第56章

HehadcrossedhisRubicon——notperhapsveryheroicallyordramatically，butthenitisonlyindramasthatpeopleactdramatically。Atanyrate，byhookorbycrook，hehadscrambledover，andwasoutupontheotherside。Alreadyhethoughtofmuchwhichhewouldgladlyhavesaid，andblamedhiswantofpresenceofmind；but，afterall，itmatteredverylittle。Inclinedthoughhewastomakeverygreatallowancesforhisfatherandmother，hewasindignantattheirhavingthrustthemselvesuponhimwithoutwarningatamomentwhentheexcitementofleavingprisonwasalreadyasmuchashewasfitfor。Itwasameanadvantagetohavetakenoverhim，buthewasgladtheyhadtakenit，foritmadehimrealisemorefullythaneverthathisonechancelayinseparatinghimselfcompletelyfromthem。

Themorningwasgrey，andthefirstsignsofwinterfogwerebeginningtoshowthemselves，foritwasnowthe30thofSeptember。

Ernestworetheclothesinwhichhehadenteredprison，andwasthereforedressedasaclergyman。Noonewholookedathimwouldhaveseenanydifferencebetweenhispresentappearanceandhisappearancesixmonthspreviously；indeed，ashewalkedslowlythroughthedingycrowdedlanecalledEyreStreetHill(whichhewellknew，forhehadclericalfriendsinthatneighbourhood)，themonthshehadpassedinprisonseemedtodropoutofhislife，andsopowerfullydidassociationcarryhimawaythat，findinghimselfinhisolddressandinhisoldsurroundings，hefeltdraggedbackintohisoldself——asthoughhissixmonthsofprisonlifehadbeenadreamfromwhichhewasnowwakingtotakethingsupashehadleftthem。Thiswastheeffectofunchangedsurroundingsupontheunchangedpartofhim。Buttherewasachangedpart，andtheeffectofunchangedsurroundingsuponthiswastomakeeverythingseemalmostasstrangeasthoughhehadneverhadanylifebuthisprisonone，andwasnowbornintoanewworld。

Allourliveslong，everydayandeveryhour，weareengagedintheprocessofaccommodatingourchangedandunchangedselvestochangedandunchangedsurroundings；living，infact，innothingelsethanthisprocessofaccommodation；whenwefailinitalittlewearestupid，whenwefailflagrantlywearemad，whenwesuspendittemporarilywesleep，whenwegiveuptheattemptaltogetherwedie。

Inquiet，uneventfullivesthechangesinternalandexternalaresosmallthatthereislittleornostrainintheprocessoffusionandaccommodation；inotherlivesthereisgreatstrain，butthereisalsogreatfusingandaccommodatingpower；inothersgreatstrainwithlittleaccommodatingpower。Alifewillbesuccessfulornotaccordingasthepowerofaccommodationisequaltoorunequaltothestrainoffusingandadjustinginternalandexternalchanges。

Thetroubleisthatintheendweshallbedriventoadmittheunityoftheuniversesocompletelyastobecompelledtodenythatthereiseitheranexternaloraninternal，butmustseeeverythingbothasexternalandinternalatoneandthesametime，subjectandobject——externalandinternal——beingunifiedasmuchaseverythingelse。Thiswillknockourwholesystemover，buttheneverysystemhasgottobeknockedoverbysomething。

Muchthebestwayoutofthisdifficultyistogoinforseparationbetweeninternalandexternal——subjectandobject——whenwefindthisconvenient，andunitybetweenthesamewhenwefindunityconvenient。Thisisillogical，butextremesarealonelogical，andtheyarealwaysabsurd，themeanisalonepracticableanditisalwaysillogical。Itisfaithandnot