第62章

Hewentupstairstothedisusedcitadel，flunghimselfintothearm-

chair，andcoveredhisfacewithhishands。

Hestilldidnotknowthathiswifedrank，buthecouldnolongertrusther，andhisdreamofhappinesswasover。HehadbeensavedfromtheChurch——soasbyfire，butstillsaved——butwhatcouldnowsavehimfromhismarriage？HehadmadethesamemistakethathehadmadeinweddinghimselftotheChurch，butwithahundredtimesworseresults。Hehadlearntnothingbyexperience：hewasanEsau——oneofthosewretcheswhoseheartstheLordhadhardened，who，havingears，heardnot，havingeyessawnot，andwhoshouldfindnoplaceforrepentancethoughtheysoughtitevenwithtears。

YethadhenotonthewholetriedtofindoutwhatthewaysofGodwere，andtofollowtheminsinglenessofheart？Toacertainextent，yes；buthehadnotbeenthorough；hehadnotgivenupallforGod。Heknewthatverywellhehaddonelittleascomparedwithwhathemightandoughttohavedone，butstillifhewasbeingpunishedforthis，Godwasahardtaskmaster，andone，too，whowascontinuallypouncingoutuponhisunhappycreaturesfromambuscades。

InmarryingEllenhehadmeanttoavoidalifeofsin，andtotakethecoursehebelievedtobemoralandright。Withhisantecedentsandsurroundingsitwasthemostnaturalthingintheworldforhimtohavedone，yetinwhatafrightfulpositionhadnothismoralitylandedhim。Couldanyamountofimmoralityhaveplacedhiminamuchworseone？Whatwasmoralityworthifitwasnotthatwhichonthewholebroughtamanpeaceatthelast，andcouldanyonehavereasonablecertaintythatmarriagewoulddothis？Itseemedtohimthatinhisattempttobemoralhehadbeenfollowingadevilwhichhaddisguiseditselfasanangeloflight。Butifso，whatgroundwasthereonwhichamanmightrestthesoleofhisfootandtreadinreasonablesafety？

Hewasstilltooyoungtoreachtheanswer，“Oncommonsense“——ananswerwhichhewouldhavefelttobeunworthyofanyonewhohadanidealstandard。

Howeverthismightbe，itwasplainthathehadnowdoneforhimself。Ithadbeenthuswithhimallhislife。Iftherehadcomeatanytimeagleamofsunshineandhope，itwastobeobscuredimmediately——why，prisonwashappierthanthis！There，atanyrate，hehadhadnomoneyanxieties，andthesewerebeginningtoweighuponhimnowwithalltheirhorrors。HewashappierevennowthanhehadbeenatBattersbyoratRoughborough，andhewouldnotnowgoback，evenifhecould，tohisCambridgelife，butforallthattheoutlookwassogloomy，infactsohopeless，thathefeltasifhecouldhaveonlytoogladlygonetosleepanddiedinhisarm-chaironceforall。

Ashewasmusingthusandlookinguponthewreckofhishopes——forhesawwellenoughthataslongashewaslinkedtoEllenheshouldneverriseashehaddreamedofdoing——heheardanoisebelow，andpresentlyaneighbourranupstairsandenteredhisroomhurriedly-

“Goodgracious，MrPontifex。”sheexclaimed，“forgoodness’sakecomedownquicklyandhelp。OMrsPontifexistookwiththehorrors——andshe’sorkard。”

Theunhappymancamedownashewasbidandfoundhiswifemadwithdeliriumtremens。

Heknewallnow。Theneighboursthoughthemusthaveknownthathiswifedrankallalong，butEllenhadbeensoartful，andhesosimple，that，asIhavesaid，hehadhadnosuspicion。“Why。”saidthewomanwhohadsummonedhim，“she’lldrinkanythingshecanstandupandpayhermoneyfor。”Erne