第21章

Hefretted，pished，andpshawed。“Verygood，”Ithought;“youmayfumeandfidgetasyouplease:butthisisthebestplantopursuewithyou，Iamcertain。IlikeyoumorethanIcansay;butI’llnotsinkintoabathosofsentiment:andwiththisneedleofreparteeI’llkeepyoufromtheedgeofthegulftoo;and，moreover，maintainbyitspungentaidthatdistancebetweenyouandmyselfmostconducivetoourrealmutualadvantage。”

Fromlesstomore，Iworkedhimuptoconsiderableirritation;then，afterhehadretired，indudgeon，quitetotheotherendoftheroom，Igotup，andsaying，“Iwishyougood—night，sir，”inmynaturalandwontedrespectfulmanner，Islippedoutbytheside—doorandgotaway。

Thesystemthusenteredon，Ipursuedduringthewholeseasonofprobation;andwiththebestsuccess。Hewaskept，tobesure，rathercrossandcrusty;butonthewholeIcouldseehewasexcellentlyentertained，andthatalamb—likesubmissionandturtle—dovesensibility，whilefosteringhisdespotismmore，wouldhavepleasedhisjudgment，satisfiedhiscommon—sense，andevensuitedhistasteless。

Inotherpeople’spresenceIwas，asformerly，deferentialandquiet;anyotherlineofconductbeinguncalledfor:itwasonlyintheeveningconferencesIthusthwartedandafflictedhim。Hecontinuedtosendformepunctuallythemomenttheclockstruckseven;thoughwhenIappearedbeforehimnow，hehadnosuchhoneyedtermsas“love”and“darling”onhislips:thebestwordsatmyservicewere“provokingpuppet，”“maliciouself，”“sprite，”“changeling，”&c。Forcaresses，too，Inowgotgrimaces;forapressureofthehand，apinchonthearm;forakissonthecheek，aseveretweakoftheear。Itwasallright:atpresentIdecidedlypreferredthesefiercefavourstoanythingmoretender。Mrs。Fairfax，Isaw，approvedme:heranxietyonmyaccountvanished;thereforeIwascertainIdidwell。Meantime，Mr。RochesteraffirmedIwaswearinghimtoskinandbone，andthreatenedawfulvengeanceformypresentconductatsomeperiodfastcoming。Ilaughedinmysleeveathismenaces。“Icankeepyouinreasonablechecknow，”Ireflected;“andIdon’tdoubttobeabletodoithereafter:ifoneexpedientlosesitsvirtue，anothermustbedevised。”

Yetafterallmytaskwasnotaneasyone;oftenIwouldratherhavepleasedthanteasedhim。Myfuturehusbandwasbecomingtomemywholeworld;andmorethantheworld:almostmyhopeofheaven。Hestoodbetweenmeandeverythoughtofreligion，asaneclipseintervenesbetweenmanandthebroadsun。Icouldnot，inthosedays，seeGodforHiscreature:ofwhomIhadmadeanidol。

Chapter25

Themonthofcourtshiphadwasted:itsverylasthourswerebeingnumbered。Therewasnoputtingoffthedaythatadvanced—thebridalday;andallpreparationsforitsarrivalwerecomplete。I，atleast，hadnothingmoretodo:thereweremytrunks，packed，locked，corded，rangedinarowalongthewallofmylittlechamber;to—morrow，atthistime，theywouldbefarontheirroadtoLondon:andsoshouldI（D。V。），—orrather，notI，butoneJaneRochester，apersonwhomasyetIknewnot。Thecardsofaddressaloneremainedtonailon:theylay，fourlittlesquares，inthedrawer。Mr。Rochesterhadhimselfwrittenthedirection，“Mrs。Rochester，—Hotel，London，”oneach:Icouldnotpersuademyselftoaffixthem，ortohavethemaffixed。Mrs。Rochester！Shedidnotexist:shewouldnotbeborntillto—morrow，sometimeaftereighto’clocka。m。;andIwouldwaittobeassuredshehadcomeintotheworldalivebeforeIassignedtoherallthatproperty。Itwasenoughthatinyondercloset，oppositemydressing—table，garmentssaidtobehershadalreadydisplacedmyblackstuffLowoodfrockandstrawbonnet:fornottomeappertainedthatsuitofweddingraiment;thepearl—colouredrobe，thevapouryveilpendentfromtheusurpedportmanteau。Ishuttheclosettoconcealthestrange，wraith—likeapparelitcontained;which，atthiseveninghour—nineo’clock—gaveoutcertainlyamostghostlyshimmerthroughtheshadowofmyapartment。“Iwillleaveyoubyyourself，whitedream，”Isaid。“Iamfeverish:Ihearthewindblowing:Iwillgooutofdoorsandfeelit。”

Itwasnotonlythehurryofpreparationthatmademefeverish;notonlytheanticipationofthegreatchange—thenewlifewhichwastocommenceto—morrow:boththesecircumstanceshadtheirshare，doubtless，inproducingthatrestless，excitedmoodwhichhurriedmeforthatthislatehourintothedarkeninggrounds:butathirdcauseinfluencedmymindmorethanthey。

Ihadatheartastrangeandanxiousthought。SomethinghadhappenedwhichIcouldnotcomprehend;nooneknewoforhadseentheeventbutmyself:ithadtakenplacetheprecedingnight。Mr。Rochesterthatnightwasabsentfromhome;norwasheyetreturned:businesshadcalledhimtoasmallestateoftwoorthreefarmshepossessedthirtymilesoff—businessitwasrequisiteheshouldsettleinperson，previoustohismeditateddeparturefromEngland。Iwaitednowhisreturn;eagertodisburthenmymind，andtoseekofhimthesolutionoftheenigmathatperplexedme。Staytillhecomes，reader;and，whenIdisclosemysecrettohim，youshallsharetheconfidence。

Isoughttheorchard，driventoitsshelterbythewind，whichalldayhadblownstrongandfullfromthesouth，without，however，bringingaspeckofrain。Insteadofsubsidingasnightdrewon，itseemedtoaugmentitsrushanddeepenitsroar:thetreesblewsteadfastlyoneway，neverwrithinground，andscarcelytossingbacktheirboughsonceinanhour;socontinuouswasthestrainbendingtheirbranchyheadsnorthward—thecloudsdriftedfrompoletopole，fastfollowing，massonmass:noglimpseofblueskyhadbeenvisiblethatJulyday。

ItwasnotwithoutacertainwildpleasureIranbeforethewind，deliveringmytroubleofmindtothemeasurelessair—torrentthunderingthroughspace。Descendingthelaurelwalk，Ifacedthewreckofthechestnut—tree;itstoodupblackandriven:thetrunk，splitdownthecentre，gaspedghastly。Theclovenhalveswerenotbrokenfromeachother，forthefirmbaseandstrongrootskeptthemunsunderedbelow;thoughcommunityofvitalitywasdestroyed—thesapcouldflownomore:theirgreatboughsoneachsideweredead，andnextwinter’stempestswouldbesuretofelloneorbothtoearth:asyet，however，theymightbesaidtoformonetree—aruin，butanentireruin。

“Youdidrighttoholdfasttoeachother，”Isaid:asifthemonster—splinterswerelivingthings，andcouldhearme。“Ithink，scathedasyoulook，andcharredandscorched，theremustbealittlesenseoflifeinyouyet，risingoutofthatadhesionatthefaithful，honestroots:youwillneverhavegreenleavesmore—nevermoreseebirdsmakingnestsandsingingidylsinyourboughs;thetimeofpleasureandloveisoverwithyou:butyouarenotdesolate:eachofyouhasacomradetosympathisewithhiminhisdecay。”AsIlookedupatthem，themoonappearedmomentarilyinthatpartoftheskywhichfilledtheirfissure;herdiskwasblood—redandhalfovercast;sheseemedtothrowonmeonebewildered，drearyglance，andburiedherselfagaininstantlyinthedeepdriftofcloud。Thewindfell，forasecond，roundThornfield;butfarawayoverwoodandwater，pouredawild，melancholywail:itwassadtolistento，andIranoffagain。

HereandthereIstrayedthroughtheorchard，gathereduptheappleswithwhichthegrassroundthetreerootswasthicklystrewn;thenIemployedmyselfindividingtheripefromtheunripe;Icarriedthemintothehouseandputthemawayinthestore—room。ThenIrepairedtothelibrarytoascertainwhetherthefirewaslit，for，thoughsummer，IknewonsuchagloomyeveningMr。Rochesterwouldliketoseeacheerfulhearthwhenhecamein:yes，thefirehadbeenkindledsometime，andburntwell。Iplacedhisarm—chairbythechimney—corner:Iwheeledthetablenearit:Iletdownthecurtain，andhadthecandlesbroughtinreadyforlighting。Morerestlessthanever，whenIhadcompletedthesearrangementsIcouldnotsitstill，norevenremaininthehouse:alittletime—pieceintheroomandtheoldclockinthehallsimultaneouslystruckten。

“Howlateitgrows！”Isaid。“Iwillrundowntothegates:itismoonlightatintervals;Icanseeagoodwayontheroad。Hemaybecomingnow，andtomeethimwillsavesomeminutesofsuspense。”

Thewindroaredhighinthegreattreeswhichemboweredthegates;buttheroadasfarasIcouldsee，totherighthandandtheleft，wasallstillandsolitary:savefortheshadowsofcloudscrossingitatintervalsasthemoonlookedout，itwasbutalongpaleline，unvariedbyonemovingspeck。

ApuerileteardimmedmyeyewhileIlooked—atearofdisappointmentandimpatience;ashamedofit，Iwipeditaway。Ilingered;themoonshutherselfwhollywithinherchamber，anddrewclosehercurtainofdensecloud:thenightgrewdark;raincamedrivingfastonthegale。

“Iwishhewouldcome！Iwishhewouldcome！”Iexclaimed，seizedwithhypochondriacforeboding。Ihadexpectedhisarrivalbeforetea;nowitwasdark:whatcouldkeephim？Hadanaccidenthappened？Theeventoflastnightagainrecurredtome。Iinterpreteditasawarningofdisaster。Ifearedmyhopesweretoobrighttoberealised;andIhadenjoyedsomuchblisslatelythatIimaginedmyfortunehadpasseditsmeridian，andmustnowdecline。

“Well，Icannotreturntothehouse，”Ithought;“Icannotsitbythefireside，whileheisabroadininclementweather:bettertiremylimbsthanstrainmyheart;Iwillgoforwardandmeethim。”

Isetout;Iwalkedfast，butnotfar:ereIhadmeasuredaquarterof