第83章

“Iamgoing(sofarasIknow)tosurprise——possiblytoalarm——you。Thereisnoescapingfromit，foryouorforme；itmustbedone。

“ThinkingofhowbesttointroducewhatIamnowobligedtosay，Icanfindnobetterwaythanthis。Imustaskyoutotakeyourmemorybacktoadaywhichwehavebothbitterreasontoregret——thedaywhenGeoffreyDelamaynsentyoutoseemeattheinnatCraigFernie。

“Youmaypossiblynotremember——itunhappilyproducednoimpressiononyouatthetime——thatIfelt，andexpressed，morethanonceonthatoccasion，averygreatdisliketoyourpassingmeoffonthepeopleoftheinnasyourwife。ItwasnecessarytomybeingpermittedtoremainatCraigFerniethatyoushoulddoso。Iknewthis；butstillIshrankfromit。Itwasimpossibleformetocontradictyou，withoutinvolvingyouinthepainfulconsequences，andrunningtheriskofmakingascandalwhichmightfinditswaytoBlanche’sears。Iknewthisalso；butstillmyconsciencereproachedme。Itwasavaguefeeling。Iwasquiteunawareoftheactualdangerinwhichyouwereplacingyourself，orIwouldhavespokenout，nomatterwhatcameofit。Ihadwhatiscalledapresentimentthatyouwerenotactingdiscreetly——nothingmore。AsIloveandhonormymother’smemory——asItrustinthemercyofGod——thisisthetruth。

“Youlefttheinnthenextmorning，andwehavenotmetsince。

“AfewdaysafteryouwentawaymyanxietiesgrewmorethanI

couldbearalone。IwentsecretlytoWindygates，andhadaninterviewwithBlanche。

“Shewasabsentforafewminutesfromtheroominwhichwehadmet。InthatintervalIsawGeoffreyDelamaynforthefirsttimesinceIhadlefthimatLadyLundie’slawn-party。HetreatedmeasifIwasastranger。Hetoldmethathehadfoundoutallthathadpassedbetweenusattheinn。Hesaidhehadtakenalawyer’sopinion。Oh，Mr。Brinkworth!howcanIbreakittoyou？howcanI

writethewordswhichrepeatwhathesaidtomenext？Itmustbedone。Cruelasitis，itmustbedone。Herefusedtomyfacetomarryme。HesaidIwasmarriedalready。HesaidIwasyourwife。

“NowyouknowwhyIhavereferredyoutowhatIfelt(andconfessedtofeeling)whenweweretogetheratCraigFernie。Ifyouthinkhardthoughts，andsayhardwordsofme，Icanclaimnorighttoblameyou。Iaminnocent——andyetitismyfault。

“Myheadswims，andthefoolishtearsarerisinginspiteofme。

Imustleaveoff，andrestalittle。

“Ihavebeensittingatthewindow，andwatchingthepeopleinthestreetastheygoby。Theyareallstrangers。But，somehow，thesightofthemseemstorestmymind。Thehumofthegreatcitygivesmeheart，andhelpsmetogoon。

“Icannottrustmyselftowriteofthemanwhohasbetrayedusboth。DisgracedandbrokenasIam，thereissomethingstillleftinmewhichliftsmeabove_him。_Ifhecamerepentant，atthismoment，andofferedmeallthatrankandwealthandworldlyconsiderationcangive，IwouldratherbewhatIamnowthanbehiswife。

“Letmespeakofyou；and(forBlanche’ssake)letmespeakofmyself。

“Iought，nodoubt，tohavewaitedtoseeyouatWindygates，andtohavetoldyouatonceofwhathadhappened。ButIwasweakandillandtheshockofhearingwhatIheardfellsoheavilyonmethatIfainted。AfterIcametomyse