出身奴隶

第二章. 童年岁月

在获得自由之后,我们这个地方的人几乎都达成了两个共识,我发现这在南方各地也普遍适用:他们必须改名,并且必须暂时离开原来的种植园几天或几周,以便真正确信他们是自由的。Insomewayafeelinggotamongthecolouredpeoplethatitwasfarfromproperforthemtobearthesurnameoftheirformerowners,andagreatmanyofthemtookothersurnames.Thiswasoneofthefirstsignsoffreedom.Whentheywereslaves,acolouredpersonwassimplycalled"John"or"Susan."Therewasseldomoccasionformorethantheuseoftheonename.If"John"or"Susan"belongedtoawhitemanbythenameof"Hatcher,"sometimeshewascalled"JohnHatcher,"orasoften"Hatcher'sJohn."Buttherewasafeelingthat"JohnHatcher"or"Hatcher'sJohn"wasnotthepropertitlebywhichtodenoteafreeman;andsoinmanycases"JohnHatcher"waschangedto"JohnS.Lincoln"or"JohnS.Sherman,"theinitial"S"standingfornoname,itbeingsimplyapartofwhatthecolouredmanproudlycalledhis"entitles."在某种程度上,有色人种中有一种感觉,即他们绝不能使用前主人的姓氏,因此很多人选择了其他姓氏。这是自由的第一个迹象之一。当他们是奴隶的时候,有色人种通常只被称为“约翰”或“苏珊”。很少需要使用更多的名字。如果“约翰”属于一个名叫“哈彻”的白人所有者,他有时会被称为“约翰·哈彻”,或者更常被叫做“哈彻的约翰”。但是有种感觉认为“约翰·哈彻”或者“哈彻的约翰”并不是适合用来称呼一名自由人的合适头衔;因此,在许多情况下,“约翰·哈彻”被改成了“约翰·S·林肯”或“约翰·S·谢尔曼”,那个首字母“S”并没有代表任何名字,它只是有色人种自豪地称之为他们的“称号”的一部分。AsIhavestated,mostofthecolouredpeoplelefttheoldplantationforashortwhileatleast,soastobesure,itseemed,thattheycouldleaveandtrytheirfreedomontoseehowitfelt.Aftertheyhadremainedawayforawhile,manyoftheolderslaves,especially,returnedtotheiroldhomesandmadesomekindofcontractwiththeirformerownersbywhichtheyremainedontheestate.正如我所说,大多数有色人种至少暂时离开了旧种植园,似乎是为了确认他们能够离开并尝试一下自由的感觉。在他们离开了一段时间之后,特别是许多年长的奴隶回到了他们原来的家,并与他们的前主人达成了某种协议,使他们继续留在庄园里。Mymother'shusband,whowasthestepfatherofmybrotherJohnandmyself,didnotbelongtothesameownersasdidmymother.Infact,heseldomcametoourplantation.Irememberseeinghimthereperhapsonceayear,thatbeingaboutChristmastime.Insomeway,duringthewar,byrunningawayandfollowingtheFederalsoldiers,itseems,hefoundhiswayintothenewstateofWestVirginia.Assoonasfreedomwasdeclared,hesentformymothertocometotheKanawhaValley,inWestVirginia.AtthattimeajourneyfromVirginiaoverthemountainstoWestVirginiawasratheratediousandinsomecasesapainfulundertaking.Whatlittleclothingandfewhouseholdgoodswehadwereplacedinacart,butthechildrenwalkedthegreaterportionofthedistance,whichwasseveralhundredmiles.我的母亲的丈夫,也就是我哥哥约翰和我的继父,他并不属于同一个主人。事实上,他很少来到我们的种植园。我记得一年大概只能见到他一次,大约是在圣诞节的时候。在战争期间,通过逃跑并跟随联邦士兵,他似乎找到了通往西弗吉尼亚州的新路。解放宣告后不久,他就派人来让我们母亲去西弗吉尼亚州的卡纳瓦山谷。当时从弗吉尼亚州越过山脉到西弗吉尼亚州的旅程相当麻烦,有些情况下甚至令人痛苦。我们所有的衣物和少量的家用品都被装进了一辆手推车,但孩子们步行了大部分的距离,这有好几百英里。Idonotthinkanyofuseverhadbeenveryfarfromtheplantation,andthetakingofalongjourneyintoanotherstatewasquiteanevent.Thepartingfromourformerownersandthemembersofourownraceontheplantationwasaseriousoccasion.Fromthetimeofourpartingtilltheirdeathwekeptupacorrespondencewiththeoldermembersofthefamily,andinlateryearswehavekeptintouchwiththosewhoweretheyoungermembers.Wewereseveralweeksmakingthetrip,andmostofthetimewesleptintheopenairanddidourcookingoveralogfireout-of-doors.OnenightIrecallthatwecampednearanabandonedlogcabin,andmymotherdecidedtobuildafireinthatforcooking,andafterwardtomakea"pallet"onthefloorforoursleeping.Justasthefirehadgottenwellstartedalargeblacksnakefullyayardandahalflongdroppeddownthechimneyandranoutonthefloor.Ofcourseweatonceabandonedthatcabin.Finallywereachedourdestination—alittletowncalledMalden,whichisaboutfivemilesfromCharleston,thepresentcapitalofthestate.我认为我们当中没有人曾经离种植园太远过,因此长途跋涉到另一个州是一件相当重大的事情。与我们之前的主人以及种植园里的族人分别是一个严肃的时刻。从我们分别的那一刻起直到他们去世,我们都与家族中的长辈保持着书信往来,而在后来的岁月里,我们也一直与那些较年轻的成员保持联系。我们花了好几个星期才完成这次旅程,大部分时间我们都在户外露宿,并在户外的圆木火堆上做饭。我记得有一天晚上,我们靠近一座废弃的圆木小屋扎营,我母亲决定在那里生火做饭,之后再在地板上铺个“床垫”睡觉。就在火生得正旺的时候,一条大约一码半长的大黑蛇从烟囱掉下来,落在了地板上。当然,我们立刻放弃了那个小屋。最后,我们到达了目的地——一个叫马尔登的小城镇,它距离查尔斯顿(该州现在的首府)大约五英里。Atthattimesalt-miningwasthegreatindustryinthatpartofWestVirginia,andthelittletownofMaldenwasrightinthemidstofthesalt-furnaces.Mystepfatherhadalreadysecuredajobatasalt-furnace,andhehadalsosecuredalittlecabinforustolivein.OurnewhousewasnobetterthantheonewehadleftontheoldplantationinVirginia.Infact,inonerespectitwasworse.Notwithstandingthepoorconditionofourplantationcabin,wewereatalltimessureofpureair.Ournewhomewasinthemidstofaclusterofcabinscrowdedcloselytogether,andastherewerenosanitaryregulations,thefilthaboutthecabinswasoftenintolerable.Someofourneighbourswerecolouredpeople,andsomewerethepoorestandmostignorantanddegradedwhitepeople.Itwasamotleymixture.Drinking,gambling,quarrels,fights,andshockinglyimmoralpracticeswerefrequent.Allwholivedinthelittletownwereinonewayoranotherconnectedwiththesaltbusiness.ThoughIwasamerechild,mystepfatherputmeandmybrotheratworkinoneofthefurnaces.OftenIbeganworkasearlyasfouro'clockinthemorning.那时西弗吉尼亚州的盐矿是该地区最重要的产业,小城马尔登就在盐窑的中心地带。我的继父已经在一家盐窑找到了工作,他还为我们租到了一个小房子。我们的新家并不比我们在弗吉尼亚老种植园住的那间房子好。实际上,在某些方面它更差。尽管我们以前的种植园小屋条件简陋,但我们始终能呼吸到新鲜空气。而我们的新家位于一群拥挤在一起的小屋中间,由于没有卫生规定,这些小屋周围的污秽常常令人难以忍受。我们的邻居有些是黑人,有些是最贫穷、最无知且堕落的白人。这是一个混杂的人群。酗酒、赌博、争吵、斗殴以及令人震惊的不道德行为屡见不鲜。镇上的所有人或多或少都与盐业有关联。虽然我只是个孩子,但继父还是让我和哥哥去了一家盐窑工作。有时我早上四点钟就开始工作。ThefirstthingIeverlearnedinthewayofbookknowledgewaswhileworkinginthissalt-furnace.Eachsalt-packerhadhisbarrelsmarkedwithacertainnumber.Thenumberallottedtomystepfatherwas"18."Atthecloseoftheday'sworkthebossofthepackerswouldcomearoundandput"18"oneachofourbarrels,andIsoonlearnedtorecognizethatfigurewhereverIsawit,andafterawhilegottothepointwhereIcouldmakethatfigure,thoughIknewnothingaboutanyotherfiguresorletters.我在盐厂工作时学到的第一件书本知识就是这样的。每个盐桶包装工人都会把自己的桶标记上一个特定的数字。分配给我继父的数字是“18”。一天工作结束后,包装工头会绕一圈,在我们每个人的桶上写上“18”。很快我就学会了在哪里看到这个数字都能认出来,过了一段时间,我甚至能写出那个数字,尽管我对其他数字或字母一无所知。FromthetimethatIcanrememberhavinganythoughtsaboutanything,IrecallthatIhadanintenselongingtolearntoread.Idetermined,whenquiteasmallchild,that,ifIaccomplishednothingelseinlife,Iwouldinsomewaygetenougheducationtoenablemetoreadcommonbooksandnewspapers.SoonafterwegotsettledinsomemannerinournewcabininWestVirginia,Iinducedmymothertogetholdofabookforme.HoworwhereshegotitIdonotknow,butinsomewaysheprocuredanoldcopyofWebster's"blue-back"spelling-book,whichcontainedthealphabet,followedbysuchmeaninglesswordsas"ab,""ba,""ca,""da."Ibeganatoncetodevourthisbook,andIthinkthatitwasthefirstoneIeverhadinmyhands.Ihadlearnedfromsomebodythatthewaytobegintoreadwastolearnthealphabet,soItriedinallthewaysIcouldthinkoftolearnit,—allofcoursewithoutateacher,forIcouldfindnoonetoteachme.Atthattimetherewasnotasinglememberofmyraceanywherenearuswhocouldread,andIwastootimidtoapproachanyofthewhitepeople.Insomeway,withinafewweeks,Imasteredthegreaterportionofthealphabet.Inallmyeffortstolearntoreadmymothersharedfullymyambition,andsympathizedwithmeandaidedmeineverywaythatshecould.Thoughshewastotallyignorant,shehadhighambitionsforherchildren,andalargefundofgood,hard,commonsense,whichseemedtoenablehertomeetandmastereverysituation.IfIhavedoneanythinginlifeworthattention,IfeelsurethatIinheritedthedispositionfrommymother.从我能回忆起自己有任何想法的时候开始,我就强烈渴望学习阅读。当我还是个非常小的孩子时,我就下定决心,如果这辈子我一无所成,至少我会以某种方式获得足够的教育,能够阅读普通的书籍和报纸。我们刚在西弗吉尼亚州的新小屋安顿下来后不久,我就说服了母亲帮我找一本书。她是如何或从哪里得到的,我不知道,但她设法弄到了一本韦伯斯特的“蓝背”拼写书,里面包含了字母表,以及一些毫无意义的单词,如“ab”、“ba”、“ca”、“da”。我立刻开始啃这本书,我想这是我第一次手里拿的书。我从别人那里得知,要开始阅读就必须学会字母表,所以我尝试用我能想到的所有方法来学习它——当然没有老师,因为我找不到任何人来教我。在那个时候,附近没有任何一个我的种族的人能阅读,而且我太害羞了,不敢接近任何一个白人。不知怎么,在短短几周内,我掌握了大部分字母表。在我努力学习阅读的过程中,我的母亲完全分享了我的雄心壮志,并同情我、帮助我尽她所能。尽管她完全无知,但她对我们孩子的未来抱有很高的期望,而且拥有大量良好的、坚定的常识,这似乎使她能够应对并解决每一个问题。如果我在生活中做了一些值得注意的事情,我确信我是从我的母亲那里继承了这种倾向。Inthemidstofmystrugglesandlongingforaneducation,ayoungcolouredboywhohadlearnedtoreadinthestateofOhiocametoMalden.Assoonasthecolouredpeoplefoundoutthathecouldread,anewspaperwassecured,andatthecloseofnearlyeveryday'sworkthisyoungmanwouldbesurroundedbyagroupofmenandwomenwhowereanxioustohearhimreadthenewscontainedinthepapers.HowIusedtoenvythisman!Heseemedtometobetheoneyoungmaninalltheworldwhooughttobesatisfiedwithhisattainments.在我努力挣扎并渴望接受教育的时候,一个在俄亥俄州学会阅读的年轻有色人种男孩来到了马尔登。一旦有色人种发现他会读书,一份报纸就被弄到了手,几乎每天工作结束后,这个年轻人就会被一群急切想听他读报的男人和女人围住。我是多么嫉妒这个人啊!在我看来,他是全世界唯一一个应该对自己所取得的成就感到满意的年轻人。Aboutthistimethequestionofhavingsomekindofaschoolopenedforthecolouredchildreninthevillagebegantobediscussedbymembersoftherace.AsitwouldbethefirstschoolforNegrochildrenthathadeverbeenopenedinthatpartofVirginia,itwas,ofcourse,tobeagreatevent,andthediscussionexcitedthewildestinterest.Themostperplexingquestionwaswheretofindateacher.TheyoungmanfromOhiowhohadlearnedtoreadthepaperswasconsidered,buthisagewasagainsthim.Inthemidstofthediscussionaboutateacher,anotheryoungcolouredmanfromOhio,whohadbeenasoldier,insomewayfoundhiswayintotown.Itwassoonlearnedthathepossessedconsiderableeducation,andhewasengagedbythecolouredpeopletoteachtheirfirstschool.Asyetnofreeschoolshadbeenstartedforcolouredpeopleinthatsection,henceeachfamilyagreedtopayacertainamountpermonth,withtheunderstandingthattheteacherwasto"board'round"—thatis,spendadaywitheachfamily.Thiswasnotbadfortheteacher,foreachfamilytriedtoprovidetheverybestonthedaytheteacherwastobeitsguest.IrecallthatIlookedforwardwithananxiousappetitetothe"teacher'sday"atourlittlecabin.大约在这个时候,村里有色人种儿童开办学校的问题开始被种族的成员们讨论起来。由于这将是弗吉尼亚州那个地区第一次为黑人儿童开设的学校,这当然是一件大事,讨论引起了极大的兴趣。最令人困扰的问题是到哪里去找到一位老师。那位从俄亥俄州来的已经学会读报的年轻人曾被考虑过,但他的年龄成了不利因素。在关于老师的讨论正在进行的时候,另一位来自俄亥俄州的有色人种年轻人,他曾是一名士兵,不知怎么找到了镇上。很快大家了解到他拥有相当多的教育背景,于是被有色人种雇用来教授他们的第一所学校。到目前为止,在该地区还没有为有色人种开办免费学校,因此每个家庭同意每月支付一定金额,条件是老师要“轮流寄宿”,也就是说,每天在一个家庭中度过。这对老师来说并不坏,因为每个家庭都想在老师作为客人来访的那一天提供最好的东西。我记得我曾经怀着急切的胃口期待着我们小屋里的“老师日”。Thisexperienceofawholeracebeginningtogotoschoolforthefirsttime,presentsoneofthemostinterestingstudiesthathaseveroccurredinconnectionwiththedevelopmentofanyrace.Fewpeoplewhowerenotrightinthemidstofthescenescanformanyexactideaoftheintensedesirewhichthepeopleofmyraceshowedforaneducation.AsIhavestated,itwasawholeracetryingtogotoschool.Fewweretooyoung,andnonetooold,tomaketheattempttolearn.Asfastasanykindofteacherscouldbesecured,notonlywereday-schoolsfilled,butnight-schoolsaswell.ThegreatambitionoftheolderpeoplewastotrytolearntoreadtheBiblebeforetheydied.Withthisendinviewmenandwomenwhowerefiftyorseventy-fiveyearsoldwouldoftenbefoundinthenight-school.Someday-schoolswereformedsoonafterfreedom,buttheprincipalbookstudiedintheSunday-schoolwasthespelling-book.Day-school,night-school,Sunday-school,werealwayscrowded,andoftenmanyhadtobeturnedawayforwantofroom.这个整个种族开始上学的经历,是与任何一个种族的发展相关联的过程中最有趣的课题之一。很少有人能准确理解我的种族的人们对教育的强烈渴望,除非他们亲身经历了这些场景。正如我所提到的,这是一个全体种族都在努力学习的景象。几乎没有太小的孩子,也没有太老的人,不愿意尝试去学习。只要能找到任何种类的教师,不仅日校会被填满,夜校也一样。年长者最大的愿望就是在去世前学会阅读《圣经》。为了达到这个目的,五十岁或者七十五岁的男人和女人们常常会在夜校里被发现。有些日校在获得自由后不久就成立了,但在主日学校里主要使用的书是拼写书。日校、夜校、主日学校总是人满为患,很多人因为没有地方而被拒之门外。TheopeningoftheschoolintheKanawhaValley,however,broughttomeoneofthekeenestdisappointmentsthatIeverexperienced.Ihadbeenworkinginasalt-furnaceforseveralmonths,andmystepfatherhaddiscoveredthatIhadafinancialvalue,andso,whentheschoolopened,hedecidedthathecouldnotsparemefrommywork.Thisdecisionseemedtocloudmyeveryambition.ThedisappointmentwasmadeallthemoreseverebyreasonofthefactthatmyplaceofworkwaswhereIcouldseethehappychildrenpassingtoandfromschoolmorningsandafternoons.Despitethisdisappointment,however,IdeterminedthatIwouldlearnsomething,anyway.Iappliedmyselfwithgreaterearnestnessthanevertothemasteringofwhatwasinthe"blue-back"speller.然而,坎纳瓦尔山谷学校的开办却给我带来了我曾经历过的最尖锐的失望之一。我已经在盐炉厂工作了几个月,我的继父发现我有经济价值,所以当学校开学时,他决定不能让我从工作中脱身。这个决定似乎遮蔽了我所有的抱负。由于我的工作地点就在能看见孩子们早晨和下午上学放学的地方,这种失望变得更加严重。然而,尽管如此,我还是下定决心无论如何要学到一些东西。我比以往任何时候都更努力地专注于“蓝背”拼写书的内容。Mymothersympathizedwithmeinmydisappointment,andsoughttocomfortmeinallthewaysshecould,andtohelpmefindawaytolearn.AfterawhileIsucceededinmakingarrangementswiththeteachertogivemesomelessonsatnight,aftertheday'sworkwasdone.ThesenightlessonsweresowelcomethatIthinkIlearnedmoreatnightthantheotherchildrendidduringtheday.Myownexperiencesinthenight-schoolgavemefaithinthenight-schoolidea,withwhich,inafteryears,IhadtodobothatHamptonandTuskegee.Butmyboyishheartwasstillsetupongoingtotheday-school,andIletnoopportunitysliptopushmycase.FinallyIwon,andwaspermittedtogototheschoolinthedayforafewmonths,withtheunderstandingthatIwastoriseearlyinthemorningandworkinthefurnacetillnineo'clock,andreturnimmediatelyafterschoolclosedintheafternoonforatleasttwomorehoursofwork.我的母亲同情我的失望,并尽其所能安慰我,帮助我找到学习的方法。过了一段时间,我成功地与老师安排好了,在白天工作结束后晚上给我上一些课。这些夜校课程是如此受欢迎,以至于我觉得我在晚上学到的东西比其他孩子在白天学到的还要多。我在夜校的经历让我相信夜校的想法,在后来的岁月里,我在汉普顿和塔斯基吉都参与了夜校。但我少年的心仍然渴望去日校,我没有错过任何一个推动我的案件的机会。最终我赢了,被允许去日校上学几个月,条件是我早上要早起,在炉子旁工作到九点,下午放学后还要再工作至少两个小时。Theschoolhousewassomedistancefromthefurnace,andasIhadtoworktillnineo'clock,andtheschoolopenedatnine,Ifoundmyselfinadifficulty.SchoolwouldalwaysbebegunbeforeIreachedit,andsometimesmyclasshadrecited.TogetaroundthisdifficultyIyieldedtoatemptationforwhichmostpeople,Isuppose,willcondemnme;butsinceitisafact,Imightaswellstateit.Ihavegreatfaithinthepowerandinfluenceoffacts.Itisseldomthatanythingispermanentlygainedbyholdingbackafact.Therewasalargeclockinalittleofficeinthefurnace.Thisclock,ofcourse,allthehundredormoreworkmendependedupontoregulatetheirhoursofbeginningandendingtheday'swork.Igottheideathatthewayformetoreachschoolontimewastomovetheclockhandsfromhalf-pasteightuptothenineo'clockmark.ThisIfoundmyselfdoingmorningaftermorning,tillthefurnace"boss"discoveredthatsomethingwaswrong,andlockedtheclockinacase.Ididnotmeantoinconvenienceanybody.Isimplymeanttoreachthatschoolhouseintime.校舍距离熔炉有一段距离,而我必须工作到九点钟,学校则在九点钟开始上课,这让我陷入了困境。我总是赶到时课程已经开始了,有时我的班级甚至已经完成了课文背诵。为了绕过这个难题,我屈服于一种诱惑,我想大多数人都会谴责这种行为;但既然这是事实,我还是应该坦白说出来。我对事实的力量和影响力充满信心。很少有事情能通过隐瞒事实而永久地得到解决。在熔炉的小办公室里有一个大钟。当然,所有一百多号工人都依靠这个钟来决定他们一天工作的开始和结束时间。我想到的办法是让自己按时到达学校的方法就是把钟从八点半拨到九点的位置。就这样,我每天早晨都在这么做,直到熔炉的“老板”发现出了问题,把钟锁在一个盒子里。我并不是有意给任何人带来不便,我只是想准时到达学校。When,however,Ifoundmyselfattheschoolforthefirsttime,Ialsofoundmyselfconfrontedwithtwootherdifficulties.Inthefirstplace,Ifoundthatalltheotherchildrenworehatsorcapsontheirheads,andIhadneitherhatnorcap.Infact,IdonotrememberthatuptothetimeofgoingtoschoolIhadeverwornanykindofcoveringuponmyhead,nordoIrecallthateitherIoranybodyelsehadeventhoughtanythingabouttheneedofcoveringformyhead.But,ofcourse,whenIsawhowalltheotherboysweredressed,Ibegantofeelquiteuncomfortable.Asusual,Iputthecasebeforemymother,andsheexplainedtomethatshehadnomoneywithwhichtobuya"storehat,"whichwasarathernewinstitutionatthattimeamongthemembersofmyraceandwasconsideredquitethethingforyoungandoldtoown,butthatshewouldfindawaytohelpmeoutofthedifficulty.Sheaccordinglygottwopiecesof"homespun"(jeans)andsewedthemtogether,andIwassoontheproudpossessorofmyfirstcap.然而,当我第一次来到学校时,我也遇到了另外两个困难。首先,我发现其他所有的孩子头上都戴着帽子或鸭舌帽,而我既没有帽子也没有鸭舌帽。事实上,我不记得在我上学之前曾经戴过任何形式的头饰,也不记得我和任何人曾考虑过需要为我的头准备遮盖物。但是,当然,当我看到其他男孩都穿着整齐时,我开始感到非常不舒服。像往常一样,我把这个情况告诉了母亲,她向我解释说她没有钱买一顶“商店买的帽子”,这是当时我们种族成员中的一个相对较新的概念,并且被认为是年轻人和年长者都应该拥有的东西,但她会想办法帮我解决这个难题。于是,她找来了两块“粗布”(牛仔布),缝在一起,不久我就成了我第一个帽子的自豪拥有者。Thelessonthatmymothertaughtmeinthishasalwaysremainedwithme,andIhavetriedasbestasIcouldtoteachittoothers.Ihavealwaysfeltproud,wheneverIthinkoftheincident,thatmymotherhadstrengthofcharacterenoughnottobeledintothetemptationofseemingtobethatwhichshewasnot—oftryingtoimpressmyschoolmatesandotherswiththefactthatshewasabletobuymea"storehat"whenshewasnot.Ihavealwaysfeltproudthatsherefusedtogointodebtforthatwhichshedidnothavethemoneytopayfor.SincethattimeIhaveownedmanykindsofcapsandhats,butneveroneofwhichIhavefeltsoproudasofthecapmadeofthetwopiecesofclothsewedtogetherbymymother.Ihavenotedthefact,butwithoutsatisfaction,Ineednotadd,thatseveraloftheboyswhobegantheircareerswith"storehats"andwhoweremyschoolmatesandusedtojoininthesportthatwasmadeofmebecauseIhadonlya"homespun"cap,haveendedtheircareersinthepenitentiary,whileothersarenotablenowtobuyanykindofhat.母亲在这次事件中教给我的教训一直伴随着我,我也尽我所能地将它传授给他人。每当我回想起这件事,我都感到非常自豪,因为我的母亲有足够的性格力量,没有被引诱去假装自己是她并不是的人——没有试图向我的同学和其他人炫耀她有能力给我买一顶“商店买的帽子”(storehat),而实际上她并没有这个能力。我始终感到自豪的是,她拒绝为了那些她没有钱支付的东西而负债。从那以后,我拥有过许多种类的帽子和便帽,但我从未有一顶让我像母亲用两块布缝制的那顶一样感到骄傲。我注意到这样一个事实,但我不必再说,我感到并不满意的是,有几个男孩,他们以“商店买的帽子”开始他们的职业生涯,他们是我的同学,并且曾经因为我只有一顶“自制的”帽子(homespuncap)而加入取笑我的行列,最后他们因犯罪进了监狱,而其他一些人现在甚至买不起任何一种帽子。Myseconddifficultywaswithregardtomyname,orratherAname.FromthetimewhenIcouldrememberanything,Ihadbeencalledsimply"Booker."Beforegoingtoschoolithadneveroccurredtomethatitwasneedfulorappropriatetohaveanadditionalname.WhenIheardtheschool-rollcalled,Inoticedthatallofthechildrenhadatleasttwonames,andsomeofthemindulgedinwhatseemedtometheextravaganceofhavingthree.Iwasindeepperplexity,becauseIknewthattheteacherwoulddemandofmeatleasttwonames,andIhadonlyone.Bythetimetheoccasioncamefortheenrollingofmyname,anideaoccurredtomewhichIthoughtwouldmakemeequaltothesituation;andso,whentheteacheraskedmewhatmyfullnamewas,Icalmlytoldhim"BookerWashington,"asifIhadbeencalledbythatnameallmylife;andbythatnameIhavesincebeenknown.LaterinmylifeIfoundthatmymotherhadgivenmethenameof"BookerTaliaferro"soonafterIwasborn,butinsomewaythatpartofmynameseemedtodisappearandforalongwhilewasforgotten,butassoonasIfoundoutaboutitIrevivedit,andmademyfullname"BookerTaliaferroWashington."IthinktherearenotmanymeninourcountrywhohavehadtheprivilegeofnamingthemselvesinthewaythatIhave.我的第二个困难是关于我的名字,或者更确切地说,是一个名字。从我能记住事情的时候起,我就只被叫作“Booker”。上学之前,我从未想过有必要或合适拥有另一个名字。当我听到学校点名册时,我发现所有的孩子至少有两个名字,有些甚至有三个名字,这在我看来似乎是奢侈的。我深感困惑,因为我明白老师会要求我至少有两个名字,而我只有一个。在登记我名字的场合到来之前,我想出了一个主意,我认为这会使我应对这个局面;因此,当老师问我全名是什么时,我平静地告诉他“BookerWashington”,就好像我一直被这样称呼一样;从此以后,我就以这个名字为人所知。在我后来的生活中,我发现母亲在我出生后不久就给了我“BookerTaliaferro”的名字,但不知怎么的,这部分名字似乎消失了,而且很长时间都被遗忘了。但当我发现这件事后,我又恢复了它,并使我的全名成为“BookerTaliaferroWashington”。我认为我们国家没有多少人能够像我这样自行命名。MorethanonceIhavetriedtopicturemyselfinthepositionofaboyormanwithanhonouredanddistinguishedancestrywhichIcouldtracebackthroughaperiodofhundredsofyears,andwhohadnotonlyinheritedaname,butfortuneandaproudfamilyhomestead;andyetIhavesometimeshadthefeelingthatifIhadinheritedthese,andhadbeenamemberofamorepopularrace,IshouldhavebeeninclinedtoyieldtothetemptationofdependinguponmyancestryandmycolourtodothatformewhichIshoulddoformyself.YearsagoIresolvedthatbecauseIhadnoancestrymyselfIwouldleavearecordofwhichmychildrenwouldbeproud,andwhichmightencouragethemtostillhighereffort.不止一次,我试图想象自己处于一个男孩或男人的位置,他有一个可以追溯到数百年的光荣而显赫的祖先,并且不仅继承了一个名字,还有财富和一座骄傲的家庭庄园;然而,有时我会有这样的感觉,如果我继承了这些,并且是一个更受欢迎种族的成员,我可能会倾向于依赖我的祖先和肤色来为我做我自己应该做的事情。许多年前,我下定决心,因为我没有自己的祖先,我要留下一个让我孩子感到自豪的记录,并可能鼓励他们付出更高的努力。TheworldshouldnotpassjudgmentupontheNegro,andespeciallytheNegroyouth,tooquicklyortooharshly.TheNegroboyhasobstacles,discouragements,andtemptationstobattlewiththatarelittleknowntothosenotsituatedasheis.Whenawhiteboyundertakesatask,itistakenforgrantedthathewillsucceed.Ontheotherhand,peopleareusuallysurprisediftheNegroboydoesnotfail.Inaword,theNegroyouthstartsoutwiththepresumptionagainsthim.世界不应该过快或过于严厉地对黑人,尤其是黑人青年作出评判。黑人男孩要面对的障碍、挫折和诱惑是那些没有他这样处境的人所不知道的。当一个白人男孩着手做一件事时,人们理所当然地认为他会成功。另一方面,如果黑人男孩没有失败,人们通常会感到惊讶。简而言之,黑人青年一开始就处于不利的境地。Theinfluenceofancestry,however,isimportantinhelpingforwardanyindividualorrace,iftoomuchrelianceisnotplaceduponit.ThosewhoconstantlydirectattentiontotheNegroyouth'smoralweaknesses,andcomparehisadvancementwiththatofwhiteyouths,donotconsidertheinfluenceofthememorieswhichclingabouttheoldfamilyhomesteads.Ihavenoidea,asIhavestatedelsewhere,whomygrandmotherwas.Ihave,orhavehad,unclesandauntsandcousins,butIhavenoknowledgeastowheremostofthemare.Mycasewillillustratethatofhundredsofthousandsofblackpeopleineverypartofourcountry.Theveryfactthatthewhiteboyisconsciousthat,ifhefailsinlife,hewilldisgracethewholefamilyrecord,extendingbackthroughmanygenerations,isoftremendousvalueinhelpinghimtoresisttemptations.Thefactthattheindividualhasbehindandsurroundinghimproudfamilyhistoryandconnectionservesasastimulustohelphimtoovercomeobstacleswhenstrivingforsuccess.然而,祖先的影响对于帮助任何个人或种族前行是重要的,前提是不能过于依赖它。那些不断把注意力引向黑人青年道德弱点的人,并将他们的进步与白人青年的进步进行比较,却没有考虑到萦绕在旧家庭故居周围的记忆所产生的影响。正如我在其他地方提到过的,我不知道我的祖母是谁。我有叔叔、阿姨和表亲,或者曾经有过他们,但我并不知道他们中的大多数人在哪里。我的情况反映了我国各地成千上万黑人的状况。白人男孩意识到,如果他在生活中失败了,就会使延续数代的整个家族记录蒙羞,这一事实对他抵制诱惑有着巨大的价值。个人背后和周围有自豪的家庭历史和联系的事实,能激励他克服追求成功过程中遇到的障碍。ThetimethatIwaspermittedtoattendschoolduringthedaywasshort,andmyattendancewasirregular.ItwasnotlongbeforeIhadtostopattendingday-schoolaltogether,anddevoteallofmytimeagaintowork.Iresortedtothenight-schoolagain.Infact,thegreaterpartoftheeducationIsecuredinmyboyhoodwasgatheredthroughthenight-schoolaftermyday'sworkwasdone.Ihaddifficultyofteninsecuringasatisfactoryteacher.Sometimes,afterIhadsecuredsomeonetoteachmeatnight,Iwouldfind,muchtomydisappointment,thattheteacherknewbutlittlemorethanIdid.OftenIwouldhavetowalkseveralmilesatnightinordertorecitemynight-schoollessons.Therewasneveratimeinmyyouth,nomatterhowdarkanddiscouragingthedaysmightbe,whenoneresolvedidnotcontinuallyremainwithme,andthatwasadeterminationtosecureaneducationatanycost.我获准在白天上学的时间很短,而且我的出勤也不规律。没过多久,我就不得不完全停止上日校,再次把所有时间都投入到工作当中。我又回到了夜校。事实上,我在少年时期所获得的大部分教育都是在我一天的工作结束后,在夜校里学到的。我常常很难找到一位令人满意的老师。有时,当我好不容易找到一位晚上教我的老师时,我失望地发现,这位老师知道的东西并不比我多多少。经常地,为了背诵夜校的功课,我不得不在夜晚走上好几英里路。在我的青春岁月里,无论日子多么黑暗、多么令人沮丧,我都从未放弃过一个决心,那就是不惜一切代价来获取知识。SoonafterwemovedtoWestVirginia,mymotheradoptedintoourfamily,notwithstandingourpoverty,anorphanboy,towhomafterwardwegavethenameofJamesB.Washington.Hehaseversinceremainedamemberofthefamily.我们搬到西弗吉尼亚州后不久,尽管我们家境贫困,母亲还是把一个孤儿收养进我们的家庭,并且我们后来给他取名为詹姆斯·B·华盛顿。从那以后,他一直是我们家庭的一员。AfterIhadworkedinthesalt-furnaceforsometime,workwassecuredformeinacoal-minewhichwasoperatedmainlyforthepurposeofsecuringfuelforthesalt-furnace.Workinthecoal-mineIalwaysdreaded.Onereasonforthiswasthatanyonewhoworkedinacoal-minewasalwaysunclean,atleastwhileatwork,anditwasaveryhardjobtogetone'sskincleanaftertheday'sworkwasover.Thenitwasfullyamilefromtheopeningofthecoal-minetothefaceofthecoal,andall,ofcourse,wasintheblackestdarkness.Idonotbelievethatoneeverexperiencesanywhereelsesuchdarknessashedoesinacoal-mine.Theminewasdividedintoalargenumberofdifferent"rooms"ordepartments,and,asIneverwasabletolearnthelocationofallthese"rooms,"Imanytimesfoundmyselflostinthemine.Toaddtothehorrorofbeinglost,sometimesmylightwouldgoout,andthen,ifIdidnothappentohaveamatch,IwouldwanderaboutinthedarknessuntilbychanceIfoundsomeonetogivemealight.Theworkwasnotonlyhard,butitwasdangerous.Therewasalwaysthedangerofbeingblowntopiecesbyaprematureexplosionofpowder,orofbeingcrushedbyfallingslate.Accidentsfromoneortheotherofthesecauseswerefrequentlyoccurring,andthiskeptmeinconstantfear.Manychildrenofthetenderestyearswerecompelledthen,asisnowtrueIfear,inmostcoal-miningdistricts,tospendalargepartoftheirlivesinthesecoal-mines,withlittleopportunitytogetaneducation;and,whatisworse,Ihaveoftennotedthat,asarule,youngboyswhobeginlifeinacoal-mineareoftenphysicallyandmentallydwarfed.Theysoonloseambitiontodoanythingelsethantocontinueasacoal-miner.在我在盐炉工作了一段时间后,我在一个主要为盐炉提供燃料而经营的煤矿里找到了一份工作。我在煤矿里的工作总是让我感到害怕。其中一个原因是,任何在煤矿工作的人都总是很脏,在工作的时候至少如此,而且一天的工作结束后,要洗干净皮肤是非常困难的。此外,从煤矿入口到煤层还有整整一英里远,当然,那里到处都是最黑暗的黑暗。我相信,人们在其他任何地方都不会经历像在煤矿里那样的黑暗。煤矿被分成了大量的不同“房间”或部门,由于我从未能学会所有这些“房间”的位置,所以我多次在矿井里迷了路。更让人恐惧的是,有时候我的灯光会熄灭,如果我不巧没有火柴的话,我就只能在黑暗中徘徊,直到偶然遇到某人给我点亮。工作不仅辛苦,而且危险重重。随时都有可能因火药过早爆炸而被炸得粉身碎骨,或者因石板坠落而被压伤。这两种事故时常发生,这让我一直心存恐惧。那时,正如我现在所担心的大多数煤矿开采区一样,许多年幼的孩子被迫在这些煤矿里度过他们生命中的一大半时间,几乎没有机会接受教育;而且更糟糕的是,我经常注意到,通常情况下,那些从小就在煤矿工作的男孩们往往会在身体和智力上发育不良。他们很快就会失去做其他事情的雄心壮志,只想着继续当煤矿工人。Inthosedays,andlaterasayoungman,Iusedtotrytopictureinmyimaginationthefeelingsandambitionsofawhiteboywithabsolutelynolimitplaceduponhisaspirationsandactivities.IusedtoenvythewhiteboywhohadnoobstaclesplacedinthewayofhisbecomingaCongressman,Governor,Bishop,orPresidentbyreasonoftheaccidentofhisbirthorrace.IusedtopicturethewaythatIwouldactundersuchcircumstances;howIwouldbeginatthebottomandkeeprisinguntilIreachedthehighestroundofsuccess.在那些日子里,后来作为一个年轻人的时候,我常常试图在我的想象中描绘出一个白人男孩的感受和抱负,他没有任何限制被施加在他的抱负和活动之上。我常常羡慕那个没有因为出生或种族的偶然因素而面临障碍、无法成为国会议员、州长、主教或总统的白人男孩。我常常想象在这种情况下我会如何行动;我会从底层开始,不断上升,直到达到成功的最高点。Inlateryears,IconfessthatIdonotenvythewhiteboyasIoncedid.Ihavelearnedthatsuccessistobemeasurednotsomuchbythepositionthatonehasreachedinlifeasbytheobstacleswhichhehasovercomewhiletryingtosucceed.Lookedatfromthisstandpoint,IalmostreachedtheconclusionthatoftentheNegroboy'sbirthandconnectionwithanunpopularraceisanadvantage,sofarasreallifeisconcerned.Withfewexceptions,theNegroyouthmustworkharderandmustperformhistasksevenbetterthanawhiteyouthinordertosecurerecognition.Butoutofthehardandunusualstrugglethroughwhichheiscompelledtopass,hegetsastrength,aconfidence,thatonemisseswhosepathwayiscomparativelysmoothbyreasonofbirthandrace.后来,在多年之后,我承认我不再像以前那样羡慕白人男孩了。我了解到成功不能仅仅通过一个人在生活中的地位来衡量,而是更多地取决于他在努力取得成功的过程中克服了多少障碍。从这个角度来看,我几乎得出这样的结论:黑人男孩的出身和他的种族联系实际上是一种优势,就现实的生活而言是如此。除了极少数例外,黑人青年必须比白人青年更加努力工作,并且必须做得更好才能获得认可。但是,正是通过这种艰难而不同寻常的奋斗过程,他获得了力量和信心,这是那些由于出身和种族原因生活相对顺利的人所缺乏的。Fromanypointofview,IhadratherbewhatIam,amemberoftheNegrorace,thanbeabletoclaimmembershipwiththemostfavouredofanyotherrace.IhavealwaysbeenmadesadwhenIhaveheardmembersofanyraceclaimingrightsorprivileges,orcertainbadgesofdistinction,onthegroundsimplythattheyweremembersofthisorthatrace,regardlessoftheirownindividualworthorattainments.IhavebeenmadetofeelsadforsuchpersonsbecauseIamconsciousofthefactthatmereconnectionwithwhatisknownasasuperiorracewillnotpermanentlycarryanindividualforwardunlesshehasindividualworth,andmereconnectionwithwhatisregardedasaninferiorracewillnotfinallyholdanindividualbackifhepossessesintrinsic,individualmerit.Everypersecutedindividualandraceshouldgetmuchconsolationoutofthegreathumanlaw,whichisuniversalandeternal,thatmerit,nomatterunderwhatskinfound,is,inthelongrun,recognizedandrewarded.ThisIhavesaidhere,nottocallattentiontomyselfasanindividual,buttotheracetowhichIamproudtobelong.从任何角度来看,我都宁愿做我现在这样,一个黑人种族的一员,而不愿仅仅因为能够声称自己属于其他任何种族中最受优待的那个种族而感到自豪。每当听到某个种族的成员以仅仅是他们属于这个或那个种族为理由,要求权利或特权,或者某种特殊的荣誉标志,而不考虑他们自身的价值或成就时,我总是感到悲伤。我为这些人感到悲伤,因为我意识到,仅仅与所谓的优越种族有联系,并不能永久地推动一个人前进,除非他自身有价值;而仅仅与被认为低等的种族有联系,也不会最终阻碍一个拥有内在个人价值的人的发展。每个遭受迫害的个体和种族都应该从伟大的人类法则中得到极大的安慰,这条法则是普遍且永恒的,那就是无论资质出现在何种皮肤之下,最终都会被认可并得到回报。我在这里说这些话,并不是为了引起人们对我的个人注意,而是为了强调我引以为豪的种族。

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