第22章

BLOOM(QuietlylaysahalfsovereignonthetablebetweenBellaandFlorry。)So。Allowme。(Hetakesupthepoundnote。)Threetimesten。We’resquare。

BELLA(Admiringly。)You’resuchaslyboots，oldcocky。Icouldkissyou。

ZOE(Points。)Hum？Deepasadrawwell。(LynchbendsKittybackoverthesofaandkissesher。BloomgoeswiththepoundnotetoStephen。)

BLOOMThisisyours。

STEPHENHowisthat？Ledistraitorabsentmindedbeggar。(Hefumblesagaininhispocketanddrawsoutahandfulofcoins。Anobjectfalls。)Thatfell。

BLOOM(Stooping，picksupandhandsaboxofmatches。)This。

STEPHENLucifer。Thanks。

BLOOM(Quietly。)Youhadbetterhandoverthatcashtometotakecareof。Whypaymore？

STEPHEN(Handshimallhiscoins。)Bejustbeforeyouaregenerous。

BLOOMIwillbutisitwise？(Hecounts。)One，seven，eleven，andfive。Six。Eleven。Idon’tanswerforwhatyoumayhavelost。

STEPHENWhystrikingeleven？Proparoxyton。MomentbeforethenextLessingsays。Thirstyfox。(Helaughsloudly。)Buryinghisgrandmother。Probablyhekilledher。

BLOOMThatisonepoundsixandeleven。Onepoundseven，say。

STEPHENDoesn’tmatteraramblingdamn。

BLOOMNo，but……

STEPHEN(Comestothetable。)Cigarette，please。(Lynchtossesacigarettefromthesofatothetable。)AndsoGeorginaJohnsonisdeadandmarried。(Acigaretteappearsonthetable。Stephenlooksatit。)Wonder。Parlourmagic。Married。Hm。(Hestrikesamatchandproceedstolightthecigarettewithenigmaticmelancholy。)

LYNCH(Watchinghim。)Youwouldhaveabetterchanceoflightingitifyouheldthematchnearer。

STEPHEN(Bringsthematchnearerhiseye。)Lynxeye。Mustgetglasses。Brokethemyesterday。Sixteenyearsago。Distance。Theeyeseesallflat。(Hedrawsthematchaway。Itgoesout。)Brainthinks。Near:far。Ineluctablemodalityofthevisible。(Hefrownsmysteriously。)Hm。Sphinx。Thebeastthathastwobacksatmidnight。Married。

ZOEItwasacommercialtravellermarriedherandtookherawaywithhim。

FLORRY(Nods。)MrLambefromLondon。

STEPHENLambofLondon，whotakestawaythesinsofourworld。

LYNCH(EmbracingKittyonthesofa，chantsdeeply。)Donanobispacem。(ThecigaretteslipsfromStephensfingers。Bloompicksitupandthrowsitintothegrate。)

BLOOMDon’tsmoke。Yououghttoeat。CurseddogImet。(ToZoe。)Youhavenothing？

ZOEIshehungry？

STEPHEN(ExtendshishandtohersmilingandchantstotheairofthebloodoathintheDuskoftheGods。)

HangendeHunger，

FragendeFrau，

Machtunsallekaput。

ZOE(Tragically。)Hamlet，Iamthyfather’sgimlet！(Shetakeshishand。)Blueeyedbeauty，I’llreadyourhand。(Shepointstohisforehead。)Nowit，nowrinkles。(Shecounts。)Two，three，Mars，that’scourage。(Stephenshakeshishead。)Nokid。

LYNCHSheetlightningcourage。Theyouthwhocouldnotshiverandshake。(ToZoe。)Whotaughtyoupalmistry？

ZOE(Turns。)AskmyballocksthatIhaven’tgot。(ToStephen。)Iseeitinyourface。Theeye，likethat。(Shefrownswithloweredhead。)

LYNCH(Laughing，slapsKittybehindtwice。)Likethat。Pandybat。

(Twiceloudlyapandybatcracks，thecoffinofthepianolafliesopen，thebaldlittleroundjack-in-the-boxheadofFatherDolanspringsup。)

FATHERDOLANAnyboywantflogging？Brokehisglasses？Lazyidlelittleschemer。Seeitinyoureye。

(Mild，benign，rectorial，reproving，theheadofDonJohnConmeerisesfromthepianolacoffin。)

DONJOHNCONMEENow，FatherDolan！Now。I’msurethatStephenisaverygoodlittleboy。

ZOE(ExaminingStephen’spalm。)Woman’shand。

STEPHEN(Murmurs。)Continue。Lie。Holdme。Caress。InevercouldreadHishandwritingexceptHiscriminalthumbprintonthehaddock。

ZOEWhatdaywereyouborn？

STEPHENThursday。Today。

ZOEThursday’schildhasfartogo。(Shetraceslinesonhishand。)Lineoffate。Influentialfriends。

FLORRY(Pointing。)Imagination。

ZOEMountofthemoon。You’llmeetwitha……(Shepeersathishandsabruptly。)Iwon’ttellyouwhat’snotgoodforyou。Ordoyouwanttoknow？

BLOOM(Detachesherfingersandoffershispalm。)Moreharmthangood。Here。Readmine。

BELLAShow。(SheturnsupBloom’shand。)Ithoughtso。Knobbyknuckles，forthewomen。

ZOE(PeeringatBloom’spalm。)Gridiron。Travelsbeyondtheseaandmarrymoney。

BLOOMWrong。

ZOE(Quickly。)O，Isee。Shortlittlefinger。Henpeckedhusband。Thatwrong？

(BlackLiz，ahugeroosterhatchinginachalkedcircle，rises，stretchesherwingsandclucks。)

BLACKLIZGara。Klook。Klook。Klook。

(Shesidlesfromhernewlaideggandwaddlesoff。)

BLOOM(Pointstohishand。)Thatwealthereisanaccident。Fellandcutittwenty-twoyearsago。Iwassixteen。

ZOEIsee，saystheblindman。Tellusnews。

STEPHENSee？Movestoonegreatgoal。Iamtwentytwotoo。SixteenyearsagoItwentytwotumbled，twentytwoyearsagohesixteenfelloffhishobbyhorse。(Hewinces。)Hurtmyhandsomewhere。Mustseeadentist。Money？

(ZoewhisperstoFlorry。Theygiggle。Bloomreleaseshishandandwritesidlyonthetableinbackhand，pencillingslowcurves。)

FLORRYWhat？

(Ahackneycarnumberthreehundredandtwentyfour，withagallantbuttockedmare，drivenbyJamesBarton，HarmonyAvenue，Donnybrook，trotspast。BlazesBoylanandLenehansprawlswayingonthesideseats。TheOrmondbootscrouchesbehindontheaxle。SadlyoverthecrossblindLydiaDouceandMinaKennedygaze。)

THEBOOTS(Jogging，mocksthemwiththumbandwrigglingwormfingers。)Haw，haw，haveyouthehorn？

(Bronzebygoldtheywhisper。)

ZOE(ToFlorry。)Whisper。

(Theywhisperagain。)

(OverthewellofthecarBlazesBoylanleans，hisboaterstrawsetsideways，aredflowerinhismouth。Lenehan，inayachtsman’scapandwhiteshoes，officiouslydetachesalonghairfromBlazesBoylansshoulder。)

LENEHANHo！WhatdoIherebehold？Wereyoubrushingthecobwebsoffafewquims？

BOYLAN(Seated，smiles。)Pluckingaturkey。

LENEHANAgoodnight’swork。

BOYLAN(Holdingupfourthickbluntungulatedfingers，winks。)BlazesKate！Uptosampleoryourmoneyback。(Heholdsoutaforefinger。)Smellthat。

LENEHAN(Smellsgleefully。)Ah！Lobsterandmayonnaise。Ah！

ZOEANDFLORRY(Laughtogether。)Hahahaha。

BOYLANbumpssurelyfromthecarandcallsloudlyforalltohear。)Hello，Bloom！MrsBloomupyet？

BLOOM(Inaflunkey’splumplushcoatandkneebreeches，buffstockingsandpowderedwig。)I’mafraidnot，sir，thelastarticles……

BOYLAN(Tosseshimsixpence。)Here，tobuyyourselfaginandsplash。(HehangshishatsmartlyonapegofBloom’santleredhead。)Showmein。Ihavealittleprivatebusinesswithyourwife。Youunderstand？

BLOOMThankyou，sir。Yes，sir，MadamTweedyisinherbath，sir。

MARIONHeoughttofeelhimselfhighlyhonoured。(Sheplopssplashingoutofthewater。)Raoul，darling，comeanddryme。I’minmypelt。Onlymynewhatandacarriagesponge。

BOYLAN(Amerrytwinkleinhiseye。)Topping！

BELLAWhat？Whatisit？

(Zoewhisperstoher。)

MARIONLethimlook，thepishogue！Pimp！Andscourgehimself！I’llwritetoapowerfulprostituteorBartholomona，thebeardedwoman，toraisewealsoutonhimaninchthickandmakehimbringmebackasignedandstampedreceipt。

BELLA(Laughing。)Hohohoho。

BOYLAN(ToBloom，overhisshoulder。)YoucanapplyyoureyetothekeyholeandplaywithyourselfwhileIjustgothroughherafewtimes。

BLOOMThankyou，sir，Iwill，sir。MayIbringtwomenchumstowitnessthedeedandtakeasnapshot？(Heholdsanointmentjar。)Vaseline，sir？Orangeflower？……Lukewarmwater？……

KITTY(Fromthesofa。)Tellus，Florry。Tellus。What。

(Florrywhisperstoher。Whisperinglovewordsmurmurlip-lappingloudly，poppysmicplopslop。)

MINAKENNEDY(Hereyesupturned。)O，itmustbelikethescentofgeraniumsandlovelypeaches！O，hesimplyidoliseseverybitofher！Stucktogether！Coveredwithkisses！

LYDIADOUCE(Hermouthopening。)Yumyum。O，he’scarryingherroundtheroomdoingit！Rideacockhorse。YoucouldheartheminParisandNewYork。Likemouthfulsofstrawberriesandcream。

KITTY(Laughing。)Heeheehee。

BOYLAN’SVOICE(Sweetly，hoarsely，inthepitofhisstomach。)Ah！Gooblazqrukbrukarchkrasht！

MARION’SVOICE(Hoarsely，sweetlyrisingtoherthroat。)O！Weeshwashtkissima，pooisthnapoohuck！

BLOOM(Hiseyeswildlydilated，claspshimself)Show！Hide！Show！Ploughher！More！Shoot！

BELLA，ZOE，FLORRY。KITTYHoho！Haha！Heehee！

LYNCH(Points。)Themirroruptonature。(Helaughs。)Huhuhuhuhuhu。

(StephenandBloomgazeinthemirror。ThefaceofWilliamShakespeare，beardless，appearsthere，rigidinfacialparalysis，crownedbythereflectionofthereindeerantleredhatrackinthehall。)

SHAKESPEARE(Indignifiedventriloquy。)’Tistheloudlaughbespeaksthevacantmind。(ToBloom。)Thouthoughtestashowthouwastestinvisible。Gaze。(Hecrowswithablackcapon’slaugh。)Iagogo！HowmyOldfellowchokithisThursdaymomun。Iagogogo！

BLOOM(Smilesyellowlyatthewhores。)WhenwillIhearthejoke？

ZOEBeforeyou’retwicemarriedandonceawidower。

BLOOMLapsesarecondoned。EventhegreatNapoleon，whenmeasurementsweretakenneartheskinafterhisdeath……

(MrsDignam，widowwoman，hersnubnoseandcheeksflushedwithdeathtalk，tearsandTunny’stawnysherry，hurriesbyinherweeds，herbonnetawry，rougingandpowderinghercheeks，lipsandnose，apenchivvyingherbroodofcygnets。Beneathherskirtappearherlatehusband’severydaytrousersandturnedupboots，laceeights。SheholdsaScottishwidow’sinsurancepolicyandlacemarqueeumbrellaunderwhichherbroodrunswithher，Patsyhoppingononeshortfoot，hiscollarloose，ahankofporksteaksdangling，Freddywhimpering，Susywithacryingcodsmouth，Alicestrugglingwiththebaby。Shecuffsthemon，herstreamersflauntingaloft。)

FREDDYAh，ma，you’redraggingmealong！

SUSYMamma，thebeefteaisfizzingover！

SHAKESPEARE(Withparalyticrage。)Wedasecawhokillafarst。

(ThefaceofMartinCunningham，bearded，refeaturesShakespearesbeardlessface。Themarqueeumbrellaswaysdrunkenly，thechildrenrunaside。UndertheumbrellaappearsMrsCunninghaminMerryWidowhatandkimonogown。Sheglidessidlingandbowing，twistingjapanesily。)

MRSCUNNINGHAM(Sings。)AndtheycallmethejewelofAsia。

MARTINCUNNINGHAM

(Gazesonherimpassive。)Immense！Mostbloodyawfuldemirep！

STEPHENEtexaltabunturcornuaiusti。Queenslaywithprizebulls。RememberPasiphaeforwhoselustmygrandoldgrossfathermadethefirstconfessionbox。ForgetnotMadamGrisselSteevensnorthesuinescionsofthehouseofLambert。AndNoahwasdrunkwithwine。Andhisarkwasopen。

BELLANoneofthathere。Cometothewrongshop。

LYNCHLethimalone。He’sbackfromParis。

ZOE(RunstoStephenandlinkshim。)Ogoon！Giveussomeparleyvoo。

(Stephenclapshatonheadandleapsovertothefireplace，wherehestandswithshruggedshoulders，finnyhandsoutspread，apaintedsmileonhisface。)

LYNCH(Pommellingonthesofa。)RmmRmmRmmRrrrrrmmmmm。

STEPHEN(Gobbles，withmarionettejerks。)Thousandplacesofentertainmenttoexpensesyoureveningswithlovelyladiessalingglovesandotherthingsperhapsherheartbeerchopsperfectfashionablehouseveryeccentricwherelotscocottesbeautifuldressedmuchaboutprincesseslikearedancingcancanandwalkingthereparisianclowneriesextrafoolishforbachelorsforeignsthesameiftalkingapoorenglishhowmuchsmarttheyareonthingsloveandsensationsvoluptuous。Mistersveryselectsforispleasuremusttovisitheavenandhellshowwithmortuarycandlesandtheytearssilverwhichoccureverynight。Perfectlyshockingterrificofreligion’sthingsmockeryseeninuniversalworld。Allchicwomanswhicharrivefullofmodestythendisrobeandsquealloudtoseevampiremandebauchnunveryfreshyoungwithdessoustroublants。(Heclockshistongueloudly。)Ho，lala！Cepifqu’ila！

LYNCHVivelevampire！

THEWHORESBravo！Parleyvoo！

STEPHEN(Grimacingwithheadback，laughsloudly，clappinghimself)Greatsuccessoflaughing。Angelsmuchprostituteslikeandholyapostlesbigdamnruffians。Demimondainesnicelyhandsomesparklingofdiamondsveryamiablecosturned。Ordoyouarefondbetterwhatbelongstheymodernspleasureturpitudeofoldmans？(HepointsabouthimwithgrotesquegestureswhichLynchandthewhoresreplyto。)Caoutchoucstatuewomanreversibleorlifesizetompeeptomsvirginsnuditiesverylesbicthekissfivetentimes。Entergentlementoseeinmirrorseverypositionstrapezesallthatmachinetherebesidesalsoifdesireactawfullybestialbutcher’sboypollutesinwarmvealliveroromeletteonthebellypiècedeShakespeare。

BELLA(Clappingherbelly，sinksbackonthesofawithashoutoflaughter。)Anomeletteonthe……Ho！ho！ho！ho！……Omeletteonthe……

STEPHEN(Mincingly。)Iloveyou，Sirdarling。Speakyouenglishmantonguefordoubleententecordiale。Oyes，monloup。Howmuchcost？Waterloo。Watercloset。(Heceasessuddenlyandholdsupaforefinger。)

BELLA(Laughing。)Omelette……

THEWHORES(Laughing。)Encore！Encore！

STEPHENMarkme。Idreamtofawatermelon。

ZOEGoabroadandloveaforeignlady。

LYNCHAcrosstheworldforawife。

FLORRYDreamsgobycontraries。

STEPHEN(Extendinghisarms。)Itwashere。Streetofharlots。InSerpentineAvenueBeelzebubshowedmeher，afubsywidow。Where’stheredcarpetspread？

BLOOM(ApproachingStephen。)Look。

STEPHENNo，Iflew。Myfoesbeneathme。Andevershallbe。Worldwithoutend。(Hecries。)Pater！Free！

BLOOMIsay，look……

STEPHENBreakmyspirit，willhe？Omerdealors！(Hecries，hisvulturetalonssharpened。)Hola！Hillyho！

(SimonDedalus’voicehilloesinanswer，somewhatsleepybutready。)

SIMONThat’sallright。(Heswoopsuncertainlythroughtheair，wheeling，utteringcriesofheartening，onstrongponderousbuzzardwings。)Ho，boy！Areyougoingtowin？Hoop！Pschatt！Stablewiththosehalfcastes。Wouldn’tletthemwithinthebawlofanass。Headup！Keepourflagflying！Aneaglegulesvolantinafieldargentdisplayed。Ulsterkingatarms！haihoop！(Hemakesthebeagle’scallgivingtongue。)Bulbul！Burblblbrurblbl！Hai，boy！

(Thefrondsandspacesofthewallpaperfilerapidlyacrosscountry。Astoutfoxdrawnfromcovert，brushpointed，havingburiedhisgrandmother，runsswiftfortheopen，bright-eyed，seekingbadgerearth，undertheleaves。Thepackofstaghoundsfollows，nosetotheground，sniffingtheirquarry，beaglebaying，burblbrblngtobeblooded。WardUnionhuntsmenandhuntswomenlivewiththem，hotforakill。FromSixMilePoint，Flathouse，NineMileStonefollowthefootpeoplewithknottysticks，salmongaffs，lassos，flockmasterswithstockwhips，bearbaiterswithtomtoms，toreadorswithbullswords，greynegroeswavingtorches。Thecrowdbowlsofdicers，crownandanchorplayers，thimbleriggers，broadsmen。Crowsandtouts，hoarsebookiesinhighwizardhatsclamourdeafeningly。)

THECROWD

Cardoftheraces。Racingcard！

Tentoonethefield！

Tommyontheclayhere！

Tommyontheclay！

Tentoonebarone。

Tentoonebarone。

TryyourluckonspinningJenny！

Tentoonebarone！

Sellthemonkey，boys！

Sellthemonkey！

I’llgivetentoone！

Tentoonebarone！

(Adarkhorse，riderless，boltslikeaphantompastthewinningpost，hismanemoonfoaming，hiseyeballsstars。Thefieldfollows，abunchofbuckingmounts。Skeletonhorses:Sceptre，MaximumtheSecond，Zinfandel，theDukeofWestminstersShotover，Repulse，theDukeofBeauforts’Ceylon，prixdeParis。Dwarfsridethem，rustyarmoured，leaping，leapingintheirsaddles。inadrizzleofrain，onabroken-windedisabellenag，CockoftheNorth，thefavourite，honeycap，greenjacket，orangesleeves，GarrettDeasyup，grippingthereins，ahockeystickattheready。Hisnag，stumblingonwhitegaiteredfeet，jogsalongtherockyroad。)

THEORANGELODGES(Jeering。)Getdownandpush，mister。lap！You’llbehomethenight！

GARRETTDEASY(Boltupright，hisnailscrapedfaceplasteredwithpostagestamps，brandisheshishockeystick，hisblueeyesflashingintheprismofthechandelierashismountlopesbyataschoolinggallop。)Perviasrectas！

(Ayokeofbucketsleopardsalloverhimandhisrearingnag，atorrentofmuttonbrothwithdancingcoinsofcarrots，barley，onions，turnips，potatoes。)

THEGREENLODGESSoftday，sirJohn！Softday，yourhonour！

(PrivateCarr，PrivateComptonandCissyCaffreypassbeneaththewindows，singingindiscord。)

STEPHENHark！Ourfriend，noiseinthestreet！

ZOE(Holdsupherhand。)Stop！

PRIVATECARR，PRIVATECOMPTONandCISSYCAFFREY

YetI’veasorta

Yorkshirerelishfor……

ZOEThat’sme。(Sheclapsherhands。)Dance！Dance！(Sherunstothepianola。)Whohastwopence？

BLOOMWho’ll。

LYNCH(Handinghercoins。)Here。

STEPHEN(Crackinghisfingersimpatiently。)Quick！Quick！Where’smyaugur’srod？(Herunstothepianoandtakeshisashplant，beatinghisfootintripudium。)

ZOE(Turnsthedrumhandle。)There。

(Shedropstwopenniesintheslot。Glowpinkandvioletlightsstartforth。Thedrumturnspurringinlowhesitationwaltz。ProfessorGoodwin，inabowknottedperiwig，incourtdress，wearingastainedinvernesscape，bentintwofromincredibleage，tottersacrosstheroom，hishandsfluttering。Hesitstinilyonthepianostoolandliftsandbeatshandlesssticksofarmsonthekeyboard，noddingwithdamselsgrace，hisbowknotbobbing。)

ZOE(Twirlsaroundherselfheeltapping。)Dance。Anybodyhereforthere？Who’lldance？

(Thepianola，withchanginglights，playsinwaltztimethepreludetoMyGirl’saYorkshireGirl。Stephenthrowshisashpl