The Voyage Out

第59章

Noonehaseverlovedaswehaveloved。“

Itseemedtohimthattheircompleteunionandhappinessfilledtheroomwithringseddyingmoreandmorewidely。Hehadnowishintheworldleftunfulfilled。Theypossessedwhatcouldneverbetakenfromthem。

Hewasnotconsciousthatanyonehadcomeintotheroom,butlater,momentslater,orhourslaterperhaps,hefeltanarmbehindhim。

Thearmswereroundhim。Hedidnotwanttohavearmsroundhim,andthemysteriouswhisperingvoicesannoyedhim。HelaidRachel’shand,whichwasnowcold,uponthecounterpane,androsefromhischair,andwalkedacrosstothewindow。Thewindowswereuncurtained,andshowedthemoon,andalongsilverpathwayuponthesurfaceofthewaves。

“Why,“hesaid,inhisordinarytoneofvoice,“lookatthemoon。

There’sahaloroundthemoon。Weshallhaverainto-morrow。“

Thearms,whethertheywerethearmsofmanorofwoman,wereroundhimagain;theywerepushinghimgentlytowardsthedoor。Heturnedofhisownaccordandwalkedsteadilyinadvanceofthearms,consciousofalittleamusementatthestrangewayinwhichpeoplebehavedmerelybecausesomeonewasdead。Hewouldgoiftheywishedit,butnothingtheycoulddowoulddisturbhishappiness。

Ashesawthepassageoutsidetheroom,andthetablewiththecupsandtheplates,itsuddenlycameoverhimthatherewasaworldinwhichhewouldneverseeRachelagain。

“Rachel!Rachel!“heshrieked,tryingtorushbacktoher。

Buttheypreventedhim,andpushedhimdownthepassageandintoabedroomfarfromherroom。Downstairstheycouldhearthethudofhisfeetonthefloor,ashestruggledtobreakfree;andtwicetheyheardhimshout,“Rachel,Rachel!“

Fortwoorthreehourslongerthemoonpoureditslightthroughtheemptyair。Unbrokenbycloudsitfellstraightly,andlayalmostlikeachillwhitefrostovertheseaandtheearth。

Duringthesehoursthesilencewasnotbroken,andtheonlymovementwascausedbythemovementoftreesandbrancheswhichstirredslightly,andthentheshadowsthatlayacrossthewhitespacesofthelandmovedtoo。Inthisprofoundsilenceonesoundonlywasaudible,thesoundofaslightbutcontinuousbreathingwhichneverceased,althoughitneverroseandneverfell。Itcontinuedafterthebirdshadbeguntoflutterfrombranchtobranch,andcouldbeheardbehindthefirstthinnotesoftheirvoices。Itcontinuedallthroughthehourswhentheeastwhitened,andgrewred,andafaintbluetingedthesky,butwhenthesunroseitceased,andgaveplacetoothersounds。

Thefirstsoundsthatwereheardwerelittleinarticulatecries,thecries,itseemed,ofchildrenoroftheverypoor,ofpeoplewhowereveryweakorinpain。Butwhenthesunwasabovethehorizon,theairwhichhadbeenthinandpalegreweverymomentricherandwarmer,andthesoundsoflifebecamebolderandmorefullofcourageandauthority。Bydegreesthesmokebegantoascendinwaveringbreathsoverthehouses,andtheseslowlythickened,untiltheywereasroundandstraightascolumns,andinsteadofstrikinguponpalewhiteblinds,thesunshoneupondarkwindows,beyondwhichtherewasdepthandspace。

Thesunhadbeenupformanyhours,andthegreatdomeofairwaswarmedthroughandglitteringwiththingoldthreadsofsunlight,beforeanyonemovedinthehotel。Whiteandmassiveitstoodintheearlylight,halfasleepwithitsblindsdown。

Atabouthalf-pastnineMissAllancameveryslowlyintothehall,andwalkedveryslowlytothetablewherethemorningpaperswerelaid,butshedidnotputoutherhandtotakeone;shestoodstill,thinking,withherheadalittlesunkuponhershoulders。

Shelookedcuriouslyold,andfromthewayinwhichshestood,alittlehunchedtogetherandverymassive,youcouldseewhatshewouldbelikewhenshewasreallyold,howshewouldsitdayafterdayinherchairlookingplacidlyinfrontofher。

Otherpeoplebegantocomeintotheroom,andtopassher,butshedidnotspeaktoanyofthemorevenlookatthem,andatlast,asifitwerenecessarytodosomething,shesatdowninachair,andlookedquietlyandfixedlyinfrontofher。Shefeltveryoldthismorning,anduselesstoo,asifherlifehadbeenafailure,asifithadbeenhardandlaborioustonopurpose。

Shedidnotwanttogoonliving,andyetsheknewthatshewould。

Shewassostrongthatshewouldlivetobeaveryoldwoman。

Shewouldprobablylivetobeeighty,andasshewasnowfifty,thatleftthirtyyearsmoreforhertolive。Sheturnedherhandsoverandover

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