第19章

“Iamonlyayoungman，“hewenton，movinguneasilyinhischair，“andIambeginninganewlife——“

“Anythingwrongwiththechair？“askedSirPatrick。“Beginyournewlifecomfortably，andgetanother。“

“There’snothingwrongwiththechair，Sir。Wouldyou——“

“WouldIkeepthechair，inthatcase？Certainly。“

“Imean，wouldyouadviseme——“

“Mygoodfellow，I’mwaitingtoadviseyou。(I’msurethere’ssomethingwrongwiththatchair。Whybeobstinateaboutit？Whynotgetanother？)“

“Pleasedon’tnoticethechair，SirPatrick——youputmeout。I

want——inshort——perhapsit’sacuriousquestion——“

“Ican’tsaytillIhaveheardit，“remarkedSirPatrick。

“However，wewilladmitit，forform’ssake，ifyoulike。Sayit’sacuriousquestion。Orletusexpressitmorestrongly，ifthatwillhelpyou。Sayit’sthemostextraordinaryquestionthateverwasput，sincethebeginningoftheworld，fromonehumanbeingtoanother。“

“It’sthis!“Arnoldburstout，desperately。“Iwanttobemarried!“

“Thatisn’taquestion，“objectedSirPatrick。“It’sanassertion。Yousay，Iwanttobemarried。AndIsay，Justso!Andthere’sanendofit。“

Arnold’sheadbegantowhirl。“Wouldyouadvisemetogetmarried，Sir？“hesaid，piteously。“That’swhatImeant。“

“Oh!That’stheobjectofthepresentinterview，isit？WouldI

adviseyoutomarry，eh？“

(Havingcaughtthemousebythistime，thecatliftedhispawandletthelucklesslittlecreaturebreatheagain。SirPatrick’smannersuddenlyfreeditselffromanyslightsignsofimpatiencewhichitmighthavehithertoshown，andbecameaspleasantlyeasyandconfidentialasamannercouldbe。Hetouchedtheknobofhiscane，andhelpedhimself，withinfinitezestandenjoyment，toapinchofsnuff。)

“WouldIadviseyoutomarry？“repeatedSirPatrick。“Twocoursesareopentous，Mr。Arnold，intreatingthatquestion。Wemayputitbriefly，orwemayputitatgreatlength。Iamforputtingitbriefly。Whatdoyousay？“

“Whatyousay，SirPatrick。“

“Verygood。MayIbeginbymakinganinquiryrelatingtoyourpastlife？“

“Certainly!“

“Verygoodagain。Whenyouwereinthemerchantservice，didyoueverhaveanyexperienceinbuyingprovisionsashore？“

Arnoldstared。Ifanyrelationexistedbetweenthatquestionandthesubjectinhanditwasanimpenetrablerelationto_him_。Heanswered，inunconcealedbewilderment，“Plentyofexperience，Sir。“

“I’mcomingtothepoint，“pursuedSirPatrick。“Don’tbeastonished。I’mcomingtothepoint。Whatdidyouthinkofyourmoistsugarwhenyouboughtitatthegrocer’s？“

“Think？“repeatedArnold。“Why，Ithoughtitwasmoistsugar，tobesure!“

“Marry，byallmeans!“criedSirPatrick。“Youareoneofthefewmenwhocantrythatexperimentwithafairchanceofsuccess。“

ThesuddennessoftheanswerfairlytookawayArnold’sbreath。

Therewassomethingperfectlyelectricinthebrevityofhisvenerablefriend。Hestaredharderthanever。

“Don’tyouunderstandme？“askedSirPatrick。

“Idon’tunderstandwhatthemoistsugarhasgottodowithit，Sir。“

“Youdon’tseethat？“

“Notabit!“

“ThenI’llshowyou，“saidSirPatrick，crossinghislegs，andsettingincomfortablyforagoodtalk“Yougotothetea-shop，andgetyourmoistsugar。Youtakeitontheunderstandingthatitismoistsugar。Butitisn’tanythingofthesort。It’sacompoundofadulterationsmadeuptolooklikesugar。Youshutyoureyestothatawkwardfact，andswallowyouradulteratedmessinvariousarticlesoffood；andyouandyoursugargetontogetherinthatwayaswellasyoucan。Doyoufollowme，sofar？“

Yes。Arnold(quiteinthedark)followed，sofar。

“Verygood，“pursuedSirPatrick。“Yougotothemarriage-shop，andgetawife。Youtakeherontheunderstanding——letussay——thatshehaslovelyyellowhair，thatshehasanexquisitecomplexion，thatherfigureistheperfectionofplumpness，andthatsheisjusttallenoughtocarrytheplumpnessoff。Youbringherhome，andyoudiscoverthatit’stheoldstoryofthesugaroveragain。Yourwifeisanadulteratedarticle。Herlovelyyellowhairis——dye。Herexquisiteskinis——pearlpowder。Herplumpnessis——padding。Andthreeinchesofherheightare——intheboot-maker’sheels。Shutyoureyes，andswallowyouradulteratedwifeasyouswallowyouradulteratedsugar——and，Itellyouagain，youareoneofthefewmenwhocantrythemarriageexperimentwithafairchanceofsuccess。“

Withthatheuncrossedhislegsagain，andlookedhardatArnold。

Arnoldreadthelesson，atlast，intherightway。HegaveupthehopelessattempttocircumventSirPatrick，and——comewhatmightofit——dashedatadirectallusiontoSirPatrick’sniece。

“Thatmaybeallverytrue，Sir，ofsomeyoungladies，“hesaid。

“ThereisoneIknowof，whoisnearlyrelatedtoyou，andwhodoesn’tdeservewhatyouhavesaidoftherestofthem。“

Thiswascomingtothepoint。SirPatrickshowedhisapprovalofArnold’sfranknessbycomingtothepointhimself，asreadilyashisownwhimsicalhumorwouldlethim。

“Isthisfemalephenomenonmyniece？“heinquired。

“Yes，SirPatrick。“

“MayIaskhowyouknowthatmynieceisnotanadulteratedarticle，liketherestofthem？“

Arnold’sindignationloosenedthelastrestraintsthattiedArnold’stongue。Heexplodedinthethreewordswhichmeanthreevolumesineverycirculatinglibraryinthekingdom。

“Iloveher。“

SirPatricksatbackinhischair，andstretchedouthislegsluxuriously。

“That’sthemostconvincinganswerIeverheardinmylife，“hesaid。

“I’minearnest!“criedArnold，recklessbythistimeofeveryconsiderationbutone。“Putmetothetest，Sir!putmetothetest!“

“Oh，verywell。Thetestiseasilyput。“HelookedatArnold，withtheirrepressiblehumortwinklingmerrilyinhiseyes，andtwitchingsharplyatthecornersofhislips。“Myniecehasabeautifulcomplexion。Doyoubelieveinhercomplexion？“

“There’sabeautifulskyaboveourheads，“returnedArnold。“I

believeinthesky。“

“Doyou？“retortedSirPatrick。“Youwereevidentlynevercaughtinashower。Myniecehasanimmensequantityofhair。Areyouconvincedthatitallgrowsonherhead？“

“Idefyanyotherwoman’sheadtoproducethelikeofit!“

“MydearArnold，yougreatlyunderratetheexistingresourcesofthetradeinhair!Lookintotheshop-windows。WhenyounextgotoLondonpraylookintotheshow-windows。Inthemeantime，whatdoyouthinkofmyniece’sfigure？“

“Oh，come!therecan’tbeanydoubtabout_that!_Anyman，witheyesinhishead，canseeit’stheloveliestfigureintheworld。“

SirPatricklaughedsoftly，andcrossedhislegsagain。

“Mygoodfellow，ofcourseitis!Theloveliestfigureintheworldisthecommonestthingintheworld。Ataroughguess，therearefortyladiesatthislawn-party。Everyoneofthempossessesabeautifulfigure。Itvariesinprice；andwhenit’sparticularlyseductiveyoumayswearitcomesfromParis。Why，howyoustare!WhenIaskedyouwhatyouthoughtofmyniece’sfigure，Imeant——howmuchofitcomesfromNature，andhowmuchofitcomesfromtheShop？Idon’tknow，mind!Doyou？“

“I’lltakemyoathtoeveryinchofit!“

“Shop？“

“Nature!“

SirPatrickrosetohisfeet；hissatiricalhumorwassilencedatlast。

“IfeverIhaveason，“hethoughttohimself，“thatsonshallgotosea!“HetookArnold’sarm，asapreliminarytoputtinganendtoArnold’ssuspense。“IfI_can_beseriousaboutanything，“

heresumed，“it’stimetobeseriouswithyou。Iamconvincedofthesincerityofyourattachment。AllIknowofyouisinyourfavor，andyourbirthandpositionarebeyonddispute。IfyouhaveBlanche’sconsent，youhavemine。“Arnoldattemptedtoexpresshisgratitude。SirPatrick，decliningtohearhim，wenton。“Andrememberthis，inthefuture。WhenyounextwantanythingthatIcangiveyou，askforitplainly。Don’tattempttomystify_me_onthenextoccasion，andIwillpromise，onmyside，nottomystify_you。_There，that’sunderstood。Nowaboutthisjourneyofyourstoseeyourestate。Propertyhasitsduties，MasterArnold，aswellasitsrights。Thetimeisfastcomingwhenitsrightswillbedisputed，ifitsdutiesarenotperformed。Ihavegotanewinterestinyou，andImeantoseethatyoudoyourduty。It’ssettledyouaretoleaveWindygatesto-day。Isitarrangedhowyouaretogo？“