第15章

Thestrangerstillregardedonthefacebeforehimaslowrecessionofthatfalsecalmthere，imposed，asitseemed，byhabitorsomestudiedtrick，uponwordssoembitteredastoaccuseintheirspeakeranunhealthiness，aflair，forthecruderthingsoflife。Ascenedisengagesitselfintheobserver’smemory，evoked，itwouldseem，byawordofsonaturalahomelinessasifthosedayswerereallypresentthere(assomethought)withtheirimmediatepleasures。AshavenspaceoflawnonesoftMayevening，thewellrememberedgroveoflilacsatRoundtown，purpleandwhite，fragrantslenderspectatorsofthegamebutwithmuchrealinterestinthepelletsastheyrunslowlyforwardovertheswardorcollideandstop，onebyitsfellow，withabriefalertshock。Andyonderaboutthatgreyurnwherethewatermovesattimesinthoughtfulirrigationyousawanotherasfragrantsisterhood，Floey，Atty，TinyandtheirdarkerfriendwithIknownotwhatofarrestinginherposethen，OurLadyoftheCherries，acomelybraceofthempendentfromanear，bringingouttheforeignwarmthoftheskinsodaintilyagainstthecoolardentfruit。Aladoffourorfiveinlinseywoolsey(blossomtimebuttherewillbecheerinthekindlyhearthwhenerelongthebowlsaregatheredandhutched)isstandingontheurnsecuredbythatcircleofgirlishfondhands。Hefrownsalittlejustasthisyoungmandoesnowwithaperhapstooconsciousenjoymentofdangerbutmustneedsglanceatwhilestowardswherehismotherwatchesfromthepiazzettagivingupontheflower-closewithafaintshadowofremotenessorofreproach(allesVerg？nghche)inhergladlook。

Markthisfartherandremember。Theendcomessuddenly。Enterthatantechamberofbirthwherethestudiousareassembledandnotetheirfaces。Nothing，asitseems，thereofrashorviolent。Quietudeofcustodyrather，befittingtheirstationinthathouse，thevigilantwatchofshepherdsandofangelsaboutacribinBethlehemofJudalongago。Butasbeforethelightningtheserriedstormclouds，heavywithpreponderantexcessofmoisture，inswollenmassesturgidlydistended，compassearthandskyinonevastslumber，impendingaboveparchedfieldanddrowsyoxenandblightedgrowthofshrubandverduretillinaninstantaflashrivestheircentresandwiththereverberationofthethunderthecloudburstpoursitstorrent，soandnototherwisewasthetransformation，violentandinstantaneous，upontheutteranceoftheWord。

Burke’s！OutflingsmylordStephen，givingthecry，andatagandbobtailofallthemafter，cockerel，jackanapes，welsher，pilldoctor，punctualBloomatheelswithauniversalgrabbingatheadgear，ashplants，bilbos，Panamahatsandscabbards，Zermattalpenstocksandwhatnot。Adedaleoflustyyouth，nobleeverystudentthere。NurseCallantakenabackinthehallwaycannotstaythemnorsmilingsurgeoncomingdownstairswithnewsofplacentationended，afullpoundifamilligramme。Theyharkhimon。Thedoor！Itisopen？Ha？Theyareouttumultuously，offforaminute’srace，allbravelyleggingit，Burke’sofDenzilleandHollestheirulteriorgoal。Dixonfollows，givingthemsharplanguagebutrapsoutanoath，hetoo，andon。Bloomstayswithnurseathoughttosendakindwordtohappymotherandnurselingupthere。DoctorDietandDoctorQuiet。Looksshetoonotothernow？WardofwatchinginHorne’shousehastolditstaleinthatwashedoutpallor。Themallbeinggone，aglanceofmotherwithelpinghewhisperscloseingoing:Madam，whencomesthestorkbirdforthee？

Theairwithoutisimpregnatedwithraindewmoisture，lifeessencecelestial，glisteringonDublinstonethereunderstarshinycoelum。God’sair，theAllfather’sair，scintillantcircumambientcessileair。Breatheitdeepintothee。Byheaven，TheodorePurefoy，thouhastdoneadoughtydeedandnobotch！Thouart，Ivow，theremarkablestprogenitorbarringnoneinthischafferingallincludingmostfarraginouschronicle。Astounding！InherlayaGodframedGodgivenpreformedpossibilitywhichthouhastfructifiedwiththymodicumofman’swork。Cleavetoher！Serve！Toilon，labourlikeaverybandogandletscholarmentandallMalthusiastsgohang。Thouartalltheirdaddies，Theodore。Artdroopingunderthyload，bemoiledwithbutcher’sbillsathomeandingots(notthine！)inthecountinghouse？Headup？Foreverynewbegottenthoushaltgatherthyhomerofripewheat。See，thyfleeceisdrenched。DostenvyDarbyDullmantherewithhisJoan？Acantingjayandarheumeyedcurdogisalltheirprogeny。Pshaw，Itellthee！Heisamule，adeadgasteropod，withoutvimorstamina，notworthacrackedkreutzer。Copulationwithoutpopulation！No，sayI！Herod’sslaughteroftheinnocentswerethetruername。Vegetables，forsooth，andsterilecohabitation！Giveherbeefsteaks，red，raw，bleeding！Sheisahoarypandemoniumofills，enlargedglands，mumps，quinsy，bunions，hayfever，bedsores，ringworm，floatingkidney，Derbyshireneck，warts，biliousattacks，gallstones，coldfeet，varicoseveins。Atrucetothrenesandtrentalsandjeremiesandallsuchcongenitaldefunctivemusic。Twentyyearsofit，regretthemnot。Withtheeitwasnotaswithmanythatwillandwouldandwaitandneverdo。ThousawestthyAmerica，thylifetask，anddidstchargetocoverlikethetranspontinebison。HowsaithZarathusthra？DeinekuhTrübsalmelkestDu。NuntrinkstDudiesüsseMilchdesEuters。See！Itdisplodesfortheeinabundance。Drink，man，anudderful！Mother’smilk，Purefoy，themilkofhumankin，milktooofthoseburgeoningstarsoverhead，rutilantinthinrainvapour，punchmilk，suchasthoserioterswillquaffintheirguzzlingden，milkofmadness，thehoneymilkofCanaan’sland。Thycow’sdugwastough，what？Ay，buthermilkishotandsweetandfattening。Nodollopthisbutthickrichbonnyclaber。Toher，oldpatriarch！Pap！PerdeamPartulametPertundamnuncestbibendum！

Alloffforabuster，armstrong，holleringdownthestreet。Bonafides。Whereyousleplasnigh？Timothyofthebatterednaggin。LikeoleBillyo。Anybrolliesorgumbootsinthefamily？WheretheHenryNevil’ssawbonesandoleclo？Sorraoneomeknows。Hurrahthere，Dix！Forwardtheribboncounter。Where’sPunch？Allserene。Jay，lookatthedrunkenministercomingoutofthematernityhospal！BenedicatvosomnipotensDeus，PateretFilius。Amake，mister。TheDenzillelaneboys。Hell，blastye！Scoot。Righto，Isaacs，shoveemoutofthebleedinglimelight。Yousjoinus，dearsir？Nohentrusioninlife。Louheapgoodman。Alleesameethisbunch。Enavant，mesenfants！Fireawaynumberoneonthegun。Burke’s！Thencetheyadvancedfiveparasangs。Slattery’smountedfootwhere’sthatbleedingawfur？ParsonSteve，apostates’creed！No，no。Mulligan！Abaftthere！Shoveahead。Keepawatchontheclock。Chuckingouttime。Mullee！What’sonyou？Mamèrem’amariée。BritishBeatitudes！RatamplanDigidiBoumBoum。Ayeshaveit。TobeprintedandboundattheDruiddrumpressbytwodesigningfemales。Calfcoversofpissedongreen。wordinartshades。MostbeautifulbookcomeoutofIrelandmytime。Silentium！Getaspurton。Tention。Proceedtonearestcanteenandthereannexliquorstores。March！Tramp，tramptheboysare(attitudes！)parching。Beer，beef，business，bibles，bulldogs，battleships，buggeryandbishops。Whetheronthescaffoldhigh。Beerbeeftramplethebibles。WhenforIrelandear。Tramplethetrampellers。Thunderation！Keepthedurnedmillingtarystep。Wefall。Bishops’boosebox。Halt！Heaveto。Rugger。Scrumin。Notouchkicking。Wow，mytootsies！Youhurt？Mostamazinglysorry！

Query。Who’sastandingthisheredo？Proudpossessorofdamnall。Declaremisery。Bettotheropes。Menanteesaltee。Notaredatmethisweekgone。Yours？Meadofourfathersfortheübermensch。Dittoh。Fivenumberones。You，sir？Gingercordial。Chaseme，thecabby’scandle。Stimulatethecaloric。Windingofhisticker。Stoppedshortnevertogoagainwhentheold。Absintheforme，savvy？Caramba！Haveaneggnogoraprairieoyster。Enemy？Avuncular’sgotmytimepiece。Tento。Obligatedawful。Don’tmentionit。Gotapectoraltrauma，eh，Dix？Posfact。Gotbetbeaboomblebeewheneverhewassettinsleepinhesbitgarten。DigsupneartheMater。Buckledheis。Knowhisdona？Yup，sartin，Ido。Fullofadure。Seeherinherdishybilly。Peelsoffacredit。Loveylovekin。Noneofyourleankine，notmuch。Pulldowntheblind，love。TwoArdilauns。Samehere。Lookslippery。Ifyoufalldon’twaittogetup。Five，seven，nine。Fine！Gotaprimepairofmincepies，nokid。Andhertakemetorestsandherankerofrum。Mustbeseentobebelieved。Yourstarvingeyesandallbeplasteredneckyoustolemyheart，Ogluepot。Sir？Spudagaintherheumatiz？Allpoppycock，you’llscusemesaying。Forthehoipolloi。Iveartheebestagertvool。Well，doc？BackfroLapland？YourcorporositysagaciatingOK？How’sthesquawsandpapooses？Womanbodyaftergoingonthestraw？Standanddeliver。Password。There’shair。Oursthewhitedeathandtheruddybirth。Hi！Spitinyourowneye，boss。Mummer’swire。CribbedoutofMeredith。Jesifiedorchidisedpolycimicaljesuit！Auntymine’swritingPaKinch。BaddybadStephenleadastraygoodygoodMalachi。

Hurroo！Collartheleather，youngun。Rounwithenappy。Here，JockbrawHielentman’syourbarleybree。Langmayyourlumreekandyourkailpotboil！Mytipple。Merci。Here’stous。How’sthat？Legbeforewicket。Don’tstainmybrandnewsitinems。Give’sashakeofpepper，youthere。Catchaholt。Carawayseedtocarryaway。Twig？Shrieksofsilence。Everycovetohisgentrymort。VenusPandemos。Lespetitesfemmes。BoldbadgirlfromthetownofMullingar。TellherIwasaxingather。HaudingSarabythewame。OntheroadtoMalahide。Me？Ifshewhoseducedmehadleftbutthename。Whatdoyouwantforninepence？Machree，Macruiskeen。SmuttyMollforamattressjig。Andapullaltogether。Ex！

Waiting，guvnor？Mostdeciduously。Betyourbootson。Stunnedlikeseeingashownoshinersisacoming，Underconstumble？He’vegotthechinkadlib。Seednearfreepounonunaspellagoasaidwarhisn。Uscomerightinonyourinvite，see？Uptoyou，matey。Outwiththeoof。Twobarandawing。YoularnthatgooffoftheythereFrenchybilks？Won’twashherefornutsnohow。Lilchilevelysolly。Isedecutestcolourcoondownourside。Gawdsteruth，Chawley。Wearenaefou。We’renaethafou。Aureservoir，Mossoo。Tanksyou。

’Tis，sure。Whatsay？Inthespeakeasy。Tight。Isheeyou，shir。Bantam，twodaysteetee。Mowsingnowtbutclaretwine。Garn！Haveaglint，do。Gum，I’mjiggered。Andbeentobarberhehave。Toofullforwords。Witharailwaybloke。Howcomeyouso？Operahe’dlike？RoseofCastille。Rowsofcast。Police！SomeH2Oforagentfainted。LookatBantam’sflowers。Gemini，he’sgoingtoholler。Thecolleenbawn，mycolleenbawn。O，cheeseit！ShuthisblurryDutchovenwithafirmhand。HadthewinnertodaytillItippedhimadeadcert。TheruffinclythenabofStephen。Handasgivemethejadycoppaleen。HestrikeatelegramboypaddockwirebigbugBasstothedepot。Shovehimajoeyandgrahamise。Mareonformhotorder。Guineatoagoosegog。Tellacram，that。Gospel-true。Criminaldiversion？Ithinkthatyes。Surething。Landhiminchokeechokeeiftheharmanbeckcoppedthegame。MaddenbackMadden’samaddeningback。O，lust，ourrefugeandourstrength。Decamping。Mustyougo？Offtomammy。Standby。Hidemyblushessomeone。Allinifhespotsme。Comeahome，ourBantam。Horryvar，mongvioo。Dinnaforgetthecowslipsforhersel。Cornfide。Whagevyethoncolt？Paltopal。Jannock。OfJohnThomas，herspouse。Nofake，oldmanLeo。S’elpme，honestinjun。ShivermytimbersifIhad。There’sagreatbigholyfriar。Vyforyounometell？Vel，Ises，ifthataintasheenynachez，vel，Ivilgetmishamishinnah。Throughyerdourlord，Amen。

Youmoveamotion？Steveboy，you’regoingitsome。Morebluggydrunkables？Willimmenselysplendiferousstanderpermitonestooderofmostextremepovertyandonelargesizegrandaciousthirsttoterminateoneexpensiveinauguratedlibation？Give’sabreather。Landlord，landlord，haveyougoodwine，staboo？Hoots，mon，weedraptopree。Cutandsomeagain。RightBoniface！Absinthethelot。NosomnesbiberimusviridumtoxicumdiaboluscapiatposterioranostraClosingtime，gents。Eh？RomeboosefortheBloomtoff。Ihearyousayonions？Bloo？Cadgesads？Photo’spapli，byallthat’sgorgeous！Playlow，pardner。Slide。Bonsoirlacompagnie。Andsnaresofthepoxfiend。Where’sthebuckandNambyAmby？Skunked？Legbail。Aweel，yemaune’engangyergates。Checkmate。Kingtotower。KindKristyannwillyuhelp，yungmanhoosefrendtukbungalokeetofindplaiswheartolaycrownoffhished2night。Crickey，I’maboutsprung。Tarnallydoggonemyshinsifthisbeentthebestestputtieslongbreakyet。Item，curate，coupleofcookiesforthischild。Cot’sploodandprandypalls，none！Notapiteofsheeses？Thrustsyphilisdowntohellandwithhimthoseotherlicensedspirits。Time。Whowanderthroughtheworld。Healthall。Alav？tre！

Golly，whattentunket’syonguyinthemackintosh？DustyRhodes。Peepathiswearables。Bymighty！What’shegot？Jubileemutton。Bovril，byJames。Wantsitrealbad。D’yekenbaresocks？SeedycussintheRichmond？Rawthere！Thoughthehadadepositofleadinhispenis。Trumperyinsanity。BartletheBreadwecallshim。That，sir，wasonceaprosperouscit。Manalltatteredandtornthatmarriedamaidenallforlorn。Slungherhook，shedid。Hereseelostlove。WalkingMackintoshoflonelycanyon。Tuckandturnin。Scheduletime。Nixforthehornies。Pardon？Seehimtodayatarunefal？Chumoyournpassedinhischecks？Ludamassy！Porepicanninies！Thou’llnobetellingmethot，Poldveg！DidurnsblubblebigsplashcrytearscosfriesPadneywastookoffinblackbag？OfalldedarkiesMassaPatwasverrabest。IneverseethelikesinceIwasborn。Tiens，tiens，butitiswellsad，that，myfaith，yes。Oget，revonagradientoneinnine。Liveaxledrivesaresouped。LayyoutwotooneJenatzylickshimruddywellhollow。Jappies？Highanglefire，inyah！Sunkbywarspecials。Beworseforhim，sayshe，noranyRooshian。Timeall。There’selevenofthem。Getyegone。Forward，woozywobblers！Night。Night。MayAllah，theExcellentOne，yoursoulthisnightevertremendouslyconserve。

Yourattention！We’renaethyfou。TheLeithpolicedismissethus。Theleasttholice。Warehawksforthechappuking。Unwellinhisabominableregions。Yooka。Night。Mona，mythruelove。Yook。Mona，myownlove。Ook。

Hark！Shutyourobstropolos。Pflaap！Pflaap！Blazeon。Thereshegoes。Brigade！Boutship。Mountstreetway。Cutup。Pflaap！Tallyho。Younotcome？Run，skelter，race。Pflaaaap！

Lynch！Hey？Signonlongome。Denzillelanethisway。ChangehereforBawdyhouse。Wetwo，shesaid，willseekthekipsthereshadyMaryis。Righto，anyoldtime。Laetabunturincubilibussuis。Youcominglong？Whisper，whothesootyhell’sthejohnnyintheblackduds？Hush！Sinnedagainstthelightandevennowthatdayisathandwhenheshallcometojudgetheworldbyfire。Pflaap！Utimplerenturscripturae。Strikeupaballad。ThenoutspakemedicalDicktohiscomrademedicalDavy。Christicle，who’sthisexcrementyellowgospellerontheMerrionhall？ElijahiscomingwashedintheBloodoftheLamb。Comeon，youwinefizzlingginsizzlingbooseguzzlingexistences！Comeon，youdog-gone，bullnecked，beetlebrowed，hogjowled，peanutbrained，weaseleyedfourflushers，falsealarmsandexcessbaggage！Comeon，youtripleextractofinfamy！AlexanderJ。ChristDowie，that’syankedtoglorymosthalfthisplanetfrom’FriscoBeachtoVladivostok。TheDeityain’tnonickeldimebumshow。Iputittoyouthathe’sonthesquareandacorkingfinebusinessproposition。He’sthegrandestthingyetanddon’tyouforgetit。ShoutsalvationinKingJesus。You’llneedtorisepreciousearly，yousinnerthere，ifyouwanttodiddletheAlmightyGod。Pflaaaap！Nothalf。He’sgotacoughmixturewithapunchinitforyou，myfriend，Inhisbackpocket。Justyoutryiton。

Circe

TheMabbotstreetentranceofnighttown，beforewhichstretchesanuncobbledtransidingsetwithskeletontracks，redandgreenwill-o’-the-wispsanddangersignals。Rowsofflimsyhouseswithgapingdoors。Rarelampswithfaintrainbowfans。RoundRabaiotti’shaltedicegondolastuntedmenandwomensquabble。Theygrabwafersbetweenwhicharewedgedlumpsofcoalandcoppersnow。Sucking，theyscatterslowly。Children。Theswancombofthegondola，highreared，forgesonthroughthemurk，whiteandblueunderalighthouse。Whistlescallandanswer。

THECALLSWait，mylove，andI’llbewithyou。

THEANSWERSRoundbehindthestable。

(Adeafmuteidiotwithgoggleeyes，hisshapelessmouthdribbling，jerkspast，shakeninSaintVitus’dance。Achainofchildren’shandsimprisonshim。)

THECHILDRENKithoguelSalute。

THEIDIOT(Liftsapalsiedleftarmandgurgles。)Grhahute！

THECHILDRENWhere’sthegreatlight？

THEIDIOT(Gobbing。)Ghaghahest。

(Theyreleasehim。Hejerkson。Apygmywomanswingsonaropeslungbetweentherailings，counting。Aformsprawledagainstadustbinandmuffledbyitsarmandhatmoves，groans，grindinggrowlingteeth，andsnoresagain。Onastepagnometottingamongarubbishtipcrouchestoshoulderasackofragsandbones。Acronestandingbywithasmokyoillampramsthelastbottleinthemawofhissack。Heheaveshisbooty，tugsaskewhispeakedcapandhobblesoffmutely。Thecronemakesbackforherlairswayingherlamp。Abandychild，asquatonthedoorstepwithapapershuttlecock，crawlssidlingafterherinspurts，clutchesherskirt，scramblesup。Adrunkennavvyupswithbothhandstherailingsofanarea，lurchingheavily。Atacornertwonightwatchinshouldercapes，theirhandsupontheirstaffholsters，loomtall。Aplatecrashes；awomanscreams；achildwails。Oathsofamanroar，mutter，cease。Figureswander，lurk，peerfromwarrens。Inaroomlitbyacandlestuckinabottleneckaslutcombsoutthetattsfromthehairofascrofulouschild。CissyCaffrey’svoice，stillyoung，singsshrillfromalane。)

CISSYCAFFREY

IgaveittoMolly

Becauseshewasjolly，

Thelegoftheduck

Thelegoftheduck。

(PrivateCartandPrivateCompton，swaggerstickstightintheiroxters，astheymarchunsteadilyrightaboutfaceandbursttogetherfromtheirmouthsavolleyedfart。Laughterofmenfromthelane。Ahoarseviragoretorts。)

THEVIRAGOSignsonyou，hairyarse。MorepowertheCavangirl。

CISSYCAFFREYMorelucktome。Cavan，CootehillandBelturbet。

(Shesings。)

IgaveittoNelly

Tostickinherbelly

Thelegoftheduck

Thelegoftheduck。

(PrivateCartandPrivateComptonturnandcounterretort，theirtunicsbloodbrightinalampglow，blacksocketsofcapsontheirblondcopperpolls。StephenDedalusandLynchpassthroughthecrowdclosetotheredcoats。)

PRIVATECOMPTON(Jerkshisfinger。)Wayfortheparson。

PRIVATECARR(Turnsandcalls。)Whatho，parson！

CISSYCAFFREY(Hervoicesoaringhigher。)

Shehasit，shegotit，

Whereversheputit

Thelegoftheduck。

(Stephen，flourishingtheashplantinhislefthand，chantswithjoytheintroitforpaschaltime。Lynch，hisjockeycaplowonhisbrow，attendshim，asneerofdiscontentwrinklinghisface。)

STEPHENVidiaquamegredientemdetemploalateredextro。Alleluia。

(Thefamishedsnaggletusksofanelderlybawdprotrudefromadoorway。)

THEBAWD(Hervoicewhisperinghuskily。)Sst！ComeheretillItellyou。Maidenheadinside。Sst。

STEPHEN(Altiusaliqantulum)Etomnesadquospervenitacquaista。

THEBAWD(Spitsintheirtrailherjetofvenom。)Trinitymedicals。Fallopiantube。Allprickandnopence。

(EdyBoardman，sniffling，crouchedwithBerthaSupple，drawshershawlacrosshernostrils。)

EDYBOARDMAN(Bickering。)Andsaytheone:IseenyouupFaithfulplacewithyoursquarepusher，thegreaserofftherailway，inhiscometobedhat。Didyou，saysI。That’snotforyoutosay，saysI。Youneverseenmeinthemantrapwithamarriedhighlander，saysI。Thelikesofher！Stagthatoneis。Stubbornasamule！Andherwalkingwithtwofellowstheonetime，KildbridetheenginedriverandlancecorporalOliphant。

STEPHEN(Triumphaliter。)Salvifactiisunt。

(Heflourisheshisashplantshiveringthelampimage，shatteringlightovertheworld。Aliverandwhitespanielontheprowlslinksafterhim，growling。Lynchscar’sitwithakick。)

LYNCHSothat？

STEPHEN(Looksbehind。)Sothatgesture，notmusic，notodours，wouldbeauniversallanguage，thegiftoftonguesrenderingvisiblenotthelaysensebutthefirstentelechy，thestructuralrhythm。

LYNCHPornosophicalphilotheology。MetaphysicsinMecklenburgstreet！

STEPHENWehaveshrewriddenShakespeareandhenpeckedSocrates。Eventheallwiseststagyritewasbitted，bridledandmountedbyalightoflove。

LYNCHBa！

STEPHENAnyway，whowantstwogesturestoillustratealoafandajug？ThismovementillustratestheloafandjugofbreadandwineinOmar。Holdmystick。

LYNCHDamnyouryellowstick。Wherearewegoing？

STEPHENLecherouslynx，tolabelledamesansmerci，GeorginaJohnson，addeamquilaetificatjuventutemmeam。

(Stephenthruststheashplantonhimandslowlyholdsouthishands，hisheadgoingbacktillbothhandsareaspanfromhisbreast，downturnedinplanesintersecting，thefingersabouttopart，theleftbeinghigher。)

LYNCHWhichisthejugofbread？Itskillsnot。Thatorthecustomhouse。Illustratethou。Heretakeyourcrutchandwalk。

(Theypass。TommyCaffreyscramblestoagaslampand，clasping，climbsinspasms。Fromthetopspurheslidesdown。JackyCaffreyclaspstoclimb。Thenavvylurchesagainstthelamp。Thetwinsscuttleoffinthedark。Thenavvy，swaying，pressesaforefingeragainstawingofhisnoseandejectsfromthefarthernostrilalongliquidjetofsnot。Shoulderingthelamphestaggersawaythroughthecrowdwithhisflaringcresset。

Snakesofriverfogcreepslowly。Fromdrains，clefts，cesspools，middensariseonallsidesstagnantfumes。Aglowleapsinthesouthbeyondtheseawardreachesoftheriver。Thenavvystaggeringforwardcleavesthecrowdandlurchestowardsthetramsiding。OnthefarthersideundertherailwaybridgeBloomappearsflushed，panting，crammingbreadandchocolateintoasidepocket。FromGillenshairdresserswindowacompositeportraitshowshimgallantNelson’simage。AconcavemirroratthesidepresentstohimlovelornlonglostlugubruBooloohoom。GraveGladstoneseeshimlevelBloomforBloom。Hepasses，struckbythestareoftruculentWellingtonbutintheconvexmirrorgrinunstruckthebonhameyesandfatchuckcheekchopsofJollypoldytherixdixdoldy。

AtAntonioBabaiotti’sdoorBloomhalts，sweatedunderthebrightarclamps。Hedisappears。Inamomenthereappearsandhurrieson。)

BLOOMFishandtaters。N。g。Ah！

(HedisappearsintoOlhousen’s，theporkbutcher’s，underthedowncomingrollshutter。AfewmomentslaterheemergesfromundertheshutterpuffingPoldy，blowingBloohoom。Ineachhandheholdsaparcel，onecontainingalukewarmpig’scrubeen，theotheracoldsheep’strottersprinkledwithwholepepperHegasps，standingupright。Thenbendingtoonesidehepressesaparcelagainsthisribandgroans。)

BLOOMStitchinmyside。WhydidIrun？

(Hetakesbreathwithcareandgoesforwardslowlytowardsthelampsetsiding。Theglowleapsagain。)

BLOOMWhatisthat？Aflasher？Searchlight。

(HestandsatCormack’scornerwatching。)

BLOOMAuroraborealisorasteelfoundry？Ah，thebrigade，ofcourse。Southsideanyhow。Bigblaze。Mightbehishouse。Beggar’sbush。We’resafe。(Hehumscheerfully。)London’sburning，London’sburning！Onfire，onfire！(HecatchessightofthenavvylurchingthroughthecrowdatthefarthersideofTalbotstreet。)I’llmisshim。Run。Quick。Bettercrosshere。

(Hedartstocrosstheroad。Urchinsshout。)

THEURCHINSMindout，mister！(Twocyclists，withlightedpaperlanternsaswing，swimbyhim，grazinghim，theirbellsrattling。)

THEBELLSHaltyaltyaltyall。

BLOOM(Haltserectstungbyaspasm。)Ow。

(Helooksround，dartsforwardsuddenly。Throughrisingfogadragonsandstrewer，travellingatcaution，slewsheavilydownuponhim，itshugeredheadlightwinking，itstrolleyhissingonthewire。Themotormanbangshisfootgong。)

THEGONGBangBangBlaBakBludBuggBloo。

(Thebrakecracksviolently。Bloom，raisingapoliceman’swhiteglovedhand，blundersstifflegged，outofthetrack。Themotormanthrownforward，pugnosed，ontheguidewheel，yellsasheslidespastoverchainsandkeys。)

THEMOTORMANHey，shitbreeches，areyoudoingthehattrick？

BLOOM(Bloomtrickleapstothecurbstoneandhaltsagain。Hebrushesamudflakefromhischeekwithaparcelledhand。)Nothoroughfare。Closeshavethatbutcuredthestitch。MusttakeupSandow’sexercisesagain。Onthehandsdown。Insureagainststreetaccidenttoo。TheProvidential。(Hefeelshistrouserpocket。)Poormamma’spanacea。Heeleasilycatchintracksorbootlaceinacog。DaythewheeloftheblackMariapeeledoffmyshoeatLeonard’scorner。Thirdtimeisthecharm。Shoetrick。Insolentdriver。Ioughttoreporthim。Tensionmakesthemnervous。Mightbethefellowbalkedmethismorningwiththathorseywoman。Samestyleofbeauty。Quickofhimallthesame。Thestiffwalk。Truewordspokeninjest。ThatawfulcrampinLadlane。SomethingpoisonousIate。Emblemofluck。Why？Probablylostcattle。Markofthebeast。(Hecloseshiseyesaninstant。)Bitlightinthehead。Monthlyoreffectoftheother。Brainfogfag。Thattiredfeeling。Toomuchformenow。Ow！

(AsinisterfigureleansonplaitedlegsagainstO’Beirneswall，avisageunknown，injectedwithdarkmercury。Fromunderawideleavedsombrerothefigureregardshimwithevileye。)

BLOOMBuenosnoches，se？oritaBlanca，quecalleesesta？

THEFIGURE(Impassive，raisesasignalarm。)Password。SraidMabbot。

BLOOMHaha。Merci。Esperanto。Slanleath。(Hemutters。)Gaelicleaguespy，sentbythatfireeater。

(Hestepsforward。Asackshoulderedragmanbarshispath。Hestepsleft，ragsackmanleft。)

BLOOMIbeg。(Heswerves，sidles，stepsaside，slipspastandon。)

BLOOMKeeptotheright，right，right。IfthereisafingerpostplantedbytheTouringClubatStepasidewhoprocuredthatpublicboon？IwholostmywayandcontributedtothecolumnsoftheIrishCyclisttheletterheaded，IndarkestStepaside。Keep，keep，keeptotheright。Ragsandbones，atmidnight。Afencemorelikely。Firstplacemurderermakesfor。Washoffhissinsoftheworld。

(JackyCaffrey，huntedbyTommyCaffrey，runsfulltiltagainstBloom。)

BLOOMO！

(Shocked，onweakhams，hehalts。TommyandJackyvanishthere，there。Bloompatswithparcelledhandswatch，fobpocket，bookpocket，pursepocket，sweetsofsin，potatosoap。)

BLOOMBewareofpickpockets。Oldthieves’dodge。Collide。Thensnatchyourpurse。

(Theretrieverapproachessniffling，nosetotheground。Asprawledformsneezes。AstoopedbeardedfigureappearsgarbedinthelongcaftanofanelderinZionandasmokingcapwithmagentatassels。Hornedspectacleshangdownatthewingsofthenose。Yellowpoisonstreaksareonthedrawnface。)

RUDOLPHSecondhalfcrownwastemoneytoday。Itoldyounotgowithdrunkengoyever。So。Youcatchnomoney。

BLOOM(Hidesthecrubeenandtrotterbehindhisbackand，crestfallen，feelswarmandcoldfeetmeat)Ja，ichweiss，papachi。

RUDOLPHWhatyoumakingdownthisplace？Haveyounosoul？(WithfeeblevulturetalonshefeelsthesilentfaceofBloom)AreyounotmysonLeopold，thegrandsonofLeopold？AreyounotmydearsonLeopoldwholeftthehouseofhisfatherandleftthegodofhisfathersAbrahamandJacob？

BLOOM(Withprecaution。)Isupposeso，father。Mosenthal。Allthat’sleftofhim。

RUDOLPH(Severely。)Onenighttheybringyouhomedrunkasdogafterspendyourgoodmoney。Whatyoucallthemrunningchaps？

BLOOM(Inyouth’ssmartblueOxfordsuitwithwhitevestslips，narrowshouldered，inbrownAlpinehat，wearinggent’ssterlingsilverwaterburykeylesswatchanddoublecurbAlbertwithsealattached，onesideofhimcoatedwithstiffeningmud。)Harriers，father。Onlythatonce。

RUDOLPHOnce！Mudheadtofoot。Cutyourhandopen。Lockjaw。Theymakeyoukaput，Leopoldleben。Youwatchthemchaps。

BLOOM(Weakly。)Theychallengedmetoasprint。Itwasmuddy。Islipped。

RUDOLPH(Withcontempt)Ooimnachez。Nicespectaclesforyourpoormother！

BLOOMMamma！

ELLENBLOOM(Inpantomimedame’sstringedmobcap，crinolineandbustle，widowTwankey’sblousewithmuttonlegsleevesbuttonedbehind，greymittensandcameobrooch，herhairplaitedinacrispingnet，appearsoverthestaircasebanisters，aslantedcandlestickinherhandandcriesoutinshrillalarm。)OblessedRedeemer，whathavetheydonetohim！Mysmellingsalts！(Shehaulsupareefofskirtandransacksthepouchofherstripedblaypetticoat。Aphial，anAgnusDei，ashrivelledpotatoandacelluloiddollfallout。)SacredHeartofMary，wherewereyouatall，atall？

(Bloom，mumbling，hiseyesdowncast，beginstobestowhisparcelsinhisfilledpocketsbutdesists，muttering。)

AVOICE(Sharply。)Poldy！

BLOOMWho？(Heducksandwardsoffablowclumsily。)Atyourservice。

(Helooksup。BesidehermirageofdatepalmsahandsomewomaninTurkishcostumestandsbeforehim。Opulentcurvesfilloutherscarlettrousersandjacketslashedwithgold。Awideyellscummerbundgirdlesher。Awhiteyashmakvioletinthenight，coversherface，leavingfreeonlyherlacedarkeyesandravenhair。)

BLOOMMolly！

MARIONWelly？MrsMarionfromthisout，mydearman，whenyouspeaktome。(Satirically。)Haspoorlittlehubbycoldfeetwaitingsolong？

BLOOM(Shiftsfromfoottofoot。)No，no。Nottheleastlittlebit。

(Hebreathesindeepagitation，swallowinggulpsofairquestions，hopes，crubeensforhersupperthingstotellherexcuses，desire，spellbound。Acoingleamsonherforehead。Onherfeetarejewelledtoerings。Heranklesarelinkedbyaslenderfetterchain。Besideheracamel，hoodedwithaturretingturban，waits。Asilkladderofinnumerablerungsclimbstohisbobbinghowdah。Heamblesnearwithdisgruntledhindquarters。Fiercelysheslapshishaunch，hergoldcurbwristbanglesangriling，scoldinghiminMoorish。)

MARIONNebrakada！Feminimum。

(Thecamel，liftingaforeleg，plucksfromatreealacemangofruit，offersittohismistress，blinking，inhisclovenhoofthendroopshisheadand，grunting，withupliftedneck，fumblestokneel。Bloomstoopshisbackforleapfrog。)

BLOOMIcangiveyou……ImeanasyourbusinessmenagererMrsMarion……ifyou……

MARIONSoyounoticesomechange？(Herhandspassingslowlyoverhertrinketedstomacher。Aslowfriendlymockeryinhereyes。)OPoldy，Poldy，youareapooroldstickinthemud！Goandseelife。Seethewideworld。

BLOOMIwasjustgoingbackforthatlotionwhitewax，orangeflowerwater。ShopclosesearlyonThursday。Butthefirstthinginthemorning。(Hepatsdiverspockets。)Thismovingkidney。Ah！

(Hepointstothesouth，thentotheeast。Acakeofnewcleanlemonsoaparises，diffusinglightandperfume。)

THESOAP

We’reacapitalcoupleareBloomandI；

Hebrightenstheearth，Ipolishthesky。

(ThefreckledfaceofSweny，thedruggist，appealsinthediscofthesoapsun。)

SWENYThreeandapenny，please。

BLOOMYes。Formywife，MrsMarion。Specialrecipe。

MARION(Softly。)Poldy！

BLOOMYes，ma’am？

MARIONTitremaunpocoilcuore？

(Indisdainshesauntersaway，plumpasapamperedpouterpigeon，hummingtheduetfromDonGiovanni)

BLOOMAreyousureaboutthatVoglio？Imeanthepronunciati……

(Hefollows，followedbythesniffingterrier。Theelderlybawdseizeshissleeve，thebristlesofherchinmoleglittering。)

THEBAWDTenshillingsamaidenhead。Freshthingwasnevertouched。Fifteen。There’sno-oneinitonlyheroldfatherthat’sdeaddrunk。

(Shepoints。Inthegapofherdarkdenfurtive，rainbedraggledBridieKellystands。)

BRIDIEHatchstreet。Anygoodinyourmind？

(Withasqueaksheflapsherbatshawlandruns。Aburlyroughpursueswithbootedstrides。Hestumblesonthesteps，recovers，plungesintogloom。Weaksqueaksoflaughterareheard，weaker。)

THEBAWD(Herwolfeyesshining。)He’sgettinghispleasure。Youwon’tgetavirginintheflashhouses。Tenshillings。Don’tbeallnightbeforethepolisinplainclothesseesus。Sixtysevenisabitch。

(LeeringGertyMacDowelllimpsforward。Shedrawsfrombehindogling，andshowscoylyherbloodiedclout。)

GERTYWithallmyworldlygoodsItheeandthou。(Shemurmurs。)Youdidthat。Ihateyou。

BLOOMI？When？You’redreaming。Ineversawyou。

THEBAWDLeavethegentlemanalone，youcheat。Writingthegentlemanfalseletters。Streetwalkingandsoliciting。Betterforyourmothertakethestraptoyouatthebedpost，hussylikeyou。

GERTY(ToBloom。)Whenyousawallthesecretsofmybottomdrawer。(Shepawshissleeve，slobbering。)Dirtymarriedman！Iloveyoufordoingthattome。

(Sheslidesawaycrookedly。MrsBreeninman’sfriezeovercoatwithloosebellowspockets，standsinthecauseway，herroguisheyeswideopen，smilinginallherherbivorousbuckteeth。)

MRSBREENMr。

BLOOM(Coughsgravely。)Madam，whenwelasthadthispleasurebyletterdatedthesixteenthinstant。

MRSBREENMrBloom！Youdownhereinthehauntsofsin！Icaughtyounicely！Scamp！

BLOOM(Hurriedly。)Notsoloudmyname。Whateverdoyouthinkme？Don’tgivemeaway。Wallshavehears。Howdoyoudo？It’sagessinceI。You’relookingsplendid。Absolutelyit。Seasonableweatherwearehavingthistimeofyear。Blackrefractsheat。Shortcuthomehere。Interestingquarter。RescueoffallenwomenMagdalenasylum。Iamthesecretary……

MRSBREEN(Holdsupafinger。)Nowdon’ttellabigfib！Iknowsomebodywon’tlikethat。OjustwaittillIseeMolly！(Slily。)Accountforyourselfthisveryminuteorwoebetideyou！

BLOOM(Looksbehind。)Sheoftensaidshe’dliketovisit。Slumming。Theexotic，yousee。Negroservantstooinliveryifshehadmoney。Othelloblackbrute。EugeneStratton。EventhebonesandcornermanattheLivermorechristies。Boheebrothers。Sweepforthatmatter。

(TomandSamBohee，colouredcoonsinwhiteducksuits，scarletsocks，upstarchedSambochokersandlacescarletastersintheirbuttonholesleapout。Eachhashisbanjoslung。Theirpalersmallernegroidhandsjinglethetwingtwangwires。FlashingwhiteKaffireyesandtuskstheyrattlethroughabreakdowninclumsyclogs，twinging，singing，backtoback，toeheel，heeltoe，withsmackfatclackingniggerlips。)

There’ssomeoneinthehousewithDina

There’ssomeoneinthehouse，Iknow，

There’ssomeoneinthehousewithDina

Playingontheoldbanjo。

(Theywhiskblackmasksfromrawbabbyfaces:then，chuckling，chortling，trumming，twangingtheydiddlediddlecakewalkdanceaway。)

BLOOM(Withasourtenderishsmile。)Alittlefrivol，shallwe，ifyouaresoinclined？Wouldyoulikemeperhapstoembraceyoujustforafractionofasecond？

MRSBREEN(Screamsgaily。)O，youruck！Yououghttoseeyourself！

BLOOMForoldsake’sake。Ionlymeantasquareparty，amixedmarriageminglingofourdifferentlittleconjugials。YouknowIhadasoftcornerforyou。(Gloomily。)’TwasIsentyouthatvalentineofthedeargazelle。

MRSBREENGloryAlice，youdolookaholyshow！Killingsimply。(Sheputsoutherhandinquisitively。)Whatareyouhidingbehindyourback？Tellus，there’sadear。

BLOOM(Seizesherwristwithhisfreehand。)JosiePowellthatwas，prettiestdebinDublin。Howtimefliesby！Doyouremember，harkingbackinaretrospectivearrangement，OldChristmasnightGeorginaSimpson’shousewarmingwhiletheywereplayingtheIrvingBishopgame，findingthepinblindfoldandthoughtreading？Subject，whatisinthissnuffbox？

MRSBREENYouwerethelionofthenightwithyourseriocomicrecitationandyoulookedthepart。Youwerealwaysafavouritewiththeladies。

BLOOM(Squireofdames，indinnerjacket，withwatered-silkfacings，bluemasonicbadgeinhisbuttonhole，blackbowandmother-of-pearlstuds，aprismaticchampagneglasstiltedinhishand。)Ladiesandgentlemen，IgiveyouIreland，homeandbeauty。

MRSBREENThedeardeaddaysbeyondrecall。Love’soldsweetsong。

BLOOM(Meaningfullydroppinghisvoice。)IconfessI’mteapotwithcuriositytofindoutwhethersomeperson’ssomethingisalittleteapotatpresent。

MRSBREEN(Gushingly。)Tremendouslyteapot！London’steapotandI’msimplyteapotalloverme。(Sherubssideswithhim。)Aftertheparlourmysterygamesandthecrackersfromthetreewesatonthestaircaseottoman。Underthemistletoe。Twoiscompany。

BLOOM(WearingapurpleNapoleonhatwithanamberhalfmoon，hisfingersandthumbspassingslowlydowntohersoftmoistmeatypalmwhichshesurrendersgently。)Thewitchinghourofnight。Itookthesplinteroutofthishand，carefully，slowly。(Tenderly，asheslipsonherfingerarubyring。)Làcidaremlamano。

MRSBREEN(Inaonepieceeveningfrockexecutedinmoonlightblue，atinselsylph’sdiademonherbrowwithherdancecardfallenbesidehermoonbluesatinslippercurvesherpalmsoftly，breathingquickly。)Voglioenon。You’rehot！You’rescalding！Thelefthandnearesttheheart。

BLOOMWhenyoumadeyourpresentchoicetheysaiditwasbeautyandthebeast。Icanneverforgiveyouforthat。(Hisclenchedfistathisbrow。)Thinkwhatitmeans。Allyoumeanttomethen。(Hoarsely。)Woman，it’sbreakingme！(DennisBreen，whitetallhatted，withWisdomHely’ssandwichboard，shufflespastthemincadetslippers，hisdullbeardthrustout，mutteringtorightandleft。LittleAlfBergan，cloakedinthepalloftheaceofspaces，dogshimtoleftandright，doubledinlaughter。)

ALFBERGAN(Pointsjeeringatthesandwichboards。)U。p。:Up。

MRSBREEN(ToBloom。)Highjinksbelowstairs。(Shegiveshimthegladeye。)Whydidn’tyoukissthespottomakeitwell？Youwantedto。

BLOOM(Shocked。)Molly’sbestfriend！Couldyou？

MRSBREEN(Herpulpytonguebetweenherlips，offersapigeonkiss。)Hnhn。Theanswerisalemon。Haveyoualittlepresentformethere？

BLOOM(Offhandedly。)Kosher。Asnackforsupper。Thehomewithoutpottedmeatisincomplete。IwasatLeah。MrsBandmanPalmer。TrenchantexponentofShakespeare。Unfortunatelythrewawaytheprogramme。Rattlinggoodplaceroundthereforpig’sfeet。Feel。

(RichieGoulding，threeladies’hatspinnedonhishead，appearsweightedtoonesidebytheblacklegalbagofCollisandWardonwhichaskullandcrossbonesarepaintedinwhitelimewash。Heinsitandshowsitfullofpolonies，kippered，herrings，Findonhaddiesandtightpackedpills。)

RICHIEBestvalueinDub。

(BaldPat，botheredbeetle，standsonthecurbstone，foldinghisnapkin，waitingtowait。)

PAT(Advanceswithatilteddishofspillspillinggravy。)Steakandkidney。Bottleoflager。Heeheehee。WaittillIwait。

RICHIEGoodgod。Ineverateinall……

(Withhangingheadhemarchesdoggedlyforward。Thenavvy，lurchingby，goreshimwithhisflamingpronghorn。)

RICHIE(Withacryofpain，hishandtohisback)Ah！Bright’s！Lights！

BLOOM(Pointstothenavvy。)Aspy。Don’tattractattention。Ihatestupidcrowds。Iamnotonpleasurebent。Iaminagravepredicament。

MRSBREENHumbugginganddelutberingasperusualwithyourcockandbullstory。

BLOOMIwanttotellyoualittlesecretabouthowIcametobehere。Butyoumustnevertell。NotevenMolly。Ihaveamostparticularreason。

MRSBREEN(Allagog。)O，notforworlds。

BLOOMLet’swalkon。Shallus？

MRSBREENLet’s。

(Thebawdmakesanunheededsign。BloomwalksonwithMrsBreen。Theterrierfollows，whiningpiteously，wagginghistail。)

THEBAWDJewman’smelt！

BLOOM(Inanoatmealsportingsuit，asprigofwoodbineinthelapel，tonybuffshirt，shepherd’splaidSaintAndrew’scrossscarftie，whitespats，fawndustcoatonhisarm，tawnyredbrogues，fieldglassesinbandolierandagreybillycockhat。)Doyourememberalonglongtime，yearsandyearsago，justafterMilly，Marionettewecalledher，wasweanedwhenweallwenttogethertoFairyhouseraces，wasit？

MRSBREEN(InsmartSaxetailormade，whitevelourshatandspiderveil。)Leopardstown。

BLOOMImean，Leopardstown。AndMollywonsevenshillingsonathreeyearoldnamedNevertellandcominghomealongbyFoxrockinthatoldfiveseatershanderadanofawaggonetteyouwereinyourheydaythenandyouhadonthatnewhatofwhitevelourswithasurroundofmolefurthatMrsHayesadvisedyoutobuybecauseitwasmarkeddowntonineteenandeleven，abitofwireandanoldragofvelveteen，andI’lllayyouwhatyoulikeshediditonpurpose……

MRSBREENShedid，ofcourse，thecat！Don’ttellme！Niceadviser！

BLOOMBecauseitdidn’tsuityouonequarteraswellastheotherduckylittletammytoquewiththebirdofparadisewinginitthatIadmiredonyouandyouhonestlylookedjusttoofetchinginitthoughitwasapitytokillit，youcruelcreature，littlemiteofathingwithaheartthesizeofafullstop。

MRSBREEN(Squeezeshisarm，simpers。)NaughtycruelIwas。

BLOOM(Low，secretly，evermorerapidly。)AndMollywaseatingasandwichofspicedbeefoutofMrsJoeGallaher’slunchbasket。Frankly，thoughshehadheradvisersoradmirers，Inevercaredmuchforherstyle。Shewas。

MRSBREENToo。

BLOOMYes。AndMollywaslaughingbecauseRogersandMaggotO’ReillyweremimickingacockaswepassedafarmhouseandMarcusTertiusMoses，theteamerchant，drovepastusinagigwithhisdaughter，DancerMoseswashername，andthepoodleinherlapbridledupandyouaskedmeifIeverheardorreadorkneworcameacross。

MRSBREEN(Eagerly。)Yes，yes，yes，yes，yes，yes，yes。

(Shefadesfromhisside。Followedbythewhiningdoghewalksontowardshellsgates。Inanarchwayastandingwoman，bentforward，herfeetapart，pissescowily。Outsideashutteredpubabunchofloitererslistentoatalewhichtheirbrokensnoutedgafferraspsoutwithraucoushumour。Anarmlesspairofthemflopwrestling，growling，inmaimedsoddenplayfight。)

THEGAFFER(Crouches，hisvoicetwistedinhissnout。)AndwhenCairnscamedownfromthescaffoldinginBeaverStreetwhatwasheafterdoingitintoonlyintothebucketofporterthatwastherewaitingontheshavingsforDerwan’splasterers。

THELOITERERS(Guffawwithcleftpalates。)Ojays！

(Theirpaintspeckledhatswag。Spatteredwithsizeandlimeoftheirlodgestheyfrisklimblesslyabouthim。)

BLOOMCoincidencetoo。Theythinkitfunny。Anythingbutthat。Broaddaylight。Tryingtowalk。Luckynowoman。

THELOITERERSJays，that’sagoodone。Glaubersalts。Ojays，intothemen’sporter。

(Bloompasses。Cheapwhores，singly，coupled，shawled，dishevelled，callfromlanes，doors，corners。)

THEWHORESAreyougoingfar，queerfellow？How’syourmiddleleg？Gotamatchonyou？Eh，comeheretillIstiffenitforyou。

(Heplodgesthroughtheirsumptowardsthelightedstreetbeyond。Fromabulgeofwindowcurtainsagramophonerearsabatteredbrazentrunk。Intheshadowashebeenkeeperhaggleswiththenavvyandthetworedcoats。)

THENAVVY(Belching。)Where’sthebloodyhouse？

THESHEBEENKEEPERPurdonstreet。Shillingabottleofstout。Respectablewoman。

THENAVVY(Grippingthetworedcoats，staggersforwardwiththem。)Comeon，youBritisharmy！

PRIVATECARR(Behindhisback。)Heainthalfbalmy。

PRIVATECOMPTON(LAughs。)Whatho！

PRIVATECARR(Tothenavvy。)Portobellobarrackscanteen。YouaskforCarr。JustCarr。

THENAVVY(Shouts。)

Wearetheboys。OfWexford。

PRIVATECOMPTONSay！Whatpricethesergeantmajor？

PRIVATECARRBennett？He’smypal。IloveoldBennett。

THENAVVY(Shouts。)

Thegallingchain。

Andfreeournativeland。

(Hestaggersforward，draggingthemwithhim。Bloomstops，atfault。Thedogapproaches，histongueoutlolling，panting。)

BLOOMWildgoosechasethis。Disorderlyhouses。Lordknowswheretheyaregone。Drunkscoverdistancedoublequick。Nicemixup。SceneatWestlandrow。Thenjumpinfirstclasswiththirdticket。Thentoofar。Trainwithenginebehind。MighthavetakenmetoMalahideorasidingforthenightorcollision。Seconddrinkdoesit。Onceisadose。WhatamIfollowinghimfor？Still，he’sthebestofthatlot。IfIhadn’theardaboutMrsBeaufoyPurefoyIwouldn’thavegoneandwouldn’thavemet。Kismet。He’lllosethatcash。Relievingofficehere。Goodbizforcheapjacks，organs。Whatdoyelack？Soongot，soongone。Mighthavelostmylifetoowiththatmangongwheeltracktrolleyglarejuggernautonlyforpresenceofmind。Can’talwayssaveyou，though。IfIhadpassedTruelock’swindowthatdaytwominuteslaterwouldhavebeenshot。Absenceofbody。Stillifbulletonlywentthroughmycoatgetdamagesforshock，fivehundredpounds。Whatwashe？Kildarestreetclubtoff。Godhelphisgamekeeper。

(HegazesaheadreadingonthewallascrawledchalklegendWetDreamandaphallicdesign。)

Odd！MollydrawingonthefrostedcarriagepaneatKingstown。What’sthatlike？(Gaudydollwomenlollinthelighteddoorways，inwindowembrasures，smokingbirdseyecigarettes。Theodourofthesicksweetweedfloatstowardshiminslowroundovallingwreaths。)

THEWREATHSSweetarethesweets。Sweetsofsin。

BLOOMMyspine’sabitlimp。Goorturn？Andthisfood？Eatitandgetallpigsticky。AbsurdIam。Wasteofmoney。Oneandeightpencetoomuch。(Theretrieverdrivesacoldsnivellingmuzzleagainsthishand，wagginghistail。)Strangehowtheytaketome。Eventhatbrutetoday。Betterspeaktohimfirst。Likewomentheylikerencontres。Stinkslikeapolecat。Chacunsongo？t。Hemightbemad。Fido。Uncertaininhismovements。Goodfellow！Garryowen！(Thewolfdogsprawlsonhisback，wrigglingobscenelywithbeggingpaws，hislongblacktonguelollingout。)Influenceofhissurroundings。Giveandhavedonewithit。Providednobody。(Callingencouragingwordsheshamblesbackwithafurtivepoacher’stread，doggedbythesetterintoadarkstalestunkcorner。Heunrollsoneparcelandgoestodumpthecrubeensoftlybutholdsbackandfeelsthetrotter。)Sizeableforthreepence。ButthenIhaveitinmylefthand。Callsformoreeffort。Why？Smallerfromwantofuse。O，letitslide。Twoandsix。

(Withregretheletsunrolledcrubeenandtrotterslide。Themastiffmaulsthebundleclumsilyandglutshimselfwithgrowlinggreed，crunchingthebones。Tworaincapedwatchapproach，silent，vigilant。Theymurmurtogether。)

THEWATCHBloom。OfBloom。ForBloom。Bloom。

(EachlaysahandonBloomsshoulder。)

FIRSTWATCHCaughtintheact。Commitnonuisance。

BLOOM(Stammers。)Iamdoinggoodtoothers。

(Acoveyofgulls，stormpetrels，riseshungrilyfromLiffeyslimewithBanburycakesintheirbeaks。)

THEGULLSKawkavekankurykake。

BLOOMThefriendofman。Trainedbykindness。

(Hepoints。BobDoran，topplingfromahighbarstool，swaysoverthemunchingspaniel。)

BOBDORANTowser。Giveusthepaw。Givethepaw。

(Thebulldoggrowls，hisscruffstanding，agobbetofpigsknucklebetweenhismolarsthroughwhichrabidscrumspittledribbles。BobDoranfallssilentlyintoanarea。)

SECONDWATCHPreventionofcrueltytoanimals。

BLOOM(Enthusiastically。)Anoblework！IscoldedthattramdriveronHarold’scrossbridgeforillusingthepoorhorsewithhisharnessscab。BadFrenchIgotformypains。Ofcourseitwasfrostyandthelasttram。Alltalesofcircuslifearehighlydemoralising。

(SignorMaffei，passionpale，inliontamer’scostumewithdiamondstudsinhisshirtfront，stepsforward，holdingacircuspaperhoop，acurlingcarriagewhipandarevolverwithwhichhecoversthegoingboarhound。)

SIGNORMAFFEI(Withasinistersmile。)Ladiesandgentlemen，myeducatedgreyhound。ItwasIbrokeinthebuckingbronchoAjaxwithmypatentspikedsaddleforcarnivores。Lashunderthebellywithaknottedthong。Blocktackleandastranglingpullywillbringyourliontoheel，nomatterhowfractious，evenLeoferoxthere，theLibyanmaneater。AredhotcrowbarandsomelinimentrubbingontheburningpartproducedFritzofAmsterdam，thethinkinghyena。(Heglares。)IpossesstheIndiansign。Theglintofmyeyedoesitwiththesebreastsparklers。(Withabewitchingsmile。)InowintroduceMademoiselleRuby，theprideofthering。

FIRSTWATCHCome。Nameandaddress。

BLOOMIhaveforgottenforthemoment。Ah，yes！(Hetakesoffhishighgradehat，saluting。)DrBloom，Leopold，dentalsurgeon。YouhaveheardofvonBloomPasha。Umpteenmillions。Donnerwetter！OwnshalfAustria。Egypt。Cousin。

FIRSTWATCHProof。

(AcardfallsfrominsidetheleatherheadbandofBloom’shat。)

BLOOM(Inredfez，cadi’sdresscoatwithbroadgreensash，wearingafalsebadgeoftheLegionofHonour，picksupthecardhastilyandoffersit。)Allowme。MyclubistheJuniorArmyandNavy。Solicitors:MessrsJohnHenryMenton，27Bachelor’sWalk。

FIRSTWATCH(Reads。)HenryFlower。Nofixedabode。Unlawfullywatchingandbesetting。

SECONDWATCHAnalibi。Youarecautioned。

BLOOM(Producesfromhisheartpocketacrumpledyellowflower。)Thisistheflowerinquestion。ItwasgivenmebyamanIdon’tknowhisname。(Plausibly。)Youknowthatoldjoke，roseofCastille。Bloom。ThechangeofnameVirag。(Hemurmursprivatelyandconfidentially。)Weareengagedyousee，sergeant。Ladyinthecase。Loveentanglement。(Heshouldersthesecondwatchgently。)Dashitall。It’sawaywegallantshaveinthenavy。Uniformthatdoesit。(Heturnsgravelytothefirstwatch。)Still，ofcourse，youdogetyourWaterloosometimes。DropinsomeeveningandhaveaglassofoldBurgundy。(Tothesecondwatchgaily。)I’llintroduceyou，inspector。She’sgame。Doitinshakeofalamb’stail。

(Adarkmercurialisedfaceappears，leadingaveiledfigure。)

THEDARKMERCURYTheCastleislookingforhim。Hewasdrummedoutofthearmy。

MARTHA(Thickveiled，acrimsonhalterroundherneck，acopyoftheIrishTimesinherhand，intoneofreproach，pointing。)Henry！Leopold！Leopold！Lionel，thoulostone！Clearmyname。

FIRSTWATCH(Sternly。)Cometothestation。

BLOOM(Scared，hatshimselfstepsback，then，pluckingathisheartandliftinghisrightforearmonthesquare，hegivesthesignanddueguardoffellowcraft。)No，no，worshipfulmaster，lightoflove。Mistakenidentity。TheLyonsmail。LesurquesandDubosc。YouremembertheChildsfratricidecase。Wemedicalmen。Bystrikinghimdeadwithahatchet。Iamwrongfullyaccused。Betteroneguiltyescapethanninetyninewrongfullycondemned。

MARTHA(Sobbingbehindherveil。)Breachofpromise。MyrealnameisPeggyGriffin。Hewrotetomethathewasmiserable。I’lltellmybrother，theBectiveruggerfullback，onyou，heartlessflirt。

BLOOM(Behindhishand。)She’sdrunk。Thewomanisinebriated。(HemurmursvaguelythepastofEphraim。)Shitbroleeth。

SECONDWATCH(Tearsinhiseyes，toBloom。)Yououghttobethoroughlywellashamedofyourself。

BLOOMGentlemanofthejury，letmeexplain。Apuremare’snest。Iamamanmisunderstood。Iambeingmadeascapegoatof。Iamarespectablemarriedman，withoutastainonmycharacter。IliveinEcclesstreet。Mywife，Iamthedaughterofamostdistinguishedcommander，agallantupstandinggentleman，whodoyoucallhim，MajorgeneralBrianTweedy，oneofBritain’sfightingmenwhohelpedtowinourbattles。GothismajorityfortheheroicdefenceofRorke’sDrift。

FIRSTWATCHRegiment。

BLOOM(Turnstothegallery。)TheroyalDublins，boys，thesaltoftheearth，knowntheworldover。IthinkIseesomeoldcomradesinarmsupthereamongyou。TheR。D。F。WithourownMetropolitanpolice，guardiansofourhomes，thepluckiestladsandthefinestbodyofmen，asphysique，intheserviceofoursovereign。

AVOICETurncoat！UptheBoers！WhobooedJoeChamberlain？

BLOOM(Hishandontheshoulderofthefirstwatch。)MyolddadtoowasaJ。P。I’masstaunchaBritisherasyouare，sir。IfoughtwiththecoloursforkingandcountryintheabsentmindedwarunderGeneralGoughintheparkandwasdisabledatSpionKopandBloemfontein，wasmentionedindispatches。Ididallawhitemancould。(Withquietfeeling。)JimBludso。Holdhernozzleagainthebank。

FIRSTWATCHProfessionortrade。

BLOOMWell，Ifollowaliteraryoccupation。Author-journalist。InfactwearejustbringingoutacollectionofprizestoriesofwhichIamtheinventor，somethingthatisanentirelynewdeparture。IamconnectedwiththeBritishandIrishpress。Ifyouringup……

(MylesCrawfordstridesoutjerkily，aquillbetweenhisteeth。Hisscarletbeakblazeswithintheaureoleofhisstrawhat。HedanglesahankofSpanishonionsinonehandandholdswiththeotherhandatelephonereceivernozzletohisear。)

MYLESCRAWFORD(Hiscock’swattleswagging。)Hello，seventyseveneightfour。Hello。Freeman’sUrinalandWeeklyArsewiperhere。ParalyseEurope。Youwhich？Bluebags？Whowrites？IsitBloom？

(MrPhilipBeaufoy，palefaced，standsinthewitnessbox，inaccuratemorningdress，outbreastpocketwithpeakofhandkerchiefshowing，creasedlavendertrousersandpatentboots。HecamesalaceportfoliolabelledMatcham’sMasterstrokes。)

BEAUFOY(Drawls。)No，youaren’t，notbyalongshotifIknowit。Idon’tseeit，that’sall。Noborngentleman，noonewiththemostrudimentarypromptingsofagentlemanwouldstooptosuchparticularlyloathsomeconduct。Oneofthose，mylord。Aplagiarist。Asoapysneakmasqueradingasaliterateur。It’sperfectlyobviousthatwiththemostinherentbasenesshehascribbedsomeofmybestsellingbooks，reallygorgeousstuff，aperfectgem，thelovepassagesinwhicharebeneathsuspicion。TheBeaufoybooksofloveandgreatpossessionswithwhichyourlordshipisdoubtlessfamiliar，areahouseholdwordthroughoutthekingdom。

BLOOM(Murmurswithhangdogmeekness。)ThatbitaboutthelaughingwitchhandinhandItakeexceptionto，ifImay……？

BEAUFOY(Hislipupcurled，smilessuperciliouslyonthecourt。)Youfunnyass，you！You’retoobeastlyawfullyweirdforwords！Idon’tthinkyouneedoverexcessivelydisincommodateyourselfinthatregard。MyliteraryagentMrJ。B。Pinkerisinattendance。Ipresume，mylord，weshallreceivetheusualwitnesses’fees，shan’twe？Weareconsiderablyoutofpocketoverthisballypressmanjohnny，thisjackdawofRheims，whohasnotevenbeentoauniversity。

BLOOM(Indistinctly。)Universityoflife。Badart。

BEAUFOY(Shouts。)It’sadamnablyfoullieshowingthemoralrottennessoftheman！(Heextendshisportfolio。)Wehaveheredamningevidence，thecorpusdelicti，mylord，aspecimenofmymaturerworkdisfiguredbythehallmarkofthebeast。

AVOICEFROMTHEGALLERY

Moses，Moses，kingofthejews，

WipedhisarseintheDailyNews。

BLOOM(Bravely。)Overdrawn。

BEAUFOYYoulowcad！Yououghttobeduckedinthehorsepond，yourotter！(Tothecourt。)Why，lookattheman’sprivatelife！Leadingaquadrupleexistence！Streetangelandhousedevil。Notfittobementionedinmixedsociety。Thearchconspiratoroftheage。

BLOOM(Tothecourt。)Andhe，abachelor，how。

FIRSTWATCHTheKingversusBloom。CallthewomanDriscoll。

THECRIERMaryDriscoll，scullerymaid！

(MaryDriscoll，aslipshodservantgirl，approaches。Shehasabucketonthecrookofherarmandascouringbrushinherhand。)

SECONDWATCHAnother！Areyouoftheunfortunateclass？

MARYDRISCOLL(Indignantly。)I’mnotabadone。Ibeararespectablecharacterandwasfourmonthsinmylastplace。Iwasinasituation，sixpoundsayearandmychanceswithFridaysout，andIhadtoleaveowingtohiscarryingson。

FIRSTWATCHWhatdoyoutaxhimwith？

MARYDRISCOLLHemadeacertainsuggestionbutIthoughtmoreofmyselfaspoorasIam。

BLOOM(Inhousejacketofripplecloth，flanneltrousers，heellessslippers，unshaven，hishairrumpledsoftly。)Itreatedyouwhite。Igaveyoumementoes，smartemeraldgartersfaraboveyourstation。IncautiouslyItookyourpartwhenyouwereaccusedofpilfering。There’samediuminallthings。Playcricket。

MARYDRISCOLL(Excitedly。)AsGodislookingdownonmethisnightifeverIlaidahandtothemoysters！

FIRSTWATCHTheoffencecomplainedof？Didsomethinghappen？

MARYDRISCOLLHesurprisedmeintherereofthepremises，yourhonour，whenthemissuswasoutshoppingonemorningwitharequestforasafetypin。HeheldmeandIwasdiscolouredinfourplacesasaresult。Andheinterferedtwicewithmyclothing。

BLOOMShecounterassaulted。

MARYDRISCOLL(Scornfully。)Ihadmorerespectforthescouringbrush，soIhad。Iremonstratedwithhim，yourlord，andheremarked:Keepitquiet！

(Generallaughter。)

GEORGESFOTTRELL(Clerkofthecrownandpeace，resonantly。)Orderincourt！Theaccusedwillnowmakeabogusstatement。

(Bloom，pleadingnotguiltyandholdingafullblownwaterlily，beginsalongunintelligiblespeech。Theywouldhearwhatcounselhadtosayinhisstirringaddresstothegrand-jury。Hewasdownandoutbut，thoughbrandedasablacksheep，ifhemightsayso，hemeanttoreform，toretrievethememoryofthepastinapurelysisterlywayandreturntonatureasapurelydomesticanimal。Asevenmonths’child，hehadbeencarefullybroughtupandnurturedbyanagedbedriddenparent。Theremighthavebeenlapsesofanerringfatherbuthewantedtoturnoveranewleafandnow，whenatlonglastinsightofthewhippingpost，toleadahomelylifeintheeveningofhisdays，permeatedbytheaffectionatesurroundingsoftheheavingbosomofthefamily。AnacclimatisedBritisherhehadseenthatsummerevefromthefootplateofanenginecaboftheLooplinerailwaycompanywhiletherainrefrainedfromfallingglimpses，asitwere，throughthewindowsoflovefulhouseholdsinDublincityandurbandistrictofscenestrulyruralofhappinessofthebetterlandwithDockrell’swallpaperatoneandninepenceadozen，innocentBritishbornbairnslispingprayerstotheSacredInfant，youthfulscholarsgrapplingwiththeirpensums，modelyoungladiesplayingonthepianoforteoranonallwithfervourrecitingthefamilyrosaryroundthecracklingYulelogwhileintheboreensandgreenlanesthecolleenswiththeirswainsstrolledwhattimesthestrainsoftheorgantonedmelodeonBritanniametalboundwithfouractingstopsandtwelvefoldbellows，asacrifice，greatestbargainever……)

(Renewedlaughter。Hemumblesincoherently。Reporterscomplainthattheycannothear。)

LONGHANDANDSHORTHAND(Withoutlookingupfromtheirnotebooks。)Loosenhisboots。

PROFESSORMACHUGH(Fromthepresstable，coughsandcalls。)Coughitup，man。Getitoutinbits。

(ThecrossexaminationproceedsreBloomandthebucket。Alacebucket。BloomhimselfBoweltrouble。InBeaverstreet。Gripe，yes。Quitebad。Aplasterersbucket。Bywalkingstifflegged。Suffereduntoldmisery。Deadlyagony。Aboutnoon。Loveorburgundy。Yes，somespinach。Crucialmoment。Hedidnotlookinthebucket。Nobody。Ratheramess。Notcompletely。ATitbitsbacknumber。)

(Uproarandcatcalls。Bloom，inatornfrockcoatstainedwithwhitewash，dingedsilkhatsidewaysonhishead，astripofsticking-plasteracrosshisnose，talksinaudibly。)

J。J。O’MOLLOY(Inbarrister’sgreywigandstuffgown，speakingwithavoiceofpainedprotest。)Thisisnoplaceforindecentlevityattheexpenseofanerringmortaldisguisedinliquor。WearenotinabeargardennoratanOxfordragnoristhisatravestyofjustice。Myclientisaninfant，apoorforeignimmigrantwhostartedscratchasastowawayandisnowtryingtoturnanhonestpenny。Thetrumpedupmisdemeanourwasduetoamomentaryaberrationofheredity，broughtonbyhallucination，suchfamiliaritiesastheallegedguiltyoccurrencebeingquitepermittedinmyclient’snativeplace，thelandofthePharaoh。Primafacie，Iputittoyouthattherewasnoattemptatcarnallyknowing。IntimacydidnotoccurandtheoffencecomplainedofbyDriscoll，thathervirtuewassolicited，wasnotrepeated。Iwoulddealinespecialwithatavism。Therehavebeencasesofshipwreckandsomnambulisminmyclient’sfamily。Iftheaccusedcouldspeakhecouldataleunfoldoneofthestrangestthathaveeverbeennarratedbetweenthecoversofabook。Hehimself，mylord，isaphysicalwreckfromcobbler’sweakchest。HissubmissionisthatheisofMongolianextractionandirresponsibleforhisactions。Notallthere，infact。

BLOOM(Barefoot，pigeonbreasted，inlascar’svestandtrousers，apologetictoesturnedin，openshistinymole’seyesandlooksabouthimdazedly，passingaslowhandacrosshisforehead。Thenhehitcheshisbeltsailorfashionandwithashrugoforientalobeisancesalutesthecourt，pointingonethumbheavenward。)Himmakeevellymucheefinenight。(Hebeginstoliltsimply。)

Lilipoolilchile，

Blingeepigfootevlynight。

Payeetwoshilly……

(Heishowleddown。)

J。J。O’MOLLOY(Hotlytothepopulace。)Thisisalonehandfight。ByHades，Iwillnothaveanyclientofminegaggedandbadgeredinthisfashionbyapackofcursandlaughinghyenas。TheMosaiccodehassupersededthelawofthejungle。IsayitandIsayitemphaticallywithoutwishingforonemomenttodefeattheendsofjustice，accusedwasnotaccessorybeforetheactandprosecutrixhasnotbeentamperedwith。Theyoungpersonwastreatedbydefendantasifshewerehisveryowndaughter。(BloomtakesJ。J。O’Molloy’shandandraisesittohislips。)Ishallcallrebuttingevidencetoproveuptothehiltthatthehiddenhandisagainatitsoldgame。WhenindoubtpersecuteBloom。Myclient，aninnatelybashfulman，wouldbethelastmanintheworldtodoanythingungentlemanlywhichinjuredmodestycouldobjecttoorcastastoneatagirlwhotookthewrongturningwhensomedastard，responsibleforhercondition，hadworkedhisownsweetwillonher。Hewantstogostraight。IregardhimasthewhitestmanIknow。HeisdownonhisluckatpresentowingtothemortgagingofhisextensivepropertyatAgendathNetaiminfarawayAsiaMinor，slidesofwhichwillnowbeshown。(ToBloom。)Isuggestthatyouwilldothehandsomething。

BLOOMApennyinthepound。

(ThemirageofthelakeofKinnerethwithblurredcattlecroppinginsilverhazeisprojectedonthewall。MosesDlugacz，ferreteyedalbino，inbluedungarees，standsupinthegallery，holdingineachhandanorangecitronandaporkkidney。)

DLUGACZ(Hoarsely。)Bleibtreustrasse，Berlin，W。13。

(J。J。O’Molloystepsontoalowplinthandholdsthelapelofhiscoatwithsolemnity。Hisfacelengthens，growspaleandbearded，withsunkeneyes，theblotchesofphthisisandhecticcheekbonesofJohnF。Taylor。Heapplieshishandkerchieftohismouthandscrutinisesthegallopingtideofrosepinkblood。)

J。J。O’MOLLOY(Almostvoicelessly。)Excuseme，Iamsufferingfromaseverechill，haverecentlycomefromasickbed。Afewwellchosenwords。(Heassumestheavinehead，foxymoustacheandproboscidaleloquenceofSeymourBushe。)Whentheangel’sbookcomestobeopenedifaughtthatthepensivebosomhasinauguratedofsoultransfiguredandofsoultransfiguringdeservestoliveIsayaccordtheprisoneratthebarthesacredbenefitofthedoubt。(Apaperwithsomethingwrittenonitishandedintocourt。)

BLOOM(Incourtdress。)Cangivebestreferences。MessrsCallan，Coleman。MrWisdomHelyJ。P。MyoldchiefJoeCuffe。MrV。B。Dillon，ex-lordmayorofDublin。Ihavemovedinthecharmedcircleofthehighest。QueensofDublinSociety。(Carelessly。)Iwasjustchattingthisafternoonattheviceregallodgetomyoldpals，sirRobertandladyBall，astronomerroyal，atthelevee。SirBob，Isaid……

MRSYELVERTONBARRY(Inlowcorsagedopalballdressandelbowlengthivorygloves，wearingasabletrimmedbrickquilteddolman，acombofbrilliantsandpanacheofospreyinherhair。)Arresthimconstable。HewrotemeananonymousletterinprenticebackhandwhenmyhusbandwasintheNorthRidingofTipperaryontheMunstercircuit，signedJamesLovebirch。HesaidthathehadseenfromthegodsmypeerlessglobesasIsatinaboxoftheTheatreRoyalatacommandperformanceofLaCigale。Ideeplyinflamedhim，hesaid。Hemadeimproperoverturestometomisconductmyselfathalfpastfourp。m。onthefollowingThursday，Dunsinktime。HeofferedtosendmethroughthepostaworkoffictionbyMonsieurPauldeKock，entitledTheGirlwiththeThreePairsofStays。

MRSBELLINGHAM(Incapandsealconeymantle，wrappeduptothenose，stepsoutofherbroughamandscansthroughtortoiseshellquizzingglasseswhichshetakesfrominsideherhugeopossummuff。)Alsotome。Yes，Ibelieveitisthesameobjectionableperson。BecauseheclosedmycarriagedooroutsidesirThornleyStoker’sonesleetydayduringthecoldsnapofFebruaryninetythreewheneventhegridofthewastepipeandballstopinmybathcisternwerefrozen。Subsequentlyheenclosedabloomofedelweissculledontheheights，ashesaid，inmyhonour。Ihaditexaminedbyabotanicalexpertandelicitedtheinformationthatitwasablossomofthehomegrownpotatoplantpurloinedfromaforcingcaseofthemodelfarm。

MRSYELVERTONBARRYShameonhim！

(Acrowdofslutsandragamuffinssuesforward。)

THESLUTSANDRAGAMUFFINS(Screaming。)Stopthief！Hurrahthere，Bluebeard！ThreecheersforIkeyMo！

SECONDWATCH(Produceshandcuffs。)Herearethedarbies。

MRSBELLINGHAMHeaddressedmeinseveralhandwritingswithfulsomecomplimentsasaVenusinfursandallegedprofoundpityformyfrostboundcoachmanBalmerwhileinthesamebreathheexpressedhimselfasenviousofhisearflapsandfleecysheepskinsandofhisfortunateproximitytomyperson，whenstandingbehindmychairwearingmyliveryandthearmorialbearingsoftheBellinghamescutcheongarnishedsable，abuck’sheadcoupedor。Helaudedalmostextravagantlymynetherextremities，myswellingcalvesinsilkhosedrawnuptothelimit，andeulogisedglowinglymyotherhiddentreasuresinpricelesslacewhich，hesaid，hecouldconjureup。Heurgedme，statingthathefeltithismissioninlifetourgeme，todefilethemarriagebed，tocommitadulteryattheearliestpossibleopportunity。

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYS(Inamazoncostume，hardhat，jackbootscockspurred，vermilionwaistcoat，fawnmusketeergauntletswithbraideadrums，longtrainheldupandhuntingcropwithwhichshestrikesherweltconstantly。)Alsome。BecausehesawmeonthepologroundofthePhnixparkatthematchAllIrelandversustheRestofIreland。Myeyes，Iknow，shonedivinelyasIwatchedCaptainSloggerDennehyoftheInniskillingswinthefinalchukkaronhisdarlingcobCentaur。ThisplebeianDonJuanobservedmefrombehindahackneycarandsentmeindoubleenvelopesanobscenephotograph，suchasaresoldafterdarkonParisboulevards，insultingtoanylady。Ihaveitstill。Itrepresentsapartiallynudesenorita，frailandlovely(hiswifeashesolemnlyassuredme，takenbyhimfromnature)，practisingillicitintercoursewithamusculartorero，evidentlyablackguard。Heurgedmetodolikewise，tomisbehave，tosinwithofficersofthegarrison。Heimploredmetosoilhisletterinanunspeakablemanner，tochastisehimasherichlydeserves，tobestrideandridehim，togivehimamostvicioushorsewhipping。

MRSBELLINGHAMMetoo。

MRSYELVERTONBARRYMetoo。

(SeveralhighlyrespectableDublinladiesholdupimproperlettersreceivedfromBloom。)

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYS(Stampsherjinglingspursinasuddenparoxysmofsuddenfury。)Iwill，bytheGodaboveme。I’llscourgethepigeonliveredcuraslongasIcanstandoverhim。I’llflayhimalive。

BLOOM(Hiseyesclosing，quailsexpectantly。)Here？(Hesquirms。)Again！(Hepantscringing。)Ilovethedanger。

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYSVerymuchso！I’llmakeithotforyou。I’llmakeyoudanceJackLattenforthat。

MRSBELLINGHAMTanhisbreechwell，theupstart！Writethestarsandstripesonit！

MRSYELVERTONBARRYDisgraceful！There’snoexcuseforhim！Amarriedman！

BLOOMAllthesepeople。Imeantonlythespankingidea。Awarmtinglingglowwithouteffusion。Refinedbirchingtostimulatethecirculation。

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYS(Laughsderisively。)O，didyou，myfinefellow？Well，bythelivingGod，you’llgetthesurpriseofyourlifenow，believeme，themostunmercifulhidingamaneverbargainedfor。Youhavelashedthedormanttigressinmynatureintofury。

MRSBELLINGHAM(Shakeshermuffandquizzing-glassesvindictively。)Makehimsmart，Hannadear。Givehimginger。Thrashthemongrelwithinaninchofhislife。Thecat-o’nine-tails。Geldhim。Vivisecthim。

BLOOM(Shuddering，shrinking，joinshishandswithhangdogmien。)Ocold！Oshivery！Itwasyourambrosialbeauty。Forget，forgive。Kismet。Letmeoffthisonce。(Heofferstheothercheek。)

MRSYELVERTONBARRY(Severely。)Don’tdosoonanyaccount，MrsTalboys！Heshouldbesoundlytrounced！

THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYS(Unbuttoninghergauntletviolently。)I’lldonosuchthing。Pigdogandalwayswaseversincehewaspupped！Todareaddressme！I’llfloghimblackandblueinthepublicstreets。I’lldigmyspursinhimuptotherowel。Heisawellknowncuckold。(Sheswishesherhuntingcropsavagelyintheair。)Takedownhistrouserswithoutlossoftime。Comehere，sir！Quick！Ready？