第46章

ThisrelievedErnestofagooddealoftrouble，andwasbetterafterallfortheinvestmentsthemselves；for，asPryerjustlysaid，amanmustnothaveafaintheartifhehopestosucceedinbuyingandsellingupontheStockExchange，andseeingErnestnervousmadePryernervoustoo——atleast，hesaiditdid。SothemoneydriftedmoreandmoreintoPryer’shands。AsforPryerhimself，hehadnothingbuthiscuracyandasmallallowancefromhisfather。

SomeofErnest’soldfriendsgotaninklingfromhislettersofwhathewasdoing，anddidtheirutmosttodissuadehim，buthewasasinfatuatedasayoungloveroftwoandtwenty。Findingthatthesefriendsdisapproved，hedroppedawayfromthem，andthey，beingboredwithhisegotismandhigh-flownideas，werenotsorrytolethimdoso。Ofcourse，hesaidnothingabouthisspeculations——

indeed，hehardlyknewthatanythingdoneinsogoodacausecouldbecalledspeculation。AtBattersby，whenhisfatherurgedhimtolookoutforanextpresentation，andevenbroughtoneortwopromisingonesunderhisnotice，hemadeobjectionsandexcuses，thoughalwayspromisingtodoashisfatherdesiredveryshortly。

Byandbyasubtle，indefinablemalaisebegantotakepossessionofhim。Ioncesawaveryyoungfoaltryingtoeatsomemostobjectionablerefuse，andunabletomakeupitsmindwhetheritwasgoodorno。Clearlyitwantedtobetold。Ifitsmotherhadseenwhatitwasdoingshewouldhavesetitrightinamoment，andassoonaseverithadbeentoldthatwhatitwaseatingwasfilth，thefoalwouldhaverecogniseditandneverhavewantedtobetoldagain；butthefoalcouldnotsettlethematterforitself，ormakeupitsmindwhetheritlikedwhatitwastryingtoeatorno，withoutassistancefromwithout。Isupposeitwouldhavecometodosobyandby，butitwaswastingtimeandtrouble，whichasinglelookfromitsmotherwouldhavesaved，justaswortwillintimefermentofitself，butwillfermentmuchmorequicklyifalittleyeastbeaddedtoit。Inthematterofknowingwhatgivesuspleasurewearealllikewort，andifunaidedfromwithoutcanonlyfermentslowlyandtoilsomely。

Myunhappyheroaboutthistimewasverymuchlikethefoal，orratherhefeltmuchwhatthefoalwouldhavefeltifitsmotherandalltheothergrown-uphorsesinthefieldhadvowedthatwhatitwaseatingwasthemostexcellentandnutritiousfoodtobefoundanywhere。Hewassoanxioustodowhatwasright，andsoreadytobelievethateveryoneknewbetterthanhimself，thatheneverventuredtoadmittohimselfthathemightbeallthewhileonahopelesslywrongtack。Itdidnotoccurtohimthattheremightbeablunderanywhere，muchlessdiditoccurtohimtotryandfindoutwheretheblunderwas。Neverthelesshebecamedailymorefullofmalaise，anddaily，onlyheknewitnot，moreripeforanexplosionshouldasparkfalluponhim。

Onething，however，didbegintoloomoutofthegeneralvagueness，andtothisheinstinctivelyturnedastryingtoseizeit——Imean，thefactthathewassavingveryfewsouls，whereastherewerethousandsandthousandsbeinglosthourlyallaroundhimwhichalittleenergysuchasMrHawke’smightsave。Dayafterdaywentby，andwhatwashedoing？Standingonprofessionaletiquette，andprayingthathissharesmightgoupanddownashewantedthem，sothattheymightgivehimmoneyenoughtoenablehimtoregeneratetheuniverse。Butinthemeantimethepeopleweredying。Howmanysoulswouldnotbedoomedtoendlessagesofthemostfrightfultormentsthatthemindcouldthinkof，beforehecouldbringhisspiritualpathologyenginetobearuponthem？WhymighthenotstandandpreachashesawtheDissentersdoingsometimesinLincoln’sInnFieldsandotherthoroughfares？HecouldsayallthatMrHawkehadsaid。MrHawkewasaverypoorcreatureinErnest’seyesnow，forhewasaLowChurchman，butweshouldnotbeabovelea