第5章

“Yousayyouhavefaults，Helen:whatarethey？Tomeyouseemverygood。”

“Thenlearnfromme，nottojudgebyappearances:Iam，asMissScatcherdsaid，slatternly;Iseldomput，andneverkeep，things，inorder;Iamcareless;Iforgetrules;IreadwhenIshouldlearnmylessons;Ihavenomethod;andsometimesIsay，likeyou，Icannotbeartobesubjectedtosystematicarrangements。ThisisallveryprovokingtoMissScatcherd，whoisnaturallyneat，punctual，andparticular。”

“Andcrossandcruel，”Iadded;butHelenBurnswouldnotadmitmyaddition:shekeptsilence。

“IsMissTempleasseveretoyouasMissScatcherd？”

AttheutteranceofMissTemple’sname，asoftsmileflittedoverhergraveface。

“MissTempleisfullofgoodness;itpainshertobeseveretoanyone，eventheworstintheschool:sheseesmyerrors，andtellsmeofthemgently;and，ifIdoanythingworthyofpraise，shegivesmemymeedliberally。Onestrongproofofmywretchedlydefectivenatureis，thatevenherexpostulations，somild，sorational，havenotinfluencetocuremeofmyfaults;andevenherpraise，thoughIvalueitmosthighly，cannotstimulatemetocontinuedcareandforesight。”

“Thatiscurious，”saidI，“itissoeasytobecareful。”

“ForyouIhavenodoubtitis。Iobservedyouinyourclassthismorning，andsawyouwerecloselyattentive:yourthoughtsneverseemedtowanderwhileMissMillerexplainedthelessonandquestionedyou。Now，minecontinuallyroveaway;whenIshouldbelisteningtoMissScatcherd，andcollectingallshesayswithassiduity，oftenIlosetheverysoundofhervoice;Ifallintoasortofdream。SometimesIthinkIaminNorthumberland，andthatthenoisesIhearroundmearethebubblingofalittlebrookwhichrunsthroughDeepden，nearourhouse;—then，whenitcomestomyturntoreply，Ihavetobeawakened;andhavingheardnothingofwhatwasreadforlisteningtothevisionarybrook，Ihavenoanswerready。”

“Yethowwellyourepliedthisafternoon。”

“Itwasmerechance;thesubjectonwhichwehadbeenreadinghadinterestedme。Thisafternoon，insteadofdreamingofDeepden，IwaswonderinghowamanwhowishedtodorightcouldactsounjustlyandunwiselyasCharlestheFirstsometimesdid;andIthoughtwhatapityitwasthat，withhisintegrityandconscientiousness，hecouldseenofartherthantheprerogativesofthecrown。Ifhehadbutbeenabletolooktoadistance，andseehowwhattheycallthespiritoftheagewastending！Still，IlikeCharles—Irespecthim—Ipityhim，poormurderedking！Yes，hisenemiesweretheworst:theyshedbloodtheyhadnorighttoshed。Howdaredtheykillhim！”

Helenwastalkingtoherselfnow:shehadforgottenIcouldnotverywellunderstandher—thatIwasignorant，ornearlyso，ofthesubjectshediscussed。Irecalledhertomylevel。

“AndwhenMissTempleteachesyou，doyourthoughtswanderthen？”

“No，certainly，notoften;becauseMissTemplehasgenerallysomethingtosaywhichisnewerthanmyownreflections;herlanguageissingularlyagreeabletome，andtheinformationshecommunicatesisoftenjustwhatIwishedtogain。”

“Well，then，withMissTempleyouaregood？”

“Yes，inapassiveway:Imakenoeffort;Ifollowasinclinationguidesme。Thereisnomeritinsuchgoodness。”

“Agreatdeal:youaregoodtothosewhoaregoodtoyou。ItisallIeverdesiretobe。Ifpeoplewerealwayskindandobedienttothosewhoarecruelandunjust，thewickedpeoplewouldhaveitalltheirownway:theywouldneverfeelafraid，andsotheywouldneveralter，butwouldgrowworseandworse。Whenwearestruckatwithoutareason，weshouldstrikebackagainveryhard;Iamsureweshould—sohardastoteachthepersonwhostruckusnevertodoitagain。”

“Youwillchangeyourmind，Ihope，whenyougrowolder:asyetyouarebutalittleuntaughtgirl。”

“ButIfeelthis，Helen;Imustdislikethosewho，whateverIdotopleasethem，persistindislikingme;Imustresistthosewhopunishmeunjustly。ItisasnaturalasthatIshouldlovethosewhoshowmeaffection，orsubmittopunishmentwhenIfeelitisdeserved。”

“Heathensandsavagetribesholdthatdoctrine，butChristiansandcivilisednationsdisownit。”

“How？Idon’tunderstand。”

“Itisnotviolencethatbestovercomeshate—norvengeancethatmostcertainlyhealsinjury。”

“Whatthen？”

“ReadtheNewTestament，andobservewhatChristsays，andhowHeacts;makeHiswordyourrule，andHisconductyourexample。”

“WhatdoesHesay？”

“Loveyourenemies;blessthemthatcurseyou;dogoodtothemthathateyouanddespitefullyuseyou。”

“ThenIshouldloveMrs。Reed，whichIcannotdo;IshouldblesshersonJohn，whichisimpossible。”

Inherturn，HelenBurnsaskedmetoexplain，andIproceededforthwithtopourout，inmyownway，thetaleofmysufferingsandresentments。Bitterandtruculentwhenexcited，IspokeasIfelt，withoutreserveorsoftening。

Helenheardmepatientlytotheend:Iexpectedshewouldthenmakearemark，butshesaidnothing。

“Well，”Iaskedimpatiently，“isnotMrs。Reedahard—hearted，badwoman？”

“Shehasbeenunkindtoyou，nodoubt;becauseyousee，shedislikesyourcastofcharacter，asMissScatcherddoesmine;buthowminutelyyourememberallshehasdoneandsaidtoyou！Whatasingularlydeepimpressionherinjusticeseemstohavemadeonyourheart！Noill—usagesobrandsitsrecordonmyfeelings。Wouldyounotbehappierifyoutriedtoforgetherseverity，togetherwiththepassionateemotionsitexcited？Lifeappearstometooshorttobespentinnursinganimosityorregisteringwrongs。Weare，andmustbe，oneandall，burdenedwithfaultsinthisworld:butthetimewillsooncomewhen，Itrust，weshallputthemoffinputtingoffourcorruptiblebodies;whendebasementandsinwillfallfromuswiththiscumbrousframeofflesh，andonlythesparkofthespiritwillremain，—theimpalpableprincipleoflightandthought，pureaswhenitlefttheCreatortoinspirethecreature:whenceitcameitwillreturn;perhapsagaintobecommunicatedtosomebeinghigherthanman—perhapstopassthroughgradationsofglory，fromthepalehumansoultobrightentotheseraph！Surelyitwillnever，onthecontrary，besufferedtodegeneratefrommantofiend？No;Icannotbelievethat:Iholdanothercreed:whichnooneevertaughtme，andwhichIseldommention;butinwhichIdelight，andtowhichIcling:foritextendshopetoall:itmakesEternityarest—amightyhome，notaterrorandanabyss。Besides，withthiscreed，Icansoclearlydistinguishbetweenthecriminalandhiscrime;IcansosincerelyforgivethefirstwhileIabhorthelast:withthiscreedrevengeneverworriesmyheart，degradationnevertoodeeplydisgustsme，injusticenevercrushesmetoolow:Iliveincalm，lookingtotheend。”

Helen’shead，alwaysdrooping，sankalittlelowerasshefinishedthissentence。Isawbyherlookshewishednolongertotalktome，butrathertoconversewithherownthoughts。Shewasnotallowedmuchtimeformeditation:amonitor，agreatroughgirl，presentlycameup，exclaiminginastrongCumberlandaccent—

“HelenBurns，ifyoudon’tgoandputyourdrawerinorder，andfoldupyourworkthisminute，I’lltellMissScatcherdtocomeandlookatit！”

Helensighedasherreveriefled，andgettingup，obeyedthemonitorwithoutreplyaswithoutdelay。

Chapter7

MyfirstquarteratLowoodseemedanage;andnotthegoldenageeither;itcomprisedanirksomestrugglewithdifficultiesinhabituatingmyselftonewrulesandunwontedtasks。Thefearoffailureinthesepointsharassedmeworsethanthephysicalhardshipsofmylot;thoughthesewerenotrifles。

DuringJanuary，February，andpartofMarch，thedeepsnows，and，aftertheirmelting，thealmostimpassableroads，preventedourstirringbeyondthegardenwalls，excepttogotochurch;butwithintheselimitswehadtopassanhoureverydayintheopenair。Ourclothingwasinsufficienttoprotectusfromtheseverecold:wehadnoboots，thesnowgotintoourshoesandmeltedthere:ourunglovedhandsbecamenumbedandcoveredwithchilblains，aswereourfeet:IrememberwellthedistractingirritationIenduredfromthiscauseeveryevening，whenmyfeetinflamed;andthetortureofthrustingtheswelled，raw，andstifftoesintomyshoesinthemorning。Thenthescantysupplyoffoodwasdistressing:withthekeenappetitesofgrowingchildren，wehadscarcelysufficienttokeepaliveadelicateinvalid。Fromthisdeficiencyofnourishmentresultedanabuse，whichpressedhardlyontheyoungerpupils:wheneverthefamishedgreatgirlshadanopportunity，theywouldcoaxormenacethelittleonesoutoftheirportion。ManyatimeIhavesharedbetweentwoclaimantsthepreciousmorselofbrownbreaddistributedattea—time;andafterrelinquishingtoathirdhalfthecontentsofmymugofcoffee，Ihaveswallowedtheremainderwithanaccompanimentofsecrettears，forcedfrommebytheexigencyofhunger。

Sundaysweredrearydaysinthatwintryseason。WehadtowalktwomilestoBrocklebridgeChurch，whereourpatronofficiated。Wesetoutcold，wearrivedatchurchcolder:duringthemorningservicewebecamealmostparalysed。Itwastoofartoreturntodinner，andanallowanceofcoldmeatandbread，inthesamepenuriousproportionobservedinourordinarymeals，wasservedroundbetweentheservices。

Atthecloseoftheafternoonservicewereturnedbyanexposedandhillyroad，wherethebitterwinterwind，blowingoverarangeofsnowysummitstothenorth，almostflayedtheskinfromourfaces。

IcanrememberMissTemplewalkinglightlyandrapidlyalongourdroopingline，herplaidcloak，whichthefrostywindfluttered，gatheredcloseabouther，andencouragingus，bypreceptandexample，tokeepupourspirits，andmarchforward，asshesaid，“likestalwartsoldiers。”Theotherteachers，poorthings，weregenerallythemselvestoomuchdejectedtoattemptthetaskofcheeringothers。

Howwelongedforthelightandheatofablazingfirewhenwegotback！But，tothelittleonesatleast，thiswasdenied:eachhearthintheschoolroomwasimmediatelysurroundedbyadoublerowofgreatgirls，andbehindthemtheyoungerchildrencrouchedingroups，wrappingtheirstarvedarmsintheirpinafores。

Alittlesolacecameattea—time，intheshapeofadoublerationofbread—awhole，insteadofahalf，slice—withthedeliciousadditionofathinscrapeofbutter:itwasthehebdomadaltreattowhichwealllookedforwardfromSabbathtoSabbath。Igenerallycontrivedtoreserveamoietyofthisbounteousrepastformyself;buttheremainderIwasinvariablyobligedtopartwith。

TheSundayeveningwasspentinrepeating，byheart，theChurchCatechism，andthefifth，sixth，andseventhchaptersofSt。Matthew;andinlisteningtoalongsermon，readbyMissMiller，whoseirrepressibleyawnsattestedherweariness。AfrequentinterludeoftheseperformanceswastheenactmentofthepartofEutychusbysomehalf—dozenoflittlegirls，who，overpoweredwithsleep，wouldfalldown，ifnotoutofthethirdloft，yetoffthefourthform，andbetakenuphalfdead。Theremedywas，tothrustthemforwardintothecentreoftheschoolroom，andobligethemtostandtheretillthesermonwasfinished。Sometimestheirfeetfailedthem，andtheysanktogetherinaheap;theywerethenproppedupwiththemonitors’highstools。

IhavenotyetalludedtothevisitsofMr。Brocklehurst;andindeedthatgentlemanwasfromhomeduringthegreaterpartofthefirstmonthaftermyarrival;perhapsprolonginghisstaywithhisfriendthearchdeacon:hisabsencewasarelieftome。IneednotsaythatIhadmyownreasonsfordreadinghiscoming:butcomehedidatlast。

Oneafternoon（IhadthenbeenthreeweeksatLowood），asIwassittingwithaslateinmyhand，puzzlingoverasuminlongdivision，myeyes，raisedinabstractiontothewindow，caughtsightofafigurejustpassing:Irecognisedalmostinstinctivelythatgauntoutline;andwhen，twominutesafter，alltheschool，teachersincluded，roseenmasse，itwasnotnecessaryformetolookupinordertoascertainwhoseentrancetheythusgreeted。Alongstridemeasuredtheschoolroom，andpresentlybesideMissTemple，whoherselfhadrisen，stoodthesameblackcolumnwhichhadfrownedonmesoominouslyfromthehearthrugofGateshead。Inowglancedsidewaysatthispieceofarchitecture。Yes，Iwasright:itwasMr。Brocklehurst，buttonedupinasurtout，andlookinglonger，narrower，andmorerigidthanever。

Ihadmyownreasonsforbeingdismayedatthisapparition;toowellIrememberedtheperfidioushintsgivenbyMrs。Reedaboutmydisposition，&c。;thepromisepledgedbyMr。BrocklehursttoappriseMissTempleandtheteachersofmyviciousnature。AllalongIhadbeendreadingthefulfilmentofthispromise，—Ihadbeenlookingoutdailyforthe“ComingMan，”whoseinformationrespectingmypastlifeandconversationwastobrandmeasabadchildforever:nowtherehewas。

HestoodatMissTemple’sside;hewasspeakinglowinherear:Ididnotdoubthewasmakingdisclosuresofmyvillainy;andIwatchedhereyewithpainfulanxiety，expectingeverymomenttoseeitsdarkorbturnonmeaglanceofrepugnanceandcontempt。Ilistenedtoo;andasIhappenedtobeseatedquiteatthetopoftheroom，Icaughtmostofwhathesaid:itsimportrelievedmefromimmediateapprehension。

“Isuppose，MissTemple，thethreadIboughtatLowtonwilldo;itstruckmethatitwouldbejustofthequalityforthecalicochemises，andIsortedtheneedlestomatch。YoumaytellMissSmiththatIforgottomakeamemorandumofthedarningneedles，butsheshallhavesomepaperssentinnextweek;andsheisnot，onanyaccount，togiveoutmorethanoneatatimetoeachpupil:iftheyhavemore，theyareapttobecarelessandlosethem。And，Oma’am！Iwishthewoollenstockingswerebetterlookedto！—whenIwasherelast，Iwentintothekitchen—gardenandexaminedtheclothesdryingontheline;therewasaquantityofblackhoseinaverybadstateofrepair:fromthesizeoftheholesinthemIwassuretheyhadnotbeenwellmendedfromtimetotime。”

Hepaused。

“Yourdirectionsshallbeattendedto，sir，”saidMissTemple。

“And，ma’am，”hecontinued，“thelaundresstellsmesomeofthegirlshavetwocleantuckersintheweek:itistoomuch;theruleslimitthemtoone。”

“IthinkIcanexplainthatcircumstance，sir。AgnesandCatherineJohnstonewereinvitedtotaketeawithsomefriendsatLowtonlastThursday，andIgavethemleavetoputoncleantuckersfortheoccasion。”

Mr。Brocklehurstnodded。

“Well，foronceitmaypass;butpleasenottoletthecircumstanceoccurtoooften。Andthereisanotherthingwhichsurprisedme;Ifind，insettlingaccountswiththehousekeeper，thatalunch，consistingofbreadandcheese，hastwicebeenservedouttothegirlsduringthepastfortnight。Howisthis？Ilookedovertheregulations，andIfindnosuchmealaslunchmentioned。Whointroducedthisinnovation？andbywhatauthority？”

“Imustberesponsibleforthecircumstance，sir，”repliedMissTemple:“thebreakfastwassoillpreparedthatthepupilscouldnotpossiblyeatit;andIdarednotallowthemtoremainfastingtilldinner—time。”

“Madam，allowmeaninstant。Youareawarethatmyplaninbringingupthesegirlsis，nottoaccustomthemtohabitsofluxuryandindulgence，buttorenderthemhardy，patient，self—denying。Shouldanylittleaccidentaldisappointmentoftheappetiteoccur，suchasthespoilingofameal，theunderortheoverdressingofadish，theincidentoughtnottobeneutralisedbyreplacingwithsomethingmoredelicatethecomfortlost，thuspamperingthebodyandobviatingtheaimofthisinstitution;itoughttobeimprovedtothespiritualedificationofthepupils，byencouragingthemtoevincefortitudeundertemporaryprivation。Abriefaddressonthoseoccasionswouldnotbemistimed，whereinajudiciousinstructorwouldtaketheopportunityofreferringtothesufferingsoftheprimitiveChristians;tothetormentsofmartyrs;totheexhortationsofourblessedLordHimself，callinguponHisdisciplestotakeuptheircrossandfollowHim;toHiswarningsthatmanshallnotlivebybreadalone，butbyeverywordthatproceedethoutofthemouthofGod;toHisdivineconsolations，“IfyesufferhungerorthirstforMysake，happyareye。”Oh，madam，whenyouputbreadandcheese，insteadofburntporridge，intothesechildren’smouths，youmayindeedfeedtheirvilebodies，butyoulittlethinkhowyoustarvetheirimmortalsouls！”

Mr。Brocklehurstagainpaused—perhapsovercomebyhisfeelings。MissTemplehadlookeddownwhenhefirstbegantospeaktoher;butshenowgazedstraightbeforeher，andherface，naturallypaleasmarble，appearedtobeassumingalsothecoldnessandfixityofthatmaterial;especiallyhermouth，closedasifitwouldhaverequiredasculptor’schiseltoopenit，andherbrowsettledgraduallyintopetrifiedseverity。

Meantime，Mr。Brocklehurst，standingonthehearthwithhishandsbehindhisback，majesticallysurveyedthewholeschool。Suddenlyhiseyegaveablink，asifithadmetsomethingthateitherdazzledorshockeditspupil;turning，hesaidinmorerapidaccentsthanhehadhithertoused—

“MissTemple，MissTemple，what—whatisthatgirlwithcurledhair？Redhair，ma’am，curled—curledallover？”Andextendinghiscanehepointedtotheawfulobject，hishandshakingashedidso。

“ItisJuliaSevern，”repliedMissTemple，veryquietly。

“JuliaSevern，ma’am！Andwhyhasshe，oranyother，curledhair？Why，indefianceofeverypreceptandprincipleofthishouse，doessheconformtotheworldsoopenly—hereinanevangelical，charitableestablishment—astowearherhaironemassofcurls？”

“Julia’shaircurlsnaturally，”returnedMissTemple，stillmorequietly。

“Naturally！Yes，butwearenottoconformtonature;IwishthesegirlstobethechildrenofGrace:andwhythatabundance？IhaveagainandagainintimatedthatIdesirethehairtobearrangedclosely，modestly，plainly。MissTemple，thatgirl’shairmustbecutoffentirely;Iwillsendabarberto—morrow:andIseeotherswhohavefartoomuchoftheexcrescence—thattallgirl，tellhertoturnround。Tellallthefirstformtoriseupanddirecttheirfacestothewall。”

MissTemplepassedherhandkerchiefoverherlips，asiftosmoothawaytheinvoluntarysmilethatcurledthem;shegavetheorder，however，andwhenthefirstclasscouldtakeinwhatwasrequiredofthem，theyobeyed。Leaningalittlebackonmybench，Icouldseethelooksandgrimaceswithwhichtheycommentedonthisman？uvre:itwasapityMr。Brocklehurstcouldnotseethemtoo;hewouldperhapshavefeltthat，whateverhemightdowiththeoutsideofthecupandplatter，theinsidewasfurtherbeyondhisinterferencethanheimagined。

Hescrutinisedthereverseoftheselivingmedalssomefiveminutes，thenpronouncedsentence。Thesewordsfellliketheknellofdoom—

“Allthosetop—knotsmustbecutoff。”

MissTempleseemedtoremonstrate。

“Madam，”hepursued，“IhaveaMastertoservewhosekingdomisnotofthisworld:mymissionistomortifyinthesegirlsthelustsoftheflesh;toteachthemtoclothethemselveswithshame—facednessandsobriety，notwithbraidedhairandcostlyapparel;andeachoftheyoungpersonsbeforeushasastringofhairtwistedinplaitswhichvanityitselfmighthavewoven;these，Irepeat，mustbecutoff;thinkofthetimewasted，of—”

Mr。Brocklehurstwashereinterrupted:threeothervisitors，ladies，nowenteredtheroom。Theyoughttohavecomealittlesoonertohaveheardhislectureondress，fortheyweresplendidlyattiredinvelvet，silk，andfurs。Thetwoyoungerofthetrio（finegirlsofsixteenandseventeen）hadgreybeaverhats，theninfashion，shadedwithostrichplumes，andfromunderthebrimofthisgracefulhead—dressfellaprofusionoflighttresses，elaboratelycurled;theelderladywasenvelopedinacostlyvelvetshawl，trimmedwithermine，andsheworeafalsefrontofFrenchcurls。

TheseladiesweredeferentiallyreceivedbyMissTemple，asMrs。andtheMissesBrocklehurst，andconductedtoseatsofhonouratthetopoftheroom。Itseemstheyhadcomeinthecarriagewiththeirreverendrelative，andhadbeenconductingarummagingscrutinyoftheroomupstairs，whilehetransactedbusinesswiththehousekeeper，questionedthelaundress，andlecturedthesuperintendent。TheynowproceededtoaddressdiversremarksandreproofstoMissSmith，whowaschargedwiththecareofthelinenandtheinspectionofthedormitories:butIhadnotimetolistentowhattheysaid;othermatterscalledoffandenchantedmyattention。

Hitherto，whilegatheringupthediscourseofMr。BrocklehurstandMissTemple，Ihadnot，atthesametime，neglectedprecautionstosecuremypersonalsafety;whichIthoughtwouldbeeffected，ifIcouldonlyeludeobservation。Tothisend，Ihadsatwellbackontheform，andwhileseemingtobebusywithmysum，hadheldmyslateinsuchamannerastoconcealmyface:Imighthaveescapednotice，hadnotmytreacherousslatesomehowhappenedtoslipfrommyhand，andfallingwithanobtrusivecrash，directlydrawneveryeyeuponme;Iknewitwasallovernow，and，asIstoopedtopickupthetwofragmentsofslate，Iralliedmyforcesfortheworst。Itcame。

“Acarelessgirl！”saidMr。Brocklehurst，andimmediatelyafter—“Itisthenewpupil，Iperceive。”AndbeforeIcoulddrawbreath，“ImustnotforgetIhaveawordtosayrespectingher。”Thenaloud:howlouditseemedtome！“Letthechildwhobrokeherslatecomeforward！”

OfmyownaccordIcouldnothavestirred;Iwasparalysed:butthetwogreatgirlswhositoneachsideofme，setmeonmylegsandpushedmetowardsthedreadjudge，andthenMissTemplegentlyassistedmetohisveryfeet，andIcaughtherwhisperedcounsel—

“Don’tbeafraid，Jane，Isawitwasanaccident;youshallnotbepunished。”

Thekindwhisperwenttomyheartlikeadagger。

“Anotherminute，andshewilldespisemeforahypocrite，”thoughtI;andanimpulseoffuryagainstReed，Brocklehurst，andCo。boundedinmypulsesattheconviction。IwasnoHelenBurns。

“Fetchthatstool，”saidMr。Brocklehurst，pointingtoaveryhighonefromwhichamonitorhadjustrisen:itwasbrought。

“Placethechilduponit。”

AndIwasplacedthere，bywhomIdon’tknow:Iwasinnoconditiontonoteparticulars;IwasonlyawarethattheyhadhoistedmeuptotheheightofMr。Brocklehurst’snose，thathewaswithinayardofme，andthataspreadofshotorangeandpurplesilkpelissesandacloudofsilveryplumageextendedandwavedbelowme。

Mr。Brocklehursthemmed。

“Ladies，”saidhe，turningtohisfamily，“MissTemple，teachers，andchildren，youallseethisgirl？”

Ofcoursetheydid;forIfelttheireyesdirectedlikeburning—glassesagainstmyscorchedskin。

“Youseesheisyetyoung;youobserveshepossessestheordinaryformofchildhood;GodhasgraciouslygivenhertheshapethatHehasgiventoallofus;nosignaldeformitypointsheroutasamarkedcharacter。WhowouldthinkthattheEvilOnehadalreadyfoundaservantandagentinher？Yetsuch，Igrievetosay，isthecase。”

Apause—inwhichIbegantosteadythepalsyofmynerves，andtofeelthattheRubiconwaspassed;andthatthetrial，nolongertobeshirked，mustbefirmlysustained。

“Mydearchildren，”pursuedtheblackmarbleclergyman，withpathos，“thisisasad，amelancholyoccasion;foritbecomesmydutytowarnyou，thatthisgirl，whomightbeoneofGod’sownlambs，isalittlecastaway:notamemberofthetrueflock，butevidentlyaninterloperandanalien。Youmustbeonyourguardagainsther;youmustshunherexample;ifnecessary，avoidhercompany，excludeherfromyoursports，andshutheroutfromyourconverse。Teachers，youmustwatchher:keepyoureyesonhermovements，weighwellherwords，scrutiniseheractions，punishherbodytosavehersoul:if，indeed，suchsalvationbepossible，for（mytonguefalterswhileItellit）thisgirl，thischild，thenativeofaChristianland，worsethanmanyalittleheathenwhosaysitsprayerstoBrahmaandkneelsbeforeJuggernaut—thisgirlis—aliar！”

Nowcameapauseoftenminutes，duringwhichI，bythistimeinperfectpossessionofmywits，observedallthefemaleBrocklehurstsproducetheirpocket—handkerchiefsandapplythemtotheiroptics，whiletheelderlyladyswayedherselftoandfro，andthetwoyoungeroneswhispered，“Howshocking！”Mr。Brocklehurstresumed。

“ThisIlearnedfromherbenefactress;fromthepiousandcharitableladywhoadoptedherinherorphanstate，rearedherasherowndaughter，andwhosekindness，whosegenerositytheunhappygirlrepaidbyaningratitudesobad，sodreadful，thatatlastherexcellentpatronesswasobligedtoseparateherfromherownyoungones，fearfullestherviciousexampleshouldcontaminatetheirpurity:shehassentherheretobehealed，evenastheJewsofoldsenttheirdiseasedtothetroubledpoolofBethesda;and，teachers，superintendent，Ibegofyounottoallowthewaterstostagnateroundher。”

Withthissublimeconclusion，Mr。Brocklehurstadjustedthetopbuttonofhissurtout，mutteredsomethingtohisfamily，whorose，bowedtoMissTemple，andthenallthegreatpeoplesailedinstatefromtheroom。Turningatthedoor，myjudgesaid—

“Letherstandhalf—an—hourlongeronthatstool，andletnoonespeaktoherduringtheremainderoftheday。”

TherewasI，then，mountedaloft;I，whohadsaidIcouldnotbeartheshameofstandingonmynaturalfeetinthemiddleoftheroom，wasnowexposedtogeneralviewonapedestalofinfamy。Whatmysensationswerenolanguagecandescribe;butjustastheyallrose，stiflingmybreathandconstrictingmythroat，agirlcameupandpassedme:inpassing，sheliftedhereyes。Whatastrangelightinspiredthem！Whatanextraordinarysensationthatraysentthroughme！Howthenewfeelingboremeup！Itwasasifamartyr，ahero，hadpassedaslaveorvictim，andimpartedstrengthinthetransit。Imasteredtherisinghysteria，liftedupmyhead，andtookafirmstandonthestool。HelenBurnsaskedsomeslightquestionaboutherworkofMissSmith，waschiddenforthetrivialityoftheinquiry，returnedtoherplace，andsmiledatmeassheagainwentby。Whatasmile！Irememberitnow，andIknowthatitwastheeffluenceoffineintellect，oftruecourage;itlituphermarkedlineaments，herthinface，hersunkengreyeye，likeareflectionfromtheaspectofanangel。YetatthatmomentHelenBurnsworeonherarm“theuntidybadge;”scarcelyanhouragoIhadheardhercondemnedbyMissScatcherdtoadinnerofbreadandwateronthemorrowbecauseshehadblottedanexerciseincopyingitout。Suchistheimperfectnatureofman！suchspotsarethereonthediscoftheclearestplanet;andeyeslikeMissScatcherd’scanonlyseethoseminutedefects，andareblindtothefullbrightnessoftheorb。

Chapter8

Erethehalf—hourended，fiveo’clockstruck;schoolwasdismissed，andallweregoneintotherefectorytotea。Inowventuredtodescend:itwasdeepdusk;Iretiredintoacornerandsatdownonthefloor。ThespellbywhichIhadbeensofarsupportedbegantodissolve;reactiontookplace，andsoon，sooverwhelmingwasthegriefthatseizedme，Isankprostratewithmyfacetotheground。NowIwept:HelenBurnswasnothere;nothingsustainedme;lefttomyselfIabandonedmyself，andmytearswateredtheboards。Ihadmeanttobesogood，andtodosomuchatLowood:tomakesomanyfriends，toearnrespectandwinaffection。AlreadyIhadmadevisibleprogress:thatverymorningIhadreachedtheheadofmyclass;MissMillerhadpraisedmewarmly;MissTemplehadsmiledapprobation;shehadpromisedtoteachmedrawing，andtoletmelearnFrench，ifIcontinuedtomakesimilarimprovementtwomonthslonger:andthenIwaswellreceivedbymyfellow—pupils;treatedasanequalbythoseofmyownage，andnotmolestedbyany;now，hereIlayagaincrushedandtroddenon;andcouldIeverrisemore？

“Never，”Ithought;andardentlyIwishedtodie。Whilesobbingoutthiswishinbrokenaccents，someoneapproached:Istartedup—againHelenBurnswasnearme;thefadingfiresjustshowedhercomingupthelong，vacantroom;shebroughtmycoffeeandbread。

“Come，eatsomething，”shesaid;butIputbothawayfromme，feelingasifadroporacrumbwouldhavechokedmeinmypresentcondition。Helenregardedme，probablywithsurprise:Icouldnotnowabatemyagitation，thoughItriedhard;Icontinuedtoweepaloud。Shesatdownonthegroundnearme，embracedherkneeswithherarms，andrestedherheaduponthem;inthatattitudesheremainedsilentasanIndian。Iwasthefirstwhospoke—

“Helen，whydoyoustaywithagirlwhomeverybodybelievestobealiar？”

“Everybody，Jane？Why，thereareonlyeightypeoplewhohaveheardyoucalledso，andtheworldcontainshundredsofmillions。”

“ButwhathaveItodowithmillions？Theeighty，Iknow，despiseme。”

“Jane，youaremistaken:probablynotoneintheschooleitherdespisesordislikesyou:many，Iamsure，pityyoumuch。”

“HowcantheypitymeafterwhatMr。Brocklehursthassaid？”

“Mr。Brocklehurstisnotagod:norisheevenagreatandadmiredman:heislittlelikedhere;henevertookstepstomakehimselfliked。Hadhetreatedyouasanespecialfavourite，youwouldhavefoundenemies，declaredorcovert，allaroundyou;asitis，thegreaternumberwouldofferyousympathyiftheydared。Teachersandpupilsmaylookcoldlyonyouforadayortwo，butfriendlyfeelingsareconcealedintheirhearts;andifyoupersevereindoingwell，thesefeelingswillerelongappearsomuchthemoreevidentlyfortheirtemporarysuppression。Besides，Jane”—shepaused。

“Well，Helen？”saidI，puttingmyhandintohers:shechafedmyfingersgentlytowarmthem，andwenton—

“Ifalltheworldhatedyou，andbelievedyouwicked，whileyourownconscienceapprovedyou，andabsolvedyoufromguilt，youwouldnotbewithoutfriends。”

“No;IknowIshouldthinkwellofmyself;butthatisnotenough:ifothersdon’tlovemeIwouldratherdiethanlive—Icannotbeartobesolitaryandhated，Helen。Lookhere;togainsomerealaffectionfromyou，orMissTemple，oranyotherwhomItrulylove，Iwouldwillinglysubmittohavetheboneofmyarmbroken，ortoletabulltossme，ortostandbehindakickinghorse，andletitdashitshoofatmychest—”

“Hush，Jane！youthinktoomuchoftheloveofhumanbeings;youaretooimpulsive，toovehement;thesovereignhandthatcreatedyourframe，andputlifeintoit，hasprovidedyouwithotherresourcesthanyourfeebleself，orthancreaturesfeebleasyou。Besidesthisearth，andbesidestheraceofmen，thereisaninvisibleworldandakingdomofspirits:thatworldisroundus，foritiseverywhere;andthosespiritswatchus，fortheyarecommissionedtoguardus;andifweweredyinginpainandshame，ifscornsmoteusonallsides，andhatredcrushedus，angelsseeourtortures，recogniseourinnocence（ifinnocentwebe:asIknowyouareofthischargewhichMr。Brocklehursthasweaklyandpompouslyrepeatedatsecond—handfromMrs。Reed;forIreadasincerenatureinyourardenteyesandonyourclearfront），andGodwaitsonlytheseparationofspiritfromfleshtocrownuswithafullreward。Why，then，shouldweeversinkoverwhelmedwithdistress，whenlifeissosoonover，anddeathissocertainanentrancetohappiness—toglory？”

Iwassilent;Helenhadcalmedme;butinthetranquillitysheimpartedtherewasanalloyofinexpressiblesadness。Ifelttheimpressionofwoeasshespoke，butIcouldnottellwhenceitcame;andwhen，havingdonespeaking，shebreathedalittlefastandcoughedashortcough，Imomentarilyforgotmyownsorrowstoyieldtoavagueconcernforher。

RestingmyheadonHelen’sshoulder，Iputmyarmsroundherwaist;shedrewmetoher，andwereposedinsilence。Wehadnotsatlongthus，whenanotherpersoncamein。Someheavyclouds，sweptfromtheskybyarisingwind，hadleftthemoonbare;andherlight，streaminginthroughawindownear，shonefullbothonusandontheapproachingfigure，whichweatoncerecognisedasMissTemple。