第21章

MANANAANMACLIR(Withavoiceofwaves。)Aum！Hek！Wal！Ak！Lub！Mor！Ma！WhiteyoghinoftheGods。OccultpimanderofHermesTrismegistos。(Withavoiceofwhistlingseawind。)Punarjanampatsypunjaub！Iwon’thavemylegpulled。Ithasbeensaidbyone:bewaretheleft，thecultofShakti。(Withacryofstormbirds。)Shakti，Shiva！DarkhiddenFather！(Hesmiteswithhisbicyclepumpthecrayfishinhislefthand。Onitsco-operativedialglowthetwelvesignsofthezodiac。Hewailswiththevehemenceoftheocean。)Aum！Baum！Pyjaum！Iamthelightofthehomestead，Iamthedreamerycreamerybutter。

(Askeletonjudashandstranglesthelight。Thegreenlightwanestomauve。Thegasjetwailswhistling。)

THEGASJETPooah！Pfuiiiiii！

(Zoerunstothechandelierand，crookingherleg，adjuststhemantle。)

ZOEWhohasafagasI’mhere？

LYNCH(Tossingacigaretteontothetable。)Here。

ZOE(Herheadperchedasideinmockpride。)Isthatthewaytohandthepottoalady？(Shestretchesuptolightthecigaretteovertheflame，twirlingitslowly，showingthebrowntuftsofherarmpits。Lynchwithhispokerliftsboldlyasideofherslip。Barefromhergartersupherfleshappearsunderthesapphireanixie’sgreen。Shepuffscalmlyathercigarette。)Canyouseethebeautyspotofmybehind？

LYNCHI’mnotlooking。

ZOE(Makessheep’seyes。)No？Youwouldn’tdoalessthing。Wouldyousuckalemon？

(SquintinginmockshamesheglanceswithsidelongmeaningatBloom，thentwistsroundtowardshim，pullingherslipfreeofthepoker。Bluefluidagainflowsoverherflesh。Bloomstands，smilingdesirously，twirlinghisthumbs。KittyRickettslickshermiddlefingerwithherspittleandgazinginthemirror，smoothsbotheyebrows。LipotiVirag，basilicogrammate，chutesrapidlydownthroughthechimneyflueandstrutstwostepstotheleftongawkypinkstilts。Heissausagedintoseveralovercoatsandwearsabrownmacintoshunderwhichheholdsarollofparchment。InhislefteyeflashesthemonocleofCashelBoyleO’ConnorFitzmauriceTisdallFarrell。OnhisheadisperchedanEgyptianpshent。Twoquillsprojectoverhisears。)

VIRAG(Heelstogetherbows。)MynameisViragLipoti，ofSzombathely。(Hecoughsthoughtfully，drily。)Promiscuousnakednessismuchinevidencehereabouts，eh？Inadvertentlyherbackviewrevealedthefactthatsheisnotwearingthoseratherintimategarmentsofwhichyouareaparticulardevotee。TheinjectionmarkonthethighIhopeyouperceived？Good。

BLOOMGranpapachi。But……

VIRAGNumbertwoontheotherhand，sheofthecherryrougeandcoiffeusewhite，whosehairowesnotalittletoourtribalelixirofgopherwood，isinwalkingcostumeandtightlystaysedbyhersit，Ishouldopine。Backboneinfront，sotosay。CorrectmebutIalwaysunderstoodthattheactsoperformedbyskittishhumanswithglimpsesoflingerieappealedtoyouinvirtueofitsexhibitionististicicity。Inaword。Hippogriff。AmIright？

BLOOMSheisratherlean。

VIRAG(Notunpleasantly。)Absolutely！Wellobservedandthosepannierpocketsoftheskirtandslightlypegtopeffectaredevisedtosuggestbunchinessofhip。Anewpurchaseatsomemonstersaleforwhichagullhasbeenmulcted。Meretriciousfinerytodeceivetheeye。Observetheattentiontodetailsofdustspecks。Neverputonyoutomorrowwhatyoucanweartoday。Parallax！(Withanervoustwitchofhishead。)Didyouhearmybraingosnap？Pollysyllabax！

BLOOM(Anelbowrestinginahand，aforefingeragainsthischeek。)Sheseemssad。

VIRAG(Cynically，hisweaselteethbaredyellow，drawsdownhislefteyewithafingerandbarkshoarsely。)Hoax！Bewareoftheflapperandbogusmournful。Lilyofthealley。Allpossessbachelor’sbuttondiscoveredbyRualdusColombus。Tumbleher。Columbleher。Chameleon。(Moregenially。)Wellthen，permitmetodrawyourattentiontoitemnumberthree。Thereisplentyofhervisibletothenakedeye。Observethemassofoxygenatedvegetablematteronherskull。Whatho，shebumps！Theuglyducklingoftheparty，longcastedanddeepinkeel。

BLOOM(Regretfully。)Whenyoucomeoutwithoutyourgun。

VIRAGWecandoyouallbrands，mild，mediumandstrong。Payyourmoney，takeyourchoice。Howhappycouldyoubewitheither……

BLOOMWith？……

VIRAG(Histongueupcurling。)Lyum！Look。Herbeamisbroad。Sheiscoatedwithquiteaconsiderablelayeroffat。Obviouslymammalinweightofbosomyouremarkthatshehasinfrontwelltotheforetwoprotuberancesofveryrespectabledimensions，inclinedtofallinthenoondaysoupplate，whileonherrerelowerdownaretwoadditionalprotuberances，suggestiveofpotentrectumandtumescentforpalpationwhichleavenothingtobedesiredsavecompactness。Suchfleshypartsaretheproductofcarefulnurture。Whencoopfattenedtheirliversreachanelephantinesize。Pelletsofnewbreadwithfennygreekandgumbenjaminswampeddownbypotionsofgreenteaendowthemduringtheirbriefexistencewithnaturalpincushionsofquitecolossalblubber。Thatsuitsyourbook，eh？FleshhotpotsofEgypttohankerafter。Wallowinit。Lycopodium。(Histhroattwitches。)Slapbang！Therehegoesagain。

BLOOMThestyeIdislike。

VIRAG(Archeshiseyebrows。)Contactwithagoldring，theysay。Argumentumadfeminam，aswesaidinoldRomeandancientGreeceintheconsulshipofDiplodocusandIchthyosaurus。FortherestEve’ssovereignremedy。Notforsale。Hireonly。Huguenot。(Hetwitches。)Itisafunnysound。

(Hecoughsencouragingly。)Butpossiblyitisonlyawart。IpresumeyoushallhaverememberedwhatIwillhavetaughtyouonthathead？Wheatenmealwithhoneyandnutmeg。

BLOOM(Reflecting。)Wheatenmealwithlycopodiumandsyllabax。Thissearchingordeal。Ithasbeenanunusuallyfatiguingday，achapterofaccidents。Wait。Imean，wartsbloodspreadswarts，yousaid。

VIRAG(Severely，hisnosehardhumped，hissideeyewinking。)Stoptwirlingyourthumbsandhaveagoodoldthunk。See，youhaveforgotten。Exerciseyourmnemotechnic。Lacausaèsanta。Tara。Tara。(Aside。)Hewillsurelyremember。

BLOOMRosemaryalsodidIunderstandyoutosayorwillpoweroverparasitictissues。ThennaynoIhaveaninkling。Thetouchofadeadhandcures。Mnemo？

VIRAG(Excitedly。)Isayso。Isayso。E’enso。Technic。(Hetapshisparchmentrollenergetically。)Thisbooktellsyouhowtoactwithalldescriptiveparticulars。Consultindexforagitatedfearofaconite，melancholyofmuriatic，priapicpulsatilla。Viragisgoingtotalkaboutamputation。Ouroldfriendcaustic。Theymustbestarved。Snipoffwithhorsehairunderthedennedneck。But，tochangethevenuetotheBulgarandtheBasque，haveyoumadeupyourmindwhetheryoulikeordislikewomeninmalehabiliments？(Withadrysnigger。)Youintendedtodevoteanentireyeartothestudyofthereligiousproblemandthesummermonthsof1882tosquarethecircleandwinthatmillion。Pomegranate！Fromthesublimetotheridiculousisbutastep。Pyjamas，letussay？Orstockingettegussetedknickers，closed？Or，putwethecase，thosecomplicatedcombinations，camiknickers？(Hecrowsderisively。)Keekeereekee！

(Bloomsurveysuncertainlythethreewhores，thengazesattheveiledmauvelight，hearingtheeverflyingmoth。)

BLOOMIwantedthentohavenowconcluded。Nightdresswasnever。Hencethis。Buttomorrowisanewdaywillbe。Pastwasistoday。Whatnowiswillthentomorrowasnowwasbepastyester。

VIRAG(Promptsintohisearinapig’swhisper。)Insectsofthedayspendtheirbriefexistenceinreiteratedcoition，luredbythesmelloftheinferiorlypulchritudinousfemalepossessingextendifiedpudendalverveindorsalregion。PrettyPoll！(Hisyellowparrotbeakgabblesnasally。)TheyhadaproverbintheCarpathiansinorabouttheyearfivethousandfivehundredandfiftyofourera。OnetablespoonfulofhoneywillattractfriendBruinmorethanhalfadozenbarrelsoffirstchoicemaltvinegar。Bear’sbuzzbothersbees。Butofthisapart。Atanothertimewemayresume。Wewereverypleased，weothers。(Hecoughsand，bendinghisbrow，rubshisnosethoughtfullywithascoopinghand。)Youshallfindthatthesenightinsectsfollowthelight。Anillusionforremembertheircomplexunadjustableeye。ForalltheseknottypointsseetheseventeenthbookofmyFundamentalsofSexologyortheLovePassionwhichDoctorL。B。saysisthebooksensationoftheyear。Some，toexample，thereareagainwhosemovementsareautomatic。Perceive。Thatishisappropriatesun。Nightbirdnightsunnighttown。Chaseme，Charley！Buzz！

BLOOMBeeorbluebottletoootherdaybuttingshadowonwalldazedselfthenmewandereddazeddownshirtgoodjobI……

VIRAG(Hisfaceimpassive，laughsinarichfemininekey。)Splendid！Spanishflyinhisflyormustardplasteronhisdibble。(Hegobblesgluttonouslywithturkeywattles。)Bubblyjock！Bubblyjock！Wherearewe？OpenSesame！Comethforth！(Heunrollshisparchmentrapidlyandreads，hisglowworm’snoserunningbackwardsovertheletterswhichheclaws。)Stay，goodfriend。IbringtheethyanswerRedbankoysterswillshortlybeuponus。I’mthebesto’cook。ThosesucculentbivalvesmayhelpusandthetrufflesofPerigord，tubersdislodgedthroughmisteromnivorousporker，wereunsurpassedincasesofnervousdebilityorviragitis。Thoughtheystinkyettheysting。(Hewagsheadwithcacklingraillery。)Jocular。Withmyeyeglassinmyocular。

BLOOM(Absently。)Ocularlywoman’sbivalvecaseisworse。Alwaysopensesame。Theclovensex。Whytheyfearvermin，creepingthings。YetEveandtheserpentcontradict。Notahistoricalfact。Obviousanalogytomyidea。Serpentstooaregluttonsforwoman’smilk。Windtheirwaythroughmilesofomnivorousforesttosucksucculentherbreastdry。LikethosebubblyjocularRomanmatronsonereadsofinElephantuliasis。

VIRAG(Hismouthprojectedinhardwrinkles，eyesstonilyforlornlyclosed，psalmsinoutlandishmonotone。)Thatthecowswiththeirthosedistendeduddersthattheyhavebeentheknown……

BLOOMIamgoingtoscream。Ibegyourpardon。Ah？So。(Herepeats。)Spontaneouslytoseekoutthesaurian’slairinordertoentrusttheirteatstohisavidsuction。Antmilksaphis。(Profoundly。)Instinctrulestheworld。Inlife。Indeath。

VIRAG(Headaskew，archeshisbackandhunchedwing-shoulders，peersatthemothoutofblearbulgedeyes，pointsahomingclawandcries。)Who’sGerGer？Who’sdearGerald？O，Imuchfearheshallbemostbadlyburned。Willsomepleashepershonnotnowimpedimentsocatastrophicsmitagitationoffirstclasstablenumpkin？(Hemews。)Lusspusspusspuss！(Hesighs，drawsbackandstaressidewaysdownwithdroppingunderjaw。)Well，well。Hedothrestanon。

I’matinytinything

Everflyinginthespring

Roundandroundaringaring。

LongagoIwasaking，

NowIdothiskindofthing

Onthewing，onthewing！

Bing！

(Herushesagainstthemauveshadeflappingnoisily。)Prettyprettyprettyprettyprettyprettypetticoats。

(FromleftupperentrancewithtwoslidingstepsHenryFlowercomesforwardtoleftfrontcentre。Hewearsadarkmantleanddroopingplumedsombrero。HecarriesasilverstringedinlaiddulcimerandalongstemmedbambooJacobspipe，itsclaybowlfashionedasafemalehead。Hewearsdarkvelvethoseandsilverbuckledpumps。HehastheromanticSaviour’sfacewithflowinglocks，thinbeardandmoustache。HisspindlelegsandsparrowfeetarethoseofthetenorMario，princeofCandia。Hesettlesdownhisgofferedruffsandmoistenshislipswithapassageofhisamoroustongue。)

HENRY(Inalowdulcetvoice，touchingthestringsofhisguitar。)Thereisaflowerthatbloometh。

(Viragtruculent，hisjowlset，staresatthelamp。GraveBloomregardsZoe’sneck。Henrygallantturnswithpendentdewlaptothepiano。)

STEPHEN(Tohimself。)Playwithyoureyesshut。Imitatepa。Fillingmybellywithhusksofswine。Toomuchofthis。Iwillariseandgotomy。Expectthisisthe。Steve，thouartinaparlousway。MustvisitoldDeasyortelegraph。Ourinterviewofthismorninghasleftonmeadeepimpression。Thoughourages。Willwritefullytomorrow。I’mpartiallydrunk，bytheway。(Hetouchesthekeysagain。)Minorchordcomesnow。Yes。Notmuchhowever。

(AlmidanoArtifoniholdsoutabatonrollofmusicwithvigorousmoustachework。)

ARTIFONICirifletta。Leirovinatutto。

FLORRYSingussomething。Love’soldsweetsong。

STEPHENNovoice。Iamamostfinishedartist。Lynch，didIshowyoutheletteraboutthelute？

FLORRY(Smirking。)Thebirdthatcansingandwon’tsing。

(TheSiamesetwins，PhilipDrunkandPhilipSobertwoOxforddonswithlawnmowers，appearinthewindowembrasure。BotharemaskedwithMatthewArnold’sface。)

PHILIPSOBERTakeafool’sadvice。Allisnotwell。Workitoutwiththebuttendofapencil，likeagoodyoungidiot。Threepoundstwelveyougot，twonotes，onesovereign，twocrowns，ifyouthbutknew。Mooney’senville，Mooney’ssurmer，theMoira，Larchet’s，Hollesstreethospital，Burke’s。Eh？Iamwatchingyou。

PHILIPDRUNK(Impatiently。)Ah，bosh，man。Gotohell！Ipaidmyway。IfIcouldonlyfindoutaboutoctaves。Reduplicationofpersonality。Whowasittoldmehisname？

(Hislawnmowerbeginstopurr。)Aha，yes。Zoemousasagapo。HaveanotionIwasherebefore。WhenwasitnotAtkinsonhiscardIhavesomewhere？Macsomebody。UnmackIhaveit。Hetoldmeabout，holdon，Swinburne，wasit，no？

FLORRYAndthesong？

STEPHENSpiritiswillingbutthefleshisweak。

FLORRYAreyououtofMaynooth？You’relikesomeoneIknewonce。

STEPHENOutofitnow。(Tohimself。)Clever。

PHILIPDRUNKANDPHILIPSOBER(Theirlawnmowerspurringwitharigadoonofgrasshalms。)Cleverever。Outofit。Outofit。Bythebyhaveyouthebook，thething，theashplant？Yes，thereit，yes。Clevereveroutofitnow。Keepincondition。Dolikeus。

ZOETherewasapriestdownheretwonightsagotodohisbitofbusinesswithhiscoatbuttonedup。Youneedn’ttrytohide，Isaystohim。Iknowyou’veaRomancollar。

VIRAGPerfectlylogicalfromhisstandpoint。Fallofman。(Harshly，hispupilswaxing。)Tohellwiththepope！Nothingnewunderthesun。IamtheViragwhodisclosedthesexsecretsofmonksandmaidens。WhyIlefttheChurchofRome。ReadthePriest，theWomanandtheConfessional。Penrose。FlippertyJippert。(Hewriggles。)Woman，undoingwithsweetpudorherbeltofrushrope，offersherallmoistyonitoman’slingam。Shorttimeaftermanpresentswomanwithpiecesofjunglemeat。Womanshowsjoyandcoversherselfwithfeatherskins。Manlovesheryonifiercelywithbiglingam，thestiffone。(Hecries。)Coactusvolui。Thengiddywomanwillrunabout。Strongmangraspswoman’swrist。Womansqueals，bites，spucks。Man，nowfierceangry，strikeswoman’sfatyadgana。(Hechaseshistail。)Piffpaff！Popo！(Hestops，sneezes。)Pchp！(Heworrieshisbutt。)Prrrrrht！

LYNCHIhopeyougavethegoodfatherapenance。Ninegloriasforshootingabishop。

ZOE(Spoutswalrussmokethroughhernostrils。)Hecouldn’tgetaconnection。Only，youknow，sensation。Adryrush。

BLOOMPoorman！

ZOE(Lightly。)Onlyforwhathappenedhim。

BLOOMHow？

VIRAG(Adiabolicrictusofblackluminositycontractinghisvisage，craneshisscraggyneckforward。Heliftsamooncalfnozzleandhowls。)VerfluchteGoim！Hehadafather，fortyfathers。Heneverexisted。PigGod！Hehadtwoleftfeet。HewasJudasIacchias，aLibyaneunuch，thepope’sbastard。(Heleansoutontorturedforepaws，elbowsbentrigid，hiseyeagonisinginhisflatskullneckandyelpsoverthemuteworld。)Asonofawhore。Apocalypse。

KITTYAndMaryShortallthatwasinthelockwiththepoxshegotfromJimmyPidgeoninthebluecapshadachildoffhimthatcouldn’tswallowandwassmotheredwiththeconvulsionsinthemattressandweallsubscribedforthefuneral。

PHILIPDRUNK(Gravely。)Quivousamisdanscettefichueposition，Philippe？

PHILIPSOBER(Gaily。)C’étaitlesacrépigeon，Philippe。

(Kittyunpinsherhatandsetsitdowncalmly，pattingherhennahair。Andaprettier，adaintierheadofwinsomecurlswasneverseenonawhoresshoulders。Lynchputsonherhat。Shewhipsitoff。)

LYNCH(Laughs。)AndtosuchdelightshasMetchnikoffinoculatedanthropoidapes。

FLORRY(Nods。)Locomotorataxy。

ZOE(Gaily。)O，mydictionary。

LYNCHThreewisevirgins。

VIRAG(Agueshaken，profuseyellowspawnfoamingoverhisbonyepilepticlips。)Shesoldlovephiltres，whitewax，orangeflower。Panther，theRomancenturion，pollutedherwithhisgenitories。(Hesticksoutaflickeringphosphorescentscorpiontongue，hishandonhisfork。)Messiah！Hebursthertympanum。(Withgibberingbaboon’scrieshejerkshishipsinthecynicalspasm。)Hik！Hek！Hak！Hok！Huk！Kok！Kuk！

(BenJumboDollard，rubicund，musclebound，hairynostrilled，hugebearded，cabbageeared，shaggychested，shockmaned，fatpapped，standsforth，hisloinsandgenitalstightenedintoapairofblackbathingbagslops。)

BENPOLLARD(Nakkeringcastanetbonesinhishugepaddedpaws，yodelsjoviallyinbasebarreltone。)Whenloveabsorbsmyardentsoul。

(Thevirgins，NurseCallanandNurseQuigley，burstthroughtheringkeepersandtheropesandmobhimwithopenarms。)

THEVIRGINS(Gushingly。)BigBen！BenMacChree！

AVOICEHoldthatfellowwiththebadbreeches。

BENDOLLARD(Smiteshisthighinabundantlaughter。)Holdhimnow。

HENRY(Caressingonhisbreastaseveredfemalehead，murmurs。)Thineheart，minelove。(Hepluckshislutestrings。)WhenfirstIsaw。

VIRAG(Sloughinghisskins，hismultitudinousplumagemoulting。)Rats！(Heyawns；showingacoalblackthroatandcloseshisjawsbyanupwardpushofhisparchmentroll。)AfterhavingsaidwhichItookmydeparture。Farewell。Faretheewell。Dreck！

(HenryFlowercombshismoustacheandbeardrapidlywithapocketcombandgivesacowslicktohishair。Steeredbyhisrapier，heglidestothedoorhiswildhadslungbehindhim。Viragreachesthedoorintwoungainlystilthops，histailcocked，anddeftlyclapssidewaysonthewallapusyellowflybill，buttingitwithhishead。)

THEFLYBILLK。11。postnobills。Strictlyconfidential。DrHyFranks。

HENRYAllislostnow。

(Viragunscrewshisheadinatriceandholdsitunderhisarm。)

VIRAG’SHEADQuack！

(Exeuntseverally。)

STEPHEN(OverhisshouldertoZoe。)Youwouldhavepreferredthefightingparsonwhofoundedtheprotestanterror。ButbewareAntisthenes，thedogsage，andthelastendofAnusHeresiarchus。Theagonyinthecloset。

LYNCHAlloneandthesameGodtoher。

STEPHEN(Devoutly。)AndSovereignLordofallthings。

FLORRY(ToStephen。)I’msureyouareaspoiledpriest。Oramonk。

LYNCHHeis。ACardinal’sson。

STEPHENCardinalsin。Monksofthescrew。

(HisEminence，SimonStephenCardinalDedalus，PrimateofallIreland，appearsinthedoorway，dressedinredsoutane，sandalsandsocks。Sevendwarfsimianacolytes，alsoinred，cardinalsins，upholdhistrain，peepingunderit。Hewearsabatteredsilkhatsidewaysonhishead。Histhumbsarestuckinhisarmpitsandhispalmsoutspread。Roundhisneckhangsarosaryofcorksendingonhisbreastinacorkscrewcross。Releasinghisthumbs，heinvokesgracefromonhighwithlacewavegesturesandproclaimswithbloatedpomp。)

THECARDINAL

Conservioliescaptured。

Heliesinthelowestdungeon

Withmanaclesandchainsaroundhislimbs

Weighingupwardsofthreetons。

(Helooksatallforamoment，hisrighteyeclosedtight，hisleftcheekpuffedout。Then，unabletorepresshismerriment，herockstoandfro，adsakimbo，andsingswithbroadrollickinghumour。)O，thepoorlittlefellowHi-hi-hi-hi-hislegstheywereyellowHewasplump，fatandheavyandbriskasasnakeButsomebloodysavageTograizehiswhitecabbageHemurderedNellFlaherty’sducklovingdrake。

(Amultitudeofmidgesswarmsoverhisrobe。Hescratcheshimselfwithcrossedarmsathisribs，grimacing，andexclaims。)I’msufferingtheagonyofthedamned。Bythehokyfiddle，thanksbetoJesusthosefunnylittlechapsarenotunanimous。Iftheywerethey’dwalkmeoffthefaceofthebloodyglobe。

(Hisheadaslant，heblessescurtlywithforeandmiddlefingers，impartstheE