第14章

AboutthatpresenttimeyoungStephenfilledallcupsthatstoodemptysoasthereremainedbutlittlemoiftheprudenterhadnotshadowedtheirapproachfromhimthatstillplieditverybusilywho，prayingfortheintentionsofthesovereignpontiff，hegavethemforapledgethevicarofChristwhichalsoashesaidisvicarofBray。Nowdrinkwe，quodhe，ofthismazerandquaffyethismeadwhichisnotindeedparcelofmybodybutmysoul’sbodiment。Leaveyefractionofbreadtothemthatlivebybreadalone。Benotafeardneitherforanywantforthiswillcomfortmorethantheotherwilldismay。Seeyehere。Andheshowedthemglisteringcoinsofthetributeandgoldsmiths’notestheworthoftwopoundnineteenshillingthathehad，hesaid，forasongwhichhewrit。Theyalladmiredtoseetheforesaidrichesinsuchdearthofmoneyaswasherebefore。Hiswordswerethentheseasfolloweth:Knowallmen，hesaid，time’sruinsbuildeternity’smansions。Whatmeansthis？Desire’swindblaststhethorntreebutafteritbecomesfromabramblebushtobearoseupontheroodoftime。Markmenow。Inwoman’swombwordismadefleshbutinthespiritofthemakerallfleshthatpassesbecomesthewordthatshallnotpassaway。Thisisthepostcreation。Omniscamadteveniet。NoquestionbuthernameispuissantwhoaventriedthedearcorseofourAgenbuyer，HealerandHerd，ourmightymotherandmothermostvenerableandBernardussaithaptlythatshehathanomnipotentiamdeiparaesupplicem，thatistowit，analmightinessofpetitionbecausesheisthesecondEveandshewonus，saithAugustinetoo，whereasthatother，ourgrandam，whichwearelinkedupwithbysuccessiveanastomosisofnavelcordssoldusall，seed，breedandgeneration，forapennypippin。Buthereisthematternow。Orsheknewhim，thatsecondIsay，andwasbutcreatureofhercreature，verginemadrefigliadituofiglioorsheknewhimnotandthenstandssheintheonedenialorignorancywithPeterPiscatorwholivesinthehousethatJackbuiltandwithJosephtheJoinerpatronofthehappydemiseofallunhappymarriagesparcequeM。LéoTaxilnousaditquequil’avaitmisedanscettefichuepositionc’étaitlesacrépigeon，ventredeDieu！Entwedertranssubstantialityoderconsubstantialitybutinnocasesubsubstantiality。AndallcriedoutuponItforaveryscurvyword。Apregnancywithoutjoy，hesaid，abirthwithoutpangs，abodywithoutblemish，abellywithoutbigness。Letthelewdwithfaithandfervourworship。Withwillwillwewithstand，withsay。

HereuponPunchCostellodingedwithhisfistupontheboardandwouldsingabawdycatchStabooStabellaaboutawenchthatwasputinpodofajollyswashbucklerinAlmanywhichhedidnowattack:Thefirstthreemonthsshewasnotwell，Staboo，whenherenurseQuigleyfromthedoorangerlybidthemhistyeshouldshameyounorwasitnotmeetassherememberedthembeinghermindwastohaveallorderlyagainstlordAndrewcameforbecauseshewasjealousthatnotgastefulturmoilmightshortenthehonourofherguard。Itwasanancientandasadmatronofasedatelookandchristianwalking，inhabitdunbeseeminghermegrimsandwrinkledvisage，nordidherhortativewantofiteffectforincontinentlyPunchCostellowasofthemallembraidedandtheyreclaimedthechurlwithcivilrudenesssomeandwithmenaceofblandishmentsotherswhilesallchodewithhim，amurrainseizethedolt，whatadevilhewouldbeat，thouchuff，thoupuny，thougotinthepeasestraw，thoulosel，thouchitterling，thouspawnofarebel，thoudykedropt，thouabortionthou，toshutuphisdrunkendrooloutofthatlikeacurseofGodape，thegoodsirLeopoldthathadforhiscognisancetheflowerofquiet，margeraingentle，advisingalsothetime’soccasionasmostsacredandmostworthytobemostsacred。InHorne’shouserestshouldreign。

TobeshortthispassagewasscarcebywhenMasterDixonofMaryinEccles，goodlygrinning，askedyoungStephenwhatwasthereasonwhyhehadnotcidedtotakefriar’svowsandheansweredhimobedienceinthewomb，chastityinthetombbutinvoluntarypovertyallhisdays。MasterLenehanatthismadereturnthathehadheardofthosenefariousdeedsandhow，asheheardhereofcounted，hehadbesmirchedthelilyvirtueofaconfidingfemalewhichwascorruptionofminorsandtheyallintershowedittoo，waxingmerryandtoastingtohisfathership。Buthesaidveryentirelyitwascleancontrarytotheirsupposeforhewastheeternalsonandevervirgin。Thereatmirthgrewinthemthemoreandtheyrehearsedtohimhiscuriousriteofwedlockforthedisrobinganddefloweringofspouses，asthepriestsuseinMadagascarisland，shetobeinguiseofwhiteandsaffron，hergroominwhiteandgrain，withburningofnardandtapers，onabridebedwhileclerkssungkyriesandtheanthemUtnovetursexusomniscorporismysteriumtillshewasthereunmaided。HegavethemthenamuchadmirablehymenminimbythosedelicatepoetsMasterJohnFletcherandMasterFrancisBeaumontthatisintheirMaid’sTragedythatwaswritforaliketwiningoflovers:Tobed，tobed，wastheburdenofittobeplayedwithaccompanableconcentuponthevirginals。Anexquisitedulcetepithalameofmostmollificativesuadencyforjuvenilesamatorywhomtheodoriferousflambeausoftheparanymphshaveescortedtothequadrupedalprosceniumofconnubialcommunion。Wellmettheywere，saidMasterDixon，joyed，but，harkee，youngsir，betterweretheynamedBeauMountandLecherfor，bymytruth，ofsuchaminglingmuchmightcome。YoungStephensaidindeedtohisbestremembrancetheyhadbuttheonedoxybetweenthemandsheofthestewstomakeshiftwithindelightsamorousforliferanveryhighinthosedaysandthecustomofthecountryapprovedwithit。Greaterlovethanthis，hesaid，nomanhaththatamanlaydownhiswifeforhisfriend。Gothouanddolikewise。Thus，orwordstothateffect，saidZarathustra，sometimeregiusprofessorofFrenchletterstotheuniversityofOxtailnorbreathedthereeverthatmantowhommankindwasmorebeholden。Bringastrangerwithinthytoweritwillgohardbutthouwilthavethesecondbestbed。Orate，fratres，promemetipso。Andallthepeopleshallsay，Amen。Remember，Erin，thygenerationsandthydaysofold，howthousettedstlittlebymeandbymywordandbroughtestinastrangertomygatestocommitfornicationinmysightandtowaxfatandkicklikeJeshurum。Thereforehastthousinnedagainstthelightandhastmademe，thylord，tobetheslaveofservants。Return，return，ClanMilly:forgetmenot，OMilesian。WhyhastthoudonethisabominationbeforemethatthoudidstspurnmeforamerchantofjalapsanddidstdenymetotheRomanandtheIndianofdarkspeechwithwhomthydaughtersdidlieluxuriously？Lookforthnow，mypeople，uponthelandofbehest，evenfromHorebandfromNeboandfromPisgahandfromtheHornsofHattenuntoalandflowingwithmilkandmoney。Butthouhastsuckledmewithabittermilk:mymoonandmysunthouhastquenchedforever。Andthouhastleftmealoneforeverinthedarkwaysofmybitterness:andwithakissofasheshastthoukissedmymouth。Thistenebrosityoftheinterior，heproceededtosay，hathnotbeenilluminedbythewitoftheseptuagintnorsomuchasmentionedfortheOrientfromonhighwhichbrakehell’sgatesvisitedadarknessthatwasforaneous。Assuefactionminoratesatrocities(asTullysaithofhisdarlingStoics)andHamlethisfathershoweththeprincenoblisterofcombustion。TheadiaphaneinthenoonoflifeisanEgypt’splaguewhichinthenightsofprenativityandpostmortemityistheirmostproperubiandquomodo。Andastheendsandultimatesofallthingsaccordinsomemeanandmeasurewiththeirinceptionsandoriginals，thatsamemultiplicitconcordancewhichleadsforthgrowthfrombirthaccomplishingbyaretrogressivemetamorphosisthatminishingandablationtowardsthefinalwhichisagreeableuntonaturesoisitwithoursubsolarbeing。Theagedsistersdrawusintolife:wewail，batten，sport，clip，clasp，sunder，dwindle，die:overusdeadtheybend。FirstsavedfromwaterofoldNile，amongbulrushes，abedoffasciatedwattles:atlastthecavityofamountain，anoccultedsepulchreamidtheconclamationofthehillcatandtheossifrage。AndasnomanknowstheubicityofhistumulusnortowhatprocessesweshalltherebybeusherednorwhethertoTophetortoEdenvilleinthelikewayisallhiddenwhenwewouldbackwardseefromwhatregionofremotenessthewhatnessofourwhonesshathfetchedhiswhenceness。

TheretoPunchCostelloroaredoutmainlyEtiennechansonbutheloudlybidthemlo，wisdomhathbuiltherselfahouse，thisvastmajesticlongstablishedvault，thecrystalpalaceoftheCreatorallinapplepieorder，apennyforhimwhofindsthepea。

BeholdthemansionrearedbydedalJack，

Seethemaltstoredinmanyarefluentsack，

IntheproudcirqueofJackjohn’sbivouac。

Ablackcrackofnoiseinthestreethere，alack，bawled，back。LoudonleftThorthundered:inangerawfulthehammerhurler。Camenowthestormthathisthisheart。AndMasterLynchbadehimhaveacaretofloutandwitwantonasthegodselfwasangeredforhishellprateandpaganry。Andhethathaderstchallengedtobesodoughtywaxedpaleastheymightallmarkandshranktogetherandhispitchthatwasbeforesohaughtupliftwasnowofasuddenquitepluckeddownandhisheartshookwithinthecageofhisbreastashetastedtherumourofthatstorm。ThendidsomemockandsomejeerandPunchCostellofellhardagaintohisyalewhichMasterLenehanvowedhewoulddoafterandhewasindeedbutawordandablowonanytheleastcolour。ButthebraggartboastercriedthatanoldNobodaddywasinhiscupsitwasmuchwhatindifferentandhewouldnotlagbehindhislead。ButthiswasonlytodyehisdesperationascowedhecrouchedinHorne’shall。HedrankindeedatonedraughttopluckupaheartofanygraceforitthunderedlongrumblinglyoveralltheheavenssothatMasterMadden，beinggodlycertainwhiles，knockedhimonhisribsuponthatcrackofdoomandMasterBloom，atthebraggart’ssidespoketohimcalmingwordstoslumberhisgreatfear，advertisinghowitwasnootherthingbutahubbubnoisethatheheard，thedischargeoffluidfromthethunderhead，lookyou，havingtakenplace，andalloftheorderofanaturalphenomenon。

ButwasyoungBoasthard’sfearvanquishedbyCalmer’swords？No，forhehadinhisbosomaspikenamedBitternesswhichcouldnotbywordsbedoneaway。Andwashethenneithercalmliketheonenorgodlyliketheother？Hewasneitherasmuchashewouldhavelikedtobeeither。ButcouldhenothaveendeavouredtohavefoundagainasinhisyouththebottleHolinessthatthenhelivedwithal？IndeednotforGracewasnottheretofindthatbottle。HeardhetheninthatclapthevoiceofthegodBringforthor，whatCalmersaid，ahubbubofPhenomenon？Heard？Why，hecouldnotbuthearunlesshehadpluggedupthetubeUnderstanding(whichhehadnotdone)。ForthroughthattubehesawthathewasinthelandofPhenomenonwherehemustforacertainonedaydieashewasliketheresttooapassingshow。Andwouldhenotaccepttodieliketherestandpassaway？BynomeanswouldheandmakemoreshowsaccordingasmendowithwiveswhichPhenomenonhascommandedthemtodobythebookLaw。ThenwottedhenoughtofthatotherlandwhichiscalledBelieve-on-Me，thatisthelandofpromisewhichbehovestothekingDelightfulandshallbeforeverwherethereisnodeathandnobirthneitherwivingnormotheringatwhichallshallcomeasmanyasbelieveonit？Yes，PioushadtoldhimofthatlandandChastehadpointedhimtothewaybutthereasonwasthatinthewayhefellinwithacertainwhoreofaneyepleasingexteriorwhosename，shesaid，isBird-in-the-Handandshebeguiledhimwrongwaysfromthetruepathbyherflatteriesthatshesaidtohimas，Ho，youprettyman，turnasidehitherandIwillshowyouabraveplace，andshelayathimsoflatteringlythatshehadhiminhergrotwhichisnamedTwo-in-the-Bushor，bysomelearned，CarnalConcupiscence。

ThiswasitwhatallthatcompanythatsatthereatcommonsinManseofMothersthemostlustedafterandiftheymetwiththiswhoreBird-in-the-Hand(whichwaswithinallfoulplagues，monstersandawickeddevil)theywouldstrainthelastbuttheywouldmakeatherandknowher。ForregardingBelieve-on-Metheysaiditwasnoughtelsebutnotionandtheycouldconceivenothoughtofitfor，first，Two-in-the-Bushwhithersheticedthemwastheverygoodliestgrotandinitwerefourpillowsonwhichwerefourticketswiththesewordsprintedonthem，PickabackandTopsyturvyandShamefaceandCheekbyJowland，second，forthatfoulplagueAllpoxandthemonsterstheycarednotforthem，forPreservativehadgiventhemastoutshieldofoxengutand，third，thattheymighttakenohurtneitherfromOffspringthatwasthatwickeddevilbyvirtueofthissameshieldwhichwasnamedKillchild。Soweretheyallintheirblindfancy，MrCavilandMrSometimesGodly，MrApeSwillale，MrFalseFranklin，MrDaintyDixon，YoungBoasthardandMrCautiousCalmer。Wherein，Owretchedcompany，wereyealldeceivedforthatwasthevoiceofthegodthatwasinaverygrievousragethathewouldpresentlylifthisarmandspilltheirsoulsfortheirabusesandtheirspillingsdonebythemcontrariwisetohiswordwhichforthtobringbrenninglybiddeth。

SoThursdaysixteenthJunePatk。Dignamlaidinclayofanapoplexyandafterharddrought，pleaseGod，rained，abargemancominginbywaterafiftymileorthereaboutwithturfsayingtheseedwon’tsprout，fieldsathirst，verysadcolouredandstunkmightily，thequagsandtoftstoo。Hardtobreatheandalltheyoungquickscleanconsumedwithoutsprinklethislongwhilebackasnomanrememberedtobewithout。Therosybudsallgonebrownandspreadoutblobsandonthehillsnoughtbutdryflagsandfaggotsthatwouldcatchatfirstfire。Alltheworldsaying，foraughttheyknew，thebigwindoflastFebruaryayearthatdidhavocthelandsopitifullyasmallthingbesidethisbarrenness。Butbyandby，assaid，thiseveningaftersundown，thewindsittinginthewest，biggishswollencloudstobeseenasthenightincreasedandtheweatherwiseporingupatthemandsomesheetlightningsatfirstandafter，pasttenoftheclock，onegreatstrokewithalongthunderandinabraceofshakesallscamperpellmellwithindoorforthesmokingshower，themenmakingshelterfortheirstrawswithacloutorkerchief，womenfolkskippingoffwithkirtlescatchedupsoonasthepourcame。InElyplace，Baggotstreet，Duke’slawn，thencethroughMerriongreenuptoHollesstreet，aswashofwaterrunningthatwasbeforebonedryandnotonechairorcoachorfiacreseenaboutbutnomorecrackafterthatfirst。OveragainsttheRt。Hon。MrJusticeFitzgibbon’sdoor(thatistositwithMrHealythelawyeruponthecollegelands)Mal。Mulliganagentleman’sgentlemanthathadbutcomefromMrMoore’sthewriter’s(thatwasapapishbutisnow，folksay，agoodWilliamite)chancedagainstAlec。Bannoninacutbob(whicharenowInwithdancecloaksofKendalgreen)thatwasnewgottotownfromMullingarwiththestagewherehiscozandMalM’sbrotherwillstayamonthyettillSaintSwithinandaskswhatintheearthhedoesthere，heboundhomeandhetoAndrewHorne’sbeingstayedfortocrushacupofwine，sohesaid，butwouldtellhimofaskittishheifer，bigofherageandbeeftotheheelandallthiswhilepouredwithrainandsobothtogetherontoHorne’s。ThereLeop。BloomofCrawford’sjournalsittingsnugwithacoveyofwags，likelybranglingfellows，Dixonjun。，scholarofmyladyofMercy，Vin。Lynch，aScotsfellow，Will。Madden，T。Lenehan，verysadforaracinghorsehefanciedandStephenD。Leop。Bloomthereforalanguorhehadbutwasnowbetter，hehavingdreamedtonightastrangefancyofhisdameMrsMollwithredslippersoninpairofTurkeytrunkswhichisthoughtbythoseinkentobeforachangeandMistressPurefoythere，thatgotinthroughpleadingherbelly，andnowonthestools，poorbody，twodayspastherterm，themidwivessoreputtoitandcan’tdeliver，shequeasyforabowlofriceslopthatisashrewddrierupoftheinsidesandherbreathveryheavymorethangoodandshouldbeabullyboyfromtheknockstheysay，butGodgivehersoonissue。’Tisherninthchicktolive，Ihear，andLadydaybitoffherlastchick’snailsthatwasthenatwelvemonthandwithotherthreeallbreastfedthatdiedwrittenoutinafairhandintheking’sbible。HerhubfiftyoddandamethodistbuttakestheSacramentandistobeseenanyfairsabbathwithapairofhisboysoffBullockharbourdappingonthesoundwithaheavybrakedreelorinapunthehastrailingforflounderandpollockandcatchesafinebag，Ihear。InsumaninfinitegreatfallofrainandallrefreshedandwillmuchincreasetheharvestyetthoseinkensayafterwindandwaterfireshallcomeforaprognosticationofMalachi’salmanac(andIhearthatMrRussellhasdoneapropheticalcharmofthesamegistoutoftheHindustanishforhisfarmer’sgazette)tohavethreethingsinallbutthisamerefetchwithoutbottomofreasonforoldcronesandbairnsyetsometimestheyarefoundintherightguesswiththeirqueeritiesnotellinghow。

WiththiscameupLenehantothefeetofthetabletosayhowtheletterwasinthatnight’sgazetteandhemadeashowtofinditabouthim(forhesworewithanoaththathehadbeenatpainsaboutit)butonStephen’spersuasionhegaveovertosearchandwasbiddentositnearbywhichhedidmightybrisk。Hewasakindofsportgentlemanthatwentforamerryandreworhonestpickleandwhatbelongedofwoman，horseflesh，orhotscandalhehaditpat。Totellthetruthhewasmeaninfortunesandforthemostparthankeredaboutthecoffeehousesandlowtavernswithcrimps，ostlers，bookies，Paul’smen，runners，flatcaps，waistcoateers，ladiesofthebagnioandotherroguesofthegameorwithachanceablecatchpoleoratipstaffoftenatnightstillbroaddayofwhomhepickedupbetweenhissackpossetsmuchloosegossip。Hetookhisordinaryataboiling-cook’sandifhehadbutgottenintohimamessofbrokenvictualsoraplatteroftripeswithabaretesterinhispursehecouldalwaysbringhimselfoffwithhistongue，somerandyquiphehadfromapunkorwhatnotthateverymother’ssonofthemwouldbursttheirsides。Theother，Costello，thatis，hearingthistalkaskedwasitpoetryoratale。Faith，no，hesays，Frank(thatwashisname)，’tisallaboutKerrycowsthataretobebutcheredalongoftheplague。Buttheycangohang，sayshewithawink，formewiththeirbullybeef，apoxonit。There’sasgoodfishinthistinasevercameoutofitandveryfriendlyheofferedtotakeofsomesaltyspratsthatstoodbywhichhehadeyedwishlyinthemeantimeandfoundtheplacewhichwasindeedthechiefdesignofhisembassyashewassharpset。Mortauxvaches，saysFrankthenintheFrenchlanguagethathadbeenindenturedtoabrandyshipperthathasawinelodgeinBordeauxandhespokeFrenchlikeagentlemantoo。FromachildthisFrankhadbeenadonoughtthathisfather，aheadborough，whocouldillkeephimtoschooltolearnhislettersandtheuseoftheglobes，matriculatedattheuniversitytostudythemechanicsbuthetookthebitbetweenhisteethlikearawcoltandwasmorefamiliarwiththejusticiaryandtheparishbeadlethanwithhisvolumes。Onetimehewouldbeaplayactor，thenasutlerorawelsher，thennoughtwouldkeephimfromthebearpitandthecockingmain，thenhewasfortheoceanseaortohoofitontheroadswiththeRomanyfolk，kidnappingasquire’sheirbyfavourormoonlightorfeckingmaid’slinenorchokingchickensbehindahedge。Hehadbeenoffasmanytimesasacathaslivesandbackagainwithnakedpocketsasmanymoretohisfathertheheadboroughwhoshedapintoftearsasoftenashesawhim。What，saysMrLeopoldwithhishandsacross，thatwasearnesttoknowthedriftofit，willtheyslaughterall？IprotestIsawthembutthisdaymorninggoingtotheLiverpoolboats，sayshe。Icanscarcebelieve’tissobad，sayshe。Andhehadexperienceofthelikebroodbeastsandofspringers，greasyhoggetsandwetherwools，havingbeensomeyearsbeforeactuaryforMrJosephCuffe，aworthysalesmasterthatdrovehistradeforlivestockandmeadowauctionshardbyMrGavinLow’syardinPrussiastreet。Iquestionwithyouthere，sayshe。Morelike’tisthehooseofthetimbertongue。MrStephen，alittlemovedbutveryhandsomely，toldhimnosuchmatterandthathehaddispatchesfromtheemperor’schieftailticklerthankinghimforthehospitality，thatwassendingoverDoctorRinderpest，thebestquotedcowcatcherinallMuscovy，withabolusortwoofphysictotakethebullbythehorns。Come，come，saysMrVincent，plaindealing。He’llfindhimselfonthehornsofadilemmaifhemeddleswithabullthat’sIrish，sayshe。IrishbynameandIrishbynature，saysMrStephen，andhesentthealepurlingabout。AnIrishbullinanEnglishchinashop。Iconceiveyou，saysMrDixon。ItisthatsamebullthatwassenttoourislandbyfarmerNicholas，thebravestcattlebreederofthemall，withanemeraldringinhisnose。Trueforyou，saysMrVincentcrossthetable，andabullseyeintothebargain，sayshe，andaplumperandaportlierbull，sayshe，nevershitonshamrock。Hehadhornsgalore，acoatofgoldandasweetsmokybreathcomingoutofhisnostrilssothatthewomenofourisland，leavingdoughballsandrollingpins，followedafterhimhanginghisbullinessindaisychains。Whatforthat，saysMrDixon，butbeforehecameoverfarmerNicholasthatwasaeunuchhadhimproperlygeldedbyacollegeofdoctors，whowerenobetteroffthanhimself。Sobeoffnow，sayshe，anddoallmycousingermantheLordHarrytellsyouandtakeafarmer’sblessing，andwiththatheslappedhisposteriorsverysoundly。Buttheslapandtheblessingstoodhimfriend，saysMrVincent，fortomakeuphetaughthimatrickworthtwooftheothersothatmaid，wife，abbessandwidowtothisdayaffirmthattheywouldratheranytimeofthemonthwhisperinhisearinthedarkofacowhouseorgetalickonthenapefromhislongholytonguethenliewiththefineststrappingyoungravisherinthefourfieldsofallIreland。Anotherthenputinhisword:Andtheydressedhim，sayshe，inapointshiftandpetticoatwithatippetandgirdleandrufflesonhiswristsandclippedhisforelockandrubbedhimalloverwithspermaceticoilandbuiltstablesforhimateveryturnoftheroadwithagoldmangerineachfullofthebesthayinthemarketsothathecoulddossanddungtohisheart’scontent。Bythistimethefatherofthefaithful(forsotheycalledhim)wasgrownsoheavythathecouldscarcewalktopasture。Toremedywhichourcozeningdamesanddamselsbroughthimhisfodderintheirapronlapsandassoonashisbellywasfullhewouldrearuponhishindquarterstoshowtheirladyshipsamysteryandroarandbellowoutofhiminbull’slanguageandtheyallafterhim。Ay，saysanother，andsopamperedwashethathewouldsuffernoughttogrowinallthelandbutgreengrassforhimself(forthatwastheonlycolourtohismind)andtherewasaboardputuponahillockinthemiddleoftheislandwithaprintednotice，saying:BythelordHarrygreenisthegrassthatgrowsontheground。And，saysMrDixon，ifeverhegotscentofacattleraiderinRoscommonorthewildsofConnemaraorahusbandmaninSligothatwassowingasmuchasahandfulofmustardorabagofrapeseedoutherunamokoverhalfthecountrysiderootingupwithhishornswhateverwasplantedandallbylordHarry’sorders。Therewasbadbloodbetweenthematfirst，saysMrVincent，andthelordHarrycalledfarmerNicholasalltheoldNicksintheworldandanoldwhoremasterthatkeptseventrullsinhishouseandI’llmeddleinhismatters，sayshe。I’llmakethatanimalsmellhell，sayshe，withthehelpofthatgoodpizzlemyfatherleftme。Butoneevening，saysMrDixon，whenthelordHarrywascleaninghisroyalpelttogotodinnerafterwinningaboatrace(hehadspadeoarsforhimselfbutthefirstruleofthecoursewasthattheothersweretorowwithpitchforks)hediscoveredinhimselfawonderfullikenesstoabullandonpickingupablackthumbedchapbookthathekeptinthepantryhefoundsureenoughthathewasalefthandeddescendantofthefamouschampionbulloftheRomans，BosBovum，whichisgoodbogLatinforbossoftheshow。Afterthat，saysMrVincent，thelordHarryputhisheadintoacow’sdrinkingtroughinthepresenceofallhiscourtiersandpullingitoutagaintoldthemallhisnewname。Then，withthewaterrunningoffhim，hegotintoanoldsmockandskirtthathadbelongedtohisgrandmotherandboughtagrammarofthebull’slanguagetostudybuthecouldneverlearnawordofitexceptthefirstpersonalpronounwhichhecopiedoutbigandgotoffbyheartandifeverhewentoutforawalkhefilledhispocketswithchalktowriteituponwhattookhisfancy，thesideofarockorateahousetableorabaleofcottonoracorkfloat。InshortheandthebullofIrelandweresoonasfastfriendsasanarseandashirt。Theywere，saysMrStephen，andtheendwasthatthemenoftheisland，seeingnohelpwastowardastheungratewomenwereallofonemind，madeawherryraft，loadedthemselvesandtheirbundlesofchattelsonshipboard，setallmastserect，mannedtheyards，sprangtheirluff，heavedto，spreadthreesheetsinthewind，putherheadbetweenwindandwater，weighedanchor，portedherhelm，ranupthejollyRoger，gavethreetimesthree，letthebullginerun，pushedoffintheirbumboatandputtoseatorecoverthemainofAmerica。Whichwastheoccasion，saysMrVincent，ofthecomposingbyaboatswainofthatrollickingchanty:——

PopePeter’sbutapissabed。

Aman’samanfora’that。

Ourworthyacquaintance，MrMalachiMulligan，nowappearedinthedoorwayasthestudentswerefinishingtheirapologueaccompaniedwithafriendwhomhehadjustrencountered，ayounggentleman，hisnameAlecBannon，whohadlatecometotown，itbeinghisintentiontobuyacolouroracornetcyinthefenciblesandlistforthewars。MrMulliganwascivilenoughtoexpresssomerelishofitallthemoreasitjumpedwithaprojectofhisownforthecureoftheveryevilthathadbeentouchedon。WhereathehandedroundtothecompanyasetofpasteboardcardswhichhehadhadprintedthatdayatMrQuinnell’sbearingalegendprintedinfairitalics:MrMalachiMulligan，FertiliserandIncubator，LambayIsland。Hisproject，ashewentontoexpound，wastowithdrawfromtheroundofidlepleasuressuchasformthechiefbusinessofsirFoplingPopinjayandsirMilksopQuidnuncintownandtodevotehimselftothenoblesttaskforwhichourbodilyorganismhasbeenframed。Well，letushearofit，goodmyfriend，saidMrDixon。Imakenodoubtitsmacksofwenching。Come，beseated，both。’Tisascheapsittingasstanding。MrMulliganacceptedoftheinvitationand，expatiatingonhisdesign，toldhishearersthathehadbeenledintothisthoughtbyaconsiderationofthecausesofsterility，boththeinhibitoryandtheprohibitory，whethertheinhibitioninitsturnwereduetoconjugalvexationsortoaparsimonyofthebalanceaswellaswhethertheprohibitionproceededfromdefectscongenitalorfromproclivitiesacquired。Itgrievedhimplaguily，hesaid，toseethenuptialcouchdefraudedofitsdearestpledges:andtoreflectuponsomanyagreeablefemaleswithrichjointures，apreyforthevilestbonzes，whohidetheirflambeauunderabushelinanuncongenialcloisterorlosetheirwomanlybloomintheembracesofsomeunaccountablemuskinwhentheymightmultiplytheinletsofhappiness，sacrificingtheinestimablejeweloftheirsexwhenahundredprettyfellowswereathandtocaress，this，heassuredthem，madehisheartweep。Tocurbthisinconvenience(whichheconcludedduetoasuppressionoflatentheat)，havingadvisedwithcertaincounsellorsofworthandinspectedintothismatter，hehadresolvedtopurchaseinfeesimpleforeverthefreeholdofLambayislandfromitsholder，lordTalbotdeMalahide，aTorygentlemanofnotmuchinfavourwithourascendancyparty。HeproposedtosetupthereanationalfertilisingfarmtobenamedOmphaloswithanobeliskhewnanderectedafterthefashionofEgyptandtoofferhisdutifulyeomanservicesforthefecundationofanyfemaleofwhatgradeoflifesoeverwhoshouldtheredirecttohimwiththedesireoffulfillingthefunctionsofhernatural。Moneywasnoobject，hesaid，norwouldhetakeapennyforhispains。Thepoorestkitchenwenchnolessthantheopulentladyoffashion，ifsobetheirconstructions，andtheirtemperswerewarmpersuadersfortheirpetitions，wouldfindinhimtheirman。Forhisnutrimentheshewedhowhewouldfeedhimselfexclusivelyuponadietofsavourytuberclesandfishandconeysthere，thefleshoftheselatterprolificrodentsbeinghighlyrecommendedforhispurpose，bothbroiledandstewedwithabladeofmaceandapodortwoofcapsicumchillies。AfterthishomilywhichhedeliveredwithmuchwarmthofasseverationMrMulliganinatriceputofffromhishatakerchiefwithwhichhehadshieldedit。Theboth，itseems，hadbeenovertakenbytherainandforalltheirmendingtheirpacehadtakenwater，asmightbeobservedbyMrMulligan’ssmallclothesofahoddengreywhichwasnowsomewhatpiebald。HisprojectmeanwhilewasveryfavourablyentertainedbyhisauditorsandwonheartyeulogiesfromallthoughMrDixonofMary’sexceptedtoit，askingwithafinickingairdidhepurposealsotocarrycoalstoNewcastle。MrMulliganhowevermadecourttothescholarlybyanaptquotationfromtheclassicswhichasitdweltuponhismemoryseemedtohimasoundandtastefulsupportofhiscontention:Talisactantadepravatiohujusseculi，Oquirites，utmatresfamiliarumnostrolascivascujuslibetsemivirilibicititillationestestibusponderosisatqueexcelsiserectionibuscenturionumRomanorummagnopereanteponunt:whileforthoseofruderwithedrovehomehispointbyanalogiesoftheanimalkingdommoresuitabletotheirstomach，thebuckanddoeoftheforestglade，thefarmyarddrakeandduck。

Valuinghimselfnotalittleuponhiselegance，beingindeedapropermanofhisperson，thistalkativenowappliedhimselftohisdresswithanimadversionsofsomeheatuponthesuddenwhimsyoftheatmosphericswhilethecompanylavishedtheirencomiumsupontheprojecthehadadvanced。Theyounggentleman，hisfriend，overjoyedashewasatapassagethathadbefallenhim，couldnotforbeartotellithisnearestneighbour。MrMulligan，nowperceivingthetable，askedforwhomwerethoseloavesandfishesand，seeingthestranger，hemadehimacivilbowandsaid，Pray，sir，wasyouinneedofanyprofessionalassistancewecouldgive？Who，uponhisoffer，thankedhimveryheartily，thoughpreservinghisproperdistance，andrepliedthathewascomethereaboutalady，nowaninmateofHorne’shouse，thatwasinaninterestingcondition，poorlady，fromwoman’swoe(andherehefetchedadeepsigh)toknowifherhappinesshadyettakenplace。MrDixon，toturnthetable，tookontoaskMrMulliganhimselfwhetherhisincipientventripotence，uponwhichheralliedhim，betokenedanovoblasticgestationintheprostaticutricleormalewomborwasdueaswiththenotedphysician，MrAustinMeldon，toawolfinthestomach。ForanswerMrMulligan，inagaleoflaughterathissmalls，smotehimselfbravelybelowthediaphragm，exclaimingwithanadmirabledrollmimicofMotherGrogan(themostexcellentcreatureofhersexthough’tispityshe’satrollop):There’sabellythatneverboreabastard。Thiswassohappyaconceitthatitrenewedthestormsofmirthandthrewthewholeroomintothemostviolentagitationsofdelight。Thespryrattlehadrunoninthesameveinofmimicrybutforsomelarumintheantechamber。

Herethelistener，whowasnoneotherthantheScotchstudent，alittlefumeofafellow，blondastow，congratulatedintheliveliestfashionwiththeyounggentlemanand，interruptingthenarrativeatasalientpoint，havingdesiredhisvisaviswithapolitebecktohavetheobligingnesstopasshimaflagonofcordialwatersatthesametimebyaquestioningposeofthehead(awholecenturyofpolitebreedinghadnotachievedsoniceagesture)towhichwasunitedanequivalentbutcontrarybalanceofthehead，askedthenarratorasplainlyaswaseverdoneinwordsifhemighttreathimwithacupofit。Maisbiens？r，noblestranger，saidhecheerily，etmillecompliments。Thatyoumayandveryopportunely。Therewantednothingbutthiscuptocrownmyfelicity。But，graciousheaven，wasIleftwithbutacrustinmywalletandacupfulofwaterfromthewell，myGod，IwouldacceptofthemandfinditinmyhearttokneeldownuponthegroundandgivethankstothepowersaboveforthehappinessvouchsafedmebytheGiverofgoodthings。Withthesewordsheapproachedthegoblettohislips，tookacomplacentdraughtofthecordial，slickedhishairand，openinghisbosom，outpoppedalocketthathungfromasilkribandthatverypicturewhichhehadcherishedeversinceherhandhadwrotetherein。Gazinguponthosefeatureswithaworldoftenderness，Ah，Monsieur，hesaid，hadyoubutbeheldherasIdidwiththeseeyesatthataffectinginstantwithherdaintytuckerandhernewcoquettecap(agiftforherfeastdayasshetoldme)insuchanartlessdisorder，ofsomeltingatenderness，’ponmyconscience，evenyou，Monsieur，hadbeenimpelledbygenerousnaturetodeliveryourselfwhollyintothehandsofsuchanenemyortoquitthefieldforever。Ideclare，Iwasneversotouchedinallmylife。GodIthanktheeastheAuthorofmydays！Thricehappywillhebewhomsoamiableacreaturewillblesswithherfavours。Asighofaffectiongaveeloquencetothesewordsand，havingreplacedthelocketinhisbosom，hewipedhiseyeandsighedagain。BeneficentDisseminatorofblessingtoallThycreatures，howgreatanduniversalmustbethatsweetestofThytyrannieswhichcanholdinthrallthefreeandthebond，thesimpleswainandthepolishedcoxcomb，theloverintheheydayofrecklesspassionandthehusbandofmatureryears。Butindeed，sir，Iwanderfromthepoint。Howmingledandimperfectarealloursublunaryjoys！Maledicity！WouldtoGodthatforesighthadrememberedmetotakemycloakalong！Icouldweeptothinkofit。Then，thoughithadpouredsevenshowers，wewereneitherofusapennytheworse。Butbeshrewme，hecried，clappinghandtohisforehead，tomorrowwillbeanewdayand，thousandthunders，Iknowofamarchanddecapotes，MonsieurPoyntz，fromwhomIcanhaveforalivreassnugacloakoftheFrenchfashionaseverkeptaladyfromwetting。Tut，Tut！criesleFécondateur，trippingin，myfriendMonsieurMoore，thatmostaccomplishedtraveller(Ihavejustcrackedahalfbottleavecluiinacircleofthebestwitsofthetown)，ismyauthoritythatinCapeHorn，ventrebiche，theyhavearainthatwillwetthroughany，eventhestoutestcloak。Adrenchingofthatviolence，hetellsme，sansblague，hassentmorethanonelucklessfellowingoodearnestposthastetoanotherworld。Pooh！Alivre！criesMonsieurLynch。Theclumsythingsaredearatasou。Oneumbrella，wereitnobiggerthanafairymushroom，isworthtensuchstopgaps。Nowomanofanywitwouldwearone。MydearKittytoldmetodaythatshewoulddanceinadelugebeforeevershewouldstarveinsuchanarkofsalvationfor，assheremindedme(blushingpiquantlyandwhisperinginmyearthoughtherewasnonetosnapherwordsbutgiddybutterflies)，dameNature，bythedivineblessing，hasimplanteditinourheartandithasbecomeahouseholdwordthatilyadeuxchosesforwhichtheinnocenceofouroriginalgarb，inothercircumstancesabreachoftheproprieties，isthefittestnay，theonly，garment。Thefirst，saidshe(andheremyprettyphilosopher，asIhandedhertohertilbury，tofixmyattention，gentlytippedwithhertonguetheouterchamberofmyear)，thefirstisabath……butatthispointabelltinklinginthehallcutshortadiscoursewhichpromisedsobravelyfortheenrichmentofourstoreofknowledge。

AmidthegeneralvacanthilarityoftheassemblyabellrangandwhileallwereconjecturingwhatmightbethecauseMissCallanenteredand，havingspokenafewwordsinalowtonetoyoungMrDixon，retiredwithaprofoundbowtothecompany。Thepresenceevenforamomentamongapartyofdebaucheesofawomanenduedwitheveryqualityofmodestyandnotlessseverethanbeautifulrefrainedthehumoroussalliesevenofthemostlicentiousbutherdeparturewasthesignalforanoutbreakofribaldry。Strikemesilly，saidCostello，alowfellowwhowasfuddled。Amonstrousfinebitofcow-flesh！I’llbeswornshehasrendezvousedyou。What，youdog？Haveyouawaywiththem？Gad’sbud。Immenselyso，saidMrLynch。ThebedsidemanneritisthattheyuseintheMaterhospice。Demme，doesnotDoctorO’Garglechuckthenunsthereunderthechin？AsIlooktobesavedIhaditfrommyKittywhohasbeenwardmaidthereanytimethesesevenmonths。Lawksamercy，doctor，criedtheyoungbloodintheprimrosevest，feigningawomanishsimperandimmodestsquirmingsofhisbody，howyoudoteaseabody！Drattheman！Blessme，I’mallofawibblywobbly。Why，you’reasbadasdearlittleFatherCantekissemthatyouare！Maythispotoffourhalfchokeme，criedCostello，ifsheain’tinthefamilyway。Iknowsaladywhat’sgotawhiteswellingquickasIclapseyesonher。Theyoungsurgeon，however，roseandbeggedthecompanytoexcusehisretreatasthenursehadjusttheninformedhimthathewasneededintheward。Mercifulprovidencehadbeenpleasedtoputaperiodtothesufferingsoftheladywhowasenceintewhichshehadbornewithalaudablefortitudeandshehadgivenbirthtoabouncingboy。Iwantpatience，saidhe，withthosewhowithoutwittoenlivenorlearningtoinstruct，revileanennoblingprofessionwhich，savingthereverenceduetotheDeity，isthegreatestpowerforhappinessupontheearth。IampositivewhenIsaythatifneedwereIcouldproduceacloudofwitnessestotheexcellenceofhernobleexercitationswhich，sofarfrombeingabyword，shouldbeagloriousincentiveinthehumanbreast。Icannotawaywiththem。What？Malignsuchanone，theamiableMissCallan，whoisthelustreofherownsexandtheastonishmentofoursandataninstantthemostmomentousthatcanbefallapunychildofclay？Perishthethought！IshuddertothinkofthefutureofaracewheretheseedsofsuchmalicehavebeensownandwherenorightreverenceisrenderedtomotherandmaidinhouseofHorne。Havingdeliveredhimselfofthisrebukehesalutedthosepresentonthebyandrepairedtothedoor。Amurmurofapprovalarosefromallandsomewereforejectingthelowsoakerwithoutmoreado，adesignwhichwouldhavebeeneffectednorwouldhehavereceivedmorethanhisbaredesertshadhenotabridgedhistransgressionbyaffirmingwithahorridimprecation(forhesworearoundhand)thathewasasgoodasonofthetruefoldaseverdrewbreath。Stapmyvitals，saidhe，themwasalwaysthesentimentsofhonestFrankCostellowhichIwasbredupmostparticulartohonourthyfatherandthymotherthathadthebesthandtoarolypolyorahastypuddingasyoueverseewhatIalwayslooksbackonwithalovingheart。

ToreverttoMrBloomwho，afterhisfirstentry，hadbeenconsciousofsomeimpudentmockswhichhe，however，hadbornewithbeingthefruitsofthatageuponwhichitiscommonlychargedthatitknowsnotpity。Theyoungsparks，itistrue，wereasfullofextravaganciesasovergrownchildren:thewordsoftheirtumultuarydiscussionsweredifficultlyunderstoodandnotoftennice:theirtestinessandoutrageousmotsweresuchthathisintellectsresiledfrom:norweretheyscrupulouslysensibleoftheproprietiesthoughtheirfundofstronganimalspiritsspokeintheirbehalf。ButthewordofMrCostellowasanunwelcomelanguageforhimforhenauseatedthewretchthatseemedtohimacropearedcreatureofamisshapengibbositybornoutofwedlockandthrustlikeacrookbackteethedandfeetfirstintotheworld，whichthedintofthesurgeon’spliersinhisskulllentindeedacolourto，soasitputhiminthoughtofthatmissinglinkofcreation’schaindesideratedbythelateingeniousMrDarwin。Itwasnowformorethanthemiddlespanofourallottedyearsthathehadpassedthroughthethousandvicissitudesofexistenceand，beingofawaryascendancyandselfamanofarareforecast，hehadenjoinedhishearttorepressallmotionsofarisingcholerand，byinterceptingthemwiththereadiestprecaution，fosterwithinhisbreastthatplenitudeofsufferancewhichbasemindsjeerat，rashjudgersscornandallfindtolerableandbuttolerable。Tothosewhocreatethemselveswitsatthecostoffemininedelicacy(ahabitofmindwhichheneverdidholdwith)tothemhewouldconcedeneithertobearthenamenortoheritthetraditionofaproperbreeding:whileforsuchthat，havinglostallforbearance，canlosenomore，thereremainedthesharpantidoteofexperiencetocausetheirinsolencytobeataprecipitateandingloriousretreat。Notbutwhathecouldfeelwithmettlesomeyouthwhich，caringnoughtforthemowsofdotardsorthegruntlingsofthesevere，isever(asthechastefancyoftheHolyWriterexpressit)foreatingofthetreeforbidityetnotsofarforthastopretermithumanityuponanyconditionsoevertowardsagentlewomanwhenshewasaboutherlawfuloccasions。Toconclude，whilefromthesister’swordshehadreckoneduponaspeedydeliveryhewas，however，itmustbeowned，notalittlealleviatedbytheintelligencethattheissuesoauspicatedafteranordealofsuchduressnowtestifiedoncemoretothemercyaswellastothebountyoftheSupremeBeing。

Accordinglyhebrokehismindtohisneighbour，sayingthat，toexpresshisnotionofthething，hisopinion(whooughtnotperchancetoexpressone)wasthatonemusthaveacoldconstitutionandafrigidgeniusnottoberejoicedbythisfreshestnewsofthefruitionofherconfinementsinceshehadbeeninsuchpainthroughnofaultofhers。Thedressyyoungbladesaiditwasherhusband’sthatputherinthatexpectationoratleastitoughttobeunlessshewereanotherEphesianmatron。Imustacquaintyou，saidMrCrothers，clappingonthetablesoastoevokearesonantcommentofemphasis，oldGloryAllelujerumwasroundagainto-day，anelderlymanwithdundrearies，preferringthroughhisnosearequesttohavewordofWilhelmina，mylife，ashecallsher。Ibadehimholdhimselfinreadinessforthattheeventwouldburstanon。’Slife，I’llberoundwithyou。Icannotbutextolthevirilepotencyoftheoldbuckothatcouldstillknockanotherchildoutofher。Allfelltopraisingofit，eachafterhisownfashion，thoughthesameyoungbladeheldwithhisformerviewthatanotherthanherconjugialhadbeenthemaninthegap，aclerkinorders，alinkboy(virtuous)oranitinerantvendorofarticlesneededineveryhousehold。Singular，communedtheguestwithhimself，thewonderfullyunequalfacultyofmetempsychosispossessedbythem，thatthepuerperaldormitoryandthedissectingtheatreshouldbetheseminariesofsuchfrivolity，thatthemereacquisitionofacademictitlesshouldsufficetotransforminapinchoftimethesevotariesoflevityintoexemplarypractitionersofanartwhichmostmenanywiseeminenthaveesteemedthenoblest。But，hefurtheradded，itismayhaptorelievethepentupfeelingsthatincommonoppressthemforIhavemorethanonceobservedthatbirdsofafeatherlaughtogether。

Butwithwhatfitness，letitbeasked，ofthenoblelord，hispatron，hasthisalien，whomtheconcessionofagraciousprincehasadmittedtocivilrights，constitutedhimselfthelordparamountofourinternalpolity？Whereisnowthatgratitudewhichloyaltyshouldhavecounselled？Duringtherecentwarwhenevertheenemyhadatemporaryadvantagewithhisgranadosdidthistraitortohiskindnotseizethatmomenttodischargehispieceagainsttheempireofwhichheisatenantatwillwhilehetrembledforthesecurityofhisfourpercents？Hasheforgottenthisasheforgetsallbenefitsreceived？Orisitthatfrombeingadeluderofothershehasbecomeatlasthisowndupeasheis，ifreportbeliehimnothisownandhisonlyenjoyer？Farbeitfromcandourtoviolatethebedchamberofarespectablelady，thedaughterofagallantmajor，ortocastthemostdistantreflectionsuponhervirtuebutifhechallengesattentionthere(asitwasindeedhighlyhisinterestnottohavedone)thenbeitso。Unhappywomanshehasbeentoolongandtoopersistentlydeniedherlegitimateprerogativetolistentohisobjurgationswithanyotherfeelingthanthederisionofthedesperate。Hesaysthis，acensorofmorals，averypelicaninhispiety，whodidnotscruple，obliviousofthetiesofnature，toattemptillicitintercoursewithafemaledomesticdrawnfromtheloweststrataofsociety。Nay，hadthehussy’sscouringbrushnotbeenhertutelaryangelithadgonewithherashardaswithHagar，theEgyptian！InthequestionofthegrazinglandshispeevishasperityisnotoriousandinMrCuffe’shearingbroughtuponhimfromanindignantrancherascathingretortcouchedintermsasstraightforwardastheywerebucolic。Itillbecomeshimtopreachthatgospel。Hashenotnearerhomeaseed-fieldthatliesfallowforthewantofaploughshare？Ahabitreprehensibleatpubertyissecondnatureandanopprobiuminmiddlelife。IfhemustdispensehisbalmofGileadinnostrumsandapothegmsofdubioustastetorestoretohealthagenerationofunfledgedprofligateslethispracticeconsistbetterwiththedoctrinesthatnowengrosshim。Hismaritalbreastistherepositoryofsecretswhichdecorumisreluctanttoadduce。Thelewdsuggestionsofsomefadedbeautymayconsolehimforaconsortneglectedanddebauchedbutthisnewexponentofmoralsandhealerofillsisathisbestanexotictreewhich，whenrootedinitsnativeorient，throveandflourishedandwasabundantinbalmbut，transplantedtoaclimemoretemperate，itsrootshavelosttheirquondamvigourwhilethestuffthatcomesawayfromitisstagnant，acidandinoperative。

ThenewswasimpartedwithacircumspectionrecallingtheceremonialusagesoftheSublimePortebythesecondfemaleinfirmariantothejuniormedicalofficerinresidence，whoinhisturnannouncedtothedelegationthatanheirhadbeenborn。Whenhehadbetakenhimselftothewomen’sapartmenttoassistattheprescribedceremonyoftheafterbirthinthepresenceofthesecretaryofstatefordomesticaffairsandthemembersoftheprivycouncil，silentinunanimousexhaustionandapprobation，thedelegates，chafingunderthelengthandsolemnityoftheirvigilandhopingthatthejoyfuloccurrencewouldpalliatealicencewhichthesimultaneousabsenceofabigailandofficerrenderedtheeasier，brokeoutatonceintoastrifeoftongues。InvainthevoiceofMrCanvasserBloomwasheardendeavouringtourge，tomollify，torestrain。Themomentwastoopropitiousforthedisplayofthatdiscursivenesswhichseemedtheonlybondofunionamongtemperssodivergent。Everyphaseofthesituationwassuccessivelyeviscerated:theprenatalrepugnanceofuterinebrothers，theCaesareansection，posthumitywithrespecttothefatherand，thatrarerform，withrespecttothemother，thefratricidalcaseknownastheChildsmurderandenderedmemorablebytheimpassionedpleaofMrAdvocateBushewhichsecuredtheacquittalofthewrongfullyaccused，therightsofprimogenitureandking’sbountytouchingtwinsandtriplets，miscarriagesandinfanticides，simulatedanddissimulated，acardiacftusinftu，aprosopiaduetoacongestion，theagnatiaofcertainchinlessChinamen(citedbyMrCandidateMulligan)inconsequenceofdefectivereunionofthemaxillaryknobsalongthemediallinesothat(ashesaid)oneearcouldhearwhattheotherspoke，thebenefitsofanesthesiaortwilightsleep，theprolongationoflabourpainsinadvancedgravidancybyreasonofpressureonthevein，theprematurerelentmentoftheamnioticfluid(asexemplifiedintheactualcase)withconsequentperilofsepsistothematrix，artificialinseminationbymeansofsyringes，involutionofthewombconsequentuponthemenopause，theproblemoftheperpetuationofthespeciesinthecaseoffemalesimpregnatedbydelinquentrape，thatdistressingmannerofdeliverycalledbytheBrandenburghersSturzgeburt，therecordedinstancesofmultigeminal，twikindledandmonstrousbirthsconceivedduringthecatamenicperiodorofconsanguineousparents-inawordallthecasesofhumannativitywhichAristotlehasclassifiedinhismaster-piecewithchromolithographicillustrations。Thegravestproblemsofobstetricsandforensicmedicinewereexaminedwithasmuchanimationasthemostpopularbeliefsonthestateofpregnancysuchastheforbiddingtoagravidwomantostepoveracountrystilelest，byhermovement，thenavelcordshouldstranglehercreatureandtheinjunctionuponherintheeventofayearning，ardentlyandineffectuallyentertained，toplaceherhandagainstthatpartofherpersonwhichlongusagehasconsecratedastheseatofcastigation。Theabnormalitiesofharelip，breastmole，supernumerarydigits，negro’sinkle，strawberrymarkandportwinestainwereallegedbyoneasaprimafacieandnaturalhypotheticalexplanationofswineheaded(thecaseofMadameGrisselSteevenswasnotforgotten)ordoghairedinfantsoccasionallyborn。Thehypothesisofaplasmicmemory，advancedbythetaledonianenvoyandworthyofthemetaphysicaltraditionsofthelandhestoodfor，envisagedinsuchcasesanarrestofembryonicdevelopmentatsomestageantecedenttothehuman。Anoutlandishdelegatesustainedagainstboththeseviewswithsuchheatasalmostcarriedconvictionthetheoryofcopulationbetweenwomenandthemalesofbrutes，hisauthoritybeinghisownavouchmentinsupportoffablessuchasthatoftheMinotaurwhichthegeniusoftheelegantLatinpoethashandeddowntousinthepagesofhisMetamorphoses。Theimpressionmadebyhiswordswasimmediatebutshortlived。ItwaseffacedaseasilyasithadbeenevokedbyanallocutionfromMrCandidateMulliganinthatveinofpleasantrywhichnonebetterthanheknewknowtoaffect，postulatingasthesupremestobjectofdesireanicecleanoldman。Contemporaneously，aheatedargumenthavingarisenbetweenMrDelegateMaddenandMrCandidateLynchregardingthejuridicalandtheologicaldilemmaintheevenofoneSiamesetwinpredeceasingtheother，thedifficultybymutualconsentwasreferredtoMrCanvasserBloomforinstantsubmittaltoMrCoadjutorDeaconDedalus。Hithertosilent，whetherthebettertoshowbypreternaturalgravitythatcuriousdignityofthegarbwithwhichhewasinvestedorinobediencetoaninwardvoice，hedeliveredbriefly，andassomethoughtperfunctorily，theecclesiasticalordinanceforbiddingmantoputasunderwhatGodhasjoined。

ButMalachias’talebegantofreezethemwithhorror。Heconjuredupthescenebeforethem。Thesecretpanelbesidethechimneyslidbackandintherecessappeared……Haines！Whichofusdidnotfeelhisfleshcreep？HehadaportfoliofullofCelticliteratureinonehand，intheotheraphialmarkedPoison。Surprise，horror，loathingweredepictedonallfaceswhileheeyedthemwithaghastlygrin。Ianticipatedsomesuchreception，hebeganwithaneldritchlaugh，forwhich，itseems，historyistoblame。Yes，itistrue。IamthemurdererofSamuelChilds。AndhowIampunished！Theinfernohasnoterrorsforme。Thisistheappearanceisonme。Tareandages，whatwaywouldIberestingatall，hemutteredthickly，andItrampingDublinthiswhilebackwithmyshareofsongsandhimselfaftermethelikeofasoulthorabullawurrus？Myhell，andIreland’s，isinthislife。ItiswhatItriedtoobliteratemycrime。Distractions，rookshooting，theErselanguage(herecitedsome)，laudanum(heraisedthephialtohislips)，campingout。Invain！Hisspectrestalksme。Dopeismyonlyhope……Ah！Destruction！Theblackpanther！Withacryhesuddenlyvanishedandthepanelslidback。Aninstantlaterhisheadappearedinthedooroppositeandsaid:MeetmeatWestlandrowstationattenpasteleven。Hewasgone！Tearsgushedfromtheeyesofthedissipatedhost。Theseerraisedhishandtoheaven，murmuring:ThevendettaofMananaan！ThesagerepeatedLextalionis。Thesentimentalistishewhowouldenjoywithoutincurringtheimmensedebtorshipforathingdone。Malachias，overcomebyemotion，ceased。Themysterywasunveiled。Haineswasthethirdbrother。HisrealnamewasChilds。Theblackpantherwashimselftheghostofhisownfather。Hedrankdrugstoobliterate。Forthisreliefmuchthanks。Thelonelyhousebythegraveyardisuninhabited。Nosoulwilllivethere。Thespiderpitchesherwebinthesolitude。Thenocturnalratpeersfromhishole。Acurseisonit。Itishaunted。Murderer’sground。

Whatistheageofthesoulofman？Asshehaththevirtueofthechameleontochangeherhueateverynewapproach，tobegaywiththemerryandmournfulwiththedowncast，sotooisheragechangeableashermood。NolongerisLeopold，ashesitsthere，ruminating，chewingthecudofreminiscence，thatstaidagentofpublicityandholderofamodestsubstanceinthefunds。HeisyoungLeopold，asinaretrospectivearrangement，amirrorwithinamirror(hey，presto！)，hebeholdethhimself。Thatyoungfigureofthenisseen，precociouslymanly，walkingonanippingmorningfromtheoldhouseinClambrassilstreettothehighschool，hisbooksatchelonhimbandolierwise，andinitagoodlyhunkofwheatenloaf，amother’sthought。Oritisthesamefigure，ayearorsogoneover，inhisfirsthardhat(ah，thatwasaday！)，alreadyontheroad，afullfledgedtravellerforthefamilyfirm，equippedwithanorderbook，ascentedhandkerchief(notforshowonly)，hiscaseofbrighttrinketware(alas，athingnowofthepast！)，andaquiverfulofcompliantsmilesforthisorthathalfwonhousewifereckoningitoutuponherfingertipsorforabuddingvirginshylyacknowledging(buttheheart？tellme！)hisstudiedbaisemoins。Thescent，thesmilebutmorethanthese，thedarkeyesandoleaginousaddressbroughthomeatduskfallmanyacommissiontotheheadofthefirmseatedwithJacob’spipeafterlikelaboursinthepaternalingle(amealofnoodles，youmaybesure，isaheating)，readingthroughroundhornedspectaclessomepaperfromtheEuropeofamonthbefore。Buthey，presto，themirrorisbreathedonandtheyoungknighterrantrecedes，shrivels，toatinyspeckwithinthemist。Nowheishimselfpaternalandtheseabouthimmightbehissons。Whocansay？Thewisefatherknowshisownchild。HethinksofadrizzlingnightinHatchstreet，hardbythebondedstoresthere，thefirst。Together(sheisapoorwaif，achildofshame，yoursandmineandofallforabareshillingandherluck-penny)，togethertheyheartheheavytreadofthewatchastworaincapedshadowspassthenewroyaluniversity。Bridie！BridieKelly！Hewillneverforgetthename，everrememberthenight，firstnight，thebridenight。Theyareentwinedinnethermostdarkness，thewillerwiththewilled，andinaninstant(fiat！)lightshallfloodtheworld。Didheartleaptoheart？Nay，fairreader。Inabreath’twasdonebut-hold！Back！Itmustnotbe！Interrorthepoorgirlfleesawaythroughthemurk。Sheisthebrideofdarkness，adaughterofnight。Shedarenotbearthesunnygoldenbabeofday。No，Leopold！Nameandmemorysolacetheenot。Thatyouthfulillusionofthystrengthwastakenfromtheeandinvain。Nosonofthyloinsisbythee。ThereisnonenowtobeforLeopold，whatLeopoldwasforRudolph。

Thevoicesblendandfuseincloudedsilence:silencethatistheinfiniteofspace:andswiftly，silentlythesouliswaftedoverregionsofcyclesofcyclesofgenerationsthathavelived。Aregionwheregreytwilighteverdescends，neverfallsonwidesagegreenpasturefields，sheddingherdusk，scatteringaperennialdewofstars。Shefollowshermotherwithungainlysteps，amareleadingherfillyfoal。Twilightphantomsaretheyyetmouldedinpropheticgraceofstructure，slimshapelyhaunches，asuppletendonousneck，themeekapprehensiveskull。Theyfade，sadphantoms:allisgone。Agendathisawasteland，ahomeofscreechowlsandthesandblindupupa。Netaim，thegolden，isnomore。Andonthehighwayofthecloudstheycome，mutteringthunderofrebellion，theghostsofbeasts。Huuh！Hark！Huuh！Parallaxstalksbehindandgoadsthem，thelancinatinglightningsofwhosebrowarescorpions。Elkandyak，thebullsofBashanandofBabylon，mammothandmastodon，theycometroopingtothesunkensea，LacusMortis。Ominous，revengefulzodiacalhost！Theymoan，passingupontheclouds，hornedandcapricorned，thetrumpetedwiththetusked，thelionmanedthegiantantlered，snouterandcrawler，rodent，ruminantandpachyderm，alltheirmovingmoaningmultitude，murderersofthesun。

Onwardtothedeadseatheytramptodrink，unslakedandwithhorriblegulpings，thesaltsomnolentinexhaustibleflood。Andtheequineportentgrowsagain，magnifiedinthedesertedheavens，naytoheaven’sownmagnitude，tillitlooms，vast，overthehouseofVirgo。And，lo，wonderofmetempsychosis，itisshe，theeverlastingbride，harbingerofthedaystar，thebride，evervirgin。Itisshe，Martha，thoulostone，Millicent，theyoung，thedear，theradiant。Howserenedoesshenowarise，aqueenamongthePleiades，inthepenultimateantelucanhour，shodinsandalsofbrightgold，coifedwithaveilofwhatdoyoucallitgossamer！Itfloats，itflowsaboutherstarbornfleshandlooseitstreamsemerald，sapphire，mauveandheliotrope，sustainedoncurrentsofcoldinterstellarwind，winding，coiling，simplyswirling，writhingintheskiesamysteriouswritingtillafteramyriadmetamorphosesofsymbol，itblazes，Alpha，arubyandtriangledsignupontheforeheadofTaurus。

FranciswasremindingStephenofyearsbeforewhentheyhadbeenatschooltogetherinConmee’stime。HeaskedaboutGlaucon，Alcibiades，Pisistratus。Whereweretheynow？Neitherknew。Youhavespokenofthepastanditsphantoms，Stephensaid。Whythinkofthem？IfIcallthemintolifeacrossthewatersofLethewillnotthepoorghoststrooptomycall？Whosupposesit？I，BousStephanoumenos，bullockbefriendingbard，amlordandgiveroftheirlife。Heencircledhisgaddinghairwithacoronalofvineleaves，smilingatVincent。Thatanswerandthoseleaves，Vincentsaidtohim，willadornyoumorefitlywhensomethingmore，andgreatlymore，thanacapfuloflightodescancallyourgeniusfather。Allwhowishyouwellhopethisforyou。Alldesiretoseeyoubringforththeworkyoumeditate。Iheartilywishyoumaynotfailthem。Ono，Vincent，Lenehansaid，layingahandontheshouldernearhim，havenofear。Hecouldnotleavehismotheranorphan。Theyoungmansfacegrewdark。Allcouldseehowharditwasforhimtoberemindedofhispromiseandofhisrecentloss。Hewouldhavewithdrawnfromthefeasthadnotthenoiseofvoicesallayedthesmart。MaddenhadlostfivedrachmasonSceptreforawhimoftherider’sname:Lenehanasmuchmore。Hetoldthemoftherace。Theflagfelland，huuh，off，scamper，themareranoutfreshlywithO。Maddenup。Shewasleadingthefield:allheartswerebeating。EvenPhylliscouldnotcontainherself。Shewavedherscarfandcried:Huzzah！Sceptrewins！ButinthestraightontherunhomewhenallwereincloseorderthedarkhorseThrowawaydrewlevel，reached，outstrippedher。Allwaslostnow。Phylliswassilent:hereyesweresadanemones。Juno，shecried，Iamundone。Butherloverconsoledherandbroughtherabrightcasketofgoldinwhichlaysomeovalsugarplumswhichshepartook。Atearfell:oneonly。Awhackingfinewhip，saidLenehan，isW。Lane。Fourwinnersyesterdayandthreetoday。Whatriderislikehim？Mounthimonthecamelortheboisterousbuffalothevictoryinahackcanterisstillhis。Butletusbearitaswastheancientwont。Mercyontheluckless！PoorSceptre！hesaidwithalightsigh。Sheisnotthefillythatshewas。Never，bythishand，shallwebeholdsuchanother。Bygad，sir，aqueenofthem。Doyourememberher，Vincent？Iwishyoucouldhaveseenmyqueentoday，Vincentsaid，howyoungshewasandradiant(Lalagewerescarcefairbesideher)inheryellowshoesandfrockofmuslin，Idonotknowtherightnameofit。Thechestnutsthatshadeduswereinbloom:theairdroopedwiththeirpersuasiveodourandwithpollenfloatingbyus。InthesunnypatchesonemighteasilyhavecookedonastoneabatchofthosebunswithCorinthfruitinthemthatPeriplepomenossellsinhisboothnearthebridge。ButshehadnoughtforherteethbutthearmwithwhichIheldherandinthatshenibbledmischievouslywhenIpressedtoodose。Aweekagoshelayill，fourdaysonthecouch，buttodayshewasfree，blithe，mockedatperil。Sheismoretakingthen。Herposiestoo！Madrompthatitis，shehadpulledherfillaswereclinedtogether。Andinyourear，myfriend，youwillnotthinkwhometusasweleftthefield。Conmeehimself！Hewaswalkingbythehedge，reading，Ithinkabrevierbookwith，Idoubtnot，awittyletterinitfromGlyceraorChloetokeepthepage。Thesweetcreatureturnedallcoloursinherconfusion，feigningtoreproveaslightdisorderinherdress:aslipofunderwoodclungtherefortheverytreesadoreher。Whenconmeehadpassedsheglancedatherlovelyechointhelittlemirrorshecarries。Buthehadbeenkind。Ingoingbyhehadblessedus。Thegodstooareeverkind，Lenehansaid。IfIhadpoorluckwithBass’smareperhapsthisdraughtofhismayservememorepropensely。Hewaslayinghishanduponawinejar:Malachisawitandwithheldhisact，pointingtothestrangerandtothescarletlabel。Warily，Malachiwhispered，preserveadruidsilence。Hissoulisfaraway。Itisaspainfulperhapstobeawakenedfromavisionastobeborn。Anyobject，intenselyregarded，maybeagateofaccesstotheincorruptibleeonofthegods。Doyounotthinkit，Stephen？Theosophostoldmeso，Stephenanswered，whominapreviousexistenceEgyptianpriestsinitiatedintothemysteriesofkarmiclaw。Thelordsofthemoon，Theosophostoldme，anorange-fieryshiploadfromplanetAlphaofthelunarchain，wouldnotassumetheethericdoublesandthesewerethereforeincarnatedbytheruby-colouredegosfromthesecondconstellation。

However，asamatteroffactthough，thepreposteroussurmiseabouthimbeinginsomedescriptionofadoldrumsorotherormesmerised，whichwasentirelyduetoamisconceptionoftheshallowestcharacter，wasnotthecaseatall。Theindividualwhosevisualorgans，whiletheabovewasgoingon，wereatthisjuncturecommencingtoexhibitsymptomsofanimation，wasasastuteifnotastuterthananymanlivingandanybodythatconjecturedthecontrarywouldhavefoundthemselvesprettyspeedilyinthewrongshop。DuringthepastfourminutesorthereaboutshehadbeenstaringhardatacertainamountofnumberoneBassbottledbyMessrsBassandCoatBurton-on-Trentwhichhappenedtobesituatedamongstalotofothersrightoppositetowherehewasandwhichwascertainlycalculatedtoattractanyone’sremarkonaccountofitsscarletappearance。Hewassimplyandsolely，asitsubsequentlytranspiredforreasonsbestknowntohimselfwhichputquiteanaltogetherdifferentcomplexionontheproceedings，afterthemomentbefore’sobservationsaboutboyhooddaysandtheturf，recollectingtwoorthreeprivatetransactionsofhisownwhichtheothertwowereasmutuallyinnocentofasthebabeunborn。Eventually，however，boththeireyesmetand，assoonasitbegantodawnonhimthattheotherwasendeavouringtohelphimselftothething，heinvoluntarilydeterminedtohelphimhimselfandsoheaccordinglytookholdofthemediumsizedglassrecipientwhichcontainedthefluidsoughtafterandmadeacapaciousholeinitbypouringalotofitoutwith，alsoatthesametimehowever，aconsiderabledegreeofattentivenessinordernottoupsetanyofthebeerthatwasinitabouttheplace。

Thedebatewhichensuedwasinitsscopeandprogressanepitomeofthecourseoflife。Neitherplacenorcouncilwaslackingindignity。Thedebaterswerethekeenestintheland，thethemetheywereengagedontheloftiestandmostvital。ThehighhallofHorne’shousehadneverbeheldanassemblysorepresentativeandsovariednorhadtheoldraftersofthatestablishmenteverlistenedtoalanguagesoencyclopaedic。Agallantsceneintruthitmade。CrotherswasthereatthefootofthetableinhisstrikingHighlandgarb，hisfaceglowingfromthebrinyairsoftheMullofGalloway。Theretoo，oppositetohimwasLynch，whosecountenanceborealreadythestigmataofearlydepravityandprematurewisdom。NexttheScotchmanwastheplaceassignedtoCostello，theeccentric，whileathissidewasseatedinstolidreposethesquatformofMadden。ThechairoftheresidentindeedstoodvacantbeforethehearthbutoneitherflankofitthefigureofBannoninexplorer’skitoftweedshortsandsaltedcowhidebroguescontrastedsharplywiththeprimroseeleganceandtownbredmannersofMalachiRolandStJohnMulligan。lyattheheadoftheboardwastheyoungpoetwhofoundarefugefromhislaboursofpedagogyandmetaphysicalinquisitionintheconvivialatmosphereofSocraticdiscussion，whiletorightandleftofhimwereaccommodatedtheflippantprognosticator，freshfromthehippodrome，andthatvigilantwanderer，soiledbythedustoftravelandcombatandstainedbythemireofanindelibledishonour，butfromwhosesteadfastandconstantheartnolureorperilorthreatordegradationcouldevereffacetheimageofthatvoluptuouslovelinesswhichtheinspiredpencilofLafayettehaslimnedforagesyettocome。

IthadbetterbestatedhereandnowattheoutsetthatthepervertedtranscendentalismtowhichMrS。Dedalus’(Div。Scep。)contentionswouldappeartoprovehimprettybadlyaddictedrunsdirectlycountertoacceptedscientificmethods。Science，itcannotbetoooftenrepeated，dealswithtangiblephenomena。Themanofsciencelikethemaninthestreethastofacehardheadedfactsthatcannotbeblinkedandexplainthemasbesthecan。Theremaybe，itistrue，somequestionswhichsciencecannotanswer-atpresent-suchasthefirstproblemsubmittedbyMrL。Bloom(Pubb。Canv。)regardingthefuturedeterminationofsex。MustweaccepttheviewofEmpedoclesofTrinacriathattherightovary(thepostmenstrualperiod，assertothers)isresponsibleforthebirthofmalesorarethetoolongneglectedspermatozoaornemaspermsthedifferentiatingfactorsorisit，asmostembryologistsinclinetoopine，suchasCulpepper，Spallanzani，Blumenbach，Lusk，Hertwig，LeopoldandValenti，amixtureofboth？Thiswouldbetantamounttoacooperation(oneofnature’sfavouritedevices)betweenthenisusformativusofthenemaspermontheonehandandontheotherahappilychosenposition，succubitusfelix，ofthepassiveelement。Theotherproblemraisedbythesameinquirerisscarcelylessvital:infantmortality。Itisinterestingbecause，ashepertinentlyremarks，weareallborninthesamewaybutwealldieindifferentways。MrM。Mulligan(Hyg。etEug。Doc。)blamesthesanitaryconditionsinwhichourgreylungedcitizenscontractadenoids，pulmonarycomplaintsetc。byinhalingthebacteriawhichlurkindust。Thesefacts，healleges，andtherevoltingspectaclesofferedbyourstreets，hideouspublicityposters，religiousministersofalldenominations，mutilatedsoldiersandsailors，exposedscorbuticcardrivers，thesuspendedcarcasesofdeadanimals，paranoicbachelorsandunfructifiedduennas-these，hesaid，wereaccountableforanyandeveryfallingoffinthecalibreoftherace。Kalipedia，heprophesied，wouldsoonbegenerallyadoptedandallthegracesoflife，genuinelygoodmusic，agreeableliterature，lightphilosophy，instructivepictures，plastercastreproductionsoftheclassicalstatuessuchasVenusandApollo，artisticcolouredphotographsofprizebabies，alltheselittleattentionswouldenableladieswhowereinaparticularconditiontopasstheinterveningmonthsinamostenjoyablemanner。MrJ。Crotthers(Disc。Bacc。)attributessomeofthesedemisestoabnormaltraumainthecaseofwomenworkerssubjectedtoheavylaboursintheworkshopandtomaritaldisciplineinthehomebutbyfarthevastmajoritytoneglect，privateorofficial，culminatingintheexposureofnewborninfants，thepracticeofcriminalabortionorintheatrociouscrimeofinfanticide。Althoughtheformer(wearethinkingofneglect)isundoubtedlyonlytootruethecasehecitesofnursesforgettingtocountthespongesIntheperitonealcavityistooraretobenormative。Infactwhenonecomestolookintoitthewonderisthatsomanypregnanciesanddeliveriesgooffsowellastheydo，allthingsconsideredandinspiteofourhumanshortcomingswhichoftenbalknatureinherintentions。AningenioussuggestionisthatthrownoutbyMrV。Lynch(Bacc。Arith。)thatbothnatalityandmortality，aswellasallotherphenomenaofevolution，tidalmovements，lunarphases，bloodtemperatures，diseasesingeneral，everything，infine，innature’svastworkshopfromtheextinctionofsomeremotesuntotheblossomingofoneofthecountlessflowerswhichbeautifyourpublicparks，issubjecttoalawofnumerationasyetunascertained。Stilltheplainstraightforwardquestionwhyachildofnormallyhealthyparentsandseeminglyahealthychildandproperlylookedaftersuccumbsunaccountablyinearlychildhood(thoughotherchildrenofthesamemarriagedonot)mustcertainly，inthepoet’swords，giveuspause。Nature，wemayrestassured，hasherowngoodandcogentreasonsforwhatevershedoesandinallprobabilitysuchdeathsareduetosomelawofanticipationbywhichorganismsinwhichmorbousgermshavetakenuptheirresidence(modernsciencehasconclusivelyshownthatonlytheplasmicsubstancecanbesaidtobeimmortal)tendtodisappearatanincreasinglyearlierstageofdevelopment，anarrangement，which，thoughproductiveofpaintosomeofourfeelings(notablythematernal)，isnevertheless，someofusthink，inthelongrunbeneficialtotheraceingeneralinsecuringtherebythesurvivalofthefittest。MrS。Dedalus’(Div。Scep。)remark(orshoulditbecalledaninterruption？)thatanomnivorousbeingwhichcanmasticate，deglute，digestandapparentlypassthroughtheordinarychannelwithpluterperfectimperturbabilitysuchmultifariousalimentsascancrenousfemalesemaciatedbyparturition，corpulentprofessionalgentlemen，nottospeakofjaundicedpoliticiansandchloroticnuns，mightpossiblyfindgastricreliefinaninnocentcollationofstaggeringbob，revealsasnoughtelsecouldandinaveryunsavourylightthetendencyabovealludedto。Fortheenlightenmentofthosewhoarenotsointimatelyacquaintedwiththeminutiaeofthemunicipalabattoirasthismorbidmindedestheteandembryophilosopherwhoforallhisoverweeningbumptiousnessinthingsscientificcanscarcelydistinguishanacidfromanalkaliprideshimselfonbeing，itshouldperhapsbestatedthatstaggeringbobinthevileparlanceofourlowerclasslicensedvictuallerssignifiesthecookableandeatablefleshofacalfnewlydroppedfromitsmother。InarecentpubliccontroversywithMrL。Bloom(Pubb。Canv。)whichtookplaceinthecommons’halloftheNationalMaternityHospital，29，30and31Hollesstreet，ofwhich，asiswellknown，DrA。Horne(Lic。inMdw。，F。K。Q。C。P。I。)istheableandpopularmaster，heisreportedbyeyewitnessesashavingstatedthatonceawomanhasletthecatintothebag(anestheticallusion，presumably，tooneofthemostcomplicatedandmarvellousofallnature’sprocesses，theactofsexualcongress)shemustletitoutagainorgiveitlife，ashephrasedit，tosaveherown。Attheriskofherownwasthetellingrejoinderofhisinterlocutornonethelesseffectiveforthemoderateandmeasuredtoneinwhichitwasdelivered。

Meanwhiletheskillandpatienceofthephysicianhadbroughtaboutahappyaccouchement。Ithadbeenawearywearywhilebothforpatientanddoctor。Allthatsurgicalskillcoulddowasdoneandthebravewomanhadmanfullyhelped。Shehad。Shehadfoughtthegoodfightandnowshewasveryveryhappy。Thosewhohavepassedon，whohavegonebefore，arehappytooastheygazedownandsmileuponthetouchingscene。Reverentlylookatherasshereclinestherewiththemotherlightinhereyes，thatlonginghungerforbabyfingers(aprettysightitistosee)，inthefirstbloomofhernewmotherhood，breathingasilentprayerofthanksgivingtoOneabove，theUniversalHusband。Andasherlovingeyesbeholdherbabeshewishesonlyoneblessingmore，tohaveherdearDoadytherewithhertoshareherjoy，tolayinhisarmsthatmiteofGod’sclay，thefruitoftheirlawfulembraces。Heisoldernow(youandImaywhisperit)andatriflestoopedintheshouldersyetinthewhirligigofyearsagravedignityhascometotheconscientioussecondaccountantoftheUlsterbank，CollegeGreenbranch。ODoady，lovedoneofold，faithfullifematenow，itmayneverbeagain，thatfarofftimeoftheroses！Withtheoldshakeofherprettyheadsherecallsthosedays。God，howbeautifulnowacrossthemistofyears！Buttheirchildrenaregroupedinherimaginationaboutthebedside，hersandhis，Charley，MaryAlice，FrederickAlbert(ifhehadlived)，Mamy，Budgy(VictoriaFrances)，Tom，VioletConstanceLouisa，darlinglittleBobsy(calledafterourfamousherooftheSouthAfricanwar，lordBobsofWaterfordandCandahar)andnowthislastpledgeoftheirunion，aPurefoyifevertherewasone，withthetruePurefoynose。YounghopefulwillbechristenedMortimerEdwardaftertheinfluentialthirdcousinofMrPurefoyintheTreasuryRemembrancer’soffice，DublinCastle。Andsotimewagson:butfatherCronionhasdealtlightlyhere。No，letnosighbreakfromthatbosom，deargentleMina。AndDoady，knocktheashesfromyourpipe，theseasonedbriaryoustillfancywhenthecurfewringsforyou(mayitbethedistantday！)anddoutthelightwherebyyoureadintheSacredBookfortheoiltoohasrunlowandsowithatranquilhearttobed，torest。HeknowsandwillcallinHisowngoodtime。Youtoohavefoughtthegoodfightandplayedloyallyyourman’spart。Sir，toyoumyhand。Welldone，thougoodandfaithfulservant！

Therearesinsor(letuscallthemastheworldcallsthem)evilmemorieswhicharehiddenawaybymaninthedarkestplacesoftheheartbuttheyabidethereandwait。Hemaysuffertheirmemorytogrowdim，letthembeasthoughtheyhadnotbeenandallbutpersuadehimselfthattheywerenotoratleastwereotherwise。Yetachancewordwillcallthemforthsuddenlyandtheywillriseuptoconfronthiminthemostvariouscircumstances，avisionoradream，orwhiletimbrelandharpsoothehissensesoramidthecoolsilvertranquillityoftheeveningoratthefeastatmidnightwhenheisnowfilledwithwine。Nottoinsultoverhimwillthevisioncomeasoveronethatliesunderherwrath，notforvengeancetocutofffromthelivingbutshroudedinthepiteousvestureofthepast，silent，remote，reproachful。