第17章

“Toresume，forthereismoretotellyou。

“Mr。Armadale(tohiscredit——Idon’tdenyit，thoughIdon’tlikehim)stillsaidNo。HeappearedtobegettingirritatedunderMr。Pedgift’spersistence，andhespokeinasomewhathastyway。’Youpersuadedmeonthelastoccasionwhenwetalkedaboutthis，’hesaid，’todosomethingthatIhavebeensinceheartilyashamedof。Youwon’tsucceedinpersuadingme，Mr。Pedgift，asecondtime。’Thosewerehiswords。Mr。Pedgifttookhimupshort;Mr。Pedgiftseemedtobenettledonhisside。

“’Ifthatisthelightinwhichyouseemyadvice，sir，’hesaid，’thelessyouhaveofitforthefuture，thebetter。YourcharacterandpositionarepubliclyinvolvedinthismatterbetweenyourselfandMissGwilt;andyoupersist，atamostcriticalmoment，intakingacourseofyourown，whichIbelievewillendbadly。AfterwhatIhavealreadysaidanddoneinthisveryseriouscase，Ican’tconsenttogoonwithitwithbothmyhandstied，andIcan’tdropitwithcredittomyselfwhileI

remainpubliclyknownasyoursolicitor。Youleavemenoalternative，sir，buttoresignthehonorofactingasyourlegaladviser。’’Iamsorrytohearit，’saysMr。Armadale，’butIhavesufferedenoughalreadythroughinterferingwithMissGwilt。I

can’tandwon’tstiranyfurtherinthematter。’’_You_maynotstiranyfurtherinit，sir，’saysMr。Pedgift，’and_I_shallnotstiranyfurtherinit，forithasceasedtobeaquestionofprofessionalinteresttome。Butmarkmywords，Mr。Armadale，youarenotattheendofthisbusinessyet。Someotherperson’scuriositymaygoonfromthepointwhereyou(andI)havestopped;andsomeotherperson’shandmayletthebroaddaylightinyetonMissGwilt。’

“Ireporttheirlanguage，dearmadam，almostwordforword，I

believe，asIheardit。Itproducedanindescribableimpressiononme;itfilledme，Ihardlyknowwhy，withquiteapanicofalarm。Idon’tatallunderstandit，andIunderstandstilllesswhathappenedimmediatelyafterward。

“Mr。Pedgift’svoice，whenhesaidthoselastwords，soundeddreadfullyclosetome。Hemusthavebeenspeakingattheopenwindow，andhemust，Ifear，haveseenmeunderit。Ihadtime，beforeheleftthehouse，togetoutquietlyfromamongthelaurels，butnottogetbacktotheoffice。AccordinglyIwalkedawayalongthedrivetowardthelodge，asifIwasgoingonsomeerrandconnectedwiththesteward’sbusiness。

“Beforelong，Mr。Pedgiftovertookmeinhisgig，andstopped。

’So_you_feelsomecuriosityaboutMissGwilt，doyou？’hesaid。

’Gratifyyourcuriositybyallmeans;_I_don’tobjecttoit。’I

feltnaturallynervous，butImanagedtoaskhimwhathemeant。

Hedidn’tanswer;heonlylookeddownatmefromthegiginaveryoddmanner，andlaughed。’Ihaveknownstrangerthingshappeneventhan_that！_’hesaidtohimselfsuddenly，anddroveoff。

“Ihaveventuredtotroubleyouwiththislastincident，thoughitmayseemofnoimportanceinyoureyes，inthehopethatyoursuperiorabilitymaybeabletoexplainit。Myownpoorfaculties，Iconfess，arequiteunabletopenetrateMr。Pedgift’smeaning。AllIknowisthathehasnorighttoaccusemeofanysuchimpertinentfeelingascuriosityinrelationtoaladywhomIardentlyesteemandadmire。Idarenotputitinwarmerwords。

“IhaveonlytoaddthatIaminapositiontobeofcontinuedservicetoyouhereifyouwishit。Mr。Armadalehasjustbeenintotheoffice，andhastoldmebrieflythat，inMr。Midwinter’scontinuedabsence，Iamstilltoactassteward’sdeputytillfurthernotice。

“Believeme，dearmadam，anxiouslyanddevotedlyyours，FELIX

BASHWOOD。”

4。_FromAllanArmadaletotheReverendDecimusBrock。_

ThorpeAmbrose，Tuesday。

“MYDEARMR。BROCK——Iaminsadtrouble。Midwinterhasquarreledwithmeandleftme;andmylawyerhasquarreledwithmeandleftme;and(exceptdearlittleMissMilroy，whohasforgivenme)alltheneighborshaveturnedtheirbacksonme。Thereisagooddealabout’me’inthis，butIcan’thelpit。Iamverymiserablealoneinmyownhouse。Dopraycomeandseeme！YouaretheonlyoldfriendIhaveleft，andIdolongsototellyouaboutit。

“N。B——Onmywordofhonorasagentleman，Iamnottoblame。

Yoursaffectionately，“ALLANARMADALE。

“P。S——Iwouldcometoyou(forthisplaceisgrownquitehatefultome)，butIhaveareasonfornotgoingtoofarawayfromMissMilroyjustatpresent。”

5。_FromRobertStapletontoAllanArmadale，Esq。_

“BascombeRectory，ThursdayMorning。

“RESPECTEDSIR——Iseealetterinyourwriting，onthetablealongwiththeothers，whichIamsorrytosaymymasterisnotwellenoughtoopen。Heisdownwithasortoflowfever。Thedoctorsaysithasbeenbroughtonwithworryandanxietywhichmasterwasnotstrongenoughtobear。Thisseemslikely;forI

waswithhimwhenhewenttoLondonlastmonth，andwhatwithhisownbusiness，andthebusinessoflookingafterthatpersonwhoafterwardgaveustheslip，hewasworriedandanxiousallthetime;andforthematterofthat，sowasI。

“Mymasterwastalkingofyouadayortwosince。Heseemedunwillingthatyoushouldknowofhisillness，unlesshegotworse。ButIthinkyououghttoknowofit。Atthesametimeheisnotworse;perhapsatriflebetter。Thedoctorsayshemustbekeptveryquiet，andnotagitatedonanyaccount。Sobepleasedtotakenonoticeofthis——Imeaninthewayofcomingtotherectory。Ihavethedoctor’sorderstosayitisnotneedful，anditwouldonlyupsetmymasterinthestateheisinnow。

“Iwillwriteagainifyouwishit。Pleaseacceptofmyduty，andbelievemetoremain，sir，yourhumbleservant，“ROBERTSTAPLETON。

“P。S——Theyachthasbeenriggedandrepainted，waitingyourorders。Shelooksbeautiful。”

6。_FromMrs。OldershawtoMissGwilt。_

“DianaStreet，July24th。

“MISSGWILT——Theposthourhaspassedforthreemorningsfollowing，andhasbroughtmenoanswertomyletter。Areyoupurposelybentoninsultingme？orhaveyouleftThorpeAmbrose？

Ineithercase，Iwon’tputupwithyourconductanylonger。Thelawshallbringyoutobook，ifIcan’t。

“Yourfirstnoteofhand(forthirtypounds)fallsdueonTuesdaynext，the29th。Ifyouhadbehavedwithcommonconsiderationtowardme，Iwouldhaveletyourenewitwithpleasure。Asthingsare，Ishallhavethenotepresented;and，ifitisnotpaid，I

shallinstructmymanofbusinesstotaketheusualcourse。

“Yours，MARIAOLDERSHAW。”

7。_FromMissGwilttoMrs。Oldershaw。_

“5ParadisePlace，ThorpeAmbrose，July25th。

MRS。OLDERSHAW——Thetimeofyourmanofbusinessbeing，nodoubt，ofsomevalue，Iwritealinetoassisthimwhenhetakestheusualcourse。Hewillfindmewaitingtobearrestedinthefirst-floorapartments，attheaboveaddress。Inmypresentsituation，andwithmypresentthoughts，thebestserviceyoucanpossiblyrendermeistolockmeup。

“L。G。”

8。_FromMrs。OldershawtoMissGwilt。_

“DianaStreet，July26th。

“MYDARLINGLYDIA——ThelongerIliveinthiswickedworldthemoreplainlyIseethatwomen’sowntempersaretheworstenemieswomenhavetocontendwith。Whatatrulyregretfulstyleofcorrespondencewehavefalleninto！Whatasadwantofself-restraint，mydear，onyoursideandonmine！

“Letme，astheoldestinyears，bethefirsttomaketheneedfulexcuses，thefirsttoblushformyownwantofself-control。Yourcruelneglect，Lydia，stungmeintowritingasIdid。Iamsosensitivetoilltreatment，whenitisinflictedonmebyapersonwhomIloveandadmire;and，thoughturnedsixty，Iamstill(unfortunatelyformyself)soyoungatheart。Acceptmyapologiesforhavingmadeuseofmypen，whenIoughttohavebeencontenttotakerefugeinmypocket-handkerchief。ForgiveyourattachedMariaforbeingstillyoungatheart！

“Butoh，mydear——thoughIownIthreatenedyou——howhardofyoutotakemeatmyword！Howcruelofyou，ifyourdebthadbeententimeswhatitis，tosupposemecapable(whateverImightsay)oftheodiousinhumanityofarrestingmybosomfriend！

Heavens！haveIdeservedtobetakenatmywordinthisunmercifullyexactway，aftertheyearsoftenderintimacythathaveunitedus？ButIdon’tcomplain;Ionlymournoverthefrailtyofourcommonhumannature。Letusexpectaslittleofeachotheraspossible，mydear;wearebothwomen，andwecan’thelpit。Ideclare，whenIreflectontheoriginofourunfortunatesex——whenIrememberthatwewerealloriginallymadeofnobettermaterialthantheribofaman(andthatribofsolittleimportancetoitspossessorthatheneverappearstohavemisseditafterward)，Iamquiteastonishedatourvirtues，andnotintheleastsurprisedatourfaults。

“Iamwanderingalittle;Iamlosingmyselfinseriousthought，likethatsweetcharacterinShakespearewhowas’fancyfree。’

Onelastword，dearest，tosaythatmylongingforananswertothisproceedsentirelyfrommywishtohearfromyouagaininyouroldfriendlytone，andisquiteunconnectedwithanycuriositytoknowwhatyouaredoingatThorpeAmbrose——exceptsuchcuriosityasyouyourselfmightapprove。NeedIaddthatI

begyouasafavorto_me_torenew，onthecustomaryterms？I

refertothelittlebilldueonTuesdaynext，andIventuretosuggestthatdaysixweeks。

“Yours，withatrulymotherlyfeeling，“MARIAOLDERSHAW。”

9。_FromMissGwilttoMrs。Oldershaw。_

“ParadisePlace，July27th。

“IHAVEjustgotyourlastletter。Thebrazenimpudenceofithasrousedme。Iamtobetreatedlikeachild，amI？——tobethreatenedfirst，andthen，ifthreateningfails，tobecoaxedafterward？You_shall_coaxme;youshallknow，mymotherlyfriend，thesortofchildyouhavetodealwith。

“Ihadareason，Mrs。Oldershaw，forthesilencewhichhassoseriouslyoffendedyou。Iwasafraid——actuallyafraid——toletyouintothesecretofmythoughts。Nosuchfeartroublesmenow。

Myonlyanxietythismorningistomakeyoumybestacknowledgmentsforthemannerinwhichyouhavewrittentome。

Aftercarefullyconsideringit，IthinktheworstturnIcanpossiblydoyouistotellyouwhatyouareburningtoknow。SohereIamatmydesk，bentontellingit。Ifyoudon’tbitterlyrepent，whenyouareattheendofthisletter，nothavingheldtoyourfirstresolution，andlockedmeupoutofharm’swaywhileyouhadthechance，mynameisnotLydiaGwilt。

“Wheredidmylastletterend？Idon’tremember，anddon’tcare。

Makeitoutasyoucan——Iamnotgoingbackanyfurtherthanthisdayweek。Thatistosay，Sundaylast。

“Therewasathunder-storminthemorning。Itbegantoclearofftowardnoon。Ididn’tgoout:IwaitedtoseeMidwinterortohearfromhim。(Areyousurprisedatmynotwriting’Mr。’beforehisname？Wehavegotsofamiliar，mydear，that’Mr。’wouldbequiteoutofplace。)Hehadleftmetheeveningbefore，underveryinterestingcircumstances。IhadtoldhimthathisfriendArmadalewaspersecutingmebymeansofahiredspy。Hehaddeclinedtobelieveit，andhadgonestraighttoThorpeAmbrosetoclearthethingup。Ilethimkissmyhandbeforehewent。Hepromisedtocomebackthenextday(theSunday)。IfeltIhadsecuredmyinfluenceoverhim;andIbelievedhewouldkeephisword。

“Well，thethunderpassedawayasItoldyou。Theweatherclearedup;thepeoplewalkedoutintheirbestclothes;thedinnerscameinfromthebakers;Isatdreamingatmywretchedlittlehiredpiano，nicelydressedandlookingmybest——andstillnoMidwinterappeared。Itwaslateintheafternoon，andIwasbeginningtofeeloffended，whenaletterwasbroughttome。Ithadbeenleftbyastrangemessengerwhowentawayagainimmediately。Ilookedattheletter。Midwinteratlast——inwriting，insteadofinperson。Ibegantofeelmoreoffendedthanever;for，asItoldyou，IthoughtIhadusedmyinfluenceoverhimtobetterpurpose。

“Theletter，whenIreadit，setmymindoffinanewdirection。

Itsurprised，itpuzzled，itinterestedme。Ithought，andthought，andthoughtofhim，alltherestoftheday。

“HebeganbyaskingmypardonforhavingdoubtedwhatItoldhim。

Mr。Armadale’sownlipshadconfirmedme。Theyhadquarreled(asIhadanticipatedtheywould);andhe，andthemanwhohadoncebeenhisdearestfriendonearth，hadpartedforever。Sofar，I

wasnotsurprised。Iwasamusedbyhistellingmeinhisextravagantwaythatheandhisfriendwerepartedforever;andI

ratherwonderedwhathewouldthinkwhenIcarriedoutmyplan，andfoundmywayintothegreathouseonpretenseofreconcilingthem。

“Butthesecondpartofthelettersetmethinking。Hereitis，inhisownwords。

“’Itisonlybystrugglingagainstmyself(andnolanguagecansayhowhardthestrugglehasbeen)thatIhavedecidedonwriting，insteadofspeakingtoyou。Amercilessnecessityclaimsmyfuturelife。ImustleaveThorpeAmbrose，ImustleaveEngland，withouthesitating，withoutstoppingtolookback。Therearereasons——terriblereasons，whichIhavemadlytrifledwith——formyneverlettingMr。Armadaleseteyesonme，orhearofmeagain，afterwhathashappenedbetweenus。Imustgo，nevermoretoliveunderthesameroof，nevermoretobreathethesameairwiththatman。Imusthidemyselffromhimunderanassumedname;Imustputthemountainsandtheseasbetweenus。Ihavebeenwarnedasnohumancreaturewaseverwarnedbefore。I

believe——Idarenottellyouwhy——Ibelievethat，ifthefascinationyouhaveformedrawsmebacktoyou，fatalconsequenceswillcomeofittothemanwhoselifehasbeensostrangelymingledwithyourlifeandmine——themanwhowasonce_your_admirerand_my_friend。Andyet，feelingthis，seeingitinmymindasplainlyasIseetheskyabovemyhead，thereisaweaknessinmethatstillshrinksfromtheoneimperativesacrificeofneverseeingyouagain。Iamfightingwithitasamanfightswiththestrengthofhisdespair。Ihavebeennearenough，notanhoursince，toseethehousewhereyoulive，andhaveforcedmyselfawayagainoutofsightofit。CanIforcemyselfawayfurtherstill，nowthatmyletteriswritten——now，whentheuselessconfessionescapesme，andIowntolovingyouwiththefirstloveIhaveeverknown，withthelastloveIshalleverfeel？Letthecomingtimeanswerthequestion;Idarenotwriteofitorthinkofitmore。’

“Thosewerethelastwords。Inthatstrangewaytheletterended。

“Ifeltaperfectfeverofcuriositytoknowwhathemeant。Hislovingme，ofcourse，waseasyenoughtounderstand。Butwhatdidhemeanbysayinghehadbeenwarned？Whywashenevertoliveunderthesameroof，nevertobreathethesameairagain，withyoungArmadale？Whatsortofquarrelcoulditbewhichobligedonemantohidehimselffromanotherunderanassumedname，andtoputthemountainsandtheseasbetweenthem？Aboveall，ifhecameback，andletmefascinatehim，whyshoulditbefataltothehatefulloutwhopossessesthenoblefortuneandlivesinthegreathouse？

“IneverlongedinmylifeasIlongedtoseehimagainandputthesequestionstohim。Igotquitesuperstitiousaboutitasthedaydrewon。Theygavemeasweet-breadandacherrypuddingfordinner。Iactuallytriedifhewouldcomebackbythestonesintheplate！Hewill，hewon’t，hewill，hewon’t——andsoon。Itendedin’Hewon’t。’Irangthebell，andhadthethingstakenaway。IcontradictedDestinyquitefiercely。Isaid，’Hewill！’

andIwaitedathomeforhim。

“Youdon’tknowwhatapleasureitistometogiveyoualltheselittleparticulars。Countup——mybosomfriend，mysecondmother——countupthemoneyyouhaveadvancedonthechanceofmybecomingMrs。Armadale，andthenthinkofmyfeelingthisbreathlessinterestinanotherman。Oh，Mrs。Oldershaw，howintenselyIenjoytheluxuryofirritatingyou！

“Thedaygotontowardevening。Irangagain，andsentdowntoborrowarailwaytime-table。WhattrainsweretheretotakehimawayonSunday？ThenationalrespectfortheSabbathstoodmyfriend。Therewasonlyonetrain，whichhadstartedhoursbeforehewrotetome。Iwentandconsultedmyglass。Itpaidmethecomplimentofcontradictingthedivinationbycherry-stones。Myglasssaid:’Getbehindthewindow-curtain;hewon’tpassthelonglonelyeveningwithoutcomingbackagaintolookatthehouse。’Igotbehindthewindow-curtain，andwaitedwithhisletterinmyhand。

“ThedismalSundaylightfaded，andthedismalSundayquietnessinthestreetgrewquieterstill。Theduskcame，andIheardastepcomingwithitinthesilence。Myheartgavealittlejump——onlythinkofmyhavinganyheartleft！Isaidtomyself:

’Midwinter！’AndMidwinteritwas。

“Whenhecameinsighthewaswalkingslowly，stoppingandhesitatingateverytwoorthreesteps。Myuglylittledrawing-roomwindowseemedtobebeckoninghimoninspiteofhimself。AfterwaitingtillIsawhimcometoastandstill，alittleasidefromthehouse，butstillwithinviewofmyirresistiblewindow，Iputonmythingsandslippedoutbythebackwayintothegarden。Thelandlordandhisfamilywereatsupper，andnobodysawme。Iopenedthedoorinthewall，andgotroundbythelaneintothestreet。AtthatawkwardmomentI

suddenlyremembered，whatIhadforgottenbefore，thespysettowatchme，whowas，nodoubt，waitingsomewhereinsightofthehouse。

“Itwasnecessarytogettimetothink，anditwas(inmystateofmind)impossibletoletMidwintergowithoutspeakingtohim。

Ingreatdifficultiesyougenerallydecideatonce，ifyoudecideatall。Idecidedtomakeanappointmentwithhimforthenextevening，andtoconsiderintheintervalhowtomanagetheinterviewsothatitmightescapeobservation。This，asIfeltatthetime，wasleavingmyowncuriosityfreetotormentmeforfour-and-twentymortalhours;butwhatotherchoicehadI？ItwasasgoodasgivingupbeingmistressofThorpeAmbrosealtogether，tocometoaprivateunderstandingwithMidwinterinthesightandpossiblyinthehearingofArmadale’sspy。

“Findinganoldletterofyoursinmypocket，Idrewbackintothelane，andwroteontheblankleaf，withthelittlepencilthathangsatmywatch-chain:’Imustandwillspeaktoyou。Itisimpossibletonight，butbeinthestreettomorrowatthistime，andleavemeafterwardforever，ifyoulike。Whenyouhavereadthis，overtakeme，andsayasyoupass，withoutstoppingorlookinground，“Yes，Ipromise。”’

“Ifoldedupthepaper，andcameonhimsuddenlyfrombehind。Ashestartedandturnedround，Iputthenoteintohishand，pressedhishand，andpassedon。BeforeIhadtakentenstepsI

heardhimbehindme。Ican’tsayhedidn’tlookround——Isawhisbigblackeyes，brightandglitteringinthedusk，devourmefromheadtofootinamoment;butotherwisehedidwhatItoldhim。

’Icandenyyounothing，’hewhispered;’Ipromise。’Hewentonandleftme。Icouldn’thelpthinkingatthetimehowthatbruteandboobyArmadalewouldhavespoiledeverythinginthesamesituation。

“Itriedhardallnighttothinkofawayofmakingourinterviewofthenexteveningsafefromdiscovery，andtriedinvain。Evenasearlyasthis，IbegantofeelasifMidwinter’sletterhad，insomeunaccountablemanner，stupefiedme。

“Mondaymorningmademattersworse。Newscamefrommyfaithfulally，Mr。Bashwood，thatMissMilroyandArmadalehadmetandbecomefriendsagain。YoumayfancythestateIwasin！AnhourortwolatertherecamemorenewsfromMr。Bashwood——goodnewsthistime。ThemischievousidiotatThorpeAmbrosehadshownsenseenoughatlasttobeashamedofhimself。Hehaddecidedonwithdrawingthespythatveryday，andheandhislawyerhadquarreledinconsequence。

“SoherewastheobstaclewhichIwastoostupidtoremoveformyselfobliginglyremovedforme！NomoreneedtofretaboutthecominginterviewwithMidwinter;andplentyoftimetoconsidermynextproceedings，nowthatMissMilroyandherpreciousswainhadcometogetheragain。Wouldyoubelieveit，theletter，orthemanhimself(Idon’tknowwhich)，hadtakensuchaholdonmethat，thoughItriedandtried，Icouldthinkofnothingelse;

andthiswhenIhadeveryreasontofearthatMissMilroywasinafairwayofchanginghernametoArmadale，andwhenIknewthatmyheavydebtofobligationtoherwasnotpaidyet？Wasthereeversuchperversity？Ican’taccountforit;canyou？

“Theduskoftheeveningcameatlast。Ilookedoutofthewindow——andtherehewas！

“Ijoinedhimatonce;thepeopleofthehouse，asbefore，beingtoomuchabsorbedintheireatinganddrinkingtonoticeanythingelse。’Wemustn’tbeseentogetherhere，’Iwhispered。’Imustgoonfirst，andyoumustfollowme。’

“Hesaidnothinginthewayofreply。WhatwasgoingoninhismindIcan’tpretendtoguess;but，aftercomingtohisappointment，heactuallyhungbackasifhewashalfinclinedtogoawayagain。

“’Youlookasifyouwereafraidofme，’Isaid。

“’I_am_afraidofyou，’heanswered——’ofyou，andofmyself。’

“Itwasnotencouraging;itwasnotcomplimentary。ButIwasinsuchafrenzyofcuriositybythistimethat，ifhehadbeenruderstill，Ishouldhavetakennonoticeofit。Iledthewayafewstepstowardthenewbuildings，andstoppedandlookedroundafterhim。

“’MustIaskitofyouasafavor，’Isaid，’afteryourgivingmeyourpromise，andaftersuchaletterasyouhavewrittentome？’

“Somethingsuddenlychangedhim;hewasatmysideinaninstant。

’Ibegyourpardon，MissGwilt;leadthewaywhereyouplease。’

Hedroppedbackalittleafterthatanswer，andIheardhimsaytohimself，’What_is_tobe_will_be。WhathaveItodowithit，andwhathasshe？’

“Itcouldhardlyhavebeenthewords，forIdidn’tunderstandthem——itmusthavebeenthetonehespokein，Isuppose，thatmademefeelamomentarytremor。Iwashalfinclined，withouttheghostofareasonforit，towishhimgood-night，andgoinagain。Notmuchlikeme，youwillsay。Notmuch，indeed！Itdidn’tlastamoment。YourdarlingLydiasooncametohersensesagain。

“Iledthewaytowardtheunfinishedcottages，andthecountrybeyond。Itwouldhavebeenmuchmoretomytastetohavehadhimintothehouse，andhavetalkedtohiminthelightofthecandles。ButIhadriskeditoncealready;andinthisscandal-mongeringplace，andinmycriticalposition，Iwasafraidtoriskitagain。Thegardenwasnottobethoughtofeither，forthelandlordsmokeshispipethereafterhissupper。

Therewasnoalternativebuttotakehimawayfromthetown。

“Fromtimetotime，IlookedbackasIwenton。Therehewas，alwaysatthesamedistance，dimandghost-likeinthedusk，silentlyfollowingme。

“Imustleaveoffforalittlewhile。Thechurchbellshavebrokenout，andthejanglingofthemdrivesmemad。Inthesedays，whenwehaveallgotwatchesandclocks，whyarebellswantedtoreminduswhentheservicebegins？Wedon’trequiretoberungintothetheater。Howexcessivelydiscreditabletotheclergytobeobligedtoringusintothechurch！——

“Theyhaverungthecongregationinatlast;and1cantakeupmypen，andgoonagain。

“Iwasalittleindoubtwheretoleadhimto。Thehigh-roadwasononesideofme;but，emptyasitlooked，somebodymightbepassingwhenweleastexpectedIt。Theotherwaywasthroughthecoppice。Iledhimthroughthecoppice。

“Attheoutskirtsofthetrees，ontheotherside，therewasadipinthegroundwithsomefelledtimberlyingonit，andalittlepoolbeyond，stillandwhiteandshininginthetwilight。

Thelonggrazing-groundsroseoveritsfurthershore，withthemistthickeningonthem，andadimblacklinefarawayofcattleinslowprocessiongoinghome。Therewasn’talivingcreaturenear;therewasn’tasoundtobeheard。Isatdownononeofthefelledtreesandlookedbackforhim。’Come，’Isaid，softly——’comeandsitbymehere。’

“WhyamIsoparticularaboutallthis？Ihardlyknow。Theplacemadeanunaccountablyvividimpressiononme，andIcan’thelpwritingaboutit。IfIendbadly——supposewesayonthescaffold？——IbelievethelastthingIshallsee，beforethehangmanpullsthedrop，willbethelittleshiningpool，andthelong，mistygrazing-grounds，andthecattlewindingdimlyhomeinthethickeningnight。Don’tbealarmed，youworthycreature！Myfanciesplaymestrangetrickssometimes;andthereisalittleoflastnight’slaudanum，Idaresay，inthispartofmyletter。

“Hecame——inthestrangestsilentway，likeamanwalkinginhissleep——hecameandsatdownbyme。Eitherthenightwasveryclose，orIwasbythistimeliterallyinafever:Icouldn’tbearmybonneton;Icouldn’tbearmygloves。Thewanttolookathim，andseewhathissingularsilencemeant，andtheimpossibilityofdoingitinthedarkeninglight，irritatedmynerves，tillIthoughtIshouldhavescreamed。Itookhishand，totryifthatwouldhelpme。Itwasburninghot;anditclosedinstantlyonmine——youknowhow。Silence，after_that，_wasnottobethoughtof。Theonesafewaywastobegintalkingtohimatonce。

“’Don’tdespiseme，’Isaid。’Iamobligedtobringyoutothislonelyplace;Ishouldlosemycharacterifwewereseentogether。’

“Iwaitedalittle。Hishandwarnedmeoncemorenottoletthesilencecontinue。Ideterminedto_make_himspeaktomethistime。

“’Youhaveinterestedme，andfrightenedme，’Iwenton。’Youhavewrittenmeaverystrangeletter。Imustknowwhatitmeans。’

“’Itistoolatetoask。_You_havetakentheway，and_I_havetakentheway，fromwhichthereisnoturningback。’Hemadethatstrangeanswerinatonethatwasquitenewtome——atonethatmademeevenmoreuneasythanhissilencehadmademethemomentbefore。’Toolate，’herepeated——’toolate！Thereisonlyonequestiontoaskmenow。’

“’Whatisit？’

“AsIsaidthewords，asuddentremblingpassedfromhishandtomine，andtoldmeinstantlythatIhadbetterhaveheldmytongue。BeforeIcouldmove，beforeIcouldthink，hehadmeinhisarms。’AskmeifIloveyou，’hewhispered。Atthesamemomenthisheadsankonmybosom;andsomeunutterabletorturethatwasinhimburstitswayout，asitdoeswith_us，_inapassionofsobsandtears。

“Myfirstimpulsewastheimpulseofafool。Iwasonthepointofmakingourusualprotestanddefendingmyselfinourusualway。Luckilyorunluckily，Idon’tknowwhich，Ihavelostthefineedgeofthesensitivenessofyouth;andIcheckedthefirstmovementofmyhands，andthefirstwordonmylips。Oh，dear，howoldIfelt，whilehewassobbinghisheartoutonmybreast！

HowIthoughtofthetimewhenhemighthavepossessedhimselfofmylove！Allhehadpossessedhimselfofnowwas——mywaist。

“IwonderwhetherIpitiedhim？Itdoesn’tmatterifIdid。Atanyrate，myhandlifteditselfsomehow，andmyfingerstwinedthemselvessoftlyinhishair。Horriblerecollectionscamebacktomeofothertimes，andmademeshudderasItouchedhim。AndyetIdidit。Whatfoolswomenare！

“’Iwon’treproachyou，’Isaid，gently。’Iwon’tsaythisisacrueladvantagetotakeofme，insuchapositionasmine。Youaredreadfullyagitated;Iwillletyouwaitalittleandcomposeyourself。’

“Havinggotasfarasthat，IstoppedtoconsiderhowIshouldputthequestionstohimthatIwasburningtoask。ButIwastooconfused，Isuppose，orperhapstooimpatienttoconsider。Iletoutwhatwasuppermostinmymind，inthewordsthatcamefirst。

“’Idon’tbelieveyouloveme，’Isaid。’Youwritestrangethingstome;youfrightenmewithmysteries。WhatdidyoumeanbysayinginyourletterthatitwouldbefataltoMr。Armadaleifyoucamebacktome？WhatdangercantherebetoMr。

Armadale——？’

“BeforeIcouldfinishthequestion，hesuddenlyliftedhisheadandunclaspedhisarms。Ihadapparentlytouchedsomepainfulsubjectwhichrecalledhimtohimself。Insteadofmyshrinkingfrom_him，_itwashewhoshrankfrom_me。_Ifeltoffendedwithhim;why，Idon’tknow——butoffendedIwas;andIthankedhimwithmybitterestemphasisforrememberingwhatwasduetome，_atlast！_

“’DoyoubelieveinDreams？’heburstout，inthemoststrangelyabruptmanner，withouttakingtheslightestnoticeofwhatIhadsaidtohim。’Tellme，’hewenton，withoutallowingmetimetoanswer，’wereyou，orwasanyrelationofyours，everconnectedwithAllanArmadale’sfatherormother？Wereyou，orwasanybodybelongingtoyou，everintheislandofMadeira？’

“Conceivemyastonishment，ifyoucan。Iturnedcold。InaninstantIturnedcoldallover。HewasplainlyinthesecretofwhathadhappenedwhenIwasinMrs。Armadale’sserviceinMadeira——inallprobabilitybeforehewasborn！Thatwasstartlingenoughofitself。Andhehadevidentlysomereasonofhisownfortryingtoconnect_me_withthoseevents——whichwasmorestartlingstill。

“’No，’Isaid，assoonasIcouldtrustmyselftospeak。’Iknownothingofhisfatherormother。’

“’AndnothingoftheislandofMadeira？’

“’NothingoftheislandofMadeira。’

“Heturnedhisheadaway，andbegantalkingtohimself。

“’Strange！’hesaid。’AscertainlyasIwasintheShadow’splaceatthewindow，_she_wasintheShadow’splaceatthepool！’

“Underothercircumstances，hisextraordinarybehaviormighthavealarmedme。ButafterhisquestionaboutMadeira，therewassomegreaterfearinmewhichkeptallcommonalarmatadistance。I

don’tthinkIeverdeterminedonanythinginmylifeasI

determinedonfindingouthowhehadgothisinformation，andwhohereallywas。ItwasquiteplaintomethatIhadrousedsomehiddenfeelinginhimbymyquestionaboutArmadale，whichwasasstronginitswayashisfeelingfor_me。_Whathadbecomeofmyinfluenceoverhim？

“Icouldn’timaginewhathadbecomeofit;butIcouldanddidsettoworktomakehimfeelitagain。

“’Don’ttreatmecruelly，’Isaid;’Ididn’ttreat_you_cruellyjustnow。Oh，Mr。Midwinter，it’ssolonely，it’ssodark——don’tfrightenme！’

“’Frightenyou！’Hewasclosetomeagaininamoment。’Frightenyou！’HerepeatedthewordwithasmuchastonishmentasifIhadwokehimfromadream，andchargedhimwithsomethingthathehadsaidinhissleep。

“Itwasonthetipofmytongue，findinghowIhadsurprisedhim，totakehimwhilehewasoffhisguard，andtoaskwhymyquestionaboutArmadalehadproducedsuchachangeinhisbehaviortome。Butafterwhathadhappenedalready，Iwasafraidtoriskreturningtothesubjecttoosoon。Somethingorother——whattheycallaninstinct，Idaresay——warnedmetoletArmadalealoneforthepresent，andtotalktohimfirstabouthimself。AsItoldyouinoneofmyearlyletters，Ihadnoticedsignsandtokensinhismannerandappearancewhichconvincedme，youngashewas，thathehaddonesomethingorsufferedsomethingoutofthecommoninhispastlife。IhadaskedmyselfmoreandmoresuspiciouslyeverytimeIsawhimwhetherhewaswhatheappearedtobe;andfirstandforemostamongmyotherdoubtswasadoubtwhetherhewaspassingamongusbyhisrealname。Havingsecretstokeepaboutmyownpastlife，andhavinggonemyselfinotherdaysbymorethanoneassumedname，IsupposeIamallthereadiertosuspectotherpeoplewhenIfindsomethingmysteriousaboutthem。Anyway，havingthesuspicioninmymind，I

determinedtostartlehim，ashehadstartledme，byanunexpectedquestiononmyside——aquestionabouthisname。

“WhileIwasthinking，hewasthinking;and，asitsoonappeared，ofwhatIhadjustsaidtohim。’Iamsogrievedtohavefrightenedyou，’hewhispered，withthatgentlenessandhumilitywhichweallsoheartilydespiseinamanwhenhespeakstootherwomen，andwhichweallsodearlylikewhenhespeakstoourselves。’IhardlyknowwhatIhavebeensaying，’hewenton;

’mymindismiserablydisturbed。Prayforgiveme，ifyoucan;I

amnotmyselfto-night。’

“’Iamnotangry，’Isaid;’Ihavenothingtoforgive。Wearebothimprudent;wearebothunhappy。’Ilaidmyheadonhisshoulder。’Doyoureallyloveme？’Iaskedhim，softly，inawhisper。

“Hisarmstoleroundmeagain;andIfeltthequickbeatofhisheartgetquickerandquicker。’Ifyouonlyknew！’hewhisperedback;’ifyouonlyknew——’Hecouldsaynomore。Ifelthisfacebendingtowardmine，anddroppedmyheadlower，andstoppedhimintheveryactofkissingme。

“’No，’Isaid;’Iamonlyawomanwhohastakenyourfancy。YouaretreatingmeasifIwasyourpromisedwife。’

“’_Be_mypromisedwife！’hewhispered，eagerly，andtriedtoraisemyhead。Ikeptitdown。Thehorroroftheseoldremembrancesthatyouknowofcamebackandmademetremblealittlewhenheaskedmetobehiswife。Idon’tthinkIwasactuallyfaint;butsomethinglikefaintnessmademeclosemyeyes。ThemomentIshutthem，thedarknessseemedtoopenasiflightninghadsplitit;andtheghostsof_thoseothermen_roseinthehorridgap，andlookedatme。

“’Speaktome！’hewhispered，tenderly。’Mydarling，myangel，speaktome！’

“Hisvoicehelpedmetorecovermyself。Ihadjustsenseenoughlefttorememberthatthetimewaspassing，andthatIhadnotputmyquestiontohimyetabouthisname。

“’SupposeIfeltforyouasyoufeelforme？’Isaid。’SupposeI

lovedyoudearlyenoughtotrustyouwiththehappinessofallmylifetocome？’

“Ipausedamomenttogetmybreath。Itwasunbearablystillandclose;theairseemedtohavediedwhenthenightcame。

“’Wouldyoubemarryingmehonorably，’Iwenton，’ifyoumarriedmeinyourpresentname？’

“Hisarmdroppedfrommywaist，andIfelthimgiveonegreatstart。Afterthathesatbyme，still，andcold，andsilent，asifmyquestionhadstruckhimdumb。Iputmyarmroundhisneck，andliftedmyheadagainonhisshoulder。WhateverthespellwasIhadlaidonhim，mycomingcloserinthatwayseemedtobreakit。

“’Whotoldyou？’Hestopped。’No，’hewenton，’nobodycanhavetoldyou。Whatmadeyoususpect——？’Hestoppedagain。

“’Nobodytoldme，’Isaid;’andIdon’tknowwhatmademesuspect。Womenhavestrangefanciessometimes。IsMidwinterreallyyourname？’

“’Ican’tdeceiveyou，’heanswered，afteranotherintervalofsilence;’Midwinteris_not_reallymyname。’

“Inestledalittleclosertohim。

“’What_is_yourname？’Iasked。

“Hehesitated。

“Iliftedmyfacetillmycheekjusttouchedhis。Ipersisted，withmylipscloseathisear:

“’What，noconfidenceinmeevenyet！Noconfidenceinthewomanwhohasalmostconfessedshelovesyou——whohasalmostconsentedtobeyourwife！’

“Heturnedhisfacetomine。Forthesecondtimehetriedtokissme，andforthesecondtimeIstoppedhim。

“’IfItellyoumyname，’hesaid，’Imusttellyoumore。’

“Iletmycheektouchhisagain。

“’Whynot？’Isaid。’HowcanIloveaman——muchlessmarryhim——ifhekeepshimselfastrangertome？’

“Therewasnoansweringthat，asIthought。Buthedidanswerit。

“’Itisadreadfulstory，’hesaid。’Itmaydarkenallyourlife，ifyouknowit，asithasdarkenedmine。’

“Iputmyotherarmroundhim，andpersisted。’Tellitme;I’mnotafraid;tellitme。’

“Hebegantoyieldtomyotherarm。

“’Willyoukeepitasacredsecret？’hesaid。’Nevertobebreathed——nevertobeknownbuttoyouandme？’

“Ipromisedhimitshouldbeasecret。Iwaitedinaperfectfrenzyofexpectation。Twicehetriedtobegin，andtwicehiscouragefailedhim。

“’Ican’t！’hebrokeoutinawild，helplessway。Ican’ttellit！’

“Mycuriosity，ormorelikelymytemper，gotbeyondallcontrol。

HehadirritatedmetillIwasrecklesswhatIsaidorwhatI

did。Isuddenlyclaspedhimclose，andpressedmylipstohis。’I

loveyou！’Iwhisperedinakiss。’_Now_willyoutellme？’

“Forthemomenthewasspeechless。Idon’tknowwhetherIdiditpurposelytodrivehimwild。Idon’tknowwhetherIdiditinvoluntarilyinaburstofrage。NothingiscertainbutthatI

interpretedhissilencethewrongway。IpushedhimbackfrommeinafurytheinstantafterIhadkissedhim。’Ihateyou！’I

said。’Youhavemaddenedmeintoforgettingmyself。Leaveme。I

don’tcareforthedarkness。Leavemeinstantly，andneverseemeagain！’

“Hecaughtmebythehandandstoppedme。Hespokeinanewvoice;hesuddenly_commanded，_asonlymencan。

“’Sitdown，’hesaid。’Youhavegivenmebackmycourage——youshallknowwhoIam。’

“Inthesilenceandthedarknessallroundus，Iobeyedhim，andsatdown。

“Inthesilenceandthedarknessallroundus，hetookmeinhisarmsagain，andtoldmewhohewas——

“ShallItrustyouwithhisstory？ShallItellyouhisrealname？ShallIshowyou，asIthreatened，thethoughtsthathavegrownoutofmyinterviewwithhimandoutofallthathashappenedtomesincethattime？

“OrshallIkeephissecretasIpromised？andkeepmyownsecrettoo，bybringingthisweary，longlettertoanendattheverymomentwhenyouareburningtohearmore！

“Thoseareseriousquestions，Mrs。Oldershaw——moreseriousthanyousuppose。Ihavehadtimetocalmdown，andIbegintosee，whatIfailedtoseewhenIfirsttookupmypentowritetoyou，thewisdomoflookingatconsequences。HaveIfrightenedmyselfintryingtofrighten_you？_Itispossible——strangeasitmayseem，itisreallypossible。

“Ihavebeenatthewindowforthelastminuteortwo，thinking。

Thereisplentyoftimeforthinkingbeforethepostleaves。Thepeopleareonlynowcomingoutofchurch。

“Ihavesettledtoputmyletterononeside，andtotakealookatmydiary。InplainerwordsImustseewhatIriskifIdecideontrustingyou;andmydiarywillshowmewhatmyheadistoowearytocalculatewithouthelp。Ihavewrittenthestoryofmydays(andsometimesthestoryofmynights)muchmoreregularlythanusualforthelastweek，havingreasonsofmyownforbeingparticularlycarefulinthisrespectunderpresentcircumstances。

IfIendindoingwhatitisnowinmymindtodo，itwouldbemadnesstotrusttomymemory。ThesmallestforgetfulnessoftheslightesteventthathashappenedfromthenightofmyinterviewwithMidwintertothepresenttimemightbeutterruintome。

“’Utterruintoher！’youwillsay。’Whatkindofruindoesshemean？’

“Waitalittle，tillIhaveaskedmydiarywhetherIcansafelytellyou。”

CHAPTERX。

MISSGWILT’SDIARY。

“July21st，Mondaynight，eleveno’clock——Midwinterhasjustleftme。Wepartedbymydesireatthepathoutofthecoppice;

hegoinghiswaytothehotel，andIgoingminetomylodgings。

“Ihavemanagedtoavoidmakinganotherappointmentwithhimbyarrangingtowritetohimto-morrowmorning。Thisgivesmethenight’sintervaltocomposemyself，andtocoaxmymindback(ifIcan)tomyownaffairs。Willthenightpass，andthemorningfindmestillthinkingoftheLetterthatcametohimfromhisfather’sdeathbed？ofthenighthewatchedthroughontheWreckedShip;and，morethanall，ofthefirstbreathlessmomentwhenhetoldmehisrealName？

“Wouldithelpmetoshakeofftheseimpressions，Iwonder，ifI

madetheeffortofwritingthemdown？Therewouldbenodanger，inthatcase，ofmyforgettinganythingimportant。Andperhaps，afterall，itmaybethefearofforgettingsomethingwhichI

oughttorememberthatkeepsthisstoryofMidwinter’sweighingasitdoesonmymind。Atanyrate，theexperimentisworthtrying。InmypresentsituationI_must_befreetothinkofotherthings，orIshallneverfindmywaythroughallthedifficultiesatThorpeAmbrosethatarestilltocome。

“Letmethink。What_haunts_me，tobeginwith？

“TheNameshauntme。Ikeepsayingandsayingtomyself:Bothalike！——Christiannameandsurnamebothalike！Alight-hairedAllanArmadale，whomIhavelongsinceknownof，andwhoisthesonofmyoldmistress。Adark-hairedAllanArmadale，whomIonlyknowofnow，andwhoisonlyknowntoothersunderthenameofOziasMidwinter。Strangerstill;itisnotrelationship，itisnotchance，thathasmadethemnamesakes。ThefatherofthelightArmadalewasthemanwhowas_born_tothefamilyname，andwholostthefamilyinheritance。ThefatherofthedarkArmadalewasthemanwho_took_thename，onconditionofgettingtheinheritance——andwhogotit。

“Sotherearetwoofthem——Ican’thelpthinkingofit——bothunmarried。Thelight-hairedArmadale，whoofferstothewomanwhocansecurehim，eightthousandayearwhilehelives;wholeaveshertwelvehundredayearwhenhedies;whomustandshallmarrymeforthosetwogoldenreasons;andwhomIhateandloatheasI

neverhatedandloathedamanyet。Andthedark-hairedArmadale，whohasapoorlittleincome，whichmightperhapspayhiswife’smilliner，ifhiswifewascareful;whohasjustleftme，persuadedthatImeantomarryhim;andwhom——well，whomI

_might_havelovedonce，beforeIwasthewomanIamnow。

“AndAllantheFairdoesn’tknowhehasanamesake。AndAllantheDarkhaskeptthesecretfromeverybodybuttheSomersetshireclergyman(whosediscretionhecandependon)andmyself。

“AndtherearetwoAllanArmadales——twoAllanArmadales——twoAllanArmadales。There！threeisaluckynumber。Hauntmeagain，afterthat，ifyoucan！

“Whatnext？Themurderinthetimbership？No;themurderisagoodreasonwhythedarkArmadale，whosefathercommittedit，shouldkeephissecretfromthefairArmadale，whosefatherwaskilled;butitdoesn’tconcern_me。_IremembertherewasasuspicioninMadeiraatthetimeofsomethingwrong。_Was_itwrong？Wasthemanwhohadbeentrickedoutofhiswifetoblameforshuttingthecabindoor，andleavingthemanwhohadtrickedhimtodrowninthewreck？Yes;thewomanwasn’tworthit。

“WhatamIsureofthatreallyconcernsmyself？

“Iamsureofoneveryimportantthing。IamsurethatMidwinter——Imustcallhimbyhisuglyfalsename，orImayconfusethetwoArmadalesbeforeIhavedone——IamsurethatMidwinterisperfectlyignorantthatIandthelittleimpoftwelveyearsoldwhowaitedonMrs。ArmadaleinMadeira，andcopiedthelettersthatweresupposedtoarrivefromtheWestIndies，areoneandthesame。Therearenotmanygirlsoftwelvewhocouldhaveimitatedaman’shandwriting，andheldtheirtonguesaboutitafterward，asIdid;butthatdoesn’tmatternow。WhatdoesmatteristhatMidwinter’sbeliefintheDreamisMidwinter’sonlyreasonfortryingtoconnectmewithAllanArmadale，byassociatingmewithAllanArmadale’sfatherandmother。Iaskedhimifheactuallythoughtmeoldenoughtohaveknowneitherofthem。AndhesaidNo，poorfellow，inthemostinnocent，bewilderedway。WouldhesayNoifhesawmenow？ShallIturntotheglassandseeifIlookmyfive-and-thirtyyears？

orshallIgoonwriting？Iwillgoonwriting。

“ThereisonethingmorethathauntsmealmostasobstinatelyastheNames。

“IwonderwhetherIamrightinrelyingonMidwinter’

superstition(asIdo)tohelpmeinkeepinghimatarms-length。

AfterhavinglettheexcitementofthemomenthurrymeintosayingmorethanIneedhavesaid，heiscertaintopressme;heiscertaintocomeback，withaman’shatefulselfishnessandimpatienceinsuchthings，tothequestionofmarryingme。WilltheDreamhelpmetocheckhim？Afteralternatelybelievinganddisbelievinginit，hehasgot，byhisownconfession，tobelievinginitagain。CanIsayIbelieveinit，too？Ihavebetterreasonsfordoingsothanheknowsof。IamnotonlythepersonwhohelpedMrs。Armadale’smarriagebyhelpinghertoimposeonherownfather:Iamthewomanwhotriedtodrownherself;thewomanwhostartedtheseriesofaccidentswhichputyoungArmadaleinpossessionofhisfortune;thewomanwhohascomeThorpeAmbrosetomarryhimforhisfortune，nowhehasgotit;andmoreextraordinarystill，thewomanwhostoodintheShadow’splaceatthepool！Thesemaybecoincidences，buttheyarestrangecoincidences。IdeclareIbegintofancythat_I_

believeintheDreamtoo！

“SupposeIsaytohim，’Ithinkasyouthink。Isaywhatyousaidinyourlettertome，Letuspartbeforetheharmisdone。LeavemebeforetheThirdVisionoftheDreamcomestrue。Leaveme，andputthemountainsandtheseasbetweenyouandthemanwhobearsyourname！’

“Suppose，ontheotherside，thathisloveformemakeshimrecklessofeverythingelse？Supposehesaysthosedesperatewordsagain，whichIunderstandnow:What_is_tobe，_will_be。

WhathaveItodowithit，andwhathasshe？’Suppose——suppose——

“Iwon’twriteanymore。Ihatewriting。Itdoesn’trelieveme——itmakesmeworse。I’mfurtherfrombeingabletothinkofallthatI_must_thinkofthanIwaswhenIsatdown。Itispastmidnight。To-morrowhascomealready;andhereIamashelplessasthestupidestwomanliving！Bedistheonlyfitplaceforme。

“Bed？Ifitwastenyearssince，insteadofto-day;andifIhadmarriedMidwinterforlove，Imightbegoingtobednowwithnothingheavieronmymindthanavisitontiptoetothenursery，andalastlookatnighttoseeifmychildrenweresleepingquietlyintheircribs。IwonderwhetherIshouldhavelovedmychildrenifIhadeverhadany？Perhaps，yes——perhaps，no。Itdoesn’tmatter。

“Tuesdaymorning，teno’clock——Whowasthemanwhoinventedlaudanum？Ithankhimfromthebottomofmyheartwhoeverhewas。

Ifallthemiserablewretchesinpainofbodyandmind，whosecomforterhehasbeen，couldmeettogethertosinghispraises，whatachorusitwouldbe！Ihavehadsixdelicioushoursofoblivion;Ihavewokeupwithmymindcomposed;IhavewrittenaperfectlittlelettertoMidwinter;Ihavedrunkmynicecupoftea，witharealrelishofit;Ihavedawdledovermymorningtoiletwithanexquisitesenseofrelief——andallthroughthemodestlittlebottleofDrops，whichIseeonmybedroomchimney-pieceatthismoment。’Drops，’youareadarling！IfI

lovenothingelse，Ilove_you。_

“MylettertoMidwinterhasbeensentthroughthepost;andI

havetoldhimtoreplytomeinthesamemanner。

“Ifeelnoanxietyabouthisanswer——hecanonlyanswerinoneway。Ihaveaskedforalittletimetoconsider，becausemyfamilycircumstancesrequiresomeconsideration，inhisinterestsaswellasinmine。Ihaveengagedtotellhimwhatthosecircumstancesare(whatshallIsay，Iwonder？)whenwenextmeet;andIhaverequestedhiminthemeantimetokeepallthathaspassedbetweenusasecretforthepresent。AstowhatheistodohimselfintheintervalwhileIamsupposedtobeconsidering，Ihaveleftittohisowndiscretion——merelyremindinghimthathisattemptingtoseemeagain(whileourpositionstowardeachothercannotbeopenlyavowed)mightinjuremyreputation。Ihaveofferedtowritetohimifhewishesit;

andIhaveendedbypromisingtomaketheintervalofournecessaryseparationasshortasIcan。

“Thissortofplain，unaffectedletter——whichImighthavewrittentohimlastnight，ifhisstoryhadnotbeenrunninginmyheadasitdid——hasonedefect，Iknow。Itcertainlykeepshimoutoftheway，whileIamcastingmynet，andcatchingmygoldfishatthegreathouseforthesecondtime;butitalsoleavesanawkwarddayofreckoningtocomewithMidwinterifIsucceed。

HowamItomanagehim？WhatamItodo？Ioughttofacethosetwoquestionsasboldlyasusual;butsomehowmycourageseemstofailme，andIdon’tquitefancymeeting_that_difficulty，tillthetimecomeswhenit_must_bemet。ShallIconfesstomydiarythatIamsorryforMidwinter，andthatIshrinkalittlefromthinkingofthedaywhenhehearsthatIamgoingtobemistressatthegreathouse？

“ButIamnotmistressyet;andIcan’ttakeastepinthedirectionofthegreathousetillIhavegottheanswertomyletter，andtillIknowthatMidwinterisoutoftheway。

Patience！patience！Imustgoandforgetmyselfatmypiano。

Thereisthe’MoonlightSonata’open，andtemptingme，onthemusic-stand。HaveInerveenoughtoplayit，Iwonder？Orwillitsetmeshudderingwiththemysteryandterrorofit，asitdidtheotherday？

“Fiveo’clock——Ihavegothisanswer。TheslightestrequestI

canmakeisacommandtohim。Hehasgone;andhesendsmehisaddressinLondon。’Therearetwoconsiderations’(hesays)

’whichhelptoreconcilemetoleavingyou。Thefirstisthat_you_wishit，andthatitisonlytobeforalittlewhile。ThesecondisthatIthinkIcanmakesomearrangementsinLondonforaddingtomyincomebymyownlabor。Ihavenevercaredformoneyformyself;butyoudon’tknowhowIambeginningalreadytoprizetheluxuriesandrefinementsthatmoneycanprovide，formywife’ssake。’Poorfellow！IalmostwishIhadnotwrittentohimasIdid;IalmostwishIhadnotsenthimawayfromme。

“FancyifMotherOldershawsawthispageinmydiary！Ihavehadaletterfromherthismorning——alettertoremindmeofmyobligations，andtotellmeshesuspectsthingsareallgoingwrong。Lethersuspect！Ishan’ttroublemyselftoanswer;I

can’tbeworriedwiththatoldwretchinthestateIaminnow。

“Itisalovelyafternoon——Iwantawalk——Imustn’tthinkofMidwinter。SupposeIputonmybonnet，andtrymyexperimentatonceatthegreathouse？Everythingisinmyfavor。Thereisnospytofollowme，andnolawyertokeepmeout，thistime。AmI

handsomeenough，today？Well，yes;handsomeenoughtobeamatchforalittledowdy，awkward，freckledcreature，whooughttobeperchedonaformatschool，andstrappedtoabackboardtostraightenhercrookedshoulders。

“’Thenurserylispsoutinalltheyutter;

Besides，theyalwayssmellofbread-and-butter。’

“HowadmirablyByronhasdescribedgirlsintheirteens！

“Eighto’clock——IhavejustgotbackfromArmadale’shouse。I

haveseenhim，andspokentohim;andtheendofitmaybesetdowninthreeplainwords。Ihavefailed。ThereisnomorechanceofmybeingMrs。ArmadaleofThorpeAmbrosethanthereisofmybeingQueenofEngland。

“ShallIwriteandtellOldershaw？ShallIgobacktoLondon？NottillIhavehadtimetothinkalittle。Notjustyet。

“Letmethink;Ihavefailedcompletely——failed，withallthecircumstancesinfavorofsuccess。Icaughthimaloneonthedriveinfrontofthehouse。Hewasexcessivelydisconcerted，butatthesametimequitewillingtohearme。Itriedhim，firstquietly——thenwithtears，andtherestofit。Iintroducedmyselfinthecharacterofthepoorinnocentwomanwhomhehadbeenthemeansofinjuring。Iconfused，Iinterested，Iconvincedhim。I

wentontothepurelyChristianpartofmyerrand，andspokewithsuchfeelingofhisseparationfromhisfriend，forwhichIwasinnocentlyresponsible，thatIturnedhisodiousrosyfacequitepale，andmadehimbegmeatlastnottodistresshim。But，whateverotherfeelingsIrousedinhim，Ineveroncerousedhisoldfeelingfor_me。_Isawitinhiseyeswhenhelookedatme;

Ifeltitinhisfingerswhenweshookhands。Wepartedfriends，andnothingmore。

“Itisforthis，isit，MissMilroy，thatIresistedtemptation，morningaftermorning，whenIknewyouwereoutaloneinthepark？Ihavejustleftyoutimetoslipin，andtakemyplaceinArmadale’sgoodgraces，haveI？Ineverresistedtemptationyetwithoutsufferingforitinsomesuchwayasthis！IfIhadonlyfollowedmyfirstthoughts，onthedaywhenItookleaveofyou，myyounglady——well，well，nevermindthatnow。Ihavegotthefuturebeforeme;youarenotMrs。Armadaleyet！AndIcantellyouoneotherthing——whoeverelsehemarries，hewillnevermarry_you。_IfIamevenwithyouinnootherway，trustme，whatevercomesofit，tobeevenwithyouthere！

“Iamnot，tomyownsurprise，inoneofmyfuriouspassions。ThelasttimeIwasinthisperfectlycoolstate，underseriousprovocation，somethingcameofit，whichIdaren’twritedown，eveninmyownprivatediary。Ishouldn’tbesurprisedifsomethingcomesofitnow。

“Onmywayback，IcalledatMr。Bashwood’slodgingsinthetown。

Hewasnotathome，andIleftamessagetellinghimtocomeheretonightandspeaktome。ImeantorelievehimatonceofthedutyoflookingafterArmadaleandMissMilroy。ImaynotseemywayyettoruiningherprospectsatThorpeAmbroseascompletelyasshehasruinedmine。Butwhenthetimecomes，andIdoseeit，Idon’tknowtowhatlengthsmysenseofinjurymaytakeme;andtheremaybeinconvenience，andpossiblydanger，inhavingsuchachicken-heartedcreatureasMr。Bashwoodinmyconfidence。

“IsuspectIammoreupsetbyallthisthanIsupposed。

Midwinter’sstoryisbeginningtohauntmeagain，withoutrhymeorreason。

“Asoft，quick，tremblingknockatthestreetdoor！Iknowwhoitis。NohandbutoldBashwood’scouldknockinthatway。

“Nineo’clock——Ihavejustgotridofhim。Hehassurprisedmebycomingoutinanewcharacter。

“Itseems(thoughIdidn’tdetecthim)thathewasatthegreathousewhileIwasincompanywithArmadale。Hesawustalkingonthedrive，andheafterwardheardwhattheservantssaid，whosawustoo。Thewiseopinionbelowstairsisthatwehave’madeitup，’andthatthemasterislikelytomarrymeafterall。’He’ssweetonherredhair，’wastheelegantexpressiontheyusedinthekitchen。’Littlemissiecan’tmatchherthere;andlittlemissiewillgettheworstofit。’HowIhatethecoarsewaysofthelowerorders！

“WhileoldBashwoodwastellingmethis，Ithoughthelookedevenmoreconfusedandnervousthanusual。ButIfailedtoseewhatwasreallythematteruntilafterIhadtoldhimthathewastoleaveallfurtherobservationofMr。ArmadaleandMissMilroytome。Everydropofthelittlebloodthereisinthefeebleoldcreature’sbodyseemedtoflyupintohisface。Hemadequiteanoverpoweringeffort;hereallylookedasifhewoulddropdowndeadoffrightathisownboldness;butbeforcedoutthequestionforallthat，stammering，andstuttering，andkneadingdesperatelywithbothhandsatthebrimofhishideousgreathat。

’Ibegyourpardon，MissGwi-Gwi-Gwilt！Youarenotreallygo-go-goingtomarryMr。Armadale，areyou？Jealous——ifeverI

sawitinaman’sfaceyet，Isawitinhis——actuallyjealousofArmadaleathisage！IfIhadbeeninthehumorforit，Ishouldhaveburstoutlaughinginhisface。Asitwas，Iwasangry，andlostallpatiencewithhim。Itoldhimhewasanoldfool，andorderedhimtogoonquietlywithhisusualbusinessuntilIsenthimwordthathewaswantedagain。Hesubmittedasusual;buttherewasanindescribablesomethinginhiswateryoldeyes，whenhetookleaveofme，whichIhavenevernoticedinthembefore。

Lovehasthecreditofworkingallsortsofstrangetransformations。CanitbereallypossiblethatLovehasmadeMr。

Bashwoodmanenoughtobeangrywithme？

“Wednesday——MyexperienceofMissMilroy’shabitssuggestedasuspiciontomelastnightwhichIthoughtitdesirabletoclearupthismorning。

“Itwasalwaysherway，whenIwasatthecottage，totakeawalkearlyinthemorningbeforebreakfast。ConsideringthatIusedoftentochoosethatverytimefor_my_privatemeetingswithArmadale，itstruckmeaslikelythatmyformerpupilmightbetakingaleafoutofmybook，andthatImightmakesomedesirablediscoveriesifIturnedmystepsinthedirectionofthemajor’sgardenattherighthour。IdeprivedmyselfofmyDrops，tomakesureofwaking;passedamiserablenightinconsequence;andwasreadyenoughtogetupatsixo’clock，andwalkthedistancefrommylodgingstothecottageinthefreshmorningair。

“IhadnotbeenfiveminutesontheparksideofthegardeninclosurebeforeIsathercomeout。

“Sheseemedtohavehadabadnighttoo;hereyeswereheavyandred，andherlipsandcheekslookedswollenasifshehadbeencrying。Therewassomethingonhermind，evidently;something，asitsoonappeared，totakeheroutofthegardenintothepark。

Shewalked(ifonecancallitwalking;withsuchlegsashers！)

straighttothesummerhouse，andopenedthedoor，andcrossedthebridge，andwentonquickerandquickertowardthelowgroundinthepark，wherethetreesarethickest。Ifollowedherovertheopenspacewithperfectimpunityinthepreoccupiedstateshewasin;and，whenshebegantoslackenherpaceamongthetrees，Iwasamongthetreestoo，andwasnotafraidofherseeingme。

“Beforelong，therewasacracklingandtramplingofheavyfeetcominguptowardusthroughtheunder-woodinadeepdipoftheground。Iknewthatstepaswellassheknewit。’HereIam，’shesaid，inafaintlittlevoice。Ikeptbehindthetreesafewyardsoff，insomedoubtonwhichsideArmadalewouldcomeoutoftheunder-woodtojoinher。Hecameoutupthesideofthedell，oppositetothetreebehindwhichIwasstanding。Theysatdowntogetheronthebank。Isatdownbehindthetree，andlookedatthemthroughtheunder-wood，andheardwithouttheslightestdifficultyeverywordthattheysaid。

“Thetalkbeganbyhisnoticingthatshelookedoutofspirits，andaskingifanythinghadgonewrongatthecottage。Theartfullittleminxlostnotimeinmakingthenecessaryimpressiononhim;shebegantocry。Hetookherhand，ofcourse，andtried，inhisbrutishlystraightforwardway，tocomforther。No;shewasnottobecomforted。Amiserableprospectwasbeforeher;shehadnotsleptthewholenightforthinkingofit。Herfatherhadcalledherintohisroomthepreviousevening，hadspokenaboutthestateofhereducation，andhadtoldherinsomanywordsthatshewastogotoschool。Theplacehadbeenfound，andthetermshadbeensettled;andassoonasherclothescouldhegotready，misswastogo。

“’WhilethathatefulMissGwiltwasinthehouse，’saysthismodelyoungperson，’Iwouldhavegonetoschoolwillingly——I

wantedtogo。Butit’salldifferentnow;Idon’tthinkofitinthesameway;Ifeeltoooldforschool。I’mquiteheart-broken，Mr。Armadale。’Thereshestoppedasifshehadmeanttosaymore，andgavehimalookwhichfinishedthesentenceplainly:’I’mquiteheart-broken，Mr。Armadale，nowwearefriendlyagain，atgoingawayfromyou！’Fordownrightbrazenimpudence，whichagrownwomanwouldbeashamedof，givemetheyounggirlswhose’modesty’issopertinaciouslyinsistedonbythenauseousdomesticsentimentalistsofthepresentday！