第9章

AnothergorgeousdinnerawaitsthemontheirreturntotheVeneeringhalls，andLadyTippinsawaitsthem，andBootsandBrewerawaitthem。Thereisamodestassertiononeverybody\'spartthateverybodysingle-handed\'broughthimin\'；butinthemainitisconcededbyall，thatthatstrokeofbusinessonBrewer\'spart，ingoingdowntothehousethatnighttoseehowthingslooked，wasthemaster-stroke。

AtouchinglittleincidentisrelatedbyMrsVeneering，inthecourseoftheevening。MrsVeneeringishabituallydisposedtobetearful，andhasanextradispositionthatwayafterherlateexcitement。Previoustowithdrawingfromthedinner-tablewithLadyTippins，shesays，inapatheticandphysicallyweakmanner:

\'Youwillallthinkitfoolishofme，Iknow，butImustmentionit。

AsIsatbyBaby\'scrib，onthenightbeforetheelection，Babywasveryuneasyinhersleep。\'

TheAnalyticalchemist，whoisgloomilylookingon，hasdiabolicalimpulsestosuggest\'Wind\'andthrowuphissituation；butrepressesthem。

\'Afteranintervalalmostconvulsive，Babycurledherlittlehandsinoneanotherandsmiled。\'

MrsVeneeringstoppinghere，MrPodsnapdeemsitincumbentonhimtosay:\'Iwonderwhy！\'

\'Coulditbe，Iaskedmyself，\'saysMrsVeneering，lookingaboutherforherpocket-handkerchief，\'thattheFairiesweretellingBabythatherpapawouldshortlybeanM。P。?\'

SoovercomebythesentimentisMrsVeneering，thattheyallgetuptomakeaclearstageforVeneering，whogoesroundthetabletotherescue，andbearsheroutbackward，withherfeetimpressivelyscrapingthecarpet:afterremarkingthatherworkhasbeentoomuchforherstrength。Whetherthefairiesmadeanymentionofthefivethousandpounds，anditdisagreedwithBaby，isnotspeculatedupon。

PoorlittleTwemlow，quitedoneup，istouched。andstillcontinuestouchedafterheissafelyhousedoverthelivery-stableyardinDukeStreet，SaintJames\'s。Butthere，uponhissofa，atremendousconsiderationbreaksinuponthemildgentleman，puttingallsofterconsiderationstotherout。

\'Graciousheavens！NowIhavetimetothinkofit，heneversawoneofhisconstituentsinallhisdays，untilwesawthemtogether！\'

Afterhavingpacedtheroomindistressofmind，withhishandtohisforehead，theinnocentTwemlowreturnstohissofaandmoans:

\'Ishalleithergodistracted，ordie，ofthisman。Hecomesuponmetoolateinlife。Iamnotstrongenoughtobearhim！\'

Chapter4

CUPIDPROMPTED

Tousethecoldlanguageoftheworld，MrsAlfredLammlerapidlyimprovedtheacquaintanceofMissPodsnap。TousethewarmlanguageofMrsLammle，sheandhersweetGeorgianasoonbecameone:inheart，inmind，insentiment，insoul。

WheneverGeorgianacouldescapefromthethraldomofPodsnappery；couldthrowoffthebedclothesofthecustard-

colouredphaeton，andgetup；couldshrinkoutoftherangeofhermother\'srocking，and(sotospeak)rescueherpoorlittlefrostytoesfrombeingrockedover；sherepairedtoherfriend，MrsAlfredLammle。MrsPodsnapbynomeansobjected。Asaconsciously\'splendidwoman，\'accustomedtooverhearherselfsodenominatedbyelderlyosteologistspursuingtheirstudiesindinnersociety，MrsPodsnapcoulddispensewithherdaughter。

MrPodsnap，forhispart，onbeinginformedwhereGeorgianawas，swelledwithpatronageoftheLammles。Thatthey，whenunabletolayholdofhim，shouldrespectfullygraspatthehemofhismantle；thatthey，whentheycouldnotbaskinthegloryofhimthesun，shouldtakeupwiththepalereflectedlightofthewateryyoungmoonhisdaughter；appearedquitenatural，becoming，andproper。ItgavehimabetteropinionofthediscretionoftheLammlesthanhehadheretoforeheld，asshowingthattheyappreciatedthevalueoftheconnexion。So，Georgianarepairingtoherfriend，MrPodsnapwentouttodinner，andtodinner，andyettodinner，arminarmwithMrsPodsnap:settlinghisobstinateheadinhiscravatandshirt-collar，muchasifhewereperformingonthePandeanpipes，inhisownhonour，thetriumphalmarch，SeetheconqueringPodsnapcomes，Soundthetrumpets，beatthedrums！

ItwasatraitinMrPodsnap\'scharacter(andinoneformorotheritwillbegenerallyseentopervadethedepthsandshallowsofPodsnappery)，thathecouldnotendureahintofdisparagementofanyfriendoracquaintanceofhis。\'Howdareyou?\'hewouldseemtosay，insuchacase。\'Whatdoyoumean?Ihavelicensedthisperson。ThispersonhastakenoutMYcertificate。Throughthispersonyoustrikeatme，PodsnaptheGreat。AnditisnotthatI

particularlycarefortheperson\'sdignity，butthatIdomostparticularlycareforPodsnap\'s。\'Hence，ifanyoneinhispresencehadpresumedtodoubttheresponsibilityoftheLammles，hewouldhavebeenmightilyhuffed。Notthatanyonedid，forVeneering，M。P。，wasalwaystheauthorityfortheirbeingveryrich，andperhapsbelievedit。Asindeedhemight，ifhechose，foranythingheknewofthematter。

MrandMrsLammle\'shouseinSackvilleStreet，Piccadilly，wasbutatemporaryresidence。Ithasdonewellenough，theyinformedtheirfriends，forMrLammlewhenabachelor，butitwouldnotdonow。So，theywerealwayslookingatpalatialresidencesinthebestsituations，andalwaysverynearlytakingorbuyingone，butneverquiteconcludingthebargain。Herebytheymadeforthemselvesashininglittlereputationapart。Peoplesaid，onseeingavacantpalatialresidence，\'TheverythingfortheLammles！\'andwrotetotheLammlesaboutit，andtheLammlesalwayswenttolookatit，butunfortunatelyitneverexactlyanswered。Inshort，theysufferedsomanydisappointments，thattheybegantothinkitwouldhenecessarytobuildapalatialresidence。Andherebytheymadeanothershiningreputation；

manypersonsoftheiracquaintancebecomingbyanticipationdissatisfiedwiththeirownhouses，andenviousofthenon-existentLammlestructure。

ThehandsomefittingsandfurnishingsofthehouseinSackvilleStreetwerepiledthickandhighovertheskeletonup-stairs，andifiteverwhisperedfromunderitsloadofupholstery，\'HereIaminthecloset！\'itwastoveryfewears，andcertainlynevertoMissPodsnap\'s。WhatMissPodsnapwasparticularlycharmedwith，nexttothegracesofherfriend，wasthehappinessofherfriend\'smarriedlife。Thiswasfrequentlytheirthemeofconversation。

\'Iamsure，\'saidMissPodsnap，\'MrLammleislikealover。AtleastI——Ishouldthinkhewas。\'

\'Georgiana，darling！\'saidMrsLammle，holdingupaforefinger，\'Takecare！\'

\'Ohmygoodnessme！\'exclaimedMissPodsnap，reddening。\'WhathaveIsaidnow?\'

\'Alfred，youknow，\'hintedMrsLammle，playfullyshakingherhead。\'YouwerenevertosayMrLammleanymore，Georgiana。\'

\'Oh！Alfred，then。Iamgladit\'snoworse。IwasafraidIhadsaidsomethingshocking。Iamalwayssayingsomethingwrongtoma。\'

\'Tome，Georgianadearest?\'

\'No，nottoyou；youarenotma。Iwishyouwere。\'

MrsLammlebestowedasweetandlovingsmileuponherfriend，whichMissPodsnapreturnedasshebestcould。TheysatatlunchinMrsLammle\'sownboudoir。

\'Andso，dearestGeorgiana，Alfredislikeyournotionofalover?\'

\'Idon\'tsaythat，Sophronia，\'Georgianareplied，beginningtoconcealherelbows。\'Ihaven\'tanynotionofalover。Thedreadfulwretchesthatmabringsupatplacestotormentme，arenotlovers。

IonlymeanthatMr——\'

\'Again，dearestGeorgiana?\'

\'ThatAlfred——\'

\'Soundsmuchbetter，darling。\'

\'——Lovesyouso。Healwaystreatsyouwithsuchdelicategallantryandattention。Now，don\'the?\'

\'Truly，mydear，\'saidMrsLammle，witharathersingularexpressioncrossingherface。\'Ibelievethathelovesme，fullyasmuchasIlovehim。\'

\'Oh，whathappiness！\'exclaimedMissPodsnap。

\'Butdoyouknow，myGeorgiana，\'MrsLammleresumedpresently，\'thatthereissomethingsuspiciousinyourenthusiasticsympathywithAlfred\'stenderness?\'

\'Goodgraciousno，Ihopenot！\'

\'Doesn\'titrathersuggest，\'saidMrsLammlearchly，\'thatmyGeorgiana\'slittleheartis——\'

\'Ohdon\'t！\'MissPodsnapblushinglybesoughther。\'Pleasedon\'t！

Iassureyou，Sophronia，thatIonlypraiseAlfred，becauseheisyourhusbandandsofondofyou。\'

Sophronia\'sglancewasasifarathernewlightbrokeinuponher。

Itshadedoffintoacoolsmile，asshesaid，withhereyesuponherlunch，andhereyebrowsraised:

\'Youarequitewrong，mylove，inyourguessatmymeaning。

WhatIinsinuatedwas，thatmyGeorgiana\'slittleheartwasgrowingconsciousofavacancy。\'

\'No，no，no，\'saidGeorgiana。\'Iwouldn\'thaveanybodysayanythingtomeinthatwayforIdon\'tknowhowmanythousandpounds。\'

\'Inwhatway，myGeorgiana?\'inquiredMrsLammle，stillsmilingcoollywithhereyesuponherlunch，andhereyebrowsraised。

\'YOUknow，\'returnedpoorlittleMissPodsnap。\'IthinkIshouldgooutofmymind，Sophronia，withvexationandshynessanddetestation，ifanybodydid。It\'senoughformetoseehowlovingyouandyourhusbandare。That\'sadifferentthing。Icouldn\'tbeartohaveanythingofthatsortgoingonwithmyself。Ishouldbegandprayto——tohavethepersontakenawayandtrampledupon。\'

Ah！herewasAlfred。Havingstoleninunobserved，heplayfullyleanedonthebackofSophronia\'schair，and，asMissPodsnapsawhim，putoneofSophronia\'swanderinglockstohislips，andwavedakissfromittowardsMissPodsnap。

\'Whatisthisabouthusbandsanddetestations?\'inquiredthecaptivatingAlfred。

\'Why，theysay，\'returnedhiswife，\'thatlistenersneverhearanygoodofthemselves；thoughyou——butprayhowlonghaveyoubeenhere，sir?\'

\'Thisinstantarrived，myown。\'

\'ThenImaygoon——thoughifyouhadbeenherebutamomentortwosooner，youwouldhaveheardyourpraisessoundedbyGeorgiana。\'

\'Only，iftheyweretobecalledpraisesatallwhichIreallydon\'tthinktheywere，\'explainedMissPodsnapinaflutter，\'forbeingsodevotedtoSophronia。\'

\'Sophronia！\'murmuredAlfred。\'Mylife！\'andkissedherhand。Inreturnforwhichshekissedhiswatch-chain。

\'ButitwasnotIwhowastobetakenawayandtrampledupon，I

hope?\'saidAlfred，drawingaseatbetweenthem。

\'AskGeorgiana，mysoul，\'repliedhiswife。

AlfredtouchinglyappealedtoGeorgiana。

\'Oh，itwasnobody，\'repliedMissPodsnap。\'Itwasnonsense。\'

\'Butifyouaredeterminedtoknow，MrInquisitivePet，asI

supposeyouare，\'saidthehappyandfondSophronia，smiling，\'itwasanyonewhoshouldventuretoaspiretoGeorgiana。\'

\'Sophronia，mylove，\'remonstratedMrLammle，becominggraver，\'youarenotserious?\'

\'Alfred，mylove，\'returnedhiswife，\'IdaresayGeorgianawasnot，butIam。\'

\'Nowthis，\'saidMrLammle，\'showstheaccidentalcombinationsthatthereareinthings！Couldyoubelieve，myOwnest，thatI

cameinherewiththenameofanaspiranttoourGeorgianaonmylips?\'

\'OfcourseIcouldbelieve，Alfred，\'saidMrsLammle，\'anythingthatYOUtoldme。\'

\'Youdearone！AndIanythingthatYOUtoldme。\'

Howdelightfulthoseinterchanges，andthelooksaccompanyingthem！Now，iftheskeletonup-stairshadtakenthatopportunity，forinstance，ofcallingout\'HereIam，suffocatinginthecloset！\'

\'Igiveyoumyhonour，mydearSophronia——\'

\'AndIknowwhatthatis，love，\'saidshe。

\'Youdo，mydarling——thatIcameintotheroomallbututteringyoungFledgeby\'sname。TellGeorgiana，dearest，aboutyoungFledgeby。\'

\'Ohno，don\'t！Pleasedon\'t！\'criedMissPodsnap，puttingherfingersinherears。\'I\'drathernot。\'

MrsLammlelaughedinhergayestmanner，and，removingherGeorgiana\'sunresistinghands，andplayfullyholdingtheminherownatarms\'length，sometimesneartogetherandsometimeswideapart，wenton:

\'Youmustknow，youdearlybelovedlittlegoose，thatonceuponatimetherewasacertainpersoncalledyoungFledgeby。AndthisyoungFledgeby，whowasofanexcellentfamilyandrich，wasknowntotwoothercertainpersons，dearlyattachedtooneanotherandcalledMrandMrsAlfredLammle。SothisyoungFledgeby，beingonenightattheplay，thereseeswithMrandMrsAlfredLammle，acertainheroinecalled——\'

\'No，don\'tsayGeorgianaPodsnap！\'pleadedthatyoungladyalmostintears。\'Pleasedon\'t。Ohdododosaysomebodyelse！

NotGeorgianaPodsnap。Ohdon\'t，don\'t，don\'t！\'

\'Noother，\'saidMrsLammle，laughingairily，and，fullofaffectionateblandishments，openingandclosingGeorgiana\'sarmslikeapairofcompasses，thanmylittleGeorgianaPodsnap。SothisyoungFledgebygoestothatAlfredLammleandsays——\'

\'Ohple-e-e-easedon\'t！\'Georgiana，asifthesupplicationwerebeingsqueezedoutofherbypowerfulcompression。\'Isohatehimforsayingit！\'

\'Forsayingwhat，mydear?\'laughedMrsLammle。

\'Oh，Idon\'tknowwhathesaid，\'criedGeorgianawildly，\'butIhatehimallthesameforsayingit。\'

\'Mydear，\'saidMrsLammle，alwayslaughinginhermostcaptivatingway，\'thepooryoungfellowonlysaysthatheisstrickenallofaheap。\'

\'Oh，whatshallIeverdo！\'interposedGeorgiana。\'OhmygoodnesswhataFoolhemustbe！\'

\'——Andimplorestobeaskedtodinner，andtomakeafourthattheplayanothertime。Andsohedinesto-morrowandgoestotheOperawithus。That\'sall。Except，mydearGeorgiana——andwhatwillyouthinkofthis！——thatheisinfinitelyshyerthanyou，andfarmoreafraidofyouthanyoueverwereofanyoneinallyourdays！\'

InperturbationofmindMissPodsnapstillfumedandpluckedatherhandsalittle，butcouldnothelplaughingatthenotionofanybody\'sbeingafraidofher。Withthatadvantage，Sophroniaflatteredherandralliedhermoresuccessfully，andthentheinsinuatingAlfredflatteredherandralliedher，andpromisedthatatanymomentwhenshemightrequirethatserviceathishands，hewouldtakeyoungFledgebyoutandtrampleonhim。ThusitremainedamicablyunderstoodthatyoungFledgebywastocometoadmire，andthatGeorgianawastocometobeadmired；andGeorgianawiththeentirelynewsensationinherbreastofhavingthatprospectbeforeher，andwithmanykissesfromherdearSophroniainpresentpossession，precededsixfeetoneofdiscontentedfootman(anamountofthearticlethatalwayscameforherwhenshewalkedhome)toherfather\'sdwelling。

Thehappypairbeinglefttogether，MrsLammlesaidtoherhusband:

\'IfIunderstandthisgirl，sir，yourdangerousfascinationshaveproducedsomeeffectuponher。ImentiontheconquestingoodtimebecauseIapprehendyourschemetobemoreimportanttoyouthanyourvanity。\'

Therewasamirroronthewallbeforethem，andhereyesjustcaughthimsmirkinginit。Shegavethereflectedimagealookofthedeepestdisdain，andtheimagereceiveditintheglass。Nextmomenttheyquietlyeyedeachother，asifthey，theprincipals，hadhadnopartinthatexpressivetransaction。

ItmayhavebeenthatMrsLammletriedinsomemannertoexcuseherconducttoherselfbydepreciatingthepoorlittlevictimofwhomshespokewithacrimoniouscontempt。Itmayhavebeentoothatinthisshedidnotquitesucceed，foritisverydifficulttoresistconfidence，andsheknewshehadGeorgiana\'s。

Nothingmorewassaidbetweenthehappypair。Perhapsconspiratorswhohaveonceestablishedanunderstanding，maynotbeover-fondofrepeatingthetermsandobjectsoftheirconspiracy。Nextdaycame；cameGeorgiana；andcameFledgeby。

Georgianahadbythistimeseenagooddealofthehouseanditsfrequenters。Astherewasacertainhandsomeroomwithabilliardtableinit——onthegroundfloor，eatingoutabackyard——whichmighthavebeenMrLammle\'soffice，orlibrary，butwascalledbyneithername，butsimplyMrLammle\'sroom，soitwouldhavebeenhardforstrongerfemaleheadsthanGeorgiana\'stodeterminewhetheritsfrequentersweremenofpleasureormenofbusiness。

Betweentheroomandthementherewerestrongpointsofgeneralresemblance。Bothweretoogaudy，tooslangey，tooodorousofcigars，andtoomuchgiventohorseflesh；thelattercharacteristicbeingexemplifiedintheroombyitsdecorations，andinthemenbytheirconversation。High-steppinghorsesseemednecessarytoallMrLammle\'sfriends——asnecessaryastheirtransactionofbusinesstogetherinagipsywayatuntimelyhoursofthemorningandevening，andinrushesandsnatches。

TherewerefriendswhoseemedtobealwayscomingandgoingacrosstheChannel，onerrandsabouttheBourse，andGreekandSpanishandIndiaandMexicanandparandpremiumanddiscountandthreequartersandseveneighths。TherewereotherfriendswhoseemedtobealwayslollingandlounginginandoutoftheCity，onquestionsoftheBourse，andGreekandSpanishandIndiaandMexicanandparandpremiumanddiscountandthreequartersandseveneighths。Theywereallfeverish，boastful，andindefinablyloose；andtheyallateanddrankagreatdeal；andmadebetsineatinganddrinking。Theyallspokeofsumsofmoney，andonlymentionedthesumsandleftthemoneytobeunderstood；as\'fiveandfortythousandTom，\'or\'Twohundredandtwenty-twooneveryindividualshareinthelotJoe。\'Theyseemedtodividetheworldintotwoclassesofpeople；peoplewhoweremakingenormousfortunes，andpeoplewhowerebeingenormouslyruined。Theywerealwaysinahurry，andyetseemedtohavenothingtangibletodo；exceptafewofthem(these，mostlyasthmaticandthick-lipped)whowereforeverdemonstratingtotherest，withgoldpencil-caseswhichtheycouldhardlyholdbecauseofthebigringsontheirforefingers，howmoneywastobemade。Lastly，theyallsworeattheirgrooms，andthegroomswerenotquiteasrespectfulorcompleteasothermen\'sgrooms；seemingsomehowtofallshortofthegroompointastheirmastersfellshortofthegentlemanpoint。

YoungFledgebywasnoneofthese。YoungFledgebyhadapeachycheek，oracheekcompoundedofthepeachandtheredredredwallonwhichitgrows，andwasanawkward，sandy-

haired，small-eyedyouth，exceedingslim(hisenemieswouldhavesaidlanky)，andpronetoself-examinationinthearticlesofwhiskerandmoustache。Whilefeelingforthewhiskerthatheanxiouslyexpected，Fledgebyunderwentremarkablefluctuationsofspirits，rangingalongthewholescalefromconfidencetodespair。Thereweretimeswhenhestarted，asexclaiming\'ByJupiterhereitisatlast！\'Therewereothertimeswhen，beingequallydepressed，hewouldbeseentoshakehishead，andgiveuphope。Toseehimatthoseperiodsleaningonachimneypiece，likeasonanurncontainingtheashesofhisambition，withthecheekthatwouldnotsprout，uponthehandonwhichthatcheekhadforcedconviction，wasadistressingsight。

NotsowasFledgebyseenonthisoccasion。Arrayedinsuperbraiment，withhisoperahatunderhisarm，heconcludedhisself-

examinationhopefully，awaitedthearrivalofMissPodsnap，andtalkedsmall-talkwithMrsLammle。Infacetioushomagetothesmallnessofhistalk，andthejerkynatureofhismanners，Fledgeby\'sfamiliarshadagreedtoconferuponhim(behindhisback)thehonorarytitleofFascinationFledgeby。

\'Warmweather，MrsLammle，\'saidFascinationFledgeby。MrsLammlethoughtitscarcelyaswarmasithadbeenyesterday。

\'Perhapsnot，\'saidFascinationFledgeby，withgreatquicknessofrepartee；\'butIexpectitwillbedevilishwarmto-morrow。\'

Hethrewoffanotherlittlescintillation。\'Beenoutto-day，MrsLammle?\'

MrsLammleanswered，forashortdrive。

\'Somepeople，\'saidFascinationFledgeby，\'areaccustomedtotakelongdrives；butitgenerallyappearstomethatiftheymake\'emtoolong，theyoverdoit。\'

Beinginsuchfeather，hemighthavesurpassedhimselfinhisnextsally，hadnotMissPodsnapbeenannounced。MrsLammleflewtoembraceherdarlinglittleGeorgy，andwhenthefirsttransportswereover，presentedMrFledgeby。MrLammlecameonthescenelast，forhewasalwayslate，andsowerethefrequentersalwayslate；allhandsbeingboundtobemadelate，byprivateinformationabouttheBourse，andGreekandSpanishandIndiaandMexicanandparandpremiumanddiscountandthreequartersandseveneighths。

Ahandsomelittledinnerwasservedimmediately，andMrLammlesatsparklingathisendofthetable，withhisservantbehindhischair，andHISever-lingeringdoubtsuponthesubjectofhiswagesbehindhimself。MrLammle\'sutmostpowersofsparklingwereinrequisitionto-day，forFascinationFledgebyandGeorgiananotonlystruckeachotherspeechless，butstruckeachotherintoastonishingattitudes；Georgiana，asshesatfacingFledgeby，makingsucheffortstoconcealherelbowsasweretotallyincompatiblewiththeuseofaknifeandfork；andFledgeby，ashesatfacingGeorgiana，avoidinghercountenancebyeverypossibledevice，andbetrayingthediscomposureofhismindinfeelingforhiswhiskerswithhisspoon，hiswineglass，andhisbread。

So，MrandMrsAlfredLammlehadtoprompt，andthisishowtheyprompted。

\'Georgiana，\'saidMrLammle，lowandsmiling，andsparklingallover，likeaharlequin；\'youarenotinyourusualspirits。Whyareyounotinyourusualspirits，Georgiana?\'

Georgianafalteredthatshewasmuchthesameasshewasingeneral；shewasnotawareofbeingdifferent。

\'Notawareofbeingdifferent！\'retortedMrAlfredLammle。\'You，mydearGeorgiana！Whoarealwayssonaturalandunconstrainedwithus！Whoaresucharelieffromthecrowdthatareallalike！Whoaretheembodimentofgentleness，simplicity，andreality！\'

MissPodsnaplookedatthedoor，asifsheentertainedconfusedthoughtsoftakingrefugefromthesecomplimentsinflight。

\'Now，Iwillbejudged，\'saidMrLammle，raisinghisvoicealittle，\'bymyfriendFledgeby。\'

\'OhDON\'T！\'MissPodsnapfaintlyejaculated:whenMrsLammletooktheprompt-book。

\'Ibegyourpardon，Alfred，mydear，butIcannotpartwithMrFledgebyquiteyet；youmustwaitforhimamoment。MrFledgebyandIareengagedinapersonaldiscussion。\'

Fledgebymusthaveconducteditonhissidewithimmenseart，fornoappearanceofutteringonesyllablehadescapedhim。

\'Apersonaldiscussion，Sophronia，mylove?Whatdiscussion?

Fledgeby，Iamjealous。Whatdiscussion，Fledgeby?\'

\'ShallItellhim，MrFledgeby?\'askedMrsLammle。

Tryingtolookasifheknewanythingaboutit，Fascinationreplied，\'Yes，tellhim。\'

\'Wewerediscussingthen，\'saidMrsLammle，\'ifyouMUSTknow，Alfred，whetherMrFledgebywasinhisusualflowofspirits。\'

\'Why，thatistheverypoint，Sophronia，thatGeorgianaandIwerediscussingastoherself！WhatdidFledgebysay?\'

\'Oh，alikelything，sir，thatIamgoingtotellyoueverything，andbetoldnothing！WhatdidGeorgianasay?\'

\'Georgianasaidshewasdoingherusualjusticetoherselfto-day，andIsaidshewasnot。\'

\'Precisely，\'exclaimedMrsLammle，\'whatIsaidtoMrFledgeby。\'

Still，itwouldn\'tdo。Theywouldnotlookatoneanother。No，notevenwhenthesparklinghostproposedthatthequartetteshouldtakeanappropriatelysparklingglassofwine。GeorgianalookedfromherwineglassatMrLammleandatMrsLammle；butmightn\'t，couldn\'t，shouldn\'t，wouldn\'t，lookatMrFledgeby。

FascinationlookedfromhiswineglassatMrsLammleandatMrLammle；butmightn\'t，couldn\'t，shouldn\'t，wouldn\'t，lookatGeorgiana。

Morepromptingwasnecessary。Cupidmustbebroughtuptothemark。Themanagerhadputhimdowninthebillforthepart，andhemustplayit。

\'Sophronia，mydear，\'saidMrLammle，\'Idon\'tlikethecolourofyourdress。\'

\'Iappeal，\'saidMrsLammle，\'toMrFledgeby。\'

\'AndI，\'saidMrLammle，\'toGeorgiana。\'

\'Georgy，mylove，\'remarkedMrsLammleasidetoherdeargirl，\'I

relyuponyounottogoovertotheopposition。Now，MrFledgeby。\'

Fascinationwishedtoknowifthecolourwerenotcalledrose-

colour?Yes，saidMrLammle；actuallyhekneweverything；itwasreallyrose-colour。Fascinationtookrose-colourtomeanthecolourofroses。(InthishewasverywarmlysupportedbyMrandMrsLammle。)FascinationhadheardthetermQueenofFlowersappliedtotheRose。Similarly，itmightbesaidthatthedresswastheQueenofDresses。(\'Veryhappy，Fledgeby！\'fromMrLammle。)Notwithstanding，Fascination\'sopinionwasthatweallhadoureyes——oratleastalargemajorityofus——andthat——and——andhisfartheropinionwasseveralands，withnothingbeyondthem。

\'Oh，MrFledgeby，\'saidMrsLammle，\'todesertmeinthatway！

Oh，MrFledgeby，toabandonmypoordearinjuredroseanddeclareforblue！\'

\'Victory，victory！\'criedMrLammle；\'yourdressiscondemned，mydear。\'

\'Butwhat，\'saidMrsLammle，stealingheraffectionatehandtowardsherdeargirl\'s，\'whatdoesGeorgysay?\'

\'Shesays，\'repliedMrLammle，interpretingforher，\'thatinhereyesyoulookwellinanycolour，Sophronia，andthatifshehadexpectedtobeembarrassedbysoprettyacomplimentasshehasreceived，shewouldhavewornanothercolourherself。ThoughI

tellher，inreply，thatitwouldnothavesavedher，forwhatevercolourshehadwornwouldhavebeenFledgeby\'scolour。ButwhatdoesFledgebysay?\'

\'Hesays，\'repliedMrsLammle，interpretingforhim，andpattingthebackofherdeargirl\'shand，asifitwereFledgebywhowaspattingit，\'thatitwasnocompliment，butalittlenaturalactofhomagethathecouldn\'tresist。And，\'expressingmorefeelingasifitweremorefeelingonthepartofFledgeby，\'heisright，heisright！\'

Still，nonotevennow，wouldtheylookatoneanother。Seemingtognashhissparklingteeth，studs，eyes，andbuttons，allatonce，MrLammlesecretlybentadarkfrownonthetwo，expressiveofanintensedesiretobringthemtogetherbyknockingtheirheadstogether。

\'Haveyouheardthisoperaofto-night，Fledgeby?\'heasked，stoppingveryshort，topreventhimselffromrunningoninto\'confoundyou。\'

\'Whyno，notexactly，\'saidFledgeby。\'InfactIdon\'tknowanoteofit。\'

\'Neitherdoyouknowit，Georgy?\'saidMrsLammle。\'N-no，\'

repliedGeorgiana，faintly，underthesympatheticcoincidence。

\'Why，then，\'saidMrsLammle，charmedbythediscoverywhichflowedfromthepremises，\'youneitherofyouknowit！Howcharming！\'

EventhecravenFledgebyfeltthatthetimewasnowcomewhenhemuststrikeablow。Hestruckitbysaying，partlytoMrsLammleandpartlytothecircumambientair，\'Iconsidermyselfveryfortunateinbeingreservedby——\'

Ashestoppeddead，MrLammle，makingthatgingerousbushofhiswhiskerstolookoutof，offeredhimtheword\'Destiny。\'

\'No，Iwasn\'tgoingtosaythat，\'saidFledgeby。\'IwasgoingtosayFate。IconsideritveryfortunatethatFatehaswritteninthebookof——inthebookwhichisitsownproperty——thatIshouldgotothatoperaforthefirsttimeunderthememorablecircumstancesofgoingwithMissPodsnap。\'

TowhichGeorgianareplied，hookinghertwolittlefingersinoneanother，andaddressingthetablecloth，\'Thankyou，butIgenerallygowithnoonebutyou，Sophronia，andIlikethatverymuch。\'

Contentperforcewiththissuccessforthetime，MrLammleletMissPodsnapoutoftheroom，asifhewereopeninghercagedoor，andMrsLammlefollowed。Coffeebeingpresentlyservedupstairs，hekeptawatchonFledgebyuntilMissPodsnap\'scupwasempty，andthendirectedhimwithhisfinger(asifthatyounggentlemanwereaslowRetriever)togoandfetchit。Thisfeatheperformed，notonlywithoutfailure，butevenwiththeoriginalembellishmentofinformingMissPodsnapthatgreenteawasconsideredbadforthenerves。ThoughthereMissPodsnapunintentionallythrewhimoutbyfaltering，\'Oh，isitindeed?Howdoesitact?\'Whichhewasnotpreparedtoelucidate。

Thecarriageannounced，MrsLammlesaid；\'Don\'tmindme，MrFledgeby，myskirtsandcloakoccupybothmyhands，takeMissPodsnap。\'Andhetookher，andMrsLammlewentnext，andMrLammlewentlast，savagelyfollowinghislittleflock，likeadrover。

ButhewasallsparkleandglitterintheboxattheOpera，andthereheandhisdearwifemadeaconversationbetweenFledgebyandGeorgianainthefollowingingeniousandskilfulmanner。

Theysatinthisorder:MrsLammle，FascinationFledgeby，Georgiana，MrLammle。MrsLammlemadeleadingremarkstoFledgeby，onlyrequiringmonosyllabicreplies。MrLammledidthelikewithGeorgiana。AttimesMrsLammlewouldleanforwardtoaddressMrLammletothispurpose。

\'Alfred，mydear，MrFledgebyveryjustlysays，aproposofthelastscene，thattrueconstancywouldnotrequireanysuchstimulantasthestagedeemsnecessary。\'TowhichMrLammlewouldreply，\'Ay，Sophronia，mylove，butasGeorgianahasobservedtome，theladyhadnosufficientreasontoknowthestateofthegentleman\'saffections。\'TowhichMrsLammlewouldrejoin，\'Verytrue，Alfred；butMrFledgebypointsout，\'this。TowhichAlfredwoulddemur:\'Undoubtedly，Sophronia，butGeorgianaacutelyremarks，\'

that。Throughthisdevicethetwoyoungpeopleconversedatgreatlengthandcommittedthemselvestoavarietyofdelicatesentiments，withouthavingonceopenedtheirlips，savetosayyesorno，andeventhatnottooneanother。

FledgebytookhisleaveofMissPodsnapatthecarriagedoor，andtheLammlesdroppedheratherownhome，andonthewayMrsLammlearchlyralliedher，inherfondandprotectingmanner，bysayingatintervals，\'OhlittleGeorgiana，littleGeorgiana！\'Whichwasnotmuch；butthetoneadded，\'YouhaveenslavedyourFledgeby。\'

AndthustheLammlesgothomeatlast，andtheladysatdownmoodyandweary，lookingatherdarklordengagedinadeedofviolencewithabottleofsoda-waterasthoughhewerewringingtheneckofsomeunluckycreatureandpouringitsblooddownhisthroat。Ashewipedhisdrippingwhiskersinanogreishway，hemethereyes，andpausing，said，withnoverygentlevoice:

\'Well?\'

\'WassuchanabsoluteBoobynecessarytothepurpose?\'

\'IknowwhatIamdoing。Heisnosuchdoltasyousuppose。\'

\'Agenius，perhaps?\'

\'Yousneer，perhaps；andyoutakealoftyairuponyourselfperhaps！ButItellyouthis:——whenthatyoungfellow\'sinterestisconcerned，heholdsastightasahorse-leech。Whenmoneyisinquestionwiththatyoungfellow，heisamatchfortheDevil。\'

\'Isheamatchforyou?\'

\'Heis。Almostasgoodaoneasyouthoughtmeforyou。Hehasnoqualityofyouthinhim，butsuchasyouhaveseento-day。

Touchhimuponmoney，andyoutouchnoboobythen。Hereallyisadolt，Isuppose，inotherthings；butitanswershisonepurposeverywell。\'

\'Hasshemoneyinherownrightinanycase?\'

\'Ay！shehasmoneyinherownrightinanycase。Youhavedonesowellto-day，Sophronia，thatIanswerthequestion，thoughyouknowIobjecttoanysuchquestions。Youhavedonesowellto-

day，Sophronia，thatyoumustbetired。Gettobed。\'

Chapter5

MERCURYPROMPTING

FledgebydeservedMrAlfredLammle\'seulogium。Hewasthemeanestcurexisting，withasinglepairoflegs。Andinstinct(awordweallclearlyunderstand)goinglargelyonfourlegs，andreasonalwaysontwo，meannessonfourlegsneverattainstheperfectionofmeannessontwo。

Thefatherofthisyounggentlemanhadbeenamoney-lender，whohadtransactedprofessionalbusinesswiththemotherofthisyounggentleman，whenhe，thelatter，waswaitinginthevastdarkante-

chambersofthepresentworldtobeborn。Thelady，awidow，beingunabletopaythemoney-lender，marriedhim；andinduecourse，Fledgebywassummonedoutofthevastdarkante-

chamberstocomeandbepresentedtotheRegistrar-General。

RatheracuriousspeculationhowFledgehywouldotherwisehavedisposedofhisleisureuntilDoomsday。

Fledgeby\'smotheroffendedherfamilybymarryingFledgeby\'sfather。Itisoneoftheeasiestachievementsinlifetooffendyourfamilywhenyourfamilywanttogetridofyou。Fledgeby\'smother\'sfamilyhadbeenverymuchoffendedwithherforbeingpoor，andbrokewithherforbecomingcomparativelyrich。

Fledgeby\'smother\'sfamilywastheSnigsworthfamily。ShehadeventhehighhonourtobecousintoLordSnigsworth——somanytimesremovedthatthenobleEarlwouldhavehadnocompunctioninremovingheronetimemoreanddroppinghercleanoutsidethecousinlypale；butcousinforallthat。

Amongherpre-matrimonialtransactionswithFledgeby\'sfather，Fledgeby\'smotherhadraisedmoneyofhimatagreatdisadvantageonacertainreversionaryinterest。Thereversionfallinginsoonaftertheyweremarried，Fledgeby\'sfatherlaidholdofthecashforhisseparateuseandbenefit。Thisledtosubjectivedifferencesofopinion，nottosayobjectiveinterchangesofboot-

jacks，backgammonboards，andothersuchdomesticmissiles，betweenFledgeby\'sfatherandFledgeby\'smother，andthoseledtoFledgeby\'smotherspendingasmuchmoneyasshecould，andtoFledgeby\'sfatherdoingallhecouldn\'ttorestrainher。Fledgeby\'schildhoodhadbeen，inconsequence，astormyone；butthewindsandthewaveshadgonedowninthegrave，andFledgebyflourishedalone。

HelivedinchambersintheAlbany，didFledgeby，andmaintainedaspruceappearance。Buthisyouthfulfirewasallcomposedofsparksfromthegrindstone；andasthesparksflewoff，wentout，andneverwarmedanything，besurethatFledgebyhadhistoolsatthegrindstone，andturneditwithawaryeye。

MrAlfredLammlecameroundtotheAlbanytobreakfastwithFledgeby。Presentonthetable，onescantypotoftea，onescantyloaf，twoscantypatsofbutter，twoscantyrashersofbacon，twopitifuleggs，andanabundanceofhandsomechinaboughtasecondhandbargain。

\'WhatdidyouthinkofGeorgiana?\'askedMrLammle。

\'Why，I\'lltellyou，\'saidFledgeby，verydeliberately。

\'Do，myboy。\'

\'Youmisunderstandme，\'saidFledgeby。\'Idon\'tmeanI\'lltellyouthat。ImeanI\'lltellyousomethingelse。\'

\'Tellmeanything，oldfellow！\'

\'Ah，butthereyoumisunderstandmeagain，\'saidFledgeby。\'I

meanI\'lltellyounothing。\'

MrLammlesparkledathim，butfrownedathimtoo。

\'Lookhere，\'saidFledgeby。\'You\'redeepandyou\'reready。

WhetherIamdeepornot，nevermind。Iamnotready。ButIcandoonething，Lammle，Icanholdmytongue。AndIintendalwaysdoingit。\'

\'Youarealong-headedfellow，Fledgeby。\'

\'Maybe，ormaynotbe。IfIamashort-tonguedfellow，itmayamounttothesamething。Now，Lammle，Iamnevergoingtoanswerquestions。\'

\'Mydearfellow，itwasthesimplestquestionintheworld。\'

\'Nevermind。Itseemedso，butthingsarenotalwayswhattheyseem。IsawamanexaminedasawitnessinWestminsterHall。

Questionsputtohimseemedthesimplestintheworld，butturnedouttobeanythingratherthanthat，afterhehadanswered\'em。

Verywell。Thenheshouldhaveheldhistongue。Ifhehadheldhistonguehewouldhavekeptoutofscrapesthathegotinto。\'

\'IfIhadheldmytongue，youwouldneverhaveseenthesubjectofmyquestion，\'remarkedLammle，darkening。

\'Now，Lammle，\'saidFascinationFledgeby，calmlyfeelingforhiswhisker，\'itwon\'tdo。Iwon\'tbeledonintoadiscussion。Ican\'tmanageadiscussion。ButIcanmanagetoholdmytongue。\'

\'Can?\'MrLammiefellbackuponpropitiation。\'Ishouldthinkyoucould！Why，whenthesefellowsofouracquaintancedrinkandyoudrinkwiththem，themoretalkativetheyget，themoresilentyouget。Themoretheyletout，themoreyoukeepin。\'

\'Idon\'tobject，Lammle，\'returnedFledgeby，withaninternalchuckle，\'tobeingunderstood，thoughIobjecttobeingquestioned。

ThatcertainlyISthewayIdoit。\'

\'Andwhenalltherestofusarediscussingourventures，noneofuseverknowwhatasingleventureofyoursis！\'

\'Andnoneofyoueverwillfromme，Lammle，\'repliedFledgeby，withanotherinternalchuckle；\'thatcertainlyISthewayIdoit。\'

\'Whyofcourseitis，Iknow！\'rejoinedLammle，withaflourishoffrankness，andalaugh，andstretchingouthishandsasiftoshowtheuniversearemarkablemaninFledgeby。\'IfIhadn\'tknownitofmyFledgeby，shouldIhaveproposedourlittlecompactofadvantage，tomyFledgeby?\'

\'Ah！\'remarkedFascination，shakinghisheadslyly。\'ButIamnottobegotatinthatway。Iamnotvain。Thatsortofvanitydon\'tpay，Lammle。No，no，no。Complimentsonlymakemeholdmytonguethemore。\'

AlfredLammlepushedhisplateaway(nogreatsacrificeunderthecircumstancesoftherebeingsolittleinit)，thrusthishandsinhispockets，leanedbackinhischair，andcontemplatedFledgebyinsilence。Thenheslowlyreleasedhislefthandfromitspocket，andmadethatbushofhiswhiskers，stillcontemplatinghiminsilence。Thenheslowlybrokesilence，andslowlysaid:\'What——

the——Dev-ilisthisfellowaboutthismorning?\'

\'Now，lookhere，Lammle，\'saidFascinationFledgeby，withthemeanestoftwinklesinhismeanestofeyes:whichweretooneartogether，bytheway:\'lookhere，Lammle；IamverywellawarethatIdidn\'tshowtoadvantagelastnight，andthatyouandyourwife——who，Iconsider，isaverycleverwomanandanagreeablewoman——did。Iamnotcalculatedtoshowtoadvantageunderthatsortofcircumstances。Iknowverywellyoutwodidshowtoadvantage，andmanagedcapitally。Butdon\'tyouonthataccountcometalkingtomeasifIwasyourdollandpuppet，becauseIamnot。

\'Andallthis，\'criedAlfred，afterstudyingwithalookthemeannessthatwasfaintohavethemeanesthelp，andyetwassomeanastoturnuponit:\'allthisbecauseofonesimplenaturalquestion！\'

\'YoushouldhavewaitedtillIthoughtpropertosaysomethingaboutitofmyself。Idon\'tlikeyourcomingovermewithyourGeorgianas，asifyouwasherproprietorandminetoo。\'

\'Well，whenyouareinthegraciousmindtosayanythingaboutitofyourself，\'retortedLammle，\'praydo。\'

\'Ihavedoneit。Ihavesaidyoumanagedcapitally。Youandyourwifeboth。Ifyou\'llgoonmanagingcapitally，I\'llgoondoingmypart。Onlydon\'tcrow。\'

\'Icrow！\'exclaimedLammle，shrugginghisshoulders。

\'Or，\'pursuedtheother——\'ortakeitinyourheadthatpeopleareyourpuppetsbecausetheydon\'tcomeouttoadvantageattheparticularmomentswhenyoudo，withtheassistanceofaverycleverandagreeablewife。Alltherestkeepondoing，andletMrsLammlekeepondoing。Now，IhaveheldmytonguewhenI

thoughtproper，andIhavespokenwhenIthoughtproper，andthere\'sanendofthat。Andnowthequestionis，\'proceededFledgeby，withthegreatestreluctance，\'willyouhaveanotheregg?\'

\'No，Iwon\'t，\'saidLammle，shortly。

\'Perhapsyou\'rerightandwillfindyourselfbetterwithoutit，\'

repliedFascination，ingreatlyimprovedspirits。\'Toaskyouifyou\'llhaveanotherrasherwouldbeunmeaningflattery，foritwouldmakeyouthirstyallday。Willyouhavesomemorebreadandbutter?\'

\'No，Iwon\'t，\'repeatedLammle。

\'ThenIwill，\'saidFascination。Anditwasnotamereretortforthesound\'ssake，butwasacheerfulcogentconsequenceoftherefusal；forifLammlehadappliedhimselfagaintotheloaf，itwouldhavebeensoheavilyvisited，inFledgeby\'sopinion，astodemandabstinencefrombread，onhispart，fortheremainderofthatmealatleast，ifnotforthewholeofthenext。

Whetherthisyounggentleman(forhewasbutthree-and-twenty)

combinedwiththemiserlyviceofanoldman，anyoftheopen-

handedvicesofayoungone，wasamootpoint；soveryhonourablydidhekeephisowncounsel。Hewassensibleofthevalueofappearancesasaninvestment，andlikedtodresswell；buthedroveabargainforeverymoveableabouthim，fromthecoatonhisbacktothechinaonhisbreakfast-table；andeverybargainbyrepresentingsomebody\'sruinorsomebody\'sloss，acquiredapeculiarcharmforhim。Itwasapartofhisavaricetotake，withinnarrowbounds，longoddsatraces；ifhewon，hedroveharderbargains；ifhelost，hehalfstarvedhimselfuntilnexttime。WhymoneyshouldbesoprecioustoanAsstoodullandmeantoexchangeitforanyothersatisfaction，isstrange；butthereisnoanimalsosuretogetladenwithit，astheAsswhoseesnothingwrittenonthefaceoftheearthandskybutthethreelettersL。S。

D——notLuxury，Sensuality，Dissoluteness，whichtheyoftenstandfor，butthethreedryletters。YourconcentratedFoxisseldomcomparabletoyourconcentratedAssinmoney-breeding。

FascinationFledgebyfeignedtobeayounggentlemanlivingonhismeans，butwasknownsecretlytobeakindofoutlawinthebill-brokingline，andtoputmoneyoutathighinterestinvariousways。Hiscircleoffamiliaracquaintance，fromMrLammleround，allhadatouchoftheoutlaw，astotheirrovingsinthemerrygreenwoodofJobberyForest，lyingontheoutskirtsoftheShare-MarketandtheStockExchange。

\'Isupposeyou，Lammle，\'saidFledgeby，eatinghisbreadandbutter，\'alwaysdidgoinforfemalesociety?\'

\'Always，\'repliedLammle，gloomingconsiderablyunderhislatetreatment。

\'Camenaturaltoyou，eh?\'saidFledgeby。

\'Thesexwerepleasedtolikeme，sir，\'saidLammlesulkily，butwiththeairofamanwhohadnotbeenabletohelphimself。

\'Madeaprettygoodthingofmarrying，didn\'tyou?\'askedFledgeby。

Theothersmiled(anuglysmile)，andtappedonetapuponhisnose。

\'Mylategovernormadeamessofit，\'saidFledgeby。\'ButGeor——istherightnameGeorginaorGeorgiana?\'

\'Georgiana。\'

\'Iwasthinkingyesterday，Ididn\'tknowtherewassuchaname。I

thoughtitmustendinina。

\'Why?\'

\'Why，youplay——ifyoucan——theConcertina，youknow，\'repliedFledgeby，meditatingveryslowly。\'Andyouhave——whenyoucatchit——theScarlatina。Andyoucancomedownfromaballooninaparach——noyoucan\'tthough。Well，sayGeorgeute——ImeanGeorgiana。\'

\'YouweregoingtoremarkofGeorgiana——?\'Lammlemoodilyhinted，afterwaitinginvain。

\'IwasgoingtoremarkofGeorgiana，sir，\'saidFledgeby，notatallpleasedtoberemindedofhishavingforgottenit，\'thatshedon\'tseemtobeviolent。Don\'tseemtobeofthepitching-inorder。\'

\'Shehasthegentlenessofthedove，MrFledgeby。\'

\'Ofcourseyou\'llsayso，\'repliedFledgeby，sharpening，themomenthisinterestwastouchedbyanother。\'Butyouknow，thereallook-

outisthis:——whatIsay，notwhatyousay。Isayhavingmylategovernorandmylatemotherinmyeye——thatGeorgianadon\'tseemtobeofthepitching-inorder。\'

TherespectedMrLammlewasabully，bynatureandbyusualpractice。Perceiving，asFledgeby\'saffrontscumulated，thatconciliationbynomeansansweredthepurposehere，henowdirectedascowlinglookintoFledgeby\'ssmalleyesfortheeffectoftheoppositetreatment。Satisfiedbywhathesawthere，heburstintoaviolentpassionandstruckhishanduponthetable，makingthechinaringanddance。

\'Youareaveryoffensivefellow，sir，\'criedMrLammle，rising。

\'Youareahighlyoffensivescoundrel。Whatdoyoumeanbythisbehaviour?\'

\'Isay！\'remonstratedFledgeby。\'Don\'tbreakout。\'

\'Youareaveryoffensivefellowsir，\'repeatedMrLammle。\'Youareahighlyoffensivescoundrel！\'

\'ISAY，youknow！\'urgedFledgeby，quailing。

\'Why，youcoarseandvulgarvagabond！\'saidMrLammle，lookingfiercelyabouthim，\'ifyourservantwasheretogivemesixpenceofyourmoneytogetmybootscleanedafterwards——foryouarenotworththeexpenditure——I\'dkickyou。\'

\'Noyouwouldn\'t，\'pleadedFledgeby。\'Iamsureyou\'dthinkbetterofit。\'

\'Itellyouwhat，MrFledgeby，\'saidLammleadvancingonhim。

\'Sinceyoupresumetocontradictme，I\'llassertmyselfalittle。

Givemeyournose！\'

Fledgebycovereditwithhishandinstead，andsaid，retreating，\'I

begyouwon\'t！\'

\'Givemeyournose，sir，\'repeatedLammle。

Stillcoveringthatfeatureandbacking，MrFledgebyreiterated(apparentlywithaseverecoldinhishead)，\'Ibeg，Ibeg，youwon\'t。\'

\'Andthisfellow，\'exclaimedLammle，stoppingandmakingthemostofhischest——\'ThisfellowpresumesonmyhavingselectedhimoutofalltheyoungfellowsIknow，foranadvantageousopportunity！Thisfellowpresumesonmyhavinginmydeskroundthecorner，hisdirtynoteofhandforawretchedsumpayableontheoccurrenceofacertainevent，whicheventcanonlybeofmyandmywife\'sbringingabout！Thisfellow，Fledgeby，presumestobeimpertinenttome，Lammle。Givemeyournosesir！\'

\'No！Stop！Ibegyourpardon，\'saidFledgeby，withhumility。

\'Whatdoyousay，sir?\'demandedMrLammle，seemingtoofurioustounderstand。

\'Ibegyourpardon，\'repeatedFledgeby。

\'Repeatyourwordslouder，sir。Thejustindignationofagentlemanhassentthebloodboilingtomyhead。Idon\'thearyou。\'

\'Isay，\'repeatedFledgeby，withlaboriousexplanatorypoliteness，\'I

begyourpardon。\'

MrLammlepaused。\'Asamanofhonour，\'saidhe，throwinghimselfintoachair，\'Iamdisarmed。\'

MrFledgebyalsotookachair，thoughlessdemonstratively，andbyslowapproachesremovedhishandfromhisnose。Somenaturaldiffidenceassailedhimastoblowingit，soshortlyafteritshavingassumedapersonalanddelicate，nottosaypublic，character；butheovercamehisscruplesbydegrees，andmodestlytookthatlibertyunderanimpliedprotest。

\'Lammle，\'hesaidsneakingly，whenthatwasdone，\'Ihopewearefriendsagain?\'

\'MrFledgeby，\'returnedLammle，\'saynomore。\'

\'Imusthavegonetoofarinmakingmyselfdisagreeable，\'saidFledgeby，\'butIneverintendedit。\'

\'Saynomore，saynomore！\'MrLammlerepeatedinamagnificenttone。\'Givemeyour\'——Fledgebystarted——\'hand。\'

Theyshookhands，andonMrLammle\'spart，inparticular，thereensuedgreatgeniality。For，hewasquiteasmuchofadastardastheother，andhadbeeninequaldangeroffallingintothesecondplaceforgood，whenhetookheartjustintime，toactupontheinformationconveyedtohimbyFledgeby\'seye。

Thebreakfastendedinaperfectunderstanding。IncessantmachinationsweretobekeptatworkbyMrandMrsLammle；

lovewastobemadeforFledgeby，andconquestwastobeinsuredtohim；heonhispartveryhumblyadmittinghisdefectsastothesoftersocialarts，andentreatingtobebackedtotheutmostbyhistwoablecoadjutors。

LittlereckedMrPodsnapofthetrapsandtoilsbesettinghisYoungPerson。HeregardedherassafewithintheTempleofPodsnappery，hidingthefulnessoftimewhenshe，Georgiana，shouldtakehim，Fitz-Podsnap，whowithallhisworldlygoodsshouldherendow。ItwouldcallablushintothecheekofhisstandardYoungPersontohaveanythingtodowithsuchmatterssavetotakeasdirected，andwithworldlygoodsaspersettlementtobeendowed。Whogiveththiswomantobemarriedtothisman?I，Podsnap。Perishthedaringthoughtthatanysmallercreationshouldcomebetween！

Itwasapublicholiday，andFledgebydidnotrecoverhisspiritsorhisusualtemperatureofnoseuntiltheafternoon。WalkingintotheCityintheholidayafternoon，hewalkedagainstalivingstreamsettingoutofit；andthus，whenheturnedintotheprecinctsofStMaryAxe，hefoundaprevalentreposeandquietthere。Ayellowoverhangingplaster-frontedhouseatwhichbestoppedwasquiettoo。Theblindswerealldrawndown，andtheinscriptionPubseyandCo。seemedtodozeinthecounting-housewindowontheground-floorgivingonthesleepystreet。

Fledgebyknockedandrang，andFledgebyrangandknocked，butnoonecame。Fledgebycrossedthenarrowstreetandlookedupatthehouse-windows，butnobodylookeddownatFledgeby。Hegotoutoftemper，crossedthenarrowstreetagain，andpulledthehousebellasifitwerethehouse\'snose，andheweretakingahintfromhislateexperience。Hisearatthekeyholeseemedthen，atlast，togivehimassurancethatsomethingstirredwithin。Hiseyeatthekeyholeseemedtoconfirmhisear，forheangrilypulledthehouse\'snoseagain，andpulledandpulledandcontinuedtopull，untilahumannoseappearedinthedarkdoorway。

\'Nowyousir！\'criedFledgeby。\'Thesearenicegames！\'

HeaddressedanoldJewishmaninanancientcoat，longofskirt，andwideofpocket。Avenerableman，baldandshiningatthetopofhishead，andwithlonggreyhairflowingdownatitssidesandminglingwithhisbeard。AmanwhowithagracefulEasternactionofhomagebenthishead，andstretchedouthishandswiththepalmsdownward，asiftodeprecatethewrathofasuperior。

\'Whathaveyoubeenupto?\'saidFledgeby，stormingathim。

\'GenerousChristianmaster，\'urgedtheJewishman，\'itbeingholiday，Ilookedfornoone。\'

\'Holidayheblowed！\'saidFledgeby，entering。\'WhathaveYOU

gottodowithholidays?Shutthedoor。\'

Withhisformeractiontheoldmanobeyed。Intheentryhunghisrustylarge-brimmedlow-crownedhat，aslongoutofdateashiscoat；inthecornernearitstoodhisstaff——nowalking-stickbutaveritablestaff。Fledgebyturnedintothecounting-house，perchedhimselfonabusinessstool，andcockedhishat。Therewerelightboxesonshelvesinthecounting-house，andstringsofmockbeadshangingup。Thereweresamplesofcheapclocks，andsamplesofcheapvasesofflowers。Foreigntoys，all。

Perchedonthestoolwithhishatcockedonhisheadandoneofhislegsdangling，theyouthofFledgebyhardlycontrastedtoadvantagewiththeageoftheJewishmanashestoodwithhisbareheadbowed，andhiseyes(whichheonlyraisedinspeaking)

ontheground。Hisclothingwasworndowntotherustyhueofthehatintheentry，butthoughhelookedshabbyhedidnotlookmean。Now，Fledgeby，thoughnotshabby，didlookmean。

\'Youhavenottoldmewhatyouwereupto，yousir，\'saidFledgeby，scratchinghisheadwiththebrimofhishat。

\'Sir，Iwasbreathingtheair。\'

\'Inthecellar，thatyoudidn\'thear?\'

\'Onthehouse-top。\'

\'Uponmysoul！That\'sawayofdoingbusiness。\'

\'Sir，\'theoldmanrepresentedwithagraveandpatientair，\'theremustbetwopartiestothetransactionofbusiness，andtheholidayhasleftmealone。\'

\'Ah！Can\'tbebuyerandsellertoo。That\'swhattheJewssay；ain\'tit?\'

\'Atleastwesaytruly，ifwesayso，\'answeredtheoldmanwithasmile。

\'Yourpeopleneedspeakthetruthsometimes，fortheylieenough，\'

remarkedFascinationFledgeby。

\'Sir，thereis，\'returnedtheoldmanwithquietemphasis，\'toomuchuntruthamongalldenominationsofmen。\'

Ratherdashed，FascinationFledgebytookanotherscratchathisintellectualheadwithhishat，togaintimeforrallying。

\'Forinstance，\'heresumed，asthoughitwerehewhohadspokenlast，\'whobutyouandIeverheardofapoorJew?\'

\'TheJews，\'saidtheoldman，raisinghiseyesfromthegroundwithhisformersmile。\'TheyhearofpoorJewsoften，andareverygoodtothem。\'

\'Botherthat！\'returnedFledgeby。\'YouknowwhatImean。You\'dpersuademeifyoucould，thatyouareapoorJew。Iwishyou\'dconfesshowmuchyoureallydidmakeoutofmylategovernor。I

shouldhaveabetteropinionofyou。\'

Theoldmanonlybenthishead，andstretchedouthishandsasbefore。

\'Don\'tgoonposturinglikeaDeafandDumbSchool，\'saidtheingeniousFledgeby，\'butexpressyourselflikeaChristian——orasnearlyasyoucan。\'

\'Ihadhadsicknessandmisfortunes，andwassopoor，\'saidtheoldman，\'ashopelesslytoowethefather，principalandinterest。Thesoninheriting，wassomercifulastoforgivemeboth，andplacemehere。\'

Hemadealittlegestureasthoughhekissedthehemofanimaginarygarmentwornbythenobleyouthbeforehim。Itwashumblydone，butpicturesquely，andwasnotabasingtothedoer。

\'Youwon\'tsaymore，Isee，\'saidFledgeby，lookingathimasifhewouldliketotrytheeffectofextractingadouble-toothortwo，\'andsoit\'sofnousemyputtingittoyou。Butconfessthis，Riah；

whobelievesyoutobepoornow?\'

\'Noone，\'saidtheoldman。

\'Thereyou\'reright，\'assentedFledgeby。

\'Noone，\'repeatedtheoldmanwithagraveslowwaveofhishead。\'Allscoutitasafable。WereItosay“Thislittlefancybusinessisnotmine“；\'withalithesweepofhiseasily-turninghandaroundhim，tocomprehendthevariousobjectsontheshelves；\'“itisthelittlebusinessofaChristianyounggentlemanwhoplacesme，hisservant，intrustandchargehere，andtowhomIamaccountableforeverysinglebead，“theywouldlaugh。

When，inthelargermoney-business，Itelltheborrowers——\'

\'Isay，oldchap！\'interposedFledgeby，\'IhopeyoumindwhatyouDOtell\'em?\'

\'Sir，ItellthemnomorethanIamabouttorepeat。WhenItellthem，“Icannotpromisethis，Icannotanswerfortheother，Imustseemyprincipal，Ihavenotthemoney，Iamapoormananditdoesnotrestwithme，“theyaresounbelievingandsoimpatient，thattheysometimescursemeinJehovah\'sname。\'

\'That\'sdeucedgood，thatis！\'saidFascinationFledgeby。

\'Andatothertimestheysay，“Canitneverbedonewithoutthesetricks，MrRiah?Come，come，MrRiah，weknowtheartsofyourpeople“——mypeople！——“Ifthemoneyistobelent，fetchit，fetchit；

ifitisnottobelent，keepitandsayso。”Theyneverbelieveme。\'

\'THAT\'Sallright，\'saidFascinationFledgeby。

\'Theysay，“Weknow，MrRiah，weknow。Wehavebuttolookatyou，andweknow。”\'

\'Oh，agood\'unareyouforthepost，\'thoughtFledgeby，\'andagood\'unwasItomarkyououtforit！Imaybeslow，butIamprecioussure。\'

NotasyllableofthisreflectionshapeditselfinanyscrapofMrFledgeby\'sbreath，lestitshouldtendtoputhisservant\'spriceup。

Butlookingattheoldmanashestoodquietwithhisbeadbowedandhiseyescastdown，hefeltthattorelinquishaninchofhisbaldness，aninchofhisgreyhair，aninchofhiscoat-skirt，aninchofhishat-brim，aninchofhiswalking-staff，wouldbetorelinquishhundredsofpounds。

\'Lookhere，Riah，\'saidFledgeby，mollifiedbytheseself-approvingconsiderations。\'Iwanttogoalittlemoreintobuying-upqueerbills。Lookoutinthatdirection。\'

\'Sir，itshallbedone。\'

\'Castingmyeyeovertheaccounts，Ifindthatbranchofbusinesspaysprettyfairly，andIamgameforextendingit。Iliketoknowpeople\'saffairslikewise。Solookout。\'

\'Sir，Iwill，promptly。\'

\'Putitaboutintherightquarters，thatyou\'llbuyqueerbillsbythelump——bythepoundweightifthat\'sall——supposingyouseeyourwaytoafairchanceonlookingovertheparcel。Andthere\'sonethingmore。Cometomewiththebooksforperiodicalinspectionasusual，ateightonMondaymorning。\'

Riahdrewsomefoldingtabletsfromhisbreastandnoteditdown。

\'That\'sallIwantedtosayatthepresenttime，\'continuedFledgebyinagrudgingvein，ashegotoffthestool，\'exceptthatIwishyou\'dtaketheairwhereyoucanhearthebell，ortheknocker，eitheroneofthetwoorboth。By-the-byhowDOyoutaketheairatthetopofthehouse?Doyoustickyourheadoutofachimney-pot?\'

\'Sir，thereareleadsthere，andIhavemadealittlegardenthere。\'

\'Toburyyourmoneyin，youolddodger?\'

\'Athumbnail\'sspaceofgardenwouldholdthetreasureIbury，master，\'saidRiah。\'Twelveshillingsaweek，evenwhentheyareanoldman\'swages，burythemselves。\'

\'Ishouldliketoknowwhatyoureallyareworth，\'returnedFledgeby，withwhomhisgrowingrichonthatstipendandgratitudewasaveryconvenientfiction。\'Butcome！Let\'shavealookatyourgardenonthetiles，beforeIgo！\'

Theoldmantookastepback，andhesitated。

\'Truly，sir，Ihavecompanythere。\'

\'Haveyou，byGeorge！\'saidFledgeby；\'Isupposeyouhappentoknowwhosepremisestheseare?\'

\'Sir，theyareyours，andIamyourservantinthem。\'

\'Oh！Ithoughtyoumighthaveoverlookedthat，\'retortedFledgeby，withhiseyesonRiah\'sbeardashefeltforhisown；\'havingcompanyonmypremises，youknow！\'

\'Comeupandseetheguests，sir。Ihopeforyouradmissionthattheycandonoharm。\'

Passinghimwithacourteousreverence，speciallyunlikeanyactionthatMrFledgebycouldforhislifehaveimpartedtohisownheadandhands，theoldmanbegantoascendthestairs。Ashetoiledonbefore，withhispalmuponthestair-rail，andhislongblackskirt，averygaberdine，overhangingeachsuccessivestep，hemighthavebeentheleaderinsomepilgrimageofdevotionalascenttoaprophet\'stomb。Nottroubledbyanysuchweakimagining，FascinationFledgebymerelyspeculatedonthetimeoflifeatwhichhisbeardhadbegun，andthoughtoncemorewhatagood\'unhewasforthepart。

Somefinalwoodenstepsconductedthem，stoopingunderalowpenthouseroof，tothehouse-top。Riahstoodstill，and，turningtohismaster，pointedouthisguests。

LizzieHexamandJennyWren。Forwhom，perhapswithsomeoldinstinctofhisrace，thegentleJewhadspreadacarpet。Seatedonit，againstnomoreromanticobjectthanablackenedchimney-

stackoverwhichsomebumblecreeperhadbeentrained，theybothporedoveronebook；bothwithattentivefaces；Jennywiththesharper；Lizziewiththemoreperplexed。Anotherlittlebookortwowerelyingnear，andacommonbasketofcommonfruit，andanotherbasketfullofstringsofbeadsandtinselscraps。A

fewboxesofhumbleflowersandevergreenscompletedthegarden；andtheencompassingwildernessofdowageroldchimneystwirledtheircowlsandflutteredtheirsmoke，ratherasiftheywerebridling，andfanningthemselves，andlookingoninastateofairysurprise。

Takinghereyesoffthebook，totesthermemoryofsomethinginit，Lizziewasthefirsttoseeherselfobserved。Assherose，MissWrenlikewisebecameconscious，andsaid，irreverentlyaddressingthegreatchiefofthepremises:\'Whoeveryouare，I

can\'tgetup，becausemyback\'sbadandmylegsarequeer。\'

\'Thisismymaster，\'saidRiah，steppingforward。

(\'Don\'tlooklikeanybody\'smaster，\'observedMissWrentoherself，withahitchofherchinandeyes。)

\'This，sir，\'pursuedtheoldman，\'isalittledressmakerforlittlepeople。Explaintothemaster，Jenny。\'

\'Dolls；that\'sall，\'saidJenny，shortly。\'Verydifficulttofittoo，becausetheirfiguresaresouncertain。Youneverknowwheretoexpecttheirwaists。\'

\'Herfriend，\'resumedtheoldman，motioningtowardsLizzie；\'andasindustriousasvirtuous。Butthattheybothare。Theyarebusyearlyandlate，sir，earlyandlate；andinbye-times，asonthisholiday，theygotobook-learning。\'

\'Notmuchgoodtobegotoutofthat，\'remarkedFledgeby。

\'Dependsupontheperson！\'quothMissWren，snappinghimup。

\'Imadeacquaintancewithmyguests，sir，\'pursuedtheJew，withanevidentpurposeofdrawingoutthedressmaker，\'throughtheircomingheretobuyofourdamageandwasteforMissJenny\'smillinery。Ourwastegoesintothebestofcompany，sir，onherrosy-cheekedlittlecustomers。Theywearitintheirhair，andontheirball-dresses，andeven(soshetellsme)arepresentedatCourtwithit。\'

\'Ah！\'saidFledgeby，onwhoseintelligencethisdoll-fancymaderatherstrongdemands；\'she\'sbeenbuyingthatbasketfulto-day，I

suppose?\'

\'Isupposeshehas，\'MissJennyinterposed；\'andpayingforittoo，mostlikely！\'

\'Let\'shavealookatit，\'saidthesuspiciouschief。Riahhandedittohim。\'Howmuchforthisnow?\'

\'Twoprecioussilvershillings，\'saidMissWren。

Riahconfirmedherwithtwonods，asFledgebylookedtohim。A

nodforeachshilling。

\'Well，\'saidFledgeby，pokingintothecontentsofthebasketwithhisforefinger，\'thepriceisnotsobad。Youhavegotgoodmeasure，MissWhat-is-it。\'

\'TryJenny，\'suggestedthatyoungladywithgreatcalmness。

\'Youhavegotgoodmeasure，MissJenny；butthepriceisnotsobad——Andyou，\'saidFledgeby，turningtotheothervisitor，\'doyoubuyanythinghere，miss?\'

\'No，sir。\'

\'Norsellanythingneither，miss?\'

\'No，sir。\'

Lookingaskewatthequestioner，Jennystoleherhanduptoherfriend\'s，anddrewherfrienddown，sothatshebentbesideheronherknee。

\'Wearethankfultocomehereforrest，sir，\'saidJenny。\'Yousee，youdon\'tknowwhattherestofthisplaceistous；doeshe，Lizzie?It\'sthequiet，andtheair。\'

\'Thequiet！\'repeatedFledgeby，withacontemptuousturnofhisheadtowardstheCity\'sroar。\'Andtheair！\'witha\'Poof！\'atthesmoke。

\'Ah！\'saidJenny。\'Butit\'ssohigh。Andyouseethecloudsrushingonabovethenarrowstreets，notmindingthem，andyouseethegoldenarrowspointingatthemountainsintheskyfromwhichthewindcomes，andyoufeelasifyouweredead。\'

Thelittlecreaturelookedaboveher，holdingupherslighttransparenthand。

\'Howdoyoufeelwhenyouaredead?\'askedFledgeby，muchperplexed。

\'Oh，sotranquil！\'criedthelittlecreature，smiling。\'Oh，sopeacefulandsothankful！Andyouhearthepeoplewhoarealive，crying，andworking，andcallingtooneanotherdownintheclosedarkstreets，andyouseemtopitythemso！Andsuchachainhasfallenfromyou，andsuchastrangegoodsorrowfulhappinesscomesuponyou！\'

Hereyesfellontheoldman，who，withhishandsfolded，quietlylookedon。

\'Whyitwasonlyjustnow，\'saidthelittlecreature，pointingathim，\'thatIfanciedIsawhimcomeoutofhisgrave！Hetoiledoutatthatlowdoorsobentandworn，andthenhetookhisbreathandstoodupright，andlookedallroundhimatthesky，andthewindblewuponhim，andhislifedowninthedarkwasover！——Tillhewascalledbacktolife，\'sheadded，lookingroundatFledgebywiththatlowerlookofsharpness。\'Whydidyoucallhimback?\'

\'Hewaslongenoughcoming，anyhow，\'grumbledFledgeby。

\'Butyouarenotdead，youknow，\'saidJennyWren。\'Getdowntolife！\'

MrFledgebyseemedtothinkitratheragoodsuggestion，andwithanodturnedround。AsRiahfollowedtoattendhimdownthestairs，thelittlecreaturecalledouttotheJewinasilverytone，\'Don\'tbelonggone。Comeback，andbedead！\'Andstillastheywentdowntheyheardthelittlesweetvoice，moreandmorefaintly，halfcallingandhalfsinging，\'Comebackandbedead，Comebackandbedead！\'

Whentheygotdownintotheentry，Fledgeby，pausingundertheshadowofthebroadoldhat，andmechanicallypoisingthestaff，saidtotheoldman:

\'That\'sahandsomegirl，thatoneinhersenses。\'

\'Andasgoodashandsome，\'answeredRiah。

\'Atallevents，\'observedFledgeby，withadrywhistle，\'Ihopesheain\'tbadenoughtoputanychapuptothefastenings，andgetthepremisesbrokenopen。Youlookout。Keepyourweathereyeawakeanddon\'tmakeanymoreacquaintances，howeverhandsome。Ofcourseyoualwayskeepmynametoyourself?\'

\'Sir，assuredlyIdo。\'

\'Iftheyaskit，sayit\'sPubsey，orsayit\'sCo，orsayit\'sanythingyoulike，butwhatitis。\'

Hisgratefulservant——inwhoseracegratitudeisdeep，strong，andenduring——bowedhishead，andactuallydidnowputthehemofhiscoattohislips:thoughsolightlythatthewearerknewnothingofit。

Thus，FascinationFledgebywenthisway，exultingintheartfulclevernesswithwhichhehadturnedhisthumbdownonaJew，andtheoldmanwenthisdifferentwayup-stairs。Ashemounted，thecallorsongbegantosoundinhisearsagain，and，lookingabove，hesawthefaceofthelittlecreaturelookingdownoutofaGloryofherlongbrightradianthair，andmusicallyrepeatingtohim，likeavision:

\'Comeupandbedead！Comeupandbedead！\'

Chapter6

ARIDDLEWITHOUTANANSWER

AgainMrMortimerLightwoodandMrEugeneWrayburnsattogetherintheTemple。Thisevening，however，theywerenottogetherintheplaceofbusinessoftheeminentsolicitor，butinanotherdismalsetofchambersfacingitonthesamesecond-floor；

onwhosedungeon-likeblackouter-doorappearedthelegend:

PRIVATE

MREUGENEWRAYBURN

MRMORTIMERLIGHTWOOD

(MrLightwood\'sOfficesopposite。)

Appearancesindicatedthatthisestablishmentwasaveryrecentinstitution。Thewhitelettersoftheinscriptionwereextremelywhiteandextremelystrongtothesenseofsmell，thecomplexionofthetablesandchairswas(likeLadyTippins\'s)alittletoobloomingtobebelievedin，andthecarpetsandfloorclothseemedtorushatthebeholder\'sfaceintheunusualprominencyoftheirpatterns。ButtheTemple，accustomedtotonedownboththestilllifeandthehumanlifethathasmuchtodowithit，wouldsoongetthebetterofallthat。

\'Well！\'saidEugene，ononesideofthefire，\'Ifeeltolerablycomfortable。Ihopetheupholsterermaydothesame。\'

\'Whyshouldn\'the?\'askedLightwood，fromtheothersideofthefire。

\'Tobesure，\'pursuedEugene，reflecting，\'heisnotinthesecretofourpecuniaryaffairs，soperhapshemaybeinaneasyframeofmind。\'

\'Weshallpayhim，\'saidMortimer。

\'Shallwe，really?\'returnedEugene，indolentlysurprised。\'Youdon\'tsayso！\'

\'Imeantopayhim，Eugene，formypart，\'saidMortimer，inaslightlyinjuredtone。

\'Ah！Imeantopayhimtoo，\'retortedEugene。\'ButthenImeansomuchthatI——thatIdon\'tmean。\'

\'Don\'tmean?\'

\'SomuchthatIonlymeanandshallalwaysonlymeanandnothingmore，mydearMortimer。It\'sthesamething。\'

Hisfriend，lyingbackinhiseasychair，watchedhimlyingbackinhiseasychair，ashestretchedouthislegsonthehearth-rug，andsaid，withtheamusedlookthatEugeneWrayburncouldalwaysawakeninhimwithoutseemingtotryorcare:

\'Anyhow，yourvagarieshaveincreasedthebill。\'

\'Callsthedomesticvirtuesvagaries！\'exclaimedEugene，raisinghiseyestotheceiling。

\'Thisverycompletelittlekitchenofours，\'saidMortimer，\'inwhichnothingwilleverbecooked——\'

\'Mydear，dearMortimer，\'returnedhisfriend，lazilyliftinghisheadalittletolookathim，\'howoftenhaveIpointedouttoyouthatitsmoralinfluenceistheimportantthing?\'

\'Itsmoralinfluenceonthisfellow！\'exclaimedLightwood，laughing。

\'Domethefavour，\'saidEugene，gettingoutofhischairwithmuchgravity，\'tocomeandinspectthatfeatureofourestablishmentwhichyourashlydisparage。\'Withthat，takingupacandle，heconductedhischumintothefourthroomofthesetofchambers——alittlenarrowroom——whichwasverycompletelyandneatlyfittedasakitchen。\'See！\'saidEugene，\'miniatureflour-barrel，rolling-

pin，spice-box，shelfofbrownjars，chopping-board，coffee-mill，dresserelegantlyfurnishedwithcrockery，saucepansandpans，roastingjack，acharmingkettle，anarmouryofdish-covers。Themoralinfluenceoftheseobjects，informingthedomesticvirtues，mayhaveanimmenseinfluenceuponme；notuponyou，foryouareahopelesscase，butuponme。Infact，IhaveanideathatI

feelthedomesticvirtuesalreadyforming。Domethefavourtostepintomybedroom。Secretaire，yousee，andabstrusesetofsolidmahoganypigeon-holes，oneforeveryletterofthealphabet。

TowhatusedoIdevotethem?Ireceiveabill——sayfromJones。I

docketitneatlyatthesecretaire，JONES，andIputitintopigeonholeJ。It\'sthenextthingtoareceiptandisquiteassatisfactorytoME。AndIverymuchwish，Mortimer，\'sittingonhisbed，withtheairofaphilosopherlecturingadisciple，\'thatmyexamplemightinduceYOUtocultivatehabitsofpunctualityandmethod；and，bymeansofthemoralinfluenceswithwhichIhavesurroundedyou，toencouragetheformationofthedomesticvirtues。\'

Mortimerlaughedagain，withhisusualcommentariesof\'HowCANyoubesoridiculous，Eugene！\'and\'Whatanabsurdfellowyouare！\'butwhenhislaughwasout，therewassomethingserious，ifnotanxious，inhisface。Despitethatperniciousassumptionoflassitudeandindifference，whichhadbecomehissecondnature，hewasstronglyattachedtohisfriend。HehadfoundedhimselfuponEugenewhentheywereyetboysatschool；andatthishourimitatedhimnoless，admiredhimnoless，lovedhimnoless，thaninthosedeparteddays。

\'Eugene，\'saidhe，\'ifIcouldfindyouinearnestforaminute，I

wouldtrytosayanearnestwordtoyou。\'

\'Anearnestword?\'repeatedEugene。\'Themoralinfluencesarebeginningtowork。Sayon。\'

\'Well，Iwill，\'returnedtheother，\'thoughyouarenotearnestyet。\'

\'Inthisdesireforearnestness，\'murmuredEugene，withtheairofonewhowasmeditatingdeeply，\'Itracethehappyinfluencesofthelittleflour-barrelandthecoffee-mill。Gratifying。\'

\'Eugene，\'resumedMortimer，disregardingthelightinterruption，andlayingahanduponEugene\'sshoulder，ashe，Mortimer，stoodbeforehimseatedonhisbed，\'youarewithholdingsomethingfromme。\'