第27章

“Hewillsacrificealltohislong—framedresolves，”shesaid:“naturalaffectionandfeelingsmorepotentstill。St。Johnlooksquiet，Jane;buthehidesafeverinhisvitals。Youwouldthinkhimgentle，yetinsomethingsheisinexorableasdeath;andtheworstofitis，myconsciencewillhardlypermitmetodissuadehimfromhisseveredecision:certainly，Icannotforamomentblamehimforit。Itisright，noble，Christian:yetitbreaksmyheart！”Andthetearsgushedtoherfineeyes。Marybentherheadlowoverherwork。

“Wearenowwithoutfather:weshallsoonbewithouthomeandbrother，”shemurmured，

Atthatmomentalittleaccidentsupervened，whichseemeddecreedbyfatepurposelytoprovethetruthoftheadage，that“misfortunesnevercomesingly，”andtoaddtotheirdistressesthevexingoneoftheslipbetweenthecupandthelip。St。Johnpassedthewindowreadingaletter。Heentered。

“OuruncleJohnisdead，”saidhe。

Boththesistersseemedstruck:notshockedorappalled;thetidingsappearedintheireyesrathermomentousthanafflicting。

“Dead？”repeatedDiana。

“Yes。”

Sherivetedasearchinggazeonherbrother’sface。“Andwhatthen？”shedemanded，inalowvoice。

“Whatthen，Die？”hereplied，maintainingamarbleimmobilityoffeature。“Whatthen？Why—nothing。Read。”

Hethrewtheletterintoherlap。Sheglancedoverit，andhandedittoMary。Maryperuseditinsilence，andreturnedittoherbrother。Allthreelookedateachother，andallthreesmiled—adreary，pensivesmileenough。

“Amen！Wecanyetlive，”saidDianaatlast。

“Atanyrate，itmakesusnoworseoffthanwewerebefore，”remarkedMary。

“Onlyitforcesratherstronglyonthemindthepictureofwhatmighthavebeen，”saidMr。Rivers，“andcontrastsitsomewhattoovividlywithwhatIS。”

Hefoldedtheletter，lockeditinhisdesk，andagainwentout。

Forsomeminutesnoonespoke。Dianathenturnedtome。

“Jane，youwillwonderatusandourmysteries，”shesaid，“andthinkushard—heartedbeingsnottobemoremovedatthedeathofsoneararelationasanuncle;butwehaveneverseenhimorknownhim。Hewasmymother’sbrother。Myfatherandhequarrelledlongago。Itwasbyhisadvicethatmyfatherriskedmostofhispropertyinthespeculationthatruinedhim。Mutualrecriminationpassedbetweenthem:theypartedinanger，andwereneverreconciled。Myuncleengagedafterwardsinmoreprosperousundertakings:itappearsherealisedafortuneoftwentythousandpounds。Hewasnevermarried，andhadnonearkindredbutourselvesandoneotherperson，notmorecloselyrelatedthanwe。Myfatheralwayscherishedtheideathathewouldatoneforhiserrorbyleavinghispossessionstous;thatletterinformsusthathehasbequeathedeverypennytotheotherrelation，withtheexceptionofthirtyguineas，tobedividedbetweenSt。John，Diana，andMaryRivers，forthepurchaseofthreemourningrings。Hehadaright，ofcourse，todoashepleased:andyetamomentarydampiscastonthespiritsbythereceiptofsuchnews。MaryandIwouldhaveesteemedourselvesrichwithathousandpoundseach;andtoSt。Johnsuchasumwouldhavebeenvaluable，forthegooditwouldhaveenabledhimtodo。”

Thisexplanationgiven，thesubjectwasdropped，andnofurtherreferencemadetoitbyeitherMr。Riversorhissisters。ThenextdayIleftMarshEndforMorton。Thedayafter，DianaandMaryquitteditfordistantB—。Inaweek，Mr。RiversandHannahrepairedtotheparsonage:andsotheoldgrangewasabandoned。

Chapter31

Myhome，then，whenIatlastfindahome，—isacottage;alittleroomwithwhitewashedwallsandasandedfloor，containingfourpaintedchairsandatable，aclock，acupboard，withtwoorthreeplatesanddishes，andasetoftea—thingsindelf。Above，achamberofthesamedimensionsasthekitchen，withadealbedsteadandchestofdrawers;small，yettoolargetobefilledwithmyscantywardrobe:thoughthekindnessofmygentleandgenerousfriendshasincreasedthat，byamodeststockofsuchthingsasarenecessary。

Itisevening。Ihavedismissed，withthefeeofanorange，thelittleorphanwhoservesmeasahandmaid。Iamsittingaloneonthehearth。Thismorning，thevillageschoolopened。Ihadtwentyscholars。Butthreeofthenumbercanread:nonewriteorcipher。Severalknit，andafewsewalittle。Theyspeakwiththebroadestaccentofthedistrict。Atpresent，theyandIhaveadifficultyinunderstandingeachother’slanguage。Someofthemareunmannered，rough，intractable，aswellasignorant;butothersaredocile，haveawishtolearn，andevinceadispositionthatpleasesme。Imustnotforgetthatthesecoarsely—cladlittlepeasantsareoffleshandbloodasgoodasthescionsofgentlestgenealogy;andthatthegermsofnativeexcellence，refinement，intelligence，kindfeeling，areaslikelytoexistintheirheartsasinthoseofthebest—born。Mydutywillbetodevelopthesegerms:surelyIshallfindsomehappinessindischargingthatoffice。MuchenjoymentIdonotexpectinthelifeopeningbeforeme:yetitwill，doubtless，ifIregulatemymind，andexertmypowersasIought，yieldmeenoughtoliveonfromdaytoday。

WasIverygleeful，settled，content，duringthehoursIpassedinyonderbare，humbleschoolroomthismorningandafternoon？Nottodeceivemyself，Imustreply—No:Ifeltdesolatetoadegree。Ifelt—yes，idiotthatIam—Ifeltdegraded。IdoubtedIhadtakenastepwhichsankinsteadofraisingmeinthescaleofsocialexistence。Iwasweaklydismayedattheignorance，thepoverty，thecoarsenessofallIheardandsawroundme。Butletmenothateanddespisemyselftoomuchforthesefeelings;Iknowthemtobewrong—thatisagreatstepgained;Ishallstrivetoovercomethem。To—morrow，Itrust，Ishallgetthebetterofthempartially;andinafewweeks，perhaps，theywillbequitesubdued。Inafewmonths，itispossible，thehappinessofseeingprogress，andachangeforthebetterinmyscholarsmaysubstitutegratificationfordisgust。

Meantime，letmeaskmyselfonequestion—Whichisbetter？—Tohavesurrenderedtotemptation;listenedtopassion;madenopainfuleffort—nostruggle;—buttohavesunkdowninthesilkensnare;fallenasleepontheflowerscoveringit;wakenedinasouthernclime，amongsttheluxuriesofapleasurevilla:tohavebeennowlivinginFrance，Mr。Rochester’smistress;deliriouswithhislovehalfmytime—forhewould—oh，yes，hewouldhavelovedmewellforawhile。Hedidloveme—noonewilleverlovemesoagain。Ishallnevermoreknowthesweethomagegiventobeauty，youth，andgrace—fornevertoanyoneelseshallIseemtopossessthesecharms。Hewasfondandproudofme—itiswhatnomanbesideswilleverbe。—ButwhereamIwandering，andwhatamIsaying，andaboveall，feeling？Whetherisitbetter，Iask，tobeaslaveinafool’sparadiseatMarseilles—feveredwithdelusiveblissonehour—suffocatingwiththebitteresttearsofremorseandshamethenext—ortobeavillage—schoolmistress，freeandhonest，inabreezymountainnookinthehealthyheartofEngland？

Yes;IfeelnowthatIwasrightwhenIadheredtoprincipleandlaw，andscornedandcrushedtheinsanepromptingsofafrenziedmoment。Goddirectedmetoacorrectchoice:IthankHisprovidencefortheguidance！

Havingbroughtmyeventidemusingstothispoint，Irose，wenttomydoor，andlookedatthesunsetoftheharvest—day，andatthequietfieldsbeforemycottage，which，withtheschool，wasdistanthalfamilefromthevillage。Thebirdsweresingingtheirlaststrains—

“Theairwasmild，thedewwasbalm。”

WhileIlooked，Ithoughtmyselfhappy，andwassurprisedtofindmyselferelongweeping—andwhy？Forthedoomwhichhadreftmefromadhesiontomymaster:forhimIwasnomoretosee;forthedesperategriefandfatalfury—consequencesofmydeparture—whichmightnow，perhaps，bedragginghimfromthepathofright，toofartoleavehopeofultimaterestorationthither。Atthisthought，IturnedmyfaceasidefromthelovelyskyofeveandlonelyvaleofMorton—Isaylonely，forinthatbendofitvisibletometherewasnobuildingapparentsavethechurchandtheparsonage，half—hidintrees，and，quiteattheextremity，theroofofValeHall，wheretherichMr。Oliverandhisdaughterlived。Ihidmyeyes，andleantmyheadagainstthestoneframeofmydoor;butsoonaslightnoisenearthewicketwhichshutinmytinygardenfromthemeadowbeyonditmademelookup。Adog—oldCarlo，Mr。Rivers’pointer，asIsawinamoment—waspushingthegatewithhisnose，andSt。Johnhimselfleantuponitwithfoldedarms;hisbrowknit，hisgaze，gravealmosttodispleasure，fixedonme。Iaskedhimtocomein。

“No，Icannotstay;Ihaveonlybroughtyoualittleparcelmysistersleftforyou。Ithinkitcontainsacolour—box，pencils，andpaper。”

Iapproachedtotakeit:awelcomegiftitwas。Heexaminedmyface，Ithought，withausterity，asIcamenear:thetracesoftearsweredoubtlessveryvisibleuponit。

“Haveyoufoundyourfirstday’sworkharderthanyouexpected？”heasked。

“Oh，no！Onthecontrary，IthinkintimeIshallgetonwithmyscholarsverywell。”

“Butperhapsyouraccommodations—yourcottage—yourfurniture—havedisappointedyourexpectations？Theyare，intruth，scantyenough;but—”Iinterrupted—

“Mycottageiscleanandweather—proof;myfurnituresufficientandcommodious。AllIseehasmademethankful，notdespondent。Iamnotabsolutelysuchafoolandsensualistastoregrettheabsenceofacarpet，asofa，andsilverplate;besides，fiveweeksagoIhadnothing—Iwasanoutcast，abeggar，avagrant;nowIhaveacquaintance，ahome，abusiness。IwonderatthegoodnessofGod;thegenerosityofmyfriends;thebountyofmylot。Idonotrepine。”

“Butyoufeelsolitudeanoppression？Thelittlehousetherebehindyouisdarkandempty。”

“Ihavehardlyhadtimeyettoenjoyasenseoftranquillity，muchlesstogrowimpatientunderoneofloneliness。”

“Verywell;Ihopeyoufeelthecontentyouexpress:atanyrate，yourgoodsensewilltellyouthatitistoosoonyettoyieldtothevacillatingfearsofLot’swife。WhatyouhadleftbeforeIsawyou，ofcourseIdonotknow;butIcounselyoutoresistfirmlyeverytemptationwhichwouldinclineyoutolookback:pursueyourpresentcareersteadily，forsomemonthsatleast。”

“ItiswhatImeantodo，”Ianswered。St。Johncontinued—

“Itishardworktocontroltheworkingsofinclinationandturnthebentofnature;butthatitmaybedo