下载辰思小说免费APP
Tap。Tap。Tap。
Prayforhim，prayedthebassofDollard。Youwhohearinpeace。Breatheaprayer，dropatear，goodmen，goodpeople。Hewasthecroppyboy。
ScaringeavesdroppingbootscroppybootsboyBloomintheOrmondhallwayheardgrowlsandroarsofbravo，fatback-slapping，theirbootsalltreading，bootsnotthebootstheboy。Generalchorusoffforaswilltowashitdown。GladIavoided——
Comeon，Ben，SimonDedalussaid。ByGod，you’reasgoodaseveryouwere——
Better，saidTomginKernan。Mosttrenchantrenditionofthatballad，uponmysoulandhonouritis——
Lablache，saidFatherCowley。
BenDollardbulkilycachuchadtowardsthebar，mightilypraisefedandallbigroseate，onheavyfootedfeet，hisgoutyfingersnakkeringcastagnettesintheair。
BigBenadenDollard。BigBenben。BigBenben。
Rrr。
Anddeepmovedall，Simontrumpingcompassionfromfoghornnose，alllaughing，theybroughthimforth，BenDollard，inrightgoodcheer——
You’relookingrubicund，GeorgeLidwellsaid。
MissDoucecomposedherrosetowait——
Benmachree，saidMrDedalus，clappingBen’sfatbackshoulderblade。Fitasafiddle，onlyhehasalotofadiposetissueconcealedabouthisperson。
Rrrrrrsss——
Fatofdeath，Simon，BenDollardgrowled。
Richieriftinthelutealonesat:Goulding，Collis，Ward。Uncertainlyhewaited。UnpaidPattoo。
Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。
MissMinaKennedybroughtnearherlipstoearoftankardone——
MrDollard，theymurmuredlow——
Dollard，murmuredtankard。
Tankonebelieved:MissKennwhenshe:thatdollhewas:shedoll:thetank。
Hemurmuredthatheknewthename。Thenamewasfamiliartohim，thatistosay。ThatwastosayhehadheardthenameofDollard，wasit？Dollard，yes。
Yes，herlipssaidmoreloudly，MrDollard。Hesangthatsonglovely，murmuredMina。AndThelastroseofsummerwasalovelysong。Minalovedthatsong。TankardlovedthesongthatMina。
’TisthelastroseofsummerDollardleftBloomfeltwindwoundroundinside。
Gassythingthatcider:bindingtoo。Wait。PostofficenearReubenJ’soneandeightpencetoo。Getshutofit。DodgeroundbyGreekstreet。WishIhadn’tpromisedtomeet。Freerinair。Music。Getsonyournerves。Beerpull。Herhandthatrocksthecradlerulesthe。BenHowth。Thatrulestheworld。
Far。Far。Far。Far。
Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。
UpthequaywentLionelleopold，naughtyHenrywithletterforMady，withsweetsofsinwithfrilliesforRaoulwithmethimpikehoseswentPoldyon。
Tapblindwalkedtappingbythetapthecurbstonetapping，tapbytap。
Cowley，hestuntshimselfwithit；kindofdrunkenness。Bettergivewayonlyhalfwaythewayofamanwithamaid。Instanceenthusiasts。Allears。Notloseademisemiquaver。Eyesshut。Headnoddingintime。Dotty。Youdaren’tbudge。Thinkingstrictlyprohibited。Alwaystalkingshop。Fiddlefaddleaboutnotes。
Allakindofattempttotalk。Unpleasantwhenitstopsbecauseyouneverknowexac。OrganinGardinerstreet。OldGlynnfiftyquidayear。Queerupthereinthecockloftalonewithstopsandlocksandkeys。Seatedalldayattheorgan。Maunderonforhours，talkingtohimselfortheotherfellowblowingthebellows。Growlangry，thenshriekcursing(wanttohavewaddingorsomethinginhisnodon’tshecried)，thenallofasoftsuddenweelittleweelittlepippywind。
Pwee！Aweelittlewindpipedeeee。InBloom’slittlewee。
Washe？MrDedalussaid，returning，withfetchedpipe。IwaswithhimthismorningatpoorlittlePaddyDignam’s——
Ay，theLordhavemercyonhim——
Bythebythere’satuningforkinthereonthe……
Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap——
Thewifehasafinevoice。Orhad。What？Lidwellasked——
O，thatmustbethetuner，LydiasaidtoSimonlionelfirstIsaw，forgotitwhenhewashere。
BlindhewasshetoldGeorgeLidwellsecondIsaw。Andplayedsoexquisitely，treattohear。Exquisitecontrast:bronzelidminagold——
Shout！BenDollardshouted，pouring。Singout！——
’lldo！criedFatherCowley。
Rrrrrr。
IfeelIwant……
Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap——
Very，MrDedalussaid，staringhardataheadlesssardine。
Underthesandwichbelllayonabierofbreadonelast，onelonely，lastsardineofsummer。Bloomalone——
Very，hestared。Thelowerregister，forchoice。
Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。Tap。
BloomwentbyBarry’s。WishIcould。Wait。ThatwonderworkerifIhad。Twentyfoursolicitorsinthatonehouse。Litigation。Loveoneanother。Pilesofparchment。MessrsPickandPockethavepowerofattorney。Goulding，Collis，Ward。
Butforexamplethechapthatwallopsthebigdrum。Hisvocation:MickyRooney’sband。Wonderhowitfirststruckhim。Sittingathomeafterpig’scheekandcabbagenursingitinthearmchair。Rehearsinghisbandpart。Pom。Pompedy。Jollyforthewife。Asses’skins。Weltthemthroughlife，thenwallopafterdeath。Pom。Wallop。SeemstobewhatyoucallyashmakorImeankismet。Fate。
Tap。Tap。Astripling，blind，withatappingcane，cametaptaptappingbyDaly’swindowwhereamermaid，hairallstreaming(buthecouldn’tsee)，blewwhiffsofamermaid(blindcouldn’t)，mermaidcoolestwhiffofall。
Instruments。Abladeofgrass，shellofherhands，thenblow。Evencombandtissuepaperyoucanknockatuneoutof。MollyinhershiftinLombardstreetwest，hairdown。Isupposeeachkindoftrademadeitsown，don’tyousee？Hunterwithahorn。Haw。Haveyouthe？Cloche。Sonnezla！Shepherdhispipe。Policemanawhistle。Locksandkeys！Sweep！Fouro’clock’sall’swell！Sleep！Allislostnow。Drum？Pompedy。Wait，Iknow。Towncrier，bumbailiff。LongJohn。Wakenthedead。Pom。Dignam。Poorlittlenominedomine。Pom。Itismusic，Imeanofcourseit’sallpompompomverymuchwhattheycalldacapo。Stillyoucanhear。Aswemarchwemarchalong，marchalong。Pom。
Imustreally。Fff。NowifIdidthatatabanquet。JustaquestionofcustomshahofPersia。Breatheaprayer，dropatear。Allthesamehemusthavebeenabitofanaturalnottoseeitwasayeomancap。Muffledup。Wonderwhowasthatchapatthegraveinthebrownmackin。O，thewhoreofthelane！
AfrowsywhorewithblackstrawsailorhataskewcameglazilyinthedayalongthequaytowardsMrBloom。Whenfirsthesawthatformendearing。Yes，itis。Ifeelsolonely。Wetnightinthelane。Horn。Whohadthe？Heehaw。Shesaw。Offherbeathere。Whatisshe？Hopeshe。Psst！Anychanceofyourwash。KnewMolly。Hadmedecked。Stoutladydoesbewithyouinthebrowncostume。Putyouoffyourstroke。Thatappointmentwemade。Knowingwe’dnever，wellhardlyever。Toodeartooneartohomesweethome。Seesme，doesshe？Looksafrightintheday。Facelikedip。Damnher！O，well，shehastoliveliketherest。Lookinhere。
InLionelMarks’santiquesaleshopwindowhaughtyHenryLionelLeopolddearHenryFlowerearnestlyMrLeopoldBloomenvisagedcandlestickmelodeonoozingmaggotyblowbags。Bargain:sixbob。Mightlearntoplay。Cheap。Letherpass。Courseeverythingisdearifyoudon’twantit。That’swhatgoodsalesmanis。Makeyoubuywhathewantstosell。ChapsoldmetheSwedishrazorheshavedmewith。Wantedtochargemefortheedgehegaveit。She’spassingnow。Sixbob。
Mustbetheciderorperhapstheburgund。
Nearbronzefromanearneargoldfromafartheychinkedtheirclinkingglassesall，brighteyedandgallant，beforebronzeLydia’stemptinglastroseofsummer，roseofCastille。FirstLid，De，Cow，Ker，Doll，afifth:Lidwell，SiDedalus，BobCowley，KernanandBigBenDollard。
Tap。AyouthenteredalonelyOrmondhall。
BloomviewedagallantpicturedheroinLionelMarks’swindow。RobertEmmet’slastwords。Sevenlastwords。OfMeyerbeerthatis——
Truemenlikeyoumen——
Ay，ay，Ben——
Willliftyourglasswithus。
Theylifted。
Tschink。Tschunk。
Tip。Anunseeingstriplingstoodinthedoor。Hesawnotbronze。Hesawnotgold。NorBennorBobnorTomnorSinorGeorgenortanksnorRichienorPat。Heeheeheehee。Hedidnotsee。
Seabloom，greaseabloomviewedlastwords。Softly。Whenmycountrytakesherplaceamong。
Prrprr。
Mustbethebur。
Fff。Oo。Rrpr。
Nationsoftheearth。No-onebehind。She’spassed。Thenandnottillthen。Tram。Kran，kran，kran。Goodoppor。Coming。Krandlkrankran。I’msureit’stheburgund。Yes。One，two。Letmyepitaphbe。Karaaaaaaa。Written。Ihave。
Pprrpffrrppfff。
Done。
Cyclops
IWASJUSTPASSINGTHETIMEOFDAYWITHOLDTROYOTHED。M。P。atthecornerofArbourhillthereandbedamnedbutabloodysweepcamealongandheneardrovehisgearintomyeye。IturnedaroundtolethimhavetheweightofmytonguewhenwhoshouldIseedodgingalongStonyBatteronlyJoeHynes——
Lo，Joe，saysI。Howareyoublowing？Didyouseethatbloodychimneysweepnearshovemyeyeoutwithhisbrush？——
Soot’sluck，saysJoe。Who’stheoldballocksyouweretalkingto？——
OldTroy，saysI，wasintheforce。I’montwomindsnottogivethatfellowinchargeforobstructingthethoroughfarewithhisbroomsandladders——
Whatareyoudoingroundthoseparts？saysJoe——
Devilamuch，saysI。ThereisabloodybigfoxythiefbeyondbythegarrisonchurchatthecornerofChickenLane-oldTroywasjustgivingmeawrinkleabouthim-liftedanyGod’squantityofteaandsugartopaythreebobaweeksaidhehadafarminthecountyDownoffahopofmythumbbythenameofMosesHerzogovertherenearHeytesburystreet——
Circumcised！saysJoe——
Ay，saysI。Abitoffthetop。AnoldplumbernamedGeraghty。I’mhangingontohistawnowforthepastfortnightandIcan’tgetapennyoutofhim——
Thatthelayyou’reonnow？saysJoe——
Ay，saysI。Howarethemightyfallen！Collectorofbadanddoubtfuldebts。Butthat’sthemostnotoriousbloodyrobberyou’dmeetinaday’swalkandthefaceonhimallpockmarkswouldholdashowerofrain。Tellhim，sayshe，Idarehim，sayshe，andIdoubledarehimtosendyouroundhereagainorifhedoes，sayshe，I’llhavehimsummonsedupbeforethecourt，sowillI，fortradingwithoutalicence。Andheafterstuffinghimselftillhe’sfittoburst！Jesus，Ihadtolaughatthelittlejewygettinghisshirtout。Hedrinkmemyteas。Heeatmemysugars。Becausehenopaymemymoneys？
FornonperishablegoodsboughtofMosesHerzog，of13SaintKevin’sparade，Woodquayward，merchant，hereinaftercalledthevendor，andsoldanddeliveredtoMichaelE。Geraghty，Esquire，of29ArbourHillinthecityofDublin，Arranquayward，gentleman，hereinaftercalledthepurchaser，videlicet，fivepoundsavoirdupoisoffirstchoiceteaatthreeshillingsperpoundavoirdupoisandthreestoneavoirdupoisofsugar，crushedcrystal，atthreepenceperpoundavoirdupois，thesaidpurchaserdebtortothesaidvendorofonepoundfiveshillingsandsixpencesterlingforvaluereceivedwhichamountshallbepaidbysaidpurchasertosaidvendorinweeklyinstalmentseverysevencalendardaysofthreeshillingsandnopencesterling:andthesaidnonperishablegoodsshallnotbepawnedorpledgedorsoldorotherwisealienatedbythesaidpurchaserbutshallbeandremainandbeheldtobethesoleandexclusivepropertyofthesaidvendortobedisposedofathisgoodwillandpleasureuntilthesaidamountshallhavebeendulypaidbythesaidpurchasertothesaidvendorinthemannerhereinsetforthasthisdayherebyagreedbetweenthesaidvendorhisheirs，successors，trusteesandassignsoftheonepartandthesaidpurchaser，hisheirs，successors，trusteesandassignsoftheotherpart——
Areyouastrictt。t。？saysJoe——
Nottakinganythingbetweendrinks，saysI——
Whataboutpayingourrespectstoourfriend？saysfoe——
Who？saysI。Sure，he’sinJohnofGod’soffhishead，poorman——
Drinkinghisownstuff？saysJoe——
Ay，saysI。Whiskyandwateronthebrain——
ComearoundtoBarneyKiernan’s，saysJoe。Iwanttoseethecitizen——
Barneymavourneen’sbeit，saysI。Anythingstrangeorwonderful，Joe？——
Notaword，saysJoe。IwasupatthatmeetingintheCityArms——
Whatwasthat，Joe？saysI——
Cattletraders，saysJoe，aboutthefootandmouthdisease。Iwanttogivethecitizenthehardwordaboutit。
SowewentaroundbytheLinenhallbarracksandthebackofthecourthousetalkingofonethingoranother。DecentfellowJoewhenhehasitbutsurelikethatheneverhasit。Jesus，Icouldn’tgetoverthatbloodyfoxyGeraghty，thedaylightrobber。Fortradingwithoutalicence，sayshe。
InInisfailthefairthereliesaland，thelandofholyMichan。Thererisesawatchtowerbeheldofmenafar。Theresleepthemightydeadasinlifetheyslept，warriorsandprincesofhighrenown。Apleasantlanditisinsoothofmurmuringwaters，fishfulstreamswheresportthegunnard，theplaice，theroach，thehalibut，thegibbedhaddock，thegrilse，thedab，thebrill，theflounder，themixedcoarsefishgenerallyandotherdenizensoftheaqueouskingdomtoonumeroustobeenumerated。Inthemildbreezesofthewestandoftheeasttheloftytreeswaveindifferentdirectionstheirfirstclassfoliage，thewaftysycamore，theLebanoniancedar，theexaltedplanetree，theeugeniceucalyptusandotherornamentsofthearborealworldwithwhichthatregionisthoroughlywellsupplied。Lovelymaidenssitincloseproximitytotherootsofthelovelytreessingingthemostlovelysongswhiletheyplaywithallkindsoflovelyobjectsasforexamplegoldeningots，silveryfishes，cransofherrings，draftsofeels，codlings，creelsoffingerlings，purpleseagemsandplayfulinsects。Andheroesvoyagefromafartowoothem，fromElbanatoSlievemargy，thepeerlessprincesofunfetteredMunsterandofConnachtthejustandofsmoothsleekLeinsterandofCruachan’slandandofArmaghthesplendidandofthenobledistrictofBoyle，princes，thesonsofkings。
AndthererisesashiningpalacewhosecrystalglitteringroofisseenbymarinerswhotraversetheextensiveseainbarksbuiltexpresslyforthatpurposeandthithercomeallherdsandfatlingsandfirstfruitsofthatlandforO’ConnellFitzsimontakestollofthem，achieftaindescendedfromchieftains。Thithertheextremelylargewainsbringfoisonofthefields，flasketsofcauliflowers，floatsofspinach，pineapplechunks，Rangoonbeans，strikesoftomatoes，drumsoffigs，drillsofSwedes，sphericalpotatoesandtalliesofiridescentkale，YorkandSavoy，andtraysofonions，pearlsoftheearth，andpunnetsofmushroomsandcustardmarrowsandfatvetchesandbereandrapeandredgreenyellowbrownrussetsweetbigbitterripepomellatedapplesandchipsofstrawberriesandsievesofgooseberries，pulpyandpelurious，andstrawberriesfitforprincesandraspberriesfromtheircanes——
Idarehim，sayshe，andIdoubledarehim。Comeouthere，Geraghty，younotoriousbloodyhillanddalerobber！
AndbythatwaywendtheherdsinnumerableofbellwethersandflushedewesandshearlingramsandlambsandstubblegeeseandmediumsteersandroaringmaresandpolledcalvesandlongwoolsandstoresheepandCuffe’sprimespringersandcullsandsowpigsandbaconhogsandthevariousdifferentvarietiesofhighlydistinguishedswineandAngusheifersandpollybullocksofimmaculatepedigreetogetherwithprimepremiatedmilchcowsandbeeves:andthereiseverheardatrampling，cackling，roaring，lowing，bleating，bellowing，rumbling，grunting，champing，chewing，ofsheepandpigsandheavyhoovedkinefrompasturelandsofLushandRushandCarrickminesandfromthestreamyvalesofThomond，fromM’Gillicuddy’sreekstheinaccessibleandlordlyShannontheunfathomable，andfromthegentledeclivitiesoftheplaceoftheraceofKiar，theiruddersdistendedwithsuperabundanceofmilkandbuttsofbutterandrennetsofcheeseandfarmer’sfirkinsandtargetsoflambandcrannocksofcornandoblongeggs，ingreathundreds，variousinsize，theagatewiththedun。
SoweturnedintoBarneyKiernan’sandtheresureenoughwasthecitizenupinthecornerhavingagreatconfabwithhimselfandthatbloodymangymongrel，Garryowen，andhewaitingforwhattheskywoulddropinthewayofdrink。
Thereheis，saysI，inhisgloryhole，withhiscruiskeenlawnandhisloadofpapers，workingforthecause。
Thebloodymongrelletagrouseoutofhimwouldgiveyouthecreeps。Beacorporalworkofmercyifsomeonewouldtakethelifeofthatbloodydog。I’mtoldforafactheateagoodpartofthebreechesoffaconstabularymaninSantrythatcameroundonetimewithabluepaperaboutalicence——
Standanddeliver，sayshe——
That’sallright，citizen，saysJoe。Friendshere——
Pass，friends，sayshe。
Thenherubshishandinhiseyeandsayshe:——
What’syouropinionofthetimes？
DoingtherappareeandRoryofthehill。But，begob，Joewasequaltotheoccasion——
Ithinkthemarketsareonarise，sayshe，slidinghishanddownhisfork。
Sobegobthecitizenclapshispawonhiskneeandhesays:——
Foreignwarsisthecauseofit。
AndsaysJoe，stickinghisthumbinhispocket:——
It’stheRussianswishtotyrannise——
Arrah，giveoveryourbloodycodding，Joe，saysI，I’veathirstonmeIwouldn’tsellforhalfacrown——
Giveitaname，citizen，saysJoe——
Wineofthecountry，sayshe——
What’syours？saysJoe——
DittoMacAnaspey，saysI——
Threepints，Terry，saysJoe。Andhow’stheoldheart，citizen？sayshe——
Neverbetter，achara，sayshe。WhatGarry？Arewegoingtowin？Eh？
Andwiththathetookthebloodyoldtowserbythescruffoftheneckand，byJesus，henearthrottledhim。
Thefigureseatedonalargeboulderatthefootofaroundtowerwasthatofabroadshouldereddeepchestedstronglimbedfrankeyedredhairedfreelyfreckledshaggybeardedwide-mouthedlargenosedlongheadeddeepvoicedbarekneedbrawnyhandedhairyleggedruddyfacedsinewyarmedhero。Fromshouldertoshoulderhemeasuredseveralellsandhisrocklikemountainouskneeswerecovered，aswaslikewisetherestofhisbodywherevervisible，withastronggrowthoftawnypricklyhairinhueandtoughnesssimilartothemountaingorse(UlexEuropeus)。Thewidewingednostrils，fromwhichbristlesofthesametawnyhueprojected，wereofsuchcapaciousnessthatwithintheircavernousobscuritythefield-larkmighteasilyhavelodgedhernest。Theeyesinwhichatearandasmilestroveeverforthemasterywereofthedimensionsofagoodsizedcauliflower。Apowerfulcurrentofwarmbreathissuedatregularintervalsfromtheprofoundcavityofhismouthwhileinrhythmicresonancetheloudstronghalereverberationsofhisformidableheartthunderedrumblinglycausingtheground，thesummitoftheloftytowerandthestillloftierwallsofthecavetovibrateandtremble。
Heworealongunsleevedgarmentofrecentlyflayedoxhidereachingtothekneesinaloosekiltandthiswasboundabouthismiddlebyagirdleofplaitedstrawandrushes。Beneaththisheworetrewsofdeerskin，roughlystitchedwithgut。HisnetherextremitieswereencasedinhighBalbrigganbuskinsdyedinlichenpurple，thefeetbeingshodwithbroguesofsaltedcowhidelacedwiththewindpipeofthesamebeast。FromhisgirdlehungarowofseastoneswhichdangledateverymovementofhisportentousframeandontheseweregravenwithrudeyetstrikingartthetribalimagesofmanyIrishheroesandheroinesofantiquity，Cuchulin，Connofhundredbattles，Niallofninehostages，BrianofKincora，theArdriMalachi，ArtMacMurragh，ShaneO’Neill，FatherJohnMurphy，OwenRoe，PatrickSarsfield，RedHughO’Donnell，RedJimMacDermott，SoggarthEoghanO’Growney，MichaelDwyer，FrancyHiggins，HenryJoyM’Cracken，Goliath，HoraceWheatley，ThomasConneff，PegWoffington，theVillageBlacksmith，CaptainMoonlight，CaptainBoycott，DanteAlighieri，ChristopherColumbus，S。Fursa，S。Brendan，MarshalMac-Mahon，Charlemagne，TheobaldWolfeTone，theMotheroftheMaccabees，theoftheMohicans，theRoseofCastille，theManforGalway，TheManthatBroketheBankatMonteCarlo，TheManintheGap，TheWomanWhoDidn’t，BenjaminFranklin，NapoleonBonaparte，JohnL。Sullivan，Cleopatra，SavourneenDeelish，JuliusCaesar，Paracelsus，sirThomasLipton，WilliamTell，Michelangelo，Hayes，Muhammad，theBrideofLammermoor，PetertheHermit，PeterthePacker，DarkRosaleen，PatrickW。Shakespeare，BrianConfucius，MurtaghGutenberg，PatricioVelasquez，CaptainNemo，TristanandIsolde，thefirstPrinceofWales，ThomasCookandSon，theBoldSoldierBoy，ArrahnaPogue，DickTurpin，LudwigBeethoven，theColleenBawn，WaddlerHealy，AngustheCuldee，DollyMount，SidneyParade，BenHowth，ValentineGreatrakes，AdamandEve，ArthurWellesley，BossCroker，Herodotus，JacktheGiantkiller，GautamaBuddha，LadyGodiva，TheLilyofKillarney，BaloroftheEvilEye，theQueenofSheba，AckyNagle，JoeNagle，AlessandroVolta，JeremiahO’DonovanRossa，DonPhilipO’SullivanBeare。Acouchedspearofacuminatedgraniterestedbyhimwhileathisfeetreposedasavageanimalofthecaninetribewhosestertorousgaspsannouncedthathewassunkinuneasyslumber，asuppositionconfirmedbyhoarsegrowlsandspasmodicmovementswhichhismasterrepressedfromtimetotimebytranquillisingblowsofamightycudgelrudelyfashionedoutofpaleolithicstone。
SoanyhowTerrybroughtthethreepintsJoewasstandingandbegobthesightnearlyleftmyeyeswhenIsawhimlandoutaquid。O，astrueasI’mtellingyou。Agoodlookingsovereign——
Andthere’smorewherethatcamefrom，sayshe——
Wereyourobbingthepoorbox，Joe？saysI——
Sweatofmybrow，saysJoe。’Twastheprudentmembergavemethewheeze——
IsawhimbeforeImetyou，saysI，slopingaroundbyPilllaneandGreekstreetwithhiscod’seyecountingupallthegutsofthefish。
WhocomesthroughMichan’sland，bedightinsablearmour？O’Bloom，thesonofRory:itishe。ImpervioustofearisRory’sson:heoftheprudentsoul——
FortheoldwomanofPrince’sstreet，saysthecitizen，thesubsidisedorgan。Thepledgeboundpartyonthefloorofthehouse。Andlookatthisblastedrag，sayshe。Lookatthis，sayshe。TheIrishIndependent，ifyouplease，foundedbyParnelltobetheworkingman’sfriend。ListentothebirthsanddeathsintheIrishallforIrelandIndependentandI’llthankyouandthemarriages。
Andhestartsreadingthemout:——
Gordon，BarnfieldCrescent，Exeter；RedmayneofIffley，SaintAnne’sonSea，thewifeofWilliamT。Redmayne，ofason。How’sthat，eh？WrightandFlint，VincentandGilletttoRothaMariondaughterofRosaandthelateGeorgeAlfredGillett，179ClaphamRoad，Stockwell，PlaywoodandRidsdaleatSaintJude’sKensingtonbytheveryreverendDrForrest，DeanofWorcester，eh？Deaths。Bristow，atWhitehalllane，London:Carr，StokeNewington，ofgastritisandheartdisease:Cockburn，attheMoathouse，Chepstow——
Iknowthatfellow，saysJoe，frombitterexperience——
Cockburn。Dimsey，wifeofDavieDimsey，lateoftheadmiralty:Miller，Tottenham，agedeightyfive:Welsh，June12，at35CanningStreet，Liverpool，IsabellaHelen。How’sthatforanationalpress，eh，mybrownson？How’sthatforMartinMurphy，theBantryjobber？——
Ah，well，saysJoe，handingroundtheboose。ThanksbetoGodtheyhadthestartofus。Drinkthat，citizen——
Iwill，sayshe，honourableperson——
Health，Joe，saysI。Andalldowntheform。
Ah！Owl！Don’tbetalking！Iwasbluemouldyforthewantofthatpint。DeclaretoGodIcouldhearithitthepitofmystomachwithaclick。
Andlo，astheyquaffedtheircupofjoy，agodlikemessengercameswiftlyin，radiantastheeyeofheaven，acomelyyouth，andbehindhimtherepassedanelderofnoblegaitandcountenance，bearingthesacredscrollsoflaw，andwithhimhisladywife，adameofpeerlesslineage，fairestofherrace。
LittleAlfBerganpoppedinroundthedoorandhidbehindBarney’ssnug，squeezedupwiththelaughing，andwhowassittingupthereinthecornerthatIhadn’tseensnoringdrunk，blindtotheworld，onlyBobDoran。Ididn’tknowwhatwasupandAlfkeptmakingsignsoutofthedoor。AndbegobwhatwasitonlythatbloodyoldpantaloonDenisBreeninhisbathslipperswithtwobloodybigbookstuckedunderhisoxterandthewifehotfootafterhim，unfortunatewretchedwomantrottinglikeapoodle。IthoughtAlfwouldsplit——
Lookathim，sayshe。Breen。He’straipsingallroundDublinwithapostcardsomeonesenthimwithu。p。:uponittotakeali……
Andhedoubledup——
Takeawhat？saysI——
Libelaction，sayshe，fortenthousandpounds——
Ohell！saysI。
Thebloodymongrelbegantogrowlthat’dputthefearofGodinyouseeingsomethingwasupbutthecitizengavehimakickintheribs——
Biidhohusht，sayshe——
Who？saysJoe——
Breen，saysAlf。HewasinJohnHenryMenton’sandthenhewentroundtoCollisandWard’sandthenTomRochfordmethimandsenthimroundtothesubsheriff’sforalark。OGod，I’veapainlaughing。U。p。:up。ThelongfellowgavehimaneyeasgoodasaprocessandnowthebloodyoldlunaticisgoneroundtoGreenStreettolookforaG。man——
WhenislongJohngoingtohangthatfellowinMountjoy？saysJoe。
Bergan，saysBobDoran，wakingup。IsthatAlfBergan？——
Yes，saysAlf。Hanging？WaittillIshowyou。Here，Terry，giveusapony。Thatbloodyoldfool！Tenthousandpounds。YoushouldhaveseenlongJohn’seye。U。p……
Andhestartedlaughing——
Whoareyoulaughingat？saysBobDoran。IsthatBergan？——
Hurryup，Terryboy，saysAlf。
TerenceO’RyanheardhimandstraightwaybroughthimacrystalcupfullofthefoamingebonalewhichthenobletwinbrothersBungiveaghandBungardilaunbreweverintheirdivinealevats，cunningasthesonsofdeathlessLeda。Fortheygarnerthesucculentberriesofthehopandmassandsiftandbruiseandbrewthemandtheymixtherewithsourjuicesandbringthemusttothesacredfireandceasenotnightordayfromtheirtoil，thosecunningbrothers，lordsofthevat。
Thendidyou，chivalrousTerence，handforth，astothemannerborn，thatnectarousbeverageandyouofferedthecrystalcuptohimthatthirsted，thesoulofchivalry，inbeautyakintotheimmortals。
Buthe，theyoungchiefoftheO’Bergan’s，couldillbrooktobeoutdoneingenerousdeedsbutgavethereforwithgraciousgestureatestoonofcostliestbronze。Thereonembossedinexcellentsmithworkwasseentheimageofaqueenofregalport，scionofthehouseofBrunswick，Victoriahername，HerMostExcellentMajesty，bygraceofGodoftheUnitedKingdomofGreatBritainandIrelandandoftheBritishdominionsbeyondthesea，queen，defenderofthefaith，EmpressofIndia，evenshe，whoborerule，avictressovermanypeoples，thewell-beloved，fortheyknewandlovedherfromtherisingofthesuntothegoingdownthereof，thepale，thedark，theruddyandtheethiop——
What’sthatbloodyfreemasondoing，saysthecitizen，prowlingupanddownoutside？——
What’sthat？saysJoe——
Hereyouare，saysAlf，chuckingouttherhino。Talkingabouthanging。I’llshowyousomethingyouneversaw。Hangmen’sletters。Lookathere。
Sohetookabundleofwispsoflettersandenvelopesoutofhispocket——
Areyoucodding？saysI——
Honestinjun，saysAlf。Readthem。
SoJoetookuptheletters——
Whoareyoulaughingat？saysBobDoran。
SoIsawtherewasgoingtobebitofadust。Bob’saqueerchapwhentheporter’supinhimsosaysIjusttomaketalk:——
How’sWillyMurraythosetimes，Alf？——
Idon’tknow，saysAlf。IsawhimjustnowinCapelStreetwithPaddyDignam。OnlyIwasrunningafterthat——
Youwhat？saysJoe，throwingdowntheletters。Withwho？——
WithDignam，saysAlf——
IsitPaddy？saysJoe——
Yes，saysAlf。Why？——
Don’tyouknowhe’sdead？saysJoe——
PaddyDignamdead？saysAlf——
Ay，saysJoe——
SureI’mafterseeinghimnotfiveminutesago，saysAlf，asplainasapikestaff——
Who’sdead？saysBobDoran——
Yousawhisghostthen，saysJoe，Godbetweenusandharm——
What？saysAlf。GoodChrist，onlyfive……What？……andWillieMurraywithhim，thetwoofthemtherenearwhat-doyoucallhim’s……What？Dignamdead？——
WhataboutDignam？saysBobDoran。Who’stalkingabout……？——
Dead！saysAlf。Heisnomoredeadthanyouare——
Maybeso，saysJoe。Theytookthelibertyofburyinghimthismorninganyhow——
Paddy？saysAlf——
Ay，saysJoe。Hepaidthedebtofnature，Godbemercifultohim——
GoodChrist！saysAlf。
Begobhewaswhatyoumightcallflabbergasted。
Inthedarknessspirithandswerefelttoflutterandwhenprayerbytantrashadbeendirectedtotheproperquarterafaintbutincreasingluminosityofrubylightbecamegraduallyvisible，theapparitionoftheethericdoublebeingparticularlylifelikeowingtothedischargeofjivicraysfromthecrownoftheheadandface。Communicationwaseffectedthroughthepituitarybodyandalsobymeansoftheorangefieryandscarletraysemanatingfromthesacralregionandsolarplexus。Questionedbyhisearthnameastohiswhereaboutsintheheaven-worldhestatedthathewasnowonthepathofpralayaorreturnbutwasstillsubmittedtotrialatthehandsofcertainbloodthirstyentitiesonthelowerastrallevels。Inreplytoaquestionastohisfirstsensationsinthegreatdividebeyondhestatedthatpreviouslyhehadseenasinaglassdarklybutthatthosewhohadpassedoverhadsummitpossibilitiesofatmicdevelopmentopeneduptothem。Interrogatedastowhetherlifethereresembledourexperienceinthefleshhestatedthathehadheardfrommorefavouredbeingsnowinthespiritthattheirabodeswereequippedwitheverymodernhomecomfortsuchastalafana，alavatar，hatakalda，wataklasatandthatthehighestadeptsweresteepedinwavesofvolupcyoftheverypurestnature。Havingrequestedaquartofbuttermilkthiswasbroughtandevidentlyaffordedrelief。AskedifhehadanymessageforthelivingheexhortedallwhowerestillatthewrongsideofMayatoacknowledgethetruepathforitwasreportedindevaniccirclesthatMarsandJupiterwereoutformischiefontheeasternanglewheretheramhaspower。Itwasthenqueriedwhethertherewereanyspecialdesiresonthepartofthedefunctandthereplywas:Wegreetyou，friendsofearth，whoarestillinthebody。MindC。K。doesn’tpileiton。ItwasascertainedthatthereferencewastoMrCorneliusKelleher，managerofMessrsH。J。O’Neill’spopularfuneralestablishment，apersonalfriendofthedefunct，whohadbeenresponsibleforthecarryingoutoftheintermentarrangements。BeforedepartingherequestedthatitshouldbetoldtohisdearsonPatsythattheotherbootwhichhehadbeenlookingforwasatpresentunderthecommodeinthereturnroomandthatthepairshouldbesenttoCullen’stobesoledonlyastheheelswerestillgood。Hestatedthatthishadgreatlyperturbedhispeaceofmindintheotherregionandearnestlyrequestedthathisdesireshouldbemadeknown。
Assurancesweregiventhatthematterwouldbeattendedtoanditwasintimatedthatthishadgivensatisfaction。
Heisgonefrommortalhaunts:O’Dignam，sunofourmorning。Fleetwashisfootonthebracken:Patrickofthebeamybrow。Wail，Banba，withyourwind:andwail，Oocean，withyourwhirlwind——
Thereheisagain，saysthecitizen，staringout——
Who？saysI——
Bloom，sayshe。He’sonpointdutyupanddownthereforthelasttenminutes。
And，begob，Isawhisphysogdoapeepinandthenslidderoffagain。
LittleAlfwasknockedbawways。Faith，hewas——
GoodChrist！sayshe。Icouldhaveswornitwashim。
AndsaysBobDoran，withthehatonthebackofhispoll，lowestblackguardinDublinwhenhe’sundertheinfluence:——
WhosaidChristisgood？——
Ibegyourparsnips，saysAlf——
IsthatagoodChrist，saysBobDoran，totakeawaypoorlittleWillyDignam？——
Ah，well，saysAlf，tryingtopassitoff。He’soverallhistroubles。
ButBobDoranshoutsoutofhim——
He’sabloodyruffianIsay，totakeawaypoorlittleWillyDignam。
Terrycamedownandtippedhimthewinktokeepquiet，thattheydidn’twantthatkindoftalkinarespectablelicensedpremises。AndBobDoranstartsdoingtheweepsaboutPaddyDignam，trueasyou’rethere——
Thefinestman，sayshe，snivelling，thefinestpurestcharacter。
Thetearisbloodynearyoureye。Talkingthroughhisbloodyhat。Fitterforhimtogohometothelittlesleepwalkingbitchhemarried，Mooney，thebumbailiff’sdaughter。MotherkeptakipinHardwickestreetthatusedtobestravagingaboutthelandingsBantamLyonstoldmethatwasstoppingthereattwointhemorningwithoutastitchonher，exposingherperson，opentoallcomers，fairfieldandnofavour——
Thenoblest，thetruest，sayshe。Andhe’sgone，poorlittleWilly，poorlittlePaddyDignam。
Andmournfulandwithaheavyhearthebewepttheextinctionofthatbeamofheaven。
OldGarryowenstartedgrowlingagainatBloomthatwasskeezingroundthedoor——
Comein，comeon，hewon’teatyou，saysthecitizen。
SoBloomslopesinwithhiscod’seyeonthedogandheasksTerrywasMartinCunninghamthere——
O，ChristM’Keown，saysJoe，readingoneoftheletters。Listentothis，willyou？
Andhestartsreadingoutone。
7，HunterStreet，Liverpool。
TotheHighSheriffofDublin，Dublin。
Honouredsiribegtooffermyservicesintheabove-mentionedpainfulcaseihangedJoeGanninBootlejailonthe12ofFebruary1900andihanged——
Showus，Joe，saysI……privateArthurChaceforfowlmurderofJessieTilsitinPentonvilleprisonandiwasassistantwhen——
Jesus，saysI……BillingtonexecutedtheawfulmurdererToadSmith……
Thecitizenmadeagrabattheletter——
Holdhard，saysJoe，ihaveaspecialnackofputtingthenooseonceinhecan’tgetouthopingtobefavourediremain，honouredsir’myteasisfiveginnese。
H。Rumbold，
MasterBarber——
Andabarbarousbloodybarbarianheistoo，saysthecitizen——
Andthedirtyscrawlofthewretch，saysJoe。Here，sayshe，takethemtohelloutofmysight，Alf。Hello，Bloom，sayshe，whatwillyouhave？
Sotheystartedarguingaboutthepoint，Bloomsayinghewouldn’tandcouldn’tandexcusehimnooffenceandalltothatandthenhesaidwellhe’djusttakeacigar。Gob，he’saprudentmemberandnomistake——
Giveusoneofyourprimestinkers，Terry，saysJoe。
AndAlfwastellingustherewasonechapsentinamourningcardwithablackborderroundit——
They’reallbarbers，sayshe，fromtheblackcountrythatwouldhangtheirownfathersforfivequiddownandtravellingexpenses。
Andhewastellingusthere’stwofellowswaitingbelowtopullhisheelsdownwhenhegetsthedropandchokehimproperlyandthentheychopuptheropeafterandsellthebitsforafewbobaskull。
Inthedarklandtheybide，thevengefulknightsoftherazor。Theirdeadlycoiltheygrasp:yea，andthereintheyleadtoErebuswhatsoeverwighthathdoneadeedofbloodforIwillonnowisesufferitevensosaiththeLord。
SotheystartedtalkingaboutcapitalpunishmentandofcourseBloomcomesoutwiththewhyandthewhereforeandallthecodologyofthebusinessandtheolddogsmellinghimallthetimeI’mtoldthoseJewiesdoeshaveasortofaqueerodourcomingoffthemfordogsaboutIdon’tknowwhatalldeterrenteffectandsoforthandsoon——
There’sonethingithasn’tadeterrenteffecton，saysAlf——
What’sthat？saysJoe——
Thepoorbugger’stoolthat’sbeinghanged，saysAlf——
Thatso？saysJoe——
God’struth，saysAlf。IheardthatfromtheheadwarderthatwasinKilmainhamwhentheyhangedJoeBrady，theinvincible。Hetoldmewhentheycuthimdownafterthedropitwasstandingupintheirfaceslikeapoker——
Rulingpassionstrongindeath，saysJoe，assomeonesaid——
Thatcanbeexplainedbyscience，saysBloom。It’sonlyanaturalphenomenon，don’tyousee，becauseonaccountofthe……
Andthenhestartswithhisjawbreakersaboutphenomenonandscienceandthisphenomenonandtheotherphenomenon。
ThedistinguishedscientistHerrProfessorLuitpoldBlumendufttenderedmedicalevidencetotheeffectthattheinstantaneousfractureofthecervicalvertebraeandconsequentscissionofthespinalcordwould，accordingtothebestapprovedtraditionsofmedicalscience，becalculatedtoinevitablyproduceinthehumansubjectaviolentganglionicstimulusofthenervecentres，causingtheporesofthecobracavernosatorapidlydilateinsuchawayastoinstantaneouslyfacilitatetheflowofbloodtothatpartofthehumananatomyknownasthepenisormaleorganresultinginthephenomenonwhichhasbeendominatedbythefacultyamorbidupwardsandoutwardsphiloprogenitiveerectioninarticulomortisperdiminutionemcapitis。
SoofcoursethecitizenwasonlywaitingforthewinkofthewordandhestartsgassingoutofhimabouttheinvinciblesandtheoldguardandthemenofsixtysevenandwhofearstospeakofninetyeightandJoewithhimaboutallthefellowsthatwerehanged，drawnandtransportedforthecausebydrumheadcourtmartialandanewIrelandandnewthis，thatandtheother。TalkingaboutnewIrelandheoughttogoandgetanewdogsoheought。MangyravenousbrutesnifflingandsneezingallroundtheplaceandscratchinghisscabsandroundhegoestoBobDoranthatwasstandingAlfahalfonesuckingupforwhathecouldget。SoofcourseBobDoranstartsdoingthebloodyfoolwithhim:——
Giveusthepaw！Givethepaw，doggy！Goodolddoggy。Giveusthepawhere！Giveusthepaw！
Arrah！bloodyendtothepawhe’dpawandAlftryingtokeephimfromtumblingoffthebloodystoolatopofthebloodyolddogandhetalkingallkindsofdrivelabouttrainingbykindnessandthoroughbreddogandintelligentdog:giveyouthebloodypip。ThenhestartsscrapingafewbitsofoldbiscuitoutofthebottomofaJacob’stinhetoldTerrytobring。Gob，hegollopeditdownlikeoldbootsandhistonguehangingoutofhimayardlongformore。Nearatethetinandall，hungrybloodymongrel。
AndthecitizenandBloomhavinganargumentaboutthepoint，thebrothersShearesandWolfeTonebeyondonArbourHillandRobertEmmetanddieforyourcountry，theTommyMooretouchaboutSaraCurranandshe’sfarfromtheland。AndBloom，ofcourse，withhisknockmedowncigarputtingonswankwithhislardyface。Phenomenon！Thefatheaphemarriedisaniceoldphenomenonwithabackonherlikeaballalley。TimetheywerestoppingupintheCityArmsPisserBurketoldmetherewasanoldonetherewithacrackedloodheramaunofanephewandBloomtryingtogetthesoftsideofherdoingthemollycoddleplayingbéziquetocomeinforabitofthewampuminherwillandnoteatingmeatofaFridaybecausetheoldonewasalwaysthumpinghercrawandtakingtheloutoutforawalk。AndonetimeheledhimtheroundsofDublinand，bytheholyfarmer，henevercriedcracktillhebroughthimhomeasdrunkasaboiledowlandhesaidhedidittoteachhimtheevilsofalcoholandbyherringsifthethreewomendidn’tnearroasthimit’saqueerstory，theoldone，Bloom’swifeandMrsO’Dowdthatkeptthehotel。Jesus，IhadtolaughatPisserBurketakingthemoffchewingthefatandBloomwithhisbutdon’tyousee？andbutontheotherhand。Andsure，morebetoken，theloutI’mtoldwasinPower’safter，theblender’s，roundinCopestreetgoinghomefootlessinacabfivetimesintheweekafterdrinkinghiswaythroughallthesamplesinthebloodyestablishment。Phenomenon！——
Thememoryofthedead，saysthecitizentakinguphispintglassandglaringatBloom——
Ay，ay，saysJoe——
Youdon’tgraspmypoint，saysBloom。WhatImeanis——
SinnFein！saysthecitizen。Sinnfeinamhain！Thefriendswelovearebyoursideandthefoeswehatebeforeus。
Thelastfarewellwasaffectingintheextreme。Fromthebelfriesfarandnearthefunerealdeathbelltolledunceasinglywhileallaroundthegloomyprecinctsrolledtheominouswarningofahundredmuffleddrumspunctuatedbythehollowboomingofpiecesofordnance。Thedeafeningclapsofthunderandthedazzlingflashesoflightningwhichlituptheghastlyscenetestifiedthattheartilleryofheavenhadlentitssupernaturalpomptothealreadygruesomespectacle。Atorrentialrainpoureddownfromthefloodgatesoftheangryheavensuponthebaredheadsoftheassembledmultitudewhichnumberedatthelowestcomputationfivehundredthousandpersons。AposseofDublinMetropolitanpolicesuperintendedbytheChiefCommissionerinpersonmaintainedorderinthevastthrongforwhomtheYorkStreetbrassandreedbandwhiledawaytheinterveningtimebyadmirablyrenderingontheirblackdrapedinstrumentsthematchlessmelodyendearedtousfromthecradlebySperanza’splaintivemuse。Specialquickexcursiontrainsandupholsteredcharabancshadbeenprovidedforthecomfortofourcountrycousinsofwhomtherewerelargecontingents。ConsiderableamusementwascausedbythefavouriteDublinstreetsingersL-n-h-nandM-ll-g-nwhosangTheNightbeforeLarrywasstretchedintheirusualmirth-provokingfashion。OurtwoinimitabledrollsdidaroaringtradewiththeirbroadsheetsamongloversofthecomedyelementandnobodywhohasacornerinhisheartforrealIrishfunwithoutvulgaritywillgrudgethemtheirhardearnedpennies。ThechildrenoftheMaleandFemaleFoundlingHospitalwhothrongedthewindowsoverlookingthesceneweredelightedwiththisunexpectedadditiontotheday’sentertainmentandawordofpraiseisduetotheLittleSistersofthePoorfortheirexcellentideaofaffordingthepoorfatherlessandmotherlesschildrenagenuinelyinstructivetreat。TheviceregalhousepartywhichincludedmanywellknownladieswaschaperonedbyTheirExcellenciestothemostfavourablepositionsonthegrandstandwhilethepicturesqueforeigndelegationknownastheFriendsoftheEmeraldIslewasaccommodatedonatribunedirectlyopposite。Thedelegation，presentinfullforce，consistedofCommendatoreBacibaciBeninobenone(thesemi-paralyseddoyenofthepartywhohadtobeassistedtohisseatbytheaidofapowerfulsteamcrane)，MonsieurPierrepaulPetitépatant，theGrandjokerVladinmirePokethankertscheff，theArchjokerLeopoldRudolphvonSchwanzenbad-Hodenthaler，CountessMarhaVirdgaKisászonyPutrápesthi，HiramY。Bomboost，CountAthanatosKaramelopulos。AliBabaBacksheeshRahatLokumEffendi，Se？orHidalgoCaballeroDonPecadilloyPalabrasyPaternosterdelaMaloradelaMalaria，HokopokoHarakiri，HiHungChang，OlafKobberkeddelsen，MynheerTrikvanTrumps，PanPoleaxePaddyrisky，GoosepondPrhklstrKratchinabritchisitch，HerrHurhausdirektorprasidentHansChuechli-Steuerli，NationalgymnasiummuseumsanatoriumandsuspensoriumsordinaryprivatdocentgeneralhistoryspecialprofessordoctorKriegfriedUeberallgemein。Allthedelegateswithoutexceptionexpressedthemselvesinthestrongestpossibleheterogeneoustermsconcerningthenamelessbarbaritywhichtheyhadbeencalledupontowitness。Ananimatedaltercation(inwhichalltookpart)ensuedamongF。O。T。E。I。astowhethertheeighthortheninthofMarchwasthecorrectdateofthebirthofIreland’spatronsaint。Inthecourseoftheargumentcannonballs，scimitars，boomerangs，blunderbusses，stinkpots，meatchoppers，umbrellas，catapults，knuckledusters，sandbags，lumpsofpigironwereresortedtoandblowswerefreelyexchanged。Thebabypoliceman，ConstableMacFadden，summonedbyspecialcourierfromBooterstown，quicklyrestoredorderandwithlightningpromptitudeproposedtheseventeenthofthemonthasasolutionequallyhonourableforbothcontendingparties。Thereadywittedninefooter’ssuggestionatonceappealedtoallandwasunanimouslyaccepted。ConstableMacFaddenwasheartilycongratulatedbyalltheF。O。T。E。I。，severalofwhomwerebleedingprofusely。CommendatoreBeninobenonehavingbeenextricatedfromunderneaththepresidentialarmchair，ItwasexplainedbyhislegaladviserAvvocatoPagamimithatthevariousarticlessecretedinhisthirtytwopocketshadbeenabstractedbyhimduringtheaffrayfromthepocketsofhisJuniorcolleaguesinthehopeofbringingthemtotheirsenses。Theobjects(whichincludedseveralhundredladies’andgentlemen’sgoldandsilverwatches)werepromptlyrestoredtotheirrightfulownersandgeneralharmonyreignedsupreme。
Quietly，unassumingly，RumboldsteppedontothescaffoldinfaultlessmorningdressandwearinghisfavouriteflowertheGladiolusCruentus。HeannouncedhispresencebythatgentleRumboldiancoughwhichsomanyhavetried(unsuccessfully)toimitate-short，painstakingyetwithalsocharacteristicoftheman。Thearrivaloftheworld-renownedheadsmanwasgreetedbyaroarofacclamationfromthehugeconcourse，theviceregalladieswavingtheirhandkerchiefsintheirexcitementwhiletheevenmoreexcitableforeigndelegatescheeredvociferouslyinamedleyofcries，hoch，banzai，eljen，zivio，chinchin，pollakronia，hiphip，vive，Allah，amidwhichtheringingevvivaofthedelegateofthelandofsong(ahighdoubleFrecallingthosepiercinglylovelynoteswithwhichtheeunuchCatalanibeglamouredourgreatgreatgrandmothers)waseasilydistinguishable。Itwasexactlyseventeeno’clock。Thesignalforprayerwasthenpromptlygivenbymegaphoneandinaninstantallheadswerebared，thecommendatore’spatriarchalsombrero，whichhasbeeninthepossessionofhisfamilysincetherevolutionofRienzi，beingremovedbyhismedicaladviserinattendance，DrPippi。Thelearnedprelatewhoadministeredthelastcomfortsofholyreligiontotheheromartyrwhenabouttopaythedeathpenaltykneltinamostchristianspiritinapoolofrainwater，hiscassockabovehishoaryhead，andoffereduptothethroneofgraceferventprayersofsupplication。Hardbytheblockstoodthegrimfigureoftheexecutioner，hisvisagebeingconcealedinatengallonpotwithtwocircularperforatedaperturesthroughwhichhiseyesgloweredfuriously。Asheawaitedthefatalsignalhetestedtheedgeofhishorribleweaponbyhoningituponhisbrawnyforearmordecapitatedinrapidsuccessionaflockofsheepwhichhadbeenprovidedbytheadmirersofhisfellbutnecessaryoffice。Onahandsomemahoganytablenearhimwereneatlyarrangedthequarteringknife，thevariousfinelytempereddisembowellingappliances(speciallysuppliedbytheworldfamousfirmofcutlers，MessrsJohnRoundandSons，Sheffield)，aterracottasaucepanforthereceptionoftheduodenum，colon，blindintestineandappendixetcwhensuccessfullyextractedandtwocommodiousmilkjugsdestinedtoreceivethemostpreciousbloodofthemostpreciousvictim。Thehousestewardoftheamalgamatedcats’anddogs’homewasinattendancetoconveythesevesselswhenreplenishedtothatbeneficentinstitution。Quiteanexcellentrepastconsistingofrashersandeggs，friedsteakandonions，donetoanicety，delicioushotbreakfastrollsandinvigoratingteahadbeenconsideratelyprovidedbytheauthoritiesfortheconsumptionofthecentralfigureofthetragedywhowasincapitalspiritswhenpreparedfordeathandevincedthekeenestinterestintheproceedingsfrombeginningtoendbuthe，withanabnegationrareintheseourtimes，rosenoblytotheoccasionandexpressedthedyingwish(immediatelyaccededto)thatthemealshouldbedividedinaliquotpartsamongthemembersofthesickandindigentroomkeeper’sassociationasatokenofhisregardandesteem。Thenecandnonplusultraofemotionwerereachedwhentheblushingbrideelectburstherwaythroughtheserriedranksofthebystandersandflungherselfuponthemuscularbosomofhimwhowasabouttobelaunchedintoeternityforhersake。TheherofoldedherwillowyforminalovingembracemurmuringfondlySheila，myown。Encouragedbythisuseofherchristiannameshekissedpassionatelyallthevarioussuitableareasofhispersonwhichthedecenciesofprisongarbpermittedherardourtoreach。Shesworetohimastheymingledthesaltstreamsoftheirtearsthatshewouldcherishhismemory，thatshewouldneverforgetherheroboywhowenttohisdeathwithasongonhislipsasifhewerebutgoingtoahurlingmatchinClonturkpark。ShebroughtbacktohisrecollectionthehappydaysofblissfulchildhoodtogetheronthebanksofAnnaLiffeywhentheyhadindulgedintheinnocentpastimesoftheyoungand，obliviousofthedreadfulpresent，theybothlaughedheartily，allthespectators，includingthevenerablepastor，joininginthegeneralmerriment。Thatmonsteraudiencesimplyrockedwithdelight。Butanontheywereovercomewithgriefandclaspedtheirhandsforthelasttime。Afreshtorrentoftearsburstfromtheirlachrymalductsandthevastconcourseofpeople，touchedtotheinmostcore，brokeintoheartrendingsobs，nottheleastaffectedbeingtheagedprebendaryhimself。Bigstrongmen，officersofthepeaceandgenialgiantsoftheroyalIrishconstabulary，weremakingfrankuseoftheirhandkerchiefsanditissafetosaythattherewasnotadryeyeinthatrecordassemblage。AmostromanticincidentoccurredwhenahandsomeyoungOxfordgraduate，notedforhischivalrytowardsthefairsex，steppedforwardand，presentinghisvisitingcard，bankbookandgenealogicaltree，solicitedthehandofthehaplessyounglady，requestinghertonametheday，andwasacceptedonthespot。Everyladyintheaudiencewaspresentedwithatastefulsouveniroftheoccasionintheshapeofaskullandcrossbonesbrooch，atimelyandgenerousactwhichevokedafreshoutburstofemotion:andwhenthegallantyoungOxonian(thebearer，bytheway，ofoneofthemosttimehonourednamesinAlbion’shistory)placedonthefingerofhisblushingfiancéeanexpensiveengagementringwithemeraldssetintheformofafourleavedshamrockexcitementknewnobounds。Nay，eventhesternprovostmarshal，lieutenantcolonelTomkin-MaxwellffrenchmullanTomlinson，whopresidedonthesadoccasion，hewhohadblownaconsiderablenumberofsepoysfromthecannonmouthwithoutflinching，couldnotnowrestrainhisnaturalemotion。Withhismailedgauntlethebrushedawayafurtivetearandwasoverheardbythoseprivilegedburgherswhohappenedtobeinhisimmediateentouragetomurmurtohimselfinafalteringundertone:——
Godblimeyifsheaintaclinker，thattherebleedingtart。Blimeyitmakesmekindofbleedingcry，straight，itdoes，whenIseeshercauseIthinksofmyoldmashtubwhat’swaitingformedownLimehouseway。
SothenthecitizensbegintalkingabouttheIrishlanguageandthecorporationmeetingandalltothatandtheshoneensthatcan’tspeaktheirownlanguageandJoechippinginbecausehestucksomeoneforaquidandBloomputtinginhisoldgoowithhistwopennystumpthathecadgedoffJoeandtalkingabouttheGaelicleagueandtheantitreatingleagueanddrink，thecurseofIreland。Antitreatingisaboutthesizeofit。Gob，he’dletyoupourallmannerofdrinkdownhisthroattilltheLordwouldcallhimbeforeyou’deverseethefrothofhispint。AndonenightIwentinwithafellowintooneoftheirmusicalevenings，songanddanceaboutshecouldgetuponatrussofhayshecouldmyMaureenLay，andtherewasafellowwithaBallyhoolyblueribbonbadgespiffingoutofhiminIrishandalotofcolleenbawnsgoingaboutwithtemperancebeveragesandsellingmedalsandorangesandlemonadeandafewolddrybuns，gob，flahoolaghentertainment，don’tbetalking。IrelandsoberisIrelandfree。Andthenanoldfellowstartsblowingintohisbagpipesandallthegougersshufflingtheirfeettothetunetheoldcowdiedof。Andoneortwoskypilotshavinganeyearoundthattherewasnogoingsonwiththefemales，hittingbelowthebelt。
Sohowandever，asIwassaying，theolddogseeingthetinwasemptystartsmousingaroundbyJoeandme。I’dtrainhimbykindness，soIwould，ifhewasmydog。Givehimarousingfinekicknowandagainwhereitwouldn’tblindhim——
Afraidhe’llbiteyou？saysthecitizen，sneering——
No，says1。Buthemighttakemylegforalampost。
Sohecallstheolddogover——
What’sonyou，Garry？sayshe。
ThenhestartshaulingandmaulingandtalkingtohiminIrishandtheoldtowsergrowling，lettingontoanswer，likeaduetintheopera。Suchgrowlingyouneverheardastheyletoffbetweenthem。Someonethathasnothingbettertodooughttowritealetterpmbonopublicotothepapersaboutthemuzzlingorderforadogthelikeofthat。Growlingandgrousingandhiseyeallbloodshotfromthedrouthisinitandthehydrophobiadroppingoutofhisjaws。
Allthosewhoareinterestedinthespreadofhumancultureamongtheloweranimals(andtheirnameislegion)shouldmakeapointofnotmissingthereallymarvellousexhibitionofcynanthropygivenbythefamousoldIrishredwolfdogsetterformerlyknownbythesobriquetofGarryowenandrecentlyrechristenedbyhislargecircleoffriendsandacquaintancesOwenGarry。Theexhibition，whichistheresultofyearsoftrainingbykindnessandacarefullythoughtoutdietarysystem，comprises，amongotherachievements，therecitationofverse。Ourgreatestlivingphoneticexpert(wildhorsesshallnotdragitfromus！)hasleftnostoneunturnedinhiseffortstodelucidateandcomparetheverserecitedandhasfounditbearsastrikingresemblance(theitalicsareours)totherannsofancientCelticbards。WearenotspeakingsomuchofthosedelightfullovesongswithwhichthewriterwhoconcealshisidentityunderthegracefulpseudonymoftheLittleSweetBranchhasfamiliarisedthebooklovingworldbutrather(asacontributorD。O。C。pointsoutinaninterestingcommunicationpublishedbyaneveningcontemporary)oftheharsherandmorepersonalnotewhichisfoundinthesatiricaleffusionsofthefamousRafteryandofDonaldMacConsidinetosaynothingofamoremodernlyristatpresentverymuchinthepubliceye。WesubjoinaspecimenwhichhasbeenrenderedintoEnglishbyaneminentscholarwhosenameforthemomentwearenotatlibertytodisclosethoughwebelieveourreaderswillfindthetopicalallusionrathermorethananindication。Themetricalsystemofthecanineoriginal，whichrecallstheintricatealliterativeandisosyllabicrulesoftheWelshenglyn，isinfinitelymorecomplicatedbutwebelieveourreaderswillagreethatthespirithasbeenwellcaught。PerhapsitshouldbeaddedthattheeffectisgreatlyincreasedifOwen’sversebespokensomewhatslowlyandindistinctlyinatonesuggestiveofsuppressedrancour。
Thecurseofmycurses
Sevendayseveryday
AndsevendryThursdays
Onyou，BarneyKiernan，
Hasnosupofwater
Tocoolmycourage，
Andmygutsredroaring
AfterLowry’slights。
SohetoldTerrytobringsomewaterforthedogand，gob，youcouldhearhimlappingitupamileoff。AndJoeaskedhimwouldhehaveanother——
Iwill，sayshe，achara，toshowthere’snoillfeeling。
Gob，he’snotasgreenashe’scabbagelooking。Arsingaroundfromonepubtoanother，leavingittoyourownhonour，witholdGiltrap’sdogandgettingfedupbytheratepayersandcorporators。Entertainmentformanandbeast。AndsaysJoe:——
Couldyoumakeaholeinanotherpint？——
Couldaswimduck？saysI——
Sameagain，Terry，saysJoe。Areyousureyouwon’thaveanythinginthewayofliquidrefreshment？sayshe——
Thankyou，no，saysBloom。AsamatteroffactIjustwantedtomeetMartinCunningham，don’tyousee，aboutthisinsuranceofpoorDignam’s。Martinaskedmetogotothehouse。Yousee，he，Dignam，Imean，didn’tserveanynoticeoftheassignmentonthecompanyatthetimeandnominallyundertheactthemortgageecan’trecoveronthepolicy——
HolyWars，saysJoelaughing，that’sagoodoneifoldShylockislanded。Sothewifecomesouttopdog，what？——
Well，that’sapoint，saysBloom，forthewife’sadmirers——
Whoseadmirers？saysJoe——
Thewife’sadvisers，Imean，saysBloom。
ThenhestartsallconfusedmuckingitupaboutthemortgagorundertheactlikethelordchancellorgivingitoutonthebenchandforthebenefitofthewifeandthatatrustiscreatedbutontheotherhandthatDignamowedBridgemanthemoneyandifnowthewifeorthewidowcontestedthemortgagee’srighttillhenearhadtheheadofmeaddledwithhismortgagorundertheact。Hewasbloodysafehewasn’truninhimselfundertheactthattimeasarogueandvagabondonlyhehadafriendincourt。SellingbazaarticketsorwhatdoyoucallitroyalHungarianprivilegedlottery。Trueasyourethere。O，commendmetoanisraelite！RoyalandprivilegedHungarianrobbery。
SoBobDorancomeslurchingaroundaskingBloomtotellMrsDignamhewassorryforhertroubleandhewasverysorryaboutthefuneralandtotellherthathesaidandeveryonewhoknewhimsaidthattherewasneveratruer，afinerthanpoorlittleWillythat’sdeadtotellher。Chokingwithbloodyfoolery。AndshakingBloom’shanddoingthetragictotellherthat。Shakehands，brother。You’rearogueandI’manother——
Letme，saidhe，sofarpresumeuponouracquaintancewhich，howeverslightitmayappearifjudgedbythestandardofmeretime，isfounded，asIhopeandbelieve，onasentimentofmutualesteem，astorequestofyouthisfavour。But，shouldIhaveoversteppedthelimitsofreserveletthesincerityofmyfeelingsbetheexcuseformyboldness——
No，rejoinedtheother，IappreciatetothefullthemotiveswhichactuateyourconductandIshalldischargetheofficeyouentrusttomeconsoledbythereflectionthat，thoughtheerrandbeoneofsorrow，thisproofofyourconfidencesweetensinsomemeasurethebitternessofthecup——
Thensuffermetotakeyourhand，saidhe。Thegoodnessofyourheart，Ifeelsure，willdictatetoyoubetterthanmyinadequatewordstheexpressionswhicharemostsuitabletoconveyanemotionwhosepoignancy，wereItogiveventtomyfeelings，woulddeprivemeevenofspeech。
Andoffwithhimandouttryingtowalkstraight。Boosedatfiveo’clock。NighthewasnearbeinglaggedonlyPaddyLeonardknewthebobby，14A。BlindtotheworldupinashebeeninBridestreetafterclosingtime，fornicatingwithtwoshawlsandabullyonguard，drinkingporteroutofteacups。AndcallinghimselfaFrenchyfortheshawls，JosephManuo，andtalkingagainstthecatholicreligionandheservingmassinAdamandEve’swhenhewasyoungwithhiseyesshutwhowrotethenewtestamentandtheoldtestamentandhuggingandsnugging。Andthetwoshawlskilledwiththelaughing，pickinghispocketsthebloodyfoolandhespillingtheporteralloverthebedandthetwoshawlsscreechinglaughingatoneanother。Howisyourtestament？Haveyougotanoldtestament？OnlyPaddywaspassingthere，Itellyouwhat。ThenseehimofaSundaywithhislittleconcubineofawife，andshewagginghertailuptheaisleofthechapel，withherpatentbootsonher，noless，andherviolets，niceaspie，doingthelittlelady。JackMooney’ssister。Andtheoldprostituteofamotherprocuringroomstostreetcouples。Gob，Jackmadehimtoetheline。Toldhimifhedidn’tpatchupthepot，Jesus，he’dkicktheshiteoutofhim。
SoTerrybroughtthethreepints——
Here，saysJoe，doingthehonours。Here，citizen——
Slanleat，sayshe——
Fortune，Joe，saysI。Goodhealth，citizen。
Gob，hehadhismouthhalfwaydownthetumbleralready。Wantasmallfortunetokeephimindrinks——
Whoisthelongfellowrunningforthemayoralty，Alf？saysJoe——
Friendofyours，saysAlf——
Nannan？saysJoe。Themimber？——
Iwon’tmentionanynames，saysAlf——
Ithoughtso，saysJoe。IsawhimupatthatmeetingnowwithWilliamField，M。P。，thecattletraders——HairyIopas，saysthecitizen，thatexplodedvolcano，thedarlingofallcountriesandtheidolofhisown。
SoJoestartstellingthecitizenaboutthefootandmouthdiseaseandthecattletradersandtakingactioninthematterandthecitizensendingthemalltotherightaboutandBloomcomingoutwithhissheepdipforthescabandahoosedrenchforcoughingcalvesandtheguaranteedremedyfortimbertongue。Becausehewasuponetimeinaknacker’syard。Walkingaboutwithhisbookandpencilhere’smyheadandmyheelsarecomingtillJoeCuffegavehimtheorderofthebootforgivingliptoagrazier。MisterKnowall。Teachyourgrandmotherhowtomilkducks。PisserBurkewastellingmeinthehotelthewifeusedtobeinriversoftearssometimeswithMrsO’Dowdcryinghereyesoutwithhereightinchesoffatalloverher。Couldn’tloosenherfartingstringsbutoldcod’seyewaswaltzingaroundhershowingherhowtodoit。What’syourprogrammetoday？Ay。Humanemethods。Becausethepooranimalssufferandexpertssayandthebestknownremedythatdoesn’tcausepaintotheanimalandonthesorespotadministergently。Gob，he’dhaveasofthandunderahen。
GaGaGara。KlookKlookKlook。BlackLizisourhen。Shelayseggsforus。Whenshelayshereggsheissoglad。Gara。KlookKlookKlook。ThencomesgooduncleLeo。HeputshishandunderblackLizandtakesherfreshegg。GagagagaGara。KlookKlookKlook——
Anyhow，saysJoe。FieldandNannettiaregoingovertonighttoLondontoaskaboutitontheflooroftheHouseofCommons——
Areyousure，saysBloom，thecouncillorisgoing？Iwantedtoseehim，asithappens——
Well，he’sgoingoffbythemailboat，saysJoe，tonight——
That’stoobad，saysBloom。Iwantedparticularly。PerhapsonlyMrFieldisgoing。Icouldn’tphone。No。You’resure？——
Nannan’sgoingtoo，saysJoe。TheleaguetoldhimtoaskaquestiontomorrowaboutthecommissionerofpoliceforbiddingIrishgamesinthepark。Whatdoyouthinkofthat，citizen？TheSluaghnah-Eireann。
MrCoweConacre(Multifarnham。Nat):Arisingoutofthequestionofmyhonourablefriend，thememberforShillelagh，mayIasktherighthonourablegentlemanwhethertheGovernmenthasissuedordersthattheseanimalsshallbeslaughteredthoughnomedicalevidenceisforthcomingastotheirpathologicalcondition？
MrAllfours(Tamoshant。Con):Honourablemembersarealreadyinpossessionoftheevidenceproducedbeforeacommitteeofthewholehouse。IfeelIcannotusefullyaddanythingtothat。Theanswertothehonourablemember’squestionisintheaffirmative。
MrOrelli(Montenotte。Nat):HavesimilarordersbeenissuedfortheslaughterofhumananimalswhodaretoplayIrishgamesinthePhnixpark？
MrAllfours:Theanswerisinthenegative。
MrCoweConacre:Hastherighthonourablegentleman’sfamousMitchelstowntelegraminspiredthepolicyofgentlemenonthetreasurybench？(O！O！)
MrAllfours:Imusthavenoticeofthatquestion。
MrStaylewit(Buncombe。Ind。):Don’thesitatetoshoot。
(Ironicaloppositioncheers。)
Thespeaker:Order！Order！
(Thehouserises。Cheers。)——
There’stheman，saysJoe，thatmadetheGaelicsportsrevival。Thereheissittingthere。ThemanthatgotawayJamesStephens。ThechampionofallIrelandatputtingthesixteenpoundshot。Whatwasyourbestthrow，citizen？——
Nabacleis，saysthecitizen，lettingontobemodest。TherewasatimeIwasasgoodasthenextfellowanyhow——
Putitthere，citizen，saysJoe。Youwereandabloodysightbetter——
Isthatreallyafact？saysAlf——
Yes，saysBloom。That’swellknown。Doyounotknowthat？
SoofftheystartedaboutIrishsportandshoneengamesthelikeofthelawntennisandabouthurleyandputtingthestoneandracyofthesoilandbuildingupanationonceagainandallofthat。AndofcourseBloomhadtohavehissaytooaboutifafellowhadarower’sheartviolentexercisewasbad。IdeclaretomyantimacassarifyoutookupastrawfromthebloodyfloorandifyousaidtoBloom:Lookat，Bloom。Doyouseethatstraw？That’sastraw。Declaretomyaunthe’dtalkaboutitforanhoursohewouldandtalksteady。
AmostinterestingdiscussiontookplaceintheancienthallofBrianO’Ciarnain’sinSraidnaBretaineBheag，undertheauspicesofSluaghnah-Eireann，ontherevivalofancientGaelicsportsandtheimportanceofphysicalculture，asunderstoodinancientGreeceandancientRomeandancientIreland，forthedevelopmentoftherace。Thevenerablepresidentofthisnobleorderwasinthechairandtheattendancewasoflargedimensions。Afteraninstructivediscoursebythechairman，amagnificentorationeloquentlyandforciblyexpressed，amostinterestingandinstructivediscussionoftheusualhighstandardofexcellenceensuedastothedesirabilityoftherevivabilityoftheancientgamesandsportsofourancientpancelticforefathers。Thewellknownandhighlyrespectedworkerinthecauseo！ouroldtongue，MrJosephM’CarthyHynes，madeaneloquentappealfortheresuscitationoftheancientGaelicsportsandpastimes，practisedmorningandeveningbyFinnMacCool，ascalculatedtorevivethebesttraditionsofmanlystrengthandpowerhandeddowntousfromancientages。L。Bloom，whometwithamixedreceptionofapplauseandhisses，havingespousedthenegativethevocalistchairmanbroughtthediscussiontoaclose，inresponsetorepeatedrequestsandheartyplauditsfromallpartsofabumperhouse，byaremarkablynoteworthyrenderingoftheimmortalThomasOsborneDavis’evergreenverses(happilytoofamiliartoneedrecallinghere)Anationonceagainintheexecutionofwhichtheveteranpatriotchampionmaybesaidwithoutfearofcontradictiontohavefairlyexcelledhimself。TheIrishCaruso-Garibaldiwasinsuperlativeformandhisstentoriannoteswereheardtothegreatestadvantageinthetimehonouredanthemsungasonlyourcitizencansingit。Hissuperbhighclassvocalism，whichbyitssuperqualitygreatlyenchancedhisalreadyinternationalreputation，wasvociferouslyapplaudedbythelargeaudienceamongstwhichweretobenoticedmanyprominentmembersoftheclergyaswellasrepresentativesofthepressandthebarandtheotherlearnedprofessions。Theproceedingsthenterminated。
Amongsttheclergypresentweretheveryrev。WilliamDelany，S。J。，L。L。D。；thertrev。GeraldMolloy，D。D。；therev。P。J。Kavanagh，C。S。Sp。；therev。T。Waters，C。C。；therev。JohnM。Ivers，P。P。；therev。P。J。Cleary，O。S。F。；therev。L。J。Hickey，O。P。；theveryrev。Fr。Nicholas，O。S。F。C。；theveryrev。B。Gorman。O。D。C。；therev。T。Maher，S。J。；theveryrev。JamesMurphy，S。J。；therev。JohnLavery，V。F。；theveryrev。WilliamDoherty，D。D。；therev。PeterFagan，O。M。；therev。T。Brangan，O。S。A。；therev。J。Flavin，C。C。；therev。M。A。Hackett，C。C。；therev。W。Hurley，C。C。；thertrev。MgrM’Manus，V。G。；therev。B。R。Slattery，O。M。I。；theveryrev。M。D。Scally，P。P。；therev。F。T。Purcell，O。P。；theveryrev。TimothycanonGorman，P。P。；therev。J。Flanagan，C。C。ThelaityincludedP。Fay，T。Quirke，etc。，etc——
Talkingaboutviolentexercise，saysAlf，wereyouatthatKeogh-Bennettmatch？——
No，saysJoe——
IheardSoandSomadeacoolhundredquidoverit，saysAlf——
Who？Blazes？saysJoe。
AndsaysBloom:——
WhatImeantabouttennis，forexample，istheagilityandtrainingoftheeye——
Ay，Blazes，saysAlf。HeletoutthatMylerwasonthebeertoruntheoddsandheswattingallthetime——
Weknowhim，saysthecitizen。Thetraitor’sson。WeknowwhatputEnglishgoldinhispocket——
Trueforyou，saysJoe。
AndBloomcutsinagainaboutlawntennisandthecirculationoftheblood，askingAlf:——
Nowdon’tyouthink，Bergan？——
Mylerdustedthefloorwithhim，saysAlf。HeenanandSayerswasonlyabloodyfooltoit。Handedhimthefatherandmotherofabeating。Seethelittlekippernotuptohisnavelandthebigfellowswiping。God，hegavehimonelastpuckinthewind。Queensberryrulesandall，madehimpukewhatheneverate。
ItwasahistoricandaheftybattlewhenMylerandPercywerescheduledtodontheglovesforthepurseoffiftysovereigns。Handicappedashewasbylackofpoundage，Dublin’spetlambmadeupforitbysuperlativeskillinringcraft。Thefinalboutoffireworkswasagruellingforbothchampions。ThewelterweightsergeantmajorhadtappedsomelivelyclaretinthepreviousmixupduringwhichKeoghhadbeenreceivergeneralofrightsandlefts，theartillerymanputtinginsomeneatworkonthepet’snose，andMylercameonlookinggroggy。ThesoldiergottobusinessleadingoffwithapowerfulleftjabtowhichtheIrishgladiatorretaliatedbyshootingoutastiffoneflushtothepointofBennett’sjaw。TheredcoatduckedbuttheDublinerliftedhimwithalefthook，thebodypunchbeingafineone。Themencametohandigrips。Mylerquicklybecamebusyandgothismanunder，theboutendingwiththebulkiermanontheropes，Mylerpunishinghim。TheEnglishman，whoserighteyewasnearlyclosed，tookhiscornerwherehewasliberallydrenchedwithwaterand，whenthebellwent，cameongameyandbrimfulofpluck，confidentofknockingoutthefisticEblaniteinjigtime。Itwasafighttoafinishandthebestmanforit。Thetwofoughtliketigersandexcitementranfeverhigh。TherefereetwicecautionedPuckingPercyforholdingbutthepetwastrickyandhisfootworkatreattowatch。Afterabriskexchangeofcourtesiesduringwhichasmartuppercutofthemilitarymanbroughtbloodfreelyfromhisopponent’smouththelambsuddenlywadedinalloverhismanandlandedaterrificlefttoBattlingBennett’sstomach，flooringhimflat。Itwasaknockoutcleanandclever。AmidtenseexpectationthePortobellobruiserwasbeingcountedoutwhenBennett’ssecondOlePfottsWettsteinthrewinthetowelandtheSantryboywasdeclaredvictortothefrenziedcheersofthepublicwhobrokethroughtheringropesandfairlymobbedhimwithdelight——
Heknowswhichsidehisbreadisbuttered，saysAlf。Ihearhe’srunningaconcerttournowupinthenorth——
Heis，saysJoe。Isn’the？——
Who？saysBloom。Ah，yes。That’squitetrue。Yes，akindofsummertour，yousee。Justaholiday——
MrsB。isthebrightparticularstar，isn’tshe？saysJoe——
Mywife？saysBloom。She’ssinging，yes。Ithinkitwillbeasuccesstoo。He’sanexcellentmantoorganise。Excellent。
Hohobegob，saysItomyself，saysI。Thatexplainsthemilkinthecocoanutandabsenceofhairontheanimal’schest。Blazesdoingthetootleontheflute。Concerttour。DirtyDanthedodger’ssonoffIslandbridgethatsoldthesamehorsestwiceovertothegovernmenttofighttheBoers。OldWhatwhat。Icalledaboutthepoorandwaterrate，MrBoylan。Youwhat？Thewaterrate，MrBoylan。Youwhatwhat？That’sthebuckothat’llorganiseher，takemytip。’TwixtmeandyouCaddereesh。
PrideofCalpe’srockymount，theravenhaireddaughterofTweedy。Theregrewshetopeerlessbeautywhereloquatandalmondscenttheair。ThegardensofAlamedaknewherstep:thegarthsofolivesknewandbowed。ThechastespouseofLeopoldisshe:Marionofthebountifulbosoms。
Andlo，thereenteredoneoftheclanoftheO’Molloys，acomelyheroofwhitefaceyetwithalsomewhatruddy，hismajesty’scounsellearnedinthelaw，andwithhimtheprinceandheirofthenoblelineofLambert。
