第131章

“Magistratesandlawyers；relationsandfriends；enduranceofinjuries，patience，hope，andhonestwork——Ihadtriedallthese，andtriedthemvainly。LookroundmewhereImight，theprospectwasclosedonallsides。

“Atthistimemyhusbandhadgotalittleworktodo。Hecamehomeoutoftemperonenight，andIgavehimawarning。’Don’ttrymetoofar，Joel，foryourownsake，’wasallIsaid。Itwasoneofhissoberdays；and，forthefirsttime，awordfrommeseemedtohaveaneffectonhim。Helookedhardatmeforaminuteorso。Andthenhewentandsatdowninacorner，andheldhispeace。

“ThiswasonaTuesdayintheweek。OntheSaturdayhegotpaid，andthedrinkingfittookhimagain。

“OnFridayinthenextweekIhappenedtocomebacklate——havinghadagoodstrokeofworktodothatday，inthewayofcookingapublicdinnerforatavern-keeperwhoknewme。Ifoundmyhusbandgone，andthebedroomstrippedofthefurniturewhichIhadputintoit。Forthesecondtimehehadrobbedmeofmyownproperty，andhadturneditintomoneytobespentindrink。

“Ididn’tsayaword。Istoodandlookedroundtheemptyroom。

WhatwasgoingoninmeIhardlyknewmyselfatthetime，andcan’tdescribenow。AllIrememberis，that，afteralittle，I

turnedabouttoleavethehouse。Iknewtheplaceswherethyhusbandwaslikelytobefound；andthedevilpossessedmetogoandfindhim。Thelandladycameoutintothepassageandtriedtostopme。ShewasabiggerandastrongerwomanthanIwas。ButI

shookherofflikeachild。Thinkingoveritnow，Ibelieveshewasinnoconditiontoputoutherstrength。Thesightofmefrightenedher。

“Ifoundhim。Isaid——well，Isaidwhatawomanbesideherselfwithfurywouldbelikelytosay。It’sneedlesstotellhowitended。Heknockedmedown。

“Afterthat，thereisaspotofdarknesslikeinmymemory。ThenextthingIcancalltomind，iscomingbacktomysensesaftersomedays。Threeofmyteethwereknockedout——butthatwasnottheworstofit。Myheadhadstruckagainstsomethinginfalling，andsomepartofme(anerve，Ithinktheysaid)wasinjuredinsuchawayastoaffectmyspeech。Idon’tmeanthatIwasdownrightdumb——Ionlymeanthat，allofasudden，ithadbecomealabortometospeak。AlongwordwasasseriousanobstacleasifIwasachildagain。Theytookmetothehospital。Whenthemedicalgentlemenheardwhatitwas，themedicalgentlemencamecrowdingroundme。Iappearedtolayholdoftheirinterest，justasastory-booklaysholdoftheinterestofotherpeople。Theupshotofitwas，thatImightendinbeingdumb，orImightgetmyspeechagain——thechanceswereaboutequal。Onlytwothingswereneedful。OneofthemwasthatIshouldliveongoodnourishingdiet。Theotherwas，thatIshouldkeepmymindeasy。

“Aboutthedietitwasnotpossibletodecide。Mygettinggoodnourishingfoodanddrinkdependedonmygettingmoneytobuythesame。Astomymind，therewasnodifficultyabout_that。_Ifmyhusbandcamebacktome，mymindwasmadeuptokillhim。

“Horrid——Iamwellawarethisishorrid。Nobodyelse，inmyplace，wouldhaveendedaswickedlyasthat。Alltheotherwomen