第12章

——Hello，Ned——

Hello，Alf——

Hello，Jack——

Hello，Joe——

Godsaveyou，saysthecitizen——

Saveyoukindly，saysJ。J。What’llitbe，Ned？——

Halfone，saysNed。

SoJ。J。orderedthedrinks——

Wereyouroundatthecourt？saysJoe——

Yes，saysJ。J。He’llsquarethat，Ned，sayshe——

Hopeso，saysNed。

Nowwhatwerethosetwoat？J。J。gettinghimoffthegrandjurylistandtheothergivehimalegoverthestile。WithhisnameinStubbs’s。Playingcards，hobnobbingwithflashtoffswithaswankglassintheireye，drinkingfizzandhehalfsmotheredinwritsandgarnisheeorders。PawninghisgoldwatchinCumminsofFrancisstreetwhereno-onewouldknowhimintheprivateofficewhenIwastherewithPisserreleasinghisbootsoutofthepop。What’syourname，sir？Dunne，sayshe。Ay，anddone，saysI。Gob，ye’llcomehomebyweepingcrossoneofthesedays，I’mthinking——

DidyouseethatbloodylunaticBreenroundthere，saysAlf。U。p。up——

Yes，saysJ。J。Lookingforaprivatedetective——

Ay，saysNed，andhewantedrightgowrongtoaddressthecourtonlyCornyKellehergotroundhimtellinghimtogetthehandwritingexaminedfirst——

Tenthousandpounds，saysAlflaughing。GodI’dgiveanythingtohearhimbeforeajudgeandjury——

Wasityoudidit，Alf？saysJoe。Thetruth，thewholetruthandnothingbutthetruth，sohelpyouJimmyJohnson——

Me？saysAlf。Don’tcastyournasturtiumsonmycharacter——

Whateverstatementyoumake，saysJoe，willbetakendowninevidenceagainstyou——

Ofcourseanactionwouldlie，saysJ。J。Itimpliesthatheisnotcomposmentis。U。p。up——

Composyoureye！saysAlf，laughing。Doyouknowthathe’sbalmy？Lookathishead。Doyouknowthatsomemorningshehastogethishatonwithashoehorn？——

Yes，saysJ。J。，butthetruthofalibelisnodefencetoanindictmentforpublishingitintheeyesofthelaw——

Ha，ha，Alf，saysJoe——

Still，saysBloom，onaccountofthepoorwoman，Imeanhiswife——

Pityabouther，saysthecitizen。Oranyotherwomanmarriesahalfandhalf——

Howhalfandhalf？saysBloom。Doyoumeanhe——

HalfandhalfImean，saysthecitizen。Afellowthat’sneitherfishnorflesh——

Norgoodredherring，saysJoe——

Thatwhat’sImean，saysthecitizen。Apishogue，ifyouknowwhatthatis。

BegobIsawtherewastroublecoming。AndBloomexplainedhemeant，onaccountofitbeingcruelforthewifehavingtogoroundaftertheoldstutteringfool。CrueltytoanimalssoitistoletthatbloodypovertystrickenBreenoutongrasswithhisbeardouttrippinghim，bringingdowntherain。Andshewithhernosecockahoopaftershemarriedhimbecauseacousinofhisoldfellow’swaspewopenertothepope。Pictureofhimonthewallwithhissmashallsweeney’smoustaches。ThesignorBrinifromSummerhill，theeyetallyano，papalzouavetotheHolyFather，hasleftthequayandgonetoMossstreet。Andwhowashe，tellus？Anobody，twopairbackandpassages，atsevenshillingsaweek，andhecoveredwithallkindsofbreastplatesbiddingdefiancetotheworld——

Andmoreover，saysJ。J。，apostcardispublication。ItwasheldtobesufficientevidenceofmaliceinthetestcaseSadgrovev。Hole。Inmyopinionanactionmightlie。

Sixandeightpence，please。Whowantsyouropinion？Letusdrinkourpintsinpeace。Gob，wewon’tbeletevendothatmuchitself——

Well，goodhealth，Jack，saysNed——

Goodhealth，Ned，saysJ。J——

Thereheisagain，saysJoe——

Where？saysAlf。

AndbegobtherehewaspassingthedoorwithhisbooksunderhisoxterandthewifebesidehimandCornyKelleherwithhiswalleyelookinginastheywentpast，talkingtohimlikeafather，tryingtosellhimasecondhandcoffin——

HowdidthatCanadaswindlecasegooff？saysJoe——

Remanded，saysJ。J。

OneofthebottlenosedfraternityitwaswentbythenameofJamesWoughtaliasSaphiroaliasSparkandSpiro，putanadinthepaperssayinghe’dgiveapassagetoCanadafortwentybob。What？Doyouseeanygreeninthewhiteofmyeye？Courseitwasabloodybarney。What？Swindledthemall，skivviesandbadhachsfromthecountyMeath，ay，andhisownkidneytoo。J。J。wastellingustherewasanancientHebrewZaretskyorsomethingweepinginthewitnessboxwithhishatonhim，swearingbytheholyMoseshewasstuckfortwoquid——

Whotriedthecase？saysJoe——

Recorder，saysNed——

PooroldsirFrederick，saysAlf，youcancodhimuptothetwoeyes——

Heartasbigasalion，saysNed。Tellhimataleofwoeaboutarrearsofrentandasickwifeandasquadofkidsand，faith，he’lldissolveintearsonthebench——

Ay，saysAlf。ReubenJ。wasbloodyluckyhedidn’tclaphiminthedocktheotherdayforsuingpoorlittleGumleythat’smindingstonesforthecorporationtherenearButtbridge。

Andhestartstakingofftheoldrecorderlettingontocry:——

Amostscandalousthing！Thispoorhardworkingman！Howmanychildren？Ten，didyousay？——

Yes，yourworship。Andmywifehasthetyphoid！——

Andawifewithtyphoidfever！Scandalous！Leavethecourtimmediately，sir。No，sir，I’llmakenoorderforpayment。Howdareyou，sir，comeupbeforemeandaskmetomakeanorder！Apoorhardworkingindustriousman！Idismissthecase。

AndwhereasonthesixteenthdayofthemonthoftheoxeyedgoddessandinthethirdweekafterthefeastdayoftheHolyandUndividedTrinity，thedaughteroftheskies，thevirginmoonbeingtheninherfirstquarter，itcametopassthatthoselearnedjudgesrepairedthemtothehallsoflaw。TheremasterCourtenay，sittinginhisownchamber，gavehisredeandmasterJusticeAndrewssittingwithoutajuryintheprobatecourt，weighedwellandponderedtheclaimsofthefirstchargeantuponthepropertyinthematterofthewillpropoundedandfinaltestamentarydispositioninretherealandpersonalestateofthelatelamentedJacobHalliday，vintner，deceasedversusLivingstone，aninfant，ofunsoundmind，andanother。AndtothesolemncourtofGreenstreettherecamesirFredericktheFalconer。Andhesathimthereaboutthehouroffiveo’clocktoadministerthelawofthebrehonsatthecommissionforallthatandthosepartstobeholdeninandforthecountyofthecityofDublin。AndtheresatwithhimthehighsinhedrimofthetwelvetribesofIar，foreverytribeoneman，ofthetribeofPatrickandofthetribeofHughandofthetribeofOwenandofthetribeofConnandofthetribeofOscarandofthetribeofFergusandofthetribeofFinnandofthetribeofDermotandofthetribeofCormacandofthetribeofKevinandofthetribeofCaolteandofthetribeofOssian，therebeinginalltwelvegoodmenandtrue。AndheconjuredthembyHimwhodiedonroodthattheyshouldwellandtrulytryandtruedelivrancemakeintheissuejoinedbetweentheirsovereignlordtheKingandtheprisoneratthebarandtrueverdictgiveaccordingtotheevidencesohelpthemGodandkissthebooks。Andtheyroseintheirseats，thosetwelveofIar，andtheysworebythenameofHimwhoisfromeverlastingthattheywoulddoHisrightwiseness。Andstraightwaytheminionsofthelawledforthfromtheirdonjonkeeponewhomthesleuthhoundsofjusticehadapprehendedinconsequenceofinformationreceived。Andtheyshackledhimhandandfootandwouldtakeofhimnebailnemainprisebutpreferredachargeagainsthimforhewasamalefactor——

Thosearenicethings，saysthecitizen，comingoverheretoIrelandfillingthecountrywithbugs。

SoBloomletsonheheardnothingandhestartstalkingwithJoetellinghimheneedn’ttroubleaboutthatlittlemattertillthefirstbutifhewouldjustsayawordtoMrCrawford。AndsoJoesworehighandholybythisandbythathe’ddothedevilandall——

Becauseyousee，saysBloom，foranadvertisementyoumusthaverepetition。That’sthewholesecret——

Relyonme，saysJoe——

Swindlingthepeasants，saysthecitizen，andthepoorofIreland。Wewantnomorestrangersinourhouse——

OI’msurethatwillbeallright，Hynes，saysBloom。It’sjustthatKeyesyousee——

Considerthatdone，saysJoe——

Verykindofyou，saysBloom——

Thestrangers，saysthecitizen。Ourownfault。Weletthemcomein。Webroughtthem。TheadulteressandherparamourbroughttheSaxonrobbershere——

Decreenisi，saysJ。J。

AndBloomlettingontobeawfullydeeplyinterestedinnothing，aspider’swebinthecornerbehindthebarrel，andthecitizenscowlingafterhimandtheolddogathisfeetlookinguptoknowwhotobiteandwhen——

Adishonouredwife，saysthecitizen，that’swhat’sthecauseofallourmisfortunes——

Andheresheis，saysAlf，thatwasgigglingoverthePoliceGazettewithTerryonthecounter，inallherwarpaint——Giveusasquintather，saysI。

AndwhatwasitonlyoneofthesmuttyyankeepicturesTerryborrowsoffofCornyKelleher。Secretsforenlargingyourprivateparts。Misconductofsocietybelle。NormanW。Tupper，wealthyChicagocontractor，findsprettybutfaithlesswifeinlapofofficerTaylor。BelleinherbloomersmisconductingherselfandherfancymanfeelingforherticklesandNormanW。TupperbouncinginwithhispeashooterjustintimetobelateaftershedoingthetrickoftheloopwithofficerTaylor——

OJakers，Jenny，saysJoe，howshortyourshirtis！——

There’shair，Joe，saysI。Getaqueeroldtailendofcornedbeefoffofthatone，what？

SoanyhowincameJohnWyseNolanandLenehanwithhimwithafaceonhimaslongasalatebreakfast——

Well，saysthecitizen，what’sthelatestfromthesceneofaction？WhatdidthosetinkersinthecityhallattheircaucusmeetingdecideabouttheIrishlanguage？

O’Nolan，cladinshiningarmour，lowbendingmadeobeisancetothepuissantandhighandmightychiefofallErinanddidhimtowitofthatwhichhadbefallen，howthatthegraveeldersofthemostobedientcity，secondoftherealm，hadmettheminthetholsel，andthere，afterdueprayerstothegodswhodwellinethersupernal，hadtakensolemncounselwherebytheymight，ifsobeitmightbe，bringoncemoreintohonouramongmortalmenthewingedspeechoftheseadividedGael——

It’sonthemarch，saysthecitizen。TohellwiththebloodybrutalSassenachsandtheirpatois。

SoJ。J。putsinaworddoingthetoffaboutonestorywasgoodtillyouheardanotherandblinkingfactsandtheNelsonpolicyputtingyourblindeyetothetelescopeanddrawingupabillofattaindertoimpeachanationandBloomtryingtobackhimupmoderationandbotherationandtheircoloniesandtheircivilisation——

Theirsyphilisation，youmean，saysthecitizen。Tohellwiththem！ThecurseofagoodfornothingGodlightsidewaysonthebloodythickluggedsonsofwhores’gets！Nomusicandnoartandnoliteratureworthyofthename。Anycivilisationtheyhavetheystolefromus。Tonguetiedsonsofbastards’ghosts——

TheEuropeanfamily，saysJ。J——

They’renotEuropean，saysthecitizen。IwasinEuropewithKevinEganofParis。Youwouldn’tseeatraceofthemortheirlanguageanywhereinEuropeexceptinacabinetd’aisance。

AndsaysJohnWyse:——

Fullmanyaflowerisborntoblushunseen。

AndsaysLenehanthatknowsabitofthelingo:——

ConspuezlesAnglais！PerdeAlbion！

Hesaidandthenliftedheinhisrudegreatbrawnystrengthyhandsthemedherofdarkstrongfoamyaleand，utteringhistribalsloganLamhDeargAbu，hedranktotheundoingofhisfoes，araceofmightyvalorousheroes，rulersofthewaves，whositonthronesofalabastersilentasthedeathlessgods——

What’supwithyou，saysItoLenehan。Youlooklikeafellowthathadlostabobandfoundatanner——

Goldcup，sayshe——

Whowon，MrLenehan？saysTerry——

Throwaway，sayshe，attwentytoone。Arankoutsider。Andtherestnowhere——

AndBass’smare？saysTerry——

Stillrunning，sayshe。We’reallinacart。BoylanplungedtwoquidonmytipSceptreforhimselfandaladyfriend——

Ihadhalfacrownmyself，saysTerry，onZinfandelthatMrFlynngaveme。LordHowarddeWalden’s——

Twentytoone，saysLenehan。Suchislifeinanouthouse。Throwaway，sayshe。Takesthebiscuitandtalkingaboutbunions。Frailty，thynameisSceptre。

SohewentovertothebiscuittinBobDoranlefttoseeiftherewasanythinghecouldliftonthenod，theoldcurafterhimbackinghisluckwithhismangysnoutup。OldmotherHubbardwenttothecupboard——

Notthere，mychild，sayshe——

Keepyourpeckerup，saysJoe。She’dhavewonthemoneyonlyfortheotherdog。

AndJ。J。andthecitizenarguingaboutlawandhistorywithBloomstickinginanoddword——Somepeople，saysBloom，canseethemoteinothers’eyesbuttheycan’tseethebeamintheirown——

Raimeis，saysthecitizen。There’sno-oneasblindasthefellowthatwon’tsee，ifyouknowwhatthatmeans。WhereareourmissingtwentymillionsofIrishshouldbeheretodayinsteadoffour，ourlosttribes？Andourpotteriesandtextiles，thefinestinthewholeworld！AndourwoolthatwassoldinRomeinthetimeofJuvenalandourflaxandourdamaskfromtheloomsofAntrimandourLimericklace，ourtanneriesandourwhiteflintglassdowntherebyBallyboughandourHuguenotpoplinthatwehavesinceJacquarddeLyonandourwovensilkandourFoxfordtweedsandivoryraisedpointfromtheCarmeliteconventinNewRoss，nothinglikeitinthewholewideworld！WherearetheGreekmerchantsthatcamethroughthepillarsofHercules，theGibraltarnowgrabbedbythefoeofmankind，withgoldandTyrianpurpletosellinWexfordatthefairofCarmen？ReadTacitusandPtolemy，evenGiraldusCambrensis。Wine，peltries，Connemaramarble，silverfromTipperary，secondtonone，ourfar-famedhorseseventoday，theIrishhobbies，withkingPhilipofSpainofferingtopaycustomsdutiesfortherighttofishinourwaters。WhatdotheyellowjohnsofAngliaoweusforourruinedtradeandourruinedhearths？AndthebedsoftheBarrowandShannontheywon’tdeepenwithmillionsofacresofmarshandbogtomakeusalldieofconsumption——

AstreelessasPortugalwe’llbesoon，saysJohnWyse，orHeligolandwithitsonetreeifsomethingisnotdonetoreafforesttheland。Larches，firs，allthetreesoftheconiferfamilyaregoingfast。IwasreadingareportoflordCastletown’s——

Savethem，saysthecitizen，thegiantashofGalwayandthechieftainelmofKildarewithafortyfootboleandanacreoffoliage。SavethetreesofIrelandforthefuturemenofIrelandonthefairhillsofEire，O——

Europehasitseyesonyou，saysLenehan。

ThefashionableinternationalworldattendedenmassethisafternoonattheweddingofthechevalierJeanWysedeNeaulan，grandhighchiefrangeroftheIrishNationalForesters，withMissFirConiferofPineValley。LadySylvesterElmshade，MrsBarbaraLovebirch，MrsPollAsh，MrsHollyHazeleyes，MissDaphneBays，MissDorothyCanebrake，MrsClydeTwelvetrees，MrsRowanGreene，MrsHelenVinegadding，MissVirginiaCreeper，MissGladysBeech，MissOliveGarth，MissBlancheMaple，MrsMaudMahogany，MissMyraMyrtle，MissPriscillaElderflower，MissBeeHoneysuckle，MissGracePoplar，MissO。MimosaSan，MissRachelCedarfrond，theMissesLilianandViolaLilac，MissTimidityAspenall，MrsKittyDewey-Mosse，MissMayHawthorne，MrsGlorianaPalme，MrsLianaForrest，MrsArabellaBlackwoodandMrsNormaHolyoakeofOakholmeRegisgracedtheceremonybytheirpresence。Thebridewhowasgivenawaybyherfather，theM’ConiferoftheGlands，lookedexquisitelycharminginacreationcarriedoutingreenmercerisedsilk，mouldedonanunderslipofgloaminggrey，sashedwithayokeofbroademeraldandfinishedwithatripleflounceofdarkerhuedfringe，theschemebeingrelievedbybretellesandhipinsertionsofacornbronze。Themaidsofhonour，MissLarchConiferandMissSpruceConifer，sistersofthebride，woreverybecomingcostumesinthesametone，adaintymotifofplumerosebeingworkedintothepleatsinapinstripeandrepeatedcapriciouslyinthejadegreentoquesintheformofheronfeathersofpaletintedcoral。SenhorEnriqueFlorpresidedattheorganwithhiswellknownabilityand，inadditiontotheprescribednumbersofthenuptialmass，playedanewandstrikingarrangementofWoodman，sparethattreeattheconclusionoftheservice。OnleavingthechurchofSaintFiacreinHortoafterthepapalblessingthehappypairweresubjectedtoaplayfulcrossfireofhazelnuts，beechmast，bayleaves，catkinsofwillow，ivytod，hollyberries，mistletoesprigsandquickenshoots。MrandMrsWyseConiferNeaulanwillspendaquiethoneymoonintheBlackForest——

AndoureyesareonEurope，saysthecitizen。WehadourtradewithSpainandtheFrenchandwiththeFlemingsbeforethosemongrelswerepupped，SpanishaleinGalway，thewinebarkonthewinedarkwaterway——

Andwillagain，saysJoe——

AndwiththehelpoftheholymotherofGodwewillagain，saysthecitizen，clappinghisthigh。Ourharboursthatareemptywillbefullagain，Queenstown，Kinsale，Galway，BlacksodBay，VentryinthekingdomofKerry，Killybegs，thethirdlargestharbourinthewideworldwithafleetofmastsoftheGalwayLynchesandtheCavanO’ReillysandtheO’KennedysofDublinwhentheearlofDesmondcouldmakeatreatywiththeemperorCharlestheFifthhimself。Andwillagain，sayshe，whenthefirstIrishbattleshipisseenbreastingthewaveswithourownflagtothefore，noneofyourHenryTudor’sharps，no，theoldestflagafloat，theflagoftheprovinceofDesmondandThomond，threecrownsonabluefield，thethreesonsofMilesius。

Andhetookthelastswigoutofthepint，Moya。Allwindandpisslikeatanyardcat。CowsinConnachthavelonghorns。AsmuchashisbloodylifeisworthtogodownandaddresshistalltalktotheassembledmultitudeinShanagoldenwherehedaren’tshowhisnosewiththeMollyMaguireslookingforhimtoletdaylightthroughhimforgrabbingtheholdingofanevictedtenant——

Hear，heartothat，saysJohnWyse。Whatwillyouhave？——

Animperialyeomanry，saysLenehan，tocelebratetheoccasion——

Halfone，Terry，saysJohnWyse，andahandsup。Terry！Areyouasleep？——

Yes，sir，saysTerry。SmallwhiskyandbottleofAllsop。Right，sir。

HangingoverthebloodypaperwithAlflookingforspicybitsinsteadofattendingtothegeneralpublic。Pictureofabuttingmatch，tryingtocracktheirbloodyskulls，onechapgoingfortheotherwithhisheaddownlikeabullatagate。Andanotherone:BlackBeastBurnedinOmaha，Ga。AlotofDeadwoodDicksinslouchhatsandtheyfiringatasambostrunguponatreewithhistongueoutandabonfireunderhim。Gob，theyoughttodrownhimintheseaafterandelectrocuteandcrucifyhimtomakesureoftheirjob——

Butwhataboutthefightingnavy，saysNed，thatkeepsourfoesatbay？——

I’Iltellyouwhataboutit，saysthecitizen。Helluponearthitis。Readtherevelationsthat’sgoingoninthepapersaboutfloggingonthetrainingshipsatPortsmouth。AfellowwritesthatcallshimselfDisgustedOne。

Sohestartstellingusaboutcorporalpunishmentandaboutthecrewoftarsandofficersandrearadmiralsdrawnupincockedhatsandtheparsonwithhisprotestantbibletowitnesspunishmentandayoungladbroughtout，howlingforhisma，andtheytiehimdownonthebuttendofagun——

Arumpanddozen，saysthecitizen，waswhatthatoldruffiansirJohnBeresfordcalleditbutthemodernGod’sEnglishmancallsitcaningonthebreech。

AndsaysJohnWyse:——

’Tisacustommorehonouredinthebreachthanintheobservance。

Thenhewastellingusthemasteratarmscomesalongwithalongcaneandhedrawsoutandheflogsthebloodybacksideoffofthepoorladtillheyellsmeilamurder——

That’syourgloriousBritishnavy，saysthecitizen，thatbossestheearth。Thefellowsthatneverwillbeslaves，withtheonlyhereditarychamberonthefaceofGod’searthandtheirlandinthehandsofadozengamehogsandcottonballbarons。That’sthegreatempiretheyboastaboutofdrudgesandwhippedserfs——

Onwhichthesunneverrises，saysJoe——

Andthetragedyofitis，saysthecitizen，theybelieveit。Theunfortunateyahoosbelieveit。

Theybelieveinrod，thescourgeralmighty，creatorofhelluponearthandinJackyTar，thesonofagun，whowasconceivedofunholyboast，bornofthefightingnavy，sufferedunderrumpanddozen，wasscarified，flayedandcurried，yelledlikebloodyhell，thethirddayhearoseagainfromthebed，steeredintohaven，sittethonhisbeamendtillfurtherorderswhenceheshallcometodrudgeforalivingandbepaid。

But，saysBloom，isn’tdisciplinethesameeverywhere？Imeanwouldn’titbethesamehereifyouputforceagainstforce？

Didn’tItellyou？AstrueasI’mdrinkingthisporterifhewasathislastgasphe’dtrytodownfaceyouthatdyingwasliving——

We’llputforceagainstforce，saysthecitizen。WehaveourgreaterIrelandbeyondthesea。Theyweredrivenoutofhouseandhomeintheblack47。TheirmudcabinsandtheirshielingsbytheroadsidewerelaidlowbythebatteringramandtheTimesrubbeditshandsandtoldthewhiteliveredSaxonstherewouldsoonbeasfewIrishinIrelandasredskinsinAmerica。EventhegrandTurksentushispiastres。ButtheSassenachtriedtostarvethenationathomewhilethelandwasfullofcropsthattheBritishhyenasboughtandsoldinRiodeJaneiro。Ay，theydroveoutthepeasantsinhordes。Twentythousandofthemdiedinthecoffinships。Butthosethatcametothelandofthefreerememberthelandofbondage。Andtheywillcomeagainandwithavengeance，nocravens，thesonsofGranuaile，thechampionsofKathleenniHoulihan——

Perfectlytrue，saysBloom。Butmypointwas——

Wearealongtimewaitingforthatday，citizen，saysNed。SincethepooroldwomantoldusthattheFrenchwereontheseaandlandedatKillala——

Ay，saysJohnWyse。WefoughtfortheroyalStuartsthatrenegedusagainsttheWilliamitesandtheybetrayedus。RememberLimerickandthebrokentreatystone。WegaveourbestbloodtoFranceandSpain，thewildgeese。Fontenoy，eh？AndSarsfieldandO’Donnell，dukeofTetuaninSpain，andUlyssesBrowneofCamusthatwasfieldmarshaltoMariaTeresa。Butwhatdidweevergetforit？——

TheFrench！saysthecitizen。Setofdancingmasters！Doyouknowwhatitis？TheywereneverwortharoastedfarttoIreland。Aren’ttheytryingtomakeanEntentecordialenowatTayPay’sdinnerpartywithperfidiousAlbion？FirebrandsofEuropeandtheyalwayswere？——

ConspuezlesFran？ais，saysLenehan，nobblinghisbeer——

AndasfortheProoshiansandtheHanoverians，saysJoe，haven’twehadenoughofthosesausageeatingbastardsonthethronefromGeorgetheelectordowntotheGermanladandtheflatulentoldbitchthat’sdead？

Jesus，IhadtolaughatthewayhecameoutwiththatabouttheoldonewiththewinkersonherblinddrunkinherroyalpalaceeverynightofGod，oldVic，withherjorumofmountaindewandhercoachmancartingherupbodyandbonestorollintobedandshepullinghimbythewhiskersandsinginghimoldbitsofsongsaboutEhrenontheRhineandcomewherethebooseischeaper——

Well！saysJ。J。WehaveEdwardthepeacemakernow——

Tellthattoafool，saysthecitizen。There’sabloodysightmorepoxthanpaxaboutthatboyo。EdwardGuelph-Wettin！——

Andwhatdoyouthink，saysJoe，oftheholyboys，thepriestsandbishopsofIrelanddoinguphisroominMaynoothinhisSatanicMajesty’sracingcoloursandstickinguppicturesofallthehorseshisjockeysrode。TheearlofDublin，noless——

Theyoughttohavestuckupallthewomenherodehimself，sayslittleAlf。

AndsaysJ。J。:——

Considerationsofspaceinfluencedtheirlordship’sdecision——

Willyoutryanother，citizen？saysJoe——

Yes，sir，sayshe，Iwill——

You？saysJoe——

Beholdentoyou，Joe，saysI。Mayyourshadownevergrowless——

Repeatthatdose，saysJoe。

BloomwastalkingandtalkingwithJohnWyseandhequiteexcitedwithhisdunducketymudcolouredmugonhimandhisoldplumeyesrollingabout——

Persecution，sayshe，allthehistoryoftheworldisfullofit。Perpetuatingnationalhatredamongnations——

Butdoyouknowwhatanationmeans？saysJohnWyse——

Yes，saysBloom——

Whatisit？saysJohnWyse——

Anation？saysBloom。Anationisthesamepeoplelivinginthesameplace——

ByGod，then，saysNed，laughing，ifthat’ssoI’manationforI’mlivinginthesameplaceforthepastfiveyears。

SoofcourseeveryonehadalaughatBloomandsayshe，tryingtomuckoutofit:——

Oralsolivingindifferentplaces——

Thatcoversmycase，saysJoe——

WhatisyournationifImayask，saysthecitizen——

Ireland，saysBloom。Iwasbornhere。Ireland。

Thecitizensaidnothingonlyclearedthespitoutofhisgulletand，gob，hespataRedbankoysteroutofhimrightinthecorner——

Afteryouwiththepush，Joe，sayshe，takingouthishandkerchieftoswabhimselfdry——

Hereyouare，citizen，saysJoe。Takethatinyourrighthandandrepeataftermethefollowingwords。

ThemuchtreasuredandintricatelyembroideredancientIrishfaceclothattributedtoSolomonofDromaandManusTomaltachogMacDonogh，authorsoftheBookofBallymote，wasthencarefullyproducedandcalledforthprolongedadmiration。Noneedtodwellonthelegendarybeautyofthecornerpieces，theacmeofart，whereinonecandistinctlydiscerneachofthefourevangelistsinturnpresentingtoeachofthefourmastershisevangelicalsymbolabogoaksceptre，8NorthAmericanpuma(afarnoblerkingofbeaststhantheBritisharticle，beitsaidinpassing)，aKerrycalfandagoldeneaglefromCarrantuohill。Thescenesdepictedontheemunctoryfield，showingourancientdunsandrathsandcromlechsandgrianaunsandseatsoflearningandmaledictivestones，areaswonderfullybeautifulandthepigmentsasdelicateaswhentheSligoilluminatorsgavefreereintotheirartisticfantasylonglongagointhetimeoftheBarmecides。Glendalough，thelovelylakesofKillarney，theruinsofClonmacnois，CongAbbey，GlenInaghandtheTwelvePins，Ireland’sEye，theGreenHillsofTallaght，CroaghPatrick，thebreweryofMessrsArthurGuinness，SonandCompany(Limited)，LoughNeagh’sbanks，thevaleofOvoca，Isolde’stower，theMapasobelisk，SirPatrickDun’shospital，CapeClear，theglenofAherlow，Lynch’scastle，theScotchhouse，RathdownUnionWorkhouseatLoughlinstown，Tullamorejail，Castleconnelrapids，Kilballymacshonakill，thecrossatMonasterboice，Jury’sHotel，S。Patrick’sPurgatory，theSalmonLeap，Maynoothcollegerefectory，Curley’shole，thethreebirthplacesofthefirstdukeofWellington，therockofCashel，thebogofAllen，theHenryStreetWarehouse，Fingal’sCave-allthesemovingscenesarestillthereforustodayrenderedmorebeautifulstillbythewatersofsorrowwhichhavepassedoverthemandbytherichincrustationsoftime——Shoveusoverthedrink，saysI。Whichiswhich？——

That’smine，saysJoe，asthedevillaidtothedeadpoliceman——

AndIbelongtoaracetoo，saysBloom，thatishatedandpersecuted。Alsonow。Thisverymoment。Thisveryinstant。

Gob，henearburnthisfingerswiththebuttofhisoldcigar——

Robbed，sayshe。Plundered。Insulted。Persecuted。Takingwhatbelongstousbyright。Atthisverymoment，sayshe，puttinguphisfist，soldbyauctionoffinMoroccolikeslavesorcattles——

AreyoutalkingaboutthenewJerusalem？saysthecitizen——

I’mtalkingaboutinjustice，saysBloom——

Right，saysJohnWyse。Standuptoitthenwithforcelikemen。

That’sanalmanacpictureforyou。Markforasoftnosedbullet。Oldlardyfacestandinguptothebusinessendofagun。Gob，he’dadornasweepingbrush，sohewould，ifheonlyhadanurse’saprononhim。Andthenhecollapsesallofasudden，twistingaroundalltheopposite，aslimpasawetrag——

Butit’snouse，sayshe。Force，hatred，history，allthat。That’snotlifeformenandwomen，insultandhatred。Andeverybodyknowsthatit’stheveryoppositeofthatthatisreallylife——

What？saysAlf——

Love，saysBloom。Imeantheoppositeofhatred。Imustgonow，sayshetoJohnWyse。JustroundtothecourtamomenttoseeifMartinisthere。IfhecomesjustsayI’llbebackinasecond。Justamoment。

Who’shinderingyou？Andoffhepopslikegreasedlightning——

Anewapostletothegentiles，saysthecitizen。Universallove——

Well，saysJohnWyse，isn’tthatwhatwe’retold？Loveyourneighbours——

Thatchap？saysthecitizen。Beggarmyneighbourishismotto。Love，Moya！He’sanicepatternofaRomeoandJuliet。Lovelovestolovelove。Nurselovesthenewchemist。Constable14AlovesMaryKelly。GertyMacDowelllovestheboythathasthebicycle。M。B。lovesafairgenteman。LiChiHanloveyupkissyChaPuChow。Jumbo，theelephant，lovesAlice，theelephant。OldMrVerschoylewiththeeartrumpetlovesoldMrsVerschoylewiththeturnedineye。Themaninthebrownmacintoshlovesaladywhoisdead。HisMajestytheKinglovesHerMajestytheQueen。MrsNormanW。TupperlovesofficerTaylor。Youloveacertainperson。Andthispersonlovesthatotherpersonbecauseeverybodylovessomebodybut

Godloveseverybody——

Well，Joe，saysI，yourverygoodhealthandsong。Morepower，citizen——

Hurrah，there，saysJoe——

TheblessingofGodandMaryandPatrickonyou，saysthecitizen。

Andheupswithhispinttowethiswhistle——

Weknowthosecanters，sayshe，preachingandpickingyourpocket。WhataboutsanctimoniousCromwellandhisironsidesthatputthewomenandchildrenofDroghedatotheswordwiththebibletextGodislovepastedroundthemouthofhiscannon？Thebible！DidyoureadthatskitintheUnitedIrishmantodayaboutthatZuluchiefthat’svisitingEngland？——

What’sthat？saysJoe。

Sothecitizentakesuponeofhisparaphernaliapapersandhestartsreadingout:——

AdelegationofthechiefcottonmagnatesofManchesterwaspresentedyesterdaytoHisMajestytheAlakiofAbeakutabyGoldStickinWaiting，LordWalkuponEggs，totendertoHisMajestytheheartfeltthanksofBritishtradersforthefacilitiesaffordedtheminhisdominions。Thedelegationpartookofluncheonattheconclusionofwhichtheduskypotentate，inthecourseofahappyspeech，freelytranslatedbytheBritishchaplain，thereverendAnaniasPraisegodBarebones，tenderedhisbestthankstoMassaWalkupandemphasisedthecordialrelationsexistingbetweenAbeakutaandtheBritishEmpire，statingthathetreasuredasoneofhisdearestpossessionsanilluminatedbible，thevolumeofthewordofGodandthesecretofEngland’sgreatness，graciouslypresentedtohimbythewhitechiefwoman，thegreatsquawVictoria，withapersonaldedicationfromtheaugusthandoftheRoyalDonor。TheAlakithendrankalovingcupoffirstshotusquebaughtothetoastBlackandWhitefromtheskullofhisimmediatepredecessorinthedynastyKakachakachak，surnamedFortyWarts，afterwhichhevisitedthechieffactoryofCottonopolisandsignedhismarkinthevisitors’book，subsequentlyexecutinganoldAbeakuticwardance，inthecourseofwhichheswallowedseveralknivesandforks，amidhilariousapplausefromthegirlhands——

Widowwoman，saysNed，Iwouldn’tdoubther。WonderdidheputthatbibletothesameuseasIwould——

Sameonlymoreso，saysLenehan。Andthereafterinthatfruitfullandthebroadleavedmangoflourishedexceedingly——

IsthatbyGriffith？saysJohnWyse——

No，saysthecitizen。It’snotsignedShanganagh。It’sonlyinitialled:P——

Andaverygoodinitialtoo，saysJoe——

That’showit’sworked，saysthecitizen。Tradefollowstheflag——

Well，saysJ。J。，ifthey’reanyworsethanthoseBelgiansintheCongoFreeStatetheymustbebad。Didyoureadthatreportbyamanwhat’sthishisnameis？——

Casement，saysthecitizen。He’sanIrishman——

Yes，that’stheman，saysJ。J。Rapingthewomenandgirlsandfloggingthenativesonthebellytosqueezealltheredrubbertheycanoutofthem——

Iknowwherehe’sgone，saysLenehan，crackinghisfingers——

Who？saysI——

Bloom，sayshe，thecourthouseisablind。HehadafewbobonThrowawayandhe’sgonetogatherintheshekels——

Isitthatwhiteyedkaffir？saysthecitizen，thatneverbackedahorseinangerinhislife——

That’swherehe’sgone，saysLenehan。ImetBantamLyonsgoingtobackthathorseonlyIputhimoffitandhetoldmeBloomgavehimthetip。Betyouwhatyoulikehehasahundredshillingstofiveon。He’stheonlymaninDublinhasit。Adarkhorse——He’sabloodydarkhorsehimself，saysJoe——

Mind，Joe，saysI。Showustheentranceout——

Thereyouare，saysTerry。

GoodbyeIrelandI’mgoingtoGort。SoIjustwentroundtothebackoftheyardtopumpshipandbegob(hundredshillingstofive)whileIwaslettingoffmy(Throwawaytwentyto)lettingoffmyloadgobsaysItomyselfIknewhewasuneasyinhis(twopintsoffofJoeandoneinSlattery’soff)inhismindtogetoffthemarkto(hundredshillingsisfivequid)andwhentheywereinthe(darkhorse)PisserBurkewastellingmecardpartyandlettingonthechildwassick(gob，musthavedoneaboutagallon)flabbyarseofawifespeakingdownthetubeshe’sbetterorshe’s(ow！)allaplansohecouldvamoosewiththepoolifhewonor(Jesus，fullupIwas)tradingwithoutalicence(ow！)Irelandmynationsayshe(hoik！phthook！)neverbeuptothosebloody(there’sthelastofit)Jerusalem(ah！)cuckoos。

SoanyhowwhenIgotbacktheywereatitdingdong，JohnWysesayingitwasBloomgavetheideaforSinnFeintoGriffithtoputinhispaperallkindsofjerrymandering，packedjuriesandswindlingthetaxesoffoftheGovernmentandappointingconsulsallovertheworldtowalkaboutsellingIrishindustries。RobbingPetertopayPaul。Gob，thatputsthebloodykyboshonitifoldsloppyeyesismuckinguptheshow。Giveusabloodychance。GodsaveIrelandfromthelikesofthatbloodymouseabout。MrBloomwithhisargolbargol。Andhisoldfellowbeforehimperpetratingfrauds，oldMethusalemBloom，therobbingbagman，thatpoisonedhimselfwiththeprussicacidafterheswampingthecountrywithhisbaublesandhispennydiamonds。Loansbypostoneasyterms。Anyamountofmoneyadvancedonnoteofhand。Distancenoobject。Nosecurity。Gobhe’slikeLantyMacHale’sgoatthat’dgoapieceoftheroadwitheveryone——

Well，it’safact，saysJohnWyse。Andthere’sthemannowthat’lltellyouaboutit，MartinCunningham。

SureenoughthecastlecardroveupwithMartinonitandJackPowerwithhimandafellownamedCrofterorCrofton，pensioneroutofthecollectorgeneral’s，anorangemanBlackburndoeshaveontheregistrationandhedrawinghispayorCrawfordgallivantingaroundthecountryattheking’sexpense。

Ourtravellersreachedtherustichostelryandalightedfromtheirpalfreys——

Ho，varlet！criedhe，whobyhismienseemedtheleaderoftheparty。Saucyknave！Tous！

Sosayingheknockedloudlywithhisswordhiltupontheopenlattice。

Minehostcameforthatthesummonsgirdinghimwithhistabard——

Giveyougoodden，mymasters，saidhewithanobsequiousbow——

Bestirthyself，sirrah！criedhewhohadknocked。Looktooursteeds。Andforourselvesgiveusofyourbestforfaithweneedit——

Lackaday，goodmasters，saidthehost，mypoorhousehasbutabarelarder。Iknownotwhattoofferyourlordships——

Hownow，fellow？criedthesecondoftheparty，amanofpleasantcountenance，soservestthoutheking’smessengers，MasterTaptun？

Aninstantaneouschangeoverspreadthelandlord’svisage——

Cryyoumercy，gentlemen，hesaidhumbly。Anyoubetheking’smessengers(GodshieldHisMajesty！)youshallnotwantforaught。Theking’sfriends(GodblessHisMajesty！)shallnotgoafastinginmyhouseIwarrantme——

Thenabout！criedthetravellerwhohadnotspoken，alustytrenchermanbyhisaspect。Hastaughttogiveus？

Minehostbowedagainashemadeanswer:——

Whatsayyou，goodmasters，toasquabpigeonpasty，somecollopsofvenison，asaddleofveal，widgeonwithcrisphog’sbacon，aboar’sheadwithpistachios，abasonofjollycustard，amedlartansyandaflagonofoldRhenish？——

Gadzooks！criedthelastspeaker。Thatlikesmewell。Pistachios！——

Aha！criedheofthepleasantcountenance。Apoorhouseandabarelarder，quotha！’Tisamerryrogue。

SoincomesMartinaskingwherewasBloom——

Whereishe？saysLenehan。Defraudingwidowsandorphans——

Isn’tthatafact，saysJohnWyse，whatIwastellingthecitizenaboutBloomandtheSinnFein？——

That’sso，saysMartin。Orsotheyallege——

Whomadethoseallegations？saysAlf——

I，saysJoe。I’mthealligator——

Andafterall，saysJohnWyse，whycan’tajewlovehiscountrylikethenextfellow？——

Whynot？saysJ。J。，whenhe’squitesurewhichcountryitis——

IsheajeworagentileoraholyRomanoraswaddlerorwhatthehellishe？saysNed。Orwhoishe？Nooffence，Crofton——

Wedon’twanthim，saysCroftertheOrangemanorpresbyterian——

WhoisJunius？saysJ。J——

He’sapervertedjew，saysMartin，fromaplaceinHungaryanditwashedrewupalltheplansaccordingtotheHungariansystem。Weknowthatinthecastle——

Isn’theacousinofBloomthedentist？saysJackPower——

Notatall，saysMartin。Onlynamesakes。HisnamewasVirag。Thefather’snamethatpoisonedhimself。Hechangeditbydeedpoll，thefatherdid——

That’sthenewMessiahforIreland！saysthecitizen。Islandofsaintsandsages！——

Well，they’restillwaitingfortheirredeemer，saysMartin。Forthatmattersoarewe——

Yes，saysJ。J。，andeverymalethat’sborntheythinkitmaybetheirMessiah。Andeveryjewisinatallstateofexcitement，Ibelieve，tillheknowsifhe’safatheroramother——

Expectingeverymomentwillbehisnext，saysLenehan——

O，byGod，saysNed，youshouldhaveseenBloombeforethatsonofhisthatdiedwasborn。ImethimonedayinthesouthcitymarketsbuyingatinofNeave’sfoodsixweeksbeforethewifewasdelivered——

Enventresamere，saysJ。J——

Doyoucallthataman？saysthecitizen——

Iwonderdidheeverputitoutofsight，saysJoe——

Well，thereweretwochildrenbornanyhow，saysJackPower——

Andwhodoeshesuspect？saysthecitizen。

Gob，there’smanyatruewordspokeninjest。Oneofthosemixedmiddlingsheis。LyingupinthehotelPisserwastellingmeonceamonthwithheadachelikeatottywithhercourses。DoyouknowwhatI’mtellingyou？It’dbeanactofGodtotakeaholdofafellowthelikeofthatandthrowhiminthebloodysea。Justifiablehomicide，soitwould。Thenslopingoffwithhisfivequidwithoutputtingupapintofstufflikeaman。Giveusyourblessing。Notasmuchaswouldblindyoureye——

Charitytotheneighbour，saysMartin。Butwhereishe？Wecan’twait——

Awolfinsheep’sclothing，saysthecitizen。That’swhathe

is。ViragfromHungary！AhasuerusIcallhim。CursedbyGod——

Haveyoutimeforabrieflibation，Martin？saysNed——

Onlyone，saysMartin。Wemustbequick。J。J。andS——

YouJack？Crofton？Threehalfones，Terry——

SaintPatrickwouldwanttolandagainatBallykinlarandconvertus，saysthecitizen，afterallowingthingslikethattocontaminateourshores——

Well，saysMartin，rappingforhisglass。Godblessallhereismyprayer——

Amen，saysthecitizen——

AndI’msurehewill，saysJoe。

Andatthesoundofthesacringbell，headedbyacruciferwithacolytes，thurifers，boatbearers，readers，ostiarii，deaconsandsubdeacons，theblessedcompanydrewnighofmitredabbotsandpriorsandguardiansandmonksandfriars:themonksofBenedictofSpoleto，CarthusiansandCamaldolesi，CisterciansandOlivetans，OratoriansandVallombrosans，andthefriarsofAugustine，Brigittines，Premonstratesians，Servi，Trinitarians，andthechildrenofPeterNolasco:andtherewithfromCarmelmountthechildrenofElijahprophetledbyAlbertbishopandbyTeresaofAvila，calcedandother:andfriarsbrownandgrey，sonsofpoorFrancis，capuchins，cordeliers，minimesandobservantsandthedaughtersofClara:andthesonsofDominic，thefriarspreachers，andthesonsofVincent:andthemonksofS。Wolstan:andIgnatiushischildren:andtheconfraternityofthechristianbrothersledbythereverendbrotherEdmundIgnatiusRice。Andaftercameallsaintsandmartyrs，virginsandconfessors:S。CyrandS。IsidoreAratorandS。JamestheLessandS。PhocasofSinopeandS。JulianHospitatorandS。FelixdeCantaliceandS。SimonStylitesandS。StephenProtomartyrandS。JohnofGodandS。FerreolandS。LeugardeandS。TheodotusandS。VulmarandS。RichardandS。VincentdePaulandS。MartinofTodiandS。MartinofToursandS。AlfredandS。JosephandS。DenisandS。CorneliusandS。LeopoldandS。BernardandS。TerenceandS。EdwardandS。OwenCaniculusandS。AnonymousandS。EponymousandS。PseudonymousandS。HomonymousandS。ParonymousandS。SynonymousandS。LaurenceO’TooleandS。JamesofDingleandCompostellaandS。ColumcilleandS。ColumbaandS。CelestineandS。ColmanandS。KevinandS。BrendanandS。FrigidianandS。SenanandS。FachtnaandS。ColumbanusandS。GallandS。FurseyandS。FintanandS。FiacreandS。JohnNepomucandS。ThomasAquinasandS。IvesofBrittanyandS。MichanandS。Herman-JosephandthethreepatronsofholyyouthS。AloysiusGonzagaandS。StanislausKostkaandS。JohnBerchmansandthesaintsGervasius，ServasiusandBonifaciusandS。BrideandS。KieranandS。CaniceofKilkennyandS。JarlathofTuamandS。FinbarrandS。PappinofBallymunandBrotherAloysiusPacificusandBrotherLouisBellicosusandthesaintsRoseofLimaandofViterboandS。MarthaofBethanyandS。MaryofEgyptandS。LucyandS。BrigidandS。AttractaandS。DympnaandS。ItaandS。MarionCalpensisandtheBlessedSisterTeresaoftheChildJesusandS。BarbaraandS。ScholasticaandS。Ursulawitheleventhousandvirgins。Andallcamewithnimbiandaureolesandgloriae，bearingpalmsandharpsandswordsandolivecrowns，inrobeswhereonwerewoventheblessedsymbolsoftheirefficacies，inkhorns，arrows，loaves，cruses，fetters，axes，trees，bridges，babesinabathtub，shells，wallets，shears，keys，dragons，lilies，buckshot，beards，hogs，lamps，bellows，beehives，soupladles，stars，snakes，anvils，boxesofvaseline，bells，crutches，forceps，stags’horns，watertightboots，hawks，millstones，eyesonadish，waxcandles，aspergills，unicorns。AndastheywendedtheirwaybyNelson’sPillar，HenryStreet，MaryStreet，CapelStreet，LittleBritainStreet，chantingtheintroitinEpiphaniaDominiwhichbeginnethSurge，illuminareandthereaftermostsweetlythegradualOmneswhichsaithdeSabavenienttheydiddiverswonderssuchascastingoutdevils，raisingthedeadtolife，multiplyingfishes，healingthehaltandtheblind，discoveringvariousarticleswhichhadbeenmislaid，interpretingandfulfillingthescriptures，blessingandprophesying。Andlast，beneathacanopyofclothofgoldcamethereverendFatherO’FlynnattendedbyMalachiandPatrick。Andwhenthegoodfathershadreachedtheappointedplace，thehouseofBernardKiernanandCo，limited，8，9and10littleBritainstreet，wholesalegrocers，wineandbrandyshippers，licensedforthesaleofbeer，wineandspiritsforconsumptiononthepremises，thecelebrantblessedthehouseandcensedthemullionedwindowsandthegroynesandthevaultsandthearrisesandthecapitalsandthepedimentsandthecornicesandtheengrailedarchesandthespiresandthecupolasandsprinkledthelintelsthereofwithblessedwaterandprayedthatGodmightblessthathouseashehadblessedthehouseofAbrahamandIsaacandJacobandmaketheangelsofHislighttoinhabittherein。Andenteringheblessedtheviandsandthebeveragesandthecompanyofalltheblessedansweredhisprayers——

AdiutoriumnostruminnomineDomini——

Quefecitclumetterram——

Dominusvobiscum——

Etcumspiritutuo。

Andhelaidhishandsupontheblessedandgavethanksandheprayedandtheyallwithhimprayed:——

Deus，cuiusvetsanctificanturomnia，benedictionemtuameffundesupercreaturasistas:etpastautquisquiseissecundumlegemetvoluntatemTuamcumgratiarumactioneususfueritperinvocationemsanctissiminominisTuicorporissanitatemetanimatutelamTeauctorepercipiatperChristumDominumnostrum——

Andsosayallofus，saysJack——

Thousandayear，Lambert，saysCroftonorCrawford——

Right，saysNed，takinguphisJohnJameson。Andbutterforfish。

Iwasjustlookingroundtoseewhothehappythoughtwouldstrikewhenbedamnedbutinhecomesagainlettingontobeinahellofahurry——

Iwasjustroundatthecourthouse，sayshe，lookingforyou。IhopeI’mnot——

No，saysMartin，we’reready。

Courthousemyeyeandyourpocketshangingdownwithgoldandsilver。Meanbloodyscut。Standusadrinkitself。Devilasweetfear！There’sajewforyou！Allfornumberone。Cuteasashithouserat。Hundredtofive——

Don’ttellanyone，saysthecitizen——

Begyourpardon，sayshe——

Comeonboys，saysMartin，seeingitwaslookingblue。Comealongnow——

Don’ttellanyone，saysthecitizen，lettingabawloutofhim。It’sasecret。

And-hebloodydogwokeupandletagrowl——

Byebyeall，saysMartin。

Andhegotthemoutasquickashecould，JackPowerandCroftonorwhateveryoucallhimandhiminthemiddleofthemlettingontobeallatseaupwiththemonthebloodyjauntingcar。

Offwithyou，saysMartintothejarvey。

Themilkwhitedolphintossedhismaneand，risinginthegoldenpoop，thehelmsmanspreadthebellyingsailuponthewindandstoodoffforwardwithallsailset，thespinnakertolarboard。Amanycomelynymphsdrewnightostarboardandtolarboardand，clingingtothesidesofthenoblebark，theylinkedtheirshiningformsasdoththecunningwheelwrightwhenhefashionsabouttheheartofhiswheeltheequidistantrayswhereofeachoneissistertoanotherandhebindsthemallwithanouterringandgivethspeedtothefeetofmenwhenastheyridetoahostingorcontendforthesmileofladiesfair。Evensodidtheycomeandsetthem，thosewillingnymphs，theundyingsisters。Andtheylaughed，sportinginacircleoftheirfoam:andthebarkclavethewaves。

ButbegobIwasjustloweringtheheelofthepintwhenIsawthecitizengettinguptowaddletothedoor，puffingandblowingwiththedropsyandhecursingthecurseofCromwellonhim，bell，bookandcandleinIrish，spittingandspattingoutofhimandJoeandlittleAlfroundhimlikealeprechauntryingtopeacifyhim——

Letmealone，sayshe。

Andbegobhegotasfarasthedoorandtheyholdinghimandhebawlsoutofhim:——

ThreecheersforIsrael！

Arrah，sitdownontheparliamentarysideofyourarseforChrist’sakeanddon’tbemakingapublicexhibitionofyourself。Jesus，there’salwayssomebloodyclownorotherkickingupabloodymurderaboutbloodynothing。Gob，it’dturntheportersourinyourguts，soitwould。

AndalltheragamuffinsandslutsofthenationroundthedoorandMartintellingthejarveytodriveaheadandthecitizenbawlingandAlfandJoeathimtowhishtandheonhishighhorseaboutthejewsandtheloaferscallingforaspeechandJackPowertryingtogethimtositdownonthecarandholdhisbloodyjawandaloaferwithapatchoverhiseyestartssingingIfthemaninthemoonwasajew，jew，jewandaslutshoutsoutofher:——

Eh，mister！Yourflyisopen，mister！

Andsayshe:——

MendelssohnwasajewandKarlMarxandMercadanteandSpinoza。AndtheSaviourwasajewandhisfatherwasajew。YourGod——

Hehadnofather，saysMartin。That’lldonow。Driveahead——

WhoseGod？saysthecitizen——

Well，hisunclewasajew，sayshe。YourGodwasajew。Christwasajewlikeme。

Gob，thecitizenmadeaplungebackintotheshop——

ByJesus，sayshe，I’Ilbrainthatbloodyjewmanforusingtheholyname。ByJesus，I’llcrucifyhimsoIwill。Giveusthatbiscuitboxhere——

Stop！Stop！saysJoe。

A-largeandappreciativegatheringoffriendsandacquaintancesfromthemetropolisandgreaterDublinassembledintheirthousandstobidfarewelltoNagyaságosuramLipótiVirag，lateofMessrsAlexanderThom’s，printerstoHisMajesty，ontheoccasionofhisdepartureforthedistantclimeofSzázharminczbrojúgulyás-Dugulás(MeadowofMurmuringWaters)。Theceremonywhichwentoffwithgreatéclatwascharacterisedbythemostaffectingcordiality。AnilluminatedscrollofancientIrishvellum，theworkofIrishartists，waspresentedtothedistinguishedphenomenologistonbehalfofalargesectionofthecommunityandwasaccompaniedbythegiftofasilvercasket，tastefullyexecutedinthestyleofancientCelticornament，aworkwhichreflectseverycreditonthemakers，MessrsJacobagusJacob。Thedepartingguestwastherecipientofaheartyovation，manyofthosewhowerepresentbeingvisiblymovedwhentheselectorchestraofIrishpipesstruckupthewellknownstrainsofComebacktoErin，followedimmediatelybyRakoczy’sMarch。TarbarrelsandbonfireswerelightedalongthecoastlineofthefourseasonthesummitsoftheHillofHowth，ThreeRockMountain，Sugar-loaf，BrayHead，themountainsofMourne，theGaltees，theOxandDonegalandSperrinpeaks，theNaglesandtheBograghs，theConnemarahills，thereeksofM’Gillicuddy，SlieveAughty，SlieveBernaghandSlieveBloom。Amidcheersthatrentthewelkin，respondedtobyansweringcheersfromabigmusterofhenchmenonthedistantCambrianandCaledonianhills，themastodonticpleasureshipslowlymovedawaysalutedbyafinalfloraltributefromtherepresentativesofthefairsexwhowerepresentinlargenumberswhile，asitproceededdowntheriver，escortedbyaflotillaofbarges，theflagsoftheBallastofficeandCustomHouseweredippedinsaluteaswerealsothoseoftheelectricalpowerstationatthePigeon-house。Visszontlátlására，kedvésbaráton！Visszontlátásra！Gonebutnotforgotten。

Gob，thedevilwouldn’tstophimtillhegotholdofthebloodytinanyhowandoutwithhimandlittleAlfhangingontohiselbowandheshoutinglikeastuckpig，asgoodasanybloodyplayintheQueen’sroyaltheatre——

WhereishetillImurderhim？

AndNedandJ。G。paralysedwiththelaughing——

Bloodywars，saysI，I’llbeinforthelastgospel。

Butasluckwouldhaveitthejarveygotthenag’sheadroundtheotherwayandoffwithhim——

Holdonecitizen，saysJoe。Stop。Begobhedrewhishandandmadeaswipeandletfly。MercyofGodthesunwasinhiseyesorhe’dhavelefthimfordead。Gob，henearsentitintothecountyLongford。Thebloodynagtookfrightandtheoldmongrelafterthecarlikebloodyhellandallthepopulaceshoutingandlaughingandtheoldtinboxclatteringalongthestreet。

Thecatastrophewasterrificandinstantaneousinitseffect。TheobservatoryofDunsinkregisteredinallelevenshocks，allofthefifthgradeofMercalli’sscale，andthereisnorecordextantofasimilarseismicdisturbanceinourislandsincetheearthquakeof1534，theyearoftherebellionofSilkenThomas。TheepicentreappearstohavebeenthatpartofthemetropoliswhichconstitutestheInn’sQuaywardandparishofSaintMichancoveringasurfaceoffortyoneacres，tworoodsandonesquarepoleorperch。AllthelordlyTesidencesinthevicinityofthepalaceofjusticeweredemolishedandthatnobleedificeitself，inwhichatthetimeofthecatastropheimportantlegaldebateswereinprogress，isliterallyamassofruinsbeneathwhichitistobefearedalltheoccupantshavebeenburiedalive。Fromthereportsofeyewitnessesittranspiresthattheseismicwaveswereaccompaniedbyaviolentatmosphericperturbationofcycloniccharacter。AnarticleofheadgearsinceascertainedtobelongtothemuchrespectedclerkofthecrownandpeaceMrGeorgeFottrellandasilkumbrellawithgoldhandlewiththeengravedinitials，coatofarmsandhousenumberoftheeruditeandworshipfulchairmanofquartersessionssirFrederickFalkiner，recorderofDublin，havebeendiscoveredbysearchpartiesinremotepartsoftheisland，respectively，theformeronthethirdbasalticridgeofthegiant’scauseway，thelatterembeddedtotheextentofonefootthreeinchesinthesandybeachofHoleopenbayneartheoldheadofKinsale。Othereyewitnessesdeposethatthey-observedanincandescentobjectofenormousproportionshurtlingthroughtheatmosphereataterrifyingvelocityinatrajectorydirectedsouthwestbywest。MessagesofcondolenceandsympathyarebeinghourlyreceivedfromallpartsofthedifferentcontinentsandthesovereignpontiffhasbeengraciouslypleasedtodecreethataspecialmissaprodefunctisshallbecelebratedsimultaneouslybytheordinariesofeachandeverycathedralchurchofalltheepiscopaldiocesessubjecttothespiritualauthorityoftheHolySeeinsuffrageofthesoulsofthosefaithfuldepartedwhohavebeensounexpectedlycalledawayfromourmidst。Theworkofsalvage，removalofdebrishumanremainsetchasbeenentrustedtoMessrsMichaelMeadeandSon，159，GreatBrunswickStreetandMessrsT。C。Martin，77，78，79and80，NorthWall，assistedbythemenandofficersoftheDukeofCornwall’slightinfantryunderthegeneralsupervisionofH。R。H。，rearadmiraltherighthonourablesirHerculesHannibalHabeasCorpusAndersonK。G。，K。P。，H。T。，P。C。，K。C。B。，M。P。，J。P。，M。B。，D。S。O。，S。O。D。，M。F。H。，M。R。I。A。，B。L。，Mus。Doc。，P。L。G。，F。T。C。D。，F。R。U。I。，F。R。C。P。I。andF。R。C。S。I。

Youneversawthelikeofitinallyourbornpuff。Gob，ifhegotthatlotteryticketonthesideofhispollhe’drememberthegoldcup，hewouldso，butbegobthecitizenwouldhavebeenlaggedforassaultandbatteryandJoeforaidingandabetting。ThejarveysavedhislifebyfuriousdrivingassureasGodmadeMoses。What？O，Jesus，hedid。Andheletavolleyofoathsafterhim——

DidIkillhim，sayshe，orwhat？

Andheshoutingtothebloodydog:——

Afterhim，Garry！Afterhim，boy！

Andthelastwesawwasthebloodycarroundingthecornerandoldsheepfaceonitgesticulatingandthebloodymongrelafteritwithhislugsbackforallhewasbloodywellworthtotearhimlimbfromlimb。Hundredtofive！Jesus，hetookthevalueofitoutofhim，Ipromiseyou。

When，lo，therecameaboutthemallagreatbrightnessandtheybeheldthechariotwhereinHestoodascendtoheaven。AndtheybeheldHiminthechariot，clotheduponinthegloryofthebrightness，havingraimentasofthesun，fairasthemoonandterriblethatforawetheydurstnotlookuponHim。Andtherecameavoiceoutofheaven，calling:Elijah！Elijah！Andheansweredwithamaincry:Abba！Adonai！AndtheybeheldHimevenHim，benBloomElijah，amidcloudsofangelsascendtothegloryofthebrightnessatanangleoffortyfivedegreesoverDonohoe’sinLittleGreenStreetlikeashotoffashovel。

Nausicca

THESUMMEREVENINGHADBEGUNTOFOLDTHEWORLDINITSmysteriousembrace。Farawayinthewestthesunwassettingandthelastglowofalltoofleetingdaylingeredlovinglyonseaandstrand，ontheproudpromontoryofdearoldHowthguardingaseverthewatersofthebay，ontheweedgrownrocksalongSandymountshoreand，lastbutnotleast，onthequietchurchwhencetherestreamedforthattimesuponthestillnessthevoiceofprayertoherwhoisinherpureradianceabeaconevertothestorm-tossedheartofman，Mary，starofthesea。

Thethreegirlfriendswereseatedontherocks，enjoyingtheeveningsceneandtheairwhichwasfreshbutnottoochilly。Manyatimeandoftweretheywonttocometheretothatfavouritenooktohaveacosychatbesidethesparklingwavesanddiscussmattersfeminine，CissyCaffreyandEdyBoardmanwiththebabyinthepushcarandTommyandJackyCaffrey，twolittlecurlyheadedboys，dressedinsailorsuitswithcapstomatchandthenameH。M。S。Belleisleprintedonboth。ForTommyandJackyCaffreyweretwins，scarcefouryearsoldandverynoisyandspoiledtwinssometimesbutforallthatdarlinglittlefellowswithbrightmerryfacesandendearingwaysaboutthem。Theyweredabblinginthesandwiththeirspadesandbuckets，buildingcastlesaschildrendo，orplayingwiththeirbigcolouredball，happyasthedaywaslong。AndEdyBoardmanwasrockingthechubbybabytoandfrointhepushcarwhilethatyounggentlemanfairlychuckledwithdelight。Hewasbutelevenmonthsandninedaysoldand，thoughstillatinytoddler，wasjustbeginningtolisphisfirstbabyishwords。CissyCaffreybentoverhimtoteasehisfatlittleplucksandthedaintydimpleinhischin——

Now，baby，CissyCaffreysaid。Sayoutbig，big。Iwantadrinkofwater。

Andbabyprattledafterher:——

Ajinkajinkajawbo。CissyCaffreycuddledtheweechapforshewasawfullyfondofchildren，sopatientwithlittlesufferersandTommyCaffreycouldneverbegottotakehiscastoroilunlessitwasCissyCaffreythatheldhisnoseandpromisedhimthescattyheeloftheloafofbrownbreadwithgoldensyrupon。Whatapersuasivepowerthatgirlhad！Buttobesurebabywasasgoodasgold，aperfectlittledoteinhisnewfancybib。Noneofyourspoiltbeauties，FloraMacFlimsysort，wasCissyCaffrey。Atruerheartedlassneverdrewthebreathoflife，alwayswithalaughinhergipsylikeeyesandafrolicsomewordonhercherryriperedlips，agirllovableintheextreme。AndEdyBoardmanlaughedtooatthequaintlanguageoflittlebrother。

ButjustthentherewasaslightaltercationbetweenMasterTommyandMasterJacky。Boyswillbeboysandourtwotwinswerenoexceptiontothisgoldenrule。TheappleofdiscordwasacertaincastleofsandwhichMasterJackyhadbuiltandMasterTommywouldhaveitrightgowrongthatitwastobearchitecturallyimprovedbyafrontdoorliketheMartellotowerhad。ButifMasterTommywasheadstrongMasterJackywasselfwilledtooand，truetothemaximthateverylittleIrishman’shouseishiscastle，hefelluponhishatedrivalandtosuchpurposethatthewouldbeassailantcametogriefand(alastorelate！)thecovetedcastletoo。NeedlesstosaythecriesofdiscomfitedMasterTommydrewtheattentionofthegirlfriends——

Comehere，Tommy，hissistercalledimperatively，atonce！Andyou，Jacky，forshametothrowpoorTommyinthedirtysand。WaittillIcatchyouforthat。

HiseyesmistywithunshedtearsMasterTommycameathercallfortheirbigsister’swordwaslawwiththetwins。Andinasadplighthewasafterhismisadventure。Hislittleman-o’-wartopandunmentionableswerefullofsandbutCissywasapastmistressintheartofsmoothingoverlife’stinytroublesandveryquicklynotonespeckofsandwastobeseenonhissmartlittlesuit。StilltheblueeyeswereglisteningwithhottearsthatwouldwellupsoshekissedawaythehurtnessandshookherhandatMasterJackytheculpritandsaidifshewasnearhimshewouldn’tbefarfromhim，hereyesdancinginadmonition——

NastyboldJacky！shecried。

Sheputanarmroundthelittlemarinerandcoaxedwinningly:——

What’syourname？Butterandcream？——

Telluswhoisyoursweetheart，spokeEdyBoardman。IsCissyyoursweetheart？——

Nao，tearfulTommysaid——

IsEdyBoardmanyoursweetheart？Cissyqueried——

Nao，Tommysaid——

Iknow，EdyBoardmansaidnonetooamiablywithanarchglancefromhershortsightedeyes。IknowwhoisTommy’ssweetheart，GertyisTommy’ssweetheart——

Nao，Tommysaidonthevergeoftears。

Cissy’squickmotherwitguessedwhatwasamissandshewhisperedtoEdyBoardmantotakehimtherebehindthepushcarwherethegentlemencouldn’tseeandtomindhedidn’twethisnewtanshoes。

ButwhowasGerty？

GertyMacDowellwhowasseatednearhercompanions，lostinthought，gazingfarawayintothedistance，wasinverytruthasfairaspecimenofwinsomeIrishgirlhoodasonecouldwishtosee。Shewaspronouncedbeautifulbyallwhoknewherthough，asfolksoftensaid，shewasmoreaGiltrapthanaMacDowell。Herfigurewasslightandgraceful，incliningeventofragilitybutthoseironjelloidsshehadbeentakingoflatehaddoneheraworldofgoodmuchbetterthantheWidowWelch’sfemalepillsandshewasmuchbetterofthosedischargessheusedtogetandthattiredfeeling。ThewaxenpallorofherfacewasalmostspiritualinitsivorylikepuritythoughherrosebudmouthwasagenuineCupid’sbow，Greeklyperfect。Herhandswereoffinelyveinedalabasterwithtaperingfingersandaswhiteaslemonjuiceandqueenofointmentscouldmakethemthoughitwasnottruethatsheusedtowearkidglovesinbedortakeamilkfootbatheither。BerthaSuppletoldthatoncetoEdyBoardman，adeliberatelie，whenshewasblackoutatdaggersdrawnwithGerty(thegirlchumshadofcoursetheirlittletiffsfromtimetotimeliketherestofmortals)andshetoldhernotletonwhatevershedidthatitwasherthattoldherorshe’dneverspeaktoheragain。No。Honourwherehonourisdue。Therewasaninnaterefinement，alanguidqueenlyhauteuraboutGertywhichwasunmistakablyevidencedinherdelicatehandsandhigharchedinstep。HadkindfatebutwilledhertobebornagentlewomanofhighdegreeinherownrightandhadsheonlyreceivedthebenefitofagoodeducationGertyMacDowellmighteasilyhaveheldherownbesideanyladyinthelandandhaveseenherselfexquisitelygownedwithjewelsonherbrowandpatriciansuitorsatherfeetvyingwithoneanothertopaytheirdevoirstoher。Mayhapitwasthis，thelovethatmighthavebeen，thatlenttohersoftlyfeaturedfaceatwhilesalook，tensewithsuppressedmeaning，thatimpartedastrangeyearningtendencytothebeautifuleyesacharmfewcouldresist。Whyhavewomensucheyesofwitchery？Gerty’swereofthebluestIrishblue，setoffbylustrouslashesanddarkexpressivebrows。Timegaswhenthosebrowswerenotsosilkilyseductive。ItwasMadameVeraVerity，directressoftheWomanBeautifulpageofthePrincessnovelette，whohadfirstadvisedhertotryeyebrowleinewhichgavethathauntingexpressiontotheeyes，sobecominginleadersoffashion，andshehadneverregrettedit。Thentherewasblushingscientificallycuredandhowtobetallincreaseyourheightandyouhaveabeautifulfacebutyournose？ThatwouldsuitMrsDignambecauseshehadabuttonone。ButGerty’scrowningglorywasherwealthofwonderfulhair。Itwasdarkbrownwithanaturalwaveinit。Shehadcutitthatverymorningonaccountofthenewmoonanditnestledaboutherprettyheadinaprofusionofluxuriantclustersandparedhernailstoo，Thursdayforwealth。AndjustnowatEdy’swordsasatelltaleflush，delicateasthefaintestrosebloom，creptintohercheeksshelookedsolovelyinhersweetgirlishshynessthatofasuretyGod’sfairlandofIrelanddidnotholdherequal。

Foraninstantshewassilentwithrathersaddowncasteyes。Shewasabouttoretortbutsomethingcheckedthewordsonhertongue。Inclinationpromptedhertospeakout:dignitytoldhertobesilent。TheprettylipspoutedawhilebutthensheglancedupandbrokeoutintoajoyouslittlelaughwhichhadinitallthefreshnessofayoungMaymorning。Sheknewrightwell，no-onebetter，whatmadesquintyEdysaythatbecauseofhimcoolinginhisattentionswhenitwassimplyalovers’quarrel。Asperusualsomebody’snosewasoutofjointabouttheboythathadthebicyclealwaysridingupanddowninfrontofherwindow。OnlynowhisfatherkepthimintheeveningsstudyinghardtogetanexhibitionintheintermediatethatwasonandhewasgoingtoTrinitycollegetostudyforadoctorwhenheleftthehighschoollikehisbrotherW。E。WyliewhowasracinginthebicycleracesinTrinitycollegeuniversity。Littlereckedheperhapsforwhatshefelt，thatdullachingvoidinherheartsometimes，piercingtothecore。Yethewasyoungandperchancehemightlearntoloveherintime。TheywereprotestantsinhisfamilyandofcourseGertyknewWhocamefirstandafterHimtheblessedVirginandthenSaintJoseph。Buthewasundeniablyhandsomewithanexquisitenoseandhewaswhathelooked，everyinchagentleman，theshapeofhisheadtooatthebackwithouthiscaponthatshewouldknowanywheresomethingoffthecommonandthewayheturnedthebicycleatthelampwithhishandsoffthebarsandalsotheniceperfumeofthosegoodcigarettesandbesidestheywerebothofasizeandthatwaswhyEdyBoardmanthoughtshewassofrightfullycleverbecausehedidn’tgoandrideupanddowninfrontofherbitofagarden。

GertywasdressedsimplybutwiththeinstinctivetasteofavotaryofDameFashionforshefeltthattherewasjustamightthathemightbeout。Aneatblouseofelectricblue，selftintedbydollydyes(becauseitwasexpectedintheLady’sPictorialthatelectricbluewouldbeworn)，withasmartveeopeningdowntothedivisionandkerchiefpocket(inwhichshealwayskeptapieceofcottonwoolscentedwithherfavouriteperfumebecausethehandkerchiefspoiledthesit)andanavythreequarterskirtcuttothestrideshowedoffherslimgracefulfiguretoperfection。Sheworeacoquettishlittleloveofahatofwideleavedniggerstrawcontrasttrimmedwithanunderbrimofeggbluechenilleandatthesideabutterflybowtotone。AllTuesdayweekafternoonshewashuntingtomatchthatchenillebutatlastshefoundwhatshewantedatClery’ssummersales，theveryit，slightlyshopsoiledbutyouwouldnevernotice，sevenfingerstwoandapenny。Shediditupallbyherselfandwhatjoywasherswhenshetrieditonthen，smilingatthelovelyreflectionwhichthemirrorgavebacktoher！Andwhensheputitonthewaterjugtokeeptheshapesheknewthatthatwouldtaketheshineoutofsomepeoplesheknew。Hershoeswerethenewestthinginfootwear(EdyBoardmanpridedherselfthatshewasverypetitebutsheneverhadafootlikeGertyMacDowell，afive，andneverwouldash，oakorelm)withpatenttoecapsandjustonesmartbuckleatherhigharchedinstep。Herwellturnedankledisplayeditsperfectproportionsbeneathherskirtandjusttheproperamountandnomoreofhershapelylimbsencasedinfinespunhosewithhighsplicedheelsandwidegartertops。AsforundiestheywereGerty’schiefcareandwhothatknowstheflutteringhopesandfearsofsweetseventeen(thoughGertywouldneverseeseventeenagain)canfinditinhishearttoblameher？Shehadfourdinkysets，withawfullyprettystitchery，threegarmentsandnightiesextra，andeachsetslottedwithdifferentcolouredribbons，rosepink，paleblue，mauveandpeagreenandsheairedthemherselfandbluedthemwhentheycamehomefromthewashandironedthemandshehadabrickbattokeeptheirononbecauseshewouldn’ttrustthosewasherwomenasfarasshe’dseethemscorchingthethings。Shewaswearingtheblueforluck，hopingagainsthope，herowncolourandtheluckycolourtooforabridetohaveabitofbluesomewhereonherbecausethegreensheworethatdayweekbroughtgriefbecausehisfatherbroughthimintostudyfortheintermediateexhibitionandbecauseshethoughtperhapshemightbeoutbecausewhenshewasdressingthatmorningshenearlyslippeduptheoldpaironherinsideoutandthatwasforluckandlovers’meetingsifyouputthosethingsoninsideoutsolongasitwasn’tofaFriday。

Andyetandyet！Thatstrainedlookonherface！Agnawingsorrowisthereallthetime。Herverysoulisinhereyesandshewouldgiveworldstobeintheprivacyofherownfamiliarchamberwhere，givingwaytotears，shecouldhaveagoodcryandrelieveherpentupfeelings。Thoughnottoomuchbecausesheknewhowtocrynicelybeforethemirror。Youarelovely，Gerty，itsaid。Thepalylightofeveningfallsuponafaceinfinitelysadandwistful。GertyMacDowellyearnsinvain。Yes，shehadknownfromthefirstthatherdaydreamofamarriagehasbeenarrangedandtheweddingbellsringingforMrsReggyWylieT。C。D。(becausetheonewhomarriedtheelderbrotherwouldbeMrsWylie)andinthefashionableintelligenceMrsGertrudeWyliewaswearingasumptuousconfectionofgreytrimmedwithexpensivebluefoxwasnottobe。Hewastooyoungtounderstand。Hewouldnotbelieveinlove，awoman’sbirthright。ThenightofthepartylongagoinStoers’(hewasstillinshorttrousers)whentheywerealoneandhestoleanarmroundherwaistshewentwhitetotheverylips。Hecalledherlittleoneinastrangelyhuskyvoiceandsnatchedahalfkiss(thefirst！)butitwasonlytheendofhernoseandthenhehastenedfromtheroomwitharemarkaboutrefreshments。Impetuousfellow！StrengthofcharacterhadneverbeenReggyWylie’sstrongpointandhewhowouldwooandwinGertyMacDowellmustbeamanamongmen。Butwaiting，alwayswaitingtobeaskedanditwasleapyeartooandwouldsoonbeover。Noprincecharmingisherbeauidealtolayarareandwondrousloveatherfeetbutratheramanlymanwithastrongquietfacewhohadnotfoundhisideal，perhapshishairslightlyfleckedwithgrey，andwhowouldunderstand，takeherinhisshelteringarms，strainhertohiminallthestrengthofhisdeeppassionatenatureandcomfortherwithalonglongkiss。Itwouldbelikeheaven。Forsuchaonesheyearnsthisbalmysummereve。Withalltheheartofhershelongstobehisonly，hisaffiancedbrideforrichesforpoor，insicknessinhealth，tilldeathustwopart，fromthistothisdayforward。

AndwhileEdyBoardmanwaswithlittleTommybehindthepushcarshewasjustthinkingwouldthedayevercomewhenshecouldcallherselfhislittlewifetobe。Thentheycouldtalkabouthertilltheywentblueintheface，BerthaSuppletoo，andEdy，thespitfire，becauseshewouldbetwenty-twoinNovember。ShewouldcareforhimwithcreaturecomfortstooforGertywaswomanlywiseandknewthatameremanlikedthatfeelingofhominess。Hergriddlecakesdonetoagolden-brownhueandqueenAnn’spuddingofdelightfulcreaminesshadwongoldenopinionsfromallbecauseshehadaluckyhandalsoforlightingafire，dredgeinthefineselfraisingflourandalwaysstirinthesamedirectionthencreamthemilkandsugarandwhiskwellthewhiteofeggsthoughshedidn’tliketheeatingpartwhentherewereanypeoplethatmadehershyandoftenshewonderedwhyyoucouldn’teatsomethingpoeticallikevioletsorrosesandtheywouldhaveabeautifullyappointeddrawingroomwithpicturesandengravingsandthephotographofgrandpapaGiltrap’slovelydogGarryowenthatalmosttalked，itwassohuman，andchintzcoversforthechairsandthatsilvertoastrackinClery’ssummerjumblesalesliketheyhaveinrichhouses。Hewouldbetallwithbroadshoulders(shehadalwaysadmiredtallmenforahusband)withglisteningwhiteteethunderhiscarefullytrimmedsweepingmoustacheandtheywouldgoonthecontinentfortheirhoneymoon(threewonderfulweeks！)andthen，whentheysettleddowninanicesnugandcosylittlehomelyhouse，everymorningtheywouldbothhavebrekky，simplebutperfectlyserved，fortheirowntwoselvesandbeforehewentouttobusinesshewouldgivehisdearlittlewifeyagoodheartyhugandgazeforamomentdeepdownintohereyes。

EdyBoardmanaskedTommyCaffreywashedoneandhesaidyes，sothenshebuttoneduphislittleknickerbockersforhimandtoldhimtorunoffandplaywithJackyandtobegoodnowandnottofight。ButTommysaidhewantedtheballandEdytoldhimnothatbabywasplayingwiththeballandifhetookitthere’dbewigsonthegreenbutTommysaiditwashisballandhewantedhisballandheprancedontheground，ifyouplease。Thetemperofhim！O，hewasamanalreadywaslittleTommyCaffreysincehewasoutofpinnies。Edytoldhimno，noandtoheoffnowwithhimandshetoldCissyCaffreynottogiveintohim——

You’renotmysister，naughtyTommysaid。It’smyball。ButCissyCaffreytoldbabyBoardmantolookup，lookuphighatherfingerandshesnatchedtheballquicklyandthrewitalongthesandandTommyafteritinfullcareer，havingwontheday——

Anythingforaquietlife，laughedCiss。

Andshetickledtinytot’stwocheekstomakehimforgetandplayedhere’sthelordmayor，here’shistwohorses，here’shisgingerbreadcarriageandherehewalksin，chinchopper，chinchopper，chinchopperchin。ButEdygotascrossastwosticksabouthimgettinghisownwaylikethatfromeveryonealwayspettinghim——

I’dliketogivehimsomething，shesaid，soIwould，whereIwon’tsay——

Onthebeetoteetom，laughedCissymerrily。