’

Allofasuddensheshrankback，andwassilent；andinterror，asthoughexpectingablow，asthoughtodefendherself，sheraisedherhandstoherface。Shehadseenherhusband。

`No，no！’shebegan。`Iamnotafraidofhim；Iamafraidofdeath。

Alexei，comehere。Iaminahurry，becauseI’venotime，Ihaven’tlonglefttolive；thefeverwillbegindirectlyandIshallunderstandnothingmore。NowIunderstand，Iunderstanditall-Iseeitall！’

AlexeiAlexandrovich’swrinkledfaceworeanexpressionofsuffering；

hetookherbythehandandtriedtosaysomething，buthecouldnotutterit；hislowerlipquivered，buthestillwentonstrugglingwithhisemotion，andonlynowandthenglancedather。Andeachtimeheglancedather，hesawhereyesgazingathimwithsuchpassionateandexultanttendernessashehadneveryetseeninthem。

`Waitaminute，youdon’tknow……Stayalittle，stay！……’Shestopped，asthoughcollectingherideas。`Yes，’shebegan，`yes，yes，yes！

ThisiswhatIwantedtosay。Don’tbesurprisedatme。I’mstillthesame……

Butthereisanotherwomaninme-I’mafraidofher:shelovedthatman，andItriedtohateyou，andcouldnotforgetaboutherthatusedtobe。

Thatwomanisn’tmyself。NowI’mmyrealself。I’mdyingnow，IknowI

shalldie-askhim。EvennowIfeel-seehere，theweightsonmyfeet，onmyhands，onmyfingers。Myfingers-seehowhugetheyare！Butthiswillsoonbeallover……OnlyonethingIwant:forgiveme，forgivemequite。I’mterrible，butmynursewouldtellme-theholymartyr-whatwashername？Shewasworse。AndI’llgotoRome；there’sawilderness，andthereIshallbenotroubletoanyone，onlyI’lltakeSeriozhaandthelittleone……No，youcan’tforgiveme！Iknow，itcan’tbeforgiven！

No，no，goaway，you’retoogood！’Sheheldhishandinoneburninghand，whileshepushedhimawaywiththeother。

ThenervousagitationofAlexeiAlexandrovichkeptincreasing，andhadbynowreachedsuchapointthatheceasedtostrugglewithit。

Hesuddenlyfeltthatwhathehadregardedasnervousagitationwasonthecontraryablissfulspiritualconditionthatgavehimallatonceanewhappinesshehadneverknown。HedidnotthinkthattheChristianlaw，whichhehadbeenallhislifetryingtofollow，enjoinedonhimtoforgiveandlovehisenemies；butajoyousfeelingofloveandforgivenessforhisenemiesfilledhisheart。Hekneltdown，andlayinghisheadinthecurveofherarm，whichburnedhimaswithfirethroughthesleeve，hesobbedlikealittlechild。Sheputherarmaroundhishead，whichwasbeginningtogrowbald，movedtowardhim，andwithdefiantpridelifteduphereyes。

`Thatishe。Iknewhim！Now，good-by，everyone，good-by！……They’vecomeagain；whydon’ttheygoaway？……Oh，takethesefurcoatsoffme！’

Thedoctorunloosedherhands，carefullylayingheronthepillow，andcoveredheruptotheshoulders。Shelaybacksubmissively，andlookedbeforeherwithbeamingeyes。

`Rememberonething，thatIneedednothingbutforgiveness，andIwantnothingmore……Whydoesn’thecome？’shesaid，turningtothedoor，towardVronsky。`Docome，docome！Givehimyourhand。’

Vronskycametothesideofthebed，andseeingAnna，againhidhisfaceinhishands。

`Uncoveryourface-lookathim！He’sasaint，’shesaid。`Oh！

uncoveryourface，douncoverit！’shesaidangrily。`AlexeiAlexandrovich，douncoverhisface！Iwanttoseehim。’

AlexeiAlexandrovichtookVronsky’shandsanddrewthemawayfromhisface，whichwasawfulwiththeexpressionofagonyandshameuponit。

`Givehimyourhand。Forgivehim。’

AlexeiAlexandrovichgavehimhishand，notattemptingtorestrainthetearsthatstreamedfromhiseyes。

`ThankGod，thankGod！’shesaid，`noweverythingisready。Onlytostretchmylegsalittle。There，that’scapital。Howbadlytheseflowersaredone-notabitlikeaviolet，’shesaid，pointingtothehangings。

`MyGod，myGod！whenwillitend？Givemesomemorphine。Doctor，givemesomemorphine！Oh，myGod，myGod！’

Andshetossedaboutonthebed。

Thedoctorssaidthatitwaspuerperalfever，andthatninety-ninechancesinahundreditwouldendindeath。Thewholedaylongtherewasfever，delirium，andunconsciousness。Atmidnightthepatientlaywithoutconsciousness，andalmostwithoutpulse。

Theendwasexpectedeveryminute。

Vronskyhadgonehome，butinthemorninghecametoinquire，andAlexeiAlexandrovich，meetinghiminthehall，said:`Betterstay，shemightaskforyou，’andhimselfledhimtohiswife’sboudoir。Towardmorningtherewasareturnagainofexcitement，rapidthoughtandtalk，andagainitendedinunconsciousness。Onthethirddayitwasthesamething，andthedoctorssaidtherewashope。ThatdayAlexeiAlexandrovichwentintotheboudoirwhereVronskywassitting，and，closingthedoor，satdownoppositehim。

`AlexeiAlexandrovich，’saidVronsky，feelingthatastatementofthesituationwascoming，`Ican’tspeak，Ican’tunderstand。Spareme！Howeverharditisforyou，believeme，itismoreterribleforme。’

Hewouldhaverisen；butAlexeiAlexandrovichtookhimbythehandandsaid:

`Ibegyoutohearmeout；itisnecessary。Imustexplainmyfeelings，thefeelingsthathaveguidedme，andwillguideme，sothatyoumaynotbeinerrorregardingme。YouknowIhadresolvedonadivorce，andhadevenbeguntotakeproceedings。Iwon’tconcealfromyouthatinbeginningthisIwasinuncertainty，Iwasinmisery；IwillconfessthatIwaspursuedbyadesiretorevengemyselfonyouandonher。WhenIgotthetelegram，Icameherewiththesamefeelings；Iwillsaymore-Ilongedforherdeath。But……’Hepaused，ponderingwhethertodiscloseornottodisclosehisfeelings。`ButIsawherandforgaveher。Andthehappinessofforgivenesshasrevealedtomemyduty。Iforgivecompletely。Iwouldoffertheothercheek，Iwouldgivemycloakifmycoatbetaken。IpraytoGodonlynottotakefrommetheblissofforgiveness！’

Tearsstoodinhiseyes，andtheluminous，serenelookinthemimpressedVronsky。

`Thisismyposition:youcantramplemeinthemud，makemethelaughingstockoftheworld-Iwillnotabandonher，andIwillneverutterawordofreproachtoyou，’AlexeiAlexandrovichwenton。`Mydutyisclearlymarkedforme；Ioughttobewithher，andIwillbe。Ifshewishestoseeyou，Iwillletyouknow，butnowIsupposeitwouldbebetterforyoutogoaway。’

Hegotup，andsobscutshorthiswords。Vronskytoowasgettingup，andinastooping，notyeterectposture，lookedupathimfromunderhisbrows。HedidnotunderstandAlexeiAlexandrovich’sfeeling，buthefeltthatitwassomethinghigher，andevenunattainableforhimwithhisviewoflife。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter18[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter18AftertheconversationwithAlexeiAlexandrovich，VronskywentoutonthestepsoftheKarenins’houseandstoodstill，withdifficultyrememberingwherehewas，andwhereheoughttowalkordrive。Hefeltdisgraced，humiliated，guilty，anddeprivedofallpossibilityofwashingawayhishumiliation。

Hefeltthrustoutofthebeatentrackalongwhichhehadsoproudlyandlightlywalkedtillthen。Allthehabitsandrulesofhislifethathadseemedsofirm，hadturnedoutsuddenlyfalseandinapplicable。Thebetrayedhusband，whohadfiguredtillthattimeasapitifulcreature，anincidentalandsomewhatludicrousobstacletohishappiness，hadsuddenlybeensummonedbyherherself，elevatedtoanawe-inspiringpinnacle，andonthepinnaclethathusbandhadshownhimself-notmalignant，notfalse，notludicrous-butkindandstraightforwardandgrand。Vronskycouldnotbutfeelthis，andtherolesweresuddenlyreversed。Vronskyfelttheother’selevationandhisownabasement，theother’struthandhisownfalsehood。Hefeltthatthehusbandwasmagnanimouseveninhissorrow，whilehehadbeenbaseandpettyinhisdeceit。Butthissenseofhisownhumiliationbeforethemanhehadunjustlydespisedmadeuponlyasmallpartofhismisery。

Hefeltunutterablywretchednow，forhispassionforAnna，whichhadseemedtohimoflatetobegrowingcooler，nowthatheknewhehadlostherforever，wasstrongerthaneverithadbeen。Hehadseenallofherinherillness，hadcometoknowherverysoul，anditseemedtohimthathehadneverlovedhertillthen。Andnow，whenhehadlearnedtoknowher，toloveherassheshouldbeloved，hehadbeenhumiliatedbeforeher，andhadlostherforever，leavingwithhernothingofhimselfbutashamefulmemory。

Mostterribleofallhadbeenhisludicrous，shamefulpositionwhenAlexeiAlexandrovichhadpulledhishandsawayfromhishumiliatedface。HestoodonthestepsoftheKarenins’houselikeonedistraught，anddidnotknowwhattodo。

`Ahack，sir？’askedtheporter。

`Yes-ahack。’

Ongettinghome，afterthreesleeplessnights，Vronsky，withoutundressing，layproneonthesofa，claspinghishandsandlayinghisheadonthem。Hisheadwasheavy。Images，memories，andideasofthestrangestdescriptionfollowedoneanotherwithextraordinaryrapidityandvividness。

Firstitwasthemedicinehehadpouredoutforthepatientandspilledoutofthespoon；thenthemidwife’swhitehands；thenthequeerpostureofAlexeiAlexandrovichonthefloorbesidethebed。

`Tosleep！Toforget！’hesaidtohimselfwiththesereneconfidenceofahealthymanthatifheistiredandsleepy，hewillgotosleepatonce。Andthesameinstanthisheaddidbegintofeeldrowsyandhebegantodropoffintoforgetfulness。Thewavesoftheseaofunconsciousnesshadbeguntomeetoverhishead，whenallatonceitseemedasthoughaviolentshockofelectricityhadpassedoverhim。Hestartedsothatheleapeduponthespringsofthesofa，andleaningonhisarmsgotonhiskneesinafright。Hiseyeswerewideopenasthoughhehadneverbeenasleep。Theheavinessinhisheadandtheflabbinessinhislimbsthathehadfeltaminutebeforehadsuddenlygone。

`Youmaytramplemeinthemud，’heheardAlexeiAlexandrovich’swordsandsawhimstandingbeforehim，andsawAnna’sfacewithitsburningflushandglitteringeyes，gazingwithloveandtendernessnotathimbutatAlexeiAlexandrovich；hesawhisown，ashefancied，foolishandludicrousfigurewhenAlexeiAlexandrovichhadtakenhishandsawayfromhisface。

Hestretchedouthislegsagainandflunghimselfonthesofainthesamepositionandshuthiseyes。

`Tosleep！Tosleep！’herepeatedtohimself。ButwithhiseyesshuthesawmoredistinctlythaneverAnna’sfaceasithadbeenonthememorableeveningbeforetheraces。

`Thiscannot，andwillnotbe，andshewantstowipeitoutofhermemory。ButIcannotlivewithoutit。Howcanwebereconciled？Howcanwebereconciled？’hesaidaloud，andunconsciouslybegantorepeatthesewords。Thisrepetitionofwordscheckedtherisingoffreshimagesandmemories，whichhefeltwerethronginginhisbrain。Butrepeatingwordsdidnotcheckhisimaginationforlong。Again，inextraordinarilyrapidsuccession，hisbestmomentsrosebeforehismind，andthenhisrecenthumiliation。`Takeawayhishands，’Anna’svoicewassaying。Hetakesawayhishandsandfeelstheshame-struckandidioticexpressionofhisface。

Hewasstilllyingdown，tryingtosleep，thoughhefelttherewasnotthesmallesthopeofit，andkeptrepeatingstraywordsfromsomechainofthought，tryingbythistochecktherisingfloodoffreshimages。

Helistened，andheardwordsrepeatedinastrange，madwhisper:`Youdidnotappreciateit，didnotmakeenoughofit。Youdidnotappreciateit，didnotmakeenoughofit。’

`What’sthis？AmIgoingoutofmymind？’hesaidtohimself`Perhaps。

Whatmakesmengooutoftheirminds-whatmakesmenshootthemselves？’

heansweredhimself，and，openinghiseyes，hesawwithwonderanembroideredcushionbesidehim，workedbyVaria，hisbrother’swife。Hetouchedthetasselofthecushion，andtriedtothinkofVaria，ofwhenhehadseenherlast。Buttothinkofanythingextraneouswasanagonizingeffort。

`No，Imustsleep！’Hemovedthecushionup，andpressedhisheadintoit，buthehadtomakeanefforttokeephiseyesshut。Hejumpedupandsatdown。`That’salloverforme，’hesaidtohimself。`Imustthinkwhattodo。Whatisleft？’HismindrapidlyranthroughhislifeapartfromhisloveofAnna。

`Ambition？Serpukhovskoy？Society？TheCourt？’Hecouldnotcometoapauseanywhere。Allofithadhadmeaningbefore，butnowtherewasnorealityinit。Hegotupfromthesofa，tookoffhiscoat，undidhisbelt，and，uncoveringhishairychesttobreathemorefreely，walkedupanddowntheroom。`Thisishowpeoplegomad，’herepeated，`andhowtheyshootthemselves……toescapehumiliation，’headdedslowly。

Hewenttothedoorandclosedit，andthenwithfixedeyesandclenchedteethhewentuptothetable，tookarevolver，lookeditabout，turnedittoaloadedbarrel，andsankintothought。Fortwominutes，hisheadbentforwardwithanexpressionofanintenseeffortofthought，hestoodwiththerevolverinhishand，motionless，thinking。`Ofcourse，’

hesaidtohimself，asthoughalogical，continuous，andclearchainofreasoninghadbroughthimtoanindubitableconclusion。Inrealitythis`ofcourse，’soconvincingtohim，wassimplytheresultofrepeatingexactlythesamecircleofmemoriesandimagesthroughwhichhehadalreadypassedtentimesduringthelasthour。Therewerethesamememoriesofhappinesslostforever，thesameconceptionofthesenselessnessofeverythingtocomeinlife，thesameconsciousnessofhumiliation。Therewasthesamesequenceoftheseimagesandemotionstoo。

`Ofcourse，’herepeated，whenforthethirdtimehisthoughtpassedagainroundthesamespellboundcircleofmemoriesandimages，and，puttingtherevolvertotheleftsideofhischest，andtwitchingvigorouslywithhiswholehand，asthoughsqueezingitinhisfist，hepulledthetrigger。Hedidnothearthesoundoftheshot，butaviolentblowonhischestknockedhimdown。Hetriedtoclutchattheedgeofthetable，droppedtherevolver，staggered，andsatdownontheground，lookingabouthiminastonishment。Hedidnotrecognizehisroom，ashelookedupfromthegroundatthebentlegsofthetable，atthewastepaperbasket，andthetigerskinrug。Thehurried，creakingstepsofhisservantcomingthroughthedrawingroombroughthimtohissenses。Hemadeaneffortatthought，andwasawarethathewasonthefloor；andseeingbloodonthetigerskinrugandonhisarm，heknewhehadshothimself。

`Idiotic！Missed！’hesaid，fumblingaftertherevolver。Therevolverwasclosebesidehim-hewasgropingfartheroff。Stillgropingforit，hestretchedouttotheotherside，andnotbeingstrongenoughtokeephisbalance，fellover，streamingwithblood。

Theelegant，whiskeredmanservant，whousedtobecontinuallycomplainingtohisacquaintancesofthedelicacyofhisnerves，wassopanic-strickenonseeinghismasterlyingonthefloorthathelefthimlosingbloodwhileheranforassistance。AnhourlaterVaria，hisbrother’swife，hadarrived，andwiththeassistanceofthreedoctors，whomshehadsentforinalldirections，andwhoallappearedatthesamemoment，shegotthewoundedmantobed，andremainedtonursehim。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter19[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter19ThemistakemadebyAlexeiAlexandrovich，whenpreparingtoseehiswife，inhavingoverlookedthepossibilitythatherrepentancemightbesincere，andthathemightforgiveher，andshemightnotdie-thismistakewastwomonthsafterhisreturnfromMoscowbroughthometohiminallitssignificance。Butthemistakemadebyhimhadarisennotsimplyfromhishavingoverlookedthatcontingency，butalsofromthefactthat，untilthedayofhisinterviewwithhisdyingwife，hehadnotknownhisownheart。Athissickwife’sbedsidehehadforthefirsttimeinhislifegivenwaytothatfeelingofsympatheticsufferingalwaysrousedinhimbythesufferingsofothers，andhithertolookedonbyhimwithshameasaharmfulweakness。Andpityforher，andremorseforhavingdesiredherdeath，and，mostofall，thejoyofforgiveness，madehimatonceconscious，notsimplyofthereliefofhisownsufferings，butofaspiritualpeacehehadneverexperiencedbefore。Hesuddenlyfeltthattheverythingthatwasthesourceofhissufferingshadbecomethesourceofhisspiritualjoy；thatwhathadseemedinsolvablewhilehewasjudging，blaming，andhating，hadbecomeclearandsimplewhenheforgaveandloved。

Heforgavehiswifeandpitiedherforhersufferingsandherremorse。HeforgaveVronsky，andpitiedhim，especiallyafterreportsreachedhimofhisdespairingaction。Hefeltmoreforhissonthanbefore。Andheblamedhimselfnowforhavingtakentoolittleinterestinhim。Butforthelittlenewbornbabyhefeltaquitepeculiarsentiment，notofpityonly，butoftenderness。Atfirst，fromafeelingofcompassionalone，hehadbeeninterestedinthedelicatelittlecreature，whowasnothischild，andwhowasneglectedduringhermother’sillness，andwouldcertainlyhavediedifhehadnottroubledabouther；andhedidnothimselfobservehowfondhebecameofher。Hewouldgointothenurseryseveraltimesaday，andsitthereforalongwhile，sothatthenurseandwetnurses，whowereatfirstafraidofhim，gotquiteusedtohispresence。Sometimes，forhalfanhouratastretch，hewouldsitsilentlygazingatthesaffron-red，downy，wrinkledfaceofthesleepingbaby，watchingthemovementsofthefrowningbrows，andtheplumplittlehandswithclenchedfingers，thatrubbedthelittleeyesandbridgeofthenosewiththebackoftheirpalms。

AtsuchmomentsparticularlyAlexeiAlexandrovichhadasenseofperfectpeaceandinwardharmony，andsawnothingextraordinaryinhisposition，nothingthatoughttobechanged。

But，astimewenton，hesawmoreandmoredistinctlythathowevernaturalthepositionnowseemedtohim，hewouldnotlongbeallowedtoremaininit。Hefeltthatbesidestheblessedspiritualforcecontrollinghissoul，therewasanother，abrutalforce，aspowerful，ormorepowerful，whichcontrolledhislife，andthatthisforcewouldnotallowhimthathumblepeacehelongedfor。Hefeltthateveryonewaslookingathimwithinquiringwonder，thathewasnotunderstood，andthatsomethingwasexpectedofhim。Aboveall，hefelttheinstabilityandunnaturalnessofhisrelationswithhiswife。

Whenthesofteningeffectofthenearapproachofdeathhadpassedaway，AlexeiAlexandrovichbegantonoticethatAnnawasafraidofhim，illateasewithhim，andcouldnotlookhimstraightintheface。Sheseemedtobewanting，yetnotdaring，totellhimsomething；and，asthoughforeseeingthattheirpresentrelationscouldnotcontinue，sheseemedtobeexpectingsomethingfromhim。

TowardtheendofFebruaryAnna’sbabydaughter，whohadalsobeennamedAnna，happenedtofallill。AlexeiAlexandrovichwasinthenurseryinthemorning，andleavingordersforthedoctortobesentfor，hewenttohisoffice。Onfinishinghiswork，hereturnedhomeatfour。

Goingintothehallhesawahandsomefootman，inagalloonedliveryandabear-furcape，holdingawhitefurcloak。

`Whoishere？’askedAlexeiAlexandrovich。

`PrincessElizavetaFiodorovnaTverskaia，’thefootmananswered，anditseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichthatthefellowgrinned。

DuringallthisdifficulttimeAlexeiAlexandrovichhadnoticedthathisworldlyacquaintances，especiallywomen，tookapeculiarinterestinhimandhiswife。Heobservedalltheseacquaintanceswithdifficultyconcealingtheirmirthatsomething-thesamemirththathehadperceivedinthelawyer’seyes，and，justnow，intheeyesofthisfootman。Everyoneseemed，somehow，hugelydelighted，asthoughjustcomefromawedding。

Whentheymethim，theyinquiredwithill-disguisedenjoymentafterhiswife’shealth。

ThepresenceofPrincessTverskaiawasunpleasanttoAlexeiAlexandrovichfromthememoriesassociatedwithher，andalsobecausehedislikedher，andhewentstraighttothenursery。InthedaynurserySeriozha，leaningonthetablewithhislegsonachair，wasdrawingandchattingawaymerrily。

TheEnglishgoverness，whohadduringAnna’sillnessreplacedtheFrenchone，wassittingneartheboy，knittingmignardise。Shehurriedlygotup，curtsied，andpulledSeriozha。

AlexeiAlexandrovichstrokedhisson’shair，answeredthegoverness’sinquiriesabouthiswife，andaskedwhatthedoctorhadsaidofthebaby。

`Thedoctorsaiditwasnothingserious，andheorderedabath，sir。’

`Butsheisstillinpain，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich，listeningtothebaby’sscreaminginthenextroom。

`Ithinkit’sthewetnurse，sir，’theEnglishwomansaidfirmly。

`Whatmakesyouthinkso？’heasked，stoppingshort。

`It’sjustasitwasatCountessPaul’s，sir。Theygavethebabymedicine，anditturnedoutthatthebabywassimplyhungry:thewetnursehadnomilk，sir。’

AlexeiAlexandrovichpondered，andafterstandingstillafewsecondshewentinattheotherdoor。Thebabywaslyingwithitsheadthrownback，stiffeningitselfinthenurse’sarms，andwouldnottaketheplumpbreastofferedit；anditneverceasedscreaminginspiteofthedoublehushingofthewetnurseandtheothernurse，whowasbendingoverher。

`Stillnobetter？’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。

`She’sveryrestless，’answeredthenurseinawhisper。

`MissEdwardssaysthatperhapsthewetnursehasnomilk，’hesaid。

`Ithinksotoo，AlexeiAlexandrovich。’

`Thenwhydidn’tyousayso？’

`Who’sonetosayitto？AnnaArkadyevnaisstillill……’saidthenursediscontentedly。

Thenursewasanoldservantofthefamily。AndinhersimplewordsthereseemedtoAlexeiAlexandrovichanallusiontohisposition。

Thebabyscreamedlouderthanever，strugglingandchoking。Thenurse，withagestureofdespair，wenttoit，tookitfromthewetnurse’sarms，andbeganwalkingupanddown，rockingit。

`Youmustaskthedoctortoexaminethewetnurse，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。

Thesmartlydressedandhealthy-lookingnurse，frightenedattheideaoflosingherplace，mutteredsomethingtoherself，and，coveringherbosom，smiledcontemptuouslyattheideaofdoubtsbeingcastonherabundanceofmilk。Inthatsmile，too，AlexeiAlexandrovichsawasneerathisposition。

`Lucklesschild，’saidthenurse，hushingthebaby，andstillwalkingupanddownwithit。

AlexeiAlexandrovichsatdown，andwithadespondentandsufferingfacewatchedthenursewalkingtoandfro。

Whenthechildatlastwasstill，andhadbeenputinadeepbed，andthenurse，aftersmoothingthelittlepillow，hadlefther，AlexeiAlexandrovichgotup，and，walkingawkwardlyontiptoe，approachedthebaby。Foraminutehewasstill，andwiththesamedespondentfacegazedatthebaby；butallatonceasmilethatmovedhishairandtheskinofhisforehead，cameoutonhisface，andhewentassoftlyoutoftheroom。

Inthediningroomherangthebell，andtoldtheservantwhocameintosendagainforthedoctor。Hefeltvexedwithhiswifefornotbeinganxiousaboutthischarmingbaby，andinthisvexedhumorhehadnowishtogotoher；hehadnowish，either，toseePrincessBetsy。Buthiswifemightwonderwhyhedidnotgotoherasusual；andso，overcominghisdisinclination，hewenttowardherbedroom。Ashewalkedoverthesoftrugtowardthedoor，hecouldnothelpoverhearingaconversationhedidnotwanttohear。

`Ifhehadn’tbeengoingaway，Icouldhaveunderstoodyourrefusalandhistoo。Butyourhusbandoughttobeabovethat，’Betsywassaying。

`It’snotformyhusband-it’sformyselfIdon’twishit。Don’tsaythat！’answeredAnna’sexcitedvoice。

`Yes，butyoumustcaretosaygood-bytoamanwhohasshothimselfonyouraccount……’

`That’sjustwhyIdon’twantto。’

Withadismayedandguiltyexpression，AlexeiAlexandrovichstoppedandwouldhavegonebackunobserved。Butreflectingthatthiswouldbeundignified，heturnedbackagain，and，clearinghisthroat，heapproachedthebedroom。Thevoicesweresilent，andhewentin。

Anna，inagraydressinggown，withacropofshortclusteringblackcurlsonherroundhead，wassittingonasettee。Theanimationdiedoutofherface，asitalwaysdid，atthesightofherhusband；shedroppedherheadandlookedrounduneasilyatBetsy。Betsy，dressedintheheightofthelatestfashion，inahatthattoweredoverherheadlikeashadeonalamp，inadove-coloreddresswithcrudeobliquestripes，slantingonewayonthebodiceandtheotherwayontheskirt，wassittingbesideAnna，hertallflatfigurehelderect。Bowingherhead，shegreetedAlexeiAlexandrovichwithanironicalsmile。

`Ah！’shesaid，asthoughsurprised。`I’mverygladyou’reathome。Youneverputinanappearanceanywhere，andIhaven’tseenyoueversinceAnnahasbeenill。Ihaveheardallaboutit-youranxiety。Yes，you’reawonderfulhusband！’shesaid，withasignificantandaffableair，asthoughshewerebestowinganorderofmagnanimityonhimforhisconducttowardhiswife。

AlexeiAlexandrovichbowedfrigidly，and，kissinghiswife’shand，askedhowshewas。

`Better，Ithink，’shesaid，avoidinghiseyes。

`Butyou’veratherafeverishcomplexion，’hesaid，layingstressontheword`feverish。’

`We’vebeentalkingtoomuch，’saidBetsy。`Ifeelit’sselfishnessonmypart，andIamgoingaway。’

Shegotup，butAnna，suddenlyflushing，quicklycaughtatherhand。

`No，waitaminute，please。Imusttellyou……no，Imeanyou，’

sheturnedtoAlexeiAlexandrovich，andherneckandbrowweresuffusedwithcrimson。`Iwon’tandcan’tkeepanythingsecretfromyou，’shesaid。

AlexeiAlexandrovichcrackedhisfingersandbowedhishead。

`Betsy’sbeentellingmethatCountVronskywantstocomeheretosaygood-bybeforehisdepartureforTashkend。’Shedidnotlookatherhusband，andwasevidentlyinhastetohaveeverythingout，howeverharditmightbeforher。`ItoldherIcouldnotreceivehim。’

`Yousaid，mydear，thatitwoulddependonAlexeiAlexandrovich，’

Betsycorrectedher。

`Oh，no，Ican’treceivehim；andwhatobjectwouldtherebein……’

Shestoppedsuddenly，andglancedinquiringlyatherhusband(hedidnotlookather)。`Inshort，Idon’twishit……’

AlexeiAlexandrovichadvancedandwouldhavetakenherhand。

Herfirstimpulsewastojerkbackherhandfromthedamphandwithbigswollenveinsthatsoughthers，butwithanobviousefforttocontrolherselfshepressedhishand。

`Iamverygratefultoyouforyourconfidence，but……’hesaid，feelingwithconfusionandannoyancethatwhathecoulddecideeasilyandclearlybyhimself，hecouldnotdiscussbeforePrincessTverskaia，whotohimstoodfortheincarnationofthatbruteforcewhichwouldinevitablycontrolhiminthelifeheledintheeyesoftheworld，andhinderhimfromgivingwaytohisfeelingofloveandforgiveness。Hestoppedshort，lookingatPrincessTverskaia。

`Well，good-by，mydarling，’saidBetsy，gettingup。ShekissedAnna，andwentout。AlexeiAlexandrovichescortedherout。

`AlexeiAlexandrovich！Iknowyouareatrulymagnanimousman，’

saidBetsy，stoppinginthelittledrawingroom，andwithspecialwarmthshakinghandswithhimoncemore。`Iamanoutsider，butIloveherso，andrespectyou，thatIventuretoadvise。Receivehim。AlexeiVronskyisthesoulofhonor，andheisgoingawaytoTashkend。’

`Thankyou，Princess，foryoursympathyandadvice。Butthequestionofwhethermywifecanorcannotseeanyoneshemustdecideherself。’

Hesaidthisfromhabit，liftinghisbrowswithdignity，andreflectedimmediatelythatwhateverhiswordsmightbe，therecouldbenodignityinhisposition。Andhesawthisbythesuppressed，malicious，andironicalsmilewithwhichBetsyglancedathimafterthisphrase。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter20[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter20AlexeiAlexandrovichtookleaveofBetsyinthedrawingroom，andwenttohiswife。Shewaslyingdown，buthearinghisstepsshesatuphastilyinherformerattitude，andlookedinascaredwayathim。Hesawshehadbeencrying。

`Iamverygratefulforyourconfidenceinme。’HerepeatedgentlyinRussianthephrasehehadsaidinBetsy’spresenceinFrench，andsatdownbesideher。WhenhespoketoherinRussian，usingtheRussian`thou’

ofintimacyandaffection，itwasinsufferablyirritatingtoAnna。`AndIamverygratefulforyourdecision。I，too，imaginethatsinceheisgoingaway，thereisnosortofnecessityforCountVronskytocomehere。

However，if……’

`ButI’vesaidsoalready，sowhyrepeatit？’Annasuddenlyinterruptedhim，withanirritationshecouldnotsucceedinrepressing。`Nosortofnecessity，’shethought，`foramantocomeandsaygood-bytothewomanheloves，forwhomhewasreadytoruinhimself，andhasruinedhimself，andwhocannotlivewithouthim。Nosortofnecessity！’Shecompressedherlips，anddroppedherburningeyestohishandswiththeirswollenveins。Theywereslowlyrubbingeachother。`Letusneverspeakofit，’

sheaddedmorecalmly。

`Ihaveleftthisquestiontoyoutodecide，andIamverygladtosee……’AlexeiAlexandrovichwasbeginning。

`Thatmywishcoincideswithyourown，’shefinishedquickly，exasperatedathistalkingsoslowlywhilesheknewbeforehandallhewouldsay。

`Yes，’heassented；`andPrincessTverskaia’sinterferenceinthemostdifficultprivateaffairsisutterlyuncalledfor。Sheespecially……’

`Idon’tbelieveawordofwhat’ssaidabouther，’saidAnnaquickly。

`Iknowshereallycaresforme。’

AlexeiAlexandrovichsighedandsaidnothing。Sheplayednervouslywiththetasselofherdressinggown，glancingathimwiththattorturingsensationofphysicalrepulsionforwhichsheblamedherself，thoughshecouldnotcontrolit。Heronlydesirenowwastoberidofhisrepellingpresence。

`Ihavejustsentforthedoctor，’saidAlexeiAlexandrovich。

`Iamverywell；whatdoIwantthedoctorfor？’

`No-thelittleonecries，andtheysaythewetnursehasn’tenoughmilk。’

`Whydidn’tyouletmenurseher，whenIbeggedto？Anyway’(AlexeiAlexandrovichknewwhatwasmeantbythat`anyway’)，`she’sababy，andthey’rekillingher。’Sherangthebellandorderedthebabytobebroughther。`Ibeggedtonurseher，Iwasn’tallowedto，andnowI’mblamedforit。’

`Idon’tblame……’

`Yes，youdoblameme！MyGod！Whydidn’tIdie！’Andshebrokeintosobs。`Forgiveme，I’mnervous，I’munjust，’shesaid，controllingherself，`butdogoaway……’

`No，itcan’tgoonlikethis，’AlexeiAlexandrovichsaidtohimselfresolutelyashelefthiswife’sroom。

Neverhadtheimpossibilityofhispositionintheworld’seyes，andhiswife’shatredofhim，and，aboveall，themightofthatmysteriousbrutalforcethatguidedhislifeagainsthisspiritualinclinationsandexactedconformitywithitsdecreesandachangeinhispresentattitudetohiswife-neverhaditbeenpresentedtohimwithsuchdistinctnessasonthatday。HesawclearlythatalltheworldandAnnaexpectedsomethingofhim，butwhatexactlyhecouldnotmakeout。Hefeltthatthiswasrousinginhissoulafeelingofangerdestructiveofhispeaceofmind，andofallthegoodofhisachievement。HebelievedthatforAnnaherselfitwouldbebettertobreakoffallrelationswithVronsky；butiftheyallthoughtthisoutofthequestion，hewasevenreadytoallowtheserelationstoberenewed，solongasthechildrenwerenotdisgraced，andhewasnotdeprivedofthemnorforcedtochangehisposition。Badasthismightbe，itwasatanyratebetterthanarupture，whichwouldputherinahopelessandshamefulposition，anddeprivehimofeverythinghecaredfor。Buthefelthelpless；heknewbeforehandthateveryonewasagainsthim，andthathewouldnotbeallowedtodowhatseemedtohimnowsonaturalandright，butwouldbeforcedtodowhatwaswrong，thoughtothemitseemedtheproperthing。

[NextChapter][TableofContents]TOLSTOY:AnnaKareninaPart4，Chapter21[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]Chapter21BeforeBetsyhadtimetowalkoutofthedrawingroom，shewasmetinthedoorwaybyStepanArkadyevich，whohadjustcomefromIelisseev’s，whereaconsignmentoffreshoystershadbeenreceived。

`Ah！Princess！Whatadelightfulmeeting！’hebegan。`I’vebeentoseeyou。’

`Ameetingforoneminute，forI’mgoing，’saidBetsy，smilingandputtingonherglove。

`Don’tputonyourgloveyet，Princess；letmekissyourhand。

There’snothingI’msothankfultotherevivaloftheoldfashionsforaskissingthehand。’HekissedBetsy’shand。`Whenshallweseeeachother？’

`Youdon’tdeserveit，’answeredBetsy，smiling。

`Oh，yes，Ideserveagreatdeal，forI’vebecomeamostseriousperson。Inotonlymanagemyowndomesticaffairs，butotherpeople’stoo，’

hesaid，withasignificantexpression。

`Oh，I’msoglad！’answeredBetsy，atonceunderstandingthathewasspeakingofAnna。And，goingbackintothedrawingroom，theystoodinacorner。`He’skillingher，’saidBetsyinawhisperfullofmeaning。

`It’simpossible，impossible……’

`I’msogladyouthinkso，’saidStepanArkadyevich，shakinghisheadwithaseriousandsympatheticallydistressedexpression，`that’swhatI’vecometoPeterburgfor。’

`Thewholetown’stalkingofit，’shesaid。`It’sanimpossiblesituation。Shepinesandpinesaway。Hedoesn’tunderstandthatshe’soneofthosewomenwhocan’ttriflewiththeirfeelings。Oneoftwothings:

eitherlethimtakeheraway，actwithenergy，orgiveheradivorce。Thisisstiflingher。’

`Yes，yes……justso……’Oblonskysaid，sighing。

`That’swhatI’vecomefor。Atleastnotsolelyforthat……I’vebeenmadeaKammerherr；ofcourse，onehastogivethanks。Butthechiefthingwashavingtosettlethis。’

`Well，Godhelpyou！’saidBetsy。

AfteraccompanyingBetsytotheoutsidehall，oncemorekissingherhandabovetheglove，atthepointwherethepulsebeats，andmurmuringtohersuchunseemlynonsensethatshedidnotknowwhethertolaughortobeangry，StepanArkadyevichwenttohissister。Hefoundherintears。

Althoughhehappenedtobebubblingoverwithgoodspirits，StepanArkadyevichimmediatelyandquitenaturallyfellintothesympathetic，poeticallyemotionaltonewhichharmonizedwithhermood。Heaskedherhowshewas，andhowshehadspentthemorning。

`Very，verymiserably。Today，andthismorning，andallpastdays，andallthedaystocome，’shesaid。

`Ithinkyou’regivingwaytopessimism。Youmustrouseyourself，youmustlooklifeintheface。Iknowit’shard，but……’

`Ihavehearditsaidthatwomenlovemenevenfortheirvices，’

Annabegansuddenly，`butIhatehimforhisvirtues。Ican’tlivewithhim。Doyouunderstand？Thesightofhimhasaphysicaleffectinme-

Iambesidemyselffromit。Ican’t，Ican’tlivewithhim。WhatamItodo？Ihavebeenunhappy，andusedtothinkonecouldn’tbeunhappier，buttheawfulstateofthingsIamgoingthroughnowIcouldneverhaveconceived。