第21章

CHAPTERXXV

StableHartshorn—HowtoManageaHorseonaJourney—YourBestFriend。

OFonethingIamcertain，thatthereadermustbemuchdelightedwiththewholesomesmellofthestable，withwhichmanyofthesepagesareredolent；whatacontrasttothesicklyodoursexhaledfromthoseofsomeofmycontemporaries，especiallyofthosewhopretendtobeofthehighlyfashionableclass，andwhotreatofreception—rooms，wellmaytheybestyledso，inwhichdukes，duchesses，earls，countesses，archbishops，bishops，mayors，mayoresses—notforgettingthewritersthemselves，bothmaleandfemale—

congregateandpressupononeanother；howcheering，howrefreshing，afterhavingbeennearlyknockeddownwithsuchanatmosphere，tocomeincontactwithgenuinestablehartshorn。Oh！thereadershallhaveyetmoreofthestable，andofthatoldostler，forwhichheorshewilldoubtlessexclaim，"Muchobliged！"—and，lestIshouldforgettoperformmypromise，thereadershallhaveitnow。

Ishallneverforgetanharanguefromthemouthoftheoldman，whichIlistenedtoonewarmeveningasheandIsatonthethresholdofthestable，afterhavingattendedtosomeofthewantsofabatchofcoach—horses。Itrelatedtothemannerinwhichagentlemanshouldtakecareofhishorseandself，whilstengagedinajourneyonhorseback，andwasaddressedtomyself，onthesuppositionofmyonedaycomingtoanestate，andofcoursebecomingagentleman。

"Whenyouareagentleman，"saidhe，"shouldyoueverjourneyonahorseofyourown，andyoucouldnothaveamuchbetterthantheoneyouhavehereeatingitsfillintheboxyonder—Iwonder，bythebye，howyouevercamebyit—youcan’tdobetterthanfollowtheadviceIamabouttogiveyou，bothwithrespecttoyouranimalandyourself。Beforeyoustart，merelygiveyourhorseacoupleofhandfulsofcornandalittlewater，somewhatunderaquart，andifyoudrinkapintofwateryourselfoutofthepail，youwillfeelallthebetterduringthewholeday；thenyoumaywalkandtrotyouranimalforabouttenmiles，tillyoucometosomeniceinn，whereyoumaygetdownandseeyourhorseledintoanicestall，tellingtheostlernottofeedhimtillyoucome。Iftheostlerhappenstobeadog—fancier，andhasanEnglishterrier—doglikethatofminethere，saywhatanicedogitis，andpraiseitsblackandtawn；andifhedoesnothappentobeadog—fancier，askhimhowhe’sgettingon，andwhetherheeverknewworsetimes；thatkindofthingwillpleasetheostler，andhewillletyoudojustwhatyoupleasewithyourownhorse，andwhenyourbackisturned，he’llsaytohiscomradeswhatanicegentlemanyouare，andhowhethinkshehasseenyoubefore；thengoandsitdowntobreakfast，and，beforeyouhavefinishedbreakfast，getupandgoandgiveyourhorseafeedofcorn；chatwiththeostlertwoorthreeminutestillyourhorsehastakentheshineoutofhiscorn，whichwillpreventtheostlertakinganyofitawaywhenyourbackisturned，forsuchthingsaresometimesdone—notthatIeverdidsuchathingmyselfwhenIwasattheinnatHounslow。Oh，dearme，no！Thengoandfinishyourbreakfast，andwhenyouhavefinishedyourbreakfastandcalledforthenewspaper，goandwateryourhorse，lettinghimhaveonepailful，thengivehimanotherfeedofcorn，andenterintodiscoursewiththeostleraboutbull—baiting，theprimeminister，andthelike；andwhenyourhorsehasoncemoretakentheshineoutofhiscorn，gobacktoyourroomandyournewspaper—andIhopeforyoursakeitmaybetheGLOBE，forthat’sthebestpapergoing—thenpullthebell—

ropeandorderinyourbill，whichyouwillpaywithoutcountingitup—supposingyoutobeagentleman。Givethewaitersixpence，andorderoutyourhorse，andwhenyourhorseisout，payforthecorn，andgivetheostlerashilling，thenmountyourhorseandwalkhimgentlyforfivemiles；andwhilstyouarewalkinghiminthismanner，itmaybeaswelltotellyoutotakecarethatyoudonotlethimdownandsmashhisknees，moreespeciallyiftheroadbeaparticularlygoodone，foritisnotatadesperatehivermanpace，andoververybadroads，thatahorsetumblesandsmasheshisknees，butonyourparticularlyniceroad，whenthehorseisgoinggentlyandlazily，andishalfasleep，likethegemmanonhisback；well，attheendofthefivemiles，whenthehorsehasdigestedhisfood，andisallright，youmaybegintopushyourhorseon，trottinghimamileataheat，andthenwalkinghimaquarterofaone，thathiswindmaybenotdistressed；andyoumaygooninthatwayforthirtymiles，nevergalloping，ofcourse，fornonebutfoolsorhivermenevergallophorsesonroads；andattheendofthatdistanceyoumaystopatsomeotherniceinntodinner。Isay，whenyourhorseisledintothestable，afterthatsamethirtymiles’trottingandwalking，don’tletthesaddlebewhiskedoffatonce，forifyoudoyourhorsewillhavesuchasorebackaswillfrightenyou，butletyoursaddleremainonyourhorse’sback，withthegirthsloosened，tillafterhisnextfeedofcorn，andbesurethathehasnocorn，muchlesswater，tillafteralonghourandmore；afterheisfedhemaybewateredtothetuneofhalfapail，andthentheostlercangivehimaregularrubdown；youmaythensitdowntodinner，andwhenyouhavedinedgetupandseetoyourhorseasyoudidafterbreakfast，infact，youmustdomuchafterthesamefashionyoudidatt’otherinn；seetoyourhorse，andbynomeansdisobligetheostler。Sowhenyouhaveseentoyourhorseasecondtime，youwillsitdowntoyourbottleofwine—supposingyoutobeagentleman—

andafteryouhavefinishedit，andyourargumentaboutthecorn—lawswithanycommercialgentlemanwhohappenstobeintheroom，youmaymountyourhorseagain—notforgettingtodotheproperthingtothewaiterandostler；youmaymountyourhorseagainandridehim，asyoudidbefore，foraboutfiveandtwentymiles，attheendofwhichyoumayputupforthenightafteraveryfairday’sjourney，fornogentleman—

supposingheweighssixteenstone，asIsupposeyouwillbythetimeyoubecomeagentleman—oughttorideahorsemorethansixty—fivemilesinoneday，providedhehasanyregardforhishorse’sback，orhisowneither。Seetoyourhorseatnight，andhavehimwellrubbeddown。Thenextdayyoumayrideyourhorsefortymiles，justasyouplease，butneverfoolishly，andthosefortymileswillbringyoutoyourjourney’send，unlessyourjourneybeaplaguylongone，andifso，neverrideyourhorsemorethanfiveandthirtymilesaday，always，however，seeinghimwellfed，andtakingmorecareofhimthanyourself；whichisbutrightandreasonable，seeingashowthehorseisthebestanimalofthetwo。"

"Whenyouareagentleman，"saidhe，afterapause，"thefirstthingyoumustthinkaboutistoprovideyourselfwithagoodhorseforyourownparticularriding；youwill，perhaps，keepacoachandpair，buttheywillbelessyourownthanyourlady’s，shouldyouhaveone，andyouryounggentry，shouldyouhaveany；or，ifyouhaveneither，formadam，yourhousekeeper，andtheupperfemaleservants；soyouneedtroubleyourheadlessaboutthem，though，ofcourse，youwouldnotliketopayawayyourmoneyforscrews；

butbesureyougetagoodhorseforyourownriding；andthatyoumayhaveagoodchanceofhavingagoodone，buyonethat’syoungandhasplentyofbelly—alittlemorethantheonehaswhichyounowhave，thoughyouarenotyetagentleman；youwill，ofcourse，looktohishead，hiswithers，legsandotherpoints，butneverbuyahorseatanypricethathasnotplentyofbelly；nohorsethathasnotbellyiseveragoodfeeder，andahorsethata’n’tagoodfeedercan’tbeagoodhorse；neverbuyahorsethatisdrawnupinthebellybehind；ahorseofthatdescriptioncan’tfeed，andcannevercarrysixteenstone。

"Sowhenyouhavegotsuchahorsebeproudofit—asI

daresayyouareoftheoneyouhavenow—andwhereveryougosweartherea’n’tanothertomatchitinthecountry，andifanybodygivesyouthelie，takehimbythenoseandtweakitoff，justasyouwoulddoifanybodyweretospeakillofyourlady，or，forwantofher，ofyourhousekeeper。Takecareofyourhorse，asyouwouldoftheappleofyoureye—I

amsureIwould，ifIwereagentleman，whichIdon’teverexpecttobe，andhardlywish，seeingashowIamsixty—nine，andamrathertoooldtoride—yes，cherishandtakecareofyourhorseasperhapsthebestfriendyouhaveintheworld；

for，afterall，whowillcarryyouthroughthickandthinasyourhorsewill？notyourgentlemenfriends，Iwarrant，noryourupperserv