下载辰思小说免费APP
“EvenArmadale，boobyasheis，understoodher。Afterbewilderinghimselfinalabyrinthofwordsthatlednowhere，hetookher——onecanhardlysayroundthewaist，forshehasn’tgotone——hetookherroundthelasthook-and-eyeofherdress，and，bywayofofferingherarefugefromtheindignityofbeingsenttoschoolatherage，madeheraproposalofmarriageinsomanywords。
“IfIcouldhavekilledthembothatthatmomentbyliftingupmylittlefinger，IhavenottheleastdoubtIshouldhaveliftedit。Asthingswere，IonlywaitedtoseewhatMissMilroywoulddo。
“Sheappearedtothinkitnecessary——feeling，Isuppose，thatshehadmethimwithoutherfather’sknowledge，andnotforgettingthatIhadhadthestartofherasthefavoredobjectofMr。
Armadale’sgoodopinion——toassertherselfbyanexplosionofvirtuousindignation。ShewonderedhowhecouldthinkofsuchathingafterhisconductwithMissGwilt，andafterherfatherhadforbiddenhimthehouse！Didhewanttomakeherfeelhowinexcusablyshehadforgottenwhatwasduetoherself？Wasitworthyofagentlemantoproposewhatheknewaswellasshedidwasimpossible？andsoon，andsoon。Anymanwithbrainsinhisheadwouldhaveknownwhatallthisrodomontadereallymeant。
Armadaletookitsoseriouslythatheactuallyattemptedtojustifyhimself。
“Hedeclared，inhisheadlong，blunderingway，thathewasquiteinearnest;heandherfathermightmakeitupandbefriendsagain;and，ifthemajorpersistedintreatinghimasastranger，youngladiesandgentlemenintheirsituationhadmaderunawaymarriagesbeforenow，andfathersandmotherswhowouldn’tforgivethembeforehadforgiventhemafterward。Suchoutrageouslystraightforwardlove-makingasthisleftMissMilroy，ofcourse，buttwoalternatives——toconfessthatshehadbeensayingNowhenshemeantYes，ortotakerefugeinanotherexplosion。Shewashypocriteenoughtopreferanotherexplosion。
’Howdareyou，Mr。Armadale？Goawaydirectly！It’sinconsiderate，it’sheartless，it’sperfectlydisgracefultosaysuchthingstome！’andsoon，andsoon。Itseemsincredible，butitisnotthelesstrue，thathewaspositivelyfoolenoughtotakeheratherword。Hebeggedherpardon，andwentawaylikeachildthatisputinthecorner——themostcontemptibleobjectintheformofmanthateyeseverlookedon！
“Shewaited，afterhehadgone，tocomposeherself，andIwaitedbehindthetreestoseehowshewouldsucceed。Hereyeswanderedroundslylytothepathbywhichhehadlefther。Shesmiled(grinnedwouldbethetruerwayofputtingit，withsuchamouthashers);tookafewstepsontiptoetolookafterhim;turnedbackagain，andsuddenlyburstintoaviolentfitofcrying。IamnotquitesoeasilytakeninasArmadale，andIsawwhatitallmeantplainlyenough。
“’To-morrow，’Ithoughttomyself，’youwillbeintheparkagain，miss，bypureaccident。Thenextday，youwillleadhimonintoproposingtoyouforthesecondtime。Thedayafter，hewillventurebacktothesubjectofrunawaymarriages，andyouwillonlybebecominglyconfused。Andthedayafterthat，ifhehasgotaplantopropose，andifyourclothesarereadytobepackedforschool，youwilllistentohim。’Yes，yes;Timeisalwaysontheman’sside，whereawomanisconcerned，ifthemanisonlypatientenoughtoletTimehelphim。
“Iletherleavetheplaceandgobacktothecottage，quiteunconsciousthatIhadbeenlookingather。Iwaitedamongthetrees，thinking。Thetruthis，IwasimpressedbywhatIhadheardandseen，inamannerthatitisnotveryeasytodescribe。
Itputthewholethingbeforemeinanewlight。Itshowedme——whatIhadneverevensuspectedtillthismorning——thatsheisreallyfondofhim。
“Heavyasmydebtofobligationistoher，thereisnofear_now_
ofmyfailingtopayittothelastfarthing。ItwouldhavebeennosmalltriumphformetostandbetweenMissMilroyandherambitiontobeoneoftheleadingladiesofthecounty。Butitisinfinitelymore，whereherfirstloveisconcerned，tostandbetweenMissMilroyandherheart’sdesire。ShallIremembermyownyouthandspareher？No！ShehasdeprivedmeoftheonechanceIhadofbreakingthechainthatbindsmetoapastlifetoohorribletobethoughtof。Iamthrownbackintoaposition，comparedtowhichthepositionofanoutcastwhowalksthestreetsisendurableandenviable。No，MissMilroy——no，Mr。
Armadale;Iwillspareneitherofyou。
“Ihavebeenbacksomehours。Ihavebeenthinking，andnothinghascomeofit。EversinceIgotthatstrangeletterofMidwinter’slastSunday，myusualreadinessinemergencieshasdesertedme。WhenIamnotthinkingofhimorofhisstory，mymindfeelsquitestupefied。I，whohavealwaysknownwhattodoonotheroccasions，don’tknowwhattodonow。Itwouldbeeasyenough，ofcourse，towarnMajorMilroyofhisdaughter’sproceedings。Butthemajorisfondofhisdaughter;Armadaleisanxioustobereconciledwithhim;Armadaleisrichandprosperous，andreadytosubmittotheelderman;andsoonerorlatertheywillbefriendsagain，andthemarriagewillfollow。
WarningMajorMilroyisonlythewaytoembarrassthemforthepresent;itisnotthewaytopartthemforgoodandall。
“What_is_theway？Ican’tseeit。Icouldtearmyownhairoffmyhead！Icouldburnthehousedown！Iftherewasatrainofgunpowderunderthewholeworld，Icouldlightit，andblowthewholeworldtodestruction——Iaminsucharage，suchafrenzywithmyselffornotseeingit！
“PoordearMidwinter！Yes，’_dear。_’Idon’tcare。I’mlonelyandhelpless。Iwantsomebodywhoisgentleandlovingtomakemuchofme;IwishIhadhisheadonmybosomagain;IhaveagoodmindtogotoLondonandmarryhim。AmImad？Yes;allpeoplewhoareasmiserableasIamaremad。Imustgotothewindowandgetsomeair。ShallIjumpout？No;itdisfiguresoneso，andthecoroner’sinquestletssomanypeopleseeit。
“Theairhasrevivedme。IbegintorememberthatIhaveTimeonmyside，atanyrate。Nobodyknowsbutmeoftheirsecretmeetingsintheparkthefirstthinginthemorning。IfjealousoldBashwood，whoisslinkingandslyenoughforanything，triestolookprivatelyafterArmadale，inhisowninterests，hewilltryattheusualtimewhenhegoestothesteward’soffice。HeknowsnothingofMissMilroy’searlyhabits;andhewon’tbeonthespottillArmadalehasgotbacktothehouse。Foranotherweektocome，Imaywaitandwatchthem，andchoosemyowntimeandwayofinterferingthemomentIseeachanceofhisgettingthebetterofherhesitation，andmakinghersayYes。
“SohereIwait，withoutknowinghowthingswillendwithMidwinterinLondon;withmypursegettingemptierandemptier，andnoappearancesofarofanynewpupilstofillit;withMotherOldershawcertaintoinsistonhavinghermoneybackthemomentsheknowsIhavefailed;withoutprospects，friends，orhopesofanykind——alostwoman，ifevertherewasalostwomanyet。Well！Isayitagainandagainandagain——Idon’tcare！HereIstop，ifIselltheclothesoffmyback，ifIhiremyselfatthepublic-housetoplaytothebrutesinthetap-room;hereI
stoptillthetimecomes，andIseethewaytopartingArmadaleandMissMilroyforever！
“Seveno’clock——Anysignsthatthetimeiscomingyet？Ihardlyknow;therearesignsofachange，atanyrate，inmypositionintheneighborhood。
“TwooftheoldestandugliestofthemanyoldanduglyladieswhotookupmycasewhenIleftMajorMilroy’sservicehavejustcalled，announcingthemselves，withtheinsufferableimpudenceofcharitableEnglishwomen，asadeputationfrommypatronesses。ItseemsthatthenewsofmyreconciliationwithArmadalehasspreadfromtheservants’officesatthegreathouse，andhasreachedthetown，withthisresult。
“Itistheunanimousopinionofmy’patronesses’(andtheopinionofMajorMilroyalso，whohasbeenconsulted)thatIhaveactedwiththemostinexcusableimprudenceingoingtoArmadale’shouse，andintherespeakingonfriendlytermswithamanwhoseconducttowardmyselfhasmadehisnameaby-wordintheneighborhood。Mytotalwantofself-respectinthismatterhasgivenrisetoareportthatIamtradingascleverlyaseveronmygoodlooks，andthatIamaslikelyasnottoendinmakingArmadalemarryme，afterall。My’patronesses’are，ofcourse，toocharitabletobelievethis。TheymerelyfeelitnecessarytoremonstratewithmeinaChristianspirit，andtowarnmethatanysecondandsimilarimprudenceonmypartwouldforceallmybestfriendsintheplatetowithdrawthecountenanceandprotectionwhichInowenjoy。
“Havingaddressedme，turnandturnabout，intheseterms(evidentlyallrehearsedbeforehand)，mytwoGorgonvisitorsstraightenedthemselvesintheirchairs，andlookedatmeasmuchastosay，’YoumayoftenhaveheardofVirtue，MissGwilt，butwedon’tbelieveyoueverreallysawitinfullbloomtillwecameandcalledonyou。’
“Seeingtheywerebentonprovokingme，Ikeptmytemper，andansweredtheminmysmoothest，sweetest，andmostlady-likemanner。IhavenoticedthattheChristianityofacertainclassofrespectablepeoplebeginswhentheyopentheirprayer-booksateleveno’clockonSundaymorning，andendswhentheyshutthemupagainatoneo’clockonSundayafternoon。NothingsoastonishesandinsultsChristiansofthissortasremindingthemoftheirChristianityonaweek-day。Onthishint，asthemansaysintheplay，Ispoke。
“’WhathaveIdonethatiswrong？’Iasked，innocently。’Mr。
Armadalehasinjuredme;andIhavebeentohishouseandforgivenhimtheinjury。Surelytheremustbesomemistake，ladies？Youcan’thavereallycomeheretoremonstratewithmeinaChristianspiritforperforminganactofChristianity？’
“ThetwoGorgonsgotup。Ifirmlybelievesomewomenhavecats’
tailsaswellascats’faces。Ifirmlybelievethetailsofthosetwoparticularcatswaggedslowlyundertheirpetticoats，andswelledtofourtimestheirpropersize。
“’Temperwewerepreparedfor，MissGwilt，’theysaid，’butnotProfanity。Wewishyougood-evening。’
“Sotheyleftme，andso’MissGwilt’sinksoutofthepatronizingnoticeoftheneighborhood“Iwonderwhatwillcomeofthistrumperylittlequarrel？OnethingwillcomeofitwhichIcanseealready。ThereportwillreachMissMilroy’sears;shewillinsistonArmadale’sjustifyinghimself;andArmadalewillendinsatisfyingherofhisinnocencebymakinganotherproposal。Thiswillbequitelikelytohastenmattersbetweenthem;atleastitwouldwithme。
IfIwasinherplace，Ishouldsaytomyself，’IwillmakesureofhimwhileIcan。’Supposingitdoesn’trainto-morrowmorning，IthinkIwilltakeanotherearlywalkinthedirectionofthepark。
“Midnight——AsIcan’ttakemydrops，withamorningwalkbeforeme，Imayaswellgiveupallhopeofsleeping，andgoonwithmydiary。Evenwithmydrops，Idoubtifmyheadwouldbeveryquietonmypillowto-night。Sincethelittleexcitementofthescenewithmy’lady-patronesses’haswornoff，Ihavebeentroubledwithmisgivingswhichwouldleavemebutapoorchance，underanycircumstances，ofgettingmuchrest。
“Ican’timaginewhy，butthepartingwordsspokentoArmadalebythatoldbruteofalawyerhavecomebacktomymind！Heretheyare，asreportedinMr。Bashwood’sletter:’Someotherperson’scuriositymaygoonfromthepointwhereyou(andI)havestopped，andsomeotherperson’shandmayletthebroaddaylightinyetonMissGwilt。’
“Whatdoeshemeanbythat？AndwhatdidhemeanafterwardwhenheovertookoldBashwoodinthedrive，bytellinghimtogratifyhiscuriosity？DoesthishatefulPedgiftactuallysupposethereisanychance——？Ridiculous！Why，Ihaveonlyto_look_atthefeebleoldcreature，andhedaren’tlifthislittlefingerunlessItellhim。_He_trytopryintomypastlife，indeed！Why，peoplewithtentimeshisbrains，andahundredtimeshiscourage，haretried——andhaveleftoffaswiseastheybegan。
“Idon’tknow，though;itmighthavebeenbetterifIhadkeptmytemperwhenBashwoodwasheretheothernight。AnditmightbebetterstillifIsawhimto-morrow，andtookhimbackintomygoodgracesbygivinghimsomethingtodoforme。SupposeItellhimtolookafterthetwoPedgifts，andtodiscoverwhetherthereisanychanceoftheirattemptingtorenewtheirconnectionwithArmadale？Nosuchthingisatalllikely;butifIgaveoldBashwoodthiscommission，itwouldflatterhissenseofhisownimportancetome，andwouldatthesametimeservetheexcellentpurposeofkeepinghimoutofmyway。
“Thursdaymorning，nineo’clock——Ihavejustgotbackfromthepark。
“ForonceIhaveprovedatrueprophet。Theretheyweretogether，atthesameearlyhour，inthesamesecludedsituationamongthetrees;andtherewasmissinfullpossessionofthereportofmyvisittothegreathouse，andtakinghertoneaccordingly。
“Aftersayingoneortwothingsaboutme，whichIpromisehimnottoforget，ArmadaletookthewaytoconvinceherofhisconstancywhichIfeltbeforehandhewouldbedriventotake。Herepeatedhisproposalofmarriage，withexcellenteffectthistime。Tearsandkissesandprotestationsfollowed;andmylatepupilopenedherheartatlast，inthemostinnocentmanner。Home，sheconfessed，wasgettingsomiserabletohernowthatitwasonlylessmiserablethangoingtoschool。Hermother’stemperwasbecomingmoreviolentandunmanageableeveryday。Thenurse，whowastheonlypersonwithanyinfluenceoverher，hadgoneawayindisgust。Herfatherwasbecomingmoreandmoreimmersedinhisclock，andwasmademoreandmoreresolutetosendherawayfromhomebythedistressingsceneswhichnowtookplacewithhermotheralmostdaybyday。Iwaitedthroughthesedomesticdisclosuresonthechanceofhearinganyplanstheymighthaveforthefuturediscussedbetweenthem;andmypatience，afternosmallexerciseofit，wasrewardedatlast。
“Thefirstsuggestion(aswasonlynaturalwheresuchafoolasArmadalewasconcerned)camefromthegirl。
“ShestartedanideawhichIownIhadnotanticipated。SheproposedthatArmadaleshouldwritetoherfather;and，clevererstill，shepreventedallfearofhisblunderingbytellinghimwhathewastosay。Hewastoexpresshimselfasdeeplydistressedathisestrangementfromthemajor，andtorequestpermissiontocallatthecottage，andsayafewwordsinhisownjustification。Thatwasall。Theletterwasnottobesentthatday，fortheapplicantsforthevacantplaceofMrs。Milroy’snursewerecoming，andseeingthemandquestioningthemwouldputherfather，withhisdislikeofsuchthings，innohumortoreceiveArmadale’sapplicationindulgently。TheFridaywouldbethedaytosendtheletter，andontheSaturdaymorningiftheanswerwasunfortunatelynotfavorable，theymightmeetagain，’I
don’tlikedeceivingmyfather;hehasalwaysbeensokindtome。
Andtherewillbenoneedtodeceivehim，Allan，ifwecanonlymakeyoufriendsagain。’Thosewerethelastwordsthelittlehypocritesaid，whenIleftthem。
“Whatwillthemajordo？Saturdaymorningwillshow。Iwon’tthinkofittillSaturdaymorninghascomeandgone。Theyarenotmanandwifeyet;andagainandagainIsayit，thoughmybrainsarestillashelplessasever，manandwifetheyshallneverbe。
“Onmywayhomeagain，IcaughtBashwoodathisbreakfast，withhispooroldblacktea-pot，andhislittlepennyloaf，andhisonecheapmorselofoilybutter，andhisdarneddirtytablecloth。
Itsickensmetothinkofit。
“Icoaxedandcomfortedthemiserableoldcreaturetillthetearsstoodinhiseyes，andhequiteblushedwithpleasure。HeundertakestolookafterthePedgiftswiththeutmostalacrity。
Pedgifttheelderhedescribed，whenonceroused，asthemostobstinatemanliving;nothingwillinducehimtogiveway，unlessArmadalegiveswayalsoonhisside。Pedgifttheyoungerismuchthemorelikelyofthetwotomakeattemptsatareconciliation。Such，atleast，isBashwood’sopinion。Itisofverylittleconsequencenowwhathappenseitherway。Theonlyimportantthingistotiemyelderlyadmirersafelyagaintomyapron-string。Andthisisdone。
“Thepostislatethismorning。Ithasonlyjustcomein，andhasbroughtmealetterfromMidwinter。
“Itisacharmingletter;itflattersmeandfluttersmeasifI
wasayounggirlagain。Noreproachesformyneverhavingwrittentohim;nohatefulhurryingofme，inplainwords，tomarryhim。
Heonlywritestotellmeapieceofnews。Hehasobtained，throughhislawyers，aprospectofbeingemployedasoccasionalcorrespondenttoanewspaperwhichisabouttobestartedinLondon。TheemploymentwillrequirehimtoleaveEnglandfortheContinent，whichwouldexactlymeethisownwishesforthefuture，buthecannotconsidertheproposalseriouslyuntilhehasfirstascertainedwhetheritwouldmeetmywishestoo。Heknowsnowillbutmine，andheleavesmetodecide，afterfirstmentioningthetimeallowedhimbeforehisanswermustbesentin。Itisthetime，ofcourse(ifIagreetohisgoingabroad)，inwhichImustmarryhim。Butthereisnotawordaboutthisinhisletter。Heasksfornothingbutasightofmyhandwritingtohelphimthroughtheintervalwhileweareseparatedfromeachother。
“Thatistheletter;notverylong，butsoprettilyexpressed。
“IthinkIcanpenetratethesecretofhisfancyforgoingabroad。ThatwildideaofputtingthemountainsandtheseasbetweenArmadaleandhimselfisstillinhismind。AsifeitherheorIcouldescapedoingwhatwearefatedtodo——supposingwereallyarefated——byputtingafewhundredorafewthousandmilesbetweenArmadaleandourselves！Whatstrangeabsurdityandinconsistency！AndyethowIlikehimforbeingabsurdandinconsistent;fordon’tIseeplainlythatIamatthebottomofitall？Wholeadsthisclevermanastrayinspiteofhimself？Whomakeshimtooblindtoseethecontradictioninhisownconduct，whichhewouldseeplainlyintheconductofanotherperson？HowinterestedIdofeelinhim！HowdangerouslynearIamtoshuttingmyeyesonthepast，andlettingmyselflovehim！WasEvefonderofAdamthanever，Iwonder，aftershehadcoaxedhimintoeatingtheapple？IshouldhavequitedotedonhimifIhadbeeninherplace。(Memorandum:TowriteMidwinteracharminglittleletteronmyside，withakissinit;andastimeisallowedhimbeforehesendsinhisanswer，toaskfortime，too，beforeItellhimwhetherIwillorwillnotgoabroad。)
“Fiveo’clock——Atiresomevisitfrommylandlady;eagerforalittlegossip，andfullofnewswhichshethinkswillinterestme。
“Sheisacquainted，Ifind，withMrs。Milroy’slatenurse;andshehasbeenseeingherfriendoffatthestationthisafternoon。
Theytalked，ofcourse，ofaffairsatthecottage，andmynamefounditswayintotheconversation。Iamquitewrong，itseems，ifthenurse’sauthorityistobetrusted，inbelievingMissMilroytoberesponsibleforsendingMr。ArmadaletomyreferenceinLondon。MissMilroyreallyknewnothingaboutit，anditalloriginatedinhermother’smadjealousyofme。Thepresentwretchedstateofthingsatthecottageisdueentirelytothesamecause。Mrs。MilroyisfirmlypersuadedthatmyremainingatThorpeAmbroseisreferabletomyhavingsomeprivatemeansofcommunicatingwiththemajorwhichitisimpossibleforhertodiscover。Withthisconvictioninhermind，shehasbecomesounmanageablethatnoperson，withanychanceofbetteringherself，couldpossiblyremaininattendanceanher;andsoonerorlater，themajor，objecttoitashemay，willbeobligedtoplaceherunderpropermedicalcare。
“Thatisthesumandsubstanceofwhatthewearisomelandlady，hadtotellme。UnnecessarytosaythatIwasnotintheleastinterestedbyit。Evenifthenurse’ssassertionistobedependedon——whichIpersistindoubting——itisofnoimportancenow。IknowthatMissMilroy，andnobodybutMissMilroyhasutterlyruinedmyprospectofbecomingMrs。ArmadaleofThorpeAmbrose，andIcaretoknownothingmore。Ifhermotherwasreallyaloneintheattempttoexposemyfalsereference，hermotherseemstobesufferingforit，atanyrate。Andsogood-bytoMrs。Milroy;andHeavendefendmefromanymorelastglimpsesatthecottagesseenthroughthemediumofmylandlady’sspectacles！
“Nineo’clock——Bashwoodhasjustleftme，havingcomewithnewsfromthegreathouse。Pedgifttheyoungerhasmadehisattemptatbringingaboutareconciliationthisveryday，andhasfailed。I
amthesolecauseofthefailure。ArmadaleisquitewillingtobereconciledifPedgifttheelderwillavoidallfutureoccasionofdisagreementbetweenthembyneverrecurringtothesubjectofMissGwilt。This，however，happenstobeexactlytheconditionwhichPedgift’sfather——withhisopinionofmeandmydoings——shouldconsiderithisdutytoArmadale_not_toaccept。
Solawyerandclientremainasfarapartasever，andtheobstacleofthePedgiftsisclearedoutofmyway。
“Itmighthavebeenaveryawkwardobstacle，sofarasPedgifttheelderisconcerned，ifoneofhissuggestionshadbeencarriedout;Imean，ifanofficeroftheLondonpolicehadbeenbroughtdownheretolookatme。Itisaquestion，evennow，whetherIhadbetternottaketothethickveilagain，whichI
alwayswearinLondonandotherlargeplaces。Theonlydifficultyisthatitwouldexciteremarkinthisinquisitivelittletowntoseemewearingathickveil，forthefirsttime，inthesummerweather。
“Itiscloseonteno’clock;IhavebeendawdlingovermydiarylongerthanIsupposed。
“NowordscandescribehowwearyandlanguidIfeel。Whydon’tI
takemysleepingdropsandgotobed？ThereisnomeetingbetweenArmadaleandMissMilroytoforcemeintoearlyrisingto-morrowmorning。AmItrying，forthehundredthtime，toseemywayclearlyintothefuture——trying，inmypresentstateoffatigue，tobethequick-wittedwomanIoncewas，beforealltheseanxietiescametogetherandoverpoweredme？oramIperverselyafraidofmybedwhenIwantitmost？Idon’tknow;Iamtiredandmiserable;Iamlookingwretchedlyhaggardandold。Withalittleencouragement，Imightbefoolenoughtoburstoutcrying。
Luckily，thereisnoonetoencourageme。Whatsortofanightisit，Iwonder？
“Acloudynight，withthemoonshowingatintervals，andthewindrising。Icanjusthearitmoaningamongtheinsandoutsoftheunfinishedcottagesattheendofthestreet。Mynervesmustbealittleshaken，Ithink。Iwasstartledjustnowbyashadowonthewall。ItwasonlyafteramomentortwothatImusteredsenseenoughtonoticewherethecandlewas，andtoseethattheshadowwasmyown。
“ShadowsremindmeofMidwinter;or，iftheshadowsdon’t，somethingelsedoes。Imusthaveanotherlookathisletter，andthenIwillpositivelygotobed。
“Ishallendingettingfondofhim。IfIremainmuchlongerinthislonelyuncertainstate——soirresolute，sounlikemyusualself——Ishallendingettingfondofhim。Whatmadness！Asif_I_
couldeverbereallyfondofamanagain！
“SupposeItookoneofmysuddenresolutions，andmarriedhim。
Poorasheis，hewouldgivemeanameandapositionifIbecamehiswife。Letmeseehowthename——hisownname——wouldlook，ifI
reallydidconsenttoitformine。
“’Mrs。Armadale！’Pretty。
“’Mrs。AllanArmadale！’Prettierstill。
“Mynerves_must_beshaken。Hereismyownhandwritingstartlingmenow！Itissostrange;itisenoughtostartleanybody。Thesimilarityinthetwonamesneverstruckmeinthislightbefore。
MarrywhichofthetwoImight，mynamewould，ofcourse，bethesame。IshouldhavebeenMrs。Armadale，ifIhadmarriedthelight-hairedAllanatthegreathouse。AndIcanbeMrs。Armadalestill，ifImarrythedark-hairedAllaninLondon。It’salmostmaddeningtowriteitdown——tofeelthatsomethingoughttocomeofit——andtofindnothingcome。
“How_can_anythingcomeofit？IfIdidgotoLondon，andmarryhim(asofcourseImustmarryhim)underhisrealname，wouldheletmebeknownbyitafterward？Withallhisreasonsforconcealinghisrealname，hewouldinsist——no，heistoofondofmetodothat——hewouldentreatmetotakethenamewhichhehasassumed。Mrs。Midwinter。Hideous！Ozias，too，whenIwantedtoaddresshimfamiliarly，ashiswifeshould。Worsethanhideous！
“Andyettherewouldbesomereasonforhumoringhiminthisifheaskedme。
“Supposethebruteatthegreathousehappenedtoleavethisneighborhoodasasingleman;andsuppose，inhisabsence，anyofthepeoplewhoknowhimheardofaMrs。AllanArmadale，theywouldsetherdownatonceashiswife。Eveniftheyactuallysawme——ifIactuallycameamongthemwiththatname，andifhewasnotpresenttocontradictit——hisownservantswouldbethefirsttosay，’Weknewshewouldmarryhim，afterall！’Andmylady-patronesses，whowillbereadytobelieveanythingofmenowwehavequarreled，wouldjointhechorus_sottovoce:_’Onlythink，mydear，thereportthatsoshockedusactuallyturnsouttobetrue！’No。IfImarryMidwinter，Imusteitherbeperpetuallyputtingmyhusbandandmyselfinafalseposition——orImustleavehisrealname，hispretty，romanticname，behindmeatthechurchdoor。
“Myhusband！AsifIwasreallygoingtomarryhim！Iam_not_
goingtomarryhim，andthere’sanendofit。
“Half-pastten——Oh，dear！oh，dear！howmytemplesthrob，andhowhotmywearyeyesfeel！Thereisthemoonlookingatmethroughthewindow。Howfastthelittlescatteredcloudsareflyingbeforethewind！Nowtheyletthemoonin;andnowtheyshutthemoonout。Whatstrangeshapesthepatchesofyellowlighttake，andloseagain，allinamoment！Nopeaceandquietforme，lookwhereImay。Thecandlekeepsflickering，andtheveryskyitselfisrestlessto-night。
“’Tobed！tobed！’asLadyMacbethsays。Iwonder，by-the-by，whatLadyMacbethwouldhavedoneinmyposition？Shewouldhavekilledsomebodywhenherdifficultiesfirstbegan。ProbablyArmadale。
“Fridaymorning——Anight’srest，thanksagaintomyDrops。I
wenttobreakfastinbetterspirits，andreceivedamorningwelcomeintheshapeofaletterfromMrs。Oldershaw。
“MysilencehasproduceditseffectonMotherJezebel。Sheattributesittotherightcause，andsheshowsherclawsatlast。IfIamnotinapositiontopaymynoteofhandforthirtypounds，whichisdueonTuesdaynext，herlawyerisinstructedto’taketheusualcourse。’_If_Iamnotinapositiontopayit！
Why，whenIhavesettledto-daywithmylandlord，Ishallhavebarelyfivepoundsleft！ThereisnottheshadowofaprospectbetweennowandTuesdayofmyearninganymoney;andIdon’tpossessafriendinthisplacewhowouldtrustmewithsixpence。
Thedifficultiesthatareswarmingroundmewantedbutonemoretocompletethem，andthatonehascome。
“Midwinterwouldassistme，ofcourse，ifIcouldbringmyselftoaskhimforassistance。But_that_meansmarryinghim。AmI
reallydesperateenoughandhelplessenoughtoenditinthatway？No;notyet。
“Myheadfeelsheavy;Imustgetoutintothefreshair，andthinkaboutit。
“Twoo’clock——IbelieveIhavecaughttheinfectionofMidwinter’ssuperstition。IbegintothinkthateventsareforcingmenearerandnearertosomeendwhichIdon’tseeyet，butwhichIamfirmlypersuadedisnownotfaroff。
“Ihavebeeninsulted——deliberatelyinsultedbeforewitnesses——byMissMilroy。
“Afterwalking，asusual，inthemostunfrequentedplaceIcouldpickout，andaftertrying，notverysuccessfully，tothinktosomegoodpurposeofwhatIamtodonext，IrememberedthatI
neededsomenote-paperandpens，andwentbacktothetowntothestationer’sshop。ItmighthavebeenwisertohavesentforwhatIwanted。ButIwaswearyofmyself，andwearyofmylonelyrooms;andIdidmyownerrand，fornobetterreasonthanthatitwassomethingtodo。
“Ihadjustgotintotheshop，andwasaskingforwhatIwanted，whenanothercustomercamein。Webothlookedup，andrecognizedeachotheratthesamemoment:MissMilroy。
“Awomanandaladwerebehindthecounter，besidesthemanwhowasservingme。Thewomancivillyaddressedthenewcustomer。
’Whatcanwehavethepleasureofdoingforyou，miss？’Afterpointingitfirstbylookingmestraightintheface，sheanswered，’Nothing，thankyou，atpresent。I’llcomebackwhentheshopisempty。’
“Shewentout。Thethreepeopleintheshoplookedatmeinsilence。Insilence，onmyside，Ipaidformypurchases，andlefttheplace。Idon’tknowhowImighthavefeltifIhadbeeninmyusualspirits。Intheanxious，unsettledstateIaminnow，Ican’tdenyit，thegirlstungme。
“Intheweaknessofthemoment(foritwasnothingelse)，Iwasonthepointofmatchingherpettyspitefulnessbyspitefulnessquiteaspettyonmyside。Ihadactuallygotasfarasthewholelengthofthestreetonmywaytothemajor’scottage，bentontellinghimthesecretofhisdaughter’smorningwalks，beforemybettersensecamebacktome。WhenIdidcooldown，Iturnedroundatonce，andtookthewayhome。No，no，MissMilroy;meretemporarymischief-makingatthecottage，whichwouldonlyendinyourfatherforgivingyou，andinArmadaleprofitingbyhisindulgence，willnothinglikepaythedebtIoweyou。Idon’tforgetthatyourheartissetonArmadale;andthatthemajor，howeverhemaytalk，hasalwaysendedhithertoingivingyouyourownway。Myheadmaybegettingdullerandduller，butithasnotquitefailedmeyet。
“Inthemeantime，thereisMotherOldershaw’sletterwaitingobstinatelytobeanswered;andhereamI，notknowingwhattodoaboutityet。ShallIansweritornot？Itdoesn’tmatterforthepresent;therearesomehoursstilltosparebeforethepostgoesout。
“SupposeIaskedArmadaletolendmethemoney？Ishouldenjoygetting_something_outofhim;andIbelieve，inhispresentsituationwithMissMilroy，hewoulddoanythingtoberidofme。
Meanenoughthis，onmypart。Pooh！Whenyouhateanddespiseaman，asIhateanddespiseArmadale，whocaresforlookingmeanin_his_eyes？
“Andyetmypride——ormysomethingelse，Idon’tknowwhat——shrinksfromit。
“Half-pasttwo——onlyhalf-pasttwo。Oh，thedreadfulwearinessoftheselongsummerdays！Ican’tkeepthinkingandthinkinganylonger;Imustdosomethingtorelievemymind。CanIgotomypiano？No;I’mnotfitforit。Work？No;IshallgetthinkingagainifItaketomyneedle。Aman，inmyplace，wouldfindrefugeindrink。I’mnotaman，andIcan’tdrink。I’lldawdleovermydresses，andputmythingstidy。
******
“Hasanhourpassed？Morethananhour。Itseemslikeaminute。
“Ican’tlookbackthroughtheseleaves，butIknowIwrotesomewherethatIfeltmyselfgettingnearerandnearertosomeendthatwasstillhiddenfromme。Theendishiddennolonger。
Thecloudisoffmymind，theblindnesshasgonefrommyeyes。I
seeit！Iseeit！
“Itcametome——Ineversoughtit。IfIwaslyingonmydeath-bed，Icouldswear，withasafeconscience，Ineversoughtit。
“Iwasonlylookingovermythings;Iwasasidlyandasfrivolouslyemployedasthemostidleandmostfrivolouswomanliving。Iwentthroughmydresses，andmylinen。Whatcouldbemoreinnocent？Childrengothroughtheirdressesandtheirlinen。
“Itwas，suchalongsummerday，andIwassotiredofmyself。I
wenttomyboxesnext。Ilookedoverthelargeboxfirst，whichI
usuallyleaveopen;andthenItriedthesmallbox，whichI
alwayskeeplocked。
“Fromonethingtotheother，Icameatlasttothebundleoflettersatthebottom——thelettersofthemanforwhomIoncesacrificedandsufferedeverything;themanwhohasmademewhatIam。
“AhundredtimesIhaddeterminedtoburnhisletters;butIhaveneverburnedthem。This，time，allIsaidwas，’Iwon’treadhisletters！’AndIdidreadthem。
“Thevillain——thefalse，cowardly，heartlessvillain——whathaveI
todowithhislettersnow？Oh，themiseryofbeingawoman！Oh，themeannessthatourmemoryofamancantemptusto，whenourloveforhimisdeadandgone！Ireadtheletters——Iwassolonelyandsomiserable，Ireadtheletters。
“Icametothelast——theletterhewrotetoencourageme，whenI
hesitatedastheterribletimecamenearerandnearer;theletterthatrevivedmewhenmyresolutionfailedattheeleventhhour。I
readon，lineafterline，tillIcametothesewords:
“’……Ireallyhavenopatiencewithsuchabsurditiesasyouhavewrittentome。YousayIamdrivingyouontodowhatisbeyondawoman’scourage。AmI？ImightreferyoutoanycollectionofTrials，Englishorforeign。toshowthatyouwereutterlywrong。Butsuchcollectionsmaybebeyondyourreach;andIwillonlyreferyoutoacaseinyesterday’snewspaper。Thecircumstancesaretotallydifferentfromourcircumstances;buttheexampleofresolutioninawomanisanexampleworthyournotice。
“’Youwillfind，amongthelawreports，amarriedwomanchargedwithfraudulentlyrepresentingherselftobethemissingwidowofanofficerinthemerchantservice，whowassupposedtohavebeendrowned。Thenameoftheprisoner’shusband(living)andthenameoftheofficer(averycommonone，bothastoChristianandsurname)happenedtobeidenticallythesame。Therewasmoneytobegotbyit(sorelywantedbytheprisoner’shusband，towhomshewasdevotedlyattached)，ifthefraudhadsucceeded。Thewomantookitallonherself。Herhusbandwashelplessandill，andthebailiffswereafterhim。Thecircumstances，asyoumayreadforyourself，wereallinherfavor，andweresowellmanagedbyherthatthelawyersthemselvesacknowledgedshemighthavesucceeded，ifthesupposeddrownedmanhadnotturnedupaliveandwellinthenickoftimetoconfronther。Thescenetookplaceatthelawyer’soffice，andcameoutintheevidenceatthepolicecourt。Thewomanwashandsome，andthesailorwasagood-naturedman。Hewanted，atfirst，ifthelawyerswouldhaveallowedhim，toletheroff。Hesaidtoher，amongotherthings:
“Youdidn’tcountonthedrownedmancomingback，aliveandhearty，didyou，ma’am？”“It’sluckyforyou。”shesaid，“I
didn’tcountonit。Youhaveescapedthesea，butyouwouldn’thaveescaped_me。_““Why，whatwouldyouhavedone，ifyou_had_
knownIwascomingback？”saysthesailor。Shelookedhimsteadilyintheface，andanswered:“Iwouldhavekilledyou。”
There！DoyouthinksuchawomanasthatwouldhavewrittentotellmeIwaspressingherfurtherthanshehadcouragetogo？A
handsomewoman，too，likeyourself。Youwoulddrivesomemeninmypositiontowishtheyhadhernowinyourplace。’
“Ireadnofurther。WhenIhadgoton，linebyline，tothosewords，itburstonmelikeaflashoflightning。InaninstantI
sawitasplainlyasIseeitnow。Itishorrible，itisunheardof，itoutdaresalldaring;but，ifIcanonlynervemyselftofaceoneterriblenecessity，itistobedone。_ImaypersonatetherichlyprovidedwidowofAllanArmadaleofThorpeAmbrose，ifIcancountonAllanArmadale’sdeathinagiventime。_
“There，inplainwords，isthefrightfultemptationunderwhichI
nowfeelmyselfsinking。Itisfrightfulinmorewaysthanone;
forithascomestraightoutofthatothertemptationtowhichI
yieldedintheby-gonetime。
“Yes;theretheletterhasbeenwaitingformeinmybox，toserveapurposeneverthoughtofbythevillainwhowroteit。
ThereistheCase，ashecalledit——onlyquotedtotauntme;
utterlyunlikemyowncaseatthetime——thereithasbeen，waitingandlurkingformethroughallthechangesinmylife，tillithascometobelike_my_caseatlast。
“Itmightstartleanywomantoseethis，andeventhisisnottheworst。ThewholethinghasbeeninmyDiary，fordayspast，withoutmyknowingit！Everyidlefancythatescapedmehasbeentendingsecretlythatoneway！AndIneversaw，neversuspectedit，tillthereadingoftheletterputmyownthoughtsbeforemeinanewlight——tillIsawtheshadowofmyowncircumstancessuddenlyreflectedinonespecialcircumstanceofthatotherwoman’scase！
“Itistobedone，ifIcanbutlookthenecessityintheface。
Itistobedone，_ifIcancountonAllanArmadale’sdeathinagiventime。_
“Allbuthisdeathiseasy。ThewholeseriesofeventsunderwhichIhavebeenblindlychafingandfrettingformorethanaweekpasthavebeen，oneandall——thoughIwastoostupidtoseeit——eventsinmyfavor;eventspavingthewaysmoothlyandmoresmoothlystraighttotheend。
“Inthreeboldsteps——onlythree！——thatendmightbereached。LetMidwintermarrymeprivately，underhisrealname——stepthefirst！LetArmadaleleaveThorpeAmbroseasingleman，anddieinsomedistantplaceamongstrangers——stepthesecond！
“WhyamIhesitating？Whynotgoontostepthethird，andlast？
“I_will_goon。Stepthethird，andlast，ismyappearance，aftertheannouncementofArmadale’sdeathhasreachedthisneighborhood，inthecharacterofArmadale’swidow，withmymarriagecertificateinmyhandtoprovemyclaim。Itisasclearasthesunatnoonday。Thankstotheexactsimilaritybetweenthetwonames，andthankstothecarefulmannerinwhichthesecretofthatsimilarityhasbeenkept，ImaybethewifeofthedarkAllanArmadale，knownassuchtonobodybutmyhusbandandmyself;andImay，outofthatveryposition，claimthecharacterofwidowofthelightAllanArmadale，withprooftosupportme(intheshapeofmymarriagecertificate)whichwouldbeproofintheestimationofthemostincredulouspersonliving。
“TothinkofmyhavingputallthisinmyDiary！Tothinkofmyhavingactuallycontemplatedthisverysituation，andhavingseennothingmoreinit，atthetime，thanareason(ifImarriedMidwinter)forconsentingtoappearintheworldundermyhusband’sassumedname！
“Whatisitdauntsme？Thedreadofobstacles？Thefearofdiscovery？
“Wherearetheobstacles？Whereisthefearofdiscovery？
“IamactuallysuspectedallovertheneighborhoodofintriguingtobemistressofThorpeAmbrose。IamtheonlypersonwhoknowstherealturnthatArmadale’sinclinationshavetaken。NotacreaturebutmyselfisasyetawareofhisearlymorningmeetingswithMissMilroy。Ifitisnecessarytopartthem，Icandoitatanymomentbyananonymouslinetothemajor。IfitisnecessarytoremoveArmadalefromThorpeAmbrose，Icangethimawayatthreedays’notice。Hisownlipsinformedme，whenIlastspoketohim，thathewouldgototheendsoftheearthtobefriendsagainwithMidwinter，ifMidwinterwouldlethim。IhaveonlytotellMidwintertowritefromLondon，andasktobereconciled;
andMidwinterwouldobeyme——andtoLondonArmadalewouldgo。
Everydifficulty，atstarting，issmoothedoverreadytomyhand。
Everyafter-difficultyIcouldmanageformyself。Inthewholeventure——desperateasitlookstopassmyselfoffforthewidowofoneman，whileIamallthewhilethewifeoftheother——thereisabsolutelynonecessitythatwantstwiceconsidering，buttheoneterriblenecessityofArmadale’sdeath。
“Hisdeath！Itmightbeaterriblenecessitytoanyotherwoman;
butisit，oughtittobeterribletoMe？
“Ihatehimforhismother’ssake。Ihatehimforhisownsake。I
hatehimforgoingtoLondonbehindmyback，andmakinginquiriesaboutme。IhatehimforforcingmeoutofmysituationbeforeI
wantedtogo。Ihatehimfordestroyingallmyhopesofmarryinghim，andthrowingmebackhelplessonmyownmiserablelife。But，oh，afterwhatIhavedonealreadyinthepasttime，howcanI？
howcanI？
“Thegirl，too——thegirlwhohascomebetweenus;whohastakenhimawayfromme;whohasopenlyinsultedmethisveryday——howthegirlwhoseheartissetonhimwouldfeelitifhedied！Whatavengeanceon_her，_ifIdidit！AndwhenIwasreceivedasArmadale’swidowwhatatriumphfor_me。_Triumph！Itismorethantriumph——itisthesalvationofme。Anamethatcan’tbeassailed，astationthatcan’tbeassailed，tohidemyselfinfrommypastlife！Comfort，luxury，wealth！Anincomeoftwelvehundredayearsecuredtomesecuredbyawillwhichhasbeenlookedatbyalawyer:securedindependentlyofanythingArmadalecansayordohimself！Ineverhadtwelvehundredayear。Atmyluckiesttime，Ineverhadhalfasmuch，reallymyown。WhathaveIgotnow？Justfivepoundsleftintheworld——andtheprospectnextweekofadebtor’sprison。
“But，oh，afterwhatIhavedonealreadyinthepasttime，howcanI？howcanI？
“Somewomen——inmyplace，andwithmyrecollectionstolookbackon——wouldfeelitdifferently。Somewomenwouldsay，’It’seasierthesecondtimethanthefirst。’Whycan’tI？whycan’tI？
“Oh，youDeviltemptingme，istherenoAngelneartoraisesometimelyobstaclebetweenthisandto-morrowwhichmighthelpmetogiveitup？
“Ishallsinkunderit——Ishallsink，ifIwriteorthinkofitanymore！I’llshutuptheseleavesandgooutagain。I’llgetsomecommonpersontocomewithme，andwewilltalkofcommonthings。I’lltakeoutthewomanofthehouse，andherchildren。
Wewillgoandseesomething。Thereisashowofsomekindinthetown——I’lltreatthemtoit。I’mnotsuchanill-naturedwomanwhenItry;andthelandladyhasreallybeenkindtome。SurelyI
mightoccupymymindalittleinseeingherandherchildrenenjoyingthemselves。
“Aminutesince，IshutuptheseleavesasIsaidIwould;andnowIhaveopenedthemagain，Idon’tknowwhy。Ithinkmybrainisturned。Ifeelasifsomethingwaslostoutofmymind;IfeelasifIoughttofindithere“Ihavefoundit！_Midwinter！！！_
“IsitpossiblethatIcanhavebeenthinkingofthereasonsForandAgainst，foranhourpast——writingMidwinter’snameoverandoveragain——speculatingseriouslyonmarryinghim——andallthetimenotoncerememberingthat，evenwitheveryotherimpedimentremoved，_he_alone，whenthetimecame，wouldbeaninsurmountableobstacleinmyway？HastheefforttofacetheconsiderationofArmadale’sdeathabsorbedmeto_that_degree？I
supposeithas。Ican’taccountforsuchextraordinaryforgetfulnessonmypartinanyotherway。
“ShallIstopandthinkitout，asIhavethoughtoutalltherest？ShallIaskmyselfiftheobstacleofMidwinterwould，afterall，whenthetimecame，betheunmanageableobstaclethatitlooksatpresent？No！Whatneedistheretothinkofit？I
havemadeupmymindtogetthebetterofthetemptation。Ihavemadeupmymindtogivemylandladyandherchildrenatreat;I
havemadeupmymindtoclosemyDiary。Andcloseditshallbe。
“Sixo’clock——Thelandlady’sgossipisunendurable;thelandlady’schildrendistractme。IhaveleftthemtorunbackherebeforeposttimeandwritealinetoMrs。Oldershaw。
“ThedreadthatIshallsinkunderthetemptationhasgrownstrongerandstrongeronme。Ihavedeterminedtoputitbeyondmypowertohavemyownwayandfollowmyownwill。MotherOldershawshallbethesalvationofmeforthefirsttimesinceI
haveknownher。IfIcan’tpaymynoteofhand，shethreatensmewithanarrest。Well，she_shall_arrestme。Inthestatemymindisinnow，thebestthingthatcanhappentomeistobetakenawayfromThorpeAmbrose，whetherIlikeitornot。IwillwriteandsaythatIamtobefoundhereIwillwriteandtellher，insomanywords，thatthebestserviceshecanrendermeistolockmeup。
“Seveno’clock——Theletterhasgonetothepost。Ihadbeguntofeelalittleeasier，whenthechildrencameintothankmefortakingthemtotheshow。Oneofthemisagirl，andthegirlupsetme。Sheisaforwardchild，andherhairisnearlythecolorofmine。Shesaid，’IshallbelikeyouwhenIhavegrownbigger，shan’tI？’Heridiotofamothersaid，’Pleasetoexcuseher，miss，’andtookheroutoftheroom，laughing。Likeme！I
don’tpretendtobefondofthechild;butthinkofherbeinglikeMe！
“Saturdaymorning——Ihavedonewellforonceinactingonimpulse，andwritingasIdidtoMrs。Oldershaw。Theonlynewcircumstancethathashappenedisanothercircumstanceinmyfavor！
“MajorMilroyhasansweredArmadale’sletter，entreatingpermissiontocallatthecottageandjustifyhimself。Hisdaughterreaditinsilence，whenArmadalehandedittoherattheirmeetingthismorning，inthepark。Buttheytalkedaboutitafterward，loudenoughformetohearthem。Themajorpersistsinthecoursehehastaken。HesayshisopinionofArmadale’sconducthasbeenformed，notoncommonreport，butonArmadale’sownletters，andheseesnoreasontoaltertheconclusionatwhichhearrivedwhenthecorrespondencebetweenthemwasclosed。
“Thislittlematterhad，Iconfess，slippedoutofmymemory。Itmighthaveendedawkwardlyfor_me。_IfMajorMilroyhadbeenlessobstinatelyweddedtohisownopinion，Armadalemighthavejustifiedhimself;themarriageengagementmighthavebeenacknowledged;andall_my_powerofinfluencingthemattermighthavebeenatanend。Asitis，theymustcontinuetokeeptheengagementstrictlysecret;andMissMilroy，whohasneverventuredherselfnearthegreathousesincethethunder-stormforcedherintoitforshelter，willbelesslikelythanevertoventuretherenow。IcanpartthemwhenIplease;withananonymouslinetothemajor，IcanpartthemwhenIplease！
“Afterhavingdiscussedtheletter，thetalkbetweenthemturnedonwhattheyweretodonext。MajorMilroy’sseverity，asitsoonappeared，producedtheusualresults。Armadalereturnedtothesubjectoftheelopement;andthistimeshelistenedtohim。
Thereiseverythingtodrivehertoit。Heroutfitofclothesisnearlyready;andthesummerholidays，attheschoolwhichhasbeenchosenforher，endattheendofnextweek。WhenIleftthem，theyhaddecidedtomeetagainandsettlesomethingonMonday。
“ThelastwordsIheardhimaddresstoher，beforeIwentaway，shookmealittle。Hesaid:’Thereisonedifficulty，Neelie，thatneedn’ttroubleus，atanyrate。Ihavegotplentyofmoney。’Andthenhekissedher。Thewaytohislifebegantolookaneasierwaytomewhenhetalkedofhismoney，andkissedher。
“Somehourshavepassed，andthemoreIthinkofit，themoreI
feartheblankintervalbetweenthistimeandthetimewhenMrs。
Oldershawcallsinthelaw，andprotectsmeagainstmyself。ItmighthavebeenbetterifIhadstoppedathomethismorning。ButhowcouldI？Aftertheinsultsheofferedmeyesterday，Itingledallovertogoandlookather。
“To-day;Sunday;Monday;Tuesday。Theycan’tarrestmeforthemoneybeforeWednesday。Andmymiserablefivepoundsaredwindlingtofour！Andhetoldherhehadplentyofmoney！Andsheblushedandtrembledwhenhekissedher。Itmighthavebeenbetterforhim，betterforher，andbetterforme，ifmydebthadfallendueyesterday，andifthebailiffshadtheirhandsonmeatthismoment。
“SupposeIhadthemeansofleavingThorpeAmbrosebythenexttrain，andgoingsomewhereabroad，andabsorbingmyselfinsomenewinterest，amongnewpeople。CouldIdoit，ratherthanlookagainatthateasywaytohislifewhichwouldsmooththewaytoeverythingelse？
“PerhapsImight。Butwhereisthemoneytocomefrom？Surelysomewayofgettingitstruckmeadayortwosince？Yes;thatmeanideaofaskingArmadaletohelpme！Well;I_will_bemeanforonce。I’llgivehimthechanceofmakingageneroususeofthatwell-filledpursewhichitissuchacomforttohimtoreflectoninhispresentcircumstances。Itwouldsoftenmyhearttowardanymanifhelentmemoneyinmypresentextremity;and，ifArmadalelendsmemoney，itmightsoftenmyhearttowardhim。
WhenshallIgo？Atonce！Iwon’tgivemyselftimetofeelthedegradationofit，andtochangemymind。
“Three’clock——Imarkthehour。Hehassealedhisowndoom。Hehasinsultedme。
“Yes！IhavesuffereditoncefromMissMilroy。AndIhavenowsuffereditasecondtimefromArmadalehimself。Aninsult——amarked，merciless，deliberateinsultintheopenday！
“Ihadgotthroughthetown，andhadadvancedafewhundredyardsalongtheroadthatleadstothegreathouse，whenIsawArmadaleatalittledistance，comingtowardme。Hewaswalkingfast——evidentlywithsomeerrandofhisowntotakehimtothetown。Theinstanthecaughtsightofmehestopped，coloredup，tookoffhishat，hesitated，andturnedasidedownalanebehindhim，whichIhappentoknowwouldtakehimexactlyinthecontrarydirectiontothedirectioninwhichhewaswalkingwhenhefirstsawme。Hisconductsaidinsomanywords，’MissMilroymayhearofit;Idaren’truntheriskofbeingseenspeakingtoyou。’Menhaveusedmeheartlessly;menhavedoneandsaidhardthingstome;butnomanlivingeveryettreatedmeasifIwasplague-struck，andasiftheveryairaboutmewasinfectedbymypresence！
“Isaynomore。Whenhewalkedawayfrommedownthatlane，hewalkedtohisdeath。IhavewrittentoMidwintertoexpectmeinLondonnestweek，andtobereadyforourmarriagesoonafterward。
“Fouro’clock——Halfanhoursince，IputonmybonnettogooutandpostthelettertoMidwintermyself。AndhereIam，stillinmyroom，withmymindtornbydoubts，andmyletteronthetable。
“Armadalecountsfornothingintheperplexitiesthatarenowtorturingme。ItisMidwinterwhomakesmehesitate。CanItakethefirstofthosethreestepsthatleadmetotheend，withoutthecommoncautionoflookingatconsequences？CanImarryMidwinter，withoutknowingbeforehandhowtomeettheobstacleofmyhusband，whenthetimecomeswhichtransformsmefromthelivingArmadale’swifetothedeadArmadale’swidow？
“Whycan’tIthinkofit，whenIknowI_must_thinkofit？Whycan’tIlookatitassteadilyasIhavelookedatalltherest？
Ifeelhiskissesonmylips;Ifeelhistearsonmybosom;I
feelhisarmsroundmeagain。HeisfarawayinLondon;andyet，heishereandwon’tletmethinkofit！
“Whycan’tIwaitalittle？Whycan’tIletTimehelpme？Time？
It’sSaturday！Whatneedistheretothinkofit，unlessIlike？
ThereisnoposttoLondonto-day。I_must_wait。IfIpostedtheletter，itwouldn’tgo。Besides，to-morrowImayhearfromMrs。
Oldershaw。IoughttowaittohearfromMrs。Oldershaw。Ican’tconsidermyselfafreewomantillIknowwhatMrs。Oldershawmeanstodo。Thereisanecessityforwaitingtillto-morrow。I
shalltakemybonnetoff，andlocktheletterupinmydesk。
“Sundaymorning——Thereisnoresistingit！Oneafteranotherthecircumstancescrowdonme。Theycomethickerandthicker，andtheyallforcemeoneway。
“IhavegotMotherOldershaw’sanswer。Thewretchfawnsonme，andcringestome。Icansee，asplainlyasifshehadacknowledgedit，thatshesuspectsmeofseeingmyownwaytosuccessatThorpeAmbrosewithoutherassistance。Havingfoundthreateningmeuseless，shetriescoaxingmenow。IamherdarlingLydiaagain！SheisquiteshockedthatIcouldimaginesheeverreallyintendedtoarrestherbosomfriend;andshehasonlytoentreatme，asafavortoherself，torenewthebill！
“Isayoncemore，nomortalcreaturecouldresistit！TimeaftertimeIhavetriedtoescapethetemptation;andtimeaftertimethecircumstancesdrivemebackagain。Icanstrugglenolonger。
Thepostthattakesthelettersto-nightshalltakemylettertoMidwinteramongtherest。
“To-night！IfIgivemyselftillto-night，somethingelsemayhappen。IfIgivemyselftillto-night，Imayhesitateagain。I’mwearyofthetortureofhesitating。Imustandwillhavereliefinthepresent，costwhatitmayinthefuture。MylettertoMidwinterwilldrivememadifIseeitstaringandstaringatmeinmydeskanylonger。Icanpostitintenminutes’time——andI
will！
“Itisdone。Thefirstofthethreestepsthatleadmetotheendisasteptaken。Mymindisquieter——theletterisinthepost。
“Byto-morrowMidwinterwillreceiveit。BeforetheendoftheweekArmadalemustbepubliclyseentoleaveThorpeAmbrose;andImustbepubliclyseentoleavewithhim。
“HaveIlookedattheconsequencesofmymarriagetoMidwinter？
No！DoIknowhowtomeettheobstacleofmyhusband，whenthetimecomeswhichtransformsmefromthelivingArmadale’swifetothedeadArmadale’swidow？
“No！Whenthetimecomes，ImustmeettheobstacleasIbestmay。
Iamgoingblindfold，then——sofarasMidwinterisconcerned——intothisfrightfulrisk？Yes;blindfold。AmIoutofmysenses？Verylikely。OramIalittletoofondofhimtolookthethingintheface？Idaresay。Whocares？
“Iwon’t，Iwon’t，Iwon’tthinkofit！Haven’tIawillofmyown？Andcan’tIthink，ifIlike，ofsomethingelse？
“HereisMotherJezebel’scringingletter。_That_issomethingelsetothinkof。I’llanswerit。IaminafinehumorforwritingtoMotherJezebel。
*******
_ConclusionofMissGwilt’sLettertoMrs。Oldershaw。_
“……Itoldyou，whenIbrokeoff，thatIwouldwaitbeforeI
finishedthis，andaskmyDiaryifIcouldsafelytellyouwhatI
havenowgotitinmymindtodo。Well，Ihaveasked;andmyDiarysays，’Don’ttellher！’UnderthesecircumstancesIclosemyletter——withmybestexcusesforleavingyouinthedark。
“IshallprobablybeinLondonbeforelong——andImaytellyoubywordofmouthwhatIdon’tthinkitsafetowritehere。Mind，I
makenopromise！ItalldependsonhowIfeeltowardyouatthetime。Idon’tdoubtyourdiscretion;but(undercertaincircumstances)Iamnotsosureofyourcourage。L。G。”
“P。S——Mybestthanksforyourpermissiontorenewthebill。I
declineprofitingbytheproposal。Themoneywillbereadywhenthemoneyisdue。IhaveafriendnowinLondonwhowillpayitifIaskhim。Doyouwonderwhothefriendis？Youwillwonderatoneortwootherthings，Mrs。Oldershaw，beforemanyweeksmoreareoveryourheadandmine。”
CHAPTERXI。
LOVEANDLAW。
ONthemorningofMonday，the28thofJuly，MissGwilt——oncemoreonthewatchforAllanandNeelie——reachedhercustomarypostofobservationinthepark，bytheusualroundaboutway。
ShewasalittlesurprisedtofindNeeliealoneattheplaceofmeeting。Shewasmoreseriouslyastonished，whenthetardyAllanmadehisappearancetenminuteslater，toseehimmountingthesideofthedell，withalargevolumeunderhisarm，andtohearhimsay，asanapologyforbeinglate，that“hehadmuddledawayhistimeinhuntingfortheBooks;andthathehadonlyfoundone，afterall，whichseemedintheleastlikelytorepayeitherNeelieorhimselfforthetroubleoflookingintoit。”
IfMissGwilthadwaitedlongenoughinthepark，onthepreviousSaturday，tohearthelovers’partingwordsonthatoccasion，shewouldhavebeenatnolosstoexplainthemysteryofthevolumeunderAllan’sarm，andshewouldhaveunderstoodtheapologywhichhenowofferedforbeinglateasreadilyasNeelieherself。
Thereisacertainexceptionaloccasioninlife——theoccasionofmarriage——onwhichevengirlsintheirteenssometimesbecomecapable(moreorlesshysterically)oflookingatconsequences。
AtthefarewellmomentoftheinterviewonSaturday，Neelie’smindhadsuddenlyprecipitateditselfintothefuture;andshehadutterlyconfoundedAllanbyinquiringwhetherthecontemplatedelopementwasanoffensepunishablebytheLaw？Hermemorysatisfiedherthatshehadcertainlyreadsomewhere，atsomeformerperiod，insomebookorother(possiblyanovel)，ofanelopementwithadreadfulend——ofabridedraggedhomeinhysterics——andofabridegroomsentencedtolanguishinprison，withallhisbeautifulhaircutoff，byActofParliament，closetohishead。Supposingshecouldbringherselftoconsenttotheelopementatall——whichshepositivelydeclinedtopromise——shemustfirstinsistondiscoveringwhethertherewasanyfearofthepolicebeingconcernedinhermarriageaswellastheparsonandtheclerk。Allan，beingaman，oughttoknow;andtoAllanshelookedforinformation——withthispreliminaryassurancetoassisthiminlayingdownthelaw，thatshewoulddieofabrokenheartathousandtimesover，ratherthanbetheinnocentmeansofsendinghimtolanguishinprison，andofcuttinghishairoff，byActofParliament，closetohishead。“It’snolaughingmatter。”saidNeelie，resolutely，inconclusion;“IdeclineeventothinkofourmarriagetillmymindismadeeasyfirstonthesubjectoftheLaw。”
“ButIdon’tknowanythingaboutthelaw，notevenasmuchasyoudo。”saidAllan。“Hangthelaw！Idon’tmindmyheadbeingcropped。Let’sriskit。”
“Riskit？”repeatedNeelie，indignantly。“Haveyounoconsiderationforme？Iwon’triskit！Wherethere’sawill，there’saway。Wemustfindoutthelawforourselves。”
“Withallmyheart。”saidAllan。“How？”
“Outofbooks，tobesure！Theremustbequantitiesofinformationinthatenormouslibraryofyoursatthegreathouse。
Ifyoureallyloveme，youwon’tmindgoingoverthebacksofafewthousandbooks，formysake！“
“I’llgooverthebacksoftenthousand！“criedAllan，warmly。
“WouldyoumindtellingmewhatI’mtolookfor？”
“For’Law，’tobesure！Whenitsays’Law’ontheback，openit，andlookinsideforMarriage——readeverywordofit——andthencomehereandexplainittome。What！youdon’tthinkyourheadistobetrustedtodosuchasimplethingasthat？”
“I’mcertainitisn’t，“saidAllan。“Can’tyouhelpme？”
“OfcourseIcan，ifyoucan’tmanagewithoutme！Lawmaybehard，butitcan’tbeharderthanmusic;andImust，andwill，satisfymymind。Bringmeallthebooksyoucanfind，onMondaymorning——inawheelbarrow，ifthereareagoodmanyofthem，andifyoucan’tmanageitinanyotherway。”
TheresultofthisconversationwasAllan’sappearanceinthepark，withavolumeofBlackstone’sCommentariesunderhisarm，onthefatalMondaymorning，whenMissGwilt’swrittenengagementofmarriagewasplacedinMidwinter’shands。Hereagain，inthis，asinallotherhumaninstances，thewidelydiscordantelementsofthegrotesqueandtheterriblewereforcedtogetherbythatsubtlelawofcontrastwhichisoneofthelawsofmortallife。
Amidallthethickeningcomplicationsnowimpendingovertheirheads——withtheshadowofmeditatedmurderstealingtowardoneofthemalreadyfromthelurking-placethathidMissGwilt——thetwosatdown，unconsciousofthefuture，withthebookbetweenthem;
andappliedthemselvestothestudyofthelawofmarriage，withagraveresolutiontounderstandit，which，intwosuchstudents，wasnothinglessthanaburlesqueinitself！
“Findtheplace。”saidNeelie，assoonastheywerecomfortablyestablished。“Wemustmanagethisbywhattheycalladivisionoflabor。Youshallread，andI’lltakenotes。”
Sheproducedforthwithasmartlittlepocket-bookandpencil，andopenedthebookinthemiddle，wheretherewasablankpageontherighthandandtheleft。Atthetopoftheright-handpageshewrotetheword_Good。_Atthetopoftheleft-handpageshewrotetheword_Bad。_“’Good’meanswherethelawisonourside。”sheexplained;“and’Bad’meanswherethelawisagainstus。Wewillhave’Good’and’Bad’oppositeeachother，alldownthetwopages;andwhenwegettothebottom，we’lladdthemup，andactaccordingly。Theysaygirlshavenoheadsforbusiness。
Haven’tthey！Don’tlookatme——lookatBlackstone，andbegin。”
“Wouldyoumindgivingoneakissfirst？”askedAllan。
“Ishouldminditverymuch。Inourserioussituation，whenwehavebothgottoexertourintellects，Iwonderyoucanaskforsuchathing！“
“That’swhyIaskedforit。”saidtheunblushingAllan。“Ifeelasifitwouldclearmyhead。”
“Oh，ifitwouldclearyourhead，that’squiteanotherthing！I
mustclearyourhead，ofcourse，atanysacrifice。Onlyone，mind。”shewhispered，coquettishly;“andpraybecarefulofBlackstone，oryou’lllosetheplace。”
Therewasapauseintheconversation。Blackstoneandthepocket-bookbothrolledonthegroundtogether。
“Ifthishappensagain。”saidNeelie，pickingupthepocket-book，withhereyesandhercomplexionattheirbrightestandbest，“I
shallsitwithmybacktoyoufortherestofthemorning。_Will_
yougoon？”
