第65章

Thequestionnowarosewhatwastobedonewiththechildren。I

explainedtoErnestthattheirexpensesmustbechargedtotheestate，andshowedhimhowsmallaholeallthevariousitemsI

proposedtochargewouldmakeintheincomeatmydisposal。Hewasbeginningtomakedifficulties，whenIquietedhimbypointingoutthatthemoneyhadallcometomefromhisaunt，overhisownhead，andremindedhimtherehadbeenanunderstandingbetweenherandmethatIshoulddomuchasIwasdoing，ifoccasionshouldarise。

Hewantedhischildrentobebroughtupinthefreshpureair，andamongotherchildrenwhowerehappyandcontented；butbeingstillignorantofthefortunethatawaitedhim，heinsistedthattheyshouldpasstheirearlieryearsamongthepoorratherthantherich。

Iremonstrated，buthewasverydecidedaboutit；andwhenI

reflectedthattheywereillegitimate，IwasnotsurebutthatwhatErnestproposedmightbeaswellforeveryoneintheend。Theywerestillsoyoungthatitdidnotmuchmatterwheretheywere，solongastheywerewithkindlydecentpeople，andinahealthyneighbourhood。

“Ishallbejustasunkindtomychildren。”hesaid，“asmygrandfatherwastomyfather，ormyfathertome。Iftheydidnotsucceedinmakingtheirchildrenlovethem，neithershallI。IsaytomyselfthatIshouldliketodoso，butsodidthey。Icanmakesurethattheyshallnotknowhowmuchtheywouldhavehatedmeiftheyhadhadmuchtodowithme，butthisisallIcando。IfI

mustruintheirprospects，letmedosoatareasonabletimebeforetheyareoldenoughtofeelit。”

Hemusedalittleandaddedwithalaugh：-

“Amanfirstquarrelswithhisfatheraboutthree-quartersofayearbeforeheisborn。Itisthenheinsistsonsettingupaseparateestablishment；whenthishasbeenonceagreedto，themorecompletetheseparationforeverafterthebetterforboth。”Thenhesaidmoreseriously：“Iwanttoputthechildrenwheretheywillbewellandhappy，andwheretheywillnotbebetrayedintothemiseryoffalseexpectations。”

IntheendherememberedthatonhisSundaywalkshehadmorethanonceseenacouplewholivedonthewatersideafewmilesbelowGravesend，justwheretheseawasbeginning，andwhohethoughtwoulddo。Theyhadafamilyoftheirownfastcomingonandthechildrenseemedtothrive；bothfatherandmotherindeedwerecomfortablewellgrownfolks，inwhosehandsyoungpeoplewouldbelikelytohaveasfairachanceofcomingtoagooddevelopmentasinthoseofanywhomheknew。

Wewentdowntoseethiscouple，andasIthoughtnolesswellofthemthanErnestdid，weofferedthemapoundaweektotakethechildrenandbringthemupasthoughtheyweretheirown。Theyjumpedattheoffer，andinanotherdayortwowebroughtthechildrendownandleftthem，feelingthatwehaddoneaswellaswecouldbythem，atanyrateforthepresent。ThenErnestsenthissmallstockofgoodstoDebenham’s，gaveupthehousehehadtakentwoandahalfyearspreviously，andreturnedtocivilisation。

Ihadexpectedthathewouldnowrapidlyrecover，andwasdisappointedtoseehimgetasIthoughtdecidedlyworse。Indeed，beforelongIthoughthimlookingsoillthatIinsistedonhisgoingwithmetoconsultoneofthemosteminentdoctorsinLondon。

Thisgentlemansaidtherewasnoacutediseasebutthatmyyoungfriendwassufferingfromnervousprostration，theresultoflongandseverementalsuffering，fromwhichtherewasnoremedyexcepttime，prosperityandrest。

HesaidthatErnestmusthavebrokendownlateron，butthathemighthavegoneonforsomemonthsyet。Itwasthesuddennessoftherelieffromtensionwhichhadknockedhimovernow。

“Crosshim。”saidthedoctor，“atonce。Crossingisthegreatmedicaldiscoveryoftheage。Shakehimoutofhimselfbyshakingsomethingelseintohim。”

IhadnottoldhimthatmoneywasnoobjecttousandIthinkhehadreckonedmeupasnotoverrich。Hecontinued：-

“Seeingisamodeoftouching，touchingisamodeoffeeding，feedingisamodeofassimilation，assimilationisamodeofrecreationandreproduction，andthisiscrossing——shakingyourselfintosomethingelseandsomethingelseintoyou。”

Hespokelaughingly，butitw